Filly Fucktasia

by Good Christian Ethesto

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Crossover, Sex, Tragedy, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4650

Twilight Sparkle, purple pony princess, is sent as a diplomat to the newly-discovered Magic Academy of Funtasia. I think you guys can guess what happens next.

Twilight Sparkle, purple pony princess, is sent as a diplomat to the newly-discovered Magic Academy of Funtasia. I think you guys can guess what happens next.

Published 2014-03-22 23:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-22 23:50:03 UTC

Come on get up and get down with the syndrome. Your mother get up and get down with the syndrome. You fuckers get up and get down with the syndrome. Autism is the gift that has been given to me!

The following events are based entirely on this short video clip:

Youtube Video

--

In truth, Princess Twilight Sparkle had no idea why she'd been called to Canterlope on such short notice. Hours prior she'd received a royal invitation from none other than Princess Celestio, her former mentor, telling her to arrive with due haste. Not one to refuse such a request, she'd hopped onto the train in Ponyville almost immediately and headed off, after checking and rechecking her to-do list, that is. It wasn't until she'd already headed out did she begin to worry what this was all about.

Was it another test? Or perhaps Princess Celestio was upset with her for some raison. She hadn't sent a friendship report in weeks. Perhaps that was it.

Her fragile, delusional mind continued to spiral into chaos, and by the time she was at the Palace, she was convinced that she'd be banished to the moon or worse... Expelled. That is, until she met with Celestio herself and all was explained. Apparently, with the use of her ultra magic, she had discovered a new land, inhabited by tiny ponies, and it was her plan to send Twilight as a diplomat to open relations with these foreigners. Of course Twilight agreed. She couldn't possibly let her mentor down. And so they made their plans.

--

It was just another sunny and happy day at the Magic Royal Academy of Funtasia, but for Flesh Sentry, this was his big chance. The stallion trotted through one of the many ornately-decorated hallways with a tray of cupcakes held with his mouth, his bulbous hooves clip-clopping on the green and white-tiled floors. Normally not one to be up and active before noon, today Flesh's dark gray coat had been washed and groomed, highlighting the white designs that had been dyed all along his body. His golden crown, inlaid with several tiny citrines, rested upon his forehead, holding back his wild, white hair, and his green fairy wings jutted from his back, shaped almost like a pair of maple leaves. With a color scheme like that, he could make even the best of OC's jealous.

This was a day he had been looking forward to for several weeks now. You see, the new students had just arrived at the Royal Magic Academy, and this was his chance to get lucky before they inevitably realized what a disgusting creep he truly was. He trotted through an archway into a larger chamber, instantly spotting what he was looking for: Fresh meat. A group of freshman mares were chatting happily amongst themselves, excited about being let into such a beautiful and prestigious school. Their bodies were young and fresh and their gourd-like hooves were plump, no doubt filled to the brim with sexual goo.

Flesh Sentry licked his lips, sizing up the nearest mare, a beautiful white pony with a long, pink mane. Her blue eyes sparkled with youthful innocence as she talked to a nearby pink unicorn mare. Flesh could hardly contain himself, and an involuntary shiver ran up his spine. He wanted to pee on her butt so badly. Managing to squash the urge, at least for now, he stood up straight and swag-walked his way across the room, right up to her.

Noticing him through the corner of her eye, she turned and regarded him with a friendly smile. "Oh, hello," she greeted, unaware of the disturbing thoughts that were going through his head.

He bent down, placing the tray on the floor in front of her. "Hey, you must be new here."

"Yeah. We just arrived and it's so exciting. I've always dreamed of coming here to learn magic," she blathered. Flesh Sentry could care less about her hopes and dreams, and he could feel his 'Flesh Sentry' getting softer at every word, but he nodded along anyway.

"That's really interesting," he lied. "Anyway, I made you some cupcakes as a welcome gift." In actuality, he hadn't made the cupcakes. He'd just bought them from the store and slipped a couple dozen rohypnol pills into the icing, but she didn't need to know that.

Unfortunately for Flesh, he couldn't stay and chat as another stallion approached from behind. "Excuse me, Prince Flesh. The council is meeting, and they're requesting the presence of all the important residents."

Prince Flesh Sentry turned and glared at the servant pony, not very happy that he was being disturbed during such an opportunity. "Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?"

"But, sir. The councilors insisted that it was quite urgent," the servant pleaded, knowing that the failure to do his job would result in a swift and brutal punishment.

Flesh was about to argue back, sealing the servant to his untimely fate, when the nearby mare spoke up. "It's alright. This sounds really important, and I'd hate to keep you. My name's Bella, by the way, and this is my friend, Rose." She gestured to the unicorn by her side. "It was nice meating you. Maybe we can meet up again later."

