Big Dogintosh

by TwilightPoopSparkle

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 2075

Big Macintosh believes he's a dog.

Applejack wakes up one morning to find out that Big Macintosh believes he's a dog. How does one even treat that? Anyway, he's going to have a blast with Screwloose and Winona!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-20 03:20:03 UTC

Ruff Ruff!

     All was peaceful at Sweet Apple Acres... except for a dog barking. The bark echoed around for miles of apple trees, before reaching a farmhouse. Unfortunately, those barks finally entered the ears of an orange earth pony, who was trying to sleep. Applejack groaned. She wanted to sleep! Today was her rest day, so she didn't have to do her work and chores until later. Why did she have to be woken up now?

     Groaning, Applejack jumped out of bed. 'Might as well start the day.' She walked down a flight of stairs to see Granny Smith reading a newspaper and Applebloom making pancakes. "Mornin' Sis. Mornin' Granny. Do ya'll know what all this barking is about?"

     "Well... maybe ya' haven't fed Winona yet." Granny Smith replied cheerfully. Applejack responded by massaging Granny's shoulders.

     "Sure thing Granny. Hey Applebloom! Have ya' seen Big Macintosh around?"

     The filly placed some pancakes on the table. "Ah' thought ah' saw him running around the acres. He must be in a hurry."

     "Okay. Ah'm going to feed Winona now." Applejack sat up from her chair and was about to leave before being stopped by Granny. "Now hold there youngin'. Ya' need to eat your pancakes.'

     After a couple minutes of chatting and eating, Applejack left the house. The blonde pony walked into her shed where the dog food was stored. Most of the bags were spilled or empty. "What happened? Did Winona or a bunch a raccoon break into here and eat the food? Ah' doubt they would eat that much." Shrugging, Applejack dragged out a torn bag and dumped its contents into Winona's food bowl near the farmhouse door.

     "HERE WINONA!" Applejack yelled as loud as she could. Soon a white and brown mutt streaked to the food bowl and started eating. "Wow Winona," She noogied the dog's head. "You're mighty hungry!" After she finished, the dog jumped onto Applejack and started licking her face. "Settle down Winona." The pony pushed the dog off of her.

     A loud bark was heard in the distance. "Aw horseapples. C'mon Winona. Let's find that pesky dog." For about thirty minutes, Applejack and Winona were running across their farm to the noise. Finally the noise was close enough that Applejack could hear panting and dirt being dug.

     The two partners jumped into a blackberry bush as they tried to scout the area. Applejack's green eyes poked out from the bush before immediately coming back in. "Whoa Nelly... that's a big dog." Indeed it was. A sandy blonde tail was nearly obstructing her vision as dirt was being piled onto the bush. A louder bark was all that was needed as Winona jumped from her hiding spot barking happily. "Winona! Come back here this instant!" She reached to grab her dog, but it was to late.

     "Winona?" Applejack's head popped out from the bush. "What are you doing on top of Big Mac... Oh my Celestia." Her eyes couldn't deceive her. Yet here it is, Winona and Big Macintosh playing and barking together.

     "Mac... you okay?" The big red stallion trotted up to the puzzled earth pony and licked her face. "Ah'm taking that as a no."

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"Granny Smith! Applebloom! Ya'll need to come quickly!" Applejack burst into the farm house.

     Granny wobbled for a bit in her rocking chair before speaking. "What's the matter youngin'? Are the fields on fire?"

     Applejack raised a hoof. "It's too complicated to explain right now. Just please bring a leash and some chew toys."

     The two sisters were racing to the spot where Big Mac once was, while Granny Smith was slowly trotting along. "Applejack, ya' know ah'm not as fast as ah' was in the old days." "Please Granny, this is extremely important."

      The quadruplet, (Including Winona) managed to make it. "Now what's all the hub bub about?" Granny turned to face Macintosh rummaging through the bag Applebloom was carrying and chewing on a purple chew toy. "Oh my Faust."

     Big Mac whimpered before laying down. "We need ta' get Twilight. Big Mac. Follow us." Big Mac did not respond. "This is why we brought the leash Granny."

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     Applejack's family pounded on a library's door in the middle of Ponyville. "Twilight! ya' got to let us in! We have an emergency!" A tired looking purple alicorn opened the door. "Why did you have to be here so early?" She gave one look at a struggling Big Mac on a leash. "Come right in."

     "Big Mac?" A purple hoof waved itself in front of the stallions eyes. "We don't know what happened Twilight. One day he's a pony and the other he's a dog!"

     Twilight studied him for a moment. "Sit." Mac obeyed. "I have an idea."

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     "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS PHYSIOLOGISTS!"

     "Really Twi? You had ta' get help from three little fillies who know nuthin' about physiology?

     "It's worth a shot. And besides... psychologists are expenseve and Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle can get their cutie marks!"

     Scootaloo took out a notepad and started writing as Applebloom questioned Big Mac. "Are you sure you're my brother?"

     "RUFF!"

     "Hmm... interesting... how long have you been in this state?"

     "YIP!"

     "Uhhhhmmm... how do you feel about this whole predicament?"

     "What are you a dictionary?"

     "Shut up Sweetie Belle! I'm talking to Big Mac. Sorry Mr. Mac. What were you saying again?"

     "BARK!"

     Sweetie Belle laid a white hoof on Applebloom's shoulders. "You know he can't speak... right?"

     "Stop talking! Of course he can! He just has to find his true voice. Scootaloo what do you make of this?" The orange pegasus showed  Applebloom a highly detailed sketch of Big Mac gnawing on a bone.

    The pegasus smiled. "That just about sums every thing up. There is only one place we can take him now."

