Pony Shore

by GoldenState3

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Other, Comedy, Fluttershy, Sex
Length: 10853

With the success of everyone's favorite interdimensional reality show My Little Pony Friendship is Magic, pony related reality shows are the next big thing. Join Fluttershy as she ends up living with three other ponies and eight humans on Pony S

With the surprise runaway success of its first interdimensional reality show, The Education Network (TEN) thought it had finally found the perfect formula. That was, in till someone else discovered just how easy it was to open a portal to Equestria. Now ponies are everywhere, and people are starting to tire of slice of life pony shows like FIM. It looks like TEN will have to go back to it's previous niche of offering educational programs*.

However, salvation comes in the form of taking ideas from other network's successful shows, adding in ponies, and pureeing. The resulting committee born monstrosity Pony Shore involves throwing four ponies, four bronies, and four pony haters into a house on Nantucket.

Fluttershy has finally gotten up the courage to visit earth for the first time. Unfortunately, based on a slick targeted marketing campaign, Fluttershy decided to participate in Pony Shore, without quite realizing what she was in for. Will she be the last contestant standing? Can she win the ten thousand bit grand prize?

Set in the same universe as A Dash of Fame and Fortune, approximately a year later.

*like Barefoot and Pregnant Teenage dwarfs.

Published 2013-10-24 16:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-22 21:38:51 UTC

He kept all of his bits in a bucket

Fluttershy was almost all packed for her first trip to earth. All that was left was to give Twilight Sparkle precise instructions on how to care for her animals. Twilight and Spike were going to be caring for her animals while she was gone. She'd only be gone for two months or so. It wasn't going to be like Rainbow Dash who only came back to Equestria when they had to film new episodes of their TV show.

"Think of all of the lovely earth animals I'll get to meet." Fluttershy said. "Look at all of these lovely pictures!"

She passed a massive glossy book of photos to Twilight Sparkle. Twilight took the book with her magic, and set it right back on the ground without even looking inside of it.

"I've seen the book Fluttershy. But I still don't like it. There's something suspicious about this whole thing. That one man seemed kind of squirrely. No offense." Twilight added to one of the Squirrels in the room.

The squirrel chattered back at Twilight, before hiding behind Fluttershy.

"Are you sure that he's a legitimate TV producer?" Twilight asked. "I've heard stories about humans."

"I can handle Discord can't I? Besides, Discord says that this guy made a TV show with him in it." Fluttershy said.

"There is still something I don't get. I mean, you're already a TV star, but why was he so insistent on having you?" Twilight asked.

"I don't know Twilight. Maybe Rainbow Dash suggested me." Fluttershy replied.

Fluttershy was done with everything now, and she was making a final check of the house before stepping outside. Content that everything was packed, she opened the front door. Twilight followed her for the first few steps, and then stopped.

"Good luck." She said.

Fluttershy walked towards the center of Ponyville. The main portal was located in the library, since the humans that decided that Twilight Sparkle was the leader of their little group. Besides, the library was just a good place for it. It was semi private, so Twilight could prevent foals from sneaking into the portal to have a short romp on earth, but it was public enough that a stranger wouldn't feel like an intruder barging into somepony's home.

Fluttershy studied the portal. It was glowing a strange harsh blue color, that reminded her of Trixie. There was a strange metallic smell coming from it. She cautiously stuck a hoof through. The hoof disappeared inside, and she withdrew it in terror. She breathed a small sigh of relief when she realized that her hoof was still intact.

She'd been there when Dash had left for the first time. Rainbow Dash had flown through the portal in one giant leap, accidentally uttering what Fluttershy now knew was a cliched human phrase. But still, she couldn't bring herself to step through the portal. The bravado that she'd felt leaving her house was gone now, the mere sight of the portal had drained it from her.

What would Angel Bunny do? If he had been here, he'd be trying to drag Fluttershy through the portal by now. So, Fluttershy closed her eyes, and half ran half flew into the portal.

The universe screamed with a horrible all consuming zap, and there was a flash of light that still registered as bright despite Fluttershy's eyes being closed. A few seconds later, Fluttershy was crashing into the ground. She extended her wings to try to correct herself, but her wings did nothing. She hit a hard rough surface.

She opened her eyes. She was in a small room, with white walls. The room was was a little larger then a closet. There was a tube in the ceiling that was giving off light. It was bright enough that Fluttershy was able to see without any trouble. She'd heard from Rainbow Dash that the humans had remarkable magic, and one of their strongest bits of magic was their ability to make light.

Fluttershy took a quick inventory to make sure that she was all there. She then checked to make sure that the portal was also still there. It was, although it was about two or three feet above the ground, and thus outside of Fluttershy's reach without her wings. According to Rainbow Dash, her wings wouldn't work here. The magic that was a critical element of Pegasus flight was absent from the Earth, and thus she was as land bound as an earth pony.

Not that bothered her. Unlike Dash, Fluttershy was completely ambivalent about her wings. While Fluttershy wouldn't quite like it if her wings would fall off, it wouldn't exactly put a crimp on her life style. She'd still be able to perform most of her duties like before, she just wouldn't be quite as fast or as good at them.

Fluttershy tried to open the door to the room, but she realized that there was something holding it closed. After she'd bumped against it a few times, the knob turned and, a man stepped through the door.

This wasn't Fluttershy's first human, but seeing one in their natural habitat was completely different then seeing one in Equestria. In Equestria, humans were forced to scrunch themselves down to pony size, sometimes having to go to extreme lengths like crawling on their hands and knees.

Having a full grown Human in a Human sized world was completely different then that. This wasn't a comical creature trying to fit itself into a space that had been designed for a creature half it's size. She was a creature half the size of a Human in a space designed for a creature double her size.

Fluttershy studied the Human. This was a female, or at least that was what the short section on telling humans apart in the book that the people responsible for the TV show had sent her would have led her to believe. Fluttershy tried to hide, but there wasn't any place that she could go.

"Aren't you just the cutest little thing!" The Human cooed.

She picked Fluttershy up, before the pony could react. Fluttershy tried to struggle, but the human had to good of a grip on her, and her wings just weren't strong enough.

"Put me down. Uhm, please?" Fluttershy begged.

After a few seconds, the Human obeyed, and placed Fluttershy back down on the ground.

"Oh, I'm Amanda. I'm on of the Interns for Pony Shore. That's the title of the TV show that you're going to be in." The Human said.

"I'm uhm... Fluttershy." Fluttershy replied.

She wasn't sure if humans greeted each other like ponies, but it didn't hurt to try. They stepped out of the room, and into a larger room. This room was filled with long lines of smaller walls that only reached part of the way to the ceiling, with each set of walls containing a Human working at a desk.

