Pony by Day, Mercenary by Night

by An hero

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Slice of Life, Human, Dark
Length: 31037

future soldiers find their way to Equestria,not good at descriptions, won't be mature for long

A band of mercenaries finds its way to Equestria, Hilarity, chaos, and drama ensue.as they turn from mercenaries to ponies and vice versa whenever their heart-rate gets too high. Read as they try to cover-up their identities, and integrate into pony society as they try to find a way home.

Characters will be added as they are introduced

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-20 17:26:48 UTC

Prologue

Okay, well this is my first fanfic, so please tell me if I can improve this in any way.  Anyway, here’s the prologue!

Date: December 14, 2147

Rishi Station

Sector IV

Galactic Coordinates (796, 1257, 1342)

Sev had just finished clearing the base of any remaining resistance; his assassination had been successful. His wristblades gleaming with the blood of a still living insurrectionist still impaled on it.  Sev twisted his wristblade, and slashed across the insurrectionist’s stomach and watched as he spilled his entrails over the floor, he proceeded to pick up the entrails and hang the insurrectionist with them.  He then stabbed another barely alive insurrectionist with his other wristblade watching as the first one squirmed and struggled to free his throat of the death hold his intestines had it in.  Sev then threw the corpse off his other blade and proceeded to walk down a blood splattered corridor.  Blood that he caused to be splattered at that.

Around him were the corpses of various military leaders gathered together to plan a united strike against The Legion.  Sev had worked for many of these men, he didn’t care, so long as his paycheck was signed he didn’t care who signed it.  This contract from the Legion was easy, everything was becoming easy, he found himself missing the old days where everything provided at least a small challenge, back when most of his friends were alive.

“C’mon Ghost let’s go.” He called to a figure clad in a white hooded robe with the disappearing outline of a man over the left part of his chest, signifying his role as team stealth expert.

“…”Ghost replied.

He was on his way back to his ship where the rest of his squad was waiting for him, the dull light emitted from an insurrectionist guard’s helmet shining over his sleek, black, blood splattered, biomorph armor.

He navigated the red-stained corridors until he finally reached a hangar.  There he saw the rest of his squad.  Six other soldiers clad in armor with an insignia on the left chest-plate to signify their position in the squad.  Sev’s was a skull, signifying his rank as leader.  To the left of his ship was a lean, short mercenary who went by the name or Fixer.  A wrench adorned the left chestplate of his grey armor signifying his position as the team engineer. “Umm s-sir? We k-kind of have to hold position for a bit, as it t-turns out, when Misha crash landed the ship in here, he C-CRASH landed.   So I’ll need some time to repair the engines, the c-cooling systems were completely fried, but I think I might be able to j-jury-rig them if I can get some scrap metal, I’ll j-just keep working on the engines for now sir..”  Fixer muttered.

Sev looked on with cold indifference as he yelled to a taller, more muscular figure clad in yellow armor, this one, with a bandolier mark on his chest-plate as well a bandolier draped over his right chest-plate signifying his position as the team’s heavy gunner.

“Kad!” Sev called out

“Yes boss?”

“Did you manage to disable the tractor beams on the ship?”

“Yes sir, there was a lot of resistance, but I killed all the engineers on this rock except for Fixer, so nobody will be able to operate the tractor beams when we leave.”

“Good, now go look for some scrap metal, Fixer’s gonna need it to repair the ship.”

“Yes sir.”  Kad then proceeded to walk down a second hall leading out of the hangar to search for scrap metal.

Sev then proceeded to grab the forehead of his armor out of irritation as he spoke to Misha, a figure clad in purple armor, this one in a fetal position on the floor, clasping his head with both hands.  He had a fuel tank on his chest-plate signifying his position as team vehicle expert, driver, and pilot.  “Dammit Misha, what did I tell you about drinking while piloting?!  You nearly killed us!”

“Hey boss, iz not that bad, none of team died this time”

“Dammit Misha, we don’t need a repeat of Teth.”

“Boss, we agree to never speak of that again, and it was not so bad”

“You bombed the wrong city”

“How was I supposed to know that target city was west of drop site?”

Sev facepalmed, “Misha, you were 500 kilometers west of the destination, not only did you miss with that very expensive bomb the we had to pay for, but you also caused mass panic and crashed the ship into the building we were in breaking both of Scorch’s legs. We had to carry him out of that city after you botched that air strike while we were chased by the local militia.  If you weren’t such a good pilot while sober, I’d have skinned you alive by now”

“Easy boss, easy, I will not drink as much while on job.  Now, could you please stop yelling? I want to suffer from hangover in peace.”

“Fine, Scorch!  Did you plant the charges at the structural foundations for the base?  We don’t want to leave behind any traces of this operation, we’re being paid the big bucks to be especially clean with this mission if you recall.”

“Yessir”  Spoke Scorch, a shorter figure clad in green armor, on his chest-plate was a hand grenade with its pin pulled, signifying his position as demolitions expert “I’m just working on the last one here in the hangar!  Now, was it red-green-blue? Or blue-green-red?

“Seriously, how is he our explosives expert?” Muttered Farshot, a tall, muscular figure in blue armor; on his chest-plate, a red sniper-reticule, signifying his position as team sniper. “I mean, is it really a good idea to let him near explosives?”

“Shut it Farshot, or I’ll stick some fuel rods in your toilet again” Scorch retorted.

Farshot went silent as he recalled the memory shuddering ever so slightly as he recalled the state of his bathroom, ‘There was shit everywhere (shudders) lets just accept this for now’

“Whatever”  He replied

Gunfire and explosions could be heard shortly afterward as Kad came running down the hall a bloodied helmet full of scrap metal in his arms and an army of Bloodthirsty Trishian bunnies at his heels.  ‘SHIT!  WHY WOULD ANYONE KEEP THESE THINGS IN A MILLITARY BASE?!  THEY’RE TOO DANGEROUS TO KEEP IN ENCLOSED AREAS!!!  I'M PRETTY SURE THERE ARE REGULATIONS AGAINST KEEPING THESE THINGS IN AREAS WITH HIGH CIVILIAN POPULATIONS!!!’ Kad thought, as he was pursued by an army of bloodthirsty bunnies.  His hopes for survival were quickly renewed as he saw the familliar shape of the hangar door.

“HURRY SEAL THE HANGAR DOOR!  I THINK THIS PLACE IS INFESTED WITH THEM!”  Kad yelled.  Sev wasted no time sealing the hangar door as Kad slid though the small gap created while the door slowly slid down.  “I think this place is infested with those things, I checked the lower levels of the base, and it’s a total bloodbath, there are dead civilians everywhere.” Kad reported

“Its okay now, the evil bunnies are behind that duranium door, they aren’t getting in here, anyways, FIXER! Is this enough scrap metal?”  Sev asked

“Geez boss! I thought I asked you to speak quietly? This hangover iz already bad enough as it iz! Ow.”  Misha complained

“IS THIS QUIET ENOUGH FOR YOU?!”  Sev yelled as Misha cringed in pain and re-entered his fetal postion.  “YES!?!?! GOOD! NOW! QUIT YOUR BITCHING SO WE CAN FOCUS ON THE MISSION!”  Sev yelled as Misha curled up into an even tighter ball.

“umm s-sir? That’s enough scrap metal, thanks again, I hope this wasn’t too much trouble Kad…” Fixer whispered.

“Not at all Fixer, oh, sir? Permission to speak freely?"  Kad asked

"Granted"

"I think Misha passed out.”

“Great, just fucking great, now who’s gonna fly us off of this rock?” Sev asked.

“Relax sir, I’ll wake him up” Piped up Rex, another stocky built figure slightly shorter than Kad, but taller than Sev, this one, with a blue cross on his orange chest-plate signifying his position as team medic.  He then proceeded to lift up Misha and repeatedly pimp-smack him until he woke up.  “There, feeling better now Misha?”

“Dammit Rex, if you were not such good medic and knew how to make mysterious potion that cure hangover, I would kill you on spot.”

“I love you too Misha, now, get up”

“He’s right Misha, Fixer repaired the ship while you were passed out, now, get your lazy ass in there, we need to get off this rock before Scorch’s charges go off.”  Sev ordered.

“Get on ship I’ll warm up engine” Misha replied.

They all then boarded the ship, and entered the command room.  Misha taking his spot on the Pilot’s seat, the rest sitting in whatever seats they could find.

With the engines warmed up, Misha launched the Ripper from the hangar and they flew out as Scorch activated his detonator and several explosions were heard.  None of zeta squad looked out the window, all there would be to greet them would be a sight that they had seen countless times before.  None of them, except for Scorch; like an artist, he watched as the building imploded on itself due to its structural support collapsing; criticizing himself over small errors.  “Dammit, I used too much explosive on pillar 3, and placed the charge on pillar 17 too high up, mind you, the building still collapsed so my job is done, but still, coulda done it better, it woulda looked better for sure.  Hey sir!”

“Yes Scorch?”

“How much longer till we get paid? Cuz its Beer-o-clock right now and I’m gonna need my pay cuz its gonna be happy hour at Space Benny’s in a while and I don’t wanna miss it!”

“Provided Misha doesn’t get us killed with his drunken piloting, I’d say approximately two hours to get to the Legion capital.”

“Great! Hey EVERYONE! AFTER WE GET PAID, DRINKS ARE ON ME!” Scorch exclaimed as Zeta squad cheered except for Ghost who simply looked on impassively

“…” His own silent cheer.

Four hours later

Zeta squad was relaxing at Space Benny’s.  A well-known space bar that catered to all kinds of patrons.  Scorch had just ordered another round for the squad and Farshot was hitting on some nearby women when explosions and screams could be heard in the distance.

“What the hell was that?”  Scorch asked.

“Dunno let’s check it out squad, FARSHOT! Get over here! It’s not like you have a chance to tap it anyway!”

“Alright.” Farshot grumbled.

Zeta squad proceeded to leave Space Benny’s and Misha looked up into the sky.  He gas greeted by a large, red ball, floating in the atmosphere.

“What in hell iz that!?” Misha asked while pointing at it.

“I don’t know Misha” Rex replied.  “But it looks interesting, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like that before except for orbital ray cannons, but those always emit a high pitched screeching noise before they fire, man what ever that is I wish I could study it, the possibilities are endless, I mean it looks like its charging up massive amounts of energy-“

Rex was cut off by a high pitched screech.

“Oh, fuck” was all Rex could get out as a pillar of burning fire descended from the sky obliterating everything in its path and leaving an ionizing odor in the air.

“RUN!!!”  Was all Sev had to yell for Zeta Squad to promptly begin running off, back towards their ship as the column of fire proceeded to ionize the city, trailing in their wake.

Zeta squad managed to get back inside their ship while Misha was stumbling while spitting out a chain of profanities volatile enough to make the toughest of space pirates think twice before entering into a conversation with him.

“Dammit Misha! Hurry up, you’re the only one of us who know how to fly this piece of shit!”  Spat Farshot as he fumbled with his keys, trying to unlock the door to the Ripper, he was rewarded with a satisfying click as the tumbler moved out of place, allowing the ship to scan him to confirm his identity the door promptly opened.

“INCOMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING” yelled Misha as he promptly tackled all of Zeta squad into the ship.

“MISHA!  Start up the ship NOW!  I don’t care where we go just activate hyperwarp and get us off this rock!”

“But boss, using hyperwarp while not in space in danger-“ Misha tried to say before being cut off by Sev

“Misha it’s either we take the risk, or we die.”

That was the only incentive Misha needed as he activated hyerwarp on the ship.

Time- unknown

Location- Unknown

Fixer was hyperventilating at this point.  He had just barely escaped an orbital death ray and was aboard the Ripper with Rex trying to console him.

“Easy now Fixer, calm down, everythings all better now, I hope.”  Rex said

AS if the universe just wanted to show him that it thought he was a little shit, the the ship was filled with an eerie red glow as deafening alarms went off.

“Well, I say, this is a rather interesting conundrum is it not chaps?  What do you suppose it is this time? Pirates? Raiders?  Perhaps a local crime cartel has attempted to intercept us to attempt to extort remuneration for passage through their territory?  Or better yet, perhaps its local law enforcement.” Misha piped up.

“Misha, shut up and get to the bridge!” Sev yelled.

“Well I never!” Misha indignantly muttered.

The rest of you, Fixer, go to the engines and cooling room, make sure everything is correct, Kad and Farshot, mount the turrets, Rex, slap scorch till he’s awake.  Ghost, you’re with me, we’re running a system check to make sure nothing is too bad with the rest of our systems.”

“…” Ghost responded, the anxiety ever so present in his voice.

“Umm, chaps, I’m not quite sure how to put this”  Misha interrupted “But well, it seems as though we’re either in uncharted space, which is impossible because the engine didn’t have enough fuel to travel to uncharted space, or we’re in another dimension, which is just as improbable because its never been done before.”

“Permission to speak freely sir?”  Kad asked

“Granted.”

“Thank you sir.  Misha, what in hell would make you say that?”

“Well Kad, if you don’t believe me, take a look at this holoscreen.”

“I don’t get it, it’s blank”

“My point exactly!”

“Misha, I don’t understand…”

“Well Kad, the holoscreen you’re looking at, is supposed to be a map, however, said map is blank, said map, also contained all known planets in our universe.  If it’s blank, then that means-”

“We’re not in Kansas anymore!” Piped up Scorch.

“My sentiments exactly, oh, and I forgot to mention, I did a systems check from here, and it appears as though all of our systems are fried except for life support, which might I add is dying.” Replied Misha

“What? What the hell are we supposed to do?”  Sev yelled

“Well sir, the systems are completely extirpated, life support should last us at most, another 24 hold on, sir, can you see that planet?  With any luck, the life support systems, and our biomorph armor will be able to last us long enough to reach it!”

“No, we’re too far off, and our trajectory wouldn’t allow for us to come near the planet, that is, unless the planet has an abnormally strong gravitational field.  DAMMIT!  What are we supposed to do!”  Yelled Sev; for once in his life, he was dumbfounded, he’d been in countless situations where he had to stare death in its face, surrounded by enemies, each with weapons pointed at his head, chest and-

“THRUSTERPACKS and ROCKET!” yelled Scorch.

“Hey, look everyone! I found my thrusterpacks and rocket!”  Said scorch, beaming.

Sev ignored him, and started thinking aloud while conversing with Misha.

“You said all the systems are fried so, odds are, even if we do manage to land, it’ll be a crash landing, and survival probability will vary depending on the gravitational force that the planet exerts on us.  And we’re in space, so our only hope is if we drift towards WAIT! I HAVE IT!  Well, it’ll be a long shot, but it’s the only shot we’ve got, we’re going to need Scorch’s thruster packs for this though.”

“M-my thrusterpacks sir? What do you need my thruster packs for?” asked Scorch, wearily.

“Scorch, think about it, we’re in space, the engines are dead, what can your thruster packs give us that we need NOW?”

“Thrust?”

“Good!  Now go get them, and activate you biomorph armor, place them on the portside of the ship, with any luck, we’ll be able to hit that planet.”

“On it sir!”

“SQUAD! ARMOR UP AND BRACE FOR CRASH LANDING!”  Yelled Sev

“Affirmative sir” Zeta squad unanimously said.

Three minutes later

The red light were blinking extremely rapidly and the Sirens were now signifying that black squad was gonna get fucked up unless they did something about it.  Scorch was back inside the Ripper and was still in his armor.

“Scorch! Don’t take off your armor, and get to the bulkhead now!”

“Yes sir.”

Fourteen hours later

The squad awoke to find that their ship was flooding, water seeping in through cracks in the hull.

“C’mon squad let’s move!  The ship is flooding, and we need to find a way out of here!”

The crew proceeded down a now slightly flooded corridor, water reaching up to their ankles, and rising.  They proceeded to walk until they reached a locked door.

“Kad, you’re the strongest of us here, get that door open.” Ordered Sev

“With pleasure sir.”

Kad then proceeded to rip the reinforced duranium door off its hinges and threw it into a corner.  The crew then proceeded down the corridor until they came upon a hatch leading to the outside world.  The sight they were met with upon opening the hatch was a forest.  The moonlit sky providing an eerie light through the nearby forest canopy.

“Keep your helmets on squad, we still don’t know if this air is safe to breathe or not.” Sev said.

“Hey, sir?  I’ve got some scanning equipment in my room, can I get it to test the atmosphere?” Replied Rex

“Fine, and take Fixer with you.  FIXER!”

“Y-yes sir?”

“Escort Rex to his quarters and then go see if you can salvage anything from the ship, if you two need anything, call for help with your gauntlets and we’ll sent you someone ASAP.”

Rex and Fixer both replied with an affirmative at the same time

“The rest of you, are going to guard the ship”

“Ghost, you’re with me, c’mon we’re gonna scout the area for any nearby civilization.”

“…” replied Ghost

After trekking for two hours, Sev and Ghost stumbled upon a wall.

“Yep, it’s a wall alright”

“…”

“Alrighty then Ghost, lets scale this thing.”

“…”

As Sev and Ghost climbed the wall, they heard two voices,

“Shit!  Ghost, shut up and stay quiet, I hear someone coming.”

“…”

“And so then I was like, ‘baby I can use this horn for more than just one kind of magic if you catch my drift’” Piped up a …unicorn? To another unicorn both wearing a dark blue armor.

Sev and Ghost just watched in awe as two talking…horses?  No wait, they had horns.  Walked out of the castle while talking.

“Ghost did you just see that?”

“…” Ghost replied in awe and bewilderment.

“Well, anyways, I think its time we investigate this place further.

“…” Ghost agreed

They made their way over the castle walls, avoiding any guards.  Years of assassinations and demolition contracts in areas similar to this had honed them in the skill of avoiding detection.They made their way onto the castle and observed as the two most regal looking creatures they had ever seen; one had a coat as alabaster as the very castle itself with a mane that flowed with a spectum of colors in a nonexistent wind, the other, the other, a dark blue matching with the very night sky, its mane another shade of dark blue with what appeared to be stars floating in it stood on a balcony, conversing.  Both were yet again-horses wait, they had horns and wings, what were winged horses called again? Oh, yeah, pegasi.  One started floating and her horn was glowing, a strange glow could be seen on the moon; the same color of the horses’ horn, as it moved across the sky.

“Ghost! Did you see that?” Sev whispered

“…”  Ghost was going apeshit at this point at the sheer incredulousness of the situation

“Well Celly, what do you think of our night sky now?  WE played around with the constellations a bit.”  The blue one said while giggling, its voice imparting its gender.

“Oh Luna, what did you do now? LUNA that’s not very appropriate, what if some foals see that?” The white one said.

“Oh relax sister, we will fix it.” Replied the blue one

Ghost and Sev continued to hug the castle wall and waited for them both to leave the balcony.

Then, all of a sudden, the blue one’s voice popped up.

“Sister! Did you see that?”

Now, I’m sure that a few of you are wondering what the hell happened to Misha after the warp.  The answer?  He’s sober.  Why? You ask? Simple, hyperwarping while ON a planet also eliminates the effects of alcohol by ionizing all substances in the blood also effectively neutralizing any drugs or adrenaline that may be present in the bloodstream.  However, with Misha, a complete lack of alcohol in his blood makes him act like that ^ so yeah, that’s why he’s usually drunk most of the time.

End chapter

Well, that was the prologue.

Don’t forget to rate, and comment

Chapter 1: EXCLAMATION MARK!

Here’s chapter one everypony

“Sister?! Did you see that?” Luna asked

“No Luna, what happened?” Celestia responded.

“Celly, we saw a shadow around the corner of the balcony.”

“Luna, it was just a trick of the light, I doubt anypony would get to our balcony without alerting any of the guards, and I certainly can’t think of a reason for one of my little ponies to try and break into Canterlot castle.”

“Sister! We saw something! We swear!”

“Very well Luna, let’s go see this ‘shadow’ of yours.”

