The Lightning Fast Pegasus vs. the Radioactive Hell-Raven

by FlanChan

Rating: everyone
Tags: Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other, Random
Length: 1611

Rainbow Dash vs. Utsuho Reiuji from Touhou. This is bound to end well.

An epic showdown in the depths of hell between Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty, and Utsuho Reiuji, a raven with the nuclear fusion powers of Yatagarasu. Which will prevail: the power of friendship or the power of fire?

One thing's for sure: it will be awesome.

Published 2013-10-30 21:50:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-30 21:50:04 UTC

The Tempestuous Second Sun

BGM: Hellfire Mantle

Rainbow Dash flew gracefully through the underground tunnel, the sweltering heat giving her skin a wet sheen. It had been a long and perilous journey, one that only a pony of her skill and power could accomplish. She had faced many merciless enemies, but after only a few moments she had them begging on their knees for forgiveness. Now here she was, flying above a literal sea of fire, close enough that her tail singed a little.

A gentle breeze wafted through her multicolored mane as she entered the last room, her destination. At the end of the long and grueling tunnel was a final boiling pool of lava. The whole room looked to be a giant nuclear reactor. It was obvious that whatever final opponent Rainbow would have to face would be a mighty one indeed.

Rainbow kept herself aloft while waiting for the appearance of her foe, even though the fire made convection currents in the air that pulled her wings in different directions. She was talented enough, however, that she could easily steady herself with minimal effort.

Suddenly the magma below her began bubbling at a rapidly increasing rate. With a sudden geyser of flame blasting out of the pool (which the swift pegasus easily sidestepped), the final opponent made herself visible. Before Rainbow Dash stood a girl with hair black as ashes, long raven wings sprouting from her back, and what seemed to be an orange cannon for a right arm. A cloak with a starry design was laid across her giant wings, and in the middle of her white shirt was a huge red eye. Her right foot was encased in some sort of cement-like material, while the left was circled by some little spheres that looked like an atom or something. Rainbow couldn’t tell; she wasn’t very good with science.

“How did you…?” the pegasus inquired. “Why didn’t you burn to a crisp?”

“Ignorant pony,” the girl sneered, “Do you not know who I am? I am Utsuho Reiuji, the girl who swallowed the great god Yatagarasu and gained his powers after a divine voice spoke to me. I was told to use my new powers to reimagine the world. I am the one who will be your downfall. I am the hell raven with the power of radiation!”

“...huh?” Rainbow was clueless as to what this Utsuho girl was talking about. She had zoned out after hearing her name and something about eating yataga soup. Whatever that was. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter who you are and how you aren’t already dead from the lava. You’re still just a bird, right? I can totally kick your butt!”

“Heh, don’t be so quick to judge, arrogant one.” Utsuho pointed her finger upward, and a black sun formed out of nothingness. After a moment, a giant ball of burning red gas that was far bigger than her shot toward the unprepared pony. Rainbow dodged, just grazing the mini-sun.

“Pfft, is that the best you can do, bird-girl?” she jeered, sticking her tongue out mockingly. “I could dodge that thing in my sleep!”

“I wasn’t trying to hit you, stupid. I’m just demonstrating my almighty powers of the sun!” Utsuho threw her arms out dramatically, emphasizing the grand scale of her abilities.

“Huh? Powers of the sun?” Rainbow tilted her head to the side. “What’s the power of the sun? Photosynthesis? Sunburn?” Utsuho slapped her forehead in frustration.

“I have nuclear fusion, idiot,” she explained, breaking the pompous attitude she had up until now.

“Nuclear fusion? Sounds sciency. I don’t care about it, I’m not an egghead like Twilight,” Rainbow exclaimed.

“Gah, whatever. Basically I’m gonna use my powers to turn the whole world into a new Hell of Blazing Fires, ya dig?” Utsuho smiled and gave a thumbs up as if burning the world held the same weight as going to buy ice cream.

“What? No! I’m gonna kill you before you do that, you jerk!” Rainbow yelled. “Besides, I have rainbow powers!”

“I have sun powers!”

“I have friendship powers!”

“I have… sun powers!”

“I’m the Element of Loyalty!”

“...Alright, maybe I don’t have much else going for me, but still. Sun powers.”

BGM: Solar Sect of Mystic Wisdom ~ Nuclear Fusion

“I’ll burn you to a crisp!” Rainbow shouted, her danmaku familiars appearing around her.

“Oh real-- wait, shouldn’t that be my line?!”

