The Matterhoof Mountain Peanut Race (poem)

by Palm Palette

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 9837

Six mares stood tall. Six mares stood proud. Six mares would race today. A peanut for each one to push, to push up all the way.

The trail twists up. It's steep, steep, steep,
enough to make a grown mare weep.
The Matterhoof is indifferent,
but they have made their commitment.
Six mares shall race up to the top.
Six peanuts pushed. Six mares won't stop.

((Who do you think will win? Place your bets now.))

Feel free to stick around after the race. There will be some prizes to give out and Twilight will share her thoughts at the end.

Cover art by me.

Published 2013-10-17 13:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-17 13:30:02 UTC

Awards Ceremony

Contestants:
Judges: (Colgate) (Raindrops) (Shoeshine) (Agatha)

“All right everypony, listen up!” The crowd was anything but quiet. Their cries and cheers had died down but they still chattered amongst each other. The blowing wind howled on top of that. Lyra, a referee, fumbled for her whistle. It felt like ice when she pressed the metal against her lips and gave it a good blow. The high-pitched sound cut through the noise and got everypony's attention. The only one still moving was Nurse Sweetheart who wrapped a warm blanket around Fluttershy and held a hoof to her forehead. Lyra peeled the frozen whistle off her lips at the loss of some skin. She pressed a hoof against her face to check for bleeding while everypony stared at her.

“All right everypony, listen up! I know you're all eager to hear the awards that will be given out, but the judges need more time to discuss things amongst themselves. So until then, we'll tide things over with some of the race statistics.” This caused some murmurs amongst the crowd as they whispered to each other. None of them had heard about the extra awards either. Lyra frowned at the red spot on her hoof and the salty taste in her mouth. She'd have to remember to blow the whistle with her magic next time. “Cherry Berry, would you do the honors please?”

The pink earth pony with yellow hair frowned at the sight of her hot air balloon flapping in the wind like a ribbon. It was securely moored to the mountaintop, but it was clear that she couldn't use it here. She'd just have to do her announcing from the ground. She looked around at all the snow. For now she'd stand on the winner's podium. After watching Lyra, she'd be sure not to press her megaphone against her lips in this cold air. “Ahem.” The sound seemed loud enough to her.

“We know for sure that Rarity came in first, Pinkie Pie fifth, and Fluttershy sixth. The judges will make the final call on second, third and fourth place after reviewing the photographic evidence. A grand total of forty peanuts were used in this race. Since I don't have the final placement, I'll list them in alphabetical order instead. The fate of each peanut, by mare, is as follows:

“Applejack:
Peanut 1: Broken (later eaten by Pinkie Pie)
Peanut 2: Broken (later eaten by Pinkie Pie)
Peanut 3: Fell off narrow passage
Peanut 4: Got wet in dark tunnel and later broke
Peanut 5: Got caught in gap and broken on the upper bridge
Peanut 6: Fell through gap in the upper bridge
Peanut 7: Removed from play by the carry penalty and crushed in the windy passage
Peanut 8: Broken on the snowy upslope
Peanut 9: Crossed finish line
Peanuts 10-30: Unused

“Fluttershy:
Peanut 1: Broke on the narrow passage
Peanut 2: Blown off the upper bridge
Peanut 3: Fell through gap in the upper bridge
Peanut 4: Blown away in the windy passage
Peanut 5: Blown away in the windy passage
Peanut 6: Crossed finish line
Peanuts 7-30: Unused

“Pinkie Pie:
Peanut 1: Fell off rope bridge into river
Peanut 2: Fell off rope bridge (out of bounds) but was caught and eaten
Peanut 3: Eaten
Peanut 4: Eaten
Peanut 5: Eaten in the dark tunnel
Peanut 6: Eaten near the upper bridge
Peanut 7: Eaten
Peanut 8: Lost somehow on the snowy upslope (probably eaten)
Peanut 9: Crossed finish line, then eaten
Peanuts 10-30: Also eaten. Pinkie, you do know you're not supposed to eat them right?

“Rainbow Dash:
Peanut 1: Fell off rope bridge into river
Peanut 2: Broken (later eaten by Pinkie Pie)
Peanut 3: Eaten (at the narrow passage)
Peanut 4: Got wet in dark tunnel and later broke
Peanut 5: Fell through gap in the upper bridge
Peanut 6: Fell through gap in the upper bridge
Peanut 7: Blown away in the windy passage
Peanut 8: Blown away on the snowy upslope
Peanut 9: Crossed finish line
Peanuts 10-30: Unused

“Rarity:
Peanut 1: Uh... am I reading this right?”

Cherry Berry lowered her microphone and swiveled her head to face the judge's panel. They had finished conferring amongst themselves and taking notes. They kept their hooves on the table to keep their papers from blowing away while waiting for her to finish the statistics. Spike stood nearby. “Did she really cross the finish line with the same peanut that she started with? Can a pony do that? Is that even possible?”

The judges nodded their heads in response.

“Huh, well then-” Cherry raised her microphone again.

“Rarity:
Peanut 1: Crossed finish line
Peanuts 2-30: Unused

“Twilight Sparkle:
Peanut 1: Fell off rope bridge into river
Peanut 2: Fell off narrow Passage
Peanut 3: Fell through a hole in the upper bridge
Peanut 4: Fell through gap in the upper bridge
Peanut 5: Lost in a hole on the snowy upslope
Peanut 6: Crossed finish line
Peanuts 7-30: Unused, uh, scratch that. They were just eaten by Pinkie Pie.

“Okay everypony, sorry for the delay. It looks like the judges are ready to announce the prizes. I know we're all excited to be up here, but the cold air and thin atmosphere are getting to some folks. We'll try to wrap this up as quickly as possible. Spike, would you do the honors?”

Cherry Berry got down from the winner's podium to allow the racers to take their positions. Spike climbed up on the judge's table and tapped on the microphone. The judge's panel consisted of Shoeshine, Raindrops, Minuette, and Agatha.

Shoeshine's a light blue earth pony with a periwinkle mane. Her love of sports and travel probably makes her the most qualified judge on the panel. She folded back her ears and winced when Spike tapped on the microphone. The sensitivity was too high and this triggered feedback.

