Chapter 3

Fluttershy was currently pushing a shopping cart, whistling as she perused through the baby products in the aisle of the same name.

So odd today. Not another soul to be found at this store, not even an employee.

...Probably just on break or something.

Stopping a few feet in the aisle, she carefully compared the prices of two diaper brands. Didn't even notice the long, slender creature staring down at her.

...

A talon caressed her mane, stroking softly and slowly.

Ah!

Eyes lighting up, she turned around, about to beat whoever was behind her with...packaged diapers.

Discord grinned down at her with pure amusement at the attempt to threaten him, "Plan on pampering me to death, sweetheart?"

Fluttershy rolled her eyes, throwing the items into her cart without even taking her glare away from Discord, "I'm in the middle of something."

Discord's grin double in size, "Oh, really? Care to answer why you're in this particular aisle, then? Hhhmmm?"

Fluttershy wouldn't lie, just not give out any of the big details, "I am...a babysitter right now. Some foals are at my home, and it's my job to mother them until somepony I know comes to get them. That's all."

"Uh-huh. Likely story, my pink-maned mare. Not a very top-knotch caretaker if you left them alone. Tsk-tsk."

"They're not alone. They're with Rainbow Dash."

"Ah. ...You know, maybe them being left alone would've been the better choice. She's as dim as a dead light source."

"Discord!"

"Fine, fine. Maybe she's not. Yet, wouldn't you say she's a bit...destructive?"

"A little."

"What of ignorant? To others' feelings at times."

'Again...I'd go with a little."

"Perhaps even mean?"

"A little."

"See! You do agree with me!"

"Huh? About what?"

"Her being dim!"

"No I didn't, liar. Putting words in my mouth isn't right, Discord."

"Destructive. Ignorant. Mean. Connect the very first letters in all three, you got yourself an acceptance your friend's an idiot! I knew you felt that way. It is very annoying how hard I had to work to force it out of you though."

"Discord! I...have places to be."

Fluttershy didn't have the time or patience for this pointless exchange.

She needed to get him away to continue gathering necessities, "Why are you even following me, Discord? You're my friend, not a stalker."

"Aww! Can't I be both?!"

A glare from her told him she shouldn't be provoked anymore.

Bear paw rubbing the back of his head nervously, he spoke with eyes directed elsewhere than her face, "Okay, okay. I'm bored. Not enough chaos in my diet lately. So, I decided-"

Fluttershy smiled, glad to hopefully see a new side to Discord, "You want to help me! Is that it?!"

"What?! No! What would make you think something so ridiculous! No, I've decided to prank your friends! You know, it's as if you don't even know me sometimes. 'Not enough chaos in my diet lately', usually means I want more in my life, not less. Oh, how I love watching your pals get all riled up! Truly, there is nothing like their misery to get my spirits flying! Now, whatever I do, it'll be temporary! Pink-mare-with-the-name-that-still-escapes-me-because-she-is-no-fun-to-torture Promise! My honest gaurantee to you, my best friend! Friend! Remember that word! As in, one that would never get upset at a few small jokes being played on a few small ponies! So, you can't get angry at me now! Oh, how I just love finding loopholes! Ha!"

Before she could hopelessly try to convince him otherwise, he teleported away...only to teleport back a second later.

He had one final message to Fluttershy to deliver, "Oh. And, if you've been wondering why this store is as empty as a bakery after a visit from a certain princess, it's because it's not even a store. Ta-da!"

With a snap of his talon, the whole place disappeared in a puff of smoke...somehow leaving Fluttershy standing in Applejack's orchard with two apples in a wagon.

Glancing around, she said in awe, "How in Equestria did you get me here, Discord?!"

Too bad for her he was already gone.

At the moment, Rainbow Dash wished for the sweet embrace of death.

Would've been a whole lot more enjoyable than listening to the argument between a pair of little ones with the ability to speak like adults.

Curse like adults, too.

...How exactly was that, anyways?

Rainbow asked the baby ponies, bringing the childrens' namecalling and humiliating secret-telling to a temporary standstill, "How is it you two can still talk?"

Luna attempted explaining, "I believe it's because we are...we are..."

"Yeah?"

"Hm. Don't actually have a single clue why."

Rainbow's curiosity for the matter had to be astronomical, "Meh. Don't matter then."

Astronomically minute.

After that short period between foalish rage, the foalish rage started up where it left off.

Luna verbally attacked Twilight, bringing out the big cannons, "You were probably just mad that Cadance was going to marry Shining Armor! Angry she stole your brother! My sister and I have a close relationship, but something tells me you and your brother's was...too close?"

