Chapters Beep Beep Beep Be-SMASH
Like every single morning, I was awoken by that accursed alarm clock. Tired of the endless beeping, I grasped my wooden mallet and finished it off. After a failed attempted to return to sleep, I reluctantly arose from bed. Sweeping the remains of the clock into my dustbin, I thought of the costs for a new one. Perhaps I shouldn't break everything that frustrates me. Don't get me wrong, coins and gems are surprisingly easy to come around in this zombie apocalypse. But all things considered, that was a pretty good clock.
Soon I'd started up the coffee maker. As the machine ran, I walked over to one of the windows. There, on the windowsill, was the solar-powered seed gun. Propped up beside it was my shovel and bag of plant food, all ready to be used. Instinctively, I reached for the gun, already formulating the next plant army in my head.
I suddenly recoiled back. "Oh, right...," I mumbled. My eyes slowly fell to the floor and stared sadly at the items before me. Lying below the window was the last twelve seed packets I ever used. After countless months of tireless days and sleepless nights, I had won. I had forced the zombies to surrender. And it must've been a year since I've seen them last. But if it's truly over, I should feel relieved, even happy.... So why do I feel so alone?
I caught a glance of the family picture on the shelf. The sight warmed my heart as I lifted up the picture. Oh, how we smiled, completely oblivious to the world around us. I could recollect our final moments together, how we were just walking from the movies. We took a short cut down an alleyway and...
I could feel my eyes swelling. I could still remember that mugger's face when he shot my parents in cold blood. I grasped the picture tighter. Ever since then, I dedicated my life to end all crime and- no wait; that's Batman's edgy backstory. Or was it Superman's? Eh, who cares.
Ding!
"Ooh, my coffee’s ready!"
I dropped the picture, allowing it to smash on the floor, and darted into the kitchen. After pouring the coffee into my favorite mug, I took a long loud sip. I cringed in distaste. "Wait, I don't even like coffee."
Later that morning, I was prepping mentally to head out to one of my daily drudgeries: tending the Zen Garden . I don't get how Crazy Dave allow those miserable plants roam and vandalize his house. I imagine that's how he earned his famous title.
I began loading a wheel barrow with bags of fertilizer, bug spray, and chocolate (don't ask). To be clear, I don't hate the plants. After all, they were the main the reason I withstood the apocalypse. Together, with my superior intelligence and their botanic weaponry, we drove the waves of the undead back to the grave. Truly, I owe my life and possessions to each and every one of them. I simply don't see why they've got to be so darn needy. The day is wasted on babying them.
I lifted the heavy wheelbarrow set course to the Zen Garden. I'd barely taken my first steps before tipping. "You know what? Forget it! I'm filling this day with things I'd like to do! Those bratty plants can survive a day without being cuddled."
I marched inside and kicked off my shoes. I flicked on the TV and promptly plopped myself on the couch. I was there for at least half an hour, staring blankly at a screen of static. Did I really have nothing better to do? Did my life only consist of zombie fighting and gardening?
I wouldn't accept that. There had to be something to do to distract me from my soul-crippling depression. "Maybe I could visit my neighbors and see if- wait, they're all dead."
I sunk deeper into the couch. "Well, Crazy Dave is still alive. But he is exactly what his name implies: a David. I don't associate myself with Davids."
I just had to think hard enough and be creative. Besides, I wasn't going back to pick up that wheelbarrow. "Perhaps...I could attempt to contact civilization.... Will my money still be valid in society."
I let out a long, bored sigh. "Or I could just stare at the ceiling as I slowly drift into madness."
It was definitely going to be one of those days. An hour later, I was still lying on that same couch doing the same thing. I was actually making good progress until I heard something beating at the window. It was probably Crazy Dave asking for hot sauce. That or he was trying to con me with some new gadget. Either way, I ignored it. But still, the noise continued to grow louder and even more irritating.
"Shut up, David!" I yelled.
Apparently, whoever was knocking on my window decided to flip the entire house. I flew out of the couch and slammed into the wall. Sounds of shattering windows exploded throughout the house. I could hear the rushing winds as it passed through the broken windows.
"Who? what?! HOW?!" I panicked.
My surprise was cut short as I saw the couch sliding toward me. I rolled out of the way as it crashed into the wall. After my narrow escape from being flattened, I attempted to stand. But the house jerked to another side, sending me sailing to the opposite wall.
The house spun around and around as if physics decided to take a nap. I found myself floating for a few seconds before slamming into another wall. Obtaining my balance was hard enough without having to dodge the flying furniture.
My hands desperately searched for something fixed to latch on to. After some time of being tossed around, they found themselves locked onto a doorknob. The door violently swung open as if to throw me off, but I held firm. I spotted a window to the side of me. Peering through it, I thought I could finally solve this mystery.
But all I could see was the rushing wind. And strangely enough, the wind was red. In fact, that was the only reason I could see it. After a while of staring and intense reasoning, I concluded....
"I'M IN A TORNADO!!"
There was another jerk, and I lost grip on the door. I found myself thrown to the ceiling, and then to the floor. After some time, I finally managed to stop landing on my face. If anything, I was grateful I didn't fly through any of the broken windows, but my stuff wasn't so lucky.
"Aww, not my almanac!" I cried. For a moment, I had to forget my stuff. What was more important was surviving.
After what seemed like an eternity, the tornado stopped as abruptly as it came. I was back on my floor, thank goodness.
I punched the air. "Alright! I survived a tornado! I am awesome!" I cheered. I started my first step forward, just as the house began plummeting.
Ah yes, I was still mid-air. Everything started to float toward the ceiling. I felt weightless; the kind of feeling you'd get on a roller coaster. Resisting the urge throw my hands in the air and scream, I made my way to the bedroom.
"I just need a cushion of some sort...." I repeated continually.
Right there, hovering in the center of the room, was the mattress. But by years of experience, I understood it wasn't a very soft one. Yet, it had to do. I floated above the mattress and braced myself. The house hit the ground with a loud thump and everything went black.
Seconds later, I was still in darkness. For a time, I thought it was because I was unconscious. You could imagine my relief when I realized my eyes were simply closed shut. I slowly opened them. The room was dark, probably due to the power being knocked out. Some light managed to seep in through one of the windows, but that was all. I waited for my eyes to adjust before trying moving.
But as I sat upright, a sense of fear crawled up my back. Questions like "Where am I?" and "What if Spain was in Greece?" was ever-present in my mind. I'd fought a zombie apocalypse and stumbled through time, but this was different. I was confused, scared, and alone.
Grumbling, I rose to my feet. "All you had to do was pick up the wheelbarrow," I lectured to myself. "Now, look where you are...."
I tried to add a positive spin to my situation. But for the life of me, I couldn't find one good thing about this. I mean, I didn't even know where I was. With any luck, I could've landed right back where I started. I made my way toward the window, trying not to trip over anything, and peaked out it.
"Is that...a forest? How fast was that tornado moving? I must be miles from the town."
Between my house and the forest was a wide stretch of land filled with tornado debris and items from my house. I approached each of my windows to get a different perspective, but it was all the same. I was completely surrounded by thick trees.
Already things were grim for me, but I wouldn't allow worry to consume me. I'm a survivor. I glared at improbability and spat in its mouth. I'll use my resources and find a way out of here.
First, the house was to be made whole again. Thankfully, the exterior of the house was still intact, save for the windows. I marched to my attic and opened a box containing spare bulletproof windows. If by any chance there were any rogue zombies about, I'd be prepared.
After I was safely isolated, I began my work on the interior of the house. That involved picking up furniture, replacing anything broken, and fixing the electricity. The last one was a mystery to me, but I figured I'd get around to it later.
At first glance, the forest was intimidating. Sickly trees with warning branches and the gloomy grass all helped its spooky appearance. But after an hour or so, I was beginning to think this forest was all bark but no bite. Nothing so far posed a great threat, and I was starting to get used to it. I finally decided it was safe to start collecting some of the stuff that fell from the house. That was my first mistake.
"Ah, my almanac's safe," I said, lifting the book from the ground. Already had I made ten trips to gather everything. Only one or two trips more and I'd have finished. But as I opened the book to inspect it, I heard a twig snap. Instantly, my survival instincts jumped to life. From the corner of my eye, I spotted a figure emerging from the bushes. I darted for a nearby broom and pointed it at the creature. "I'm begging you, for your sake, don't come any closer! Cause I will kill you with this broom!"
The figure, ignoring my warning, continued to move forward. My heart raced, but I continued to keep my menacing glare. Though I was no fighter, I wasn't going to back down. With any luck, the animal would recognize my superiority and back off. Slowly, the looming beast took a step into the light. Soon, its whole body was revealed by the sunlight.
"Is that...a pink unicorn?"
Was I dreaming? Right in front of me was a living fairy tale. Actually, for a horse, it was relatively small. I stood about twice its size. Yet the creature stared at me with big purple eyes, totally unafraid. It curiously cocked its head, allowing its purple mane to flow to one side. Of all the things I've encountered, this animal was by far the most...adorable.
For a while, we were still, silently observing each other. It was stunning how calm this horse was. Not only did I wield a weapon, but I was nearly an arm's length from it. If I wanted to, I could've easily taken it out with one swing. Yet, it stayed there, trusting I wouldn't bring any harm. Perhaps there was no need for my caution.
And right there, my survival defenses dropped. I lowered my broom to the ground so not to alarm it. I'd made up my mind, I was going to tame this animal. Slowly, I stretched out my hand to pet the horse. It lowered its head as if to welcome the gesture.
But before I'd made contact, I pulled back and spun around, expecting to get jumped. "Huh, I was pretty sure there was some... Oh."
As I turned back, I noticed two more horses were next to the first. One with wings, another without. Alarm soon overtook my senses as three more crawled from the darkness. Then five more horses. Then ten more followed. It wasn't hard to calculate that I was vastly outnumbered.
"Maybe...they're all friendly?"
Yeah right. With their newfound numbers, their whole expression changed. They glared at me with mouths hanging open. I could sense the bloodlust in their glazed eyes. They crouched down menacingly and crept toward me step-by-step. If I didn't act, things would get messy.
From the quick glance behind me earlier, I gathered that my house was a few yards away. But unfortunately, the door was on the other side. And assuming these horses were faster than me, that would be way too far for a mad dash. Still, the broom was just below me. It was clear I had only one option.
"Oh, I see how it is," I growled coldly. "Now you got friends you don't need my affection, huh?" I slowly bent down and reached. "Then you'll have no sympathy either."
The second I grasped the broom the unicorn lunged at me knocking me to the ground. My attacker hissed as its mouth stretched open. I kicked the unicorn off me as several more decided to join in.
I managed to jump to my feet and keep them back. I fought ruthlessly, not sparing one from the repetitive whacking of the mighty broom. I repelled a zombie horde with nothing more than a wooden hammer. Taking these things was easy. That is until-
SNAP!
-the broom broke. Before I knew it, I was backed up against the house wall. The surrounding horses stared at me with a threatening leer. The unicorns’ horns glowed green as if preparing something.
But they weren't the only one with tricks up their sleeves. I grinned as I extended my arm and open my hand. Instantly, a big glob of butter appeared in my palm. The dumbfounded horses couldn't react as I chucked it into one's face. The unicorn flailed around, trying to shake off what I'd done.
I did my best to keep from bursting into laughter. "Sir, I think you have a little smudge...."
The enraged unicorn threw itself at me. After easily sidestepping it, I spawned some more butter. "Who wants next?"
Before they could answer, I flung butter into their faces with deadly precision. Overwhelmed by butter, the demon horses retreated back into the darkness.
"Butter luck next time!" I yelled at them.
Never saying that again. Though I probably shouldn't make the butter thing a habit anyway. It takes five hundred coins to spawn one handful. But at least it was over.
I filled my arms with the rest of my stuff and stumbled into the house. But as I locked the door, it hit me. "Wait, I wanted to tame one didn't I? Dang it."
Yes, I realize they were trying to kill me. But they were just animals. With the right amount of discipline, I could have them kneeling at my feet. Besides, I never had a real pet before, and it would be interesting trying to break them.
Of course, it'd be futile to pursue them, so I dropped it. Yet moments later, I caught sight of six horses casually strolling toward my house. Are these animals really that stupid? I nearly killed them with a mere broom! In this case, domestication should be a breeze. I reached for my wooden mallet and shovel. This time, I'll have the advantage.
Earlier....
Princess Twilight and five her friends trekked deeper into the Everfree Forest. Traveling off-path, the ponies had to duck under low branches and trudge through piles of leaves and twigs. They ventured further into the forest than ever before. Yet, as they walked, they never encountered any of the Everfree creatures. Though the ponies were grateful for the lack of monsters, they were starting to get bored.
"Augh!" Rainbow Dash cried, throwing her hooves in the air. "It's been a whole hour and nothing has happened!"
"We came here to investigate the tornado," Twilight reminded. "Not to go on an adventure."
"We're in the Everfree! Of course, we're going on an adventure!"
"We're tired enough without your complainin', Dash," Applejack said. "I just want to get this over with so I can return to mah farm."
"Why did we come here anyway?" Rarity asked. "I thought we agreed that tornado was nothing but a result of the Everfree's unnatural magic. Nothing more."
"Not even the Everfree could conjure something like this," Twilight explained. "Tornadoes take a lot of planning and pegasi to create. This place is too random to do any of that."
"Then it was probably the Shadow Bolts' doing," Rainbow Dash countered. "Remember, the greatest flyers of the Everfree? They did it. Problem solved."
Twilight turned to Rainbow Dash. "You do realize that group was just a projection created by Nightmare Moon to deceive you, right?"
Dash blinked. "What?"
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Let's just be clear. Pegasi can't create red tornadoes. And why would a pegasus summon a tornado all the way out here?"
"Why would anypony summon a tornado here?" Applejack asked. "I'm tellin' you, we have nothin' to worry about. Whatever that thing was it doesn't matter."
"It could be nothing," Pinkie Pie said, "or it could be the summoning of an insane warrior with an iced over heart hid behind a cheery exterior who'll trample any opposition in a mad escape for freedom with its infinite army."
The group wore confused expressions as they stared at Pinkie. "I don't think so," Twilight said.
"The very fact Pinkie isn't vibratin' like a rattler on a jackhammer is proof this is a wild goose chase," Applejack pointed out. "But if you want to go runnin' around solvin' mysteries, then I won't stop you. In fact, that's the only reason I agreed to come along."
Twilight nodded. "Thank you."
"I wish that at the end of this, we get to finally do something," Rainbow Dash said.
"I'd beg to differ," Rarity said. "The fuss Twilight's making about this place as really done a number on my hooficure. I can't wait to return home to the spa."
"Whatever it is," Twilight said, "it's on the other side of these bushes."
The ponies stopped immediately, surprised by the sudden warning. In front of them was a batch of tall, thick bushes blocking the path. "Really?" Rainbow Dash asked, somewhat hopefully. "How do you know?"
"Ever since we started this trip, there's been a weak pull of magic guiding me to the location. If I'm not mistaken, the source of that power is here."
The team glanced at each other. "Whatever you say."
They step forward and separated the bushes, prepared for the worst. Past the bushes was a large opening with twigs and branches scattered everywhere. But the thing that shook their expectations to the core was the object in the center. "It's...it's..."
"A house." Rainbow Dash said. "We came all this way for a house?! To think I was looking forward to this!"
"It can't be just a house, dear," Rarity said. "I mean, a normal house can't create magic tornadoes."
"Or can it?" Pinkie Pie said.
"No Pinkie, it can't," Applejack said. "I hate to tell you 'I told you so'."
Twilight ignored her friends and began to examine the strange house. It seemed like an ordinary house of Ponyville. But it was made of concrete instead of wood, like in Manehattan. Instead of hay, the roof was checkered with bricks, as well as the base of the house. As she inspected the place, she heard a sharp cry from one of her friends.
Twilight whipped around and spotted Fluttershy cowering behind her. "Fluttershy? What's wrong?" Twilight asked.
Fluttershy feebly pointed toward the window. "Th-th-there...I saw something...."
The ponies scanned the area, seeing nothing but an empty window. Rainbow Dash flew toward the window and pressed her face against it. "It's too dark to see anything clearly, but I think there's furniture."
"Of course! Something must live in a house like that!" Twilight said. "If whatever made that tornado is in there, it must be some powerful wizard. I wonder, why would it create a tornado of such degree?"
"We could wait here talking about it," Pinkie said, "or we could knock on the door and ask."
"That's the most sense anypony has made since this morning," Rarity said, fanning herself with her hoof.
"If you think it's such a good idea, why don't you do it?" Rainbow Dash said.
Rarity froze, wishing she hadn't said anything. "Well, you see..."
"Don't tell us you're scared!"
"I'm not scared! I just think it'll be more appropriate if Applejack did the honors."
"If you don't want to knock, you don't have to," Twilight assured. "We'll just ask somepony else."
"Yeah, it's okay to admit you’re a coward," Rainbow Dash laugher, before receiving an elbow to the side. "Ow!"
"No, I'll do it," Rarity said, "if not only to show Rainbow Dash I'm entirely capable of knocking on a door." Rarity trotted to the door with her head up. She stopped in front the door and politely knocked. She smiled triumphantly and turned to her friends. "See, I'm not-"
She didn't even get the chance to finish her sentence. The door swung open and a shovel slammed against the back of her head. She fell to the floor motionless. Holding the other end of the shovel was a strange bipedal creature.
"Rarity!" Applejack shouted as she rushed the creature. She spun around and bucked with all her might. The creature tried to block the blow with its shovel. But as the hit connected, the shovel snapped in half, throwing the creature to the floor.