Minuette hopped down to adjust the volume. This unicorn's also light blue but her coat's a bit darker than Shoeshine's. She has a periwinkle and blue streaked mane. She'd been going by the name 'Colgate' ever since she left her job at Town Hall to start her own dentistry clinic. She was not afraid to look ponies in the mouth, even if she had to sneak into their homes under the cover of darkness to do so. After a bit more ear-splitting screeching while she adjusted the volume, she seemed satisfied with her work and went back to the judge's panel.

Raindrops' face was scrunched up and she held her hooves tightly to her ears. She could have done without that last-minute sound adjustment. From the looks of things, so could most of the audience, who also winced at the noise. This muted yellow pegasus with a light cyan mane was probably the most feared member of the Ponyville Pegasus Packer moving company. Her tendency to drop things had sent Pinkie's tail a'twitchin' plenty of times. She also helps the weather team with their larger projects. Raindrops reopened her eyes when the sound died down and rubbed her hooves across her ears to stop the ringing.

Agatha gathered up all of the paperwork and sorted it while the other judges were busy. She's an elderly crystal pony with a periwinkle coat and a pale reddish-pink mane. She works as a librarian and wears circular gold-rimmed glasses. She gave the stack of papers to Spike and nodded for him to proceed. Agatha picked the names for many of the awards.

“Sorry about that everyone,” Spike said. “I think all the problems worked out now. So without further ado, I'm prepared to announce the winners. Coming in first place, we have none other than the most beautiful, the most elegant, the most radiant, the most dazzling, the most phenomenal, the most-”

“We get it already. Move on.” Shoeshine cut him off. Her curly hair shook when she pounded her hooves on the table. This rattled Spike a bit.

“Cherry Berry said to keep it short, remember?” Raindrops added.

“Oh, right.” Spike held on to the microphone to keep his balance. He straightened himself back up. “Coming in first place, we have Rarity! Please, step onto the podium.”

Rarity had spent her time trying to keep her mane straight in the wind and to apply some makeup. She also wore a simple purple dress that she'd apparently brought with her. The latter wasn't such a great idea since the wind caught it when she stepped up onto the podium and blew it forward in a less-than-flattering way. She had to sit down to keep it straight.

“Fist place comes with the grand prize of five-hundred bits!” Spike exclaimed. The crowd cheered in approval. “But that's not all. For being the first pony to scale the entire mountain without loosing a single peanut, the judges are granting you the honorary title of 'Matterhoof Peanut Mare' and awarding an additional cash prize of one thousand bits!”

The crowd stood up in the bleachers and stomped their hooves in a roar of approval. Rarity held her hooves to her cheeks and half-blushed half-batted her eyelids in response. Her mouth hung open in shock, but she very quickly struck a majestic pose with a wide grin. It almost worked, but the wind caught her dress her again and forced her to sit back down.

When the crowd died down, Spike went on, “As you all know, the race for second place was very closely contested. Based on the photographic evidence, it appears that Rainbow Dash was second, Twilight third, and Applejack fourth.”

“Oh, yeah.” Rainbow Dash hopped up on the second place spot and Twilight walked over to sit on third. Applejack watched them climb up with a smile.

Agatha whispered something to Spike. In his haste he'd been reading from notes that were crossed out. He flipped the page over. “Uh, but it looks like the photo wasn't taken at just the right time. Since the contestants were so close together, this means that the race was still too close to call accurately. So they're declaring a three-way tie for second instead.”

Applejack hopped up on the platform next to Rainbow Dash. She may have been smiling before, but she was grinning now. She leaned over to look Dash in the eye, who shied away from her in response. Twilight got down from the third place platform and hopped up on second too. With all three of them crowded up there, Rainbow Dash nearly fell off.

“The prize for second, split three ways, comes out to one hundred bits each,” Spike said. The crowd did cheer appreciably for this, but they seemed a bit confused as well. Several of them had made wagers on the race and they hadn't prepared for an outcome like this.

Spike grabbed the next page. “Because of your amazing photo finish, even if it was just for second place, we're awarding each of you an additional fifty bits.” They grinned at this and the crowd cheered in approval. The howling wind was almost as loud though. Many in the crowd whispered to each other.

“There's also a prize for third place, but no pony actually came in third so...” Spike scratched his head.

Raindrops leaned in to speak, “In light of how difficult it was for Fluttershy to finish, we're giving that prize to her instead.”

In the audience, Lucky Lavender threw up her forelegs in exasperation. Her coat's a little pinker than Twilight's and she has a two-tone purple and dark purple mane in a style similar to Colgate's. Normally, she enjoys placing friendly wagers on events like this, but outside of first place, the judges had certainly made things very confusing. So, not only were there three second-place winners, but they were giving the third place award to the pony who finished last? This made even less sense than that time they gave a medal to the pony who finished fifth in the Running of the Leaves marathon and nopony else. What's next? Were they going to give Pinkie Pie a fourth-place medal for finishing fifth?

Fluttershy smiled weakly in response to her winning the third place award. She looked at the empty spot on the podium, but didn't make any effort to get up. The blankets Nurse Sweetheart had wrapped around her were far too cozy to abandon. The pink nurse with white freckles and a striped white and light purple mane was currently trying to clean off Fluttershy's face. Given how runny her nose was, this was a loosing battle. A magenta light wrapped itself around Fluttershy and she gave a little “Eep” as Twilight picked her up and gently deposited her on the third place platform. Nurse Sweetheart glared at Twilight for disturbing her patient.

Spike took the microphone back from Raindrops and said, “Third place comes with the prize of one hundred bits.” Fluttershy's teeth chattered but she nodded appreciably at the crowd's cheers. “And also because of your dramatic finish with the last-ditch effort to get your peanut across the finish line, the judges have awarded you an extra fifty bits.”

The crowd cheered even louder for this, but Fluttershy was too busy coughing to respond.

“Sorry, Fluttershy.” Twilight hung her head low as she apologized. Nurse Sweetheart picked the blankets up to wrap around Fluttershy again. They weren't warm this time because they'd fallen in the snow. She winced at the cold.

“Lastly, there's a fifty bit prize for all other racers who completed the course,” Spike read, “but since you're the only pony who hasn't gotten anything yet, Pinkie, you can think of this a prize for fourth place-”

A thud interrupted Spike. Somepony had fallen off the bleachers. Nurse Sweetheart grabbed her first aid kit and went to investigate.

