Blitzing Brows

by hawthornbunny

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 10108

Elusive and Applejack are fed up of Blitz's eyebrows. They decide to do something about it.

Elusive and Applejack are fed up of Blitz's awful-looking eyebrows. They decide to take matters into their own hooves. It doesn't go well.

A Rule 63 story, based on and set in the same universe as On a Cross and Arrow by Conner Cogwork.

Published 2013-10-17 23:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-20 23:55:11 UTC

Chapter 1

This story takes place approximately one year after the events of On a Cross and Arrow.

"Ready, Applejack?" Elusive whispered to the earth pony crouched next to him.

To anypony in their immediate proximity, the two stallions were invisible, concealed entirely within a large, leafy bush. Elusive didn't much enjoy hanging out in foliage this way, but it was the best idea either of them could come up with for a way to stay hidden next to the path.

"Ah'm ready," Applejack affirmed gruffly, raising his lasso, "but are you? Ah think ya might be underestimatin' him. Blitz is way stronger than he looks."

"I already think he looks strong," said Elusive.

"Exactly," said Applejack. "Ah can rope him up for ya, sure, but if he fights back things're gonna get ugly fast."

"I'll only need a minute," said Elusive. "Come, Applejack, you believe in my cause, don't you? Have faith! We are doing Ponyville - neigh, Equestria - an enormous favour! I dare say Prince Solaris will immortalise this moment in stained glass forevermore! Once we write him a letter and send him a photograph."

"Wait," said Applejack, squinting down the path. "He's comin'. Ah don't think he suspects nothin'. Go on three."

"Wait, wait, my scarf is caught in some twigs -"

"On three!" Applejack hissed impatiently. "One... two... three!"

Rainbow Blitz had indeed been daydreaming obliviously, working through a complicated flight manoeuvre in his head, and was caught totally by surprise as the two ponies exploded from the bush in a shower of leaves. He jerked reflexively and readied himself for action, his mind kicking into overdrive as he prepared to take on the two assailants...

FOOSH

Elusive's horn lit up like a miniature sun, painfully dazzling the pegasus and making him stagger backward blindly. He yelled as the pair slammed into him, Applejack lifting him off his feet with a lariat takedown and slamming him onto his back. Stars popped in Blitz's eyes as his head thudded against the ground. With the wind knocked out of him, he could only feebly protest as he felt a rope being tightened around all four of his legs.

"Gaaaaah!" Rainbow Blitz yelled angrily as he regained his senses. "What the heck are you playing at? Applejack! Get off me, you moron!"

"Hey now, that ain't nice," said Applejack, tugging the rope tightly with his jaws as he kept Blitz's shoulders pinned. "Come on, Elusive, get to it."

"Don't you... don't you touch... wait..." Blitz's eyes widened. "Get your hooves off me, Elusive!" he yelled, twisting and thrashing against his bonds. Elusive's horn began to glow, but the unicorn squeaked in surprise as Blitz managed to get a wing free and whacked him straight across the face.

Applejack grunted and fell across the pegasus to pin down the thrashing appendage. "Elusive, hurry it up!"

"I know what you're doing!" Blitz shrieked. "I won't let you! My eyebrows are fine! They look cool! They're way more awesome than yours!"

"Blitz, they're an abomination an' they need t' be destroyed fer all our sakes," said Applejack. "Ah'm sorry it had t' come to this."

"Traitors!" Blitz screamed. "Don't do this! Not him! He'll do something horrible and girly to them and I won't be able to go out in public again!"

"Well, there are a surprising number of things I can do with eyebrows," said Elusive. "You'd be surprised at what a tiny application of gem dust can -"

"Consarnit, just give him normal eyebrows already!" Applejack fumed, the earth pony sweating with the effort of keeping Blitz subdued.

"Here goes!" said Elusive, his horn glowing once more. The blue glow enveloped Blitz's head, the pegasus's violet eyes wide in fear. His slender lightning-bolt-shaped brows began to spark and crackle as if they really were electric, the unicorn's delicate magic working into every strand and pore to reshape the unsightly features. The jagged edges crumpled, the lightning zigzags turning into airy wisps before they began to follow a more normal curve, following the contours of Blitz's forehead. Elusive gently feathered the edges so that they weren't so stark and intrusive, the pegasus groaning throughout the whole process.

"That'll do," said Applejack after a minute. "Looks perfect."

"Wait wait, one second, I just want to make one final change... there!" Elusive said. "All done!"

Applejack carefully disengaged himself from the pegasus, who laid there moaning like a sick bird, and untied the rope, coiling it back into a roll. They both stood over Blitz to examine their efforts. "That's so much better," said Applejack. "Blitz, ya can stop bein' a wuss now. We're done."

"I hate you," hissed Blitz, his eyes closed. "Next time you fall off a cloud, Elusive, I'm not saving you. You can go splat for all I care."

"Oh, Rainbow, I'm sorry we had to force it on you," said Elusive. "It's for the best, I assure you! You simply don't understand the kind of effect your eyebrows were having. They were wrong, catastrophically wrong, a crime not just against fabulosity but against the very laws of time and space itself!"

Applejack tilted his head. "Say what now? Ah just thought they looked ugly as sin."

"Well... I'm sure that's how Dusk would have put it, had I asked him," said Elusive. "They were truly disharmonious! An island of unearthly horror in a sea of prismatic beauty! As a student of aesthetics and a conscientious friend, I could not allow this to go uncorrected. Who knows what horrors could be borne of such discord?"

"That is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard," said Blitz, rolling to his hooves and fanning his wings angrily, before feeling his eyebrows with a hoof. "You could at least have brought a mirr-"

"Here you are!" said Elusive, producing an square mirror from nowhere and levitating it in front of Blitz's face. "At Applejack's insistence I went for something simple, but at the last minute, a marvellous i-dea! struck me. Notice the subtle blue tint?"

"I said no girly stuff!" Blitz growled at his reflection. "It's fine. I love it. Don't touch me again."

"It blends so well with your coat," said Elusive, with a sweeping motion toward Blitz's flank. "And that's only the beginning! I also used some magic to -"

"You know what's worse than being betrayed by your supposed friends? Having to listen to this," said Blitz, rolling his eyes and pushing the mirror away. "I am outta here." He shot an extremely ugly look at Applejack and leapt into the air, zooming off in a rainbow blur.

"Ah feel kinda bad now," said Applejack. "Was all that stuff about time and space and whatnot true, or were ya just blatherin'?"

"Well, I may have been a little dramatic," said Elusive. "But I stand by what I said. Is harmony not for what we all stand? If we do not look the part, how can we be the part?"

"Ah guess..." said Applejack sadly. "Ain't why Ah did it, though. Ah jus' hated them eyebrows." He sighed. "Am Ah bein' too selfish? Ah mean, Ah'm sure Ah wouldn't like it if say somepony took mah hat away from me jus' 'cause they didn't like it."