Amanda was leading her down one of the rows of little walls, and towards the far wall of the room. There were a number of silver doors mounted in that wall, and Amanda pressed a button between two of those doors. A minute or so later, the silver door in front of Fluttershy slid open, sending Fluttershy jumping back. She cowered behind a potted plant.

"It's an elevator silly. It'll take us downstairs." Amanda said with a laugh.

Fluttershy decided to trust her, and whatever magic the Humans used to open and close doors. The elevator had more humans in it, and a few of them were staring at Fluttershy with odd expressions. They must not of seen many ponies. There was an odd magical noise, and the doors closed.

The door opened again, and Fluttershy was looking into a small room with glass doors at the far end. Fluttershy stepped out of the elevator, her shoes clanking on the hard tile of the floor. Amanda was much faster than her, and she was already at the far end. The other humans were spread out between Fluttershy and Amanda, and she was making a conscious effort to avoid getting stepped on.

Amanda was holding the door open or Fluttershy when she made it to there. The room beyond the door smelled funny, with an odd smell unlike anything that Fluttershy had ever smelled before. In the room beyond, there was a series of oddly shaped metallic things. She thought that those were the things that the humans used to get around in, but she wasn't quite sure. Fluttershy stepped through the door, and into the room beyond. She was well and truly beyond anything that she'd ever even seen before, and she was truly stepping into the unknown.

Presidents and Princesses

Amanda was already half way across the strange floor, and Fluttershy ran after her to catch up. They were in a strange room, where the walls and ceiling were made out of the same material as the floor. On either side of her, strange metal machines towered above her, their purpose unknown. She stayed low to the ground, occasionally hiding behind a pillar when she heard a loud noise.

Amanda was standing next to one of the metal things now, and had her hand connected to the machine. She pulled part of it open, allowing Fluttershy to see part of what was inside. There was a seat, and some crazy looking dials and controls that Fluttershy couldn't imagine what they could possibly do. Amanda sat down in the chair, and closed the door. Fluttershy wondered what she was supposed to do. Did Amanda expect her to open another one of the machines up?

Fluttershy stood there looking lost, till Amanda opened up the other side of the machine, and called for Fluttershy to get in. Fluttershy started over to the other side, but the sudden start of a strange noise caused her to dive for one of the machines lined up on the opposite side of the floor.

Fluttershy studied the noise. Maybe this was some kind of strange Earth animal that just wanted to be friends. The noise had an almost animal quality about it, but it was too regular, too mechanical to be an animal. That made it terrifying. Fluttershy cowered even deeper under the machine she was hiding under, oblivious to the strange substances that she was smearing on her coat. She hoped that whatever these were, it wasn't the machine's excrement. Amanda was standing by the rear of the machine, leaning under it too study Fluttershy.

"What are you doing under there! Your getting dirty! You are not getting in my car with that icky dirt on you." She said.

Fluttershy wasn't moving till the noise stopped. She moved deeper under the machine. She was well past the middle now, and she was almost at the far wall of the room. Amanda moved around to the side of the machine. Fluttershy felt pressure on her tail, and she was slowly moving out from her hiding place.

Fluttershy's first thought was whatever machine was making the noise had grabbed onto her, and she kicked and flailed as hard as she could. There was an even louder noise coming from directly above her, a strange piercing noise that she could only assume was some horrible monster that really wanted to eat her. Fluttershy took off as hard as her legs could carry her out from under the machine in the opposite direction as she was being pulled. There was a thumping crash.

"Shit!" Amanda screamed.

Fluttershy knew that was a human curse. She wondered if the machine had attacked Amanda as well. She ran clear of the line of machines, and back into the center of the floor. Amanda was smashed into the machine. There were lights flashing at both the front and back of the machine, and the noise was different now, it had changed to a repeated beeping noise.

Fluttershy was still terrified by it. She wanted to be back in Equestria, away from the madness, and machines that could eat ponies. She had almost started for the door, when Amanda extracted herself from the machine. She glared at Fluttershy, her glare almost as intense as The Stare.

"What did you do that for?" She asked.

"The machine was trying to eat me." Fluttershy whispered.

Amanda moved towards Fluttershy rapidly, and scooped her up again. Fluttershy was too scared to resist. She was unceremoniously dropped in the seat of the machine that was next to the one where Amanda had sat. Amanda fastened a piece of cloth across her legs and part of her neck, closed the door, and went back around to the other side.

She studied her surroundings. Everything was made out of some weird shiny material that Fluttershy had only ever seen before on things made by Humans. She tried to relax a little, but she was finding it hard. Amanda sat down on the chair on the other side.

"We'll have to get you cleaned up before you go to see the President's daughter." Amanda said.

Fluttershy studied her coat, and it was definitely dirty. She was suddenly jerked off of her hooves. Her head smashed into the shiny material in front of her with a thump. The material was soft, and padded, but Fluttershy could tell that there was metal under it. She looked up. She must have hit her head harder then she thought, because the ceiling was moving.

She relaxed back into the seat, and closed her eyes. That had to help. Or, it did till something flung Fluttershy deeper into the seat. She opened her eyes. They were outside now, and Fluttershy maneuvered herself so that she was perched on her rear hooves, with her front hooves resting on the shiny thing in front of her. That was the only way that she could see where they where going.

They were rocketing down some incredibly wide road. A road that had to be at least as wide as the entire Ponyville town square. There were more machines on all sides of them. They were just feet from the nearest machine. Fluttershy was pretty sure that this was how Scootaloo felt on her scooter. She didn't like it one bit.

Amanda was gripping a circle in front of her. There was metal pole leaning over the road, and the light in it magically turned from green to yellow. They were going faster now. Suddenly the light changed to red. There was a squealing noise, and Fluttershy was catapulted into the glass in front of her. She made as dignified attempt to dig herself out from the strange wedged shaped gap that she'd been forced into as possible.

It took her a few seconds, but she managed to perch herself on the shiny material. There was barely enough room for her, but it was less scary then not knowing where she was going. There was a wall of machines going across their path in front of them. Eventually it stopped, and they took off again. Finally, Fluttershy was forced to admit that it was less scary to not see where they were going. She dove back down into the chair, and threw her hooves over her eyes. She just wanted this to end.

An indeterminate time later, she heard the noise of Amanda's door opening. Fluttershy removed her hooves, and attempted to verify that they weren't moving anymore. They weren't. Amanda moved around to open Fluttershy's door. Fluttershy studied her surroundings.

