My Little Stoner

by darkstar64

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character
Length: 3766

A human spreads the joys of marijuana to ponykind.

Shawn has been extremely happy ever since he somehow appeared in Equestria. Cannabis plants grow naturally in the Everfree Forest, and the joys of getting high have never been discovered by ponies. Without any laws prohibiting marijuana in Equestria, Shawn is able to relax and enjoy his stoner lifestyle in peace. At least until ponies start getting involved...

Contains naughty language and lots of toking.

Published 2013-10-21 01:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-28 21:00:15 UTC

Brownies

Ding!

The timer went off, letting Shawn know his brownies were finished. Excited, the human put on his oven mitts and opened the oven door. The strong smell of marijuana escaped out the opening, the extra ingredient in the baked goods. Shawn inhaled deeply, taking the time to enjoy the scent of chocolaty goodness and green herbs.

"Ah, there isn't a strain on Earth that can beat the Everfree Kush," Shawn stated out loud as he placed his brownies on the stovetop. "An eighth of that stuff is perfect for these brownies!"

Shawn took pride in his work, slowly cutting out the squares once the brownies were cooked enough. Afterwards, he arranged them nicely on a plate and left them sitting on the counter. Satisfied with his work, Shawn was about to indulge until somepony started knocking on his door.

"Hi Shawny!" Pinkie Pie greeted as the human opened the door.

"Oh, hey Pinkie!" Shawn replied. "What's up?"

"Well, I was busy making cupcakes for this super awesome party I'm throwing tomorrow, but then I realized I couldn't make my cupcakes for the super awesome party because we ran out of sugar!" Pinkie explained. "And the store is closed right now, so I was wondering if I could borrow some sugar?"

"Wait... wha... oh, you need some sugar?" Shawn stuttered, always getting lost in Pinkie's rambles. "Sure thing, help yourself. It's in the cupboard by the fridge."

"Thank you Shawny!" Pinkie said as she squeezed the human in a hug. "You're the best, human friend a pony could ask for!"

"Yeah... don't mention it..." Shawn replied as breathed for air, watching Pinkie step into his home and enter the kitchen. As he was about to close the door, another pony appeared at his front step.

"Hey Shawn!" Rainbow Dash greeted. "What's up?"

"Nothing much RD, just chillin'. What brings you here?"

"Well, remember that stuff you gave me a few days ago? That you found in the Everfree?"

"Yeah."

"Do you have any more?"

"Well..." Shawn replied. "I still have plenty from that first harvest..."

"Really?" Rainbow beamed. "Because that stuff was pretty awesome! Flying felt like a whole new experience!"

"Oh, I bet it did. I wish I could fly, but I guess this'll have to be good enough. Sure, I can give ya a couple buds."

Shawn pulled a little baggy out of his pocket, filled with big, green nugs of weed. He took a couple out and put them in Rainbow's saddlebag.

"Do you have anything to smoke it out of?" Shawn asked.

"Yeah, Zecora gave me one of those pipes the zebras smoke tea out of. I thought it might work." Rainbow answered.

"Oh, it will. Pipe bowls are nice. You enjoy yourself Rainbow Dash."

"I will! Thanks!"

Shawn couldn't help but smile as Rainbow flew off with her greens. He was happy to spread the good herb around without any consequences.

"Pinkie Pie?" Shawn yelled into the house as he closed the door. "Did you find the sugar?"

When Shawn entered the kitchen, he was horrified to see Pinkie Pie shoving one final brownie into her mouth. She happily gulped it down before realizing Shawn was there.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Shawny!" Pinkie apologized. "It's just that I love fresh brownies and I couldn't help myself! I promise I'll make it up to you!"

"Oh my god Pinkie... did... DID YOU EAT THEM ALL?" Shawn exclaimed in pure shock, staring at the empty plate.

"I know, I'm so sorry! Please don't be mad, I only-"

"Oh no," Shawn said. "Oh no, oh no, oh no. Pinkie, I put weed in those brownies!"

"Weed?" Pinkie Pie replied, confused. "Wait, isn't that the funky smelling stuff you smoked from the Everfree?"

Shawn nodded.

"Um..." Pinkie paused. "Is.. is this bad?"

