This is my last letter

by Estelien

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4250

Princess Twilight, downhearted when Celestia seems to forget about her, writes one last letter to her former mentor.

Twilight Sparkle is successfully fulfilling her destiny as the ruler of a kingdom somewhere. Although she has continued to write to Princess Celestia consistently, the latter has distanced herself in recent years. Twilight writes one final letter to her teacher.
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Personally, I prefer the first chapter on its own, but the story does continue in the rest.
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Part 4 in progress!

Published 2013-10-16 01:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-23 22:39:56 UTC

My last letter

Dear Celestia,

I hope that you and everyone back in Canterlot are doing well. Although you might not have received my last letter, just in case you did, I wanted to update you on the project I had told you about. I have been teaching a few of the unicorns to use the healing magic you taught me (remember when I tried to bring a little wilted flower back to life and accidentally turned it into a whole garden... in the sink?), and sharing the latest research on rain control with the pegasi. The groups are still having some disagreements, but are slowly learning to get along. I am seeing more and more friendships forming among the little ones at the shared palace playground. My subjects in general have been very accepting of me and patient as I learn how best to lead them. It is, however, very different from Ponyville!

By the way, I just heard that Rarity finally opened a branch of her store in Canterlot! And from the picture, it looked like Fluttershy was still modeling her dresses? Everyone is off to such great adventures now - bigger than any of us ever expected.

Life has really sped up, it seems, for all of us. It's been a while since they have written, other than that monthly newsletter from Rarity (which, of course, Spike has on his wall already). I'm so grateful that you taught me to send and receive letters with my own magic - it was really too much for Spike to handle once I had my own royal correspondence to keep up with. I remember watching you read and write letters when I was little and couldn't believe how many there were! Now I'm swimming in parchment too! But you know, for a while, I kept wondering if my letter sending spell wasn't working. It seemed so simple, but it took forever to get the hang of it (let me just apologize for the thousandth time about sending the whole ream of parchment crashing right through your favorite stained glass window during that important meeting). I thought I had gotten it right after that. So I certainly had to wonder about the spell when I wasn't receiving many - and then any - replies from you.

You insisted that I keep writing about my new adventures here. I suppose I thought you still meant through letters! But I suppose I must have misunderstood - I'm not your student anymore, so of course you don't need to hear about my life or what I'm learning all the time. I've started to log my progress in my own journals instead, now that I realize, so I apologize for the abundance of letters I was sending for a while. Can't believe I'm saying this, but... I actually hope they didn't all go through.

So I've decided not to send any more. This is my last letter to you.

Taking care of my own kingdom has proven to be more challenging than I could have imagined. Through the years, you were always there to give me good advice in the little things I was dealing with. You were always there to talk things over with me, or to send some words of encouragement, or just to let me cry under your wing. It seemed like now, more than ever, I would need that advice and support. You'll be glad to hear that I've been able to manage without it, as I'm sure is your intention. That must be part of growing up - learning to be more independent.

I have always known you to be so wise, so I know that if you've meant to push me away then it was for a good reason, whether so that, like a baby bird, I would be forced to find my own wings, or if you just didn't have time anymore. So I don't want to sound ungrateful - I appreciate the time you spent with me and all that you taught me. I have no idea who I would be today if it hadn't been for you.

But, if I can be very honest with you… Even though I can trust that it's for a good reason, I still keep asking myself why. I could learn to be independent but still ask for your counsel sometimes, right?

It feels like one of those early mornings when you took me flying, when I was little. You used your magic to keep me floating. But now, it feels like you got distracted and let go. I may have wings now, but... I don't know if I'm ready for free fall.

Did I do something wrong? I realize that you put up with a lot over the years. Was I too persistent about wanting to be around you? Or was I just weird? You were there through my most socially awkward stages. For a long time, I could hardly say anything that made sense when I tried to talk with you. It was exciting to be your student, but I was so - as Pinkie would say - "nervoucited" when we got to just chat! It was so upsetting when I would blank, and I knew I was taking up your time. You know I've grown out of a lot of that now. But maybe you got tired of trying.

I know how busy you are. You told me time and again how stressful being a princess can be - the weight of all the responsibilities; the way it takes over your life, leaving no room for anything else… It's true, of course, if you let it be that way.

I can't quite imagine how you handle living like that, having to completely give up anything that matters to you for the sake of what we call responsibility. I'm sorry if I misread you or caused you any inconvenience, as a filly. I hope I wasn't taking your time without asking. You never said anything was wrong, and you were there for me… for a while. Then you never seemed to have time.

