Saying Goodbye (Complete Story)
Tossing and turning had become the increasingly irritating norm for the past year. She hated every second she was awake, and unfortunately it didn’t look like tonight would grace her with any sleep. She knew why, she just didn’t like to acknowledge it. Who even cares about a stupid anniversary? Especially one like this. It shouldn’t even be a thing.
• • •
What a brilliantly blue sky with no clouds in sight. Like she needed any extra convincing, she needed to just fly for awhile. She took off like a blue and rainbow bullet into the sky, a streak of rainbow colors in her wake as she moved around the sky at amazing speeds.
The whole experience was interrupted by a bubbly pink pony using a trampoline to get enough height to address Rainbow Dash.
“Hey!”
Bounce!
“Dashie!”
Bounce!
“Wanna”
Bounce!
“Do some”
Bounce!
“Pranks?”
She smirked at her random friend. She was always up for a good prank. “Sure thing Pinkie”
It was not one of the normal days of pranking. Rainbow couldn’t place it, but something just felt off about it. It nagged at her the whole day, but she pressed on with Pinkie just the same. Pinkie had already decided that today the first prank ought to be on Twilight, and she had a perfectly brilliant (and utterly Pinkie) plan for this one.
She had visited Zecora before she even went to Rainbow Dash, so she already had in her possession the vial containing the peculiar substance that was so crucial to the prank. Rainbow Dash was completely intrigued.
“So, what’s the plan?”
Pinkie sniggered before she replied, “Well, this stuff here… I throw the vial on the floor in the library; it fills the library up with a thin vapor… it’ll scramble all the words in all of her books for like an hour…”
“Oh man! That’s awesome!”
Pinkie grinned and nodded in agreement. It was absolutely, without question, her current masterpiece.
• • •
She grunted. I hate this. She hadn’t even begun to get out of bed, instead opting to pull a pillow over her head and trying to manage some freaking sleep for once. Why couldn’t she sleep?!
Oh forget it; it was never going to happen today. Of all days. No, she could never sleep on this one. She grunted again, and grudgingly stepped out of her front door. She looked down at the path below, it wasn’t too far but unless you were a Pegasus, her house wasn’t exactly accessible. There was always one earth pony who managed though.
She gazed at the path below, half expecting to see her waiting there.
• • •
It was quite a chilly morning, early on in spring, when Rainbow Dash got a brilliant idea for a prank and just had to bring Pinkie Pie in on it. She blasted through the sky, causing trees to sway as she passed over leaving a stream of vivid color in her wake.
As soon as she arrived at Sugarcube Corner, something felt wrong. It felt like the place had lost half of its color and all of its flavor, and it was like the baked goods didn’t have the heart to fill the place with their aroma. She had no idea why, but she suddenly wished she hadn’t arrived.
Oh well, she was here now. She trotted up to Mrs. Cake who was handing a customer a box containing several oversized cookies.
“Hiya Mrs. Cake” she called out, the mare looked startled at being addressed by Rainbow Dash at that moment, and that seemed very unusual. Mrs. Cake was always so pleasant, why did she look like she didn’t want to be talking to her right now?
“Oh, Hiya Dearie…” she said. She sounded pretty somber as she spoke, and now that Rainbow looked closer, it seemed that she had been crying recently. Why was that?
“Is Pinkie Pie around?”
Mrs. Cake inhaled sharply and looked at Rainbow Dash with suddenly sorrow filled eyes. “Oh dearie… I’m sorry… She… She passed away last night.”
Rainbow Dash could not possibly have heard that correctly.
“C-Come… Come again?” she stammered, hoping that she hadn’t heard right.
Mrs. Cake set down an order she had just filled, and trotted over to Rainbow Dash. “Didn’t you know…?” she asked.
“Know…what?”
“She was ill… very ill… She’d been fighting it for months now, dearie… but last night… her fight was over.”
She had no idea how to respond. It made no sense at all. Pinkie? Dead? How could that even be possible? Before any more questions could invade her mind, she bolted from the store and kept going. She had no idea where she was going, no idea which direction to choose. She just wanted to go.
She unfolded her wings abruptly, and took off into the air with a sudden downburst of air that caused everything around her to shake.
• • •
No! Not this again. Not these memories.
“Rainbow?” called a somewhat familiar voice from down below. She hadn’t expected anypony to show up; there was no reason she should. As things came into focus, she looked down to see Twilight Sparkle sitting on her haunches looking up at the blue Pegasus with a certain hope in her eyes.
“Oh… What do you want?” she hissed, the venom in her voice absolutely unmistakable.
For all the anticipation she had of Rainbow’s reaction to her showing up this morning, she really wasn’t prepared for it. It was more than a wince as she closed her eyes and reconstructed her courage internally.
“I… Um…” she felt her voice go flat and miserable as she spoke, she was struggling to ignore the anger from the Pegasus she was speaking to, trying to focus on anything but that “I just… wanted to know…”
“You know.” She sneered. She wasted no more time on this exchange, it only caused her to become angrier and angrier and she didn’t need help with that today. With a fierce swoop of her wings, she took off high into the sky.
Twilight Sparkle sat there, on her haunches, watching Rainbow Dash leave a trail as she sped into the heavens. She swallowed hard, and then took a deep pained breath as she turned away from the cloud home of Rainbow Dash. She had tried, she kept telling herself. It wasn’t enough, she wasn’t sure it ever would be. She couldn’t apologize enough, but Rainbow was never going to forgive her.
She trotted miserably back towards the library, recounting the events of the past year. She had lost Rainbow Dash as a friend exactly one year ago, and to respect her wishes had given her space. Still, today, leaving her alone was not an option. She couldn’t let Rainbow Dash be alone on the anniversary.
Applejack worked herself so hard now that she kept getting hurt, ending up in the hospital on three separate occasions in the last year. She wasn’t even trying to be careful and she had nopony fooled into thinking otherwise. Twilight had seen all of her friends during each hospital visit, well almost all. Rainbow never came around while Twilight was there, she wouldn’t even acknowledge Twilight during Winter Wrap Up that year.
Rarity buried herself in her work, but she had lost all of her edge as a designer. She was putting together dresses that were eerily reminiscent of the quality of the dresses Twilight and company had pushed her into making. Seemingly random collections of loosely themed materials and colors that struggled to exist in coherence with the intended purpose of the dresses they had come together to represent. In no way were any of these designs up to the typically over the top standards that Rarity usually set for herself.
Fluttershy, well she was hard to read from the start. She was such a reluctant participant in social situations that it was obvious from the start that she was an unrelenting introvert. She didn’t stand up for herself very much, but had an astonishing way of defending her friends when the need was explicitly established. She hadn’t changed from her usual self since that day, but perhaps that was because she hadn’t really breached her own comfort zone like the rest. Really the only thing that had changed was that she was more determined than ever to keep her friends together. It was must have been extremely difficult, then, to see how well that wasn’t working out.
It really had been a difficult year for all of them, and none one of them had come through it for the better. Tears escaped her eyes and memories of wonderful parties and exaggerated energy poured into her mind. If she were still around, she would have thrown a party for the six friends in order to provide an atmosphere that encouraged happiness and playtime and harmless conversation. Twilight knew that wasn’t going to happen this time. She knew that they had to work through it all on their own now. She knew how much it hurt to think that it might not work.
• • •
It sounded like a small wind storm had suddenly picked up outside, but somehow she knew the truth was that her friend had just landed at her door. She was quiet for a moment, allowing herself just another moment alone. She was alright talking to Rainbow; they had been friends forever after all. She just wished Rainbow would talk to any of the other ponies. Not because she was tired of talking to Rainbow, but because she was tired of all of her friends being so distant.