“Crap” was all that was Sev could say as the two horses made their way to investigate the shadows that he and Ghost had cast. His mind working in overdrive as he tried to think of a plan to escape from this unfavorable situation.  He thought of the previous times he’d been caught in the presence of nobility, or at the very least, significant people.  Every time he was apprehended ended with him getting thrown into a prison, not that that really did anything to deter him, he’d always break out of prisons within a week, and kill the figures responsible for his capture, slowly and painfully, to send a message.  But, for some reason, these horses made him feel warm on the inside, oddly enough, the white one sounded rather motherly, whereas the blue one emitted an aura of loneliness.  Sev knew that feeling, he knew it all too well, loneliness, being isolated from everyone else, for what ever reason, for him, it was because the other kids were scared of him, they hated him.

Flashback, 11 years ago, Brooklyn New York

Sev was eight, he had just finished his homework, and asked his mother if he could go to the local park nearby, his mother, a beautiful overworked woman just smiled at him.

“Yes Sev, but please, do hurry back before sunset.” She said in a soft, motherly tone.

“Yay! Thanks mommy!” Sev said as he hugged his mother.

Fifteen minutes later

Sev three blocks away from the park when a group of adolescent boys called him.

“Yo kid!” Called up a blonde adolescent.

“Hey guys, wanna play?”  Asked the smiling young boy; his jet black hair perfectly complementing his dark brown eyes and slightly tanned skin.

“No go away you freak!”  Yelled a larger kid

“Your kind isn’t welcome in this country asshole! Pack your bags and get your ass back to your poor-ass dirka-dirka country before I kick it there!”  Yelled an adolescent with red hair.

“Yeah, my dad said I can’t play with terrorists, he said you might try to convert me to your devil worship ways.” Yelled the older Caucasian child with blond hair, this one clearly in his adolescent years, his age evident due to the acne that coated his face.  He sneered as he looked down at Sev, and tried to push him away.  Sev didn’t budge as the child tried pushing him.  He made a quick gesture with his head as two other adolescent boys grabbed Sev by his arms and held them back.  He slowly walked towards Sev, sneering as he watched Sev’s face, now completely void of emotion.  Sev stared back, blankly at the adolescent boy.

“Oh, a tough guy huh?  What? Are you training to join the neo-terrorists?  Hmm?  Trying to-“

The boy was cut off as Sev launched his head at the boy’s chin. The boy yelped up in pain as Sev’s headbutt caused him to bite through the tip of his tongue, now profusely bleeding.  The other two adolescents dropped Sev in shock, they clearly were not expecting something like this from the boy who was quietly in their grasp mere moments ago.

“People, like you, people like you, make me sick.” Sev said as he walked up to the two adolescents, now backing away in fear, they looked at Sev’s face, but all they saw were  his eyes, once previously filled with life, and hope, now cold, and dead.

“What did I ever do?” Sev asked them in a hushed tone.

“Is it because of the religion of my parents?  Is it because of my religion? Why?  Is my skin two shades too dark for you to associate yourselves with me?  Don’t worry, I’ll make your skin darker, then we can all play together and be friends.” Sev said, as a maniac smile appeared on his face. He slowly made his way towards the now cowering boys who were slowly backing away.  One of them tried running away, but Sev was already on him, he jumped onto the boy’s back and as fast as a heartbeat, he had his arm around the boy’s neck.  With a quick twitch of his shoulder, Sev snapped the boy’s neck, and silenced him.  The blonde boy Sev headbutted a while ago was dead at this point, drowned in his own blood.  The last boy now was clearly terrified.  His pupils were the size of pinpricks as was now attempting to yell for help, but all that came out of his mouth were choked gargles as Sev was already on him, his hands around the boy’s throat.  The boy’s eyes were bulging as Sev pushed him down with his own weight.  He tried to push Sev off of him, but the lack of oxygen did not play out in the boys favor.  The world was slowly fading to black, and all the boy could see, was Sev’s wide, toothy smile.

Twenty minutes later

Sev had disposed of the bodies in a nearby landfill and was at his doorstep.

“So my little policeman, what did you do at the park today?” Asked Sev’s mother.

“Oh mama, it was so fun!”  Beamed Sev as he gave her a toothy grin.  “I made three new friends today, they wanted me to stay at the park for a bit longer, but I told them that I had to come back home.”

Return, present time

Sev was panicking at this point, the horses were getting closer by the second, and he couldn’t see any means of escape.

“Hey! Ghost look! An open window!” Whispered Sev “Quick, go through it! I’ll follow you!”

“…” Ghost replied, the anxiety evident in his voice as he made his way through the windowsill.

“See Luna, there’s nothing here” chided Celestia, “You were just seeing things.”

“But sister! We saw something here! We swear it!  And don’t tell us that thou dost not feel the disruption in this area's magic.”

“You’re right Luna, I feel a disturbance in the magic force.  And it seems to be coming from that cardboard box!”

EXCLAMATION MARK!

Celestia proclaimed as a cardboard box that was previously slowly crawling along the floor suddenly came to a stop as Celestia stared at it.  She removed the box with her magic to find Ghost crouched on the floor.  She then asked Ghost

“What are you doing here in my castle, how did you get in here?”

“…” Ghost replied, his voice dripping with malice and disdain

“Oh? So that’s how you want to play?” Celestia asked.  She then proceeded to unceremoniously slam Ghost against the nearest wall of the room, and hold him there with her magic.

“Luna, alert the guards, I’ll try to get some answers out of this…THING.”

“Yes sister”, Luna replied as she quickly telported to the guard's barracks to alert them.  Celestia held Ghost against the wall with her magic, steadily increasing the pressure she held him with.

“You know, I’m only going to-“

“…” interrupted Ghost.

“How did you know that?” Asked Celestia

“…” Replied Ghost in a bored tone

“The fourth what? What author?” asked Celestia now very confused and wondering if Ghost was insane.

“…” replied Ghost in a condescending tone, he was clearly enjoying Celestia’s discomfort.

However, it was then that Ghost heard the guards coming down the hall, a whole battalion of armor clad pegasii, earth ponies, and unicorns.

“…” said Ghost, he had done this countless times already, it was second nature to him by now.

He removed a smoke grenade from the inside of his cloak and pulled the pin, Celestia, believing it to be a dangerous weapon, increased the pressure on Ghost.

“Drop it!”  She commanded

“…” Replied Ghost in as smug a tone as was possible.

The guards had just made their way to the room, when Ghost dropped the smoke grenade, smirking ever so slightly as he did so.  The grenade went off, and it was enough to make Celestia lose her concentration long enough for Ghost to quickly reach out and snip off a piece of her mane, he then proceeded to grab pieces of mane from seven other guards, and made his down a hall. He was looking for Sev, but couldn't seem to find him.

*(Whistle)*

Ghost looked near another windowsill and found Sev squatting on it.

“The hell took you so long?  In the amount of time it took you to get here, I could have seen Farshot get rejected by at least eight girls.”

“…” Ghost silenly chuckled.

“Well, let’s go”

“…!”

“Yeah, Ghost?”

“…”  Ghost asked somewhat angrily

“Where was I during the time you were caught by that white horse thing?  Well, after you set your grenade off, I snuck behind her and hit a pressure point near her collarbone; she should be unconscious for thirteen more minutes.” Ghost had calmed down, glad he wasn’t betrayed by his leader, but still wanted to say something.

“…” Ghost retorted.

“Yeah?  Well fuck you too Ghost. Anyway, let’s get out of here.”

“…” Agreed Ghost.

“…”

“What’s that Ghost? You got me eight DNA samples?  Perfect, now to share these with the squad, I’m sure they’ll wanna hear what happened to us.

“…” agreed Ghost

After a few long hours of trekking in the shadows, they finally came across their ship, still mostly, submerged under the water.

“HEY GUYS!”  Yelled Sev “YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT WE SAW BACK THERE!”

End Chapter

A/N: Sorry about the short chapter guys, I've just been a bit busy this week, but I'm still trying to keep quality as high as I can, and, If I made any errors in the story, feel free to comment/pm me about it.

Chapter 2: Corn abominations

Chapter Two

Sev and Ghost had just left to scout the nearby area.  Fixer followed his orders and was escorting Rex to his quarters.

“So Fixer, what do you plan on doing when we get home?” Rex asked.

“O-oh, I don’t know, m-maybe I’ll just lock myself in my house again for a while, try to invent new things, and work on my machines."  Fixer replied shakily.

“Really Fix?  You’re just gonna lock yourself up again?”

“W-well, you know, I’ll still c-come out to chill and stuff…”

“Really Fix?  Look,  you’re a great guy, you should find someone, hell, with your looks, I’m sure the girls will be all over you when we get back, in fact, you’d probably have girls trying to crawl up your ass, if you grew a pair.  Y’know, if you want, I could give you some testosterone pills…”

“N-no, that’s really not necessary, anyways, here’s you lab, I’m gonna go see if I can salvage anything from the ship. W-with any luck, some of my stuff is still intact.”

“Yeah, okay.”

‘Holy fuck’ was all Rex could think, as he looked into his lab.  Most of the equipment was destroyed.  Nothing had survived the crash aside from a PCR, a few gas canisters, first–aid kits, some cases of painkillers and tourniquets, a case of vials and syringes he had in a special container to hold fragile materials, and finally the atmospheric scanner.  It would analyze the local atmosphere and provide readouts of its contents, generally used to determine whether or not a planet would require terraforming in order to be colonized.

“Perfect” Rex whispered. “Hey, Fixer come here and help me move some of my stuff.”  yelled Rex.

“In a minute.”  replied Fixer.

Fixer found his room, and was checking to see how his ‘project’ was faring.  He pressed a panel in his wall, and a secret passage opened up.  There, lining the halls of the wall were cages.  Each filled with a corn-based abomination.  One of them, looked like a massive freshly popped kernel and had a deformed face and what appeared to be corn kernel-esque tumors lining its ‘back’

“kill meee…” it rasped

“Later” Responded Fixer.

Other corn abominations in the other cages lining the walls were angrily growling and roaring, enraged that their slumber had been broken and that they had been returned to their painful existence from the only sanctuary they had.  They vehemently hissed and shrieked at Fixer, vexed at being pulled away from their only mistress, sleep.  Clawed hands struck at cage bars, coated in blood and thirsting for more.  The pointed appendages viciously snapped, trying in vain to reach Fixer, who was well out of their reach.

“Relax my pets” Fixer cooed.  “I’ll probably be back soon enough, until then, you are to remain here, not like you c-can’t anyways.”  chuckled Fixer.

This did nothing but further enrage the corn abominations, as their roars and shrieks only increased in volume.

Fixer saw a mutated corn ear, this one of massive size, easily bigger than him or any other member of zeta squad try to touch him with its tentacle-like sepals, hoping to drag him into its maw through the bars of its cage.   Its opened mouth was oozing with what appeared to be an acidic looking butter.  Fixer would have none of that, he promptly grabbed the offending appendage, and proceeded to slice it off with his sword.  He smirked from under his helmet.

“Now, now” Fixer chided.  “It isn’t lunchtime yet, we d-don’t want you to get a tummy ache now, now do we?”

The creature hissed and retreated to the back of its cage, cradling its now stub of a sepal, with its other tentacle like one.  Fixer picked up the severed appendage and threw it into another cage, where yet another corn abomination which was relentlessly barking resided.  It promptly silenced itself and began devouring the offering it had just received.

“Now then, where d-did I put my toolbox?”  Fixer asked himself. “OH! Th-there it is!”  Fixer excitedly exclaimed.  He found his toolbox in the back of his little hellhole of a workshop, and quickly retrieved it and started walking back out of his room.  However, before he left, one of his abominations uttered a guttural roar, loud enough to be heard all over the ship.

“Oh g-great.”  Fixer muttered.  “Now I might have to explain this to Rex."

He promptly made his way out of his rather large ‘workshop’, which killed a few minutes, and finally reached the entrance to it.  He sealed the entrance, thus, soundproofing the room, and erasing any evidence of the events that transpired mere moments ago, and made his way out of his room, where he saw Rex.

Scene transition- Rex, mere moments ago

A roar was heard from down the hall

“Shit, that sounds like its coming from Fixer’s room” Rex said to himself.  He decided to go investigate.  As made his way to Fixer’s room, he started hearing sounds, pained and carnal, full of hatred.

“What the hell is making those noises?”  Rex asked himself.

As he neared Fixer’s room, the sounds only got louder, by the time He reached Fixer’s door, the cacophony of noise was in full swing, and he could hear them in full force.  Hisses, shrieks, growls, barks, roars, and finally, probably the thing that came close to even slightly interesting him, pained screams.  As he rounded the doorway, he saw Fixer exiting the room, holding a toolbox in his hands.

“Hey uhh Fixer?  What the hell was making those noises?  They sounded like they were well, coming from your room.”

“W-what noises Rex?  I didn’t hear a-anything.”

“Are you shitting me?  It sounded like an elephant, a manatee, and a fucking tone-deaf walrus were gang raping a Chihuahua, and the Chihuahua got the upper hand and started raping them while biting off their dicks.  How could you not hear it?!”  Rex asked incredulously.  “On top of all that, it was coming from your room!”

“Rex, m-maybe you hit your head during the crash?  B-because I d-definitely didn’t hear anything.”  Fixer replied in as concerned a voice as possible

Rex decided to look over Fixer’s shoulder to see if anything was amiss in his room but he found it to be messy and disorganized, well, slightly more messy than usual, as can only be expected after a crash landing.  Rex shook his head, clearly confused, he was certain he had heard noises coming from this very room, demonic and tortured, but here was Fixer, the meek, team engineer, telling him that he was hearing things.  Maybe Fixer was right, maybe he was just hearing things, after all, nothing seemed amiss in this room.

“Y’know what Fixer?  Maybe you’re right, I did hit my head against the bulkhead when we crashed, maybe I was just hearing things.”  Rex said

“Oh, my, are you alright Rex?”  Fixer asked, genuine concern filling his voice, now that he thought that his friend was hurt.

“I’ll be fine Fixer, anyway, help my carry some of my equipment out of my lab now.”

“S-sure” Fixer replied, relieved that his friend was not hurt.

Fixer then helped Rex carry all of their equipment outside their ship and set it down.  As they were setting up the atmospheric scanner, Ghost and Sev came into view.

“HEY GUYS!”  Yelled Sev “YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT WE SAW BACK THERE!”

End Chapter

A/N:  Well guys? What did you think?  Be sure to leave comments in the comments section below, oh, and feedback too, I needs dat feedback.  Oh, and by the way, sorry for the rather shorter chapters recently, they’ll be bigger starting next chapter, probably.

Biomorph-1

Chapter 3

“HEY GUYS!”  Yelled Sev “YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT WE SAW BACK THERE!”

“Well boss care to enlighten us?”  Scorch piped up.

“Hrm, let’s make a game of it.  I’ll pay for the winner’s drinks all week.”  Replied Sev

“Free alcohol?”  Misha inquired “That sounds delightful sir.  However, I must ask you, are you sure you want to do this?  When I win, you’ll be knee deep in debt.”

All of Black squad had crowded around Sev, Misha, and Ghost by now, part curious about what lays beyond the forest and part because they wanted to see their boss lose his fortune to the team’s strongest drinker and on alcohol no less.  Mind you, they’d give their lives to save their boss without a second thought; they expected no less from him, however; they still needed something to laugh at.

“I’m sure, I doubt you’ll be able to even-”

“…” Ghost cut him off.

“Dammit Ghost!  Why’d you do that?”  Sev indignantly yelled.

“…” Ghost replied in an unamused tone.

“Yeah, you’re right I guess, it’s not very professional, but who gives a-”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.”  Farshot interrupted.  “You, and Ghost” pointing at each of them in turn “Went into the forest, and saw a castle, not only that, but you saw talking… horses.  Sir, with all due respect, did you hit your head during the crash?”

“Farshot, you’re an asshole, and no, I didn’t hit my head during the crash.” Sev replied

“Permission to speak sir?”  Asked Kad

“Granted, and for the last goddam time, stop asking me if you can fucking speak, yes, you can fucking speak, just shut the fuck up when silence is necessary.”

“Sorry sir, but I can’t do that, it’s against protocol.” Kad retorted as he held up a handbook entitled The Mercenaries Guide to the Galaxy; which placed a strange emphasis on always having a towel with you.

“Kad, can I see that book for a second?” Sev asked in as nice a tone as possible.

“Sure sir”

“Thanks” Sev then proceeded to quite literally throw the book at Kad.  Kad, being a trained mercenary, caught it before it hit him

“So, err sir, what are we supposed to do now?” Kad asked

“Simple” Sev responded, “We wait for Rex to finish scanning the atmosphere, then, we integrates the DNA samples that Ghost got into our Biomorph armor.”

“Wait, so, Sir, are you saying we’re going to become horses?”

“No, I’m saying we’re going to become talking horses.  Haven’t you heard the saying? ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do’?”

“Ok sir.”

“Hey! Everyone!” Rex yelled “I finished scanning the atmosphere!  Strangely enough, this atmosphere is nearly identical to Earth’s only a LOT less polluted, oh, and the scanner is picking up some weird energy waves.  They seem harmless though, DEFINETELY not radioactive.”

“Alright then” Sev said “EVERYONE! Take a DNA sample from Ghost, its integration time!”

Every member of Zeta squad took a lock of mane from Ghost, and placed it in the palms of their gauntlets, the pieces of mane slowly sank into their armor, and their HUDS displayed an INTEGRATION SUCCESSFUL message.

“Alright” Sev piped up “We’re on an unknown planet, however, as I stated, they seem to speak Galactic Basic on this planet, so communication shouldn’t be a problem.  We’re going to make this clearing our base camp.  Fixer, Get to building some form of barricade around the clearing, Kad, I want you to help him, Scorch and Farshot, get some firewood, no telling what’s in this forest, Ghost and I didn’t encounter anything, but things might come out at night.  Misha and Ghost, go forage or hunt for food, our reserves won’t last forever”

“YESSIR!” Replied all of Zeta squad

“…!” Chimed in Ghost.

Rex, you and I will go to the Castle we found near here, Ghost and I spotted a city nearby.  We should at the very least try to find out a little about the creatures on this planet if we don’t want to look suspicious.”  Sev then addressed the whole of Zeta squad.

“Alright squad, you have your orders, me and Rex will be in a nearby city trying to get the lowdown on things here for a month, I expect to see a decent looking camp with a campfire and ample food when I return, now MOVE OUT!”

The moment Sev said this, all of Zeta squad except for Rex rushed out of the camp to complete their orders.

“Alrighty Rex, time to morph.” As Sev said this, his biomorph armor slowly changed shape, turning him into a large pegasus slightly bigger than big Mac, with a pitch black coat, blood red eyes, and a short, brown mane.

“Affirmative” Rex said as he too began the biomorph function of his armor. Within moments, Rex had become a unicorn, taller than Sev, but not as muscular.  He had an orange coat, and navy blue eyes with a pitch black mane.

They soon began their many hour trek through the forest until they reached the city of Canterlot.  However, as they soon both noticed, the city was a scene of panic.  It’s citizens were frantically running about, each scared for their own life.  Sev and Rex had managed to stop one, a unicorn mare, and ask her what was going on.

“Haven’t you heard?!  The princess was attacked by aliens!  They tried to assassinate her, but the princess managed to capture one, however, he used some weird weapon, and managed to escape!”

“Err thanks for the info.” Rex stated as the mare immediately ran off, panicking.

“Well boss, I think now we know what’s going on.”

“Yeah,well-”

“HALT!” yelled a royal night guard

“I’ve never seen you around these parts, you certainly don’t look like you’re from around here, you’re definitely not dressed like it, hell, you’re not even dressed, with the recent events that have happened, I’m detaining you for suspicious activity.”

“Let me handle this one boss.” Rex calmly whispered, as he snuck behind the guard struck at the base of his neck, immediately knocking him out.

