Of a Doge and Poneh Show

by RavensDagger

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, Alternate Universe, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Other
Length: 5987

Spike never believed that he lived an easy life, but, the little rewards he had gained were well worth it. What is a young dragon to do when, out of the blue sky above, a strange creature comes to ruin his life and take away his friends?

Spike never believed that he lived an easy life, but the little rewards he had worked to gain were well worth it.

What is a young dragon to do when, from out of the blue night sky above comes a strange creature, seeking to ruin his life, to steal his family and friends, and to warp the town he dearly loves?

His new adversary, for his part, is more than pleased to find both a new home and new followers..

The sky has opened and out of it comes devastation in its worse form: that of a doge.

Published 2013-10-20 01:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-20 01:50:03 UTC

Wow not expected!

Wow not expected!

The sky darkened.

The stagnant masses of clouds above Ponyville began to shift in the late night sky, their trajectory guiding them out of the air, sending them to brush gently over the small town as if a gigantic broom were sweeping the stray motes into a single pile.

Lightning flickered above the resting town, silent but for the rush of fetid wind that was spinning ever faster in the centre of the cloud mass.

As the moon reached its zenith and the field of stars glowed their brightest, the conglomerate of white clouds began to glow, absorbing the stray light and focusing it into a tiny sphere in its middle, a sphere that was growing from the mere shape of a seed to the size of a newborn foal.

As if with a gasp, sound faded.

Light ceased.

The ball fell, dropping like a coin through the sky in a slow downwards spin whilst stray bolts of energy lashed out in a technicolour display of rampant, wasteful power.

Homes were bathed in the light for the briefest of moments, shuddering under the strain before the light moved on and left them intact. Soon, as the sphere reached the ground in the town’s centre, the fluctuating tentacles of power receded back into the cocoon, like a loyal pet being called back to its master.

The sphere hovered millimetres above the ground, pulsing and humming with a single sound.

“Wow.”

“Spike!” Twilight screamed at the top of her lungs, her grating tone echoing off the library walls and jabbing into the young dragon’s ears. “Did you get the spectroscope yet?”

He bit his tongue, reached up from the already precarious position he found himself in, gripped one of the library's tall shelves, and picked up the boxy device she sought. “Yes, Twilight, I have it,” he said as he hopped down and landed on the ground with a dull thud.

“Good, put it in the bag with the rest,” she said as she rushed across the building, a few books levitating by her side.

The dragon walked over to the edge of the second floor balcony and looked down, the spectroscope held loosely in his clawed hands. Below was a flurry of activity as both Twilight and Owlowicious galloped and flew across the room, carrying books and scientific devices everywhere. It was a mess, he noted a mess that would fall upon his little purple shoulders to pick up.

Papers were strewn about and more than one precious book lay abandoned, half-opened on the many tables and chairs that dotted the main level, as if, in her panic, Twilight had only time to glance at them before rushing off.

“Did you get the frequency detector?” Twilight asked, pausing her mad dash to look up at her assistant with wide eyes.

“Yup, it’s all in the bag,” he said, waving at the over-packed duffle bag sitting nearby. “Are we about to go?”

She nodded, her frazzled mane bouncing up and down before she tried to pat it down with a wing. “Yes, we have to hurry before the scene is contaminated. Mayor Mare told us to hurry up and that was,” she glanced at the nearest timepiece, “almost an hour ago! The sun’s already up and ponies are bound to have noticed.”

Spike suppressed a groan and backed away, adding the spectrometer to the pile bulging out of the bag, a bag that somedragon would have to carry.

An hour before, while he was peacefully snoozing in his little bed, the call had arrived from a panicked Mayor Mare to come and save Ponyville. Again. And, as with every last time that something utterly crazy had happened, Twilight and her friends got ready to rush in and help. Of course, when it came time to hoof out credit, poor Spike was oft left out. After all, all he did was prepare things for them, make sure they were comfortable, relay messages, and sit around as the butt of all their jokes.

He huffed as he zipped up the bag and dragged it off the ground, his spine protesting as he lugged it down the library’s steep steps. “Hurry up!” Twilight called. She was by the entrance, hopping on the spot while the full saddlebags she carried bounced on her back. “The others are already there!”

“All right, all right.” Spike redoubled his efforts and ran to her side, dragging the bag behind him until he reached the front door. Purple magic wrapped itself around the doorknob and twisted it, yanking the door open in a single fell swoop.

