My gift to the world—may she long enjoy the calamity.
The student of my student, as with sages in years past,
is by stake and necessity the fruit of my labor, the work of my hands.
Of all the idiotic things we could have done:
of none am I prouder.

Now if Harvard would start admitting earth ponies I would really be tickled.

The ride to Dr. Pants house was as boring as the train ride, true, not as tedious, but equally as boring. In fact, maybe a tad more, I have known Fancy for a long time there are few details about him of which I am ignorant. That sculptor was a new person to meet, from a different nation with a different perspective. Fancy and I went to Yale together—he swore he would never forgive me for accepting a faculty position at Harvard.

His estate itself was rather nice—if one desires to mimic every stereotype possible about a Carolina plantation.

~*~

E'ry thing had changed, ya can't uncrack an egg, ya can't unring a bell. Things was gonna be different 'tween all of us, maybe fer the betta

It was one of them times where e’eryone knew not to talk. Sweetie’s sista made a drink for us with some-a that clear hooch and tomato juice, she also added some peppa and some other spices. I was reluctan to have some at first, thinkin’ ‘bout hooch at all made me all queasy, but Sweetie said it would make me feel betta—and it did take away from the poundin’ in mah ears.

“So Pinky, what topic are you planning to lecture about?” the Professor asked holdin’ a hot water bag te her head.

“I was thinking about discussing how expansion to the west affects the economy, and how current policy influences this process.”

“Sounds wonderful.”

“Not gonna talk about the—“

“Jackie, I swear to god, if you say that, I am going to beat your muddy ass to death.”

E’erypony knew this was the professor tryin’te be funny.

“—the question of expansion of slavery into the west?”

“Jackie, please remind me to kill you at some point… Anyway… So really you won’t address the gigantic elephant in the room?”

“I wasn’t intending to—I like havin’ fun with an audience as much as the next dirt pony—but I ain’t looking to get lynched by fraternity brothers.”

“Surely you have more faith in our students?” Dr. Shy interjected.

“I don’t,” the professor retorted.

“Girls, can we pick another topic to discuss?” Rarity bemoaned.

“Ooh ooh, I know… let’s talk about Buffalo-settler relations!”

“NO!” we all said in unison, including Mac.

~*~

“Professor Discord, welcome to my humble abode.”

“Humble?”

“Don’t be an arse about it you traitor.”

“Well at least I didn’t end up in some shit-hole university in…”

“Monsieur Discord?” interrupted his wife, or mistress.

“Madame, appelez-vous?”

“Je suis Fleur-de-Lis, et vous?”

“Je suis un professeur d’Harvard”

“Magnifique ! Mon amour, escortez-vous notre invite à leur chambre ?”

“Oui, m’amour,” he turned to me, “mais, vous êtes toujours un traître.”

“C’est juste.”

He smiled.

Two young earth ponies, lavender and silver respectively , stepped out of the house.

"These are my house muddies, Diamond and Silver. They will help you with your bags, Professor."

They each took one of my bags and made their way into the mansion, after a moment we followed.

"Do you actually even have any non-house slaves?" I asked.

"No."

"Then was the modifier really necessary?"

"Oh lord, you are worse than Celesta."

"You don't have to work with here every day."

"I have a feeling you cause her far more trouble than she does you. Let me guess... you told her about this little jaunt... say a day before you left?"

"I actually told her the morning of."

"Exactly."

~*~

Twilight was fuming. Cadenza telegrammed her as soon as she had been informed by Celestia… after returning from a two week long vacation.

TO PROFESSOR TWILIGHT SPARKLE

TWILIGHT DISCORD GOING TO CRASH THE PARTY STOP WATCH OUT FOR TROUBLE STOP LEFT FIVE DAYS AGO STOP HE IS STAYING WITH PANTS STOP

CADENZA

“That son of bitch!” she growled under her breath.

The young stallion form the university telegraph office quietly slouched out the door.

Composing herself, she took a hardy gulp form her flask and tried to delicately step out of her office. Dr. Pants was not in his office, how convenient.

“Fluttershy,” she asked, poking her head through her friend’s office door, “did Discord mention that he was going to be attending Pinky’s lecture tomorrow?”

“Yes,” she chimed, looking up.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought he would have told you… wait… did he not?”

“Nope… does Pinky know?”

“Yes.”

“So why was I left in the dark about this…”

“… Om… maybe he wanted to surprise you.”

Twilight’s eyelid twitched.

“…Or maybe he just forgot…”

“No. Dr. Shy. Discord does not forget. Ever.”

~*~

“So wait, I thought your parents were Prench?” Fancy started as Diamond poured him another glass of wine.

“They were, but my mother was born in Draconeqo*,” I responded taking a bite from my salad.

“Wait, isn’t that part of Prance?”

“Non mon amore, they have been independent for a long time.”

“Is the country majority Draconequus?”

“No, Draconequus only make up about a third of the population, but it is where most of us do live.”

“Like nearly all Alicorns live in Roam, but they still make up a minority there?”

“Exactly, though unlike the Papess, the house of Drimaldi looks like it is going to stay in power.”

“Do you actually think they will manage to unify Crystaly?”

“At this rate it is inevitable. Republican and Monarchists have put aside their differences, now united behind Victor Emaneuel—”

There was a loud banging on the door.

“Silver, be a dear and check the door.” The earth pony nodded and made her way towards the foyer. “I wonder who that could be.”

“I have idea,” I grinned.

“I really hope th—”

“Discord!”

“—at you told Professor Sparkle about your visit,” he sighed.

“Nope.”

“Where are they?” her shout audible across the residence

“Um… they’re in the dining parlor, ma’am,” a much softer voice replied.

Soon enough standing before them was the disheveled form of their dear friend and colleague.

“I swear on my life, you will not fuck this up!”

“Oh, Professor, I don’t intend to,” I said, smiling from ear to ear.

Author's Note

* A play on Monaco.