Interrupted Cadance

Chapter 3: The Sound of Rain

The hardest part was waiting for the rain.

I had taken precautions. A glamor which altered the colors of my coat. A spell which changed my Cutie Mark. I had left my crown at home, of course. But it wasn't enough. I was never very good at concealment magic.

That was why I needed a cloak. It would cover my face and conceal my wings. But a mare wearing a cloak on a warm evening in early autumn would attract too much attention. I would need an excuse.

So I consulted my copy of the official Pegasus Weather Calendar. The next evening rainfall was weeks away. I counted the days down in my head.

It's okay, I told myself. I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just going to take a look.

It's funny how, of all the things I experienced that night, what I remember the most are the sounds. All the voices, chattering away at once. The slight creek the leather straps made. The screams. They still confuse me. I'm still not sure if the pony screaming was scared or enraptured.

I could never tell my husband what I did. I could never tell anyone.

So why did I tell her?

*******

Silver Spoon sat on her bed, staring at the poster on the wall. Each time she spent a weekend at the Home For Victims of Foal Abuse, the administrative staff would assign her a different room to spend the night in. Silver never minded this much, as the rooms were practically identical, with the same clinical gray wallpaper, and identical closets and mirrors. Each room even boasted the same style of door, each equipped with double locks. Some foals at the Home, Silver had learned, were extremely protective of their privacy, so they were allowed to lock others out anytime they wished to be alone. A few spent almost all their time like this, emerging only to eat or go to counseling sessions.

The one variation in all the rooms was the poster. The staff, perhaps in a slapdash effort to liven up the drab surroundings, had put one up in every room. They were always different.

The one from her first visit had borne an image of several happy foals standing together beneath a rainbow. It seemed that care had been taken to assemble a broadly representative group: there were Earth Ponies, a Pegasus, a Unicorn, and even a zebra. The slogan “BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE!” was displayed in bright yellow letters.

Over the weeks that followed, Silver had encountered several posters in a similar vein, always showing smiling ponies and words of encouragement. Most had images of anonymous foals, but a few featured famous ponies who foals might look up to, such as Princess Luna or Spitfire.

Not a single poster in the Home featured Princess Celestia.

Silver stared at this week's poster as she sat on her bed, still fuming over her most recent therapy session. The poster bore the smiling image of Princess Cadance, along with the slogan, “TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY!”

“Liar,” she whispered.

There was a knock on the door.

“Go away!” Silver shouted. “I told you, I'm not interested in your stupid spell, so just leave me alone!”

“Um, it's me,” replied a familiar voice. It wasn't Cadance's. “Sorry, is this a bad time? I just wanted to say hi...”

Silver sat up. “Sweetie! No, it's fine, come in!”

Sweetie Belle entered the room, smiling weakly at her friend. The filly had changed in the past few months. She was thinner, and tended to speak with a quieter voice than Silver was accustomed to. None of this was completely new to Silver. But one more recent change struck her as soon as she saw her friend.

“Your mane!” she said. “It's so short!”

“Yeah...” Sweetie said, blushing a bit. “I finally decided it was time to cut it.”

Sweetie approached Silver's bed, while the Earth Pony filly examined her new style. It was short and very straight, and had none of the flourish of her previous style, with its voluminous curls.

“Do you like it?” Sweetie asked.

“Oh! Oh, um...” Silver stammered. “It's so...daring!”

“I guess that makes sense,” Sweetie said. “Twist said I looked like Scootaloo. She's pretty daring.”

“Um, yeah...” Silver said, happy to have something to think about beside Cadance. “So why the change? I don't think I've ever seen you with a different style...”

Sweetie flopped down on the bed, laying flat on her back. She stared at the ceiling as she spoke to Silver.

“You know where I got my old style, right? I got it from her.”

Sweetie Belle rarely spoke her sister's name anymore. But the inflection she used when she said “her” made it perfectly clear who she was referring to. Her voice would drop just a tiny bit, in the way that one might speak of a loved one who had recently died. Silver wasn't certain if Sweetie was aware she was doing it.

“It was the day before I first started school,” Sweetie said wistfully, “I was so nervous about going. I didn't tell anyone, but somehow she could tell. So she surprised me with a new dress she had sewn herself. And then she put my mane up in curlers, and spent the whole afternoon giving me a makeover. She even closed the shop early so she could concentrate on helping me get ready for my big day...”

