A Boy and his Manticore

by little big pony

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Human, Anthro
Length: 8880

a human and a Manticore deal with crazy ponies, shenanigans, and sexually harrassing Princesses

A young man, lost in a strange world that he cannot begin to understand, tries to return home with the help of his pet-

"Hey announcer guy, Bob isn't my pet,"

"Rawr,"

"Ya, he's more like a servant or something,"

Smack

"N-not c-cool, Bob"

Will our unlikely hero return home? Will Bob the Manticore keep his friend safe from the nonsense that Equestria has to offer?

"Rawr,"

Find out!

Edit: in hiatus until I finish what is love

Just a little something I thought up a little while ago. A Tarzan-ish fic you probably shouldn't read but I wouldn't mind if you did.

Thanks to hs0003 and Procket12 for their usual help.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-11 13:40:43 UTC

Sappy goodbyes and Shy Knockouts

Everfree Forest

Beautiful, dangerous, wild, those are a few words that are used to describe this place. Most learn to fear the forest at an early age, either from going into the forest themselves and witnessing its horrors or from the many ghost stories that are usually told from parent to foal while at the bedside.

To some though, the few adventurers or knowledge-seekers that resided in the lands surrounding the forest, this place is a plethora of knowledge, where a few brave souls could discover something to benefit their race or themselves, be it a plant that helped cure ailments, or an artifact from a long forgotten time that granted the user great power.

There were an even fewer number that entered and sometimes perished in the Everfree. These beings cared not for the horror stories and fear that the forest was said to seep from its very roots. They also weren’t bothered for the knowledge or the power that the forest could provide. These people, unlike either two mentioned, were also sometimes feared and hated for the sole reason that they had made this terrifying, horrible forest their place of residence.

Be it with strength or cunning or stealth they managed to carve out an existence here, be it a tedious one. They were use to a hard life for Everfree was hard, and usually, they thrived. Most chose this life for the solitude for a number of reasons, to get away from prying eyes for evil intent, to choose a simple life of meditation and study, and even some, and these were always the odd ones, did not live in this forest by choice.

One who did not choose to live in the bosom of Everfree was calmly walking through the forest with his companion, his blue eyes and sharp ears scanning the surrounding area, looking for signs of trouble, though the caution was probably unnecessary

This being was a male of, for his species, average height, weight, and appearance. He was of tannish complexion and he was of a wiry build, his body transformed to fit his lifestyle. The only thing that might have distinguished him from others of his kind, a people that, due to their success as a species, had become soft, was his ability to survive in the Everfree. A forest that, at least the human, his people could not even imagine its beauty and terror.

  This creature was partially clothed, a pair of torn and dirty shorts with pouches all along them and wrappings around his hands and feet, protection from the excessive climbing that he was usually forced to do. A patch of dirty brown hair completed the appearance of this bare-chested creature. His name was as average as his appearance, though his title was one-of-a-kind for this world.

He was Philip, or Phil, as he like to be called, the human.

Now Phil the human could not alone take credit for his continued success in the Everfree. Humanity, though ingenious and grand as it has shown becoming the apex predators of their own world, usually would not be able to survive the Everfree. Only the best and brightest that humankind had to offer could hope to survive the forest, and Phil was neither of those.

What had kept him alive and well was his companion, who calmly walked beside him, and his kin. This creature was also quite average for his race. Towering above the human at a massive eight feet on all fours the creature looked like the unholy combination between a lion, a scorpion, and a bat.

The creature had the body of a massive lion, a brick red mane to go with it, the tail of a scorpion, and the wings of a bat. Unlike the human, this creature’s name and title were odd, for every one of his kind were given names for what they excelled at.

He was Bobs-for-fish, or Bob, as he preferred to be called, the Manticore.

Now, given that no creature of any world can be the same, Phil and Bob had a few unique traits that set them apart from their respective races. Phil, for whatever reason, could understand what his Manticore friend could say and he could speak to him, along with most of the wild residents of this forest, as easily as he could speak to a human. If this was a trait that was unique to Phil or that if others of his kind had this ability was moot given the fact that he was the only human on this planet, not that he was complaining, being able to speak to animals had saved his hide more times than he could count.

Bob, unlike most of his people, was a beacon of sense in the oddness that was Everfree. Where most of his kind wouldn’t care at the sight of floating islands, Bob would question it. A bird existed that could produce fire from seemingly out of nowhere and resurrect themselves in their ashes? Bob would ask how that bird could exist in any rational world.

Bob was also very good at rock-paper-scissors after he was taught the game, but that is a rather unimportant tidbit.

The two also shared an oddity that they kept to themselves so as not to be considered mad.

“Our hero and his companion march forward into the forest, their mission pure and just!”

The two could hear a booming voice that announced whatever they did. Be this madness or that there was actually a disembodied voice that only they could hear had been discussed between the two, and, since either could find a good answer or solution to the voice, they both usually chose to ignore it.

At least when no one else was around to see them talking to a voice that wasn’t there.

“Will you shut up, announcer guy? We’re just walking back to the pride’s cave, there’s no adventure or mission or whatever you said.” Phil muttered, checking one of the vine pouches that hung around his belt. “Hey Bob, do you think we have enough berries for your mom?”

The lion looked down at his friend, humming in contemplation. “Rawr,” he stated.

“Are you sure? I mean we could at least-”

“Rawr,”

The human sighed, patting his friend on the side. “This is our last job together big guy, we could made it last a bit longer huh?”

