Before The Magic

by picklejuice

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Doctor Whooves, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 11320

What were the ponies like BEFORE they learned these arguably obvious, simple lessons of friendship? A bunch of jerks, that's who!

Meet Paige Turner, a fan of "My Little Pony," an obscure 300-year-old series of books written for little foals. She thought it was all a bunch of childish but entertaining stories set in a fictional Equestria, but when she takes a job in Ponyville, it becomes more and more obvious these books aren't fiction, but... prophecy.

Unfortunately for Paige, she's seeing the mane 5 BEFORE Twilight Sparkle ever set hoof in town, and it's becoming increasingly obvious that THESE ponies haven't learned a single thing about friendship ...

... YET!

[img]http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/305/0/a/befor_the_magic_intro_rough_sketch_gif_by_picklejuice13-d6smqs1.gif[/img]

[Thanks to my editors/proofreaders/contributors: sourichan, the_baas, Unimportant, Fox Blitz! Love ya!!]

Published 2013-10-19 02:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-24 03:50:02 UTC

Faithful and Strong

Chapter 2: Faithful And Strong

When I was a little red-scarfed filly, I was once in the basement of the Turner mansion in Canterlot. My dad Phrase Turner had just come down to find me, and was shocked. "Paige! What in Sweet Celestia's Cutie Mark is going on around here?!"

I popped my head up from a mountain of scattered floppy books and pages. Around me were mountains of paper and book covers, some violently unconnected to each other. "What? You said I could read."

Dad looked at me with both love and exasperation. "You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, true, but this is throwing caution to the wind! Literally!" He picked up a random book. "The pages-, the binding-, the glue- did you DOG EAR a PAGE?!"

I'd started reading while he ranted and wasn't paying attention. "Hm?"

Dad put his hoof down on the book I was reading, covering it up and preventing me from whip-quick turning the page as I'd been. "Paige. You're RUINING my books."

"I thought I was just reading them." I looked around at the scene of chaos, and it slowly dawned on me.

"These sheets are shorn. The binding is bent. The glue is gone. And you never, ever turn the corner of a page to 'bookmark' it! Frankly, I'm surprised you stopped!"

"I had to get a drink of water." I said quietly, tears starting to well up. I saw it now - all the books WERE ruined. Every one damaged in some way, some with pages completely torn out and thrown on the ground! Pulling my hooves back in horror, I looked up. "I'm sorry, dad!"

Shaking his mane, the elder Turner said softly, "And well you should be. Books are very precious. Paper and binding fall apart all on their own, given time. We don't need to speed the process." Sighing, he added, "Come on, now, let's clean this up."

But I didn't get up. If I got up...

"It's all right Paigey. Let's just get started." He tried to start collecting the papers near me. His hoofs got too close: he was going to see! I shuffled back under a mountain of paper. "Come on, dear. Working will help chase the tears away."

"But… if you do that, you'll… " I dove into a pile of papers and hid.

He cocked his head to one side and called out, "Paige! That's not helping!" I stayed quiet. "Paige? Is there something else?"

"Mm-hmm." I said from under Paper Mountain.

"What is it?"

A small billow of papers drifted up in a sudden wind as I sighed in defeat. "I didn't want you… to see my …" Unable to bring myself to say it or think it, I simply walked up to dad and looked at him wondering what he'll do. He saw it right away.

But his smile was wide and proud. "Your cutie mark! You found your cutie mark! When did this happen?"

I hung my head "That's why I was so excited to read. I read three books in half an hour and … and I just realized it."

"Well, it's an hour glass… what's it for? What's your special talent?"

My face contorted in fear and sadness. It was too tragic!

"Come on, dear, it can't be all that bad."

Unable to take it anymore, I hugged him, weeping openly. "Speed-reading! My special talent is ruining books! It's so unfair!"

At first, Phrase looked around the room and couldn't find a single thing to help me. But then he saw his bookbinding kit. "Paige. Listen, honey. I'll show you how to repair the books, and it'll make you feel better."

I sniffed. "R-repair?" He was smiling at me sincerely. "We can do that?"

"They'll be good as new when we're done."

"Thank you!"

A good night's rest helped me digest all of what happened. Pinkie Pie. The party. The town.

The honesty.

I scratched that itch in my mind, hard. Was there something more to this place than just a tourist resort? So far, the phrase "My Little Pony" hadn't been said once by anyone but me to my dad. I couldn't find a copy of series in the town library. If this truly WAS a town BUILT to reflect the 300-year-old series of books I'd been reading, then where's the product placement? I figured it COULD all be an elaborate immersive experience. Garish trademarking would pull one out of the experience, but still!

It seemed just like the Ponyville I'd read of.

With how earnest and true everyone was being all around me, could it really all be a lie?

"Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! I - oh! It's Paige! Have a free cupcake!" Mr. Cake offered a fresh one, steam still wafting off it.

"Thanks!" I took a bite and smiled. Like everything so far, it too was top-notch stuff. "Really good! Could I have a bear claw?"

Mr. Cake nodded, and produced one of the glazed delectables. "Here you are. They're normally a popular item and hard to get but we have a surplus today. Have an extra one, on the house!"

"Mmm!" I took them, paid my bits, and was about to leave, when I remembered why I really came here.

"It's because of Pinkie Pie, isn't it?" Mr. Cake just smiled. "Probably, but I'm betting that will turn around and really soon! I don't know if you've heard, but Pinkie has a bit of a ... reputation in town. But last night, at your party, I just don't know what happened. She seems like a whole new pony." Mr. Cake suddenly had a faraway look. "A new, very confusing, quirky pony."

A smile played across my face as I struggled with the stories in my mind. I left with simple confused look.

"Scootaloo! You get back here!" I did a double take, watching as two more "actors" - Applejack and Scootaloo - sped by. I looked around at the other ponies, wondering who these two actors were putting on a show for. Were there more tourists in town?

But there was no one forthcoming. Nopony trying to sell me an Applejack t-shirt. Nopony at all to explain what I just saw.

"It's gotta be me. Again." I said to myself, this time not so certain. I followed the two, as I suspected I was expected to.

"I'm gonna throw you in a box, Scootaloo! You're not the first kid I sent away! The others are in boxes, sent to the nagas in the Everfree Forest! Special delivery! Meals for Eels!"

"I don't believe you! Everypony knows you're a big fibber!"

"First an angry Pinkie, and now a lying Applejack? What next, a disloyal Rainbow Dash? A greedy Rarity? A cruel Fluttershy?" I redoubled my efforts, but was no match for Applejack.

I thought I lost them for a bit, then heard a SNAP! and some crying. When I rounded a corner I saw Applejack was finally able to rope Scootaloo with a lasso. Unfortunately, the high speed made for an awkward stop, and one of the scooter's wheels got crushed.

"My SCOOTER!" Scootaloo cried. "You RUINED it! I HATE you!" She sobbed incoherently as Applejack trotted up and untied the little filly.

"Uh, no I didn't. You did. It's yer fault fer runnin' away from me! C'mere you, you little cowpie." Applejack wrangled Scootaloo with a strong arm, and started leading her away. "Gonna get you back to school, where you'll STAY this time, varmit!" She noticed Paige in the way. "Pardon me, just escortin' my little sister back to school." She did her trademark "I'm not lying!" face, complete with pursed lips, and shifty, wide eyes.

