Diary of a Store Clerk

by GnollReader

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Other, Romance, Original Character, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 32135

Living in Equestria under a false name and racial identity is one thing. Finding out you're not the only one of your kind stranded here is another... especially when that someone and the element bearers are looking for you.

Living in Equestria under a false name and racial identity is one thing. Finding out you're not the only one of your kind stranded here is another... especially when that someone and the element bearers are looking for you.

Being my first attempt at a first-person romantic comedy, this takes a slightly different approach to the concept of being a human stranded in Equestria.

Enjoy.

Big thanks to DVAN56 for editing. Go check out his work!

Published 2013-10-23 20:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-26 05:50:47 UTC

Chapter 2: The store is closed

Granted, my approach to the situation at hand may not have been the best one... or was it 'at hoof'? I still don't like the puns. Anyhow... what was I supposed to do? At the time, ignoring the problem seemed like a good idea... But that idea quickly showed itself to be wrong.

I hadn't even been in my bed for a minute when frantic knocking could be heard from downstairs. "Hello?! Are you there?" My window was open and I could hear the two in front of my store clearly from my bed.

"Could you please open up? We really need to talk to you!"

Twilight Sparkle, the nightmare I had dreaded for the past three years was standing on my very doorstep... Still, I couldn't help but wonder how a child came to be here. I had never read anything about humans in this world... then again I had only read a single book during my time here and that had been a prospect for mattresses. Had she wound up here by chance, just like me?

The frantic knocking continued, I responded by burying my head deeper within my pillow.

"Hellooo?! Please! Open up!" There was a short pause. "Did you see that... I mean him?! Can you believe it?!"

"He... he looked like me..." It was more of a mumbled response than an actual sentence. "What does it mean, Twilight?"

"I don't know, Silver Blossom... but we won't leave without an answer."

At this point I was actually screaming into my pillow. "They gave her a pony name?! For crying out loud! Seriously?!"

But then I paused and looked up for a moment. If she had a pony name... how long had she been here? I immediately tried to push the question away again. After all, I didn't want to get involved. They would probably get bored soon enough and just...

"Where is Rainbow Dash when you need her? She could fly up to one of those windows!"

"I don't know, Twilight. I think she went with Applejack down to the pier..."

"Oh, god! They're here as well?!"

A short moment of silence followed after my outburst... had they heard me even through the pillow?

"Did you just hear something?"

"I think it came from up there... Twilight, can you levitate me up to that window?"

Apparently, they had heard... And I started to pray. "Please say no, please say no..."

"I can try... hold still for a second."

"Oh, hell no!" My head sagged back onto the pillow as I heard that unmistakable noise of magic fill the air.

Fun fact number twenty-four; for some reason magic actually creates a strange twinkling noise... it's hard to explain and... I'm trailing off.

I was on the verge of tears. All the work I had taken upon myself to make a normal life in this crazy world was about to become obsolete... my little castle of solitude would fall down upon me. "Great... this is just great..." I mumbled as the noise intensified.

For a moment, I actually debated with myself if I could chase them off with my trusty broom... The threat always worked on teenagers, though I somehow felt that it would not necessarily look good if the first meeting of what I presumed to be the only two humans in Equestria would start with me beating her on the head with a broom... it wasn't her fault, after all.

Still...

"You there! What are you doing?" a happy sob escaped me when I heard that deep voice. "Get down here this instant!"

Good old Copper Cobbler. He was a retired soldier now working on the local police force... honest, law abiding and as hard as it could get when it came to crime fighting. A bit over the top at times and quick to overreact too, but everyone had their flaws. Even today, I still swear that if he would ever be turned into a human, he would turn out to be Sean Connery. If anyone could save me from certain doom, it was him.

"Do you know anything about the owner of this store?" I could hear Twilight over the noise of her magic.

"Get that bearotaur down here first!" Cobbler repeated with a stern voice, "what are you two up to trying to sneak into Woody's place this early in the morning?"

"Yes! Save me Sean!" I held up my fists in a pose of certain victory but immediately faltered. "He just told them my name, didn't he?"

Either lost in her wonder or simply out of ignorance, Twilight did not stop her magic. "Woody? Bearotaur?!"

"We're just trying to look..." I could hear Silver Blossom mumble from what I deemed was only inches away from my window.

"I repeat myself, stop your magic!" Cobbler's voice was slowly rising... which was a bad sign for anyone on the receiving end.

"Hey you! Stop shouting at Twilight and Silver!" That voice, there was no doubt in my mind that Rainbow Dash had just arrived, which meant that...

"What in tarnation?!" a sob of despair escaped me. Applejack... Why couldn't it have been Fluttershy? Her, maybe I could have handled... but those three? I was doomed.

"Stand down, young mare! This is none of your business!"

"Who are you calling a young mare, ya old geezer!" Rainbow Dash, just like I thought she would be.

I didn't see what happened next, I only heard it... Rainbow Dash and Applejack got into a heated discussion with Copper Cobbler, and during this... one of them gave him a shove.

A second later I could hear his whistle come to life. "Officer under attack! I repeat! OFFICER UNDER ATTACK!"

Fun fact number thirty-eight; Over a third of Shoretrot's population have family members active in the force... and all of them come to Shoretrot for a vacation during this season.

I can't say that I didn't feel partly responsible... and I was tempted to take a peek outside. All those officers storming from their little houses like an angry ant hill to apprehend the three mares and female bearotaur. It must have been quite a sight.

Judging from the sounds I heard it was probably quite a fight as well. It seemed the mares were putting up quite a lot of resistance... which was a bad idea. Two minutes later everything was quiet again. I was saved, if only for the moment, but I was safe.

I got up and carefully took a glance out the window, no one to be seen... just a few villagers here and there. Quiet, peaceful... lovely once more.

I made a quick mental check; attempted breaking and entering, resisting the police... probably assault on officers too. Even if Twilight was the student of Celestia herself, she'd be detained for a couple of days at least. Time enough for me to make a daring escape.

Even if they knew I existed, I could still lose them with a good head start. The destination wasn't even important, though I did hear that the weather is lovely in Boardor during this time of year. The idea of just leaving though... it was sad, I admit. I had put a lot of effort into this place and had been very proud of what it had become.

With these thoughts in mind, I slowly started to pack my things. I grabbed what I could, stuffed everything I could carry into my bags and slouched down the stairs laden like a donkey heading for an expedition. This place had been good to me. And the girl... Silver Blossom. I still couldn't help but wonder what her story was. But the wonder passed again as I reminded myself that she was traveling with Twilight Sparkle.

Still... Maybe I could stop for a second to just have a quick chat with... "Nope." I shook my head. "Not going to happen!"

When I reached the bottom of the stairs I readjusted my bags and whistled a happy tune to brighten myself up for the journey ahead... only to notice that I was still wearing my apron.

"Force of habit... force of habit..." I shook my head with a soft chuckle and set the bags down again to take off my coat. With the coat removed I slowly untied the apron and held it up before me. It had been a good companion of mine... and it would be in the future, I was sure.

Before I could decide which bag to place it in though, my gaze traveled up over its edge... and I froze. Standing behind my counter was the girl... staring at me with those brown eyes from beneath a mess of unkempt, black hair.

She saw my bewildered stare. "I... I came in through the window..." she mumbled softly and looked down. "I was able to sneak by the police officers... Twilight made an illusion..."

"Uhuh..." Was all I could come up with in response.

"Please don't go!" her sudden outburst surprised me and she held up her hands only to quickly lower them again. "Please... just... stay, and talk with me," she quickly reached into one of her countless pockets, moving her hand around frantically within before pulling out a few bits. "I'll even buy something!"

"The store is closed..." I mumbled in shock. Why was she so desperate?

"Oh..." Her head sagged down again. "Could we... could we still talk?"

I wanted to run away, right then and there... since the moment I got here, I had been trying to stay away from anything related to the elements and yet here I stood, staring at a child that traveled with them.

Before I even knew why I did it, I let out a tired sigh and donned my apron again, "Turn that sign to open, will you? I don't want to keep my customers waiting."

"What?" She gave me a confused stare.

"It means yes, I'll talk with you..."

She quickly stepped out of the way as I headed for the counter, and even as she went to turn the sign her eyes never left me. "My name is Silver Blossom." It was almost a whisper as the sign turned to 'open'.

"Sure it is..." I shook my head with sad laugh. "I'm Woodchuck."

My laughter died as I realized something troubling. Her friends, the elements, were going to be in jail for at least a couple of days... that's as long as it took for a letter to come from Canterlot, which in turn meant...

This time, it was my head that sagged a bit as I realized that I had just gotten myself a house guest.

Chapter 3: No alicorns allowed

I'm not sure how to describe the situation I found myself in on that day... strange would certainly seem simple enough, but there was a whole lot more to it.

The fact alone that there was another human standing in my shop was already shocking, that she was traveling with the mane six concerning... but the way she kept staring at me was just weird. I couldn't even begin to comprehend why of all places they had come to Shoretrot.

Thankfully, the silent staring came to an end as the first customer of the day arrived; old granny Twobuck. Lovely old mare, she was... always came once a week to get supplies and do some idle chat. She plays cards with her friends every Tuesday... and she's as blind as a bat.

"Good morning, Woodchuck." She greeted me as she entered my store.

"Good morning, Mrs. Twobuck," I replied from behind my counter, for the moment trying to ignore the girl standing in my shop. "How's your hip today?"

"A bit creaky, but fine nonetheless..." she chuckled before nearly bumping into Silver Blossom. "Oh, almost didn't see you there..." She squinted her eyes and looked up at her. "Woodchuck, dear. Have you been eating well? I think you've gotten smaller."

Silver Blossom blushed and quickly stammered. "I'm Silver Blossom..."

The old mare raised an eyebrow and quickly reached into her bags to pull out a set of glasses. "Oh, my word..." she gasped as she observed Silver Blossom's face. "Another bearotaur? Such a young and pretty one too!" She turned to me with a small smile. "I didn't know you had a daughter."

I couldn't help but let out a sigh as Silver Blossom's eyes became big. "She's not my daughter..."

"She's not?" granny Twobuck frowned. "Isn't she a bit young for you? Or are female bearotaurs smaller by nature?"

A groan escaped me. "It's nothing like that, I assure you. She's from out-of-town and merely traveling through."

"Oh?" she let out a disappointed sigh, "such a shame. You could use some company, you know." She turned to Silver Blossom. "I always say to the girls; Such a charming fellow, that Woodchuk. But the poor thing has nopony to keep him company or help him in the store."

"He's all alone?" Silver Blossom carefully asked while I was only moments away from beating my head onto the counter to escape this hell.

"Always working, never mingling with anypony." Granny Twobuck shook her head. "But it's nice to see that there are more of his kind... Are you going to stay here for long?"

"I'm not sure..." Silver Blossom replied.

"Well, if you do I am sure that Woodchuck will be more than glad to show you around," she chuckled before giving me a look. "He could probably use some help in the store too..."

"I manage fine, thank you very much," I replied with a sour voice. "What can I do for you today, Mrs. Twobuck?"

"Oh, yes... yes. Look at me idling the time away." She returned her attention to the shelves behind me. "I need letter paper... do you have ink as well?"

"I do," I replied, already gathering her things. "Anything else?"

"Some Berryleaf tea..." She rubbed her chin in thought. "And some melon drops. My grandson is coming for a visit tomorrow and he simply loves them."

"Flyfeather?" I asked as I took out a paper bag. "How is he doing?"

"He's such a sweet little colt... always writes me letters and sends me drawings."

"Good to hear," I replied and started to place her sales inside the bag... only to notice that Silver Blossom was staring at my moving hands. I briefly wondered if she had never seen anyone else with hands before.

"Did you hear that there was a commotion in the police station earlier?" granny Twobuck's question interrupted my thoughts.

"There was?" I replied with unease as I closed the bag and went to the register.

"I only heard from my neighbor..." her voice became conspiring. "But apparently, Copper Cobbler arrested three mares!"

"Oh, dear," I grimaced slightly. "What did they do?"

"I heard that they were arrested for assaulting police officers. Can you imagine?"

"Simply unimaginable." I tried to act calm and concentrated on working the register. "That will be eleven bits, please."

"Are they going to be in trouble?" Silver Blossom asked with obvious concern in her voice.

"There's no reason to be scared, dear. I'm sure Copper Cobbler is treating them fair. There you go." She handed me the bits. "Though I can hardly imagine he'll simply let them go if they really assaulted an officer." I handed her the bag. "Now you be nice to Silver Blossom, you hear me? Maybe you can convince her to stay a bit longer." My face sagged at the thought. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Silver Blossom. I'll leave you two to one another now, I'm sure that you two have a lot to talk about."

The smirk she was wearing on her face as she left my store... what kind of person did she take me for? I leaned heavily onto the counter. "Great. Now the whole town will know within a couple of hours."

"Am I a bearotaur?"

I picked my head up again and stared at Silver Blossom with disbelief. "What?!"

She averted my eyes and looked at the floor instead as she continued to mumble. "Am I... am I a bearotaur? I mean... if you're a bearotaur then..."

"I am not a bearotaur," I interrupted her with a groan, "and neither are you."

She raised her gaze and gave me a wondering look. "Then what am I?"

I rubbed my temples with a sigh, "Can I ask you something else first?" She gave a careful nod. "What were you two doing behind my store?"

"I don't like it when the ponies stare at me..." she mumbled and started to play with the edge of her coat. "Twilight always says not to mind them, but I..." she started to trail off.

"You don't like it when they stare," I finished and she gave a short nod. "Do they stare a lot?" Again, Silver Blossom only nodded. "So you take the backstreets... How long have you been here?"

"We arrived with the train this morning."

"No. I mean how long have you been here in Equestria?"

Silver Blossom seemed unsure of my question, "For over ten years... I think. I was still too small when I first came here so I don't remember that well..."

"God almighty... you must have been barely a few years old." Landing here had already been a shock to me... but to a little child? I couldn't even begin to imagine.

"How long have you been here?" She gave me a curious look.

"Only for about three years." I replied with a sigh.

She looked down at her open hands. "Three years..." she whispered before looking up at me again. "Ever since I can remember... I mean, I always... I..." Her brow furrowed a little as she struggled to find words and for a moment she looked unsure of herself. "What am I?"

"You're a human."

"Human?" She mouthed the word carefully. "And you're a human too?"

I gave a short and tired nod, "I am."

She looked back at her hands. "I'm a human..." it was nothing more than a whisper and when she looked up again, there was a tear in one of her eyes. "I'm a human!" Her sudden outburst made me raise an eyebrow as she gave me a big smile and happily bounced up and down. "Aunt Celestia will be so happy when she hears I'm not the only one!"

That name alone was enough to make me stagger. "Aunt Celestia? As in, Princess Celestia?"

Silver Blossom gave a happy nod and wiped the tear away. "She wanted to meet us here later. I'm sure she'll want to meet you too. We have so many questions and..." She saw my terrified expression. "Is something wrong?"

"Princess Celestia is coming here..." I slowly repeated to myself and felt the blood drain from my face.

Silver Blossom tilted her head in confusion. "Is that bad? You don't have to be scared of her, she's really nice and... what are you doing?"

Without even realizing it, I had gotten out from behind my counter and walked over to the door. Princess Celestia was coming here... I reached down and picked up the sign I usually wrote my specials on, using one of my arms to wipe it clean before taking a piece of chalk to it.

Princess Celestia was coming here... the words continued to repeat themselves inside my head.

So lost in my writing was I, that I didn't even notice Silver Blossom carefully walk up behind me... nor did I see her surprised face when she saw what I had written onto the sign.

The chalk left the board and I looked over my work. It wasn't much of a countermeasure, but it gave me enough comfort to keep me from screaming. I placed the sign back in its original position, the board now reading 'No alicorns allowed' in bold letters.

I got up again and went back behind the counter, humming my little tune as I once again settled into the safety of my refuge.

At the front door, Silver Blossom was still eying the sign with a completely dumbfounded expression.

Chapter 4: Human

"I don't think I understand... I mean you..." I watched Silver Blossom's puzzled expression from behind the counter. "You don't like the princess?"

I shook my head with a sigh. "No. I don't dislike her... she is doing a very good job after all."

Silver Blossom tilted her head. "Then why the sign?"

It took me a moment to realize it, but something about her was strange... I couldn't place it at first, but the way she tilted her head... and the way she moved her hands... I pushed the thought aside for a moment. "I don't want to meet her... that's all."

"Why?"

Why? I could think of a couple of good reasons, but I doubted she'd understand any of them. "I'm shy," I lied.

"You don't seem shy," Silver Blossom commented as she stepped away from the sign and back into my store. She took a moment to look around herself. "Is this really your store?"

"It is," I replied, feeling slightly uneasy as she seemed to study every detail.

"Huh..." she let one of her hands trail over the shelves, studying the wares on display. "So... about the human thing..." she gave me a curious look.

"What about it?" I asked.

"Do we have any special abilities?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Well..." she put one of her hands onto her chin. "Can we fly?"

I felt my eyebrow go up even further. "No."

"Can we do magic?"

"No."

"Can we change our form or shoot fire from our eyes? Can we..." She started making wild gestures with her hands to accompany her questions, every question making my frown deepen. And at the same time... "Or do we grow really tall?" She held up her hands and mimicked what I could only assume to be a giant.

And then it dawned on me. The thing that had been making me wonder the whole time. The way she moved, the poses she struck... and how she didn't use her fingers when she moved her hands while talking... She moved like a pony, even made gestures like one. Any anthropologist would have had a field day just watching her. I couldn't help but wonder what other habits she had picked up from the ponies. At least the nudity thing seemed to have gone by her... I hoped.

Fun fact number twenty-two; Though ponies spent the majority of their life running around without clothing and with a concept of nudity that puzzles me even today, they still have separate changing rooms and a surprisingly human concept of peeping... I'm not even going to start explaining how I found out that one.

Silver Blossom was still ranting on with the excitement only a child could muster. "Can we..."

I held up a hand. "Hold it." She stopped talking and blushed at her own outburst. "I'm afraid I have to disappoint you, but we humans don't have any special abilities."

"We don't?" she seemed disappointed.

"None that I know of," I replied and rubbed my chin in thought as I observed the ceiling. "Not sure about the magic part though... haven't tried yet." Mainly due to the fact that trying would sooner or later have gotten me to Canterlot for sure. I shrugged. "We're pretty much normal then... Though we are known to be pretty clever and..." I paused as I looked down again. "Huh?"

Without me realizing it, Silver Blossom had walked up to the counter while I had busied myself with my ceiling. Taking into account that I was leaning on my counter she was now very close to me... and once again she was staring at me with utter fascination.