There was a hill, with a giant white thing that looked like some strange column stretching into the air. This must have been what Rainbow Dash meant when she said tall buildings. She wondered how many ponies you could stack on top of each other, and still not reach the top of the building. Even more importantly, she wondered how they had built it without the aid of Pegasus flight.

Fluttershy stepped down to the ground. It was made out of the same material as the floor in the garage, although there was some grass on the hill surrounding the giant white thing. Rainbow Dash had said that there wasn't much grass on Earth, but she hadn't believed Dash. How could they have all of those fabulous animals if they didn't have any grass?

Amanda was putting the Human equivalent of bits into a metal pole next to the machine. Finally satisfied that she'd put enough in, she darted across the road in a gap between the machines driving on it. Fluttershy just stared. There was no way that her little legs could carry across that fast.

Something caught her eye. It was one of the things that had stopped Amanda before. Maybe this one would stop the machines that were driving by. She hoped it would, because otherwise she wasn't even going to attempt to make it across. Amanda was staring at her from across the road.

Finally, the light changed from red to green. The traffic going along the direction Fluttershy needed to cross stopped, and she shut her eyes, and galloped across the road.

Once she was on the other side, she was able to more calmly study her surroundings. There was a large open space filled with grass, and at the end of that was a large white building. That building had to be important, considering how the entire park seemed to be perfectly aligned to highlight it.

Out of the corner of her eye, Fluttershy saw a squirrel. She cantered towards it.

"Hello Mr. Squirrel! I'd love to be your friend!" Fluttershy said.

The Squirrel studied her, like it was expecting her to give it food. Unfortunately, she didn't have any food to give it.

"I'm sorry Mr. Squirrel, but I don't have any food to give you right now!" She said.

The squirrel darted away, towards a group of Human foals. She pursued it.

"Just because we don't have any food, doesn't mean that we can't be friends!" she pleaded.

It was no good. Fluttershy was faster then the squirrel, but it seemed to know the lay of the land, and was small enough that holes in the ground didn't bother it so much. However, after a long chase, she was almost there. Suddenly, one of the Human foals noticed her.

"It's Fluttershy!" One of the fillies shouted.

The Human ran towards her, making Fluttershy run the other way. It was hopeless, no sooner had she turned around then she was surrounded by Humans. She felt her mane getting petted, and her body was being poked. The foals were shoving pieces of paper in her face, asking her to sign.

Fluttershy was overwhelmed. She finally got up the courage to scream, although like mot of her screams, it came out no louder than most ponies' regular talking. It was nowhere near loud enough to cut through the volume of the foals excited shouting. Fluttershy tried to make herself as little as possible, and to curl into a ball. But, the foals hooves were digging into her sides, and pulling her out of the ball. There were hooves on every bit of Fluttershy now, and her heart was racing. Someone had to do something.

Her salvation came in the form of Amanda.

"Fluttershy has to take a bath so she can see the President." Amanda said.

The children parted, allowing Amanda to grab Fluttershy by the scruff of her neck, and drag her to a small building with a green roof. It was a bathroom, and she was unceremoniously deposited in a sink. Rather, as much of her as would fit in the sink was deposited in the sink. The rest of Fluttershy was dangling uncomfortably over the edge. Amanda started washing Fluttershy with soap from a metal box next to the sink.

"I can wash myself!" Fluttershy shouted.

Amanda didn't hear her over the sound of the running water. Even worse, a good number of the fillies from the school group had let themselves in so that they could watch Fluttershy's bath. Amanda was muttering under her breath about how messy Fluttershy was. Finally, the indignity was done, and Amanda manhandled her towards a white porcelain machine on the wall.

Amanda hit a button, and there was a tremendous whooshing noise. Fluttershy felt a wall of air hit her. It gradually warmed up. She was terrified. There wasn't anything she could do to escape, Amanda was holding on to her that tight. A few minutes later, most of Fluttershy was dry, and they left the bathroom, and headed across the park towards the giant white building.

A World Gone (Pony) Mad

Ronald Whitman nervously knocked on the door. He was squeezed into the hallway of the building in which his second favorite pony, Vinyl Scratch lived. He didn't know much about her, no one really did. While she had a substantial human fan base, she was a nobody in Equestria. Such a nobody, that she probably didn't even know how popular she was on Earth.

The door opened, and she appeared, her hair disheveled, her ears limp. Her eyes were red, or rather, the parts of her eyes that shouldn't have been red were red. She jumped a few inches back, and Ronald retreated a little to give the Unicorn a little more space.

She was scared, he decided. He'd brought sugar cubes for her, but that seemed silly now. This wasn't some animal, this was another person. Or rather it was the equivalent of a person.

"Mz. Vinyl Scratch?" He asked.

Vinyl shrugged.

"May I ask what this is about?" She asked.

"I represent Ponative Productions, and I'd like to know if you'd been interested in some television work?" He asked.

She got a look on her face. Ronald recognized that kind of look. It was a look that screamed "maybe I won't have to choose between food and rent this month." He'd been there, and done that. He'd been in the right place, at the right time during the initial Pony boom. He'd been an intern, and he'd been assigned to keep Rarity happy. It had been pure torture.

Despite that, he'd managed to gain connections all over Equestria. Connections that most humans didn't have. That's why he'd been able to get his career off the ground. Most Humans were only interested in bothering with important ponies, like Luna, Celestia, Mayor Mare, and the Wonderbolts. Ronald knew ponies all over Equestria, and he was able to turn this into being able to get access that most people couldn't. He'd been the one who convinced Applejack to let them film her family reunion. That had cemented his as the person to know when it came to ponies.

"What would I be doing?" Vinyl Scratch asked.

"You'd be a contestant on a new show, Pony Shore. Basically, you'd live in a house with eight humans, and three other ponies. You'd have to complete various challenges, and at the end of six months, the last person standing would win ten thousand bits, or the human equivalent." Ronald said.

Vinyl was everything he'd imagined. Her mane was slightly bluer in real life, and he longed to run his hand over her luxurious looking coat. He'd seen her once before, but that had been during the Royal Wedding. He'd been too distracted with having to keep Rarity away from Blueblood, and otherwise occupied. Rarity was extremely high maintenance, far beyond even how she appeared on the show.

Vinyl was studying him again. Her ears were twitching, and her eyes were darting around.

"No strings? I don't have to do anything for you?" She asked.

Ronald was a little taken aback. FIM promoted ponies as being innocent fun loving creatures, and here, one of them was asking if she was going to have to screw him to get a job on his show. He wanted to say yes. He wanted her, badly. Half the bronies on Earth would give their souls to be right here, right now. But, that would be wrong. He wasn't that kind of person. His parent's had taught him honesty, and decency. Besides, he wanted Fluttershy far more. He handed Vinyl a pony sized version of the contract, and left in a hurry.

