Dr. Discord's Seussiful Equestrian Adventure

by AtomicMuffin

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Crossover, Main 6, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 11008

Discord shares beloved children's books with his new friends, but Discord doesn't do anything the sensible way. After all, what fun is there in making sense?

Discord wishes to share the work of his favorite human writer with his new friends. Although, what fun would there be in simply handing over the books? Oh no, he has some more entertaining ideas in mind.
The games will be fun;
he made sure of that.
But can they all handle
the Drak in the Hat?

*Written because I lost a bet*

Published 2013-10-22 13:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-24 17:46:58 UTC

The Drak in the Hat Knows Some Things About That

"...Then our mother came in
And she said to us two,
"Did you have any fun?
Tell me. What did you do?"

And Sally and I did not know
What to say.
Should we tell her
The things that went on there that day?

Should we tell her about it?
Now, what SHOULD we do?
Well...
What would YOU do
If your mother asked YOU?"

Discord shut the worn book with a soft snap and sighed contentedly. He sat for a few moments in his comfortable armchair and stared into the crackling flames dancing merrily inside his fireplace. He glanced over his shoulder and realized that he had company.

"Ah, do come in. Please, take a seat." He conjured another plush chair with a snap of his claws. Discord chuckled, then continued, "My apologies, I forgot you are the reader and don't have a physical form in this world."

He ceased his chuckling and adopted a frown. "It was just a little joke. No need to get testy." Once again, his charming smile returned and he continued, "I had just finished reading a book from your world. This Dr. Seuss guy must have been a real riot at parties. It's a real shame that the poor ponies of this world don't have that same chaotic creativity."

He stroked his goatee thoughtfully, then said, "Maybe I should show my new friends a little of what real literature is all about. Would you like to come along for the ride? Like you have a choice." With a pop the room faded away and Discord reappeared outside of a familiar library.

The rain fell heavy,
The rain fell in sheets.
Twilight was frantic
Checking for leaks.

She flew though her home
On her alicorn wings,
And motioned for Fluttershy
To help her with things.

"This rain is a mystery.
It shouldn't be here.
Something's not right,
At least so I fear."

Fluttershy quietly sets down her tea.
"Neither does it make much sense to me."

Their attention was caught
By a knock at the door.
And Twilight did think,
Who would fight this downpour?

The knock came again,
Then twice and then thrice.
Fluttershy opened the door
Just because she's so nice.

The door swung open
And she gasped in surprise.
For there was Discord,
Before her very eyes.

He pedaled inside
On his blue unicycle,
Shaking rain from his umbrella.
(It was more than a trifle.)

"Discord, what are you doing?"
She squeaked in surprise.
"I came by to play,"
He innocently replies.

Twilight glided down,
Her face in a frown.

"What is he doing here?
What does he need?"
She asked as he smiled,
paying her questions no heed.

"Hello, my friend!
Pleasure to see you again.
But enough of my silliness,
Let's get down to business.

I have something here
That is worth a look.
I can assure you now
It's a very special book.

But you can't just have it,
Because that would be lame!
In order to read it,
You must play my game."

Skeptical Twilight wasn't sure in the least,
But Fluttershy's smile put her at peace.

"Alright, Discord, but don't pull any tricks.
I don't want to have to break out the six."
She knew he remembered the powerful jewels.
"Please, hurry up and tell us the rules."

He tutted the princess with an indignant huff.
"That would ruin the fun,
As you know well enough.

"You haven't been listening
To the things that you're saying.
Even the reader could tell you,
You are already playing!"

Twilight grimaced
At the chaotic clown.
Now we can't have that,
Discord thought with a frown.

With a snap of his claw,
The house started to change.
The halls and the rooms
Became twisted and strange.

Some things grew longer
And others were short,
But Discord kept working,
Making things out of sort.

With another sharp snap,
There was a bright flash of light.
Fluttershy grabbed on to Twilight
And held onto her tight.

When the blinding light faded,
Oh what did they see?
They awoke in a room
As different as could be.

The ceilings were taller
and nothing was straight.
This would drive Twilight crazy,
Like a sock with no mate.

Both ponies sat quietly
Each plopped in a chair.
Rain fell down the window
And all they did was stare.

They heard a sharp cry,
And they turned around fast.
The sight that they saw
Left them both aghast.

Spike swam in a bowl
Made of clear glass.
With not claws but fins
And scales that did flash.

"Twilight, you gotta help me.
You know that you must!
I don't wanna be a fish,
And you're the one I most trust."

Something was wrong,
And she knew who to blame.
But there were mysteries to solve
Before the villain came.

"Something sounds off about your
Words and your timing."
Fluttershy interrupted,
"Oh my goodness, we're rhyming!"

All three gasped
As they realized the same.
But they jumped in surprise
As the villain now came.

He didn't knock on the door;
He just burst right on through.
Did he give any cares?
...Well, maybe a few.

He closed the door
With a flick of his tail,
And he strode with purpose.
Like wind in a sail.

He whipped on a hat,
with stripes white and red.
It was tall and sat crooked
On his horned head.

He grinned at the ponies,
Light glinting off his fang.
Then Twilight punched him
With a satisfying BANG.

The draconequis reeled,
And wide were his eyes.
"What was that for?"
He said in surprise.

"My home is a wreck,
And Spike is a fish.
Now we're all rhyming.
What the heck is this!"

Fluttershy cringed
Clearly unhappy,
But Discord is cunning,
So his explained rather snappy:

"This is the world
Of the book I did mention.
You remember the one,
From another dimension?"

Twilight gazed around unsure
Whether to puke or to fawn.
She fought to decide
If she could even go on.

She ground her teeth
As her scholar's mind won.
She just had to accept
That the game had begun.

Spike then did speak,
In a fishy growl.
"You can't trust him, Twilight.
I swear he's still foul."

Fluttershy was hurt
By the insult she heard.
"I guarantee he's harmless.
You have my word."

"No offense, Fluttershy,
But you are too soft.
You take his side
Entirely too oft."

"I assure you everything will be well,"
Discord boasted with cheer.
"Without further ado,
The Drak in the Hat is finally here!"

From behind his back,
Discord pulled out a crate.
And as far as crates go
It was very first rate.

The wood was smooth
And the lock was strong.
Nopony would guess
That things could go wrong.

Spike pointed at it
With a slippery fin.
"That box is shaking hard.
What in the world is within?"

Discord sat on the lid
As he played with the latch.
Like a mother hen
Who wanted her eggs to hatch.

"Inside are two friends.
I will show them to you.
Inside are two friends,
I call Thing 1 and Thing 2."

The box fell away
With a thud and a crash.
Inside the box
Were Rarity and Rainbow Dash.

In red one piece suits,
They stood in the room.
Dash rolled her eyes
At Rarity's distress and gloom.

"Rainbow," asked Twilight,
"What did he do?"
"I lost a bet,
So now I'm Thing 2."

