Door to Door

by TheTobacconist

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Diamond Dogs, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1082

The Diamond Dogs start a business.

The Diamond Dogs are tired of living under a rock, and they want to get somewhere in life. It's time for them to make some hard earned bits.
AN: This is 100% approved by Twilight Sparkle's Library.

Published 2013-10-15 03:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-15 03:50:03 UTC

Business and Sales Guys Doing Business and Sales

The Diamond Dogs trudged along the dirt path. Fido and Spot pulled a covered wagon behind them. They were all dressed in tawdry business clothing, and each sported a garish gentleman's hat. Rover sported a wilted carnation, secured with copious amounts of glue, on his lapel. Rover proudly knocked on the door of a cottage.

"H-Hello." Fluttershy peered out the top half of her dutch door, and immediately slammed it shut.

"We are business sales guys." Rover pointed at himself and the other two. "And we come doing business and sales."

"Go away, please," Fluttershy shouted through the door.

"We will not go away until business and sales are done," Rover insisted, "Now come out and do business and sales with us."

"No!" Fluttershy screamed.

"I am very experienced business sales guy," Rover explained, "We have many of wares to choose from."

There was silence at the door. Rover pressed his eye against the keyhole.

"We know you are in there," He growled, "You want do business and sales with business sales guys!"

The lower half of the door slammed open, and pinned him against the cottage. The upper door repeatedly bashed his face in. He cleared the stars away from his eyes, and gazed at the monstrosity in the doorway.

"My friend said for you to leave," Discord snarled, "I suggest you do so."

"You no want to do business and sales with business and sales guys?" Rover asked.

"No, we do not want to do business and sales," Discord laughed, and snapped back to a serious posture, "Now leave, before I get chaotic."

Rover jumped onto the wagon as Fido and Spot screamed through Ponyville. They stopped to breath once the cottage was out of view, and Rover wiped the sweat from his brow.

"Maybe it is time to go home." Fido commented.

"No," Rover screamed, jumping up and down on their wagon, "We find new pony, and try again."

"Where we find new pony?" Spot asked.

"We are in Ponyville." Fido grabbed Spot's ear and yelled into it, "We find new pony in Ponyville."

"Fine," Spot whined, "Which house?"

"That fancy house there." Rover pointed to a round two floor building. "They will want fancy things from business and sales guys."

Rover hopped off the wagon, and strutted to the door. He straightened his necktie, and knocked. The door opened.

"Hello, we are business and sales guys." He rocked back and forth on his paws. "And we are here to do business and sales."

"Really?" Rarity looked them over. "You can't be serious."

"We can sell you anything." Rover gestured to the wagon. "Name what you want, and business and sales guys sell it to you."

"No, no, no," Rarity laughed haughtily, "I don't think you understand. I'm not buying anything from you."

"But I know you are fancy pony," Rover elaborated, "And we business and sales guys sell many fancy things."

Rover snapped his fingers. Spot pulled a dress from the wagon, and placed it in Rover's paw. Rover displayed it proudly. It was a backless dress with ruffled spaghetti straps, and a brown and black tie die pattern.

"That thing." Rarity gawked at it. "I threw out that horrid thing years ago, where did you get it?"

"Business and sales guys never reveal business and sales secrets." Rover smiled. "Thirty bits?"

"Listen to me, you clueless buffoon," Rarity sneered, "Even if the things you had weren't horribly garish, even if you weren't dressed like a homeless clown, and even if you had not obviously raided the dump for your wares, I. Would. Never. Buy. From. You."

"You no want do business and sales?" Rover cried.

"No!" Rarity screamed, "Not now, not later, and not ever!"

She shut the door behind her. Rover pressed his eye against the keyhole.

"You sure?" He asked.

A light hiss sounded at the keyhole, and he reeled back in pain, his paw covering his eye. He jumped up and down, screaming. Inside, Rarity set down a bottle of heavy starch by the door.

"Is it bad?" Rover lifted his paw off his face.

The entire eye was a deep red, a stark contrast to its normal bright green.

"No," Spot insisted, "It looks festive."

"Like lights on Hearth's Warming," Fido added.

They marched along the road again, with Rover on top of the wagon. His eye was now covered by strips of Rarity's old dress secured with tape. He grumbled as they came up the hill. He then reached into the trees and picked an apple. He sniffed it, took a light nibble, and then a large bite. He gagged and tossed it to the side of the road.

"Farm ponies here," Fido commented.

"Yes." Rover rubbed his paws together. "Maybe they like do business and sales with business and sales guys."

Rover hopped off the wagon, and ran to greet the stallion and mare on the front porch of a farmhouse.

"Hello, we are business and sales guys." He tipped his hat. "And we are here-"

"Where'd you get that getup?" Applejack asked.

"Getup and go taught to us," Rover laughed, "We learn many things when we become business and sales guys. Are you interested in buying from business and sales guys?"

"Nope," Big Macintosh stated.

"We already got word about you from Fluttershy," Applejack explained, "So, how'd you come up with this wonderful idea?"

"It is a good idea," Rover agreed, "We paid for lessons. Business and sales ponies, Flim and Flam, taught us to be business and sales guys."

Big Macintosh suppressed a yell. He walked over to Rover, and glared down at him.

"So, you want to buy?" Rover chuckled nervously.

"Nope." Big Macintosh cracked his neck.

Rover wondered if he could still see with two eyepatches, but decided against it. They were bruised, and their tawdry clothing was a mess. Spot rubbed a hoofprint in the top of his hat.

"Rover?" Fido spat out a tooth. "Why we want to become business and sales guys?"

"To make millions." Rover massaged his head.

"What we do once we make millions?" Spot asked.

"We retire," Rover explained, "Then collect gems and have fun."

Fido scratched his head.

"Didn't we do that?" He asked. "Before we become business and sales guys."

Rover scratched his chin. He furrowed his brow, and frowned.

"Being business and sales guys is stupid," He surmised.

The Diamond Dogs ditched their clothing and wagon, and walked home.