"She's not my sister!" Scootaloo cried out.

I made a "T" gesture with my hooves. "Time out, I need to go O.O.C. for a minute here gals, if that's all right." Applejack and Scootaloo scrunched their faces up in confusion. "GREAT acting job, everypony. Really convincing. You're a great Applejack, and you, Scoots, are just incredible! Very good job. The problem is, I didn't get my character sheet for this particular scenario. I kinda flubbed my way through it last night, but truth be told, I didn't have it then either. I still had fun but---"

"Whut in tarnation are you talkin' about?" Demanded the angry orange pony.

I rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. "Total immersion. Fine. I get it. So... Um. Hi there, 'Applejack' is it? Can I ask just what's going on here?"

"Just bringin' mah sister back to school." Applejack did another face-squint. "That's mah story, an' I'm stickin' to it."

I realized I wasn't going to get a straight answer out of THIS Applejack, so I bowed and backed away. "Whatever you say..." Once they had a good lead, I followed them from a distance to the schoolhouse.

Applejack dropped off Scootaloo and left. Cheerilee had some harsh words for schootaloo, and pointed a hoof at her before going inside. As I got closer I heard her say "And if you're gone when I come back, it's detention for a MONTH in stead of just a week!"

Cheerilee went inside, and soon there was just the mopey Scootaloo.

"Tough day, huh?" With a pout and a harrumph, the orange pegasus filly just looked away. "Adults getting you down."

"No."

"Really? Then what was going on with you and Applejack?"

"She was just trying to corral me back to class for Cheerilee."

"But what's up with her... you know... lying all the time?"

"Oh, that's just Applejack. She lies all the time."

I sat down, and looked around. "That's... really weird."

"Hm? What is?"

"Applejack lying all the time. It doesn't make sense. Has she been a liar all the time you've known her?"

"I guess. Why doesn't it make sense?"

"Well, in the books - " Paige looked at Scootaloo, and saw the utter honest confusion in the child's face. "You're not an actress, are you?" I almost relented right then. But, I was still reluctant to slip into the madness that was clearly all around me, I inwardly hoped...

"Huh?"

I shook my head. Yet another perfect piece of acting. Then, I had a thought. "How long has Ponyville been around?"

"Oh! We learned about that in class. About a hundred years."

Crestfallen, I still clung to the lie I'd been telling herself. "And when I go to the town records, it's going to confirm that. Oh, crackers." I slumped in confusion. "What is going ON?"

As I stomped off to Town Hall, Scootalloo muttered "She's just as crazy as Pinkie! Hm. Maybe THAT'S why they got along so well..."

I DID go to the town records and confirmed it. The town was, indeed, about a hundred years old. That meant my 300-year old books were written BEFORE ponyville even existed!

It was as if I was really in a storybook!

One thought consumed me after I left the town hall: I gotta find the others.

"Darling, I have no idea what you are speaking of whatsoever! Honestly, I have my hooves full directing my sla- er, my dashing stallions to go dig up gems for me and make dresses. Who has time for friends?"

"Go away! I don't want any. I SAID I DON'T WANT ANY! (if that's okay with you...)

"snzzz snzzz snzzz"

The mayor had confirmed Ponyville was hosting the Summer Sun celebration in a month's time, and Celestia herself would be here. If the books were really true, the Mare in the Moon was going to come to life and plunge the world into eternal night. That is, unless a certain unicorn and 5 other ponies could become friends.

"Likely story(!)" I said. I sat watching Rainbow Dash's cloud lazily drift through the sky, among a dozen other wild clouds drifting in a pattern that was distinctly NOT regulation "partly cloudy."

I shook my mane and stared at the ground. "No way. This CAN'T be happening. I mean - it SEEMS like the books, but it ISN'T. Applejack was ALWAYS honest." I looked back at town, which looked like it was about to be under a gang of random heavy cloudcover. Cloudcover unwrangled by Rainbow Dash.

"Wasn't she?"

"Oh, my, yes. Quite the mouth on that one. Fibbin' left and right. She doesn't mean harm by it."

"Applejack? Sheesh, you bet she's a big liar. The trick is, you can ALWAYS tell when she's lying, so just don't buy it when she makes that face."

"She said my petunias were going to grow better if I mushed up her apples. Ridiculous! But I bought 'em anyway. Despite her lip, they *are* the best apples for miles around."

"Me? No, I never confronted her about it. Why would I? It's not my business. She's not my sister or whatever."

The townsponies' words confirmed it. Applejack was a liar. This was a problem. But I didn't know what to do. I was pacing back and forth around town square, trying to figure it out.

I needed to talk with someone about this - let them know what I'd found out! Somepony - ANYPONY I could share this with!

But who? If I talked to any of them, I might alter the future. I mean, it seems like Pinkie Pie is back to "normal" charming self now, and she'll be the first pony to meet Twilight in Ponyville.

First pony to meet Twilight in Ponyville...

Then it was Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and then Fluttershy.

That gave me an idea, but I filed it away.

"Hey! Hey, you! Book Girl!"

I shook my head and looked. "Oh. Hello, Sweetie Drops."

Her face scrunched up. "Ugh. That NAME! Call me Bon-Bon, would you? Now listen. I need a book."

It took me a bit to switch gears. "Oh. Yes. Sure. What do you need?" Welcome for the distraction, we started trotting back to the LIbrary.

"I need... like... a spell or something to change my voice."

"Really?" I glanced back. "Do you have a horn hiding under those pink locks?

"Ugh. No! I like ... just need it, okay? I have somepony who can cast it for me. So like, just find it, okay?"

I rolled my eyes at her scornful valley girl accent. "You from Manehattan?"

Bon-bon paused, but said, "Yes. I'm definitely from there, not THIS place. Ugh. How long is this going to take?"

"We just got to the library. Give me a couple minutes. I still don't have everything ready for opening tomorrow."

"Chah. Whatever." She took a seat and poked at the unicorn bust.

This one's a horrible gossip, probably. If I needed to keep what I know a secret, she'd be the worst pony to tell anything to. I thought a bit before saying, "You know... I read about this place in a book, once."

"Of COURSE you did. You're a librarian." Bon bon huffed and shook her mane, like I was being stupid.

"Never mind." She wouldn't be much help to anyone but herself. I let it drop.

"Here you go. Otto Tune's Book on Vocal Manipulation. I remember a few songs by this jokester. Something about hiding your kids and your wife, right?"

The off-white mare scowled. "Well, it's a start. How much do I owe you?"

"It's a library, Bon-Bon. You borrow it, and promise to bring it back." I offered it to her. When she put her hoof on it, I didn't let go.

She glared at me, and I casually said, "What did you do yesterday when my back was turned?"

Her disgust turned into an outright angry scowl. "I wasn't HERE yesterday."

That didn't make sense. I let go. "You weren't?"

Now looking angry AND a little frightened, she said, "No. Maybe you saw one of my... sisters."

"Right. HER name was 'Sweetie Drop.' Funny. She looked just like you."