"Don't think this is losing,"
Discord chided with glee.
"You can't even imagine
how much fun it will be!"

Rarity cried,
"I don't know about fun,
But I don't like this costume,
Even if I'm Thing 1."

Discord glared
With a gaze made for hawks.
He growled,
"Do you want to go back in the box?"

The pair shook their heads
In fear and alarm.
And hoped that the Drak
Really meant them no harm.

Discord reclined,
On a green jello-y blob.
With a dismissive wave, he said,
"Go do your job."

With a sigh and a groan,
The two went to work
Causing mayhem and madness,
For that big smug jerk.

Books fell from the shelves
And fell in a mound.
The china was broken
And the drapes were torn down.

"Discord, stop them!"
Twilight started to plea,
But the Drak answered innocently,
"Don't look at me.

"Get them into the box,
And make sure they're stuck.
That will end this game.
I wish you good luck."

The box had reformed
Where it once stood before.
In its place it stood,
Right next to the door.

Twilight looked to her friend,
And they heard a loud crash.
Fluttershy sighed,
"We should start with Dash."

They rose through the air
On their majestic wings,
But the queen of the sky
Could teach them some things.

Dash flitted around
Like a bee on a flower.
In the air,
Nopony was her match in power.

They zigged and they zagged.
They zoomed and they chased.
The flew hard as they could,
But they barely kept pace.

Fluttershy paused
For a moment to think.
"I have a plan,
But you won't like it I think.

"Try to get Dash
To fly near that shelf,
And I think we can get her
To trap herself."

Twilight nodded,
And chased after Rainbow.
Dash took off quickly,
But expected to see yellow.

Where is Fluttershy?
She thought to herself.
She hoped that their antics
Weren't bad for her health.

She ended the thought
As Twilight drew close.
She unwittingly approached
The shelf Fluttershy chose.

A cascade of books
Rained down from above,
And pushed Dash to the ground
With a forceful shove.

Twilight then caught her
In her magical grip,
And Fluttershy made sure Dash
Didn't give them the slip.

No matter how much
She did squirm or shake.
Nothing would stop them
From tossing her in the crate.

Twilight slammed down the lid,
But her spirits were low.
"One down," she said,
"And one more to go."

Rarity tore through the house
Messing up the decor.
Fixing it all
Would sure be a chore.

She ran up the stairs
To the landing ahead.
And though she detested it,
She jumped on the bed.

The pillows were scattered.
The sheets were all crumpled.
The headboard was crooked
And the comforter rumpled.

Then Twilight and Fluttershy
Flew up from below.
"Give it up, Rarity!
It's time to go!"

Rarity used her magic
To grab odds and ends,
And she whirled them around her.
Like a maelstrom it spins.

Fluttershy gaped
At the swirling gale,
And Twilight's face
Looked unnaturally pale.

Twilight then brightened.
A plan she did make.
"You need to fly through it,
for Rarity's sake."

Fluttershy was scared,
But she trusted her after all.
She leaped meekly forward,
Into the squall.

Rarity was distracted.
The many things to twist and bend,
Could not hit Fluttershy.
She wouldn't hurt her friend!

Twilight teleported behind her
With a soft little pop.
Then flicked her horn hard
To make her stop.

"Well that wasn't so hard,"
And she made herself busy.
"Speak for yourself," Fluttershy replied.
She was very very dizzy.

With Rarity secured,
They descended the stair
To finally return
The last renegade mare.

Discord did laugh
At the sight of her plight.
"Don't forget to throw her in
And lock it up tight."

She threw her friend into the box made of wood.
"This prize that you offer had better be good."

Discord sighed.
Now his game was finally through.
They weren't very amused,
This he definitely knew.

"Alright, Princess Sparkle,
You win this round.
But keep yourself sharp,
For my next trip to town.

"Dr. Seuss is gentle,
Not evil or feral.
But how about next time,
I try Lewis Carrol?"

He laughed and he snapped
His claws with a clack.
Then with a brilliant white flash
Everything changed back.

Twilight glanced around the room once the spots had cleared from her eyes. The sun was streaming through the windows without a rain cloud in sight. Her tree house was completely back to normal. In fact, it looked cleaner than it had earlier. The only indication that anything odd had happened was the fact that Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity were standing near her. All three of them were still trying to allow their eyes to adjust to the light.

Twilight heard a muffled groan. Spinning around, she saw Spike standing by her desk trying to pry a fishbowl off of his head. She trotted over to help him, but something strange caught her eye. A tiny book sat on her desk. It was brightly colored, like a children's book. She quickly read the title.

"'The Cat in the Hat?' You have got to be joking."

Discord floated up on a cloud and kicked back, making himself at home. He turned to the reader and said, "Well, that's how it goes. Twilight didn't take it as well as I would hope, but I did keep our deal. There's always next time I guess."

He continued to float leisurely away, but suddenly a mass of balloons rose up from the clouds. Discord laughed until an irritated Pinkie Pie hovered at eye level. She glared at Discord and shoved her face right up to his. She angrily cried, "Discord, why did you do all of those fun things and not invite me?! Do you think I'm not fun anymore?!"

She pulled away and started to cry. Her mane lost its luster and deflated. It hung limp and straight, partially covering her tear stained face. She sniffled and continued, "I was there for you from the beginning. I thought we were friends." She gazed soulfully at the draconequis. "Aren't we friends anymore?"

Discord hesitated and sputtered a few times. He shifted his gaze all around, looking for a solution. He frantically whispered, "Hey, Atomic. Mind helping a brother out here?"

Hey man, this is your bed. Sleep in it.

"You wrote this!" he argued, "Help me! I want to get out of this alive, you know?"

Pinkie overheard his whispers and her temper flared dangerously. She shouted, "Atomic Archimedes Muffin, don't you dare help him worm his way out of this one!"

Sorry, Discord. You're on your own.

Discord shouted indignantly, "Whatever happened to bronies before ponies?"

She used my FULL NAME! This mare means business. I'm out!

"Can't you just roll the credits or something?" He pleaded.

Pinkie frantically flailed her hooves, trying to propel herself forward. She gasped, "Don't you dare-"

Author's Note

A fanfic written in the style of Dr. Seuss? Sure, why not. Let me know what you think, please.

Green Eggs and Rye

Discord peeked through the curtain, watching the audience take their seats. He let the curtain fall back into place and stepped back onto the dimly lit backstage. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

Nervous, Discord?

The draconequis jumped straight out of his skin. Literally. It drifted back onto the stage like a leaf on the wind. It disappeared with a poof and Discord floated down from the rigging. Thankfully his skin was back on, but the zipper was still showing along his back. He raged, "For the love of chaos, Atomic, could you wear a bell or something? Surprises are supposed to be my thing."

Awww, did the widdle baby Discord wet himself? the author replied sarcastically.