Sweetie ran her hoof over her manecut. She let out a small sigh.

“And it worked. I felt so excited to be going to school. And I actually got lots of compliments on my mane, too. So after that, I kept it styled exactly the same all the time...”

“Until now,” Silver said. “So, then, why...?”

“I finally started to get my appetite back,” Sweetie said. “Yesterday, I ate three full meals for the first time since that dragon took her away.”

“And you're starting to talk like yourself again,” Silver said. “I was pretty scared when you just stopped talking to me after Miss Rar-after she left. I thought I had done something wrong...”

“It wasn't just you,” Sweetie said. “I didn't want to talk to anyone. It was like I was paralyzed. I just missed her so much...”

“I miss her, too...” Silver said.

“But that's just the thing!” Sweetie said. “My whole life, I wanted her gone, and then when she was, all I wanted was for her to come back! I know she was mean, and that she hurt us, but all I can ever seem to think of are the times she was nice to me! It's so confusing!”

Silver hadn't heard Sweetie Belle speak with such passion since the Circle fell. She smiled softly to herself. Slowly but surely, her friend was coming back.

“So last week I was talking to Miss Plumtree...she says hi, by the way...”

Silver rolled her eyes. Plumtree had been her most skittish counselor. She meant well, but her aversion to any sort of sexual discussion made Silver wonder what in Equestria she thought she was doing working with sexually abused foals. Still, she seemed to be good at putting Sweetie at ease.

“...and she told me that I needed to try and get rid of things that reminded me of my sister. So I could get used to her not being around anymore...”

“So the haircut...”

“Every time I looked in the mirror, I would think of her, and what she did for me that day...” Sweetie said. “That had to stop. So I borrowed some scissors from Twilight, and...”

Silver smiled. “You don't really look like Scootaloo, you know. Her mane's longer,” she said. “So...do you still think of your sister when you look in the mirror?”

“More than ever,” Sweetie said. “But I think that's because I'm not used to my mane being different. Right now it doesn't look like a new cut, it just looks like the old one is missing. But pretty soon it'll grow into a new style, and that one'll be different from either of the other two. It won't have anything to do with her. It'll just be mine.”

Sweetie rolled over onto her side, so she was facing Silver. “Or at least, that's what I hope, anyway.”

Silver Spoon ruffled her friend's mane. “You should get a nice braid,” she said, in a gently teasing voice. “All the prettiest ponies have braids.”

Sweetie dismissed her with a laugh. Silver Spoon smiled, then turned and looked back at the poster. Cadance's smiling face stared right back at her.

“Do you want to forget her?” Silver asked. “Is that why you're doing this?”

“What? Of course not...” Sweetie said. Her tone began to lose its former energy. “I don't ever think I could forget her. And even if I could, I wouldn't. I just want to...put her where she belongs, I guess. In the past.”

“Cadance wants me to forget her...” Silver said. “She says there's a spell she could do that would erase my love for her. She could even fix it so I don't remember ever having had feelings for her.”

“What?” Sweetie said. “She can do that? Oh my gosh, don't tell me she-”

“No,” Silver said. “The spell won't work without the consent of the target pony. And of course, I told her no...”

Sweetie sat up. “I can't believe she'd even suggest that. It seems so...I don't know...final.”

“I think that's the problem...” Silver said. “I think they brought her in as a last resort. Because they're starting to give up on me...”

“Silver...”

“What if they're right, Sweetie?” Silver Spoon said, still locking eyes with the smiling image of Cadance. “What if I can't ever escape how I feel about Miss Rarity? What if this is the only way for them to fix me?”

Silver Spoon lowered her head.

“I want to get better...” she said. “But at the same time...I don't. Because it would be like losing her all over again...”

Silver took off her glasses as tears began to collect on the bedsheets.

“I thought I was better than this...the whole time I lived with Fancy, I kept telling myself I was! That I could move on, that I didn't need her to keep hurting me...

“...so why is it that the thing I want most in the world is for her to come back?”

Sweetie's expression changed, as though Silver's words had sparked some painful realization in her own mind. She did not give it voice. Instead, she reached out and hugged her friend.

Silver didn't make a sound for several minutes. When she finally spoke again, her voice sounded weak and almost fearful.

