Friendship is Illegal

by Raymanguy

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Alternate Universe, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Romance, Adventure
Length: 2127

Twilight Sparkle has always loved stealing things. Now it's time for the BIG ONE! She's gonna need some help.

Twilight Sparkle has always loved stealing things. Ever since she was little, making plans and carrying them out with something of a payday. Now, she feels that she's ready for the BIG ONE! But even she, with ridiculously elaborate plans, can't do this alone. So now she must, with Spike's help, find the Five. The five mares who have become legends in their field. Which is good because Twilight needs to best of the best if this is going to work.

Author's Note: There is some lore to this alternate universe you should know. First off, Celestia and Luna are legends bordering on myth. Think of them as King Arthur, there was a king named Arthur but some of his feats may have been a hyperbole. The country is run by council by three (corrupt I should add) head ponies and one delagate from each of the towns across Equestria. Second, Twilight and Shining Armor are orphans. He still joined the royal guard. And lastly, this takes place in a semi-modernized Equestria. Please criticize below and hope you enjoy the ride!

Published 2013-11-04 04:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-18 03:49:34 UTC

Big Leagues

Spike sat there staring at the screen, repeatedly clicking the refresh button, just like Twilight had asked. He wasn't sure why she thought that it be in there. She wasn't even home from the job itself. Spike sighed, "This is ridiculous!" he shouted jumping down from the chair and walked toward the kitchen. He was waiting for Twilight to get home before he ate dinner, but now he was starving and cheese pizza was what's on the menu. Spike licked his lips at the thought of putting a few gemstones on his half. When he picked up the phone, however, a knock came at the door. A single knock and then a pause before a triple knock then a double and then a single.

Spike put down the phone on the kitchen table and jogged toward the door. Opening it revealed a hooded lavender unicorn mare with giddy grin. "I assume it went well." Spike asked.

Twilight's grin grew into a mile wide smile, "You don't know the half of it. I made it on time but the place was on high alert when I got there. The whole job was almost a challenge." She said with an appropriate amount of smugness.

She trotted past Spike and into their lovely abode. The (formerly) abandoned royal library never looked so good. The rows upon rows of old books always gave her joy. She made her way to the computer near one of shelves before continueing her story. "I went through the basement and found the plug-in like you said. Once I was in the system, I looped the cameras and disabled the pressure plates under statue."

"Very nice, Twi! I assume you took the statue as well?" Spike inquired

"Of course I did. What kind of a pony do you take me for?"

Spike chuckled, "Ok ok. So then what happened?"

Twilight opened a new tab on the web browser and went to the Canterlot News Network, "Well, I took the statue and went to the offices upstairs. The file was half way processed into the the computer, so I had the transfer the data to a jump drive before deleteing it and grabbed the paper files. That's when I called you." Twilight concluded.

Spike's brow wrinkled in concern, "Did you us-"

"No, I used the other one."

Spike let out a sigh of relief knowing his porn was safe. Spike looked at the screen, "What are you doing?"

"Seeing if I made the list." Twilight casually responded.

"Why, did you do something to get on the list?" Twilight remained silent, "Your kidding! Please tell me your kidding."

"Ok, I'm kidding." She said, clicking the refresh button for umpteenth.

"Why doesn't that make me feel any better?" Spike asked sarcasticly.

"Probably because it's a lie." Twilight stated flatly much to Spike's annoyance.

"Might I ask what happened?"

Twilight flinched and sank in her seat a little, "I may have had a teeny...tiny...run-in with nine to twelve guards on the way out."

Spike's jaw dropped, "What?"

Twilight kept going, "And maybe had another run-in outside with police. And maybe they chased me for quite some time which may or may not be the reason I'm a tad late."

Spike's jaw had found a rather comfortable spot on the floor. Twilight turned to look at Spike's face and had trouble trying to stifle a laugh. Spike shook his head, "Well, this is just great!" Spike exclaimed.

"Oh, come on. It's not that bad. I mean, it'll help us get recognized for jobs."

"Not to mention police."

"Well, that's a given. But hey, I might not even be on-" Twilight was cut short by the computer screen flashing and beeping. She turned her full attention to it and show what was making it go bonkers. Down the page, the Number Eight description moved down to Number Nine. Number Eight now said the following: "High profile theif, possibly purple earth pony or unicorn mare. Stole the Statue of Anin Enomis. Wanted alive. Reward: fifty thousand bits. If you have any infomation on the whereabouts of this mare, please contact the number below."