Vinyl Scratch's head was killing her. She stretched one more time, before rotating her hooves off of the bed. She had to be careful, there were a few records on the floor, buried under the garbage and dirty dishes on her floor. She grabbed her sunglasses from next to her pillow, where they'd settled when she'd shaken them off of her head the night before. The light was still lit, and she used her magic to close the valve. She could barely pay her gas bill as it was, and that was without leaving the lights on all night. Still, she could barely afford matches too, so it might kind of wash out, who knows.

There'd been a crunch under hoof, as one of her records shattered into pieces. Oh well, remixes consisting of glued together records consisted of her signature style. Or rather, they would if she could ever get a job that let her have a signature style. Maybe with her appearance on Pony Shore, she'd be able to make a career for herself on Earth.

Vinyl moved towards the corner of her apartment that served as a kitchen. Her entire apartment, without the closet and bathroom was roughly the size of her foalhood bedroom. Her bed and turntable took up roughly half of the room, with most of the rest of it used to store her record collection, and the various bits of bric a brac that she'd collected over the course of her eighteen years.

She was at her table now, and she was studying the ever growing pile of bills. It seemed like the majority of her meager income went towards late fees, and interest. Her parents were always telling that she should change careers, they both worked in some boring government job, and they were always hinting that they could get her one.

Like most ponies, she'd been kicked out of the family house as soon she'd earned her cutie mark.

"Honey, how can you discover what your destiny means with us breathing down your neck?" Her mother had said.

She'd been eleven. She'd been able to get work, working as a DJ / clown at Foals Birthday parties, and the occasional cuteceañera. It paid the bills, well only slightly. But, Vinyl had big dreams. She'd always wanted to play the big speakeasies of Manehattan, or maybe Los Pegasus. But that took serious connections. You had to know ponies, and according to some rumors, you had to do ponies.

As soon as she was old enough that she wouldn't discourage customers from drinking, she'd gone out building connections. Well, that's what she called it. She was really just drinking as hard as she could and living in the moment. Sure, one day she might talk to the right person, and just maybe the conversation would turn to music, and just maybe she'd be able to mention her pet project gluing her broken records together, and then playing the resulting compilations. That's how she justified spending the money that she should have spent on bills on partying.

No! One day she would be successful. She just had to meet the right pony! Equesria's music magazines were filled with stories who'd made it big after stories like hers. That's what kept her going, day in and day out. Still, there was a little part of her, telling her that even if she made it big, she'd still probably need another job.

She picked a daffodil from the vase near her stove, and munched on it as she headed towards the shower. That human had told her to come to Earth today. Since this was an actual job, she was going to have to wash the smell of sick and alcohol that had accumulated on her coat over the course of her partying last night.

She stepped into the stream of cold water, cursing the cheapness of her landmare, and the in unit hot water heater. She'd always loved to take luxurious hot showers as a foal, but she just couldn't afford the gas to keep several gallons of water near boiling day and night. If she was feeling particularly bad, she'd turn up the water and then take a shower, but most of the time, she didn't bother.

She let the water run down her horn for a few seconds before she started to wash herself. She did some of her best thinking in the shower, so she took her time. She was wondering if she should wear clothes.

Humans always wore clothes in every picture that she'd seen of them. Twilight Sparkle and her friends never wore clothes. Or, rather they only did during special occasions. But, maybe things were different on Earth.

Not that she had any clothes. Oh well, they probably would have sent her clothes when they sent her the Earth money, and the information on where they wanted her to report to.

She turned off the water, and opened the shower curtain as her eyes darted around the bathroom, hoping to find a clean towel. There weren't any, so she made do with the least messy one she could find. She dried herself off, before wrapping it around her mane.

She returned to the kitchen, and consumed the last two daffodils. She didn't want to leave any food that could potentially go bad. She threw the towel on top of a pile of dirty dishes on the floor near her bed, and headed out.

She walked slowly towards the library. She'd never been inside before. She was afraid of Twilight Sparkle. She'd heard horrible stories about how she was. She didn't want to be converted into an orange with a Unicorn horn. That was probably Vinyl's least preferred death. Well, no actually. She'd rather be converted into an orange than die alone as some shriveled up old mare in some hospital bed.

She opened the door, hoping to be able to get through the portal without an encounter with Twilight or the dragon that she kept as a pet. Vinyl had an uncle who was a farmer, whose entire farm had been destroyed when a dragon had decided to take a nap next to his farm.

The dragon and the annoying filly that ran the boutique walked out. Vinyl was fairly certain that the dragon was eyeing the pony in what could only be considered a romantic way. That was gross. Vinyl didn't even want to think about it.

Thankfully, the purple terror was no where to be seen. The portal was just sitting there, unattended. Vinyl studied it. She wondered what she should do with it. Did she jump through, or did she have to do some kind of magic. Maybe she had to sacrifice a book. Her mind played over the idea of ritually burning a book, if only to piss Twilight off.

Finally, Vinyl did a little jump towards the portal. Instantly, something grabbed her.

"What are you doing!" Twilight said.

"Don't turn me into an orange! Please! I'm supposed to be there! I have a show starting today!" Vinyl begged.

"Really? Who'd give you a show?" Twilight said.

Vinyl knew that Twilight hadn't meant any harm, it was just her lack of social skills talking, but that didn't stop it from hurting. She wanted to tell that stuck up little thing off so bad. It wouldn't do any good. Twilight would take most of her insults as a compliment, and the few that even Twilight would accept as insults were so vile that she'd hear from Celestia when she got back.

"It's bad enough that I have to fend Lyra off of this thing once a week, I don't want to have to be dealing with you as well." Twilight said.

Vinyl levitated the envelope from the show towards the stuck up Unicorn. Twilight studied it, before letting Vinyl down. She levitated the letter back into her saddle bags, before sticking her tongue out at Twilight and jumping through the portal.

Twenty minutes later, she'd been unceremoniously dumped at some train station called West Falls Church. She was supposed to take a train to some place called Metro Center, where she had to take another train to some place called Gallery Chinatown, where she'd take a bus to a place called New York, and another bus to some place called Boston, where she had to show up at some hotel in some place called Back Bay.

She had magically written pieces of paper, containing the instructions, complete with maps. They'd at least given her that. Luckily, there'd been a human willing to help her buy a train ticket, as she couldn't reach the vending machine, and her magic didn't work here.

