Caricature of Lifeless Love

by Scruffy Sock

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Adventure
Length: 2100

Discord is in completely and horrifyingly in love, which is very strange, because he certainly wasn't the night before.

Discord, having suddenly fallen in love due to no reason he can think up at the moment, decides he needs to set out on a mission: why in the sweet name of all things holy is he in love? Meanwhile, a dark threat is slowly making its way across Equestria, and Discord may have to play hero. But can he save the day when he's focusing on not being enamored with the one pony he hates so much?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-18 08:49:04 UTC

Wine is best Suspended

All around the old God were long tables, trimmed with golden lace and deep red runners. Bright and gleaming glasses

clinked musically against each other as the maids set them up, along with smooth glass plates and shining silverware. He picked on of the spoons up, and it was cold against the pad of his paw. It, too, had a small curling design crafted from gold.

Sighing, he let the spoon go, and it nonchalantly floated like a balloon toward the ceiling, much to the maids’ surprise.

A few pegasi streamed velvet ribbons along the top of the hall, and looped the ends into one grand bow above an impressive and once again, gold chandelier.

Discord ran his talons through his small wispy beard.

What could they be celebrating, with such fine decor?

Hearth’s Warming has already passed, there was no doubt of that as the ridiculously long summer had begun, and the night air outside was warm and carried a sweet wind.

Heart’s and Hooves should be in a few months, and they court never celebrated it openly so there was no chance of that.

The ballroom doors opened as more ponies bustled in, from tray holders to musicians. Finding the rush somewhat amusing at first, then annoying a few seconds later, Discord ascended to the ceiling and watched in curious fascination as to what the ponies were doing.

A small group of earth ponies, all musicians, set up many instruments and began tuning their individual pieces. A grey earth pony with an ashen tinted mane tuning a Cello noticed him, but only briefly as she turned back to her music. He was slightly interested in how important tightening the strings of a wooden device was over the God of Chaos currently residing by a bunch of red ribbons, but he continued to look around. Many types of ponies rushed to put an absurd amount of fine delicacies on the gargantuan tables, until the aroma of so many rich things began to burn at his nose.

Still curious and a little stubborn, he looked down to see more decorations, and more lights, and more things that dazzled his eyes until he saw shadows when he closed his eyes. Frustrated and in a little bit of pain from both the lights and the smell, he descended into the area behind the musicians and rubbed his eyes, grumbling. What was so important?

He wouldn’t ask, that would ruin his pride. So he instead prowled around the tables, hoping to get some glance or clue as to what was worth celebrating in the most boring season of the year.

He did not.

Instead, a few ponies began to think that he was creeping around them and tended to avoid his movements.

Amusing, but that was not helpful to the current situation.

Just as quickly as the bustle began, it ended, and the room was near empty, save a few maids and the already noted musicians.

Discord flicked his tail in irritation, and decided to look at the table that the food had been set up on.

The finer of the fine china the castle had was being used for this occasion, and many, many foods were spread out in front of him.

Some sweets, but mostly soups, salads, and some sweet breads. His eyes widened in surprise as he spotted a particularly rare platter of spiced steak. The castle never made steak, considering the near cannibalism, unless the Griffon Courts were visiting from wherever the strange half breeds came from, so it must be some sort of very large meeting, right?

Satisfied with his own self made answer, he turned around as the large and now sparkly doors opened, and the musicians piped up their precious instruments.

It was the Elements of Harmony, and worse yet, Celestia and Luna were with them.

With a dash of bitterness, he regretted having not spoiled the food.

He slithered over beside Luna and walked along side them as if he was there the entire time. Leaning over, he whispered to the moon princess “What’s up with the bedazzled ballroom?” Luna gave him a look that questioned whether he was half-mad or not, and Discord grinned a little. “What, did I miss something big?”

Celestia glanced over to Luna, then a little past to see Discord’s massive gray head. “Oh, Discord, I didn’t see you there. Have you come along for the celebration?”

Strange. She didn’t sound the least bit resentful of him as she usually did.

“Of course Princess, celebrations are my element. After all, this is a big celebration.” He made that sound like knew what he was talking about, right?

Luna smiled a little. “He has no idea what the festivities are for.”

Backstabber! She’d have mismatched socks in the morning.

Pinkie Pie, the only element he’s actually liked from the start, piped up from behind him saying “What a silly! Don’t you know

that today was Twilight’s super big spectacular save-the-day bananza?”

“I think that has been made evident,” he replied dryly. “So, what did Twilight do this time? Save the world, rescue a puppy?”

Celestia stepped aside, an amused look on her lovely ivory face. Behind her was Twilight, the annoying unicorn. He blinked.

She looked wider. She smiled and lowered her head as two spectacular wings spread out from her sides, and every feather was preened to perfection.

Shock was not a commonplace for Discord but it did occur on rare times.

“That’s new.”

The apple pony tipped her cliché cowboy hat and replied “Now Twi’s a princess, just like Celestia an’ Luna! Innit great?”

Discord cocked his head as Twilight folded her wings back into place, tight around her sides.

“Yes, I suppose…” There was ramification’s with Twilight being an Alicorn princess as the cosmos had decided. For instance, immortality was a given. But he let that sit on his tongue as Fluttershy tiptoed over to him and timidly asked him how things were going with his “being nice”.

