Deadpool Kills the My Little Pony Universe

Chapter 1: Atop the Everfree Forest

Atop the Everfree forest, a bright light shone in the night sky.

Inside her hut, Zecora was getting ready to take her rest. She just finished gathering a new batch of Heart's Desire from the forest after helping Fluttershy's pet rabbit Angel from being sick... those ponies...

She appreciates their visit, even if mostly all of their visits were about asking for help or advice - even with the baby dragon whose last encounter with her ended up teaching him a lesson about generosity.

The thought made her smile. She remembered when those ponies were afraid of her, a time where the ponies feared a person which they don't understand was fixed by a little filly named Applebloom... hmm... how is that little filly? It has been a while, maybe she should visit Ponyville later tomorrow and buy some supplies for her next likely potion of whatever those little ponies would get themselves into. She trotted to her bed and laid her weary hoofs to rest after a day's work.

Atop the Everfree forest, a bright light shone in the night sky.

It flashed once, twinkling in the sky and flashed again, shining. It reflected its light to the trees below and in a moment it seemed to explode, in the wake of which a red figure plummeted from the blast

"Whoa! WOAH! AHHH! AHHHHH!!!" Deadpool screamed helplessly as he fell from the sky and to the trees below, each branch hitting him all over on his face, his chest, and several times his groin. He fell to the ground with such gravity it didn't feel like the trees cushioned his fall, and his balls really hurt. Deadpool crawled to a fetal position and allowed his healing factor to kick in.

"Ugh... well, that was a broken entrance!... ow... I understand the comic relief but.. ah.. I never thought writers could be this much of a dick... hah... get it?.. because of the... ah..."

{{Stop it. You're playing for attention again, that's not what we're here for.}} the voice was very commanding and asking for attention, like Dr. Doom before he starts a monologue and reveal his next evil plan to the Fantastic Four.

"Ugh... I know..." Deadpool tried to sit up from his fall "I just... I don't know.. feel out of character lately... not because of you mind you... it's just that... I don't know"

{{Like I said, you don't need to play for show anymore that's what they want you to do. They want you to give a shit when  there's no point in really giving a shit}}

Deadpool tried to stand up and noticed his left leg was twisted, he grabbed hold of it and began twisting it back to normal.

{{You're playing their game. You don't need to do that anymore because you have me now. And you've always looked for me and you know that. A reason to live in a world without reason}}

Deadpool finally untwisted his leg and stood up to look at his surroundings..

One word. Trees. And plants. Weird plants... okay maybe more like 5 words but you get the idea. And it's dark here, technically there's so many trees around here there's not enough light to go around to tell if it's day outside or night, which could be a metaphor for the bleakness of life or something like that... Deadpool didn't like being deep, despite doing that a lot lately

"What is this that my eyes see? Surely something hard to believe!" Zecora whispered to herself silently as she gaze upon the red creature.

The blast from the sky interrupted her sleep followed by the scream towards the forest as if somepony had somehow fell into the forest... a spectacle which prompted her to go to the direction of the disturbance, and here she stood, mouth ajar at this strange new creature. She has seen cockatrices and manticores, but nothing like this... thing before.

The creature seemed to be standing on its two hind legs, with its two front legs on its side. Its hoof seemed to have little... claws but smaller and a lot more numerous that what she normally see on animals. Its skin seemed to be scarred from every place and somehow resembles a zombie pony. This creature was clothed, and yet its clothes were red and ripped from every side like it was from a deadly battle, and as if this creature wasn't terrifying enough it had two swords strapped across its chest to its back. It had pockets lined up on its waist that she can't fathom the contents of, but striking of all this was wearing a mask unlike anything she had seen, it seemed to accent the eyes with roundish spots and was ripped to what she could assume used to be a full mask... it was confusing to look at, and looking closer it seemed to be... talking... but to who? who or what is this thing talking to?

"Strange trees, strange plants, yup. I bet I’m either in a children's fantasy show or Australia. Am I here to kill the smurfs? Do they count as inspiring literature?"