Bob looked down at Phil, a sad look on his muzzle. “Rawr Rawr Rawr,”

You see, due to a series of complications that the human did not know or understand, he had been transported to the wonderful world of Equs, more specifically in the Everfree forest, and even more specifically than that he had landed in the middle of Bobs pride’s cave.

After a flurry of activities from both the human and the Manticore’s, which mostly consisted of Phil climbing up a tree in terror and screaming at the top of his lungs, Phil was able to gain the pity of the prides matriarch, who, in an extraordinary act of generosity, decided to take the poor creature under her wing and help him.

So the months and years went by as the matriarch tried to help the admittedly lucky human, who, by trial and usually painful error, learned to become one of Everfree’s citizens and a member of a Manticore pride, using all of her rather influential power to see if any of the forest residents could send him home. Unfortunately for the human none with the power to cross plains of reality existed at the time.

Until very recently that is.

Though many do not know it news travels through the Everfree much like it would in Canterlot, someone would tell someone who would tell someone until the whole forest knew of this event or that event, be it little or big, the most important knowing first or experiencing the event firsthand and the smaller or weaker learning from others.

In little over a year the forest was abuzz with strange telling’s, the mare of the moon had returned, the jewels of peace had acquired new owners, and the mad king rising and falling within the same day, these were only a few tales that were brought to the matriarch, who sensed that now was the time to help the creature that she had become so fond of.

It took months of finding a guy that knew a guy that knew a certain angry white rabbit, then a month or so to have the meeting set up with a certain yellow Pegasus that could also speak to animals, and another week for that Pegasus to talk to and calm down a certain purple alicorn enough when she learned that she might be able to see a real live alien for her to agree to look at the human to see if she could help.

Though his time on Equs might not of been the easiest, or the safest, Phil was going to miss his adopted family, hence his odd reluctance to go to meet the Pegasus.

Phil tried to put on a brave face for his friend. “Hey, at least you wouldn’t have to deal with me eating your berries whenever you’re not looking,”

Despite himself, the Manticore chuckled. “Rawr rawr,” he quipped back at his friend.

Phil couldn’t help but snort. “That’s not what your mom said,”

“Rawr?”

Phil stopped at that, a look of panic on his face. “No, don’t tell her I said that!”

Without looking at his friend Bob continued snorting quietly as Phil raced after him.

“You’re not gonna tell her are you, Bob? Bob?!” Phil was going to say more but he stopped as he saw that they were close to their prides cave. “You’d better not tell her,” he muttered, “or I’ll tell her about that time you and Shatterbone-”

Whack!

In retrospect, threatening to tell your friends mom about his sexual escapades was not the best idea, especially when that friend had a tail that was good at whacking things.

“Damnit, Bob! You know that hurts!” Phil said, holding his head in pain. “You could have taken my head off you big lug!”

All Bob did was look over his shoulder at Phil before walking into the mouth of the cave. “Rawr.”

“I’m not being a baby you dick,” he muttered, giving his aching head one last rub before going into the cave, finding comfort in the familiar sights, sounds, and smells of his home.

There were the hunters all lazing around at the front of the cave, waiting for the sun to set for their hunt. There was that rather fat and old Manticore whose name Phil never could remember babysitting the two cubs, lefty and righty, both who were playing far enough to leave the hunters alone but close enough to the mouth of the cave for the light to reach them.

The two cubs, both barely two years old, stopped their silly game of hide-and-seek when they saw the human enter the cave, and giving out happy cries, they charged him.

Phil watched the two cubs running at him as fast as they could and sighed, looking up at Bob. “Those two still don’t have their claws yet right?” he asked the Manticore, before being hit in the chest by the two flying balls of fur.

Though they were still babies, Righty and Lefty were still rather strong, as Phil had found out many times before when they had done this, in fact if they wanted to they could have harmed the human easily, but all Phil got as the cubs swarmed him were licks and nuzzles.

“Hey, come on guys! I’m happy to see you too but get off!” Phil tried to plead, the overly affectionate cubs ignoring him as they held him down. “Crystal, CRYSTAL, GET YOUR KIDS OFF ME! HELP!” Phil finally cried after failing to free himself.

A lioness rose from the hunters group, rolling her eyes and slowly walking over to Phil and pulling her children off the relieved human, who got up and dusted himself off.

“Thanks, Crystal. You know, your kids would be a bit calmer if you played with them a bit more,”

Crystal looked down at the whimpering cubs in her claws to the human, a bored look on her face. “Rawr,” she said before putting her kids down and walking back to the hunter’s corner.

Phil blinked at her foul language. “Well, that wasn’t nice…” He then looked down at the adorable and sad sight of two whimpering baby Manticore’s looking up at him with puppy dog eyes.

Phil flinched, covering his eyes with a hand. “Come on guys, don’t do that. I don’t have anything to give you this ti-”

“Our hero is a lying a@#hole!”

“-me,” the human finished looking around sorely, hoping vainly to see who the heck was speaking and finding no one like always. The twin’s just respond by whimpering louder and rubbing themselves against him, causing Phil’s resistance to crumble.

“*sigh* fine…” Reaching around in his many pockets Phil produced a grass-like substance, something that he had taken to naming sweet grass. “Don’t tell your mom I gave this to you.”

