Losing yourself is sometimes the best way to find yourself. An egghead once told me that. I always seemed to listen to what she had to say, but often I would let it go into one ear and out the other. I was so concentrated on flying, on doing my best, that nothing she said seemed to stick. That was until Twilight Sparkle became the newest princess in Equestria. After that - well, that’s another story, but this one is still kinda cool. It’s the story of how I found myself after Twilight died.
First, though, some backstory on my current predicament. After Twilight had passed, Princess Celestia assured my friends and I that her death was necessary - something about the circle of life and how things repeat themselves. Fluttershy seemed taken by the idea that our dearest friend would return in some new form, but I’m no filly; Princess Celestia offered comfort in a time of need. I knew she knew what I knew - yeah, complicated! - when the Princess saw through my tears. She’s an awesome Princess, but sometimes she’s too motherly for me, so after that I took my leave from my friends.
Not very loyal, huh? Well, in my defense, I was pretty torn - I still am, really. I flew northward, somewhere away from everything I knew, and I remember once or twice seeing Princess Luna in the distance. I think she gathered I wasn’t going to stop after a good length or two of flying and I never saw her again. It kinda comforted me to know that she cared and if the rumors were true I would no doubt see her again in my dreams. Regardless, I kept flying north, away from town, civilizations, and everypony. Away from my friends.
After the tears ran out, I found myself soaring over some forest I never knew. I had blatantly disregarded every minute of regiment training on not getting myself lost. I recall chiding myself for my stupidity. I had a choice then; go back the way I came, or stay here. I surprised myself by choosing to stay here.
The area I had found myself in was unknown to me. It was a stretch of forest not unlike the Everfree, but it didn’t give off that weird vibe, you know? It felt right. Felt safe. There was a clearing not but a couple yards from my position in the sky, so I headed for there. The sounds of birds chirping and animals calling was kinda soothing at first, but eventually my senses kinda droned it all out. I was still kinda depressed. I remember just walking forward, my eyes downward. I had just lost a very important part of my lifes foundation in my deceased friend. I didn’t care that I was lost, all I cared about was finding some purpose to continue.
Then, thats when it happened. I actually bumped into somepony! Oh, for sure, I was startled at first. Then I realized who it was. Normally, when I bump into this type of pony, I’d be raring for a fight! This time, though, I didn’t feel much like it. Especially when I noted the expression on Sombra’s face. I didn’t want to, and the voices inside my head told me not to, but I asked what was wrong with him anyway.
*~~*~~*
Sombra and Rainbow Dash were a few yards away from the clearing, sitting near a ledge overlooking a valley. In the distance Celestia’s Sun was setting, casting a gentle violet hue across the sky and landscape. The two ponies failed to notice the scenery, however, as each gazed upward into the sky.
“She helped me find myself again,” Sombra said softly.
“Yeah, she had a horrible habit of doing that.”
To their surprise, both ponies elicited a chuckle. The fond memories of Twilight Sparkle encouraged the prior enemies to reconcile their affairs, prompting further discourse. Rainbow Dash was finding these conversations to have a healing affect on her.
“I remember when she was just learning to fly,” Rainbow said, gazing at Sombra. “You should of seen it! It was hilarious!”
Before she could correct what she had stated, she looked away from Sombras return gaze. “Sorry,” she offered, softly, looking away to the valley below. It was a beautiful place here, no doubt one Twilight would have adored. “I keep forgetting you two were...you know…”
A silence lingered. Eventually, Rainbows ear perked in the stallions direction as she heard a heavy sigh. “It’s not your fault,” Sombra said. “No pony needed to know. Not even her mentors. We were avid about that.”
“Yeah.”
Rainbow felt eyes upon her. Her head turned, gazing into Sombras own.
“Do you think she’s still alive?” He asked.
Rainbow recalled the speech that Celestia had given to sooth the remaining friends. A tear began to form in her eye, she looking away swiftly before a sniffle erupted. She wiped her face with her hoof.
“Celestia gave a speech about that,” she responded in a sniffle. “Said something about reincarnation, about energies never being left to waste. I don’t really know if its true, but what I do know is that if anypony should be able to, it’s Twilight.”
A hoof gently laid itself on her neck. It was soothing, comforting. Rainbow briefly eyed Sombra kindly before looking down again. Her ears turned towards Sombra when he spoke.
“Twilight told me something once,” Sombra softly said. “Do you want to hear it?”
Rainbow gazed up, nodding. Anything that Twilight said would undoubtedly be helpful right now. Sombra seemed to collect himself briefly, swallowing a lump in his throat, and looking away for a bit. The mare took this time to observe just how docile the previous villain had become something else. He still had the same dark mane and coat color, same hard expression, same eyes that seemed to pierce into you. Right now, though, Rainbow saw none of that - only another pony, who seemed to know her own pain, sharing it with her. She couldn’t help but smile.
Sombra took notice of the forming smile, granting one of his own. It was odd at first, but Rainbow quickly got used to it. Her smile widened. “So?” she asked, eager to hear what Sombra was going to say.
Sombra nodded, looking out to the horizon. “Twilight told me once that…,” he began, but went into silence for a moment. He seemed to swallow another lump in his throat. When he spoke again, he was looking at Rainbow. “She told me that the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself. I figure if she lost herself, she’s simply finding herself again.”
Rainbows eyes widened briefly, then softened as her own voice quivered in emotion. “Yeah,” she affirmed, “Yeah I like that. Makes sense.” Then, quickly, she wrapped herself around the stallion in a hug. She held him there, feeling him stiffen at first, then feeling his hoof wrap around her.
“Thank you,” she finally said after a time. She ended the hug, looking at Sombra with a smile. “If I wasn’t as hardheaded as I am, I would think Twilight planned this.”
“I wouldn’t put it past her,” Sombra replied, expression beaming.
It was then Rainbow remembered her friends. “Oh!” exclaimed the mare as she remembered, briefly startling Sombra. “I need to go! My friends must be so worried!”
Sombra laughed, then gave a nod. Both ponies stood and in a brief show of care, they hugged again. The moment over, they parted ways, Rainbow briefly looking back as Sombra began to turn away.
“Hey Sombra!”
The stallion looked back towards the hovering pegasus.
“She was lucky to have you,” Rainbow said, smiling. Then, quickly, she flew away.
With the lightest hint of lavender escaping his smile, Sombra began his way back to the forest from whence he had come.
Author's Note
This story is dedicated to someone special. Recovery is just beneath the veil of illusion, friend. Be strong.