Colgate leaned forward to speak into the microphone. “It looks like the cold and thin air is a bit more hazardous than we expected. If you're feeling faint at all, I'd recommend getting onto one of the air buses and they'll ferry you down. You can read about the rest of the awards in the paper tomorrow.”

A couple of ponies took her up on that suggestion. They were mostly younger fillies who were shivering in the cold. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were also shivering but they huddled together and shared a blanket. They were determined to see this through. The pegasus drivers took off when Spike reclaimed the microphone. While the air buses were big, unicorn magic kept them lightweight so only four pegasus were needed to pull them.

“Pinkie, they weren't really sure what to say about that snowball thing, but it sure was silly. For your, uh, misplaced effort, you can have an extra prize of fifty bits.”

“Hey, thanks.” Pinkie Pie stood in front of the winner's podium. She smiled in appreciation.

Shoeshine opened a box and passed off the gold medal to Agatha who measured off a length of blue ribbon. Shoeshine frowned, and left the table to look for something. Spike flipped to the next page and kept reading. “We have two group awards to give out. These awards are only given out when every member of the team meets the requirements. First of all, there's a Fully Committed award for a team where everypony finishes the race. This is worth twenty-five bits each. Secondly, you qualify for the Good Sportsmanship award for never invoking the 'rough-horsing' penalty. This is also worth twenty-five bits each, but since you went way beyond what was necessary and showed every effort to support each other throughout the race, they've decided to increase this prize thrice fold. That's seventy-five bits each. Congratulations, you've earned it.”

Spike clapped his hands while the audience hooted in appreciation. Agatha passed Spike the gold medal and pointed at the podium. After Spike took it and hopped off the table, Agatha leaned towards the microphone to speak. “Lastly we have two personalized awards for each pony. One that emphasizes strong points, and one that points out weakness. We'll pass out the medals as we go along.”

Rarity didn't wait for Spike to get there and yanked the medal from his claws with her magic. “Oof.” Spike landed in the snow.

She placed the medal on herself. The blue ribbon matched the accents on her dress fairly well. The wind had died down a bit, so she risked standing up again. As she did so, the clouds parted enough to allow a ray of sunlight to highlight her. The sapphires on her dress twinkled in response to her movements. She turned back and forth and blew kisses, so that everypony there could take pictures and drink in her appearance.

The clouds continued to part, and the sun shone full-force on the mountaintop again. The lower angle allowed the white snow to catch the sunlight and glare it back to blind everypony up there. The crowd universally winced and buried their eyes under their hooves. Agatha got the worst of it. Being semi-transparent can be rather disadvantageous at times.

Raindrops and a few other pegasus flew up to close the gap in the clouds. Once they'd done so, everypony breathed a sigh of relief. The wind started to pick back up again and Rarity sat down preemptively.

There was a pause as Agatha rubbed the spots from her eyes. She put her glasses back on and started speaking again. “Rarity, dear, you get the Tank, the Tortoise award for your steady pace. Fifty bits.”

“Yeah, Tank is pretty awesome,” Rainbow Dash said in agreement.

Shoeshine spat out the hacksaw she'd been using and talked into the microphone to interject, “She also gets the Continental Drift award for adopting a pace so slow that she's the most likely to be overtaken by geology. Two bits.”

The crowd giggled at this. Spike had been hanging around the podium, admiring Rarity, but came back to the judge's table when Raindrops called for him. She tied off a wedge-shaped silver piece to a red ribbon and gave it to him. Spike returned to the winner's podium, but paused when he got there. He only had one medal and there were three ponies crowded on second place. He didn't know who to give it to.

Agatha took the microphone again. “The My Little Peanut award goes to Dashie for her ability to make the world a better place just by being there. One hundred bits.”

“Oh yeah! I am just that awesome.” Rainbow Dash took the one-third second-place medal from Spike and hung it around her neck. The point was facing down.

“Way to go, Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo called out amongst cheers from the crowd.

Dash went to stretch her wings, but wound up slapping Applejack with them instead, who gave her the strangest look. “Whoops, sorry, Applejack.”

Raindrops took the microphone. “She also gets the Recklessness award for loosing the most peanuts off the edge of the trail. Two bits.”

Rainbow Dash huffed in response. Well, at least it wasn't something about 'crashing'. She only did that once. Spike collected the next medal fragment and carried it out to the podium.

“Twilight Sparkle gets the Apple Bloom's Santa Hooves award for never giving up hope. Seventy-five bits,” Agatha said.

“Oh, thank you, everypony so much.” Twilight bent her head low to accept the medal from Spike. She beamed at the crowd and may have waved a hoof too, but she was pinned between Applejack and the edge of the podium.

Raindrops spoke up again, “She also gets the Clumsiness award for hurting herself the most. Two bits.”

Twilight kept smiling and gave a slight nod. She knew she could be clumsy at times but it hurt to have it pointed out like that where other ponies could laugh at her for it.

Spike returned with the last of the second-place medal fragments to give to Applejack. Perhaps some day the three of them could have a tie-breaker competition to determine who gets the second-place award and they could make it whole again. Maybe 'tie-breaker' isn't the best term for that. Tie-wholer? Tie-mender?

“To Applejack, we give the A Real Pony award for being honest and dependable. One hundred bits,” Agatha said.

“Why thank ya all kindly for your appreciation.” Applejack nodded to show off her medal. That was the best she could do while pinned between two other ponies.

Colgate took the microphone this time. “You also get the Snoz of Steel award for breaking the most peanuts with your face. Two bits.”

“Uh, well, Ah guess I did push them a bit hard,” Applejack said.

When Spike went back to the judge's table, they gave him the bronze medal tied off with a white ribbon. Spike Spike returned to the winner's podium and scratched his head when he looked at the blob of covers lying on the third-place platform. He draped the medal over the pink spot in the middle where he assumed Fluttershy's head would be. He was distinctly aware that the crowd was watching.

“C'mon, Fluttershy. Do something,” he hissed and elbowed the pile.

“Huunuh?” Fluttershy poked her head up. The ribbon draped over her ears and the bronze medal landed on her (rather red) nose. Some ponies laughed at the sight, but most of the crowd still cheered for her. “Raagh-choo!” For his efforts, Spike got cough-sneezed on. He hurled himself into a snowbank to wipe off her cooties.

Agatha took the microphone. “Fluttershy, you're awarded the Thomas the Train Engine award for your persistence in the face of adversity even after the race had already been decided. One hundred bits.”

Fluttershy opened and closed her mouth and made a thin, raspy noise. If she said anything, it was too faint to hear.

Shoeshine took the microphone and added, “She also gets the Wrong Way award for loosing the most ground to letting her peanut roll downhill. Two bits.”

Fluttershy just buried her head in the blankets again.

Spike extracted himself from the snow when Raindrops called for him. He took the last item and went over to the winner's podium to look for Pinkie Pie. Apparently, she'd gotten bored of standing in one spot so long and wandered off. Spike spotted her not too far away trying to catch snowflakes on her tongue. It wasn't snowing, but the wind picked up loose snow that had been stirred up by the ponies milling on top of the mountain. Spike motioned for her to come stand in front of the podium again.

Shoeshine said, “We didn't have a fourth-place medal so we went ahead and tied off that rock you pushed across the finish line to a piece of string for you to wear.”

“Gee, thanks.” Pinkie Pie didn't sound all that thankful. She swatted at the rock after Spike put it around her neck.

Agatha leaned forward to speak again. “Pinkie, you get the Wilbur award for being 'some pig'. I think you can guess why you got that. For the prize, we're awarding you with your entire body weight in peanuts.”

“What?! No way!” All thoughts of irritation forgotten, Pinkie Pie hopped up and down in pure joy. “That's a super-dooper amazing amount of peanuts. Do you know know how many peanuts that is? 'Cause I do. It's two- WAIT! I'm not telling you how much I weigh!” Pinkie stopped bouncing mid-air and landed in a huff.

Colgate took the microphone to respond. “Mayor Mare has an oversized scale in Town Hall that we can use to balance your mass against the peanuts directly. We don't have to take your weight.”

“Okay dokey.”

“Oh, and, Pinkie,” Colgate went on, “you also get the Dietary Fiber award. You don't have to eat the shells too, you know. That can't be good for your teeth. For the prize, you can keep all of the peanuts that you've already eaten.”

Pinkie raised one hoof, then lowered it again. She opened and closed her mouth and blinked a few times. “Uh, thanks... I think?” Nopony really knew what she was doing, but they found her confusion along with the prospect of actually having to return those peanuts amusing.

Shoeshine took the microphone again. “Well that was the last of the prizes, so everypony show a big round of applause for our contestants!” Everypony still there stood up to hoot and holler and stomp in a big show of appreciation. Even the mountain seemed to show its support with an extra-strong gust of wind.

When the crowd quieted down, Shoeshine had a few last words to say, “One last thing – it's getting dark soon, so the trail down the mountain is closed to travel. Even if you have a light, it's still too easy to take a misstep and fall off a cliff. The air buses will keep making trips until each and every pony is safely off the mountain so please be patient. Thank you all for coming out here. It's been a wonderful pleasure.”

Author's Note

Prizes in list format:

Rarity:
1st place: 500 bits
“The Matterhoof Peanut Mare”: 1,000 bits
Fully Committed (team): 25 bits
Good Sportsmanship (team) x3: 75 bits
Tank the Tortoise: 50 bits
Continental Drift: 2 bits
Total: 1,652 bits

Rainbow Dash:
1/3 2nd place: 100 bits
Photo finish: 50 bits
Fully Committed (team): 25 bits
Good Sportsmanship (team) x3: 75 bits
My Little Peanut: 100 bits
Recklessness: 2 bits
Total: 352 bits

Twilight Sparkle:
1/3 2nd place: 100 bits
Photo finish: 50 bits
Fully Committed (team): 25 bits
Good Sportsmanship (team) x3: 75 bits
Apple Bloom's Santa Hooves: 75 bits
Clumsiness: 2 bits
Total: 327 bits

Applejack:
1/3 2nd place: 100 bits
Photo finish: 50 bits
Fully Committed (team): 25 bits
Good Sportsmanship (team) x3: 75 bits
A Real Pony: 100 bits
Snoz of Steel: 2 bits
Total: 352 bits

Fluttershy:
3rd place: 100 bits
Last-ditch effort: 50 bits
Fully Committed (team): 25 bits
Good Sportsmanship (team) x3: 75 bits
Thomas the Train Engine: 100 bits
Wrong Way: 2 bits
Total: 352 bits

Pinkie Pie:
4th place: 50 bits
Misplaced effort: 50 bits
Fully Committed (team): 25 bits
Good Sportsmanship (team) x3: 75 bits
Wilbur ('Some Pig'): Her entire body weight in peanuts
Dietary Fiber: The right to keep all of the peanuts that she'd already eaten
Total: 200 bits and one heck of a lot of peanuts

Twilight's Letter

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I'm writing to you from atop of the great Matterhoof Mountain. I can hardly believe it myself. I spent the whole trip up the mountain with my nose on the ground and didn't realize how far I'd gone until I got to the top. It came as a big shock when I looked over the edge to see just how high I was. Everything looks like dots down below and I can almost reach up to touch the clouds. Oh, sorry. I should mention how I got up here in the first place.

On a whim, the six of us signed up for the 'Matterhoof Peanut Race' and I don't think that any of us really knew what we'd commited ourselves to. Well, that sure changed when we got to the starting line and looked down at our tiny peanuts and up at the enormous mountain! Can you imagine? We had to push our peanuts all the way to the top with just our noses.

I guess you won't have to imagine. All of the ponies who gathered around to spectate sure took a lot of pictures. You'll be able to read all about it in the newspaper soon.

Well, I hate to spoil things, but I made it to the top. We all did. It was quite an adventure. Standing here in the thin mountain air on the snow-capped peak with only the wind to wrap around me sure puts things into perspective. Did you know that the Matterhoof Mountain is all that's left of an ancient volcano?

It's true. The magma chamber cooled much more slowly than the ashy slopes and has proven to be much more resistant to erosion over the course of millions of years. That's how it got to be so steep. At just the right time of year, only the jagged plateau on the top is snow-covered. This gives it its very distinctive hoof-like appearance. I never thought I'd be climbing it, though.