Nodding happily the cubs all but put Phil’s hands in their mouths, greedily chewing on the grass as Phil patted them on the heads. “Alright guys, you two go back and play; I gotta to take to the big boss before I say goodbye,” The two, happy about getting their treats, just nodded, running back to where they were playing to harass the fat Manticore.

Phil watched them with a little sadness. I’m gonna miss those two, he thought, trying to ignore the sadness that was welling up inside him. A snort brought Phil back to reality, Bob gently nudging him, a concerned look on his face.

“Rawr?”

Phil shook himself like a dog. “Ya, I’m fine,” He nudged his head further into the cave, “Come on, let’s go talk to your mom,” He sighed, whipping the Manticore spit on his hands onto his shorts. “God, I really wish I had my shirt still…”

Bob stood there watching his friend walk for a moment before following, the concerned look still on his face as the two entered the largest and dimmest part of the cave, the matriarch’s lair. Phil stopped and looked around. “Hum, where is-”

Phil stopped when he felt something breathing on his back. Looking to his side he saw that Bob was next to him, looking around for his mother. Let me guess… With a quick spin the human was face-to-muzzle with perhaps the largest Manticore that he had ever seen.

At a whopping twelve feet tall the beast was grinning down at him, flashing her massive and razor sharp teeth in what, to most creatures, would have been a truly terrifying sight. To Phil it was just another of the matriarchs antics.

Rolling his eyes the human just patting the Manticore on the nose, trying and failing to keep a smile off his face as she kept grinning. “Nice try, mom, but you’ll have to do a little bit better than that. How your giant ass is so quiet is beyond me.”

“Rawr,” the matriarch warmly said, picking up the human and bringing him into a big hug, one which he happily returned.

“We got you the berries you wanted,” he murmured, giving the lioness a squeeze before she put him down.

Bob watched the whole scene with a small smile on his muzzle. “Rawr.”

Phil frowned. “Of course it matters that we got it! It doesn’t matter that we got just handful or two,” he looked up at the matriarch and pointed at the lion. “Tell’em mom!”

With something that sounded a lot like a chuckle the lioness slithered down to her son, giving him a nuzzle before smacking him in the back of the head with her tail.

“Hurt doesn’t it?” a smug Phil asked as he unclipped the pouches from his pants, the lioness taking them with her tail. “What do you need these berries anyway?”

“Rawr.”

Phil whistled, “Really, good for Swift. I wonder if it’s gonna be a boy or a girl?”

“Rawr.”

“Oh? And how do you know?” Phil teased.

The Manticore just fluttered her eyelashes at the human and grinned, her son snorting at his moms antics as the two giggled.

“Wait a second, if Swift needed these berries you could of just told us and we could have just given them to her, we didn’t need to harass you.”

The smile was whipped off the lionesses face. Walking back over to the human she brought him back into another hug. “Rawr Rawr rawr,” she said with tears in her eyes.

Now it was Phil’s turn to look sad. “Oh…. I’m –” he had to bite back a sob, Bob looking sadly at his friend and his mother and decided to leave to give the two a little alone time, as the two quietly cries together.

After a few minutes a teary-eyed Phil looked up at the teary-eyed matriarch, who still had him in a tight hug. “I’m gonna miss you,” he almost whispered, “You’ve helped me in every way imaginable and there’s no way to repay you, I should-”

He was cut off by the lioness. “Rawr rawr,” she said sharply. “Rawr rawr rawr!” She broke the hug, poking him in the chest with a paw, a stern look in her eyes.

Phil sighed, nodding. “You’re right. Thanks, mom, you always know what to say,” A smile back on his face he hugged her. “You know, I kinda wish you were my real mom, you’re sure as heck a lot nicer and better looking than her.”

Smiling again the lioness gave him a gentle squeeze, knowing if she did any more than that then there would be no way she’d let him go. “Raaaawr!’ She said, calling her son back in. “Rawr rawr,” she instructed, the two blinking in surprise at this.

“What do you mean go out the back?” Phil asked, perplexed as to why he couldn’t say goodbye to his extended family.

With a sad look the lioness calmly explained. “Rawr rawr. Rawr rawr, rawr.”

Phil flinched at that, knowing that she was right. Though each showed it in their own ways the Manticore’s of the pride cared for the human as deeply as if he had been born among them, goodbyes might have been too painful.

“I know what you mean, mom, but it feels like I’m running away then.”

“Rawr,” she said in a tone that could not be argued against.

Phil looked down, defeated. “Yes ma’am.”

“Rawr” the lioness commanded her son, who nodded.

With a sad look in his eyes Phil let Bob place him onto his back, the big Manticore taking off into the other exit of the cave, leaving the matriarch alone with tears in her eyes…

“And so our hero leaves his home and strides toward the road of adventure!”

“Shut up, announcer guy, I’m not in the mood,” Phil growled. “Bob, let me off your back, I can walk by myself.” With a sigh Bob did as he was told and soon the two were walking to the meeting area in silence.

“Rawr?” Bob quietly said, Phil flinching before looking at the ground.

“Fine? Ya I’m-” the Manticore pretended not to notice him rubbing his eyes. “No, no I’m not. Can we talk about something else, Bob?” he finished in a harsh voice.

“Rawr,” the lion replied with a bit of hurt in his voice.

“I’m sorry, Bob that was shitty of me,” Phil apologized, getting a playful nudge from his friend.