"You're only supposed to eat one or two!" Shawn answered. "And you ate the whole batch!"

"Oh no, what do I do, WHAT DO I DO SHAWNY?" Pinkie freaked, waving her forelegs around.

"Okay, just relax Pinkie Pie, just relax!" Shawn replied as he attempted to move Pinkie onto the couch. "Don't worry, it will all pass eventually, but brace yourself for one wild high!"

"I'm not feeling anything yet!" Pinkie exclaimed as she laid down on the couch. "When does it happen? How long will it last?"

"Well, with consumables it usually takes thirty to forty minutes for it to kick in, and after that it will only go higher. Considering the amount you ate, you're going to be caked for hours. Just try not have any panic attacks and relax."

"What are you going to do?" Pinkie asked.

"You need to be in a relaxed mental state to make this experience easier! I'm going to get you some munchies to give you some energy and maybe put on some relaxing music. Try to fall asleep if you can, shouldn't be too hard once you get baked."

"And that's all I have to do?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks Shawny! Sorry, I should have asked before eating the brownies!"

"Don't worry about it, I can make more. I'll get Twilight, maybe she has a potion or something that can numb the effects so it won't be as intense."

"Good idea."

- Half an Hour Later -

"So you made brownies with that plant you found in the Everfree?" Twilight asked.

"Yes." Shawn answered.

"And Pinkie Pie accidently ate all of them not knowing it?"

"Yes."

"So that explains why she's acting like this?"

"Yes."

Pinkie Pie was laying on the couch motionless. Her eyes were completely bloodshot, staring off into nothing as her pupils dilated. Her mouth was slightly open, in awe at the strange experience she was going through.

"...I... I can't feel my mane...." Pinkie slowly mouthed. "Or the couch...."

"Sweet Celestia, are you alright Pinkie?" Twilight asked, concerned.

"... I can see the universe..." she said. "It's beautiful..."

"A whole batch of pot brownies and she's taking it like a champ," Shawn stated. "She deserves a medal for this."

"Hey, guys..." Pinkie started. "Just... guys.... guys.... I... I got an idea guys..."

"An idea?" Twilight replied. "What?"

"Huh?" Pinkie responded. "I forgot."

"Ugh!" Twilight slammed her hoof in her face.

"Hey Shawny..."

"Yeah Pinkie?"

"I'm hungry. Got any more brownies?"

Author's Note

Younger characters such as Spike and the CMC will not be smoking in this story.

Education and Experimentation

Twilight Sparkle gently placed the sample on her slide, carefully using her magic to push it underneath a microscope. After making a few adjustments, she was able to obtain a clear image of the bud.

The bud itself was a vibrant green, with fuzzy, orange strands resembling hair covering the surface. Twilight also noticed a large presence of tiny white crystals standing upright from the bud, and gave off a strange scent she found to be somewhat unpleasant.

The human creature that had appeared in Equestria a few weeks back had discovered the plant in the Everfree Forest, while visiting Zecora with Twilight. The strong scent apparently attracted the human to it, and despite Twilight's protests about safety, he ran into the bush following the smell. When the unicorn was able to catch up to him, she found him standing in awe at a natural field of the crop, and proceeded to watch the human smell the plants in an almost orgasmic way. Twilight had been confused at the human's sudden excitement as he stuffed his backpack with as much crop as he could carry.

"Just wait," Shawn, the human, would say. "You'll see when it's ready."

Twilight had been told that there had to be some sort of trimming and drying process before the herb could be used, and she didn't even know what for. After weeks of patiently waiting (much to her annoyance), Shawn finally returned with a bag filled with trimmed buds.

"So...," Twilight began as she studied the bud under her microscope. "Are you going to tell me why this plant had you so excited?"

"It's called marijuana," Shawn replied. "Also known as cannabis, weed, pot, ganja, you get the idea. Anyways, you're supposed to smoke it once it's been dried and it gets you high."

"Gets you high?" Twilight responded, tilting her head. "It makes you fly?"

"No, not literally high," Shawn corrected. "You see those little crystals on the nug? There's a little chemical in the plant called THC and when you inhale the smoke from it, it just makes you feel great!"