Discord huffed and clicked his claws. In a flash he reappeared wearing a diaper, bonnet, and bib. He smugly replied, "Not yet, but I can if you feel like changing me."

Gross. You win.

"I usually do." He snapped his claws and returned to his usual self, but with an added purple tuxedo and bow tie. "So how many of these pony loving suckers did you con into showing up?"

Be nice, Discord. They're your fans too, the author chided, To answer your question, we have exactly fifty who are willing to put up with you for the next few minutes.

"Not too shabby. I guess you didn't screw up the last chapter too badly."

The orchestra below struck up the jazzy number that Discord had chosen for his entrance. He adjusted his bow tie. "My public awaits!"

Getting a running start, Discord fell to his knees and performed an extremely metal power slide through the heavy curtains. As soon as he took the stage, the crowd erupted into cheers. There were way more than fifty people here. The number was easily somewhere around two or three hundred grinning and cheering faces. That rat lied to me!

No I didn't. I was just going by the number of favorites. Who knows how many people are going to read this?

Discord kept his smile plastered to his face as the crowd cheered for him, but he mentally berated the author, enunciating every word savagely. You. Are. Not. Funny.

He stood up and addressed the crowd, "Good evening everyone! A little birdie tells me that you really enjoyed my last little foray into the world of Dr. Seuss. So by popular demand I bring you the second part of my adventure."

He reached both hands behind his back. In his lion paw, he pulled out a tall white and red striped hat, which he placed snugly on his head. In his eagle's claw, he held a small book.

"I'm looking forward to this;
I'm not going to lie.
Let's see how they like
Green Eggs and Rye!"

Discord flew through the streets of Ponyville until he ran into a familiar pink mare bouncing happily along. With a puff of smoke, he materialized in front of her with his arms spread wide calling, "Pinkie, my friend!"

He was slightly disappointed when he wasn't grabbed in a bone crushing hug and his ears weren't assaulted by Pinkie's happy laughter. He looked quizzically at the mare. She sat on the ground and glared at him with the most impressive pout he had ever seen. Even Sweetie Belle would have been in awe of it. Discord deflated. "You're still mad at me, aren't you?"

"Eeyup," Pinkie replied sharply.

Discord approached his friend carefully and said with utmost sincerity, "I'm sorry, Pinkie. I want to make it up to you. How about we have some fun?"

She stared at him suspiciously, but then broke into a massive grin and wrapped him in a tight hug. She cheered, "Oh, Dissy, you had me at 'fun'."

"Glad to hear it," Discord managed to choke out around her suffocating embrace. Seriously, his eyes were starting to bulge out. He slipped out of her grip and hovered above her. Discord whispered into her ear. He pulled away and performed a familiar ritual. He crossed his heart, flapped his arms, and covered an eye with his paw. He had made a sacred Pinkie Promise.

Pinkie nodded her understanding and said, "Okie dokie lokie, I'm in!" Discord whipped out a covered serving tray and balanced it gently on the mare's fluffy head. He gave her a conspiratorial wink and vanished.

Pinkie had a mission, and her target was one of her new friends. It was time to visit her pall Cranky.

Pinkie shot down Cranky's chimney. The donkey looked up from his paper just in time to see her blast out of his fireplace and somehow manage to land in the chair right across the table. She was covered from head to hoof in black soot, but she shook herself violently and it all disappeared, leaving her usual pink self. Except that she had a large covered serving tray on her head.

"Pinkie I am.
Pinkie am I."

Cranky shook his head and grumbled inaudibly.

That Pinkie Pie!
That Pinkie Pie!
She's so annoying
That Pinkie Pie!

Pinkie whipped the tray from its place atop her head and lifted the lid, revealing two green eggs and a piece of dark green toast.

"Do you like
green eggs and rye?"

Cranky returned to his paper and grumbled,
"I do not like them,
Pinkie Pie.
I do not like
green eggs and rye."

Pinkie stretched her left hoof impossibly far to reach the opposite corner of the room. Using her right she indicated the table.

"Would you like them
here or there?"

Cranky continued reading his paper, then replied,

"I would not like them
here or there.
I would not like them
anywhere.
I do not like
Green eggs and rye.
I do not like them,
Pinkie Pie."

Cranky cocked his head in confusion. Why am I talking like that?

Pinkie pulled out a fat bird which started squawking and ravaging Cranky's house.

"Would you like them
in a house?
Would you like them
with a grouse?"

Cranky leaped to his hooves and tried to chase the bird out of his house. When he finally succeeded, he panted,

"I would not like them
in a house.
I would not like them
with a grouse.
I would not like them
here or there.
I would not like them
anywhere.
I do not like
green eggs and rye.
I do not like them,
Pinkie Pie."

Knowing that he would find no peace at home, he decided to go for a walk. He walked down a dirt road that led to Sweet Apple Acres. The sweet smell of apples was just what he needed to calm his nerves. Pinkie leaped unexpectedly from the bushes and said,

"Would you like them
on the road?
.-- .... .- - / .. ..-. / .. / .- ... -.- . -.. /
.. -. / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. ."
(What if I asked you
in Morse Code?)

Cranky already knew she was crazy, but now she was making a bunch of nonsensical beeping noises! He wasn't sure what kind of code it was supposed to be, but he sure didn't like it. He brushed past her and continued on his walk. He called over his shoulder,

"Not on the road.
Not in your code.
Not in my house.
Not with a grouse.
I would not eat them here or there.
I would not eat them anywhere.
I would not eat green eggs and rye.
I do not like them, Pinkie Pie."

He reached the Apple family homestead, with no sign of Pinkie anywhere. He figured he would take a stroll through the west orchard, but suddenly the barn door slammed open and Pinkie stood there, waving her tray.

"Would you? Could you?
In a barn?
Eat them! Eat them!
There is no harm."

Cranky stormed across the farmstead and cried angrily,

"I would not, could not,
in a barn."

He charged forward through the trees until he was sure that the hyperactive mare could not catch up to him. He slumped against a tree and lowered himself to the ground for a short rest. Running from a crazed pink headache was tiring work after all.

Suddenly, a bushy pink tail cascaded from the tree above him, dangling the wretched food at eye level. Cranky heard a familiar voice say,

"You may like them.
You will see.
You may like them
in a tree!"

Crank shook his hoof at the infuriating mare and ranted,

"I would not, could not in a tree.
Not in a barn! You let me be!
I do not like them on the road.
Not even if you ask in code.
I do not like them in my house.
I do not like them with a grouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and rye.
I do not like them, Pinkie Pie.

This insufferable rhyming was giving him a migraine, but he couldn't stop. Somehow it just spilled out on its own. Once again, he stormed through the fields as fast as his hooves could take him. Eventually, the orchard thinned and he stood on the edge of one of Ponyville's many beautiful parks. At least it would be beautiful, if a certain pink mare wasn't waiting for him on a picnic blanket with a tray of disgusting looking green eggs and toast.