"Trust me, Applejack," said Elusive, placing a reassuring hoof on the earth pony's shoulder. "Trust a designer. This was a special case. Besides, I think Blitz will enjoy my little surprise."

"Surprise?" said Applejack, looking puzzled. "What'd you do?"

Chapter 2

Blitz streaked angrily through the sky over Ponyville. Thanks to those two his good mood had been totally wrecked. All he could think about was getting back at them both.

"I mean seriously. That's borderline assault. In fact that is assault! I could have them thrown in jail! We'll see how far honesty gets Applejack in court," Blitz said to himself. "Funny how he needed Elusive's help to take me down, too. If it'd been just AJ on his own... BAM!" Blitz exclaimed, punching his hooves together as he spun lazily over a cumulus.

After a minute of dreaming up increasingly satisfying revenges on the pair, most of which involved the use of Cloudsdale's ancient siege weaponry, he began to notice something strange creeping into the top of his vision. A blue-green glow seemed to be following him no matter which way he turned. Holding his hooves in front of his face, he could see that the glow was coming directly from his eyebrows.

"What the heck?" he blinked, pulling his wings back to slow himself down. As he did so, the glow faded to a deeper blue, and disappeared completely.

"Seriously, what the heck is that?" he repeated, returning to his previous speed, and finding that the glow not only returned, but shifted colour as well, becoming a greenish yellow, then orange as he accelerated faster and faster.

"Oh... my... gosh. That is so cool!" Blitz said happily. "Oh, I've gotta see this." He rolled and swerved downward, streaking down through the sky until he was gliding low over Lilypaddle Lake. His wings levelled out and kept him suspended a couple of inches above it as he checked his rippling reflection in the water. Sure enough, his new eyebrows were emitting some kind of light, similar to his traditional rainbow trail but more monochromatic, the hue shifting up and down with his speed. The twin beams flowed around him, jetting out from behind like small contrails. In the relative gloom of the misty lake, they were quite a light show.

His eyes widened in awe as he turned his head backward to see the effect this was having, watching the radiation stream off of his forehead and vanish into the mist. "Hah! Elusive, you are awesome!"

"Now I want you both to apologise, okay?" said Butterscotch, crouched on a mud bank in front of two disgruntled-looking green frogs. "You just both had a big misunderstanding and there's no need to be angry at each other."

One of the frogs agitatedly croaked something in Butterscotch's ear, the pegasus listening quietly before replying. "No, Mrs Frog, it's called amplexus. It's a little confusing I know... I don't blame you for jumping to conclusions, but - aaaaack!"

A rainbow blur shot past the two frogs, and suddenly Butterscotch was gone.

"Hey Butts! Check it out!" said Blitz, holding the startled yellow pegasus aloft. "Do I look awesome or what?"

"Blitz?" Butterscotch blinked, his short pink mane whipping in the wind. He looked down to find himself dozens of feet in the air, the lake shrinking to a puddle beneath him as Blitz soared up into the sky.

"Elusive gave me new eyebrows!" said Blitz, twitching them at the other pegasus.

"Oh," said Butterscotch, peering at them awkwardly. "They're... nice?"

"Nice?" Blitz snorted. "Look at them! They glow! And they change colour! Isn't that the most awesome thing ever?"

"Oh, so they do," said Butterscotch, examining them more closely, and noticing the cyan beams of light emanating from above Blitz's eyes. "Um... I like them."

"Good," said Blitz. "I'm still not happy about it though. They frigging ambushed me! Can you believe that?"

"They?"

"Applejack and Elusive! I swear I'm gonna get them back for this. Oooh, there's an idea. Is Berry around?"

"Sure am!" said Berry Bubble from somewhere behind Blitz. "What can I do for you?"

Rainbow Blitz blinked, turning his head to find Berry standing on his back, elegantly poised on one hoof as the three ponies soared hundreds of feet above the ground. "What the... when did you... Berry!" he yelled. "Do you know how dangerous that is? Not to mention impossible? I can't catch you if I don't know you're there!"

"Oh Blitz, you worry too much," the pink stallion giggled. He produced a small black umbrella from behind his back and twirled it. "I have safety gear, see? Also, my Berry Sense would warn me if I was about to fall. Or maybe it would warn somepony else, so that they could catch me? I'm not sure how that works. Do you think Dusk has Dusky Sense?"

"Um..." Butterscotch tried to get Blitz's attention. "Do you need me for anything, Blitz? I'm kind of in the middle of negotiations at the moment and they've reached a critical phase, so -"

"Oh yeah, we're cool. Catch you later!" Blitz said, tossing the yellow pegasus aside. Butterscotch squealed and tumbled out of the sky for several yards before he was able to flap his wings and regain control, by which time Blitz had become a speck in the distance.

"Glowing eyebrows, huh?" said Berry, leaping into the hooves just vacated by Butterscotch. "I like them!"

"Let me guess, you hated my old eyebrows as well?" Blitz muttered.

"I don't think so! What were they like before?"

"Oh, never mind," said Blitz. "Yeah, I like them too Berry, but I'm not happy with how they forced them on me! So I think a bit of payback is more than fair."

"I feel a prank coming on!" sang Berry. "What do you want to do? Something superciliary?"

Blitz shook his head. "It doesn't have to be silly. No, I want to teach AJ and Elusive a lesson. What they did was wrong. I want them to know what it's like to have something forced on you without warning!"

"But they do!" said Berry. "Remember when we went into the Everfree Forest and got covered in Poison Joke and Applejack turned into a tiny little itty-bitty mini pony? And Elusive's coat got so long that he kept tripping over it? And I couldn't talk because my tongue was all swollen so I was like 'mmmmmth thpppble pffffth'? And -"

"I know, I was there, Berry," said Blitz impatiently. "Well... they should see what it's like to be betrayed by their friends! They know how I feel about that! Laws of time and space my hoof!"

"We could Poison Joke them again?" Berry suggested.

"Hmmmm... nah," said Blitz. "Too random. I want something to make them realise what jerks they are. Something to make them feel really bad about what they did. Put your thinking cap on, Berry. We're not gonna sleep until we've come up with something awesome!"

"My thinking cap is at home. Let's go there!" said Berry, pointing a hoof in the exact direction of Sugarcube Corner.

Chapter 3

The next day

WHAM!

The tree shuddered and released dozens of juicy apples into the wooden buckets placed underneath it as Applejack gave it a solid kick with his heavy hindhooves. Just as he was lining up for another kick, he heard frantic gallopping coming up the hill. He squinted at the rising pink mane of Berry Bubble, frowning as the party pony rushed toward him in a hurry.

"Applejack!" Berry yelled. "Applejack, you have to come quick!"

Applejack sighed. Much as he was always willing to help out his friends, it wasn't always easy to take Berry's requests seriously. The pony didn't always seem to know when he was asking for something too trivial or inappropriate, and Applejack had got into the habit of asking him what he wanted first.