There used to be an old pegasus outpost up here way back before they learned how to build things out of clouds. The trail we used was carved up the side of the mountain to make it possible for earth ponies and unicorns to bring supplies. The bleachers on the peak that were set up for the audience sat atop those ruins. If there wasn't so much snow in the way, I could probably learn a lot about history by studying them.

Heh, the thought of a pony like me, journeying to some remote site to delve into some ancient ruins sure sounds like an exciting adventure story. But alas, my life is not like Daring Do. The only thing I'd be battling up here would be frostbite, and I'm afraid to say that I'd probably lose that battle. Brr. As great as the view is from up here, I'll be glad to get back down where it's warmer.

As for the trail itself, it's still in excellent condition. It's very well maintained. I guess the rumors of this place being a popular hiking trail aren't rumors at all and I can certainly see why. Even though I had my nose to the ground most of the time, I still managed to catch some beautiful sights here and there. I saw a rainbow when we passed under the waterfall even as the mist it kicked up got in my face.

Did you know that there's a tunnel up along the way with some glowing mold? I'd never seen anything like it before. I'd love to come back here sometime just to collect a sample for study.

Heh, just listen to me ramble on. The thin air up here must be getting to me. I'm sure you can read about all of those wonders and many more from any decent encyclopedia. What I really want to talk to you about, is friendship.

I know that the last time you saw us racing against each other we weren't in the best of form. Applejack and Rainbow Dash got caught up in the spirit of competition and would up ruining the race for each other. Well, I'm happy to report that this time things were much different.

As a matter of fact, it was almost the polar opposite. Instead of getting in each others way and trying to trip each other up to claim victory, it seemed like all of us were willing to take the time out to help each other even at the cost of our own standing in the race. It had been made perfectly clear to us from the start that there could only be one winner (they deliberately misled us about that), so the fact we still stuck together and worked as a team is proof of how close we've gotten.

This was most apparent when we got the to narrow part of the trail that's only wide enough for one pony each. Applejack lost her peanut off the edge there. According to the rules, she couldn't return to play until she'd gone a hundred steps back, but I was behind her and Rarity was behind me. There wasn't even enough room to turn around there let alone let a pony pass. Applejack was clearly stuck and wouldn't be able to get back in the race until after everypony else had passed through the narrow section and the trail widened enough to allow passage for her to get by and return all the way to where she needed to pick up again.

Rainbow Dash, who was in the lead, apparently thought that that was stupid, because on the next bend she crushed her peanut with her teeth and flew back to carry Applejack out of her bind. If she'd just kept going, she could have taken a huge lead and easily won since almost everypony else was stuck behind the slow-moving Rarity.

Watching them, I got careless and dropped my peanut off the edge too. I didn't have any problem since it's hard to block a pony who can teleport.

Later, Rarity told me that she went as slowly as she could there to give Fluttershy time to catch up. Nobody minded since the slow pace was refreshing and gave us all the opportunity to rest up a bit.

A similar thing occurred on a bridge near the top. It was well built, but there were gaps between the planks that were wide enough for a peanut to fall through. Only Pinkie Pie and Rarity made it across. Pinkie could have taken a huge lead and gone on to finish first but she forced a penalty on herself and came back to help us across with a song. She couldn't bear to leave us all behind and let us suffer in frustration.

Closer to the top, I found out that Applejack had come close to cheating. There was a windy passage there and nopony would have known if she'd carried the peanut in her mouth a bit to get past that obstacle. Since Rainbow Dash had slipped and lost her peanut, that would have given her a strong lead and let her finish first. Well, Applejack expressed her opinion of that idea on her peanut. When I passed it, the shattered fragments made the most wonderful circular pattern embedded in the ice like that.

So, with three ponies who'd given up their best chance at first, you might be wondering who it was who actually won. It was Rarity. She didn't win because she was a strong contender, though. She won because everypony else got careless at the end and had to take a last-minute penalty. Everypony except Fluttershy, that is.

I'm sorry to say but sometime after we crossed the bridge she fell back and got left behind. She seemed like she was doing so well too, but alas, it was not meant to be. She came down with some kind of altitude sickness (the contagious kind – pegasus aren't as prone to lightheadedness as unicorns and earth ponies are). We'd seen the early signs but it didn't become clear until we stood waiting for her at the finish line long after everypony else had finished.

Eventually she came into view. She was unsteady and moving very slowly. Every step for her was a struggle and with each step forward she moved slower still. I could see her teeth chattering and it wasn't just due to the cold. She was developing a fever! I'm not even sure I could have stood up-let alone keep moving like that if I had felt that bad. She struggled along all the way to the finish line and barely got her peanut across before collapsing in a heap. I've never heard a pony get so many cheers for coming in last place before. I think the judges appreciated it too based on the prizes they'd given her.

Speaking of prizes, Pinkie Pie may not have won much in the way of actual bits, but she was clearly the happiest with hers. She won an enormous amount of peanuts. Why, I wouldn't be surprised to get back to town and see that her prize had developed a snow-covered peak of its own. She's promised to throw us the most amazing, wonderful, extra-awesome, peanut-riffic party ever. Well, once Fluttershy's feeling better that is.

Oh my goodness! I've lost track of my train of thought and gone on rambling again. Well, I do have the most wonderful friends and I can talk about them forever, but this report will be useless unless I talk about what binds us together: our friendship.

When Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack gave up their opportunities to take the lead and win, they were expressing the elements of friendship that they value the most. Does this mean that loyalty, happiness and honesty aren't winning traits? Perhaps in the scope of this peanut race it does. Nopony would have thought less of them for putting themselves first, but we value them all the much more for the sacrifices they made. Because of this, our friendship is all that much stronger, and compared to that, any cash prize is just, well, peanuts.

Your most faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

The Matterhoof Mountain Peanut Race

Did you know that there was a man who pushed a peanut all the to the top of Pike's Peak in Colorado with nothing but his nose? Ponies, it's your turn.

The Matterhoof Mountain Peanut Race

Six mares stood tall. Six mares stood proud. Six mares would race today.
A peanut for each one to push, to push up all the way.
Only muzzles, only noses, only sniffers were allowed.
They would abide by this rule; they had to please the crowd.