“Well, that was unnecessary.” Stated Sev, “Well, whatever, lets just find someplace to stay till things cool down.  Hold up a moment, let’s see if this guy has anything of value.”  Sev then took a saddlebag the guard had on him and moved the unconscious guard into an alleyway; fortunately, they were near the alleyway as it is, so no-one saw the guard being moved or struck.  Sev then promptly reached into the guard’s bag, and pulled out a pouch of bits.

“Coined currency, not very efficient but it’ll have to do I suppose.  There seems to be three different colors here, copper, silver, and gold, so they probably represent different values.  I’m assuming that gold is the most valuable, because it usually is.  Hey, Rex, help me put this thing on.” Sev whispered

“Right away sir” Responded Rex.  It took them and hour, but they eventually managed to properly secure the saddlebag onto Sev.  Sev and Rex then proceeded to walk down the street until they came upon an inn.

“Room for two please, preferably with separate beds.” Rex asked the innkeeper

“Very well deary” Replied the innkeeper, and aged, light brown earth pony mare. “That’s 10 bits a night. And it goes down to seven bits a night after your first week.”

“Very well, here you go” Sev replied as he handed her the sack of bits.

“Oh, but this is far too much for one night deary.”

“I know” replied Sev “Take out enough for a week.”

“Oh, sure deary.”  The mare then proceeded to remove seven silver bits.

‘hrm, so silver represents ten ‘bits’ as they put it’ Sev thought to himself.

“Here you go dearie” The mare said after she took the bits from the pouch.  She then returned the sack of bits to Sev, and hoofed him a key.  Sev placed the sack of bits into his saddlebag, and took the keys in his hoof.

‘How the hell did I do that?’ Sev thought to himself.

“Room seventeen, upstairs, down the hall and to the left.” Said the mare

“Thank you ma’am” Rex said as he nodded

“Oh, no thanks necessary deary, and please, call me Room.”

“Room?” Asked Rex

“Yes deary, it’s my first name, full name is Room Service, at your service” She said with a giggle and a curtsey

“Oh and I never caught your names dearies”

‘Oh, crap’ thought both Rex and Sev simultaneously.  Rex then immediately looked around for something to help him come up with a name, until he noticed blue cross on his red flank

“I’m Blue Cross” Rex replied

‘Shit” was all Rex could say until he spotted a fiery skull on his flank

“And I’m Blackfire” Sev chimed in.

Sev and Rex then promptly made their way to their room.  Sev unlocked the door, and both of them entered the room and locked the door behind them.

“Err sir? How the hell are you holding that key with your hoof?” Asked Rex

“I have no idea” Replied Sev

“Can I try?”

“I don’t see why not” Sev then hoofed the key to Rex who simply stared at the key in his hoof in amazement.

“Holy shit.” Said Rex “How the hell is this possible?  Could our hooves possibly be magnetic?”

“I doubt it” piped up Sev “Try thinking of releasing the key”

Rex did just that, and the key fell from his hoof.

”Great now pick it up”

“Okay sir, so it’s definitely not magnets, anyways, it’s kinda late, so let’s just go to sleep”

“Alright, let’s get to it, but remember this sack of bits isn’t gonna last us too long, so we’re probably gonna wanna find jobs here.”  Sev and Rex then promptly fell asleep.

The next morning

“*Yawn* Wow, haven’t slept that well in a while, what time is it?”

Sev then promptly looked at a nearby wall clock that stated the time to be 9:30.  He then saw Rex groggily walking out of the bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth.

“Hey sir, apparently this place has free toiletries and a continental breakfast.” He said

“That’s great” Replied Sev as he went to get his own toothbrush.

Sev had finished brushing his teeth and went down the stairs to the dining room where he was greeted by the sight of Rex devouring a tower of pancakes.

“Morning Sir” said Rex as he patted a seat next to him.

Sev took the sign and took the seat next to Rex and attacked his own tower of pancakes.

“Oh, and Blue Cross?” Sev whispered “Call me Blackstar, not Sir, while we’re in public, it seems rather suspicious don’t you think?”

“Understood” Replied Rex.  Sev nodded in approval.  They both finished their breakfasts and made their way out of the inn.

“Well, that was a good breakfast, don’t you think Blue Cross?” Asked Sev

“Yeah Blackstar, it was great.  Not as good as the stuff over at Space- err I mean Benny’s though” Replied Rex.

Canterlot, being the city it was, was bustling by this time of day, and the streets were rather crowded; however, the peculiar thing about this crowd was the fact that it was headed in one direction. Rex and Sev decided to follow the crowd, and as they finally came to a stop within a massive concert hall.  They saw a sight that made Sev repeatedly think ‘shishitshit’ in his mind.

There, in front of the crowd, standing in front of a podium, flanked by royal guards was none other, than the white horny pegasus that Sev had run into with Ghost at the castle.

“My subjects,” it began with a motherly tone that permeated authority and power, one might say it grabbed the attention to anypony who may have still been speaking at that moment and immediately silenced them.  “Many of you are probably wondering of of the strange aliens that attacked my sister and I-”

‘We did not attack her’ Sev thought to himself

“at Canterlot Castle; I am here to inform you that we are fine!” It finished

“Hey, Blue, let’s see if we can’t get that princess to hire us, after all, she is royalty, so there must be plenty of money to be had, right?  Besides, we'll be able to keep an eye on her that way.” Sev whispered to Rex

“Yeah, but Blackstar, there’s a problem, how the hell are we supposed to get a princess to pay attention to us.  Even more so how are we going to get her to hire us?  After all, we have no credentials.”

Seeing as the universe still hated Rex, it decided to contradict him again, by making a rafter located directly above the princess herself suddenly break.  Her nearby guards could do nothing but stand in shock as the rafter came plummeting down on the princess.  Rex, seeing this as an opportunity suddenly sprang into action, and leapt on the heads of the crowd members and managed to tackle Celestia out of the way.  Sev then leapt onto the heads of the same ponies he had to reach Celestia to return to Rex, this time, eliciting a chain of curses and profanities from the ponies he stepped on.

“Cue addressing of me in 3,2,1” Whispered Sev to Rex

And as if on cue Celestia called Sev to the podium.  Sev bowed upon reaching the podium.  Celestia then said

“Thank you my little pony, for the deed you have done.  And please, you may rise; one who has saved my life should not have to bow before me.  You have my eternal gratitude, so say anything, anything at all, and it shall be done.”

“Princess, I am honored to be speaking with you, and I’m pretty content with life as it is, however, I would like a job, but not only for myself, but also for my friend here” he said as he gestured over to Rex “and if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, we’ve only recently come to Canterlot, and we were also hoping for some form of lodging, our reserves will only last us so long.” Sev finished.

“That can easily be arranged. For the valiance that you have so evidently shown, I would like for you and your friend to reside in Canterlot castle, with you working as my personal bodyguard.” Celestia replied. “But I must ask, what are your names and what is your friend’s special talent?”

“Oh, well princess, I’m Blackstar, and my friend Blue Cross over there?  Well princess” Sev replied with a smirk “If his name doesn’t give it away, then I guess I’d have to say his special talent is healing.  He’s the best healer I’ve ever met, why he even brought me back to life after I was clinically dead for ten minutes.  He’s saved my life countless times and I’d trust him with it without a second thought.” He gestured for Rex to come up onto the stage, which Rex did before promptly entering a bowing position.

“Very well then” Celestia replied “He can be a royal doctor, and please, rise Blue Cross”

“Thank you Princess, but I do have one question, when do we start?” Asked Rex

“We can start tomorrow and get you fitted for armor; a stallion of your size will require a special set of armor after all.  Your friend, Blue Cross will need to be fitted for a doctor’s uniform, but first, we must test him to see how much training he has in the medical field.  No offense Blackstar, I do not doubt his skills, but we must either see his credentials before hiring him as a doctor, or we must at the very least see the extent of his skills.” Celestia replied. “However, in the meanwhile, you two are free to move into the castle tonight, I will send an escort to pick you two up from your current residence if you have one if you don’t, then you should just arrive to the castle after nightfall.”

“Very well princess, thank you, we shall arrive as soon as possible.” Replied Sev

Sev and Rex then made their way back to the inn which they just noticed was called the Prime Pony.

They walked up to Room and told her “Room, we’re moving out tonight, we’re err moving into the castle, oh but you can keep the rent for the week, think of it as a tip for the excellent breakfast.  Hopefully we’ll see you soon; you’re a really nice mare.”

“Thank you dearies, but I really couldn’t accept this, please, take back the bits.” Room replied

“Oh no, no, no!” Sev retorted “Room, I insist that you keep these bits, I’m not taking no for an answer!”

“Alright deary.” She replied with a sad smile

“Again room, we hope to see you soon, if you’re ever in the castle, feel free to ask for us.” Sev tried to console her.

“Oh, but deary, I have to ask, how did you two get rooms in the castle, those are usually only reserved for royal guests, and no offense dearies, but you both hardly look noble.”

“None taken Room, and the answer is that I am now officially Princess Celestia’s personal bodyguard, and Red here, will soon become the royal doctor!”

“Oh, my dearies that’s great news!” Room replied

“Yeah, so err sorry Room, but we’re moving out tonight, we really didn’t bring anything, aside from our saddlebag, so we’ll just grab that and leave now.”  Rex said

“Oh, its alright deary, I hope to see you two soon.”

“Thanks Room” they both said as they made their way upstairs to get the saddlebag.

Once they were both safely inside their room, they made their way to the saddlebag and it took them another hour to put it on, this time, Rex decided to carry it.

“So sir, how do you think the squad is doing?” Rex asked as they finished putting the saddlebag on him.

“Well, provided Scorch didn’t blow anything up, Farshot hasn’t strangled him to death yet, and Fixer hasn’t had a nervous breakdown yet, I’d assume that they’re doing fine. Hell, I’m actually worried for anything that might be retarded enough to try and cross paths with them.” Sev responded with a laugh.  “So anyway Blue,” Sev began as they left the room, “Let’s get to the castle”

“Right” replied Rex

“Goodbye Room.” They both said as they made their way out of the inn.

End Chapter

Well guys, sorry for the late update, but some stuff came up and I’ve gotten delayed, with a lot of issues. So here’s the extra large chapter I promised last chapter, to make up for the delay I’ll make sure the next chapter is even longer!

Oh, and guys, seriously, can I can has feedback pl0x? Don't forget to rate and comment btw.

WTFBoom

Chapter 4

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Goodbye Room.” Both Rex and Sev said as they made their way out of the inn.

 The sun was setting; Celestia’s eye in the sky was finally closing, as Luna’s own slowly opened.  Rex and Sev made their way to Canterlot Castle without hassle and were about to enter when they were stopped by two pegasus night guards.  They both extended their wings as Rex and Sev were about to go through the castle gates.

 “HALT!” they both said in unison

 “Goddam, not this crap again” Rex muttered under his breath.

 “Why are a couple of rag-tag shits like you walking this way?” Said the guard on the left.

 “We were invited here by Princess Celestia herself, now if you don’t mind; we’ll just be going through.” Rex said clearly irritated

 Both guards chuckled as the kept their wings extended, “Really? You expect us to believe that a couple of shmucks that look like you got invited here by the Princess herself?  Stop joking; you guys don’t even have clothes!  Did you just come back from the bar or some shit?  I swear, you drunks are always trying to sleep in the castle gardens.  It’s annoying as hell when some poor-ass shits like you decide to leave a puddle of piss behind.  The smell is a bitch to get out.  SO why don’t you make like the smell, and get out?” The guard on the left piped up.

“What’s your name and rank soldiers?” Sev asked.  “My friend Blue Cross and I were invited here for an audience with the Princess herself; however, I suppose that when she asks us why we never showed up, we can simply tell her that we weren’t allowed to enter by the pair of guards in charge of the gate.  Wonder what her reaction will be.  Pay dock? Maybe firing you two?   Hell, she’s a princess, maybe she’ll have you jailed for insubordinate behavior.”

Both guards looked nervously at each other.  Nopony ever did this before.  The ponies without proper permissions who tried to get into the castle at night never said things like these before, they were only ever threatened with legal action or action from their superior by nobleponies, but these guys didn’t look anything like nobleponies, hell, they didn’t even have clothes!

“I think I’ll go ask the Lieutenant about this, what did you say your names were again?”  The guard on the left asked.

“Name and rank first soldier.”  Sev coolly replied

“Private Shades” The Guard replied

“And you?” Sev asked, gesturing towards the other guard

“Private Ironwing” He shakily replied.

“Names Blackfire, and this is Blue Cross as I’ve already said.  Now, hurry up and go ask your C.O about this before I take this matter up with the Princess herself, better yet, why don’t you tell her that Blackfire and Blue Cross are here to see her, and that you two are wasting their time by delaying them?” Sev said, smirking at the Guard’s obvious discomfort.

“O-okay” Shades shakily replied, as he flew off.

 Shades returned about five minutes later, this time, visibly shaking.

“O-okay, you’re clear to go sir.  Sorry for the delays, w-we hope we h-haven’t inconvenienced you too much” Shades said.

“Hrm, well, it wasn’t too much of an inconvenience, but I still think I might have to bring this issue up with the Princess herself.  I mean, after all, if I have to put up with this crap every time I come through here, it’d be really inconvenient, not only for myself, but for the princess herself as well.  I mean, aside from just us, who knows how many ponies are wrongfully turned away simply because they don’t look right, I might just have to ask the Princess about the discipline of her employees.  After all, you guys ARE the ROYAL GUARD; you’ve got an image to keep up.  So, just remember, if there are new discipline codes going around, it’ll be all your fault, and your buddies at the mess hall will know who to blame.”  Sev said as he calmly rubbed his hoof against his chest, looking disinterested.

 Shades looked like he was about to piss himself in his armor as he said “N-no sir, please, this won’t happen again, informing the Princess won’t be necessary!”

“I’ll think about it.” Sev said as he calmly strode past the now terrified guard, Rex following right behind him.

Waiting until he believed they were out of earshot, Ironwing asked Shades  “Dude, the hell was that all about?”

“Bro” Shades replied “We were just being dicks to the stallion that saved Princess Celestia’s life, and became her personal bodyguard.”

“Oh, shit” was all Ironwing could say

Waiting until they were out of earshot, Sev and Rex broke into laughter.  “Oh, god.  Blackfire, that was genius” Rex said as he wiped a tear away from his eye

 “I know right?  Did you see the look on their faces?  When that Shades  guy came back, he was actually shaking!  And then, after I told them that I might tell the princess about their shit, he looked like he was about to piss himself!”  Sev replied as they both broke into laughter.

 They both reached the door to the castle, where they were greeted by another pair of guards.  These looked older, and more experienced.  They eyed Sev and Rex suspiciously, but nevertheless carried out their duties.

 “We are here to escort you to the Princess.”  One of them said.

 “Well, gentlemen, lead the way” Sev said with a bow

 “What the hell’s a gentlemen?”  One of the guards asked.

 “Never mind, just lead the way.”  Sev said

 The guards grunted and proceeded down a hall.  After several minutes of trotting, the ‘escort’ arrived at the throne room.  There, Celestia sat on her throne, flanked by a pair of unicorn guards, with Luna by her side in another throne.

 Celestia smiled as she saw Blackfire and Blue Cross walk into her throne room.

 “It’s very nice to see you came.  But, what took you so long? Oh, and guards, you are excused” she said.  The guards who escorted Sev and Rex to the throne room took their leave to begin another patrol.  The guards next to the throne however, simply stood there stoically.  Celestia coughed and said “That includes you too” to them, with a grin.  The guards looked at each other nervously

 “Are you sure princess?”  They asked

“Yes, now, please, if you must, then remain outside the door until you are called for.  My sister and I must discuss some private matters with Blackfire and Blue Cross here.”  She said with a smile.

 “Very well.”  They said and left

 “Well princess” Sev said whilst grinning “to answer your first question, we were held up at the front gate by a couple of guards, they said we looked like and I quote ‘a couple of rag-tag shits’.”

 “That’s not all I wanted to ask you Blackfire.  I was also wondering how you were able to react so quickly to the rafter when trained guards were still paralyzed with shock.”

‘Crap, well, I was expecting this, time to be honest’ Sev thought, with a smirk.

“Oh, well, you see, Blue Cross, my other brothers, and I would always play these games where we would hunt for targets, or had to capture points.  To be proficient at these games, you had to have good reflexes, so I guess that just sort of kicked in here.”  He said.

“Well, that was interesting to say the least.  I survived because you were good at games.”  Celestia said with a smile.

“Sister, we would like to speak with thou in private.”  Luna piped up.  She had a distrusting look on her face ever since Sev and Rex had entered the throne room.  Everyone was startled at her sudden out burst because she had remained silent up until now.  Celestia complied and Asked Sev and Rex to leave the throne room for a bit.

“But of course, Princess, just call us when you’re done.”  Sev said with a smile.

Once they had left, Luna confronted Celestia.

"Sister, we do not trust them". Luna said

"Tell me sister, why do you not trust one of my little ponies?" Celestia responded.

"Tia, hast thou attempted to read their minds yet?"

"Luna, why would I read his mind?  Besides, If he meant my harm, why would he save mylife?"

"Sister, when we tried to read his mind, we found we could not.  We were being blocked by something."

"Alright Luna, if it'll make you feel better I'll read his mind.  Besides, he's going to be by me every day and I think I'm more than capable of defending myself if he tries-" Celestia was interrupted by a large explosion sounding off In the distance.

Once they were out of earshot of not only the princesses, but the guards at the doors as well, Rex piped up.

“Y’know sir that was some genius bullshitting.” Rex piped up.

 “Yeah, I know.” Sev replied.  “And it wasn’t bullshit; it was just a modification of the truth.”  A loud explosion was heard in the distance then Sev shivered violently for a moment.

 “You okay sir?”  Rex asked

 “Yeah, I just think that something horrible is happening at the camp.”

 “What do you mean?”

 “Well, Scorch probably blew everything up, Fixer is having a panic attack, and Farshot is probably strangling Scorch.  That’s just what I thi-" Sev was cut off by a guard who trotted up to them.

"Which one of you is Blackstar?". He asked

"That would be me." Sev piped up

"Princess  Celestia has summoned you."

"I'll be right there"

As Sev made his way to the throne room Rex followed him.  Upon arriving, they were greeted by Celestia.  She smiled at them as they entered the room.

"Blackstar, no doubt you heard the explosion from mere moments ago"  She said with a smile.  Sev was lost upon her beauty and found himself wondering why he hadn't noticed it before.  Her smile, it wasn't the same condescending smile he had seen and wiped off the faces of countless politicians before; it was a genuine smile.  She radiated power, yet she did not seem arrogant.  Sev saw something in her that he didn't see in many other politicians.  He saw kindness.  He saw compassion.  He saw a ruler who served her people or in this case, ponies, not something that goes the other way around.  He noticed her mane, ever flowing in a nonexistent breeze, cores like a rainbow, billowing ever so majestically.  Her face, pristine and-

'Dammit Sev!' He thought to himself.  'She's a fucking horse. It's just the hormones of this form talking.  Then again interspecies relationships aren't frowned upon anymore these days, kinda like that 'Gay Rights Movement' way back when.   Well, I guess I can thank the aliens for something now.'

"Blackstar, are you listening?".  Celestia asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry Princess, could you please repeat that?  I drifted off for a bit.". He responded

"Certainly.  I was saying that I would like you to go investigate the explosion in the forest from a few moments ago.  Blue Cross shall remain here with Luna to be tested in his healing abilities."

"With  all due respect Princess, I'm a bodyguard.  My job is to protect you, not investi-"

"You didn't let me finish Blackstar.". Celestia said with a smug grin on her face.  "I am going to the explosion site, you are to accompany me."

"Very well Princess, if that is what you wish.  However, I need to use the restroom if you would be so kind as to point me In the general direction?"  Sev responded.

After Sev located a bathroom and locked the door, he biomorphed back into his armored human form and attempted to contact the rest of his squad via the built in holoscreen in his helmet.

"Zeta squad come in, this is Boss Zeta."

Misha's visage graced his HUD.

