"Man it's fucking manly out today!" Our human male protagonist yelled as he left his mansion and headed to the town of Ponyville. The human began his manly stroll down the road, not really caring that it was hot out and that his shirt soon became matted with sweat, why didn't he care you may ask... well it's simple, cause it looked fucking manly. He continued down the road and eventually stopped as he approached the apple family farm and saw one of his wives waiting for him.
"Hey Applejack, You look good." The human commented as he saw her approaching him.
"Thanks sugarcube, you don't look to bad yourself with all that sweat on ya." She replied as the two of them began walking to the lunch meet up with the rest of his wives.
The human laughed as they walked and looked at AJ, "Hey I look fucking good in anything."
Applejack for some reason didn't seem to mind that he just swore and simply chuckled and continued walking. Soon enough they reached the out door lunch cafe they were going to eat at and saw the rest of the girls there. As he approached the table his wives were sitting at, every mare at the cafe looked at him in awe and wet spots began to appear in there pants as he flexed, showing of his manly twelve pack, before sitting down.
"Hey babes, how are your days going?" He asked smoothly.
All of them replied that it was going great and waited for the waiter to come take their orders. Soon enough after our human finished drinking his twelfth can of beer after silently crying about his past which no-one gave a fuck about the waiter had arrived.
"Welcome everyone, what can i get for you?" He asked politely.
Our protagonist was the first to order, "I'll have the manliest thing on the menu sir."
The waiter looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "And that would be?"
"A glass of ketchup and a bowl of nails..." the human responded.
The waiter simply stared at him before he opened his mouth, but was silenced as the human continued.
"...without any milk." He finished.
The waiter's eyes went wide and his mouth became tiny as he registered what the human had said and simply nodded as he took down the others orders. Twenty minutes later everyone's food had arrived and they began to dig in. Our human protagonist picked up a nearby spoon and began to eat his manly bowl of nails.
"Mmmm, hard, cold, crunchy and unhealthy just the way I like it!" He exclaimed with joy as he grabed his glass of ketchup to help the nails down. Suddenly the ketchup was turned to chocolate milk and it spilled onto his already sweat stained chest.
The human threw his glass to the side, hitting the waiter in the head and killing him, as he screamed,"WHO THE FUCK RUINED MY KETCHUP!?"
An evil and familiar laugh filled the air as smoke appeared not to far from the cafe. Our protagonist noticed this as did everyone else and waited for the smoke to clear to see the monster that ruined his ketchup. That monster was Discord.
"Discord!" The girls yelled in disgust, remembering all the things that monster had put them through.
"Discord! How the fuck did you break free, more importantly did you just fuck with my ketchup!?" The protagonist yelled at the god of chaos.
Discord simply smiled at him, "Oh it wasn't that hard to break free really, the school had another field trip and broke me free again... oh and yes I did fuck with your ketchup."
The human began to ball his hands into fists as the god of chaos continued, "And now i've come to kill you all with a chocolate rain storm that will flood this pathetic town! hahahahaha!"
"RAWR I AM ANGRY!" The human male screamed as he leapt from his chair, ripping his sweat matted shirt off to reveal his manly twelve pack, and flew into Discord, punching him right in the face and dislocated his jaw. Discord flew back onto the ground and laid there for a few moments rubbing his jaw before the human landed on his stomach and broke several ribs. The human then picked up Discord by his neck and began to repeatedly punch him in the face, making him uglier with every hit.
"NEVER-FUCK-WITH-MY-LUNCH!" The overpowered human oc screamed as he punched Discord after every word. The god of chaos managed to land a punch on our hero and broke free before starting a monologue, "ENOUGH, I am a god you stupid creature! I will not tole-"
Our hero quickly ran up to Discord and grabbed his wrist before flinging him back and forth onto the ground over his head. The human did it one more time and then jumped on Discord and snapped his neck, killing the monster that ruined his manly lunch.
The human stood there for a moment before he began to walk away and as he did Discord's body exploded into a giant manly explosion and made our hero look fucking badass and manly. He then proceeded to watch as all the mares stripped out of their clothes and began to straddle him as he whipped out his 15 inch schlong.
THE END
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"And that's how your father beat Discord." Rainbow Dash told her and the other girls daughters.
Dash's child raised her hand,"Mommy if daddy was so manly how come he died?"
Rainbow looked at her daughter with tears in her eyes, "He had eaten something, something healthy, something... unmanly."
"What was it?" Her daughter asked, tears beginning to fill her and the other children's eyes as well.
"He ate... he ate... he ate broccoli." Dash finished as she began to silently weep. She looked to the ceiling and raised her fists in anger, "DAMN YOU BROCCOLI, DAMN YOU!"
Author's Note
...what am i doing with my life...
since you probably came her for laughs, and hopefully got them. then you shall now receive more laughs.
An accurate description of everyday life for us