She had sixty human bits left. Unfortunately, humans used pieces of paper instead of coins for their bits, and the paper tasted awful. She'd wanted to throw up the first time she'd put it in her mouth. Of course, this entire world was dull and colorless. The station that she was at was almost completely white, with the entire sign coming from the route sign, and the advertisements, most of which contained a pony.

She'd seen Derpy in an advertisement for muffins, Rainbow Dash selling some giant streamlined train called the Rainbow Dash Express, and that wasn't including the advertisements for television shows. That would explain why she was getting so few shocked stares. People must have been to seeing on advertisements and TV, that they might just expect to see ponies in real life.

She'd gotten a few looks, and a few people had even approached her, most of them losing interest when they realized that she wasn't Rarity. Finally, a train came, and she got on.

The train car was a bizarre departure from the colorless train station. The floor was a horrible orange color that smelled of sick near the doors, while the chairs were another completely different dreadful orange color, intermixed with some yellow ones. Vinyl wished that Rarity was here, if only to see the disgust that the pony would have shown towards the cars.

The train wasn't too busy, allowing Vinyl to sit properly across two seats. She choose one of the yellow ones. Unlike her friend Lyra, she doubted that she had the physical flexibility to sit like a human. The train roared off.

Vinyl was having a hard time imagining the scale of the human world. She'd traveled in the human cart for almost ten minutes, at a fairly fast rate speed, and they'd still been in the city. They were still in the city, and still moving fast. Not even Manehattan was this big.

Everyone was leaving her alone, which was a good thing. Vinyl Scratch hated to admit it, but she was feeling way to vulnerable to do much talking. She didn't like feeling vulnerable.

Author's Note

(Update so as to no longer imply that the FIM film crew was running around Equestria naked.)
This chapter is cursed! I lost two different massive edits on it now! Well, here is version 3.0!

Tune in next week, where we meet our next pony contestant, continue Vinyl Scratch's journey!
(Oh, and if you wondering about what powers Vinyl's turntable in a world without electricity, the correct answer is of course magic.)
Just a quick note:
Every FIM episode in our 'verse has an equivalent episode in this 'verse.

Note: The author does not recommend setting loose 3 and a half foot tall talking equines in the Washington DC Metro. Metro has enough problems as it is. Colorful talking horses would surely only make things worse.

(Yes, Fluttershy is taking a more direct route. She took the Rainbow Dash Express (formerly known as Acela))

Baltimore, Manhattan, and Philadelphia

The visit with the President and his daughter had been the most terrifying bit of Fluttershy's life, but then again, she told herself that so much that it had lost all meaning. The were back in the Human carriage now, and Amanda was driving them down a street. Fluttershy had figured out that she could comfortably fit on the flat area behind the rear seats. That was she was relatively stable, and also able to see where she was going. They passed a giant domed white building, and turned onto another street. They were heading towards another massive white building. They turned into a building, and between two other carriages. There was a sign looming overhead that said "Rental Return."

They headed into a building, and Fluttershy instantly wanted to hide under something. She doubted that hiding under something would work though, the last time she tried it, Amanda just grabbed her and dragged along, till Flutteshy stopped trying to fight. They were in a vast structure with a curved ceiling high overhead. There were humans everywhere, there had to be more Humans in this room than there were ponies in Canterlot.

She took a few steps and found a table to hide under. Amanda sighed, before moving off. Fluttershy thought that she was safe, till Amanda returned with a small cart. She put Fluttershy on the cart, and fastened an elastic rope over her. Fluttershy could barely move, as she scrunched her eyes closed as Amanda pushed her through the massive crowds. A few minutes later, they stopped moving. Fluttershy opened her eyes.

They were in a smaller but still vast area. There were fewer humans, but there were still more than all of the ponies Ponyville. Most of them were flowing by in waves, through a gap into an unseen area beyond. They were in a line, waiting to get access to a counter. The line was flowing regularly, as they're were a large number of humans working behind the counter. It only took a few minutes for them to reach the counter.

Fluttershy stared up at the counter. All she could see was hundreds of pieces of bubblegum, adhered to a material that looked like an unnatural version of wood. She could hear the conversation though.

"Two first class tickets on the Acela to Boston Back Bay." Amanda said.

"You mean the Rainbow Dash Express, now twenty percent faster between Baltimare and Fillydelphia?" The Human behind the counter asked.

"Look whatever." Amanda said. "I just want the tickets."

Soon enough they were moving again. They entered the stream of humans that was flowing through the gap. They emerged into a vast space, with a red tile floor and a metal ceiling high overhead. There were banners everywhere, all advertising the Rainbow Dash express, and its recent speed increase. But no, it wasn't between Baltimare and Fillydelphia, it was between Baltimore and Philadelphia. Fluttershy felt instantly homesick.

This was the worst day of Vinyl Scratch's life. She had to sit like a Human, no matter how uncomfortable it was. She was surrounded by Humans, and the Human next to her was fat. He'd taken it upon himself to encroach upon the bit of the seat that her body wasn't occupying. This prevented her from ever trying to curl up. She'd been on the human bus for the last two hours, and they were winding their way north through lines of Human carriages.

She spent the next two hours in pure agony. It was dark out now, and she was starting to get depressed. She'd spent the last four hours staring at lines of carriages, and that strange road material that Humans seemed to love so much. She made one last futile glance out the window, before she deciding if she was going to hate this world for all eternity.

Hello, what was that. Actually, she wasn't quite sure. It looked a massive cluster of buildings, rising high above the ground and bathed in light. That couldn't be real could it? It had to be some illusion. There was no way anything could build something so totally awesome. Oh dear, she was so excited that she was sounding like the annoying blue Pegasus now.

She grabbed fatso's sleeve with her mouth.

"What is that?" She asked pointing at the thing on the horizon.

Fatso looked at her like she was an idiot before replying.

"That's Manhattan." He said.

"You mean there's a Manehattan here too." She asked.

"What's Manehattan?" Fatso replied. "You making fun of how I talk you... horse."

Actually, Manhattan made sense. That was assuming that you could abbreviate Human to man. That would make loads more sense than Humans calling their town Manehattan.

Fatso looked angry, and he was desperately trying to wipe off his sleeve. He expanded further into her seat. She spent the rest of the trip glaring at him in absolute fury.

Finally, they reached their destination. She'd lost track of the glorious sight of the city, after they pulled into some tunnel. Now they were driving through some dank city, that looked horribly run down. She got off the bus, not sure where she was. The only thing she was sure of was where she wanted to be.

"Hey Vinyl Scratch!" A voice in the crowd of Humans called out.

She turned around, expecting to see a pony. But she didn't see anypony. Just Humans. In fact, there was a Human approaching her right now. She ducked out of his way, not eager to have another Human walk over her.