The stakes were set; a cash prize would, go to number one.
Just one winner there would be when all was said and done.
Other prizes there were too, but they knew not of those.
All six mares bent down right now. They waited in that pose.

The mountain was tall, sharp, and steep.
The river was quite fast and deep.
The trail was only three pones wide.
No peanut should fall off the side.

Six mares bent down. Six mares held ground. Six mares would race today.
They were ready. Nostrils flared. “Now go,” the ref did say.
They all got off to their start. They had quite far to go.
They bent their heads and pushed their nuts; their nuts did move quite slow.

Rainbow Dash took the lead. She boinked that peanut quickly.
Fluttershy was far behind; her bumps were small and sickly.
Rarity was next to last; her nose was fragile glass.
Twilight came up next, she did. She pushed and tried to pass.
Pinkie Pie was third place now. She'd have fun as her goal.
Applejack was second place. Her peanut did quite roll.

They came upon the bridge of rope.
The river raged to dash their hope.
Should any nut fall off the side.
The water'd steal it for a ride.

Rainbow Dash did trudge along; her peanut rolled askew.
The bridge did sway; she was too rash; her peanut fell and flew.
“What, no way!” she cried aloud. This set her back for sure.
A hundred hoofsteps penalty – this rustled down her fur.

Applejack now took the lead and Pinkie pushed up strong.
They were neck and neck it seemed and moving quite along.
The bridge was mean. It rocked and swayed. Would their nuts fall down?
Applejack's went safely through but Pinkie's made her frown.
Twilight Sparkle tried her best but balance failed her too.
Two more nuts went down the drain; they'd have to start anew.
Rarity and Fluttershy, they moved so slow it seemed.
They didn't rock the bridge at all. They made it past and beamed.

Twilight, Rainbow, Pinkie Pie, now had to try again.
Rainbow nudged hers carefully; she's a proud Equestrian.
Her peanut wobbled past the bridge. She made it by this time.
Pinkie Pie pushed hers again, but her nut failed to align.
It didn't fall, she caught it square, but out of bounds it was.
She was set back once again; she ate it just because.
Twilight Sparkle nudged hers true; the bridge did let her by.
Pinkie's third one was the charm. This peanut did stay dry.

The trail twists up. It's steep, steep, steep,
enough to make a grown mare weep.
The Matterhoof is indifferent,
but they have made their commitment.
Six mares shall race up to the top.
Six peanuts pushed. Six mares won't stop.

Applejack is far ahead but her nut is damaged.
The next two were going slow but they still quite managed.
Rainbow Dash still pushed quite hard she went and passed them by.
“Oh no. My nut.” It rolled downhill; alas poor Fluttershy.
Twilight Sparkle bumped on by. She passed up Flutter too.
Pinkie ate her nut again. Just why no one quite knew.

The bright pink mare was far behind. She was in last place.
Pinkie pushed and pushed again. She'd get back in this race.
Applejack's nut did break. This pushed her back to second.
“Aw heck, yeah. I'm winning now,” Rainbow Dash she reckoned.
Rarity was slow but true; her peanut was quite whole.
Of all the mares that raced today she had the best control.
Twilight did still pass her though for Rarity was slow.
Twilight was determined still to come back from below.
Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie tied up for last place now.
Applejack's old broken nut became the pink mare's chow.

And thus they raced upon the slope.
Six mares were watched by telescope.
The mountain's base was gentile still.
It wasn't yet a test of skill.

They'd cross the river just once more.
For now they would have to explore
beneath a waterfall's vapor.
Smooth rock did line the cavern floor.

The path was damp but lovely here.
A rainbow arc did just appear.
The crowd was far but they did cheer.
The race was young, no winner clear.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash did gain a strong lead now.
Twilight moved as quickly as her peanut would allow.
Coming in fourth place here is the mare called Pinkie Pie.
Rarity was quite careful to keep her peanut dry.
Fluttershy stopped right here to admire scenery.
Racing didn't stress that mare; she plodded leisurely.

The trail twists up. It's steep, steep, steep,
enough to make a grown mare weep.
The Matterhoof is indifferent,
but they have made their commitment.
Six mares shall race up to the top.
Six peanuts pushed. Six mares won't stop.

Applejack's nut did break. She crunched it through and through.
Rainbow laughed but hers broke too, just why she never knew.
Both mares lost their great big lead but they were still ahead.
“The rocks right here were magma once,” Twilight Sparkle said.
“The Matterhoof is not active. It's now quite extinct.”
The igneous rock she saw; its hues were quite distinct.
While Twilight spoke of science stuff, Pinkie rolled on by.
The broken nuts did tempt her though that she could not deny.
She ate those nuts and hers too. She goofed that up again.
Hundred hoofsteps penalty was the rule they'd spoken.
Rarity now passed Pinkie. Her pace was slow but true.
Fluttershy was so alone that her resolve now grew.
“I won't make it up to first, but I'll still try my best.”
Flutter tried, her nose was sore, but strength she now expressed.

On the mountain side right here
was a drop that was severe.
The path did narrow now as well.
One mistake would spell farewell.

Rainbow's eyes were sharp and pink; the edge she saw ahead.
Her peanut did not falter; it hugged the trail instead.
Applejack had no such luck; her peanut went goodbye.
She had to take her penalty but she could not fly.
Too narrow for a passing mare, Twilight blocked her rear.
Rainbow Dash did eat her nut. She came to interfere.
She lent her wing; they flew back; that ended her strong lead.
It was a big sacrifice for her to make indeed.
Twilight lost her peanut too; her lead was sadly short.
Though Rarity did block her rear, she could teleport.

Six mares now walked the narrow trail; they walked one by one.
Rarity did set the pace. Now none of them could run.
Pinkie's second, Rainbow's third, Applejack's in fourth.
Fluttershy took fifth place here. A breeze came from the north.
Then Fluttershy's peanut broke. She had to go back now.
But Flutter did catch back up; their slow pace did allow.

The crowd still watched them from afar.
This sight they deemed a bit bizarre.
Though nearly to the halfway spot,
they all grouped up in one big lot!