"Aw, that was my favorite shovel ," it said.
Applejack tried to attack once more, but Twilight's hoof managed to stop her. "Wait, Applejack! I think it's trying to speak!"
"Too late now!" Rainbow yelled as she charged it. The creature jumped to its feet and smacked her with its mallet. As Rainbow was sent sprawling to the ground, the creature dashed toward Applejack for revenge.
"Come and get it!" Applejack yelled, winding up another kick. With amazing agility, the creature side-stepped her buck. It returned the favor by giving Applejack a devastating hit to the head with its mallet. She immediately fell down unconscious.
Twilight had to do something. She started charging a tranquilizing spell to calm this thing down. The creature noticed this and grabbed a glob of butter out of thin air. She almost completed the spell when butter covered her whole face. It somehow rendered her unable to cast spells. "Wha-?!"
The creature punched Twilight's butter-covered face, throwing her to the floor. Before it could blink Rainbow Dash tackled the creature and threw it into the window. The creature staggered out the door, covered in glass. "Okay, that hurt... "
Rainbow Dash, without a moment to lose, kicked its leg. The creature cried out in pain as it crumbled to the ground.
Rainbow Dash flew back a bit. "Yes! How do ya like that?"
In a swift motion, the creature threw its mallet and hit Rainbow square on the forehead. Rainbow Dash crashed to the floor and was out cold. Before it could pick up its mallet, something splattered all over its face.
"Hey, stop hurting my friends!" Pinkie Pie warned, holding two more cake. "You don't want me to throw this again."
The creature wiped its face, quite baffled. "Oh you want to play it that way, huh? " Two globs of butter appeared in its hands.
The two glared at each other, daring their opponent to throw. They stood there for a while until Pinkie cried, "Food fight!"
Both pelted each other with unhealthy food. Fluttershy gaped in horror at what the thing had done. All her friends fought bravely, but she just stood there scared. She couldn't let this go on any longer than it already has.
"Nooo, unsalted butter...my only weakness..." Pinkie said as she was completely covered in butter. "Goodbye cruel world!"
As the creature picked up its mallet, it heard a loud cry. "How dare you!"
The creature turned and saw Fluttershy right below him, staring directly into its soul. "We did nothing wrong to you! Why would you ever attack us you big mean bully!? I can't believe you would just knock out all my friends like that! I WANT YOU TO APOLOGIZE!!"
In the middle of her lecture, the creature slowly picked up its mallet.
"Hey! I'm talking to you! Drop the hammer!"
Ignoring her, the creature raised its mallet. Without further hesitation, Fluttershy used her "stare". Her eyes pierced the creature's soul, injecting fear into its veins. The creature then dropped its mallet onto the ground.
"Good, now apologize."
It immediately reached behind its back and tossed butter at her face. It then picked up its mallet and swung. Right before the hit connected, there was a purple flash, and all the ponies disappeared.
"Y'know, maybe I should've stayed inside...." I mumbled.
I limped back to the house and opened the door. I really hoped that my leg wasn't broken. I barely had anything to treat it. I sat on a chair and began massaging my leg. From what I could tell, it wasn't that badly damaged. Thank goodness.
I took a finger and ran it through the icing on my face. I then stuck it in my mouth. It was actually pretty good. I continued to lick my hands as I walked to the sink to wash off the cake. But as I turned the knob, nothing came out.
"That's right, I have no water either...."
I reached for some paper towels and began to clean up. For some reason, these ponies are a lot different than the ones I fought earlier. And a lot tougher. For some reason, they seemed a lot smarter as well. I thought I saw one trying to communicate with me. Too bad I couldn't understand them.
I had a hunch that this would not be the last time I'd see them, so I had to defend myself for next time. I took the seed gun off the window sill. It had 50 sun still left. Perfect. I picked up a seed packet from the floor and placed it in an empty slot. I then fired off a seed into a pot. From the pot, grew a happy sunflower.
"Time to start garden my house!"
The sunflower face-leafed.
Twilight was shrouded in complete darkness. The last few minutes were a blur. She recalled fighting a strange creature with her friends, but that was it. She tried to remember what came next, but it hurt to think about it.
Slowly, she began to regain her senses. She felt a firm bed beneath her as well as a soft pillow at her head. Had she'd been dreaming? Had that whole adventure been nothing but an illusion created by her subconscious? If so, why did she feel an intense pain throbbing in her forehead?
Beyond the darkness, came a soft voice. The voice resonated in Twilight's head, giving her a slight headache. She tried to make out what it was saying but it was difficult. It gradually grew louder and even became deafening. She realized the voice was calling her name. Soon, it was becoming clearer to who was calling her. "P-Pinkie?"
Slowly, Twilight opened her eyes as the bright light came in. The light dimmed as a pink blur formed. "Twilight, hey Twilight...WAKE UP!"
"Gaahh!" Twilight cried as she sprung to life.
"Ugh, finally!" said Pinkie Pie, "I thought you were never gonna wake up!"
Fluttershy, who was sitting right beside Pinkie, lit up when she saw Twilight. "Nurse, she's waking up."
"Wh-where am I?" Twilight asked.
"You’re in the hospital," Nurse Redheart calmly replied, walking into the room. "From what your friends told me, you were all attacked by a monster in the Everfree. It knocked you unconscious."
"I remember that ," Twilight said, rubbing her head. A cloth was wrapped around her injury. "But how did we escape?"
"Well," Fluttershy said, "I was confronting the creature when we were suddenly teleported. We were all back at the entrance of the forest. I assume you had woken up because you collapsed behind me. Since you didn't respond to my voice, I ran and got help. Soon, a couple of nurses followed me back and took you in."
"I woke up after that," Pinkie Pie added with a smile.
"So, the others are here too?" Twilight asked.
Redheart nodded. "But they may be still unconscious. Like you, they took a nasty blow to the head. Though I'm sure all they need is some rest and they'll be up and running by tomorrow."
Twilight sighed in relief. "Good."
Nurse Redheart continued, "But you're not any different princess. After your friends leave, I'd advise you to take a long nap."
"Yeah, but after that," Pinkie Pie said, pulling a long list out of nowhere, "we could throw a 'get well' party! Or if you're feeling better by that time, it'll be renamed to an 'I'm doing fine' party! In fact, we could host it in your room, Twilight!"
Nurse Redheart turned to Pinkie. "What?"
"Oh, I'm sure the doctor wouldn't mind," Pinkie said waving a hoof. "We could invite Applejack, Rarity, and Dash, too! No, we could invite everypony in the hospital! Hmm, we might have to take down some of these walls so they could all fit...."
As Pinkie Pie rambled, Twilight sank into her pillow and thought. Now that her memory was returning, so much was on her mind. But mainly, it was about the creature. Fluttershy noticed Twilight's silence and spoke up. "Is there something wrong, Twilight?"
"Oh sorry, just thinking," Twilight replied.
Pinkie stopped and jumped into the conversation. "About what?"
"Well...I can't get my mind off of the thing that attacked us. It seemed somewhat intelligent. Not like the manticores and timberwolves of the forest. And to think that yellow...substance was able to cancel my spell. It's just so mind-boggling. Gold is the only thing known to counter magic."
"Well duh, that's why it threw butter at you."
"But...only gold can cancel magic!"
"I know, butter."
Twilight shook her head. "Let's drop the subject. Have you seen Spike while I've been unconscious? I believe this is a matter that needs Princess Celestia's attention."
Suddenly, the door burst open as Spike barged in. "Sorry...I took...so long." he huffed.
"Ah good, you're here!" Twilight said, clapping her hooves. "Nurse, can you get me a quill and paper?"
"No problem," she said before leaving.
Spike took a few deep breaths before speaking. "What happened!?"
"Spike, there's no need to be alarmed. I'm alright."
"No no no, where's Rarity?!"
Twilight frowned. "Thanks a lot."
"She and the others are safe," Fluttershy assured.
"Really? Where are they?"
"Later Spike," Twilight said, "right now I need to send a letter."
Celestia lied in the comfort of her room, reading a book. She was interrupted when a small cloud of smoke entered her window. As it approached, the smoke disappeared, leaving a neatly rolled letter at its end. After catching the letter with her magic, Celestia unrolled it and read aloud.
Dear Princess Celestia,
This morning, a strange red tornado formed in the Everfree Forest. My friends and I went to investigate the remains and found a large house deep within the forest. As we knocked on the door, a bipedal creature opened it and attacked us. We managed to escape with minor wounds but we are okay. I believe the creature that attacked us may have intelligence, but I'm not too sure. I've never encountered a situation like this and I thought you should know about it.
"A red tornado?" Celestia said, astonished. "It can't be...." Celestia dropped the letter and opened a draw beside her. From it, she levitated a blank sheet of paper, some ink, and a quill. Without any delay, she began to write.
My dear Twilight,
I wish you had told me sooner. I will send a group of guards to take it down and bring it into custody. If this thing is really intelligent, we must seek its motives. If you can, describe every aspect of the creature in detail that we may locate it. But before we contain this creature, don't allow anypony to enter the Everfree Forest.
Celestia sent her message and waited anxiously for a response. A few minutes passed and another letter flew towards her. She immediately opened it and read.
Dear Princess Celestia,
As I mention in the previous letter, the creature is bipedal and lives in a house. It also wears clothes very similar to our own. Actually, its clothing was my first hint of its intelligence. Furthermore, the creature's arms, legs, and face are bare. It has a mane resembling that of a male pony. The creature attacked us with tools you might find in a shed: a shovel and a big mallet. But strangely enough, it had the ability to spawn a strange, magic-nullifying substance. I'd go into more detail, but the nurses insist that I get some rest. I hope this was helpful.
With a sigh of relief, Celestia lowered the letter. "You there," She called to a nearby guard.
"Yes, your majesty?" He said.
"Didn't I hear Shinning Armor was in the area? Fetch him for me; I have a mission for him."
"We're back in business!" A sunflower cheered as she was planted next to five others.
As the sunflowers glowed, miniature suns fell to the ground. Barry collected the suns with a gun-like machine and planted a peashooter.
"Okay zombies!" he said, "Get ready to pea defeated!"
"Please Peashooter," Sunflower said, "you're starting to sound like Barry."
A cabbage-pult, followed by two sunflowers and another peashooter, were planted next. Soon, a good amount of plants guarded the whole front house. Sunflowers filled the back row. Cabbage-pults made up the second and third. Peashooters stood in the fourth and fifth. And wall-nuts were in front. Barry had time, so he started planting defenses in the back of the house.
"I can't put my finger on it," Peashooter said, "but something is off about our lawn."
Sunflower rolled her eyes. "You mean, besides it being two times bigger and surrounded by a forest?"
"Yeah, besides those."
"Did we move or something?" Cabbage-pult asked. "I never understood why we lived next to a graveyard during a zombie apocalypse."
Sunflower turned to look at the house. "Pretty sure this is the same house.... But then how did we get here?"
"Time travel?" another peashooter suggested.
"But Penny isn't here. And you'd think she would be, considering she is the time machine."
Peashooter shrugged. "Maybe Barry rented a helicopter and moved the house to a safer place."
"A dark forest is a safe place?" Cabbage-pult said. "But then again, who am I to question Barry's reasoning."
"Maybe we could just ask Barry and stop guessing," Wall-nut said. "I'm sure he knows what's going on."
"Please no," Cabbage-pult groaned. "The fact that we can understand him but not vice versa makes it annoying; exasperating even. It's hard enough just asking him for some fertilizer..."
"Would you rather be left in the dark for the rest of the day?" Sunflower asked.
"Why not?"
"If it helps, I nominate Peashooter as the one asking. Since he knows him longest," said another cabbage-pult.
"What, no!" yelled Peashooter. "Wait...which one of us?"
All the peashooters turned left until they all stared at the one at the end. "Come on guys! I don't want to ask him!"
"Sorry, you're outvoted."
"But-"
Before he finished, Barry walked up, having just finished planting the army behind. "Hey plants, I just told the others in the back where we are. So basically we were whisked away by a magical tornado and landed in this forest, I guess. Oh, and small horses are trying to kill me. That's all."
The plants blinked as their owner strolled back into the house. "I liked the time travel theory better...."
"Captain Armor, are you sure this is the right place?" a guard asked. "It was implied that there was only one creature. I see an army of these strange plants."
Shining Armor and his crew hid among the bushes and spied what they thought was their target. Shining Armor's eyes fell upon the bipedal creature entering the house. "I'm sure the one Princess Celestia wants is the creature that just walked inside. We should be allowed to dispose of these other things."
"Do you think we can?" another guard said, unsure. "It looks like we're slightly outnumbered."
"Come on now, they're just plants. What are they going to do, shoot vegetables at us? We have our swords, our shields, our spears, and nothing to fear."
Ten seconds later...
"Augh! I'm down!"
The guards struggled to keep their shields up as it was pelted with peas. The lobbed cabbages forced the pegasi to the ground with their continuous fire. Even if they got close enough, the giant walnuts made it impossible to venture further.
"More incoming!"
"'Nothing to fear' he said," a guard grumbled. "'They're just plants' he said."
"Just hold your shield up, soldier!" Shining Armor ordered, ducking under an incoming pea. Suddenly, a loud spudow exploded through the area, followed by a sharp cry. He shot a look at the back and saw several guards on the floor, bruised and wounded. Before he could do anything, a speeding pea found its way directly between his comrade's eyes. His head was violently thrown back as he fell unconscious. Shining Armor tried to help, but the constant fire on his shield proved it impossible.
Shining’s horn began to glow. "I'm creating a shield everypony!" Soon, a purple force field covered the guards. Veggies dashed upon the construct, gradually creating cracks. "Protect the fallen; bring them to the back! Hurry!"
They followed as ordered and dragged their friends back. Shining began pushing his partner to safety. As he did, he stumbled across a metal stick with a red ball on it. Before he could react, it began to rise. The dirt separated and revealed a large potato under it.
"That doesn't look good..." He acted quickly and threw the wounded pony aside, right before the plant blew up.
SPUDOW!!
"CAPTAIN!"
Shining flew back, his armor completely obliterated. Everything seemed to slow. All the guards turned to see their captain lying motionlessly on the ground. The sounds of battle dulled as the magic shield deteriorated.
A brave unicorn took control. “Unicorns! Create another shield! I'll save the captain.” A second shield formed overhead and a few guards rushed to help. They circled their captain as one check for his heartbeat. "He's still alive, but barely. We must retreat immediately."
"No, we must avenge the captain," another guard said. "You can teleport yourself and as much wounded as you can. We will defeat these plants."
“Hurry, we can’t hold this shield for long,” the other unicorns said.
The unicorn began to argue, but a glowing leaf outside the shield caught their attention. The leaf floated from the house and made its way on one of the pea-firing plants. As it touched, the plant was engulfed in a bright light and a war helmet appeared on its head. It rapidly fired peas by the hundred, causing the force field to instantly shatter.
"Augh!" the unicorns cried.
"GO NOW!!" the guards yelled.
The unicorn reluctantly nodded his head and charging the spell. "Good luck." After that, he and the wounded were gone.
But as soon as they teleported, four more leaves powered up the pea-firing plants. As the light covered them, they aimed and fired.
Celestia and Luna, sat waiting for word about the creature. They waited for a few hours until Luna began to get impatient.
"Why are they taking so long?" Luna asked. "If it were my night guards, they would've captured this creature under an hour."
"Perhaps," Celestia said, "but I'm sure they're on their way now."
"Though, I can't say I know why you're trying to capture this creature. We could easily leave it where it is."
Celestia shook her head. "No, we can't. Don't you remember the last time a foreign bipedal creature magically appeared in Equestria? I don't know what this thing’s motives are, but it can't be good."
"I think you're just overreacting. Not all strange things come to cause destruction, at least not intentionally. I myself was once no greater than a monster, though I may have denied it. I was convinced I stood with reasonable intentions; I was too blind to realize what I was doing was wrong."
"So you think I should reason with it?"
"No, I think you should blast it with the Elements of Harmony as you did me! Maybe send it to the moon, I don't know. Isn't that why they're there: to create peace violently?"
"We can't. We already gave up the Elements to the Tree of Harmony a while ago."
"Ah yes…. What does that tree even do?"
"I'm glad you asked; it-"
At that moment, a Royal guard burst through the doors, gasping for breath. He rushed toward the princesses before he lifelessly stumbled to the ground.
"Message...for the princess..." he wheezed as he struggled to his feet.
"Somepony fetch some water for our messenger," Luna ordered.
Two nearby guards nodded and brought back a jug filled to the brim with clear water. The messenger savagely drank the container dry and wiped his mouth. Clearing his throat, he told the princess the message. "I'm afraid we have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?"
"Good news, please."
"We were unable to capture the creature. All but few were slaughtered by an army of plants."
Celestia and Luna stared in absolute shock. "A-and the bad news?"
"No, wait that was the bad news... The good news is that we fought for nearly a whole ten minutes."
"How is this good news?" Celestia said, getting a little upset.
"Sorry Your Majesty, I didn't want to just bring bad news. Another thing, these plants were sowed personally by the creature. Meaning, to get to it, we had to get through the plants. Which, I might add, is impossible."
"Impossible?" Luna scoffed. "How could measly plants outdo a bunch of armed guards?"
Celestia shot an annoyed glare at her sister. "If they managed to take out my trained guards, I'm sure they're not as weak as you're making them out to be." Celestia turned back to the guard. "Please, how is Captain Shining Armor? Did he survive?"
"Thankfully, yes. Though he was caught in an explosion, the doctors say he'll eventually be alright."