She had tried to stay in contact, which was sort of counter intuitive for the dangerously shy pony. Still, she managed it to the best of her ability. She only wished that her friends would take a more active interest in fixing things. Well, she had delayed long enough now. She finally made her way to her door, and opened it slowly.
“Hi” came a short greeting from Rainbow.
“Hello, Rainbow” she replied quietly.
Every other day of the year, Fluttershy was incredibly shy. Today, she was more introverted than ever. Today sucks.
“Can I come in?” she asked.
“Oh… yes.” Replied Fluttershy, stepping inside and allowing Rainbow Dash to enter her house.
“She showed up today.” She said. Rainbow Dash was in a bad mood, and her tone perfectly reflected that. Each time she spoke, Fluttershy flinched.
“Oh, what did she say?”
“What do I care what she said?” she snapped before even thinking about how to respond.
“Why don’t you…?”
“Because everything is just some lesson for her to brag to the Princess about! I’m sick of it! I’m sick of her having to find some lesson in everything that goes on! Sometimes… Sometimes sadness is just sadness! It needs to be treated that way!” she was furious, and her words sputtered out at inconsistent volumes as Fluttershy patiently listened.
“Twilight Sparkle has her own way of coping with things, Ra-“
“There’s no excuse for it!” she snapped before moving to the door, throwing it and her wings open. Then she just stood there, with her wings open, unable to move.
Flutteshy watched her, already at peace with whatever Rainbow’s decision would be but hoping she would end up staying in the end. She couldn’t be completely sure, but she thought Rainbow might actually be…
Rainbow Dash shut the door and turned around, folding her wings back on her sides and sitting on her haunches. “Sorry” she said quietly. No tears in her eyes though. Fluttershy quietly cursed at that, but quickly recovered her composure.
“It’s alright. You’re upset, I understand that.” She said softly. It was curious to Rainbow Dash how Fluttershy could make anything sound diplomatic, at least when she could make whatever she was saying heard in the first place.
“No… I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You’ve been a really good friend… You’ve been there when I needed you…” she spoke, although every word came out weaker than the one preceding it, she really did mean what she was saying. Fluttershy could sense this; after all, she is Fluttershy. Right?
• • •
Twilight was in no hurry to get back home, so she took her time as she trotted down the paths from Rainbow’s cloud mansion. It was strange to have a day like this, she honestly hadn’t considered the possibility during all the wonderful times she had with her friends. Why should that ever have to end?
It felt, for lack of any other word fitting the bill quite so appropriately, lonely. The flowers danced in the cool spring breeze, spreading their individual fragrances into a lovely collage that tickled the nostrils. Twilight couldn’t really appreciate any of this, since none of it really felt particularly important in comparison to the actual meaning of the day.
She had slowed down even more along the way as her thoughts dragged her into unwanted flashbacks of amazing and meaningful celebrations for otherwise insignificant occasions. With all of her strength she did what she could to push these out of her mind. Even greater effort was required to get her mind on much more mundane subjects such as astronomy and obscure unicorn history. A year and one day ago would have seen her thrilled at the prospect of these studies. Today, she couldn’t muster even a hint of enthusiasm for her beloved books.
The final stretch had finally come, and she decided she had had enough of taking her time. Breaking into a relaxed gallop helped her clear the remaining distance in just under twenty seconds. She swung the door open and stepped inside, only to hear an unmistakable artificially cheerful voice calling out to her.
“Twilight Sparkle!” she cried. She hadn’t seen any of her friends in almost eleven months, being far too busy putting together her fabulous new collection.
“Rarity?” she asked, just a touch of confusion mixed with a hardy helping of relief at not having arrived home to an empty library.
“Indeed it is I!” she chimed. She certainly was talented at affecting a false cheer in her speech.
Rarity had already been here for the last ten minutes, and so she had time to observe the state of Twilight’s library. She had to admire Twilight’s devotion to order and organization, but that was certainly not reflected in the state of this place. While the books maintained some semblance of order (more likely the work of Spike than of Twilight herself), the floor appeared to be left unattended for a long time. It still had some traces of a celebration from somewhere distant in memory. The colors had almost faded from the remnants of confetti and streamers that littered some corners of the first floor. A candle had been carefully placed on a bookshelf, and it looked as though age hadn’t touched it at all. While the books it was displayed in front of had all taken on a light coating of dust, the candle looked pristine and new.
“What are you doing here?” Twilight asked, attempting to refocus Rarity’s wandering eyes.
“Oh! Darling! Of course you must know why! You do know what today is, don’t you?” she said sweetly. It was strange how determined she was to affect this increasingly grating cheer, but more than that it was worrisome.
“Yes… Yes I do” replied Twilight. She had trotted over to her couch and taken a seat.
“I…” Rarity’s voice changed suddenly, no longer straining beneath the weight of its intended mask, “I’m sorry… I know I haven’t been around…”
Twilight’s violet eyes looked into Rarity’s deep blue ones, and for a moment there was a spark of clarity. She suddenly understood how much Rarity had been hurting, and how alone she had been.
“It’s…well…why haven’t you been?” she asked, not wanting to justify Rarity’s isolation as she spoke.
“Oh Twilight… It has been miserable… I am so sorry that I hid away from you girls… I have tried so hard to push on… Pinkie would never have wanted any of us to be unhappy, do you know what I mean?” she asked, not waiting for any reply as she continued without much pause, “She really was a darling, wasn’t she? I had not taken the time to appreciate this, and I have been trying to design dresses to honor her memory… but I simply cannot come up with anything that works for that specific goal…”
“I feel absolutely guilty! What can I do? I wish I had taken the time to properly know her…”
Twilight did nothing to respond, and her facial expression did not betray her growing frustration. No, you didn’t! You took her for granted! She threw parties, made jokes, played pranks, and made all of us laugh! You couldn’t take the time to even enjoy that once you got swept up in your precious career! What kind of a friend does that make you?!
She inhaled slowly, and exhaled the same as she prepared to speak.
“Rarity… You can’t do anything… she’s…” and her words faltered as the act of saying them became impossible to deal with. Only tears knew how to communicate what it was she wanted to say.
Rarity was humbled; she had to take action now. She stood from her seat and trotted over to Twilight, wrapping her forelegs around her and pulling her into a gentle hug. Twilight buried her face in Rarity’s shoulder, and wept.
• • •
The farm had never felt as lonely and cold as it did on this day. It wasn’t for anything, especially not the cool spring day it happened upon. It was strange; there was no reason for the temperature to feel so much lower than it actually was.
She would have been out there, preparing the trees for their first harvest if she’d had more strength to walk. She had, in typical Applejack fashion, drowned herself in her work ever since that day last year. It was everything she could do to make it work like it used to. It was surefire for times when she was angry or sad about something like business gone sour or a recent fight with one of her friends, but this pain was far more significant than any of those things and so stubbornly resisted the usually distracting qualities of her workload.
She grunted as she moved away from the window of her room, and was met with Granny Smith’s piercing gaze. It was a practice in futility to attempt lying to Granny Smith, although lying wasn’t really a habit Applejack was into; though on the subject of feelings, she was never particularly candid. Granny Smith could read Applejack like a large print novel written in a third person narrative that conveniently outlined the inner workings of the characters’ minds.
“Sulkin’ again?” she asked. Applejack winced for the sheer accuracy of it, but then you could count on Granny Smith to waste no time in pinpointing the core of the matter.
