A Shaggy Dog Story

by Merc the Jerk

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Pinkie Pie, Sex
Length: 6351

An occurrence at the Apple family reunion prompts Pinkie and Jack to come closer together.

"Ooh! Ooh! Let me tell this one, Jack!"

"Tell what one, sug?"

"About the time we hooked up, silly-billy!"

"Pinkie, it ain't much of a story."

"Says you! It's got adventure and danger and food and kissing and—"

"Adventure? We were gone off the farm fer like two hours tops."

"Well, yeah, but it was in the Everfree! Spooky!"

"Ya know what? Fine. Go ahead an' tell 'em. I'll jus' grab myself a drink."

---

A collaborative piece written with Jake the Ginger. Check him out, he's loads better than me. Plus he has better hair.

Published 2013-10-22 04:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-22 04:00:03 UTC

Live and Let Pie

The reunion was in full swing by the time the rest of the girls arrived, with dozens upon dozens of men and women talking amongst themselves in the open fields of Sweet Apple Acres as a band played fiddle up on a wooden stage. Tables formed a long line of food, from apple pies to fried chicken to mac and cheese--there was bound to be something you enjoyed in there.

A woman with curled, violet hair glanced at the partygoers and put a thumb to the edge of her mouth. “I must say, despite the uncouth nature of that farmer, she does know how to set up parties.” She pointed over to the refreshment table. “Oh! She made those little miniature strawberry pies I absolutely adore!”

“Heh, any chance we’re gonna see you do a hoe-down, Rarity?” A lithe and athletic woman asked, grinning wickedly at her companion.

“And ruin my dress?” she questioned with a huff, gesturing down at the delicate red thing and putting a hand on her bare thigh. “I’m afraid you’re not going to see that, Dash.”

“Bore,” she lamely replied, drinking her hard apple cider.

“And are you going to do anything besides drink yourself into a stupor?” she enquired, giving a quick flick of her finger and lightly tapping it against Dash’s wooden cup.

Dash rolled her eyes. “That’s the whole point of these get-togethers, Rare. It’s all about getting blitzed and having a good time.” She looked at her other friends, who didn’t seem to share her enthusiasm about drinking. With an annoyed sigh, she drank some more alcohol.

“I don’t drink, sorry Dash,” a meek, light pink haired woman answered. She offered a small smile to everyone around her. “But I’m still having a great time with you all.”

“Yeah!” chimed in the most excitable person there. Fresh crumbs were still around her face from the last cupcake she had eaten. “This is all amazing, even without a party cannon!”

“I still have no idea how that thing works, Pinkie,” a woman with violet hair stammered out, rubbing at the back of her neck. “It’s spatially impossible to have that many party supplies inside a miniature cannon.”

“That’s why you fold them up, then put them in! Silly Twila,” Pinkie cheerfully replied, ruffling Twila’s hair, while scanning her surroundings. All her friends were here, including the many many relatives of the Apple family, dancing away in the background, drinking, arm wrestling, or just generally having a good time.

But one Apple was missing amongst the orchard.

“Hey, has anyone seen Jack?” Pinkie asked.

“I didn’t see her when we came in,” a younger man replied. Dash laughed and slapped his back.

“You’re a shrimp, kid. Of course you haven’t seen her.”

“Good things come in small packages, dear,” Rarity chimed in, interrupting Spike before a retort could be made.

“He must really know how to use that ‘package,’ on you then,” she replied with a devious grin, downing the rest of her drink in one hearty pull. “That’s my cue to go. Be right back, girls.”

Rarity scoffed, shaking her head. “Impudent little…” she muttered under her breath.

“Um, anyone else think she’s had a bit too much?” the shy member of the group, Chylene, asked.

Twila crossed her arms over her breasts and hummed in thought. “I’m at an impasse: We stop her before she makes an ass of herself, or we let her continue, and when she wakes up tomorrow, well, that will be a lesson in and of itself.”

“Tough choice,” Spike agreed, rubbing at the top of his head.

“Quite,” Rarity replied.

“Go ahead an’ let her, I reckon. Ain’t like I got anythin’ out here that’s fragile,” a voice commented from behind them. They turned and saw the last member of their group, Jack, walking towards them. She tilted her worn stetson back with a push of a finger and looked towards the stumbling rainbow-haired girl. “Worse case, she pukes an’ breaks some fence. That jus’ means I can get her up niiice an’ early ta come an’ fix it.”