“Rawr rawr,” Bob said, trying to lighten the mood, the bad joke causing the two to chuckle.

“Thanks, Bob, I needed that.”

“Rawr,” Bob looked up at the sun, grunting before he nudged his friend. “Rawr,” he said, leading him toward where they were to meet the Pegasus.

With every step Phil became more nervous. “So you’re sure that this horse-”

“Rawr,”

“-pony isn’t going to take me to her leaders just so they can cut me up, right?”

That caused Bob to roll his eyes, “Rawr rawr, rawr. Rawr….” he said like it was said often.

Phil stiffened at that. “Yes, I remember the plan! And I wouldn’t call myself a coward; I’d prefer the term bravery deficient,” he defended while Bob just snorted.

“Rawr?”

“Yes that’s why I didn’t meet this ‘pony’ in person the last time, or the time before that,” the human muttered. “And that’s why you’re here now to be my kinda bodyguard while I live amongst these ‘ponies’. Ain’t no one gonna jump a guy with a big bad lug like yourself protecting him.”

“Rawr.”

“Well, you never can be too careful,” Phil took a look around his surroundings, seeing a tree with scratch marks all over it, they and the ‘pony’s’ meeting place, as it were. “Huh, it looks like we’re early.”

The lion grunted his agreement, plopping down, resting his head on his paws as Phil leaned on a tree. “You know,” he said. “We got pretty lucky with this Fluttershy character. I mean your mom found someone who knows the heads of their government, can speak to animals, who you say speaks my language, and is willing to help me?” the human snorted. “If they can get me home I should try playing the lottery, because lady luck must think I’m a pretty swell guy.”

“Our hero is full of himself!”

Phil looked around. “If I ever find out you’re not a figment of our imaginations, Announcer guy, I’m gonna kick your ass!”

“Come at me bro!”

Bob quietly sat here, ignoring the banter between the human and… whatever the announcer guy was, running a single claw through his glorious mane, untangling any knots that he found. Reaching the back of his mane he found something sticky. Frowning, Bob tried to use his long tongue to get at whatever the mess was, the sticky substance just out of reach.

With a suffering sigh the Manticore called, “Rawr rawr, rawr.”

Phil stopped yelling at the announcer to look at his friend. “What about something in your mane?” he asked, walking over to Bob, the Manticore pointing to the specific part of his mane. The human squinted up at it. “So… you just want me to cut it out?”

“Rawr rawr.”

“Okay, you’re going to have to get on your back then.”

“Rawr?!”

Phil rolled his eyes, spreading out his arms and cocking his head. “How am I gonna get it then big guy?”

Muttering the Manticore rolled into his back, Phil producing a small flint knife from his person. “Rawr,” Bob said as Phil started to hack away at the mane.

“I’m not gonna cut that much off, I’ll just- wait, is that honey?”

“R-Rawr?”

“Yeah it is you liar!” Phil grumbled, “You know if I would of found honey I would of shared it with you.”

“HEY YOU!”

…

Fluttershy hurried through the forest, fiddling with her yellow sweatshirt. Unlike most of the other ponies in Ponyville, the timid Pegasus wasn’t at all scared of the Everfree forest. Okay, maybe she was just a teeny bit scared of the forest, but she was better then most since many of her animal friends lived there. In fact the reason why she was in the forest in the first place was because one of her friends needed help returning his friend home.

That fact that this friend was a Manticore didn’t bother the Pegasus at all, but the fact that his friend might be an alien worried her just a little bit. Okay maybe a lot, but she couldn’t help but think about how scared the alien was, all by himself with only animals to keep him company. And no she did not see any irony on thinking that at all.

So, after convincing her friend Twilight to help this alien whose name, as Bobs-for-fish told her, was Philip, and not sending a small army of guards to capture the creature for what she called ‘Science!, all that she needed to do was collect him and Bob and take them to the library, where Twilight would help them get to the princesses.

The problem though, was that she was running late.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear! Fluttershy thought as she hurried to where they were supposed to meet. I hope they wouldn’t be upset with me. Oh, if only Angel bunny wouldn’t of-

Her thought died when she walked to the clearing where she was to meet them and she saw something horrible. On the ground and on his back was a Manticore with a creature looming over it, in its hand a knife.

As Fluttershy looked on she was filled with an emotion that she rarely felt, an emotion she only had when somepony hurt one of her animal friends.

Rage.

…

“HEY YOU!”

What the heck was that? Phil thought, turning around and seeing a very angry pair of teal eyes before a yellow fist connected against his jaw, sending him through the air and onto the ground, out like a light.

“THERE’S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM!” Fluttershy roared, stomping toward the unconscious human until she was lifted into the air by a confused Bob.

“Rawr?” The Manticore asked as Fluttershy’s anger drained away to confusion.

“Bob? He wasn’t?-” Her hands flew to her mouth in panic. “Oh, my.”

“Our hero got knocked the f&@k out!” The announcer shouted out as Bob facepalmed.

“Rawr,” he muttered, a possible foretelling of what was to come.

When in Doubt, Coward it Out

Ponyville

A quant but cheery little town much like every little town that peppered the countryside of Equestria, filled with ponies that loved their neighbors and helped even the worst-looking stranger that came into their town.

What set the little town apart from all of its brothers and sisters was that, unlike most towns whose founders had the sense that god gave a rock; Ponyville was a neighbor of the Everfree.  Why Ponyville had been put so close to the dangerous forest was debated among the younger of the town’s ponies for many, many years, the young colts and fillies coming up with numerous theories on the subject, most of them wrong.