"Misha here" came the reply

"There will be a what I assume to be convoy of locals headed your way led by a Princess.  What is your status?"

"Well, Scorch atomized half the ship and it's lost all functionality, Farshot tried strangling him to death, and Fixer is having a panic attack.". Came the response.

"I knew it."  Muttered Sev under his breath.

"What was that sir?"

"Nothing.  Anyways, if that's the case, salvage what you can of any equipment and supplies then obliterate the rest of the ship."

"Roger"

After this, Sev morphed back to his pony form and left the bathroom to rejoin the princess.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, in the forest-mere moments ago

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle*

Scorch’s eyes were bulging out of his now blue face as Farshot was holding him against a tree, by his throat.  Kicking, and trying to free himself of Farshot’s hold on his throat as he slowly lost more air.  Farshot’s yelling was getting fainter and fainter as the world grew dark.

 “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”  Farshot yelled.  “YOU BLEW EVERYTHING UP!  HALF THE SHIP HAS BEEN COMPLETELY ATOMIZED BECAUSE YOU DECIDED THAT IT WAS A SMART IDEA TO BURN SOME FUEL RODS WE SALVAGED!”

 Farshot’s yelling was getting fainter and fainter to Scorch as the world slowly started to fade.  Then, the pressure on his neck was alleviated as Farshot’s vice-like grip around his throat was suddenly released. He fell to the ground with a sputter and started taking in rapid deep breath’s to put more oxygen back into his system.

“Farshot, we all know that Scorch’s use of the fuel rods was highly unorthodox and against protocol.”  Piped up Kad, now standing over a Farshot who was gripping his head and curled into a fetal position.  Kad dropped the fragment of what used to be a three foot slab of stone, now pulverized as it hit the back of Farshot’s helmet.  “But that’s no reason to kill him.  After all, we're all still Zetas.  Besides, there still might be a way off this planet, or out of this dimension or whatever.”

“Yeah, yeah, I guess you’re right, but still, half the ship has been atomized, Misha’s gonna be pissed as fuck.  Side’s that ship has been with us since we were first drafted all those years ago.”

“Yeah, I remember that day too.”  Kad said as he remembered the day he turned ten.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback, nine years ago- Detroit, Michigan

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kad had just turned ten yesterday, he came home from school and heard yelling coming from inside his parent’s apartment.

“HE’S ONLY TEN!  I’M NOT LETTING YOU TAKE MY ONLY SON FOR YOUR CHILD ARMY!”  Kad opened the door to find his father, a very large, muscular man yelling at a man in a suit sitting at the kitchen table.

“Dad?”  Kad piped up.

“Oh, son, go to your room, Mr. Smith and I here are just discussing some adult matters.” Responded his father.

“Actually Kad, that won’t be necessary.  You see, you’re coming with me to The Academy in a bit.  We have to registered.”  The man in the suit suddenly said.

“FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME!” Kad’s father yelled only to be interrupted.

“Sir, I’ll have you know that I can authorize use of military force if that becomes necessary.  One way or another, that boy IS coming to the academy.”  The man in the suit said.

 Kad’s father realized that he was cornered, and proceeded to talk to Kad.

“Son, listen up, that man in the suit is going to take you to a place called the academy.  You mother and I won’t be able to see you for a really long time, don’t worry, we can still call you though.”

“I’ll be here to pick up the boy at seven O’clock sharp.  He had better be ready and here, if he isn’t I CAN have you prosecuted for draft evasion.”  The man in the suit said before he left.

  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two hours later

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“But dad” Kad said while crying, mucus running down his face “I don’t want to leave you and mom!”

“Its okay son, we’ll be fine.” His father said as tears formed in his eyes.  His mother was still in the house, crying her eyes out.

“Tick-Tock boy, you’re running out of time.”  The man in the suit piped up.

Seven days later

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The man in the suit had led Kad into a room with eight other boys of varying sizes and skin tones.

“Well BOY these are your new friends” The man in the suit said to Kad as he pointed to a young Sev, Scorch, Farshot, Misha, Ghost, and Fixer who was hiding behind Rex, as well as another boy.

 “You will be working with them for the rest of your probably short life.  Child soldiers generally have low life expectancies after all.”  The man said as he laughed.

 “On top of all that, due to your exceptional performances in all test subjects, we’ve decided to nominate you for program Zeta.  Nine hundred young kids like yourselves were chosen.  We picked only the very best, and you guys, made the cut.  This program is to enhance all of you in every which way.  Not only physically; but mentally as well.  You’ll be stronger, faster, smarter, heal better, and will be more durable than most people.” He said.  The man then left the room

 “God, that guy is an ASS” A young Sev said after the man left the room.  “Anyways, I’m Sev dafuq are you?” He asked.

 “My name is Kad”

 “Rex, at your service”

 “I am Misha”

 “Sup, I’m Scorch.”

 “Farshot”

"Black"

 “…”

 “F-f-fixer” Fixer piped up after he came out from behind Farshot.

"Those aren't your real names are they?" Sev asked "Cuz Sev is just my nickname"

"Same here" was the response he got from most of The boys present in the room.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Return to present time

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Zeta squad come in, this is Boss Zeta."

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that's this week's chapter folks, I'll probably pump them out at a faster rate this week.  If you are wondering about the delay, it's because I had writer's block.

Oblivion

Chapter 5

Early Author’s note

Zeta squad will reach Ponyville soon enough, do you think they should take a stealthy approach and avoid detection?  Leave your responses in the comments

I do not condone drug use

"Alright chaps listen up." Misha said; he closed his eyes in sadness at his latest revelation as he made his way to where he last heard Kad, Farshot, and Fixer.  "I've orders from boss himself, there is a convoy of locals headed this way, we are to salvage whatever else we can from the ship, and then obliterate the rest of it, as in leave no evidence of our existence behind.  As much as it pains me to say it, we’re going to have to erase my ship from existence.”  Misha looked sad as he said the last part.

He opened his eyes to a familiar sight, Farshot, on the ground, in a fetal position, Scorch nearby, breathing rapidly to compensate for lost oxygen, and Kad, with some form of item in his hands, obliterated from impact against Farshot’s helmet.

“Roger.” Said Kad “Executing orders ASAP, currently on standby, waiting for Zetas 042 and 009 to recover from brief bout of infighting.”

“You are aware that you don’t have to address us by our serial numbers right chum?” Responded Misha.

“Sorry 089, but we are on standby, protocol states to address all Zetas on standby with their serial numbers.”

“Honestly Kad, protocol on something like this is unimportant, besides, if you recall, we are soldiers of fortune, and we answer to nobody except our boss, so protocol doesn’t matter.  Why don’t you just ease up and relax?”

Kad, who was standing at attention up until this point slowly began to ease up, and was almost slouching until

“Can’t let you do that, STARFOX!” Yelled Scorch from behind Kad

Kad jumped up, drew his combat knife, and landed on Scorch.  He was about to stab  Scorch with his combat knife, thinking he was an enemy, but then he saw it was Scorch and calmed down.

Kad raised an eyebrow, “Seriously?  You’re making a Starfox 64000 reference?  That was completely off topic and was a sentence fragment that was completely out of context!  You’re going against standard speech protocol.”

“Listen, can we please get back on track?  We have orders to *sniff* destroy my ship.  We have to salvage whatever we can from it though.”

“Hey, hey, LISTEN!” Said Scorch.

Misha began rubbing the temples of his helmet as he responded

“Yes Scorch?”

“Does ‘whatever we can’ include the weed and booze?”

“Of course! The weed serves as a stress reliever and does to a certain extent work as a painkiller, or so Rex says.  Besides, ever since it was legalized its price skyrocketed!  Burning that much weed would be like committing financial suicide, besides, boss wouldn’t like it if we burned all his weed.  If you lay a hand on my ‘booze’, as you so nicely put it, without my consent, I’ll break the offending appendage.”

“Right-o! Gotcha! So, let’s get too it, hey, is Ghost done calming Fixer down yet?”

“…” Came the reply from right behind Scorch

“Bwah! How’d you do that?!” Yelped Scorch

“…”

“Right…, forgot about that.”

“…” Ghost said to Misha

“Really? Good work Ghost, anyways, I assume you heard the orders from Boss?”

“…”

“Alright then, get to work squad!  We simply must remove any traces of our existence lest we be found out.”

30 minutes later

Zeta squad was now proceeding deeper into the forest, the ship they had just left was now little more than ions floating in the air, giving the local area an ionized odor.

“Shit, hey, Misha!  How long do we have to keep walking?”  Farshot asked

“Boss never specified, just keep moving until we’re a good distance off.  I would recommend we make it a whole day walk just to be safe.” Came the reply.

“Hey, Misha, when can we get at the grass you’ve got in the bag?” Asked Scorch

“Preferably not until we reach another location suitable to reestablish another camp in.

Meanwhile in Canterlot

“Blackstar, are you ready yet?”  Asked the Ruler of the Sun

“Yes Princess, ready when you are.” Sev replied

“Then let us make our way to the source of the disturbance” Celestia said as she unfurled her majestic wings.

“Alright.” Sev said ‘Shit, how do I do that?’ He thought. ‘It was easy with birds because I’d just have to think that my wings were my arms, but, these wings are something else entirely! I already have arms, err forelegs.  Maybe I just have to think about moving my back muscles.’

As Sev focused on the muscles in his wing, they slowly unfurled, and Sev viewed them with a look of triumph.

“Impressive” Celestia said, “That is a rather large wingspan.”

“Oh, err thank you Princess.”

“Now, let’s go”

“Right.” ‘shit’

As Sev and Celestia made their way to a nearby balcony, Sev was contemplating on how to use his new appendages

‘They’re wings, so, I should just thing about flapping them’ he thought.

As Sev tried this, his wings slowly began moving, and soon, Sev found that his wings had a rather impressive range of motion.

“Alright Blacktar, let’s fly” Celestia said with a smile

“With pleasure Princess.”

Meanwhile, Rex

Celestia had left the room with Sev to go to a nearby balcony, leaving Rex alone with the Princess of the Night.  The air was thick with tension as Rex broke the silence.

“So, uhh, medical evaluation test?”

Luna glared at him “Thou may have fooled our sister, but we know that thee and thine friend are somehow connected with the events that have transpired as of late.  We are watching thou.”

Rex rolled his eyes as he thought ‘if only she knew.’

“Right princess, anyways, lead on!  Let’s see that examination room!”

“Follow us.”

As Luna and Rex made their way to the examination room, he found himself face to face with her shapely flank.  He quickly blushed and moved to the side so he could not be accused of staring at the royal flank.

Luna made her way into the room without saying a word, and Rex silently followed.  In the room, they were greeted by a unicorn mare who bowed as the princess entered the room.

“Princess, The other doctors and I have prepared the homunculi as you requested.”  She said.

“Thank you Full Heal.” Responded Luna, “Now, let us get this examination under way!”

“Because thou dost not have any credentials, we have prepared this magical homunculus for thou to operate on, if thou art to be a royal doctor, thou must be proficient in the fields of diagnosis and operation, thou must state every problem with the patient, then, thou must either diagnose a proper medication to fix it, or thou must operate on the patient to fix it, the body will change in a few hours to its next form for the next test, this will continue happening until thou complete all the tests, or until thou art unable to continue, in which case thou shall fail the test.  So, get to work.”  Luna said to Rex while pointing at what looked like the unconscious form of a pony.

Rex got to work immediately.  Upon receiving his orders from Luna, he began to poke and prod the body, examining it from every angle.  He took went to a nearby wall and removed a stethoscope and proceeded to check the homunculus’ artificial heartbeat.

“Why dost thou not simply use a diagnosis spell?”  Luna asked, confused that a unicorn was using machines to do what a simple spell could accomplish.

‘Spell, as in magic?’  Rex thought ‘Shit, alright, time to see if any of Boss’ skills in bullshittery rubbed off on me’.

“Well Princess, you see, I was raised by a family that did not use magic.  I am one of the few unicorns in my family.  Blackstar, myself, and seven others were adopted by a rather kind hearted citizen.  We found that we all had something in common, we each were without parents.  So, as time went on, we grew closer to the citizen, Blackstar, I, and the seven others considered each other nothing less than a brother.  We were brothers through thick and thin, we always stuck together.  However, all good things must come to an end, eventually, one of us was ripped from this world prematurely, and eventually we all just left.  So that princess, is why I do not use magic.  I was raised to use equipment because the only thing I had that resembled a father figure was a non-magic user.”  Rex said as he thought of his response on the spot

‘Holy shit, that was some good bullshittery’

“So Princess” Rex continued  “If you’ll excuse me, I must continue this diagnosis, you did say that there was a time limit to this correct?”

Luna only nodded in agreement, she found his story strange, but it was not unheard of, still, eight foals is a rather large amount, whoever adopted them must have been well off.

“Yes, continue, thou dost not have much time left.”  She responded

“Yes, understood.”  Rex said as he continued to examine the ‘patient’.  Now, armed with a stethoscope, he finally finished his diagnosis.

“Well, I would say that this pony has multiple fractured ribs, the softness of the region where the sternum should be suggests that it is broken.  There isn’t really anything that can be done to treat fractured ribs aside from giving the pony some pain medication.”

“Well, if thou were proficient in magic, thou wouldst be expected to use a bone-mending spell to heal the homunculus.”

Full Heal looked impressed.  “You got all that in two minutes just from poking and prodding the homunculus?”

“Yeah, so do I get a pass?  Oh, and y'know patients aren't the only things I'm good at poking and prodding”  Rex said while smirking slyly at Full Heal.

Full Heal blushed and looked away and said, “Right! On to the next test!”  A little louder than she intended to.

Hours passed by as Rex diagnosed homunculus after homunculus, treating whatever he could with his lack of magic.  By the time he was up to the last homunculus, the entirety of the royal medical staff had come to watch the ‘unicorn that can’t do magic’.  Everyone of them impressed at the speed and accuracy with which Rex was diagnosing the homunculi.

“Wow, and they say this guy doesn’t have any credentials” Whispered one doctor pony to another in the large crowd that had now formed inside the room.

“This guy is amazing”

“How does he do that?”

Were all rather common sentiments among the crowd.

“Y’think maybe he’s had some form of special training is this stuff?” One stallion asked

“Nonsense!  They don’t teach you how to make all that improvised stuff in the medical schools!”  Came a response

“Yeah, well, he’s getting the job done, and the best part is, that he made sure to sanitize the improvised equipment to prevent any infections, and on top of that, those improvised tools he’s using could easily replace anything we’ve got at the castle!”  Rebutted the first voice.

After another half hour, Luna stepped out of the room and all nearby medical staff immediately bowed.  She was followed by a triumphant looking Rex and a rather flustered looking Full Heal.

“Well Princess, I have to say, this is quite the proposition you’ve made, and I’ll consent to it.” Rex said.

Meanwhile, above the forest

“So Princess” Sev began “Where did you say the scout’s reports said the disturbance came from?”

“Just a few miles west of our current location, I have reason to believe that it may be connected with the aliens that attacked the castle two days ago.”

“Right”

“You seem rather quiet, what happened?  You were rather outgoing before?”

“Oh, sorry Princess” Sev replied “I was just deep in thought.”

‘Well, I guess this is as good a time as any’ Celestia thought to herself as she proceeded to attempt to read Sev’s mind.  However, after finding that she could not hear any of his thoughts, she donned a look of perplexity. ‘Strange’ She thought ‘Luna was right, I can’t read his mind, something is wrong here.’

“Is something the matter Princess?” Sev asked as he noticed that Celestia was staring at him.

Celestia, realizing that she had been staring, quickly looked away apologizing

“Sorry about that, I just remembered something”  She said

‘She wants the dick’ Sev thought to himself ‘Eh, who am I kidding, she doesn’t seem like she’d be into me anyways.’

One hour of awkward silence later

“This is it” Celestia said as they landed in a clearing.  She immediately covered her nose with a wing as she noticed the smell in the air.

“Well Princess” Sev said, following her example and covering his own nose with his wing, there doesn’t appear to be anything here” ‘They covered up their tracks, nicely done’ Sev thought to himself.

Celestia looked at the surrounding clearing and could find no trace of Zeta squad.  She did not notice the smirk on Sev's face as she scoured the area for any trace as to what may have transpired there.

Meanwhile, the rest of Zeta squad

"Oh, hey guys, look at all these cool flowers!"  Scorch said as Zeta squad walked through a patch of blue flowers.

Fixer lightened up, and a smile plastered itself on his face as he reached down to pick one.

End Chapter

Author's note

So yeah, that was it, expect the next chapter to be around Sunday, I make no promises though, and seriously guys, some feedback would be much appreciated.  Sorry for the shortness, I just figured that this would be a good point to leave the chapter hanging.

Creamy Goodness

Chapter six

"Oh, hey guys, look at all these cool flowers!"  Scorch said as Zeta squad walked through a patch of blue flowers.

Fixer lightened up, and a smile plastered itself on his face as he reached down to pick one.

“Fixer, what the hell are you doing?”  Asked Farshot

 “P-picking some of these flowers.  I’ve n-never seen this type before.  I’m going to d-dry one out and add it to my c-collection.” Fixer replied

 “Yeah, err sure Fix, whatever floats your boat.  But, uhh you sure you should be touching those?”  Responded Farshot

 “Well, I d-don’t see why not.”

 “What if they’re poisonous?”

 “Farshot, our armor is sealed, nothing goes in or out except through the breathers, and the breathers have an air-filtration system, this is state of the art armor after all.  Made according to standard manufacturing protocol, this is the best armor credits can buy in case you’ve forgotten” Piped up Kad

“W-what he said” Assented Fixer

“Disregard poison, acquire highness.” Scorch piped up

“Scorch, what the hell is that even supposed to mean?” Responded Farshot

“It means I’m getting baked off this shit!”

“You’re going to smoke the mysterious alien blue flower like you would some cannabis?”  Misha asked, before remembering that Scorch does what he does and that trying to reason with him was like trying to reason with a baboon.

“Foshaw”

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile-Canterlot

Rex and Luna had walked into her private chamber and Rex had decided to initiate the conversation.

 “Well Princess, I must say, I didn’t think you would even consider doing this.”

Luna made her way next to her bed and sat down; she took off her shoes and said.

“We were hoping to make this as pleasurable as possible” She said as she licked her lips, a wanting look clear in her eyes.

 “Oh, I’ve been wanting to do this for quite some time now”  Rex said as he advanced slowly towards Luna, making certain to kick the door closed behind himself as he slowly made his way to her bed.

 As Rex sat in front of Luna, she immediately pounced on it, holding it in front of her, she began squeezing and rubbing it with her magic.  Rex was struggling to keep up, unable to use magic yet, he began using his hooves.  Soon, with a few strokes of his own, he found the white substance slowly seeping out.  Rex, seeing victory on the horizon, doubled his efforts and began stroking even harder.  Luna being ever vigilant, noticed the white substance seeping from the tip, and slowly began to lick it off.  She quickly pulled away to savor the taste.

 “This never gets old; I wonder how much longer thou can last against us?” She said, smirking as she went back to licking the tip.

 Rex began sweating, he could see that he was coming close to finishing, so, with one final push and a grunt, Rex fired they white substance onto Luna, covering a good part of her face and upper torso.  Luna licked at the sides of her mouth and giggled.

 “It has been a long time since we have had a chance to do that.  We have asked the guards to do it with us multiple times, but they never do, they always say that it would go against the oaths they took when they first enlisted.”  She looked dejected as she said the last part.

 “Relax Princess, I’m here now, and I’ll help you with that anytime you want” Rex said as he brushed some of the creamy white substance off of her face, looking into here green eyes while slowly lifting her chin up with his hoof.  “If you want, I could even get my brother Blackstar to join us next time.  I wonder how you’ll be able to hold up against two stallions at the same time?  Maybe we can even get your sister to join in!”  Luna brightened up at the first part, but her face took a rosy tint at the last statement.  She held her face in her hooves to hide the growing blush that was ever so present.