Sound poured in, the trickle of ponies talking to one another in hushed tones under the authoritative calls of others trying to keep everything organized while themselves staving off panic.

Bringing himself up to his full height, Spike looked over Twilight’s shoulders and out to Ponyville’s square. He had to squint against the harsh light to see what lay there.

Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were darting across the square, long trails of yellow tape flowing out behind them as they cordoned off the growing, restless crowds of townsponies. Meanwhile Applejack and Fluttershy were rigging up a frilly white umbrella over a dark spot not a dozen paces from the library’s front entrance. But the pony that truly caught Spike’s attention was Rarity.

The unicorn was standing nearby, the musty wind toying with her perfect mane while she gently fanned herself with her magic. She huffed, precious breath gracing the air as she turned and blinked at Spike with her long, perfect eyelashes, drawing his attention away from her curvaceous body to her bright blue eyes. “Ah, Twilight, just in time,” she said. “I couldn’t stand in this infernal heat for another minute. Please tell me that all of this is benign and that I may return to my boutique?”

“I’ll know soon enough, Rarity,” Twilight said, using the feathery edge of her wing to shield her eyes from the sun. “It’s rather warm, isn’t it? Anyway, where’s the thing that’s causing such a commotion?”

Spike watched with rapt attention as Rarity raised a hoof and pointed ahead to where Applejack and Fluttershy were. “Over there. It’s rather dull, if you ask me. While I do like the colour of it, which is quite fetching, the form sadly lacks lustre.”

Twilight hummed an off-key note and trotted ahead, Spike delaying behind her until Rarity followed with her tail sweeping from side to side. He licked his lips then looked away, flushing as he noticed the rather large group of ponies gathering just beyond the makeshift barrier of yellow caution tape.

“Hiya, Twi,” Applejack called, tipping her Stetson in greeting to the three newcomers. At her side, Fluttershy waved and smiled, her eyes gently flowing back to the crowd before a tiny blush adorned her cheeks.

“Hey Applejack. Hi, Fluttershy,” Twilight said as she came to a rest beside them. The three were covered by the partial shade of the frilly white umbrella evidently donated by the ever-generous Rarity. Spike, meanwhile, was left to rot in the harsh morning light. “So, did you discover anything yet?”

“Nope, nothin’ much. But Ah reckon it came from the sky. Judgin’ by the lil’ crater it left n’ all. We’re surprised that you didn’t find it first. Somethin’ so heavy thumpin’ down like that must’ve caused one heck of a ruckus.”

It was then that Spike got his first glimpse of the object as he too bent down and looked between the jumble of legs and hooves.

Floating a hoof length off of the ground was a ball about the size of his bed, if he had to guess. Its surface was gold and purple and blue, like Rarity’s mane when the sun hit it just right. The most striking thing of it all was the imprint in the ground around it. Burned into the flagstone of Ponyville’s road was a perfect circle-shaped crater, bits of stone jutting out of the ground around it. To Spike the burns seemed to spell the word wow, but that was just a silly thought.

“Huh, it’s magical, that’s for sure. But it doesn’t feel evil or mean. Maybe it’s just an old artefact, or something a unicorn lost. Who found it?”

“Oh, that was Derpy Hooves,” Fluttershy answered as she hovered in the air, the light wind of her wingbeats a welcome gift. “She’s usually up early, I guess. She saw it when she was delivering the mail this morning and then reported it to Mayor Mare.”

“Good, the Mayor will have informed Canterlot’s authorities by now. Maybe we can find out who this thing belongs to, and what it is, exactly.”

Rarity strode forwards, leaning in towards the ball. “And maybe if nopony claims it we could keep it? It’s rather pretty, from the proper angle, and I could always use a new piece of eye-catching decoration on my boutique.”

“Before ya go about hangin’ that thing off’a your store, ya might wanna let Twi figure out just what it is. Last thing we’d want is somethin’ dangerous glued onta your house.” Applejack placed a hoof on Rarity’s shoulder. “Ya’ll heard what she called it, some sorta artsy fact. Sounds like somethin’ that’s right up your alley.”

“An artefact,” Twilight corrected as she used her magic to open the flaps of her bag. “And I intend to find out just what it is, like you said, AJ.” She trotted around her friends and to the sphere's side. “Okay everypony, clear out, this might be a little hazardous.”

“Oh, but isn’t it dangerous for you, too?” Fluttershy asked, her eyes widening.