"Berry, Ah'm in the middle of buckin' here. Whatever it is it's gotta be important."

"It is important! Super duper important!" said Berry, hopping up and down frantically. "I don't know what to do! When I saw him yesterday he was fine, but now... I just don't know how to cheer him up! He didn't go to work, he didn't show up for my cupcake derby... he's just sitting there, drinking!"

"Whoa, wait up!" said Applejack in concern. "Who're we talking about?"

"Rainbow Blitz of course! I think what you did to him yesterday really upset him!" said Berry worriedly.

Applejack's stomach dropped. "R-really? It wasn't supposed - Ah mean, okay, Ah knew he'd be mad, but... gosh, he ain't really upset is he? Ah never meant to hurt him, Berry, Ah swear!"

Berry just shrugged. "Well, he's totally depressed about something. It's not like him! I don't know what to do, which is bad because usually I always know how to cheer ponies up! I tried singing, but the bartender said there's a no singing rule in place before moonrise, so I couldn't do that, and I couldn't bake him a cake because you can't bring outside food in, and he couldn't guess any of my charades, and -"

"Berry, stop blatherin'! Where is he?" Applejack asked hurriedly.

"Bourbon's bar," said Berry.

"Then let's go," said Applejack firmly, leaving the half-full apple buckets where they were and breaking into a run down the hill, followed by Berry. "Dammit, Ah knew Ah was bein' selfish. Ah mean, all Ah had to do was just leave alone. What does it matter to me what other ponies look like? So what if those eyebrows made me want to hoof him in the face every time Ah saw him? Ah can't believe Ah let that get in the way of our friendship."

"I'm sure he'll forgive you, Applejack," said Berry, galloping alongside the orange pony.

"Ah hope so," said Applejack. "Heck, even if Ah have to make him a special batch o' cider I'll make it up to him somehow. Is he really upset still?"

"Well, he's calmed down a bit now," said Berry. "At first he was all like 'don't look at me!' and 'is this some kind of cruel joke?' but now he's all kind of 'whatever' and 'you look kinda hot, Berry Bubble', which I guess is an improvement?"

Applejack increased his pace.

After a short gallop across town, the two earth ponies arrived at the run-down bar owned by Bourbon Punch. At this time on a weekday morning it was mostly empty, as most ponies were either selling wares at market, tending their shops or working the fields. As Applejack burst into the dimly lit bar-room, he could see a few old ponies were huddled in a corner, and the blond-maned mailpony sharing a drink with a brown-coated earth pony mare. Sure enough, at the end of the bar was the rainbow-maned pegasus, slumped on his stool with a hoof wrapped around a frothy-headed mug of ale.

Applejack trotted nervously up to him. Blitz looked withdrawn, shrunken, his mane unkempt. As Berry had said, he did seem rather depressed; his face was hidden in the crook of his foreleg, and he wasn't paying much attention to anything else.

"Hey, Blitz," said Applejack timidly. "How ya doing?"

"How am I doing," Blitz repeatedly dully, in a strange voice. "How am I doing. What am I doing, Applejack? Am I out there, fixing the weather for you? Am I?" He lifted his head and turned to face Applejack, and the earth pony recoiled in horror.

Rainbow Blitz was a mare.

"No!" continued Blitz in a raspy female voice. "I'm not! And you know why? Can you think of a reason why I haven't shown my face in public today? Can you?"

"Holy horseapples," Applejack gasped, looking Blitz up and down. There was no question that he - she - was a mare from head to toe. Her build was completely different to a stallion's, from her slender ribcage to the curve of her hips. Even her rainbow mane had grown out slightly, looking quite wild. "What the... what the heck happened?"

"Betrayal!" Blitz snarled. "That's what happened! 'Oh, let's mess with Blitz! Don't worry about how he feels about it! What could go wrong?'" She took a huge gulp of her ale.

"But... but... Ah don't understand! How'd this happen? You were fine!" said Applejack in a panic.

Blitz put her mug down again. "Oh, you're asking me?" she said, wobbling a little on her stool. "Huh. Why'd you bring him here, Berry? I thought you were going to get somepony who could actually, you know, help me."

"I just wanted to cheer you up!" said Berry earnestly. "Come on, Blitzy, AJ's your best friend!"

Blitz drained the rest of her ale. "I don't know who my friends are any more."

"Ah'm gonna fix this," said Applejack, his voice trembling. "Ah'm gonna get Elusive and we'll turn you back to normal. Ya hear that, Blitz? We'll fix you and we'll even give you your old eyebrows back."

"Don't want 'em," said Blitz placidly. "I love my new eyebrows. They're sooooooo awesome." She hopped off her stool and landed rather unsteadily on four hooves.

"And besides, Elusive said that Blitz's eyebrows would break the universe or something!" Berry pointed out.

"Elusive is full of crap!" Applejack growled. "Jus' stay here, Blitz, I'll be back in no time."

"Oh no, I'm coming with," said Blitz, straightening up and stretching. A pit formed in Applejack's stomach as he watched the mare's slender body untense. "Elusive, you say? I remember that guy. Let's go!"

"I thought you didn't want to show your face in public?" Berry said.

Blitz peered at him blearily. "Rainbow B-Blitz ain't afraid of nopony. Besides, I don't trust my friends to do what's in my best interest," she added, glaring in Applejack's direction.

"Fine, let's go," said Applejack desperately, waiting for the mare to stagger in the correct direction to leave the bar, shepherded somewhat inefficiently by Berry. The three left via the front entrance, Blitz raising a pained hoof in front of her face as the sunlight hit her. Her other hooves dragged on the ground as she sluggishly propelled herself using only her wings.

"You'll look faaaaabulous, Rainbow Blitz!" Blitz pantomimed sullenly as Berry steered her along behind Applejack. "The universe will explode if Applejack doesn't violently assault you! Now stand still while I take away your dignity!"

"Blitz, it weren't like that," said Applejack guiltily.

"Whatever," sneered Blitz. "Keep telling yourself whatever makes you feel better."

"Blitz, really, Ah am truly sorry about this," said Applejack, lowering his head in shame. "This weren't s'posed to happen. There was s'posed to be like a surprise where it'd make yer eyebrows glow because apparently that's cool or somethin', but that's all. Ah don't understand how it coulda turned ya into... this!"

Elusive whistled happily as he hoof-stitched a rather complicated part of his current project, a special order for a colt's cuteceañera party. The tradition of cuteceañera outfits had declined somewhat in recent decades, so he was pleased to be able to apply his hoof to one at last. If all went well with this, he thought, he might even be able to revive the old custom. This had to be perfect!

His ears twitched as he heard the door jingle and the sound of three ponies entering behind him, but he didn't look up from his work. "Just a second!" he sang, pulling the final stitch through and severing the thread with a floating pair of scissors. He carefully inspected his work, then folded it neatly and floated it onto a pile of works in progress.