“I… we-…”
“Oh don’t waste yer breath makin’ up a fib. I know ya” she said, cutting off Applejack, “Ya oughtta go hang out with yer friends.”
Applejack really had no way of arguing about this. The idea was sound, even if the idea still rang absurd in her ears. She would like to see her friends, but she didn’t know if she could handle the one glaring absence in their group. Then again, at least she wouldn’t be alone if she did go.
“Go on” ordered Granny Smith.
She was now resigned to comply, although she wouldn’t admit it didn’t entirely contrast with her desires at this point. She trotted to the door, attempting to stifle a significant limp in the neighborhood of a left hind leg.
Granny Smith had already turned and left, knowing that Applejack was going to do as she was told. So, that left Applejack alone to descend the stairs and leave. She couldn’t work too much harder on the orchards today because she had injured her leg when she overestimated her strength and underestimated the weight and potential velocity of a train of apple barrels eight strong. She had taken them up a gentle slope at the end of the north field, bringing them slowly back to the north barn.
As she did, she failed to notice the shift in pitch beneath her hooves and so also didn’t notice that the barrels had suddenly begun traveling faster than she was. By the time she did notice, it was too late to change course and the momentum of the accelerating wagons began to push her toward the thick trunk of an old apple at the base of the hill. It was a violent crash that sent the weight of eight full barrels of apples and eight wagons all at once into Applejack’s body.
It took a few months for her to recover enough to consider working on the farm, but the ordeal was far from over for her. It came as the height of shock when she realized that her leg wasn’t fully cooperating with her, and somehow that shock was topped by the realization she might never have the full use of the thing again. The determination to carry on bucking in spite of it had lifted her spirits until she realized just how painful her leg made that to do.
Now, she was grudgingly walking with a limp while waiting for the doctor to tell her he can fix it and she can get back to working full time. Not fair.
She found herself inexplicably walking towards Twilight’s library, almost unconsciously as she had become lost in the memories of her injury. A new set of memories, far more tragic and haunting than her leg, took over her mind. She was drawn back to a party, in one of her barns, that was one of the only parties Pinkie had no actual part in throwing. It was a lot of fun to plan, but it was surprising how close it came to going horribly wrong. Applejack had no idea just how close, and really the only part she knew about was Pinkie’s initially negative reception to the celebration.
“Gosh… I hated lyin’ to her…” she said to herself.
• • •
With a fierce wingbeat she darted into the sky wordlessly. She was always angry now, it just became her personality. Fluttershy really missed the old Rainbow Dash, who liked to have fun and play pranks and practice stunts for what was surely her inevitable recruitment into the Wonderbolts. Now, this new Rainbow Dash, angry and hateful and glaring at everypony had come to stay. She never smiled, barely talked, and didn’t want to talk to her friends. She didn’t practice any tracks or aerial stunts, and spent more time on the ground than in the air. She shirked her responsibilities as a weather pony, and the only time she actually did her work was during Winter Wrap-Up.
Fluttershy sat on her haunches, staring at the open door. It could have easily been a nice conversation, or even one about nothing at all that just sounded friendly, but instead, Rainbow’s usual grumpy venom had permeated the entire talk. She had bad things to say about ponies she used to call friends, and she had never stopped and asked Fluttershy how she was doing. It was really disheartening to know how far Rainbow had fallen, and despite feeling hurt and cheated, she still couldn’t help worrying about how the day was affecting Rainbow Dash.
She needed to talk, it was getting more and more difficult for her to juggle all of these conversations and emotions and she was never suited to play therapist to all of her friends. She needed an outlet of her own, and she felt that the best friend for that would be Twilight Sparkle.
“Angel Bunny… I’m going to leave now, to see Twilight Sparkle” she called out in a voice that was hushed even for Fluttershy.
With that, she trotted out her front door and closed it. It wasn’t a day to be alone, even if it was a day that made her feel alone.
• • •
It was slow going traveling to town on that bum leg, every step was uncomfortable and every moment was exhausting. She wondered if Granny Smith felt this way every day and with every kind of movement? She had gotten pretty slow in her old age, and Applejack had never really considered what that must be like for her.
The ground rumbled as a Pegasus landed forcefully in front of her, and rose colored eyes fixed on green eyes.
“Whaddayer want?” asked Applejack incredulously.
“What happened to you?” she snapped back. The aggression was unintentional but unmistakably there. She had no idea how it managed to mangle every nice thing she wanted to say in such unmanageable rage.
“Oh, I guess you wouldn’t know” she replied “bein’ the type of pony who abandons her friends!”
Applejack expected a wince, or at the very least a tear, but Rainbow was perfectly steady and unaffected by her words. At least outwardly.
“Nope, I wouldn’t” replied Rainbow Dash without a hint of anything but anger in her voice, but anger was embracing just about everything coming out of her mouth anymore.
“It was an accident. Dang apple wagons crushed me… can’t proper buck the trees with mah leg like this!” she exclaimed. She hated her injury and how it slowed her down and kept her from working as hard as she used to.
“Oh” was all she could say in return. She’d never seen Applejack look so pathetic as she did right then, clearly wishing she could break into a gallop or kick a tree in frustration but being able to do neither for the pain that would cause. She had no easy time of showing it, but she was worried about her friends. She just had no idea how to get close to them again; she was absolutely terrified of the idea now.
“You done tauntin’ me or am I gonna have to stand here for more abuse?” Applejack bellowed, interrupted Rainbow Dash’s train of thought and snapping her back into reality.
“Wha- NO!” she yelled at Applejack, “What abuse? What did I even say? I asked what happened to you! You insulted me!”
“Sorry” muttered Applejack, who honestly didn’t know if she meant the apology or not. She might have flipped out on Rainbow Dash just then, but that didn’t mean Rainbow hadn’t done anything wrong either. She sighed, sat on her haunches in order to get more comfortable. “Where were you…?”
“What?” asked Rainbow Dash, her voice had faltered and anger had simply forgotten to show up on time, “When?”
Applejack fixed eyes on her bad leg sadly, and then closed them. “When… when I was in the hospital…”
Rainbow blinked and considered her response, and when she did respond, the anger had managed to return to task, “Why were you even in the hospital? You keep working so hard it’s like you wanna get yourself killed! Don’t you DARE ask me to come visit you in the hospital every other month because you can’t find a better way to deal with this!” she shot back.
Applejack didn’t lift her head or open her eyes or even manage a reply. She had nowhere near enough strength for it and she certainly couldn’t manage to speak without screaming if she wanted to, and somehow screaming seemed like the worst idea ever.
Rainbow Dash’s rose colored eyes remained fixed on Applejack for several more minutes before she spoke again. “You… you wanna go and die… y-you… you have to do that alone…” she barely managed to say before a half-hearted beat of her wing lifted her into the air.
“I’m not watching that happen…” she choked out as she flew off, leaving Applejack sitting on her haunches alone in the middle of the dirt road.
• • •
“So… If you can’t think of anything… why do you keep trying?”
“She never gave up… she might have slowed down, but only ever for seconds at a time, and then she got another idea and ran with it… It didn’t matter if it was likely to blow up in her face, she just never stopped trying. So… I just… I thought that it would be insulting to her if I stopped trying…”
Twilight blinked, the logic in that statement wasn’t exactly flawed and she knew it. She had to respond though, to let Rarity know she didn’t have to do it.
“Rarity… You can’t do that… you’ve always taken time and care in the design of your creations… It… it can’t work any other way… and Pinkie wouldn’t want it to… or for you to… She liked Rarity the Fashionista… Rarity the generous friend… Rarity the pony with style… but… You aren’t any of those Rarities any more, you’re… just… a shut-in.”
