I Am A Filly And What Is This
It was a bright, sunny Thursday morning at Ponyville Elementary. The school bell had rung only minutes ago, and the foals of Ms. Cheerilee’s class were all sitting at their desks, their eyes bright and their brains ready to be flooded with knowledge. Ms. Cheerilee stood at the front of the room, looking at her students with a smile on her face.
“Good morning, class.” She greeted her students.
“Good morning, Ms. Cheerilee!” The children chorused in response. The young ponies weren’t usually this excited about school, but today was different.
“Class, as you all know, today we have a special guest. Mr. Gurgenshloop has come all the way from his bunny farm in Canterlot to teach you all about bunny farming. Come on in, Mr. Gurgenshloop!” At that moment, a stallion stepped into the classroom from outside. He was an older, pale brown pony, with a grizzled, gray mane and tail. His cutie mark was a white silhouette of a bunny’s head. He had a saddlebag filled with videotapes of the inner workings of his bunny farm and was pushing a wheeled cart large TV in front of him. He spoke with an accent strange to Ponyville.
“Hello, children.” He greeted. “Today I vill tell you about my job in zee bunny farm.” While most of the class leaned forward in anticipation, a single disgruntled mutter came from the back of the room.
“I don’t see why we have to listen to this creep, Silver Spoon,” A pink filly whispered to the gray earth pony beside her. “This is going to be SO boring.”
“I know, right?” Silver Spoon responded. “He looks like some kind of pedo, Diamond Tiara.” If Mr. Gurgenshloop heard the comments, he ignored them, and continued.
“You see, children, ven running a bunny farm, zere are many important things to do. Zee bunnies must be fed three times a day. Ven zey are old enough, zey can be adopted as pets to zee little boys and girls. But zee most important thing by far in running zee bunny farm,” He continued. “Is zee breeding of zee bunnies.” At that last part, all the foals looked confused, and some glanced around at their classmates, as if there they could find an answer. The three fillies at the front of the room looked the most confused, and one, a white unicorn by the name of Sweetie Belle, raised her hoof.
“Yes, little filly. Vat is your qvestion?”
“Mr. Gurgenshloop,” She queried. “What does breeding mean?” The class guest smiled, as if he had wanted to answer this question.
“Ah, a fine qvestion. Breeding involves a male and a female bunny. You need to put zem in a cage togezer. Zen zey vill make sveet bunny love.” After the last part, a wild light seemed to spark in his eyes. “Zen I tape zem, using my camera.” The students, who once seemed intrigued, now had a look of complete and utter disgust. But nopony looked more disturbed than poor Ms. Cheerilee, who immediately regretted inviting this stallion to her school. She wanted to ask him to leave, but shock kept her mouth shut. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, who had at first expressed their contempt, now wore faces of surprise.
“Speaking of zee camera, zat is vy I have zees tapes vith me. Zey vill show you vat it is like working in zee bunny farm.” Mr. Gurgenshloop lifted one hoof to turn on the TV, then the VCR. He tilted his head back to open his saddlebag and nose through the tapes, seeking one out in particular. He paused, eyes shining, and pulled out a tape labeled “Sveet bunny love”, using his mouth to push it into the VCR slot. The TV had a moment of static, but a second later, it cleared, revealing a small pen. The floor of the pen was made up of balsa wood and newspaper shavings. In the center was a single bunny that was brown with white patches. It crouched in the center, nose twitching as it snuffled and sniffed the shavings. After a moment, a pale hoof came from off-screen and deposited a larger, gray bunny. The gray bunny loped around the pen for a moment before focusing his vision on the pretty female in the center. The gray male eagerly hopped over to the female.
Quickly, the male crouched over her. He inserted his little pink manhood into her, moving in quick, convulsive motions. Both bunnies were letting out small squeaks of pleasure, their eyes shut tight. Off-screen, the low moan of a stallion was heard. The children were horrified, all except for the two in the back, who blushed and nervously lowered their hooves below their desks. The motions of the male bunny quickened and both bunnies squeaks increased in frequency and volume.
Quickly and suddenly, both bunnies let out a final high-pitched squeal and collapsed to the floor, panting heavily. Then, shakily, the male hopped off the female and they both continued the snuffle at the floor, their little noses twitching. A stallion’s grunt was heard, and the video ended, leaving the screen black. Mr. Gurgenshloop, who had been sweating and watching the video intently, finally broke the shocked silence.
“So, children. Vat did you think? Vould you like to someday vork at zee bunny farm?” The only response was from Sweetie Belle, who opened her mouth wide and screamed;
“I AM A FILLY AND WHAT IS THIS!?” The rest of the class remained silent, except for two high-pitched moans coming from the back of the room. Suddenly, Mr. Gurgenshloop smiled.
“Free baby bunnies for zee children!” He called gleefully, giving each child a bunny. Normally, the foals would rejoice at being given fluffy baby bunnies. Now, instead, they held the bunnies and stared at them, scarred for life. Finally, the pink unicorn filly and the gray earth pony broke the silence.
“Are ours males?” The Diamond Tiara asked.
“Yes.” Mr. Gurgenshloop replied.
“Excellent.” Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon said simultaneously.