"Good morning, Applejack!" he said to the earth pony as he turned to greet them. "And to you, Bli... Blitz?" Elusive's eyes widened in confusion as he saw the mare standing behind Applejack, leaning rather heavily against a dress form.

"No, actually, I'm not having a good morning," said Blitz, as Berry closed the door behind them. "But don't worry about me. Carry on with your..." - she gestured vaguely - "...stuff."

Elusive trotted over to her, looking over the mare speechlessly. "What... what happened to you?" he demanded.

"Got new eyebrows. Went to bed. Woke up," Blitz recounted. "Maaaaare."

"That's impossible," said Elusive flatly. "You don't think this was anything to do with me, do you? That's not possible!"

"It has to be!" said Applejack. "What kinda spell did you cast?"

"Applejack, I'm not capable of a gender-switching spell!" Elusive protested. "My spell was purely cosmetic, there's no way it could alter a pony's biology at such a fundamental level! This is something else, it has to be!"

"So what you're saying," said Blitz calmly, "is that I'm stuck like this."

"No, no, we're not sayin' that! We'll find a way to fix it!" said Applejack. "Come on Elusive, it must be somethin' you did. Maybe you made a mistake."

"I honestly cannot see how," said Elusive, scrutinizing the mare closely. He sniffed and grimaced a little at the whiff coming from the pegasus. "Have you been drinking, Blitz?"

"Not in the last ten minutes," said Blitz. "I think I'll go back to the bar though. You guys don't seem to know what you're doing."

"Hold up there," said Applejack. "Give Elusive a moment to think of something."

"Eyebrows, eyebrows," Elusive muttered. "I mean, there was a small biological component to the spell, but it was only to alter the hair follicles. Applejack, the magical power required to fully transform a pony's body is orders of magnitude greater! I simply don't have that kind of power!"

"So what are you suggesting?"

"I don't know, I don't know what could have happened!" said Elusive. "Blitz, are you sure nothing happened after you left?"

"Well, I went for a bit of a fly-around... went back home... read some Daring Do..."

"What's that?"

"Daring Do? Oh, it's..." Blitz shrugged. "You know. Adventure stories."

Applejack blinked. "Since when do you read books?"

"Oh, that's nice," scowled Blitz. "Real nice. Forget you guys, I'm gone." She flicked her tail angrily and turned to leave.

"No, Blitz, he didn't mean it," said Elusive desperately. "Please, let us help you."

"You idiots don't have a clue what you're doing!" Blitz raged. "No, I'm going back to the bar and I'm going to drink until I fall asleep and maybe when I wake up again this nightmare will be over."

"Dusk, we can ask Dusk," said Applejack hurriedly. "He's gotta know something about how to fix this."

"Good idea," said Elusive. "How about that, Blitz? We'll go and see Dusk and he'll find a way to reverse whatever caused this."

"And what if he can't?" said Blitz accusingly. "What then?"

"We won't know that until we try, Blitz. Please, just let us do what we can. I won't stop until I've found a solution, and I know Dusk won't either!"

"I think seeing Dusk is a good idea," Berry squeaked quietly from the corner. The tinge of worry in his voice was unusual enough to get both Applejack's and Elusive's full attention, and they both quickly turned to look at him.

Berry was standing by the window, blinking a set of suddenly elongated eyelashes, his curly mane now much longer and fuller, looking even more like a cloud of cotton candy than before. Although there wasn't much difference in his stature - he had always been somewhat diminuitive compared to the rest of his friends - the subtle curves and softer muscle tone clearly indicated that he, too, was now female.

Blitz snorted. "Haha! Marey Bubble!"

Chapter 4

"This is bad," said Applejack, not taking his eyes off the pair of mares.

"This is... even more impossible!" said Elusive, goggling at them.

"Did you hear that, Berry?" said Blitz. "Applejack thinks you're ugly."

"Ah do not!" said Applejack indignantly. "Ah said this was bad, because stallions shouldn't be turnin' into mares!"

Berry waved a hoof in front of her face. "Oooh, it's so... pink!" she giggled, her earlier worry apparently having vanished.

Blitz rolled her eyes. "Berry, you were already pink. You're like the pinkest stallion ever."

"It's a great colour! Don't you think it's a great colour Elusive?" Berry grinned, posing in front of one of Elusive's privacy screens.

"Colour... what?" Elusive said, his eye twitching in confusion. "Berry, you're a mare! Why are you a mare too?"

Berry shrugged. "I don't know! Does this mean I have to go back to the bar and get drunk too?"

"No, no, no, we need to fix this!" said Applejack in a panic. "You can't both be mares! What in th' heck is going on?"

"D'you reckon we're like zombies?" Berry asked Blitz. "Except, instead of turning other ponies into zombies we turn them into mares? Because I like that! I mean, zombies are great at organising large social events, but I just can't get behind the whole eating ponyflesh thing. It's so unfriendly!"

"Hey, maybe you're right," said Blitz. "About the turning ponies into mares thing, I mean. Ooohooh, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she smirked, glancing at the stallions.

"Yes! You're thinking that soon Applejack and Elusive are going to need hooficures!" Berry giggled.

"Hooficures are for stallions too!" Elusive protested, showing off his flawless forehooves. "I for one am unconcerned about the prospect of imminent femininity. I have met my female self and can attest to her beauty."

"Well Ah'm concerned!" Applejack said, panicked. "Ah've met mah female self an' she was... female! Is this some kinda pony plague? Ah don't wanna be a mare!"

"Join ussssss," Blitz hissed in a mock zombie voice, walking in a halting, haphazard manner toward Applejack.

"Cut it out, Blitz," said Applejack, as Blitz stumbled toward him, pulling a grotesque face and moaning. "This is serious!" He caught Blitz's shoulder with a hoof as the mare fell toward him, her eyes bulging and bloodshot. A shiver of panic gripped him as he realised something really was wrong with her. Her mouth was contorted in discomfort, saliva dripping from the corners as she let out a pained groan. "Blitz? Blitz! What's wrong? Are you -"

Elusive stared in horror as the pegasus threw up all over his floor.

"Ah don't know what you're complainin' about," Applejack grumbled, as they waited in Dusk's library. "He didn't throw up on you."

"We are not talking about this any more," said Elusive icily. "Spines! How long is he going to be?"

The little dragoness looked at Elusive, a silver tray holding a jug of water balanced on her head. "Dusk'll be back in five minutes," she said. "He's just collecting some sunblooms from Clover Hill."

Blitz took the jug from Spines and poured herself a glass of water. "Ugh, thanks," she said, sipping on it, soothing her throat and stomach with the cool liquid. "Looking cute there, Spines."

Spines blushed. "Really? It's weird to hear you say that."

"Hey, just because I know awesome doesn't mean I don't know cute," said Blitz. Her eyebrows furrowed curiously as she tried to figure out if that made sense. "How's things?"