If you carefully read over the land rights that Princess Celestia had given the Apple clan all of those years ago you’d see that the land they were given was closer to Trottingham than to the forest. When she was asked why and the hay the Apples had lost direction so badly, Granny Smith would give the offending pony the stink-eye.

“Now ya listen here, Young’un,” she would always say, “We Apples are farmers, not one of them fancy navigators. We had no idea where we was a-going and setting up near the ol’Everfree seemed like a grand ol’ idea at the time.

Who did what or who stayed where is only the concern of the occasional history nowadays, not for a practical pony of Ponyville, who couldn’t care less why the location of the town was where it was, just that they lived in it.

That and that living in Ponyville was as dangerous as all hell.

You see, though they were neighbors of the hostile Everfree, the citizens of Ponyville had lived very normal, peaceful lifestyles, the word being had. Now the once peaceful town had crisis after crisis, ranging from parasprites to a god of chaos coming in and throwing everyponies lives for a loop.

But like most creatures when faced with change, the ponies adapted to their new, crazy lives, so much so that when Fluttershy walked into a town with a Manticore trailing her nopony even blinked.

This is a metaphor of course, the ponies did actually blink, but not in the ‘I’m gonna jump down a well to save myself’ kind of blink.

Sure they were mildly scared and a little bit of a push would of set off a panic riot, but it would have been far less than the average Equestrian would have done if they had seen a big monster walk into their town.

Where the usual pony would take one look at the monster screaming and running away, all the townsfolk did was send word to Ponyville’s local scaredy-cats, the flower sisters, telling them that there was a monster in town so they could panic in the comfort of their own homes, and sigh, thinking over why Fluttershy had brought a Manticore into town.

The beast in question looked at ease amongst ponies, so at ease that it almost looked bored as Fluttershy fiddled with her sweatshirt and talked to the creature.

“So you don’t think he’ll be mad?” She asked Bob, looking up at the Manticore’s back to see a still knocked-out Phil slung over his back.

“Rawr Rawr,” The Manticore answered, keeping an eye on the local townsfolk, who, though they kept their distance, really didn’t look too concerned about a Manticore walking about their town.

The Pegasus whimpered slightly at that. “I just don’t want him to be angry at me,” she practically whispered.

The Manticore looked down at the pony with sympathy. “Rawr,” he said soothingly, calming her fears of Phil’s wrath; the human was, after all, not one to hold a grudge, even with one who thoroughly whipped his ass.

Wither or not this was because Phil was just that kind of guy or because he had the mind set of ‘if they knocked me out once then they wouldn’t have any problems about doing it again’ could not be asked because of him being out cold.

Fluttershy looked back at Bob with a weak smile, trying not to look at Phil. “I-I’ll apologize to him after we get him to Twilight’s,” her eyes widened as she brought her hands to her face. “Twilight! She’s not going to like this…”

…

Twilight was not having a great day, in fact her day had been pretty awful and it wasn’t even twelve o’clock but, since it was a Thursday that wasn’t too unexpected. Twilight, though a scientific mare by heart and one who usually wouldn’t believe a superstition as far as she could throw it, still held onto the very firm belief that Thursday was a cursed day for her.

Nightmare moon came back on a Thursday, Trixie brought the Ursa Minor into town on a Thursday, and she could have gone on and on about the unluckiness and just all around cursedness that was her usual Thursday, but she didn’t have time to do that at the moment, because as of now she had cleaning to do.

She had spent the whole morning looking for a dress shirt that was clean but she had found out that Spike picked today, today to do the laundry, so she was stuck wearing dirty clothes until he was finished. Her assistant had also forgotten to clean the house today, so she also had, in her OCD mind at least, a dirty house. Did she mention that she also had a very bad headache, and that she had to greet an alien today?

So there she was, running around her house, trying not to panic…. Okay, trying to at least not completely lose her mind while she ran around cleaning every nook, cranny, cranny-nook, and even nooky-cranny in her house.

“Spike! Is the laundry done yet?!” The alicorn roared as she used a quick spell to sort out her books for the tenth time that day, the little purple dragon scrambling around like a foot-soldier would for his general.

“They’ll be done in five minutes, Twi!” Spike called, waddling around as fast as his little legs could carry him, sorely wishing that he hadn’t forgotten to clean up.

“Five minutes?  FIVE MINUTES?!” Twilight cried, her eye twitching, “I’m about to be the ambassador for all pony-kind, I’m about to meet an alien species who’s technology we probably can’t even comprehend. WE MIGHT NOT HAVE FIVE MINUTES!!!”

The young dragon couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the display. “Twilight,” he said as calmly as he could as he balanced himself on a stool while cleaning everything within reach with both of his claws and tail  . “This guy has spent Celestia knows how long living in the Everfree forest, the EVERFREE FOREST, he’s probably not going to care that our house is a little dirty, or that you have a coffee stain on your shirt… Drama queen”

The alicorn looked down at her assistant, hyperventilating before a look from the dragon made her sit down. “Your right, Spike,” she finally said with a sigh, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples. “It’s just-”

Knock knock

The two jumped at the noise, Spike humming to himself, “Hum, someponies at the door, I wonder who-” The dragon would have said more if Twilight hadn’t bowled him off his stool to get to the door.