Defiant, Bon-Bon just stamped a hoof and said, "Yeah(!) Funny(!)" I made her fill out the check-out card for the book, and she stomped off.

Watching her leave quickly reminded me of something I'd been neglecting a little since I arrived.

Going out for a run.

Book watched my image in a crystal ball, his pages flipping back and forth, back and forth in intense concentration. "How do we STOP her?"

The strange pony with a book for a head stomped over to the Machine and examined the pages as the Pen of Fate flittered over them. All around him, the Allibrary loomed, bookcase upon bookcase on upwards to infinity. Between the infinitely tall cases lined with ladders and stairs and balconies were even more bookcases in a maze of unfathomable proportions. Somewhere in this mess was Space, off on a mission of Book's.

At first, the Machine was working perfectly fine. He wrote the future into a blank book with his special ink. He then put the book into the machine, and when the Pen of Fate was supposed to draw out a new blank book from the stack...

It would choose HIS in stead.

And in stead of the actual future, the pen would merely trace the words he'd written. It worked perfectly. Pinkie Pie became a mad pony in stead of her "usual" happy self. The other ponies became twisted monsters as well. All perfectly within the storyline.

After all, according to cannon, they HADN'T learned a single lesson on friendship... YET!

But as soon as the Pen of Fate's quill scratched the paper describing Paige's arrival in Ponyville, the machine STOPPED working.

In stead of tracing HIS words, the pen was lifting the ink from the page, and rewriting the story.

"How is she DOING it?" He growled at the machine. "I've done this a thousand times on a thousand other Equestrias. It worked each time, bringing Nightmare Moon to power and bringing about eternal night!"

"Book!" The monster pony swung his pages in the direction of the voice. "I found it, Book! I found it, I found it!"

Anger wrinkling his binding, Book growled, "Bring it here!" Space was galloping through the Allibrary, dodging between stacks of books. He was completely out of breath by the time he reached Book and the Machine.

"Here- *gasp* it is!" Space collapsed.

Book's head glowed, and the book Space had been carrying lifted up and opened for him. He flipped through the pages quickly, and the words in the new book lifted up as the pages flipped. The words almost left the page under Book's magical aura, but snapped back into place as he "read."

"Mmm. Mmm. MMM!" He called out, as if devouring a delicious meal. As quickly as he could flip all the pages, he was done. The book, smoking slightly, fell and hit the ground with a dead THUD.

Book whipped his head away, pacing now, as he pondered the contents. "Yes..." He hissed. "Yes..."

Space, forgotten, was gradually getting his breath back. The light brown amber unicorn with an hourglass cutie mark slowly got to his hooves. "Wish I could teleport in here. All this running around's wearing me out!"

"Soon you will be, Space. Soon the Allibrary secrets will be revealed to us all."

Fatigue forgotten, Space spun toward Book. "You mean we've found it?"

Book bucked, breaking one side of the Machine. Instantly, the Pen of Fate was freed from his magically inked books, and whipped into the air. The words it was writing trailed after it, words of ink hanging in the air as the pen furiously continued to write. Book spun and pushed a weak spot in the great Machine, causing great sprockets and widgets to fail and fling out, broken and useless. He laughed, and continued to shout triumphantly as he tore the machine apart.

"Yes. I know where it is." A blank book flew out of the infinite darkness above, and magically CAUGHT the words of ink being flung by the Pen of Fate.

"I should have known this was the place, once the machine began acting strange." Space pranced away from the destruction.

"This isn't a reflection, Space. This is it. This is the REAL Equestria." The Pen and new blank book slowly lowered to a golden podium, where the book settled and the ink was absorbed into the pages, and the pen continued to furiously write.

"We've found it! We KNOW where it is, and with that knowledge, the battle is now halfway WON. Mwa ha ha ha!" Book shot magic rays from his head into the machine, blasting the last large pieces apart. He laughed, and pranced in victory.

Space watched from a distance, blinking in apprehension. "The REAL Equestria? But... " He looked at himself. "But that means the Equestria HE took me from..." He blinked some more, sadness pulling his face into worry.

Running. Almost all ponies love to run, but it's a sort of family ritual in the Turners. When we first began using "Turner" as a surname, quite unusual in Equestria, the first "Turner" had a catchphrase: "run!" Usually down corridors, but the place wasn't important. The why wasn't important. The run's all that mattered.

Be it for fun or for delivering messages or running away from imagined monster Pepperpots with delusions of Pest Control, running was in the Turner family genes.

And I'm no different. Time wasn't back to Ponyville, and I didn't want to see Pinkie quite so soon after "fixing" her, so I needed to talk with the only pony I could: myself.

I was only going a brisk canter and not a gallop, trying to collect my thoughts. The trail I was on was recommended by an elderly stallion with a racing number cutie mark. "Number Thirteen" or "#13" as he preferred to be referred to.

"Right. No distractions. Rainbow, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applebloom, Sweetie bell - how could I possibly KNOW about all these ponies? How did I KNOW about Pinkie? The massacre-"

No, that didn't happen. Pinkie changed. She chose to be happy.

"Fine. The POTENTIAL massacre I saw ... that was deeply troubling and disturbing! Seeing all that carnage -"

POTENTIAL carnage.

"Fine, POTENTIAL carnage has me all riled up. I just need a good night's rest. How long have I been up?"

I blinked. "Wait - where did THAT thought come from? Was there ACTUAL carnage?"

Only in my mind.

"Only... in... MY mind?"

That's right. The other timeline didn't happen.

Now I was very confused. "What other timeline?"

The other timeline that didn't happen and was never supposed to happen. You saw it only because you were reading ahead. But, it was never really real to begin with, so no harm done. Right?

"I don't know about any other timeline!"

Of course not. You're the real Paige Turner. You'd have no knowledge of the other timelines, unless you read ahead AND someone was trying to change the future.

"That - that doesn't make any sense! I AM the "real" Paige Turner! There's nopony else but me being me!"

That's not entirely accurate. Don't you remember, talking to your cousin Time about this before?

The trail was getting rough but I was pouring on speed. Run. RUN! RUN!!! This didn't make any sense! What am I saying to myself?

"No. I... I DIDN'T..."

Didn't I?

I shook my mane. "This... is pointless. This has to stop. I have a real problem here. Applejack's a liar, and that's not right."

Of course it isn't right. She's the element of Honesty. Truth pours in and out of her like a river. So strong, even SHE can't turn the tide.

"Of course! That's it!"

But the fact that she lies POORLY isn't enough to get her to STOP. I might have figured out why Pinkie was angry at everyone, but I don't know WHY Applejack is lying.

"I need to talk to her face to face."

"I got a date with a penguin. Gotta run!"

"Can ya hold these barrels for a sec? Thanks. Bye!"

"I'm not hidin' nothin!"

"Why are you following me? I've got hoof in mouth disease! You might catch it!"

"I'm ... actually pink and dye my coat brown to fit in with the family!"

"This isn't getting me ANYWHERE!" I cried as Applejack sped off yet again, leaving me with no answers. "She's just too fast and strong for me to pin down. Every time I get her cornered someplace, she just bucks her way out and runs off." I'm a good runner, but Applejack has real world knowledge of the layout of Ponyville I just don't have. She can shake me whenever she wants.