Celestia sighed in relief. "At least I can be happy about one thing. You've done well in telling us this guard; you may leave."
The guard nodded and silently left.
"Celestia," Luna said, "allow me and my guards to attempt to capture this creature. I won't allow these plants to make a mockery of our kingdom!"
"I don't know..." Celestia said, "I rather you away from any danger."
"I've done things like this before, I can handle myself. Plus, with a mighty alicorn fighting along with her trained guards, there won't be any danger."
Celestia thought for a while before answering. "Fine."
"Okay plants," Sunflower said, "that battle was horrible."
At her remark, the plants burst out in fits of laughter. But their happy expressions faded when they saw that she was indeed serious.
She angrily folded her leaves and explained. "I mean it! We had no idea what we were doing!"
"But we won, right?" Potato Mine said, "what does it matter if we understood or not?"
The plants nodded in agreement, but the sunflower slowly shook her head. "You don't get it, we didn't win. The plant food did."
"Your point being?"
"If we needed to rely so much on plant food, what would happen if we were to run out? No, we should be able to win battles without an excessive use of plant food."
"That's Barry's problem," Peashooter said. "We're just planted somewhere and shoot what's in front of us."
"But these horses don't seem like they mindlessly walk into our fire. They make a plan, and they act upon it. It seems that if we want to win, we need to pull our own weight."
"Whoa whoa, you mean we should actually aim !?"
Sunflower stared blankly at the peashooter.
"He's kidding," Cabbage-pult assured. "But we know little about these horses. How do we fight them?"
"And another thing," Potato Mine said, "are we sure these guys are necessarily bad? One risked its life for another. To me, that's pretty heroic."
"You're just making an excuse so you don't have to work."
"Eh, I guess. But seriously, we need to know more about them."
"But where are we going to get that kind of information?" asked Sunflower.
"So, you need information?" a voice said.
The plants looked around but no one was in sight. Suddenly, they heard a rustling in the bushes. The plants turned and detected two figures parting the thick branches.
"If so, we're more than willing to share."
The plants stared with curiosity at the creatures standing before them. They'd seen a lot of strange things that day, but these two took the cake. They looked like wolves, but they were much bigger. But the most notable thing about them was that they were made entirely of sticks. Peashooter couldn't help but ask, "What in the world are you?"
"We're what you'd call a timberwolf," one said. "We couldn't help but overhear your conversation."
Cabbage-pult narrowed his eyes. "How did you just happen to overhear us?"
"To be honest, we were watching you for some time," The other confessed. "But what do you expect? You're not exactly common around here."
The first nodded. "But whether we were spying or not, your problem still stands. Like I said before, if you need information, we may be able to help."
"And why should we trust you?" Peashooter said.
"You don't have to, but there’s no reason why you shouldn't. It's not like we're asking for the keys to your house or anything."
"If we do decide to take this information, what do you expect in return?" Sunflower asked.
"Nothing at all. We simply saw a possible friend in need and want to help."
"Suuuure...," Cabbage-pult said, "excuse us as we talk it over."
The plants turned around and huddled. "There definitely spies," Peashooter stated. "I've never heard of anyone wanting to help someone they just met. They're getting something out of this, we just don't see it."
"Actually, we help Barry without asking for anything in return," Potato Mine reminded. "What makes you think they're not doing the same?"
"We accepted fighting zombies because we thought it was cool. This is entirely different," explained Cabbage-pult. "If you want my opinion, we should tell them to go before they get hurt."
"We could do that," Sunflower said. "But if we do that we might be chasing away our only chance to learn more of our enemy. If these horses attack, we could be vulnerable to the unknown. And considering we have no lawnmowers, we can't afford that."
"'If', 'might', 'could'? Are you sure you're not being paranoid?"
"I'm not being paranoid! That is a perfectly reasonable outcome!"
"And to avoid it, we're going to have to trust them," Potato Mine said. "Besides, what will it hurt?"
"Well, if I'm right," Peashooter said, "and they're spies, they could try to learn our strategy. Maybe even feed us false information. Then we'll most certainly lose our next fight."
"We could ask them questions about the horses we already know, then. If they answer falsely, they either have a bad source, or they’re liars."
"That idea might have worked, but we don't know anything about those horses," Sunflower said.
"Oh yeah..."
"At this point, trusting them seems riskier than turning them down."
"We could just ask them if their lying," a wall-nut suggested.
The plants turned and stared at Wall-nut.
"No seriously, this could work." Wall-nut twisted himself around. "Hey, uhh...?"
"I'm Spruce," the first timberwolf said. "My brother here is Oak."
"Okay Spruce, will you guys lie to us?"
Spruce placed a paw on his chest as if offended. "Of course not!"
Wall-nut turned back to his friends. "See? How could you argue with that?"
The plants were silent. "Good enough for me," Peashooter finally said.
"Me too," Sunflower agreed.
"I guess I could go with that," Cabbage-pult admitted.
"Same here," Potato Mine said.
"Fantastic!" Oak cried. "Let's begin with your names."
"That information is on a need-to-know basis," Peashooter said. "And you don't need to know."
"Uhh, okay," Spruce said. "So the animals you were fighting are an intelligent species called ponies."
"Quick question," Potato Mine said. "Are these ponies evil or something? We don't enjoy killing something that isn't already dead unless they deserve it."
"Maybe you don't like it," Cabbage-pult said, "but I don't mind. If Barry tells us to do it, we will."
Potato Mine rolled his eyes. "Just answer the question, Spruce."
Spruce thought it over for a while. "First of all, they attacked the gardener. That makes them hostile."
"It could have been a misunderstanding," Wall-nut said. "Other humans here could have mistreated them."
Spruce shook his head. "Tsk tsk, you poor naive soul. The truth is, they hate other species. It’s as simple as that."
Peashooter looked doubtful. "What makes you say that?"
"Maybe this story will shed some light. Once a dragon decided to settle down in a cave somewhere miles away from a pony filled town. Like most, this dragon was able to talk, think, and learn. The ponies weren't excited about the idea of a 'wild animal' near their town. But remember, the dragon was miles away . So the ponies agreed to 'take care' of him and set off toward the mountain. Despite the dragon already filling his cave with its money, they forced him out. And it was only because he was different."
"Really?"
"Of course really!" Oak exclaimed, "But that's just the tip of the iceberg, another time a zebra-"
"Okay, we get the picture," Sunflower interrupted. "Though hating other species doesn't deserve a penalty of death. You still haven't given us a valid reason why they're evil."
"Haven't I?!" Spruce shouted.
Sunflower backed up at the timberwolf's sudden outburst.
"Obviously, you don't understand at all! We are like filth under their hooves to them. Our families were murdered because they deemed us inferior! 'Hate' is an understatement to what those...creatures feel about us."
"Okay, I-"
"They've enslaved nature! They fence up sapient pigs for no reason whatsoever! They’re trying to take over this world by taking control of everything else. They took over the weather. They conditioned animals so that they can't take care of themselves. They won't allow anything to grow without them knowing of it. This forest is the only place safe from their cruel ways. Oak is the only family I have left to protect." Spruce's face started dripping with tears. "From childhood, we searched vainly to find someone brave enough to fight back. When we saw you plants easily trumping them in battle, we were filled with such joy...."
Spruce couldn't control himself; he started to sob like a little child. The plants looked at each other, feeling pretty terrible. Oak comforted his brother. "Don't worry; soon it'll all be all over."
"Yeah," Wall-nut agreed, "we'll put a stop to this. No more will the ponies treat you like sticks!"
Peashooter face-leafed. "Poor choice of words."
A weak smile spread across Spruce's face. "Th-thank you…"
"But before we could do anything," Sunflower said, "we need information."
Spruce took a moment to compose himself. "Good idea, but let’s begin with your traits and abilities. It'll be easier to tell you how you can improve than to spew out knowledge."
"That's reasonable," Sunflower said, "let’s start with my abilities..."
Luna trotted down a stony pathway in shiny silver armor. It had been centuries since she'd been in a battle like this. Still, she was as confident as ever. After a talk with some of the injured guards, she had a good idea of what her opponents looked like and how to take them out. Actually, she had a quite a bit of fun strategizing and organizing.
She slowed her pace as she arrived at a field filled with her specially trained night guards. They wielded swords, shields, crossbows, and spears. Much like the first band of guards who attacked, but much more planned out.
As the guards realized her presence, they stood at attention and waited for orders.
"At ease," Luna commanded.
One of the higher night guards trotted toward her and bowed. "I did everything you asked. Each shield is enchanted to be more durable. On top of that, we gathered more than one hundred trained guards."
"Good, that will be all for now."
The guard nodded and joined his comrades. As the guard left, Celestia walked up and greeted her. "Hello, sister."
"Celestia, you came! Does this mean you'll fight with us as well?"
Celestia's smile faded. "I'm afraid not. I already invited some griffons to dinner and a serious discussion. They have been starting some trouble at the Horseshoe Bay you see."
"Tis a shame, I really hoped we could do this together. Just like old times."
Celestia chuckled. "Yes, just like old times. But don't you think it's reasonable to do this another day? I feel attacking tonight is rushing things too much."
"Maybe, but I won't be able to rest until I personally bring this creature down as soon as I can. This shame it brought upon the kingdom is too great to last much longer!"
"It’s not that bad, Equestria has been conquered before."
"Not by plants, sister!"
Before Celestia could argue more, a royal guard trotted up to Celestia. "Excuse me, your highness, but we have to go now."
"Ah yes, I almost forgot." Celestia outstretched her wings. "I wish good luck to you, sister."
Luna waved goodbye and turned to attend to her army.
A few hours later...
"...and that's basically it," Sunflower ended.
"That was...long," Oak groaned.
"I'll take that as a compliment," Peashooter said. "Now how can we use all that to our advantage?"
"First of all," Spruce started, "I couldn't remember most of what you said."
"What!? Why didn't you interrupt us or-?!"
"Second , I'm pretty sure I could just give you a basic idea on what you’re doing. Then you could discuss more complex strats on your own."
Sunflower frowned. "I still think you should have said something earlier."
Oak rolled his eyes. "What was your first attack strat anyways?"
"Oh, we just sort of shoot the guy in front of us," Peashooter explained.
"Don't forget, we also shoot off one of their limbs first. Then we go for headshots," Cabbage-pult added.
Oak burst out laughing, but then his smile slowly faded. "Oh, you're serious..."
Peashooter started to get mad. "What's wrong with our strategy!?"
"Oh, nothing!" Spruce assured, "it's the perfect strategy...if you were fighting zombies! I mean you have to admit, that plan sounds terrible."
Sunflower folded her leaves. "I'm not even going to comment. What do you suggest?"
"This is an ancient technique that is rarely seen in most battles, but can conquer wars."
"What is it?"
Spruce looked around as if to make sure no one was listening. "It's a thing called...prioritizing your targets."
Sunflower placed a leaf on her chin. "This intrigues me. Please, go on."
"They are three groups of ponies," Spruce continued, "earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns. Half of you will aim for the pegasi, the ponies with wings. The other half will take on the unicorns, the ponies with horns."
"We got the pegasi!" Cabbage-pult announced.
"So that leaves us with the unicorns," Peashooter said.
"A tip to help those who fight the pegasi: keep them from the clouds. When they latch onto one, they can control the weather. Meaning they can form blizzards and shoot lightning. Those who fight the unicorns, aim for the horn, they can't use magic if you hit them."
"Wait," Sunflower interrupted, "who aims for the third group, the earth ponies?"
Spruce thought for a second. "They're pretty much useless, just hit them when they get too close."
At that moment, Barry walked out the house with his shovel. He paused immediately after seeing the stick creatures. "Huh, timber wolves. Cool." Barry continued his work and raised his shovel in the air. He proceeded to dig up one of the peashooters. As he did, the plants were engulfed in light and shrunk down into something that seemed to be two small suns. Barry took out his gun-shaped device and absorbed it.
"Whoa, what is he doing to you guys?" Oak asked a little concerned.
"You could say he's refreshing us," Sunflower explained. "When we stay out too long, we get tired and won't fight to our fullest. He may replant us, or he might mix it up and replace us."
"So different plants come and take your place, right?"
"Sometimes, yes."
"Don't forget to tell them the new strategy," Spruce reminded. "If not, this conversation would be pointless."
"Don't worry, he usually doesn't replace me."
"Spruce, we have to go now," Oak urged.
"Oh yes, I remember."
Spruce waved goodbye as they both ran back into the forest. "Good luck guys!" they cried as they disappeared into the darkness.
The plants waved back. "Thanks for your help!"
The timberwolves ran deeper into the forest. "You think we're out of hearing range?" Oak huffed.
"I think so, yes," Spruce answered. They both stopped and grinned. "They were so gullible."
"Yeah, they devoured your 'lost my family' story. Good fake tears, by the way. Now they will attack with no reservations."
"Thanks, the boss will be so pleased when we tell him we succeeded...."
Author's Note
Special thanks to: plp855 for inspiration for the timberwolves. Seriously man, thank you.
"Oh my goodness! Luna, are you okay?! Luna? Oh no! Guards! Somepony help!"
Celestia, having just raising the sun, had only wanted to check up on her sister. Maybe even to encourage her after the loss she suffered. But as Celestia entered the room, she was welcomed only by horror.
Not a second later, two guards burst into the room. "Yes, your-"
They never got to finish, for they were struck dumb. Princess Luna lied motionless on the floor. Whether she was still alive or not, they didn't know.
"Get a doctor," Celestia ordered. "Now!"
The guards saluted and bolted out the door. In the meantime, Celestia quickly checked for Luna's heartbeat. She sighed in relief; Luna was still alive. She lifted her sister with her magic and laid her on her bed. Somehow, she knew permitting Luna to fight would only bring more bereavement. Yet Celestia once again did nothing to stop it. Or maybe if she postponed the griffon meeting, they'd have prevailed against the creature. Celestia felt nothing but guilt, but that wouldn't help her sister.
After half an hour, the door finally swung open, revealing the guards. They marched in with unusually uncomfortable expressions. But that wasn't the first thing Celestia noticed.
"Where's the doctor?"
The guards glanced at each other nervously. "Your highness, we couldn't find any of Canterlot's usual doctors," one explained. "I don't know all the details, but I think they've all gone on vacation or something."
Celestia's eye twitched. "Vacation? Why did they all decide to go on vacation? Now of all times?" She did a good job to keep from yelling, but from her tone of voice, you could tell she was upset.
"Well, not all them...but we've never seen him before."
"If he's skilled in aiding sick ponies, I'm sure he's qualified. Please, bring him in."
The guards nodded then turned to the door. "You can enter now."
From the door, came a light gray stallion. He wore a sharp light blue lab coat with a black belt strapped around his hip. Blue rubber gloves covered his front hooves and stretched almost to his knees. His stylish mane was black with a hint of gray. Small round glasses rested on his snout, gleaming brightly. He looked well-dressed and formal. But despite his pleasant look, something seemed off about him. And the guards could sense it too. But whatever it was, it didn't matter.
"My name is Dr. Bonesaw," the doctor said. "I believe I vill be helping your sister, correct?"
"Yes," Celestia said, "she's over here. Can you help her? She may have been like this all night, but I'm not sure."
Dr. Bonesaw nodded in understanding and walked toward the wounded princess.
Suddenly, the door burst open. A guard stormed in, looking for Celestia. The two guards caught him before he plowed straight into her. "Princess Celestia! The rest of the Night Guards has been found!"
Those words seized Celestia’s attention. "Where?"
"Everything in here..." I said, barely able to contain my rage, "has spoiled!!"
I slammed the fridge shut, rattling its useless contents. I steamed to the living room to retrieve my seed gun.
"You didn't have much in there, to begin with.... " Sunflower mumbled.
I wasn't sure, but I knew something sarcastic left that Sunflower's mouth. This was the reason I usually kept my house free from these plants. Because of the mouth I constantly got. But thanks to the power outage, I began relying on them more and more.
At that moment, Marigold hopped toward me, holding a Snow Pea packet. Once getting my attention, she handed the seed packet to me.
I smiled and thanked the Marigold. She was one of the few plants that were actually quite helpful. I'd use her more if it wasn't for the fact she was completely useless for combat.
I planted a bunch of ice plants in the fridge. After doing so, I walked back into the living room. I then proceeded to collapse on the couch. I gazed at the ceiling, replaying that strange dream in my head. Something still bothered me about it, more specifically, that winged unicorn. Did it really infiltrate my dream? Or was my subconscious that crazy? The answer: who cares? Whether it was legit or not, it made me realize an important fact. These horses were probably intelligent.
I really should've realized this sooner. I mean, you'd think the armor and planned attacks would be a dead giveaway.
The question now is how is this going to affect me? In short, a lot. Every battle they fight is a learning experience for them. Unlike the zombies who fall for the same tricks, they'd be stronger with each fight.
Normally, this wouldn't worry me. But after taking inventory, I learned a few things. All but one of my lawnmowers have been totaled. I thought about using it, but what good would that do? Not only that but most my power ups are missing. Namely, the power snow, power toss, power flame, and power pinch.
Other than the power zap, I have no backup in case the fight went south. And to be perfectly honest, that sort of frightened me. I only have so many plants, can I really hold out against them? Could I actually lose?
"Nah!"
Celestia paced anxiously outside of Luna's door. It’s been half an hour and she was still waiting for Dr. Bonesaw to finish. At least this gave Celestia time to reflect on the creature and its house.
It was a mystery how the night guards ended up unconscious on the roofs of Ponyville's houses. Thankfully, Ponyville's hospital took the wounded guards in for treating. According to the doctors, they suffered from some kind of fall. In fact, that speculation fits well with what happened to Luna.