“Jack!” Pinkie cried, zipping right to her side. “This is such a super duper-but-not-totally-pooper party! You’re pretty good at making and throwing them!”

“Years of learnin’ from my granny. I ain’t got a knack at makin’ ‘em like you do, sug.” She offered a smile to the energetic girl. “But I’m glad ta hear yer enjoyin’ yerself. Ya should head on further back--we got ourselves some carnival games set up even.”

“Someone check my pulse, ‘cause it’s like I just died and went to heaven!” Pinkie giggled, nudging Jack in the arm. “Ya wanna show me them?”

“I reckon I can, sug. Jus’ give me a few--I’mma doin’ some rounds, talkin’ ta the family.”

“Okey dokey lokey! I’ll come with, ‘cause I just love talking to your folks!” Pinkie paused, looking down at her wrist. “But seriously, can you check my pulse? I wanna make sure I actually haven’t passed.”

Jack reached forward and pinched the girl’s shoulder. “Feel that?”

“Sure did,” she replied, sighing with relief. “Phew. For a second, I thought maybe we’d all crossed to the the side.”

“Ain’t dead yet, ‘least,” Jack replied. “Well, let’s go say ‘howdy’ ta some of my cousins, then.” She gave a wave to the others. “Girls, Spike, ya’ll need anythin’, give Mac a shout. He’s… somewhere ‘round here, anyway. Ain’t hard ta spot that guy.”

“Will do, Jack.” Twila gestured at the farmer. “Make sure you don’t tax yourself too hard, though. This reunion is as much for you as it is everyone else.”

“Learned my lesson thanks ta y’all.” She held up her index and middle finger. “Scout’s honor. I’mma take it easy today.”

“Great! That means we can have lots and lots of fun, without you getting all tired. Let’s go!” Pinkie cheered, already moving excitedly on the spot.

000

The two spent a decent bit moving from family member to family member, reminiscing, talking about crops, the weather--anything and everything. Jack laughed hard, loud, and often, taking the opportunity to relax with zeal. After a bit of this, she finally turned toward Pinkie, who had been following like an obedient dog for much of Jack’s rounds.

“Reckon I owe ya a few games now, huh?” the farmer drawled out.

“Sure, if ya wanna. But only if ya wanna; I know how about your family means to you and I don’t want to distract you from them. Games would be fun, but so is meeting all your family! They’re real good people.” Pinkie smiled and poked Jack’s stomach. “Just like you!”

Jack smiled, putting a hand on Pinkie’s shoulder. “I dunno ‘bout that, sug. But I try ta be. An’ I can spare the time fer a game or two--y’all are family ta me too, Diane, ya hear?”

“Family.” Pinkie paused for a moment, then nodded. “Right. Now, game time!”

The games were a traditional carnival fair, a disk toss and skee ball being the most interesting of the lot, alongside a bb gun shot range and a few other novelties.

“Ain’t nothin’ ta win, but least they’re free,” Jack said with a shrug.

“And this being your family, I know that they’re not rigged either!” Pinkie said, eyeing about the attractions and deducing which would be the funnest.

“Pretty hard ta find a liar in our clan,” she agreed.

“Which one to pick…” Pinkie muttered, tapping her chin. Eventually, she pointed at her chosen game. “I feel like skeeling some balls!” She bounced over to the stall and after a brief chat with the Apple in charge, she was ready to play.

Sticking out her tongue as she concentrated, she narrowed her eyes, hand firmly gripping a ball. She slowly moved her arm back, then swung it forward, releasing the ball. The momentum sent it rolling down the lane. A bit too fast, actually. It completely skimmed over the holes and went around, flying into the air and bonking Pinkie on the head on its return with a plonk!

After seeing stars for a few moments, she rapidly shook her head, then rubbed the top of it. “Oopsie,” she said, smiling sheepishly at Jack.

“I ain’t even sure how the heck that happened,” Jack muttered, scratching at her head.

“Me neither… oh well! Your turn, Jackie.”

She took a ball and held her hand back a bit, then launched it forward just a bit too hard, landing it in the twenty point zone.

“Never got the hang of these,” she said.

“You did better than me, for sure.” Pinkie got another ball, muttering some words of encouragement to herself. “C’mon, Pinkie, take this ball on a journey. Roll it down the slope, up the hill, and into the magical portal where its dreams will come true.” She blinked, then shrugged. “Eh, I’ll just throw it instead.” She held back her arm, readying herself to try again, hopefully not as hard as the last time.