If there were only some way to slow her down...

"What can I do, though? Make a molasses trap? Maybe I could cook up a brew or a stew or ---"

It came to me in a flash. I grinned and rubbed my hooves together. "Or maybe something from Supernaturals: Natural Remedies and Cure-Alls That Are Simply Super!"

As I stared at the book, I remembered the stories. My worry and pain and confusion, gripped firmly on my face, suddenly just ... let go.

I got an IDEA. A grin stretched the corners of my mouth.

An AWFUL idea! The grin spread further and furthur

I got a WONDERFUL, awful, idea! My grin began to twirl in evil curls at the edges.

"And I know just what to do!"

Four voices spoke in measured, whispered, calculating tones. As each spoke, a different star shone brighter.

This one shows promise, brothers.

Her insight could prove useful.

We must light her way in the darkness she finds herself in.

And we must rekindle her forgotten obsession.

The four stars continued their trek across the sky toward the power of their source, their treasure, their fate: The Mare in the Moon.

Everypony was there, this time FOR Pinkie Pie AND her party. I smiled as I watched her in the opening ceremonies.

"HEAR YE! HEAR YE! LET THE GRAND OPENING OF THE GOLDEN OAKS LIBRARY..." Pinkie fumbled with a pair of giant novelty scissors, and managed to snip the golden ribbon in the front. "BEGIN!"

The cheers were accompanied by streamers and confetti. Mayor Mare was smiling and nodding to ponies. I was feeling pretty optimistic.

When Pinkie bounced into the building, I made sure to give her a quick message - "Congratulations on getting back in good graces with Mayor Mare! How'd you do it?"

"She made fun of my hair and I giggled!" She said, giggling.

Suddenly, she leaned in close and whispered dangerously in my ear: "No pony else knows my secret but you. KEEP it that way!" And she was suddenly giggling and bouncing away again.

"Wuh?!" I blinked. Well, maybe she really IS a psycho jerk! I frowned. Maybe this IS real, but I wasn't sure it was MY Equestria anymore! I shook my mane. Even if Pinkie's a jerk, that doesn't mean THIS Applejack is too!

I spotted Bon Bon in the croud at one point, laughing and chatting it up with a strong olive green unicorn stallion. I was considering whether or not to approach her and ask how the spell went, when I saw Bon-Bon on the other side of the room, having a very intense conversation with the Mayor.

"What the hay?" The Bon-Bon with the mayor stomped off, and slipped away in the crowd. "TWO Bon-Bons?"

I searched for the next 10 minutes, but I couldn't get to either bon-bon. I snorted in frustration. I was SURE I'd seen them both!

Suddenly, two farm ponies busted into the scene. They looked around in confusion, clearly a little worn out from running. "Which one's the librarian?" Applebloom asked. Big Mac just shook his head, looking around.

Bon-bon was trying to avoid me, but these two weren't. I approached them as they searched the crowd. Pretty soon I was standing right next to them, so I ---

Woah, Nelly!

That chest, those whithers, that jaw... I'd forgotten all the the hearts I drew once around a crude picture I had of Big Mac... until I came face-to-face with the fiery stallion.

"Ahmana" I mumbled and blinked.

"Who're you?" Big Mac demanded.

"I- I- I'm the new librarian. Paige. Paige Turner, at your service." I laughed nervously. I'm gonna screw this up. They're going to see right through me!

"There you are! My big sister - she's been CURSED!" Applebloom's Cutie Mark Crusader voice, turned up to 11, cut across the whole library. Everypony turned toward us and quieted down.

I was tempted to call forth Bon-Bon to try to find out what HER deal was, but this was much more important. Applebloom shifted her hair to reveal a tiny Applejack perched on her back. I suppressed a grin. The Poison Joke I sprinkled on her bed worked just great.

"Who did this to me? I'll bust 'em up! I don't care if I'm tiny, I busted up three doors just wakin' up today!"

"Yes. She IS cursed."

Ponyville gasped. Mayor Mare stepped forth. "Was it... HER?"

I shook my head and knelt down near Applebloom. "No. It isn't 'her'." To Applejack, I said, "I know what this is It's the Curse of Liaritis."

Okay. Here we go! Don't screw it up! I addressed her and the town. "Some say it is the ghost of a pony who lied so much, she convinced the world she didn't exist. Forgotten, invisible, alone, Liaritis stalks the world looking for one such as her - a pony who tells so many lies they begin to hide who she really is. It urges the pony to KEEP telling lies upon lies, each one diminishing her until..."

The little blank-flank filly, worn from worry, urged, "Until what?"

"Until, like Liaritus, she disappears too."

Appletini piped up. "Ah knew it. Yup. Liaritis. That must be it. I heard of it too. It makes you break out in purple spots, too, don't it?"

"No, Applejack. There's only one way to break the curse."

For once, Applejack's pursed-lips guilty look stuck for a while longer while she tried to stay quiet.

"What?" Big Mac asked in concern. I looked at the handsome stallion and gulped. I hated lying to them to show them how not to lie. I was a hypocrite, and if Big Mac ever found out...

Blushing at my deception, I nodded. "You need to get Applejack to tell the truth."

None of the two apple siblings looked convinced. Suddenly, Applejack piped up and said "Your scarf is red!"

"No, it's got to be something bigger than that. Some lie you told that started this whole thing off. You weren't ALWAYS a liar, were you Applejack?"

Applejack looked to Big Mac. They shared a knowing glance, and an unspoken conversation that only two siblings who know each other through-and-through can have.

You KNOW what this is about, Applejack. Big Mac's glance seemed to mean.

Applejack shook her mane, eyes bunched in sadness. Yeah, but... I just can't DO it, Big Mac! It's too painful!

It's time. "You've been hurting yourself far too long."

"Hurting mah - I haven't --- " Cringing at the almost-lie she told, Applejack looked up at Big Mac again. "Have I?" She looked at Applebloom. I thought I was only lying to HER.

"It's TIME." Big Mac said forcefully.

Applejack, worried at her size, looked to Applebloom, and was about to speak, when she choked. "I - I - I KNOW what I've been lyin' about. I KNOW what it is. Big Mac, I just can't DO it!" I can't do it to my own SISTER!

I walked over to a phonograph and pulled off the sounder. Bringing it over to the tiny mare, I said "The more who hear the truth, the more likely it is to break the curse."

Big Mac's gaze just leaned over Applejack's tiny body like a looming mountain. "She can handle it, A.J. Say it."

The angry, frightened tears that clung to her eyes were now racing one after the other down Applejack's cheeks. She looked up, and pushed the phonograph away. "No."

I pulled back, surprised.

"There's only one pony I've been lyin' to more than anyone." She turned to Applebloom and took a deep breath. Everypony in town knew the truth. They didn't have to be told. But Applejack desperately needed to TELL them the truth...

"They didn't go on a trip, Applebloom. They aren't 'gone' like they left and might come back. They're gone forever."

Author's Note

major edits done, need another view, probably will extract the whole "book" and "bon bon" storylines to be told in a new story, idk.

Tons Of Fun

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, a light brown earth pony mare with a red scarf was galloping at night. She wore grey saddle bags, brimming with dark books. Her dark amber mane whipped in the wind, and her red eyes stung at the passing wind. My eyes.

I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the unicorn Twilight Sparkle shall take on a new mission for Equestria.

It was all my fault, and I knew it. I had a chance to set it right. Several chances. I knew the consequences but I didn’t care. All that mattered was my precious obsession. The stars promised so much. I wanted it so bad. I ignored the warning signs.

She must continue to study the magic of friendship.

But none of that mattered now. The longest night of the thousandth year was lasting longer than possible. The old "My Little Pony" books I'd read weren't just fiction. Night was ruling Equestria now. It MUST be Nightmare Moon! And I'm the one who ruined Equestria’s last chance at stopping her!

She must report to me her findings…

“I thought they were just stories! I was WRONG!” Remembering first finding those dusty old books with faded drawings of the mane 6, I gasped and shouted at the night sky, my hooves beating a desperate rhythm to my speech. “I’m SORRY!” Branch, pothole, bush. “I wanted to STAY! Is that so bad?!” The merciless darkness was my only answer.

…From her new home…

I thought it was a dream. I thought my wishes were suddenly granted by an evil genie. I thought things with the ponies would work themselves out. Now the echoes of my memory, recanting the final words of Celestia at the end of the first book, were all I could think of. I desperately held onto them.

…in Ponyville.

Because I was the only pony who would ever remember those words. I was the only pony who knew how this night COULD have turned out, were I never to have moved to Ponyville. My presence set in motion a chain of events that brought disharmony to all Equestria.

Everypony cheered.

Yes. In my memory of the story, everypony cheered, but me:

Paige Turner, the previous Librarian of Ponyville.

(Opening credits without Twilight Sparkle or Spike, instead featuring the light brown mare Paige with her red scarf, initially sitting on a cloud, relaxing and serene)

My Little Pony, My Little Pony
(Ah Ah Ah Ah... My Little Pony!)

(When the music picks up, Paige falls through the cloud wordlessly crying out. She falls down a rainbow landing with surprise in Ponyville. She looks lost and confused.)

I used to wonder what friendship could be
(My Little Pony!)
Until you all shared its magic with me:

Big Adventure,

(Rainbow dash sleeping in a cloud)

Tons of Fun,

(Pinkimenia Pie shouting angrily at a colt whose smile turns to tears)

A beautiful Heart,

(Rarity turning her nose up at an old pony begging for bits)

Faithful and strong,

(Applejack shouting, pointing at a fake timberwolf, and has that "just got caught lying" look on her face)

Sharing Kindness,
(It's an easy feat!)

(Fluttershy closing a door angrily and hiding behind it)

And something makes it all complete,

(Paige blinking, bewildered, and sparks flashing weakly around her head. The Mane 5 are gathered around her, indifferent or angry as appropriate. A book labeled “MLP” sits in front of Paige. The sparks fall on the book.)

You have: My Little Pony!

(The book bursts into flames and disappears. Paige is shocked. The smoke from the book wafts to Canterlot and Celestia, where it reforms into the MLP book, and the princess seems surprised by the book’s appearance.)

Do you know you're all ponies I sorta know?

(Inside the book is a photo of Paige trying to run panicked away from the other angry mane 5)

BEFORE THE MAGIC

Chapter 1: Tons of Fun

I couldn't wait. "Are we there yet?" My dad, Phrase Turner, shook his mane. For the hundredth time, I looked out the side of the coach and bit my hoof. It was a nasty habit, but I just couldn't help it any more. "Let's switch!" I said brightly.

"Fair enough." I got out and changed places with dad. Like the rest of the Turner family, we shared the same light brown coat and dark amber mane, with hour glass cutie marks. His for the quick turns of phrase he used, and mine for speed reading. I wore a red scarf to could stand out. "But you need running like a puppy needs fleas. I've taken three naps and read your four books already, honey. I'm supposed to be helping you move, but I can't do that if I'm sitting in the catbird seat the whole time."

"I know." I'd brought four books that didn't completely numb my mind whenever I read them. Doctor Hooves and the Pepperpots, The Princess Bridle, and Waiting to Whicker, Die Unendliche Gesichte, and a Germane - to - Equestrian dictionary.

"When did uncle Time say he'd be done with his current tour and back here?"

"He didn't say. Last letter, he mentioned he'd finished a crate of hourglasses and was determined to sell every last one before he returned." It was weird. He's one of the big reasons I wanted to go to Ponyville. It was like having a real world connection to the series. Imagine - a pony named Time Turner living there. It was straight out of the books! And I'm related to him!

After getting into the harness, I pictured again the libraries I'd already left, and set my jaw. Even if it wasn't Twilight's library, it was A NEW library was just ahead. "To … ADVENTURE!"

Dad chuckled at my renewed enthusiasm.

The cart was heavy, but wasn't too overladen. It's not like I was bringing my own library. The cart's weight gave me a good workout, and got my blood moving so I could think: think about the new books I was going to find in Ponyville! THE Ponyville!

I had hopes for it. In addition to fueling my My Little Pony fantasies, the other libraries I'd worked at were too metropolitan, too restrictive. Here, I was going to be the actual head librarian! No more signing forms and authorizations. Just read, read, read.

Then, suddenly, cresting a giant hill of doom, there it was! I whinnied with excitement. "Look! We're almost there!"

"I got eyes, Paige." Down below were the thatched-roof buildings and quaint businesses. The Old Ponies Home, the Hospital, a pink spiral tower, and town hall! I mentally mapped out my route from the top of the hill, and took the switchback route instead of the steep slide-like road into town.

The back of my mind itched. Of course it looked a lot like the illustrations in the books, but… something disturbed me about that first view of the town. I shook my mane as we descended carefully down the switchback path.

As we entered town, it opened up to us, bright and cheery.

"Hi!" Said a blue pony. "Welcome to Ponyville!"

I said, "Hi, thanks!" Everypony seemed happy and busy going to and fro.

Seeing it up close, Sugarcube Corner was almost beyond exactly right. I was tempted to stop and order something, as the aroma triggered the waterworks in my mouth. Mmm! That smelled good.

But then I heard a shrill scream from within the pastry place: "NO! WE'RE ALL OUTTA BEAR CLAWS!"

I laughed and stopped the cart. Could it be?

There was a commotion inside, and two ponies that looked like the Cakes - Carrot, and Cup - manhandled a pink pony out the door. "That's IT Pinkie. You're THROUGH!" The stallion said, putting his hooves on his hips. The wife looked equally mad.

The pink pony, her ears downcast, slowly turned around... and saw me. She instantly brightened up. "Oh hello! Welcome to Ponyville!"

I was stunned. It wasn't just a pony that LOOKED like Pinkie Pie. It looked EXACTLY like her!

"I'm Pinkie Pie! I haven't seen you before and that means you're new and since you're new, it's my job as town greeter -" She glared behind herself and muttered "(My ONLY job now!)" She then spun back around, cheerful as a summer's day "- To welcome you! Welcome to Ponyville!" She giggled and went on for a minute, telling me of the town I already knew. I was enraptured. This was obviously part of some sort of play for new ponies' benefit. I was starting to think whole town was a bit of a tourist trap for My Little Pony fans, but I couldn't think of it as a trashy "trap" anymore - this was a full-on immersive MLP experience!

Somehow, eventually, "Pinkie" ran out of things to say. She smiled at me and said brightly, "So, what do you think?"

I burst out laughing, rearing and prancing my hooves. I'd have been rolling on the floor if I wasn't hooked up to the cart. It was just so perfect, Pinkie being Pinkie, I couldn't help myself.

But the joy was cut short.

"HEY! QUIT LAUGHING AT ME!" Pinkie screamed in the same shrill voice she'd used earlier. I hadn't noticed it, but ever since I started laughing, Pinkie's face had grown more and more dire. "That's everything Mayor Mare MAKES me say to EVERYPONY coming to town!" She suddenly closed her eyes, grit her teeth, and smacked herself in the head.

Stunned, I noticed that the townsponies weren't impressed or surprised at this little outburst.

A forced smile on her face, Pinkie said, "I'm sorry. Welcome to Ponyville. We'll be having a reception in town hall for you tomorrow to properly welcome you and give everpony in town a chance to meet you… " She handed an invitation to me curtly, clearly still sore about being "laughed at."

Dad and I exchanged looks as she stomped off out of earshot. "Happy as a clam, that one." He commented dryly.

Until the screaming, I thought it was DEAD ON how Pinkie's voice would be, and I could almost see the run-on sentences as they poured out of her. It was an absolute joy to see such an exact depiction of someone from the My Little pony stories, and such a shock to see her go "Pinkimenia" on her in the very first meeting.

"It's almost like she got hit by Discord…" I said, confused.

"Penny for your thoughts." Phrase said casually as we resumed our trek to the library.

"Well, I told you about the My Little Pony books, right dad?"

"Mm hmm."

"Well, this… is Ponyville."

"How do you mean?"

"I mean, as far as I can tell, THIS is the town the stories were based on."

"Really?"

"Yes. I looked at some real-world maps once and compared them to the ones in the books, and they match up pretty accurately. The author must have lived here when he wrote them 300 years ago…"

"Okay. So what's the sitch?"

"That… was Pinkie Pie, the element of Laughter."

Phrase looked back and forth from me to where we'd last seen the pink pony stomp off in a huff. "THAT sourpuss?"

"I know! I mean… it LOOKS LIKE this place is My Little Pony Central - some sort of tourist trap for fans of the series. I thought it was obscure. You remember how much time I spent tracking each book down! But I guess it's not obscure locally, if they have everything looking just like it came alive from the books. And they even have a Pinkie Pie greeter… although THAT one seems to have been having a bad day or something."

"Tell me about it!" He chuckled.

A passing steel blue stallion said in a deep voice, "Sorry to overhear your conversation, but that's just Pinkie being Pinkie…"

The stallion continued on his way as we continued on ours. I said over my shoulder, "I never imagined hearing THAT phrase with so much depression dripping off it! Jeez, poor girl. She'll probably get fired soon from being town greeter with THAT attitude. No matter HOW much she looks like Pinkie!"

We continued to the library, and the itch at the back of my skull burned a little harder, demanding a scratch I didn't know how to start.

Pinkie kept stomping everywhere she went.

"The NERVE of that pony, just LAUGHING at me! I didn't make a single joke and - boom! Laughter! At ME!! I didn't do anything funny. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING FUNNY!"

Shaking her head and her eyes closed in anger, she didn't see Snips until she ran into him.

"HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" She screamed at the stunned colt, then stomped away.

Several ponies just shook their heads or averted their gaze as the furious Pinkimenia stomped by. Just then, Mayor Mare came out of the town hall and saw the state the pink pony was in.

"Pinkie…"

"I don't want to hear it mayor. She LAUGHED at me!"

"Pinkie!"

"And I didn't SAY anything FUNNY! I just told her about the reception and the city and - and - and ---"

"PINKIE!!!"

Pinkie blinked, and sat down. "You have STORMED your way out of EVERY SINGLE JOB in Ponyville, shouting at everypony who looked at you wrong. I'm sorry, but if you can't even properly GREET ponies as they come to live here in Ponyville, I don't know what we can DO with you!"

Wilted, Pinkie looked at the ground. "I'm sorry, Mayor Mare."

The mayor sighed. "No, you're not. And that's the sad part."

Tears started forming in Pinkie's eyes. "I… I just don't know what to DO. When people laugh at me - I - I - I just…"

The mayor lifted Pinkie's face up to look her in the eyes. "I'm giving you one more chance, Pinkie. This reception is it. We're going to give this new pony… Paige is her name? We're going to give her final say."

"About?"

"About you being town greeter. If you mess this up, we have to draw the line. Ponyville can't stand another economic roadblock, and if your attitude makes one more pony up and leave, I can’t help you."

Pinkie set her face hard and nodded. "I won't let you down, Mayor Mare."

But Pinkie wasn't so sure she could keep that promise.

We got to the Library. It was a standard tree-house, but more than a little run-down. A few windows were cracked, the ranches and leaves had overgrown and blocked windows and doorways. But, it was clear the structure itself - the living tree - was healthy and alive.

I took off the harness to open the door., fumbling and excited.

"This place has seen better days, hasn't it, Paigey?" I nodded giggling, and flung open the doors. The interior wasn't much better. There were even some leaves scattered around the floor, on top of the cobwebs.

But I didn't care.

"*Squee* I love it!" I twirled around, dancing through the library. "It's like a lost treasure box, dad!" I went up the stairs and immediately began to grin at each cracked window or seatless chair in my new home.

Their light shines down at night, and it is during the day that the stars of Equestria do their sleeping.

Stars are like clouds of the Everfree forest: wild and alive. When Ponies began controlling the weather and nature, the stars resisted every spell to direct them, and every new technique of the Pegasus to move them. When night came about, they just came out on their own, and move how they will.

Most dance in a particular pattern, a slow dance as old as time. But some, called "wanderers" do not join in the dance. They are willful and rebel, they follow their own hearts.

Now, they've been waiting a thousand years to aid someone else to follow THEIR own heart. They look down upon Equestria, they look down to Ponyville, and they find...

Me.

Dad helped me get settled. He stayed overnight, and in the morning he was off with the cart to bring it back to Mule-Haul in Manehattan. We hugged and he said how proud he was for finding my place in the world.

I reviewed the card catalog, and the circulation records. I collected the stacks of Ponyville Express and began logging them in. Gotta do the grunt work if you're going to be in charge of a library!

The basement had a learning lab. I found a locked door down there I didn't have a key to, but didn't think much of it at the time.

If only I had…

It was my second day in Ponyville. I busied myself with unpacking and tidying the place up a bit. I was beginning to take inventory of the library, starting in the back, when I heard the front door open.

"Coming!" I put down the notepad and pencil, and cantered to the main room. "The official re-opening isn't until tomorrow morning, but... "

It was an earthy pony with an off-white coat and blue eyes. But, more striking was her dark blue curly mane with pink fucia hilights. Blushing slightly, she smiled and hid something behind her flank.

"Hello. I'm Paige, the new librarian. How may I help you, miss ... ?" We were both getting nervous.

"Sweetie Drops." She said, gaining more confidence. "And, ah... N-no need. I... um... I'd checked... I'd like to keep looking around if I may." She smiled more confidently. I prefer to err on the side of gullibility when accepting ponies at their word. It tended to make them look foolish when the truth comes out, which it invariably does.

"Very well, then." Perhaps some casual conversation would pry out the truth. "Say - I noticed your Pinkie Pie was a little high-strung. Is she all right?"

"Pinkie?" Sweetie shook her head. "That's … just Pinkie being Pinkie."

"See now, that's the second time I've heard somepony say that, and it's just as full of sadness and despair as the first time. I mean, she LOOKS like Pinkie, but surely you could get a more cheerful pony to play her part."

Sweetie was still nervous about whatever it was she was hiding behind her flank, but forced herself to open up a little bit. "Oh, 'town greeter' is the last job in a long list for THAT one. I don't want to spread gossip, but that pony has some serious issues! Seriously screwed up. I mean, she seems to really enjoy throwing parties and having fun? But the SECOND she thinks you're laughing at HER? Instead of WITH her? She totally freaks out! Seriously!"

I shook my mane. Was this… an act? As part of my introduction to Ponyville, the town puts on a play just for me? A "lesson" in friendship from the whole town?

Smiling, I nodded at the act she was putting on for my benefit. That was it. It had to be. I even recognized Sweetie as one of the ponies from the backgrounds of the art in the books. "Oh, that's so nice!" I said, mentally referring to both her acting and the upcoming game.

Sweetie looked at me as if I'd just grown another hoof from my neck. "What?"

"Oh, this is going to be so much fun!" I clapped her hooves and beamed. "So, I guess I have to find out WHY Pinkie's so depressed or whatever. Right!"

"I didn't say… you know, it's probably not nice to be meddling in other ponies' business. Especially if it's Pinkie…"
I ignored her and rushed to see where this My Little Pony library stored its My Little Pony books. "I have to research this - see if there's another time when Pinkie was so freaked out.."

I heard some shuffling in the distance while my back was turned.

When I got back, I said, "That's weird. I couldn't find the My Little Pony section of this library." But Miss Drops was gone, the front door open.

And my itch was back.

I looked around. Everything LOOKED unchanged. I closed the door. What did she do while I was gone? Was it part of the play?

Lost in thought and examining the scene, I saw some dirt and traced the trail from the front door to a shelf.

There was something about this mare, my first "patron" as a head Librarian. Did she pick up a book, then get nervous at her appearance and put it back? What was it? My skull itched worse than before, but suddenly I SCRATCHED it.

"Sweetie Drops! Bon Bon! But…" I looked at the door. "Was she, like Pinkie Pie, in character? Or going TO someplace to BE in character? So weird…"

But... the shelf. It was undisturbed as far as I could tell. I was about to get back to inventory when I saw some books on one row were tilted in the wrong direction. Was Sweetie bringing back a book that was overdue? Which one was it?

I pulled out each book and made note of the covers and check-out slips inside. None of them had "Sweetie Drops" as the last check-out.

"Crackers." I was about to put them back, but decided at the last moment to put it off.

If I had put the books back, I would have noticed the secret panel in the back of the shelf with a horseshoe on it.

I'd attended a party once where they hosted a murder mystery game. Someone was the murderer, everyone had cards telling them who they were, and it was a game to try to find out whodunit. I was worried that this "game" was lacking something similar. I guessed that the other ponies, all playing their part, would nudge me to the right solution. I hoped I would pick up on it!

But that itch in the back of my head wouldn't go away. Part of me could see that this wasn't really a game - that these really were the ponies from my books. But I couldn't accept that. Sure, I live in a world of magic and mystery, but I'd never heard of fictional characters coming to life and walking around! It HAD to be a play, I decided.

Despite the itch.

I got myself gussied up as best I could, brushing my mane and tail and coat, gargling minty mouthwash, and put the lightest hint of lavender rub on my shoulders. I shook out my scarf and headed to the party. Ready to help Pinkie find the joys of laughter - no matter WHAT the source.

Soon I was pushing open the doors of Ponyville Town Hall.

It was just what I'd expect from a Pinkie Party - streamers, cakes, pies, punch, games, music… and it all looked just like loads of fun! There was only one thing missing…

Ponies.

"Hello?" I checked my invitation, then went outside and checked the clock tower in the distance. "Yup. Right time and everything." Turning back inside, I suddenly came nose-to-nose with Pinkie Pie.

"Eeep!"

Pinkie was grinning, but I could tell it was forced. "Ha ha!" She said, with some effort to pull her tone out of deadpan into cheeriness. Some effort. Not enough. "Weeelcome to Ponyville! It's a meet and greet with ALL the ponies here in town. All… " She looked around the room, then back to Paige. "All of 'em. Right. Welcome! Let me be the first to say… welcome to Ponyville! We hope you'll enjoy your stay!" The smile plastered on her face stayed there, but it took some effort.

Ignoring Pinkie for now, I just walked in further, glancing around. "Where is everypony?" Was that the "appropriate" question for the game? Somewhere behind all the chairs and doors were probably a crowd of ponies ready to burst through and party down once I 'fixed' Pinkie.

"They, um. They're probably just a little late! Yeah, that's it!"

"Sure they are."

"There's probably a big bake sale at Sugarcube Corner!"

"Mm hmm…" My gaze was cool and patient.

"Oh, I can't keep this up!" Her mane flattened, and out came Pinkimenia. Whoops! "You might as well get on with it and fire me."

"Pinkie…"

"That's what this is all about. You let me go through all this work - ALL of you! - to make this party, and nopony came and - and - and -" Poor pinkie just fell apart and began sobbing angrily. "And this was my LAST JOB I could POSSIBLY DO in town! I'm going to have to MOVE! WAAAH!!!" Out came the fountains of tears.

Stifling a chuckle, I trotted over to Pinkie and put a foreleg around her shoulders.

"You're not going to get fired, Pinkie."

Sniffling and struggling to understand, she looked up. "I'm not?"

"No, you're not." I helped her stand. "Now, what's the problem? Why are you going to get fired? Who is firing you?"

"You are." Pinkie said hopelessly.

"Me?"

Nodding, "Mayor Mare said this party would be the final test. If this didn’t go well…" Pinkie looked around the empty room, and started tearing up again. "Oh, it's impossible!"

"No, it's not! We just gotta… " Waving my hoof in the air, I tried to find the words. I looked around, hoping there was a party game moderator listening and ready to help out. "Line?" I called out.

"We gotta MAKE them come to the party!" Pinkie said savagely.

"Well… that could be a start… But how do we do that?"

Tapping a hoof to her chin, Pinkie was starting to look more positive, her hair bouncier. "We… " A sudden realization hit her, and her mane fell flat again. "We tell them *I'm* not going to be there."

"Come on, Pinkie. It can't be that bad!"

"Oh, but it is! It's terrible, just terrible! I love making people laugh, but… I can't STAND it when they laugh at ME!" She began growling. "It just makes me wanna --- " She smacks her hooves together CRACK!

I thought for a bit before speaking. "Anger is an emotion born out of fear and self-doubt. Fear of laughter is fear that you're doing something stupid, something that SHOULD be mocked and thrown away. Discarded. Shunned."

Pinkie only nodded.

"The key to overcoming any type of fear is knowledge. Knowledge of WHY somepony does what they do. Once you have that, you CAN'T be mad at them. You know why they're doing what they're doing."

"So why is everyone laughing at ME?" Pinkie said mournfully.

"That's the thing, Pinkie. They're not."

"They're NOT?"

"No. They're laughing at something else. They're laughing at the shadow you're casting on the ground. The silly shadow of you that dances in a way you never expected. That's what they're laughing at, not you."

"But… it hurts so much! And they have to PAY!" Tears streamed down her face.

"For what? Thinking of a joke they made up while looking at you?"

"A joke about ME."

"No, a joke about your shadow. They can NEVER touch the real Pinkie. They don't KNOW who you really are. If they did, they might be able to judge you, but nopony ever will know you as well as you know yourself."

There was a pregnant pause as Pinkie digested this. Finally, she smiled. "Ya coulda fooled me."

"I read a lot. I'm the Ponyville Librarian."

Pinkie giggled, but then bowed her head. "But if we want this party to really work… we really ARE going to have to tell everyone I'm not going to be here. I've been shouting at ponies for months and months, bouncing from job to job to job. Town Greeter was the last job left for me. Nopony likes me. I've made them all afraid of me."

"Very well. Let's do it, and then we'll SHOW them you've changed!"

We fanned out and spread the rumor that Pinkie had left the party, leaving all the cakes and goodies behind for anypony to come and eat. Over and over we heard "A Pinkie Pie Party without Pinkie? Oh, I'm THERE!" I remember nodding, thinking "It really IS her special talent, making people laugh and have fun …"

I complimented a pony or two on their incredibly skilled acting, but every pony I met seemed genuinely afraid of Pinkie, and genuinely happy at the idea she wouldn't be there. The itch started at the back of my skull again and spread as the night wore on.

Eventually we managed to get everypony there at the town hall. That's when we went inside and locked the doors.

No one could escape now, for good or bad...

The party was in full swing, sans-Pinkie. The DJ was nodding to the beasts. The punch was flowing. The apples were being bobbed. The tails were being pinned on the pony. Pinkie was so good, she could make a party run itself.

That is, until SHE showed up. The moment a pony spotted her, he or she would clam up in fear.

But the speed of realization had nothing on Pinkie. Smiling and happy, laughing and bouncing, Pinkie burst into the room, and started chatting ponies up. Scared, bewildered, stunned ponies. Before the apprehension could spread to others and begin a wave of escape, there was Pinkie being ... the REAL Pinkie.

She was good. People laughed, and had a good time. I was starting to think this was going to work.

At some point, I caught myself. I ... I was completely immersed. I was completely convinced this was real. I smiled harder, because it was all so real. Why not live the fantasy for a little while?

Then I saw Snips and Snails in the rafters. They were struggling with something up there, right above the place where Pinkie was giving out prizes for ponies who bobbed the most apples. Silly kids. "Hey! Get down from there! Somepony's gonna get hurt!" But the party was going full swing, and my shouts were lost in the roar. I was about to try to get Derpy to go up there and wrangle them, when I realized what the two colts were about to do. They were really going to pour something on Pinkie.

It was like a train wreck, and I, rooted to the spot in horror, couldn't look away as the bucket tipped over at the two colts' triumphant pushing.

The red liquid cascaded through the air, catching the light as everyone was cheering for the latest winner. All eyes were on the silly blue colt and Pinkie when the stuff hit her.

Like a joybuzzer to her spine, the cold watery crimson hit the party pony, drenching her mane and fur, splattering everywhere and utterly stunning poor Pinkie.

The whole room took in a breath as the moment stretched on: Pinkie standing stock still, rigid before the entire population of Ponyville.

It began as an incredulous "huh!" But it was soon joined by more and more laughs until the whole crowd (including me) were laughing. Maybe it was the idea of safety in numbers. Maybe it was a relief to finally see the terrifying Pinkie taken down a notch. For me, it was the mad hope I held, teetering between fantasy and reality.

I knew the story should have a happy ending. But the itch in the back of my skull was raging in full force. None of this really seemed like a play. There were too many things - little things like the other ponies' reactions and the sincerity of Pinkie's desperation. Either this was real, or everypony here was an incredible actor. But if this really really really WAS real, Pinkie was (as dad would say:) "one psycho pony about to go apescat."

The next moment was all Pinkie. In that moment as I watched her reaction, there was a spark of rage flash across pinkie's eyes, and I suddenly pictured a slaughter straight from a horror novel.

Pinkie, the strange pony who could "predict" when things were about to fall out of the sky. Predict? Or MAKE HAPPEN? The roof could buckle, crack, and come crashing down at any moment on the twitcha twitch of Pinkie's tail. The screams of laughter could so easily change to horror and pain. Nowhere to run, the doors locked, the chaos, the terror...

I felt the whole world turn, pivoting on Pinkie for good or bad, and wished with all my might for Pinkie to be good.

When time resumed, I saw her lick her lips.

Even through the din of the laughs, everypony could hear Pinkie's screech… of delight. "MMM! Raspberry!" She licked her whole face and giggled with the rest of the ponies.

I let out a deeply held breath, and realized I'd stopped laughing while my mind wandered into horror film territory.

The fact it turned out so well was almost a confirmation this was all a play. It wasn't real, it was a play. How else could everything be tied up so well? How else could Pinkie be her bubbly awesome funny self after being such a monster? Me? No.

But the itch at the back of my skull kept me questioning and wondering…

In a basement, behind a locked door, a pony angrily paced. His coat was off-white and yellowed like old parchment. In place of a pony head was a rather angry-looking book whose pages rippled like a breeze was trying to turn them as growling sounds came from the strange beast.

"Space! (Where is that incompetent fool?)"

"Here I am, Book! I was cleaning up the… erm… thing."

Book turned toward the sound as a brown stallion with a cracked hourglass came forward from behind mountains of scientific equipment. "I need someone to rant at, Space."

"I'm here for you, sir!"

"The Pinkie Pie chapter has been REWRITTEN."

Stark fear stunned Space. "It - it wasn't me! I didn't go anywhere NEAR the machine!"

"It's not YOU, fool! It's your cousin! This … Paige Turner. What's her talent again?"

"Speed reading, sir!"

Book angrily turned away and paced some more, letting Space sit there and sweat. "Speed reading… no. No, it COULDN'T be!" Book whirled on Space, his pages akimbo and flapping. "I've been a FOOL! I thought your cousin was the perfect patsy for my plans, but it's all so CLEAR to me now!"

"What? What's wrong, sir?"

Book ground his covers together in a snarl of hate. "A speed reader! It's so obvious, now. She's reading AHEAD."
Space gulped and lifted a hoof. "You - you mean-"

Book pulled himself to his full height and glowered at Space. "She's been using…"

"SPOILERS!"

Author's Note

Some major rewriting, adding the stars as is appropriate and their interest in Paige.