Proper Anatomical Terminology

Knock knock knock!

Twilight Sparkle slowly opened her eyes, the golden light of dawn flooding her vision as she stretched.

Knock knock knock!

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Twilight huffed, rolling out of bed and walking past her drowsy assistant who was still rubbing the sleep from his eyes with the back of his claws.

"Who is it?" Spike mumbled sleepily, but Twilight didn't answer, merely shaking her head as she swung her bedroom door open with her magic, a third set of frantic knocks coming from the door downstairs.

"I'm coming!" she shouted, her voice louder than the knocks had been before leaping over the banister and gliding down to the front door. Seizing it with her magic, she pulled it open. "What do you wan - Fluttershy?"

The pegasus had obviously been weeping, her wings drooping at her sides, her cheeks matted with tears. "How could you!" she sobbed.

"How could I what?" Twilight tilted her head quizzically.

"This!" Bending her head back, she pulled a magazine out of her saddlebag, holding it up just a few inches away from Twilight's face.

"Playmare? Twilight Sparkle reveals all?" Twilight laughed. "Fluttershy, I didn't do anything with Playmare magazine."

"No?" She awkwardly pawed at it with her hoof, flipping through the glossy pages before presenting it to her friend once more.

"Foreplay and Copulation Between An Alicorn and a Pegasus Using Proper Anatomical Terminology?" Twilight's eyes widened in alarm as they flickered across the page. "How did they get this?"

"So you did write it, then?" Fluttershy asked, tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Yeah, I wrote it, but I didn't send it to them! I sent it to a reputable scientific journal!" Twilight's words did nothing to assuage the distraught pegasus, whose quiet sobs continued. "How did you get this anyway?"

Fluttershy sniffed. "Some of the stallions in town, they were looking at me. They... they asked me if I would like to 'experiment' with them, too." She lowered her head. "Some of the mares, too."

"Oh Fluttershy..." Twilight stepped forward to wrap her friend in a hug. "I'm so sorry. It wasn't about you."

"I know," Fluttershy said, "But how could you talk about Rainbow Dash having..." she shuddered.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think you still had feelings for her." Twilight stood there awkwardly, doing her best to dry her friend's tears.

"I don't. I understand why we can't be together. But... everyone in town thinks I did this. I got a letter from my parents!"

Twilight sighed. "I'll clear this up, I promise. I just need to figure out how..." Twilight shook with sudden realization. "Rainbow Dash!"

"What?" Fluttershy jerked her head, looking around.

"No! That's who did this. Come on," Twilight growled, stepping out the front door. "Spike! If anyone comes looking for me, tell them I'm at Sugarcube Corner!"

"Okay!" the dragon called back from upstairs as the door slammed shut behind them. "Sheesh. They sure left in a hurry."

***

The doors to Sugarcube Corner burst open, drawing a start from the colorful pair of ponies lounging at the counter.

"Rainbow Dash! I have a bone to pick with you!"

The pegasus in question blinked. "What'd I do?"

Twilight grabbed the magazine out of Fluttershy's grip, tossing it straight at Rainbow Dash's face. The pegasus flinched, then automatically caught the magazine before it hit the ground. "Twilight Sparkle tells all?" She laughed. "Ha! They actually published it!"

"Rainbow Dash! You told me that the Fund For Furthering Understanding of Carnal Knowledge was a legitimate research organization!"

"And they are! I mean, look at this article! This is great stuff." The pegasus began laughing again.

"What is it, Dashie?" Pinkie Pie asked, leaning over the counter.

"She used the chart!" She said, before falling backwards onto the counter, the pair of ponies laughing uproariously as they read the article together, hunching together over it on the counter.

"It isn't funny!" Twilight said, cracking her hoof against the floor. "Everypony in town thinks that Fluttershy and I had sex and wrote about it in Playmare magazine!"

At Twilight's words, Fluttershy burst into tears again. Pinkie Pie's expression changed instantly, from laughter to concern as she rushed over to comfort her friend, and even Rainbow Dash's face fell.

"What? Why the hay did everypony think it was you and Fluttershy? I mean, sure, you didn't use my name, but what other smoking hot pegasus celebrity lives in Pony..." Rainbow Dash trailed off, her eyes widening. "Oh."

"Yeah, 'Oh'!" Twilight waved her hooves in exasperation.

"Hey, it isn't my fault! You're the one who wrote the article!"

"Yes, to a reputable magazine! Not to Playmare!"

"Hey! Playmare is reputable!'

"Yeah, disreputable!"

