The Anatomy of Twilacorna Sparklus

by Maniacal_Spark

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other
Length: 2273

A study in the strange and unusual biology of a princess pony.

Inspired by a Equestria Daily post, we take a look at what might happen when an alien civilization attempts to describe the remains of a almost equally alien lifeform.

Published 2013-10-19 22:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-19 22:20:01 UTC

The Anatomy of Twilacorna Sparklus

"Now class, pay attention! Today we have a very special session for you all, one that is surely going to revolutionize our understanding of the primitives that once roamed our great and powerful land!"

With a spinning, overly-dramatic flourish the multi-limbed professor pulled back the emerald curtain to reveal the petrified, partially dissected form of a strange, four legged vertebrate with a look of pained terror on its face. The classroom was filled with sounds of students shifting in their seats, each craning a long neck forward as their eyestalks peered at the alien creature. "Now as you can see, the university has already taken preliminary measures to learn more about this strange creature, which we have managed to divine from ancient scrolls as a 'pony', or more specifically, a Twilacorna Sparklus, a advanced form of the species!"

The unintelligible sound of a hundred murmurs flickered here and there over the sound of frantic note-taking and the click-clack of digital recording devices snapping photos. The instructor beamed, her tooth-filled maw shining in the light of the orange and white suns. Grabbing her trusty education pointer with her primary tentacle, the instructor pointed to a large protrusion in the center of the pony's skull.

"Now this, faithful students, is what we have coined the "magic zapper", from which this pony and the sub-species below it, called 'unicorns', used to manipulate their environment! Though we have no visual records, scroll scrawlings and their statuary seem to imply that this gave this particular pony incredible abilities from telekinesis to teleportation!"

A collective gasp ran across the classroom and the furious scribbling of notes resumed. The instructor smiled once more and took a mental note to acquire more petrified remains for her course, she had never seen her class so excited! Moving faster to hold their attention she shifted the pointer to another horn-like protrusion that sat farther back on the creature's head. The pointer passed over the scorched remains of what appeared to be enlarged fur that had once been nestled on top of the creature's skull and down the skull's support base.

"And this is what we have termed the 'flippity-flopper!' Now I know that this specimen only has one currently, but when it was acquired it had two! Our researchers are currently testing the other one, but this cartilage infested structure seemed to allow the Twilacorna Sparklus to hear! In fact the entire assemblage can move in a variety of angles to allow for greater sound detection!"

A laugh from the audience. Oh what strange, unfortunate creatures these primitives were! To think that something actually survived with such easily wounded audio receptors! The quickly joined laughter escalated to a shrill pitch and the instructor had to bang her pointer against her desk, the inner membranes of all of her audio buds throbbing in pain. After multiple attempts the laughter died down and the soothing scribbling of notes resumed. The instructor gave a curt nod of thanks before moving the pointer farther back along what appeared to be the Sparklus's primary skeletal support structure. Much like the flippity-flopper, only one remained intact, while the second one was stripped of all flesh and feathers.

"Stay with me, class! We have so many things to learn about these creatures, despite their clumsy evolution! Now, these appendages are what we have termed the 'flutter-flappers', based on our observations of the few primitives we have seen in the skies! They arguably provide lift, despite their small size in comparison to the rest of the body! While for the moment it is impossible to understand how such small appendages provide the necessary thrust and aerodynamics to allow for such sustained flight, rest assured that our observation teams are already planning new ways to draw in living, breathing specimens!" The wet plop of tentacles mashing together echoed across the chamber as each student politely applauded their university's efforts.

"Now" the instructor intoned as she traced back along the Sparklus's support structure to the nearly bare nub that seemed to denote where the creature's length ended, "This small protrusion here was covered in a large swathe of material that was also once present along the crown of the skull. While we suspect this to be purposefully maintained and even stylized, the general theory is that ancient pony civilization used these growths as 'parasprite-swatters'!" The instructor grinned at the muted sounds of displeasure, it was well known that parasprites were the ultimate nuisance and pest, so it was no surprise that this ancient species had developed its own form of defense against the creatures. The class quickly shook of its collective disgust and focused their eyestalks back on their teacher, who was pointing to the large mass of flesh directly beneath the nub.

"This is known as the 'tushie'. While we're still examining the internal organs of the Sparklus, it appears that excess fat and muscle were located here to assist in forcefully expelling post-digestive waste. And as we've seen other primitives doing, sitting in a prone position." The instructor then moved the educational pointer slightly forwards to the faded mark that was present on both sides of the specimen's tushie.

"These are known as 'cutie marks', and seem to denote some form of convoluted identification. While further exploration of the primitive cultures will no doubt unlock the true meaning of these symbols, right now we can only assume they were implemented through a special kind of branding! How barbaric!" The class let loose a collective shudder and the classroom was filled with a slight shimmer as the light of the twin suns reflected off of the shifting scales. With another rap of the pointer on her desk, the instructor pointed to the three skeletal legs and the single, off-purple one that remained. The instructor wasted no time, as these particular appendages were among the first that had been properly identified.

"As well all know, or perhaps if you haven't attended class for the past three cycles..." The instructor paused and gave a menacing stare at several of her students in row of desks along the back of the class, "These are the primary means of locomotive for the Twilacorna Sparklus, and the other sub-species, and are known as the 'tree buckers' and the 'clippity cloppers', respectively".

Only a few students took notes. More than one gazed at the legs fondly, perhaps dreaming of a meal of steaming hot deep fried tree-buckers or slow-roasted clippity-cloppers. The instructor herself admitted that her six stomachs were feeling a slight peckish and made a mental note to stop by the local ranchery on her way home. She nodded to herself and moved the pointer upwards to the center of the Twilacorna Sparklus's mass, which was a mess of stitching, bone and preserved internal organs still waiting to be removed.