“Excuse me, girls?” a female voice called to them. Pinkie jerked forward, releasing her ball with force. It flew towards the holes, missing them and bouncing back. Pinkie ducked before it could smack her in face. A few seconds afterwards, she swore she could hear someone complain about their apple pie.

“Yes ma’am?” Jack asked. “What can I do fer ya, Goldie?”

Pinkie spun around, a smile on her face. “Hi Goldie! Y’alright?”

“I’ve been looking for Riley--either of you seen her?”

“Can’t say I have, nah,” Jack glanced around briefly despite her words.

“Lemme think…” Pinkie started counting her fingers as she went through who she had seen today. Which was pretty much everyone, so it took a while. “... and then I saw Ambrosia dancing with Cox… but no Riley. Huh. That’s odd. I would’ve remembered if I had seen her. Maybe she’s the world’s greatest hide and seek player ever?”

“How long has she been gone?” Jack asked.

“About twenty minutes now--I thought she was playing with the other children, but I asked and they hadn’t seen her.”

Pinkie scratched her nose, then grimaced. “Uh-oh. I’m feeling bad vibes about this.”

“Now hold on, maybe yer jus’ missin’ her--maybe she went inside or somethin’,” Jack stated.

“Nuh-uh.” Pinkie shook her head, hair flailing about. “I went in there too. Mostly the older Apples sitting around and talking about the ‘good ol’ days’ and how they got troublesome kids off their orchards.”

“What ‘bout the cellar? Round the tire swing? Maybe the fields?” Jack asked. “It ain’t exactly small property.”

“Checked them all. Drank some cider in the cellar, swung on the swing with Alice, then pranced in the fields ‘cause I felt like it and prancing is fun. She wasn’t in any of those places,” Pinkie said.

Jack put a hand to her chin. “Hmm. Let’s ask around, see if anyone’s seen her. Goldie, you check inside one more time--maybe she jus’ slipped by when we were out an’ about.”

“Alright, Jack. Thank you,” she said with a nod, turning and walking briskly towards the house.

“You’re not gonna find her here.” Before Jack could respond, Pinkie raised a finger, saying, “Kids don’t just hide forever, ‘cause that’s kinda boring, so they’ll usually come running right back to their mommies. But if they don’t, then that means that they’re either in trouble, or not even where the mommy is in the first place.”

“It ain’t so much hidin’ as it is missin’ one-another. I’m sure the kid’s fine,” Jack replied, moving away from the skee ball table and gesturing towards Pinkie. “Now come on, let’s get the girls ta help us look fer her.”

“Alrighty then,” Pinkie replied, skipping away to look for the others.
000

They gathered up the others, save for Dash, who was collapsed on the ground sleeping near the drink table, and got to work, speaking to everyone nearby and asking about the girl. It was a wasted effort--nobody seemed to know anything, they offered about the same guesses as Jack did, that they were just missing her, but that was starting to seem less and less likely.
m
“See? She’s not here, Jackie,” Pinkie concluded, tapping her cheek in thought. “Maaaybe she went to Sugarcube Corner? I know I would. Although I live there, sooooooo…”

“Surely someone woulda seen here by then?” Jack replied. taking off her hat and wiping at her brow. “I mean, road’s pretty easy ta spot from here.” She cupped her hands and glanced over. “Hey, Twi!”

The woman glanced over across the crowd of people. “Yes?”

“You take Chylene an’ go ta town--look fer her there.”

“What about us?” Pinkie questioned.

Jack briefly ignored Pinkie, instead glancing at Rarity and Spike. “Rare, you an’ lover-boy run the property line--get Mac ta do the same.” She returned her attention to Pinkie. “As fer us… I can think of a spot she went ta.”

“Ooo, really? Is it a secret spot? I love secret spots, but I can’t tell anyone about them or they wouldn’t be secret.” She paused, narrowing her eyes and looking around, before whispering, “But maybe I could make a teeny-weeny exception for you…” Clapping her hands together once, her voice resumed its normal loudness. “So! Where is it?”

“The Everfree,” she plainly replied. “Fer a girl not around here, that probably seems like a great place ta go. ‘Specally considering all the warnings she’s heard from all of us.”

Pinkie blinked. “You want us to go there? By ourselves? I know I sung giggle at the ghosties ‘n’ all, but some ghosties get offended when you do that.”

