College Guy Goes to Equestria
Ron was sitting outside shivering, looking into his classroom as the teacher patrolled the desks, slipping a piece of paper onto each one. He could hear the groans of his peers inside as each read aloud what must have been new homework. One of the students in the centre of the room got up from her desk. With long, starry black hair, she carried herself with pride and tapped the old witch of a teacher on the back. Her voice floated through the open window, reaching Ron’s welcoming ears.
“This simply isn’t good enough. We have five assignments for this unit alone due this week.”
How demure, he thought. How courageous, that Anna is. He felt a spider crawl onto his arm. No bigger than a coin, it was enough for him to fall backwards into the dumpster. After what felt like treading water, he managed to clamber back over the side and onto the cement. A wet banana peel slid down his back, under his t-shirt. That certainly was not 20% cooler.
His leg stung, a rusty nail sticking out of the calf. Ron left it in, and suppressed a yawn. He was usually in bed by now. From the tower behind the classroom, the bell began to ring. Hundreds of students poured onto the oval for lunch. Some were coming his way.
Grovelling in the gravel to Princess Celestia that nobody would see him, the cool pavement beneath received his tears.
“Oh, hey Ron, whatcha think you doing out here?” taunted the voice of Ron’s least favourite bully.
He turned around, body aching from his haemophilia, ready to receive the punishment.
“Been looking at Anna again, haven’t ya?” it drawled.
Ron knew he couldn’t overpower it. He collapsed on the ground and surrendered.
“What’s a pony-perv like you doing looking at my girlfriend?”
He didn’t have an answer, nor would he want to present one if he had. A thick military-style boot slammed down next to Ron’s head, kicking up a cloud of dust which tasted like glass. He looked up at the behemoth of a woman. She was nearly twice the height of Ron and smelt of sweat. The thing’s hair was styled in a green mohawk. He dropped his head and sobbed.
“You know what, forget it. I’ll come back for you tomorrow,” she said, walking off.
Yes. The plan had worked. Tomorrow was a Saturday. He would be spending his time at home with ponies as his mother washed his clothes. Ron stood up and dusted himself off. He finally removed the banana peel even though he may have started to like the sensation. His victory was short-lived, however, as he noticed Anna looking at him from the field. From where she was standing, Ron could not see her face without finding his glasses but there was no need. He knew that she had seen the whole affair.
The corners of his mouth were put down as if an anchor dangled on each end. His forehead burned up in embarrassment. This was worse than the time he had introduced himself on his first day, more appalling than when he stood up for her in class and even more humiliating than the time he packaged her homemade spaghetti for a gift and reached into his pocket to find that, in fact, it had not really been packaged.
Oh, he thought to himself, he could just scream. And he did, emitting a shriek that would terrify the bravest mouse. He chuckled to himself, recalling Fluttershy’s similar effort, which shortly turned into a heartfelt laugh. Tears ran down his reddened face as he shrunk back into the alley, heading home.
His house was a standard single-story brick building like the rest in the street. The path to the door was dark under the three grown pine trees. The front of the house hid behind a ratty hedge and the rest was covered in weeds. Mum was in the garden, donning her gloves and holding a pair of rusty shears with an optimistic look on her face. Ron snuck around the back, through a special tunnel in the foliage he had made. One of the twigs scratched him but not enough to cause bleeding. She must have done the backyard earlier from the smell of the fresh trimmings.
Reaching the back sliding door, he grabbed a stick and put his hand between the loose lock and the glass. He felt for the pressure point, jammed the stick in and pulled. The door bumped and slid open. He had grown accustomed to the smell of cigarettes after living with his mum for the past year. The carpet had been vacuumed in the living area but the corridor to his room still had stains on it. Flicking on a light switch, he dropped into his office chair. He pressed the computer on, an old beige hag with a CRT monitor that blinked out every half-hour. He sat through the Windows logo, then the Welcome screen, and then the wait until the desktop was useable. He took some of his most expensive snacks from under the desk. The chair creaked as he leaned back and closed his eyes, as he pondered which episode to play.
Suddenly, he tasted ice cream. Bubblegum and vanilla. Opening his eyes, and blinking them a few times, he saw a cartoon world but three-dimensional. He looked to the ground and felt the grass. A summer breeze played around his chin. The world was a mix of bright greens and blue but had other colours too. In front of him stood Sugarcube Corner. He heard laughing in the distance then the sound of trotting nearby.
“Do you like it?” said Fluttershy.
Going boggle-eyed at the sight of the little pony, he managed to whisper that he did.
“Oh, lovely, I was worried there for a minute,” she said, smiling.
He reached out to pat Fluttershy. She was taken aback but quickly warmed to his touch.
Ron looked around still. Twilight’s library to the right, pegasus ponies flying above him. He was in Ponyville.
“How did I get here?” he muttered.
Fluttershy explained she had found him last month, collapsed outside of her home. She had never been stroked before by him. Was he feeling alright?
“Can you show me the rest of your friends?” he asked.
In an hour, the ‘mane six’, as Ron had dubbed the group, were assembled in the grounds outside of Carousel Boutique. Rarity began to speak.
“May I inquire as to the nature of this get-toge… oh! Oh, please… mind the coat!”
Rarity was cut off as Ron reached down to hug her. He didn’t care what the ponies thought of him. Her coat was glistening, even in the afternoon, and her mane was like lavender. He released his grip and looked toward Twilight.
“No thanks, we get the point. I don’t think it’s nece…” Twilight was cut off as Ron hugged her tight.
“Alright mister, that’s enough. Why don’t you tell us why you got us all together for?” Applejack said.
Ron pretended he was deaf and hugged the silky purple pony snug until her eyes began to boggle. He just wanted to solidify his friendships, here in Ponyville.
“I said, let her go!” Applejack pushed against Ron, using only enough force to separate him and Twilight.
Nevertheless, he fell to the ground. Now he was going to hug Applejack, even if it meant getting his teeth bucked out. Ron jumped to his feet, and charged Applejack grinning all the while. Twilight’s horn glowed and he came to be suspended in mid-air, losing all momentum. The unicorn seemed to have trouble keeping him up. The lavender scent gave way to a familiar smokiness. Thrashing in mid-air, he began to sweat. It must have been the hottest day in Ponyville all year. Applejack had gone. All of them were gone except for Twilight, who stood rigid holding him in position. Shade came over him, from a tree or a cloud, and now he was freezing.
Ron heard a recognisable ‘bang’ of double doors swinging open, and an intensely bitter taste on his tongue. White tiles flew above him, a pattern which was interrupted every second by a fluorescent light in the middle. Something wet fell on his chest. His mother was above him, breathing heavily as if she had been running.
“Come on, Ron, just look at me,” she said.
A bump, as the stretcher wheeled into a different room.
“One, two, three.”
Ron was in the air again, but only briefly. He rolled his head to the side, only for it to be corrected again. The nurse he saw was older than the others but her hair was not yet grey. She often wondered when her hair would go grey, or if the stress would kill her before it happened. Her eyes were narrow and knowing, sensitive wells of wisdom. Now he remembered. Her name was Georgia, from last time.
Mum was still babbling, but he couldn’t hear her words. She was in another coughing fit, but this time it sounded severer than usual. Ron closed his eyes, wishing to return to Ponyville. He never came back.