“No, I’ll be fine. I’ve got some experience handling this sort of thing, and I have a fair amount of shields guarding me at all times. If you guys don’t mind, go help Pinkie and Dash keep the townsponies away. Except for you, Spike, I want you to hoof over some tools.”

The others obeyed, trotting away at a brisk pace while Spike grumbled something rude under his breath. Of course the others would be safe while he faced the dangerous, weird orb. He was betting that if something spectacular were found, then he wouldn’t get an ounce of credit for it.

“Okay, Spike,” Twilight said as she tossed her saddlebags to one side. “I’ll be needing the spectrometer, the gravitron weights, the MPI table and....” Spike tuned out what the mare was saying once her head was buried in her bags and books began to float around her. Instead he just tipped the duffle bag over and dumped the equipment on the street, sighing as he searched through the pile for what she had asked for.

From the corner of his reptilian eyes, he could see the sphere slowly twisting in the air and shimmering with a magical glow. Twilight was still busy, he saw, and nopony was paying attention yet. He licked his dry lips, the claws on his hands working as his arm rose. What harm could there be in just touching it a little?

The very tip of his finger touched the ice-cold surface of the ball before he flinched back, swallowing hard as he delved himself into the task of sorting the tools with twofold energy. His actions had immediate consequences and burying himself in sudden work did nothing to slow them down.

The sphere trembled, shifted and grew.

Colours poured out of it as if a mad artist had mixed every paint he had, then left them to coagulate on their own. It was a swirling mass that thrummed with power and moved with sly, deceptively slow movements.

Spike gulped and took a step back. “Um, Twilight?”

“One minute, Spike, just looking at something.”

“No, Twi, I think this is—”

“No time for that Spike. If you need to use the bathroom the house is right over there!” she snapped, frowning at her work.

“Twilight!” he screamed, just in time as the sphere hummed with malicious intent.

The mare spun around and blinked at it, her eyes widening even as she erected a shield for herself and, by extension, Spike. The splash of energy slammed into her glowing, purple construct not a second later, followed by the entire street and everypony being bathed in the golden light of the orb.

Spike blinked away stars and stood up, brushing dust off of his scaly skin. Twilight was also brushing herself off, her attention centered on the tip of one of her wings, which had extended in fright and breached the edge of the shield. “It... it didn’t do anything,” she whispered as she regarded her delicate feather tips.

“Is it still there?” he asked, peering into the foggy miasma that the explosion had created. Dust was settling all around them, obscuring their vision of the crater where the sphere had been.

“I don’t know, there’s so much dust. It’s such thick,” she said before shaking her head. “Too think. It’s too thick. Wow.”

“Are, y’all okay?” Applejack asked as she galloped to them.

Right on her tail was Rainbow Dash, the mare skidding to a halt beside Twilight and giving her a quick once-over. “Hey, that was awesome! Such a huge explosion, and so much colour. It was like a mini-rainboom! But with a big boom!”

“I’m fine, AJ, and, um, yeah, I guess, Dash,” Twilight said, turning to face the spot behind her that was still blocked by her shield. “We got lucky there.”

The rest joined them, Pinkie Pie taking the lead with a bounce while Fluttershy and Rarity trailed behind, both cowering away from the dust for different reasons.

“Wow! That was so cool!” Pinkie said as she hopped up and down and shook with excitement. “I’ve never seen such a big firework! And nopony got hurt. Well, some got startled. And I guess some were a bit afraid. But that’s not always a bad thing. I’ve been much much more afraid than that before and it never hurt me. And sometimes being scared can be such a good thing, right? It’s much fun!”

“Um, is there something there? In the hole, I mean?” Fluttershy said, pointing through the purplish haze of Twilight’s shield. All six of them, plus Spike, stared as Twilight let go of her magic and the shield dissipated into nothingness. Still, their view was distorted by smog.

“Rainbow,” Twilight asked. “Could you spin around a few times? Get rid of all this stuff?”

The rainbow-maned mare nodded. “Cool, I’m on it!” She zipped up and into the sky above, only slowing when she was above the cloudy layer to restabilize herself. With a few maddeningly fast wingbeats she raced in a wide circle above their heads, creating a gust of wind that tugged at the fog and spun it about until it formed a loose pillar. Then, with some precise maneuvering, Rainbow forced the tornado into the air and far above them where it dispersed harmlessly into the atmosphere. “All done!” the mare said as she came in for a sharp landing nearby.