“I'm supposed to see Cadance again tomorrow,” Silver said. “I figured she'd cancel the appointment after I yelled at her today, but the staffer said she left without changing anything. What if she still wants to change my memory? What am I going to say to her?”

“You said she can't do it without your permission,” Sweetie replied. “So tell her no.”

“Yeah, but...”

“Silver, is Cadance mean?”

“No...” Silver said. “Until we got mad at each other, she was really nice...”

“Then why are you so scared of her?” Sweetie Belle said. “Come on, Silver. You didn't let Fancy scare you, and he was a horrible pony who tried to kill my sister! Cadance is nice, she's just confused about what to do with you.”

“You don't know what happened when she first saw me...” Silver said. “It wasn't a very good first impression...”

Sweetie let go of Silver and looked her in the eye.

“So what? Look, your special talent is all about sweet-talking high society ponies, isn't it? Well, who's more high society than a Princess?”

Silver laughed. “Sweetie...” she said. “It doesn't really work like tha-”

“Then MAKE it work like that!” Sweetie said. “I can't believe that my friend the liberator of the Gallery, my friend who told off my sister when it mattered the most, my friend, who saved my life, is scared to talk to Cadance! She just wants to help you, dummy! The two of you just have to figure out how!”

Silver sat back on the bed, letting Sweetie Belle's words sink in.

Yeah, she thought. I did do all those things, didn't I?

As if she was reading Silver's mind, Sweetie crossed her forelegs and added, “And you didn't need my sister to do any of that stuff, either! So just tell her that!”

Silver's eyes lit up at Sweetie's words. An epiphany struck the foal, and suddenly, her fear was gone.

“Yes, I did! I DID need her, and that's exactly what I have to tell Cadance!”

“Um, what?” Sweetie said, cocking an eyebrow. “I don't see how saying that would help...”

“Trust me,” Silver said. “I think I finally know how I can make her understand!”

“If you say so,” Sweetie said, sounding unconvinced. “Let me know how it goes, okay?”

Silver nodded.

“Oh, and listen,” Sweetie said. “There's going to be something happening in Ponyville on Monday. Something important. I think you should be there...”

Though she tried her best to hide it, Sweetie noticed a hint of sadness in Silver's expression as Sweetie told her what was going to happen.

It's okay, she thought. I feel the same way.

*******

The dinner table at our house is normally a place of lively conversation. Shining and I will discuss our workdays, trade local gossip, comment on the news or the lives of our friends. Talking with Shining is hardly ever boring. It's one of my favorite things about my husband, actually. I usually come home after a long day's work bursting with new topics of conversation to bounce off of him.

Tonight, I hardly speak a word.

“So how did it go with Silver Spoon?” Shining asks, in an obvious attempt to break the uncomfortable silence.

“It went fine,” I reply, a bit more curtly than I mean to. “I'm seeing her again tomorrow.”

“Oh,” he says, looking a little awkward. “That's good...”

I stand up from the table. My food is barely touched, but I just don't have an appetite this evening.

“I've got some more work I need to take care of,” I say. “I'll be in the study for a little bit, okay?”

I force a smile for my husband, then turn and walk across the hallway.

As soon as I'm in the study, I feel like I'm going to be sick.

What have I done?

I was just trying to help Silver Spoon. On some level, she must know that I wouldn't suggest altering her emotions unless I thought there was no other option.

I'd like to say that my failure to connect with her is what's really bothering me. That my distress comes from compassion for another pony. That I'm acting like the caring, selfless princess they all think I am.

But I'm not. I'm just scared for myself. Because today I made a terrible mistake.

Silver Spoon didn't seem to trust me at first. I told her she could tell me anything, but after the way things went when we first saw each other, she seemed reluctant to talk to me at all.

I'm not sure what possessed me to tell her my secret. Perhaps I was desperate. Or perhaps I thought she would understand the choice I made that night.

And if she understood, perhaps she could tell me why I did it.

But instead, I made her angry. I made a filly who is personally known to Princess Luna furious with me, and left her with a secret that could destroy my reputation.

By morning, they might all know. They might all know what I did on the night that I crept out of my husband's bed and left the house at midnight.

They might all know what happened when I finished waiting for the rain.

SOUNDS TO LISTEN FOR NEXT TIME:

Laughter, first cruel, then compassionate.

The loud crack of a whip as it meets with flesh.

And the splish-splash of hooves on rain-drenched steps

which lead down

to someplace new.