Rainbow ignored her and started shooting her rainbow colored danmaku at her opponent. It wasn’t very strong, and Utsuho didn’t die when it hit her, she just lost a bit of health. On the upside, Rainbow could shoot a very large amount of it, and a good chunk of the bullets could hone in on the enemy.

Utsuho realized that the battle was beginning, so she, too, started to shoot out bullets. Hers were bigger and could move in intricate patterns, and whenever Rainbow touched one she would die. The odds were stacked against the pony, but the brave pegasus knew she would win.

Utsuho started by blasting out long lines of small suns that were about half her size. They were easy to dodge, but she was just warming up. Literally, she was warming up, because blasting out the danmaku warmed up her arm-cannon and prepared her for her real attack.

The prismatic pegasus rushed through the lines of fire and planted a kick on the raven’s chest. The victim went spiraling backward, but caught herself in mid-air, flapping her wings to stay upright. Rainbow flew above her, sporting a smug look as if she had already won.

The hell-raven smirked, and pointed her right arm upward. The end of her cannon began to glow as it gathered energy, and around the room the words ‘☢ CAUTION!! ☢’ blinked yellow, accompanied by the blaring sound of Klaxons. Rainbow Dash braced herself. This was where things would start to heat up.

A wave of giant suns advanced towards the rainbow pony, along with many small blue bullets. It was difficult to dodge them while still keeping mindful of the blue balls, especially because she couldn’t help entering the heat field surrounding the red suns. She started panting from the heat, but wasn’t about to back down. She was the most awesomest hero ever, after all.

Wave after wave of suns went past her, and time and time again she had to withstand near-death experiences while dodging them. Her attacks didn’t seem to leave any sort of dent in her opponent, but finally the balls of gas fizzled away, marking the end of the attack.

“Hey!” Rainbow called, “Skip all those easy attacks, let’s just get down to the difficult ones!”

“So we’re already gonna go to the climax, huh?” Utsuho asked. “Alrighty then!”

With her cannon pointing downward, she began charging up all of the radioactive energy she could fire. Rainbow followed suit, manifesting her Element of Harmony into a physical, rainbow-hued bullet.

Before long the hell-raven was sitting atop a humungous orb of heat, her green bow and skirt fluttering from the power. It was sweltering, and the fringes of her hair caught fire, and yet she still charged. Rainbow, too, continued to gather power from the far reaches of her soul. She was confident in winning, and doing so would not only save Equestria, it would also prove how awesome she was!

The two locked eyes, and the situation tensed as it was now a game of who would shoot first. Neither moved for a second, but then the radioactive hell-raven swung her cannon upward, bringing the huge sun danmaku above her head, and prepared to shoot. Rainbow braced herself, prepared to counter at the perfect moment and land the killing blow.

Utsuho Reiuji brought her right hand down, ready to end it all.

Ding!

BGM: Solar Sect of Mystic Wisdom ~ Nuclear Fusion (Piano)

“Okuu, your ramen is done cooking!” A pink haired girl poked her head into the room with the very definition of an unamused face.

“Unyu! Coming, Satori-sama!” Utsuho replied, dropping her arm to her side and beginning to skip away.

“Hey!” Rainbow called. “We’re in the middle of a fight! You can’t just leave!”

“Huh? Oh, right.” She stopped and turned back to the pony. “Wait, what were we fighting about again?”

“What do you mean ‘what were we fighting about’? It was… uh…” Rainbow drew a blank. “Well, that’s not important!”

“Myeh. Fine, whatever.” Utsuho raised her cannon half-heartedly and pointed it point blank at Rainbow. “Feel my wrath, or something.” She released the giant sun, and with a pichuun, the prismatic pegasus was nothing but a few powerups.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Rainbow, what the hay are you doing in my house on my computer?!” Twilight shouted. The extremely awesome pegasus whipped her head around and turned off the monitor.

“What do you mean? I’m not on your computer.” She flashed a completely believable grin. Twilight didn’t buy it, and turned the screen back on.

“Sheesh, stop sneaking in and playing my copy of Subterranean Mareanism!” She peered more closely at the screen. “And if you’re going to do that, for the love of Celestia, at least stop playing Stage 6 on easy mode in stage practice. Why don't you at least challenge as much as normal mode once in your life?”

“Hey! You saw how awesome I was doing! I totally almost beat her!”

“...You lost on her second spellcard.”

“Shaddup, Twi.”

Author's Note

This has no relation with a certain video that's also about ponies failing at Subterranean Animism's final boss.
Rainbow Dash plays on ez-modo? How lame! Only kids play on ez-modo! Kyahahaha!