What possibly could've happened to cause that? Celestia thought. She made a note to question one of those night guards later that day.
But despite the unanswered questions, Celestia felt as if something had to be done. The creature must've needed a great amount of power to decimate an army of a hundred and an alicorn princess. This proved it was dangerous as she suspected.
Celestia's thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the door creaking open. Dr. Bonesaw was finally done, but his expression suggested bad news. He slowly closed the door behind him and sighed deeply. "Zat took longer zan I sought...."
Celestia hated to asked, but she needed to know. "Will...will she be alright?"
A smile managed to form on Dr. Bonesaw's face. "No."
"I hope you don't mean she's going to...."
"Oh, zere's still hope for her, but it's slim. I can easily deal vith her physical vounds, but it looks like she’s suffering from great mental trauma. It might take veeks for her to recover from somesing like zat. I'll do my best, but zere's a good chance she may never vake up again."
Celestia stood in silence, trying to process the doctor's words. He sure didn't sugarcoat anything. Speaking seemed pointless since nothing she said could change the diagnosis. But there was one thing she could do. She thanked Dr. Bonesaw for his time and turned down the hall. But before she got far, she was stopped by a hoof on her shoulder. Celestia turned to see Dr. Bonesaw.
"Princess, I understand vat you're going zrough. You feel zat you’re losing control of everyzing. And zat nozing vill change unless you did somesing about it. And you’re right. But you have to be careful not to do anyzing irrational."
"Irrational?" Celestia questioned.
"You know vat I mean. Granted, zis isn't any of my business. I shouldn't tell you how to do your job in as much as you shouldn't mine. But I have a feeling you're about to make a poor decision."
Celestia raised an eyebrow.
"Sink of it zis vay. If zis monster can easily launch an alicorn and her army across ze map, vat do you sink you could do? You could try to fight, but you'd end up like your sister or vorse. Zis country needs you alive , so I suggest you move as far as possible from zat house."
"So what do you want me to do? Send more innocent ponies to their deaths while I lie idle in my castle?"
Dr. Bonesaw chuckled. "Trust me, no army you could muster vould be able to match zat sing. At least, not vizout massive bloodshed."
"Look, if you're suggesting we give up...."
"No no, of course not. I'm merely suggesting zat brute force vill only bring more disaster. Ze creature outnumbers us; its army is infinite. To beat such an overpowered being such as zat requires strategy."
"Strategy? Hmm…I don't suppose you have any ideas."
"Vell...." Dr. Bonesaw smiled pridefully. "I've been in a few scuffles myself. I know a zing or two about strategy." Dr. Bonesaw returned to his serious state. "But I can't guarantee everyone survival. Zis battle might sacrifice some lives. It's your choice. Vee could go vith my plan or vee could just give up pursuing zis creature."
Celestia thought it over. "What's your strategy?"
The next day...
"...If you use the priorities I gave, fighting these ponies should be a lot easier," Sunflower concluded.
She'd just finished dumping a truckload of exposition on the rest of the plants. Though Sunflower had finished, the plants were still slightly confused. But they dared not say it in fear she'd start over.
"Is everyone cool with this?"
Kernal-pult's eyes lit up. "Yeah, is everyone cool with this?"
Snow Pea rolled his eyes, knowing the joke was directed at him. "Wow, never heard that one before...."
"No need to be so cold , Snow Pea!" Spikeweed remarked.
Kernel-pult laughed. "Exactly! You need to snow when to chill !"
All the plants joined in on the laughter.
"Ice one, Kernal!" Spikeweed said.
"Yeah," Snow Pea muttered, "hilarious."
"Hmm, icy Snow Pea isn't enjoying our puns," Sap-fling joked.
"I just don't understand," Snow Pea said. "Iceberg Lettuce is standing right over there. Why am I your target and not him?"
"Because he's adorable," Kernel-pult explained. "Isn't that right widdle guy?"
"Why am I cursed with these adowably large eyes...," Iceberg Lettuce mumbled.
"D'awww," the plants cooed.
"But really Snow Pea," Sap-fling said, "you shouldn't take these puns personally. You should learn to...let it go ."
All the plants burst into cheerful laughter. Snow Pea sighed, but still managed to smile. "Alright, alright, that's enough. The ponies could be arriving any moment. We're on thin ice here, so let's stay frosty ."
The plants were completely silent.
"Oh come on! That was a good one!"
The plants shushed the Snow Pea as they remained silent. "Do you hear that?" Sunflower said.
For a while, all the plants listened intensely.
"It was probably-"
Before she could finish, a faint cry echoed within the forest. "Charge! "
At the back of the house....
The plants could hear the clash of battle growing louder from the front of the house. There was certainly a battle going on. If only they could see what was going on. Were they winning or were they losing? Only time could truly tell.
"Do you see anything, Sunflower?" Sap-fling asked.
One of the Sunflowers at the ends peered around the house, trying to make out what was going on. "I could see part of the battle, but not much," she replied.
"How I wish I was in that fight right about now," Spikeweed said. "Real unicorns...ha! I find that hilarious! I wonder how resistant they are against my spikes piercing their hooves...."
The plants looked at him in disgust. "Just...no."
"Yo Sunflower, do you see any of the ponies?"
Sunflower leaned in further to get a better view. "I do, but I'm not sure what they're doing."
"What do you mean?" Snow Pea asked.
"They're just standing there, allowing their shields to tank all our shots. Are they trying to wear us out or something?"
"Psh, good luck with that," Spikeweed taunted.
"What are you planning ponies...." Sunflower mumbled.
"Since we have some free time," another Sunflower said, "let's use it to review our battle plan."
A loud groan swept among the plants. But that didn't stop Sunflower from clearing her throat and-
"Guys, the ponies, they're gonna ambush us!" Iceberg Lettuce cried, interrupting Sunflower.
And he was right. Several silhouettes crept in the shadows of the forest. But though he was right in his assumption, his cuteness betrayed him.
"Are you trying to tell us something widdle guy?" They said.
"Yes, look! They be hiding there!" He motioned constantly at the figures in the forest ahead.
"Y'know, you're the only guy who can cheer me up when I'm disappointed," Spikeweed said.
"CAN ONE OF YOU TAKE ME SEWIOUSLY!!"
"CHARGE!! "
The plan was going perfectly. A decoy squad distracted the plants from the front while lowering the defense of the back. When the signal was given, the ponies struck the plant's defenses furiously. It was happening, they were finally winning! Each of the guards felt untouchable as none had taken any serious damage. The plants were completely helpless.
But then, the plants actually started firing. Almost instantly, the battle was thrown in their favor. They were immediately nailed with frozen peas and rained on by sap and butter. By the looks of it, this was their worst battle yet.
But still, the ponies didn't back down for a second. They charged with their swords held high, willing to lay down their life for their country. Sadly, their bravery was not rewarded. The sap scattered on the ground made it almost impossible to advance. Butter smashed into their faces, blinding them. The frozen peas had a chilling effect which slowed their movement significantly. The were covering no ground at all.
"L-lieutenant," a guard said, shivering from the cold. "Th-this isn't-t w-working."
"I know!" Their leader yelled. "We should probably...."
At that moment, a loud cry was heard from the back of the army. "Leeeeet's do iiiiit!"
A purple pony charged to the front of the rush while snatching a sword from a guard's hoof. The pony then did a miraculous leap over the spikes and sap. Without taking a hit, the pony swiftly passed the ice spheres and sliced three snow peas in half with one swing.
"Now that is a bloody domination!" the pony cried as she stumbled backward, somehow avoiding the projectiles.
"Is that pony mad?!" a guard exclaimed.
"I think she's drunk!" another said.
"Whatever she is, she's distracting the plants. Let's use this to our advantage and continue fighting!"
"No," the lieutenant said, "this mission was doomed from the start. Even if we get a slight upper hoof, that creature will use that magic leaf of his to finish us off. Grab that pony and fire the signal; we're retreating."
The guards were surprised at their leader's orders. If Shining Armor was leading, he'd fight to the end. But whether they wanted to or not, they needed to follow orders. Two earth ponies ran to the purple pony's aid.
"Gonna kill you and I'll keep killin' you and I'll never, cause you're 'onna be dead and then I'm gonna kill you," the pony slurred.
"My goodness I think you're right, she is drunk!"
"Seems like even a drunken pony is braver than we are..."
A unicorn fired a magical firework into the sky, and the remaining ponies fled into the forest.
An angry hoof slammed on top of the table. "What the hay just happened out there?!" a royal guard yelled.
Several hours had passed since the ponies lost to the plants. But though the battle was over, the sting of defeat was ever-present. Princess Celestia had just called a meeting to discover the very question that had been asked. Now, she and some participants of this battle intended to answer it.
"Weren't you there? We lost," another guard mumbled.
"This is why you don't take any advice from a doctor," one said.
"He was only trying to help," Celestia said, "and I myself thought it was a decent plan."
"Well, it wasn't. We were beaten senseless out there."
Princess Celestia sighed patiently. "Maybe you could be more specific about what happened. After all, I'm the only one here who wasn't present during the event."
"Allow me, your highness," Lieutenant Blockade said.
Without any shame, he described the battle in detail, leaving nothing out. From the feeling of victory at the beginning, to the wake-up slap of reality towards the end. It was actually quite funny, considering how blunt he was. Some of the guards even snickered at the beating their comrades suffered.
"Can you describe the plants you've encountered?" Celestia asked.
Blockade nodded. "With sunflowers as an exception, most of them were variations the first ones we've seen. The pea-shooters were light blue and fired frozen peas enchanted with a slowing effect. The cabbage catapults had two variations. One looked like a sapling and threw pinecones dripping with sticky sap. The other looked like half a corn stuck into the ground; it lobbed butter and pieces of corn. A few new plants were also seen during battle. Such as plants disguised as spikes, and ice lettuces that freeze ponies when touched."
"I see...." Celestia said. "Judging by how calm you are, I assume it wasn't a total loss."
Blockade smirked at Celestia's observation. "No, it wasn't."
The guards looked at him, confused. They never heard of any progress being made.
He turned to one of the guards. "Would you like to explain to everypony what you've discovered?"
All eyes were fixed on the guard as he nodded and began to speak. "As you know, our squad was instructed to draw the creature’s attention to the front. That way, the creature will be too busy to deal with the sneak attack from the back. While we did so, we were able to examine the plants from the safety of our shields. We've noticed that, when firing constantly, the plants have breaks between every shot. They had a charge time or reloading time before firing again. For the shooting plants, their reload time was exactly 1.5 seconds. For the lobbing plants, their reload time was exactly 3 seconds. We're not sure if this rule applies to all plants, but it's still a good thing to keep in mind."
"That is certainly interesting," Celestia commented. "But I fail to see how it is helpful."
"Well, it really isn't...." the guard admitted, "but it's also not the only thing we've learned. We learned that these plants seem to have sapience. They planned and strategized each of their attacks like second nature. At one point, they stopped firing and waited for our defenses to drop. After a while, they'd attack all at once, knocking us back. Clearly, there was some intelligence at work."
Celestia thought it over. "Wouldn't it make sense that the creature simply gave them orders and the plants obeyed?"
"That may be the case, but that only confirms the creature's intelligence. But that wasn't the point I wanted to expand upon. We've noticed something else about these plants. Something extremely vital if we want to defeat them."
"Which is?" a guard asked.
"The sunflowers," he stated firmly. "Have any of you figured out what they do? After all, they've been in every battle."
Everyone took a moment to determine an answer. "We give up. What do they do?"
The guard leaned back in his chair. "These sunflowers seem to do nothing but produce miniature suns. But does anyone take the time to see where those suns go? If left alone, the suns will disappear. But most of them are gathered by the creature with some sort of device. With this same device, he makes more plants. Is anypony making the connection?"
The ponies sat there dumb, still trying to put the pieces together. Celestia's eyes suddenly lit up. "To make more plants, the creature needs the sunflower's suns!"
"Which means...."
All the guards finally understood. "If we destroy the sunflowers, we defeat the plants!"
"Yes!"
Hope had finally returned to the ponies. Maybe with this newfound knowledge, they could win.
But amongst the happiness, was an irritated groan. "You ponies really think you've learned something here?" a guard said, shaking his head. "Yes, we know which plant to target now. But has any of you remembered we have trouble destroying one plant? How are we going to wipe out a whole line of the ones hiding in the back?"
Everyone's smiles slowly vanished as their morale was crushed by his words.
"So then... it really is impossible to beat them...," a guard finally uttered.
"No, we just have to think harder," Celestia assured. "There could be other ways of winning that we just can't see. If we put our heads together, we can find something."
"I really don't see the point," another guard said. "Why don't we allow this creature to live in its house. It's not going to hurt anypony from there."
Celestia sighed. "We can't do that. Not again. We must deal with it before-"
"Wait a minute, your highness," the lieutenant said, "that maybe a good idea."
"How?"
"Instead of fighting these plants, we could camp around the house. Eventually, the creature will run out of food, and as we know, all living things need food and water. We'll force it to surrender or die of starvation, but either way, it won't be our problem anymore."
The same guard that shot down their first plan did the same to this one. "Couldn't it just eat its own plants? It has an endless supply of them, and they look edible enough."
"The creature also needs air to survive. Maybe we could try smoking it out."
"Actually, we've recently discovered there's a plant that can make huge gusts of wind. That's how the night guards were defeated last night. The creature will use it to blow the fumes back in our faces."
The room was filled with silence. "Wow, you really are a downer."
The guard shrugged. "I'm just saying...."
"If we can't chase the creature out, we're forced to break in," Celestia said plainly. "Does anypony have any ideas of doing that?"
"Hey, why don't we try teleporting into the house?" a guard suggested.
This time, the whole room burst into laughter. "Don't you know what happens when you teleport into an object?" a guard finally asked.
"Um, you... impale yourself?"
"Exactly! Now, explain what might happen if we tried teleporting into a house we have no mental image of?"
"...You could impale yourself..."
"And that's not a pretty sight."
More silence followed as the group tried to determine an answer. Slowly, a hoof raised amongst them.
"Do you have a question, private?" Blockade asked the guard.
"Actually, I have an idea. Let's have one more attack, except with the crystal guards. Put Flash Sentry in the front, and while they're in the heat of battle, tell everypony else to back off."
Celestia frowned. "What will that accomplish?"
The guard grinned devilishly. "We'll finally rid Equestria of its greatest threat...."
Blockade groaned. "Look, it all boils down to this. We know the royal and night guards are incapable of winning normally. I'm sure the same goes for the crystal guards. Somehow, we need to use this information we discovered and give it to ponies that could actually benefit from it. At the time, those ponies aren't us."
"Who do you suppose those ponies are then?" Celestia asked.
"We need ponies that are brave and daring. We need ponies that are fast and evasive. We need ponies that can think quickly and plan effectively. We need ponies like..."
At that moment, Soarin opened the door holding a handkerchief. "Hey, did anypony drop this?"
The guards simply stared.
"What?"
Author's Note
Can anyone tell me who the drunk pony was referencing?
Books piled on the floor as Twilight de-shelved her library. She took down each book and, after briskly scanning the contents, added it to the pile. Shelf by shelf was emptied by the purple alicorn.
"Spike! Did you find anything?" she called to her assistant, levitating several books.
Spike lied lazily on a pile of books. He was reading an interesting book he'd just found. "Nope, nothing yet," he replied.
Twilight levitated Spike's book with her magic. "I understand you had other plans for the day," Twilight said. "I did too. But when Princess Celestia gives an order, we make it our top priority."
"Yeah, but Princess Celestia didn't order you. She asked you," Spike countered. "If you'd simply said 'no'...."
Twilight scoffed, "Say 'no' to the princess? You must be mad! If I'd refused, she'd-"
"Remove your wings and send you back to magic kindergarten?"
"Very funny Spike."
Spike chuckled at his own joke then leaped off the pile. He then chose a stack of books and quickly skimmed through each page.
Shortly afterward, Starlight walked through the door. "Don't tell me it's re-shelving day already," she grumbled.
"Not exactly," Twilight said. "Do you remember the creature I told you about? The one in the Everfree Forest?"
"Oh, the one that beat you and your friends up? Didn't you say Princess Celestia had it under control?"
"Well.... It's starting to be more of a problem than Princess Celestia anticipated. Already it has defeated two companies of guards along with Princess Luna."
"Princess Luna!?" Starlight said in astonishment. "How!?"
"It didn't do it by itself. Somehow, while we were gone, it grew an army of plants to defend its house."
"I still think it's kinda funny," Spike remarked.
"No, it's actually very serious, Spike ," Twilight said, motioning to the books.
Spike sighed and continued searching through books.
"Princess Celestia requested that we learn everything we could about the creature and its war plants. That way, they might find some weakness."
"Which would explain the books," Starlight said.
Twilight nodded. "As you could see, I'm not having much luck at it...."
"Maybe if you describe this creature to me, I could help you look," Starlight suggested.
Twilight searched the back of her mind. After all, she had only seen the thing once. "Now that I think about it, it was much like a minotaur. Only it didn't have hooves or much hair. It was also less muscular and wore clothes. But its face was somewhat round, having no snout."
Starlight nodded and chipped in with the search. But even with another helping hoof, no progress was being made. Books about minotaurs, plants, the Everfree Forest, and even tornadoes were stacked in a pile. The mares had already started rechecking the books for any missed information. Two full hours had slowly passed before Starlight sat down.
"You know, Sunburst would be really good at this," Starlight said. "He has a knack for researching and tracking down certain books."
"Yes, I suppose," Twilight mumbled, turning the pages to a book.
