One Crazy Day

by Frank Sinatra

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy
Length: 2131

Six shorts, detailing one strange day in Ponyville.

Six shorts, detailing one strange day in Ponyville. They're readable separately, but all tie together.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-25 02:50:05 UTC

Applejack's Amazing Abacus

It was a bright and sunny day down on the Sweet Apple Acres farm. The birds were singing and the bees were buzzing. The warm sun shone down upon the fields and the trees, and onto a familiar brown hat, worn by a familiar orange pony.

Applejack was her name, and farming apples, well, that was her game. Today was a very important day as Applejack had to take stock of how many apples she had picked. Unfortunately, this year, as with every year, Applejack had a slight problem. You see, Applejack isn't very good with fancy mathematics. Rumor has it that she can only count to six, but that is just a silly rumor and totally unfounded. We join Applejack as she and Big Mac prepare for the count to begin.

"Well here we are again big brother. It's that time of the year that Ah just dread! Stock countin' time." Applejack sighed and looked at the vast baskets full of apples she and Mac had bucked.

"Eeyup, same prublem every year fer you but this year? This year will be differunt," Mac told her with a smile on his face.

Applejack looked at Mac quizzically. "Wut do yer mean big brother? Ah taint had time to be practicing mah mathematics. Besides, this year has been so busy!"

Mac smiled at her. "Eyup, busy year all right but Ah know how yer always be losing count when yer counting, wut with all them apples that look the same thar, so Ah dun bought yer a li'l gift." Mac pulled out a small device from his backpack.

Applejack examined the device. It was a small framed box with beads affixed on to several metal rods. "Wut in tarnayshuns is this?" she asked.

Mac chuckled. "Ah thunk its called an Abacus li'l sister. It's to help yer keep count of them apples. Wut yer do is each apple yer count you move a li'l bead here across and that is that apple accounted fer. This way, if yer lose count in yer head, you can jus check this har abacus and it'll tell yer where ye wuz in yer countin."

Applejack looked at the device closely. "Well Ah'll be a sunnavagun, wut will them thar science folks thunk up next! Well thank ye kindly big brother, thank ye kindly indeed."

Mac smiled and started to walk off. "Eyup," he said, "Tho yer should be thanking Miss Twilight really as she's the one dun gave me the thang. Well, I'm off ter plow the fields, good luck li'l sis!" And he disappeared from sight.

Applejack looked at the device yet again and smiled. "So Ah jus move these har beads huh... sounds simple enough." She placed the Abacus down onto a tree stump and began to count her apples.

"One, two, three apples. Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, te-" At that moment Apple Bloom turned up and bounced up and down in front of her sister.

"Sis Sis! Can I go and play with Sweetie Belle and Scoot now?" Apple Bloom pleaded. "Sh Ah dun finished all mah chores like yer told me!" she said excitedly.

Applejack stopped. "Of course yer can Apple Bloom! Jus stay outa trubble kay?" she said. Apple Bloom nodded and ran happily off. Applejack sighed. "Now where wuz I? Gushdarnit Ah lost my count... oh yeah Ah'll just..." She turned to the Abacus and realized she had forgot to move the beads. "Oops silly me, supposed ter move these li'l thangs when ahm countin." She put the apples back. "OK, here we go again," she said.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven..."

Each count moving across a bead. Applejack smiled to herself. In the distance she could hear the sound of a music playing. The music was cheerful but strangely out of tune. She tried to focus. "Nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two..."

The music got louder and closer. Applejack looked up and saw Pinkie Pie playing her instruments getting closer until she was right up close to Applejack.

"Hey Applejack, whatcha doing?" Pinkie stopped playing long enough to get her sentence out.

Applejack looked at her with a glare. "Wut duz it look like Ahm doing, Pinkie? It's apple countin' day and ahm TRYING ter count these har apples. So ahm a li'l busy ter play with yew today."

Pinkie smiled and shrugged. "Okey dokey lokey, well I'll just be on my way then and -" She suddenly stopped mid sentence and gasped. "Wow! That looks like a really cool instrument Applejack! Can I try it?" she blurted out.

Applejack looked confused. "Instrument? Wut the hay are you talkin' about, Pinkie?"

Pinkie rushed over and grabbed the abacus. "This thing, silly," she said, and began to shake the abacus about. Applejack's eyes widened. "See See! It makes a shaky shaky sound, just like maracas! Hey you could help me with my music with this!" Pinkie chuckled in delight. Applejack's eyes watched in horror as the beads shook back and forth, she began to get dizzy. She shook her head to regain her senses and grabbed the abacus off of Pinkie in a huff.

"Dagnabbit Pinkie! Yew made all the numbers get all jumbled up. Now Ah done gone lost where I was!" she shouted.

Pinkie frowned. "I have no idea what you are talking about Applejack, but does that mean you don't wanna be in my music band?"

Applejack pushed Pinkie by the flank and off of the farm. "Pinkie Pie, Ah'll play with yer tomorrow, okay? Now git!"

Pinkie looked down but then smiled. "Okey dokey, tomorrow it is!" She then bounced off happily down the lane. Applejack returned to her apples.

"Right. Now that's over with." Applejack started to count again. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight..."

With each number she pushed a bead across again. Minutes passed.

"Sixty-three, sixty-four, sixty-five, sixty-six, sixty-sev-" Before she could get the seven out a blue blur flashed past her and she barely had time to blink. "Wut in the?" She was about to look when a huge wall of hair hit her in the face, spilling her apples everywhere and knocking her, causing her to fly back. Dazed and confused she lay there a second and then looked up. Rainbow Dash stood above her appearing embarrassed but having a grin on her face.