"Things are fine..." Spines said. "Are you... are you really a mare?"

"Hang on, let me check," she said, swinging her head down to look underneath herself. "Hey, Berry!" she yelled, catching sight of the pink pony as she peered between her legs. "Am I still a mare?"

"As mare-ificent as me!" Berry affirmed.

Blitz lifted her head back up, her eyes suddenly unfocusing as the bloodrush made her feel even more dizzy. She stumbled to the side, spilling some of her water. "Oooh. I don't like this library. I like the one that doesn't spin." She crouched and laid on the floor, closer to Spines' eye level. "Truth is, I already know I'm a mare," she whispered, beckoning the dragoness closer. "Wanna know how? Because AJ keeps staring at my butt. See that?" she giggled, as Spines took a glance at the earth pony, who quickly looked away. "He's got the hots for me."

"That ain't true!" Applejack blurted nervously.

"But Applejack, didn't you totally have the hots for Blitz's female self when you met her?" said Berry.

"No! Well, maybe, but that was different!" said Applejack. "Ah liked her personality."

"But isn't personality the one thing that we all share with our alternate universe counterparts, regardless of physical differences?" said Berry. "Which means that you should totally have the hots for Blitz whether he's male or female!"

"Berry, stop confusin' the issue!" Applejack demanded. "Ah do not have the hots for Blitz an' Ah don't care what kinda sex organs he has!"

There was a silence of several seconds, during which everypony realised that Dusk was standing in the doorway with a saddlebag, looking very confused.

"I was going to ask if I'd come at a bad time, but this is my house," he said, frowning. "What are you all doing here?"

"Dusk! Oh, thank Solaris!" said Elusive, leaping up off his chair. "We have a problem."

"I kinda guessed that when I saw you all here," said Dusk. His eyes narrowed curiously as he noticed the two mares. "Is that Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash?"

"No," Applejack groaned. "Ah know what it looks like, but this is Berry an' Blitz. We've had kind of a magical mishap."

"What happened?" Dusk asked, putting aside his saddlebag.

"Ask Elusive."

"Dusk, I honestly don't know!" Elusive whined. "Yesterday I cast a spell on Blitz to improve his looks, and today, this happened! Tell them it couldn't have been me!"

"It couldn't have been you," Dusk said. "Not unless you've been training pretty hard to pull that off. Gender-switching spells are intermediate-level transformation magic, and I'm pretty sure you've never taken any classes. It took me a year of study just to learn male-to-female transformation."

"The only transformation spells I know are for inanimate objects and materials," said Elusive. "I wouldn't even know where to begin with transforming a living creature!"

"Then you don't have anything to worry about," said Dusk reassuringly. He trotted over to where Blitz was still laid on the floor. "Blitz? Can you tell us what happened?"

"I already did," said Blitz, still sipping on her water. "AJ and Elusive ambushed me and tied me up and Elusive cast a spell on me and then I got away and flew home and read some books and went to bed and woke up and then I was a mare."

"Huh. They tied you up?" Dusk asked, looking at the pair suspiciously. "Why would you do that?"

"Look, we just wanted to fix his eyebrows, okay?" said Applejack. "Elusive reckoned they'd destroy the fabric of spacetime or somethin' like that."

"That is not what I said," Elusive countered. "I was merely concerned that Blitz wasn't reaching the full potential of his beauty. Is that so wrong?"

"So you cast a spell on his eyebrows?" said Dusk, looking at the mare. "What kind of spell?"

"It was a simple manestyling spell, adapted for use on facial hair. I use the same kind of spell on my own mane," Elusive added. "And I also added a little magic to give them a rainbow glow."

Dusk hmmed. "A simple cosmetic spell shouldn't have this kind of effect."

"Well, duh," said Elusive. "That's what I've been saying! That's why none of this makes any sense!"

"And that's all you did?"

"That's all," Elusive confirmed.

Dusk bent down to examine Blitz's forehead more closely. "Blitz, did anything else happen after that? Did you get any strange feelings?"

"Not really," said Blitz, shrugging.

"Did you have any lapses in memory?"

"Not that I can remember."

Dusk hmmed again, rubbing his cheek curiously. "You mentioned that you read some books before going to bed. What were they?"

Blitz looked up at him, frowning. "Why d'you wanna know that?"

"Just humour me," said Dusk. "What were you reading?"

"I was reading Daring Do and the Shrine of Thunder," said Blitz, sounding a little nervous.

"Oh, I see," said Dusk. "Okay. Just checking."

"Er, Dusk..." Applejack said uncertainly, "Ah don't see what an adventure book has to do with anythin'."

"I'm just trying to get as much information as I can," he said. "I think I know what's wrong."

"You do? Oh, thank the stars," said Elusive. "What is it?"

"End of the world," said Dusk.

Chapter 5

"What?" gasped Applejack and Elusive.

"What?" exclaimed Blitz and Berry.

"Well, not the immediate end of the world," said Dusk. "In fact, probably just the end of Equestria."

"Dusk, you can't be serious," said Elusive. "How has this gone from eyebrows to the apocalypse?"

"Because it's the end of our species," said Dusk. "All of us, all stallions, are going to turn into mares, and, well, you can extrapolate from there. No stallions means no foals. No foals means no next generation of ponies. No next generation means extinction."

"Ah don't believe this," said Applejack, squeezing his hat agitatedly between his hooves. "Fix it!"

"I can't," said Dusk. "Even if I could change them back into stallions, I don't know if that will solve the problem. Elusive's spell, well-intentioned as it was, has caused an exponential distaff cascade."

"Dusk, I don't know what that is," said Elusive, dry-throated with fear. "I can attempt to reverse my spell, if it would help -"

"No!" Dusk snapped. "It's too dangerous. You might accelerate the cascade. Unstable mana is currently flooding the major leylines of Equestria. Ponyville will feel the effect strongest at first, but after that, it will begin to spread rapidly in any area with a large concentration of ponies. I suspect Canterlot will be next."

"Then we gotta warn the Prince!" said Applejack. "If you can't fix it, surely he can! He wouldn't let this happen to Equestria!"

"Well... I don't really want to disturb him," said Dusk leisurely. "Maybe as a last resort."

"A last... a last resort... what could be worse than the extinction of all ponies?" Applejack spluttered. "Ya gotta tell him about this!"

"Blitz, Berry, what do you reckon?" Dusk asked.

"Do I think you should tell Prince whatshisname about the end of the world?" said Blitz, standing up and stretching, her wings cracking as she flared them to their fullest extent. "I'unno. Maybe."

"I think a world of mares would be sooooooo much more fun," said Berry, springing on her poofy tail. "You guys are so... un-socially! You never want to dance at Berry's parties because you're embarrassed in front of other guys! All you do is drink and watch everypony else!"

"And drinking is bad!" Blitz added.