“Who else could come with us?” Jack questioned, gesturing around them. “Maybe uncle Bill with his lame knee? Dash, the girl who’s currently passed out an’ drunk as a skunk? Spike an’ Rare? Nah.” She pointed a finger at the woman. “Yer ‘bout the only one I know’ll keep a cool head in there--if that’s where Riley is, we ain’t got time ta gather a posse of healthy fellas.”

Pinkie gave her a firm salute. “Gotcha. So let’s stop standing and let’s start sprinting. C’mon, you wanna race?”

“Now this ain’t no game, sug. We gotta be careful,” the farmer cautioned, adjusting the buttons on the overshirt she wore and reaching into her pockets, pulling out a pair of work gloves. She put them over her freckled hands and frowned. “An’ if we come ‘cross somethin’... stay behind me.”

“Hey, wait a second!” Pinkie put up her fists, making jabs in the air. “I can fight too, y’know. Maybe not like most people, but I’ve got some tricks up my sleeves.” She blinked, looking at her pink t-shirt. “Well, you get the idea.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

They quickly marched across the fields, stepping across the wheat fields and scanning across the faint outline of the forest.

“Jack?” Pinkie said, staring into the darkness between the gnarled tree trunks.

“Yeah, sug?” she replied, glancing over at the woman.

“I know you’re really brave and tough and all, but… if you ever feel just a lil’ bit scared, remember I’m here for you, okay?” She looked up at her with a smile.

The farmer briefly paused. She grabbed Pinkie by the shoulder and pulled her in for a quick hug. “I know ya are, girl. Why else would I have asked ya ta come here with me?”

Pinkie eagerly accepted the embrace, her shorter size making it easy to hide the redness of her cheeks. “I love hugs and all, but… we should get going. We can do more cuddles later, if you want.” She shut her mouth before she could say more.

Jack paused at the words. After a beat she shook her head. “Yer right, let’s go.”

Pinkie took a few steps forward. “I’m good at finding things, but this is a whole lot of forest, and I’m not a whole lot of Pinkie.”

“She mighta been dumb goin’ here, but I don’t think she’s stupid enough ta get off the path.” I hope, Jack added mentally.

Said path wasn’t much of one. Without anyone to maintain it, grasses and other flora had taken root within the dirt, spreading their green limbs over it and reaching towards the already dulled sky. There were a variety of colors, mostly from odd looking plants like mushrooms, but they were darkened and looked unwelcoming.

Drops of sweat started trickling down their bodies. It was strangely humid in the overgrowth, despite it looking like a cold domain. But what was worse was the silence. Not even birds were screeching. Just the sounds of the pair’s breathing and the grass crunching underneath their footsteps.

“Keep yer eyes opened,” Jack said, her words barely a whisper. She clenched her hands tightly at her sides. “Maybe I shoulda brought a gun.”

“Yeah… my party flare gun might have been useful.” Pinkie lowered herself, tip-toeing along, her head constantly moving as she looked from side to side. The blackness to her left and right gave no clue as to Riley’s location.

“This is what happens when I try ta take it easy. Everytime,” Jack said, wiping again at her face.

Her companion stole a moment to glance at her. “What do you mean, Jackie?”

“As soon as I start ta relax, try an’ take a breather, shit like this goes down.” She spat to the dirt and ground it under the heel of her boot.

Pinkie placed her hand on Jack’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “You know that’s not true.”

“Proof’s in the puddin’, girl.” The farmer shook her head. “This stuff is always happenin’, jus’ as soon as I let my guard down.”

“Then you need a different pudding. Maybe a pie?” Her hand drifted down, past Jack’s arm and stopping at her callous fingers. Pinkie made contact, her own hand being vastly dwarfed by Jack’s, interlocking her digits. “I’ll watch your back if you watch mine, ‘kay?”

“Yeah. Let’s jus’ keep our eyes peeled.”

The two walked at an even pace, not too slow, but never eager. They looked around, in between the trees, but rarely investigating further. Their bodies were stuck to the path, the only so-called sanctuary they could find.

Pinkie fiddled with her shorts. “Maybe taking the others with us wasn’t such a bad idea. Strength in numbers, right? If Spike tagged along, we’d have seven, and we all know what seven does to eight…”

“Maybe,” Jack agreed. “An’ some magic on our side wouldn’t hurt, neither. But we’re here now--ain’t no way ‘round that. Let’s jus’ keep goin’ down the path. If we don’t see nothin’ by the time we hit Zecora’s, we’ll head back.”