The path did widen here once more.
The steepness they could not ignore.
For they were on the mountain's side.
The wind did seep into their hide.

The trail twists up. It's steep, steep, steep,
enough to make a grown mare weep.
The Matterhoof is indifferent,
but they have made their commitment.
Six mares shall race up to the top.
Six peanuts pushed. Six mares won't stop.

Six mares now had a fresh start here on the mountain slope.
They could claim the prize up top. They each still had that hope.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash came out up front once more.
Their noses bumped their peanuts, pushed. They enjoyed this chore.
Twilight pushed next to Pinkie. Both mares saw eye-to-eye.
A friendly nod, a quick bump, and Twilight passed her by.

Another peanut missed her nose. Flutter felt a chill.
Though not lost, it stayed in play. Her nut did roll downhill.
Rarity did dodge that nut. She had to let it be.
She can't touch Fluttershy's or she'd face a penalty.
Fluttershy did stop that nut. She did it with her nose.
The wind did now get to her. She wished she had more clothes.
Pegasus should not feel cold but Flutter's out of shape.
Six nuts bumped up the steep, steep slope. No more did escape.

The path went dark inside a cave.
The ponies will have to be brave.
The wind won't touch them anymore.
But water will be on the floor.

A soggy nut will break real fast.
It must stay dry to make it past.
A bioluminescent mold
is all that guides them in the cold.

Applejack was first to enter – halfway champ was she,
but her eyes did not adjust and she could barely see.
Rainbow Dash had troubles too; both nuts now got all wet.
Though it didn't hurt them now, it's something they'd regret.
Twilight was the smarter mare; she'd closed her eyes before.
Eyes adjusted she could see the liquid on the floor.

Pinkie Pie got her nut wet too and she did recoil.
Pinkie eyed her soggy nut. “I can't let this spoil.”
Pinkie ate another nut. Her mouth's a peanut grave.
She had to take her penalty and left that dark cave.

Rarity did plod on here. That mare was careful still.
Her peanut was still pristine. She nudged it with great skill.
Fluttershy is used to caves some animals live there.
She pushed her nut in the dark. She passed the Pinkie mare.

Her nut was wet and failing but Applejack pushed strong.
She came out of that cave; she was moving quite along.
Rainbow Dash did come through too and she was not a slouch,
Twilight Sparkle bumped her head here and she cried out, “Yeouch!”
She wasn't hurt all that bad and went trough just the same.
Flutter sneezed a dainty bit. This shook her tiny frame.
“Flutter, dear, please take my scarf. You'll feel a bit warmer.”
Rarity gave this to Shy, which now helped adorn her.
Shy smiled as she nudged on by, “Thank you, my dear friend.”
Pinkie made it through now too; the cave was at its end.

The cavern path was dark but short.
Through this tunnel they did transport
their peanuts to the next upslope,
in the cold they'd have to cope.

The trail twists up. It's steep, steep, steep,
enough to make a grown mare weep.
The Matterhoof is indifferent,
but they have made their commitment.
Six mares shall race up to the top.
Six peanuts pushed. Six mares won't stop.

Though her peanut was quite soggy, Applejack pushed strong.
But alas it gave up here; it didn't last that long.
Rainbow Dash came to the lead but suffered the same fate.
Pushing hard is not something wet peanuts tolerate.

Twilight Sparkle's now upfront. She looked up at the sky.
The clouds looked close; she felt the wind. They were up real high.
But the peak was out of sight; they still had far to go.
She pushed her peanut up the path as the wind did blow.

Fluttershy did shiver here, but that scarf felt fluffy.
Pushing hard in second place made her breath all huffy.
Rarity was in third place but Applejack passed by.
Rainbow Dash nudged up to her. She wants to clarify:
“How can you hope to win this race while you're going slow?”
Rarity did raise an eyebrow. “Weren't you just below?”
Rainbow shrugged and pushed ahead. She had a race to win.
Pinkie finally caught back up. She wore a goofy grin.

A great big gap a bridge did span.
Though much unlike where they began,
this bridge holds firm for pony kind.
Here gaps and cracks peanuts can find.

The wind is not so gentle here
inside this thinning atmosphere.
Far down below the crowd still cheered.
They each could win it still appeared.

Twilight's lead was growing short. She slowed to watch the ground.
In the end it did no good. A hole her peanut found.
Fluttershy now came up next. This trail she did review,
but the wind caught her peanut and it went bye-bye too.
Applejack came up ahead but in a gap hers stuck.
She broke her peanut sitting there. She did curse her luck.
Rainbow Dash tried to take first but her peanut faltered.
Then Pinkie Pie made it by. Her path was unaltered.
Pinkie ate her peanut there. She'd clearly have her fun.
She went back across the bridge to show them how its done.
Rarity stayed slow but true. She guided hers with skill.
Four others did try again but had no luck until-
Pinkie Pie rolled up again. She turned around and bowed.
“It's not so hard as you shall see,” Pinkie spoke aloud.

“Bump it up and catch it down.
Don't let the wind make you frown.
A steady pace is what it takes.
Keep that up for no mistakes.

“Hup peanut – hup, hup, hup-
You'll make it past, just don't give up.
The gaps look wide but they're not bad.
You'll make it past, and you'll be glad.

“So watch as I do pass this gap.
You'll make it past. This is a snap.
My nose protects it from the wind.
You'll make it past; nuts underpinned.

“For I have shown you how it's done.
Let's come on now, everyone!
Tread with me; we'll walk across.
A steady pace for no more loss.”

Guided by Pinkie's song, those four now did move along.
All six mares now passed the bridge. The race was going strong.
Six mares bumped their peanuts still upon the mountain path.
Twilight knew they'd more to go. She thought so with her math.

The trail twists up. It's steep, steep, steep,
enough to make a grown mare weep.
The Matterhoof is indifferent,
but they have made their commitment.
Six mares shall race up to the top.
Six peanuts pushed. Six mares won't stop.