"The park! The park!
Could you, would you,
in the park?"

Cranky screamed in fury,

"Not in the park! Not in a tree!
Not in a barn! Pinkie! Let me be!"

He spotted an old gardener's shed and dove inside, slamming the door behind him. He was cramped in the small dark space. The smell of fertilizer was obnoxious, and the gardening implements rattled with his movements. He finally went completely still and listened intently. There were no hoofsteps following him. No noise whatsoever. He let out a deep sigh.

But then a voice in the darkness whispered,

"Say.
In the dark?
Here in the dark.
Would you, could you, in the dark?"

Cranky didn't even bother with the door. He simply burst through the side of the shed. Little splintered pieces of wood rained down in his wake. He kept running until he finally stumbled into town. Maybe if he could find one of Pinkie's friends, they could talk her into leaving him alone.

Unfortunately, he had no such luck. There she stood, plain as day. For some reason she had painted her face white and wore giant red shoes. He skidded to a halt as she asked,

"Would you, could you
in the town?
Could you, would you
with a clown?"

For some unfathomable reason, the grouse from his house peeked its head from behind Pinkie and glared at Cranky. The bird then flapped over and pecked him savagely on the head. Satisfied, it flew away after blowing a noisy raspberry at him. Cranky had finally had enough. His temper had reached its peak and he screamed loud enough for everypony to hear,

"I would not, could not with a clown!
I would not, could not here in town!
I will not eat them in the park!
I will not eat them in the dark!
I will not eat them in a barn!
I don't care if it would cause no harm!
I will not eat them on the road!
Not even if you asked in code!
I will not eat them in my house!
I really, really hate that grouse!
I will not eat them here or there!
I will not eat them anywhere!
I do not like green eggs and rye!
I DO NOT LIKE THEM, PINKIE PIE!!!"

With his wrath fully spent, he collapsed in the middle of the street. Almost all of the ponies in town heard his outburst and had come to investigate. A huge throng of ponies surrounded Pinkie and himself, but he was too exhausted to care. Pinkie gingerly picked her way over to him and placed a comforting hoof over his shoulder. In her most soothing voice she said,

"You do not like them.
So you say.
Try them. Try them.
And you may."

Defeated, Cranky grumbled,

"Pinkie.
If you will let me be,
I will try them.
You will see."

He reached for the plate and eyed the unnaturally colored food skeptically. Closing his eyes, he brought a single egg to his mouth and ate it. He chewed for a few moments, then broke into a wide grin. He opened his eyes and said, "Hey, these are pretty good."

Hey, he thought, I'm not rhyming anymore!

Pinkie laughed cheerfully. "I told you, silly. All you had to do was try it. I would have left you alone if you didn't like it."

"Then why did you keep asking me all those weird questions?"

Pinkie gave him a confused look. "Food tastes better in trees and in the dark. That's not weird."

Cranky didn't even bother to argue. All that running had built up an appetite. Pinkie looked into the sky and cried out, "Dissy, I won! Come on down."

Discord jumped from a cloud with a bungee cord tied around his feet. He plummeted to the ground singing,

"And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fall-"

He was interrupted as his crashed right into the ground. Pinkie walked over to the Discord shaped depression in the ground, looking for her friend. The hole looked pretty deep.

She heard a voice behind her say, "Wow, I would not want to be that fellow. He should be more careful or he might damage his flawless self."

Pinkie turned around and saw Discord standing behind her, completely unscathed. She said, "I won the bet. He ate it."

"Good job, Pinkie Pie. Here is the book I promised. I'm sure Twilight would be ever so grateful to get her hooves on that little beauty." He clutched the small book protectively to his chest and dramatically pined, "Please, Pinkie. Please, take care of it."

He handed her the book, but Pinkie cleared her throat in challenge. She looked expectantly at Discord and asked, "What about our other arrangement?"

Discord blanched and sweat started to bead on his forehead. He stammered, "I'm- I"m sure I have absolutely n-no idea what you mean."

Pinkie inched her way closer and closer, smiling like a shark going after a fat colt in a raft. "Oh, I think you know exactly what I mean. I convinced him using less than fifty distinct words. You have to honor our agreement, Discord. You Pinkie Promised." Her eyes lit with demonic fire and her words reverberated eerily with a deep, gravely echo. "And nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise."

Discord shook in fear. Imagine, the spirit of chaos cowed by a cute pink mare wearing makeup and clown shoes.

Discord indignantly chimed, "Quit doing that, you pin-headed scribbler."

You DO realize that you're at my mercy as much as hers, right?

Pinkie grinned even wider. Her teeth looked unusually sharp and pointy. Was it his imagination, or did it get darker all of a sudden? Discord cried out, "Alright, you win!"

Everything returned to normal and Pinkie brushed a hoof nonchalantly on her coat. "I usually do."

Discord got down on his knees and pleaded, "Could I at least send the audience away first?"

Pinkie smiled at him, then shook her head. "Nopey, dopey."

"Fine. But for the record, I'm not proud of this." Discord snapped his fingers.

Author's Note

I know I said it may take a few weeks, but I got so excited that I had to keep going. This one is a little less in Seuss's style in the sense that it has narration, but I don't have the benefit of illustration. So I hope you'll forgive me. I hope it holds up to the hype.

As always, don't forget to like, favorite, and comment!

The Lorjacks

"So ya want me ta help you just so Ah can get some silly human book?"

Discord pouted, "Dear Applejack, you sound as if I just asked you to sacrifice a small foal. I only need you for an afternoon or so. Besides, I know Twilight is just dying for these books. What kind of friend wouldn't want to help her obtain the full set?"

Discord knew it was underhanded to appeal to an Element of Harmony's sense of friendship, but he really didn't have much choice at the moment. Applejack was a notoriously stubborn pony who didn't really appreciate time wasting nonsense. Needless to say, they didn't exactly see eye to eye.

"Then why don'tcha give it to her?" Applejack deadpanned.

A halo appeared over Discord's head. "Who me?" The glowing ring shattered as two red devil horns speared through the top of his head. He grinned, "what would be the fun in that?"

"No," the farmer stated simply. She turned around to walk back into the barn.

"What's the matter, Applejack," Discord pulled a thoroughly confused Scootaloo out of thin air, "you chicken?"

Scootaloo rolled her eyes and grumbled, "I really getting sick of that joke."

Discord humphed, "Oh, what do you know?" before tossing the pegasus over his right shoulder.

Applejack froze at the accusation. Between her and Rainbow Dash, the best possible way to get their attention was to issue a challenge. Discord decided to take it one step farther. Adopting his best baby talk voice, he cooed, "Are you a fwaidy tat?"