"So... you're basically inhaling a chemical in a gas state to achieve a state of euphoria?"

"Well, yeah, if you put like that."

"Interesting..." Twilight mumbled, continuing to study the weed. "I can't believe this hasn't been discovered before! I guess everypony was just too scared of the Everfree to study all the plant life."

"It also has some medicinal effects as well," Shawn continued. "It makes you feel relaxed, it can help you sleep, and it can give you a bad case of the munchies."

"Munchies?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, uh, it makes you really hungry," Shawn answered. "It also makes it so that food tastes better, makes music sound better, makes sex fee-"

"I get it," Twilight cut him off. "Euphoric state. Any other side-effects?"

"Well, there's dry mouth," Shawn listed. "Let's see, your eyes can go red and your ability to think might be impaired, but more in a relaxing way than a bad way. And if you smoke too much of the stuff at one time, your body might be overwhelmed and make you throw up. That's called greening out. It's not a bad thing, it's just your body not being able to handle so much at once. Might also make you a little paranoid, but it all passes and after a few hours it wears off."

"Doesn't seem like something you'd want to put in your body if your system rejects it." Twilight stated. "However, there's a lot of medicine ponies use that behave the same way, although they don't cause a euphoric reaction. All I can think of that does that is morphine, but that's controlled by the Equestrian Health Board and used strictly for patients in pain."

"This is safer," Shawn responded. "You control how much you take and your body adapts to it after a while, depending on how often you smoke it."

"How often did you smoke it back home?"

"Almost everyday."

"Seriously?!"

"Yeah!" Shawn exclaimed. "I mean, I don't spend the entire day getting stoned off my ass. It's a nice way to treat myself after a long day at work, or something to share when hanging out with friends."

"Ah, so it's used for socializing and friendship as well?" Twilight questioned.

"Of course!" Shawn replied. "We just turn on some music, then take turns smoking bowls and just chill. Everyone is so relaxed and we just enjoy ourselves like we would at any other hangout or party."

"Well, I'm glad it's used for positive reasons such as friendship!" stated Twilight. "I'd like to observe how this, 'high', effects you, if you wouldn't mind."

"I thought you'd never ask," Shawn complied, happily grabbing his bag and started picking out a couple big buds. "You're welcome to participate if you want a different approach to study it."

"Um, what?!" Twilight exclaimed, surprised by the invitation to smoke pot. "But I need to properly observe the effects on somepony else! And how can I study when I'm impaired by the same effects?"

"Alright, that's fine," Shawn informed. "I should have everything here..."

The human began to fiddle around in his backpack, mumbling to himself as he searched every compartment. Eventually, he smiled and began to pull out various objects.

"Still got my rolling papers! And enough lighters to last me forever!" Shawn stated as held up the various objects in his hand. "Good thing I had stocked up. And yes! Still have my grinder!"

"How much are you going to smoke?" Twilight asked, concerned about the amount of buds he had placed on the table. "Are you doing that all at once?"

"HA!" Shawn laughed. "I'd probably pass out. No, I'm just going to grind a couple buds up in my grinder here then roll it into a joint."

"A joint?"

"Yeah, just a thin paper you use to roll up the weed in. A joint. You can also smoke it out of a pipe or a bong, but you can't go wrong with a fat joint."

Twilight took notes as she watched Shawn twist the grinder several times, dumping the shredded herb onto the counter. She then payed attention as the human carefully placed the herb onto the paper, which he quickly rolled up and sealed it shut like somepony would lick an envelope closed. He used his fingers to tap the joint a couple times, making sure the weed was evenly distributed in the paper.

"It's not too bad," Shawn commented as he admired his work. "Not the best joint I ever rolled, but after weeks and weeks of being sober, I'm way too happy to care."

"So what happens now?" Twilight asked.

"Now, it's time to light this bad boy up." Shawn answered. "C'mon, let's go outside on the deck upstairs. I don't want to stink up the library when I smoke this."

"Good idea."

Seconds later, Shawn and Twilight were outside in the afternoon sun. Birds happily chirped as they flew around the branches of the library, and the sound of busy ponies in town could be heard. They both sat down in the deck chairs, and Twilight had her scroll laid out on the table, ready to take notes.