"Uhhmm... hello?" I asked out of nervousness.

"Your face..." she whispered.

"What about it?"

Carefully she reached out, her hand shaking as she did. I felt tempted to rear back to avoid her touch, but the moment passed and her fingers made contact with my cheek. It felt... strange. It was something I had not experienced in a long time.

"There are hairs growing out of your face!" she exclaimed with astonishment, running her fingers over the short stubble I couldn't even hope to pass as shaved. I shave every morning, every blasted morning and two hours later I'm already spouting an evening shade. These days I'm starting to suspect that the whole bearotaur thing may be responsible.

"It's called facial hair," I sighed as she continued to let her fingers trail over it. "All human males grow them... just like ponies. When they get longer, you call it a beard."

"That's so cool!" By now, both of her hands were inspecting my face. "Can I grow one too?"

"You can't, you're a girl," I replied with a sour expression as an image of her with a mustache flashed before my inner eye. "Or at least you're not supposed to be able to."

"Oh..." she put on a thoughtful expression before looking up and into my eyes. "Are there any more of us?"

The sudden seriousness of her question surprised me... I shook my head slightly, or at least as far as her two hands would allow me to. "None that I know of... you're the first one I met since I came here."

"But where did I come from then?"

"Can I get my face back first?" I asked, feeling more than uncomfortable at her close proximity.

"Oh! Sorry!" Her hands flinched back immediately and she watched her open palms for a second. "It's scratchy..." she giggled. "I've never met anypony with a beard before."

"Please don't say anypony when referring to me..." I whispered under my breath.

"So... where did I come from?" she repeated her question while I rubbed some life back into my cheeks. "I mean, where do humans come from?"

"When a daddy and a mommy really, really like one another very much..." I started.

"No!" she interrupted me with a heavy blush. "I mean what place did I come from! Where did we come from?!"

"That's probably the hardest one..." I leaned back and tried to gather what little knowledge I had. "There are a couple of theories..." Time travel, magic, death, portals... lost civilizations predating Equestria... The list in my head went on, pick your favorite. I sighed, "ultimately, there's no real telling why the both of us landed here... But concerning the where..." I paused, was I really considering this?

I took a moment to study Silver Blossom's desperate expression and immediately knew that I might as well. I carefully undid my apron and motioned her to follow me. "Come on, follow me."

She gave me a puzzled look. "What? Why? Where are we going?"

I started to trudge up the stairs. "Upstairs... I think seeing it will make it easier for you to understand."

Ten minutes later, Silver Blossom was still speechless. And while I had taken a seat in my attempt of an office chair, her eyes continued to fly over the walls of my small office in wonder.

"When I first came here, I didn't have anything with me other than my clothes..." I explained softly as I shifted in my chair, feeling nervous at actually having someone here. It was something I never could have imagined, but seeing how desperately she was searching for answers I had made an exception.

"No books, no pictures... nothing that would help me to remember where I came from." I carefully picked up a sheet of paper, inspecting the pencil lines that ran over it and as usual, feeling strangely tired as I did. "So..." I put the paper down again. "I drew them." I didn't even know why I decided to draw the pictures... maybe I just felt melancholic at being alone, maybe I just didn't want to forget... or maybe I just wanted to see another human being?

It started with paintings of plants... buildings and the occasional animal. But at some point, I started drawing humans too. Just humans doing human things... shopping, running, working... anything. Anything I could remember from my own life I had drawn. They weren't even that good, most of them were simple pencil sketches... I couldn't even afford ink when I had started.

And now, after three years every inch of wall inside my small office was covered with them. I had thought about taking them down on several occasions, but had never gotten around to actually doing it. To me... I'm not sure what they really meant to me and I'll probably never know.

To Silver Blossom though... it seemed that I had opened her a window to a completely new world.

"There's so many!" she whispered with excitement as her head continued to turn. "So many things I've never seen before!" she stepped up to one of the walls and inspected the scenes I had drawn. I briefly wondered how long it would be before...

"We're..." Her head dropped a little. "We're not from this world... are we?"

"We're not," I confirmed with a grave voice, feeling strangely sad for her. "Sorry."

"It's alright..." she sniffed and continued to stare at something I couldn't see. "I always wondered why Aunt Celestia had never seen anypony like me before... At least I know for sure now... though..."

"Though?" I stood up, wondering about the change in her voice... was she crying?

"Everypony... all of my friends... they were always there for me and still I... I still..." I carefully stepped a bit closer and was shocked to see tears streaming down her face. I followed her gaze and spotted the drawing she had been staring at... It was a picture of a mother holding her child...

"I still miss my mother..."

I don't know how long we stayed in that room after that... I don't know if it gave her any comfort, but when she clutched onto me I held her close while she continued to cry her heart out with heavy sobs. Two humans, stuck in Equestria... one crying for her mother and me trying to find a solution to both of our problems but failing miserably.

Had I known at that point who had just arrived in Shoretrot, I would probably have cried as well.

Chapter 5: Meet the aunt

"Are you feeling better?" I carefully asked as I went about setting up something to eat. I wasn't sure if she was actually hungry, but given the situation it was the best I could think of. Working always calmed me down... and I definitely needed to calm down. I had a small kitchen in the back of the store. It was small, but it had everything I needed.

"Yeah, thanks." She put on a small smile. "I think I'm fine now."

"Good to hear... are you hungry?"

"Kind of..." She shrugged. "We had breakfast before we left but..." she paused, "can I ask you something?"

"What?" I asked and checked the contents of the pot.

"Well..." She seemed to hesitate. "What's up with the whole 'bearotaur' thing? Why not just tell everypony you're human?"

"Because..." I carefully scooped up some of the pot's contents and poured it into a bowl. "Well... you see..."

"Yes?" She gave me an inquisitive gaze.

I set down the bowl before her with a sigh. "When I came here, I already knew that the locals would be skeptical of me... so I thought; instead of telling them I'm some sort of alien, why not tell them I was something they could imagine already existed in their world?"

Silver Blossom raised an eyebrow. "That... doesn't really sound logical. You know you could have just gone to Canterlot to see aunt Celestia?"

And run straight into the one thing I had been trying to avoid for three years? Fat chance. "It seemed like a good idea at the time... and I've been doing good since then. Everything has been nice and peaceful."

"But a bearotaur?" She gave me a look of uncertainty. "Couldn't you have thought of something more cool?" She played with her spoon. "Like... I don't know. Maybe a special kind of wendigo or..." A grin spread her lips and she swung her spoon through the air like a weapon. "A demon lord come from Tartarus to travel Equestria and save Equis!"

"I'm not really much of an adventurer."

"Oh..." She seemed disappointed, but a small frown found its way onto her face when she looked at the contents of the bowl. "What's that?"

"It's rabbit stew," I replied.

Fun fact number four; Even though all ponies are naturally vegetarians, they don't really oppose the fact that other species eat meat. At least as long as you're not eating them, that is... that of course doesn't mean eating it in front of them isn't somewhat offensive. Getting meat is not easy though, as you have to hunt it yourself. At the time I went out trapping once a week.

"Eww..." She gave the bowl a mistrustful look.

"You don't eat meat?" I asked with slight surprise. "You know you can eat meat, right?"

"Yeah... they said I have the teeth for it." She put down the spoon and pushed the bowl away. "I just don't like the idea..."

I briefly wondered what the ponies had been feeding her instead. "Have you at least tried meat before?"

"Fluttershy tried to give me some fish one time..." She shuddered. "But it was all slippery and squishy."

I shook my head in wonder. Of course a child would become a vegetarian if you gave her a bloody raw fish. "Look. It's fresh and I cooked it myself. At least try it, I'm sure you'll like it."

She seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then she carefully pulled the bowl towards her. Giving it a look as if it would jump her any second, she scooped up some of it in her spoon and with a highly doubtful expression put it into her mouth.

Fun fact number fifty-one; Apperently, I make one heck of a good rabbit stew. Not once in my life have I ever seen somebody wolf down their food the way she did.

Silver Blossom was busy devouring her second bowl when there was a call from the front of the shop. "Woodchuck? Are you there?" I immediately recognized the voice as Copper Cobbler's... Judging by Silver Blossom's terrified expression she did as well. She almost dropped her spoon when she heard him.

"Wait here while I go see what he wants." I gave her a reassuring look and couldn't help but smile at her smeared face. "There are napkins in the shelf next to the stove." She blushed. "If you're still hungry you can help yourself. I'll be right back."

When I came out of the kitchen Copper Cobbler was already waiting for me. "Good morning officer. What can I do for you?" I greeted him with a warm smile in spite of my rising anxiousness. He usually didn't come around the store until noon when his shift ended... I could already imagine what this was going to be about.

"You know you don't have to be so formal Woodchuck," he replied and sniffed the air. "Are you cooking? At this time of day?"

"Just a small spur of hunger." I jested.

"Makes sense." He shrugged. "Autumn is about to start. You're probably already starting to gather food reserves." Cobbler shook his head. "Anyhow. I came to inform you that this morning we arrested three mares in front of your store. I caught them trying to break into your store."

I cringed. "Ahh... listen, Cobbler. About that..."

"They also had a female bearotaur with them, but she has escaped prosecution so far and..."

I leaned forward towards him and whispered. "I know. She's in the kitchen right now."

"She is?" His eyes narrowed. "She hasn't threatened you, has she?"

"No!" I quickly replied, "I think it's just all a big misunderstanding. It seems they just wanted to see who I was."

"Climbing through closed windows is a highly dubious way of meeting new ponies..." he paused, "or bearotaurs, for that matter."

"I know, I know..." I sighed, "listen, she's not even an adult yet and I'm not going to push any charges against them..."

"Are the others alright?" Both me and Copper Cobbler looked up to see Silver Blossom stand half-way behind the door frame. "We really didn't mean to do anything bad..."

Copper Cobbler gave her a measuring look. "Young lady. You and your friends have a lot of explaining to do." His voice was stern. "Seeing though that you are not adult yet and since Woodchuck is kind enough not to press any charges I can't hold you." His brow furrowed. "Your friends though... they are charged with several offenses." His gaze returned to me. "There's is also another matter I wanted to inform you on."

I sighed, "let me guess. The purple one has been asking questions about me."

"Ever since we threw her and the other two in the cell," Cobbler groaned and rubbed his head. "She hasn't stopped pestering us with questions about you for a single minute." He shook his head. "The other two have only been making threats that we keep our hooves off the female bearotaur."

"Silver Blossom."

Copper Cobbler turned his head towards her. "Pardon me?"

Silver Blossom cringed under his gaze but weakly repeated herself. "My name is Silver Blossom."

"A pleasure." Copper Cobbler didn't seem happy in the slightest. "I'm officer Copper Cobbler." He returned his attention to me. "Twilight Sparkle, as she has identified herself, has also claimed to be the personal student of princess Celestia."

"That's quite the title," I remarked.

"Got some good laughs out of the boys, I tell you that." His expression hardened. "At least until she appeared on our doorstep."

"Aunt Celestia is here?" Silver Blossom asked with a happy voice from behind me while I could only stare at Copper Cobbler in complete terror.

"Princess Celestia is here indeed," Copper Cobbler corrected her with a frown. "Would you believe she has been trying to get me to drop the charges against the three mares ever since she got here?!"

"And you didn't?" I asked with a baffled expression.

"Of course not!" His reply was immediate. "She may be princess, but our credo and duty stands clear!" he put on a grim face. "Nopony is above the law."

"So... what's going to happen to them?" I carefully asked.

"They will be charged with resisting police force and assaulting an officer on duty..." he paused. "However, if you are really not going to press charges and taking into account that the princess herself is vouching for them, the sentence will likely be reduced to working community hours."

"Okay... that's good then, isn't it?"

"For them it is," Cobbler replied with a frown. "But considering that the princess is on her way here to see you, I would advise taking down the sign in front of your store. Don't get me wrong, you have the full right to deny her access to your store but..."

"Wait. What?!" I could feel the blood drain from my face. "What do you mean she's coming to my store to see me? I never agreed to that!"

Cobbler gave me a curious look. "Is there some sort of history between alicorns and bearotaurs I should be aware of?"

"What?" I stared at him without comprehension. "No! It's just... I..." I swallowed. I briefly wondered if running was still an option. "When will she get here?" I thought that given some time to think, I could still find a way out of this mess. How wrong I was...

"She should be here any..." Copper Cobbler started to reply, but was cut off as Silver Blossom stormed by us and outside with a big smile on her face.

"Aunt Celestia! You're here!" I could hear her call with happiness in her voice.

"Silver Blossom, I am glad to see you are alright." I almost fell over when I heard that motherly voice. "I was worried when Twilight and her friends didn't know what had happened to you."

"Can't you do anything to help them?"

"I am afraid that even I do not stand above the law, my dear. However, I hope that with Mr. Woodchuck's help we can avoid the worst," she paused. "Is this his shop?"

"It is," Silver Blossom replied, "he's really nice... and he's just like me!"

"He is?" Celestia gave a startled reply, "Twilight was telling me something about a bearotaur but I..." I could hear her trail off. In hindsight, she was probably frowning while looking at my sign. "No alicorns allowed?"

"He's just shy," Silver Blossom giggled, "I'm sure he'll be happy to see you. You know, he's been here for three years already!"

I burrowed my face in my hands. "Please don't come in. Please don't come in."

Next to me, Cobbler gave me a smirk. "Shy?"

Outside, I could hear Celestia give a small huff. "Well... I never was one to support discrimination." I heard her magic flare up for a split second. "There... much better."

A moment later, Princess Celestia herself, ruler of Equestria and deity of the sun stepped into my store.

And I... as hard as it is for myself to believe it even today... I flipped out.

I can't tell for certain what it was that set me off. Whether it was the fact that the greatest fear of my life had just stepped into my store, or if it was finding out that there was another human in this world... probably all of them together. Whatever it was, it is safe to assume I had some sort of mental breakdown at that point.

I'm still surprised it worked, but with a force born from sheer desperation I grabbed my trusty broom and chased her out of the store while waving it around like a lunatic and shouting, "Out! Out! Out!" at the top of my lungs.

Once she was outside, I threw the door shut and pulled down shutters after turning the sign to closed. And while I was gasping for breath and leaning on my broom for support both Silver Blossom and Copper Cobbler were staring at me with a look of complete disbelief.

"Wow..." Silver Blossom finally remarked.

A small smirk appeared on Copper Cobbler's face. "Aside from the fact that this is probably going to have an aftermath... why the buck aren't you in the police force?"

"Give me a break..." I wheezed and grasped my chest to feel my heart pound like crazy. "I think I'm about to have a heart attack." I shakily turned to Silver Blossom. "Didn't she read the bloody sign?!"

"She did..." Silver Blossom cringed slightly and gave me an apologetic look. "And she changed it to 'Alicorns welcome' with her magic."

"You have got to be kidding me..." I dropped my head. "How ridiculous can this day get?"

Outside, someone else was probably asking herself that very same question.

Author's Note

There you go, chapter with over 2k words... god I feel tired now.
I'm still sick, but at least I can get back to writing.

Chapter 6: Hide the cookie

"Calm down... calm down," I whispered to myself and tried to regain my composure. "Celestia is here... but she's outside. You can still get out of this."

I sometimes like to imagine that I actually believed those delusive words back then.

The moment I said those words, a soft knocking came from the door in my back. "Hello? Can anypony hear me? Silver Blossom? Mister Woodchuck? Are you there?" She was silent for a moment before she spoke again.. "Did I just get chased out by a broom?"

"I'm not here! I'm not here!" I whispered as I crouched under the door's window, even though with the shutters pulled down it basically made no difference. Still... "I'm not here!"

Copper Cobbler was watching my frantic antics with obvious amusement. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to hide! What does it look like?!" I replied with frustration in my voice as I started to etch away from the door. Outside, the knocking continued.

"You can't just ignore her forever," Cobbler said with a smirk.

"Of course I can!" The grip on my broom tightened in defiance of the inevitable. "You just watch me!"

"You could just ask what she wants."

"Nope. Not going to happen." I shook my head with vigor. "There's no way in hell I'm letting her in!"

"Hello?" I could still hear Celestia through the door. "Could you please open? I just wish to talk with you..."

"Don't make me get my broom again!" I shook an angry fist at the door and much to my surprise, the knocking actually stopped at this. "Huh... that actually works?" The knocking started again. "Oh, come on!"

As I was frantically trying to plan my next step in the Celestia-avoidance plan, Silver Blossom took a careful step towards me, "Can't you just..."

"Make some tea?" I surprised the two by jumping to my feet. "Of course! Let's all go into the kitchen and have a nice cup of tea!" I walked past them and into the kitchen with an idiotic grin plastered onto my face, hoping that ignoring the terror standing on my doorstep would make it go away.

A few minutes later, both Silver Blossom and Copper Cobbler were sitting at the small table in my kitchen as I happily went about making tea.

"You're really going to ignore this, aren't you?" Cobbler asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Ignore what?" I feigned complete ignorance and placed a jar of biscuits on the table after setting the water kettle onto the stove.

"Oh, I don't know..." Cobbler replied with a smirk and fished himself one of the biscuits. "A certain alicorn princess, perhaps?"

I leaned onto the table with one of my elbows. "Nope. Don't know what you mean." I grabbed one of the biscuits and took a bite. "And yes. I do intend to ignore this."

"Why are you so scared of her?" Silver Blossom slightly tilted her head and gave me a skeptical look. "Celestia is always kind to everypony... there's really no reason to be afraid." She nibbled at her own biscuit and her face lit up in surprise. "These are good!"

"Of course, I made them myself." I pointed my half-eaten biscuit at her. "And for your question; I'm not scared of Celestia herself. I'm scared of everything that follows her and..." I suddenly stopped my speech, looked around myself for a moment... and then, with a quick motion of my hands I placed what was left of my biscuit under one of the tea cups and continued talking as if nothing had happened. "And..."

It was an impulse, a reflex... something that had become so deeply rooted in my instincts that I barely noticed myself doing it. That of course didn't mean that my two guests wouldn't notice it. "What did you just do?" Silver Blossom gave me a look as if I had gone insane.

Fun fact number three; when a bearotaur feels the winter approach, he subconsciously starts hiding food away... which is annoying to no end because there will be cookie crumbs in every nook and under every blanket and pillow.

"Huh?" I asked with slight surprise at being interrupted. "What do you mean?"

"The biscuit!" She pointed to the overturned cup on the table. "Why did you put it under the cup?"

"Come again?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "What biscuit?"

"The one under the tea cup!" she pointed at the cup again. "I can even see the crumbs around it!"

