Till death do we Derp
By: Jason Ynclan Valin
Chapter one
Iron Hooves walked into his apartment to be greeted by his wife Derpy who gave him his medicine and a Scotch to help him take his pill, "Thanks honey." I said as he downed the pill with a refreshing gulp of the Scotch and sat back tired from work as I watched Derpy get in the kitchen and begin to cook dinner.
"No problem Iron, besides what type of wife would I be if I didn't care for my cancer sick husband?" She asked while finishing up the food. "Derpy.....it's just a nasty side effect of me being a sith Jedi." I said trying to reason with her.
"Well Jedi or not, it makes you sick and I don't like it one bit." She said while setting the table for us as I made my way to the oak table that was now a relic among modern things.
I simply gave in and nodded, hating the fact I was going to have to ruin the dinner for some work, knowing that tonight we spent nearly eight months planning and I have to go and shoot it down the tubes.
"Derpy?" I asked nervous.
"Yes Iron?" She asked while stopping to look at me.
"I.....I have to leave....tonight, I know I promised to make our anniversary special, but I finally got my promotion, and that means going aboard the cargo cruiser that is leaving tonight." I said while I watched her drop her fork and let it clatter from the plate onto the table, she sat there with her mouth open in shock and awe at me for breaking my promise.
"
How COULD YOU!" She yelled at me while getting up and turning She said close to tears now.
"I tried, but all the other Sith Jedi are busy or out on missions, and it was either I go on the mission or I get fired." I said quietly while backing away from the table thankful my cancer made it to where I had to eat when I was forced, not when I wanted to.
"You promised me Iron, that we would do something special tonight!" She shouted at me as she ran past me into our bedroom crying and leaving me there shell shocked and dumbfounded at how much I broke my promises for work, and never for her.
I quietly packed my duffel bag in shame and wondered if I died who would remind Derpy of me......or who I was while I was gone, and a thought hit me, That me and Derpy should try to have a kid since the doctors said that was a very slim chance.
I walked quietly to our bedroom and sat down next to Derpy who had her face buried into a pillow to try and silence her crying and she stopped when I rested her head in my lap, and Began to gently stroke her neck and soothe her as my mother did to me when I was younger.
"I'm sorry for making a big deal about it Iron." Derpy said once she stopped crying.
"Derpy.....I am the one who is sorry, I keep breaking promises to you, and that is not how it should work." I said while giving her a light kiss on the mouth.
“Now I have to go now.” I said quietly while getting up as she fell asleep on the bed holding onto my jacket and carefully removed it as to not wake her and grabbed my duffel bag off the floor and walked into the living room where I called the port manager.
“Imperial army, bay number 11298, how may I help you?” Someone on the other end asked.
“When does the ship ‘The silver tears’ leave?” I asked while leaving the apartment quietly and walking down the mahogany stairs to the exit down the back alley.
“That ship is scheduled to leave in an hour.” The voice replied and then hung up as I pushed the door open and stumbled over a stray animal and fell on my ribs as I hit the concrete and looked up in time to see a figure come out of the shadows.
“Hand over your stuff and you won’t be hurt.” The person said while pulling out a shock blade that was pulsing a light blue and the light was bright enough so I could see the dirty outfit of some street gang he was wearing.
I rolled to the side in time to see the blade slash the side of my bag where I was moments before, and quickly jumped up and brought myself to a combat stance the imperial academy taught me.
“A bit of a live one aren’t you.” He snarled while showing his teeth that looked like rocks and had a dull glow to them.
I didn’t respond but merely used the force to grab his blade and throw it in the air and tackled him while he was busy watching his knife, and lashed out and caught it as it nearly landed in the cracks of concrete blocks, and brought the knife to his throat.
“A bit of a live one huh?” I said while I watched his expression turn from stunned to scared.
“I’m sorry!” He shouted as the blade pulsed next to his throat, and he began to cry as he realized his victim had overpowered him.
I looked down at him as I drew the knife back and brought it down with all the strength I could muster and got up as I saw him begin to squirm as the blood pulsed out of the gaping hole when he threw the knife out of his neck, and I merely watched as with every heartbeat more blood left him and he got up clutching his throat and ran further in the alley and I felt that someone was watching me as I grabbed my duffel bag, and slid my hand into it and grabbed my light-saber and turned it on as I spun around , bringing myself to a defensive stance.
