Learning to Mourn

by 97xxfastbike

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy
Length: 2443

Applejack succumbs to depression after a tragedy. Will she learn to how to deal with grief and regain her friends and family?

After the death of a Princess, during an event in Canterlot, Applejack succumbs to depression and self-destructive behavior. Rebuffing her friends attempts at intervention divides the group and ostracizes her further. Finally Princess Luna intervenes, but will she be able to guide Applejack back to being an Element of Harmony and reconcile with her friends and family?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-11 18:40:03 UTC

Broken Element

Applejack slammed her drink back and then set the tumbler on the bar roughly. She didn’t feel the burn of the alcohol anymore. She didn’t feel, physically, anything but numb right now, but her rage was building. She lifted her head to stare at the mirror, scanning it’s reflection of the too-small-for-a-Friday-night crowd in the bar. Everywhere her eyes focused, She could catch a furtive glance. Darting eyes that didn't dare stare too long. They were watching her. She could feel their eyes, she could see through their attempts at neutral expressions. They were all judging her, even pitying her. She hated that! She didn’t want their pity, nor did she want their smug self-righteous looks of distain. She would show them. She would make them all wish they had never, ever, judged or pitied her.

“Hey, barkeep!” She drawled loudly, “one more round!” The bartender tried to ignore her and kept talking to the two new stallions a few empty seats over. Red began to tint her vision. “Hey, B’ Rail! Is this how you treat the ‘Elemen’ a’ Honesty’? By ignorin’ her?”

“What?” One of the new ponies perked up, “You were the Element of Honesty?” Brass Rail inwardly cringed for the new patron. “Well, miss, please allow me to buy you that round!” The pony said excitedly as he walked over to where Applejack sat; completely oblivious to the faux pas he had just committed with her.

Applejack slid off her barstool with a smoothness that defied the amount of intoxicants in her system. “Do ya think I need you to buy me a drink?” She glared at the young stallion, whose excitement had drained away from his face, leaving confusion behind.

“Hey, Applejack, give him a break.” A regular patron said in gentle, reconciling tone from behind her.

“Yeah, Applejack,” Brass Rail joined in, “He’s new. He didn’t know that you are…”

“Do y’all think that this pony cain’t answer for hisself?” Applejack interrupted with her eyes still locked on the pony in front of her. Everpony was silent. “Well?”

“I didn’t mean any offense,” the bewildered newcomer said, “I just wanted to meet one of the ponies who used to be ahggh!”

Applejack’s left hoof shot out to the stallion’s throat, cutting off anything else he might have said. He tried to back away but she pressed ahead till he was against the wall. In a panic, he swatted and tugged at Applejack’s hoof as his eyes bulged and his face began to grow purple from lack of oxygen.

“Let me make this plain to you, and everypony here, that I AM the Elemen’ a’ Honesty. I don’t need any a’ your charity, I don’t want any a’ your pity an’ none-a you better not go an’ think I ain’t an Elemen’ a’ Harmony anymore!” Applejack’s right hoof cocked back, and stopped. She jerked with her whole body, but she didn’t move. She didn’t need to look. There was only one pony who could stop her hoof cold like this. “Let go a’ me Big Macintosh!” She demanded of the large red stallion restraining her right hoof.

“Nnope.” Big Macintosh said slowly in his characteristic manner; stretching his words like taffy. “You are coming home right now. Princess Luna has requested that you go to Canterlot on the first train tomorrow.” Applejack didn’t move. “AJ, Come on now.” Big Mac now let a threatening tone seep into his voice. Applejack slowly relaxed and released her grip on her captive's neck, taking a perverse pleasure in seeing him retreat out of her reach as soon as he broke free of her hold. She turned and followed her brother to the exit, snippets of whispered conversation followed her.

“…how long has she been…”

“…months now…”

“…she’s getting worse…”

“…ever since the death of Princess…”

“I bet I know what y’all are thinkin’,” Applejack turned and loudly said when she reached the door, “an’ I hope she does take back my Elemen’. I didn’ ask for it, I didn’t even want it. Y’ALL HEAR ME! I NEVER WANTED IT!”

Once she was outside, Applejack could feel the world begin to spin around her. “I better walk home Big Mac, I’ll puke if I get in your wagon.”

“Hang your head out the back an’ puke then.” Big Mac said unsympathetically as he hitched himself. “It will probably be better if you do. It will make gettin’ you up early tomorrow easier.”

