Pirate Edict With Captains Pip and Lu.

by overlord-flinx

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Pipsqueak, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 981

The first rule about being a pirate: You need to have a good 'arrr'. Not enough? Well, there's ten rules to be a pirate. Good thing Pipsqueak and Luna are here to lay them down.

Pirate edict. The very phrase seems almost crazy. But, there's ten rules on how to be a good, top class pirate. Good thing Pipsqueak and Luna are here to lay each and every one of them down. They may even do a little shanty while they're at it!

Near 100% dialogue.

One-shot

Published 2013-10-24 07:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-24 07:40:02 UTC

Edict

Pirate edict trails back to hundreds -perhaps thousands- of years in history. Before the time of land cultivation and inland civilization. It derives from the salty sea horses of old and the swashbuckling high-sea thievery they were renowned for. But it was the code of the Pirate -the edict- that truly made them the skull-sails we know them now as. Today, pirates are a thing of the past. The seas are calm, goods are transferred by air or by land, and bandits are the new thieves. But bandits are lawless thugs. Pirates had the code -the edict- that made them both feared and respected in the times of olden Equestria.

That is why, on this day, Princess Luna and a worldwide recognized Pirate specialist, one Pipsqueak, will take it upon themselves to teach you "The Edict of the Pirate"... "Pirate Edict", if you would.

Pirate Edict With Captain Pip. Rule Number One: A Pirate needs a good "arrr".

A good "arr" really sells your reason to be a pirate. But just goin' "arrr" isn't enough. Ya' need ta' dig deep down inta' your tummy and let it really rip out. It's almos' like a fart. Just that it comes from ya' mouth an' not your bum.

Pirate Edict With Captain Lu. Rule Number Two: You gotta wear pants.

Tis' a shameful and blasphemous idea to once consider a pirate to be without his pantaloons. The more frilled the pants are, verily the greater a pirate one was and is. There can be no compromise upon this! The very idea!

Pirate Edict With Captain Pip. Rule Number Three: If there's ever a way to win a fight one on fifty... DO IT!

Crackers and pears, this shouldn't even be a pirate rule. This is common sense. If ya' do see a way to win a fight an' get out alive... Ya do it! I'm a colt and I know that.

Pirate Edict With Captain Lu. Rule Number Four: Never keep two weapons on one side of your body.

Historically speaking, there stands a momentous chance that at some point upon the seas, one of thy limbs will be lost. Therefor, keep a weapon holstered on either side so as not to let one side grow too reliable.

Pirate Edict With Captain Lu and Pip. Rule Number Five: Save as many damsels in distress as ye can...

...Cause' chances are they 'ave a map to some treasure! They were in distress for a reason, right? Could be a map!

Or in the likely hood they have affluence or influence, one could use as parley at the nearest port. One must always think towards the future on the open sea.

Pirate Edict With Captain Pip. Rule Number Six: There's no such thing as too many lasses in the ports.

Me mum said this one was wrong. Pirates should only 'ave one lass in any port... And if they 'ave more, they get scurvy on the willy. I trust the Pirate Edict, but mum is scary... So trust 'er.

Pirate Edict With Captain Lu. Rule Number Seven: You got to party.

The pirate lively-hood is substantially minimum in even some of the best case scenarios. For that reason, as a pirate, you are obligated to celebrate with your crew mates in whatever port town you into contact with. In most cases, however, partying is best taken place upon your vessel itself.

Pirate Edict With Captain Pip. Rule Number Eight: You've got ta' party.

Ah, the great law of the pirate. Ta' pah'e, or not to pah'e? That's the question. But if you're a pirate, ya' got ta' pah'e! If you're not pah'ing, you're not pirating!

Pirate Edict With Captain Lu. Rule Number Nine: You've GOT ta' PARTY!

Sir or madam... Do thee truly understand what is being said here...? Celebrating -partying- is indeed important enough to a pirate that it must consume three of the rules. Dost thou grasp what is being said here? If you do not, you are not pirate material... Ye... Must... Party... To be a pirate. There can be no alternative or compromise. Ye must party... For it is the pirate way.

Pirate Edict With Captain Lu and Pip. Rule Number Ten: You don't need a crew...

A crew just slows ya' down and makes for more loot ta' split among them all! No crew means more of the share for ya'.

To possess a lot of sea horses could only hinder the progression across the vast ocean. Therefor, a loss of a crew is needed.

But... Ya' always need friends, a team, chums, buddies, nakama, ponies you love! They're no crew, but ya trust 'em with ya' life no matter what. They're a bit crazy, sometimes they seem ta' be too greedy, they even may act like they want ya' dead... But they're fam! Ya' love fam no matter what and ya'll take em' out ta sea with ya' without a doubt!

The vast sea is treacherous and dark... For the body as much as the heart. Tis' why one should only travel with those you would trust to protect and nurture you should you succumb to weakness. As you would if they too fell. That is not a member of the crew... That is the member to whom you do not share a lion's amount with but are will to give the ransom of a queen to without being asked.

Pirates are bloodthirsty and dangerous thieves of the sea... But a pirate -a real pirate- is nothing without the edict and honor of what it really means to fly the Jolly Rodger. Maybe someday, ponies like Pip will set sail once again to find the lost booty of pirates past... But before that day, maybe they should read all one hundred rules in the Pirate Edict.