“But what about Riley? What if she is in here, but not on the path?” A soft gasp escaped from her. “What if she got statue-ified by a cockatrice?”

“Yer forgettin’ that yer talkin’ ta someone who knows how ta track game. Now, we ain’t seen footprints--dirt’s too packed fer that, but I’ll be able ta spot a struggle.”

Pinkie nodded, then sniffed the air, glancing around inquisitively. “Something smells funny. Not the ‘haha’ funny, but the ‘fishy’ kinda funny. But it’s not a fishy smell.”

Jack paused and took a breath through her nose. There was a strangely soured scent in the air, reminding the farmer of spoiled beef.

Pinkie dug into her pocket, getting out a peg and placing it on her nose, blocking the scent from entering it. “Eugh. It’s like… like I don’t even know!”

“It’s like a--” She paused, narrowing her brow. “Did ya hear that?”

“Hear what?” Pinkie peered around searchingly. Even her ears twitched a little. “I’m not hearing anything, Jackie.”

“Back behind us. Sounds like a kid.”

Pinkie spun on her heels, doing a complete one-righty, digging a shallow semi-circle in the dirt.. “That’s gotta be Riley! Show me the way, Jack! Follow your ears!”

The farmer ran a few feet down the path, then turned, going deep into the brush, she tripped and fell downhill, landing hard in swampy, wet earth. Pushing herself up, she glanced around the area, noticing she was alone.

“Pinkie?” she called out. “Where ya at?”

She was met with silence. Nothing, not even one of the bushes, made any movement.

Jack looked down at the ground and noticed a disturbance ahead. The ground was unsettled, as if someone took off running. She ran a finger over the dirt, and the noticeable mound of dirt, as if an object had twisted and took off the other way. It had to be from a shoe. It had to be from Riley.

The woman glanced behind her, still looking for Pinkie. Biting her lip, she glanced down again at the ground and made a decision.

“Pinkie!” Jack called out. “I’m goin’ deeper in. Stay on the path, I’ll come back fer ya.”

She just had to hope Diane wouldn’t try and follow after her. While she did enjoy Pinkie’s easygoing approach to life, sometimes it made Jack worry. Sure, the girl was smart, but there were times when she went above and beyond what needed done. It was a miracle she didn’t hurt herself, some of the times she had taken care of Jack and things around the farm.

Brushing those thoughts away, Jack pressed further on into the woods. She heard cicadas, their call distant, muted. As she pressed on, their calls grew louder, first overtaking the quiet steps of her boots on dirt, then the sound of her pushing through the deep brush, then finally becoming loud enough that she reached up and covered her ears with her hands, squinting her eyes shut as the noise seemed to echo inside her brain. She stumbled forward, blind and mute until she fell once more. As soon as she landed on her chest, the noise stopped. Jack let her hands drop away from her face and timidly opened her eyes.

She lay among a gove of trees on either side of her, lining a straight path for her to take. Glancing behind her, the row of trees continued out into the horizon, vanishing in a cloudy purple haze.

“Riley?” she called out, climbing to her feet, her heart pounding like an overpowering drum. “Riley, ya here?”

Silence.

“Where the heck am I?” Jack pondered aloud. “This ain’t Everfree.”

It sure didn’t look like it, anyway. The trees to either side of her were too uniformly cut, too intentional to be natural growth. It looked like these were cultivated, like the trees back on the farm. She took a few slow, meandering steps, her hands clenched tightly at her sides as she glanced around the area. Once or twice, she thought she saw the faintest shift of shadow behind the treeline, or a small scuffle of underbrush being misplaced. As she traveled further down the lines of trees, a loud shuffling from every single tree caused her to yelp, sprawling onto her back. Large, plump apples decorated the branches, each one housing an unnatural, sickly sheen to it.

Her breath quickened as she took a few more steps forward. The apples twisted by their stems in crisp synchronicity. One fell down to the ground and let out a horrific scream in agony, then another, and another, until her ears were filled with nothing but the sound of agonized screams. Jack twisted and turned in every direction trying to flee from the noise, trying to flee from the madness that was tugging at her brain. She shouted, trying to drown out the noise with her own and sank to her knees, clutching her head so tight she was sure her skull was going to shatter. She sank to her knees and squinted her eyes shut.

