Discordian: Tea Time With Pie
Pinkie, my dear, I don't give a ram.
Discord sipped his tea, sleepytime, as he reclined in his green leather armchair. A sigh of relief exhaled out his jaws. Weeks worth of stress slowly left his limbs as the tea’s warmth spread through his body. It tasted like alicorn piss, but felt truly divine to the draconequus. His back cracked and popped as he propped his feet on the lavender footrest.
“Say, my good friend Discord, does my tea service you well?” a small pink mare asked, reclining on her cyan armchair and placing her orange teacup on the small platter. “I made it especially for you.” She adjusted her monocle to view her tea partner more clearly.
Discord stroked his beard as he set down his white teacup and picked up the midnight blue platter on the table between the two higher classed individuals. His hand danced across the plate until he found a delicious treat. “Tea and crumpets, Pinkie ol’ pal?”
“Why yes, good sir.” Pinkie twirled her mustache. “I would, indeed, love some crumpets with my tea.”
Discord tipped his butter-yellow top hat as he passed a small sandwich to the mare. Pinkie Pie adjusted her ivory suit’s tie before accepting the sandwich. It was white with blue crust, and the filling was pink. To Pinkie Pie, it was rather delicious as she bit down. A small scream whispered in her ear as she set down the half eaten sandwich.
Discord opened an eye, staring at his friend. “So Pinkie, old chap, what brings you to my humble abode?” It was rather sudden; the pink mare had shown up on his castle doorsteps in the rain, asking for an emergency part. Being her patron and friend since ages and ages hence, he obliged. After all, a visit from the Pinkie Pie was sure to follow with adventure and awe.
Pinkie sighed as she reclined in kind. “My train has been stolen.”
Discord picked up his teacup and took a steady sip, his mind racing. He opened his mouth to address the elephant in the room. “Would you mind leaving? This is a private conversation.”
“Sorry,” the pink elephant apologized as he waddled out of the room. Pinkie Pie waved her hoof in farewell; Discord turned his attention back to his pink friend.
“Anyway,” he said, “so you’re saying you lost your train of thought?”
Pinkie Pie gasped in shock. “How did you know? I didn’t even mention the imagination express!” Her mustache spun in a 360, expressing her disbelief and surprise. She held onto it with one hoof to steady it and fixed her dislodged monocle. Discord chuckled and readjusted his own monocle in turn.
“Elementary, my dear Pinkie Pie. It looks like we have a mystery on our hands.”
Pinkie coughed into her foreleg, eyeing the taller being of chaos with a glint of uncertainty
Discord faked a cough as well to save face. “I mean, uh, a mystery on our hooves.” Pinkie beamed in thanks. Discord stood up and brushed his lap off. “Let’s be off Pinkie, we have a mystery to solve!” He stood up and left the cozy study, leaving behind a scarlet desk and the fireplace within.
The two strolled through the marble castle halls as the sun’s beams of light poured through the mosaic windows. Pinkie Pie bounced behind, her gold watching jingling inside her coat pocket. Discord lazily floated ahead, using his magical powers of flight.
“So, where did you last have your train of thought, Miss Pie?” Discord asked as he backpedaled in the air. He was currently sitting on a levitating unicycle, leaning back and resting his head on his hands. It was the best way to relax. Riding a unicycle ensured he would never be two tired.
Pinkie sighed and leaped into the air, walking at Discord’s eye level. Not even she knew how she did it, but she walked on thin air as she replied, “Mister Discord, I believe it was when I was baking a cupcake. It was a normal cupcake, especially made for Rainbow Dash, that I had prepared for my playdate. Curiously enough, when I sat it down to do something important and left the room, I forgot what I was supposed to do!”
“Hm…” Discord stroked his beard, allowing bread crumbs to fall out. “And what happened to the cupcake, if I dare ask?”
“Well you did, silly!” Pinkie Pie teased as she ran a hoof through her poofy mane. “I ate it, of course. Losing my train of thought was stressful. Very stressful.”
“Ah,” Discord said as he pulled out his pipe. He placed it in his mouth and took a puff, blowing out bubbles. He pulled it out and threw the pipe away. “Comfort food, I understand.” Pinkie nodded. Long ago, the two decided that there would never be a feud between them about food. They called it the Food Feud for Feudalism Treaty. Equestria wasn’t the same since the last food fight.
“Food…” Pinkie Pie mumbled to herself. “Comfort… OH!” A small lightbulb lit up above her pink head. Discord watched as she dashed off, muttering a quick goodbye. “SorrygottagosuddenlyrememberIhavetofeedgummythanksbye!”
Discord sighed in relief as he reentered his study. He stood before the empty room after turning on the light. Thank goodness Pinkie Pie didn’t notice his little prank. Well, the draconequus decided it was time to leave the castle while the steam blew over.
Discord snapped his fingers as he left the study room. In a flash of bright white light, the dishes and sandwiches became a crowd of perplexed ponies. They moved their hooves and tails about, trying to regain sense of their surroundings. A few ponies whinnied and rolled on the ground in shock. Rainbow Dash in particular curled up in a corner and rocked back and forth. Fluttershy decided it was time for a nap and curled up next to Spike, who was trying to get over previously being an armchair.
In one corner, Shining Armor and Cadence hugged each other and shivered in horror at what they experienced.
Twilight looked down at her hooves, her mane cracking with angry magical power. Before her was a small clock inside a t-shaped frame. Applejack stumbled over, unused to being animate again, and glanced down.
“Really Discord? ‘T’ time?