Applejack was dry heaving when they finally pulled up in front of the house. Being completely spent from the alcohol and the straining, she offered no resistance as her brother slung her over his back and carried her inside. But through her slitted eyes she caught a glimpse of her little sister Apple Bloom peeking down from the top of the stairs. Even thought it was only a fraction of a second, Applejack’s heart sank at the sight. Apple Bloom was wearing the embarrassment and shame of seeing her older sister’s condition as clearly as she wore her red mane. Applejack shut her eyes.

“Put me down, Big Mac. Please.”

Despite her polite request, he didn’t answer. He carried her up the stairs and all the way to her bed.

A sudden chill woke Applejack from her deep dreamless sleep. The realization that her brother had yanked the covers off of her dawned shortly thereafter.  She sucked in a breath and moaned. “Ohh, my head!”

“Time to get up AJ. There is a hot bath waitin for you, but I’ll be back with a cold bucket if you ain’t in it.” She heard her brother turn and leave her room.

“Damn, an’ I reckon he’s gone to get that bucket a’ water now.” She sat up and moaned again with her forehooves rubbing her temples. After blinking several times to clear the cobwebs, she stood and walked to her dresser and grabbed a clean undertail. Then she walked unsteadily to the bathroom.

The bath had made her feel much better, she reflected as she pulled her color-matched garment on and fastened it to her tail.  In fact, if it weren’t for the horrible dry mouth, she didn’t have any after effects from her drinking last night. Applejack picked up a brush and blended the straps into her coat. Then began pulling the brush through her mane. All she needed now was a good brushing and she would be ready to go.

Ready to go.  To Canterlot.  To meet Princess Luna.  Why?   Did she really believe that Luna would strip her of her title?  Yet, she could think of no other reason for the summons.  No other element bearer had been called alone to Canterlot.  Only her.  Now.  After she had that awful fight with her friends.  They hadn’t spoken since.  Well, not really.  She had spoken with Pinkie Pie, but that was mostly business related. And she had kept tabs with Rainbow, that’s how she knew how the other ponies were doing.  But she had no contact with anypony else. It must be about her and her element. Right?

The door opened just then and broke her train of thinking. Her nightgown clad little sister paused in the doorway.

“G’ Mornin’, Apple Bloom.” Apple Bloom ignored her sister, closed the door, and walked straight to the tub and began filling it. “I said, Good Mornin’, Apple Bloom.”  Still no response or recognition. Applejack set down the brush, picked up a red ribbon and tied it in her mane. Then she turned to face her little sister. “Ya know, there is no cutie mark for bein’ rude!”

Apple Bloom hiked her nightgown up just enough for her to remove her undertail, the coatmatched garment all ponies wore in public to preserve modesty.

“That’s appropriate,” Applejack said when her sister’s undies dropped to the floor. “’Cause your big sister is about to go an’ get a switch to adjust your bad attitude!”

“I guess you are still my sister.” Apple Bloom said as she stepped her left hoof out and kicked her undies to the hamper with her right. “Even you not bein’ the Element a’ Honesty anymore can’t change that.”

“Just what the hay is that supposed to mean!?”

“It means I know you cain’t be the Element a’ Honesty anymore!”

“Oh, really? Why are you so sure that I, “can’t be”, the Element of Honesty anymore?”

“B’cause I know a LIAR cain’t be the Element a’ HONESTY! That’s why!”

“Wha’…When did I ever lie to you!?”

“You said you were going to be at the talent show last night!” Apple Bloom’s voice squeaked higher and higher till it cracked. Then tears began spilling from her eyes. “You said you’d come. You promised me you were goin’ to be there. An’ you weren’t there!”

Applejacks, eyes widened and she felt her face flush. “Oh! No, Apple Bloom, that was…That was jus’ a mistake, I… I forgot. That’s all.”

“Oh, yeah?” Apple Bloom screeched, “Did you jus’ forget that every day for the past month that you promised to help me with my rope tricks too?!” Applejack could only stand dumbly in shock and shame. “You… You don’t remember your promises anymore, AJ. You don’t even try ‘cause you don’t want to remember them. The only thing you want to do anymore is go into town an’ get drunk!” She was screaming the last accusation, and she further punctuating it by pulling her nightgown over her head and throwing it at her sister.

“Apple Bloom, I… I’m,”

“Don’t try to tell me you’re sorry!” Apple Bloom interrupted while climbing into the bathtub, “I don’t want to hear you tell me another lie!”

“Apple Bloom, Listen, I…” Apple Bloom dunked underwater.  Applejack sighed and wiped her eyes. Her little sister hated her right now, and she couldn’t blame her.  She picked up their soiled clothes and walked out of the bathroom. Big Mac was standing in the hall. She closed the door behind her and walked into her room. “Did you hear all that?’ She asked as she started to pack her saddlebags.