“It’s the alien! She mumbled/screamed to herself, straightening her tie and fixing her hair. “Calm down Twilight, calm down. You’re just going to have contact with an alien, no pressure, there’s probably no way that you’ll accidentally offend him and start an inter-dimensional war. Nope, no way, no pressure at all.”

With shaky hand she grasped the doorknob, and, with a ruffling of her feathers to calm and steel herself, she opened the door…

To see a nervous Fluttershy standing at her doorway. “Oh, h-hello, Twilight,” She said as Twilight sighed in relief.

“Oh thank Celestia it’s just you, Fluttershy, I thought it was,” the alicorn stopped, narrowing her eyes at the Pegasus, who wilted under her gaze. “Wait a second; weren’t you the one that needed to get the alien and bring him here?”

She then noticed the giant Manticore behind her, the beast looking around with a look of boredom. “There’s the Manticore, but where’s…” She then saw what looked to be a hairless and shirtless pony slung over the beasts back, obviously out cold.

Fluttershy watched in mild dread as Twilight turned her twitching toward her. “Fluttershy, tell me that’s just a pony that you happened to find unconscious on the road and not the alien?” Fluttershy’s squeak was all the response she needed as she felt her spirits drop and her panic really start to set in.

Before she could have her little mental breakdown Bob reached over his shoulder and gently picked up the unconscious Phil from his back, presenting him to the alicorn, who looked at the human with concern.

“Rawr, rawr rawr rawr,” he simply said to Fluttershy, breaking her out of her stupor.

“You’re right, Bob,” She quietly said, “he’s probably going to need his head looked at,” she then turned toward Twilight. “Um, Twilight? Could you please use your magic to carry Phil inside? Bob can’t get through the door and he says Phil’s a lot heavier than he looks… I mean, if you want to that is.”

Twilight mentally facepalmed, Of course, I can panic about having ‘Phil’ knocked out at my doorstep later, right now I need to see if he’s okay. Stay calm, Twilight, maybe it was just a silly accident, she thought as her horn glowed, gently plucking the human out of the Manticore’s grasp.

Looking him over with a critical eye she muttered to herself, “Hum, he looks like he couldn’t weigh more than a hundred and forty pounds,” She levitated Phil into her house and onto her couch, which creaked slightly under the human’s weight. “But he has to be at least two hundred and fifty pounds. Is it because his kind’s density is more than ponies? Look at how small his eyes are; I wonder if he sees the same lightwaves as us. Or does he-”

Though Fluttershy didn’t want to interrupt her friend’s ramblings, her worry for the human overcame her politeness. “Um, Twilight, he still needs-”

The alicorn ignored her as she closely inspected Phil, first opening his mouth and grinning nerdly as she peered inside. “Hum, it looks like he’s an omnivore,” she teetered excitingly, “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I took a few samples while he slept, maybe run a few-”

Everyone on the room froze as they heard a threatening growl, Twilight turning around to see Bob glaring at her.

“Of course, I should get my first-aid kit to see if he’s alright first,” she said after clearing her throat nervously, “Spike could you get me our first-aid kit?”

The dragon, who had been gawking at the alien creature before him, blinked before saluting, “Right on it!” he said, waddling upstairs as Bob gave the alicorn one final glare before laying down and closing his eyes, ready for a well-deserved mid-morning nap, content that the ponies probably wouldn’t try anything funny.

Back inside the tree house there was an awkward silence between Fluttershy and Twilight as the alicorn tried to catch her eye. I wonder what happened, did the alien fall? I mean, it’s not like Fluttershy knocked him out or anything, she thought as she knelt down and carefully touched the ugly bruise on the humans jaw, wincing at the small trickle of dried blood running down his chin.

“Humm,” she muttered, “It looks like whatever hit him knocked him right in the Mental Foramen, if his kind are anything like us that is, so he should be fine. All he’ll have when he wakes up is a nasty headache… Oh, thank you Spike.”

Fluttershy watched as her friend as she tried to open the small metal box with a red-cross on it. “Um, Twilight?” She all but whispered, “Do you, um, need any help at all?”

Twilight looked over at her and smiled. “No I think I got it, Flutters, I- Oh, horseapples!” The mare cursed as the box flew open, all of the medical supplies flying everywhere. “Darn it, I’m trying to fix him up and look at what I do, almost kill him with scissors, “she muttered, using her magic to collect everything except a small alcohol patch and the scissors.

Cutting the packet open she didn’t notice the human slowly opening his eyes…

Oh sweet teddy bear juggling Jesus, my head, Phil mentally groaned as he opened his eyes, purple invading his vision. Slowly blinking Phil took in the odd creature standing over him.

It looked strangely human, with what looked to be purplish fur covering everything he could see. Taking a look at the long black hair with the stripe in it Phil could only guess that whatever this was was a female.

Look how big her eyes are, the human thought as he looked over her carefully, noticing that she also had a horn and what looked like a pair of wings. Looking downward he saw that she was wearing a white dress shirt with a purple tie that matched her coat and a simple black skirt to finish off her outfit. All-in-all she just looked like a big-eyed purple/lavender human who also happened to have a horn on her forehead and wings on her back.