"Hey Vinyl Scratch! You're the best pony!" The Human said.

"You've heard of me..." she stammered.

Fluttershy relaxed on a table, watching as the lights that marked the Human cities and towns stream by. They been on the train for the last hour, and they were heading north, faster than Fluttershy had ever moved before. She felt a tap on her shoulder. A man in a white shirt, blue vest and blue pants, and a rainbow wig was standing over them.

"He wants to know what you want for dinner." Amanda said.

"I'll have a daffodil sandwich, please. That is, if it isn't too much trouble." Fluttershy said.

"We don't have daffodil sandwiches. Would a ham sandwich be okay?" The man asked.

"She's a vegetarian." Amanda said.

"Oh, uhm then I guess she'll want the salad then. That's the vegetarian option for tonight." The man replied.

"You eat flowers?" Amanda asked.

"Oh, yes, all the time. I love daffodils." Fluttershy said.

"Hey, I like flowers too, but I'm not about to eat them." Amanda replied.

"They're very tasty." Fluttershy said.

"So like how do you eat? Do you just stick you head in, and eat or do you use a knife and fork?" Amanda asked.

"Some Unicorns use a knife and fork, and some earth ponies and Pegasi do as well, but most of us don't bother, that is assuming that we don't have someone like the princesses watching." Fluttershy said.

Vinyl Scratch was having the time of her life. The human, his name was Steve that she was with had one of the magic Human carriages, and he had taken her all over Manhattan. She was standing somewhere named Times Square, and it was the most incredible place in her life. Humans flowed by in all directions, as giant magic signs covered the buildings. There wasn't anything like this in Equestria, not even close. There wasn't even anything in Equestria that even suggested that something like this could possibly exist.

She'd spent the last hour just walking around with Steve, soaking it all in. Now, she was face to face with a giant clock on a building. It was seven o'clock.

"Buck!" She shouted. "I should have been on a bus ninety minutes ago!"

"Uh, so where are you going?" Steve asked.

"Boston. I have to be at the Boston Grand Hotel, Back Bay by ten pm!" Vinyl shouted.

"Uh, I guess I can take you, that's assuming you wanted to still hang out with a nobody like me?" Steve asked.

"Hey, you said I was cooler than Twilight Sparkle! That's good enough for me!" Vinyl Scratch said.

"Uhm, like how far is it to Boston?" Vinyl Scratch asked.

"Four hours, give or take." Steve said.

This wasn't going to be good.

Fluttershy had arrived wherever Boston was. Amanda grabbed her, and they ran a few blocks to some tall building. The inside of the building was fancy, with a marble floor, and ancient looking wood paneling on the walls. Amanda was carrying her through corridors, till they went through a door marked staff only. After winding through a labyrinth of dark corridors with a horrible lime green color, they ended up in an area behind a curtain. There were Ponies here, and Humans too.

Fluttershy studied the ponies first. There was some somewhat familiar white Unicorn with a blonde mane, a very familiar looking Blue Unicorn with a lighter blue mane. Oh no!

"Trixie!" Fluttershy shouted!

Fluttershy dove for cover.

Meet the gang

Fluttershy once again found herself getting dragged out from under something. She tried to dig her hooves in, but she couldn't get any purchase on the wooden floor. Everypony, and most of the humans were staring at her.

"Excuse me, I didn't know Trixie was going to be here, if it's not too much trouble, maybe I could go back home?" Fluttershy said.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie also wishes for the yellow one to be gone." Trixie said. "How can Trixie get her big break when the purple menace is sure to show up?"

"Hating Barney is so nineteen nineties." Said a Human mare wearing a black shirt with a funny looking neck. "Unless your trying to be ironic, but I don't think Roxie over there has an ironic bone in her body.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie has no idea who your Roxie is." Trixie replied.

"Oh, Roxie looks like she's sensitive about her name." the mare repeated.

"Hey, can I stroke your mane?" another one of the Humans asked Fluttershy.

This human was a stallion, actually he was probably still a colt. Fluttershy studied him. He was overweight, and he didn't exactly smell clean.

"You'll have to excuse him. He's a clopper." The Human mare said.

"A clopper?" Fluttershy asked.

"Someone who gets their nuts off pleasuring themselves to pictures of naked talking horse." The mare replied.

Fluttershy still wasn't sure what the Human was talking about.

"What do you mean?" Fluttershy replied.

"See, there are these things called the birds and the bees, and your mother should have told you about such things. Don't they have sex ed in Ponyland?" the Mare replied.

Suddenly, Fluttershy was very aware that she was a naked talking horse. She yelped, and tried to cover herself as well as she could.

"It's called Equestria!" another Human colt shouted.

"Your mother must be very proud of you for going out in the world despite your disability." The mare responded.

The curtain in front of them rose, revealing a stage, with a Rainbow Dash sitting on top of a podium. Fluttershy tried to hide behind one of the Humans, making sure to stay well away from the clopper.

"Uh, my name is Rainbow Dash. Uhm, well you might know me from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Was I supposed to say that? Oh, I'm definitely supposed to say that My Little Pony will be returning with new episodes in July, on the The Education Network, home of I married two Polygamists!" Rainbow Dash said. "Uh, what's a polygamist?"

The audience laughed, and Dash nodded.

"Uhm, I'll be here all week?" the Pegasus said.

Fluttershy could tell that her friend wasn't sure if they were laughing at her, or with her. Fluttershy didn't know what a polygamist was either, so she wasn't sure either way.

"Do you horses like live under a rock or something in Ponyland." the Human mare asked.

"Uh, well I guess I'm supposed to introduce Pony Shore? Right? So, well I guess there is like this new show, and it's gonna be like 20% cooler 'cause it includes my very best friend, Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash said.

One of the circles of light that had been shining on Rainbow Dash moved so that it was shining on Fluttershy. Fluttershy meeped, and tried to get out of the circle of light, but it was chasing her. She flapped her wings, in an attempt to get away, but of course they didn't work here. There was a tremendous noise, as the Humans out in the room beyond rose to their hooves, and started knocking their front hooves together.

"It also features some other people, and some ponies." Rainbow Dash said.

Dash was squinting at a machine in front of her.

"You want me to introduce the other people/ponies?" Dash said. "Alright, so we have... I'm not saying the great and powerful. We have Trixie."

Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief as the circle moved on to torment Trixie. Trixie looked like she was enjoying being in the circle of light. The Humans out in the room beyond the stage knocked their hooves together politely for Trixie, but no one stood up for her.