"Well, those are very good points, but I suppose Applejack is right," said Dusk. "Prince Solaris would want to know about this. Spines, could you take a letter please?" He cleared his throat as the dragoness hopped up onto a desk to fetch a quill and scroll.

"Dear Prince Solaris," he began. "I am writing to tell you of an impending... hmm. Disaster? I guess it's not really a disaster, but more of a long-term shift in the socioeconomic status of the nation."

"Should I put that?" asked Spines, peering over the curled top of the scroll.

"No, it doesn't read very well," said Dusk, tapping his chin. "Try calamity. It's less specific."

"I am writing to tell you of an impending calamity," read Spines.

"Perfect. It seems my friends Applejack and Elusive took it upon themselves to impose an unwanted spell upon Rainbow Blitz, the Element of Loyalty. This has had the unfortunate result of causing a mana cascade which is now spreading across Equestria."

"Do ya have to... name us?" said Applejack worriedly. "It kinda makes it sound like you're blaming us."

"Well you did cast the spell, didn't you?" Dusk asked.

"I did, but that doesn't mean I'm to blame!" said Elusive. "I had no idea what would happen!"

"I'm sure Prince Solaris will understand that," said Dusk. He cleared his throat again. "The effect of the cascade upon ponies appears to be a complete gender transformation from stallion to mare. Rainbow Blitz and Berry Bubble have already fallen victim to it. It's only a matter of time until..."

Spines waited for Dusk to continue. "Until...?" She looked up at Dusk, to find that the unicorn's eyes were shrunk in unexpected alarm. "Dusk?"

"Not good," murmured Dusk, swallowing heavily. "I think you should..." he wobbled and stumbled dizzily.

"Dusk!" Elusive squeaked. "What is it?"

"Stay back!" Dusk gasped, turning away from them. His mane and tail began to flutter and flap as if in a strong breeze, a faint glow surrounding his body. Moments later, there was a brief flash of light.

"Oh no," whispered Elusive. "Not you too? Say it isn't-"

"It is," said Dusk, his voice sounding rather matronly. He turned back to them, peering at them with newly feminine features. The unicorn tossed her head to settle her elongated mane. "I told you, Elusive. This is going to happen to everypony. There's nothing that can be done."

"Yeah, you might as well just accept it," said Blitz. "Hey, AJ, wanna make out before you turn into a mare? Come on, I know you want to," she grinned slyly. "I'm feeling much better now. Come and taste the -"

"You've all gone crazy!" Applejack yelled, backing away from her. "Y'all just stay away from me!"

"There is something off about all of you," said Elusive, looking at all the mares with suspicion. "Femininity notwithstanding. Dusk, I've never known you to just give up on a problem like this. That's not like you at all! And you, Blitz, you're not usually this lecherous." He rubbed his chin curiously. "How do I know I can trust any of you? This mana-whatever-thing might be affecting your minds."

"Oh, we can't be trusted?" said Blitz sardonically. "This from the stallions who attacked me and tied me up? You guys are such hippogriffs!"

"Hypocrites," Dusk corrected.

"Yeah!" said Berry, popping up behind Applejack and Elusive and hugging them together. "Come and join our big marey family. It'll be great! We'll go to the spa and have massages and mudbaths and makeovers!" Her eyes shone brightly in anticipation, a crazed grin on her face.

Applejack clung to Elusive, shivering. "Should we... Ah dunno... run?" the earth stallion asked.

"Where will you run to?" said Dusk placidly. "You were at the epicenter of the cascade. You're already affected. I'm surprised you're not mares already."

"Canterlot," said Elusive. "We'll go to Canterlot and get help from Prince Solaris. He'll listen to us."

"We can't let you do that," said Dusk, staring ominously. Her horn ignited, and various slams, clicks and clunks began to echo from all over the tree as all the doors and windows magically closed and locked. "I told you, I don't want Prince Solaris disturbed. You two should just stay here with us."

"Dusk, Ah will break down your door if ya don't let us out this second," said Applejack, his hoof clomping the wooden floor heavily. "Ah ain't playin' around no more!"

Dusk sighed and turned to look at Blitz. "Do you think that's enough?"

Blitz was holding a hoof to her mouth, trying to suppress a huge smile. "Yeah, they've suffered enough. Much as I'd love to see AJ try and get through your door, I don't think it's worth property damage."

Berry suddenly collapsed to the floor, bursting out with laughter. "Ahahahahahahaha! Oh, thank you, I couldn't hold it in any more! The looks on their faces!" she guffawed, stomping her hooves on the wooden floor. "Applejack was going to kill you, Dashie!"

"Bwahahaha!" the pegasus laughed. "I know! Look at that scowl!"

"You better start explainin'!" Applejack roared.

"This whole time?" Elusive demanded. "You were pretending to be Blitz this whole time?"

Rainbow Dash fell back, cackling and knocking her water glass over. "High-hoof to Dusk!" she said, offering a hoof to the unicorn mare. "I keep forgetting you're just as smart as Twilight! You had this figured out from the beginning didn't you?"

"Oh, no," said Dusk, hoofbumping back. "It was only when you mentioned reading that I got suspicious. Blitz isn't much of a reader, so that got alarm bells ringing, but it wasn't until you mentioned - Daring Do, was it? - that I realised who you were." She magically pulled a book from a nearby shelf and levitated it into Dash's hooves.

"Hoard Hunter and the Shrine of Thunder," read Dash. "Oh, awesome! Is he like a male Daring Do? Can I keep this?"

"You can borrow it," said Dusk. "In fact, I'd be interested to swap collections with Twilight Sparkle. How long have you been reading them?"

"A few months!" said Dash. "I kinda broke my wing, and I didn't have anything to do for days, so Twilight suggested I try this Daring Do book, and... well... it was the most awesome thing I've ever read."

"It was all horseapples," Applejack murmured in disbelief. "Ah can't believe y'all! Ah was worried outta mah wits! How could ya do that to us?"

"Well, you did start it," said Dash, poking her tongue out. "Actually we should get Blitz in here." She walked to the door, which magically unlocked and opened as Dusk reversed her lockdown spell. "Hey, Blitz! Show's over," she yelled.

There was a brief flutter of wings, and the male pegasus entered, hoofbumping his female counterpart. "Hi guys!" said Blitz, wandering in. "Hi AJ!" he grinned at the irate earth pony. "Hi Elusive. Hi... female Dusk?" he blinked.

"Oh, yes," Dusk said, blushing a little. "I decided to get in on this prank as well."

"You look hot," said Blitz curtly. "Oh, I wish I could have seen AJ blow up." he guffawed. "I've been watching the whole thing from a cloud. Look at him! He's still ready to strangle somepony!"

"This was a mean prank," said Applejack indignantly. "Tellin' me the world's gonna end! That ain't a fun thing to hear!"

"I'm sorry about that," said Dusk. "I think I might have oversold it."