“Eeyup.”

“What… How… How did she do?”

“It was bad." He sighed, "She struggled from the beginning, an’ only managed three of her tricks ‘till somepony’s heckling got to her an’ she ran off the stage.”

Applejack hung her head and sniffed. “I… I really messed up, didn’t I?”

“Your breakfast is waitin’ downstairs.” He turned and left.

“I packed you some vittles for the train.” Granny Smith said as she picked up her half-eaten plate. “Two apples, two sandwiches, an’ two bottles a’ cider in case the train breaks down, an’ you have to have dinner as well.

“Thank you, Granny, but it’s the Canterlot Cannonball: An express train. I should be at the palace for lunch.”

“Well, maybe you’ll get hungry on the way. You didn’t eat much here for breakfast.”

“Sorry, Granny, I just wasn’t very hungry.”

“Uh, AJ, we need to go.”

“Apple Bloom!” Granny yelled up the stairs. ”You come on down here now, your breakfast is gettin’ cold an’ your sister has to leave!”

“I ain’t comin’ down till after she leaves!” Apple Bloom's muffled reply came back.

“You do as I say an’ come down here right now an' say g’bye!”

“NO! An’ you cain’t make me!”

“Let her be, Granny. She’s every right to be upset wit’ me.”

“I don’ approve a’ this one bit! An’ you know why!”

“I know. Give me a minute. Big Mac, I’m goin’ to talk to her.”  She climbed the steps and sat on the floor by her door. "Apple Bloom? Can you hear me?”

“No!”

“Will you come over to the door an’ listen to me if I don’t tell you any lies?”

Through the door, Applejack heard bedsprings creak and hoof steps, then a sliding sound against the wall followed by a close sounding voice. “Okay.”

Applejack drew a deep breath, “You have every right to be angry at me.” She began carefully, knowing that saying one thing wrong would end this quickly. “I want to tell you that I’m sorry.”

“Don’t lie to me!”

“I won’t, I’m…not, I really am sorry for the…”

“No you ain’t. You’re jus’ sayin’ that so I’ll go an’ forgive you an’ give you a hug so you can feel better about yourself. Then you’ll go back to lyin’ an’ drinkin’ an’ sayin’ how sorry you are whenever you get caught!”

“You’re a very smart filly. An’ you’re right, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.” She wiped her eyes, “Wha… What do you want me to do?”

“Jus’ go away.”

Applejack tried to swallow the huge lump in her throat. “Forever? She choked on the word.

“Yes.”

“You want me to leave and never come back?”

“Yes!”

“Never to see you again?” Her voice was so small, she wasn’t sure she could be heard.

“YES!” Came the shouted reply.

“Okay. I’ll go.” Applejack squeaked, “But, before I go, an’ never see you again, I’m going to say, I love you. Okay?”

There was no answer.

“Apple Bloom?”

Silence.

“Okay… Then…" Applejack said weakly, feeling like her heart had been ripped out. "Goodbye, Apple Bloom… I love you.”  With that she tried to stifle her sobs as she stood up slowly, achingly, like she had been sitting there for years instead of mere moments and turned for the stairs.

“Applejack?”

At the sound of her sister calling her name she threw herself back to the floor and pressed her ear to the door. “Yes, Apple Bloom. What is it? I’m here, I hear you.”

“When you’re in Canterlot, can you tell Princess Luna something for me?”

Applejack swallowed. “Yes, I’ll tell her whatever you want.” Applejack waited, afraid to even breathe until she heard her sister’s request.

“Tell her that…that I miss the Element a' Honesty somethin’ terrible, an’ that I love her, an’ I want her to come back home!”

Despite her own tears, Applejack could hear her sister’s muffled sobs on the other side of the door. “I’ll do that Apple Bloom!” She wailed with relief. “I’ll tell Luna to send her back home to be with you as soon as she can!”

“Promise?”

Applejack pressed a hoof to the door, imagining her sister doing the same. “Yes, I will, I promise.”  They spent a few moments just listening to each other cry. Then heavy hoof steps began to come up the stairs. “Apple Bloom, I have to leave now.”

“I know, but don’t forget you promised to tell Luna.”

“I won’t forget. This is one promise I’ll keep.”

There were sounds of somepony standing up. Then a whisper. “G’bye.” Then light hoof steps and the creaking of a mattress.

“I love you. Sugarcube.”