“Perfect. Now, stand back a bit girls, I’ll look at this thing myself,” Twilight said, biting her lip as she took the lead. Between her and her objective were the tattered remains of Rarity’s parasol, the fabric of which still hid whatever it was that was hiding in the crater. She pushed all that aside with her magic, and gasped.

“Such... it’s so... wow,” she said, as if running out of breath. “Come see this!”

As one, the five Elements of Harmony rushed to Twilight’s side, all of them gasping and giggling as they began to murmur and whisper amongst themselves.

Spike, egged on by curiosity, stood and jogged closer, going around them to see. “What is it?” he asked.

His answer came when Applejack sidestepped out of his way.

Laying down in the crater was a shibe. The dog was on its side, breathing evenly, though its eyes were closed as if in a deep, restful sleep. Its tail was twitching and its eyes flickered as they watched.

“It’s... it’s so cute!” Fluttershy said, squeeing in delight.

“Well, I ought ta say. I’m not one for them cutesy things, but that’s one such fine dog,” Applejack drawled.

Pinkie Pie nodded. “It looks like fun. Oh! I wonder what it likes to eat? I could make much of it?”

“Wow. I daresay I’ve yet to see a coat so marvelous in all my years in the industry of fashion. It has such lustre,” Rarity said.

Spike tuned them out, glaring instead at the dog as if it were nothing more than a stray mutt. He couldn’t see what they saw in it, and, frankly, he didn’t care. The sharp edge of jealousy was slicing into his young heart. Just as he was about to turn in disgust, he noticed something nearby: a scroll neatly rolled up and held closed within a leathery sheet that had golden gilding on it. “Hey, Twi, look at that,” he said, pointing to it.

“Not now, Spike. We need to find a place to put the doge,” she said.

“Oh, yes, he might get sick if we leave him out here. That would be much bad. Maybe we could bring him to my cottage?” Fluttershy pressed her hoof-tips together, making small circles in the air.

Applejack shook her head. “Nah, too far away. Prolly be best if we just brought the poor critter over ta Twi’s place.”

There was some hesitation as the mares looked between themselves, then at the shibe on the ground before they, as one, agreed. With the gentlest of touches they lifted the unconscious doge and carried it over towards the library.

The crowd of ponies beyond the makeshift border gasped as they saw the creature move by them, excited smiles cutting across their faces. “Wow,” some said. “Such a nice thing.” “Much pretty!”

Spike grumbled as he watched the procession leave. Then, his curiosity once more piqued, he glanced over at the scroll and picked it up, weighing it in his clawed hand. “Well, how bad can it get?” he wondered.

Spike was running, his little feet pounding at the loose stone of the gravel road until he rounded a corner and found himself on one of Ponyville’s back-end streets. He was panting, the constant pumping of blood drowning out all sound save for his laborious breathing.

Things had gotten bad, and fast.

He leaned against a wooden wall, half-lidded eyes searching both sides of the street but finding them eerily desolate. Now he had time to think, to think over what had happened.

Twilight and her friends had gone home, promising to return in the morning to see the ‘doge’. The curiosity invading the town had faded, becoming nothing but quick gossip to be talked about over a cup of tea with friends.

Spike had been charged with cleaning up the mess the vile creature had left on the road, first by picking up Twilight’s tools and next by brushing off any grime left on the pavement. The task was easy, if boring. From his vantage point, Spike could see the change, even if nopony else seemed to notice.

Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy were the first to leave, the former chattering away in her usual bubbly tone. “That doge is so much cute has. Wow, we’re so lucky to have him!”

“Oh, yes, doge’s such a precious little thing. Wow, just can’t wait 2 see him again!” Fluttershy said, beating her wings in excitement.

Spike watched the two mares as they headed off to their respective homes, licking his lips as he frowned. Something wasn’t right. He shook his head, chalking it up to stupid jealousy on his part. That doge, after all, was getting all the attention for having done nothing more than causing trouble.

Sometime later, Spike walked back home and found himself in a fair bit of trouble of his own. Applejack and Rarity had decided to sleep over, Rainbow Dash was going to leave only later in the night and his bed had been borrowed for use by the still-sleeping mutt. “Spike, you’re here!” Twilight called from the second story, smiling at him. “You’re a good boy, go sleep somewhere else tonight. Doge will sleep here. Much thanks,” she said before rushing off.