“Oh, this is so embarrassing!”  She cried out

“Relax Princess, it’s just a little bit of fun, everyone needs to have some fun every once in a while, it relieves stress and keeps us sane.”

“So you’ll really do this with us whenever we want?”  Luna asked as her voice took a pleading tone.

“So long as I’m not busy working, sure!” Rex said as a big grin spread across his face.

“Hey, ready for round two?” He asked

 “So soon?” Luna gasped “But thou just finished up mere moments ago!”

 “Princess, in my field of work, you’ve got to have endurance.  You’ve got to be able to last as long as you’re needed.  During my travels with my brothers, we’d occasionally do things like this too.  You’ve got to have a LOT of stamina if you want to keep up with them.  It’s funny because it was usually my younger brother; we nicknamed him Scorch, who usually initiated these kinds of things.  Oh, but what about the magic lessons Princess?"

 Luna smirked as she said  “Why don’t we start learning here and now?”

 She then levitated Rex next to her, and took the source of the cream still just as stiff as before, and levitated the tip into her mouth, slowly sucking all of the cream out.  As she pulled away, a little bit of the cream squirted out and landed next to her eye.  She giggled as she wiped it away with her hoof and licked it off.

" These cream rolls are always so messy to play with, I suppose that this is why sister never wants to play with me.  Okay Blue Cross, to levitate the cream roll, just imagine it floating, imagine a force, slowly pushing the cream roll up."

Rex complied, he concentrated and focused solely on levitating the cream roll.  He was so focused on levitating the cream roll that he didn't notice it beginning to float.  He opened his eyes to see the roll floating in midair, surrounded by a red aura.  In his surprise, he jumped and applied a little more force on the cream roll, crushing it, and shooting a little more cream onto Luna.  Luna only smiled as she took her hoof once again, and used it to wipe cream off of her face.

"Princess!  I did it!"  Rex cheered 'even though this should be scientifically impossible' he thought, the smile on his face genuine at the thought of being able to study a new field of science.

"Blue Cross?" Luna called. "What other foods did thou and thine brethren use in these food-games that thou played?"

"Well Princess, we usually just used whatever was at hand.  Sometimes it was cakes, sometimes pies, cream rolls were a favorite, salads and soup were pretty common too."

Luna gasped at 'soup'.  "Soup?!  But did that not hurt?"

"Princess, when you live with seven other brothers, a hot bowl of soup to the head will be the least of your worries.". He said with a cocky smile.  Luna in turn took a smile of her own and called for a servant.

"Let us see what there is to all this variety that thou uses"

The servant walked into the room, he was a proper looking, aged  gray stallion with a white mane and imperial mustache.

"What is it that you require, Princess?". He asked

"Fancy Etiquette, we require a dozen pies and cakes."

"What type Princess?   We have a plethora of cakes and pies at the castle, we do only have the finest chefs in Equestria after all."

"Princess"  Rex whispered into her ear "If I may make a suggestion, chocolate is usually the messiest, especially in pies, so I would recommend chocolate custard pies and chocolate cake, oh, but Princess?  Could you please not ask for soup?  I'd rather not be arrested for treason during the first day on the job."

Luna grinned "We would like chocolate custard pies and chocolate cake."  She said  to Fancy Etiquette

"At once milady". Came the response "But Princess, you do realize that eating that many pastries is rather unhealthy?"

Luna merely raised an eyebrow and the servant left the room.  Fancy Etiquette returned a few moments later with a tray laden with pies and cakes and promptly left after Luna dismissed him.

"Now then, where were we?" She asked

"Princess, with all due respect, don't you think that we should begin learning magic?  After all, I will have to go to work tomorrow, and learning as much magic as I can will be useful."  Rex responded

"Blue Cross, do you not think that we didn't know this?  Thou said that thou works best under pressure, so, we are going to throw these pastries at thou.  Thou, must now not only catch them, but thou must throw them back at us.  These are heavier than cream rolls, and they will be thrown at thou, so this will be a bit more challenging than what thou just did."

"I'm always up for a challenge princess."

For hours they dueled, Luna throwing pastries at Rex, and Rex, returning them in full force.  Rex, believing Luna to be a mere princess who had been pampered her whole life made the mistake of underestimating her.  He quickly regretted his actions when he took a custard pie to the face.

"Oooh You're going to regret that Princess." Rex  said as he wiped chocolate custard off his face with a hoof.

He began spinning the pastries as he threw them, causing the pies to curve as they were thrown, enabling him to hit Luna's sides and blind spots.  They were so engrossed in their game that they didn't notice how much time had passed.  They were interrupted by the sound of a door slamming open.

Meanwhile, above the forest near Canterlot-a few hours ago

"So Blackstar"  The white alicorn began "Do you have any other family?"

Sev smirked as he said "Princess, I probably have the strangest family known to pony-kind."

Celestia smiled as she said "Oh really?  I've seen quite a few strange families during my time as ruler of Equestria."

"Princess, I can assure you, probably none of them are as strange as mine.  Some might come close, but none of them could probably match our strangeness.  But to answer your first question, I have seven other brothers."

Celestia shocked to say the least at the rather large number, and this was evident when she faltered in her flight for a moment but quickly caught herself.

"That is a rather large family, but that doesn't necessarily make them stranger."  She said

"If only you knew Princess."

A few hours later, they returned to Canterlot Castle.  Celestia walked up to a nearby guard and asked him if he had seen Luna.  She received the rather startling response that she had locked herself in her room for a few hours with 'Blue Cross'.  They promptly made their way to Luna's room and Sev waggled his eyebrows as he asked

"So Princess, what do you think they've been doing all this time?"

"Blackstar, that is hardly appropriate"  Celestia chided.

Upon reaching the door, Celestia tried opening it with her magic, however, when they found that the door would not open, Celestia threw the door open with her magic, causing it to slam against the wall.  They were greeted by a strange sight.  The room was covered in chocolate custard and what looked like pieces of cake.

Author's note

So I this chapter is a bit shorter than the others but that's because I wanted to make this chapter a bit more comedy oriented than the others rather than serious.  Don't worry though, shit gets serious within one or two chapters.  But the question from last chapter still remains,  In one or two chapters, Zeta Squad will arrive in Ponyville, do you think they should take a stealthy approach?  Leave your response in the comments section.  And, as usual, feedback would be much appreciated.

A Ghostly Outburst

Chapter Seven

“Scorch, a-are you s-sure that that’s a good idea?”  Fixer tentatively asked.

After hours of trekking, Zeta squad had decided to rest and make their present location their new campsite.  They were all sitting around a campfire with their helmets off, grateful for the rest they were receiving after spending a good part of the day navigating an alien forest.  Misha opened a crate full of alcohol and was busy downing bottle after bottle of Brandy and Absinthe.  Farshot had walked off to clear his head, Ghost and Kad were lounging around, attempting to cook some of the food they had salvaged from their ship, and last but certainly not least, Scorch had rolled up some of the blue flowers they had stumbled upon into a roll and was attempting to light one of its tips in the campfire.

“…!”  Ghost cried out in anger.  The stress from crash landing on an unknown alien planet coupled with the frustration from not eating throughout the entire day and present difficulties he was having trying to cook something finally resulted in his rather unexpected outburst.  All of Zeta squad looked at him in shock.  They too were under stress, and it seemed that tensions were building.  The disapproving stares his colleagues were giving him were only fuel for the fire of ire that had built up inside Ghost.

“…?!”  He vehemently asked.  “…!” He yelled at Scorch while threateningly sticking out his index finger.  Scorch was rather taken aback by this, he was too shocked at this new development to come up with one of his usual witty responses.  Ghost then turned to Misha.  “…!”  He yelled.  “…!”  He yelled at Misha for a good portion of an hour, venting the frustrations that had built up throughout the day, Misha however, was drinking throughout Ghost’s entire lecture, and was simply too inebriated at this point to care.  Ghost then turned to Farshot who was standing protectively in front of a cowering Fixer.  “...!”  Ghost began.

“Don’t pull that shit with me Ghost” Farshot interrupted, his eyes full of rage and defiance, his voice calm and collected, yet seeping with rage.  “We’re all tired and tense after that walk we had.  Crash landing on an alien planet isn’t the least stressful thing to do, but hey, we’ve been through deeper shit.  So don’t pull this crap.  We’ve had to skydive from thousands of feet in toxic atmospheres while avoiding SAMS on the way down.  We’ve had to defend bunkers and towers from countless waves of enemies.  Our friends, the men we had just eaten breakfast with, dead at our feet, an enemy bullet through their head because they unintentionally walked in front of you and took the shot that was meant for you.  Hell, there was even that one time we had to climb UP a fucking mountain, while avoiding enemy gunfire and explosives just to GET to the battle!  We’ve had to do so much other crazy ass shit, and you’re freaking out over this?  This shit is nothing!  We’ll only come out stronger or better somehow in the end, we always do.”  He finished.

“…” Ghost said.  He had a headache at this point; he grabbed some nearby fruit and walked off, into the forest to clear his head.

“Dayum” Scorch piped up, finding the courage to speak after Ghost had left.

“Scorch, shut the hell up” Farshot said.

“Farshot is right Scorch, be quiet.  I know Ghost was a little out of line with his little rant.  In fact, some of the things he brought up against you guys and said were detrimental, were in fact beneficial and in alignment with protocol.  We all need to vent every now and again, but still, I think someone should go follow him to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”  Kad began

“Hang on.”  Scorch interrupted “I thought you said that it’s against protocol to address us as anything other than our registration numbers while we’re on standby.”

“We’re not on standby.”  Kad retorted.  “We’re on guard duty now.”

“That’s some bullshit.”  Scorch said, scowling as he crossed his arms, his expression brightening when he remembered the alien blunt in his hands.  “Meh, whatever” Came his reply.  “I’m gonna go smoke this shit now” He walked back towards the campfire, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder plate.

“Oh no you don’t” Came Kad’s voice.  “Use of narcotics during duty is in violation of code”

“Kad, we’re mercenaries, we don’t follow any codes anymore.”

“Still, I’m pretty sure I’m the boss in this situation”

“Who the hell made you boss!?”  Came Fixer’s response

“Well it’s definitely not you, Misha is intoxicated, Fixer is not the best suited for leadership, no offense”

“None t-taken” came the whispered response

“And Farshot’s not much of a leader.”

“He’s right” Assented Farshot.  “So, glorious leader, what do we do now?”

“Simple Farshot, as I just said, someone needs to go after Ghost to make sure he doesn’t do anything against regulation and end up making us wanted criminals again.  So, I’ll go after him, you and Fixer will watch Scorch.  If he tries smoking the blue flowers, break his legs.  Misha passed out, so he probably won’t be a bother for a few hours, he’ll be a bitch in the morning though with that hangover of his.  I’m going after Ghost, mind the camp while I’m gone” Kad ordered shortly before he disappeared into the surrounding brush.

Meanwhile, Canterlot

Celestia’s mouth was agape, she had seen quite a few strange things in her long life, but the state of Luna’s room and the state she had caught her and ‘Blue Cross’ in were undoubtedly one of the strangest.  She slowly lifted her jaw back to her mouth and slowly began to make words.

“Luna, would you care to explain what happened here?”

“Well sister, we were having fun”

“Oh, what kind of fun Blue Cross?” Sev asked Rex while raising his eyebrows suggestively.  Celestia and Luna decided to turn and face them, Celestia, hoping to find out what actually transpired and Luna, trying to see how ‘Blue Cross’ handled the sitation.

“Not that kind of fun Blackstar, we were playing with food.”

“Oooh, kinky, didn’t think you were into that kind of thing.” Came Sev’s response, who at this point had a huge grin on his face.

“NO! Not like that!  We were having a food fight.”

“Oh” Came Sev’s response, he immediately deflated, so to speak, and returned to his formal attitude.  The solar princess raised an eyebrow to her younger sister after hearing this and began.

“I know that after your visit to Ponyville all those years ago you’ve tried to have fun, but don’t you think this is a bit much Luna?”

“Sister, we hardly ever have had chances to have fun.  Most of our subjects are still afraid of us, even after we showed them that we are not evil.  We needed to relax somehow, and Blue Cross noticed this during his examination.”

“Speaking of which” Celestia cut her off.  “How did the examination go?  Luna, we will discuss your behavior later”

“Very well,” Luna said, looking dejected, however; she brightened up when she began speaking about Rex’s examination.  “Sister, Blue Cross cannot use magic, however, he was perhaps one of the most skilled doctors we have ever seen.  Even without the use of magic, he severely outclassed and outperformed most of the doctors we have here.”  Rex donned a smug look on his face as she said this.  “We believe that he is qualified to be a member of the royal medical staff.  In addition to this, we have decided to take him under our wing, so to speak, and have decided to make him our student in magic.” Luna finished.  Celestia looked skeptical as Luna said this.

“Luna, are you sure you want to do this?”  She asked “Teaching a student is not as easy as it sounds, there is a proper technique to it.” She said.

“We are aware of this sister,   But we believe that we are ready.  After all, it only seems fair, thou has Twilight Sparkle, we have Blue Cross, is there something wrong with this?”

“Luna, I really don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Sister, we are old enough to make our own decisions.”  Luna said with a huff, she then pouted and crossed her forelegs over each other.  Both mercenaries actually felt a tugging at their hearts at this sight.  Sev found that he could not stand looking at a sight this adorable for much longer, and was fighting the urge to outright hug Luna.  So, he decided to speak up.

“Princess, if I may interrupt.” Sev began.  Celestia raised an eyebrow.

“Continue” She responded.

”Well Princess, don’t you think that experience is perhaps one of the most effective teachers?”

“Well, yes but.” Celestia interrupted

“Well then, wouldn’t one of the most effective ways to teach your younger sister, be to have her go out into the field and experience what she wants to do?  Figuratively speaking that is.”  Sev continued, at this point, pacing around the room.

“Blackstar, I appreciate your input.” Celestia began, only to be interrupted by Luna.

“Sister, we agree with Blackstar, how dost thou expect us to get better at teaching, if thou never let us teach?  Besides, we have already taught Blue Cross levitation!”  Celestia groaned in exasperation at this, and rubbed her hooves to her temples and finally consented.

“Fine Luna, you may teach Blue Cross in the magical arts, however, I still expect him to do the job he was hired to do.” Celestia finished

“Yay!” Luna exclaimed while leaping in the air a few feet.  She quickly realized what she had just done, a blush evident on her face as she came down.  She then proceeded to trot up to Celestia and hug her while saying “Thankyouthankyouthankyou” repeatedly.  Celestia found that she could not breathe in Luna’s vice-grip of a hug and promptly began struggling against her younger sister.

“Luna” Celestia began, her voice strained from being held in a death-hold “Would you please be so kind as to release me?”

“Oh, sorry” Luna giggled, the blush returning to her face as she set her sister down.  Celestia took a few deep gasps, grateful to be able to breathe again, and bade Luna and Blue Cross a good night before she made her way out of Luna’s room, Sev following behind her as she left.

“So, what do we do now Princess?” Rex asked

“Blue Cross, we would like it if from now on that thou call us Luna.  We prefer that our friends do.”

“Friends, Pr-I mean Luna?”

Luna suddenly donned a sad look.  “Oh, we are sorry, we did not mean,-is were we too soon?” Luna was beginning to panic.  One of the few ponies who she thought she had a chance of becoming friends with was peaking to her, and she had just rushed things.

“No, no LUNA, there is nothing wrong with what you just said.  In fact, I’m always happy to make new friends” Rex said, and the edges of his mouth were slowly curving upwards into a smile.  Luna looked up as he said this, a smile, evident on her face.

“Doth, doth thou really mean that?”  She asked

“Yes Luna.  But my previous question still stands, what do we do now?”

“Oh, right.” Luna blushed as she looked around at the state of her room; the walls were stained in chocolaty brown, crumbs, icing, and custard everywhere.  She hadn’t noticed it until this point, but the smell was overwhelming.  The scents of sugars and chocolate tantalized her senses as they slowly drifted up her nostrils.  Her horn began glowing a dark blue, and with a flash, the room was suddenly clean.

“I’m assuming that was magic.” Rex said

“Thou art a fast learner” the sarcasm in Luna’s voice so thick, one could cut it with a knife.  “Regardless, on to the next lesson, illuminations spells.”

Meanwhile, Sev

“Well Princess, that was interesting to say the least.” Sev bgan

“I couldn’t agree more” Came Celestia’s reply

“So what do we do now Princess?”

“You will have to be fitted for a set of armor.”

“Princess, with all due respect, I’ve seen the armor the royal guards wear, it’s some of the worst armor I’ve ever seen.”

Celestia was not amused by this; she simply raised an eyebrow and said “Well Blackstar, this armor was crafter by the greatest blacksmiths Equestria has to offer; would you care to explain where you have seen better, and just what exactly is so bad about the armor at the castle?”

“Well Princess, I hope you realize that gold is not only heavy, but rather malleable as well, so it makes a poor material for not only armor, but weapons as well so I really hope that the  armor your guards wear is only gilded at best and not actually solid gold.  In addition to that, the build of the armor is flawed in and of itself; I’ve detected three structural weaknesses taking a glance at the front of the armor alone, not even properly examining it either Princess, just a GLANCE.  In addition to that, my younger brother, we nicknamed him Fixer, was a genius when it came to repairing and building things.  He could probably make better armor out of mere tin and copper.”

“Talk is cheap Blackstar.”

“Princess, if you want, the next time he comes to Canterlot, I’ll talk him into making some armor to test against the things your guards use.  In fact, while we’re at it, how about we make this a bit more interesting?”

Celestia raised an eyebrow at this and donned a grin, ‘Blackstar’s’ brother couldn’t hold a candle against the royal blacksmiths, she had won this bet already, her mouth slowly formed a devilish grin as she said “I’m listening”

“Well Princess, how about the loser of this friendly wager we have going on, has to-“

Meanwhile, Ghost

Ghost was navigating the forest; he had just left the camp that Zeta squad had made.  How dare Farshot tell him off?  Well, the sniper was probably right, the stealth expert had no right to complain, they had all been through worse after all.  Ghost felt bad at having yelled at his squad, he was about to yell at Fixer, and it took Farshot, FARSHOT THE ANGRY ASSHOLE OF THE GROUP to calm him down.  That probably served as some type of indication as to just how bad he was back there.  “…” He said to himself.  He silently began to make his way back to the camp; he was stopped however, by a noisy trudging following the path he had made.  Only one member of the squad could be so obvious with his presence while following someone, well, one member besides Scorch, the team heavy gunner.  The bear of a man was noisily trudging down the trail Ghost had left behind so he could find his way back to camp should he get lost.  The sound of crunching leaves and branches being pushed aside as obvious as Ghost thought possible.

Meanwhile, Kad

‘This forest, should be leveled, there should be some kind of regulation on these branches’ “OW!”  Kad yelled as a branch smacked his exposed face. “Should have worn my helmet, note to self, keep helmet on at all times during missions, I wonder if I broke protocol by taking it off while we were sitting around the-”  Kad was then cut off by a  lion-like roar and a scream that came from off the path that he was traversing. ‘Crap, what to do’ Kad thought to himself ‘protocol states that I put the mission first, but dad always said to do the right thing, even if it meant breaking a few rules.  I promised him I would always do what I thought was right.’

Flashback, four years ago; Detroit, Michigan

Kad was on leave, four years of duty as a super soldier entitled him a moth of leave.  He came back to his home.  ‘Home, what a strange word’ he thought to himself ‘I haven’t been here in years, yet I feel like I belong here’ He knocked on the small door, now easily towering over its top, a reminiscent feeling washing over him.

“Wh-who is it?” came a shaky response from behind the door, Kad recognized the soft voice from behind the door, it had lost the melodious sound it produced when he last heard it in person five years ago.

“Mom?   It’s me, Kad.”