Not knowing exactly how to argue against that, Flesh nodded dumbly. "Uh, yeah. Nice to meet you. And don't forget to share those cupcakes with all your mare friends."

After a guarantee that she would, Flesh trotted off down the hall, a scowl etched across his face. His only hope was that this meeting wouldn't take too long so he could capitalize on his plan to get some sweet ass. Not literally, of course. Donkeys are gross.

Back in the other room, Bella regarded the tray of cupcakes with a critical eye, like a hawk looks at a field mouse, or a house cat looks at brown rocks in a plastic bowl, noting that they were chocolate with vanilla frosting. "I'm going to eat the shit out of these," she stated, eliciting a frustrated sigh from Rose.

"You're going to eat them all instead of sharing them, aren't you?" She was answered by a huge smile from her non-unicorn friend. "Can I at least have one?"

"Nope," Bella answered before opening her mouth super wide, her bottom jaw dislodging much like a hungry snake. With one swift motion, she grabbed the tray and poured the cupcakes into her gaping throat-hole. She gagged a bit as the huge bulge of diabetes molecules slid down her esophagus before finally reaching her tummy rumpler.

"You're gonna have a real tummy ache from eating all those cupcakes," nagged Rose who wasn't very happy about having an empty tummy, devoid of even a single cupcake.

"Yeah, whatever. My digestive track is top three. I think I can handle a few cupcakes." She sat down on her rump, rubbing her adorable little tummy with her forelegs as her internal organs roiled in glee.

"Don't you think the prince will be mad that you ate all of them?" asked Rose.

"Meh, I'll just say I shared them and no one will be the wiser." She continued rubbing her belly for a few moments before realizing there was still one loose end. She turned and regarded Rose, as if deciding what to do with her, before finally saying what was on her mind. "You aren't going to tell on me, are you?"

"Of course not," she assured. "I'm your friend. I wouldn't tell on you." Rose was much smarter than that. She'd wait until Bella least expected it before enacting revenge. And on that day, all ponies would learn the price of betraying her. They'd all learn...

Meanwhile, in another chamber, the Academy's council had gathered together, situated in a circle around a large mahogany table. Not only had the important professors been called in, but also members of the royal houses. Though they hadn't begun the discussion, the very atmosphere betrayed the seriousness of this meeting.

Once everyone, including Flesh Sentry, had taken their seats, the meeting began. Archmage Marshmallow Swirls, a serious-looking gray stallion, stood up, clearing his throat to get everyone's attention. "I'm sure you're all wondering why you've been called, and I assure you, there's a very good reason." He gestured towards an armored stallion who was standing nearby. "This is Private Tinkle Wrinkle of the Royal Armed Forces. Private, please share your report with the rest of us."

Tinkle's eyes shifted around the room, his fairy wings twitching nervously as he stepped forward. "I was out on a patrol near our borders with the rest of my unit early this morning when we were attacked. I barely made it out of there alive, and I think I'm the only member(This is foreskinshadowing. Remember this.) who survived."

"Attacked?" Shouted one of the nearby nobles. "Attacked by what?" It wasn't every day their well-trained guards were bested in combat.

"It was big," explained Private Tinkles.

"Big?" parroted the nobles.

"And purple," he finished.

"PURPLE?!"

"By the Gods, what unholy abomination wanders uncontestied across our land?"

"I flew straight here to inform you. It could be here within a day! Or less! We must prepare," the private explained.

"Wait," butted in Lord Rubbadub. "If you flew straight here, no doubt you've led it right to us!" His response was met by outrage from the rest of the nobles.

"The fool has doomed us all. The beast will cum for us next!"

"We're all dead because of him. DEAD!"

"I say an execution is an order!"

"YEAH!"

"Quiet!" called out Archmage Marshmallow Swirls, silencing the panicked nobles. He turned to one of the many guards standing watch around the room and made a gesture towards Private Tinkle Wrinkles. "Prepare the guillotine." The guards got the picture, and they jumped on the private before dragging him screaming from the room. They'd be having an execution before this day was over.

"Now then, this is certainly disheartening news. We must prepare before this beast is upon us." He was met by a chorus of agreements, prompting him to go on. "We must strengthen our defenses. General," he addressed an ornately-armored stallion nearby, "mobilize all reserve forces and strengthen our perimeter. As for us, we need to be prepared to use our magic to fend off this vile monster."