That creature! It can speak common! Zecora was sure of it though she didn't really understood what it meant, she understood what it said, especially the kill part. Something tells her it’s wise to go back home.

Then in a perfectly clichéd moment since the birth of suspense literature, as she back away from the scene Zecora accidentally steps on a loose branch on the ground. The loud crunch of which alerted the creature to her presence.

"Well, look at this! Branches ARE always very loud in tense situations.... like... this..." his voice softened when Deadpool got a good look at the noise-maker. It seemed to look like a... Zebra, so Australia it is then, he's definitely in Australia he's sure. Deadpool's no zoologist or whatever but he's pretty sure Zebra's don't wear jewelry. This one had several rings on its neck and one of its hooves and large earrings, a fashion statement a backwards tribe could be proud of, is this thing going to worship him as a god or something? That's what outcast tribes do, right?

"...H-Hello.. strange creature of this night. May I ask if you are alright?" the little zebra broke the silence, well this is convenient a voodoo that can actually speak English -- wait a minute. Did that Zebra just TALKED?

"... a -- ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?" Deadpool blinked, thinking he might have hit his head on a branch too many, he swears he will never try a single strange mushroom growing in a strange forest that looks like the studio for Avatar.

The zebra didn't feel very calm either, unsure of why she had inquired about the creatures’ safety and whether she should run away now or not. Hiding her nervousness she responded to the creature "Why yes strange creature, said by this lone seeker. Please tell me without fright, what brings you here this time of the night?"

{{This is very interesting.}}

Deadpool was not expecting this, sure he didn't exactly expect he would end up killing Moby Dick or Don Quixote or The Ghost of Christmas Past either, but THIS? Talking Zebra? he's still in the fictional world alright and his work is definitely not done, but here? in a place where zebras talk and who knows what else, what is he going to do here? Why did he end up here anyway? Why was he asking all this questions? He sure could use the help of an ominous voice right now.

The creature just stood there staring at her, how she wished she knew what the creature was thinking at that moment and with the air not getting any less tense she again proceeded to back away slowly.

"That thing is going away... what do I do?" Deadpool thought to himself waiting for his friendly evil voice inside his head to say something

{{I don't think we've met that thing by accident. Kill it}}

Of course, the first thing you do when you see a talking zebra is to kill it. Everyone who plays video games know that. He never really got the habit of killing animals, unless you count Harold the Duck.

As the creature drew its weapons from its back, she knew she had to run. As soon as the light reflect from the blade, Zecora trotted to the opposite direction - certain that this thing is eager for her demise.

{{AFTER IT!!}} the voice was more demanding than before, like a step dad threatening his wife's kid to go to sleep before an eventual disciplining.

"Damn that thing is fast! Maybe I should have been more subtle, like drawing my gun instead" He ran trying to catch up to the fleeing zebra which he is totally not going to kill and will just ask for directions instead "Hey! Stop!"

Running as fast as she could, Zecora is lucky she knows this part of the woods really well and knows which path to take to her hut. She particularly loved living in this part of the Everfree forest but after today she thinks she would live near Fluttershy at least should she escape this animal. She wanted to scream for help but she knew nopony would be near enough to hear her, she would need all the energy she could get to run away from this monster, but the only sanctuary she had was her hut... maybe she has an invisibility potion she could use and run straight to --

There was a loud noise from behind her, like a surge from a fireball spell she saw once cast by Twilight Sparkle but this was shorter and louder... and she felt a sting on her left haunch.. a strong and VERY PAINFUL sting!

"AAAHHHHH!! AHHH!!" Zecora screamed as she lost her balance and fall to the dirt, she can feel the inside of her haunch searing with heat. She doesn't remember fireball spells working like this, she have never felt pain like this before.

BULLSEYE! well not really, Deadpool just fired a warning shot... that happens to be in the direction of the zebra - pure coincidence. Still, that was a sweet shot -- accident, seeing as the zebra is at most probably seven meters away from him. It didn't have to come to this, all Deadpool really wanted was a neighborly heart to heart talk... preferably with the thing's ripped from its chest.