"Wait... what time is it?" Twilight asked.

"Uh, hold on," Shawn said, looking at watch, now adjusted for Equestrian time. "Almost three-thirty. Why?"

"Wait for it." Twilight stated.

"Wait for what?"

"Any second now."

"AAAAHHH! LOOK OUT!"

"There she is."

There was a loud scream, followed by the sound of a pegasus pony smashing into the branches above the deck. Rainbow Dash fell down from the canopy, attempting to regain control of her flight with no success. She smashed down on the floor.

"...Ow..."

"Woah, that was awesome!" Shawn exclaimed, helping Rainbow Dash up. "Hey Twilight, does she really crash like that almost every day?"

"Yes."

"I DO NOT!" Rainbow defended, immediately standing upright. "The wind shifted, that's all!"

Shawn couldn't help but chuckle at the scene. "Rough landing though, didn't that hurt?"

"No!" Rainbow quickly replied. "Well, a little. Maybe," she admitted, using her forelegs to rub her sore spots. "Been feeling sore for a couple days now..."

"I see," Shawn responded, coming up with an idea. "I might have something to help with the pain Rainbow Dash."

"Really?"

Shawn held up the joint in his fingers, Rainbow Dash glaring at it curiously as if it were some ugly creature.

"What's a little thing like that gonna do to make me feel better?" Rainbow questioned.

"Just smoke it with me and find out. It's the plant I found in the Everfree a few weeks back." Shawn answered.

"Um, is that really a good idea Shawn?" Twilight interjected. "I mean, shouldn't it be properly studied before we let another pony test it out?"

"Oh, it'll be fine Twilight, it's only a joint." Shawn stated. "And technically she'd only be smoking half of it, since we're sharing it."

"If it can make this aching stop, I'll try anything!" Rainbow declared. "I'm not afraid of some silly plant."

"Ugh, fine," said Twilight. "But I at least want her to stick around so I can take notes on how it effects a pony."

And so it was settled. Rainbow pulled herself a chair over and made herself comfortable as Shawn got ready to light the joint.

"So... how does this work anyways?" Rainbow asked.

"It's simple," Shawn replied. "You just a couple puffs like this..." he made a puffing action with the joint. "...and then after you pull it away from your mouth, quickly inhale so the smoke in your mouth enters your lungs. If possible, try not to get the end of the joint too wet. Also, it might taste bad and the heat can be unpleasant sometimes, so try and take it slow."

"No problem!"

Shawn held the joint in his mouth, bringing up the device he called a lighter and with a quick flick of his thumb, a small flame erupted from the top of the lighter and the heat began to burn the joint. Shawn puffed away to get the herb burning, and put the lighter away as he enjoyed a couple slow puffs before inhaling.

"Fuck," Shawn said as he coughed up smoke. "Man, this *cough*, is some pretty good shit! Okay Rainbow, you're up."

Rainbow didn't admit it, but she was a little nervous. Shawn had to hold the joint for her since she lacked fingers, and coached her as she puffed on the joint. It was quickly followed by a small coughing fit from the pegasus pony, who quickly started spitting off the deck.

"Agh, you were right about the taste..." Rainbow stated. "But the smoke itself wasn't bad, I guess. Feels a little weird. When does this stuff kick in?"

"Takes about five to ten minutes," Shawn informed. "And we gotta smoke the whole joint for the best effect."

The two continued to smoke the joint as Twilight watched, taking notes on the scent and how the herb was being used. Eventually, the joint became nothing more than a small roach and soon enough the last puff was taken.

"My body is starting to feel weird..." Rainbow pointed out. "Is this normal?"

"Yeah..." Shawn replied. "Just try to relax Rainbow and enjoy the sensation."

"What's it like Rainbow Dash?" asked Twilight. "Anything else feel abnormal?"

"I... I don't know Twilight. I'm starting to feel... good."

"Good? Like how?"

"I don't know, my skin just feels weird, all over my body. And I can see it too."

"You can see it?" said Twilight. "What does that mean?"

"My vision," Rainbow replied. "Everything just looks completely different, but it's the same as it was before. It looks really pretty."