The meeting dragged on like that for over an hour longer. Panicked nobles planned and plotted, sure that their carefully-prepared magical spells would be more than enough to fell any beast, no matter how big or purple. As for all the details, Flesh Sentry couldn't even remember. He'd stopped listening a few minutes in. All he could think about was Bella. Her sweet body raced through his mind like Sanic the Hedgehog in Green Hill Zone. He salivated, imagining how good her hooves probably tasted. By now, his 'sentry' was fully alert, and the tip brushed against the bottom of the table as he continued to imagine Bella in all types of compromising positions.

A spurt of pre-pee broke him out of his lust-induced stupor, and his eyes widened in realization. He really had to pee. Like really, really bad. He'd never had to pee this badly before in his life. He was sure he was going to blow his load any minute now. Unfortunately, the meeting continued on, old stallions droning on about Pony-God knows what with no end in sight.

He knew he couldn't possibly hold out 'til the end of the meeting. He had to get out of there, and quick! The trick now was to vacate the meeting room without drawing too much attention to himself.

He shot up out of his chair, his big, hard, flesh monstrosity catching on the underside of the table, causing it to flip on its side. Papers flew in all directions and a mighty crash overpowered all other sound in the room, silencing the speakers. "Gotta blast!"

With that shouted, he was out of there faster than two cheetahs tied together. It's only logical that if you add two cheetahs together they'd go twice as fast as a normal cheetah. Almost as fast as the speed of sound! But I digress.

He zipped down hallways and corridors, his hooves red-hot and his bladder a ticking WMD just waiting to blow. He could have run into one of the many bathrooms he passed by, but no. He had a better "urinal" in mind. Her name was Bella, and he was gonna pee all over her butt whether she liked it or not. It wasn't long before Flesh Sentry found his target. She was exactly where he had left her, but now she was lying on the floor in the middle of the room surrounded by panicked students and the school's emergency response unit.

He zipped up to the nearest EMT, and got right in his face, the crazed look in the prince's eyes showing the seriousness of the situation. "What in pony-hell is going on in here?! What happened to Bella!?!?!"

The EMT answered almost immediately in a panicked voice, clearly afraid that he'd incur the prince's magical wrath if he wasn't quick enough with the response. "It seems she overdosed on some kind of drug. We won't know until we get her blood work done, but we're pumping her stomach as we speak!"

Hearing that new bit of information, Flesh Sentry looked over at Bella. Sure enough, the medics were pumping loads and loads of bile and the partially-digested remains of at least a dozen unchewed cupcakes onto the floor, as well as little pieces of plastic, and what looked like a dead bird.

"That stupid bitch ate all the cupcakes..." whispered Flesh Sentry. For some reason, this blatant disregard for his authority, as well as the liquids seeping from her open mouth, turned him on even more. His sexual organs burned with a fire he'd never felt before, and he knew then and there he had to have her.

With a manly roar, Flesh stood up, rising to an impressive height, revealing his fully-erect, and average-sized horse dick. It was like an angry little cobra, and already it was spitting its venom as a squirt-gun-like stream of yellow liquid ejected from the tip and landed on Bella's prone form. The closest EMT's eyes widened as he recognized what was about to happen.

"HIT THE DECK!" He cried, and every pony in the area immediately jumped to the ground in fear. Alas, most were too slow. The tip of Flesh's cock opened like a collapsing dam, the urine reservoir immediately spilling forth with all the force of a Blastois-water-attack. The EMT standing just before him was immediately torn in half by the force of the pee, his flesh being sundered like a desecrated burrito, and his blood and viscera joined the urine mix as it continued unhindered on its deadly trajectory.

The vile concoction of blood, urine, and flayed bits of meat hit Bella next, the very ground around her being torn and thrown around as the pee stream penetrated Bella's unconscious form as though it was not but tissue paper. A great explosion rocked the school as the floor detonated, drops of urine and shrapnel being flung around in the "splash zone". Every pony in the immediate area was perforated and shredded to pieces, their liquids joining the unholy conglomerate of testicle juice and vital goo.

Several seconds passed before the pee stream stopped, and the whole room fell silent, a haze of dust and smoke blocking out the gruesome scene. Flesh was panting heavily. He'd never peed that hard before! It felt absolutely great, greater than anything he'd even imagined. He fell to his belly, the intense afterglow making him want to simply go to sleep forever.

However, this was not to be. The academy was once again rocked, but this time by a titanic roar. It echoed through the halls, causing the very foundations of the massive building in tremble. Despite everything, this was enough to break Flesh Sentry from his ecstatic haze, and he stumbled over to a partially-shattered window on the other side of the room, his mostly-flacid flesh beast dragging limply across the floor and trailing a stream of what little urine remained in its urethra.