“Kad?” The door opened to reveal a small woman; moist spots under her eyes coupled with the redness and puffiness of them made it clear that she had been crying recently.  Upon seeing the face of her son, she quickly gasped and ushered him inside the house.  He made sure to duck his head as he entered; it became second nature to him, hitting his head on every doorframe for the past moth had taught him that that doorframes are painful.  Joy washed over his face nearly instantly upon seeing the inside of his old home, and the sides of Kad’s mouth slowly curled up, if only slightly.  Nostalgia washed over him as he saw the sate of the house, it was just as it had been five years ago, nothing had changed, aside from some new furniture.

“Hi mom, it’s been a while hasn’t it?” Kad asked

“Yes dear, it has, come inside; your father will want to see you.” Kad followed his mother to her bedroom, and in it, laid his father, the once strong man, now beaten and bruised on his bed.

“D-dad?”  Kad asked, genuinely shocked at seeing his father, the strongest man he had ever known was lying in a bed, a cast on his arm, bandages on his face and upper torso, a large bruise on his forehead.  “Dad?!  What happened to you?!”  Kad yelled as he rushed to his father’s side, the normally stoic faced soldier was now filled with shock and grief to see the man he had idolized and looked up to as a source of hope and strength in such a state.

“Son?  Is that you?”  The man asked

“Yeah dad, it’s me”

“Holy shit you’ve grown, wish I could have been there to have seen it.”  The bear of a man that was Kad’s father spoke, a sad smile growing on his face.

“Dad, it’s not your fault, but what happened?  Who did this to you?”

“Heh, you should see the other guys.  I might be old, but I’ve still got some fight in me.  A couple of thugs were mugging an old lady, well, I did the right thing, and I roughed em up a bit, not to say I got away unscarred.  As you can see, they got me pretty good, I got them worse. Then again, three versus one was hardly fair.”

“Dad, why?  Why did you do this?  You’re old, you can’t do things like this anymore.”

“Because son, it was the right thing to do.  Didn’t I teach you that all those years ago?”

“Yes, but dad, you were young and healthy back then!  You’re way to old to be doing this kind of thing anymore!”

“Son, you’re never too old to do the right thing, and don’t you forget that, besides, what do you think I should have done?  Just stand there and let the lady get mugged?  Run and call for help?  By the time any help would have arrived, the lady’s bag would’ve been stolen!”  Kad, defeated at this, sighed, knowing his father had won.  “Anyways son, I have some bad news, I was coming back home from the doctor’s when I helped the old lady.  Kadmos, I have malignant cancer, the doctors found tumors all over my body, and I have a week at most to live.”  Kad had fallen to his knees at this point, and was weeping at his father’s side, the man he once thought to be invincible, a paragon of strength and justice, was dying, and he, a super soldier, could do nothing about it.  He was stronger than most other humans, faster, and smarter, he had overthrown corrupt alien regimes, stared Death in the face and come back to tell the tale,  stopped countless terrorist plots,  and saved countless lives, yet he was powerless to help his father, the man he looked up to the most.  He was openly sobbing, his face buried in the sheets next to his father’s chest, when a coarse hand placed itself on the back of his head.  Kad slowly looked up to see his father’s face, no longer smiling, but with a resolute look.

“Kadmos, I want you to promise me something”

“A-anything dad.”

“Kadmos, I want you to promise me that you will always do the right thing, no matter what the cost, be it breaking rules, fighting with a friend, or even your own life; you must always do the right thing.”

“I-I promise dad.”

Return to present time

“I promise dad” Kad said as he rushed into the foliage hunting for the source of the sound.

End chapter-

Well, that’s that I guess, so, for the approach to Ponyville, we have one vote for stealth, any other votes? For or against, list your opinion here.

MANLYticore

Chapter 8

Play in background.

"I promise Dad,"  Kad said to himself as he charged through the brush.  A scream could be heard and only grew louder as he grew closer to its source.  He finally broke through the tree-line into a clearing where he found three VERY small horses running away from what looked like a lion with a scorpion's tail and bat wings.  'Shit, if boss' report was correct, then these things are basically kids and are going to get eaten.'  It didn't take Kad more than an instant to decide what he was going to do.

With a mad roar, he charged into battle, tackling the manticore as it was about to pounce. "GET AWAY FROM THEM!"  Kad yelled as he rammed the manticore straight into a tree.  The manticore was surprised to say the least that it had been prevented from consuming its prey by this strange new being, this giant. But this forest was the manticore's territory, and this yellow behemoth was trespassing. It would make an excellent meal, something as big as this could probably keep the manticore fed for days to come.  As the manticore was slammed against the tree, it let out a roar of pain and quickly tried to bite off Kad's head.  Kad would have none of this; he quickly jumped back as the manticore snapped its jaws where his head used to be.  Kad let his instinct take over and punched the manticore’s jaw against the tree full force.  There was a sickening crack and the manticore spat out blood, its jaw clearly broken.  Kad watched as it slumped to the ground, believing it to be dead.  He then proceeded to walk towards the three fillies who were currently cowering in fear.  He was stopped however; by the manticore pouncing on his back.  Kad threw the manticore off his back, and slammed it to the ground.  Kad placed the bottom of his boot at the base of the manticore’s tail and grabbed the tip with his gauntlets.  He applied pressure with the bottom of his boots and pulled the tail.  The sound of bone snapping could be heard as Kad crushed the base of the manticore’s spine.  With a crunching sound, the tail itself came off the manticore, spraying blood in every direction, blood that blended perfectly against Kad’s armor.  Kad then made his way towards the three fillies.

The three fillies, who had been cowering from the manticore, suddenly looked up when they heard the mad roar. When they opened their eyes to see what or who had saved them, they were surprised to see a yellow hulking mass of muscle tackle the manticore into a tree. They could only watch in awe as they saw the monster single-handedly disable the manticore, their mouths slightly agape.  Their expressions of awe quickly turned to fear as they saw the monster trudge towards them.  Their eyes widened as they saw the manticore strike at the monster’s back, a deafening crunch was heard as the manticore was thrown down onto the floor of the forest, the grass cushioning its blow.  What really scared and amazed them, was when the monster ripped off the manticore’s tail, proudly showcasing it as a trophy of its victory.  Their expressions turned to those of pure terror as they saw the giant make its way towards them.

“Sc-scotaloo, w-what do you think we should do?”  Asked a terrified Sweetie Belle.

“I-I don’t know,”  came the response

“Girls, it looks really scary and big, but ah think that maybe it’s not a bad…thing…whatever it is.  If it was bad, then why’d it stop that manticore?”

“M-maybe it wants to eat us,”  replied the orange filly.

The crusaders didn’t get to finish their discussion, because Kad had already reached them and was watching their discussion, amusement splayed across his face.

‘Damn they’re cute.’ the yellow mercenary thought.  He then cleared his throat to garner their attention.  The three fillies jumped in surprise and turned to look at Kad with expressions of fear and surprise.  “I’m right here you know,” he said.

“Y-ya’ll can talk!?” asked an incredulous Applebloom

“Yes, yes I can. Now then, what were you little…ponies… doing here in the forest?”

“Well,” Applebloom began, “we was walkin’ through the forest tryin’ ta get our cutie marks when we got chased by that big maticore over there.  We thought we was gonna get eaten, but then ya came outta nowhere and saved us. Thing is, we’re kinda lost now, that manticore chased us into a part of the forest we ain’t never seen before!  Anyways, thank ya mister, but if ya don’t mind me askin, what are ya?”  She tilted her head as she said this.

‘Oh god, the look she’s giving me is making my heart ache, I don’t think I can take much more of this.’  Kad thought as he averted his gaze from Applebloom’s heart-melting stare.  ‘They’re lost and scared and oh god, what am I going to do? Hold on, I’m pretty sure there was a protocol for dealing with lost civilians.  Oh yeah, article seven section G footnote 39, lead all civilians to outside combat zone.’  “Well, little one” Kad began “I am an alien, that’s all you need to know for now.  Anyways, I’m sure your families are worried sick about you, so how about I escort you to the forest edge?”  They all agreed to Kad’s suggestion.  “Well, seeing as that manticore was approaching you all from over there,” Kad said as he gestured near the tree he had tackled the manticore into, “I guess we should go in the direction it came from. Besides, all the foliage it broke chasing you three kind of left us a trail to follow.”

After trekking for hours, they finally reached the forest edge and Kad waved the three fillies off.  “Oh, yeah, I never got your names girls.”

“Oh, sorry mister.” Applebloom began “Ah’m Applebloom”

“I’m Sweetie Belle.”

“And I’m Scootaloo!”  The orange Pegasus shouted.

“And we’re THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!”  all three said in unison at a near deafening volume.  Kad was on his knees from the pain in his ears; he’d heard artillery that was quieter than these girls! ‘Definitely never forgetting my helmet again, it’s built in noise canceller would have been perfect for saving my hearing.’  He quickly disappeared back into the treeline when he saw a group of six other ponies headed toward the fillies.

“Girls where have ya’ll been!?”  Asked a very nervous Applejack.  The relieved look on the orange farmpony’s face quickly turned to one of anger.  “Ya’ll had us worried sick!”

“Well sis, we were walkin’ through the forest trying to get our cutie marks, but then we ran into a manticore!”  Applejack and friends gasped at this.  “But then we got saved by a big yellow alien!”

“Yeah!” Scootaloo piped up as she buzzed her wings, lightly hovering in the air.  “He was so awesome.  But not as awesome as you Rainbow Dash!”

“Ya’ll shoulda seen him,” said Applebloom.  “He was amazin’!”

“Yeah!!” Sweetie Belle squeaked “He tackled the manticore into a tree!”

“An’ then he punched it!”  Continued Applebloom.  “Then he was comin’ our way an’ we were real scared.”

“But then the manticore jumped on him!”  buzzed Scootaloo. “Then he did some awesome move and threw it on the ground and ripped its tail off!”

“Yeah! It was REALLY tall and walked on two legs!”  chimed in Sweetie Belle

“Now don’t go fibbing Applebloom, there ain’t no such thing as aliens!” said Applejack

“But SIS!  We ain’t lyin’!”

“Come on girls, let’s go home,”  said Twilight.

Meanwhile, back at the camp

“MY LEGS!  MY MUTHAFUCKIN’ LEGS!”  yelled Scorch.

“Scorch, my orders were to break your legs if you tried smoking that shit, and I usually follow my orders,” said Farshot.

“FUCK YOU MAN!  I THOUGHT WE WERE COOL!  I DIDN’T EVEN LIGHT THE BLUNT YET!”

“We are cool, I was just following orders. I was to prevent you from lighting that blunt in any way, shape, or form breaking your legs as you were about to light the blunt just so happened to be the fastest, most enjoyable, easiest, and most easily justifiable method. Besides, you can also think of it as payback.  Remember all those pranks you pulled on me?  Hot sauce in my cereal?  Fuel rods in the toilet?  Laxatives in my ice cream?”

“Yeah, that last one was pretty funny,” chuckled Scorch. “But still, MY MUTHAFUCKIN’ LEGS!  And yeah, we’re still cool. I guess.”

“S-sorry about breaking your l-legs, Scorch,” said Fixer.

‘S’all good, Fixer.”  Scorch calmly said.

Misha was still lying passed out next to the roaring fire Zeta Squad had set up.  He then got up and began singing a song from olden days, over a century old, badly slurring the lyrics as he tried to and failed at a drunken attempt at dancing along to the song.

On my waisht, through my hair.

“Oh GOD NO!  HE’S SINGING!”  yelled Farshot, entering the fetal position and covering his ears, the rest of Zeta Squad quickly following suit.

Think about it when you touch me there

Closh my eyesh, here you are all alone danshing in the dark.

Tell me baby if it’s wrong to let my hands do what they want?

Late at night I pretend we are dansh-dansh- danshing in the dark

dansh-dansh- danshing in the dark

Ooh la la.

Ooh la la.

Ooh la la.

When you work on me,

Open my body up and do some shurgery,

Now that you got me up

I wanna tashte it

And shee those pocket aishes.

I wanna shee who you are.

I got a shex drive to push the start

I got a shex drive to push the start

On my waisht, through my hair.

Think about it when you touch me-

Misha was pelvic thrusting by this point and loudly yelling the lyrics, he  then promptly passed out again

Meanwhile Ghost

“…” he said as he pushed foliage aside, making his way back to camp.

*Squelch*

“…!”  Ghost said as he lifted his boot, his face donning a look of disgust as he saw that he had stepped in something.  He took a whiff of his boot and quickly recoiled as he caught a hint of the stench it was emanating “…!”   He was silently cursing as he finally passed through some more foliage and saw Scorch and Farshot uncover their ears as a clearly drunken Misha finally passed out again in the middle of his song; Fixer was curled up in a corner, whimpering.

“Oh god that was horrible, THAT DANCE!”  Cried a traumatized Farshot.

“…?” asked Ghost.

“He was singing and dancing,” answered Scorch.

“…?’ asked Ghost, an expression of pity splaying itself across his face.

“IT WAS HORRIBLE!”  Yelled Farshot.

Meanwhile, Sev

Sev and Celestia walked through the castle grounds, as the black mercenary finished explaining to the Solar Princess his issues with the armor customarily worn by royal guards. Celestia's response was precisely what Sev was hoping for.

“Very well then Blackfire, you will not have to wear the armor. And please, call me Celestia while we are alone or not in public.”

“So Celestia, what are the plans for tomorrow?”

“Well, first thing is first, we have to get you into some form of uniform so ponies can distinguish you as a member of the royal staff, I can understand not wearing armor, but a uniform is absolutely necessary.”

“Where will we go for that?”

“We can either go to the royal tailors, or, we can go to Ponyville.”

“Ponyville?  Might I inquire as to why?”

“One of the best clothes designers I’ve ever seen lives there. If anypony can make you a uniform, it will be her.”

“So long as it serves for function over form and doesn’t look horrible, it works for me,” Sev said with a snort.

Meanwhile, Rex

“THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG PRINCESS!” Rex yelled as he and the Lunar Princess continued to train in magic.

“Blue Cross, thine growth is amazing!!” yelled Luna.

“Well Princess, I do have an amazing teacher!”  Responded Rex.

“We thank you, Blue Cross; regardless, it is rather late, and thou shouldst rest.  Thou hast work in the morning.”

“Princess, I’m used to sleepless nights.  When your siblings get hurt as frequently as mine, you find that sleep will be the least of your concerns,” smiled Rex.

“We understand this Blue Cross, but as thy…friend, we think that it would be best if thou got some rest.  The spells we taught thee should come in useful tomorrow.”

“Very well Princess, if you insist.  Good night,” he said as he made his way out of Luna’s room.

“Yes, good night” She said as sadness slowly crept over her face.

End Chapter

Just pointing out, I'm not a fan of putting lyrics in stories,I feel that it kinda takes away the feel of the story, so from now on, any lyrics will probably be because the character is singing drunkenly.  Oh, and A big thank you to my Pre-reader iSmartman! Oh, almost forgot, current vote status is 2 for stealth, one against, any others?

They're All Green!

Last time on Pony by Day, Mercenary by Night

Farshot:  Good to see you MR. Scorch.  Welcome to the late night airing of the Boring Economic Talk Show or BET for short.

Scorch: A pleasure to be here Farshot

Farshot:  We’ve got quite a few questions for you tonight.  To kick us off, let’s start with an easy one. How would you maximize productivity in a small business?

Scorch: Well, to answer that question, let’s define productivity first.  It is accurate to say the least to identify the factors of production and productivity as experience, energy, and materials. For, as we have seen, all processes of production involve the direction of energy by some structure toward the selection, transportation, and transformation of materials into the product.

Farshot: Thus, simply put we can deduce that-

Fixer: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Chapter Ten

“Rex, contact Farshot via the communications system.  Scorch is in what I’m assuming to be a critical condition.  Figure out what’s wrong with him and then tell Kad and Farshot what to do.”  Sev ordered

“Just Kad and Farshot sir?”

“Oh yeah, Ghost too.”

“Aren’t you forgetting some one?”

“Misha’s probably hung-over, and Fixer’s status is unknown, if he can provide assistance, then have him help.”

“Alright sir.”

“I’m going to my room now, if you need me, give me a call.”  With this, Sev left Rex’s room and made his way towards his own room.  Upon entering his room, he made his way to the balcony and gazed up to the moonlit sky.

“Well, it’s better here than it was back home.  I can actually see the stars here.  Light pollution probably didn’t help much either.”  He said.  He noticed many of the constellations he had studied back at the academy like Sagittarius, the big and little dipper , and many unfamiliar ones as well. ‘That’s strange” he thought ‘Why is it that they have nearly identical constellations here?’

“Enjoying the night?” He was interrupted by a dark blue alicorn who had just landed beside him.

‘Shit, how’d she sneak up on me?’ Sev thought.  “Yes Princess, it’s beautiful.  Ominous, yet welcoming, cold, yet protective, not as lively as the day, yet still, it has a certain unique feel to it.”

“Yes, that was what we were going for when we made it.”

“We your highness?”

“Oh, sorry, I still have a habit of sometimes slipping back into the royal oldespeak.”  The dark blue alicorn turned her face away to hide her embarrassment as she said this.  Sev however, saw this as an opportunity to win favor among the royalty.

“Your highness, if you would like, I would be more than willing to help you overcome your problem.” Sev smirked

“Really? Thou would help us regardless of our first meeting?”

“I would be honored your highness.”

“We actually came here to reconcile with thou. It appears we got off on the wrong hoof.”

“Well Princess it’s alright, anyways, I’m going to Ponyville tomorrow, so we can begin your lessons when I get back.  Oh, but Princess?  I do have a favor to ask you, my brother Blue Cross has to go to Ponyville tomorrow, but unfortunately he has work here, do you think you could perhaps convince your sister to allow him to join us?”

“We shall do what we can, and we expect thou to stick to thine promise.”

“I wouldn’t dream of doing otherwise Princess” Sev grinned “But if I may ask, why the sudden urge to reconciliate with me? I am but a humble bodyguard; you are the Princess of the night.”

“We had a talk with thine brother; we decided that we were probably a bit too hostile or cold in our greeting.  And frankly thou actually listed all the traits that we were aiming for in our night.   Thou sounded like thou truly appreciate it.”

“It’s hard not to appreciate something so beautiful Princess.” The sides of Sev’s mouth slowly moved up as he said this, it was subtle but not unnoticeable, which is what Luna did.

Meanwhile- Rex

Rex was safely nestled in his room.  He biomorphed back to his human form and brought up his communications array.

“Alright Farshot send me a video feed” Rex began.  “Eh, you’ve done worse.” Rex said as an unimpressed look graced his face, the brutality that was the unconious form of Scorch filled the feed. “Like remember that time he hit on your sister?  I’ll admit, that was probably one of the most gruesome things I’ve seen, and I’ve seen quite a bit.”  Rex smiled. “But in all seriousness, what did you do to him?”

“Well I pulled his-“

“On second thought never mind, let’s just stabilize Scorch first”

“Alright, ready when you are.”

“Do you have a medkit handy?  I left all my equipment back at base, didn’t realize we’d end up staying in a castle.”

“Wait, what the fuck?  How the hell are you guys in a castle?”

“Boss is boss, remember?”

“Right, I should be used to this kind of shit by now. Oh, yeah, here!  Found a medkit.  Alright, what the hell do I do now?”

“Look inside for a syringe and a vial that contains morphoserotondopeanin.”

“Galactic Basic please?”  Farshot deadpanned

“Take a needle and stick it into the green bottle.”

“Dammit!  I asked for Galactic Basic, not all this doctor mumbo jumbo shit!”

Rex facepalmed “You can’t be serious”

“Oh. No lol, I’m just-”

“Then shut the hell up and get back to work!  Your teammates’ life is on the line goddammit!”  Rex yelled

Farshot, recognizing Rex’s demeanor as the one he usually took on the battlefield serious’d the fuck up and opened the case, to his dismay; he found that the majority of the fluid containing vials were green, and they weren’t labeled either, oh and they were on fire too, just for good measure.  He raised his eyebrows at this, his only response to the sheer incredulousness of the situation being “What the fuck?”