Rarity stared, still absorbing what had just been said. She hated to think of it, but she had been absent from her friends and it amounted to little more than thousands of terrible designs that she would never allow anypony to wear. She hated herself in that moment, when she realized what she had traded her friends for, even just the idea she had traded her friends at all.
She opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by a knock at the door. Twilight moved to the door, and opened it.
“Hello Fluttershy!” she said, “Are you alright?”
Fluttershy shook her head sadly, and started to trot inside the house. Twilight moved to allow Fluttershy inside, then closed the door as she followed her in.
“Hello darling!” cried Rarity upon seeing Fluttershy.
“Hello Rarity” replied Fluttershy, in a disconnected tone.
“Are you a-“ began Rarity, but she was cut off my Fluttershy.
“Please, I’m here to speak to Twilight. Not you” she said. It was firm, but still very gentle sounding.
Rarity closed her mouth, and her eyes watered but she remained silent.
Fluttershy turned to Twilight, “I need to talk… Everypony keeps coming to see me and talk… and nopony seems to remember that I’m hurting too…”
“Fluttershy… I’m so sorry…”
“Rarity has missed every Spa Day for the last eleven months… Rainbow Dash is always very angry with everypony and always yelling at me… Applejack just won’t admit how much she’s hurting and she’s becoming increasingly dangerous to herself… and you…” she paused, looking around the room briefly “haven’t cleaned up from Pinkie’s last party…?”
Twilight couldn’t look at Fluttershy, and instead bowed her head. “No… I… if I… I just…” she fumbled hopelessly for the right words, but none came out.
“I understand…” said Fluttershy.
• • •
She was still limping her way to Twilight’s library, and it was taking her forever with the constant breaks. She would have given anything to break into a gallop and just clear the distance with her old speed, but that was a long way off.
With a groan she felt her leg give way and she fell to the ground, and broke into a long series of wracking sobs that seemed not to know mercy. She had broken her own body, and rendered her own self useless to the farm. She hated herself, now more than ever, for everything she had done and for how she handled the aftermath of Pinkie’s passing.
When she thought about it, she knew she wasn’t the only one to have done it. To have handled things so badly. Rarity, for instance, began as obsessed with her work as Applejack had done, but not on such a dangerous level. It was more of an obsession to reach perfection that was driving her to do what she was doing, or at least that is what Applejack figured once she saw the state of the Carousel Boutique a month back.
Rainbow Dash, she realized, was almost always missing during what few group outings they had managed. She had never really considered why that was, and now she was curious to know. Twilight had really let things go in the library, leaving Spike and Owloysius to pick up the slack. Applejack could even remember some trace amounts of confetti and streamers still on the floor.
Fluttershy was quiet, but that was nothing new. It was new though that everypony was going to her for support. Applejack cringed, realizing that she had never once asked Fluttershy how she was doing during any of her visits. She hadn’t been much of a friend, and she hated herself for that too.
She braced herself, and pushed herself back up. Standing wasn’t comfortable, but she was beyond caring about that at this point. It was more important that she got to the library, where maybe she could try to be a good friend again.
• • •
Flying. It used to be such an effective distraction, she would forget about anything and everything while the wind pushed passed her eyes and caused her hair and tail to sail wistfully behind her. She used to feel amazing when she would feel the air bite against her wings and cause her feathers to tremble as she weaved through the air in acts of agility the likes of which no other Pegasus could perform. It used to work that way.
She was growing to hate flying a little more each day, sitting on clouds from time to time and hoping against the impossible that she might start bouncing up next to her with a trampoline. Each and every time she refused to be there, Rainbow Dash felt angrier and hated the world a little more. She really didn’t feel much like being in the air, but it gave her a pretty nice view of the whole town.
She allowed her gaze to linger over the town, before focusing on the giant cupcake shaped Sugarcube Corner building. She hadn’t been there in an exactly a year, and she wondered if it would be too painful to talk to the Cakes. No, she didn’t want to talk to them. If they were supposed to be like parents to her, then they failed her when they let her go through her illness alone. She couldn’t forgive that.
Still, something nagged at her about the building and her gaze moved from the entrance to the cylindrical tower above it. She knew the place only too well, it was an apartment that housed a pony precious to her. She needed to see it, to see what it looked like.
A sharp flap of her wings and she began her descent to Sugarcube Corner, savoring the feel of the air as it brushed gently past her face. It had been a long time since she actually enjoyed the feeling, it was like she was forgetting all about what bothered her. She finally stopped at the window of Pinkie’s former apartment.
It was surprising to see that nothing had changed; it was as though it was frozen in time. All of Pinkie’s party supplies were in their proper chests, and her bed was neatly made. Rainbow eyed the window carefully, and found that the latch wasn’t fastened. Slowly she pulled the window open and glided in, landing gently on the floor.
It was chilling; it felt wrong without the life and energy that once resided in it. Now, although it was still full of vibrant colors and fun art, it felt motionless. Her gaze drifted all around the room, taking in the clearer and closer view of the bed, the pictures on the wall, the books in the bookcase, the door to the bathroom, and even the party supply chests, and tucked in the corner behind those was her party cannon. It was seeing that that settled it for Rainbow Dash.
Pinkie had said it when they went to Canterlot for Twilight’s birthday party so that Rarity could still attend. She never went anywhere without her party cannon. But, it was still here, in her room, and she wasn’t. It looked lonely, and unhappy. It looked like it longed to be used again, to create a party. She thought about taking the cannon herself, and trying to throw a party, but somehow that seemed like it might be disrespectful.
She cast one last long look over the room. Her eyes stopped on Pinkie’s pillow, it wasn’t in the right spot. Normally, when Pinkie made her bed, it was meticulous. For everything else in her life, for how wild and erratic she could be, she kept a touch of order in her home that Rarity would have admired. Rainbow decided it would be best to straighten it, it was only right.
She trotted over to the bed, and reached out a hoof and carefully pushed the pillow into place. Once she did, she had exposed the corner of an envelope.
“Huh? What’s this?”
She bit the corner of the envelope and pulled it from under the pillow. It wasn’t alone, four additional envelopes tumbled out as Rainbow picked it up between her teeth. She blinked, and eyed each of them. In Pinkie’s mouthwriting, on each envelope, was written a name. On the floor were the envelopes for Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, and Fluttershy. Common sense told her that she was holding Applejack’s envelope in her mouth. She dropped it quickly, and stared at the envelopes.
How long had these been here? Why weren’t they ever delivered? So many questions just swam through her head all at once and caused her a headache. She wondered what was inside of her envelope, what kind of a letter awaited her. It almost made her feel better to think that Pinkie still had something to say after a year being deceased. She stifled a giggle at the thought that not even death could keep her mouth shut.
All at once it hit her, the entire year of distance, the emptiness of this apartment, and the longing in her heart. She couldn’t keep it in any longer, and her tears were rivers unto themselves. Without thinking, she jumped on Pinkie’s bed and buried her face in her pillow, and wept as openly as she hadn’t allowed herself to do in a year.
• • •
She hated the tension in the room; it had never felt like that before. How would she know that? She’s spent the better part of the last year locked up inside her stupid boutique trying to make a dress that would define the indefinable and sacrificing her friendships just to do it. Now, there was her best friend Fluttershy sobbing into the shoulder of her other best friend Twilight Sparkle like the world would end if she didn’t get every last tear out.