Each pony stepped towards the other with every shout until their snouts were touching, noses crinkling as they glared into each others' eyes.

"Stop it!" Pinkie said, cutting through the argument. "It isn't all Dashie's fault! It was just as much me as it was her!" Her blue eyes were watering as she held Fluttershy close by her side. "It wasn't supposed to actually be published. We all were just being silly fillies."

"Yeah? Well, this 'silly filly' is going to have to answer to her parents AND to the Princess!"

"That's why we had you use the chart," Rainbow Dash whispered.

"What?" Twilight whirled on the pegasus.

"The chart! We never thought they'd publish it if you used silly things like 'wub zone' and 'clippy-cloppers'."

"Clippity-cloppers," Pinkie corrected.

"Whatever. Point is, it was never supposed to be published."

"What do you mean? Those are proper scientific terms!"

Rainbow Dash chortled. "Twilight, it called a tail a parasprite whip. We never thought you would actually go for it."

Twilight's eyes flickered from Pinkie Pie to Rainbow Dash. "Wait, you made that up?"

Pinkie Pie nodded. "Yup! We thought it would be pretty funny to read. We didn't think you would actually send it."

"But I didn't send it! I sent it to the Fund For Furthering Understanding of Carnal Knowledge."

Rainbow Dash snickered. "Twilight. Think about what you just said."

Twilight paused for a moment, thinking. "Eff Eff Eff Ewe..." Her eyes widened.

"Yeah, that's the legal name for the company that prints Playmare."

Twilight fell to the floor, lightly banging her head against it. "Ugh."

Fluttershy sniffed again, drawing their attention back to the pegasus. "But... everypony in town thinks that me and Twilight had sex. Everyone... everyone was laughing at me!"

Pinkie Pie patted her friend on the back while Rainbow Dash rubbed her mane awkwardly with her hoof. "It was never supposed to involve you, Fluttershy. I'm sorry."

"Well, it did," Twilight said, rising to her feet. "And now everyone thinks that I had sex with Fluttershy and is asking me if I want to 'experiment' with an earth pony next."

"Look, it's easy. I'll just tell ponies that I was the pegasus in the article," Rainbow Dash shrugged.

"Oh, Rainbow Dash. You don't have to do that for me," Fluttershy said quietly. "I can't ask you to risk your reputation."

"Nah, it's fine," the pegasus waved her friend off. "Everyone assumes I sleep around anyway, so it's no skin off my nose."

"And I can write to your parents and tell them that you were in no way involved in the study," Twilight said, smiling to her friend.

"Oh, thank you."

Pinkie Pie reached up to wipe the tears off of Fluttershy's cheeks. "Hey, I know! Why don't you grab yourself a cupcake from the kitchen? It's my treat." She beamed at Fluttershy, the demure pegasus lowering her head in gratitude before trotting off into the back room.

Twilight sighed. "Well, that's one crisis averted. But everypony in town is still going to think I had sex with somepony."

Rainbow Dash grinned and stuck her tongue out at her friend. "Well, be sure to put in a good word for me when they ask how I was."

Twilight stomped her foot, her cheeks blazing. "I did it for purely scientific reasons!"

"Nah. You totally want me." Rainbow Dash strutted over to her friend, pressing her snout up under her jaw, only making Twilight blush all the more as she glanced over towards Pinkie Pie, who bobbed her head and smiled approvingly.

"It's alright! I know you like Dashie." The cheerful pony bounced over next to her friend, trapping Twilight in a hug between herself and the pegasus. "Besides, if one alicorn is fun, then two alicorns will be extra super fun! Plus I bet with all your studying, you know lots and lots of things you can do!" She gasped. "I know, magic!"

"I'm not using magic, Pinkie."

The pink pony pouted. "Why not?"

"Because it's dangerous! Who knows what it might do?"

Rainbow Dash laughed. "Isn't that the whole point of 'studying'?" The pegasus smirked, then gave Twilight a lick on the cheek, drawing a squeak from the alicorn and a slight pop of her wings. "Hah! And I thought you got that under control."

Twilight couldn't be blushing any harder if she wanted to as she reached back to try and arrange her errant appendages back against her sides. "You know how hard it is for me!" Rainbow Dash only sniggered in response.

"You know, though, those other ponies really are being silly," Pinkie Pie said, leaning forward to give Twilight a kiss on the nose. "I mean, your article even said the alicorn had recently ascended. Your ascension was months ago!"

Twilight laughed weakly, leaning forward to nuzzle at her two friends, her horn brushing against Pinkie Pie's. "I guess so."