Twilight really wished to throw a punch at Luna now, "If you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting, the answer is no!"

Luna chuckled at her, "Faker."

"Bitch."

"Double bitch!"

"Triple bitch!"

"Bitch times infinity!"

"...Damn. Played that card. ...Well then, you're just...a...bitch times infinty! Plus one!"

"Oh, that's so cheap!"

"Like you?! Two-bit wh-"

Rainbow heard a knock at the door, knowing Fluttershy would put a stop to the foals' running mouths.

Hoping, Rainbow flashed to the door, threw it open, and complained her heart out, "Flutters! Thank everything good in this world that you've arrived! Please tell me you brought duct-tape! Because those foals are driving me...crazy..."

Nopony was at the door.

Rainbow hadn't a clue where Fluttershy was. If this was a joke, she'd have a few choice words for her friend.

Yelling for the game to be ended, Dash flew a few feet until outside, checking the ground and sky for Fluttershy.

...

Okay. Very odd. Usually, if Fluttershy played a prank, it would be simple and quick. This was drawn out.

Also, not the day to prank Rainbow. Seriously not cool.

...

After another minute passed, Rainbow blamed the knock on just hearing what she dreamed off. And, tried to return to her post.

As she was almost fully indoors, the door slammed shut. The surprise force behind it rocketed Dash into a wall, screaming throughout the trip.

Landing beside the couch, her fall wasn't pretty since it was face-first. Wooden flooring always hurt the most.

And, either she was crazy, or the laughter that rolled in was very similiar to...

Buck!

As Rainbow jumped to her hooves, Twlight and Luna confirmed her thoughts, "Discord!"

Parade music began playing as he began bowing, "Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all night!!"

Rainbow got up, pain giving way to aggression, "You motherbuck-"

Closing Dash's mouth with a magic zipper, he gasped in mock shock, "My, my! Dashie, saying such language in front of children!"

Dash tried to pull her glued lips apart as Discord watched on in a floating chair.

...

Giving up, Rainbow sat down on the floor, grumpy and mute.

Discord felt the lesson was over, "Do we now know when and when not to curse out powerful creatures beyond our capabilities to back-talk against?"

Hatred true on her face, Rainbow delivered a single nod. Nothing more.

Discord gathered that's all he'd recieve, "Accepted."

A snap later, zipper disappeared.

Rainbow was opening and closing her mouth to be sure nothing held her words back.

Freedom in speech, she pointed an accusing hoof at Discord, "You! You have been pulling my hoof, havent you?!"

His interest in her had drained to zero.

...

Discord was on a completely different subject, of higher amazement, "Well, now what do we have here? Two babies. Two horns. Two pairs of wings. Are my eyes decieving me?!"

Pulling his eyeballs out, he rubbed them down with his arm, then flicked them back into their sockets.

Giving the foals another look, he concluded, "Nope, my eyes are working just fine! Luna and Twilight are babies again! How adorwable! Can you both say hewwo?! Pwahahaha! Ah-hahahaha!"

Twilight rolled her eyes, "Buck off, Discord. We can still speak normally."

"Agh! Well, that's just rude. Not really something children should say to their elders."

Luna tapped Twilight, "Let's call a truce. We have a new enemy. A more annoying enemy."

Both shook hooves, feeling more anger towards Discord than each other.

Discord summoned a monocle, pretending to be a detective, "Age regression seems to be the reason for their new forms."

Twilight groaned from the sheer stupidity of his statement, "Wow! No bucking way! You come up with that conclusion all by yourself!"

"Yes, I did! And, I must add, they appear in need of sleep. Levels of crankiness: above average."

"Don't you dare!"

He dared.

...

The foals were sucking their hooves, curled up next to each other in the dream world.

Rainbow said...her gratitude, "Discord, I can't believe I'm saying this, but thank you! They were at each others' throats the entire time! You saved me from all the damn ear pain they were bringing!"

Discord, no longer with weird accessories at the ready, ate the praise up as if it were actually a food, "Glad to be of service!"

Then, drastically different in a split second, his gracious smile converted into a more sinister version, "...But, you shouldn't thank me just yet. Their age regression has given me...an idea. You see, I came over to play a prank on you tod-"

"Which you already have."

"Fine. I meant to say a set of pranks, then. Anyways, why should they be the only ones to enjoy childhood again?!"

"I really don't like where this is going."

"Oh, you're just not in the mood for a new point of view! See, that's why I'm here! To guide you into new experiences! You're welcome. Can I have a thank you? Another for another heaping helping of help?!"

"Go jump off a cliff, Discord!"

"Already did. Now, which age will I give you?!"