Starlight cocked her head slightly. "Are you still in that same book? In fact, it doesn't look like you're even reading it."
Twilight looked down and noticed she was right. She grinned innocently as she lowered the book. "Whoops."
Starlight wasn't impressed. "You really don't want to do this, huh?"
"No, that's not it. I'm glad to be helping the princess. And I welcome the opportunity to review and reshelf all these books. It's just...."
"Just what?"
Twilight sighed. "I just don't understand Princess Celestia's reason to jail the creature at all."
"What don't you get?"
"I mean, it did try to hurt us, but I don't blame it completely. It was scared and acted out of self-defense."
"But what about those soldiers? And your brother? After the suffering it caused, you still think it deserves mercy?"
"Though I'm not happy about what it did, it was all still in self-defense. We were the ones bringing trouble at its doorstep. We created an army to make war against it. All it did was protect itself."
Starlight smirked. "You've been talking to Fluttershy lately, huh?"
"Well...yes. But she makes a valid point. Plus, her worry for the creature isn’t the reason I'm upset. Ponies are supposed to be peaceful and kind. Since when did we go around fighting things we didn't understand? I'm mostly surprised at Princess Celestia. After everything she taught me, I didn't think she'd act so irrationally. I might understand her wanting to protect her subjects, I guess. But shouldn't we deal with this the way we know how? Friendship?"
"I was wondering when you were going to suggest something like that. But really, if you're that worried, just go tell Princess Celestia. Wouldn't she understand?"
Twilight thought for a while. "Perhaps. But I don't want to disrespect her judgment."
Starlight rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Are we going to clean this mess up or what?"
"In a moment," Twilight said, levitating another book. "I can't say I'm not curious to know more about this creature. I don't know why, but it feels like I've heard about it before. But I can't remember when or from whom...."
A mint pony, which was hiding in the room, silently slipped out the door.
I dove inside my house just as a lightning bolt struck were my feet had left. Wow, that one was close! I scrambled to my feet and raced toward the window. Upon reaching my destination, I watched the battle at hand. I've been attacked by many things, but never by a cluster of storm clouds.
Constant lightning struck my plants below. It was only by dumb luck I had filled my lawn with only lightning reeds, electric peashooters, and a few electric blueberries. The coordinated plants fired their electricity and deflected the lightning. But few lightning bolts still managed to slip through, causing a plant's fiery demise.
The flashes of light forced me to look away every now and then. The roar of thunder impaired my hearing. And to top it off, it began raining heavily. But despite it, I managed to hold my gaze long enough to see a flying horse in blue pajamas dive-bombing my plants. Is this horse for real? I almost laughed until I realized its intentions. Somehow, it effortlessly dodged the electric beams and electric balls as it moved straight for the sunflowers. In a swift motion, the horse uprooted two sunflowers and discarded them.
The horse's idiotic bravery encouraged several more horses to follow. At least two dozen horses revealed themselves and joined the first. So it was them who were behind this!
In our defenses, the electric blueberries created a barricade of lightning clouds. Yet, the horses skillfully kicked the clouds and removed them. My plants tried to keep the horses back, but that plus reflecting the lightning bolts was too much. One by one, sunflowers were plucked from my army.
These horses definitely weren't the same ones I fought a few days ago. They'd clearly stepped up their game. But as all attempts, it was in vain. The horses forgot one important flaw to their plan. I smugly planted a blover on the field.
But the horses wouldn't allow it. With their quick reflexes and incredible speed, they managed to uproot the blover.
"Whaaaaaat."
This was bad, really bad. I was losing my sunflowers fast. My options were now limited since I couldn't afford any expensive plants. The only possible way to win was by the blover.
Again, I planted another blover but got the same results. I was beginning to get frustrated. With the use of the plant food and Instant Recharge, I began planting blovers one after the other. But the horses were simply too quick. They dived, dodged, and always got their target.
Only a few sunflowers remained; I couldn't let them go to waste. I used two more plant food and gained an extra 300 sun. I only watched as the remaining sunflowers were uprooted. Now I had to use what I had left sparingly.
I turned away from the battle and put my mind to work. There had to be a way out of this that I'm not seeing. If only I had a plant fast enough to shoot the horses down.
My eyes lit up. "If I can't be faster than them. Maybe I could just slow them down!"
I quickly grabbed an iceberg lettuce seed packet and-
"What in the... a blizzard?!"
And boy what a blizzard it was. Without me knowing it, the rain had quickly switched to snow. And the snow was building up faster than normal. Though I couldn't see much through the thick snowfall, I could tell my plants were completely buried. My only protection was literally six feet under.
"There goes that plan," I grumbled. I took a deep breath and sat down. Though the situation was dire, I was able to calmly think. Time seemed to slow as I was sealed in intense thought. It was times like these why I never lost a fight. My mind reeled with plants, patterns, and possibilities. I was completely focused.
The power zap came to mind. Though victory would be almost assured, I rather keep it a secret from the horses. Only when absolutely necessary will I use it.
After a whole second of thought, I had an answer. "Wow, I feel like an idiot...." I said.
I planted a jalapeno to clear some of the snow. Immediately after, I planted an umbrella leaf. The answer was so obvious, I overlooked it. Without skipping a beat, I plant the final blover. It was over, or so I thought.
Without warning, both plants were ripped from the ground. Confused, I look around for the cause. My jaw dropped as I looked ahead.
"They can make tornados!?"
Yep, right before my eyes was a small tornado. This was definitely overkill.
Blue blurs circled the tornado over and over. I assumed it was the pajama horses sustaining the tornado from within. I wonder what would happen their flow was disrupted....
I started to time the horses as they spun around in circles. I opened my palm and spawned a blob of butter. With great precision, I reeled my hand back, chucked it, and nailed a pajama horse's face. Blinded, the horse lost control and rammed into its companions. The tornado began to wind down, leaving the horses in the air unconscious. With a triumphant grin, I planted one more blover.
"Time to blow away the competition."
The blover took a deep breath and blew harder than he ever did.
The Wonderbolts shot over Ponyville with speed comparable to Rainbow Dash's sonic rainboom. They were heading straight for the Canterlot Mountain. And at their speed, the impact wouldn't be pretty. Luckily, the pegasi were trained to recover from a situation like this. They outstretched their wings and allowed drag to slow them down. But to their surprise, they were still moving too fast. Everyone braced for impact as they plowed into the mountain.
"Augh!" Soarin cried, "my leg! I-I think it's-"
"S-suck it up, Soarin!" Spitfire snapped, wincing at the pain of her twisted wing. "We were so close to winning until you clumsily lost balance!"
"Spitfire!" Fleetfoot cried, "His leg is broken, and the rest of us is wounded badly. Can we at least take care of that before you start to lecture him?"
"Well as you can see, none of us are doctors, and the nearest one is up this steep mountain." Spitfire turned to the rest of the wonderbolts. "Can any of you fly and get help?"
The ponies looked at each other before shaking their heads.
"Terrific. Looks like we could either take a long hike to Ponyville, or we could finish climbing the mountain by hoof."
"Both seem almost impossible in our state," Blaze added.
"Then I'll try to go up myself to get some help."
"No, we'll go together! None of us gets left behind!" Misty Fly said.
Spitfire smiled at her team's determination. "Fine, we'll help each other as we climb this thing. Follow me."
It was somewhere during the afternoon when the Wonderbolts finally scaled the mountain. They were tired, hungry, and in pain. Their wounds hurt a lot more than when they crashed now. It was clear they were in desperate need for medical attention.
"Hallo!" a voice greeted.
The Wonderbolts looked around in confusion. Their eyes landed on a pony in a lab coat.
"I am Dr. Bonesaw. Ze princess told me to take care of your injuries vhen you returned. I spotted you valking up ze mountain, so I came here to assist."
"A doctor," Soarin said in relief, "just what we needed."
"Ze hospital is just right here," Bonesaw said, "you should come vith me."
The Wonderbolts nodded and limped after him. Not long after, they followed the doctor into a small building. As soon as they walked in, the doctor slammed the door and locked it.
"Er...doc, is that really necessary?" Fleetfoot asked.
"I know vat I'm doing," he assured.
Something was off about this doctor, and even the room itself was strange. It looked more like an odd house without windows than an actual hospital. And something about Dr. Bonesaw's smile made Spitfire anxious to leave.
"We are grateful for your help, but I need to report to the princess immediately."
"But your ving looks broken; let me take care of it first, zen you can go to ze princess," Dr. Bonesaw said.
"We can't afford to lose or forget the knowledge we learned today, and I'm not allowing any chances to."
"I have an idea. I'll go tell ze princess, vile you stay here. If you don't get treatment now, I von't know vat vill happen to you."
"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist."
She turned to unlock the door, but a hoof stopped her. "I forbid you to leave. You are my patient, and I'm entitled to take care of you..."
"Look doc, I thank you for your concern, but I'm a lot tougher than you think. I'll only take a few minutes."
Dr. Bonesaw sighed. "Are you sure I can't change your mind?"
"I'm sure."
"Too bad." Suddenly, his hoof jabbed into her wing, causing her to yell in pain. The horrified Wonderbolts ran to Spitfire's help, but Dr. Bonesaw was quick. He picked up a strange weapon from a nearby counter and fired syringes out of it. As soon as the needle pierced a pony's skin, he or she would lifelessly fall to the floor.
Spitfire fought the pain and looked at her options. Clearly, this pony was crazy but very skilled. Taking him on would be a bad idea, even without their injuries. Though she didn't want to, the reasonable choice was retreating.
"Everypony, scatter!" Spitfire ordered.
As the ponies ran, they quickly realized it was no use. Ponies were falling asleep one by one and no one could get the door unlocked. But Spitfire refused to be taken down. She dashed into another room and desperately looked for a backdoor. To her frustration, there were still no windows.
She searched for something she could use as a weapon, or maybe something to hide behind. She had barely begun when the door swung open and Dr. Bonesaw aimed his weapon.
"I vouldn't try anysing foolish if I vas you," he said, "one shot from zis syringe gun and you vill be fast asleep."
"Will it matter? I'm sure you'll shoot that thing with or without my cooperation," Spitfire said.
"True, but I'm sure you have a lot of questions you vant to get out of your system."
Spitfire continued to glare at the doctor, but he was right. A few questions did fill her mind. Maybe she could use this chance to stall for time. "Why are you doing this?" Spitfire asked.
"Because I vas asked to."
"You...were asked to?"
"Vell I'll admit, I'm am benefiting from zis arrangement."
"Benefiting how?"
"Don't you already know? I have a whole alicorn to experiment vith!"
"Wait... aren't you-"
"Princess Luna's doctor," Dr. Bonesaw interrupted, "in ze flesh."
Spitfire's eyes widened in horror. "You...you're lying!"
"Oh, I'm dead serious."
Spitfire backed up slightly. Clearly, she was in a worse situation than she thought. Now she had to escape this place and get to Celestia. Possibly, Luna's life hung in the balance. Spitfire noticed a table with a white tablecloth a few hooves away. She tried to continue stalling, but she couldn't find the words to speak.
Dr. Bonesaw chuckled as if he was reading Spitfire's thoughts. His small chuckling then grew into a sickening laughter. Something about his laugh set something off in Spitfire. Great fear dawned on the poor pony, as her instincts were screaming to run. This doctor only had one, clear motive: he was going to kill her.
Without much hesitation, she dashed for the table and kicked it over. She barely evaded the needles as she dived behind it for cover.
"There's no way out fräulein, give up."
She grabbed the tablecloth and tossed it toward Dr. Bonesaw. With him temporarily blinded, she sprinted out the room and towards the locked door. She fiddled with the lock and attempted to open the door. As she pulled the door open, she tried to cry for help, but something violently struck the back of her head. As she slipped into unconsciousness, the last thing she saw was the piercing eyes of her executor.
Dr. Bonesaw whistled to himself as he wiped the blood off his bone saw. His day was certainly...eventful. But now that Wonderbolts were properly taken care of, he could rest easy. After storing his bone saw in a drawer, he started for the door. But as he reached for the door, he heard the front door creak open.
"Hm? Zat's strange...I'm not expecting anyone, especially not zis late at night."
Dr. Bonesaw opened the drawer and retrieved his bone saw. Maybe he had missed one. He opened his door and made his way down the hall. As he approached he heard hoofsteps coming from the front desk. Somepony was definitely here, and they seem to be looking for something. That information alone was enough for Dr. Bonesaw to dispose of this intruder.
When he was close enough, Dr. Bonesaw leaped from hiding and pointed his weapon. "Vat do you sink you're..."
The color drained from Bonesaw's face as he gawked at the sight of a startled Princess Celestia. "Ah Dr. Bonesaw," she greeted. "I didn't see you there. I hope you didn't mind me not knocking. The door was partially open."
Dr. Bonesaw dropped his saw on the floor and tried to play off his mistake. "Not at all!" He replied with a smile. "You're a princess, you do vatever suits you."
Celestia's eyes fell on the bone saw. "Why were-"
"Sharpening ze pencils!" Dr. Bonesaw blurted out. "I vas using it to sharpen ze pencils. You see, I'm not very wealthy since I don't get many patients...."
Celestia smiled. "I can see that."
Dr. Bonesaw sighed as he lowered his head. "My apologies, your highness, I did not mean to frighten you."
"Do not worry. I'm not upset."
"I hope you don't mind me asking," Dr. Bonesaw said, raising his head. "But why are you here? You already visited your sister zis morning."
"I received word from one of my subordinates that you were housing the Wonderbolts."
Just as I suspected, Dr. Bonesaw thought. "You have?"
Celestia nodded. "I was hoping I could be able to talk to them. Are they in any condition to speak?"
"Vell, I suppose.... Most of zem are asleep, but I'm sure Spitfire is avake." Dr. Bonesaw said, averting his gaze. "But I can assure you, zey don't have ze creature vith zem."
"Yes, I assumed as much. But I'd still like to ask them about their fight. Perhaps we could learn something from it."
Dr. Bonesaw shrugged. "Alright. Follow me."
Celestia followed Dr. Bonesaw to a large room full of beds. In each of the beds were the members of the Wonderbolts. They all suffered from broken bones, but it wasn't too serious. At least, that's what Celestia hoped.
"Zey're trying to rest zeir injuries off," Dr. Bonesaw said. "Lucky for you, Spitfire had recently voken up."
Celestia looked around and spotted Spitfire lying in her bed. She gazed at the ceiling, deep in thought. But when she realized she was in the princess's presence, she jerked up and attempted to salute. But as she did, pain shot from her wing, causing her to wince in agony.
"Please lie down, you must rest," Celestia said.
"Yes, your highness," Spitfire said before slowly laying her head back into her pillow.
"If you're feeling any better, I would like to question you about your battle."
"B-battle?"
"Yes, the battle you fought this morning."
Spitfire looked even more confused. "I'm not sure what you mean."
Celestia was unsure about what was going on as well. "Don't you remember the request I gave you involving the creature and its house?"
"No, your highness. In fact, I don't even know why I'm here."
Dr. Bonesaw slapped his forehead. "Ah yes! Now I remember! Spitfire and her crew are in a state of amnesia. Unfortunately, zey can't remember anysing past a few days ago."
Celestia stood motionlessly, mouth agape. "A-all of them?"
Dr. Bonesaw nodded. "Every one of zem."
Celestia fought to keep a calm demeanor. "How could this happen?"
Dr. Bonesaw silently slid a syringe off a table and into a garbage bin. "I have no idea."
Words couldn't even begin to describe Celestia's frustration.
"I-I'm sorry your majesty," Spitfire said. "The most I could remember was running away from a horrible pony as-"
"Ahem , yes very nice," Dr. Bonesaw interrupted. "Princess, let's allow Spitfire to go back to sleep. Maybe a good nap could clear her memory- er mind."
Celestia let out a tired sigh and nodded.
Dr. Bonesaw escorted Celestia back to the front desk. "Don't be so upset, your highness. At least zey're all still alive."
Celestia managed to smile. "Yes, you’re absolutely right."
"Besides, I have anozer great battle strategy you could use. In fact, it's so good, you won't need ze Vonderbolt's information."
Celestia chuckled slightly. "Oh? And what's that?"
"Send your guards into battle...completely unarmed! You see, ze plants vill be so shocked and confused, zey von't attack for a few minutes. Zat vill buy your guards enough time to rush inside and snatch ze creature."
Celestia dwelled on the doctor's plan. "Hmm, interesting…. I might want to try that. But I already have an idea."
"You do?"
"Yes. And I can assure you, this one won't fail."
Dr. Bonesaw began to look concerned. "What is it?"
Celestia smirked. "Not 'what', but 'who'."
"Okay, zombies! Get ready to pea defeated!"
Sunflower's smile dropped at Repeater's lousy pun. "Sorry, but Peashooter already beat you to that one."
Repeater smirked. "Sunflower, Sunflower..., don't you know? I'm the Repeater !"
Threepeater chuckled. "He's got you there, Sunflower."
Sunflower rolled her eyes, but none can be upset at a good pun for too long.
Once again, Barry's house was surrounded by another bed of war plants. In terms of firepower, this army was his strongest yet. In front of the Sunflowers were two rows of Threepeaters. Followed by two rows of Repeaters and two rows of Split Peas. On top of that, the lawn was peppered with Fire Peashooters. They were there to keep it the plants warm in case of "spontaneous blizzards". To serve as a defense, Pea-nuts circled the complete army.
"I know what you said Sunflower," Fire Peashooter said, "but I still don't understand. Blizzards aren't spontaneous, especially not in this weather. Why am I here?"
"Aren't you like a better version of Repeater?" Pea-nut said.