Phil couldn’t help but narrow his eyes as he continued to look. Huh, look at that, she has a stain on her shirt, must be a slob, he quietly whimpered, touching is sore head tenderly. What the heck happened? There was my and Bob and then an angry pair of eyes and-

During his self-contemplation it really never occurred to Phil the gravity of his situation. There he was, in the room with multiple alien life forms, two of which could have passed as humans in the right light. It was a room that any human Scientists worth his salt would have killed to be in and there was Phil, wondering why Twilight had a stain on her shirt and where Bob had gone to.

That is until he saw the scissors in the alien/inter-dimensional beings hand.

Freezing up, Phil’s mind raced. Oh, shit, she’s one of those pony thingy’s Bob told me about! She’s gonna cut me up for science! He tried to control his breathing as he thought out his situation. Come on, Phil your just overreacting. Bob said-

Phil took a quick look and saw those eyes, those teal eyes he saw before he saw black. Phil whimpered as the eyes turned to gaze upon him, their gaze showing surprise, not anger, but that didn’t matter to the human, only the fear that he felt as Fluttershy squeaked, alerting Twilight to the now awake Phil.

The princess, not noticing the human was now slightly shaking, gave him her best smile. “Oh hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle,” she began, backing up a little to give him some space. “You must be-”

“Our hero’s going to get cut up by the aliens!” The announcer boomed, freezing the human in place.

As Phil’s mind went blank from fear he did what any good human did when his flight response was screaming in his ear, look for an escape route. Then he saw them, a set of stairs. Stairs meant an upstairs and an upstairs meant windows and windows meant freedom.

…

Fluttershy watched as her friend Twilight fretted over her medical supplies, a small smile on her muzzle, it was always nice to see that her friend hadn’t changed after becoming a princess. She would always be that slightly clumsy bookworm that everypony loved.

A slight movement caused the Pegasus to look toward the human, who now had his eyes open and was looking around cautiously. She froze for a moment as the human stared at her, his eyes slightly widening as they locked gazes. Then he whimpered and Fluttershy saw something in his eyes that broke her heart, pure terror.

She flinched as he rolled off of the couch, Twilight squeaking as he ran upstairs. “W-Wait!” she shouted, standing up and making her way to the foot of the stairs. Before she could yell again the two mares and dragon flinched as they heard the sound of broken glass.

Spike looked out the window and saw the alien hit the ground with a roll and scurrying away with a sigh. “Celestia-damned Thursdays,” he muttered, calmly walking around his now crazed sister/mother and Fluttershy to look for a broom. “Now I have glass to clean up…”

Gotta get away, gotta get away, Phil though as he hit the ground, ignoring his multiple glass-cuts that covered his bare chest and the ponies all around him to find the first thing that anyone needed to do when in a situation like this, higher ground. He found said higher ground when he spied a towering white structure that looked strikingly like an old-timey town hall.

There we go, he thought as he made a beeline toward the structure, tightening the rags around his hands, getting ready for the climb. And climb he did, making his way up to the top of the town hall like a squirrel would a tree until he reached the top.

“Alright,” the human said to himself, shielding his eyes from his the sun as he surveyed his surroundings. “Where the hell’s Bob?” His eyes, sharp from searching for trouble in the Everfree, scanned the town carefully until he saw a sight that made him groan. For there was Bob, curled into a giant ball and snoozing the morning away right in front of the place he had just escaped from.

“Of course, of course! He has to be there, just my luck,” Phil cursed to himself as he squatted over the ledge. “They must have used some evil mind control stuff to put Bob under,” the human squared his shoulders and set his jaw, a determined look on his face. “Don’t worry, Bob, I’m gonna save ya!... Now I just need to figure out how to get down…”

During his stay in the Everfree, Phil had become accustomed to using a set of skill that had maintained his survival and helped the pride in their day-to-day lives, climbing being the foremost skill of importance.

It was also a skill the human took to like a duck to a pond, the human being able to scale the tallest, most deadly trees with little ease. But there was a kink in this skill that Philip the human had, he could climb up anything, but he had a little problem getting down, like an I’ll slip-and-fall-and-crack-my-head-open-if-you-breathe-on-me-wrong kind of problem. But Phil had quite a good solution to this; find something soft to fall into.

“It’s a long freakin’ drop if I can’t-,” Phil smiled as he spied upon a wagon loaded with hay not too far away. “There we go!” He looked up into the sky, clasping his hands together. “God, Buddha, Odin, if one of you guys could make sure that I don’t miss the landing I’d be awful grateful.”

“Our hero is a big scaredy-baby!”

Phil stiffened at that, looking around angrily. “I am not!”

“Yes you are!”

“I’m going to jump it!”

“No you will not!”

“YES I WILL!”

“BIG CRY BABY BIG CRY BABY BIG CRY BABY!”

His pride pricked the angry human took a few steps backward before roaring, “Banzai!” With a little hop the human soared into the air for a moment or two before dropping like a stone toward the hay-cart of life and safety. Curling up into a tight ball Phil quietly prayed to every deity, made up or otherwise, as he hit the hay with a firm thud.

Now, due to some of the video games of today, some people believe that if you jump into a bail of what looks to be soft hay that it is a soft and comfortable landing; those people would be wrong.

Most people don’t know that along with the perennial grasses, legumes, clover, and alfalfa that are in hay, there are many different types of painful, sharp weeds that beg to poke and stab flesh in it, which makes falling into a bale of hay at any height a usually painful experience. Never mind if you jumped in one at forty feet and without a shirt on.

So it was a only a second or two when Phil, horribly happy at not cracking his head open on anything, hopped out of the cart cursing while he tried to rip out the weeds that had buried themselves into his flesh.