“Bravo, bravo indeed, you know how to handle yourself out here.” A male said as he stepped forward into the light revealing himself. “I know better than to mess with you.” He said as he walked in the direction of the other person who left a blood trail on the ground.
I merely shook my head and headed to the street and flagged a imperial transport that was heading to the dock bay area, I watched as the sleek grey truck hovered to a stop in front of me, and watched as the driver opened the passenger door for me, and let me settle in before he drove along to the docks.
I looked up and saw that the ship I was getting on was busy nearing the final step of refueling as I felt my pocket vibrate and brought out my phone to see it was Derpy calling me, I answered it as the truck stopped and I got out.
“I hate you.”She said as I heard her yawn in the background.
“And I love you…” was as far as I got when she started yelling at me.
“You said you were going to make tonight special and all you did was wait till I fell asleep on the bed and what did you do then, you simply left, without a note!” she yelled into her phone as I walked up the ramp of the ship and got in the elevator and pushed the 13th floor button, which is where my private booth was placed.
“Derpy, Derpy, listen, I know what I did was wrong but still it’s my one chance at hoping to become a full sith one day Derpy.” I said and then only heard silence as I knew she hung up.
“Girl trouble?” A deep voice behind me said as I threw my bag on my bed.
I turned around to see the head of security was standing in the door frame sipping on some type of coffee, I looked closer and saw his name tag Big Macintosh.
“You could say that.” I said as I felt sick, and remembered I had used the force earlier dealing with the mugging, and collapsed to my knees as I began to black out, and saw officer Macintosh drop his coffee and run over to me as I blacked out completely as he called in a sick bay officer to help him get me to sick bay.
I awoke to see a series of tubes running out of my arms and into a bacta tank that was next to me since I was too sick to be dunked in one, and I looked around to see Macintosh talking to a rather pale person that was dressed in a expensive suit that yelled I have money and power.
I quickly got up and collapsed back as one of the tubes scratched me and drew blood while I felt pain overtake all my senses and the only thing I could do keep from fainting was scream as I felt as if something was eating away at my insides, and I quickly started yanking the tubes out which got the attention of the doctors that were rushing into the room, and the nurses were busy forcing the officer out as he tried to get in the room.
“Nurse get him 50cc of morphine, and restrain him before he ends up breaking that bacta tank.” The doctor said as he watched a nurse inject me with a needle that made me lose the will to fight and struggle to get out of bed.
I remember waking later, I wasn’t awake for long when the alarms on the ship began to go off, and I realized that there were trails of blood in the hallway leading to the end of the corridor, and I knew I had to act fast if I wanted to live, and quickly got up and was relieved to see there were no tubes in me this time, but that was only a minor miracle since I noticed that there were restraints on my ankles, and I knew the only way out of it would be to either use the force, or wait to see if anybody found me.
“This ones for you Derpy.” I muttered as I used the force to break the restraints and got out of bed and walked over to the closet and searched it, and only found my duffel bag in it, and then I realized, my suit I had been issued was in my room.
PEW!PEW-PEW-PEW!
I turned around and jumped to the ground knowing that was blasts from a military issued blaster rifle, and watched in horror as someone was desperately trying to crawl away from the person that was clad in black armor of some type, but the person was of no match as the black clad figure simply walked over to him, and stomped on his neck, sending bits of bone, and blood everywhere.
“Area secure, but still no sign of package.” The figure said in a toneless voice to a earpiece that was hooked onto his helmet, and I looked up as we walked past my window, and looked in the room right at me, and then walked off.
I was shocked, ‘Why didn’t he come in here if he saw me?’ I asked my-self as I went outside into the corridor and was shocked at all the bodies that were in the lobby, and the security team was nowhere to be seen, either dead or alive elsewhere, or among the bodies.
Chapter two: What's going on?
I looked around quickly as I heard the PIT-PAT of people marching loudly coming toward the bend at the end of the corridor and quickly jumped into the room across from me and locked the door before I broke the controls on it and turned off the lights before I got in a corner and looked out the window as I saw them stop at the room I was just in, Their heavy bulky armor made it hard for them to move, and their identities hidden as their faces were covered also, I watched as one of them set a explosive on the door and blew it open before they rushed in there, Firing blindly before they realized no one was in there at all besides them.
"God bucking dammit! You said Alpha leader said he was in here!" One said before he slugged the other one in front of him across the face plate hard enough to rattle his helmet loose.
"I just followed my orders sir." The one that got hit said as he clenched his hands out of sight.