"Discord, you try a spell on me, and my hoof is going to go sooo hard into your plot! Try anything, and better get ready to not sit for week-"

"You know what I like about you, Dashie? You don't have many amazing qualities, which include racing, showing-off, dating, being a trickster, or anything you think you can do exceptionally well. Except courage! So, to be nice, how's about I change you into a teenager?!"

"Don't you dare!"

Like before, he dared.

Rainbow roared her fury as she rushed in with a kick to the chest.

...Only to get to the halfway point by Discord's magic suspending her in the air.

Fluttershy's voice called from outside, "Dashie! Can you help with the groceries?!"

Discord, in alarm, gulped at Fluttershy's speedy return home.

Calming himself for a moment, Discord declared with a hint of urgency, "Let's get the show on the road, yeah?"

With the effects of the Sleep spell wearing off, Twilight and Luna awoke in highchairs hours later.

Fluttershy was stirring a pot of formula, singing to herself.

Once the milk didn't require the ladle, she started to use it as a imaginary microphone, "Come little children, I'll take thee away."

Twilight could only focus on the irony of the lyrics in Fluttershy's song.

Wanting attention, Luna banged on the plastic tray, "We're awake!"

Fluttershy noticed the foals were awake, and left the spoon on a nearby counter to give them her full focus.

Pulling up a seat, she got ready for the conversation that was about to go down, "Hey, sleepyheads! How are my babies doing today?!"

Twilight sarcastically told her, "Us?! Oh, just peachy! You know, besides having my so-called friend basically hold us captive, and Discord knowing my and Luna's current status as weak, helpless foals, which I'm entirely sure will come back to bite us in the tails later on!"

"For my foal, you worry a bit too much. You should think of fun things to do! Toys, songs, playgrounds! Why are those not on your mind?!"

"Because I'm not a buck-"

"Little miss, do you want a spanking?"

"...Say wha?"

"Spanking. Means I turn that lavender flank you have red. Mommy Fluttershy doesn't want to, but will if it comes down to it."

"You wouldn't tr-"

Fluttershy's eyes grew a serious tone not seen before, "Yes. I would."

Twilight uncontrollably lowered her ears, quietly saying, "I-I'll be a good foal, then. Will be...good."

Fluttershy pat Twilight's head, happy to hear those words, "Very good. Mommy's proud."

Then, Fluttershy remembered a few key words in Twilight's previous rant, "Now, what was that you said about Discord, baby?"

After asking Fluttershy to not call her a baby again...and taking the statement away after the Stare came into play, she summarized the events that occurred before going night-night.

Fluttershy started connecting the dots, "Oh! That explains why Dashie is a teen! And, probably why...she thinks I'm her mother."

Twilight and Luna were at a loss of words.

...

"What in Equestri-", the foals screeched before their voices were muffled by Fluttershy.

After releasing the foals when the noise died down, Fluttershy explained, "No talking loudly, you two! I'll get this all sorted out when I see Discord again! Don't fret. Yes, as odd as it sounds, Rainbow thinks I'm her mother. Listen, she also believes you foals are my daughters. And, obviously, her little sisters. And, that you can't speak like adults! So, when Rainbow's around, no big words. Maybe a 'ma-ma' or 'si-sy'. No. Big. Words. Though. I don't want her knowing about what you two used to be. Could send her into a weird place mentally with the truth and lies swooping in on each other like that. Agree?"

They understood immediately.

But, Luna asked with a raised eyebrow in suspicion, "Why say, 'Used to be'? Are you forgetting a part there? The part where we are returned to adult?!"

If Fluttershy had anything to hide, she sure didn't give it away, "Oh, sure! Sorry for being so forgetful! Ha, silly me."

The discussion died, then.

Fluttershy went back to stirring. The foals sat in cruel boredom.

Yet, all would not be so still for long.

Hooves ran down the stairs. A beat forming from the bangs of descent.

And, ending in Dash leaping into the kitchen, completely negating the living room by a skillful glide.

...Would've been skillful. Had she not over-performed in gliding, smacking her head straight into the fridge.

A little woozy from face smooching metal, she sat facing away from the massive appliance.

Fluttershy was going to console her friend/child, but Rainbow laughed all the pain off, "I'm...okay! Seriously!"

Then, a bowl fell off the refrigerator.

Crash!

Eyes spinning around, Rainbow lifted the dish to slur, "Me no okray now."

Turned unconscious.

The babies giggled like crazy, loving this comedic epic fail of a stunt.

Luna clapped, truly a fan of her work, "I must say, Rainbow, you do have a future as a stuntmare. Not a long one, but it would be a spectacular way to go."

...

Fluttershy and Twilight weren't happy with Luna's remark.