“Err Rex?”  He began. “There seems to be a bit of a problem; most of the vials are green.  They don’t have labels.  Oh, and they’re on fire too.”

Rex facepalmed.  “Right… of course lady luck decides to shit on me again, alright; the medkit you picked was the one I got on sale, from Space WalMart.  Yeah, Space WalMart seems to emphasize quantity and price over quality, so you’re going to have to work based on color here.  The vial is green.  Oh, and the fire?  It’s space fire, it’s comepletely harmless.”

“THEY”RE ALL GREEN! And that doesn’t make any sense!  How is space fire different from regular fire?”  Farshot yelled

Rex facepalmed, “Alright, look, show me the vials, I’ll point to the right one. And in Boss’ words ‘BITCH IT’S SPACE!  EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT!”

With this, Farshot averted his camera’s vision to the medkit.  “Alright” Rex began, it’s that one” he said, pointing at a vial.

“This one?”  Farshot questioned , picking up a different vial.

“No, that one!”  Rex said, his voice only slightly increasing in volume.  Farshot responded to this by grabbing yet another incorrect vial.

“This one.”  He deadpanned.  “No! No! The one I’m pointing at!” Rex raised his voice.

“You’re gonna have to help me out here.”

Rex sighed, “Move your hand.” Farshot moved his hand to the right.  “You’re getting warmer.” With this Farshot moved his hand to the left.  “NO! Now you’re getting farther!”  With this Farshot moved his hand to the rightmost syringe in the medkit.

“YOU’RE ON FIRE!” Rex yelled.

“OH GOD IT BURNS!” Farshot yelled, his sealed, armored hand on the space flaming syringe.

“Alright, so now just administer 50 microliters of that drug to Scorch.”  Farshot was still screaming in agony. “You know, space fire is completely harmless right?” Rex deadpanned.

“Oh shit! Seriously?”  Farshot asked, a genuinely surprised look on his face

Rex facepalmed.  “Farshot, are you feeling alright?  You’re sounding a lot like Scorch right now.  You didn’t by any chance hit your head when we crashed the ship did you?”

“You know what?  I’m not really sure myself.  I might have gotten contaminated by his stupidity while I was beating it out of him.”

“No, I mean this is basic first aid, this is the shit they taught everyone at the academy, last I remembered, Scorch was the only one of us who was stupid enough to sleep through that course.  You sure you’re alright?”

"Yeah, I’m fine, now come one asshole!  Our teammate’s life is on the line here!”

One very important administration of first aid later

Farshot slid down next to a tree out of exhaustion.  He was grateful for Rex’s advice; Scorch was now stabilized and was no longer coughing up blood with every breath.  The bandages covering his chest were soaked in red and Kad, seeing Farshot in his exhausted state, decided to help Scorch in his place.  Kad moved next to Scorch and began changing his bandages.  As he began applying a new set of bandages, Scorch awoke. He opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a dry cough, muffled by the bandages wrapped around his head.  Kad took this as a sign of thirst, so he left to get Scorch some water from their stores.

“I’ll be right back Scorch, just going to get you some water.”

“MMMPH?”  Came the muffled response from the bandaged pony.

With Kad gone, Misha decided to speak with Scorch, the shock of being turned into a pony made him realize he needed a drink, well, more than a drink mind you, but an alcoholic one nonetheless.

“You know Shcorch, thish could have been avoided if you’d jusht listened to Shniper asshhole.” He slurred

“HUDDU DAH!”  Scorch retorted

“The fuck you shay?”

“MRRRRPH!  MUHMHRPH!”

“I’ll punch you in the fucking temple you pieshe of-“  Misha was interrupted by himself, fainting from alcohol poinoning.

“Hey Scorch! I’m back!” Kad yelled.  He came to Scorch with a canteen.  He unwrapped Scorch’s head and winced at the face that greeted him. “Jesus, Farshot really fucked you up.  He’s lucky PETA isn’t here or some shit, they’d probably crawl up his ass and petition against him for animal cruelty.”

“Can I get that water now?”  Scorch rasped.  With that, Kad slowly raised Scorch’s head to the tip of the canteen and slowly tipped the canteen as to allow a steady trickle of water down Scorch’s parched throat.  Scorch guzzled as much of the water as he could before choking.  Kad took this as a sign to stop.  “How’re you feeling?”  He asked.

“Like I just got the shit kicked out of me by an angry horse.”

“Right.  Well, anyway, it’s Ghost’s turn to watch you now, if you need me I’ll be sleeping by the campfire.”  With this, the yellow stallion walked away and was replaced by a pale white one.  Ghost raised an eyebrow.

“…” He began

“Look, Ghost, can we please not do this?  I just got the shit kicked out of me by Farshot, I got lectured by Kad, scolded by Rex and almost got attacked by Misha,, I’d really rather not do this right now.”

“…?”  Ghost said, genuinely surprised by how serious Scorch had become.  “…”  He continued.  “…?...!”

“Of course I’m not gonna be laughing this shit off!  I was acting retarded!  I threw some weird shit into the campfire because I wanted to get baked, and then I got the shit kicked out of me by my teammate!  On top of all that, our armor doesn’t work anymore!  How the hell do you expect me to laugh this off!  What if that shit was poisonous?  We’d all be dead!  That’s what!  On top of all that we’re on some uncharted planet inhabited by talking horses!  How the hell am I supposed to laugh this off?”  Scorch finished his rant by punctuating the end with several pants.  Small hissing noises emanated from his chest whenever he inhaled.  Ghost, remembering Rex’s instruction on healing Scorch , realized that this meant that Scorch’s lungs had been ruptured again for exertion.  Ghost quickly moved to a nearby medkit and applied an injection to Scorch.  Scorch immediately calmed down as the injection not only sedated him, but began healing him as well.  His vision slowly faded to black as he felt the familiar burning sensation in his chest of the injection healing him.

Eight hours later, Canterlot

Sev woke up and quickly began his morning rituals, he got out of bed, set the sheets, and went to the bathroom.  There he began brushing his teeth.

“Seriously, how the fuck am I holding the brush with hooves?  This shit is physically impossible!”  He was reminded of another bodily function as he looked to his left, only to see a porcelain throne.  It beaconed him, calling to him like a siren would call to a sailor.  The pain that had built in his abdomen reminded him that he had not used a toilet in about 20 hours.  Just as he was about to relieve him self, he was struck with another confusing thought.  ‘How the fuck am I supposed to do this?’ he asked himself,  he tried standing on his hind legs, but quickly met the ground as the lack of support from his forelegs caused him to topple.  ‘Maybe if I sit on it?’  He asked himself, he found that this method of relieving himself was effective and groaned with pleasure as his bladder emptied itself into the toilet.  As he finished relieving himself he heard a knocking at his door.

“Mister Blackstar?” Came a voice from behind his door.

“In a minute!”  Sev replied.  He quickly got off the porcelain throne, flushed, and moved to the sink to wash his hooves.  ‘Seriously!  How the hell am I turning the knob with these things?’  he asked himself.  He dried his hooves and moved to the door.  There, he was greeted by Proper Etiquette.

“Mister Blacktar I presume?” The well mannered stallion began.

“Correct, may I have the pleasure of knowing who I’m being addressed by?” Sev replied as he mimicked the butler pony’s mannerisms.

“I am Proper Etiquette, I was sent here by the Princess to inform you that you are expected at the Royal carriage in one hour.”

“I’ll be there.”  Sev said as he returned to his regular mannerism.  “I’m never late.”

One hour later, royal carriage

Sev met the solar princess at the royal carriage.

“Good morning.” She greeted him “I trust the accommodations were to your liking?” She asked.

“They most certainly were, I haven’t slept  like that in weeks.” He smiled. “So are we ready for liftoff then?”

“Actually, there will be one more pony coming with us.”

“Oh, and who might that be Princess?” Sev  was smiling inside, he realized that Princess Luna had kept up her end of the bargain. ‘Well, it looks like I’m going to be giving proper speech lessons to a Princess’ he thought.

“You brother, Blue Cross will be joining us, I’m not sure why, Luna said it was something about-“

“Good morning Princess, good morning Blackstar!”  Rex exclaimed as he interrupted the white alicorn.  A grin plastered on his face because of the shher incredulousness of the situation.  ‘How the hell did he convince Luna to let me go?  I mean she’s a nice girl and all when you get to know her, but she’s a bit stubborn when you get down to it.’ He thought

“Are we ready then Princess?”  The Pegasus chariot fliers asked as Celestia, Sev and Rex boarded the carriage.

“Yes, please commence the ride.” She said

One royal carriage ride later

The royal carriage touched down at Ponyville and Sev and Rex piled out, they were followed by Celestia.  They were greeted by a large crowd of ponies who came to greet Celestia.  Through the crowd emerged a purple unicorn who immediately ran up to the princess.

“Princess Celestia! She exclaimed!”

End Chapter-Author's note

If the chapter seems crappier than normal its because it didn't go through pre reading, which is because I'm over seas now and internet access is sporadic at best.  Sorry for the long wait.  Next chapter won't be out for a while.

That awkward moment when you physically assault someone important

Chapter Eleven

"Twilight Sparkle!" Princess Celestia said as a purple unicorn ran up to her.

Sev saw the purple unicorn running up to the solar princess and immediately assessed her as a threat.

'Oh fuck no!' Sev thought 'This bitch hasn't paid me, no fuckin' way am I letting her die yet!'

With this, he sprung into action, he quickly tackled the town librarian and forced her to the ground, slamming her head forcefully on the dirt path as he did so.  Celestia, who was watching mouth agape all this while, finally decided to remind the nearby ponies of her existence.

"Blackfire!" She exclaimed.  "What do you think you are doing?" Her voice incredulous.

"Get back, Princess!" Sev exclaimed, the urgency in his voice rising from the threat of losing his meal ticket.  "There may be more assassins in the crowd!  Quick! Back to the carriage!"

"Blackfire, release that mare at once!" Celestia ordered, her voice taking a no-nonsense tone.

Sev complied and released Twilight from the submission hold he had her in, helping her back onto her hooves as he did so. 'The customer is always right I suppose,' he thought, 'but if this unicorn bitch tries anything I'm breaking her neck.’

"Blackfire, the mare you just assaulted is my own personal student, Twilight Sparkle."

Sev's eyes widened, the words 'oh' and 'shit' played through his head repeatedly at this revelation.  He quickly lowered his head and bowed to the white alicorn.

"My sincerest apologies Princess.  Such a mistake is unacceptable and should be dealt with accordingly, I ask for your forgiveness."

Celestia raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not the only one you should apologize to."

Sev rolled his eyes mentally. 'Are you fucking kidding me?! Is she really going to make me apologize for this shit?  Actually, this kinda makes sense I guess, what with public relations and what not.' He turned to face the mare he had just tackled.

"Miss Sparkle" he began, " I suppose that I may have used excessive force; I sincerely apologize for this recent misunderstanding."

"It's alright, it was just a misunderstanding." Twilight smiled, it was pained, and she winced as a cut she had received when Sev tackled her began stinging.

Twilight moved to hug the solar Princess. Celestia smiled as she returned the hug that was given to her. Sev and Rex raised their eyebrows at this, but quickly returned their facial expressions to the neutral ones they were prior to landing.  Sev moved in front of the princess to pave a path through the crowd.

"Alright folks, get moving.  Nothing to see here," Sev said, donning his best 'enforcer' look.  He scowled at everyone and growled as he spoke.  Most of the ponies merely laughed at his attempted show of force; some, who were smart enough to recall the event that had passed minutes ago, decided that it would be in their best interests to heed the black pegasus. Princess Celestia also chuckled at Sev's display.

"Blackfire, what are you doing?" She asked

"Clearing a path to maximize safety for your highness," he responded, slightly nervous with the recent turn of events.

'Shit, did I fuck up again?' he wondered, now beginning to question his actions.

"There is no need for that, Blackfire," Princess Celestia chuckled.

Sev was dumbfounded.  He'd heard of leaders who trusted their subjects, but this was rather ridiculous.  A crowd this size could easily contain multiple assassins.  He of all people should know.  Crowds were ideal for assassinations.  Large groups made disappearing easier and the ensuing chaos would practically guarantee an easy escape.  He was, at present, as far as the princess was concerned a bodyguard.  He was supposed to do just that, guard her body. If she died he wouldn't get paid. He couldn't just let his meal ticket die, so he decided to voice his concerns.  "But Princess," he began, "What if you get attacked by someone in the crowd?"

Celestia noticed his usage of someone rather than somepony, but decided to overlook it.

"Blackfire, I can assure you that none of my little ponies would want to wish me harm." Princess Celestia smiled at Sev as she said this.

Sev felt a glimmer of warmth and joy in his otherwise usually cold heart from this sight. Celestia's smile reassured him that nothing would go wrong and that he should have faith in his 'fellow' ponies.  Nonetheless, Sev could not allow this to happen. He took a moment to try and come up with a way to tilt the situation in his favor.

'Based on what I've gathered, the Princess here is kind and benevolent.  She seems to look down on her subjects like a mother would a child.  I only really saw any form of military or law enforcement while I was in the capital city during what they believed to be a hostile alien attack on the royal family, so this implies a rather peaceful society.  Based on this, I'd think that conflict is generally looked down upon here, unlike back home where it was just overlooked and was really only the business of those involved.  So, maybe if I show concern for the Princess' wellbeing and make it look like I'm seriously worrying for her safety, I'll be able to reach out to that assumed motherly side and make her feel sorry, then; to alleviate my concerns and appease me she will allow me to pave a path through his crowd for her.  There is no way I'm letting some motherfucker kill my meal ticket.  Besides, if she dies while I'm on the job my reputation'll be fucked and nobody's gonna wanna hire me.' All of this went through Sev's mind in less than a second. With a plan in mind he decided to use his legendary bullshittery skills.

Sev pulled on his best resigned face, his eyes conveying a defeated attitude, his lips curved downward, his voice, submissive.

"Princess," Sev began, "if you'd rather I not pave a path through the crowd, then I will happily obey you; however, it would put my mind at ease if you  would kindly oblige me this and allow me to clear us a path.  I can understand your trusting of your subjects, but I'd prefer to expose you to as little risk as possible."

A look of annoyance briefly flashed across Celestia's face; it disappeared, but not before Sev noticed it.

'He's doing what every guard has done. This routine is getting annoying, but I suppose it's for the best.  That changeling invasion from Cadence's wedding won't let me forget that I'm not omnipotent, despite what most ponies may think. Still, I will need to have a talk with him about this.' Celestia resigned to Sev's request mentally.  She sighed and began speaking.

"Blackfire, I can understand your concern, and seeing as this is your first day on the job, I suppose I'll allow it this time.  You are permitted to make a path through this crowd."

Sev cheered mentally, but his facial expression only slightly changed.

"Thank you Princess." With that, he turned to face the crowd, only to see that a path had already been made.

'Oh, what the hell!' Sev thought.  'I went through all that bullshit to get authorization to make a path, and I don’t even get to make it!' He sighed. 'Well whatever, I'm still getting paid in the end.'

"Princess, are we ready to move then?"

"Yes, in a moment." She turned to face Rex.  "Blue Cross, I trust you are aware of the current situation?"

"But of course, Princess.  Your sister informed me of my temporary transfer to the Ponyville hospital.  I trust my pay isn't being changed any?"

Celestia laughed. "Of course not, Blue Cross," she began, “you are still considered a member of the royal medical staff, you've simply changed location is all."

"Additionally, Princess Luna made me her student so to speak, she was providing me with lessons on the magical arts, might I inquire as to what will become of my lessons?  She had to go to night court before I could ask her."

"Blue Cross, you are here as a member of the royal medical staff, not as the student of Princess Luna.  You should feel free to study magic in your spare time, but do not forget your reason for being here," Princess Celestia admonished before turning to face Twilight.  "Twilight, would you be willing to give Blue Cross a tour of Ponyville?  He's going to be here for a few weeks and it would be best if he knew where everything is."

"Of course, Princess." Twilight smiled.

Celestia then turned to face Rex, she levitated a bag of bits to him.  "Use these to find a place to stay."

"Thank you Princess, but before I go, I left my first aid kit in the carriage. I'm going to go retrieve it." With this, he bowed and went to the carriage.

Celestia then turned towards Sev, who was watching her intently, and nodded.  Sev took the cue and began walking through the path that had been formed in the sea of ponies, Celestia following immediately behind him.  The crowd dispersed nearly immediately after their departure.

Twilight turned to face Rex.  "Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle. I'm the local librarian here in Ponyville." She offered the orange unicorn her hoof.

Rex took her hoof and firmly shook it, then looked down, into her eyes.  "Blue Cross, temporary employee at Ponyville Hospital," he said.

"Well then, let's get going." She smiled again but quickly winced from the pain.

"With all due respect Miss Sparkle, your face looks like crap.  You have multiple lacerations and on top of that, not only are you bleeding, your horn is also chipped.  Blackfire really messed you up.  Miss Sparkle I feel obligated to provide you with assistance, so before we begin our tour I would like to ask you to follow me to that bench over there." Rex said, gesturing towards a nearby park.

Twilight sighed, resigned, she agreed and they both began making their way into the park.  As were walking, Rex decided to initiate the conversation.

"So Miss Sparkle, what do you do for fun around here?"

"Well, as I said, I'm the town librarian, so I usually read in my spare time. But sometimes I conduct magical experiments and send my reports in to the Royal Canterlot University.  Aside from that I also have some friends around town."

"The Royal Canterlot University?  Impressive." Rex nodded his head as he played along, hoping that the Royal Canterlot University really was a place of merit.

"Oh, it's nothing really," Twilight said, blushing as she did so.  She winced again as a cold gust of wind blew by, causing her cuts to sting.

Rex's face brightened up as they reached the bench.

"Now, Miss Sparkle, if you would be so kind as to take a seat, we can get started with this little procedure."

Twilight sat down on the bench, folding her legs under herself as she did so.

'So that how they sit here. Interesting,' Rex thought. 'Wait, if they curl their legs under themselves then what is the point of the bench?  A mat would do the same thing!'

Rex shook his head to clear his mind and reached for his First Aid kit. He opened it and reached for the antiseptic.

"Now Miss Sparkle, hold still, this may sting a bit." He took the antiseptic in his hoof and sprayed it onto the librarian's face. Twilight winced as the antiseptic took effect.  Rex then reached for some band-aids. He opened their packets and applied them.

"Now I know you probably could have done that yourself, but it's a psychological thing for me.  I prefer not seeing others hurt while I'm off duty."

"Duty?  Were you in the royal guard?"

Rex's eyes momentarily widened as he realized his verbal slip.

He rubbed the back of his neck with his hoof while he made an amendment to his earlier statement. "Oh, err no.  When I said off duty I meant as in while I'm on break or on vacation."

There was an awkward moment of silence before it was quickly shattered, this time by Twilight.

"So you said you were Princess Luna's student?"

"Oh, well, I wouldn't exactly say student.  I just had a quick lesson in magic from her last night and she agreed to teach me more whenever she saw me next. Unfortunately, with my transfer to the Ponyville Hospital I won't be receiving my lessons anytime soon.  Oh well, I suppose that I'll just continue them when I return to Canterlot."

"Anyways Miss Sparkle let's get his tour started."

"Oh right, yeah let's get started right away, and please, call me Twilight; there's no need for titles among friends." She smiled as she said the last part.

"In that case, please call me Blue, all my friends do." Rex smiled as he said the last part.  'Well that's another thing I'm going to have to keep track of and another thing I'm going to have to tell the squad.' As he found himself getting lost in thought he didn't notice Twilight trotting away.

"Blue!" she called. "Are you coming?"

"Oh sorry!" came the response. Rex began trotting at brisk pace to catch up to Twilight.

As they made their way through town, Twilight listed the buildings and occasionally the owners, along with her recommendations.  Eventually they came upon a massive tree in the middle of town.