I picked up the cup and gave the biscuit a blank stare. "Huh... it's a biscuit," I paused and turned to Copper Cobbler. "It's a bit early, don't you think?"

"I'll say." Cobbler shook his head. "Guess that means it'll be a long winter this year. I'll tell the farmers on my next patrol."

"A long winter?" Silver Blossom gave him a confused look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Cobbler returned her confused stare with a slightly puzzled expression himself. "Hibernation, of course. What else? The earlier the bearotaur starts hiding food, the longer winter will be. Don't you hibernate?"

"I... what?!" She turned to me with a dumbfound expression. "You hibernate?"

I rubbed my head with a groan. "It's... complicated, but yes, I do." I gave her a questioning look. "You don't?"

Silver Blossom only shook her head with an open mouth. "No... I don't." She paused. "I mean, I do get a bit more sleepy during winter... but I never hibernated before." I briefly wondered if hibernating was Equis' version of karma retribution for calling myself a bearotaur. In hindsight, it probably was.

"You're probably just not old enough yet," Cobbler mumbled and swallowed another biscuit. "Once you're adult you're probably going to hibernate as well."

"I am?" She seemed to think for a moment before turning to me. "Does this mean I'll have to put on weight?"

I rubbed my temples with a heavy sigh. "Let's just... wait and see if you even hibernate, okay?" The kettle started to whistle with a high-pitched note as the the water started to boil. "I mean, who knows?" I started to turn around. "For all we know, you could..." I froze where I stood.

There before me, looking at me through the open window over the kitchen sink... Celestia herself was staring at me with what I could only imagine were mixed feelings.

"I... uhm..." She seemed unsure of herself but then put on a small smile. "Hello?"

"Hi," was all I could reply with in my dazzled state.

"Hi, auntie!" Silver Blossom called from behind me.

Celestia tilted her head slightly to give Silver Blossom a warm smile before returning her attention to me. "The door was locked..." she started.

"I know," I replied with a frown. "I locked it."

"Yes, about that." Celestia cringed slightly. "Could you, maybe let me inside? I'd like to talk with you a bit and doing it through an open window is a bit... well... odd."

"You don't say," I replied even as my hand slowly etched towards the broom leaning against the sink.

"Well?" Cobbler called from the back. "Aren't you going to call her in?" I swear I could actually hear him grin.

"Oh, sure. Let me just... AHA!" I made a wild jab at her with the broom, Celestia giving a yelp as she ducked out of the way. Immediately I pulled back the broom and threw the window shut again, pulling down the shutters for good measure. "Damn alicorns..." I mumbled with a nervous sweat on my brow. "Trying to get me."

My victory was a short-lived one. There was a flash of light, and Celestia appeared inside my kitchen. "Please! There is no need for..." She ducked another one of my swings. "Will you please stop doing that?"

"Never!"

Suffice to say, this went on for a while. Me chasing her around the table... she ducking my swings... both Silver Blossom and Copper Cobbler pulling their heads in as not to get struck by accident... at least until she pulled the broom from my grasp with her magic.

"Now..." she said with that motherly voice. "Let us all just calm down. There is no need for violence here. I merely wish to talk with you, Mr Woodchuck."

"Let go of my broom!" I gave her an angered glare and turned to Copper Cobbler. "Do something about this!"

"Sorry, Woodchuck." He was barely holding back his laughter. "But I'm afraid I've been off duty since five minutes ago..." he snorted with amusement. "You can file a complaint though if you wish to..." next to him, Silver Blossom tried to suppress a giggle.

I returned my attention to Celestia. "What do you want?"

"Just as I said, I only wish to talk with you." She seemed to think for a moment. "And some tea, perhaps?"

I continued to glare at her, desperately trying to think of a way to get her out again but failing miserably. She had me in the corner, Cobbler was too busy enjoying himself and I wasn't going to use Silver Blossom for my own advantage in this. A defeated sob escaped me. "Lemon Grass... or Silver Leaf?"

"Silver Leaf would be very nice, thank you very much," she replied with a sweet smile that made me shiver.

I shook my head and turned my attention to the tea while she took a seat next to Silver Blossom. "I knew I should have stayed in bed," I cursed under my breath. "How did things turn out like this?"

When I was done preparing the tea I took a seat opposite of Celestia. "At least give me my broom back."

"The broom can return once we have established more friendly relations," she replied with a smirk before turning to Silver Blossom. "Blossom. Please go see Twilight and her friends and let them know you're alright. I am sure they'll be happy to see you."

"Oh..." She seemed disappointed at the prospect of leaving. "I guess I should... where are they?"

"Copper Cobbler can show you the way." I fished myself a biscuit without even paying my hands much attention. "It's probably better if he accompanies you there and..." I paused as I noticed that Celestia was staring at me with a puzzled expression. "What?"

"Why did you just put that biscuit under the cup?" she paused. "And why is there another one under mine?"

Chapter 7: Celestia

Some things in life, some things are just... weird. Having an alicorn princess who is also a deity over for tea is already troubling enough, but trying to explain the cookie thing to her... yeah, that one was definitely weird. And as I tried to explain it to her, I could actually see her eyebrow travel up further and further by the second.

After the explanation, she just sat there... not saying a word and making me even more nervous than I already was. I watched her pick up her cup of tea, take a sip with closed eyes and give a small sigh before setting it down again. "I see." She opened her eyes again and gave me a searching look. "And you have been hibernating ever since you got here?"

"I have," I replied, wondering where this was heading.

"Mmh." She eyed her cup of tea in thought before mouthing the words I had been waiting for all this time. "You're not really a bearotaur, are you?"

"No..." I sighed and leaned onto the table, resting my head on one of my arms. "No, I'm not." I gave her a slightly curious gaze. "May I ask what gave me away?"

"When you live as long as I do, you get to meet a lot of strange and wondrous creatures," Celestia replied with the tiniest of smirks before frowning slightly. "And considering what... unison such a race would require... well..."

"You don't say." I buried my face in my hands as I tried to banish the horrid picture dancing before my inner eyes.

"So may I ask..." Celestia carefully asked.

"Yes?"

"What race do you and Silver Blossom represent?"

I looked up to study her features for a moment, trying in vain to decipher what was going through her head. "We're humans." I finally answered her question only to ask my own. "Have you ever... heard of our race?"

Celestia studied the cup of tea before her, carefully stirring it with her spoon as she furrowed her brow in thought before shaking her head with a sigh. "I fear I have not, but only the stars know what countless worlds exist beyond our own..." she paused, "though it would have helped to know what we were looking for all these years." She gave me a sad look. "Can you imagine what your very existence here means to Silver Blossom?"

"I've been able to make myself a picture ever since I met her," I replied with a heavy voice, "how old was she when you found her?"

"It is hard to tell since we didn't know anything about her race," Celestia answered with a sad voice, "over ten years ago, we found her crying in the royal gardens..." Her eyes closed. "Confused, alone... crying for her mother." She shook her head before turning to me again. "Why did you never come to Canterlot? Why didn't you come to see me for help?" She cast me a worried gaze. "Why do I scare you so much?"

I fidgeted on my seat for a moment; How do you tell a princess why she terrifies you without insulting her in the process?

Fun fact number ten; Blatantly insulting an alicorn princess in the face will get you in the same amount of trouble as hitting a foal will... and while execution is not something the ponies practice, an alicorn blast at point-blank range is definitely something one should avoid to provoke.

"I wouldn't say that 'scared' is the right word..." I mumbled to myself in thought.

"Really?" Celestia remarked with a dry voice and took another sip from her cup. "You tried to kill me with a broom."

"I was trying to get you out of my store... which you entered uninvited! That qualifies as self-defense in my opinion!" I retorted.

"It was an assault," she commented quietly, ignoring my short outburst, "and discrimination..."

"It was an provoked assault... and... and..." I knitted my eyebrows in thought. "Alright, I admit it; The sign was wrong." I crossed my arms defiantly. "And concerning your earlier question; I'm not so much terrified of yourself in person, as more of everything that follows in your steps."

Celestia gave me a puzzled look over her cup. "I beg your pardon?"

"Your presence is a guarantee for trouble! Changeling invasions, dragons, gods of chaos and magical mishaps!" I pointed an accusing finger at her. "No matter where you or the element bearers appear, adventure and disaster are about to ensue!" I sighed, "granted, I don't blame you for it. I know that you only wish for the best of your subjects but we both know that when trouble strikes, it will definitely strike near you or your faithful student." I leaned back in my chair. "And I wanted none of that."

Princess Celestia only stared at me with surprise for a moment, seemingly trying to collect her thoughts. "May I ask; How did you know of these things when you have been here for three years only?"

"I read the papers." Fat lie, but there was no way in hell I was going to tell her in which canny ways our dimensions were connected. The mere discussion it would tread off would likely drive me to the brink of insanity. "And just as a note..." I added. "I don't agree to Silver Blossom having to deal with such things at her age. She's a child, for crying out loud!" I could only assume that she had been part of the ordeals that the mane six went through, and even though I didn't know why... the thought greatly disturbed me.

At this point, another question rose to my mind and I used Celestia's startled moment to mouth it. "By the way... if she calls you aunt... who does she call mom?" I silently prayed it wasn't Luna.

"No one," Celestia replied after another moment of silence, her face showing a sudden sadness that surprised me. "We had hoped that with time, she would find a new mother figure... but she never did. The closest she has become to anyone is Twilight, they are almost like sisters." A small, sad smile found its way onto her lips. "Instead, she's taken to seeing me as her aunt... just like she does with Luna."

"Huh..." was all I could muster in reply. It definitely helped me to understand Silver Blossom's earlier reaction but at the same time it only made me worry about her more.

Celestia herself seemed just as lost in thought as I was at this point and the both of us simply sat there for what felt like minutes, quietly staring at our cups of tea.

"Granted..." Celestia finally spoke, breaking the silence. "You do have a point and I accept the decision you made back then..." Small victory for me, who would have guessed? "However..."

"However?" I felt like something terrible was about to happen.

She let her gaze search my features. "Now that we finally have met, there are certain things that I feel should fall under your responsibility."

"My what now?" I could feel the panic return.

"You are the only human in this world that I know of other than Silver Blossom," Celestia explained, "There are countless things about herself which she can only learn from you... Hibernation being only one of those things."

"I'm not leaving my home if that's what you're about to ask." My fingers clenched around the edge of the table for support, with me almost fearing to be whisked away at any moment.

"And you won't have to," Celestia replied with the tiniest of smirks, "as it is, we had originally planned this to be a small vacation trip. But the discovery of your existence as well as the recent... events, open up another opportunity." Her face turned serious. "And to perfectly clear; I too agree, that Silver Blossom should not have to deal with such adventures at her young age." She paused to let her words sink in. "So..."

"Please don't say it..." I whispered to myself.

"Silver Blossom and her friends will stay here, in Shoretrot, so that she may learn what it means to be a human." Celestia's smile returned.

"I can?!" Both me and Celestia turned our heads to see that Silver Blossom had returned to the store, with a huge grin on her face no less. "This is great!" She embraced Celestia in a hug. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

"How am I supposed to house four house guests?!" I tried to regain control of the situation. "I barely have enough room for myself!"

"That won't be an issue," Celestia replied while smiling at Silver Blossom, "I am sure that the ponies of Shoretrot will be happy to supply accommodations." She turned her attention to Silver Blossom. "How are Twilight and her friends?"

"They're fine," Silver Blossom replied before smiling at me. "And they all want to meet you too! Isn't this great?"

My head slumped forward and onto the table with a small thunk. "Lovely... just... lovely."

"Will you stay too?" Silver Blossom asked Celestia, completely ignoring my devastated state.

"No. As it is, I only planned to stay for a day and now that we know what we are looking for I wish to return to Canterlot to search for any information regarding humans. But rest assured, I will visit whenever I find the time."

I tilted my head slightly to look up at her. "At least give me back my broom!"

"Once I leave, you may have your weapon back," Celestia replied with the kindest of voices and started to get up. "I will see Twilight and her friends one more time before departing," she paused, "That was very good tea, by the way. Thank you."

I let my head slump onto the table again with a groan. "You're welcome."

Chapter 8: Hold up

"Hold up!" I called out to Celestia as I ran after her, Silver Blossom happily skipping along several feet behind me. "Are you seriously going to leave her here with me?!"

"Why not?" Celestia replied with a happy smile and a glance towards Silver Blossom. "She seems to already have taken a liking to you."

"Why not?" I tried to reason with her. "You don't even know me! I could be some deranged criminal!"

"But you aren't."

"You don't know that!"

Celestia stopped in her stride for a second with a sigh, almost making me fall over my own feet in the process. "Silver Blossom, please be so kind as to go on ahead without us. We will follow you in just a minute."

"Okay." Silver Blossom skipped by us and passed me a happy smile as she left while I wondered whatever words Celestia had that would sway me over in just a minute.

"Mr. Woodchuck..." Celestia started and the form of address was already enough to make me feel queasy. "I have lived long enough to meet every kind of strange being that walks this beautiful world."

"I'm not strange..." I returned, feeling slightly insulted. "At least not that much."

"I know," she replied with a small smile, "but all things considered and having talked to you, I am sure that you are no threat to Silver Blossom... And besides, I am not leaving her alone with you. I am leaving her with her friends and you so that she may learn about herself. I am sure the others will be just as happy to meet you as I am. I think this may the beginning of something very beautiful."

I felt my shoulders sag. "I'm not getting out of this, am I?"

"This is no chore, Mr. Woodchuck." She started to walk again. "We will all profit from this. Silver Blossom will finally have someone who can answer her questions... and you won't be alone anymore."

"I don't mind being alone that much." I shook my head and kept pace next to her. "The ponies of Shoretrot are friendly enough... and I keep myself occupied with my store."

Celestia gave me a short glance. "Were you also alone before you came here?"

I crossed my arms in defiance. "I'll have you know I had a very dedicated social life before I arrived here."

"Then surely you can understand what it feels like to be the only one of your kind in a foreign world."

And strike. She had me with that one. Straight through my defense with that damned logic of hers. "Yes. I understand, I guess..." I rubbed my brow with a sigh and stopped once more. "Look. I'm going to head back to my store, the locals are probably already wondering why it's closed in the middle of the day. Copper Cobbler already knows I'm not pushing charges, so there's not really any point in me coming with you anyhow."

"I guess you are right." Celestia gave me a skeptical look. "Although I do believe Silver Blossom wanted to introduce you to her friends..."

"I'm sure I'll meet them soon enough if they're really going to stay here as well," I replied with a weak smile, already imagining what terrors would await me. "It's not like I'm going to run away. This is my home now, after all."

Ever see an alicorn frown? No? If it wasn't me she was frowning at it might have been amusing. "You're not planning to run away, are you?"

"Me? Not in the slightest." I swear to this day that one of my eyebrows started twitching even as I said that... I was probably sweating too. Especially since her frown was only growing. "Come on. Where would I go to anyway?" Boardor. Definitely Boardor. "Tell Silver Blossom she and her friends can come to my store once the subject of their... well, you know... once that stuff is settled. I'll be waiting for them there."

Celestia didn't seem to be very convinced... and who could blame her for it? At least she wasn't frowning at me anymore. "Very well... I will tell Silver Blossom you returned to your store when I go see her and her friends."

With that and a final wave of my hand, I bid her farewell and started to head back towards my store.

Once I had returned to my store again I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me. This was my haven, my place of comfort... and now that it wasn't besieged by alicorns or element bearers any longer, it once again offered me the solitude I had come to cherish so much. Peace, normality, safety... at least until somebody jumped me from behind.

Fun fact number twelve; Getting knocked out by short-range magic sucks... big time... probably shouldn't call this one a fun fact for that matter.

The first thing that went through my head was pain, then disorientation, more pain, even more disorientation... and a feeling like I was about to puke any moment. In this state, the only thing that escaped me as I tried to open my eyes was a long, painful groan.

Opening my eyes didn't help much either. I was surrounded by darkness, and it took me a moment of panic before I realized I was actually stuck in some sort of bag... with bound hands and feet nonetheless. A whisper of disbelief escaped me. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me..."

"It seems you are finally awake, Silver Blossom..." a female voice made its presence known. "Open the bag... We wish to see what clever words this little hero has for us now."

Even as I felt them unbind the bag, I couldn't help but wonder; I knew that voice from somewhere... that malicious, female voice, the buzzing sound I was starting to notice... A terrible suspicion started to rise within me. "Pleeease..." I brought forth a silent prayer. "Please don't be who I think you are..."

Fun fact number thirty-four; The universe does not care about my prayers. Not in the slightest.

When the bag was pulled open and my eyes adjusted to the light cast by countless glowing crystals... I found myself staring up at a certain, baffled, and confused changeling queen.

Chrysalis simply stared at me with surprise, seemingly caught wordless at my appearance. Finally, after what seemed like minutes of staring at one another; "You're not Silver Blossom."

I don't know what came over me at this point. Maybe it was the accumulated stress of the day, maybe it was simply a spur of the moment... or the aftereffects of the knockout spell they used on me. Probably the latter. Whatever it was, I could not help but answer her observation. "I'm not?"

"No..." Chrysalis replied, still lost in her confusion. "No, you are not."

"This isn't my store." I decided to use the momentum of the situation to my advantage and play the fool. "Why am I not in my store?"

"I'm not entirely sure..." She surprised me by dropping the royal 'we' and turned her attention to some of the countless changelings present in the room. "Who is this?"

"Uhm..." one of the changelings carefully spoke up. "My queen, isn't this the one we were supposed to bring?" He pulled out a piece of parchment and read out loud. "Silver Blossom; Bipedal, black hair, hands..." He gave me a short glance. "Suspected in Shoretrot?" His hopeful face turned into one of worry as he saw his queen scowl.

"It also said female, did it not?" She pointed an angry hoof... leg... or appendage? I don't even know, but she was pointing it at me with a clearly annoyed expression. "Well?"

"We weren't entirely sure..." the changeling weakly replied. "It also said there was only one with these characteristics in all of Equestria, so we kind of figured..." he swallowed as he saw her scowl deepen. "I apologize my queen. It seems we have made a mistake."

"You don't say," Chrysalis said with a voice that clearly showed she was not amused before giving me an inquiring look with those green eyes of hers. "Who are you?"

"I'm Woodchuck," I answered, "I have a store... in Shoretrot."

"I figured as much." She raised an eyebrow. "What are you?"

I briefly wondered how many times I had been asked that question that day already. "I'm... uhm..." Did it really make a difference? Probably not, but I was going to play it as safe as I could. "I'm a bearotaur."