This time he pulled Opalescence out of thin air to illustrate his point. The clearly unamused feline gave him her best getting-tired-of-your-*[censored as a courtesy for young eyes]*-draconequis look and took a swipe at his face, leaving four deep scratches. Discord hopped up and down shouting, "Ow ow ow ow ow," before he snapped his claws and sent the pussy cat away.

He seethed angrily, I'm going to turn that cat into a tea kettle, so help me!

"Is that a challenge, Discord?"

Having temporarily forgotten the reason for his teasing, Discord was surprised to find the orange coated farmer mere centimeters from his face, glaring angrily into his mismatched eyes. Discord grinned and slithered around the pony like a serpent. "It is now. If you succeed, then I will work on your farm for a whole week. Completely under your command. If you lose-"

"Ah ain't gonna lose!"

"Cocky, aren't we? Then I will keep that part a secret. Rest assured that I won't force you to part with your Element of Harmony or anything heinous like that. I'm not made of stone... any more."

"Deal." She spat on her hoof and extended it to the draconequis. He spat onto his lion paw (though the saliva turned into butterscotch pudding when it hit his paw) and shook her hoof with a sinister gleam in his eye.

"Alright then, here is your challenge. There are a pair of ponies chopping down a patch of very rare trees in a grove on the outskirts of the Everfree Forest. These trees bear fruit that looks like gems, but anypony can easily eat them. The only problem is that they can't be picked if the tree is rooted to the ground. Your job is to convince them to stop."

He snapped his claw and Applejack sprouted a thick and bushy mustache. She looked at it quizzically before shifting the confused look back to Discord. It wasn't very flattering on a mare, but I'm sure it would drive all the lady-walruses into a frenzy... or is it "walri?" Eh, whatever.

Discord pointedly ignored the author's tangent and continued, "From this point on, you are the Lorjacks and you speak for the trees. Any questions?"

"Uhh... what's with the mustache?"

"No questions? Alright, good luck, dear Applejack!" Discord snapped his claw once more and they both disappeared.

And just as a snake
sheds it's old skins.
This prologue is done,
and our tale now begins.

"TIMBER!"
With a groan and a crack
the Gem Tree then fell
to the ground with a smack.

Two stallions rushed forward
to collect their reward.
They gathered the fruit
to add to their horde.

"Now aren't you glad, brother,
that you listened to me?
Few ponies realize
how juicy gem pears can be."

"Right you are, Flim!
I won't doubt you again.
I just wish chopping these trees
wasn't such a huge pain!"

The Flim Flam Brothers' laughter
echoed all around.
But a tree falling in the woods
DOES make a sound.

Flim noticed a hinge
on the stump of the tree.
He scratched his head,
"Now what could that be?"

Like a shot from a cannon
Applejack flew out the stump,
and she landed painfully
on her apple speckled rump.

Flam whispered to Flim,
"Isn't she from the Apple family?"
Flim merely shrugged,
"Doesn't look like it to me."

Applejack groaned
and rubbed her sore flank.
She stood on her hooves,
which were stiff as a plank.

"Now hold on, ya varmints,"
She said with a wheeze.
"Ah am the Lorjacks,
and Ah speak for them trees."

The brothers shared a look,
both utterly bemused.
The mare's strange entrance
left them completely confused.

The ever sly Flim
was the first to recover,
and he threw his hoof
around his dear brother.

"Now lookee here Flam
at this mustachioed filly!
But compared to yours
it looks really silly.

What's worse is her claim
to speak for the trees.
Nopony owns this land,
so we'll do as we please."

The Lorjacks prodded him hard
in the chest with her hoof.
And the campy stallion
let out a sharp
"ooph!"

"Now listen here, partner.
These trees're the last'a their kind.
Ya can't cut them all down.
Ya can't be that blind."

Flam held out a hoof
to cut her off there.
Then he brought forth
a shiny gem pear.

"Fruit such as this
we could sell for a mint.
We'll just cut down a few.
It won't make a dent."

The Lorjacks debated
what harm could befall
from missing a few trees.
"Just a few, but that's all."

The brothers returned
to their work on the trees,
while the Lorjacks kicked back
and made herself at ease.

She soon fell asleep
in a comfortable nap.
The two brothers laughed
and thought her a sap.

"'Just a few trees?'
Dear brother, that's rich."

"She wouldn't leave us alone
if we gave the real pitch."

The Lorjacks awoke
from a rough little shake.
A blue squirrel chattered loudly
and in fear it did quake.

The sight that she saw
got right under her skin.
A felled gem fruit tree
where the squirrel made his den.

The poor homeless critter
looked her right in the eye.
She looked at in in pity
as it started to cry.

She looked at the land
and her rage burned anew.
There were many trees cut.
Many more than a few.

She picked up the squirrel,
and let him ride on her hat.
"Those no good liars
are gonna pay for that!"

She spotted them harvesting
some fruits of bright red,
but she reached the closest one
and gave him a buck to the head.

The unlucky Flim
was knocked out quite cold.
She dared Flam to speak...
He wasn't as bold.

"Y'all cut down the tree
this poor critter called home
With nowhere ta live,
he'll be forced to roam.

Y'all cut down more trees
than anypony should need.
You'll pay the price
fer yer insatiable greed."

Flam stood paralyzed.
His mouth hung agape.
Was he about to die
or share his brother's fate?

"Now ya both clear out!
Ah got no more'ta say.
Leave these trees alone,
or Ah'll defend 'um MY way!"

Flam loaded his brother
on a beat up old cart.
And with a flash of his horn
away they did dart.

"Serves 'um right
fer lyin'ta me.
Come on little fella
let's find ya a new tree."

"CUT!"

Discord popped into existence, sitting in a folding chair with the word "director" stitched onto the back. He wore sunglasses, a black beret, and he was holding a megaphone in his claw.

Something wrong, Discord?

"You bet there is!" A screenwriters script popped into the air next to him and he started thumbing through it. "Aha! According to this, the Lorax is supposed to fail and all of the trees get cut down except for a tiny seed. 'Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,/Nothing is going to get better. It's not.' That's how the story goes, Muffin."

We both know how the story goes, Discord. You changed the rules when you challenged Applejack.

Discord's eyes widened in fear, "So you're saying there is a chance I could lose?"

I wish he could see my smug smirk right now. Alas, that's the sad reality of being the disembodied voice of the writer. At least I could still make my voice drip with contempt. That's definitely a possibility.

Discord countered with a smirk of his own. "Guess I'll have to make a few adjustments of my own.

Exasperation permeated my voice, 'Adjustments' are what got you into this mess.

"Balderdash!"

Balderdash?

"Balderdash. It's a fun word, and nopony uses it as often as they should. Right along with flibbertigibbet and anemone. Anyway, I have a show to save!"

Discord disappeared and time resumed. Applejack walked deeper into the remaining trees to find a suitable place for the squirrel to live. On her way, she saw tons of animals displaced by their insensitive chopping. She was glad that the brothers had been run off and weren't going to return any time soon. At least that's what she thought...