     Twilight groaned. "NO! We are not taking him to the asylum! He needs more time. We are going to take him to Fluttershy. She's an expert with animals."

     The group walked up to a mossy covered cottage. "Fluttershy ya' there?" Applejack knocked. A loud crash was heard inside the house as a yellow pegasus opened the door. "May I help you?"

     A couple rabbits streaked out of the house before resting in the grass. Twilight peered an eye at Fluttershy. "Have you been hoarding again?" Fluttershy slammed the door as loud crashes and bangs went through the cottage. The door opened to an awkwardly smiling yellow pony and a clean animal free room.

     "Nope. Defiantly not a hoarder again! No siree!"

     "Okay..." Everypony told the pink haired pegasus the whole story, which actually took a while. "Oh... my... Let me see if I can talk to animals. I have a special connection to them." Fluttershy examined the panting stallion before grinding her foot into the ground.

     "What is it Fluttershy!?" Everypony cried in union. "I-I'm sorry. I can't do this." The lanky pegasus whimpered. "He's not an animal." The ponies groaned. This was extremely frustrating! "But... if you wish... I could take care of him for a while. I mean... to get a load of your back and try to help him."

     "Thank ya' so much for taking care of Mac. But ah' have to get back to the farm. Ya' know the apple aren't going to buck themselves."

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     "Please slow down Mac... don't sniff that... OH MY! Please don't use the restroom on Rose Tyler's garden. Fluttershy was going on a walk with Big Mac, but it wasn't ending so well. He was curious as a normal dog, but had the strength of 15, so he was basically dragging her. After a couple minutes the two ponies walked by the insane asylum.

     "WATCH OUT! SHE'S LOOSE AGAIN!" A doctor from the asylum barreled over poor Fluttershy as he chased a mysterious mare. The mare made a quick U-turn as she ran up to Big Mac. He sniffed her before breaking out into happy barking. The mare did the same. Fluttershy took a look at the collar the blue pony was wearing. 'Screwloose...'

     The doctor finally caught up to Screwloose. "(pant) Sorry if she ran over you. This is the third time she escaped this week." He turned to face Big Mac and Screwloose sniffing each other's butts. "Is your friend okay? He is acting a lot li-"

     "I know, and my friends and I are trying to figure out what's wrong. We can't treat him like a normal pony, so obviously we treat him like a pet. Isn't that right Mackie?" Fluttershy rubbed Mac's belly as he thumped his tail. The doctor watched awkwardly for a bit before tying a leash around Screwloose's neck and giving Fluttershy a card. "If there are any problems, just call the ward. We'll help him.

     As soon as the doctor left, Fluttershy threw the card in a trash bin. How dare he be rude like that! He has only been in his currently state for a day, yet everyone thinks he should go into the hospital! He'll get better soon... right?

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     It has been weeks since Big Macintosh acted like a dog. He didn't understand Equestrian at all, except for when the mane six was training him. He learned all the basic commands, sit, stay etc, but everyone missed the old Big Mac. One day, Macintosh was gnawing on a bone in the middle of a corn field when Applejack called him.

     He went through his daily checkup, to see if he could speak english, if he acted like a dog, or if he ever hurts himself. The orange pony shed tears on Mac's shoulders. "What am ah' going to do with you?" Suddenly, something caught her eye. "What's this?" Looking, Applejack found something peculiar. "Have ah' seen this before?"

     Twilight was now standing in the middle of the field with Applejack and Big Mac. "What's this you wanted to show me?" The orange pony pointed her hoof to the direction of Big Mac as Twilight examined his body. "You sure you haven't found this before?" Applejack shook her head. "Then I think we have the answer."

     The purple alicorn tied Mac to a leash in the farmhouse kitchen while Applejack sat on the couch biting her hooves. "Oh please Celestia, let this be real." Twilight stepped into the living room. "Follow me."

     "This is your problem. I found a tiny lump, no bigger than a ladybug, just under his mane and near the ear. Here is my hypothesis. Your brother is walking in the apple grove, when a apple fell on his head. Do you know what a concussion is?" Applejack nodded. "Good. The lump must have affected his brain somehow so he thought he was a dog. Concussions, have a way with vision. Maybe the last thing Macintosh saw before falling unconscious was Winona."

"Oh Doctor, is there anyway to cure him?" The earth pony questioned over dramatically. Twilight pulled out a frying pan from one of the kitchen drawer. "We beat him until he is pony again."

KLONG!

     Applejack hit Big Mac with the pan as hard as she could. After he slumped down she whispered. "Sorry." When Mac woke up, he started stretching.

     "Meow."

KLONG!

     "Oink."

     "Sorry."

KLONG!

     "Applejack, where am I? WAITDONTM-"

     "Sorry!"

KLONG!

     "Caw!"

     "Sorry!"

KLONG!

"RING-DING-DING-DING-DINGERINGEDING!"

"NO ONE CARES WHAT THE FOX SAYS!"

KLONG!

     By now, the red stallion had an assortment of lumps covering nearly everywhere on his head, and they weren't healing anytime soon. "Ah'm giving this one last shot Twilight." Applejack carefully took aim of where she was hitting, accidentally smacking Twilight in the face, and unleashed her frustration at the flapping Macintosh.

KLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!

     "Applejack, can you please stop hitting me? My head hurts."

"BIG BROTHER!" The earth pony crashed into Big Mac and burrowing her head in his back. "Ah thought I lost ya' forever."

"I'm sorry for getting us into this predicament."

"No worries Big Mac... hey Twilight... ya' okay?"

     An orange hoof waved itself in front of the blank face of Twilight. The alicorn faced the Apple siblings and said one word that they extremely dreaded.

RUFF!!!