"Search these rooms for the Sith and make sure he is killed, and bagged for examination." The leader said as he strolled off.
One of them walked over to my door and pressed the open button, and when nothing happened he shrugged his shoulders and shouldered his rifle as he quickly got onto one knee and began to try and force the door open by crossing the wires.
"Fuck this door!" He shouted as he jerked his hands back as the panel now began to smoke from their side, the one that had slugged him walked up behind and shoved him into the glass hard enough to crack to it.
"Leave it, but if he gets away, it is going to be your ass cadet." He said, nearly snarling the words into the other stallions face, lifting him off the ground by his throat.
"Y-yes s-sir." The one being choked said before he was released and fell to the ground, holding his throat as he began to gasp and cough for air.
"Now, brave and charlie go to the south corridor, Delta your with me, rendezvous at the hangar in thirty minutes, any later and your staying here when the ship enters the orbit without engines powered up, and that is a promise." The leader said, obviously Alpha by the nick names.
I crouched near my duffel bag, slowly opening it when I saw that they were splitting up and one stopped for a second to pull out what appeared a picture of his special somepony , rubbing it for a second the soldier quickly put it into his helmet before running to catch up with Alpha.
"I know that feeling." I muttered to myself as I opened my bag all the way to see my picture of derpy resting on top of my clothes, and then noticed my lightsaber was also there, polished by someone.
"I'm not going to stop till I get home dear." I said while tucking the photo into the pocket of my shirt before I threw off my gown and put the shirt on, then my pants, socks, and boots.
I got up quickly and walked over to the door and tried the panel from my side and saw that it didn't work either.
"Cheap ass shit." I muttered to myself as I flicked my lightsaber open and began to cut a hole into the door.
Once the door had a hole big enough to fit me through I squeezed through and saw a shadow dart around the corner, I flicked my lightsaber off and walked carefully over the dead bodies to the end of the hallway where the shadow went to.
"......He didn't see us, no-one sees us, we break the 4th wall all the time." Somepony said as I neared the corner.
"No-one ever believes us, but we do, do it." It continued, making me shiver a little as began to back up.
"W-where are you going?" Somepony asked me as I felt a hand on my shoulder and a sharp object nick my back a little, easily cutting through my clothes, making jump and use the force to propel me down the hallway, when I landed, I quickly slid to my knees and turned around, bringing up my lightsaber and flicking it on, stopping in a defensive position.
"Off this bloody thing." I said while my lightsaber shined a dull green on the hallway lights and my face as the power was cut off.
"Who are you anyway? I was supposed to have a guard like that here with me." The pink pony said, her hair a tangled mess as her outfit was one of a Sith padawan.
"Sith knight Iron Hooves." I said while I began to sweat as I felt the familiar sickness that I had when I used the force too much.
"Ooooohhhhhh, 'bout time I found you, Palpatine said you would escort me." She said while smiling and her straitened out nearly instantly, as if the force was pulling it down, she sheathed her dagger into a pouch around her neck before she walked over and got behind me, and began to rub my shoulders with one hand, and my inner thigh with her other.
"I've been waiting for my big, bad, protector." She said seductively as she neared my crotch.
"I'M MARRIED!" I nearly shouted while using the force to push her off of me, and stood up shakily, leaning onto the wall for support as I struggled against the black dots that were dancing in front of my eyes.
"Tsk-Tsk, well let's get going then sexy." She said while laughing as a emergency generator powered on and the red lights began to flash, letting us know we had entered orbit in what had felt like a few moments.
"W-where is the bridge?" I asked while taking a few deep breaths and straightened up, flicking my lightsaber off and then attached it to my belt loop as I kept a eye on her.
"Behind you, up the elevator to the top." she said while smiling, her lipstick shining a cherry red due to the lighting, I sighed and turned around and saw that there was power in the elevators still, but only enough for one trip by the battery status.
"And where is the hanger?" I asked, trying to find a map on a local holopad.
"At the very bottom, like a mother giving birth." She said while rubbing herself as she said so.
"Fuck.......I guess we're going to the bridge." I said as I walked over to the elevator that was waiting, and motioned her to get in, after she got into the elevator I pushed the button for the bridge, and turned around at the exact moment the pink mare leaned in and kissed me on my lips, putting her hands around my neck.
"That make you feel good big guy?" She asked after she saw that I was blushing bright red.
"N-not now, we have to get off first." I said while moving out of her grip and stood in front of the elevator door, happy to get out as I saw that the elevator opened.