With a rumbly roar
and a crashity crash,
A monstrous machine
through the trees did crash.

A giant metal contraption
with three shiny ax heads
crashed into the grove
on four metal legs.

Like a vicious hydra
the axes whirred around.
They each struck a tree
which fell to the ground.

The two pony brothers
laughed from above.
They thought they were awesome.
At least... sort of.

"Do you like our machine?
With the Choppy-McGrindy-Harvester-Supreme
we can work five times faster."
Oh, how their smiles did beam.

Two mechanical arms
popped out from the side.
and picked up the felled trees
to throw them inside.

The fruit was sorted
and the tree ground away.
The Lorjacks mus do something!
Without any delay!

She rushed to the trees
to get help from the critters.
But they all cowered in fear
and with anxious jitters.

"These are yer trees.
So let's take 'um back!
We've got the numbers
they certainly lack!

Ah've outsmarted 'um once
with the help'a my friends.
If y'all lend me yer paws,
then I'm sure we can win."

The animals were unsure.
But if this were to go on
the forest they loved
would surely be gone.

The first to step forward
was the bushy blue squirrel
who quickly allied
with the confident cowgirl.

The rest of them followed.
All paws were on deck.
The Lorjacks grinned.
"Let's give 'um heck!"

The machine plowed with ease
through the densest of forests
and the thickest of trees.
But their eyes widened in fear
at the sight of the bees.

A swarm big enough
to blot out the sun
came buzzing right at them.
This wouldn't be fun!

The cloud of insects
dove from the sky.
As one single cloud
they did fly.

The brother's swatted away
as many as they could,
but with a swarm that big
it just did no good.

Flam thought quickly,
and he conjured a shield.
Against the invaders
inside they were sealed.

The dense cloud of bees
made their vision unclean.
There was no way for them
to steer their machine.

The Choppy-McGrindy-Harvester-Supreme
hobbled around blindly.
Score one for the home team!

But they weren't finished yet.
No, that was just step one!
The brothers would be crying
before they were done.

Then one metal leg
got caught in a hole.
Dug by gophers and prairie dogs
and a single pink mole.

The machine pitched to the side
and spilled the two out.
Flim fell on his rump.
Flam fell on his snout.

This time it was Flim
who begged for his life.
"We leave for real this time!
We don't want anymore strife!"

The Lorjacks looked skeptical.
She didn't trust their words.
So she gave a loud whistle
calling a flock of colorful birds.

The birds of all colors,
Yellows, greens, blues, and reds,
chased the pair out their grove,
viciously pecking their heads.

When the dust had all settled,
the Lorjacks looked around.
Her heart dropped heavily
at the sight that she found.

The land was destroyed
not a single tree stood.
The devious brothers
had cleared them good.

She walked around sadly
pawing at the mud and dirt.
She failed the trees and the critters,
that's what most hurt.

Discord floated down from the sky gripping a red parasol. When his hoof and claw touched the ground, he closed the parasol and twirled it around like a cane as he strolled smugly up to Applejack.

"Aww. It seems I won the bet. You know what that means, don't you?"

Applejack glared viciously at the smug draconequis. "Ya may not be stone anymore, but Ah reckon yer heart still is. These poor critters don't have a home anymore now that all them trees are gone."

Discord blew a loud raspberry, and pouted, "Why do you have to ruin my fun while I'm trying to gloat?"

"Alright, you win! Are ya happy now?" She tried to stay tough, but Discord noticed the tears gathering at the corner of her eyes.

He frowned and muttered guiltily, "Not entirely."

"Is there any way you can use yer magic ta regrow um?"

"I'm afraid not. The trees had too much innate magic for me to do more than make them sing 'Ode to Joy'."

Applejack sighed, but a curious sound makes her perk up her ears. The same blue squirrel who had been riding on her hat the whole time chattered loudly and leaped to the ground. It pointed enthusiastically and started running. It beckoned with a paw, indicating that she should follow him. Her curiosity piqued, Applejack followed the critter into the middle of the grove.

Growing right in the middle of the grove was a small sapling. It bore no fruit or flower, but three small leaves protruded from the stem. It was if an occult hand had raised it up from the depths of the earth. The last of the gem fruit trees.

Applejack grinned widely. She felt a light tap on her foreleg. Her little blue friend held up a small red seed, offering it as a gift. She smiled at the small creature and graciously accepted its gift. She would plant her own tree in the field, and give it a good home where it could grow big and healthy.

Suddenly, she was struck with a thought. "Oh, Discord! Seems there's still one little tree growin' here. Looks like Ah won the bet. So now YOU gotta work on the farm fer a week without usin' magic."

Discord's jaw dropped and thudded heavily on the ground. He didn't expect to lose, especially not after he went through all the effort to build the darn machine for those sleazy stallions.

"Fine, but I sure hope the dealership will let me return this." He pulled out a set of car keys from behind his back. He clicked a button on the remote and the Choppy-McGrindy-Harvester-Supreme chirped twice before vanishing completely.

"Hold on! So you built that?"

"Yeah, so?"

"That's cheatin'!"

"I never said I wouldn't get involved." He slapped on a pair of sunglasses and in bright neon colors the phrase 'Deal With It' blinked above his head.

Applejack gritted her teeth, but she didn't say anything else. She would have her revenge. A full week of it under Celestia's hot sun. Maybe she'd even ask the Princess to turn up the heat just a tad to make the draconequis sweat. The thought of Discord strapped to a plow, panting in exhaustion was almost enough to make her laugh, but there was one last piece of business to attend to.

"What about the other part'a our deal?"

"How could I forget. Here is the book. I hope your friend Twilight Sparkle finds it as touching as I did." He handed the small book to Applejack, who stored it securely under her hat. Discord snapped his claws and sent her back home.

"That was a dirty trick, Atomic." He snapped his claws once again and vanished.

Applejack reappeared in the her south field. Finding a suitable spot she pulled out the seed and buried it into the soft loamy soil. As if by magic, a small shoot immediately started to grow. A thin sapling stood where mere seconds ago she had planted a single seed. It's leave were a bright emerald green and growing on the sturdiest branch was a single bright red gem apple.

Victory was had.
She had won the day!
And she did it all
the Apple Family way.

So remember this tale.
Because if somepony asks you
to destroy something's home,
then what would YOU do?

This story is finished,
but I have more up my sleeve!
I will see you again
on Hearth's Warming Eve...

Author's Note

It took me a month, but I finally did it. I hope you enjoyed The Lorjacks. I'm sure you all know what's coming next, but I bet you're wondering exactly who is going to try to steal Hearth's Warming Eve. Make a guess if you want to, I'm curious to see who gets it.

As always like, favorite, and comment. You can even stalk me if you feel so inclined. I won't judge you.