"Heh, um, sorry about that Applejack," Rainbow Dash apologized. "I was trying out a new trick and I thought I'd try it out here as there's no ponies to get in the way. I didn't see you until it was too late." She grinned wider. "Cool trick though, huh? I call it the Bitchin' Backdraft an-" Before she could get another word Applejack's faced turned red with anger.

"RAINBOW DASH!" Applejack interrupted in a yell. "You are such a gosh darn pain in mah flank at times! Look wat yer did ter mah apples you reckless dingbat."

Rainbow Dash gulped. "Uh, sorry Applejack. But don't worry, I'll pick them all up in ten seconds flat for you!"

She did too. Rainbow Dash moved like a blur placing all the apples back in the basket. You could not ever tell it had happened.

Applejack stared at her. "Thanks an' all, now git an' go practice sumwhere else for today will ye," she said.

Rainbow Dash slowly backed away. "Um, yeah, I'll do that, seeya!" she responded and flew off into the sky.

Applejack mumbled and sat back down. She looked at the abacus, it was lying on its side and all jumbled. Applejack's eyes squinted in anger. She realized that since all the apples were back in the baskets it didn't matter anyway and she screamed out loud "ARGHHH DAGNABBIT!" and facehoofed at the realization.

"Ah have ter start all over AGAIN!" she grumbled. Applejack sighed and began to count once more.

"One, two, three, four -" Applejack sneezed suddenly and her hoof brushed the beads along. She gnashed her teeth in agitation. She started again.

"One, two, three, four, five -" Applejack suddenly got an itch and went to scratch it, forgetting she had the abacus in her hoof and scratched herself with it, shaking the beads again. She took deep breaths, trying to calm the rising anger. Once more she started again.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine..."

She continued for quite some time.

"Eighty-three, eighty-four, eighty-five." She paused. Applejack just knew someone was standing behind her. Her head turned slowly round, like an owl's. There standing behind her was Rarity.

Rarity looked at Applejack. As she did Rarity smiled and wondered why Applejack was looking so annoyed.

"Wut now, ah'm trying ter work here Rarity," Applejack said in a disgruntled fashion. Rarity nodded and spoke. "Yes darling I can see that very clearly, but you are doing it all wrong! I mean it just looks dreadful."

Applejack pondered a second. "Wait, wut looks dreadful? Mah apples look dreadful? Wut you talkin about, pony? These were specially picked fer taste and quality," Applejack corrected her.

Rarity shook her head.

"Not the apples my dear, this horrid thing." Rarity picked up the abacus from the stump. "I mean just look at how you have the pretty beads arranged, such a mish mash and no real coordination at all. The colors are not matched and they are not evenly lined up. Here let me help you."

Applejack stood in total disbelief as Rarity rearranged the abacus to a very pleasant looking pattern of colors and symmetrical lines. "There!" Rarity beamed when she was finished. "Now it looks simply divine!"

You could hear the scream from Ponyville.

"AND STAY OUT!" Applejack yelled as she hurled Rarity over the farmyard gates. Rarity sat there puzzled and shocked. Applejack stormed back over to the apples and slammed down her hoof. "Ah will git this stoopid job done today if it kills me so help me Celestia!" She suddenly had an idea. Applejack disappeared for a few minutes to the barn and then reappeared with some planks and a hammer and nails. She erected a small barrier all around herself and her apples and sat down to work.

"ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR," she began counting loudly. Keeping the abacus close to her chest.

Soon it was getting dark and Applejack was getting weary. "Two hundred and two, two hundered and three, two hundred and four..." She began to nod off. She jerked her head upright. "No, ah'm gunna finish this job!" she said stubbornly. "Three hundred and..." she looked at the abacus. It appeared she had ran out of beads about one hundred and four apples ago, she had been so tired she hadn't realized she had just been moving the beads back and fourth.

Applejack gritted her teeth. "What... why... whuh, what kind of use is this silly thang if it only goes up ter one hundred!? Ah mean ONE HUNDRED fer pity's sake!" She sighed. "Fine, Ah dunt need to worry, I'll just finish these last few by memory," she said and smirked to herself.

"One hundred, one hundred and one, one hundred an-" Applejack's eye began to twitch suddenly cutting her words off. Wooden planks flew everywhere and the sound of the apocalypse echoed through the night.

The next morning Big Mac returned to the scene of chaos. He looked at the dented ground and the trees and the random planks of wood and nails everywhere. He looked around for Applejack and every possible place she could be. The last place he tried was the barn. He peeked inside and there in the corner was a disheveled orange pony in a hat looking at the last few apples in the bottom of a lone basket. He softly approached her and smiled as she continued to count to herself.

"Six... hundred... and nine... six hundred... and... ten... six hundred and... eleven..."

He put his hoof on her shoulder.

"Six hundred and... twelve!" Applejack began to cackle maniacally. "Ah, Ah did it! Ah finally counted all them thar apples, Ah counted every single one of them and Ah am finished!" She laid back in a heap. "Six hundred and twelve apples, six hundred and twelve, remember that Mac!" she insisted.

Mac smiled. "Eeyup! six hundred and twelve, that's a lot of apples, but Ah got some even better news. Eeyup, turns out Ah went an dun missed an orchard, so we have even more ter sell, and that means more bits for the farm! Ah done took the liberty of bringin' them over har with me, so..."

Applejack's eye let out one final twitch.

To this day the barn is still off limits to all ponies.

But what did happen to the abacus? Time will tell.