Do you remember that night at the Grand Galloping Gala, when I stood with you the whole time, and we hardly got to talk at all? I understand now why that was, but I hope you understand too what that was like for me, at that age. A hundred "important" ponies from all over Equestria may have greeted you - greeted us, even - but the memory is all a blur to me. I wasn't there for them. You didn't see me cry afterward - no one did. I was able to pull it together before we got to the doughnut shop, as my friends and I walked in the darkness.

If that had been the only time, then I wouldn't bother mentioning it - I was just immature and selfish. But then it kept happening, more and more often, even after I became a princess. I had thought we would be able to talk more at that point, since we had a little more in common. Somehow, though, you always had someone more important to talk to. You might acknowledge that I was there, but then just ignored me or walked the other direction. Now that I'm so far away and letters are the only way we can communicate, you can't even answer them? How did you ever find time for me in the first place? Was I just another responsibility for you, now checked off the list since I'm off fulfilling my purpose? I'm not sure whether to miss hearing from you or to be happy not to be such a burden to you anymore. I never wanted to cause you any trouble. I even hope this letter isn't too troubling to you, if you get around to reading it.

Whatever the reason may have been, I've realized that I can't be like you. Maybe you don't mind pushing aside those who care about you because you're "busy," but I can't do that. Spike has been helping me delegate some of my less important duties to other ponies whose talents are greater than mine in those areas. It's stressful - you know how I worry! - to trust others enough, but it has allowed me so much more time for things that matter. Speaking of which, a certain little unicorn has been anxiously awaiting her magic lesson.

Thank you for being my patient teacher for so long. I'm sorry to have taken so much of your time and hope that your next student will be less of an inconvenience to you.

Your former most faithful student,
Princess Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note

My last and unsent letter. I hope that I did not allow my own emotions to get in the way of this making sense. Feedback is welcome.

Burning bridges

I sighed and let down the quill. It had been several years since my coronation. Up to that day, everything had been alright. Any time she ever seemed to ignore me, back then, was just a misunderstanding. I was so young and sensitive. But things are different now. It's been a full year since she has written a single word to me. Although my subjects here are kind, I haven't made any real friends yet. My dear friends from Ponyville are busy with their lives, but we are still as close as ever on the rare occasions when we do get to see each other. Being away from them has made it even harder not to have my mentor around.

How could she just abandon me like this? I know she believes in me, but does she really think I can handle doing all of this alone? I can't. I feel like the ground I was standing on fell out from under me. Even so... I guess there could still be a good reason she hasn't written. Although I'd think someone would have let me know if something were wrong… Well, Celestia, you taught me not to burn bridges without first considering the consequences. I need to calm down and think this over first.

As I reread the letter the next morning, some of the words I had written surprised even me. This all needs to be said... But maybe I don't have to put it quite so harshly - she doesn't deserve that. Or maybe I should just forget about it. It's not like she's going to read it anyhow. As I considered the options, glancing over the levitating parchment, CRASH!

"TWILIGHT!" A flash of pink magic. The scroll was gone.

"Twilight!" Spike rushed in, panting. "The - newspaper - princess - read!"

I was already on the edge of hyperventilating about the letter's disappearance, but one look at the headlines was enough: A Royal Threat! Unknown foe threatens to bring down diarchy! My words burst out all at once. "I have to go to Canterlot RIGHT NOW."

"But," he said, catching his breath, "Celestia told you to stay here - she said you had to spend your time helping your new subjects and not worry about things back home."

"It's not just that. I think I just sent a letter to her that... that I really didn't want to send!"

"Umm, why did you write it, then?"

"I don't know! I had things that I needed to say! The point is, she can't read that letter, especially now that she has another villain to deal with - she must be totally stressed out already! There might still be time, if…" We exchanged glances. Spike could read me so well by that time that he knew exactly what book to get, and to get it stat.

"Got it!"

Spike reappeared a minute later with a large, purple journal, decorated with pink and white stars. "Are you sure you want to try it now?" My new teleportation spell was ready - it had to be. There were plenty of decent teleportation spells, but I needed one that would work across long distances. I'd made it so that I could visit my friends and get back quickly enough, but there was no time for casual visits this day.

"Yes. I have to make sure she doesn't read that letter. And maybe I can help find out where this threat came from! Can you deal with my mail while I am gone?"

"Of course! I keep telling you, I wouldn't mind helping with some of it anyway, like before -"

"Just take care of it, please. I'll be back as soon as I can."