The pain was very hard to brush off, but she had to stand up and run away from this monster. If she was just able to go back inside her hut right now, she could warn Ponyville about this monster, if only she had stayed inside this night...

Why did this had to happen? What business does this monster have with her?

"Good little zebra! heh... I guess you really can teach other animals a few tricks"

Zecora faced her pursuer standing right behind her. Because of the pain she did not hear the creature walk up to her, paleness and cold overtook her at that instant...

"Please... let me live..." she tried to hold back her tears but to no avail "Spare me and I will leave" Zecora begged her attacker. She didn't know why this had to happen, maybe she's in a nightmare - yes! All she wants to happen is to wake up from this nightmare, please let this be a nightmare!

"How cute. Even in the brink of death you still speak in rhymes"

{{Enough already, just get this over with}}

Deadpool reached for the handles of his swords pulling them out from their sheaths. He likes the sound they make - Shhhiiiiingg! He doesn't really know how that's spelled really, but they sound cool nonetheless. He likes to think of himself as a ninja sometimes. One day he will defeat the evil Daniel-san and prove himself the true Dragon Warrior of the Fire Nation.

"Now play dead."

Atop the Everfree forest a bright light shone in the night sky.

The light reflected from the blade as it digs itself to the side of the injured zebra. Deep inside the forest, a scream echoed through the forest, gaining attention from its woodland inhabitants. Birds flew away in terror, bunnies hid for shelter, a bear faced to its direction. It was a cry for help, a scream of pain, and a howl of sadness all at once. Every creature hid to safety, but they knew by pure instinct what the source of the cry was. They knew it was her. They knew it was Zecora.

A swift swing from his left for dramatic effect. As the zebra's head escape its body and rolls on the ground, Deadpool remembered when he first killed Wolverine on one-on-one. This was a clean cut, blood was dripping endlessly from the neck like a faucet while the rings around the neck dangle away to the ground. Taking a glance at the severed head he watched as it slowly close an eyelid halfway. Was that thing winking at him?... maybe no...

"Damn it I can't think of any good head jokes..." Deadpool stood up, looking at his handiwork. He was really disappointed he couldn't end this with a good joke "...hmm.. hey! 'Well, you can look forward to get ahead in life!'... ah no, that won't cut it... how anti-climactic"

Staring at the dead animal for a few moments, Deadpool finally broke the silence "... so that was fun and all... but what now? and why?"

{{This place is different from wherever we have been ever since}}

"Tell me about it, but I think we kind of established that already. I don't remember any inspiring work of fiction that involves zebras... what am I on, a Disney Movie? Am I killing the Disney universe now?"

{{I don't think so. I can tell this plane of existence is... somehow parallel to us in time... like the founding ideas this reality is built on is similar to our own}}

"... uh huh, yeah - HEY! I just noticed our cuss words aren't censored! AAASSSSDICK, FUCK-ING son of a BITCH! ho ho! the freedom! Well, I can say we aren't in a Disney movie since I can say FUCK whenever I want"

{{Regardless, I can feel this place is more... well, that there's more 'corporate hype' around here than our own adjacent universes}}

"You mean whatever this is, it's more popular than us? Well we can't have that now, can we?"

{{Yes. and you know what that means}} the tone of the voice suddenly sounds more ominous than ever, but Deadpool knows why

"It means this place needs our help"

{{More than anything we've helped so far}}

"Oh yeah, let's play the good Murderer-Samaritan now"

Shooting one look at his kill, he walked away with contentment that he gets to redeem yet another universe. A sigh of relief, he relish the thought to be able to help another franchise to stop their endless loop of corporate slavery. As the body of the slain zebra continue to litter the ground with its blood Deadpool wonders if he would ever stop. Will he keep murdering every single cartoon or movie out there?

When he started this 'Killing everyone to free them from corporate slavery' thing, it felt like a noble mission to him. The kind that he knew was meant for nobody else but a psychopath like him. After a while in this business, he's actually beginning to enjoy it...

Atop the Everfree Forest a bright light shone in the night sky.