Just when the seemingly unending din reached its peak, a pair of forearms weaved their way around Jack, gently pressing on her. “Jackie? Can you hear me?”

She yelped at the contact, snapping around only to see Pinkie inches from her face. Jack glanced to either side. They were in a clearing swarmed with sunflowers. Surrounding the clearing were black, gnarled trees in every direction, and in the far distance atop a jagged, jutting cliff, a ruined castle Jack remembered distinctly as where they made their stand against Nightmare Moon.

She took in desperate breaths of air, trying to calm her heart down. “W-what?” she asked herself, looking down with wide eyes to her palms.

Pinkie carefully took Jack’s hands in her own, bringing them up to eye level, so that the farmer could see her smile. “You’re gonna be okay. I Pinkie Promise you that.”

“I don’t…” Jack trailed off, bringing in the woman slowly down and hugging her. She glanced towards the treeline and tightened her grip on Diane. “I mean, what happened?”

“That funny smell we caught earlier? It’s, like, a weird gas that makes you see really strange things. Comes from these funny looking creatures with lil’ trunks. I call ‘em Dreamy Dozers.” She slowly rubbed her thumbs in a circular motion against Jack’s palms. “I made sure no nasties got you while you were dazed. So, you were always fine, ‘cause I’m here for you.”

“I musta been more than jus’ dazed ta wind up here, sug.” She nodded. “An’ I know yer here for me. Thanks, darlin’. It means a lot.”

“Don’t mention it!” Pinkie cheerfully replied. “You wanna head back? I’m sure that if Riley was here, then we would’ve found something…”

“I jus’ dunno where else ta look.” Jack scowled.

Pinkie stood up, taking Jack with her. “Tell you what, we’ll go back to the farm, you can get some nice rest, and we’ll see if the others have anything, okay?”

“I was jus’ sure she came through Everfree, Pinkie…”

“Maybe that’s just tiredness talking for you. You’ve had a super looooong day, and I don’t wanna see you fall asleep standing up, ‘cause then you’d fall over.” She grimaced, picturing the idea. “And that’d hurt.”

Jack finally cocked a small smile. She nodded, gently throwing her arm over the girl’s shoulders. “Alright, Pinkie. Let’s get outta here.”

Diane breathed a sigh of relief, beginning to walk with her friend. “Phew. This place really creeps me out, anyways. It needs a team of gardeners or something.”

The duo double timed it back to the farm, where the festivities were still in high spirits. They said passing hello’s to passersby, but on the whole, the person they were looking for now was not an Apple.

“There! There she is!” Pinkie exclaimed, jabbing a finger in the air towards Twila.

“Twila, any news?” Jack quickly asked, “Ya found her, right?”

“She snuck off to Sugarcube corner,” Twila said. “We actually got her back here about a half-hour ago.”

“How in the hay did nobody see her on the road?” Jack marveled, putting a hand to her hat in exasperation.

“Kids can be super sneaky.” Pinkie shuddered, remembering the time first babysat for the Cake twins. “Trust me on that one.”

Jack frowned, turning to face the girl. “Look, Pinkie… I ain’t good at sayin’ it, but sorry.”

Pinkie blinked. “Sorry for what? You didn’t do anything wrong, silly!” She reached up and ruffled Jack’s hair.

“That’s a lie,” Jack sternly said. “I drug ya inta Everfree on jus’ a hunch. What if we had bumped inta somethin’ more deadly than jus’ a… hallucination makin’ thing? Timberwolf coulda ate ya dead.”

“And you really think I would’ve let you go through that alone?” She poked Jack’s chest, then shook her head. “Nah. I think better of you than that. I…” Trailing off, she gazed towards the farmhouse. “Let’s get you inside, huh? We can talk about stuff.”

“Stuff?” Jack repeated.

“Stuff,” Pinkie confirmed, turning to Twila. “Thanks for finding Riley, Twi! Tell her I said ‘hi’!”

“Oh, uh, alright, Pinkie.” Twila nodded and turned. “I suppose I’d better find Spike. We still have some work to do in the library.”

“All work and no play makes Twila a dull girl,” Pinkie reminded her, poking the librarian on the nose, then skipping away to the farmhouse. Jack shrugged over to Twila and quickly followed after the girl.

They came to the kitchen, still filled with a few of the older Apples. Jack coughed a bit at the cigarettes they were smoking as they swapped stories. Pinkie gestured from the top of the stairwell, beckoning Jack to her, waiting just outside her room. The farmer followed suit, climbing the steps and glancing at Pinkie as she turned the door handle to her room and took a step inside. She walked through the fairly spartan room and plopped down on the bed, spreading her arms and letting out a small noise of relief.