She wanted more than anything to be able to comfort her, but now she wouldn’t even talk to her. She would have given anything turn back time and slap herself at the very idea of making that stupid impossible dress, and a second time for considering leaving her friends behind to do. There was no good excuse for it, she couldn’t think of a single one. She was never one to worry about excuses before, but in the last year she had developed a sort of expertise in the area of excuse making.
How did these even happen? How did she get here? How did it get to the point where she could only helplessly look on as her friend collapsed in a heap of long overdue tears? She hated this. She hated herself. She had spent too much time on her own ridiculous ambition to see how she was letting her friends down.
“Fluttershy…” she croaked through her own tears.
Fluttershy didn’t acknowledge her; instead she continued sobbing into Twilight’s shoulder.
“Please… Fluttershy… Please talk to me…” she pleaded, she needed for Fluttershy to talk to her, she needed to really properly apologize and to make things right. It was suddenly the most important thing in all of Equestria.
A moment of silence that stopped Rarity’s heart followed, but that silence burst like a bubble when Fluttershy finally spoke.
“Why…?” she said, with surprising stability in her otherwise trembling voice. It was clear to Rarity that this question was filled with anger.
“I… Fluttershy… You’re hurting… why wouldn’t I-“
“Eleven months.”
“What…?”
“I haven’t spoken to you in eleven months… I showed up for every spa day for the first three… and then I gave up… where were you in all that time? Why do you want to be here for me only just now?” her voice broke and her tears flooded across her face almost all at once, “Why did you take so long?!”
Rarity swallowed. It wasn’t the volume of questions so much as the questions themselves that got to her. She felt an enormous burden of guilt weigh on her shoulders and a lump build in her throat as she tried to respond.
“I… I don’t know… I’m sorry…”
“You never once tried to tell me that you weren’t coming… You let me go to the spa days… and sit there… waiting… for hours every time… I felt like such a foal sitting there waiting… after awhile I decided you were never coming and that it no longer mattered if you did… I was going to talk to you when you got there too… I was feeling really badly about Pinkie… and… all I wanted was to talk to my best friend… and where was she?” she punctuated the final question by looking at Rarity through deep, moist aquamarine eyes that pleaded for her friend to come home.
Rarity was absolutely stuck, “Fluttershy…” she began, hoping the words would find their places as she put them out, “there is no answer I can give you that will make it alright… I let you down… you were my best friend and I let you down… I wasn’t there when you needed me… I was locked away in a dark room trying to create a dress… trying to design something that would honor Pinkie’s memory… or at least that was what I kept telling myself…”
“But the truth is… I don’t know what it was for… I just know that as long as I kept working on that dress… I wasn’t thinking about Pinkie… and that was… the point that drove me… I could get through every day… because I spent so many of them not thinking about her… not missing her… just worrying about my design… only it stopped working… and I couldn’t stop thinking about her… so I just… worked harder… worked longer… and I disappeared into it…”
“Oh Fluttershy… I was so scared to come out of it… so scared to face the world again… but I never… I didn’t mean… I’m so sorry I abandoned you… I’m so sorry… Please Fluttershy… Please can you forgive me? Please…”
• • •
“Finally…” she said through a sigh. It was all she could do to keep going through the pain; she hadn’t walked on her leg so far in a long time. Mostly the others visited her on the farm; trying to get her away from work in order to do something fun for a change.
She hadn’t once considered actually having fun, somehow that part felt wrong to her. As though fun was something that should have only been enjoyed in the company of Pinkie. She knew that it didn’t make sense, and that Pinkie would have been appalled at the idea of her missing fun, but that never seemed to convince her to go. Work work work. More apples. More trees. More barrels full. Fill up the barn. Fill all the barns. Everything had to get done. She had no recourse; it was the only way to get through it.
Only none of her friends agreed with that plan, they all told her so. The first one to give up trying was Rainbow Dash, who had barely spoken about her own feelings on the matter to begin with, which is why Applejack didn’t take much of what she said very seriously. After the first month, Rarity was gone from everything. She hadn’t said much to start with, and would have been a hypocrite if she did anyway. Twilight kept citing several different books with varying degrees of the same advice to try to sway her, and once she was out of books, she tried just talking from her heart. Applejack dismissed her every time, and now she was starting to regret it.
The only pony that never stopped was Fluttershy, and Applejack found that surprising since she always thought Fluttershy was easily discouraged. But Fluttershy just kept coming around, and talking to her. She had stopped pleading with her to stop working, but she never stopped being there for her. It was nice that Fluttershy came around, and Applejack found herself looking forward to those days in particular because they were far easier to get through than those that were all work.
So now, here she was, dragging her damaged body through Ponyville on the way to Twilight’s library and she had no idea what she was going to say or do. She thought about apologizing, but she didn’t know how to apologize big enough for how she had been acting. She just wanted to be with her friends, to laugh after all this time. She was tired of crying, and tired of feeling so lost. She needed her friends.
She used that to find the strength to make it as far as the library, and as soon as she got to the door and managed to knock once, her leg gave out and she fell on her side. She just lay there, breathing heavily and relieved to by off her leg again.
The door opened, and there was a gasp.
“Applejack! Are you alright?” cried Twilight Sparkle, who promptly used her magic to lift Applejack gently off the ground and into the library, resting her on the couch next to Rarity, who was shouldering Fluttershy’s tears.
“I’m… I’m…” she started, then realized she was about to tell a lie, “…no… I’m not…” she said quietly. It was never easy for her to admit to these things, but today she was determined not to lock it all inside.
“What happened?” Twilight asked.
“It’s mah leg… ain’t been the same since the accident with the apples ‘n wagons” she answered, “hurts somethin’ awful when I walk, but ah’ve been getting’ used to it. Ah just never walked this far since the accident”
“Oh Applejack, I’m sorry…” she said.
“No pity, y’hear? Ah’ll get better. Just gotta keep workin’ at it…”
“What else is on your mind? What brought you here?”
“Um…” she quieted down right then. It was enough to put her pride away and be honest about her leg. Right?
Wrong. It wasn’t enough. It was obvious something was physically wrong with her; she couldn’t cover that up with a bunch of words. So that made it easier to tell, that wasn’t a challenge then, that didn’t count. No, she had to talk about what was inside.
“What’s happenin’ ta us?” she asked, trying to sit up.
“What?”
“Can ya remember the last time we all spent time together..? Our last picnic? Our last Pony/Pet Playdate? Our last anything?”
Twilight stood there, silent, consulting her memory for a response. “It… it’s been a long time.” She stated.
“Why? Why can’t we just… do that stuff…? Why are we stuck in this… whatever this is?”
“Applejack… We’re in mourning…”
“No… We’re frozen in time… we stopped movin’ forward…”
“What…?”
“Mournin’… that would mean acceptin’ she was gone. Which one of us has actually done that…?”
“I… don’t know.”
Fluttershy sniffled and pulled away from Rarity’s shoulder and spoke, “None of us…”
• • •
Dear Dashie,
I don’t know when you’re going to find this. I hope it’s real soon though, because I know you’ll need it. You’ve been my best friend for a long time, and my favoritest prank partner ever!
I think you’re going to feel angry with me because I didn’t tell you about me being sick. Well, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, and I’m not sorry. I didn’t want you to be worried about me until it was time; I just wanted you to enjoy your time with me while I still had it.
It’s been wonderful knowing you, Dashie. I’m so glad I had you in my life, and I want you to know that you made it the best life ever until the very end. Even now, as I’m sitting here and writing this and thinking about you, my stomach is full of butterflies. I wish I could have told you this sooner, but it’s better now than never ever ever ever ever.