"A bearotaur?" She gave me an incredulous look. "Really?" I only nodded. "And is Silver Blossom a bearotaur as well?"

"Who?" I stuck to playing the idiot. Getting associated with Celestia or the element bearers was only to get me in even more trouble at this point...

"Silver Blossom," Chrysalis repeated herself, "friend of Twilight Sparkle, the other element bearers and the alicorn sisters? Hero?" Her brow furrowed. "Undoing of all my plans?"

"Never heard of any of them." That one might have been a bit too ignorant... A quick check of her expression confirmed this suspicion.

"Never heard of them..." she repeated my words and a terrifying smirk found its way onto her lips. "In that case, your life holds little value to us, doesn't it?"

"Oh, wait." I quickly tried to catch myself. "Silver Blossom? Little girl? Black hair and brown eyes? Walks around with a certain, purple unicorn?"

"That would be her, yes."

"Huh... Nope. Don't know them." For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to endanger Silver Blossom. If Chrysalis would use me as a trap... the mere idea made me sick. So... I continued to play the fool. "Who are you again?"

For a second, she simply stared at me. The silence didn't last long though. "Enough of the games!" she thundered at me. "We know you are playing with us!" Her eyes narrowed. "And we are not amused."

"You're not amused?!" I shocked her by shouting back, my stress finally boiling over. "How do you think I feel?! For Pete's sake! I've been abducted by frigging changelings! I knew something bad was bound to happen the moment Celestia walked into my..." I choked on my words. "Store... Uhm... oh, boy."

"Repeat that last part," Chrysalis ordered with newfound interest, her voice almost hissing.

"I'm a bearotaur?"

"Not that..." she scowled at me and stepped closer. "The other part."

"I have a store? In Shoretrot?" I felt my mouth go dry as she continued to approach me. "I'm Woodchuck?"

Author's Note

Happy Christmas guys! ;)

Chapter 9: Pushing my luck

"What is your connection to Celestia?!" Chrysalis was almost spitting the words.

"I pay taxes to her?" I replied as feebly as I could as I saw her scowl go even deeper. "And I... I put up an Equestrian flag in my window to celebrate on Founder's Day... Also," I played with my fingers as more useless information started to flood forth from my brain. "I have a limited amount of the Bersley-Hoof tea set, the same set the royal princesses use." I gulped as I watched the expressions dance over her face. "They come in a selection of pink, blue and-"

"What in the Tartarus do I care what kind of silverware Celestia uses?!" Chrysalis pulled me close by my bound wrists.

"It's actually a tea set-"

"Enough!" she snarled at me. "You just admitted that she was in your store! Why was she there?! Was she there with Silver Blossom and Twilight Sparkle?!"

"She wanted some tea." I replied while trying to keep a straight face and probably not doing very well at that. Not that I can be blamed with an angry changeling queen right in front of me. "I got her Silver Leaf tea, which is strange because I would have figured she's more of a Lemon Grass type." I paused. "Also, she bought a few cookies I-"

"What about Silver Blossom?!" she interrupted me with an almost frantic voice. "And Twilight Sparkle?! Were they there as well?!"

"Who?"

"Argh!" she gave a shout of frustration and started shaking me by my collar. "Silver Blossom and Twilight Sparkle! A purple unicorn and a female..." she gave me a disgusted look. "Bearotaur, or whatever it is you are!"

"Sorry, I can't remember seeing any other bearotaurs all day." The words were broken and awkward as she continued to shake me. "And Twilight was in prison, so she really couldn't-" I felt the blood leave my face as the words escaped me. "Never mind."

"Aha!" she stopped the shaking and pulled me close to her face. "I knew it! I knew you were trying to play me for a fool! Out with it! What is your connection to Silver Blossom and the Elements of Harmony?!" she suddenly deadpanned. "Why was Twilight Sparkle in prison?"

I put on a confused expression. "Who?"

A scream of anger escaped her. "Enough with this idiocy!" she started shaking me again. "You will tell me everything you know or so help me I will strangle you myself!"

"I'll talk! I'll tell you everything!" I joined her shouting as the violent shaking continued.

She stopped her shaking, but still kept her grip on my collar as she stared me down. "Everything! Now!"

"I am Woodchuck. I have a store in Shoretrot where I live..." I briefly wondered why I was even trying to push my luck any further. Maybe I simply didn't want to give her the satisfaction? Either that or I was still in shock from my recent mistreatment. Probably the latter. "And... that's about it." I tilted my head slightly. "Who are you again?"

I think I could actually see her snap at that moment. Something in the way her face started to twitch. She only stared at me for a moment, eyes twitching and breathing heavily before dropping me and starting to scream in anger.

"He is driving me insane!" she turned to the changelings that had probably brought me to her. "I ask for one simple thing! Bring me Silver Blossom! Instead," she pointed a shaking hoof at me. "You bring me this! This!" she spat the word out. "Imbecile!

"I actually have an IQ of a hundred and ten." I mumbled to myself, feeling slightly insulted.

"We're sorry, my queen!" the changelings quivered in fear. "We thought he was the right one!"

"Can't blame them, really." I continued to mumble. "She does have the same hair color as me."

"What was that?!" Chrysalis spun around as she picked up the words even in her frenzy.

"Huh? I didn't say anything." I tried to look innocent and shrugged. "Also, I think I left my stove on, so... Could I get back to my store? I have customers to take care of, you know." Not to mention preparation for hibernation. Definitely important.

"You just admitted you know her!"

"No, I didn't," I replied as straight-faced as I could, and as if on queue another sentence escaped me that was probably worse than everything else I had said to that point. "Also, you can't really say I know her. I mean after all, I've only known her for a few hours before you dragged me-" I saw her grind her teeth. "Lets just pretend I didn't say that." I stared at the wall ahead of me. "You could really use some curtains."

Just as I thought Chrysalis was about to explode, she suddenly became calm. So calm it actually made me even more nervous. She stood there for a second, and then simply turned to her drones. "You. Bring me everything from our torture chamber."

"What?!" I turned to her with big eyes. "Why would you even have a torture chamber?!"

Fun fact number one; There are things they just don't tell you in a show made for little children. This being one of them.

"Seriously? Do you have to? Can't you just send me back to Shoretrot and we both act like none of this ever happened?!"

Chrysalis gave me a cold stare and without turning to her drones, "Don't forget the whip and the burning iron."

"Oh, come on!"

Sometimes, I wonder if the universe hates me.

Looking back, hate is probably the wrong word. But there is definitely a dislike. Definitely.

"This is all your fault!" I shouted as I scrambled for cover. "I told you this would happen!"

"How is this my fault?!" Celestia shouted back even as she and the others were locked in their battle with the changelings and their queen. "We are here to save you!"

Moments before Chrysalis was about to start what without doubt would have become a very bloody and painful interrogation; Celestia, accompanied by the Elements of Harmony and Silver Blossom had burst through one of the walls and into the main chamber.

"You're the reason I'm in this mess!" I screamed as I jumped for cover while magic projectiles flew over me. Lying behind a thrown-over pillar, I could make out a deep-blue flash of magic. "Oh god, not her too!"

"We have come to free the one called Woodchuck!" Luna thundered in her royal voice as she entered the battle, followed by a whole platoon of royal guards. "Surrender him to us immediately."

"Never!" Chrysalis scowled. "The bearotaur is mine!"

"Will you just all leave me alone?!" I crawled over the floor with my hands still bound. A projectile exploded on the ceiling above me, covering me in dust. "I knew I should have stayed in bed today!"

I looked up from behind my cover and spotted Silver Blossom, swinging a stick while standing in the middle of the brawl. "Get them!" she shouted as she and the others pushed forward.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" In what I can only assume was another case of losing my already nonexistent senses; I jumped up from the ground as quickly as my bound hands and apron allowed me to and made a beeline for Silver Blossom, running between fighting ponies and changelings while keeping my head low as magic projectiles kept flying around me.

"Hey!" a surprised shout escaped Silver Blossom as I put my bound arms over her, scooped her up and threw her over one of my shoulders in full run. "What are you doing?! Put me down!"

"Like hell I am!" I replied as I kept on running frantically. "You're way too young to be doing these kind of things!"

"The bearotaur is trying to flee!" Chrysalis shouted in rage as she exchanged shots with Celestia and Twilight. "Seize them!"

"Guards! Liberate the one known as Woodchuck!" Luna shouted her own commands.

"Will you not?!" I shouted as two large groups fell in behind me; a frantic knot battling for domination now directly on my trail. "Seriously, give me a damn break!"

"You're running in circles!" Silver Blossom shouted as she bobbed up and down on my shoulder, still struggling to get down.

"I'm trying to find an exit!" I replied before spotting the opening in the wall. "Aha!"

"Put me down! I know what I'm doing!" Silver Blossom continued to protest even as I dashed through the hole and started heading upwards. "This is stupid!"

"Don't you dare take that tone with me, young lady!"

"Seize them!" the fighting mob started to follow me up through the tunnel.

"Go find someone else to bother!" I kept on furiously pumping my legs. "I'm too old for this shit!"

Much to my surprise, Silver Blossom suddenly stopped squirming. "Go faster!"

"What?!" I tilted my head slightly and caught a glimpse of what coming up from behind... at increasing speeds nonetheless. "Oh, come on! She can't hate you that much, can she?!"

Chrysalis had joined the chase and was now leading the battling knot of ponies and changelings, Celestia and Luna not far behind. "Come back here!" she snarled as she chased us.

"Nope!" I turned my attention to the front again. "Not gonna happen!"

The chase continued, and just when I thought my breath was going to leave me; sunlight, fresh air, freedom. "About time!" I have a victory shout as I felt the sun on my face, but the feeling of success did not last long.

Shortly after I exited the tunnel with Silver Blossom still slung over my shoulder and my hands locked around her, the tunnel entrance spewed out an eruption of fighting ponies, alicorns and changelings.

Chapter 10: House occupation

Anyone reading up to this point is probably going to expect some explicit battle description next. Valor, shouting, swears of vengeance and all that accompanies it. And in all honesty, I would have written down everything that happened after Silver Blossom and I broke through to the surface were it not for one slight problem;

I didn't see it.

The reason for this lack of information is as simple as it is annoying; I took a magic projectile straight to the face. And even to this day I swear it was purple... Twilight Sparkle still evades the subject whenever I bring it up.

So... sorry; no battle story. Instead, I'll pick up where my brain started functioning again.

The battle probably wasn't even that interesting anyway...

Darkness, warmth; the soft, unmistakable feeling of blankets on my skin and a comfy mattress beneath me... Even on the verge of awareness, I knew I was back home in my bed; safe, alone and-

A shift in the bed, a slight deformation of the covers... It took me a moment to realize it, but someone had just climbed up onto my bed. Or was it somepony?

As my mind was still trying to make my body move, I could feel a small hand being placed on my brow. Silver Blossom. An inner sigh escaped me as I realized she was alright. But at the same time, I couldn't help but let out a small sigh; I had somehow still hoped to wake up and find that everything until now had been a dream.

Then again, the universe never did care about my hopes.

Still, the human contact felt nice. It was something I had not felt for a long time, and it made a warm sensation of happiness that surprised me pass through myself realizing another human being cared for me.

At least until she started playing with my face.

To this day I still don't know what she was trying to do; whether she was merely bored, curious or trying to accomplish something. Or was it still simply the stubble that fascinated her?

Whatever it was she was trying to do, it was starting to get on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, I was still happy she was alright. But the assault on my face was not very comfortable; not to mention I was sure she was shaping the skin on my face to lengths and shapes that it was not meant to take.

The hands were removed once more, and just as I started to wonder what would happen next I was surprised to feel her shift on the bed again. I felt her scoot closer towards me and then stop, seemingly sitting on the bed right next to myself. What was she doing?

The answer came as a surprise as I felt her soft breath on my face and a slight tickling sensation on my skin that could only be her hair. This was slowly but certainly taking a very awkward direction.

Finally, I started to regain control over my own body and carefully opened my eyes, staring up into her own surprised face only inches away from mine.

"Uhm... hey?" I greeted her, the word the only thing coming to my mind as she stared down at me with her brown eyes.

"Hey..." she managed to reply after a moment of surprised silence and still keeping her face close to mine.

"What are you doing?" I asked with a slightly puzzled expression.

"Uhh..." she seemed to have trouble finding an answer. "Waiting for you to wake up?"

"Well, I'm up." I replied with a feeling of growing unease. Something in the way she was sitting above me... let's just say if someone would have entered the room at that moment it would probably have been cause for a lot of misunderstandings.

"Oh..." she replied with a sigh of relief and leaned backwards again, though for a slight moment I think I saw disappointment cross her face. "Celestia said you would probably wake up again soon," she sat on her legs next to me and played with her fingers. "So I figured I'd wait until you did."

"That's nice of you," I replied as I propped myself up slightly. "But why am I even-" I stopped half-way through my question as I noticed something. "Are you... are you wearing one of my shirts?"

Silver Blossom looked down herself and put on an apologetic smile. "Well, my clothes got really dirty during the fight and I didn't want to catch a cold..." she trailed off as she saw my face. "You don't mind, do you?"

She was wearing one of my long-sleeved white shirts, the buttons on the wrists as well as the first three top and bottom buttons on the front unbuttoned; and it looked ridiculous. I mean, the shirt was already slightly too big for me, but for her it was big enough to qualify as a dress. Judging by the length it reached half-way to her knees, and she was constantly pulling back the sleeves to keep her hands free.

That in itself wasn't the issue though. I would have been fine with lending her a shirt, it's the decent thing to do after all. The problem I was having with it, was of a slightly different nature.

Wearing an oversized shirt is okay, even cute to a certain extent; but when it's seemingly the only thing you're wearing, things tend to get... strange.

"No," I swallowed nervously and tried to banish the weirdness into the back of my mind. "I don't mind..." I looked around myself and tried to think of something to talk about. "So... what happened anyway?"

Silver Blossom cringed slightly. "You got knocked out by a spell..."

I frowned. "Who's spell?"

"Uhmm..." I could see her hesitate. "I don't know?"

"Okay..." I decided not to pursue the subject for the moment, even though I was pretty sure she was hiding something. "So, I guess you guys won the fight?"

A sudden wave of excitement washed over her face as she started to bounce up and down on the bed. "You should have seen it! Everypony was so cool! Celestia and Luna both teamed up on Chrysalis," she started to stand up and raise her arms. "And they did this crazy spell that created this huge ball of energy," I watched her arms tremble as she held them before herself with a huge grin. "And then," she suddenly threw up her arms. "Boom!"

"Oh, god!" I quickly covered my eyes with my hands, feeling my cheeks burn a crimson red.

Remember a few chapters back; when I hoped that the whole nudity thing had gone by her? Well, hope denied. The moment she threw up her arms the shirt traveled upwards and served for an image that would undoubtedly have put me in a jail cell back on earth.

"What are you doing?" I could hear Silver Blossom asked with confusion. "Is something wrong? Your head is really red all of a sudden."

"No." I continued to cover my eyes, "Just... are you still raising your arms?"

"Uhm... I am?" she answered, and from her voice I could tell she had no idea why this was making me blush.

"Could you please lower them?" I asked, still refusing to look.

"Okay..." she paused, "Why?"

"Just... do it, I'll explain later." I sat up and put my legs over the edge of the bed. It seemed they had taken off my apron, but at least had left me the decency of my pants and shirt. I felt her shift and hop off the bed next to me.

"So," I carefully took a peek at her through my fingers and a small sighed escaped me when I saw she was no longer raising her arms. "I got knocked out, you guys won the fight... and you brought me back here?" I carefully got up, checking that my legs were still functioning.

Silver Blossom nodded. "Twilight was really worried when she saw that-" she suddenly paled a bit, "Uhh.. when she saw you got knocked out." She put on a small smile. "But Celestia checked on you and told us you would be alright after a good day of sleep."

"Okay," I stretched a little but then a terrifying thought entered my mind. "Does this mean everyone is here?" I briefly considered getting back into my bed but Silver Blossom shook her head.

"Celestia, Fluttershy and Pinkie had to go back to Ponyville. Twilight, Applejack and Dash are staying with officer Cobbler; he was nice enough to let them out to help us, but they still have to do forty-six hours of civil work because of..." she grimaced slightly, "Well, you know."

"Don't worry. Copper Cobbler won't be too hard on them I'm sure. He's got a nice place too, so I'm sure they'll be fine and-" I stopped. "Wait, what about the rest?" my eyes narrowed as two names flashed up in my mind. "What about Princess Luna and Rarity?"

"Well," Silver Blossom answered with a slightly nervous expression. "Rarity and the others decided to take turns staying here, so that I wouldn't be alone and they could get to know you better." Later, I would learn that it was actually Celestia who came up with this part.

"Okay, fair enough..." I sighed, one of them wouldn't be as bad, probably. "What about princess Luna?"

Silver Blossom actually cringed at the question. "Promise not to be mad?"

"Why?" I felt my brow furrow.

She started to play with her fingers again. "Aunt Luna decided she wanted to make sure something like this wouldn't happen again," she gave me a careful glance. "So she decided to stay a bit longer."

I stared at Silver Blossom for a short moment, trying to put her words together in my mind. "How much longer are we talking here?"

Silver Blossom opened her mouth to give an answer, but seemingly couldn't decide on one... and simply shrugged instead.

"Oh, god..." I fell backwards onto my bed again. "I have an alicorn princess occupying my house... and a child that doesn't know what underwear is," I closed my eyes with a small groan. "I'll be lucky if I survive a week..."

It didn't really help the silence that followed when Luna entered the room with one of my underpants on her head.

Chapter 11: Alicorn standards

"Oh, you are up?" Luna gave me a polite smile and a nod of her head. "It is good to see you are alright. We were all very worried when Twilight-" Luna broke off suddenly and by the way she was looking next to me I am almost certain Silver Blossom was making some sort of frantic gestures with her face. "...When you were struck by that unfortunate spell." Luna finished the sentence with a slightly nervous smile and walked closer towards me, making it difficult for me to take my eyes off the bobbing underwear on her head.

She took a step closer towards me and slightly inclined her head, her makeshift crown only inches from my face. "I am Princess Luna. It is a pleasure to meet you, Woodchuck."

"A pleasure..." For a moment, I simply stared at her. "May I ask..." I finally asked when I could no longer stand the awkwardness of the situation. "Why are you wearing that?"

"This?" she pointed to her head and put on what could only be described as an attempted silly smile, which faltered quickly when she saw my frown. "I apologize," she replied nervously. "I found it in one of the laundry baskets, and it was simply too curious an object to ignore..." My frown was growing with every word that left her mouth. "It," Luna finally seemed to realize her mistake, "It is not a hat, is it?"