“Feels good, huh?” Pinkie asked.

“Eyup,” Jack agreed. She briefly rose to a partial sit, patting beside her with a hand before laying on her back again. “Been meanin’ ta get a chair…”

“You really gotta learn how to slow down. Even I know that. You’re like…” She put a hand on her hip, thinking. “A train. You could keep chugging along the tracks, going ‘choo choo’, but if you don’t stop at a station and get more fuel, you’ll be chugga chugga’d out!”

“I’m gettin’ better,” Jack replied, staring at the ceiling. “Ya repeat somethin’ ta me enough an’ it eventually sticks, sug.”

Pinkie paused, considering her words. Turning, she walked over to the window and looked down at the people below. “Maybe I haven’t been clear enough then…”

Jack chuckled. “Ya do sometimes lose me when ya get off on one thing or ‘nother,” she admitted. “Ain’t like I’m the sharpest knife in the drawer.”

“Maybe…” Diane traced a finger along the windowsill. “But you’re not brain clever like Twila is. You’re heart clever. Y’know… responsible, and you always know what’s the right thing to do. It might not be the easiest thing, but you do it anyway. And you’re really grounded; I know that I can always turn to you if I need help with something.” She turned around, leaning back against the window, looking at Jack. “Plus, you’re pretty hot.”

“Hot?” Jack repeated. After a moment, she shifted on the bed, turning and rising to a sit on the edge of the bed closest to the woman “P-Pinkie. Are ya meanin’...?”

“Heart throbbing hot, yeah.” The woman stopped, putting a hand over her chest, her cheeks going a light pink. “It’s just… sometimes I need a person to help ground me. ‘Cause we all know I sometimes get a bit…” She waved her hand in the air, then sighed, folding her arms. “What I’m trying to say is—what I should’ve said first really—is that I love you, Jack.”

Jack slowly rose off the bed and took a few steps towards her. “How long this been goin’ on?”

“Remember when you went off for that competition and ended up working for Cherry Jubilee?” Jack nodded. “Yeah… that’s when I realized…”

“That’s been a while back, sug,” the farmer said. She leaned against the wall next to Pinkie, briefly stumped for words. “I ain’t gonna like, this is a surprise ta me. Reckon it explains all the farmwork I’ve got from ya the past few months.”

Pinkie laughed sheepishly, but didn’t say anything, looking expectantly at Jack. The farmer scratched her cheek for a moment, before smiling.

“It’s, uh, kinda like a surprise party from ya. I sure wasn’t expectin’ it, but now that it’s here…” Jack took a step closer, dangerously close to Pinkie. She put her arms on the girl’s shoulders. “Diane?” she said.

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “We doing a switch-a-roo or something? ‘Cause I didn’t think it’d be this easy…”

“Who said anythin’ ‘bout me bein’ easy?” Jack drawled out with a smirk. She leaned forward, resting her forehead on Pinkie’s. “I jus’ know myself a good catch when I see it. Jus’ cause you an’ me never crossed my mind don’t mean nothin’.”

Pinkie blinked, feeling a little hot under the collar. “You sure…?”

“Sure as I can be. I might keep yer head outta the clouds, but you keep me on my toes, understand?”

“You like a bit of…” Pinkie grinned, relaxing and pulling herself towards Jack. “Surprise? Some sugar? Spice? Maybe something real nice?”

“I could go for any or all of the above. I’m nothin’ but flexible.” She ran a thumb along Diane’s collarbone, slyly looking at the woman.

“In that case…” Pinkie’s eyes wandered to the bed. “Why are we standing when there’s a comfy bed right there?”

Jack responded by picking the girl up by the thighs and carrying her over to the bed. She tossed her down and sat next to her, tilting her hat back with a smile.

“Woo! You’re strong!” Pinkie giggled, lying on her back, her chest going up and down in time with her laughs. Jack lay down next to the girl.

“An yer pretty cute.” She took a small curl of Pinkie’s hair and started lazily twirling it in her fingers. “I’d even say really cute.”

“Aaaaaaw.” She smiled, looking into Jack’s eyes and leaned forward, touching the farmer’s nose with her own. “And you’re really beautiful.” She rubbed her nose against Jack’s, grinning happily.