"Next, from Brooklyn, its Shelby Havre. Uh, well I guess she's famous for like being a Llama, which is weird, because she looks like a Human." Dash continued.

The mare in the strange necked shirt leaned in over Rainbow Dash.

"Its not Llama as in the animal you numb skull." Shelby said.

There was a resounding booing coming from the audience, or at least the back part of the audience.

"No one disses Dash!" Someone shouted from the back.

"How cute, if you want to hang around after the party, maybe I'll blog about you. That is if your mommy doesn't mind." Shelby said. "Everyone knows me as Facespace's Drama Lama. I dig deep into the wells of adolescent Facespace Drama so you don't have to. I also run an organic rooftop farm."

Dash tried to buck Shelby out of the way, which did very little, considering the vast size difference between the two. Trixie looked like she was trying to levitate herself to the top of the podium, but since her magic didn't work, she wasn't having much success. So, she just settled for yelling.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie wishes to say a few words about herself." Trixie said.

Shelby grabbed Trixie by the scruff of her neck, and hauled the protesting Unicorn off.

"Err uhm, well, err.... Next up, from Houston, Texas, we have Bubba Parker. Uh, I guess that he uh, won one of the uhm four Brony contest slots. It says here his favorite pony is Rainbow Dash. Hey! That's like the awesomest choice for best pony!" Rainbow Dash said.

The clopper walked up to the podium. Fluttershy was certain that his eyes were spending a little too much time studying Dash's rear. This caused Fluttershy to blush. She wondered if Rainbow Dash was aware of cloppers.

"uhm, well, from Oh... err Ah... something, Wis... something, it's Emily Newman. Uh, her favorite pony is Chrysalis. Seriously, who would have Chrysalis as their favorite pony. She isn't even a frickin' pony." Dash said.

"Oconomowoc, Wisconsin." Another Human mare said.

Emily was a short heavy mare, wearing all black. She even had black lines under her eyes. Shelby was watching Emily with a smile that reminded Fluttershy of a timber wolf that had just caught the scent of a pony.

"Chrysalis is like so much better then Molestia!" Emily said, sticking her tongue out at Dash.

"Who's Molestia?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Something told Fluttershy that this was probably a very bad question for Rainbow Dash to have asked. Shelby's smile widened, and Fluttershy prepared to hide under something if things got much worse.

"Everyone knows that Celestia only banished Luna to the moon because she was molesting her." Emily said. "That, and Luna is like totally the cooler princess."

The circle of light that had been on Rainbow Dash moved onto the floor of the room beyond the stage, where it illuminated Celestia and Luna. Luna puffed herself up, and she charged the stage. Or, she tried to charge the stage, but she was too short to reach it. Eventually she noticed the stairs, but decided against pursuing her point.

"It's okay, princest is wincest." Bubba said.

"I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means." Dash said.

"Oh, I don't know, but if you think it means that lardo over there enjoys fapping to the idea that Celestia is doing it with Luna, then you'd be about right." Shelby said.

"What's fa..." Rainbow Dash started.

She was interrupted by a bouncing pink streak.

"HeyRainbowDashyoulooklikeyouneedsomehelp." Pinkie Pie said.

Pinkie pulled some confetti out of her mane*, and threw it at Shelby. Shelby stared at Pinkie, her mouth trying to form words. In fact, almost every human that Fluttershy could see was having the same exact reaction.

"I gotta go, my new friends from someplace called Los Alamos are playing tag with me. They want to vivisect me, but that doesn't sound very fun. So I guess I can't let them catch me!" Pinkie said as she bounced off.

Just then, a group of human stallions burst through the doors at the back of the room.

"We now have permission of the institutional review board! Honest! We'll even settle for dissection! You're the missing link in the grand unified theory of everything! Please come back! Think of the science!" one of the stallions shouted as he stood panting in the middle of the room.

"Err, thanks Pinkie. Well, where was I?" Rainbow Dash said.

"You were about ask what fapping was." Shelby said.

"Youweregonnaintroducethenextbrony" Pinkie said as she bounced back on stage.

Pinkie bounced off the stage, bounced a circle around her pursuers, then bounced back out the door.

The stallions that had been pursuing Pinkie quietly retreated out of a side door.

"Well, the next person is Newton Hutchinson from La Junta, Colorado. His favorite Pony is Lyra Heartstrings. Uh, is that the green Unicorn that sits funny?" Rainbow Dash asked.

The colt who'd corrected Shelby about Equestria nodded. Fluttershy wondered why anypony would choose Lyra as their favorite pony. How would some random Human have heard of her? She wasn't exactly sure who Lyra was till Dash had described her. These Humans must be obsessed with ponies to an unhealthy extent.

"Well, our final Brony is Winslow Gallup, of Gerlach, Nevada. His favorite Pony is Twilight Sparkle" Dash shouted. "Okay, our next contestant is the Profanity Critic."

Dash stared at the thing that was telling her what to say. She had an incredulous expression on her face.

"So wait, this guy is like totally famous because he screams dirty words while watching movies?" Rainbow Dash asked. "He's from Elyria, Ohio, if anyone was wondering."

"Hey, he also shouts dirty words at video games." Shelby said.

"Our last two human competitors are Patrick and Sean from a television watchdog group. I have no idea what that means, but this thing says that they think My Little Pony is unholy. Let's see, their group is Citizens United for Normal..." Rainbow Dash said.

"Hey Rainbow Dash, do you have a tuba? 'Cause I totally lost my Tuba during the Parasprite infestation. I better find another one, just in case." Pinkie said as she bounced on to the stage.

"Uh, let's see, where was I?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"You were about to finish saying the very interesting name of the group those two jerks come from." Shelby said.

"No Silly, she was about to introduce Prince Blue Jerk." Pinkie Pie said.

"Can we perform an exorcism to cast the demons out of the room?" Patrick asked.

"Well, Celestia was just saying that Luna needed to get more exercise 'cause she was puttin' on some weight, so if you want to do some exercise, I guess it wouldn't hurt." Dash said .

Luna fled in tears as the circle of light once again found her and Celestia.

"Don't you dare insult Luna! Rainbow Crash!" Emily said.

"This is just like the gift that keeps on giving." Shelby said with a laugh.

Pinkie blew a party horn in Shelby's face.

"Sounds like someone needs a party to go with their gifts!" Pinkie Pie said.

Patrick splashed Pinkie with holy water, while chanting ominously in Latin.

"Oh, that tickles!" Pinkie giggled. "Do it some more!"

Sean collapsed, while Shelby and the Profanity Critic snickered loudly.

A white Unicorn mare with an electric blue mane burst through the doors to the room.