"What!?" Repeater yelled. "Pea-nut, you'd better get this through your thick shell. Fire-peashooter is definitely, most certainly, not better than me! Do I have to repeat myself!?"
"You usually do," Split Pea remarked.
At this, the other split peas went wild. "OOOHHHH!"
"Okay, calm down plants," Sunflower said, waving her leaves. "Fire Peashooter asked a good question, and it deserves an answer. But first, I think it's only fair to explain our situation first."
"Situation? What situation?" Threepeater asked.
Sunflower paused. "You know...this . The lawn and the forest!"
The plants finally started to take in their bearings. "Huh, neat," Threepeater said.
"Are you guys telling me you didn't notice this at all? That the thought didn't even cross your minds?"
The plants shook their heads.
"Actually, I did," Pea-nut stated.
"Quiet Pea-nut, you didn't notice anything," Split Pea said.
"The things I gotta put up with...," Sunflower mumbled under her breath. "Anyways, Barry along with his house was carried by a magical tornado into this unknown world. While he was here, he was attacked by colorful ponies who now want to capture him for their bidding."
Silence filled the lawn as everyone simply stared at Sunflower. Finally, a loud yell broke the silence. "Yeah right!"
"No, I'm serious. These ponies are smart, so if we want to defend Barry, we need to fight strategically."
The plants bellowed with laughter. "Fight strategically? Now you've really lost it, Sunflower!" Split Pea said between laughs.
Sunflower fumed. "There's nothing funny about it! If we don't focus, we'll be ambushed!"
"Oh no! Ponies are going to attack!" Repeater mocked. "We're doomed! Everybody run!"
The plants laughed even louder, making Sunflower feel pretty silly.
"Don't worry, Sunflower, I believe you," Pea-nut assured.
"Way to rub salt in the wound, Pea-nut...." Sunflower growled.
Fire Peashooter noticed the embarrassment on Sunflower's face. "Sunflower, don't be upset. Your story is just a bit hard to swallow."
"It's not a story!" Sunflower insisted.
"Well it sure sounds like one," Split Pea said. "Wizard of Oz, anyone?"
"I'll prove it," Sunflower said. "The ponies will attack today. If they don't, I'll...I'll pluck my own petals!"
The plants gasped. What she threatened to do was not only painful but extremely humiliating. Only a fool would dare make a bet like this. But Sunflower was determined.
"Alright, you're on," Split Pea said.
"No, wait, you don't have to do that Sunflower!" Threepeater said.
"Would you believe me any other way?" Sunflower asked.
"She has a point, Threepeater," Split Pea said. He turned and stared down Sunflower. "Besides, I want to see how far she'll go with this."
Sunflower glared at Split Pea. "As far as it takes."
The two were locked in a deadly staring contest. A fire had most certainly sparked between them.
"Any way we could put all this behind us?" Fire Peashooter asked.
"Nope!"
"Um, I hate to alarm anyone," Threepeater said. "But I think someone's on our roof."
Confused heads turned to see what Threepeater had found. Sunflower had seen many things in the past few days. That included unicorns, pegasi, timberwolves, bat ponies, an alicorn, and even a drunk pony. But this...thing ...words couldn't even begin to describe it.
To add to everyone's bewilderment, there was popcorn scattered all over the roof. For some reason, the creature was stuffing handfuls of popcorn in its mouth. "No no," It muffled, trying to swallow its popcorn. "Keep going. It's starting to get good."
The plants continued to stare mindlessly, still trying to process what was going on. Was that abomination lying there this whole time? And they hadn't noticed? Finally, the plants acted in the only way they knew how. "Kill it! Kill it!" Repeater cried.
At that eloquent choice of words, the plants began firing madly. Suddenly, there was a sharp clap and all the peas froze in midair.
The plants looked to see the creature holding a clapperboard. A wry smile spread across its face as it spoke once again. "Cut, cut! I'm sorry but that was just plain rude. –" It flung the clapper aside "– Let's try this again, shall we?" It snapped its fingers before allowing the peas to float upward and pop like bubbles.
"What are you...." Threepeater uttered.
"Well, I'm glad you asked!" The creature suddenly warped in front of them. Its height alone shadowed the poor plants as they gaped at the towering beast. "I am Discord, the Spirit of Chaos, the former ruler of Equestria, and ultimately the end of everything you fight for. Delighted to make your acquaintance!"
You could cut the tension with a knife. For a minute, no one made a sound. "Well, since he's not a pony , I still win," Split Pea said, slightly grinning.
"Really, Split Pea? You're doing this now?" Fire Peashooter questioned.
"Just making sure everyone knows I won."
"Technically," Pea-nut started, "he's part pony...I think. So you both won."
"Pea-nut, no one was talking to you," Threepeater said. "Keep your opinions to yourself."
Discord's smile faded as the plants continued bickering. "Are...are you guys serious? I'm literally threatening everything you protect. Yet, you're still carrying on about that silly bet? Wow. I'm honestly going to regret doing this now. You plants are something else!"
Sunflower still didn't know how to react. So many questions flooded her mind. How are we able to understand this Discord and vice-versa? How did it manage to sneak up on us? But all that didn't matter. All she knew was that this creature was a danger to Barry and needed to be eliminated. "Plants! Shut up and shoot the thing!"
The plants immediately stopped arguing and obeyed Sunflower's orders.
"This again?" Discord said. He lifted a claw, causing a portal to open in front of him. The peas disappeared on the other end before Discord sealed it. "Someone ought to teach you some manners. I guess little old me has to do."
He stretched out his arm and snapped. What followed can only be summarized by one word: chaos. The ground ripped up from under the plants and floated aimlessly. Pieces of the sky above dropped and shattered on the ground. The trees around them began laughing madly. And worse still, Barry's house had become a huge gingerbread house.
"Well, it's not that bad," Repeater said. "At least, not for Barry."
The plants gasped. "Did Repeater just say something positive and not self-centered?" Threepeater said.
"Discord, what did you did to Repeater?!" Sunflower yelled.
Repeater wasn't amused. "Very funny, guys. Very funny."
"Don't worry, plants," Discord said. "I'm just getting started. "
The plants once again attempted to overwhelm Discord with more projectiles. But to their surprise instead of firing peas, they fired rolled-up socks. "What happened to our ammunition!?"
"Hold on, I can fix that," Discord said. As soon as Discord snapped his fingers, the socks had become water balloons. On top of that, the fire peashooter began releasing cold air. The sunflowers, instead of producing suns, started producing moons. The pea-nuts suddenly sprouted wings and flew away. And the threepeaters' heads were magically tangled into a knot.
"Wait, I might have made it worse.... Oh well."
Suddenly, a jalapeno seed flew from the window. Discord watched in curiosity as the jalapeno grew and began to explode.
"NNNNNGGGGG!!!!!!!!" Jalapeno yelled, knowing that his whole life has been leading up to this moment.
Discord spawned a fire extinguisher and doused the hot plant with whipped cream. Unable to make the fire necessary, Jalapeno's dreams of a glorious explosion were crushed.
Nearly half an hour passed and still, Discord showed no signs of losing. Many plants were cast at Discord's feet, but each of them could do nothing against him. The plants were soon beginning to realize that it was hopeless. Nothing they did could dismay the creature in the slightest. No, in fact, he was enjoying it.
"It's been too long since I had this kind of fun!" he laughed. "I thank you plants, really I do. You've revived a feeling I thought I could never have again. But alas, all good things must come to an end."
The plants didn't even have the will to answer back. The feeling of being totally useless completely crushed them. They could only look down in shame.
Discord simpered at the sight. He'd finally done it, he'd destroyed their confidence. And boy did it feel good. "Aww, don't look so down. At least you tried your best." Discord quickly clapped his hands, causing everything to return to normal. "Maybe next time."
Discord raised his paw to finish them off. But from the house, shot one final seed.
"Oh?" Discord said. "It's been a while since you tried something, creature."
The plant's eyes lit up as they saw the seed grow into a sleeping hypno-shroom. A devious grin spread across Sunflower's face.
"A sleeping mushroom?" Discord scoffed. "You think that will be enough to defeat me? You wound me, creature, you really do."
Discord spawned a tiny whistle and softly blew into it. Let's just say, the noise was comparable to a volcano erupting.
"Huh, what happened?!" Hypno-shroom exclaimed. "Where am I!?"
"Oh, did I wake you from your nap?" Discord cooed, reaching out to pat his cap. "I'm so sor-"
As soon as Discord touched him, he absorbed the hypno-shroom.
"This...is new," Hypno-shroom said as he floated through the vastness of space. But "space" wasn't the right word to describe it. The place was smothered with complete randomness. Chairs barked and playfully chased each other, while giant utensils swam through the air. Upside-down islands were scattered everywhere and pink cotton candy floated around aimlessly. Basically, nothing made sense.
"Welcome to the physical representation of my mind," a voice echoed. "Make yourself at home."
A tiny house knocked Hypno-shroom on the head. "Y'know, maybe you should try clearing your mind every now and then. You'd get more visitors that way," Hypno-shroom said with a smile.
The voice chuckled deeply. "There's a difference between visitors...and intruders ."
Hypno-shroom felt a spiteful presence behind him. He slowly turned around, but no one was there. "That's strange. You move comfortably about as if you've been here before. Most people I've encountered are confused or scared at this point."
"You should know by now, Hypno-shroom, I'm not like most."
"How do you know my name?"
"Lucky guess? Honestly, you and your friends need to get real names. I mean look at Peashooter, his name is simply a pun. Repeater, his name is a pun of a pun. And don't get me started about Threepeater. When you think about it, it's actually quite amusing."
Hypno-shroom began to feel uneasy. Especially since he couldn't see the person he was talking to. "Why don't you show yourself? Unless, somehow, you know what I'm going to do next."
"Isn't it obvious?" Suddenly, white gas poured out of Hypno-shroom's cap. The gas formed and hardened into the chaotic being that absorbed him. "Your only purpose here is to brainwash me," Discord said as he began to gain color. "I thought as much when I first saw you."
"What were you.... You were reading my memories!" Hypno-shroom accused.
Discord admittedly raised his hands. "Alright, you've caught me. But know I have a strict motto here in my brain. Wipe your secrets off on the mat before you enter."
Discord lifted a claw, drawing Hypno-shroom closer to him. "Now let's talk about this 'brainwashing'. If I understand this correctly, you have two ways of accomplishing this: by force or persuasion."
Hypno-shroom nodded.
"Well then let's get started!"
The tuft on Discord's tail somehow snapped, warping the two away. Immediately after, Hypno-shroom found himself in a boxing ring surrounded by a roaring crowd. The stage lights flashed as Hypno-shroom saw Discord on the other side of the ring, cheering the crowd on.
"On this side, we have the Spirit of Chaos, the Master of Manipulation, and Conqueror of Equestria!" said an anonymous announcer who, strangely enough, sounded like Barry. "Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for our favorite draconequus, Dynamite Discord!"
At the sound of his name, the crowd went wild. Discord stood prideful, soaking up their praise.
The announcer continued. "Discord is holding up a win streak of [insert outrageously large number here]! If he wins this round, he can finally claim the title of Best Boxer in all History! Followed up by one million Discord Dollars!
"And on this side, we have Hypno-shroom...who’s also in the ring."
A quiet cough was heard from the silent crowd.
"Actually," Hypno-shroom said, "I was planning on convincing you rather than fight you."
Discord seemed disappointed. "Oh...mkay." Discord snapped the boxing ring and audience away. "But I'll have you know, I was looking forward to that trophy."
The room morphed into a smaller room with two comfy chairs and a single table. Discord stretch out before plopping on his chair. "This should be interesting. Please Hypno-shroom, have a seat."
Hypno-shroom hesitantly seated himself.
"But before we begin, I think it's only fair I mention something." Discord folded his hands on the table and leaned over slightly. His face darkened as he spoke slowly with all seriousness. "Someone has already tried to persuade me into hurting my friends once before. Being nothing more than a fool, I listened to him. I deeply regret my actions and would never betray the trust of my true friends. And I doubt anything you say will ever change that. Not that I won't be willing to let you try."
Hypno-shroom tried not to look intimidated. "Your cooperation is greatly appreciated."
"But you must know, an unquenchable hate has grown toward that person. Don't do or say anything to receive it." Discord's expression eased. "Hey, you look hungry. Allow me to get us some food."
"No, I'm-"
Hypno-shroom didn't get a chance to speak. A waiter, who looked an awful lot like Discord, barged through the door rolling in a food cart.
"How do you feel about mushrooms?" Discord asked.
Hypno-shroom simply stared at Discord, unamused.
"Oh yes, that's right.... Well, how about a salad?"
"Discord, let's stop stalling. We're busy people, and I'm sure you have plans after this is over."
Discord frowned. "For a mushroom, you're not a very fungi . But I suppose you're right."
The waiter seemed to be upset at this as he stormed out the door. "Why do I even waste my time making this stuff anyways...." He mumbled, slamming the door behind him.
"Thank you. Now I've already taken the liberty to examine some of your memories. I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all," Discord said, spawning a chocolate milk carton.
"Good. Tell me, Discord...these 'ponies'...what do they mean to you?"
Discord chuckled. "These ponies have shown me forgiveness in ways that I may never comprehend. I've tortured them, manipulated them, betrayed them.... Yet, they still extend their hooves in kindness. What do they mean to me, you ask? Everything."
Hypno-shroom nodded in understanding. "Mhm, yep. Your pony friends are evil."
Discord almost choked on his milk. "Wh-what? Is that it? That's how you're going to persuade me?!" Discord collapsed with laughter. "That is rich!"
Hypno-shroom smirked as he waited for Discord to compose himself. "Oh, believe me, I think this is the perfect way to start. As I scrolled through your memories, I've discovered the disgusting reality of these ponies. Something you've blinded yourself to see."
"Oh really? And what 'reality' did you manage to find that I haven't?" Discord righted his chair and sat back down. "Since you've only observed the ponies from my memories, shouldn't I know more than you?"
"You'd think that, but the pony kind is a deceitful race. They make Chrysalis look like Abe Lincoln! So I don't blame you for not seeing this sooner.
"Take Celestia for example. If she really loved her sister, why did she send her to the moon? Twilight Sparkle with the same elements reformed Luna, so why didn't she?"
Discord scoffed. "Really? This cliché argument? Hypno-shroom, I was led to believe this would be more challenging. Celestia and Luna were tied to the Elements of Harmony. With only Celestia, she could only use half of its power. Though half isn't enough to reform her sister, it is enough to send her away."
"You know that's not true, more than anyone. Remember when you attempted to regain you rule over Equestria? Twilight needed her friends to turn you to stone. That's why she had to gather all of them. She couldn't partially turn you to stone or give you a less harsh punishment. It's the same with Celestia."
"Then how do explain Celestia's use of it?"
"Easy, Luna wasn't a bearer. It was all a lie crafted by Celestia to blind Luna to what she truly is: worthless. And don't look so surprised. We all know Celestia doesn't need Luna to raise the moon. For a thousand years, she's been doing it by herself! She just allows her sister to do it."
Discord opened his mouth to protest, but then returned into deep thought. "Interesting.... I suppose I never conceived it that way. But even if that were true, I can't say she's evil for doing it. Like you said, her sister was essentially worthless. Celestia had to do something to assure Luna that her life had a purpose."
"Whatever reason she had, nothing can justify being so deceptive. She's been feeding her own sister lies just to make her feel better about herself. In the process, she's made Luna weak to reality. If she could do that so easily, what do you think she'll do to others? Or even the entire country?"
"The entire country? Don't you think you're stretching it a bit?"
"Not at all. Don't you see it? After Celestia banished her sister, why didn't the ponies of Equestria protest? After all, Luna was a princess! She ruled along side with Celestia! Instead, the ponies forgot all about her. Tell me, how does a country simply forget something like that?"
"Becau-"
"Don't answer that, it's rhetorical. We all know why. It's because Celestia hated her sister! She banished her to the moon when she could have reformed her and made all Equestria forget her name! Celestia's a tyrant and a bully! How can you be okay with that?"
Discord made a "tsk tsk" sound with his teeth, which really annoyed Hypno-shroom. He stood up and began yawning. "You poor mushroom. Calling Celestia names isn't going to get you far, seeing I do so myself. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the company, really I do. But I've grown tired of your false allegations. I'm afraid I'm going to ask you to leave."
"What? Are you afraid that I might convince you into betraying your friends ?" Hypno-shroom sneered. "If you're so close to them, you should have nothing to worry about."
Discord held an unpleasant glare as he returned to his seat.
Hypno-shroom smiled and cleared his throat. "Explain, Discord. Why were you dethroned thousands of years ago?"
"Duh, what I did before was cruel and unusual; it contradicted the law of harmony."
"Isn't that exactly what they do now? They fence up sapient creatures and treat them like farm animals. They act cruelly to races they don't understand. Zecora, dragons, griffons.... Need I go on?"
"No, I understand where you're going with this."
"I don't think you do. Answer me this: who originally owned the elements?"
Discord rolled his eyes. "The Tree of Harmony, of course."
"Why didn't the tree, the very symbol of harmony, stop you itself?"
Discord shrugged. "Because it needed someone to bear them?"
"Now you see, the tree doesn't need anyone to help it. When the tree was threatened by your plunderseeds, it easily destroyed them with the elements. So I refer to my previous question: if the tree could use the elements on its own, why didn't it?"
"Okay, I give up. Why?"
"Because it'd be asserting it's will over you. You see, the tree is harmonious because it does absolutely nothing. It doesn't force its will in any way, and that's harmony. Of course, what you were doing wasn't right, but the Tree did nothing about it."