“Our hero survived his-”

Not bothering to look around the human lifted his arm up into the air to give the one finger salute to the announcer guy before charging back to the treehouse, the townsponies who had been watching the whole scene with amusement shaking their heads before going about their daily lives. It was just another day in Ponyville after all.

…

Bob was a simple Manticore, though an admittedly an odd one. All he usually needed to get through the day was a hunk of meat, a good conversation, and about ten to fifteen naps a day. And like every Manticore in Equs, there was one thing he hated more than anything, when his naps were interrupted.

Now Bob was incredibly a very forgiving creature, far more so than his brothers and sisters, because he when off a three-tier system, as in he would let three wake-ups slide before he then began to maul/attack whoever dared to wake him.

To his irritation he was already at one right now.

But the situation was bettering itself in that he had almost drifted off into-

“Bob, wake up your fat ass and let’s get outta here; these ponies are crazy and they wanna cut me up!”

Bob sighed, not bothering to open his eyes as his human friend began to shake him. Now Bob understood, though Phil and maybe even Twilight didn’t, the situation. Phil panicked, Phil ran away, the ponies are looking for him, the ponies are trying to help but Phil’s a big scaredy baby. A very short but true take on what was going on.

So Bob did what needed to be done in a situation like that, he ignored his friend and pretended to be asleep. Such a thing might have been considered cruel but it needed to be done, besides, Bob needed a nap to absorb all of this craziness that had already started on their journey.

…

“Bob, Bob, wake up! For Christ sake, Bob, get up before they come back!” Phil whimpered, peering inside the house to see that it was empty. They must be out looking for me, he thought to himself miserably, What am I gonna do?

Before Phil could contemplate how he was going to wake up his friend, tell him what was going on, and get the two of them back into the forest unscathed, his stomach angrily reminded him that it hadn’t been fed that day, growling loudly as the human looked down at it with a small frown.

“Huh,” the human muttered, peering back inside the treehouse, library thingy. “I wonder if this place has anything to eat…” Looking around to see if he could spot a flash of purple or yellow Phil went inside, closing the door behind gently as he looked around the little house.

“Books, books, and more books,” he muttered, scrunching his nose at the smell of ink and paper. Then Phil found something that he hadn’t seen since landing in the middle of the Everfree forest, a light switch. With a Dopey grin he flicked the switch, trying not to flinch as he was bathed in artificial light.

“Neat, I wonder if they had plumbing, or,” the human whimpered eagerly, “toilet paper,” Flicking the switch off the human started to nose around the first floor of the building, poking at things that weren’t his, until he spied the motherland, the kitchen.

...

Rarity Belle considered herself many things, a lady of high class, one of the greatest fashion designers in Equestria, and somepony who could make the colors pink and black go together well. What she was not was punctual, spending time to ‘freshen’ herself up even before going off and saving the world.

Which is why, when she was told by her Spiky Wiky that ‘Phil’ the alien was running around Ponyville, she had spent the last thirty minutes fixing herself up, she had to show her fabulousness off to this ‘alien’ after all.

Oh, I hope that I picked the correct dress, the mare thought to herself as she gazed at her low cut but tasteful sky-blue dress. Oh, who am I kidding, this Philip is bound to love it! She walked toward Twilights house, still thinking that the mare was there waiting for her.

Looking over herself one final time as she reached her friends door, Rarity knocked and then opened the door, “Twilight, Darling,” she called, walking inside, “I have arrived, now we can-”

The mare froze in place as she saw something that brought terror and disgust into the heart. There, with a whole loaf of bread in his mouth and a wedge of cheese in each palm was Phil, looking at her, frozen in place.

…

Phil froze as he watched a white pony with a horn on her head look at him wide-eyes. Boy, are those eyes are big, he thought as she gasped, big but kinda pretty. Now how am I gonna get out of her-

“Darling!” The pony screamed, making her way over to the human who backed up in terror. “Look at the state of those pants and your hair, sweet Celestia your poor hair; it looks like somepony took a knife to it! And look at your fur, all covered in dirt and grime! For shame, for shame!”

Phil swallowed his mouthful of bread as his back hit a wall, whimpering as the mare came so close to him that he could smell her. “Um,” he started to say before yelping as the mare squashed his face together with her hands.

“Don’t you worry, darling, if you’ll just come to my home I’ll have you fixed right up!” The mare cried, clasping his hand and dragging him toward the door, poor Phil dropping his food as he tried, and failed, to get out of her grasps.

“BOB! BOB! Get up and help me!” Phil cried as the mare took him away, the Manticore opening an eye before shifting his position to be a little more comfortable.

“Our hero furthers his journey!”  The announcer cried, the Manticore snorting to himself as Phil’s screams lessened and finally stopped.

“Rawr,” he murmured, promising to himself as he went back to bed. “Rawr Rawr, Rawr.”

Canterlot

“Prince Blueblood,” a servant uttered, bowing before the prince, who waved a hand impatiently.

“Yes, yes, peasant, enough of the formalities; do you have the blueprints?” The prince said, snatching a bundle of paper out of the servants hands, smiling as he peered inside and read.

The Everfree villa

“Excellent,” he said rolling everything up. “Are the construction crews ready?”

The servant bowed again. “Yes, my lord, they await your orders.”

Blueblood smiled evilly. “Good, good…”