Twilight glared, not finding the joke hilarious at all, "Hey, don't say she would die!"

"I said, 'Way to go.' Not a word of death in there."

"You're obviously referencing her getting herself killed."

"Understand, I don't want another fight. We got over the last, so having it start up again wouldn't be fun. I ponysally don't think I said anything wrong, but I'll still apologize. I'm sorry...even though I believe you're being dramatic."

Fluttershy hefted Rainbow in her front hooves, depositing the teen into a chair.

Petting the poor girl's mane after lifting the pot off her head, Fluttershy couldn't keep the stress-filled thoughts out, "Oh, no. What if she gets a big bruise?! What if she gets brain damage?! What if-"

Twilight pinched the bridge of her nose, headache on the brim of commencing, "What if you kept calm, and used your skills in medicine to evaluate her injuries?"

"...Oh, yeah. Forgot in the heat of the moment about that."

Studying Rainbow's head, she was so fortunate to locate only a few tiny bruises on the girl's forehead.

In her kind-of-professional opinion, Fluttershy stated with such thankfulness, "She'll be fine."

Twilight said nonchalantly, "Told you it wasn't serious."

Luna commented with deep sarcasm, "Maybe you should kiss it. Might make her feel better."

Fluttershy did, in fact, kiss the teenager's forehead, "Good idea, Luna. Rainbow's my daughter now, so acting like a mother is the plan!"

Luna had to attempt a rescue mission for Fluttershy's sanity, "Okay, need to point a few things out to you. First, I was joking. You didn't have to give her a kiss of healing. Secondly, sorry to break this to you -- actually, I'm not -- you're not her mother. In case you also didn't know, you're not our mother either. Just a friend who has to take care of her regressed friends until they are cured. Oh, and take care of me until I'm also cured. I don't think of us as friends. Twilight's friends are not my friends because Twilight's friend are insane. Except maybe the apple-obsessed Earth pony and the teen probably bleeding in the brain. You plan on leaving cuckoo land yet?!"

...

Fluttershy was checking on the formula again, singing once more, "The time's come to play."

Luna pouted, "Thanks for ignoring me, mom."

Fluttershy exclaimed after several minutes of more stirring, "Meal's ready! I bet my foals' tummies are howling for delicious milky! Are they?"

Twilight's displeasure came out in the form of a whine, "But, I don't wanna bottle! I want food! Something I can put in my mouth! Love! Swallow!"

Luna had to restrain herself from saying a superbly dirty joke.

Fluttershy smiled at the cute way Twilight voiced her compliant, "Aw, how sweet! Too bad I don't care enough."

...

Rainbow's head pounded while her eyes fluttered open, "What...h-happened?"

Luna called out, not being able to control herself, "You got knocked the buck out!"

Twilight would've voiced her joy for Rainbow being seemingly fine, but a bottle was shoved in her mouth to silence anything spoken. Luna's commentary became cut off by her own food source jamming into her lips.

The foals hated the taste at first. Yet soon, the sweet honey-dabbed formula left them slowing their suckles, cherishing the liquid as if it were life supporting.

Rainbow glanced around, an unknown voice having been heard previously, "Hey mom, is somepony here? Sounded all high-pitched. Like a filly."

Fluttershy sweatdropped, not expecting the question, "Um...no! No! They were here, but they've already headed home!"

"Already? I didn't even get to say hi. That's very rude of them."

"Don't get upset, baby. Just a few children out to sell cookies."

"You turn them down?"

"Turn...them...down. What?"

"Turn the scouts down, mother. They were obviously selling cookies for some reason. Did you grab a box before sending them away?"

"...No. We have enough sweeties in the house with you kids around," Fluttershy grinned at the feeling of having children.

Her very own little ones! And...older little one. Yet, still a little one!

Rainbow sarcastically cheered, "Yay. Well, I'm going to hunt those fillies down, and buy a box. I'd be a lot sweeter when full of delicious cookies-"

Fluttershy's eyes went wide, which sent her blocking the path outside.

When Rainbow raised an eyebrow at the weird behavior, Fluttershy pointed to the upstairs, "No cookies, honey. I'm about to make dinner in a little bit. Can't have you ruining your appetite, can we?! So, upstairs for now."

Rainbow shrugged at the denial, "Why? Not like I won't eat dinner. I'll eat some cookies, then finish up with dinner. A reversal of meals, get it? Like having breakfast for dinner occasionally. So, if I could-"

"Nope. Nuh-uh. Upstairs."

"Mother!"

"Upstairs!"

"...Fine," was Rainbow's last word on the subject as she climbed the steps to her room once more.