I loved you, Dashie. I really did. Every day that I got to spend time with you was my favorite day ever. Now, I have no more days. So, I need to ask you to do something.
Keep going Dashie. Please? I want you to live your dreams, and keep flying forward. Keep living. That’s all I want from you. You need that, or you won’t be Dashie! So please, even though I’ll be gone and you’ll be sad, I want you to smile and move forward. It’ll make me super happy if you do!
You’re all going to be sad, but please don’t be. Why not have a party? Those are a lot more fun than funerals! Have a party for me, okay?
Love,
Pinkie Pie
Tears stained the page as Rainbow Dash read it and re-read it, taking in every single word and suddenly aching more than she ever had. Pinkie had a knack for saying the strangest things at the oddest times that made her laugh every time. Today, Pinkie had said everything that Rainbow needed to hear.
Once she had collected herself enough, she decided that the remaining four letters needed to be delivered. She had avoided her friends for way too long, and it would probably be a good idea to apologize to them. It would be nice to be able to just spend time with them, for a change.
She was still staring at the letter, unblinking. It was so strange to read it, strange to think it had been there all along and she never knew. If she had known what it said sooner, or if she just known how Pinkie felt, or if she had known any of the things in the letter. Well, there was no real point in debating the effect it might have had if discovered sooner, the point was what to do now.
Rainbow clutched her letter and the four remaining envelopes between her teeth before she unfolded her wings and took off out the window. Rainbow was nothing if not fast in the air, and suddenly flying felt good again. Speed wouldn’t be a problem if flying felt so right again. She found herself darting between trees and zipping around buildings as she flew around and relished feeling so free again. She needed to get to the library but she might not get there at the rate she was going.
No, she had to focus. Pinkie had sent Rainbow Dash on a mission without saying anything, it was important. She darted for the library, leaving a streak of rainbow in her wake as she went. In ten seconds flat, she landed at the front door.
• • •
“Ah just don’t understand how we could end up like this…” said Applejack, who was finally sitting up properly.
“I—“
Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock.
“Okay okay! I’m coming!” yelled Twilight Sparkle, trying her best to sound not frustrated. She trotted to the door, using her magic to open it. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Rainbow Dash.
“O-oh… I…” she fumbled words, lost them all on the floor and watched helplessly as they broke apart into a mess of confusion.
“Twilight” she said, “can I come in or what?”
Twilight stepped aside, allowing Rainbow Dash to enter her library. Once inside, Rainbow removed four envelopes from underneath her right wing, depositing them on Twilight’s desk.
“Rainbow… please…”
She turned to Twilight Sparkle right away, intending to talk to her first. “Twilight, No.”
“But… Rainbow… I’m so-“
“I know, but you don’t have to be… I’m sorry. I got real upset when you turned Pinkie Pie’s passing into a lesson… a letter to write to Celestia… but… you weren’t trying to disrespect her by doing that. You were trying to cope… weren’t you?”
Twilight nodded silently.
“So, I’m sorry… I overreacted and then I turned that into a grudge that went on for way too long… and I’m sorry”
Twilight galloped over to Rainbow Dash and wrapped her forelegs around her neck, pulling her into a tight hug as tears paraded down her cheeks. “Oh Rainbow… Thank you…”
Rainbow Dash wrapped her forelegs around Twilight Sparkle’s neck and squeezed with equal vigor. It had been far too long since they had a moment like this, or any moment at all.
“What’re those?” asked Applejack, indicating the envelopes on the desk.
“Oh! Pinkie wrote us letters…” she replied.
Everyone reacted with a gasp.
“What ever do you mean, dear?” Rarity asked.
“I… well…” Rainbow took a deep breath and stepped back from Twilight, then sat on her haunches, “I went to Sugarcube Corner… and I flew up to Pinkie’s old window… it wasn’t locked… so… I went inside. When I was in there, it was all clean and it just… it felt weird, y’know? All still. I noticed her pillow wasn’t in place, and you know how she was always fussy about her bed… well… when I pushed the pillow, these were under it.”
All of the ponies looked at the envelopes, curious about the contents. It was so strange; they were all together in the same room for the first time in a year. It had never been that long before now.
“Applejack…” Rainbow said, as she trotted over to her, “I’m sorry… I… I meant some of what I said… but… I’m sorry”
“Sugarcube, I understand. I was bein’ a foal too. I was keeping y’all worried while I didn’t accept things…”
“Yeah… well… me too…” replied Rainbow Dash, “I’ve been… angry… I mean… that Pinkie was gone… that… she never even told us she was sick… that we weren’t gonna hear her jokes and experience her poppin’ out of places we didn’t know ponies could pop out of… It’s just… well it hurts… that she’s gone.”
“You know… I never really gave Pinkie a chance. Fluttershy and I would have our spa days, and from time to time Twilight Sparkle would join us. Rainbow Dash, you and Applejack never really cared for that kind of thing so you both declined the invitation. Pinkie… well I never offered it to her. When I heard she was gone… I felt awful. I had been so selfish…” said Rarity.
“I never gave her any credit. When she told me about Pinkie Sense, I pretty much laughed in her face. She never took it personally though, but I think that’s because she knew that eventually I would believe. Until then though, I was nothing but critical and suspicious of her, like she was exposing me to injuries on purpose. I can’t believe I ever thought Pinkie would do a thing like that, I should have known better. I tried my level best to give things I didn’t quite understand a chance at being real from then on, because Pinkie had showed me how narrow-minded I could be… because she had the patience to put up with me…” confided Twilight
“Y’know… I reckon I never did take that Pinkie Promise business as serious as I should have… instead of trustin’ her, and y’all, to understand what was wrong… I found me a loophole and galloped right through it… and that hurt her. She was angry. I shouldn’t have done that… and I never did proper apologize to her…”
Fluttershy stood from the couch, trotting away from Rarity and everypony else whilst looking at the floor.
“I feel like I have to be selfish right now… we’re all thinking about Pinkie and things we should have done differently… but… I need to say this… okay?”
As she looked up, she realized she everypony’s rapt attention. It surprised her, but not enough to throw her off.
“Ever since Pinkie died… I accepted it… she was gone… and I hated it… but… I couldn’t make it not true…” she closed her eyes to dam her tears, “and then everypony started showing up at my door… talking… about her… and I understood that you all needed to talk, that you were all having a very difficult time coping with her being gone… but… you never did ask me if I needed to talk. I did. I needed to talk… I had a lot on my mind… and I missed her… and I’ve been taking care of Gummy, so I always had a reminder right there in my own home… and I cried almost every day… and none of my friends were there…”
The other four ponies were dumbstruck at the sudden confidence in their friend; they all immediately rushed to her and hugged her.
“I’m sorry Fluttershy… I was really selfish. We all were” said Rainbow Dash, making no attempt at an excuse.
• • •
Dear Applejack,
I think I’ve figured it out; Cherrychanga really is the best name for it! Maybe you can make one and see what it’s like? That would be fun!
Oh, right, now I remember. I hope you’re okay when you read this, or that you are at least able to smile a teensy little bit. I don’t want you to be sad, ever. You work harder than anypony I know, and you take care of your family so well. I remember my time on a farm, and I can say that I’m glad Apple Bloom has the farm life she has. It wasn’t that it was bad, it was just very dull. Anyway, what I mean to say is I hope you’ll stay a hard worker, but never ever ever ever ever forget to have fun! Fun is so important, you can’t possibly get through life if you don’t have fun often enough!