Whatever little inkling he had had that something was off came back in full force.

His home had been taken and things had only gone downhill from there.

He pushed himself off the alley’s wall and perked his ears. Something was coming down the alley, bouncing and landing with regular thumps. The dark tunnel between homes danced with shadows and weak light, beckoning him into its dark embrace, promising shelter from the ominous heat. “Hello?” he asked, pitching his voice into the alley.

“Oh!” said a giddy, excited voice. It was Pinkie Pie. “Spike? Wow. Such good luck. Spike, come see Shibe. Doge is much good for Spike.”

He spun around, darting back into the street and sprinting as fast as his little legs could bring him to the nearest alley. His lungs filled with the boiling air that had been invading Ponyville all day long, an oppressive heat that had not even dissipated over the course of the night.

As he delved deeper into Ponyville’s back roads, the thump of Pinkie Pie’s pursuit faded and finally disappeared far behind him in the maze of short tunnels. “What should I do?” the young dragon asked himself between pants. He crossed the threshold between town and country, his feet stomping on loose patches of grass until he spun around and leaned against a brick-sided house. “Twilight’s like that too now, isn’t she?

“But... what can I do?” he asked the sky, fear and anger playing across his features. “Stupid doge! Stupid Twilight! Everything’s so... so stupid! Why do I always have to do all the work?”

A faint trickle of sound reached him, overpowering the constant wracking sobs that tore through him. He paused, lifting his head up and focusing on the distant chant. “Doge, doge, doge,” said a hundred voices. The voices of ponies he knew and loved.

Swallowing hard, Spike backpedaled away from the town, clutching the scroll in his free hand as he walked into the bright light of the sun and gasped.

The heat had been powerful, oppressive even, within the shadows. But here, in the full light of that neverending day, it was overpowering. His scales instantly became fiery-hot and his breathing became laborious until he dove back into the shade. “I-I can’t even run away!” he sobbed, shoving his face into his open palms. In the process, the scroll bunched up against his face.

He blinked back tears, staring at the rolled sheet of gilded paper. It had come with the doge. It was part of all this. Licking his lips with a flick of his tongue, Spike gently grabbed the edges of the page and unwinded it, holding the scroll as he had held countless messages from Celestia.

He read,

Instukshuns for doge. by doge.

wow. Much fun 2 be had by doge. plz red carefully

for doge 2 be open 1 must touch doges balls. doges balls come from havan wen doge things that stuff need more fun. if not want doge then not touch doges ball and no doge will come.

doge will bring much fun to all who see doge, because doge is good and doge is love and doge is doge. All peoples and things much become doge fan because doge is doge.

If no more want doge, plz rad instukshuns on other cide of page.

Wow

this things such as doge want:

-belly rubz

-love

-The souls of unborn foals

-attenshun

-play

-so much funs

-futa poetry

-foods

-High speed interwebs

and other things doge like.

Spike shook his head, looking away from the scroll’s page. “Touch Doge’s balls? I-I’m the one that did that.” Slowly, Spike’s little mind clicked on. “Th-this is all my fault?” He reached up, dropping the scroll on the ground to clutch at his forehead while he bent over. “No.... But, but I can stop it. I can stop it and only me!”

With a few deep breaths Spike regained some of his fledgling confidence and picked up the scroll, rolling it up before holding it in both hands and running. Houses flew by as Spike ran around the town, the sound of the constant chant only growing with every short stride.

When he arrived near the main road leading into town, Spike coasted to a halt and stuck close to the wall, peeking around the corner to look at the main square where doge had landed just a few long hours ago.

Ponies were everywhere, all of them trotting or walking around with grins that cut across their faces while thick beads of sweat poured down their coats. They were looking at one another, as if having normal conversations, as if it were just a normal day. But only nonsense escaped them.

They were not chanting, they were just all addressing the same creature.

Spike watched as Lyra Heartstrings ambled by, accompanied by Bon Bon. “When grow up, much want to be like doge. Humans no good. Doge such good lyra be like doge.”

He saw the Cutie Mark Crusader bounce by with half-hearted, tired skips, all three of them with images of doge plastered on their flanks. Further up, he saw his only old friend, Twilight Sparkle, fanning the golden creature with her wings while bowing to it, rump sticking straight up into the air.