"It is here that we can safely say that the majority of the Twilacorna's bodily functions took place. Despite the advanced appearance of the rest of the specimen's body structure, it shares much in common with the species of primitive we currently utilize in rancheries and where it is simply too dangerous for us to operate in. Due to the sound that the primary cardio muscle makes in those sub-species, we have also term this area of the Sparklus as the 'Wub Zone'. The scrawling of notes had died off to a trickle, and the instructor knew that she had lost most of her students to daydreams of food and panicked neighs and whinnies. It was a seductive dream, but she pushed on to the final area of the Twilacorn Sparklus, secreting a hormone that would at least draw the attention of her male students back to her.

"And as we come full circle in our exploration of this new and exciting creature, we end close to where we began, and no doubt the most important area of the Twilacorn, for without these key features, this specimen would be unable to survive!"
Many of the male students were now staring with rapt attention, the females either staring now with a look of disgust or strange interest. As different hormones started to fill the classroom, the instructor knew that frills had been raised in the entire classroom and mentally berated herself and her pride. Because of her foolish act, the instructor was sure she would had to quickly vacate the room and secure the specimen from the ensuing brawl. But she had to finish the session, this discovery was just too important!

"And the elongated section directly above the Wub Zone is a area dominated by powerful muscles and framed by the central skeletal support structure. Although it is missing here, there was a internal collection of organs that assisted in breathing, eating and vocalizing! From our observations we have termed this the 'Hug Zone', as many of the sub-species appear to use this area as a primary form of physical interaction, intimate and non-intimate." The instructor nervously but slowly panned the pointed along the long stitching that denoted where dissectors had removed the internal organs, stopping at the stubby snout.

The students were now raising their tentacles at each other and the instructor herself, but in aggressive and courting gestures. The instructor herself felt light-headed as male hormones finally wafted down the desks to her. She had to finish quickly lest she be swept away in the coming wave of accidental passions.

"A-and the final area that I..I want to focus on are the two external sense organs called the...Called the Whiffermuzzle, lo-located here above the teeth chompers and allowed the S..Allowed the Sparklus to smell! Without this the pony would have no d-doubt been easy prey to predators!"

The instructor fought against her primal urges and slithered onto her desk as two of the large male students crept towards her, tentacles raised, frills flashing in multiple colors and scales reflecting in a almost hypnotic pattern. The instructor bit the tongue in her secondary beak and brought her focus back to the specimen and the door to her office. Clearing her throat and screeching out over the now chaotic classroom, the instructor continued.

"And the final organ and no doubt one of the most important is the ocular receptor! For the sake of simplicity, we have named these the 'Pony Peepers'! They allowed the Twilacorn to see in multiple spectrums of light! Due to the large size of the ocular organs we can assume that primary development of these organs must have taken place in low-light conditions before adapting to modern day conditions!"

A hurled paperweight kept the larger of the males at tentacle distance from her desk.

"And that, students is the anatomy of the Twilacorn Sparklus! I expect full essays on my desk in three days! Tomorrow we study the Gildaranus Rex!"

The male overcame his fear of the paperweight and darted forward. The instructor let loose a frightened shriek and leapt for the door to her office, her foot tentacles and locomotive muscles slithering as fast as they could. With a laugh of victory, the instructor slammed the door to her office and locked away the sounds of primal passion, all though of preserving the Twilacorn Sparklus forgotten in her own bid for safety.

And with dead eyes full of pain and fear, Twilight started out among a future she would never be able to escape.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Twilight Sparkle awoke with a scream that penetrated the thick walls of her library and caused several of the neighbors to turn on their bedside lamps as they were startled from sleep.

"Ugh, Twilight...What happened?" Came a sleepy, slightly husky voice from the lower floor of her bedroom. Twilight barely heard it over the thumping of her Wub Zo-no, her heart and panicked breathing. The pony princess shook her head, trying to forget about the incredible real nightmare she had just experienced and pulled herself over to the edge of her loft.

"It's...it's nothing, Spike. Just a bad dream, that's all! I'm sorry I woke you, but please go back to bed!" Twilight said, her voice shaky and uncertain.

"Are you...sure Twi...light?" Spike yawned as he blinked in the darkness, his caretaker's head silhouetted against the pearl white glow of princess Luna's moon. The recent adventure with the giant crabs and their slimy ocean creature slaves had left him exhausted, but if Twilight needed help Equestria's best assistant wasn't going to let her down...But her was pretty comfortable. Spike could already feel the warm embrace of his pillow and covers settling on him once again as his eyes slowly slid closed. He never saw the shimmering glow of magenta magic as Twilight tucked her baby dragon back into bed.

Her responsibility complete, Twilight laid back in her bed, her mind reeling from the unpleasantly detailed nightmare and shuddered once again, unable to shake the image of herself, mutilated and displayed like one of the skeletons in the Canterlot Museum of Natural and Magical History. and what were those foul creatures that had somehow come to live in Equestria? They looked so...repulsive!

"Calm down Twilight, it's just your mind processing the events of saving Rarity from the Crab King of Lobster Rock. It doesn't mean anything, just a silly old nightmare!" But somehow Twilight's words did nothing to ease her mind, and as she lay there, basked in the ethereal glow of princess Luna's moon, she dedicated herself to making sure that no matter what came after she and the rest of ponykind were gone from the world...

That they would have a properly recorded and detailed understanding of proper pony anatomy.