A deep breath. I had to focus. As the tingly glow surrounded me, I felt myself become momentarily weightless. It must be working! I felt something soft and cool brush against my face. And again. I shouldn't still feel weightless like this... I was in freefall, bumping into clouds. "GAAAH!" I managed to spread my wings just in time to turn a potential face-first crash into a graceful, rather princess-like landing on the castle balcony. "Ah! I did it!" I giggled a little, but the seriousness of my task quickly snapped me back to reality. The letter. I hope I'm not too late.

No sooner did I start running down a corridor than a guard stepped around the corner and CRASH! "Princess Twilight! It's been a long time - " But I didn't have time for that.

"Where is Princess Celestia?"

"Uh, I think she's in the grand hall, but -" As soon as I regained my balance, I sped past the yellow colt without so much as an apology.

I cantered toward the grand hall. Knowing Celestia, she was likely in there thinking or - I gulped at the thought - reading mail, at a time like this At least she probably would not be busy. I tried to organize my thoughts.while I ran. Hi, Celestia! Er, hello, Princess. What should I even call her now? As her student in Canterlot, I was one of the only ponies with the right to approach her without asking, not to mention the right to speak to her informally. But now, the idea of talking to her, alone in such a massive, empty space, seemed more intimidating than if there had been a crowd I could melt into if things didn't go well. What if she's really stressed about the situation? If she hasn't wanted to contact me for so long then either it must be really bad or she must really not want to talk to me. But I had to try, at least to get the letter. Maybe even to try to mend whatever went wrong between us. So you know that one letter you just got? You haven't had a chance to read it yet, right? Good! I mean, um, I forgot to, er, check my spelling! Why am I here? Well, I saw in the newspaper… I thought maybe I could help? You know, just like old times? But what if she did read it? Oh, that wasn't really for y- I mean, I didn't mean to - I, I'm so sorry… I rehearsed so many possible ways the conversation could go, each a worse scenario than the previous, as I sped to a gallop. If I passed any other acquaintances in the castle, I did not notice, too fixated on my goal to care.

The doors of the grand hall came into sight. The memory of the last time I burst through them like this, when I made a fool of myself and nearly lost everyone that mattered to me, slowed me nearly to a stop. I paused just before the massive entrance. So much has changed since then, besides just learning to be a little more tactful. Well, I thought I had learned that lesson, anyway. For a while, we were so close - she always trusted me and let me go to her anytime something was wrong - until I moved away and she… until you started acting like I fell of the face of the planet. I recalled the more recent memory from this room of my coronation. Maybe she'll be glad to see me after so long, especially if our letters just haven't been going through. Yes, deep breaths, Princess Twilight, I can handle this. If I can rule a kingdom then I can certainly face my old teacher. Of course she'll be glad to see me, right?

The doors, with a sparkle of my magic, slowly swung on their hinges, opening to a familiar scene. There was my mentor, pacing the length of the hall, deep in thought. A scroll was hovering before her. My heart sank.

"Celestia?" I said hesitantly.

"What are you doing here?" I froze in my steps at the icy words. She did not even turn to face me. Was my vision at Sombra's door coming true?

I responded timidly, "Did you get my… my letter?"

She rolled up the scroll and was very quiet for a moment. "Which one?" with a frown.

"I sent it just -"

"Why do you keep sending them at all?"

"But you said -"

She turned to face me. "Do you think I have time for this right now?"

But - ... I shivered all over. She really hadn't wanted me to write to her. She really didn't care. That, or my awful letter had been as terribly hurtful to her as I had feared. As if I were an awkward filly again, feeling out of place in her very presence, my words got scrambled in nervousness and I lowered nearly to a bow. "I - I'm so sorry! I didn't mean - to - to send th-"

Her familiar pink eyes narrowed and regal voice faltered, "How could you write such things? This level of disrespect... It doesn't matter now. You should be home, working out how to be a better leader for your subjects." She glanced at my crown with a look of regret, then back to the parchment hovering before her. "As for this," a stray tear escaped to the floor. With a flash of light, she burnt - no, disintegrated - the letter. I subconsciously backed up as she began to walk toward me. Towering over me (despite the few inches I had grown since last seeing her), her eyes pierced right through my heart. "I am very disappointed in you."

All I can remember after that is the pastel blur of her walking away. I lay in the middle of the floor, staring as if she might come back through the doors, still in shock, my tears dampening the red rug. The familiar, aching void in my heart, now vacant of any last glimmers of hope, felt as big and as empty as the room. I had lost my mentor.