"No," I replied and slightly shook my head. "No, it is not."

"What is it then?" Silver Blossom asked and tilted her head in wonder.

"Those," I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples with a small sigh. "Those are underpants."

"Underpants?" Luna asked with confusion. "What are they for?"

I looked up over my hand with an exhausted face. "They're for covering... certain parts." I noticed Luna's empty face and a small groan escaped me. "Certain, indecent parts."

For a moment, Luna simply stared at me and I think I could actually see the gears in her mind working. Then, the coin seemed to finally drop; at least judging by the way her eyes widened and the flush that spread over her face.

"Oh!" she quickly took the underpants of her head and handed them towards me with an abashed face. "I apologize. I realize that certain cultures..." she seemed to have difficulties finding the correct words, "have different practices concerning the topic of clothing."

"No kidding." I sighed and let my head drop forward.

"I don't get it," Silver Blossom eyed the piece of clothing in my hands with curiosity. "What are they for?"

Before I could even start to wonder as to how to explain this certain subject to her, Luna beat me to it. "Certain cultures," she started to explain, "have different practices on the topic of clothing, Silver Blossom. Basically, in these cultures it is considered indecent to not cover ones..." she hesitated, "ones private parts."

At first it seemed that Silver Blossom didn't understand what Luna was telling her, all the while my head was turning more and more red in the process. But then, she suddenly looked down herself and her eyes widened considerably. "I'm indecent?!"

"No!" I quickly held up a hand to interrupt her. "You just don't know it any different! There's a difference!" I sighed and put down my hand. "Back where I come from, it is not socially acceptable to run around in the nude. You've been raised differently, so it's in no way indecent for you... but for me it is... a bit strange." I sighed and looked up at her. "Look. I won't mind if you run around like you want to, but it would make me feel a lot more comfortable if you'd wear some underwear around me. So... just consider it?"

Silver Blossom's face was beet red at this point. "Uhm... okay." she mumbled and quickly nodded. "I'll think about it."

"Gods," I sighed and carefully got out off bed. "This is just getting stranger and stranger by the minute... Let's just pretend this just didn't happen and go downstairs, okay? I'll have to open up the store again or I'll lose my customers."

Fun fact number five; my customers are very loyal. The last day I kept my shop closed on a regular day about half the town showed up fearing I was dying from fatigue.

I just wanted to get out of the bedroom and away from the awkwardness as quickly as possible. What I had not accounted for though, was that the situation was only going to get more awkward from here on.

"Downstairs?" Luna asked with sudden dread before swallowing and trying to act calm.

"Yeah, downstairs." I replied with a raised eyebrow and started to head for the door. "Where my store is?"

"Oh... Oh, of course!" Luna gave Silver Blossom a meaningful glance. "Let us all head downstairs... into your store."

"Okay..." I shook my head and decided to ignore the strange response. I walked down the corridor and followed the stairs to the lower floor, a suddenly very quiet Princess Luna and Silver Blossom hesitantly following in my steps. And as I continued my way downstairs, I strangely found a slight feeling of dread start to spread over me. When I got down there, would I find my store in ruins?

Much to my relief, when I reached the bottom of the stairs and entered my store; everything was in perfect order. The shelves were organized and clean, not a single grain of dust or anything out of order. The windows were clean, the counter was ready and my apron was waiting for me... Everything was perfect. Too perfect.

It took me a second to realize it, but sure enough and ever so slowly... I started to notice something.

"Alright," I sighed and let my arms drop. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?" Silver Blossom carefully asked. "Is something missing?"

"Yes, Woodchuck." Luna put on a nervous face. "Isn't everything in order?"

"No," I replied. "Everything is in top condition... and that's just it." I started to point to things as I accounted for everything. "That shelf had three scratches on the end from when I carried in a new cupboard. There was a dirty spot in that window I could never remove and I know for certain that the counter had a dent from when I set down a box of cans too hard." I turned to the two of them, and the sheepish look on their faces only made me frown. "So... what happened?"

Luna tried to hold the impassive face for another moment, but then she finally gave up with a small sigh. "We... had to do some repairs. Celestia and myself had hoped you would not notice, as we did not wish to cause you any more stress. So we repaired everything while you were sleeping."

"They used a repair spell," Silver Blossom offered with a small smile.

"Okay," I replied with a dry voice and turned back to Luna. "So why did you have to use a repair spell?"

Luna let out another sigh. "When my sister returned here to see you once more, she found a changeling drone acting as you instead... and doing quite a poor job at it too, if I may add."

"And I assume she wasn't very happy about that?" I mused.

"Not at all," Luna confirmed with a slightly bitter face.

"What did she do?" I continued to ask.

Luna seemed to consider her answer for a moment, but then she started to form her reply. "Let us just say, that there is a very good reason my sister does not use the Royal Canterlot Voice anymore."

I stared at her with a blank face. "Are you telling me... she shouted my store to pieces?"

"Well," Luna cringed slightly. "Shouted is not really the word I would-"

"She was screaming!" Silver Blossom spoke up with a big grin and made Luna drop her head with a quiet sigh of defeat. "We could hear her all the way over to the station! She even blew the windows out!"

"Alright," I rubbed my face with an exhausted sigh, making a mental note never to get Celestia angry enough to shout at me. At the same time, I couldn't help but notice I was starting to sprout quite the stubble. "Everything seems to be in order, so thank you." I turned to the two of them with a smile of my own. "Also, thanks for getting me out of there. I really appreciate it."

"It was no trouble at all." Luna replied with a slight bow of her head while Silver Blossom only smiled at me.

"Good, good." I continued to rub my chin in thought. "As long as everything is in order and back to normal, I'm happy." I started to head upstairs again. "Now, I just need a shave."

Luna watched me ascend the stair with a befuddled expression. "Where are you going now?"

"I need a shave, so I'm going to the bathroom." I explained even as I continued to head upwards. "Can't greet the customers looking like this, can I?"

"To the bathroom?" Luna's voice started to sound strange as I reached the top of the stairs. "Oh, dear..."

"What's a shave, aunt Luna?"

Only a moment after I had reached the bathroom door and opened it, I found myself staring through the open door like a complete idiot.

What was behind my door, was not a bathroom. At least not mine. Instead, I found myself staring into a complete bathhouse; with royal crests all over the place.

At first, I didn't know what words I should choose to express my surprise at this situation. But then, I found them in the form of a scream.

"LUNA!"

Chapter 12: Simple necessities

"Luna," I spoke evenly and quietly as I continued to furiously rub my temples while Luna fidgeted next to me. "What is this?"

"It's... a bathroom?" Luna answered with a weak smile.

"It's a big bathroom!" Silver Blossom commented next to me with a big grin.

"Bathrooms don't have pools in them," I replied with a groan. "And royal seals for that matter..." I turned to Luna. "Where's my bathroom?"

"Your old bathroom," Luna spoke with obvious nervousness. "It was a bit..." she seemed to have trouble finding the correct word.

"Small?" Silver Blossom offered with a weak smile.

"My old bathroom wasn't small, it was functional." I replied with a sigh and noticed something for the first time. "How does all of this even fit inside my house? The whole place is bigger than my entire upper floor!"

Fun fact number twenty three; my original bathroom has an area of six square meters. It has a shower, a toilet, a sink and a mirror. I like to think about it as being 'normal', or probably adequate, or something along those lines. Whatever one would call it, I- I'm going to stop writing about this now. Probably shouldn't even be a fun fact for that matter. Instead, fun fact number twenty three; never let an alicorn princess remodel your personal space. The amount of pink is unbearable.

"Well," Luna shifted slightly before putting on what could only be a proud smile. "It's magic. It's a special spell that reshapes the space inside the room so that-"

"Alright, alright," I held up a hand to interrupt her. "I get it. Alicorn magic... So why did you change it again? I was perfectly fine with the old one."

"Yes. But," that awful combination of two simple words still makes me shiver. "How do I put this?" Luna seemed to think for a moment. "Aside from the fact that I could hardly fit inside the shower-"

"She got stuck in there for minutes!" Silver Blossom whispered to me with a giggle and made Luna's face sag.

"Aside from that," Luna continued slightly less enthusiastic. "There wasn't a bathtub..." she saw my frown. "And I really enjoy baths?"

At this point I was back to rubbing my temples. "So you're really going to stay here, aren't you?"

Princess Luna seemed surprised at this question. "Well yes, of course. How else would I keep a watch over your safety?"

"Mhm Mhm..." I mumbled with eyes clenched shut and still rubbing my temples, doing my best not to remind her that all of what had happened had been caused by her and her sister's presence alone. I imagined that it was probably already too late to do anything about it at this point. It was most likely that I was lost the moment I first met them anyway.

I finally broke out of my attempt at a stress-relief meditation. "So where is my bathroom?"

"It's still there," Luna replied with a confused face. "But why would you want it? This bath is much nicer and everything you could ask for," she gave me a small smile. "There is even enough space for all of us to take a bath together. Isn't that much nicer?"

I'm pretty sure that some would have jumped at an opportunity to have a private bath with an alicorn princess. Me? I just felt really, really weird at the prospect. "One; this bath does not have everything I need. All of my hygiene products an accessories are custom made and I need them to look appropriate..."

Fun fact number eleven; try to get a decent razor in Equestria. I dare you. Custom imports from the griffon kingdom are expensive, take massive time and you still have to explain to customs that it isn't a weapon. I shaved with a kitchen knife and a pair of scissors for the first year.

"And two; remember what I told you about the nudity thing?"

Luna gave me a slightly befuddled look. "That counts for baths as well?"

"It does," I replied with a dead-serious face. "Aside from the fact that it would feel incredibly weird to get in a bath with two people I've only known for a day."

"I wouldn't mind," Silver Blossom spoke up with a big blush while looking down to inspect her own two feet. "I promise I wouldn't peek."

I only shook my head with a quiet sigh before turning back to Luna. "So please, can I now enter my bathroom?"

Princess Luna seemed slightly disappointed at my lacking enthusiasm, but she nodded nonetheless. "Close the door," I pulled it shut. "Now, stand back a bit," I took a big step backwards and watched her horn flare up with magic, the noise accompanying her channeling echoing through the corridor.

"There," she nodded and stepped back from the door. "You can now enter your old bathroom again... though you are still welcome to use the other one whenever you wish to."

"I'll keep it in mind," I replied and opened the door, a happy sigh escaping me as my little safe place of normality greeted me. It almost felt like meeting an old friend.

Five minutes. Even after five minutes they were still staring at me with absolute confusion. From the moment I started to prepare the shaving foam to when I started applying it to my face they continued to stare at me in silence. Had I been smart I would have just closed the door, but living alone you tend to neglect such simple things.

"What is he doing?" Silver Blossom whispered before giggling. "He looks funny!"

"I'm not sure," Luna replied with fascination. "Maybe this is some sort of human ritual to-" she saw me pull out the razor and fascination went to obvious concern. "What is that?"

"It's a razor," I replied with an air of casualty and gave the blade a testing look. "I use it to shave off my beard."

"It looks sharp!" Silver Blossom noted with awe.

"Hold it right there," Luna finally seemed to understand what I was going to do, and she seemed very concerned at this point. "You're going to use that to cut the hair on your face?!"

"I am," I replied simply and flung the towel I was going to use over my shoulder.

"What if you cut yourself?" Next to Luna, I could see Silver Blossom grow pale at the idea.

"I only did that the first two times," I inspected my face in the mirror from all sides, deciding where to set the razor. "I never cut myself these days."

"Are you sure?" Luna asked, obviously not believing me. "What about just using magic? I'm sure I could help."

"Nope," I shook my head. "There are things a man needs to do himself. Now quiet, I need to concentrate."

Shaving in front of the two was the strangest thing I had ever done up to that point, ever. The moment I brought the razor up to my face I could actually hear them take a sharp inward breath, hold it, and finally release it again when I finished the first downward motion. This kept up during the entire phase of shaving my throat, each stroke accompanied by them holding their breath; especially when I reached the part under my adam's apple. Even the parts where I stroked off excess foam were followed with suspense.

At some point though, seeing as I was obviously not going to cut myself the tension seemed to leave them and I could finally fully concentrate on the task at hand. And just as I was busy shaving the last stubble off my cheek, the universe once again proved that it did not like me. Not in the slightest.

Fully captivated by my task, neither my two little voyeurs nor myself had noticed the door to the shop being opened. Neither had we heard the hoofsteps coming up the stairs; until a high-pitched voice broke through the silence.

"Good morning, everypony!"

Even back then I remembered that Rarity always had a flair for slightly dramatic entries. But it still came as a shock when she walked up to the door and greeted all of us with her sing-song voice at its best volume. I don't know if it startled the other two, but it certainly had an effect on me.

Startled by the sudden intrusion, I momentarily forgot about the razor on my face; and turned my head sharp to the side to see who had just entered my house.

Big mistake on my part.

Anyone who ever used a razor can pretty much tell you what happens when you do sideways motions while shaving.

Fun fact number six; unicorns, as well as alicorns and children raised by alicorns have a slight issue with seeing blood. The screaming panic that ensued lasted minutes. Not to mention that my shirt was ruined. As were my pants, my towel, and part of the rug in the corridor.

Author's Note

Feeling slightly better today, so here's an update for all of you :)

Chapter 13: The usual

There are some that would probably argue that pain is merely a point of perspective, a signal from the body to warn you and that it is merely a question of will to ignore it.

I would argue that those people are full of crap. And anyone that ever cut himself with a razor or stubbed a little toe on a hard piece of furniture would probably agree.

Fun fact number seven; don't cut yourself with a griffon-made razor. Seriously. Just don't. I'm pretty sure I hit bone at some point, though it's hard to be sure with me screaming at the top of my lungs.

"Now," Luna gave me a gaze that was a mixture of both concern and something that somehow reminded me of a scolding. "I will have to refresh the spell twice a day, but other than that the wound should be fine." She let out a small sigh. "Though I strongly advise from shaving until the area is completely healed," she cast me a small frown. "You do realize such dangerous tasks are much better handled by magic?"

Next to her, Silver Blossom frantically nodded in agreement; still a bit pale from the panic that had passed only a few minutes ago.

"I know, I know..." I carefully poked the large band-aid now adorning my face. "But I don't have magic, so I have to make do with what I can," I saw Luna open her mouth. "And I am not growing a beard."

The thing with magical healing is difficult to explain, so I'll try to boil it down to the important part: Any healing magic is only temporary. A healing spell will only hold for a short time, unless renewed regularly. This means that instead of directly healing injuries, they instead concentrate on aiding the natural healing process. It will shorten the time considerably, just don't expect any miracles.

"Well, yes," Luna gave a small sigh, "though what I meant to say is that I could simply help you with the shaving part. Magic is much more gentle concerning such delicate matters."

I briefly shuddered at the though of her handling my razor with telekinesis. Even with her being an alicorn princess, getting a shave from a stranger is not something I'd do without concern. Not in a long shot.

"Yes! You should definitely consider having us help!" Rarity had seemingly found her point to pick up the conversation. I wonder to this day what they think how I managed to handle my life without them. Admitted though, the first impressions weren't necessarily speaking in my favor. "And I still have to apologize!"

"It's really no problem," I sighed and leaned on the counter of my shop, giving her a small smile and trying to block out what cleaning still awaited me upstairs. "Things like this can happen. It was just a little accident."

"Oh, no it was certainly not!" Rarity all but wailed at me. "You seriously hurt yourself because of me! Any lower and you would have hit your throat!" I could see Silver Blossom's already pale face turn even paler at Rarity's sentence. "And I will not leave without doing something to show how deeply sorry I am for it!"

"Really, it's okay," I held up my hands and tried to sooth her. "I accept your apology. You don't have to go out of your-"

"Something so terrible cannot be settled by a simple apology!" she interrupted me with a small glare before smiling at me. "This evening, I shall cook for us. Then, you may accept my apology."

"You'll cook?" I raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"You cook?" Silver Blossom asked with an equally surprised face.

"Of course I cook!" Rarity held up her head a bit higher and her smile grew a little. "I do look after Sweetie Belle often enough, don't I?"

"I always thought you only made dresses," Silver Blossom gave her a blank look, "and stuff like that."

"Oh, don't be silly, darling. Nopony is simply limited to their talent," Rarity smiled at Silver Blossom and chuckled. "We all have our little hobbies. You should ask Applejack about her knitting once in a while. She's very good at it."

Silver Blossom gave Rarity a dumbfounded look. "Applejack knits?"

"Uhm," I tentatively interrupted them and held up a hand. "Who exactly is 'us'?"

"Well, all of us!" Rarity gave me a warm smile. "Princess Luna, Silver Blossom, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, me..." she pointed a well-manicured hoof at me. "And of course, you." Rarity started to head around the counter towards the door leading into my kitchen. "I will start straight away! Silver Blossom, could you go tell the others we'll be having dinner here this evening?"

"Uhm..." Silver Blossom answered, still baffled, "I guess I could..."

With that and a final smile Rarity vanished into my kitchen, with me still wondering how I was going to fit all of them into my kitchen less find seats for everyone.

"Well," Luna spoke up with a small sigh. "Since that seems to be settled, I will head back upstairs and take care of..." she grimaced a bit. "Cleaning."

"Wait, shouldn't I do that?" I started to get up from behind the counter. It somehow felt strange to think that someone else would clean up in my house. Especially considering the mess that needed to be cleaned. "I really think that I-"

"Oh, no. I insist!" Luna interrupted me with a smile that could have stopped a train in its tracks. "After all, I cannot help but feel responsible for this as well. You just stay here, take care of your shop," she gave me another smile and headed upstairs, "and relax."

"But I-"

"Woodchuck," she stopped at the bottom of the stairs and gave me another smile.

"Yes?" I asked with a slight feeling of discomfort.

"Relax." Even with her smile I couldn't help but shiver. "You are far too tense," she started heading back up again. "This will work far better if you simply trust us. We are all here to help you."

"Help me..." I mumbled and sat down again with a sigh and turned to Silver Blossom who had been quiet the whole time. "Is she right? Am I too tense?"

"Uhm..." Silver Blossom stared at me with big eyes, seemingly startled at my sudden question. "I... I think I should go tell the others that we're having dinner over here... so," she flashed me a shy grin, "see you later!"

And with that, she too was gone, leaving me behind in the silence of my shop. Only the occasional sounds from upstairs or my kitchen reminded me that for the first time in three years, I was not alone. And for some reason, it made me smile.

At least until Rarity found the chicken in my freezer.