"And?"
"The ponies misuse the elements. They use it to shape the world they see fit. And we know the Tree of Harmony believes this to be wrong. The ponies are cruel and unusual; they go against the rules of harmony. So doesn't that make the ponies no better than you were?"
Discord slammed his fist on the table. "That's not true!"
Hypno-shroom sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry Discord, but I didn't want it to come to this.... Why do you think Celestia wanted to befriend you?"
"Because she saw the good in me!"
"Do you really believe that? Do you think Celestia would release someone who tortured ponies because of friendship? Get real, Discord. After everything you've done, do you really think they'll forgive you?"
Discord looked down and said nothing.
"Discord, they're playing you. Don't be their puppet. Join us and fight against these manipulative ponies."
Discord was still silent, absorbing Hypno-shroom's words. Suddenly, he burst out laughing and applauding. "Good show, Hypno-shroom! That was really convincing!"
Hypno-shroom stood still, more confused than ever. "What...?"
"Did you see my performance? I saw it on your face! You fell for it!"
"Were...were you even listening to me!?" Hypno-shroom fumed.
"Of course I was," Discord said, wiping away a tear. "I'm just amused by the irony in all this."
"What irony!?"
"You say ponies are made of lies and deception. And that they're just using me as a pawn in their game. But when I look at your memories, I see that same description in the humans that created you, and even Barry."
"I'm helping Barry on my own free will."
"You were factorized for crying out loud! Yet you have all these memories of growing up and having a life. Has it ever occur to you that those memories are false? That the humans that made you programmed you with them? You have no choice, and nor does any plant on that lawn right now."
"This isn't about me! It's about you! Let's try to keep it that way."
"Well, it doesn't matter now. I've decided that I'm finished listening to your slander. You either fight me or leave, but I don't really care which."
Hypno-shroom sighed. Discord was too far gone. Anything he said at this point would be futile. "No, I'll leave. I pity you more than I want to fight you. Don't be surprised when you learn the truth, okay? Our doors are always open."
"D'aw, how touching...." Discord mocked. "Just don't let the door hit you on your way out. Trust me, it hurts."
"But before I go, I want to know something. What made you decide not to trust me? I believed I made a good argument."
Discord shrugged. "I suppose I just trust my friends more than some mushroom."
Hypno-shroom's eyes lit up. "Oh! Oh, I see now! All this, the main reason of why you're reformed, it's because of her! You love Fluttershy !"
"What!? N-no, I-"
Suddenly, a boxing glove shot out of nowhere and sucker punched Discord in the face. Before he could do anything, a two hundred ton weighed crashed on top of Discord.
"Ha ha! Stupid feelings!"
A full week. That's how long I've been stuck in this accursed forest. Already have I've been attacked five times by the natives. Scarier still, they get closer to winning with every attempt. Many times have I considered abandoning my home, but I'm no coward. Plus, it didn't look any safer out there. Even still, my options were getting low. And getting back home was starting to look impossible...until now.
I sat on the soft grass as I stared up at "Discord". His hypnotizing process was taking a long time, more than usual. I was really looking forward to having this guy on my team. From what I've seen, his power might as well be infinite. Not only that, he's the only person I'm able to understand ever since I've been here. I'm actually surprised I've kept my sanity so far.
I turned to look at the plant army beside me. They didn't seem to care much about what was going on. In fact, it looked like they were arguing. Typical.
I groaned as I fell over on my back. "Will you finish already, Hypno-shroom...."
After what seemed like hours, the creature began to move. First, it's eyebrow twitched, and then a finger. Suddenly, it began stretching its arms. "Wow, I'm glad to be out of that," he said.
My eyes lit up as I jumped to my feet. But then, a grim thought dawned on me. "That...that is you, isn't it Hypno-shroom?"
A smile spread across the creature’s twisted face. "Maybe, who wants to know?"
I didn't smile back. "Don't play games, Hypno-shroom. I have a lot to talk about."
Hypno-shroom chuckled. "Sorry, I couldn't resist. But I must mind you that our time with Discord is limited. Even as we speak, Discord is fighting back for control."
"Then we shouldn't waste any time playing jokes! Hypno-shroom can you access Discord's memories?"
Hypno-shroom nodded. "Naturally."
"So do you mind telling me where on earth am I ?!"
Hypno-shroom smirked as he snapped two chairs into existence. "Take a seat Barry, we have a lot to talk about."
I drank two cups of hot chocolate and ate three pieces of toast, all in the time it took for Hypno-shroom to tell me the story of the "ponies". Needless to say, I was sickened by them. They way they looked down on others was enough to make me gag. But now that the history lesson was over, I had something else lurking in my mind.
"If these ponies were to by some miracle defeat and capture me, what would they do?"
"Nothing harsh," Hypno-shroom said, sipping a cup of tea. "They'll just get a ruler, stick out your hand, and turn you to stone."
I blinked. "Turn me to stone!?"
Hypno-shroom nodded. "Cruel and unusual punishments are these ponies specialty."
"Th-they want to turn me to stone!?"
Again, Hypno-shroom nodded, starting to get a little irritated.
"How can they do that?!"
"Barry, calm down, you won't be turned to stone."
"I know, but the thought of that much power to turn someone to stone...."
"It makes you envy them, right?"
"Yeah!"
Hypno-shroom face-palmed. "Please, Barry...just please...."
"Well, that doesn't matter now. With the power you have, you can send me back home and we can forget this."
Hypno-shroom averted his gaze. "Yeah, about that...."
"You can get me back home, right?"
"I really haven't gotten used to this chaotic power. And even if I did, I doubt Discord has the power to jump universes."
"What!? There is no way I'm staying on this communist rock!"
"I never said you would. We'll find a way back; it just won't be by Discord."
"And what do we do until then? Wait around until I'm caught and petrified?! You said it yourself, Discord won't be contained for long. When he regains control where does that leave me?"
"When I said we don't have much time with Discord, I meant two or three days worth. Besides, in that time, I have a plan to deal with these ponies."
I paused for a moment. "You do?"
"Though it might be for a short while, we still have Discord's power. If we use it right, we can do whatever we want."
It took a moment for me to let it sink in. "Oh! OH! I think I know what you mean!"
Hypno-shroom nodded. "Trust me, once we're done, the ponies won't dare mess with you again...."
Author's Note
Don't pay much mind to what Hypno-shroom was rambling about. It's absolute nonsense.
SNAP
Lyra flashed her light in the noise's direction. A large branch was shattered as if it was nothing. Whatever caused that was quick, seeing she couldn't catch it with her flashlight. It was official, Lyra was being hunted.
Naturally fear would've consumed Lyra and she would've gone back home. But she had a goal that stood taller than any anxiety. She was going to see the human no matter what lied before her. Whether it be the Everfree Forest or its inhabitants. Besides, retreating back to Ponyville would only lead her straight into that...thing .
With determination, Lyra swallowed what fear was left and marched forward. "I'll...I'll show them. I'll show them all! Humans do exist...."
But there was one problem: she was completely lost. That's what happens when you ask a drunk pony for directions. "It should be around here somewhere," Lyra mumbled. "Maybe I shouldn't have ventured at night. I can barely see a-"
Suddenly, Lyra froze. From directly ahead of her, she heard a deep, menacing growl. She scanned the area with her flashlight. A large figure dashed behind a tree, dodging the beam of light. But the growl only began to grow louder. It was evident that if she continued, she would be killed.
Maybe I could make my way around it, Lyra thought. It seemed like a good idea, so Lyra put the plan into action. Step by step, she crept around the creature, careful to keep the flashlight on the tree. By how it hid, she assumed it feared the light for some reason.
Suddenly, the dirt below her sunk, causing her to tumble off a nearby cliff. A pathetic scream escaped Lyra's mouth as she fell to the bottom. To her relief, it was a small drop. But unfortunately, she landed right on her flashlight.
Crunch!
Darkness now surrounded Lyra as she scrambled to get up. "Where is it? Where is my knapsack!?" Lyra desperately searched the ground with her hooves. She eventually found the bag, but not the contents. She let out a frustrated groan and searched some more.
It was then when she bumped her camera, setting it off. Lyra shrieked as the flash revealed a row of large teeth staring right at her. She nabbed the camera and ran for her life. Though she left most of her supplies behind, she didn't care. Whatever happened, she had to get away from that monster. As expected from running blind in a forest, she slammed straight into a tree. Lyra staggered a bit before collapsing into a bush.
A great deal of time passed before Lyra finally awoke. Her body ached, more so her head, but something else caught her attention. Something that made her forget all about her worries.
"It's the house!" She cheered.
Immediately, Lyra clamped her mouth shut. The mushrooms guarding the house snapped a look in her direction. Luckily, the cover of the bushes hid her well, and they soon lost interest.
Lyra paused and took a deep breath. "Keep it together, Lyra. You've made it this far, so don't slip up."
She prepared to cast a magic spell. It was a wild card and could result in death, but she was willing to risk it. Her horn lit softly, and before anyone could notice, she teleported.
Lyra sealed her eyes tight praying that she hadn't teleported into something. A sigh of relief followed knowing she arrived in one piece. She did it; she made it inside! Immediately, she whipped out her camera and began snapping photos. It seemed like she was in an ordinary living room. But she didn't come all this way for casual furniture. She attempted to navigate through the room. But without her flashlight, all she could do was stumble around in the dark.
Then it hit her. "How can I be so dumb?" Lyra lit her horn and illuminating the room in a bright light. "There! Much bet-"
Lyra choked on her words as she finally grasped her surroundings. Several plants lay motionless on the shelves. They resembled small street lanterns, and, by the looks of it, they were waking up. Turning off her horn, Lyra dived under what she thought was a table. But this only resulted in more noise.
Suddenly, the whole room lit up. The plant lanterns, radiant with light, were now awake. And they didn't look too pleased by being disturbed. By dumb luck, Lyra managed to slip behind some furniture and out of sight. But the plants weren't buying it.
"I know I heard something... "
In her mind, Lyra screamed. But that did nothing to prevent the plants from investigating further. They hopped off their shelf and hunted for the source of the noise. Her heart raced as she tried to piece together a plan. But the only thing that came to mind was "RUN!"
But the flash of a teleport would only alert them more. Lyra may never have another chance to return. So she did the only thing that seemed sensible at the time. She started meowing.
The plants were not impressed. "Marigold, if you wanted a glass of water, say so. You're not fooling anyone with that lame cat act. " With that said the plant lanterns returned to their stations and slept.
It worked! Lyra was saved! She made a mental note to celebrate her brilliance later. As for now, Lyra hastily crept away into another room. When she was clear of the plants, she was able to breathe again.
"Human," she said. "Gotta find the human."
Determined, Lyra searched the house in hopes to encounter the human. All the while she tried to be very mindful of her light. She figured since it was midnight, the human must be sleeping in its bed. But yet, upon coming to a bedroom, she found no human. It was then while Lyra was investigating the last room when she stumbled upon something.
"Is this...an equestrian map?" Lyra questioned. While entering the room, she'd stepped on it. Lyra had illuminated her horn to see the large map spread out across the floor. "How did the human get this?"
Lyra shined her horn a little brighter, revealing more of the map. Small metal toys were placed strategically in the center of the map. But one, in particular, caught her eye. Resting on top of Canterlot was a toy shape like a draconequus. Lyra levitated the strange object closer to her face. There was no doubt, this toy was Discord.
As curious as Lyra was, she didn't come here to solve a mystery. She gently returned the toy to its original position and attempted to move on. But that ambition didn't last very long, for she had found something else of interest. Lying on a nearby chair was an open notebook. And by the looks of it, it had been recently used.
Of course, this excited Lyra. What a great opportunity to read some human literature! Though she'd lost her little human translator book, she could still read few of the nouns and verbs. But not soon after picking the notebook up, she wished she'd never touched it.
"Ugh! I really wish I had my translator with me...." Lyra mumbled, burying her face in the pages. She began reading aloud the words she understood. "Tanks...planes...ships...? Aren't these vehicles that humans used for war?"
Lyra pushed the thought aside and continued reading. "Discord...creates...something-something...weapons?"
Lyra was starting to see a theme. It wasn't until she read the next sentence when it hit her.
"Discord...attacks...." Upon reading the next word, Lyra went pale. Her eyes widened in sheer horror as she dropped the book. "Canterlot."
It was all finally making sense. The map, the toys, the vehicles, and the weapons.... It was a massive attack on Canterlot! Lyra picked up the book once again and read, but every word only confirmed her theory further. It wasn't long before she finally felt the gravity of her situation. Chaos, destruction, and death would rain on Equestria like it never had before, and only she knew it.
"But when will this happen?" Lyra asked, flipping through the pages. Suddenly, Lyra gasped. Slowly, she placed a trembling hoof over her mouth. "The attack will take place...this morning."
She shoved the notebook in her bag and turned for the door. "I-I have to warn them. I have to-"
It was then when Lyra heard movement in the room above her. In an instant, everything about the attack on Canterlot was wiped from her memory. Lyra shined her light on the ceiling and saw a string dangling from a trapdoor. A wide smile spread across her face, for only one thought crossed her mind: "Human!"
For a moment, Lyra stood perfectly still. She didn't know to act immediately or wait. That, and it felt as if she was forgetting something. Oh well, whatever it was, it's in the past. Right now, she was bubbling with excitement. The human had to be sleeping in the attic! It made sense!
Lyra took a deep breath, easing her emotions. When she finally composed herself, she reached out and pulled down the trapdoor. After doing so, a ladder unfolded with a long creek. Hoping the noise didn't wake anyone, timidly made her way up the ladder.
The attic was a lot messier than she'd expected. Boxes were scattered everywhere. Ripped up cobwebs dangled from the ceiling. And a thin layer of dust coated the floor. Some of the boxes were torn open, allowing its contents to spill onto the floor. Whoever this human was, it didn't care about tidiness. It was as if a tornado went through here.
At that moment, Lyra spotted it. Lying on a mattress beneath the window, was a human . A tiny squee escaped Lyra's mouth. She could barely restrain herself from leaping out and hugging the creature. "There it is...." She whispered as a tear formed in her eye.
The human seemed to be only resting, considering the lack of sheets and the dirt on his clothes. But the human did seem tired, so Lyra thought it best not to disturb it. But still, Lyra needed a picture, otherwise, how would Bon Bon believe her? So, after preparing her camera, she took a step toward the human. But as soon as her hoof pressed on the floor, it made a loud creak. Lyra swiftly lifted her hoof and check if she'd awakened the human. Still asleep; good. Lyra bit her lip and steadily advanced, braving the noises she made with each step.
Soon Lyra was an arm's length to the human, who was somehow still asleep. It looked so peaceful as it slept. Perhaps it wouldn't mind if she petted it for a bit. It'd only be for a second, and the human probably wouldn't notice anyways. But just when she was but mere inches from the human's face, she heard the sound of shattering glass behind her.
Lyra spun around to see that a glass of water had been dropped. Standing above the shards of glass was a horrified marigold.
"Aaaaaahhhhh !" the marigold shrieked.
Terrified, Lyra slowly looked behind her. The human, who was now fully up and awake, towered over Lyra. It raised a large wooden mallet over its head.
Lyra grinned idiotically as she raised her camera. "Cheese?"
As the camera flashed, the human swung. Lucky for her, the flash caused the human to miss her. But the camera wasn't so fortunate.
Smash!
"My evidence!!" Lyra cried.
Before the human could swing once again, Lyra bolted. It was clear she was no longer welcomed. Lyra leaped over the marigold and down the trapdoor. After recovering from her tumble down the ladder, Lyra rushed to the door. But the human wouldn't give up so easily. It darted down the ladder and pursued its intruder. Lyra was barely able to avoid the thrown globs of butter as she galloped from room to room. As Lyra passed by, the plant lanterns awoke and beamed like security alarms.
Finally, Lyra made it to the front door and swung it open. Immediately, the mushrooms planted outside turned to her, startled. Lyra slammed the door shut as it was bombarded with spores.
"I almost forgot about that," Lyra huffed.
Lyra turned in time to see a wooden mallet almost connect with her face. She let out a yelp and ducked under the flying mallet.
"Rude," Lyra muttered, tossing the mallet aside.
Lyra continued running for what seemed like an eternity. All the while, Lyra charged her teleportation spell. Right before it was complete, Lyra canceled it.
"Wait a sec, I can't leave here without evidence!" she stated. Lyra ran over to a nearby shelf, snatched anything she could carry, and stuffed it into the bag.
At that moment, the human chucked his mallet at her once again. Right before Lyra was hit, she completed her spell and teleported.
"And stay out!" I yelled. What, now these ponies can teleport? This day just keeps getting better. I marched back into the attic, very peeved that I was awakened. Upon reach my destination, I glared at the sunflower.
"You're supposed to keep watch!" I scolded.
The sunflower shook its head and pointed to the marigold. But the marigold only countered by pointing at the shards of glass and spilled water. Who knows what they were saying, and, frankly, I don't care.
I groaned and plopped myself on the mattress. "Great, now I can't sleep."
To think that a single pony could infiltrate so easily. I should probably teleport-proof the house or something. But how to do that was another question. I stared blankly at the ceiling until something occurred to me.
"That pony took something, didn't it? Let's go see what."
I, along with the sunflower and marigold, returned to the place I saw the pony last. I started searching for any missing items, or at least the important ones. It wasn't five minutes before I began to panic. Something wasn't where it was supposed to be. I rushed back to the attic, hoping it might be there instead. It wasn't.