Rainbow moved, leaving her chair to walk around and look at the hills in the distance outside of Ponyville.

"Wow... it's just some boring hills, but it looks pretty... I've seen this all my life, but not like this..."

Shawn burst out laughing, unable to contain it anymore.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Oh my god, she's so stoned right now!" he yelled in between his bursts of laughter. This somehow made Rainbow Dash chuckle, and she too began to laugh.

"Haha, yeah, I'm stoned..." Rainbow mumbled. "Haha, why am I laughing? Hahahaha!"

Poor Twilight was stuck in the middle of two laughing, stoned friends while she jotted down more notes, filling up another page.

"Hehehe hows the pain Rainbow?" Shawn asked.

"Huh?" Rainbow looked up, completely lost. Her eyes had started to fade into a pink shade. "What pain? I feel awesome!"

"So it worked then? No more pain?"

Rainbow suddenly realized this, the look appearing in her bloodshot eyes. "Yeah! The pain is gone! I mean, for the most part, but it doesn't ache and sore anymore! And.. muragjhhllfff hahaha, my mouth feels funny when I move it!"

"I don't know about you Rainbow," Shawn started. "But I could use something to eat."

"Yeah," Rainbow agreed. "In fact, I'm STARVING! Twilight!"

Twilight was suddenly grasped by Rainbow's hooves, pulled right outside of her comfort zone.

"Twilight, please tell me you have snacks!"

"Ack! Rainbow Dash!" Twilight protested "Yes, in the fridge, but-"

Before Twilight could finish, Shawn and Rainbow had already run inside to the kitchen, where the sacred munchies lay hidden.

"Ugh, I guess this stuff also makes them stupid..." Twilight assumed as she checked the time. "Almost 4:20, better make sure they don't spoil their dinner..."

Author's Note

So, each chapter will represent it's own story, or as I call them, "adventures". Each one will usually involve a different character, although group sessions will be had. And not all the adventures will be good times, expect some bad trips to happen along the way.

It's ok

"Shawn?" Twilight Sparkle called out. "Rainbow Dash? Where are you two?" she continued as she explored the library looking for them. For days now the two had been coming to the library to take out books and then smoke marijuana on the outside deck. However, when Twilight went to check on them, they were nowhere to be found.

"Ugh!" the unicorn grunted in annoyance. "They still haven't paid for those overdue books and they eat all my food, where could they... what's that smell?"

Twilight's nose scrunched as the familiar scent triggered her senses. She noticed the scent became stronger as she trotted closer to the basement door, her eyes widening with realization.

"Oh, you HAVE to be kidding me!"

Out of frustration, Twilight violently opened the basement door with her magic. Instantly, a giant cloud of smoke escaped into the library, flooding the room with the thick scent of milky bong tokes. The unicorn coughed as she fanned the smoke away, using her magic to force the smoke outside through the windows.

"Aw man!" Shawn whined as he stumbled through the basement door, completely stoned. "You ruined our hotbox Twilight!"

"Woah..." Rainbow said in awe as she left the basement, feeling higher than Cloudsdale. "Fresh air!"

"WHY WERE YOU SMOKING IN THE BASEMENT?!" Twilight raged. "I thought you were only going to do that outside!"

"Twilight, it's ok," Shawn replied. "It's ok."

"It's not ok!" Twilight exclaimed. "The whole library smells all muggy in here! And you two still owe me for those overdue books!"

"Twilight," Rainbow started. "It's ok."

"Yeah Twilight, relax," said Shawn. "It's ok."

Two seconds later, Shawn and Rainbow were teleported outside by a really angry unicorn.

"Shit, I left the weed in the basement." stated Shawn.

"IT'S OK!" Twilight screamed from inside, using her magic to toss the bags of weed into the two.

"Dude..." Rainbow started.

"What is it?" Shawn replied.

"I found a couple bits on the ground!" she happily stated, holding the gold coins in her hooves. "You know what this means?"

The two stared at each other in realization, gazing into their own bloodshot eyes. They both knew.

"MUNCHIES!"

Author's Note

Short chapter, I know. Not all the chapters will be short stories, I have plans for an actual story arc to that Shawn won't seem like a useless stoner during the whole adventure.