He looked out the window, his eyes instantly locking onto the source of the roar. It was absolutely gargantuan, standing erect at over a hundred feet tall. Its wrinkled hide was gnarled and scarred and sagged with age. Clearly it had seen many a fight. And it was purple. Oh how purple it was... It was a giant, purple dick. Flesh, no doubt, had the same thought on his mind as everyone else: how did it get there so fast?

"Fire!" Flesh hadn't even noticed the battalion of soldiers that scurried around the castle's courtyard, preparing a defense in record time. Among them were dozens of catapults, each holding a deadly payload of dozens of moderate-sized rocks. With the command given, the ropes were cut and the catapults released their tension, launching a barrage at the intruding monstrosity.

Many made contact, but the rocks simply bounced off its thick hide, doing little more than seemingly enraging the penis. The veins in its neck throbbed and its peni opened up as it let loose another ear-splitting roar. The display of power did little to dissuade the foot soldiers, and they charged. Hundreds of ponies, wielding spears, maces, and swords in their forelegs clumsily hobbled forward in a three-legged gate.

The beast struck first, however. Its neck bent like a skin banana, pointing its huge head at the wave of incoming ponies. Then, all hell broke loose. A glob of cum the size of a boulder rocketed from the tip, impacting the front line of ponies. The gooey projectile splattered across the ground, coating dozens of stallions in love-juice. However, this was no ordinary-human love juice. This became immediately apparent as the soldiers began screaming and crying out in agony, their flesh melted before the very eyes of their comrades until naught but red, gooey lumps remained. Hardly had the first projectile impacted the ground before another stream of cum spewed out of its crown. The steaming, white liquid continued to flow, as though it was not a giant monstrous dick attacking them, but a volcano. Before long, more than half the ponies were hit, and reduced to gorey piles of goo. Needless to say, the rest of the charging ponies dropped their weapons and retreated.

They had bought enough time, though, and the catapults were loaded once again, this time with a more deadly projectile: cocoa pebbles. The sugary lumps were sure to cause at least a few cavities in their opponent. Next to them several ranks of archers had formed up, each wielding a crossbow that was notched and aimed at the behemoth.

Before they could fire, though, Fred Flinstone ran up to Artillery Commander Barney Rubble. "Barney, my pebbles!" He yelled in outrage.

Barney wasn't messing around, though. This wasn't child's play no mo. He had a penis to beat. "Fire!" He called out once more, and a hail of crossbow bolts and cocoa pebbles were flung through the sky in a glorious display of pony ingenuity. They struck true, but once again bounced harmlessly from their opponent. Seeing as it had no teeth, it shouldn't have come as a surprise that a sugar-based attack would have little effect.

With another furious roar, the penis reared up to its full height. And then all hell broke loose. Again!

Its testicles began stomping in tandem, pulling the huge girth of the erect man genital across the ground with ease and speed that didn't seem possible for a dick of its size. The house-sized balls trampled any pony in their path, utterly leveling them under their immense weight. Seeing this was enough to cause the archers are artillery ponies to panic, and they began to retreat to the relative safety of the school. Unfortunately, most were too slow. The testicles plowed through the courtyard, crunching both catapults and ponies alike without remorse.

More than half of the courtyard had been demolished before the penis once again stopped, to the obvious confusion of Barney Flinstone. That is, until it bent over and looked directly at him, its open urethra hole salivating. "Yabba dabba damn it," Barney cried out as the dick lunged forward, swallowing him whole. Clearly it was hungry, and wasn't simply content to crush all the ponies to death.

Unfortunately for it, the ponies weren't quite beaten just yet. The huge double doors at the front of the school burst open, and out rushed the school's senior mages. Their bodies glowed with magical potential as they prepared to fire their most powerful offensive spells at their attacker. The penis was far too quick, though, and before they could so much as cast a single fireball, the dick's ball sack had smacked against the ground with enough force to launch its body into the air like a rocket ship. For a moment, the ponies could only stare as the huge creature transcended the realm of Earth and mortals, reaching new heights as it floated into the sky. It looked absolutely regal, wreathed in clouds with the sun at its back, surrounding it in an angelic glow.

Then, gravity caught up to it, and the ponies realized their impending doom. They could hardly let loose a collective scream as their vision was filled with a wall of meat and the shaft of the dick body slammed their fresh corpses into the ground. On the bight side, they wouldn't need a burial.

The very ground shattered beneath the beast, fissures opening up and a mighty quake rippling from the body slam's epicenter. Despite being one of the ponies' grandest architectural feats(or should I say ' architectural hooves'? AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHALOLMAOROFL), the academy started to crumble, entire sections of walls breaking into rubble and towers collapsing. After a few moments the quake stopped, and less than half of the building remained intact.