How the Drak Stole Hearth's Warming

Hello, friends! Thank you for joining us for another whimsical adventure. I just want to take this time to wish you a Merry Christmas. If you celebrate a different holiday or no holiday at all, then I simply wish you all the love and happiness that we should be striving to spread all year. Anyway, go ahead and give this a listen to get you in the mood...

Without further ado, let's see what Discord is up to.

Snow fell gently on the small town of Ponyville. Each tiny flake drifted softly to the ground, sparkling in the light of the brilliantly lit town below. This was no ordinary night. Oh no, tonight was Hearth's Warming Eve. The night before one of the biggest holidays of the year. Hearth's Warming was a time to spend with friends and family, celebrating love and cooperation. The ponies below would sing songs, tell stories, give gifts, eat delicious food, and the whole town was decorated extravagantly. And all the little colts and fillies would barely sleep a wink as they waited eagerly for Santa Hooves' annual visit.

An enormous pine tree dominated town square. It was even taller than City Hall! It was wrapped with lights, tinsel, and shiny orbs. And sitting proudly at the very top was a single gold star.

It was a time for joy, and all of the ponies below were laughing and making their way through the town. Yes, all the ponies below were happy, but that says nothing of the creatures above...

Discord paced on a cloud which was lightly dropping snow upon the town. He glared at the tree, and the lights, and the wreaths on the doors. The singing, the dancing, and the sales in the stores. But he gazed most intently at the ponies down below.

"Hello, Muffin," he sighed.

Happy Hearth's Warming Eve, Discord. What are you doing up here?

He swept his paw, indicating the world below. "Isn't it beautiful. Everypony is so happy and excited." His pleasant words were betrayed by the bitterness in his voice.

You see, Discord had been encased in stone for 1,000 years. During that time, he had seen 1,000 Hearth's Warmings go by. He remained in the garden, cold and forgotten. He had received no presents. Sung no songs. The world rejoiced in their friendship and harmony, while he was left with neither. Buried under a a layer of snow.

"Thanks for the recap, Muffin. I really needed to remember that," he grumbled as he rolled his eyes sarcastically.

He didn't want to show it, but this year was worse than any of the others. This time he had friends, but they had forgotten him. Not a single gift or invitation. Not even a card to show that they remembered him. He wasn't just alone, he was abandoned.

"You really aren't helping," Discord snapped.

Duly chastened, the writer apologized, I'm sorry, Discord. Nobody should to be alone on Christmas. Though I find it hard to believe that Celestia forgot about you. She even remembered to send me a card this year-

He stopped as Discord went ramrod straight, "What did you just say?"

Celestia sent me a card this-

"No, no, no. The part before that."

I said I was sorry.

Discord shook his head, "Not that part either. What was that bit in the middle?"

The writer raises his eyebrow quizically. Nobody should be alone for Christmas?

"Yes, that! Where have I heard that word before? Christmas? Christmas? Aha!" he shouted and with a snap of his tail a small book popped into existence and fell into his outstretched claw.

Discord grinned as he flipped through the book. His grin grew wider and wider with every turn of the page. Soon it grew so large that it couldn't fit on his face any more, but it kept growing until his muzzle sagged from the effort of keeping it attached.

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
DISCORD
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"Oh this WILL be fun." He stepped onto a protruding segment of cloud and jumped on it like a diving board before executing a perfect swan dive falling toward the town below...

Discord dives toward the small town,
but then he stops about halfway down.
"Hold on," he said, as he stroked his bearded chin.
"I'll need an accomplice if I want to win."

"But who could I turn to, this late in the night?"
He paced in thin air and pondered his plight.
He snapped his claw and laughed in delight.
"I just need an old friend who is fluffy and white!"

With a twist and a hoot, he soared through the sky,
and startled a few pegasi as he quickly shot by.
This night is going to be sweet as pure honey!
It's been too long since I visited dear Angel bunny.

In no time at all the cottage appeared.
Nopony was home, or so it appeared.
He expertly slithered down Fluttershy's chimney,
and emerged in a room that was lit, but just dimly.

Curled up on the couch, which he used for a bed,
Little candied carrots danced in his head.
Discord swiped a veggie as quick as a hawk.
He bit a large bite and quipped, "What's up dock?"

Angel bunny jerked quickly awake
and glared angrily at the overgrown snake.
What did he do to deserve such a fright?
Especially on this most peaceful night?

"Angel, my friend! On a night such as this
why are you alone? Is there something amiss?"
Angel studied the spirit from his tail to his snout,
and he wasn't quite sure what this was about.

"Don't look so surprised. We've already made amends.
I thought we were now the closest of friends."
Angel raised a single bushy white brow.
Discord had done no such thing until now.

They were not friends! No, not even close!
The very idea was revolting and gross.
Discord feared that the bunny wouldn't buy it,
but he had a new trick. Now he should try it.

"I've got a big box of carrots already marked with your name.
All you must do is help with my game."
Angel was no fool. He took pride in that,
but at heart he was regrettably fat.

His eyes gleamed brightly at the thought of his prize,
and they widened to an unbelievable size.
He jumped excitedly in excitement and glee,
but his bounce landed him straight in the tree.

Amidst needles and lights, and a bright glowing star
a tiny white bunny looked completely bizarre.
With a flick of his tail, Discord plucked him right out,
but he didn't let go. He just kept to his route.

With no warning or word, much to Angel's disdain,
he shot back up the dark chimney again.
They burst through the top with a puff of black smoke.
Angel let out a cough, lucky he didn't choke.

"Fluttershy left you alone. They all left me too.
So let's teach them a lesson. I know what to do.
A daring adventure nopony would believe!
I propose, dear Angel, we steal Hearth's Warming Eve!"

No sane pony would entertain such a whim,
but if anyone could do it, it would certainly be him.
Angel scratched his head, all deep in thought.
Finally he shruged. Sure, why not?

"Excellent, Angel! I'm glad you agree!
You'll be rewared for working with me.
But the book mentioned something that might cause delay.
It seems that we both have an angle to play."

With a snap of his claw, Angel donned a top hat.
It was big and heavy. He didn't like that.
Discord looked like a ghost, weighed by heavy iron chains.
"Ebeneezer Scrooge!" he cried, and against them he strains.

Pst... Discord. Wrong story!

"Spoil sport," he pouted as he clicked his claws and he returned to his usual form. Only this time he was wearing a bright red coat and a hat with a little white bob at the end. Angel gasped to see that his cute button nose was now bright red, and two small deer antlers emerged from his head.

Heh heh. Jackalope. Nice touch.

"Come on, my friend, we have much work to do!"
And all the excitement kindled his excitement anew.
He grabbed the poor bunny, whose eyes widened in fright,
and tore off laughing into the still night.

All the windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the ponies were dreaming sweet dreams without care.
Discord slunk stealthily past the now silent square.
For the first stop of the night, was nowhere near there.