It seemed that only a few minutes had passed when I lifted my head and realized the stars were already out. I was in no state to try the spell again without rest, so I walked silently up to the castle library, where I had spent countless all-nighters studying for magic tests. I chose a good book for a makeshift pillow, listlessly shook off some of the dust, and tried to get comfortable. The familiar smell of the old pages offered some comfort. It was always at times like this, when I was feeling sad, or afraid, or lost, that I would run to you. But now the one I would go to looking for safety, stability, comfort… Whatever was left of our bond was ruined.

A chill ran down my spine. I curled up and pulled my tail around me for warmth. I would leave with no good-byes as soon as the sun rose. I would go "home," where I belonged. How could I be so stupid? I never should have come back.

Author's Note

Hmmm, did we miss something here? Why would our dear Celestia act like this? Wait and see in chapter three. Now I sound like a zebra. Also, I had said that the story was based on a true one. That only applies to the first chapter, just to clarify. :)

Now with illustrations. Whoo!

Check the comments of part 1 for an alternate follow-up to the first chapter!

Final Warning

--- Sent shortly before Twilight's last letter. ---

Twilight Sparkle,

Please read this letter immediately.

While I appreciate that you have been faithful in continuing to write to me, your reports over the last year have changed in a way I never expected of you. I have been patient in writing back up to this point, though I cannot understand why you have disregarded my responses. I must insist that you read and take this one seriously.

I would travel there to speak to you, if I could, but am needed here as we look into a new threat toward Canterlot. My new student, who I have mentioned to you before, has been training hard to prepare to aid if trouble should come, but everyone asks when you will arrive to help. However, your hooves are clearly quite full there.

Your magic is growing greater still, but as I have many times of late, I must implore you to reconsider the way you apply it. The castle renovations and expansion to its pool and gardens are indeed impressive feats, and apparently your subjects respect you enough to aid in this work, but is this really an appropriate use of your magic or authority? What of the citizens you used to care so much about - are they not still unhealthy and arguing among themselves? It seems you have abandoned the great project you began to help them. What of all the lessons you wrote to me about from Ponyville? Was it all a show?

When I sent you to this new place, there was no doubt in my mind that you would be successful and well-loved - that you were the one pony who could lead them and build a flourishing nation. You were the one who gave up any chance of personal gain in order to save the Crystal Empire, who gave up your chances of returning to Equestria to protect new friends in another dimension, who took every opportunity to help a friend in need. I fear that this new authority has begun to distort your view. We discussed early in your training how devastating a self-centered monarch, especially one with great power, can be to a kingdom. It is your responsibility, as princess, to always put others before yourself. Twilight, this focus on your own interests has caused you to forget about those who need you, and even those who care about you.

The alicorn magic you wield is worthy only of a selfless ruler. I have warned you of these things too many times and have no choice but to intervene. One of my messengers will arrive there within the week to take your Element of Harmony. It will remain in Canterlot for safekeeping until you are ready to use it responsibly.

You know how much you mean to me, Twilight. I chose you as my student and our new princess for so many reasons. Prove to me that I was not wrong. Otherwise, I will have to find someone to take your place and fulfill the duties that you cannot. For now, I highly recommend that you take time to reflect and consider what you need to do.

Princess Celestia

Done, I sighed. Pastel purple light from her coronation window covered the page. Twilight is the last pony to whom I ever expected to send such a letter. But am I being too harsh? Glancing back over the page absently, approaching footsteps interrupted my thoughts.

"Ahem, Princess Celestia, your student awaits you in the library."

"Thank you, but isn't she a bit early?"

The guard looked confused. "Actually, she is quite late for once, your majesty."

More time had passed than I'd realized. "Very well. I will be down shortly." He looked suspiciously at my parchment. I closed it and reassured him with a polite princess smile until he had left.

They are all so protective of me, so concerned at the slightest sign I might not be completely happy, but they certainly can be nosy at times. I chuckled. Yet despite all their attention... I began walking and felt my face relax to a frown as I reopened the scroll, colors flowing over the page. I still feel very much alone. I do wish I could talk with someone about this. But no one must know of Twilight's failure - she needs them to believe in her if there is to be any hope that she might turn things around - I paused as blazing yellow and red overtook the letter - as she has. But what if she couldn't do it?

Magically sealing the scroll, I sent what I knew might be my last letter to my dear student, the last communication with one who had been a true friend.

Twilight, how could you?

Author's Note

Another chapter done!

S4 premiere spoiler alert: Yes, I realize now that Twilight would not still have her element at this point. I started the story before S4 so I'm going to leave it for now. :\