"Dusk was amazing," Dash laughed. "He caught on so quick! Nearly had me believing it!"

"Yeah, well, let that be a lesson to you," Blitz said to Applejack. "Don't be... mean and stuff."

Applejack sighed. "Yeah, Ah guess. Ah'm sorry Ah tackled ya an' tied ya up, Blitz. It wasn't a nice thing to do an' Ah'm sorry."

"No problem," said Blitz. "And for the record? I love these new eyebrows. They're awesome!"

"Oh, good!" said Elusive. "But yes, Applejack is right, we should never have forced them on you."

"So... are you Pinkie Pie?" Applejack asked the pink mare behind him. "Was Berry in on this too?"

Pinkie began to speak, but stopped as her mane started rustling. A few seconds later, the upper body of Berry Bubble emerged. "Sure was!" said Berry Bubble, hopping out of the candy-cotton mane and landing daintily beside his twin. "In fact Pinkie's kinda to blame for this whole thing!"

"Uh huh!" Pinkie nodded. "It was my idea!"

"Yes, actually you two do have some explaining to do," said Dusk. "How did you cross into our universe again? Are your friends here as well? Is Twilight Sparkle here?"

"Nah, just me and Pinkie," said Dash. "I'll let Pinkie explain, because I haven't got a clue."

"Candy!" said Pinkie brightly.

"Candy?" Dusk blinked.

"Superultrahypersour candy! It's something I invented by accident one day! It's a candy that's so sour that it tears a hole in the universe!" Pinkie said proudly.

"That seems incredibly unlikely," said Dusk skeptically. "And that's how you got here?"

"Well, that's how Berry and I stay in contact," said Pinkie. "He came over and told me about how he and Blitz were trying to come up with a prank, and I said 'Oooh! I've got an idea!'. And then I told him my idea and then we told Dashie and she liked it and we came back here and that's how it all happened!"

"And hay, Blitzy bought me drinks all morning, how could I say no?" said Dash. "Kinda needed it too. That candy is just... ick."

"You threw up in my store!" Elusive said angrily.

"Oh... yeah," Dash grinned. "Sorry about that."

"Oh my gosh, you did?" Blitz guffawed. "That's incredible. You girls are awesome!"

"I had fun," said Dash. "Hey, Pinkie, are we on a time limit or anything?"

"Nope! I've got plenty more candy and so does Berry," said Pinkie, producing a small bag of greenish sweets. "We can leave whenever we like!"

"I want to examine that candy, if you don't mind," said Dusk. "Technically I should confiscate it from you. Possessing an unregistered artifact capable of spacetime manipulation is a violation of the Multiverse Integrity Act."

"Same old Twilight," Dash said, rolling her eyes. "Well, Dusk, while you're doing boring egghead stuff, mind if I spend some time taking in the sights? I got the day off. It's nice to be back here and see all you weirdos again."

"I can't stop you," said Dusk with a smile. "I'd like you to come back here before you leave, though, so you can take a message back to Twilight for me. Plus I can check out that book for you. I'll have to make a whole new section in my records for interdimensional loans!"

"Pffff, Dash ain't interested in borrowing books, Dusk," said Blitz. "We're way too cool for that."

"Hey! Books are cool," said Dash. "Well, some of them. Well, fifteen of them. Come back to my universe sometime and I'll show you the most awesome book in it."

"Ugh, you pranking me now, Dash?" Blitz said. "I know you're not an egghead. I'm not going to your dimension to read some stupid book!"

"Daring Do is not stupid!" Dash scowled. "Just read it, you idiot. You'll love it. Trust me."

"I'm not an idiot! I'm frigging smarter than you!" Blitz shot back.

"What, so you're an egghead now are you?"

"What? No! I just meant that I'm better than you because this is the cool universe where everypony's more awesome."

"I'll show you awesome!" Dash growled, butting her head against Blitz's. "I can go from zero to rainboom in 5.5 seconds! What's your acceleration, fly-boy?"

"5 seconds!"

"Liar!"

"I'll show you!" Blitz shouted back. "You just sit on the grass and have a nice tea party with your books while I show you how a real pegasus flies."

"Last one to rainboom has to do all my weather duties for the next week!" Dash shot back.

"I don't even work in the same universe! And you're gonna lose anyway so it doesn't matter!"

"I never lose -"

"Enough!" Dusk yelled, startling them both. She blinked sheepishly. "Wow, that's actually a lot more effective with a mare's voice. Will you two stop fighting already? There's no need to get angry at each other. Just go out and have fun."

Blitz looked ashamed. "She's right. We shouldn't fight. We're both awesome, right?"

"...yeah," said Dash, nodding. "Shame about your eyebrows though. I liked your old ones."

"Oh, well, you haven't seen these babies yet!" said Blitz. "Follow me and check this out!" He flapped his wings explosively, blowing over all of Dusk's loose scrolls as he zoomed out through the door, closely followed by his female twin.

"And try not to rainboom near the town!" Dusk yelled after them.

"Awwww," said Pinkie and Berry together. "They make such a cute couple."

"Cute is hardly the word I would use to describe it," said Elusive with a hmph. "Such vulgar behaviour. When Rarity and I were together, we conducted ourselves with much more -" his eyes widened suddenly, his head snapping toward Pinkie. "Rarity! If you're here, that means you can bring her here! Or I can go to her!" His horn flashed brightly as he levitated Pinkie's bag of candy toward himself, a greedy look on his face.

"Elusive! There's to be no dimension hopping until I've had a look at that!" Dusk insisted.

"Oh, Dusk, what does it matter?" exclaimed Elusive, the bag of candy hanging in mid-air between them. "It sounds like Berry and Pinkie have been hopping back and forth for months! And they've got to go back anyway, haven't they? I must go with them! Any chance to see my beloved Rarity once more! I don't care how bad it tastes! For my soulmate, any sacrifice I would make! The foulest of confections could not keep me from -"

"Okay, okay, fine," said Dusk. "Just hold off until Rainbow Dash comes back, okay?" She took the floating bag in her own telekinesis and shepherded it down to her basement laboratory.

Elusive frowned. "Well, I suppose I had better get back to work. Do let me know when you're returning, won't you, Pinkie? I should very much like to accompany you."

"We'll come and pick you up!" said Pinkie. "It'll be fun! You've never stayed in my universe before have you? Do you need a place to stay? You can borrow Gummy's bed if you like!"

"If it comes to that, I may take your offer, but I'm sure I can rely on the generous heart of a certain unicorn mare to accomodate me."

Pinkie and Berry looked at each other seriously for a moment, then began quietly speculating on who this mystery unicorn might be. Elusive chuckled to himself as he began to head out.

"Ah'm gonna head back to work too," said Applejack, following behind. "Darn pegasi wasted mah mornin'."

"Hold up, you two!" said Dusk, returning from the basement. "You can't go yet! Spines, take a letter please."

"A real one this time?" chided Spines.