Jack turned a bit on the bed, gazing seriously at Pinkie. “Diane?”

“Yeah, Jackie?”

“Can I kiss ya?”

Pinkie revealed a demure smile across her face. “I thought it’d be me asking you that, silly.”

“Yeah, well, I have a few surprises of my own, sometimes.” She turned, straddling the woman. Brushing her hair back she leaned down, planting a soft peck on Pinkie’s lips. After a moment, the kiss grew stronger; Jack pushed her lips forward and tilted her head to come even closer to Diane mouth. Pinkie closed her eyes and replied, but let Jack lead the pace, despite the eagerness of her body. Jack’s hand crept up to Pinkie’s face, she cupped it gently, holding the other’s face with the tenderness a mother holds their child. Jack’s other hand trailed south, resting at Pinkie’s stomach. She ran a thumb across it, circling and pressing on the dip of Pinkie’s navel through her shirt.

She giggled delightfully at the touch, running a hand down over Jack’s breast, before wrapping her arms around her, nuzzling the crook of her neck. Jack returned the embrace then paused, pulling back for a moment to look over the woman.

“Sug?” she asked.

“Mm?”

“Jus’ how far are ya wantin’ ta… ya know…” the farmer glanced away. scratching briefly at her nose to hide her embarrassment.

“This is nice.” Pinkie squeezed Jack to emphasize her point. “Just cuddling.”

She nodded, leaning down to kiss the girl on the forehead. She then plopped down to Pinkie’s side, wrapping an arm around the other’s waist. “Real nice,” Jack agreed.

“So…” Pinkie traced a finger along Jack’s stomach. “We’re like, a thing now, right? Or a ‘mushy thing’ thing, in Dash’s words. But mushy is like mashed potato and I think we’re more like apple pie.”

“We’re a thing if ya want us ta be. I know I’d like it.”

She nodded eagerly. “Oh yes! Yes! And I’ll sing it from the rooftops so everyone in town will know!”

Jack laughed. “I mean, ya don’t have ta go that far with it, sug.”

“Okay… I can send everyone a letter instead?”

“How ‘bout a party instead?” Jack offered. “We can invite the girls.”

Pinkie’s eyes widened. “That. Is. Perfect!” She suddenly jumped into the air, landing onto the floor with both feet. “This is why you’re such a great other half for me, ‘cause you think super practically and I’m like,” she waggled her fingers in the air, “super out there. Apparently. I don’t think I am but that’s what everyone says so I roll with it.”

“It’s good that ya roll with the punches at least.” Jack rose, leaning back until she heard a satisfying pop from her spine. “Well, girl, I reckon we got ourselves a reunion ta get back to.”

“Huh… hey, I just realized something!” Pinkie took hold of Jack’s hands, pulling her up and giving her a cheeky peck on the lips as she rose. “Our anniversary is gonna be on the same day as the reunion. Isn’t that great?!”

“It is, sug,” Jack said. She took off her stetson and popped it onto Diane’s head, before pulling the woman close. “Got myself a great party planner fer next year.”

“And I’ve got a great girl by my side.” She adjusted the stetson, beaming. It strangely fitted her. “I feel like the luckiest person in the world—no, the universe!”

“An’ that makes two of us. Had somethin’ great jus’ fall right inta my lap.” Jack gave a devious smile, reaching behind Pinkie and slipping a hand into the back pocket of the woman’s pants. “Maybe this ‘takin’ it easy’ thing could be alright every now an’ again…”

“Oh, you gotta try it more often. It’s simply the best!” Pinkie reached up, wrapping her arms around Jack’s broad shoulders. “Especially with me. But for now…” A smirk with a prankster’s streak to it appeared across her face. “I think a certain Dashie might be taking it too easy for too long, know what I’m saying?”

“Ya know, I’ve always had an itch fer tryin’ a prank with ya,” Jack admitted with an identical smirk. “An’ I think we mighta found a good first target.”

Pinkie pulled out a water gun, seemingly from nowhere, bringing it up to her side. She pulled the trigger, a small jet of water spraying up towards the ceiling. “Jackie? Welcome to the world of pranks and Pinkies.”

Author's Note

Thus continues my quest to ship humanized Applejack with all the other mane 6. Only one left now is Fluttershy. Hoo-boy is that one gonna be rough. Maybe I should do Spike instead, he can be the new Fluttershy.

Anyway, thanks a bunch for reading, you guys have a good one now!