Silver Blossom hadn't been gone for long and I had just finished awkwardly calming down Rarity who, after having found out that me and Silver Blossom both apparently ate meat had been a bit... disturbed. Luckily she calmed down soon enough, and we both agreed quickly that a vegetarian dinner would be the best for this evening. So she had returned to the kitchen and occasionally I could hear her hum while Luna continued to work upstairs.

Strangely enough, now that I think of it she did spend a lot of time up there. I wonder what she was actually doing.

And once again, I digress. Shortly after Rarity had gone back into the kitchen, I got my first customers for that day: the Peg brothers.

The Peg brothers are the two sons of the local farmer Pumpkin Peg. Pumpkin Peg, as his name may incline farms pumpkins. Serious stallion. Hard worker, never lies, very devoted to tradition and upholding the family business. He seldom smiles but when he does, it comes from the heart.

Serious stallion then. His two sons though, not so much.

Basically, they're the pony version of adolescent farm boys. They love to laugh at any occasion, adore stupid jokes, whistle after the mares and there is nothing they enjoy doing more than spending money on cider. Luckily, as with all teenagers they're all talk and not much else. I sell them a few bottles, listen to their stories and jokes; but they behave. In the end, they're just boys.

I just make sure they don't spend all of their money on booze, which keeps old Pumpkin Peg happy.

"Woody!" Two Peg greeted me with a big grin. "How have you been?!"

"Ups and downs, ups and downs," I sighed while resting my head on my hand. "The usual. How about you two? Anything interesting happen?"

"You can say that again!" Three Peg grinned even wider than his brother. "You would not believe what's been going on out there!"

"Why?" I asked with a tiny smirk, as always amused by their general lack of concern for anything. "Did Cinder Pint forget to secure his barrels again?"

"Nah!" Two Peg laughed. "It's even better! Inside the village!"

"Inside the village?" I raised an eyebrow but otherwise remained unimpressed.

"Mares!" Three Peg grinned. "Out of nowhere!"

"Mares?" I frowned even though I already had a pretty good idea what was going on. "That's what got you so worked up? There's always been plenty of mares in Shoretrot."

"No! You don't get it!" Two Peg took over for his brother. "These aren't from here!"

"And they're hot!" Three Peg spoke up.

"Smoking hot!" Two Peg agreed with a huge grin.

The two probably would have continued by telling me which one of the new mares in town had the best flank or something along those lines. They probably would have done so while drinking a couple of bottles of cider as well. They probably would have. Except-

"Who's hot?" All three of us turned in surprise as no other than princess Luna herself had seemingly just come down the stairs. I swear to this day it's just unnatural how quiet she can be for someone who has hooves.

And while the two Peg brothers could only stare with open mouths and I couldn't help but smirk a little, Luna merely smiled at us with a face that beamed innocence. "I'm sorry. Did I interrupt something? What were you talking about?"

My smirk didn't last long though, because even as amusing as the situation was; my own mouth fell open when Two Peg, after staring at her open-mouthed for several seconds simply said: "You're hot."

If Pumpkin Peg ever heard of it, he'd probably laugh about it... after beating some sense into his boy, that is.

Chapter 14: Dinner?

There are occasions in life in which you find yourself speechless. They are rare, unexpected, but they exist. And the situation I found myself in at that very moment was definitely one of those moments.

So we all stood there; me and Three Peg in shocked silence and with open mouths, Two Peg with a look on his face like he had just seen an angel descend from heaven... and princess Luna.

At first, she only stared at Two Peg with a confused, blank expression. Then, a slight raise of her eyebrow gave way to an expression of puzzlement, followed by her eyes widening slightly as she undoubtedly realized what the young pony before her had just said; at least if the slight blush appearing on her face was an indication.

"Oh... I... oh dear. Puhh..." she actually blew her cheeks out for a moment in an effort to calm herself, "Well... Uhm... thank you very much?" she blinked her eyes several times, struggling to find words. "I wasn't aware that," she tilted her head slightly, "That I was... hot?"

Two Peg only grinned like a fool and nodded. "Totally!"

"Uhuh..." Luna's brow traveled up further but the slight flush didn't leave her face, not even when she turned to me with a slightly dazed look. "I... I should probably go back upstairs and prepare the bedding for tonight," she was actually nodding while still asking, "I think that would be a good idea, wouldn't it?"

"I guess?" I replied with an unmoving face, lost somewhere between amusement and a complete loss for words.

"Yes, yes... good." Luna nodded again and started to turn back to the stairs, eyes coming to rest upon the still-grinning Two Peg. "Uhm... Goodbye?"

"Bye!" Two Peg beamed and waved even though she was only standing a few feet away.

Luna continued to stare at him for another moment, brows knitting as she obviously tried her best to figure him out. Finally, she simply let her shoulders sag with a sigh, shook her head and headed back upstairs.

Seems I'm not the only one who gets overwhelmed at times. Who would have guessed?

I just pray she didn't hear what Two Peg said next. Because the moment she had walked up the stairs and disappeared from view he said, and I still cannot believe it myself even as I am writing it down, he said: "That is the hottest flank I have ever seen in my life!" he turned to me, "Who is she?!"

Luckily, Three Peg took this as an opportunity to smack his brother over the back of his head and I'll be truthful; he beat me to it.

"Hey!" Two Peg exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head, "What was that for?!"

"Are you insane?! Do you even know who that was just now?" Three Peg shouted at him.

"The most beautiful mare I have ever seen in my life?" his brother answered, still rubbing the back of his head.

"That was princess Luna herself! You can't just call someone like that hot in her face!"

"Well, she didn't seem to mind!"

"That doesn't make it right!"

"She's still hot though!"

"Are you even listening to yourself?! That's the bloody princess!"

I continued to watch the two brothers squabble, still not quite sure what to make of the situation. At least until something finally dawned on Three Peg.

"Wait!" he suddenly interrupted the fight with his brother and turned to me with big eyes. "Hold on! Did she just say 'prepare the bedding'?! Really?!"

"Please don't come to wrong conclusions," I groaned and buried my face in my hands.

"You're sleeping with the princess?!" Two Peg's mouth fell open and as I looked up I think he was about ready to cry, "That's so unfai-"

"I am not sleeping with anyone!" I interrupted him with a shout of agony. "Listen! She is a guest! Okay?! She's staying here for a while, and she'll be living under the same roof as I am. Nothing more! It's no big deal!" Yeah, living with an alicorn suddenly isn't that much of a deal... who was I even trying to kid at this point?

"No big deal?!" Three Peg stared at me, "Princess Luna herself is staying, no, sleeping at your place! How is that not a big deal?!"

"It's complicated, alright?!" I let my head drop into my hands again. "So please, in the name of all that is holy: Keep this quiet, will you?"

"Keep it quiet?" Three Peg gave me a frown, "Woody, this is Shoretrot! Ain't no place smaller than this!"

"I know! I know!" I sighed as I heard the unofficial slogan of Shoretrot, "But at least give me some time to come to terms with it! This is difficult for me too!"

"Can I come and see her again?"

I looked up at Two Peg with an expressionless face. "What?!"

Two Peg grinned at me with a face that beamed ignorance. "If she's going to stay here then I want to come and see her every day! I am going to date her!"

For a moment, I simply stared at Two Peg; trying to find words to express my exhaustion at him. At some point, I simply started to make wild hand gestures while alternating between looking at him and his brother. Finally: "Is he serious?! Really?!"

"Serious about what?" all three of us turned at those words. Silver Blossom had returned to the store and was looking at us from the door with a curious face. Though when we all turned to look at her, she flinched a little and suddenly seemed unsure of herself.

Three Peg looked her up and down in confusion and turned back to me, tilting his head in wonder. "Since when do you have a daughter?"

"She's not my daughter," I replied with a sigh as Silver Blossom flushed a bright red, "Silver Blossom, this is Two Peg and Three Peg. Peg brothers, this is Silver Blossom."

Silver Blossom raised her hand and waved at them with a nervous smile. "Hi."

"She's also going to stay here for a while," I continued with a tired voice.

"Uhm... okay," Three Peg raised an eyebrow while Two Peg still wore his dreamy expression, "are there any other guests we should know about?"

"Well..." I cringed a bit, but was cut short by the door to the kitchen opening and Rarity poking her head outside.

"Woodchuck?" she asked me with a kind smile, "You wouldn't happen to have some oregano?"

I rubbed my face with a small groan while Three Peg stared at her with surprise. "Second shelf above the sink, Rarity."

"Thank you!" she smiled at me again before finally spotting the others, "Oh, hello! Are you friends of Woodchuck?"

"Uhh... I guess?" Three Peg replied with a dumbfounded expression.

"That's nice!" Rarity beamed a smile at him and turned to Silver Blossom. "Did you tell the others that we're having dinner here?"

Silver Blossom nodded happily. "Dash and Applejack are coming over straight after they finished their work for today. Twilight still wants to prepare something but she'll come too."

I felt a small shiver run down my back. Undoubtedly Twilight Sparkle was preparing to question me on everything I knew about Silver Blossom and our race. I could only imagine the 'fun' that awaited me.

"Splendid!" Rarity continued. "Could you help me in the kitchen a bit? We could spend some quality girl time together!"

The frown that appeared on Silver Blossom's face at the words 'girl time' would forever stay in my memory. And if my day had been even slightly less troublesome, I would have had a hard time not to smirk at it. Right then and there though? What can I say? It had been a troublesome day.

"I... I guess I could?" Silver Blossom mumbled in reply and started to head to the kitchen.

Rarity smiled and ushered her through, beaming us a smile before she closed the door. "Bye!"

After the door had closed, we all just stood there for a moment. Me trying to keep track of my thoughts, Three Peg looking as dumbfounded as before, and Two Peg still with that dreamy grin on his face.

"So... let me get this straight," Three Peg finally spoke while rubbing his brow in confusion. "Not only is princess Luna herself staying at your house as your guest, but there's also another bearotaur and four other mares coming over for dinner I have never seen or heard of before?!" he gave me a blank expression. "What the buck is going on?!"

I let out another groan and sunk down onto the small stool I kept behind my counter. "If only I knew, Three Peg. If only I knew..." I sighed, "I think I'm starting to lose my mind."

"Uhuh," Three Peg mumbled before tilting his head again as he spotted the result of my morning shave, "what happened to your face?"

I'm not going to bore you with the exact conversation that followed from here on. Three Peg was curious who all the ponies were and why they were staying over at my place and I was reluctant to tell him because, just as he said it himself; it doesn't get any smaller than Shoretrot. And above all things I didn't want any rumors to spread like a wildfire throughout the little town. At least not any more than those probably already spreading from mouth to mouth.

And Two Peg? He simply stood there the entire time; dreamy expression imprinted into his face and continuing to rant about how princess Luna was the most beautiful, or in his words 'hot' mare he had ever seen.

At some point, I simply shoved two bottles of cider into their hooves and sent them home trying to hint at them to keep at least some quiet about the whole thing. I had decided that the whole situation was already running out of control enough as it was. No reason to fuel the flames any more. Not that it would have been possible at this point, but I liked to imagine that my efforts mattered.

The rest of the day went surprisingly quiet. A few customers showed up, bought a few things, made some idle chat with me, remarked or asked about the band aid on my face or the recent events; the stuff I'd usually expect.

Luna herself remained upstairs for quiet some time, but just as I was about to head up there and see what she was doing she came down again; a lot calmer than before and simply heading into the kitchen with a smile telling me she was going to help prepare dinner. She didn't even give me a chance to ask what she had done up there the entire time.

So the day continued. Me sitting behind my counter, serving my customers and starting to feel that old sensation of calm overcome me again. What was new though, but definitely welcome was the smell of cooking coming from the kitchen. It actually made me smile. And for a brief moment, I actually thought to myself that I could get used to it again. Not being alone, having someone to keep you company, being a part of other peoples', or in this case ponies' lives... It was nice.

At least until time for dinner actually came and the first of the other guests arrived.

Author's Note

Getting back to life, gonna pick up the pace again! :D

Chapter 16: Twilight Sparkle

So there I was, sitting in a cellar and talking with a changeling called Vex while princess Luna, assorted members of the Element Bearers and a human child were preparing dinner upstairs... in my store and home. Had I read my horoscope for that month it probably would have said something close to 'Changes are comming towards you' or some similar less disturbing statement. All in all, a very vexing situation.

I'm going to ignore the terrible pun in that last sentence.

"Alright, you can stay for the moment," I tried my best to imagine a reasonable way to deal with this, "but..."

"But?" Vex tilted his head with a mixture of worry and hope.

"But..." I thought for a moment, trying not to think of the horrible things that my decision could invoke. "Alright, alright," I finally sighed, "look, we'll figure this out in the morning. I need to get back up there before they come looking for me." Vex nodded in agreement. "There are some blankets and sheets in that crate over there," I pointed at one of the big boxes, "do me a favor and don't eat my stock until we figure out how to do this?"

Vex grinned sheepishly. "Yeah... sorry about that, again... and for the whole other stuff, too."

In hindsight, I'm not even completely sure what it was that made me agree to actually help him. Maybe it was the fact that I had personally met the charming queen of the changelings myself just recently, or maybe it was because he was actually the first to apologize for turning my life upside down even if he was unlikely to be the cause of the entire drama taking over?

I shook my head and pushed the thought away, no sense in debating it with myself at this point.

"I'll see you in the morning," I sighed and picked up the chairs, the spoons and forks in the pockets of my apron clinking softy as I made my way towards the stairs.

"See you tomorrow!" Vex waved after me with a happy smile, "You're not going to regret this!"

Oh, how I wished he didn't say that.

Once I reached the ground floor again I set down the chairs for a moment to push the cellar door shut, turning around again only to feel another surge of panic run through me.

Twilight Sparkle had arrived; standing in my store, watching me quietly and seemingly frozen in place.

And what do you say to someone you have been trying to avoid only to find yourself in an awkward moment of silence with? Well, the shortest and simplest thing that comes to mind, of course.

"Hi," I slowly mouthed, still slightly bent over the chairs and paused in the process of picking them up; my position putting me strangely close to her eye level.

I'm not sure how I had expected our first encounter to be, in all honesty I had simply been trying to ignore the fact that it would occur at some point or the other. What I had definitely not expected, was her response.

"Hi?" Twilight seemed surprised at my greeting, then furrowed an eyebrow, "That's what you have to say? Hi?!"

"Uhm..." I blinked with confusion, wondering what had her upset her. "Yes?"

Twilight Sparkle huffed and quickly started to walk towards me. "Do you have any idea how much.." he clenched her mouth shut as she stood before me, seemingly tempted to punt my chest with a hoof as he eyebrows worked furiously. "We spent a day in jail because of you!"

"Actually.. that was-"

"Can you imagine what it was like to tell the Princess we got arrested for assault on an officer?!" she almost wailed.

"No, but.." I stammered with a dumbfounded expression only to be cut off again as she continued.

"And then, when we finally think things are going to be nice you get kidnapped by changelings! Poor Silver Blossom was so upset!"

"Now, hold on. That wasn't actually something I int-"

"Not to mention how worried I was when you got hit with my... my..." her expression suddenly fell, all energy leaving her sudden outburst as she quickly switched to a sheepish smile. "Eh heh... uhm... never mind!" she beamed a smile at me. "You're back, you're healthy and everything is going perfectly! Perfectly healthy and fine!"

"Uhuh..." I gave her a long stare and tried to put together the things she had just said. "So.. uh.. I kinda have to get these into the kitchen," I held up the chairs to emphasize. "For.. dinner?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Well... what's stopping you?"

I blinked at her, a bit dumbfounded. "Uh.. not much, actually," I started to raise the chairs, but then simply could not help myself and set them down again. "You're not going to shower me with questions? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm far from complaining here, but..."

Twilight interrupted me with a small sigh and a roll of her eyes. "Did the girls tell you that?"

"Well, uhm.. I-"

"Don't worry," she interrupted me again. "I'm not going to shower you with questions on our first meeting, I don't do that any more." I felt a small wave of relief wash over me. Had the stars answered my prayers? Twilight smiled sweetly. "I'm going to wait until after dinner," she smiled even wider and opened a saddlebag to reveal more ink and paper than needed to write a phonebook. "This is going to be such a nice evening! I even brought jars in case I need samples!"

And there went the stars, and kicked me in the nads.

Author's Note

This isn't really much of a chapter.. more of a life sign from me...
I am back.

Chapter 17: Dinner.

How exactly do you describe dinner? No matter how many times I went over it in my head I always find it hard to decide which details to add and which to leave out. Some things stay in my head; trivial, unimportant details while more important things often elude me until a much later point in time. It is one of the main reasons I write a diary. it's a reflection, a recalling of details that had been memorized unnoticed.

The food was plentiful, vegetarian and great. Baked pumpkin with chili flakes always has been a favorite of mine and always will be; granted it shouldn't have suprised me at the time, it was in season and i do have certain stocks.

But... it wasn't the food that made an impression on me.

"It did suprise me at first," Rarity chimed over a piece of steamed carrot while glancing at me.

"What did?" I replied between pieces of baked pumpkin.

It was an attempt, one of several at that; the ponies and Silver Blossom were trying to involve me in their dinner conversation as I so far had been sitting quietly and listened to them chat.

"Well, uhm..." Rarity blinked a bit in suprise at getting a reaction that wasn't a short 'Yes' or 'No', a quick glance at her friends begging for a topic.

In my defense the questions so far had all been 'yes' or 'no' questions. They had been somewhat arbitrary and random, and it took me a moment to realize that they were just as tense as I was.

They all had questions, I could see it in their faces... and they were all worried about asking too directly or comming off in the wrong way straight off the bat by asking first; and of course I had been grinding my brains about what questions could come my way, and how to answer them while at the same time trying to sort the questions arising in my own mind.

Friendly first meetings and greetings aside, but when you finally do sit down with people... or ponies for the first time it's that you'll soon run out of common ground and start treading new territory.

Everyone was nervous about making a misstep, and everyone was looking for a way to relax the atmosphere.

"Uhh..." Rainbow Dash tried to offer a topic as Rarity gave her a pleading look "A-about how theres so many more stallions compared to back in Ponyville?"

"Well... yes! It does seem there is an opposed spread to what we are used to from Ponyville!" Rarity picked up the topic with a small, nervous smile. "It did certainly suprise me at first," she quieted a little and moved her food around on the plate.

I paused my eating and gave them all a studying look; hopeful faces.

"Is it that different from Ponyville?" I asked in spite of knowing full well the answer.

"Oh, yeah." Rainbow Dash seemed to chirp up a bit as I accepted the topic. "I mean dont get me wrong, Ponyville is a nice place and all, but it's still a small place," she exaplained.

"There isn't really much of a selection in the way of entertainment for a young pony..." Rarity commented over a sip of water and explained seeing my questioning look "There is one boutique, one restaurant, one market... and one spa."

I listened to them while chewing.

"And there is one nightclub," Rainbow Dash added. "Vynil makes great music, but she's got one style and that won't change over night." She paused "Basically, we got one of everything and that since as long as I can remember."

"I dont really understand," Luna commented a bit puzzled, "But isn't that a good variety of possible activities?"

"Ah'll say," Applejack mouthed over a mouthful of potatoes. "Ah' always have maself a splendid time when Ah' go out."

Rainbow Dash and Rarity glanced at each other for a moment. "Well..." they both started, Twilight and Silver Blossom at this point looking equally puzzled.

"It's not really much for dating," I commented.

Rarity gave a thankful sigh seeing that someone understood while Rainbow Dash just nodded, "Exactly."

"You two date?!" Twilight stared between Rarity and Rainbow Dash with big eyes.

"What?!" Rainbow Dash blinked and burst out laughing "Oh, nonono! Not each other! I mean don't get me wrong Rarity is nice an' all," she smiled "But she and I play different sides of the field."

Rarity huffed with a slight chuckle "Mind you if my friday nights keep being like they have been going I might consider a change of side," she paused. "Or Ill just get another cat."

"Is it really that bad?" I asked curiously, inwardly amused by the blush on Twilights face.

"There are guys, sure... but most of the ponies in Ponyville are gals." Rainbow Dash explained, "And when you only got one or two places to head to every night the chances of meeting somepony new really aren't that big. For most the rule is you get somepony by the second or third attempt or you're stuck wherever you're at; and for most of us that's the single life."

"Ah' don't really understand what ya'all mean," Applejack looked plain confused "Ah'lways meet plenty of nice fellas when-"

"How many of them are related to you or your family tree in some way that might make it awkward to date them?" Rarity interrupted her.

Applejack opened her mouth, closed it, opened it. "Oh," she paused and leant her chin on one hoof "Ya know Ah' never really considered that, or dating for that matter. Ah'lways thought it'd come when the time was right!" she reached out for a glass of juice.

Rainbow Dash smirked "Cobbler's apples..." causing Applejack to choke on her drink.

Rarity sighed, handing Applejack a towel, "And thats fine as well... but some of us are actively looking for somepony, be it for long," a careful glance at Silver Blossom "...or short term reasons. And when you're living in a small place like Ponyville..." she sighed "Let us just say; it can be difficult."

"What about Canterlot?" I asked, "Isn't it close enough?"

Rainbow Dash cringed a little "Well... Canterlot," she pondered "...how to put it?"

"Lets leave Canterlot to the Canterlots." Luna suprised everyone with a comment, afterwards sipping her tea and replying our stares with a gentle shrug of her shoulder. "Alicorns publicly dont really get to date at all... by our very nature there's not many of us as is and guards are at least officially not deemed a good idea." she paused "I mean there is cousin Léon but he is four and related... like most alicorns these days." She made a slightly sour face.

"But Shiny is a guard and he's married to Cadence!" Twilight interjected.

Luna nodded. "He is also captain of the guard so he enjoyed some priviledges others did not along with the fact that we knew him to be dependable enough to handle the responsibility." She smiled at Twilight "And as I noted it is only officially deemed not a good idea. We too can make exceptions."

"So wait, you and Princess Celestia ah'ctually do date with the guards sometimes?" Apple Jack asked with a bewildered look.

Luna smiled gently, "Not officially."

I briefly wondered if Cadence and 'Shiny' started out as 'not officially' as well. Judging by the look on Twilight's face she was wondering the same thing.

"Anyway," Rainbow Dash started again "Like Princess Luna hinted, the ponies of Canterlot aren't the type to date, especially not with ponies that are not from Canterlot."

"Is it easier for you though?" I asked her, "Considering you're..." I glanced at Silver Blossom, not sure if she understood what we were talking about... not that her expression was much help, she had been eating until now.

"You mean since I'm lesbian?" Rainbow Dash asked, lifting a weight off my shoulder as she chuckled seeing me struggle with the word.

"Is that actually what playing the other side of the field means?" Silver Blossom finally spoke up while playing with her fork "I mean I thought it, Dash... but I also always thought you had a crush on Soarin'?"

Rainbow Dash chuckled, even if seemingly suprised by Silver Blossom's knowledge. "Not really, Silver. I mean the stallion's got the looks... but it's more of a professional admiration type of thing?"

"Ah, okay." Silver Blossom nodded, then paused "What about Big Mac?"

"What about him?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Is he?" Silver Blossom tried a half shrug, "Well?"

Applejack choked on her food, coughing while Twilight patted her back and Silver Blossom blushed slightly.

Rainbow Dash tilted her head "Not that I really know of... I mean I get where you see it but I think he's just way more relaxed than others... about everything."

"Well I for one wish him good luck whichever he chooses." Rarity poured herself some water "He would certainly be popular if he just went out every now and then instead of always working."

Applejack had meanwhile cleared her throat "Ah dont really know how Ah should feel about him bringing home a mare or staying out for the nite... Ah mean granny Smith has been tellin'im he should find himself a gal... but he's..." she paused, her brows working in thought. "Shucks Ah'll have to ask the fella' about it sometime." she then gave Twilight a long look.

"What?" Twilight asked.

"Are yah dating somepony?"

"Me?!" Twilight's eyes went wide as saucers "No! I mean... I never even thought about it!" she blinked and stared "Oh feathers, should I be dating somepony?!"

Rarity shrugged "If the desire does not exist there is no reason to make yourself uncomfortable, dear... but you're always welcome to come along for a night out with me and Dash, maybe you'll find it fun," she smiled at Applejack and Luna. "You're welcome too, of course."

"Can I come too?" Silver Blossom asked.

Silence. That question brought back that awkard moment. And with dread I realized that now they were looking at me for an answer.

"Uhm..." I started "Silver Blossom, what do you think happens when ponies go out?"

Silver Blossom shrugged "No idea... whenever Dash goes out shes always super groggy and sleepy the next day..."

"Thats the hard cider," Rarity commented over a sip of water while Rainbow Dash cringed with a sheepish grin.

"Do you drink hard cider, Silver Blossom?" I asked, hoping that I judged the girls taste right.

Silver Blossom made a face "No, it's all bitter and tastes like rotten apples."

Rarity smiled at Silver Blossom "Then maybe it's better to wait a little longer before you come along, dear. I promise we'll take you with us when you're old enough."

Silver Blossom didnt seem too convinced but still nodded "I mean I could still come with you anyway? I dont have to drink do I?"

"True, dear.. but there are places you cannot enter unless you are adult."

"Oh.." Silver Blossom deflated a little.

Rainbow Dash grinned at her "Don't worry about it, Silver. We two will have a cool party of our own." which made Silver Blossom smile again.

"Thanks, Dash."

And for some reason, they were all back to looking at me.

"So..." Luna started.

"Soooo..." I followed her with a growing frown.

"Never mind," Luna smiled and poured herself another glass of water. "As it is, I think Twilight and the rest of us all had some questions for you specifically... shall we clean up the table so we can get started?"

I gave them a look over and sighed inwardly, I had made it this far.

"Alright... sure." I started to get up and clean off the table "I'll put on some tea and biscuits,"

"I'll help!" Silver Blossom jumped up, helping me collect the dishes.

"What's so special about those places that only adults get in?" Silver Blossom whispered to me as she handed me the dishes to put in the sink.

"I'll explain when the others arent listening." I whispered back, earning a grin from her.

I gave Luna a short look over my shoulder and received a smile. For some reason, I took her as a lemon grass type.

Chapter 18: Holla at the moon

"Alright!" Twilight grinned as the others watched the both of us. "First off, some basic stuff..." she went over her list "Name... Woodchuck, right? No additional names?"

"Right," I nodded. Somehow feeling anxious as i already had an inkling what the next questions would be.

"Race?"

"Eh... that's a tough one, actually." I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my chin in thought as I pondered this interview-turned questionary's question in my mind.

I hadn't actually thought of how to handle the subject properly yet. Luna, Celestia and Silver Blossom knew of the whole human thing. But to the mane six I was the bearotaur. So, how to explain that difference in a way that wouldn't cause them to call me human in front of the other residents of Shoretrot?

A small sigh escaped me "First of all. Both me and Silver Blossom are human." A brief check confirmed the others were listening closely now, "but to the ponies of this place, we are bearotaurs."

Rainbow Dash gave me a confused look "Why do they call you bearotaurs?"

"Because that's what I told them I was." i mumbled and toyed with my tea cup, looking up from it to observe their expectant faces. "Humans aren't native to this world, at least not as far as I, " I motioned to Luna "Or Luna and Celestia are aware of." Luna nodded in confirmation. "So it just seemed better at the time to assume a racial identity the ponies of this place could come to terms with."

"But a bearotaur?" Twilight gave me an astonished look "You have none of their combined traits!"

"He certainly does not have the temper either," Rarity mused.

"Well," I graciously heaped sugar into my tea "That may be but none of them had as it turned out ever met a real bear much less seen a Minotaur. They had seen pictures of bears standing on their hind legs though." I sighed and sipped my tea, "And by good will, they accepted it."

"So. " Applejack asked "What do we call ya'h then?"

"Woody?" I offered with a shrug and saw her huff "Look, to the ponies of this place both me and Silver Blossom are bearotaurs, so why change that? We are humans but from my viewpoint it makes little difference to anyone but me and her."

"It is not that arbitrary," Twilight looked at me with concern "There is so much we are unaware of; be it your language, religious and social beliefs, taboos and rites. your entire culture!" she continued, "What foods you can eat, what you need to eat, what you cannot eat, what medicine you can't handle, what changes we have to expect with rising age," she saw my brow go higher and higher. "There are so many important things we need to know!"

"And you're expecting me to know all of these things?" I asked her, causing her to blink in surprise. "Twilight, I'm not a physician, nor a scientist. I have no idea how my body works or what medicine I should be wary of. Not to mention some things my body has been doing since coming here I have never done before."

"The hibernation?" Silver asked curiously.

I nodded to Silver "That, for one." I looked back to Twilight "I'm a shopkeeper, an immigrant... and I adapted to the culture of this place." I briefly considered "I mean, yes. There are some things I know, and there is much I can tell. But to what end?"

I tried my best to convey to them the difficulty of what they were asking "Humans are complicated, and not unified as a nation by race like the races of this world tend to be. There are countless different cultures, religions and languages: each with their own history and social systems," I paused "and I cannot even begin to explain them all... nor do I want to try."

I saw one or two of them start to protest but stopped them by continuing. "As far as I see it, Silver Blossom and I both have become a part of this world. and by all standards we have been doing fairly well." I paused, "All things considered I think she should be the one asking the questions."

Applejack gave me a pondering look "Ah have to agree with Woody," she looked at Silver Blossom, "After all this is for her sake. Not ours."

Twilight seemed to deflate a lot at that, while Silver Blossom tried to hide on her chair sensing the attention of the others turn to her.

"But, Twilight" she looked at me, "if it helps, surely Silver Blossom can report to you regularly what she finds."

"I actually like that idea, why not take it a step further?" Luna commented over her cup of tea "We all can report our findings to Twilight, that way she will have multiple accounts on the matter to collect and compare, not to mention she can add her own findings as well." she looked to me "After all we will all be taking turns staying here."

"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot." I replied dryly and I swear to this day she smirked behind that cup of hers.

Should I have been surprised that Twilight liked that idea? I suppose not.

"This is a great idea!" she beamed that enthusiastic smile of hers "Each week the one of us staying here at the time will write a report on their findings at the end of the week and send it to me! It will be like a scientific diary!"

"Do I have to write a weekly report too?" Silver Blossom asked with concern.

"Of course! You're the most important subject here!" Twilight replied.

"Report writing?" Rarity mused with a smile "I will certainly do my best to make it an exciting report to read."

"As will I." Luna smiled.

"Do I really have too, Twilight?" Silver Blossom pouted "You know I'm not good at reports."

"And that's exactly why this is the perfect opportunity for you to practice." Twilight smiled and folded up her stacks of paper "I already look forward to all of your reports!" she giggled "For once I'll be getting the letters!"

Rainbow Dash groaned and clung to the table "Aww... I wanted to check out the local nightlife! Not write reports!"

I did not have the heart to tell her that there was no nightlife in Shoretrot. She would most likely find out on the first night out herself.

Twilight just smiled "Well a report of the area will certainly be helpful, if you want to write one. Anything from topography, to fauna and flora would be great!" she finished packing up her pens. "Ohh, and you could collect samples! I can give you some sample jars!"

Rainbow Dash's head made a thump as she let it sag onto the table, exchanging understanding looks with Silver Blossom who was actively trying to mold onto the chair by letting her arms hang and her shoulders sag, if only it would mean not having to do this chore.

Applejack chuckled as she watched the two's antics. "Ah' never thought I'd be writing reports, Ah'll have to practice back home!"

I in the meantime was trying my best to turn invisible, not moving or speaking up... just hold still and look inconspicuous was the order of the moment. I certainly had no desire to write a weekly report.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Rarity smirk as she noticed my frozen posture. "Don't worry, Woody." my blood froze, "I'll be sure to remind you to write your report as well this week."

Fun fact number one; always be wary of Rarity.

So, that was that. I had escaped having to answer Twilight's questionaire only to find myself having to write a weekly report on myself. Honestly I had no idea what I would be writing about at that point.

Not that it mattered really at that time being, everyone had agreed to this plan and I certainly wasn't going to complain about it see as the alternative likely would have involved Twilight taking out her sample jars.

We cleaned up, Rainbow Dash and Apple Jack wished us a good night and departed for their lodging with Copper Cobbler along with Twilight, and my three house guests of the week began to get ready for bed.

Four. If you counted the changeling refugee in my basement, the realization that there were now indeed four house guests in my home making me facepalm even as I was brushing my teeth.

But still. The idea of a good night's sleep certainly was enough to cheer me up; and so I stopped in the hallway of the upper floor to look over the three new doors added by alicorn magic, three new rooms behind it that were too big to actually fit logically into my house.

From the outside there were even three new windows right next to each other lining up with my own; even though the space inside the rooms would suggest the spacing to be much larger. Luna had truly been busy and all my grumbling aside, I was thankful she had not changed my own bedroom or my office.

"Good night, everybody!" I called along the hallway.

"Good night, Woody!" I was answers by three female voices in unison.

"Good night, Silver Blossom!"

"Good night, Rarity!"

Luna was the first.

"Good night, Princess Luna!"

"Good night, Silver Blossom!"

Rarity next.

"Good night-" Silver Blossom started.

I went into my room and shut the door in quiet horror as this went on for far longer than it needed to. "This reminds me of a tv show," I muttered to myself, climbed into my bed and put the light out.

It couldn't have been more than an hour or two, when I was roughly pulled from my sleep by a loud 'toc'. I sat up, confused eyes looking around the dark room as I tried to make sense of the noise. 'Toc', there it was again. The window! Someone was throwing pebbles at my window!

I groaned and half fell, half got out of bed, somehow forcing myself to my legs with the candle in hand as I made my way to the window and opened it to look outside.

It was Two Peg. The young pony looking up at me with a mix of embarrassment and disappointment.

"Two Peg." I yawned and rubbed my face "What is it you want? Can't it wait till tomorrow?" I paused as my eyes slowly stared working properly in tune with my brain "Are you wearing gel in your hair? ...is that a guitar?"

"Ahh, ehm. Sorry to bother you, Woody." he gave me an embarrassed smile "Guess I hit the wrong window." his voice a loud whisper as people that try to talk quietly over long distances try to do.

Not that it made things quieter, nor that I was bothering to do the same; so sleep-held that I simply talked to him with my normal voice "Luna's window is the second one from the right." I mumbled while resting my face in my hand and my arm on the window base, trying to gather my thoughts,

"Oh, thanks Woody!" he went to pick up some more pebbles while I put the window partially closed again, even with the weather cooling I preferred there being a little draft while I slept.

I went back to bed, an after a moment I could hear the 'toc' as the first pebble hit Luna's window. Then another. then another, and another, until finally. The window opened and a sleepy Luna could be heard.

"Huh? What? Who's there? Tia, is that you? Is it already time for the morning?"

Color me surprised, the deity of the night can get sleepy. It seemed she had the same issues as I do when being woken up suddenly; having no idea of where or what you are.

I could hear her pause. "Aren't you the pony from this morn-"

She was cut off as Two Peg started playing on his guitar, loudly singing to Princess Luna a song so bad it would certainly have deserved royal punishment had any guards been present.

"Ooooh Blue Angel! With your hair so wavy and your curves so curvy!"

"Oh, gods he's serenading her." I muttered into my pillow.

"Oh, stars he's serenading me." Lunar muttered equally shocked, the song of Two Peg like the crashing of the ocean in the background.

"I want to stroke your hair! I want to look deep into your eyes, darling!"

"Please don't." Luna replied with what was probably a sour expression. "Young pony, can't-"

"The stars and sun align, I want to take you to the moon and back!"

"That's. Actually, not very..." Her tone dropped continuously.

"You are so beautiful, so much more than-"

The sound of a window slammed opened interrupted him "WILL YOU STOP THAT INFERNAL RUCKUS?!"

It was Rarity. A very upset Rarity. "IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!" something was thrown and the song cut off as Two Peg ducked.

"Help, Luna! I'm being attacked by a ghost!"

"IT'S A FACEMASK YOU INCONSIDERATE BRUTE!" more things being thrown.

"Oh stars this can't be real." Luna muttered as Rarity continued tossing objects at the source of the noise concerns.

Another window opened, another sleepy voice "What's goin on out here?" Silver Blossom mumbled.

"AND YOU WOKE THE LITTLE ONE! FOALS NEED THEIR SLEEP!"

"Isn't she a bearotaur?" Two Peg objected, only to get smacked in the face with what I later learned was a ballet-slipper thrown at high speed. "Ouch!"

"This was my first serenade," Luna mumbled to herself, "I didn't even get to prepare my hair."

"Ohh, Princess Luna! You are so bea-" Two Leg started to serenade Luna again only for Rarity to plant the next ballet slipper in his mouth "UHMF!"

"DON'T YOU DARE START AGAIN!"

"Can we please do this tomorrow?" Luna yawned, half-present by lack of sleep "I don't think I have the capacity for this tonight... why didn't I listen to Tia and keep some guards here?"

Sadly, by now the entire town of Shoretrot was awake, and numerous ponies were peering out their windows to ask themself and everyone else just what the buck was going on at this ungodly hour.

I was only half-present when Silver Blossom climbed into my bed with her pillow under her arm, hiding under it with a sleepy mumble "They're so loud."

"Yeah." I replied, hiding my face under my own pillow as she curled up against me.

"I'm sorry." she mumbled as she fell asleep.

"It's okay." I murmured, the shouting outside still continuing intermitted by Two Peg trying to sing again.

I sighed and closed my eyes, "we can always flee to Boardor."

Author's Note

So sleepy. So very sleepy.

Chapter 1: Starting three years in

Where should I start?

Should I start with how I got here? There isn't really that much to say about it, I'm afraid. One moment I was home, the next I was here... No experiments gone wrong, no near death or actual death experience... there wasn't even a bright light or some kind of explosion or injury. I was there, and that was that.

Of course, there was a lot of confusion involved over my new whereabouts... who wouldn't be confused? But that's not really important now, is it? Not that it will take you very long to figure out where you are when you see a colored pegasus fly through the air. At least not if you have internet. So in order to speed things up a bit I'll skip that part.

Now, I knew of Princess Celestia, Discord, the Changelings, and of course, of the Elements of Harmony and their adventures... and honestly, I wanted none of that. I like simple things, calm things that leave you in good health and sane mind.

I had no intention of becoming the study object of Twilight Sparkle, nor did I wish to be tackled by Rainbow Dash the moment I entered Ponyville and I certainly didn't want to meet a god. But above all else, I didn't wish to be enrolled in some crazy adventure that would most likely get me killed or in the bed of a pony... or worse. But I knew, the moment the ponies realized I was an alien from another world, meeting the princesses and elements would be inevitable.

Either by chance or by luck, I entered Equestria nowhere even near Canterlot or Ponyville, so evading the fabled Elements of Harmony wasn't that much of a problem. I just had to make sure not to run around shouting out what I was. Instead, I found myself in a small village called Shoretrot.

The locals, how could they not, were at first skeptical of my appearance and it wasn't long until the first one asked me what I was.

I told them I was a bearotaur, half bear half minotaur, and that I needed the clothes to keep me warm since I couldn't grow a real coat... and that my name was Woodchuck. It was a wild shot on my behalf, I'll admit, but it worked. It turned out the locals had never seen a minotaur, and cross breeding though slightly frowned upon was not that unusual.

Three years later I still lived in Shoretrot, blissfully unaware of the adventures of the mane six... the only way to even get a newspaper from Canterlot was to take a two-hour train to the next village and buy it there.

During those three years my life was uneventful, no adventures, no wild romances... just a normal bearotaur going about his normal life in a small, normal village. I helped out where I could, did any part-time jobs I could find, found a place to stay... and after the second year I had even opened up my own little store. I had succeeded at setting up an absolutely normal, peaceful life.

Except for the hibernation thing. That... that part was a surprise.

As it turns out, being a human in Equestria makes you hibernate during winter... who would have guessed?

The first winter was troublesome, mainly because I surprised my neighbors by sleep walking over to their place and pillaging their food supplies like a brainless zombie. They were understanding... and we laughed about it later.

All in all though, hibernation isn't that bad. You get sleepy, you make yourself comfy at home and grow some extra hairs... and you make sure there's enough easy-to-access food hidden throughout your place so that when you do occasionally wake up into a half-brained state you'll be able to dig up something edible.

Strange thing though, you get the most incredible drive to hide food in weird places once winter draws near.

Anyway, after my first hibernation I was able to prepare and the ones after that became a normal routine to everyone... I'm still not fond of using 'everypony'. They knew I was sleeping and they left me to it... at least... after the second year.

In the second year some foals thought it would be a fun adventure to see what a sleeping bearotaur looks like. They had heard that I grew some serious facial hair during that time... which turned out to be a bad idea because they woke me up and I... there's not really any other way to say this, went on a rampage.

Luckily I was still half asleep, so the rampage was mainly me chucking my frying pans and cooking pots at ponies on the street while shouting about yellow cabbages... I do get strange dreams during winter.

No one was hurt, the foals were scolded... and it became an unspoken rule to keep a good distance from my place while I slept.

But back to the matter at hand. Remember the part about me opening a small store? It was a small house, colorful like all of the other ones. The lower part was the store and the upper part is my flat. The store itself wasn't anything special, it was my little impression of a super market and the ponies of Shoretrot liked how it had all sorts of useful stuff at its disposal. It became a social meeting place for the locals.

The mares came with their foals to talk with one another and exchange the latest gossip as they got their groceries, the foals came with their mothers to get sweets... and the stallions came to buy tools, escape their wives, make lewd jokes and hang out at 'Woody's Place' to drink cider, which in all honesty isn't that much of a real cider. It's more like apple juice that has just started to ferment.

All in all, I had made myself a new existence and life was good... For a while at least, because after three years of peace and beautiful ignorance, the unthinkable happened.

I had just opened the store like I always did. And like always, I had unpacked the boxes containing the wares I ordered and set them up on the little shelves. Seeing as no one was around this early in the morning, I decided to make use of the time and take out the trash that had accumulated.

So, with the trash can in my hands and wearing my apron, I went to the back of the store, opened the back door... and almost had a heart attack.

Standing outside and staring at me with a dumbfounded expression was none other than Twilight Sparkle herself, Element of Magic and student of Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria. And if that in itself wasn't already enough to send my mind reeling, next to her stood... I actually blinked my eyes to be sure but there was no doubt.

It was a girl. A human girl dressed up in the most ridiculous poncho and assorted blankets I had ever seen for that matter. By the guess of her looks, she was maybe fifteen or a little older... she barely reached my chest. And she too was staring at me with an expression that simply screamed 'what the fuck'.

The three of us continued to stare at one another, completely bewildered and shocked... then the girl started to stammer something, and I did what I always did when faced with the inevitable disaster... Pretend that it's perfectly normal and act accordingly.

I put on my best casual face, gave the two a short nod. "Ladies..." emptied the trash can into the large bin standing outside and closed the door behind me as I stepped back inside again. I locked the door for good measure, went to the front, turned the open signed to closed, locked that door too and with a happy tune on my lips went up into my room. If my calm life was about to come to an end, I might as well get some sleep before all Hell came down upon me.

And even as I closed the blinds of my windows and buried myself under my blankets... I could hear both of them scream outside. "What the buck?!"

I still hate that phrase... and it wouldn't be the last time I'd get to hear it.

Chapter 15: Crates and silverware

Meeting Rainbow Dash and Applejack was a strange experience. Not because they were part of the Elements of Harmony, even though I can imagine that should have been a reason to be anxious. No. The thing that was curious about them, was the fact that when they entered my shop, they were fighting.

"Ah do not!" Applejack shouted as she opened the door and stepped inside, followed closely by a grinning Rainbow Dash.

"Do too!" she smirked at Applejack. "You've been giving him doe eyes all day!"

"Ah most certainly have not!" Applejack hollered back with a blush rising to her face.

"Oh, yeah?" Rainbow Dash's grin turned into a smirk. "Then why's your face so red?" she continued to tease Applejack and started to mimic her voice. "Well, darn officer Cobbler! That's a mighty nice orchard ya have there!"

"Will you give it a break?!" Applejack huffed. "Ah just told him he had a nice garden!"

Rainbow Dash only grinned at her in response. "Sure... you just admired his apples didn't you?"

"Ah, come on!" Applejack groaned. "Are ya really goin' to go there?!"

"Already did it!" Rainbow Dash smirked, undoubtedly ready to continue her teasing; but stopping in her steps when she finally spotted me standing behind the counter. "Oh, hi! Good to see you're up again!" she chuckled. "You gave us quite the scare when you got knocked out!" she walked up to me and extended her hoof. "I'm Rainbow Dash! Nice to meet you!"

I carefully leaned over the counter to reach out and shake her hoof. "I'm Woodchuck."

"Oh, I already know that!" Rainbow Dash grinned at me after retrieving her hoof. "Silver has been talking about you nonstop!"

"She has?" I replied with a raised eyebrow.

"She sure has." Applejack smirked and offered her hoof as well. "I'm Applejack, pleasure to meet ya."

I gave her hoof a tentative squeeze and was surprised at the strength she put into it. "Likewise," I mumbled with slight confusion, "Silver Blossom has been talking about me?"

"Every second she had," Applejack chuckled with a shake of her head. "Course she ain't nowhere as crazy as Twilight. She's been on the run ever since," Applejack frowned, "well, ever since we got thrown in jail."

I cringed, partly because Twilight was apparently throwing fits because of me and partly because of the jail thing. "Yeah... sorry about that. I guess I was partly to blame for that too..."

"Don't sweat it!" Rainbow Dash snorted with amusement. "Because of that little stunt Applejack here got to meet the stallion of her dreams!"

"Will ya stop with that already?!" Applejack groaned. "Ah am not in love with him like a little school filly!" she shook her head at Rainbow Dash before turning back to me. "But Ah am curious. Why didn't ya just come out?"

"Ehh..." I sighed and rubbed the back of my head, "I'm a bit shy, I'm afraid."

"Just shy, eh?" Applejack asked with a frown that told me she didn't believe a word of it.

"Cobbler hasn't been making you do anything bad, has he?" I quickly tried to change the subject from me to them.

"Meh..." Rainbow Dash smirked as she inspected my shelves. "Weather duty and garden maintenance," she chuckled, "Should have seen the judge's face when he gave the verdict! Probably never saw a convict grin before!"

"I can imagine..." I mumbled with a raised eyebrow.

Applejack only shook her head. "For you it may not be that bad, but what's ma family gonna say when they hear of this?"

"Well, Big Mac is probably not going to say much as usual; seeing as he is Big Mac." Rainbow Dash passed her a grin. "And Granny Smith is going to be more than happy when you bring Copper Cobbler back home with you!"

"Oh, for the love of-" Applejack rubbed her brow in frustration. "Will ya give it a rest already?! Ah only told the colt he had a nice garden!"

"Suuure... At least he's nice enough to let us run around after work. Probably 'cause the princess vouched for us," Rainbow Dash grinned as she continued to look over the shelves. "Oh, hey! You've got Barlin Berry Soap?!" she laughed and took one of them. "I used to use this as a filly!"

Fun fact number twenty one; Barlin Berry Soap is the pony equivalent of No More Tears shampoo. Crazy smell of berries, bright color, very bubbly and highly popular with kids... or in this case, fillies and foals.

Applejack only shook her head with a sigh. "Darn mare's got her head full of floozies," she turned back to me, "but it's a nice shop ya got here."

"Thanks," I nodded, "Took a lot of work to get it."

"Ah can imagine," she chuckled, "been thinking about setting up a real store myself but a store just runnin' on apples won't do too well, Ah fear." She looked over the shelves behind me. "Tomme's Canned Tomatoes... Peal's Pickled Beets," she tilted her head, "Pinflocket Cider?"

"Uhm, yeah..." I carefully reached up and took one of the bottles from the shelves. "Big brewery from Trottingham," I showed her the label on the bottle. "Mass production; not the best but at a good price and always in stock."

"I see..." Applejack rubbed her chin. "Ya know we also produce cider back on the farm in Ponyville," she shook her head, "sadly not 'nough to send it around. Though I bet it tastes better than mass production."

"Don't have to bet on that!" Rainbow Dash poked her head up from between the shelves. "I already tasted the stuff and it tastes nowhere as good as your cider," she turned her attention to me. "You got Caern Molt Powder?"

"Second isle, upper shelf," I replied after a quick check of my memory.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Why? You startin' to molt at this time of year?"

"Nah," Rainbow Dash grinned, "but you can't get lazy on your feathers if you want top performance... and I kind of forgot mine back home."

Fun fact number twenty five; pegasi molt. Just like birds they regularly have to renew their feathers. The whole process comes in surges, replacing particular sets of feathers at a time so that pegasi can remain capable of flight during the process, even if not as well. Caern Molt Powder not only reduced the itch that results, but it also spurs the growth of the new feathers.

Fun fact number twenty six; rumors have it that pegasi in Manehattan use it without an actual need to grow especially large feathers. Seems its some kind of fashion statement. Manehattan has since seen an increase in flight-accident related injuries.

Applejack only shook her head and turned back to me with a small frown. "Ya know... I imagine all of this is pretty strange for you."

"Well," I sighed, "it definitely wasn't something I had planned on."

"Ah, don't worry," Applejack chuckled, "I'm sure tha-"

"Woody?" the door to the kitchen was opened from the inside and Silver Blossom poked her head inside the store, the smell of cooking vegetables filling the room. "Rarity says that-" she spotted Applejack and grinned, "AJ! You made it!"

"Sure did, Silver Blossom," Applejack smiled, "How's dinner coming along?"

"Almost ready!" Silver Blossom smiled before tilting her head. "Where's Dash?"

"Over here, Silver!" Rainbow Dash flapped her wings to hover slightly above the shelves. "Twilight should be here any minute too!"

Oh, how that name made me shiver.

"You're almost ready?" I turned to Silver Blossom. "Do you need help with anything?"

"Well, we could use some more chairs," Silver Blossom answered, "and more forks and spoons."

"Okay," I nodded, "I'll go get some from the cellar. You can start setting everything else up, I'll bring the rest up in a moment."

So while Rainbow Dash and Applejack joined Silver Blossom and the others in the kitchen, I headed downstairs into my cellar. It's not that much of a cellar really; a small door under the staircase and a narrow set of stairs leading into a room stuffed full with crates, old furniture and anything else I needed to store for my shop or thought I would need in the future.

But as with all cellars, try as I might to keep things orderly it was still a bit of a mess; not because I didn't order things but simply because of the sheer amount of stuff I had stored in the place. So once I had made it down the stairs and hung the lamp onto the ceiling I started to search; moving crates out of the way, pulling blankets aside and generally trying not to suffocate from the dust.

The first thing I found was an old set of silverware. Normally store inventory but since it had been lying down here collecting dust all this time I figured it wasn't very likely to get sold anyway so I stuffed it into the pockets of my apron.

"Might as well," I mumbled to myself and continued my search.

The chairs were the next thing I spotted. Simple chairs made of wood, stacked into a small tower and as to why I even got them; I have absolutely no idea. I got a few guests from time to time, but they never stayed longer than for a cup of tea or the occasional small talk. I sighed and shook my head; at least they'd find use now.

So I climbed over the first box in the way, pushed aside an old rake, lifted another box to the side and- changeling. Right there, in my cellar, hiding behind the crates and boxes; a changeling.

Considering my recent interactions and experiences with changelings at the time, I still think that my reaction was at least somewhat composed.

"Wahh!" I gave a shout and jumped back, dropping the crate in a crash of cans and breaking wood.

"Aahh!" the changeling gave off an equally terrified scream and backed away from me while I made a jump for the rake and pointed it straight at it like a spear.

Thinking back, this was likely one of the most ridiculous scenes in my life. Me, screaming and pointing an old rake at a changeling screaming just as loud as me.

"Aahh!" I brought the rake around in wild swing, knocking over cans and throwing up dust as the changeling scrambled for cover.

"Waitwaitwaitwaitwait!" the changeling jumped behind another large box. "It's not what it looks like!"

"Not what it looks like?!" I shouted and swung my rake again, me and the changeling circling the box as he ducked my swings. "You're a changeling hiding in my cellar! How can that be misunderstood?!"

"It's not my fault!" he wailed at me and skidded behind another box. "Stop trying to kill me!"

"Stop trying to kidnap me!" I shouted back and fell over another box, cans rolling in all directions as I got up again. "I just got back home, for crying out loud!"

"I'm not here to kidnap you!" the changeling scrambled away from me but tripped over a can of Lompire Hay Soup. "Please!" he held up his hooves above him to protect himself. "Don't kill me!"

I stared at him for a moment, rake held up out in front of me and breathing heavily as he continued to protect his head. "You're hiding in my cellar!"

"I know!" he wailed back at me.

"Why?!"

"Because I got left behind!"

"Can't you just go back?!"

"No!"

"Why not?!"

"Cause I don't want to!"

"What?!" I gave him a crazed frown. "You can't stay here!" I shook my head as I realized the two of us were still shouting and lowered my voice a bit, still keeping my rake between the two of us. "What do you mean you got left behind?"

The changeling cringed. "I was supposed to be help the other guy to pose as you... but when Celestia started screaming the place together I hid down here and-" he gave me a pleading look. "Please let me stay... I don't want to go back."

"Stay here?! Are you insane?! I've already got an alicorn occupying my house and now a changeling in my cellar?!" I spotted several open cans in one of the corners. "Are you- Have you been eating my stocks?!"

"I'm sorry!" he held up his hooves again, "I got hungry!"

"You're a changeling! Why would you eat normal food?!"

"I got bored!" he saw my bewildered look. "I'll work it off, I swear!"

"Work it off?!" I shook my rake at him. "How's that supposed to work?!"

The changeling closed his eyes and tried to concentrate, and much to my surprise I saw him change into a brown colt with a beige mane.

"See?!" he gave me a hopeful look. "No one will ever know!"

"Are you kidding me?! How would I even explain that to princess Luna?!"

"Just tell her I'm the help!" the changeling continued to beg with me. "Look, the other guy was an idiot, okay?! It's no wonder he got caught but I'm a professional! They'll never notice! Just let me stay, please!"

I stared at him with an open mouth and a feeling of despair. "Can't you just go back to your hive and we pretend this never happened?"

"Anything but that!" he shook his head with terror. "Can you even imagine what it's like to live there?! What she's going to do with me for failing?!" he wailed. "And she's always screaming! Always screaming! The dumber drones don't mind but I can't take it anymore! So pleeease?!"

"How are you even going to feed yourself?!" I continued. "It's not like you can just suck my customers out!"

"We don't actually suck..." he mumbled before noticing my growing frown. "Look, there's enough emotions coming from your customers and," he cringed, "guests to keep me going. I can stay here in the cellar, it's nice and dark and no one will notice. I'll work for free but please, just let me stay!"

Lost in confusion and still bewildered, I continued to stare at him; still holding the rake and still breathing heavily. Finally, I dropped the rake and sat down on one of the crates with a groan. "This is a madhouse!"

"Sorry," the changeling cringed again, "and for the whole kidnap... thing. Really sorry about that."

"Uhuh..." I sighed and rubbed my face.

"So..." he carefully asked, "does that mean I can stay?"

I only responded by letting out another groan and burying my face in my hands. "What is my life turning into?!" I quietly sobbed.

"Sorry..." he paused for a moment and carefully continued, "I'm Vex."

"I'm Woodchuck," I groaned under my breath, "just, Woodchuck."