Words couldn't express the level of shock currently shared between the unicorn and dragon companion.

~~~

Twilight paced round and round the library while Spike was in the kitchen ordering the pizza. Spike walked back in to the room, saw Twilight, and smirked, "Ok, Twi. What're thinking?"

Twilight kept pacing, "What makes you think I'm-"

"Your pacing in circles, not back and forth. You pace back and forth if there's a problem and your trying to think of a way to fix it. However, you pace in circles when your excited about something or got good news and are thinking of it's implecations and how to use it to your advantange. So, what's up?"

Twilight was surprised at Spike's observations, she always thought he wasn't able the see something like that considering just how much dirt and dust he missed when he cleaned. Twilight's pacing didn't waver, "Think about it Spike. I mean, just think about it. We're on the list. The Big Leagues. I think we could even pull IT off."

Spike raised the eyebrow of skepticism, "First off, your on the list and you got on there by accident. Second, Do you sincerely think we could off THAT job without some serious help? And where would we get it?"

Twilight stopped pacing, for the first time in the whole conversation, and pointed a hoof at the computer, "Them."

Spike looked over toward the machine, "You mean the Five, don't you?"

"Oh Spike, you know me so well."

"The Five. The top five greatest thiefs in the world."

"Oh yes, yes I do."

Spike sighed and walked over a filing cabinet on the far wall. He opened the the bottom drawer and pulled out five folders of all shapes and sizes. He slowly made his way back to the computer desk and gently sat them down before looking to Twilight, "Where do we start?"

Twilight's smile grew mile wide at those words.

Author's Note

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I thought this would an interesting take on the mane six. So tell if you did or didn't like it. See you guys next chapter.

I also came back and fixed some of the mistakes I found. Please tell me if you see anymore. Thank you!

Theives: A History

"Let's start at the top, shall we? We can start with the best and work our way down."

"Uh, no we can't."

Twilight raised an eyebrow, "Why not?"

"Well," Spike began as he turned to face the computer, "The top five don't have an order. They are arranged as the top five but equally. All an equal amount of threat, I suppose."

Twilight let out a hmph, then sighed, "Ok, then what do you suggest?"

Spike faced the rather menacing stack of files he brought out, "Well, we could just start with the one in which we have the most info." He reached for the massive folder placed conviently on top of the pile. It slid slowly off the stack and, with audible thump, landed heavily in the dragon's tiny claws. With minimal grunts of effort (that being many, many grunts of effort later), spike traversed the room and made it into the kitchen where he slammed the folder down upon the table. "We really need a table in the main room." Spike muttered under his breath. Twilight stood beside him, staring at the folder curiously.

"Uh, is that-"

"A very large folder containing a ridiculous amount of information on one the most dangerous criminal clans in Equestria history that one of the Five happens to be apart of? Why yes, yes it is." Spike smugly proclaimed. "I was actually saving it for your birthday, since you started looking into Equestria's history. I heard somewhere that one of the top Five was in a family that's criminal activites span centuries. Naturally, I thought you'd wanna read it."

Twilight's eyes were wide and began to well up. She threw her forelegs around Spike's neck and squeezed him tightly, a gesture he returned in kind. Twilight released him at trotted to the table, her horn glowing as she open the folder and skimmed it's contents.

"How did you get this?"

Spike couldn't hide his pride if he tried, "Well, considering that I am one the greatest hackers of our time, It was rather easy to get all this on her."

Twilight rolled her eyes. Sortly thereafter, three heavy knocks came from the door followed by pause and then a soft single knock. Spike licked his lips.

~~~

The pizza break they enjoyed gave Twilight time to look over the information she now had on one of the Five: Applejack.

Applejack was not your common crook. She had a pedigree in stealing. Applejack was one of the youngest members of the Apple family (or clan if you so wish).The Apple family have been stealing things throughout history and the world. That, however, was not what made them interesting. What made them interesting was who they stole from. They didn't steal from common folk. No, they stole from the those who stole themselves, master criminals and crime lords, large mega corps, and occaisionally from Council themselves. Accordding to them there's "No honor, no challenge, no fun stealing from ordinary ponies. When you rip off a master criminal, you know you're a master thief." How that infomation was retrived is unknown.

It is said that there are two family hierlooms passed down from generation to generation. One is a legendary book holding secrets from previous owners. Each member of the family has special skills they developed unique to them and when they have the book they write them down and how to do it so that their skills aren't lost in time. The book appearently dates back to pre-Council times, maybe even before then.

The second isn't really passed down as much as it is a signuture weapon. Every subsequnt member is give a rope of some sort. It is unknown if the rope is actually passed down or just purchased from a local hardware store. It must have some signifecince but whatever it may be is known only to the Apple family.

Applejack is known for her "get-ups on the go" or in simpler terms, vehicular robberies. Things like train robbery or convoy ambushes. She started young, her first job that ambushing a small convoy belonging to big time crime syndicate the Pegasy. She was also instrumental in their subsuqent downfall (which transpired do to an incident involving a large amount of rope, an apple pie, four wagon wheels, a lake filled with aligators, and seventeen barrels of maple syrup). Her location is known but is strange for not many know her name to be Applejack, she tends to use false names and to cover face so even few know what she looks like. Her location is in Ponyville.

~~~

Twilight smiled at her new found knowlegde. She knew both her name and her location. Now all she needed was a ride. Twilight looked about the kitchen to see it empty with the table cleared and the dishes done. She stood up and walked into the main room. The lights were out except for a small flickering one coming from ther computer screen. The tiny form a dragon resting peacefully on the keyboard. Twilight smiled and moved the mouse to shut down the machine, before doing so she checked the time, "Huh, 2:45 am. I guess I was reading for longer than I thought."

Her horn glowed as she picked up Spike and put him on her back. Twilight had a thought and opened up the web browser. The glow of her horn came over the keyboard as she typed in 'trains to ponyville'. She frowned, pressed backspace, and typed 'Trains going to Ponyville'. then pressed enter. She skimed the list and found the next time the train left from Cantorlot to Ponyville. The very next time was at 3:10 am, less than half an hour from now. The time after that was 4:10 pm, exactly one month from now.

Twilight's jaw dropped, "Well, there goes my good night sleep."

Author's Note

For those of you who noticed, Applejack's story sounds just Sly Cooper's. I know, I planned it that way. Each of the Five have stories and Applejack's big family gave me an awesome way of putting that in the story.

I hoped you liked this chapter, I'll try and get the next one out sooner cause this one was shorter than I expected. Feel free to tell me what I did wrong in the comments!:pinkiehappy: