Rainbow Dash Claims Welfare

by GeodesicDragon

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Slice of Life
Length: 1564

After losing her job, Rainbow Dash hears about unemployment benefit. She is quick to apply, but soon realises that it's not as awesome as she thinks...

When Rainbow Dash's laziness causes her to lose her job with the Ponyville Weather Team, she is forced to find an alternative means of income.

So when she hears about uneployment benefit (Jobseeker's Allowance, AKA 'the dole') she is quick to apply, as she believes that she will be able to be lazy and yet still earn the money she needs to maintain her chosen lifestyle.

She soon discovers that this is not the case…

AUTHOR'S NOTES

To my American readers: I believe you would refer to Jobseeker's Allowance (AKA 'the dole') as 'welfare'. Feel free to correct me if I am in fact wrong.

This story is based on the experiences of other people, as well as my own. Whenever a chapter uses the experiences of others, they will be credited via a link to where I found their story.

COVER IMAGE: RD Vector by Anxet on DeviantArt. JobCentre office picture from holyrood.com.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-19 19:50:03 UTC

Prologue

CHAPTER ONE

Prologue

"— and then they sacked me! Can you believe that? They sacked me, the one and only Rainbow Dash, for 'repeated avoidance of my responsibilities to the town of Ponyville'!"

Rainbow Dash snorted and crossed her forelegs, glaring across the table at her friends who were looking at her with raised eyebrows.

"Ya can't seriously be blamin' yer boss fer this mess y'all have gotten into," Applejack groaned. "If'n ya remember, ya got fired fer not providin' that rainstorm Ah was promised for the farm."

"Yes, the rainstorm which you were supposed to divert away from my fashion show!" Rarity huffed. "I'll never be able to look Fancy Pants in the eye again, not after his exquisite jacket was ruined by that horrific deluge!"

Rainbow Dash waved a hoof dismissively. "So I made a mistake," she snapped. "Big deal."

"But what about all the naps you kept taking while you were supposed to be working?" Twilight enquired. "Surely they would have contributed to your dismissal as well?"

"I need a job that caters to my athletic and awesome nature," Dash said, completely ignoring Twilight's question. "And that job doesn't involve clouds — be that kicking them, pushing them or jumping on them to make them rain."

"But what are you going to do while you look for a new job?" Fluttershy asked timidly. "It could be a while... do you have enough bits to support both you and Tank?"

Dash nodded. "I've got enough to last the week," she replied. "But since I'm so awesome, it won't even take me a day to find a new job." She struck a pose and flexed her wings. "Ponies will be falling over their hooves to employ me."

"You hope," Twilight said flatly. "Otherwise you'll run out of money and be forced to claim unemployment benefits while you find a—"

"Unemployment what?" Dash interrupted. "What do you mean?"

Twilight sighed. "You've never heard of unemployment benefit?" Dash shook her head. "Unemployment benefit, or Jobseeker's Allowance to give it its proper title, is a government scheme designed to help ponies who are unemployed. It consists of a fortnightly payment of bits into your bank account, and is intended to help you pay bills while you seek gainful employment."

"How do I apply?" Dash said quickly, getting into Twilight's face and destroying any notion of personal space. "This sounds like something that could be useful."

"You have to apply online," Twilight replied as she backed away slightly. "But it's not as easy as you think, Rainbow Dash. There are many rules and regulations in place in order to—"

"Pfft," Dash scoffed. "You let me worry about a few silly rules and regulations." She picked up a quill and a piece of parchment from Twilight's desk. "Now tell me their website, and I'll give it a look when I get home later." Twilight sighed and reluctantly gave Dash the information, which she scribbled onto the parchment before tucking it into her saddlebag. "Thanks, Twi. Now I'm gonna go do some training before heading back. See ya later, girls."

She spread her wings and took off, leaving the library via an open window. Rarity was the first to break the silence that followed.

"How long do you think it will be before they drive her to the very brink of insanity?" she asked. "My guess is two weeks."

"Nah," Applejack said. "Ah reckon she won't last a few days."

The five mares all grinned at each other for a few moments, before finally falling over in a fit of giggles.

The Application Form

CHAPTER TWO

The Application Form

"Ugh, why did they have to make that so hard?!" Dash groaned, leaning back in her chair and throwing her forelegs up. "Why in Celestia's name did they have to ask so many darn questions? Why couldn't it have been 'give us your name and phone number and we will call you to arrange your free money'?"

She sighed and stretched her wings before leaning back to her computer monitor. "Meh, I've done it now," she said dismissively. "All right... I need to check this before I submit it. Let's see... I've answered that, that, that as well, skipped that, answered, skipped, skipped... yep, I think I'm good."

She took a hold of the mouse with her wing and clicked a button on the page. After a moment a message appeared on the screen saying that her application had been received. She pumped the air with a forehoof and cheered.

"All right!" she said happily. "Now to just sit back and wait for the money to come rolling in!" She clopped her forehooves together. "And all I need to do is make it look like I'm looking for a job. Pfft, this'll be the easiest money I've ever made."

Her bout of glee was interrupted by the ringing of her phone. She cursed under her breath and left her desk, flying out into the hall where the device sat in its cradle. Snatching it up, Dash resisted the temptation to chew out whomever was on the other end.

"Hello?" she said sweetly. "Rainbow Dash's residence, Rainbow Dash speaking. Er, I mean... Hey, what's up?"

"Hello, Miss Dash," a stallion's voice said. "My name is Paper Pusher, and I am calling from the Canterlot branch of JobCentre Plus regarding your recent claim for Jobseeker's Allowance."

"That was quick," Dash said, surprised. "I only submitted that thing like, a few minutes ago."

"I know," Paper Pusher replied. "But since you're an Element bearer, your application instantly became our top priority." Dash grinned smugly at this. "However I am sorry to tell you that, due to a problem with our servers, your application has been lost. If you wish to make a new claim for benefit, you will have to go to your local office, in Cloudsdale, and obtain a paper form. I will make you an appointment to see me, so that we can finalise your claim, so you will need to make sure you get that form filled in as soon as possible and then bring it with you. Okay?"

Dash suppressed a groan. "Sure thing," she muttered. "But why do I have to come all the way out to Canterlot? Can't I just attend an interview at the Cloudsdale JobCentre?"

"The Canterlot office is responsible for handling new claimants such as yourself," Paper Pusher replied, as the faint tapping of keyboard keys filled Dash's ear. "All right, your appointment is for Monday at ten AM. Just ask for Paper Pusher when you arrive."

"Will do," Dash responded meekly. "I'll see you then. Bye for now."

"Goodbye, Miss Dash," Paper Pusher then hung up. Dash put the phone back and walked to her front door.

"Might as well go and get that form now," she mused.

With those words she took to the skies of Cloudsdale. Her flight into the centre of town was a quick one, and soon the green and white logo of the JobCentre came into view. She landed outside the office, ruffled her wings a few times and went inside.

The walls of the office were a dull cream colour and plastered with various posters advertising the many services the centre provided. A few chairs were positioned in the middle, creating a waiting area in which a few ponies sat looking at their hooves. A few foals ran around giggling happily, only to be silenced by a hissed "Quiet!" from their parents. Dash fixed a smile on her muzzle and approached the receptionist, a unicorn mare wearing a badge which bore the name 'Daily Planner'.

"Good afternoon," she said in a monotone voice. "How can I help you today? Are you here to sign on?"

"Uh, no," Rainbow Dash replied. "I'm actually here to collect an application form for Jobseeker's Allowance. I was told by somepony in Canterlot to come here for it, fill it in and then take it with me when I go to Canterlot on Monday."

Daily Planner gave her a disgruntled look. "I'm sorry," she said. "But I can't give you that form because I'm not allowed to do so."

"But I was told to come here," Dash snapped. "Somepony named... Paper Pusher told me that I had to collect a form from Cloudsdale, fill it in and then take it to Canterlot! And since you're telling me you're not allowed, I basically came here for nothing?"

"That's not my problem," Daily Planner snapped back. "Go to your appointment on Monday and you'll be given a form to fill in then." Dash glared at her. "There are lots of other ponies making claims," she said by way of explanation. "The Canterlot office is more than equipped to deal with all of them, so if you really want to make a new claim then you can do so at your appointment. Now, is there anything else I can help with?"

"Not really," Dash grumbled, making sure to add "Thanks for nothing." under her breath.

"Well in that case, please move along," Daily Planner said. "There are other ponies wishing to be seen."

With those words a pegasus stallion pushed Dash aside and began conversing with Daily. Dash muttered a few curses under her breath before leaving the office and flying home.

"Monday just can't come quick enough," she growled to herself.