“Just fine, and I haven’t broken anything. Well, anything really important.”

Rainbow crash and the prissy unicorn one were making conversation by the platter table, and Fluttershy went to join them.

Curious once again, he went to Twilight’s side and watched as she walked, and as her wings twitched when she laughed or unfolded when surprised. They operated like ordinary wings, and he could see the connecting muscles under her hide that made them move about so.

They were her wings.

She was an alicorn.

Discord sighed and leaned against a nearby pillar. Why were they celebrating? Certainly being a princess was a big thing, little fillies dreams blah blah, but Twilight would have real responsibilities, and probably ruin them completely.

So he walked into the party with a very wide grin on his face, patted Twilight’s head and grabbed a wine bottle from the buffet table.

Discord had, for the most of the party, contented himself with the fine wine he was drinking as he suspended himself from the ribbons. He contemplated the wine for a moment. He was older than this wine, much older. Perplexed by whether or not he should feel old or wise, he took another chug of the bottle and watched the ponies from below. The wine was bitter, with smooth as it coursed down his throat and bubbled in his stomach.

Usually the life of most celebrations, he decided to give the ponies one last party before Twilight ruined the entire empire Celestia had created.

Eventually, the court entered, and the lively atmosphere turned placid and tense. Twilight stood between Luna and Celestia as they entered, and they seemed to be summing Twilight up as they looked at her.

The Court was made up of twelve very stern looking ponies, all pencil pushers and tight ties, and Celestia seemed to have given them the impression that they were important or something.

So they looked at Twilight and went to the buffet table, murmuring things to each other. Discord chuckled to himself. Twilight could vaporize them into nothingness if she really wanted him to, yet she cowered beneath their stare.

The Elements whispered to each other, and the apple pony attempted to calm the rainbow crash.

Then the Griffon court arrived, with a few pony consultants.

They too summed up Twilight, but it was obvious they already liked her charisma as one of them relaxed its wings in approval.

What was all this about, anyhow?

Swallowing the empty bottle of wine, he lowered himself into the room, which the music dominated more than the talking. Everyone’s whispers were hushed and glancing, as if they were waiting for someone to plant a bomb in the room. All things considered, he could do that, but Fluttershy would be disappointed at his chaos combo-breaker.

A particularly sleazy looking black pony started to go for one of the older wine bottles. Discord, being slightly offended at his way of approaching an edible relic snatched the bottle before it could. The dragon creature was about to criticize the stallion on its taste and whether or not it had one, when he noticed something.

“You look a little, unhealthy.”

The pony’s eyes flicked around for a second, looking for anybody watching them. The whites of his eyes were actually tinted a little bit green, and his horn seemed to have some swelling at the base of it.

“Do you need a doctor or something?” Discord asked curiously. In all honesty, if he needed one he’d have to go get one himself because of his ban from the medic bay.

“No,” the stallion replied with the voice of needles and sandpaper. “I’m fine.” He turned around with a little bit of difficulty, like his hooves weren’t moving the right way. He mingled into the party, and Discord clung to his precious wine.

Ascending back to the ribbon ceiling, he took a swig from the bottle.

This wine was different. It burned hotly as it went down, and it coursed down his throat like it was alive, and it sloshed hotly in his stomach. He clutched his throat and dropped down, landing behind one of the long tables. He couldn’t get drunk, his immune system was too powerful. What was this? It felt like it was closing his lungs from the inside, and he couldn’t breathe.

He felt hooves on his face, and opened his eyes to see Twilight, concerned and quiet. “Discord,” she whispered “What is it, are you alright?”

Something peculiar odd happened then, as the burning turned cool and the hotness turned into warm. He coughed a second. “I think I’m alright, thanks.”

She nodded, glancing back to the courts nervously. “Maybe you should go take a breather, the maids are cleaning up the wine bottle you dropped.

“I think you’re right,” he replied hoarsely, his throat still tight. With a snap of his talons, he was in the gardens.

The night was clear and crisp, and the grass dew was cool enough to lay on. Taking a few deep breathes, he laid down to sleep. Perhaps the courts would pass in the morning, and the soreness in his throat would pass too, and he would find what was wrong with that wine.

He suddenly felt incredibly tired, and slept.

0-0-0-0-0

He awoke the next morning to butterflies and the chipring of birds, and a hoof tapping his head.

“Hey, Discord? Are you ok?” He blinked lazily and looked up to see Twilight, in all her violet beauty staring down at him. “You seemed a little, uh, ill last night.”

“Thank you for your concern, but I think I’m fine now.” Was it just him, or had her eyes grown a little bit more sparkly in the night?

She sighed, relief, and she looked back behind her. “I need to go get ready for breakfast with the courts, wish me luck.”

“Not that you’ll need it,” Discord replied, almost a purr in his voice. She laughed a little and trotted back to the ballroom, only a little ways away.

Coughing, he sat up.

What was that about?

He watched her enter the ballroom, her wings glimmering like every feather had been the life work of a fairy jeweler, and her mane was made from silk threads, and her eyes were two glass orbs in a velvet case.

Now wait a minute, Discord though with a twinge of panic. Am I… in love?

He certainly wasn’t the night before.

And his stomach was cold and hard as he turned around and vomited in the nearby bushes.