Near the edge of the town, sat a small cozy house.
Here there lived a small family, a stallion and his spouse.
They had a small daughter, a pegasus filly.
But Discord didn't know that. He didn't need to really.

He tore off the garlands and the wreath from the door,
and he stuffed them in bags which he would soon fill with more.
He flew through the chimney as he had done before.
Thanks to his slim frame it wasn't much of a chore.

This time was different, much to his ire.
In the hearth below, roared a warm toasty fire.
It was too late to stop, so he crashed into the flames.
He jumped out cursing, calling it rude names.

He patted his coat to put himself out,
but he wasn't expecting a cute little shout.
A filly stood in the doorway, her eyes growing wide.
It was too late to run, and there was nowhere to hide.

"Santa Hooves," she asked, "Is it really you?"
With a sigh of relief, he said ,"Why yes, Scootaloo!"
It was a small miracle that his disguise worked so well.
But then, it was no surprise, that SHE couldn't tell.

"Why don't you go to sleep, so I can get to my work,"
He said, barely containing his smirk,
"I'm really on a tight schedule, you see.
There are so many presents to put under the tree."

"S-sure, you got it," she squealed with delight,
and she rushed to her room and turned out the light.
Angel tapped his foot impatiently on the hard wooden floor.
"Oh, put a carrot in it," Discord responded, quite sore.

He stuffed all the decorations deep in his sack,
even the tree didn't give him much flak.
Discord glared at the fire, and he angrily swore,
"This time, I think I'll just use the door."

Angel hopped alongside him, as he lugged the huge bag.
If that was one house, this night would be a real drag!

One house after another, they quickly tore through
stealing presents and trimmings. Some old and some new.
Nothing could stop him, all went to plan.
Hearth's Warming would be over, before it even began!

No presents, no trees, no glint, and no lights.
No holiday meals (that would start a few fights!)
No bells and no tinsel, no flowers or fun.
Discord had stolen them all before the rise of the sun.

He stood at the top of his monstrous pile,
and he wore on his face, a big greedy smile.
"We did it, Angel! It's all gathered here!
Now nopony will celebrate when the day draws near!

There will be tears from the children, and maybe fights will break out.
Oh, this kind of what chaos is what I'm all about!"
Angel shook his head, and he peered out at the town.
From on top of their mountain, it was a long, long way down.

A mountainous trove balanced on a tall mountain top.
A simple hard shove, and the whole thing would drop.
Angel didn't want that. It wasn't worth the greed.
He tugged on Discord's coat to beg and to plead.

"Don't tell me you're going soft on me now?"
He asked as he raised a bushy grey brow.
Angel looked at him pleadingly, with his cute bunny eyes,
and the most adorable expression Discord had come to despise.

To answer his plea,
he pulled out TNT.

Discord scattered the bombs through the things that he took,
and he pulled out a detonator from some obscure nook.
He strolled down the mountainside, whistling a tune.
Angel chased after, trying to stop the crazy loon.

He paused on an a rocky ledge near the top,
and chuckled smugly up on the outcrop.

"Take that, ponies!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that now Hearth's Warming is coming!
They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
Then ponies down in Ponyville will all cry BOO-HOO!

"That's a noise," grinned Discord,
"That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And Discord put a hand to his ear
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

Discord reeled with his feet in the snow.
He gasped in surprise, "How could this be so?!"
He had taken everything! Not a single item was spared!
And yet they sang together, as if nopony cared!

He paced on the rock, until it was pounded to gravel.
How could they be happy with no gifts to unravel?
"Discord! Where are you?" Called a voice that was gentle and kind.
"Angel! Mamma's worried about you!" it piteously whined.

Fluttershy was calling, and she sounded worried and sad.
The sound of it broke his heart... just a tad.
He popped up next to her with a snap of his claw,
and he held out poor Angel in his lion's paw.

Fluttershy "eeped" in fear then gave a gasp of surprise.
Seeing them both brought tears to her eyes.
She rapped them both up, in a tight loving hug,
and Discord felt strange... it was so warm and snug.

"You both had me worried! Why would you both just run away?
I got lucky Harry bear say you coming this way.
Although he wasn't very happy to be woken from his nap."
She said as she let little Angel sit on her lap.

"Why were you looking for us? Didn't you have something else to do?"
"Well, there's a party at Twilight's, but you were invited too."
Discord was dumbfounded, he received no such call.
At least, he didn't think he did... he doesn't read them all...

"But what about the missing holiday swag?"
Discord asked, careful not to brag.
"That's very unfortunate," Fluttershy said with a frown,
"But something like that won't slow us down.

All our friends are together, and that's what matters most.
That's the true meaning of Hearth's Warming, nothing else comes close."
Discord teared up a little. Her words did more than just stun.
He gripped his head and cried, "Oh, what have I done!?"

He grabbed his two friends and launched quickly up to the top of the mount.
He would fix all of it, on that she could count!
With his magic he loaded the bags on a sleigh,
and with a quick shove, they set on their way.

Fluttershy wondered what the sacks would contain,
but she had a nagging feeling it was best to refrain.
They picked up speed, and Fluttershy cowered in fear
As the small town of Ponyville quickly drew near.

With a slide and a skid, they pulled to a halt.
And Discord looked guilty, for he was clearly at fault.
Ponies young and old, crowded tight in the square.
Some wore confusion, others wore a stern glare.

Discord dismounted the sleigh to settle the score
while Fluttershy shook, curled in a ball on the floor.
"As you all may have guessed, I took all your trimming and tack,
but I have returned to give it all back.

I had forgotten what this holiday was really about.
And even my very best friends I did doubt."
A trio of fillies shouted with a harmonic chime,
"It's okay Discord. We'll forgive you this time."

With a blinding flash everything went back where it was
and the whole town was cheering, with excitement abuzz.
Pinkie barreled forward as the crowd quickly parted
and she cheered, "Let's get this party started!"

They danced, and they sang, and gave gifts, and more!
And Discord remembered something he hadn't before.
Hearth's Warming didn't come from a store.
Hearth's Warming, indeed, meant a whole lot more.

Discord, I think you forgot to change Angel back.

"Psh, you worry too much. Fluttershy thinks he looks adorable. I'll only make him suffer for the rest of the day."

How generous of you, I say sarcastically, But didn't we forget something else.

They heard a voice in the distance call, "Hey, this looks like one of those explosive thingies in the cartoons!"

Another replied, "Do'ya reckon if we push it, somethin'll explode?"

A third voice responded, "It's worth a shot!"

"On three. One!"

"Two!"

"Three!!!"

"Cutie Mark Crusader's Demolition Experts, YAY!!!"

"MUFFIN, QUICK DO SOMETH-"

Author's Note

Ah, the old gags are the best! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Happy ChristmaHannuKwanzaCa! Make sure to tell the people who are important to you that you love them, and as always...

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