"This is The Books and Branches Library. I live here with my assistant Spike. If you ever need a book to read or want to talk, be sure to stop by.  Well, anyways, let's keep moving." The purple unicorn continued trotting, past the library and towards a building with a sign shaped like a dancing mare hanging from its front.  "This is The Dancing Mare. It’s the one of the local bars and it provides lodging, but I usually don't visit it. The stallions inside are usually really touchy." The librarian donned a look of distaste on her face as she said the last part.

"Bad experience?" Rex asked.

"You could say that," responded Twilight, a cross expression on her face. "Anyways let's keep moving."

"Look, I know I'm still basically a stranger, but want to talk about it?"

"NO!" Twilight spat out forcefully.

"Alright, sorry, didn't mean to offend." Rex stepped back, surprised by the librarian's outburst.

"It's alright, let's just keep moving. Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, I just don't like this place."

"No problem, I apologize as well, this was a touchy subject and I had no right to ask you about it."

The duo continued moving until they arrived at the Town Hall.

"This is the Town Hall.  If you're ever planning on moving here you should check in with Mayor Mare."

She then moved to what looked to be a house made of gingerbread.

"This is Sugarcube Corner. One of the best bakeries in town.  They have some of the best cupcakes I've ever had.  Would you like something to eat?"

"Oh no, I couldn't, we've just met and-" Rex was interrupted by the growling of his own stomach. 'Right, I didn't have breakfast this morning. Curse you stomach.' "Actually a snack right now sounds lovely," he amended.

Twilight walked into the building and Rex followed.  They were greeted by a plump sky blue mare with a pink mane.

"Hello Twilight, who's your friend?" she asked.

"Hello Mrs.Cake.  This is the new doctor at the hospital, I'm just showing him around town." Twilight responded.

"Temporary," Rex interjected.  He then took Mrs. Cake's hoof in his and kissed it. "Blue Cross, a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Cake."

Mrs.Cake blushed. "Please, call me Cup." She giggled.

"So Mrs.Cake, is Pinkie in?" Twilight interrupted.

"Oh, sorry dear, you just missed her.  She stepped out a while ago with Rainbow Dash.  Something about Ghastly Gorge.  I do hope they'll be careful, that place is full of nasty monsters. Is that all dear?"

"Actyally Mrs.Cake, could I have two vanilla cupcakes please?"

"Of course dear, here you go."

As Twilight attempted to levitate the appropriate amount of bits to the counter she found her payment being rejected by the blue baker.

"Now Twilight, you know I can't take payment for a pair of cupcakes from one of Pinkie's best friends!"

"Oh, alright then.  Bye Mrs.Cake!"Twilight smiled as she began making her way out of the bakery, Rex following in her wake.  As soon as they were a safe distance from the bakery, Twilight turned to Rex.

"Alright, now let's go to the hospital."

"Yeah, knowing where I'm going to work would probably be a useful tidbit of information."

They continued teotting for a bit, eating their cupcakes as they went until they arrived at the hospital where they were greeted by a frantic looking, white earth pony with a pink mane.

"Hello Nurse Redheart, what's wrong?"

"Some dark blue stallion just brought in Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, then beat our head of staff senseless before we sedated him.  He kept yelling something about scorching something and a ghost. Additionally, a white pegasus stallion was brought in by Vinyl Scratch. He’s believed to have sustained a severe case of blunt force trauma.”

Twilight gasped and Rex just yawned.

"Nurse Redheart, was it? My name is Blue Cross. I've been transferred here from Canterlot.  I'm not supposed to start until tomorrow but I suppose I've got nothing better to do. I'll patch them up, just show me the patients."

Eight hours earlier-Zeta Campsite

Scorch woke up to the sound of frantic beeping. He tried to move but found that his limbs felt as though they weighed tons. He tried speaking but found that he could not. His throat was utterly parched and he could do nothing. He opened his eyes but found that he could see only red.

'Is this hell?' Scorch wondered. 'Heh, isn't that ironic. I do dangerous things all the time. I've stopped alien invasions, started civil wars, I've slaughtered thousands for money. I've been on missions where I was basically signing a suicide note by putting my name on the contract, but I ended up getting killed by my best friend while I'm off duty. Still, didn't think that hell would just be a bunch of red and beeping noises. I was expecting something a little hotter. Besides, if this is hell, where are the demons with the massive penises? You get anally raped in hell, right? Oh wait, that's jail. Still this seems a bit anticlimactic. I was hoping for something a little more religious. Guess that hobo pastor who always ranted in front of the academy about how we were 'doing the devil's work' really was spewing a bunch of shit. Y'know, hell isn't so bad.  This numb feeling all over my body is kind of nice.' His train of thought was interrupted by the sounds of the frantic voices of his teammates.

"Shit!" Farshot yelled "Fixer! He's destabilizing!  What do I do?"

'Wait, is that Farshot?' Scorch thought 'shit, I guess I'm not dead after all. So I guess that moment of acceptance I just had doesn't really matter anymore.'

'...' Ghost interrupted.

'Bwah! Ghost! How the hell did you get in here? These are my goddamn thoughts!'

'...'

'Wait so the red shit I was seeing was eye scabs? That's kinda gross.'

'...'

'Could you get the rest of the team?'

'...'

'Well, why the fuck not?!'

'...'

'You're an asshole! And what the hell do you mean by plot development?'

'...'

'Fuck you! I don't need this shit! This is my head! I'm gonna go pay attention to reality!'

"Readminister the d-drug Rex showed you!" Fixer stammered. He was trying to get to his hooves but found the change in his biology to be disorienting, falling down repeatedly before he was finally able to stand.  The fruits of his labor were rapidly consumed by insects as a yelled response from Farshot was enough to startle him and make him fall again.

"We ran out of that shit three hours ago!" Farshot yelled as his search through the First Aid kits for the stabilizing medicine turned up empty.

"Hey! Shniper asshole," Misha slurred, "give bomb idiot alcohol. Alcohol fix everything!"

"Fuck off, Misha! Scorch is going to die and you aren't sober enough to do anything useful!"

"What the fuck you shay?"

Farshot trotted up to Misha and jabbed a hoof in front of his face.

"Listen, you fucking drunk bastard, our teammate is going to fucking die and you're too goddamn drunk to do anything useful.  The goddamn fucking least you could do is shut the goddamn hell up and stay out of my fucking way."

Misha drew an irritated expression on his face and proceeded to walk away from Farshot, towards some crates that were stacked nearby. He came back a few minutes later with a bottle in his mouth.  He moved the bottle to one side of his mouth and spat out the cork. He then poured its contents down Scorch's open mouth.

"Misha! Kad yelled. "Alcohol is a blood thinner! You've probably just further reduced his survival probability! Why can't you follow orders!?"

"Shniper asshole ish not bossh. He not able to give me ordersh. Besides, I not give him just any alcohol, I give him Praen wine."

"Praen wine? That sounds familiar. I think Rex might have mentioned it once," Kad said.

"It make people heal fashter."

To emphasize his point, the beeping that had once been frantic immediately stopped and resumed at a much lower speed.

"Son of a blaster," Kad said

"Alcohol is best medicine!" Misha yelled immediately before stumbling back into the pile of crates filled with intergalactic beverages.

"A-anyone seen Ghost?" Fixer asked.

"Goddamnit! We solve one fucking problem and end up having to deal with another right off the fucking bat! I'm gonna go find that bastard before I pop a fucking blood vessel." With that, Farshot stormed off, hoping to find Ghost before their planetary presence was compromised.

End Chapter

Stomp em in da nuts, well, not really the nuts, but you get the idea.

Last time on Pony by Day, Mercenary by Night

Misha: Ghost, I think I’m pregnant, AND YOU’RE THE FATHER!

Ghost: …

Chapter Nine

Kad had made his way back to the camp site; his mad charge toward the manticore had left a prominent trail in the forest, so his return took a few minutes at most with a full-on sprint.  He came back to see Scorch throwing the ‘alien blunt’ into the campfire.

“HAH, TAKE THAT MOTHERFUCKER!” Scorch yelled.

The blunt immediately combusted and engulfed the campsite in a sparkling light blue haze.  The members of Zeta squad coughed and hacked as they tried to put on their helmets, but to no avail as they all proceeded to fall unconscious.

Three hours later

Misha lied unaware of what was going on around him, peacefully dreaming in his drunken stupor.  He was the first to awaken.  He winced as he slowly opened his eyes to the barrage of sunlight that assaulted them.  He raised his hand to shield his eyes, only to see a royal purple hoof in its place.

“What in hell did I do last night?”  he asked himself.  “Did I let bomb idiot talk me into hitting on Farshot again?”

His response was a groan coming from a midnight blue pegasus.  ‘Is this one of the ponies boss was talking about?  Well, we shall see if I get free booze for a week now!’

Farshot awoke with a jump; he rubbed his head as he tried to get his bearings.  ‘This feels weird,’ he thought to himself. ‘Am I rubbing myself with my fist?’  He turned his head only to be met with the sight of a midnight blue hoof. “SHIT!” he screamed.  Misha winced at the volume, he was starting to regret drinking so much as he looked at the bottles of absinthe scattered around him, but then he remembered how fun being drunk was and settled for simply bitching at the blue pony to keep quiet.

“Hey, blue pony!” Misha slurred. “Keep volume down!  My hangover is bad enough already!” he yelled, wincing as he finished.

“Shit, Misha? Is that you?”  Farshot asked.

“Farshot?”

“What the fuck happened?  I bet Scorch did this!  When I get my hands on that bastard I’m gonna-“

“FARSHOT.” Misha raised his voice to a louder volume, just below what would cause him another headache.

“And then I’m gonna pull his dick out his ass!  And then-“

“FARSHOT!”  Misha yelled, wincing at his own volume again.

“WHAT!?” Farshot yelled back, causing Misha to wince yet again at the headache that was forming.

“Bomb idiot is over there,” Misha began, pointing a hoof towards a forest green pony.  “Another question, how would you pull dick out ass?  Is it not physically impossible?”

“Rex showed me how; it’s actually not that hard.  First you gotta-”

“Farshot, shut the hell up, I do not need nasty mental images, my head hurts enough as it is.”

“Alright, whatever bitch, Imma go wake Scorch up now.”  Farshot then proceeded to trot up to Scorch and lightly slap his cheek until he woke up.

“Hmm, whuzza?  Five more minutes boss, please don’t shoot me,”  Scorch mumbled in his sleep.

“WAKE UP ASSHOLE!”  Farshot yelled.

“I’M UP! I’M UP! “

“Welcome back to the land of the living Scorch, not sure how much longer you’ll be staying with us though.”

“Shit, WHAT THE HELL?  Farshot?  Is that you?  What the hell happened?”

“You decided it was a good idea to throw your little blunt into the campfire and we all got turned into ponies, I’m gonna biomorph back to human form right after I-“

“Hold up, so that blunt turned us into ponies?  That’s fucking awesome!”

“Yeah, and you’re gonna be a pony with his dick pulled out his ass.”

“How the hell would you even do that?”

“Well it’s actually pretty simple.  Y’see first you’ve gotta-“

“Jesus!  Farshot!  Can you just kick shit out of him already?” Misha yelled

“Works for me.”  Farshot smiled.

Stomp em in Da Nuts

With this, he punched Scorch across the face with his hoof.  A crack could be heard as his jaw broke.  Scorch spat out some blood and a tooth.  Farshot then stomped on Scorch’s forelegs, breaking them.  Scorch hissed in pain, all four of his limbs were now broken and he was completely immobile.  The most he could do to get away was slowly crawl, but even that turned out to be futile as Farshot stomped on Scorch’s back, stopping him from moving.  He then proceeded to strike Scorch all over his body.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Scorch wheezed, coughing up some blood as his ribs were broken.

“Oh, you’ve just dug your own grave now.” Farshot whispered, a manic grin splaying across his face.

One excruciatingly painful beating later

“My blood!  Oh god it’s everywhere!” Scorch cried.

“Not done with you yet, faggot!” responded Farshot.

“OH GOD!  NOT THE BEES!”

Misha simply curled up and tried to cover his ears as Scorch got the shit kicked out of him, vainly trying to block out his screams and mitigate his headache.

One hour of beatings later

Kad awoke and slowly opened his eyes, gently allowing light to enter them.  He was greeted by the sounds of bones breaking, Farshot laughing, and Scorch screaming.

‘Sounds like Farshot is kicking Scorch’s ass again,’ He thought to himself.  ‘Well, let’s see the damage.’ He moved what he believed to be his arm was greeted by a yellow hoof.  He was startled to say the least, but did not jump.  ‘A hoof, I’ll bet this was from that shit Scorch threw into the fire.’  He raised his eyes to the sight or a navy blue pegasus pulling something out of a forest green earth pony’s rectum. ‘So if my guess is correct, the navy blue one is Farshot, and the green one is Scorch.’  He then shifted his view a bit to the side and he saw a purple ball of fur.  “As usual, the one in a fetal position is Misha.  Oh god, what the hell is he pulling out of there anyway?’

“My dick!  WAAAAAGHHH!!!”

The color drained from Kad’s rather vibrant yellow face as he heard those words.  ‘Oh god, how’s that even possible?’

‘Well, looks like I was right about Farshot beating Scorch.  What was protocol for this kind of situation again?  Oh yeah, Article seven, section thirteen footnote B, presiding squad leader or commanding officer must break up any infighting between squad members.  Since I’m in charge I guess it’s my job to break this shit up.’ He sighed.

He attempted to get up, but found that he was being prevented from moving by a gray foreleg.  He turned around to face the owner, only to find it belonged to a unicorn that had cuddled up to him and was at present nuzzling his chest.  Oh god, wait, if the blue one is Farshot, the green one is Scorch, and the purple one is Misha, then…Crap, I was spooning with Fixer.’  Fixer let out a soft sigh and nuzzled a bit harder into Kad’s chest, his horn gently ticking Kad’s throat.  ‘Damn, looks like I’ve gotta do this carefully, don’t need a tracheotomy or anything.’

He slowly began moving but was stopped as Fixer nuzzled him again.  ‘Jesus!  What the hell happened last night?  Well, whatever, time to get back to work.’  With this, he slowly removed himself from Fixer’s grasp and slowly made his way to a nearby fallen branch.  ‘Alright, how the hell am I supposed to grab this thing with hooves?’  After contemplating his dilemma for a good five minutes, he finally decided to grab the branch with his teeth.  ‘God this is disgusting,’ he thought.  He slowly made his way behind Farshot and-

“Asshole!  LITERALLY!  HAHA!” Farshot yelled to a beaten Scorch.  *Thud

“GODDAMNIT!”  he yelled as he fell to the ground clutching his head in his hooves.  “Shit, man!  What was that? A branch or something?”

“Actually, yes.”

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT?”

“You were killing Scorch.”

“LOOK AT WHAT HE DID!’

“Biomorphing back doesn’t take more than two minutes.”

“Good point.  Yo, Scorch, sorry for beating the crap out of you and pulling your dick out your ass, we cool?”

*no response*

“Yo Scorch, you alright?!” Farshot asked, slightly panicking now.

“SCORCH!  Wake the hell up man!”  Farshot was in a full blown panic by this point and his heart rate had skyrocketed.  As he tried to prod Scorch into waking he found that his eyesight had become filled with the message “Biomorph Engaging” in green-block print.

‘What the hell?’  He thought ‘If my armor’s actin’ up it’s usually a bad thing.  It’s probably related to the alien blunt, but how the hell did a flower fuck up my armor systems?’  Farshot was now back to his human form, thoroughly befuddled by the recent turn of events.  “Yo Fixer, my armor’s actin’ up,” he said. “Fix?”  He turned his head to see a gray unicorn sleeping on the floor, now nuzzling a log.

With a groan Scorch opened his eyes.  “What the hell happened?”  he asked.  He then remembered everything that had happened.  Fixer and Farshot breaking his legs under Kad’s orders, which was fine by him because they were just following orders and he’d had both of his legs broken plenty of times before.  He tried to move but a searing pain in his chest forced him back down as he coughed up a splotch of blood.  Then he remembered the vicious beating he had received from Farshot.  ‘Jesus, that guy is a fucking animal,’ he thought to himself.  He tried to call for help, but all that escaped from his throat was a raspy gurgle.

“Scorch?!”  came the sound of a desperate and pleasantly surprised voice.  “OH THANK GOD!”  the voice said as Scorch found himself being picked up and hugged.  Scorch coughed up more blood as he was brought into a bone crushing hug, not that there were any uncrushed bones in his body.

“Farshot, put Scorch down before you cause anymore damage.”

“Oh, sorry Scorch.”  Farshot sounded desperate.  “Look man, I’m sorry I did this to you, I was just so mad.  I think its cuz we were stranded here.  Then Ghost’s outburst didn’t really help either.  On top of that, when you threw the blunt into the fire and we all passed out, I think I just lost it when I saw that we had all been turned into ponies.  So again man, I’m really sorry about doing that to you, I don’t know what I’d do if I found that I’d actually HURT you, y’know, cuz we’re bros, all of us.  But you me’n Fixer, we go WAAAY back.”

“Yeah, I remember all that shit we did in Vegas before we got drafted,”  Scorch said as he chuckled, failing to do so and coughing up blood instead of chuckling.  “Side’s you did WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY worse that time I hit on your sister”

“Shit, we’ve gotta get you patched up man,” Farshot said. “And yeah, if you hit on my sister again, I swear to god, I will cut off your dick and feed it to you.”

“No shit?”  Scorch said in a surprised tone “The thought never occurred to me.  Oh, but just so you know bro, you kinda crossed the line, so I’m still gonna get you back for this right?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”  Farshot said, sadly smiling.  “Hold up, I gotta tell boss about this, we’re gonna need Rex here ASAP, I REALLY fucked you up.”

“Dude, what happened?  I can’t see shit and I don’t remember getting hit in my eyes or on the back of my head?  Oh, and my dick feels as though it’s in searing pain and I feel as though something got shoved up my ass.”

“I’ll answer those one at a time.  One, your eyes are covered by blood, they’ve scabbed over. Two and three, I’m gonna need you to promise not to freak out over this.”

“Alright, I promise,”  Scorch nervously said.

“I pulled your dick out your ass.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?”

“Don’t worry!  Rex showed me how to fix it; he also showed me how to do it.  Relax; you’ll still be able to have kids.  So just try to keep screaming down to a minimum while I fix it.”

“Okay,” Scorch whimpered.

A loud scream filled the air of the forest and a flock of birds could be seen taking flight as their ears were assaulted by a disturbance the loudness of which had never been heard before.

One excruciatingly painful penile operation later

Tears were seeping out of Scorch’s eye-scabs as the ‘operation’ was finished.  Farshot brought up the communications array in his helmet’s HUD.

“Err, boss?”  he asked.

“What is it?  I was just going to sleep,” came Sev’s reply.

“Can you send Rex to our current location?  I REALLY fucked up Scorch in a fight.” Farshot replied as he sent his current location relative to Sev’s via their squad communications array.

“Is he still alive?”

“Yeah.”

“Any permanent damage?”

“No idea, that’s why I’m really worried.”

“You?  Worried?  Damn, Now I’M concerned.  If you’re worried, then he must be really fucked up.”

“So boss, can you?”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Canterlot Castle

Sev had found Rex trotting back to his room, he hailed the orange doctor.

“Rex,” Sev called “We’ve got a problem.  Scorch and Farshot got into a fight and Scorch got really fucked up.  They aren’t situated too far from that town that I’m going to be headed to tomorrow.  I want you to come with me tomorrow, and find a way to get to them.  Don’t worry about getting there; I’ll see if I can get Celestia to allow you to tag along. In the meanwhile, contact Farshot or anyone else on the squad, and give then instructions on how to stabilize Socrch

“Alright boss.”

With this, Sev left to find Celestia.

End Chapter

Okay, so I know that not much happened in this chapter, aside from a rather painful beating, but on the bright side, PONYVILLE NEXT CHAPTER!