The ponies had erected a podium for doge where many of them were bowing at the base, muttering incoherent thoughts to the golden creature. And doge, for his part, seemed to be talking back, wide-eyed as he sat on a makeshift throne with his tail wagging from side to side. Applejack and Fluttershy were behind him, licking his fur down while Rarity bowed before him and rubbed his belly.

Spike reddened, nostrils flaring as crippling indecision tore at him. He could still turn. He could still run, or pen a message to the Princesses to come and save them all. But his friends were in danger, if he could still call them such.

Somepony else chose for him.

“Hello, silly,” said a bubbly voice right behind his ear.

He screamed, a piercing wail that escaped him as he stumbled back and spun round.

Pinkie stood over him, a sad smile crossing her face even while tears poured down her face. “Much happy to catch you. Such good tracking so you come doge? Wow.”

“P-Pinkie? I-I...” Spike said before looking around him. Ponies were slowing down or stopping outright to look at him, smiling as they started to call to him.

“Spike, see doge.”

“Much see.”

“Wow.”

“Such spike.”

He swallowed hard, tightening his grip on the scroll. “St-stop that! You’re not normal! Just, just stop!” he screamed at the top of his lungs while stepping away from Pinkie Pie. “It-it’s all my fault, okay, so just stop being like that.”

“Silly, such silly,” Pinkie said, her smile growing. “Much make Spike lkie doge? Wow, such plan. Spike see doge, Spike become doge.”

“B-become doge? No. No! I-I want that stupid doge to leave, forever!” he shouted, backing up until he was in the centre of the roadway, surrounded on all sides by doge-loving ponies that he could hardly recognize anymore.

Raising his hand, he stared at the scroll, seeing the large, disorderly writing on the back page of it. It was supposed to get rid of doge, right? He turned towards the offending creature, hardly seeing him through the crowd and the suffocating haze of heat.

Ponyville wasn’t his town anymore, it was no longer the haven of friendship that it had been hours ago. Shops were abandoned. No laughter filled the air, only the drool-filled babble of praise for doge. The ponies that had made the town so colourful were all congregated there, glazed-over eyes staring through him as they walked with slow, ambling steps. Their ribs showed along their sides and more than one fly congregated amid scruffy manes and unkempt bodies.

He could fix all this. Only he.

Pushing himself forwards, Spike dashed towards the doge, feet scampering on the rough ground as he wove around slow-moving ponies and darted beneath the legs of a few. It was slow going. The distance was great.

His heart raced like never before and sweat poured freely down his cold-blooded form, drenching him as he pushed ever onwards. Ponies bounced into him, babbling incoherently while they made half-hearted attempts to grab him.

Finally, Spike tore through the last of them, only a dozen paces between him and doge, who lounged on this throne.

The doge looked at him, and smiled. “Wow, such Spike. So run.”

“You... you can talk?” the dragonling asked, incredulity marring his voice.

“Doge talk? Much talking doge does. Wow. So communicate! Spike doge friend?” the creature asked, tilting its large, round head to one side.

“No! I’ll never be your friend! You stole my friends, you stole the ponies I love!” Spike accused, pointing right at the doge’s face while fresh tears were yoked from his reptilian eyes. “Leave! And make things normal again!”

“No, doge stay. So cool. Much love here. Ponies gud to doge so doge wow. 2 L8 4 U. doge best. Shibe king.”

“Then, then I’ll make you leave!” Spike growled, huffing out a jet of inch-long flame as he arched his back.

“Wow, Spike so tough.”

From the sky came a dozen pegasi, all of them crashing into the ground between Spike and the doge as if they had never flown before. They rose, skeletal wings dangling at off-angles as they stared at Spike with forced smiles.

“Wow, Spike,” Rainbow Dash said as she stepped forwards, her lacklustre mane dangling around her head like a spent rag. “Such cool spech. But no more. Much hurt 4 Spike. Spike no liek Shibe.”

“Get out of my way, Dash,” Spike cautioned, wielding the scroll like a bludgeon.

“Lol, no U.”

He grit his teeth, closed his eyes, then charged at the mare, swinging out with a wide arc of the scroll. He struck only air.

A pair of hooves grabbed him from behind, lifting him into the air before he was thrown back. His shoulder crashed into the ground, kicking up dust as he rolled head over tail until he stopped with a fateful thump. A groan escaped him and Spike peeked out of half-lidded eyes to see the bright, cloudless sky above.

With slow, calculated movements, he pushed himself back onto his feet, clawed hands digging into the scroll.

