Celestia and a Human Get High

by Iggypots

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1297

Exactly what it says on the tin. Celestia and Alex share a joint and some conversation.

Alex the human offers Celestia a new way to relax and unwind. Of course, Celestia needs to try it first. They end up chatting a bit. No bit whoop.

Published 2013-10-21 02:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-21 02:30:05 UTC

Keep On Tokin'

Keep On Tokin'

"Anytime you hear some human saying 'Our world sucks', n' all that, take it with a grain of salt, know what I'm saying?" Alex exhaled a cloud of smelly smoke, and passed the joint behind him. It glowed as magic gently pulled it from his fingers. "You got, what, less than thirty of us over here?"

"Eighteen right now," Celestia replied. She was lounging on a couch in her private chambers; Alex sat on the floor in front of her, back resting against the couch. "Not counting the ones who've gotten turned into ponies." She took a long, slow drag of the blunt, before moving it back towards the human.

Alex plucked the joint out of the air as it wobbled clumsily in the air. "See, the ones you're getting now are the freaks and outcasts; ones who really wanna get away from their own kind." He paused to take a hit. "Of course they're going to say 'Mankind sucks'." He looked back at the princess. "Feeling it yet?"

"I'm not sure." She stared off into space for a moment. "Wait, what did I say?"

Alex laughed and rubbed his face with both hands. "You're stoned."

Celestia pulled the indo stick back to her, sticking her tongue out at Alex. "You know, I think you as much not nice to- wait." She squinted her bloodshot eyes thoughtfully as she tried to assemble the sentence in her head. "I think you're as not nice to them, as they are to all the yous back at your world."

Alex shrugged. "Just calling it how I see it." He nodded at the joint hanging in the air. "Puff puff give, Princess."

She took another toke and passed it back. "No, really. Few of them are like that. Many are... ummmm... what's the word... you know, the people who go to new places and everything."

"Yeah, uhhh... Dang, what is that word? I know what you're talking about, though."

"And there's you. Are you a freak or outcast?" She smiled playfully.

"Hell no." He inhaled, "I'm a businessman." Celestia giggled at how his voice sounded when holding his breath. "If I got to go to a world of magical ponies to make it big, sheeeeeeiiiit, I'm down. Better to be rich here than poor back home." He let the smoke flow and curl from his nostrils. "You feeling me?"

"Feeling you?" She looked askance at him. "I didn't know know you were one of those." Her mouth curled in a playful grin.

The human held up a hand defensively. "Whoa, I'm not. Just a figure of speech."

"Oh? You don't intend to sample the local mares?" she teased. She puffed and passed, keeping up the rhythm as they talked.

"Nope!"

"Stallions?" Her grin grew ever wider.

"Oh HELL no!" He paused while Celestia laughed herself silly and rolled around on the couch. Finally, her giggle fit passed, leaving her panting. "Hey, what two adults do in their own private time is their business. Got nothing to do with me; I'd rather not know about it."

"I like to let ponies do what they want, if it causes no problems. So I guess we kind of agree." She shook her head, trying to dislodge the lethargy that was creeping up her body. "Yes, this 'weed' is definitely good for when... I'm... done at work."

"Told ya." He took his hat off, running fingers through his short blonde hair. "You ponies are going to love this shit. A lot of you guys are halfway to hippie already." He turned to the princess again, eying her seriously. "My seeds and know-how, your cash and man-power."

"Pony-power."

"Whichever. Point is, ponies will be puffing ganja, and we'll be making a lot of money." It was his turn to hit it, and the smoke curled around his head as he gave her a serious nod.

"Oh good. Then I can finally move out of this shack!" She waved a hoof at the spacious and luxurious room, and descended into another bout of laughter.

Alex added in a chuckle of his own. "So why take my offer, then?"

Celestia's head sank onto a pillow. "My ponies work hard. I try to give them more ways to relax. I'll just get it all running smooth, then sell my share. Everypony and I get a new kind of recreation, a new industry starts up, there's more jobs to go around... And that's not even medining medeconol... uhhh... mentioning medicinal uses. Everypony benefits." She watched him put his cap back on. "Alex, does it rain a lot in the human world?"

"No, not where I come from, anyway. Why?"

She would've shrugged, but her body just didn't want to move. "I just figured that's why the thing is on the back. Keep rain off your neck."

He gave an amused snort. "Nah, its just the style. Got to show people that you're down."

Celestia looked at the joint, which by now was a tiny roach. She wondered how she was going to smoke the last little bit without burning her lips. Then her mind trailed off into a confused jumble for a minute. Shaking her head, she then tried to remember what she was thinking about a minute ago. Finally, she gave up and looked at the joint, trying to figure out how she was going to smoke the last little bit without burning her lips.

"Hey Princess." Celestia looked at Alex, and saw him holding out an ashtray. She tried to move the little brown bit into it, but it kept moving from side to side.

Alex started cracking up. "Yo, put it in the ashtray, Celestia. Stop playing."

"Stop moving it." A snort came out her nostrils as she tried to hold back her own laughter.

"Stop missing." He managed to get the ashtray under the roach and slapped his hand over it. Celestia released her magic grip, and he set it on an end table.

"How do you smoke that last bit?"

"You put it in a bowl."

She paused. "Ah."

Alex got up, wobbling a bit. "I'll leave it there for you. When I come around with the seeds tomorrow, I'll give you a bag to hold you over until we get the crops rolling in." He held out his hand. "That is, if we do officially have a deal? I think we do. Admit it: you like my shit."

Celestia held out a hoof, thinking he was going to kiss it, but instead he gently shook it a moment. "Well, its not actually official until we sign things, but I can make it official until its officially official."

Alex chuckled. "Right. See you tomorrow." he said as he started for the door.

Celestia moved her hind legs under her. She giggled as a silly thought came into her mind. "Alex? Before you go..."

He stopped and turned. "Sup?"

"Are you sure that this," she raised up her hindquarter and swished her tail, "does nothing for you?"

"WHOA!" Alex yelled, turning his head, and redundantly raising his hands to block the view. "Damn, girl!"

She giggled and wiggled her posterior. "What's wrong, afraid it'll start looking good to you?"

"Princess, you can do what you want," Alex replied as he backed towards the door. "Get your freak on, girl, if that's what you're after. Just not with me." He reached out and opened the door. "And I hope you won't remember doing this in the morning. 'Night." The door closed behind Alex as he stepped out.

Celestia lay back down, mouth pulled up in a goofy permagrin. "He wants it."

Alex shook his head as he headed for his guest suite. "New rule: no smoking alone with Celestia."

END