I came pretty close to telling you about my illness one day, and I think it might have been nice to have somepony with me when I went in for treatment. Still, I have no regrets about my decision. I saw the way other ponies looked at their loved ones in that room and I didn’t want you to look like that. You still have your family there with you, and our friends too! So you won’t be alone after I’m gone, and I feel okay about that.
You were the only other earth pony in our little group, so I felt more comfortable around you than most. We understood how things worked without magic and wings, and we knew what it meant to commit to raw hard work in order to get things done. It was never anything against Twilight or Rarity, or Dashie and ShyShy, since you can’t argue that they know a lot about working hard too, but sometimes I did feel a little at a disadvantage around the others. It’s okay though, nopony ever made us feel less significant, right? Right!
So, I keep thinking back to that time those two brothers came to town with their funny contraption, and what that might have meant for you. You have always had your farm, and you always took care of your family, and those mean old meaning mean pantseseses were going to try to take that from you. I’m glad you didn’t back down from their challenge, but I know that it scared you an awful lot. I was so proud of you when you accepted our help, and I was so super duper happy to be a member of your totally great family! You know what made me even prouder than that? You were faced with the choice between putting bad apples in the cider, and maybe making more barrels of cider; or, sticking with your integrity and making good apple cider, even though the chances were really good you would lose. You chose integrity. I always liked that about you, you were honest with everypony.
Okay, now serious talk. You remember in Dodge Junction when you made that Pinkie Promise to tell us what was wrong the next morning at breakfast and you left the hotel before everypony else got up? Well, I know you meant to apologize for that, and I want you to know that I forgive you. I heard your sorry in the way you stopped hiding silly things like coming in second place from your friends.
Thank you Applejack, for being my friend. Thank you for being so honest with me all the time, it really meant a lot to me to know that you would be the one to tell me when I was being too silly for somepony.
Love, Hugs, and Confetti,
Pinkie Pie
As the letter drifted lazily to the floor and mingled with the stray straws of hay upon it, she blew out the candle and stared out the window. Luna’s moon filled the barn with pale silvery light and Applejack sighed as she closed her eyes.
It was the first peaceful sleep she had gotten in a year, there was no pretense to work the next day and her leg wasn’t hurting as much. Most of all, she thought of Pinkie Pie, and rather than holding on for dear life, she finally said goodbye. It bred a sort of sad inner peace that allowed the night to take hold and give her the rest she so richly deserved.
The light of the moon highlighted the tears on Applejack’s cheeks. These weren’t tears of sorrow, or else she wouldn’t have fallen asleep with such a nice smile on her face. She had been aching for something of Pinkie Pie for a year, even half expecting the pink pony to pop out of some unrealistic location and startle her. A pony like that was not easy to let go of, because it was so hard to believe she was really gone.
But, a year had gone by and the only thing that happened was that she had shunned her friends and nearly killed herself overworking the farm. It was time to slow down now, and smell the cupcakes.
• • •
Dear Rarity,
Did I ever tell you that you were pretty? Because it’s true. I know everypony thinks so and you probably hear it a lot, but, you are pretty. Oh, I’m not talking about the outside part, though that is true. I mean in your smile, you are pretty. You really do mean it when you smile, and it isn’t some attempt and gaining favor.
I like how you’re so quick to give things to other ponies. You remember when you offered me and the rest of the girls dresses for the Grand Galloping Gala? You made a really super dress for me, and I threw that in your face. I’m sorry. It was a really great dress right from the start, and I should have trusted that. You are a really great designer, but I think you must forget that sometimes. I don’t know how you forget that what with impressing that Hoity Toity guy and getting noticed by that Photo Finish lady and that nice gentlecolt you introduced us to at the Canterlot Garden Party, Fancypants. You always did make an impression though, and it never mattered where you were.
I was really scared you were going to pretend you didn’t know us at that party though; you looked really close to doing that. I was relieved that you didn’t, because that would have been so not like you. Don’t ever be not like you, Rarity. You are too nice of a unicorn to stop being you.
You know, you get a little lost in details at times, but I guess that must come with being a designer and focusing on the little details of the dresses you design. That doesn’t need to apply to other parts of your life though; it’s okay to get a little mud on your hooves and some chocolate on your face. Why do you think I eat cake the way I do? It’s a lot of fun! It’s also a really great way to enjoy the flavor of it, because I know that when you eat it with a fork you are only enjoying a very small bit at a time and it takes forever to get through it and that’s a lot of chocolate to wait for. I think that’s silly, having chocolate cake right there in front of you and waiting to finish it. It does cause a bit of a tummy ache, but I think that’s worth it.
Rarity, there’s no other way to say it: I’m dying. I just don’t want to leave without saying stuff to my friends. I want to say to you that you need to loosen up and let a detail or two slip passed you. Think about it, seriously, would that be so bad?
Hey, do you know your spa days? I’ve always been kind of curious about those, but I bet they’d be really boring. You know that? Thank you for not inviting me, they weren’t really my thing. Ponies seem to think that you go into a place like that to relax, but I just don’t know to relax without having a lot of fun. Sitting around in a room for a steam with pickles on your eyes sounds tasty, oh um, I mean it sounds boring.
Thank you for being my friend Rarity, it really means a lot to me. You were really patient with me, and I know that I got on your nerves a lot, so that must not have been very easy for you. Thank you so much.
Love, Hugs and Confetti,
Pinkie Pie
The letter came to a rest on her end table, her eyes watering as they followed its path. She felt more relaxed that night than she had in a year. Her eyes gradually closed, not worrying about the items strewn about her shop and bedroom.
On her design table, there lay a single design that was incomplete and never would be. It seemed not to know where it began nor where it might end, and took no time to consider looking right at any point in between. It simply didn’t work. Rarity had spent a year struggling to perfect this one design. It was an excuse, even if it had tangible points, it was still an excuse. If she kept working on the dress, worrying over minute details, she had room in her mind for little else. She had tried to forget her friend in this way, but that only made her angry at herself.
It was time to rest now, to finally take a break from that excruciating exercise in futility. It was wonderful to read Pinkie’s rambling letter, and she heard each and every word in that same bubbly happy voice that used to invite her to parties and sell her cupcakes. She had forgotten how random that pony was, and how the details were often overlooked in favor of fun. She was a pony of grace and poise, while Pinkie simply wanted to enjoy life. Pinkie firmly believed that life could not be properly enjoyed in slow motion, and so hesitation was not an option for her. Rarity looked fondly back on her memories of her friend, and realized what a blessing she had been. She missed her a great deal, but now there was something of her left and she realized it was a mistake to try to forget. Besides, how can you forget Pinkie Pie?
• • •
Dear Fluttershy,
You’re nice. I mean like really really really nice. You take care of animals every single day, lots of them. I don’t know how you make time for all of them and still manage to spend time with me and the rest of your friends. Color me impressed. Well, actually I’m pink, but, still?
You know, now that I think about it, did you ever find time for yourself? I know it makes you happy to take care of your creature friends, and be with your pony friends, but what did you do for Fluttershy time? I hope it was something special, you deserve something special.
Do you remember the day I called you a doormat? We were in town, you were doing some food shopping, and people kept cutting in front of you or charging you too much or just plain being meany mean pantseses. You remember. You found a way to become assertive, but then you took that a bit too far. Said some mean things. It’s okay, we’re passed that. You calmed down, and you really asserted yourself against that Iron Will guy and I was super proud! Rarity was too, of course. But, did you know you were assertive long before that? Yep. It was that time that mean old dragon was slumbering in the mountains and spreading his snorey smoke all over Equestria. You were so scared going up there, and that’s okay, we all get really scared sometimes and that’s when we figure out why we’re afraid of it and how to do what we have to do even when we’re afraid. You faced that fear when we all got knocked around like a lot of bowling pins. I never saw a pony act so bravely before, or since. You really stood up to that dragon and you did it for us. Thank you for that, Fluttershy.