Luckily, Flesh Sentry was completely fine because he's the main character. The penis stood up, now covered in dust, and surveyed the damage it had caused. Its grotesque mouth twisted into the best facsimile of a smile a penis can give as it saw how easily it had bested the ponies' defenses. That smile didn't last long, however, as the ground began to shake again. This time, a huge vault door slid open beneath the school, causing the remainder of it to topple into a pit. Flesh Sentry was alright, though.

Suddenly, the rubble fell away, as a new, equally massive form emerged from the darkness of the pit. It pulled itself up and stood at an impressive height comparable to the penis before it. It looked like a giant mech suit of some kind, and its pilot soon revealed itself as a voice bleared through the robot's speakers. "Foolish penis, you thought us defeated so easily?" The voice was easily-recognizable as none other than Archmage Marshmallow Swirl. He was the most powerful pony, like, ever. If anyone could beat this meat, it'd be him. The mech raised its fists, clearly ready to throw down, and it hopped around on its gargantuan robo-feet like an amateur boxer.

"Shoulda' checked yourself, bro. Now you gone wrecked yourself," taunted the mage. He moved in, the servos in the mech's joints making a monstrous racket, and swung at the ill-prepared dick. The huge robot fist easily made contact with the side of the penis' head, and it was knocked off balance, briefly teetering like a Weeble before falling down on its back.

"Oo, oo. Too fast for you!" called Marshmallow as he once again began juking around the courtyard, each footfall causing a mini Earthquake. "2fast!2quick!" He pivoted and kicked the dick right in the side as it tried to get back up, once again throwing it to the ground.

"I'm like nesquick in here. Bam!" Another attempt at getting back up by the penis was stifled by a kick. Despite the strength and weight behind the attacks, the dick looked to be fine aside from a few small bruises. It growled angrily at the dancing robot, annoyed that it couldn't stand up. It decided a new tactic was in order. Instead of standing up, the penis simply slithered across the ground like a giant snake.

Marshmallow Swirl clearly wasn't expecting this, and he couldn't react fast enough before the dick had coiled around his mech's leg. The powerful muscles in the penis began constricting, slowly crunching the metal hull, and the circuitry below as more and more pressure was applied. All the Archmage could do was smack the dick in a feeble attempt at getting it to let up, but this did little. Finally, after a few long moments, he finally mixed his strategy up a little.

He elected to try to grab the cock with both hands and pull it free. He tugged at it with all his might, his metal fingers running across its leathery hide as he tried to pry it away. Suddenly, the penis began uncoiling, instead becoming stiff. Seeing that this was working, the Archmage continued tugging at the huge penis, causing it to go fully erect in his hands. Its mouth opened again, but this time instead of a roar, a moan escaped its saggy dick lips.

It was at that point that Marshmallow Swirl finally realized his mistake. Instead of prying the cock loose, he had merely begun jacking it off. By then it was already too late to react. The penis, now grown considerable and as hard as a diamond, lunged froward, ramming the mech in the crotch with enough force to penetrate the hull. The mech fell to the ground, its crotch armor sheered off, revealing its primary fuel pipe. The Archmage's eyes widened in panic, and the mech got back up on its hand and knees, trying to crawl away in a feeble attempt at escaping with its dignity intact.

It wasn't in the cards, though, and the dick once again lunged forward. Instead of escaping, the mech had only made itself more vulnerable, and the penis easily penetrated its rear, sheering metal like it was nothing. The Archmage could only scream as his giant battle mech suit, with him in it, was fucked into oblivion by a titanic monster dick. Now it was the penis who was wrecking him. Or should I say, 'rectum'? Ahahaha!

Eventually, the penis reached its climax and blew its load, disintegrating most of the mech, as well as the Archmage, and with  him, all hope of stopping this big dick. But things weren't over yet. The dick once again stood straight up, but this time a little flap opened up at its base. Flesh Sentry looked carefully, and was shocked to see that it was a vagina! It was a girl penis all along! And now it was laying its eggs! Surely the world was doomed!

That is, until a new challenger approached. This one was far larger than the penis, easily dwarfing it as it looked down at the dick with annoyance. It looked just like a giant purple pony!

"There you are!" she said, her voice shaking the very foundations of the Earth. "I've been looking everywhere for you. I was worried sick."

The penis hung its head, looking down at the ground in shame. Without another word, Twilight Sparkle used her magic to reattach her magical, detachable futa dick, and she was once again complete. She surveyed the wreckage, cringing at how horribly wrong the diplomacy had gone. That is, until she saw several survivors moving among the rubble.

Then she put them all in the butt because that's her fetish the end.