"Looks like I'm right on time!" the Mare shouted.

"Uhm, no you're late. The party started three hours ago." Dash said.

"No silly, that's Vinyl Scratch." Pinkie Pie said.

"Who? Never heard of her." Rainbow Dash said.

"She's like one of the contestants on the show." Pinkie Pie said. "Ooh, my Pinkie sense is tingling. Bye now!"

Pinkie bounced off.

A confused looking Human stallion came on the stage, and arranged everyone for publicity pictures. Fluttershy just wanted to get to bed. It was way past her normal bed time...

Author's Note

*As an eldritch abomination, Pinkie Pie is exempt from the laws of physics in all but the most mundane bits of the Multiverse

The real lesson here is that Rainbow Dash makes a very poor choice for a MC.

If you haven't figured it out yet, all of the humans are meant to be over the top.

There once was a man from Nantucket

Ronald Whitman sat nervously at a table in a conference room in the offices of The Education Network. The product of almost a year of his life was about to be screened. This was his make or break moment. One of the indistinguishable network executives snaked her finger up to the play button. They'd all introduced themselves, but their virtually identical clothing, and hair styles made identification of them hard. He wasn't sure, but he thought this was named Zoey, but it might have been Meagan, or Suzie. Ronald sat back and relaxed, which was fairly easy to do in an office chair that cost as much as his car.

On the screen, the image of small town in the desert at night appeared. On the other side of a river, a series of tallish building rose against the mountains.

"Live from the Pelican Hotel and Casino Laughlin, the Chaos Capital of the Earth, it's The Discord Show! Featuring Discord!" The announcer said.

The scene changed to the inside of a hotel ballroom that been hastily converted into a theater. At one end, there was a stage, with rows of stacking chairs laid out in front of it. About half of the chairs were filled. When it became clear that there weren't going to be enough people from the internet to actually fill the seats, Ronald had spent two hot days on the river walk, handing out tickets. The hotel had even given out free tickets to guests. Still, they'd filmed for a half filled audience. There was a loud noise, and the stage filled with fog, as Sirius by the Alan Parsons Project thundered out. Moving lights danced over the fog, from a truss above the chairs. The fog cleared, revealing Discord standing in front of a plastic kiddie pool containing a fountain spraying chocolate milk into the air.

"We have a great show for you tonight!" Discord said.

One of the executives paused the video.

"You said this was pony related." Zoey/Meagan said.

"It is pony related. Ponies aren't the only things that come from Equestria you know." Ronald argued.

"Viewers don't want to have to do homework before they watch a television show. If we advertise something as having ponies, we want it to have ponies, not some kind of monster that doesn't look like a pony." She replied.

"We have surveys to back that up." One of the other executives said.

"Good Point Ethan." a third executive chimed in.

"Thank you Nathan." Ethan said. "Look, the perceived flagging quality of network late night comedians has created a situation where such shows don't appeal to the 18 to 34 demographic. We'd have a hard enough time selling your show as it is, let alone the fact that it doesn't include a pony."

"You know, this show has potential. How about if we replaced that thing with that one pony with the head phones and the glasses." Nathan said. "We could have her do a fake newscast where she reads the news in a way that highlights how backwards Republicans are."

"You mean Vinyl Scratch? But that wouldn't be my show, that would be a copy of Jon Stewart, but with a pony." Ronald argued.

"Exactly. Advertisers don't like taking chances. They want a proven formula, and the Daily Show is definitely a proven formula. Add in a pony, and I'm seeing a ratings gold mine." Zoey/Meagan replied.

"It needs a reality element. Apple Wars is currently the number one show on Thursday. Add in a reality element, and you'd have a sure fire hit." Ethan said. "People love to watch interesting ponies do interesting things."

"So you're saying that I should turn my simple late night comedy show into a Daily Show knock off, but I should add in a reality element." Ronald said.

"Maybe you could lose the Daily Show part, and just make it a reality show." Nathan said. "We don't to be accused of making a derivative knock off show. We had enough of that with Locker Battle!"

Ronald's head was spinning. He didn't want to make another reality show, just with ponies. He wanted to make art. Well, not art. What he really wanted to do was impress his favorite little pony, Fluttershy. That's why he'd hired Discord. He hoped that Fluttershy would have come to see Discord in Laughlin. He could have impressed her at the after party, and they'd of surely hit it off. But, Discord had said that Fluttershy was too shy to come to Earth. Ronald hadn't even seen her when he'd been in Equestria finalizing the contracts, even though he'd spent two unnecessary days in Ponyville looking for her.

"Maybe you add one of those kids, you know, the ones that are always trying to figure out what tattoo they should get on their rears." Ethan suggested helpfully.

"Every you crazy fan boys love those kids." Meagan/Zoey replied.

Ronald didn't have the mental strength to correct the network executive about the near universal hatred of the Cutie Mark Crusaders in the pony fan community. He desperately wanted to be anywhere but here. The executives were still spouting ridiculous ideas.

"Enough!" Ronald shouted. "How about I make a show where I throw a bunch of ponies and humans in a house on the East Coast, and have them do stupid stunts! The person or pony that fails to humiliate themselves by the end of the episode will be voted off the island."

He hadn't meant it as a serious proposal. He'd been halfway through preparing to storm out of the room when he saw the shocked looks on the executives' faces. They were looking at him like he was some kind of Messiah. Ethan hugged him, and Meagan/Zoey was staring at him like he was some kind of genius.

"Just one suggestion. We'd need to get that one pony. You know, the one that's always shy and hiding from everything. That would make your proposal perfect." Nathan said.

"Now, that's something that we could sell to advertisers." Ethan said.

Ronald didn't want to agree with it. He couldn't agree with it. It was a terrible idea. But, he doubted that he could stop it either. His idea would somehow mutate into something even worse without his intervention. Besides, his failed pilot had cost him money. He had to borrow almost it, and that was in addition to his own student loans. Besides, this was his one chance to make it big. If his show was even one tenth as successful as the executives seemed to think, he'd be able to build up enough cred that he could eventually distance himself from this coming abomination.

Not to mention Fluttershy! The network clearly wanted Fluttershy, albeit for their own evil voyeuristic reasons, but he'd still be working with Fluttershy. Hadn't he went with the less then obvious choice of host for his show just to try to get Fluttershy? Now he was virtually guaranteed access to Fluttershy. The network could open doors for him that he has a lone producer could never have opened. There were still ponies in Equestria that thought the network was the government of earth after all.

"We'll need an island." Meagan/Zoey said.

"I know a guy from Nantucket." Nathan said. "He's got a house that we could rent out."