Thank you for being my friend, Fluttershy. I could always talk to you, and you would always listen super well. You really cared about what another pony was saying, and I don’t think that can be said for many ponies. You’re really sensitive to other ponies’ feelings and you really care about your friends. You are very kind hearted. Very gentle.
I sometimes wished that I was that gentle, but I was okay with being me too. I just always wanted you to take care of yourself the same way you take care of other ponies. You deserve that kind of care, do you know that?
I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about my illness, but I knew that if I did you would have exhausted every possible way to treat a creature that you knew about trying to help me, and when none of those things worked, you would have been heartbroken. I could never be the reason for you to feel helpless, that isn’t a feeling anypony should have to feel. I want you to know that because I had you girls, and we had fun and spent time together and had parties all the time, that I was happy and didn’t suffer.
Please take some Fluttershy time, okay?
Love, Hugs and Confetti,
Pinkie Pie
She set the letter down on her night stand, and gazed at the ceiling of her bedroom. It had been a year of listening to all of her friends and telling none of them anything because none of them had asked. She had always had trouble sticking up for herself, and although she had recently begun asserting herself more, against her friends she was still very timid.
She had been the first to accept the passing of her friend, but she had already had to do it for so many creatures that it came naturally to her. Pinkie Pie was gone, but never forgotten. The trouble for Fluttershy didn’t begin until the first time Rainbow Dash showed up at her door, spitting with anger and having a lot of shouting to do. It had been the first time since the funeral that she spoke to Rainbow Dash, and she was never asked how she was doing.
But, now, Fluttershy had stood up for herself. She had told her group of friends how she felt unappreciated and alone while she had been visited by all of them. It felt very good to have done that, to have been able to say that. It hadn’t hurt her at all, and her friends all readily apologized. Tonight, she was feeling comfortable and relaxed, and not alone. Tonight, she knew she had friends, and that while it might take some time they were slowly getting back to themselves.
• • •
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Have you ever tried counting the stars? It’s sort of a never ending thing, you just can’t count them all and you end up wasting a lot of time. Oh well. I just thought maybe you might want to try and thought I should warn you about it beforehand.
You know, when I first met you I was really excited and had to throw you a proper welcome to the neighborhood party so I had forgotten to actually say to hello to you when you said hello to me. I’m sorry about that, it was rude of me. You seemed kind of rigid though, at first I wasn’t sure you wanted any friends but then I remembered that all ponies like to have friends and so you were just having trouble with that idea and needed some help with it.
You know, I admired how well read you were. You were a really good student, but sometimes the difference between what was said and what you heard was insane. You were afraid of failure, but you Twilight Sparkle, have probably known failure more times than you realize. Like, when you try a spell out of the first time and it doesn’t work. That’s failure. You know what isn’t? When you try again, learning from what you did wrong the first time around.
I guess I just never got how you could think so poorly of Princess Celestia as to think she would be as cruel and strict as you made her out to be. All of the times we ever saw her, I thought she was really nice. She spoke softly, laughed at the silly things, and I think she was really bored at the Gala. Yet, somehow you think she might banish you to some far off place for some small little thing? You really are afraid, aren’t you? Afraid of what it might mean to be late on something, or to forget to do something. Twilight, don’t you know? It just means you were late or forgot something, but nothing that you can’t correct somehow. I’ve never known anypony as self conscience of herself as you are. Sure, Rarity has trouble with messes, but I’ve never seen her go overboard criticizing herself for a little mistake.
I guess I just want you to take your nose out of your books every once in awhile and watch the sunrise. You study yourself ragged every day, but do you take the time to appreciate the beauty of what your teacher does every morning? It’s not hard to miss the nice things in life when you focus so hard on the serious stuff.
I was glad when you accepted that you had friends. That was important. It was silly of you to insist on going alone, I mean can you imagine how different that would have gone if we hadn’t all gone together? It wouldn’t have worked. You have to learn to accept the sometimes others know better than you do.
So, did you find a lesson in my passing? If so, I hope it was a very good one. I liked your clean and simple observations on the complexities and values of a good friendship.
I was proud the day you opened your mind to my Pinkie Sense. I understand how something like that could be very hard to believe in, especially for a logical pony like you. I must have given you an awful lot of headaches, huh? Sorry about that.
Twilight, thank you for being my friend and for teaching me so much about so many things. You may not have known it, but I was paying attention to those lecture thingies you liked to give.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about me. I had a feeling you would have never come out of your library with the amount of research you would have dived into for my sake. I wasn’t going to let you waste your time like that, and I didn’t want you to be sad before it was time to be. So you know, it isn’t time yet.
Love, Hugs and Confetti,
Pinkie Pie
The letter settled on her desk as she contemplated the contents therein. Pinkie Pie certainly did not sound like her typical self when she wrote this letter, and it proved a stark contrast to her typical manner of address which usually involved singing and dancing and a party cannon. She found it amusing, but apart from that had a lot to consider in the things she had pointed out.
That understanding would have to wait for tomorrow, because today she had learned a different lesson, and she needed to report it to Princess Celestia.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that it can be very destructive to cling to a pony that has seen their time come an end. It is their time to rest, and if you cannot accept they have gone, then you will find yourself frozen in time. It is important to move forward, even if that seems very difficult at the time. You never know how much damage you could do to your life trying to hold on to someone who is no longer there.
We’re on the road the recovery now, Princess, and we’ll be back to being the best of friends soon, I feel certain.
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle.
She rolled the scroll up and set it on her desk. She felt that her letter fit, but suddenly she no longer wanted to deliver it. She realized something while she had been writing it, and knew that there was something she needed to do.
She gazed across the bottom floor of her library home as she descended the stairs, taking note of the confetti and streamers that still littered the floors in many spots. She sighed as she found her broom, and with magic she moved it around the library collecting all of the confetti and streamers into a neat pile in the middle of the floor. It was amazing just how much she had held on to, but it was time to let go of that.
Using her magic, she lifted the pile of confetti and streamers from the floor and closed her eyes in order to focus. In a flash of thick purple light the confetti and streamers vanished.
As she looked around the library once more, she realized that she had missed just one thing. There, on her bookshelf, stood a candle that defied age and time among a collection of tomes that seemed resigned to it. She trotted over to that very shelf, and looked at the candle in quiet contemplation.
“Alright” she said to nopony but herself, “it’s time.”
An aura of magenta enveloped the candle and carried it through the air behind Twilight Sparkle as she ascended the stairs. She made her way to the desk in her room, and placed the candle carefully upon it. For a moment, she only gazed the candle and reflected on it.
It was over a year ago now, at her birthday party, that Pinkie had given her this gift. It was amusing to see how excited Pinkie was for Twilight to have it, saying it was super wonderful and she was going to love it. It prompted Twilight to save it for a special occasion, not wanting to waste it for simple lighting when it deserved better than that.
Tonight was exactly the special occasion it called for. She focused, and her horn lit with a dull but warm pinkish purple glow that projected a stream of light at the wick of the candle. In turn, the wick ignited and Twilight relaxed her horn and watched the flame. It really was amazing to see; the flames danced about the wick as they gradually shifted colors and painted images of the constellations on the walls.
A tear fell from her eye as she turned her gaze through the window and to the starlit evening sky.
“Thank you” she said, “and goodbye.”