"Yes, yes, a real one," said Dusk. "You two learned a valuable lesson about friendship today! I think you should take some time to report to Prince Solaris on what you gained from this experience."

"Ah learned not to stand in front of a drunken mare," said Applejack, but Dusk's glare made him wince. "Okay, okay. Dear Prince Solaris," he began. "Today, Elusive an' Ah learned an important lesson about respectin' your friends, even if you don't always care for what they look like, or how they act," he said.

"We learned that you shouldn't force someone to conform to your own ideals," said Elusive. "Even if you think it's a good idea, there's no excuse for violating another pony's autonomy. We upset our good friend Rainbow Blitz by forcing upon him an unwanted cosmetic change, and put our friendship at risk for no good reason."

"We shoulda stopped an' tried to put ourselves in his shoes first," continued Applejack. "They say ya don't know somepony until ya run a furlong in their shoes, an' we shoulda known our friend better than that."

"Luckily, we managed to make our amends and reaffirm our friendship with him, after realising the error of our deeds. Dusk, should we mention all the dimension hopping nonsense?" Elusive asked.

"I'll cover that in my own report," said Dusk. "That should be good enough."

"Your faithful subjects, Applejack Apple and Elusive Echobell." Elusive finished. "There, done."

"Oooh. Cool name," said Pinkie.

Spines finished the letter and rolled up the scroll, tying it with a purple ribbon before incinerating it in a gout of green flame. "All done."

"Thanks," said Dusk. "And I am sorry for tricking you both. It's not something I usually do. I wasn't too cruel, was I?"

"Ah, don't worry about it, Dusk. Ah gotta admit, ya got us good, an' we did kinda deserve it," said Applejack. "See yer later."

"Later!" said Dusk, as the pair trotted out into the sun. "And you two, Berry, Pinkie? What are your plans?"

"Do we have plans?" Pinkie asked Berry.

"I didn't plan any plans!" said Berry.

"Well," said Pinkie, reaching behind herself and producing a scroll, which she unrolled, "I've got a list of 37 Things To Do If You Find Yourself In A Parallel Universe! After the first time I wanted to be prepared!"

"Oooh, I've got that list too!" said Berry, producing his own. "Let's do it! Number 1 is 'Make out with your parallel self'. Want to give that a try?"

"Sure!" said Pinkie.

They got about halfway through their pre-kiss jaw-limbering warmup before Dusk realised what was about to happen. "Er... it's a lovely day!" she said hurriedly. "You two should go enjoy it. Like, now."

"Good idea!" the pair giggled, as Dusk ushered them out and closed the door. "Do we still need a safety net for number 14 in this dimension?" came Pinkie's voice dimly as the two headed off.

Dusk breathed a sigh of relief. "Spines, could you -"

"Are you going to tell them?" asked Spines.

Dusk hesitated. "Tell them...?"

"That you don't know the other half of the spell, to turn yourself male again?"

"Only if I can't figure it out in the next two hours," said Dusk worriedly.

Epilogue

Rarity sipped from a teacup as she perused the latest issue of Coronet Fashions Monthly, in particular the article on Fillydelphia Chic, the latest sensation sweeping Equestria. It wasn't big in Ponyville yet, but Rarity knew the orders would start coming in, and she needed to be prepared.

Ding-dong!

Her ears perked as the doorbell sounded. She put the magazine aside and sipped a little more tea to clear her throat before getting up to answer the door. It was evening and well past closing time, so she wasn't expecting a customer.

Nor was she expecting the archway of levitating flowers that framed the white stallion standing before her, composed with a precision and colour coordination that took her breath away. His eyes shone like pure crystal as he gazed into her soul, with a smile that could disarm a changeling army.

He opened his mouth, but Rarity raised a hoof to stop him. "One moment," she said, her horn shimmering with magic. Behind her, a velvet-and-wood couch gently floated into view, taking up position to her rear.

"Okay, go," she said.

"My darling Rarity," Elusive began. "I have crossed time and space, braved terrors the like of which I dare not recapitulate, that we may once again -"

"Ohhhhhh!" Rarity gasped, raising a hoof to her forehead, twirling around giddily before fainting onto the couch with a soft thump.

"It's so good to see you again," Elusive croaked happily, wiping a tear from his eye.

Dusk pulled at a frazzled strand of her long mane, pages flicking by as she scanned the book backward. "Spines, this is no good! I need the fourth edition of Modern Equine Transmutation! This is the third!"

Spines sighed. "Dusk, why not just go over there and ask Twilight Sparkle to cast the reverse spell? She must know it, surely, if she's female you?"

"I can't! She'll tell me off for being stupid while secretly finding it hilarious!" said Dusk, grimacing, dropping the book onto a pile of others.

"No she won't!"

"She will! Trust me, I know!" she groaned. "And besides, I don't have a way of getting to their universe now. Elusive took the caremnion with him."

"The... what?" Spines asked.

"The candy. It's caremnion. A magical crystal which Berry has somehow managed to produce in a relatively stable form," said Dusk. "It's really quite impressive, actually, although I imagine it must be exceedingly unpleasant to ingest. Anyway, it's too late to ask Berry for some more now."

"Then it's lucky I'm around," said Spines, reaching behind herself and producing a round pellet of the greenish candy. "I saved you a piece."

Dusk stared at it, her stomach churning a little. "No. I can do this. Even if it takes me all night, I'll -"

Knock knock knock knock

Dusk groaned. "Oh, why won't anypony leave me alone? I don't want to answer the door!" She looked down at the dragon, who was folding her arms and tapping her foot. "Fine, I'll see Twilight. Happy?"

She meandered sadly to the door, opening it with her magic.

In the doorway was Rainbow Blitz, with an expression that Dusk had only seen on his face once before, and that was when he'd been struck by lightning. The pegasus's eyes were shrunken and vacant, his body rigid, as if he'd been stunned.

"...Rainbow?" Dusk said in concern.

"Hi, Dusk. Twilight. Whoever," said Blitz, his voice sounding oddly flat.

"What's the matter?" Dusk asked. "Are you okay?"

"Book," said Blitz.

"Book?" Dusk tilted her head, noticing that Blitz's forehooves were clutched tight around something.

"Book," repeated Blitz, revealing the object in his hooves, which was indeed a book.

"Hoard Hunter and the Sapphire... oh," said Dusk, realisation beginning to dawn on her. "Did you read it?"

"Book," said Blitz again. "Fifteen in the series. More please."

Dusk blinked. "They're in the fiction section, third bookcase, bottom shelf -"

"Thanks," said Blitz, walking past her. "I'll put this back. Hey Spines."

Dusk turned, looking baffled. "So... you liked it?" she asked, as Blitz flopped to the floor and began pulling books off the bottom shelf.

"Sssh," said Blitz. "Library. No talking."

Dusk rubbed his head. It had been a strange day. "I think I'll get an early night."