Rarity had a nice lead, but Pinkie now caught up.
As she pushed her peanut by, she nodded to say, “Sup.”
Pinkie then ate her nut, and gave herself a facehoof.
Rarity did laugh with mirth. She laughed at Pinkie's goof.
Twilight was the next to come. This mare did stop and stare.
She swung her head and hoofed the ground. “That is snow right there.”
Rarity stopped to adorn her cleated climber boots.
“Careful, dear. Watch out for ice.” They boinked their peanut fruits.
Fluttershy did sneeze again. She sniffed her runny nose.
Her peanut rolled downhill again when this chance arose.
She flew downhill to stop it as others passed her by.
This put her back in last place; she gave a hefty sigh.
Applejack did pass to first. She bumped up quite a storm.
Rainbow Dash passed to second. Sweat glistened on her form.

Now nearly up upon the peak
a crevasse here did howl and shriek.
The wind was channeled through this place.
It cut through fur in cold embrace.

No peanut could withstand this wind.
Against the noses they'd be pinned.
A small mistake would let them fly.
This wind was fierce; none could deny.

Applejack was first to enter; she did slow her pace.
Wind howled by and tried to steal the peanut from her face.
Rainbow Dash came in next. She moved with less restraint.
While the wind did tear at her, she suffered no complaint.
The path was slick and icy and Rainbow Dash did slip.
Her peanut bounced and blew away on its frigid trip.
Apple's nut tried to leave, but she caught it with her lips.
Walls did line the path here and the view was blocked by hips.
After all the help she got, she couldn't bear to cheat.
Applejack did crush that nut beneath her horseshoed feet.
Rainbow Dash spoke up, “You crushed your nut. You could have won.”
“It wouldn't be fair – not after what y'all have done.”

Twilight Sparkle came up next. She knew that this was hard.
The wind did blast at her mane, but she would not be barred.
Inching closely step-by-step, Rarity did join her.
Pinkie got in line right here. A shiver twitched her fur.
Rainbow Dash returned again and got in line as well.
Applejack now lined up too. She followed for a spell.
Fluttershy was moving slow. She shuddered and she sneezed.
The wind stole her nut away. The poor girl was displeased.
The other five did make it by. They were nearly done.
Each of them would try their best to be the one who won.

The trail twists up. It's cold, cold, cold,
enough to freeze a mare all told.
The Matterhoof is indifferent,
but they have made their commitment.
Five mares are nearly to the top.
Six peanuts pushed. Six mares won't stop.

Now upon the final leg the ice and snow did show.
The peanut race would end on this mountaintop plateau.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash now did start to canter.
Their breath was far too short for any witty banter.
Rainbow Dash did push real hard. She tossed her peanut high.
The wicked wind did catch it and blew it from the sky.
Applejack did push too hard and broke her nut once more.
Twilight Sparkle pushed ahead. This race did make her sore.
She forgot about the ice and slipped and fell down. “Ouch.”
Her peanut did slip away into an icy pouch.

Pinkie's nut got caught in snow. She pushed a snowball now.
She rolled along as best she could: Pinkie the snowplow.
She passed the others, Pinkie did. She was doing fine.
Her snowball rolled all the way and crossed the finish line.
Pinkie had thought she'd won but in her snowball was a rock!
Her peanut? She shrugged and chewed. They sent her back a block.

While those four did hurry back, the snow did blind their sight.
In the glare they failed to see the unicorn who's white.

The wind did block poor Fluttershy in a cold impasse.
Through the crevasse she did try, but a cough now shook her mass.
The wind took her peanut and she hobbled back once more.
Something new she'd have to try or she'd be stuck for sure.

Now at last the race could end. Five mares were almost there.
The crowd exploded into cheers. Their cheers were everywhere.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash were very closely tied.
Twilight Sparkle bumped up too, her fervor undenied.
All three mares did cross the line; each thought she would prevail.
But when they got there all they saw, was a purple tail.
Rainbow Dash with wide eyes cried, “Rarity you won!?”
The unicorn did smile. “Sorry, dear. You've been outdone.”
Pinkie Pie now nosed in fifth. She had a nut this time.
“Come on now, let's have a hug. This race was quite a climb.”
Five mares stood tall. Five mares stood proud. Five mares were not six.
Twilight startled, “Wait, where's Fluttershy?” Oh, candlesticks.

The trail twists up. It's cold, cold, cold,
enough to freeze a mare all told.
The Matterhoof is indifferent,
but she had made her commitment.
One mare still has to reach the top.
One peanut pushed. One mare won't stop.

Fluttershy coughed hard. Her nose was red. Her face was blue.
“I think I can. I think I can.” She could do this too.
She reached the crevasse once again; third time is the charm.
She turned around and backed up to block her nut from harm.
She rolled her nut with her nose. 'Twas very very slow.
The wind did try to catch her wings in its wicked flow.
She wanted to give up here. She wasn't feeling well.
Her head was sore, her legs were weak, she paused for a spell.

The scarf she wore brushed around and tickled at her face.
“Rarity, I can't give up.” She set a renewed pace.
Through this crevasse she did inch. She made it through this time.
It was a minor victory. There's still more to climb.

The path was lined with ice and snow.
The frigid cold wind still did blow.
The end up here was less inclined,
but still no place for ponykind.

And while the winner was quite known,
and Fluttershy was quite alone,
she knew here friends were waiting there.
She would not falter in despair.

Feeble, Feeble, wobbly bumps, her peanut crept along.
She hacked and coughed and wheezed once more. She felt ugly wrong.
Her runny nose now did freeze upon her facial fur.
She was not a pretty sight; of this she was quite sure.
Cold chills now cut through her frame. She rattled through and through.
Her teeth chattered in the cold. She sneezed again, “Achoo.”
Laying down she just felt like, but then she heard a sound.
Cries and cheers from everyone. This gave her hope newfound.
She limped closer and she saw, their looks of deep concern.
Teeth chattered, legs wobbled, but to finish she did yearn.
She pushed up close to the finish, but her body jarred.
And with the last of her strength, she boinked that peanut hard.
Her peanut rolled... ...all the way.
She collapsed upon the ground and gasped out one last, “Yay.”

And thus the race was at its end.
They all flocked in to help their friend.
The crowd did roar with full support.
They all did love to watch this sport.

The Mountain named Matterhoof was humbled here this day.
Six peanuts were pushed up its slope, pushed up all the way.
Five mares stood tall. Five mares stood proud. Six mares did race today.
While the last one hugged the ground, they loved her anyway.