Rainbow was still there, the hoof that she had hit him with held in midair. “Much sorry. Wow. Such pain.”

He looked beyond her and to the shibe on its throne. Blinking back between the doge and the scroll, a vague thought crossed Spike’s battered mind. “Hey, doge. You’re leaving now,” he rasped.

“No. Shibe stay. Much cool.”

“We’ll see about that,” the young dragon said as he whipped the scroll open and spun it around. In the same way he had read countless scrolls for Twilight, Spike began to orate what he was reading:

Much leave 4 doge4 is doge being bad boy.

Incantashun 4 doge to poof. Red a loud. Doge hear and doge do.

Begin:

Y U no gud doge? Shibe mean. So, no gud shibe go bak to shibe place.

watch as doge go bak and doge be bad boy. he sais much sorrys and go bak to havan where he comes from. Plz leaf now.

Much goodbyes.

Such sad.

wow

Wow

W0W.

Many things happened at once.

The ponies, all those that were under the thrall left by doge, fell to the ground, their eyes rolling back as they lost consciousness.

Doge glowed, his smile never wavering as tendrils of energy pierced through his body and enveloped him, crushing his physical form into a tight little ball. Spike watched the sphere climb up while clouds crawled across the sky, accumulating into one big swirling mass above his head.

The scroll he held disintegrated, turning to ash between his scaly fingers while he looked up to the fluctuating orb in its upwards ascent.

“It’s over now. Much better.” Spike sighed.

Princess Celestia was awoken from her sleep by a thunderous blast from somewhere beyond her balcony. Her eyes cracked open in time to see a multi-fragmented light splash across her room from afar.

She rose, long, noble form sinking out of her bed like a petal blooming from the stem, but she remained on the plush surface, still covered by warm blankets. “Guards?” she asked in low hush.

The door behind her opened and immediately two unicorns in the livery of her nation trotted in, bowing at the foot of her bed. “Yes, Princess?” they asked as one.

“What’s the commotion I hear?”

“We are uncertain, your Majesty. A disturbance in the magical field was felt, directed towards the Canterlot gardens. Your sister has seen fit to investigate herself.”

She nodded. “I see,” she said, looking up to the waning moon that hung overhead. A shiver crawled along her back, despite the utter lack of cold in her room. It was rather warm, she noted, then discarded the thought. “Leave me be. I think I will join my sister for now.”

“As you wish, your Majesty,” the two said before walking away.

Celestia sighed and pulled out of the bed, the silken blankets wrapped around her form slipping off with ease as she headed to the gallery and spread her wings, testing them with a tiny flap.

From there, she could see the entirety of Canterlot spread out below her, the homes of thousands of loyal ponies with heartfires lighting up the interiors and little plumes of smoke escaping their chimneys. The markets were closed and the pubs were vacant, but still the city thrived with life.

Closer to her were the royal gardens, a maze of shrubs between tall, artfully crafted statues of long ago. It was there that she found her sister.

Luna was bent over something, her long, magical mane fluctuating in the air behind her and decorating the sky with a painter’s swath of stars. She heard Luna giggle at something then speak, but the words themselves were snatched by the going wind.

With a mischievous smile of her own, Celestia stepped onto the railings of her balcony and hopped into the air. Her wings snapped opened and she glided forwards, over the inner walls of the castle and into the garden before landing at a slow trot not twenty paces from her dearest sister.

“Ah, hello, Luna. What have you found there?” Celestia asked, tilting her head to one side to see.

“Wow, sister!” Luna turned, a wide grin upon her face. “We found something quite adorable! We like it much.”

Author's Note

Edited by:
[]The Misfits](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_86hYr6EtqRWFU1X8MfKsb66trHI0o75NmvkWHdKoRI/edit?usp=drive_web)

Somepony was going to do it eventually, why not me? Figured I’d not take the trollfic approach to it all either. Then my mind wandered and this happened. To be perfectly honest the great majority of this was written in one night at about 3am, so... yeah.

My idea, at first, was to deconstruct the "meme into pony" thing. I think I've failed in a spectacular fashion.

Much thanks for reads and commenting.

Back to other, more interesting projects. Also, I’ll be miffed if this gets more views than something like Of a Certain Pony after only spending a day on this.

Such words,
Ravens D. Dagger

P.S.
[youtube= http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sk2yduZtso#t=10]

Also, for those few who don't know what in the name of Celestia's beard is a "doge": http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/doge