"No, no, NO!" I exclaimed. I began a mad search for the items. I emptied boxes and threw open drawers, but it was nowhere to be found. "Where are the upgrade seed packets!?"
Obviously, the pony had stolen them, but I was unable to accept it. I knocked over my furniture in anger. Suddenly, I felt something tapping at my ankle. I looked down to see the sunflower.
"What?!" I snapped.
The sunflower pointed to a pink seed packet lying face-first on the ground.
My eyes widened. "Yes! The pony didn't take it all! Marigold, is it a gatling pea or a winter melon?"
The marigold lifted up the packet and examined it. Whatever it was, the marigold was excited to give it to me.
I grabbed the packet from her. "Please be a cob cannon...."
I flipped it over and wept. For the plant was a gold magnet.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Lyra sprinted through the Everfree like a lunatic, stopping at nothing. Though she knew not of where she went, she kept going. After constant tripping and branch slapping, she found a familiar path. Taking the direction to Ponyville, Lyra ran even faster. It wasn't until she emerged out from the forest when she finally dropped from exhaustion.
Lyra was now on the ground desperately gasping for air. Never had she ran so fast before...and for so long. Turned over on her back, she began to giggle a little. "I...I did it...." She said between breaths, "I saw...a human! A real life human!!" Her small giggle soon became mad laughter. Yep, she was definitely going to feel it later.
When Lyra finished restoring her lungs, she finished the journey to Ponyville. On arrival, she strolled to her apartment. It was a surprisingly pleasant walk, especially in contrast to the trek in the forest. She could see the sun beginning to rise, yet all Ponyville seemed to be at sleep. It must have been at around six in the morning or so.
Lyra kicked the door of her apartment open and flicked on the lights. "Bon Bon, wake up!!"
Bon Bon threw herself off her bed. Tangled in her sheets, she rose into a fighting position. "You won't take me alive!" She exclaimed, shielding her eyes from the brightness.
Lyra chuckled. "Bon Bon, calm down, it's only me."
Bon Bon blinked several times before identifying her friend. She sighed in relief. "It's only you...."
"Only me," Lyra assured.
A tired yawn escaped Bon Bon's mouth as she sat back down on her bed. "Why in Equestria are you up so late?"
"I went to the Everfree Forest!!"
All the drowsiness seemed to vanish from Bon Bon's face. "You did what!?"
"Didn't I tell you I would? And I had your full permission too, remember?"
"No, I specifically told you not to go!"
Lyra paused. "Oh...that's right."
"Then you remember why too?"
"Because there's no such thing as a human, so there's no reason risking my life," Lyra drawled, rolling her eyes. "But humans do exist! Because I saw one ."
Bon Bon groaned and fell back on her bed. "Why do you always do this to me, Lyra? We've been over this many times. I've been a monster hunter for most of my life and never seen anything called or even looked like a human."
"Well this time, I have proof!" Lyra lifted her knapsack and dumped the contents on the bed.
Bon Bon glanced at the items. "How does a bunch of seed packets prove anything?"
It occurred to Lyra that she didn't even check what she picked up. Seven pink seed packets laid spread out on the bed. "I... don't know. Look, you just gotta-"
Cut off by her own gasp, Lyra beheld the human's notebook on the bed. She was consumed by absolute dread as she remembered its grim words.
Bon Bon sat upright. "Lyra?"
"The human...Discord...Canterlot. Oh no. Oh no-no-no-no! How could I've forgotten?"
"Lyra, calm down and tell me what's up!"
Lyra, in all seriousness, stared right into the eyes of her friend. When Bon Bon was thoroughly freaked out, Lyra began, "Bon Bon, listen to me, we don't have much time. The human and its plants are planning to assault Canterlot at this very moment. I don't know how, but it has some kind of alliance with Discord. That's how it's getting the resources to support the attack! They must have all their tanks, planes, and ships by now. If we don't act immediately, millions will be slaughtered!!"
"This is ridiculous...." Bon Bon mumbled. "How did you happen to come across this knowledge."
"Through this book!" Lyra proclaimed, levitating the notebook.
"Can I read it?"
"It's written in human! Of course, you can't read it!"
Bon Bon smirked. "Well isn't that convenient."
Lyra was starting to get frustrated. "This is very serious! Ponies are going to die!! Why don't you believe me?!"
"When it comes to humans, you're not always truthful, Lyra. How am I supposed to know when to trust you?"
Lyra sighed. "Maybe I haven't been honest in the past, and you have every right not to believe me. But now, you're just gonna have to swallow any doubts you got left and have faith in your best friend. Don't do because you believe me, do it because this is important to me ! Same as how I'm important to you and vice versa. Have faith in me because we are best friends!"
Bon Bon was silent, trying to spot any hints of weakness in her friend. But Lyra stood confident, determined to convince her. Never before has Lyra felt so strongly about something. "You're...you're right. I'm sorry for not trusting you earlier. Will you-"
Bon Bon was interrupted by the warm embrace of her best friend.
"Thank you," Lyra said.
"Don't mention it," Bon Bon said, returning the hug. "But shouldn't we worry about the human's attack?"
Lyra jumped back. "Oh my gosh! I almost forgot! Quick Bon Bon, we gotta tell Twilight what we know!"
"No good. Princess Twilight went to Canterlot for some kind of meeting," Bon Bon explained. "She also brought her friends along, I'm afraid."
"Darn it! So we’re on our own now. What are we going to do?"
"If the attack is as soon as you say, then trying to prevent it would be impossible. But if we can get a message out to warn Canterlot, they could evacuate before it starts."
At that moment, an idea flew over Lyra's head. "Spike! We can use Spike to send a letter!"
"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go to the castle!"
The two raced out the door and toward Twilight's castle. "Let's just hope Twilight didn't bring her dragon with her...."
Within Twilight's castle, Starlight Glimmer was sleeping peacefully. That is until there was a furious knocking on the front door. Starlight angrily turned in her bed.
Maybe whoever is knocking will realize it's 6 AM and no pony should be awake..., Starlight thought.
Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. The banging only continued to grow louder. And the visitors finding the doorbell didn't help either. There was a point where "burying your head in a pillow" no longer worked. With a loud, frustrated groan, Starlight threw off her sheets and rose to her hooves. It was only then when the door stop knocking.
"Oh, now you leave!" Starlight yelled, collapsing back on her bed.
After that big interruption, Starlight was finally drifting back to sleep. But then another strange noise awoke her. That is, a strange voice.
"Hello? Are you awake?"
"AAH!" Starlight screamed, nearly jumping out of her skin. Instinctively, she fired a laser at the intruder.
"Lyra move!" said yet another intruder. She tackled the first to the floor, both narrowly evading the blast.
"Wait, did you say Lyra...?" Starlight said as she stood on top of her bed. "Bon Bon? Lyra? Is that you?"
"Yep!" Lyra replied.
"Sorry for disturbing you," Bon Bon said.
Starlight seemed to be even more confused. "How did you get in here?"
"We teleported in," Lyra answered. "Y'know, your doorbell isn't working."
"Thanks, I'll make note of that in the future," Starlight muttered. She lit one of the candles on the counter with her magic and picked it up. "Now what is it that can't wait until this afternoon?"
"We were kind of looking for Spike. You see, we need to send a letter to Princess Celestia."
"It's urgent, so we'd appreciate the lack of questions," Bon Bon added.
Starlight yawned and nodded. "Whatever you say…. Follow me and I'll take you to him."
Later, the trio found themselves in Spike's room. Without delay, Lyra levitated Spike by the tail.
"Wake up, Spike!!!" Lyra yelled while shaking the dragon relentlessly.
"Snnrk! Whoa! Who's doing that!?" Spike cried, scared out of his wits.
"Please don't shake the baby dragon," Starlight yawned.
"Yes, the baby dragon doesn't like being shaken," Spike agreed.
Lyra dropped Spike on the floor and shoved a paper and quill in his face. "Take a note, Spike! This is an emergency!"
Spike looked at Starlight, waiting for some kind of explanation.
"Do what they ask," Starlight sighed. "It's the only way to have peace and quiet. You can go to bed after."
Spike shrugged. "If you say so…. Just make it quick. I’m missing out on a great dream."
Lyra nodded and cleared her throat. "Dear Princess Celestia, CANTERLOT IS UNDER ATTACK!! The human in the house has recruited Discord and there coming for you right now! Sincerely, Lyra."
Spike was beginning to write it all down but then paused. "Wut."
Bon Bon face-hoofed. "I thought we agreed I was giving the message."
"Well," Lyra said, "you weren't saying anything so I assumed -"
"Hold on," Starlight interrupted. "Did you say 'under attack'? And what did you say about Discord? Can somepony please explain?"
"Please, bear with us for second," Bon Bon pleaded. She turned back to Spike. "Spike, finish the letter and send it."
Spike, too tired to argue, did what he was told. After rolling up the paper, Spike engulfed it in his flames. The script was on its way to Princess Celestia. "Just so you know, when Celestia writes back and scolds you, I had nothing to do with this."
"In the meantime, do you mind fill me in on what's going on?" Starlight said.
Bon Bon had barely begun the story when suddenly, Spike burped out a letter. Surprised, he opened it and read.
It is too late, Lyra. The attack has already begun...
Author's Note
Well what do you know, this isn’t dead.
Like every night, Luna lifted the moon over the horizon. She stood proudly on the balcony of the castle as she did so. Thanks to the moon's soft glow, Luna was able to spot three night guards flying toward Canterlot. She opened her wings and flew out to greet them.
When seeing their princess approaching, the night guards landed and bowed at her presence.
"Guards, what did you find?" Luna asked as she followed them to the ground.
"We've scouted out the Everfree and we've located the house, as you asked," one said.
"And?"
"It's not good news. We've spotted the plants associating with the timberwolves. We don't know what they were doing, but we doubt it’s any good."
"Yes, that may be a problem, but I'm sure we can manage."
"Maybe, but I didn't finish. The creature also swamped its plants with mushrooms. If we were to attack now, we would have no clue what we’re dealing with."
Luna paused, quite surprised at the sudden turn of events. "That does change everything...."
For a while, Luna remained silent, trying to figure out what to do next. "Come; let us share the news with the others."
Later Luna and the scouts flew towards the company of the night guards. As they landed, the guards lined up in attention and waited for Princess Luna to speak.
"Everypony!" Luna yelled. "Tonight's battle has become more complicated than we thought. The timberwolves are now being involved, so in mid fight, we'll surely be ambushed. Not only that, but the creature has switched his plants. Our strategy now is useless. I believe it's clear what we should do."
All the guards nodded in agreement.
"We should fight harder than ever if we want to overcome these plants tonight."
Surprise and confusion rippled through the crowd. "W-what?" the scout said. "You still want to do this?"
Luna glared at the scout.
"I mean, of course your highness."
"You all may not think you’re capable of winning, but I know we can do this. We can't let this monster scare us with some measly alliances or just switching plants! You are the proud night guards of Equestria! What the royal guards can do, you could do better!"
The guard's confidence rose slightly, but they were still skeptical.
"All we need to do is alter our strategy a bit, and this monster will be on his knees begging for mercy! If you want to stay behind, raise your hooves. Just be prepared to face my wrath!"
No one would dare raise their hoof, even if they wanted to leave.
"Good, now listen up."
Barry stretched his arms out and yawned. After finishing replacing his plants, he was dead tired. He leaned against the house and reflected on his choice of plants. There was one row of sunflowers and another of sun-shrooms. For range, he planted three rows of scaredy-shrooms. There were two rows of fume-shrooms with pumpkins around them. And finally, puff-shrooms were scattered everywhere.
"Okay shrooms, I'm going to take a quick nap," Barry said. "If we're attacked, the sounds of battle would wake me up…probably."
The plants watched him walk into his house and, as always, forget to close the door.
"Sometimes, I think he does that on purpose," a fume-shroom said. "Right, Scaredy?"
No answer was returned.
"Scaredy-shroom?"
The mushrooms turned to find all the scaredy-shrooms hiding in their caps.
"Scaredy-shroom, are you okay?" a sun-shroom asked. "The zombies aren't even here yet."
"I-I know..." a scaredy-shroom whispered. “It’s just... the forest is really spooky-looking..."
"Scary forest?" Puff-shroom said. "What forest- oh..." It dawned on the mushrooms that they weren't on Barry's usual lawn. "How did we get here?"
"Yeah, I meant to mention that," Sunflower said. "In fact, that's probably the reason Barry replanted me."
"Go on."
"According to Barry, we were taken here by a tornado. While he was here, he was attacked by colorful ponies. So you have nothing to be afraid of, Scaredy-shroom."
"Maybe you'll do better without me," Scaredy-shroom suggested. "I'd just mess up and get in the way."
"Dude, they're ponies ," a pumpkin said, "there's no reason to be afraid."
"Ponies are vegetarians, and that's plenty reason to be afraid."
"Ugh," Sunflower said. "Can you talk to him, Balloon-shroom?"
Fume-shroom stood agape at what Sunflower just called him. Sunflower quickly realized her mistake.
"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!"
"No it's okay," Fume-shroom said, trying to hide away his pain. "I didn't mind."
Sunflower mouthed another sorry and continued. "Let me just finish before I make more of a mess. We're having a change of strategy...."
Luna and her company of night guards glided over Ponyville and toward the Everfree. The shadows cast over the rooftops of the small homes. Anyone of that town would have panicked had not they already been informed of their passing by. Each of the guards wielded a crossbow and had a small shield strapped to their arm. As they reach the forest, they continued to fly over until they were instructed to land.
"A couple of yards ahead is the creature’s house. And be cautious; we don't know when a timberwolf might ambush us," one of the scouts warned.
Luna nodded and pressed forward. Even though she was the only one without night vision, she walked ahead of everyone else. This bravery made her guards even more confident. At least it made some.
"I still can't believe the princess is still going with this mission," a guard whispered to the scout. "We could all die out here if we're not paying close enough attention."
The scout exhaled heavily. "I'm no fan of this idea either. But she's the princess. Even still, I think if we stick with this new plan we could win."
"Yeah...what was the plan again?"
The scout groaned and continued to look ahead.
"Hey, don't blame me. This sudden change left most ponies confused."
"Luna named twenty-five guards to strictly guard our flanks from timberwolf ambushes. In the meantime, the rest would be fighting the plants. I hope you remember which one you're doing."
"Yeah, I'm the one fighting the plants."
"Good, now as you fire at the plants with your crossbow, Princess Luna will guard us with a giant magic shield. We know the shield will break sooner or later, but we'll be prepared. When it does, the princess will flash a bright light with her horn, blinding the plants. That's our cue to swiftly but silently take to the skies. Before the plants know where we are, the princess will create another magic shield. Princess Luna will draw their fire and we'll be able to easily pick them off."
"Ah okay, thanks."
The scout nodded and trotted ahead to Luna. "Your highness, we're approaching the house," he said pointing ahead.
Luna strained her eyes to see what he was pointing at. She was able to detect a small light.
"Positions everypony," Luna ordered. The guards moved into position and waited for the command to fight. They slowly crept toward the house until they could go no more without being spotted. "Alright everypony, CHARGE!!"
I jerked awake at the rapid sound of bows releasing arrows. "Whoa, what's happening?!"
I threw myself to the window and opened it, quickly realizing I was being attacked from behind by the horses. I grabbed for my seed gun, absorbed the lingering sun on the ground. Then I struggled to replace the plants that fell to the arrows. This was going from bad to terrible. Not only did the barrage of arrows never stop, but the horses had a giant magic shield like last time.
"Stinking campers," I grumbled as I grabbed some spare plant food off the shelf. I planted a Stallia and powered it up. Light engulfed the plant and a giant spore cloud burst throughout the area. As I assumed, the shield allowed air to flow through. The spore cloud fazed through and clogged the horse's lungs. Arrows stopped firing as the horses dropped to the ground hacking and coughing. Without much effort, the shield melted away.
I had to hand that one to myself. That was smart thinking; now all I had to do was-
Flash!!
"AUGH, MY EYES!"
Everything turned white as I fell backward. I rubbed my eyes and blinked several times, trying to regain my sight. As my vision cleared, I lifted myself to my feet. I looked out the window and saw they put the magic shield back up. Wonderful. But I noticed my plants were looking upward instead of forward. Then I spotted one of the sunflowers trying to get my attention. The sunflower was repeatedly pointing up.
"Wait, don't tell me." I stuck my head out the window and looked up. "Hmm, well-played horses."
Suddenly arrows began to rain from the sky. I jerked back as an arrow whizzed past me. I reached for the Blover seed packet and put it in a slot of the seed gun. As I fired the seed in front of my house, the seed instantly grew into a Blover. The Blover took a deep breath and spun his leaves, creating a huge gust of wind. All the flying horses were blown far away, leaving one, confused horse.
But this one horse was more different than the rest. In fact, it was more like a mixture of all them. The horse was blue and had wings and a horn. It was much bigger than the others and it stood almost my height. And another thing, it was angry. I mean, really angry. Its horn glowed brightly; then it fired a beam that destroyed almost half of my plants. "Hey!!" I yelled. "That’s cheating!!"
"ENOUGH!! " it roared, "PREPARE TO MEET THINE END, FOUL BEAST !!" Its horn began to glow brighter. It was about to shoot again, but I was ready. I fired a seed in front of my house and watched it grow into an ice-shroom. The ice-shroom created a bright flash that froze everything, except my house and plants. The blue horse was frozen in a firing position. I grinned at the feeble attempt this horse had to bring. I walked down the stairs and exited the door.
"Silly horse," I said, walking toward it, "you simply can't beat me. I mean it was a nice strategy and you almost had me. But let's face it, I'm just better."
Suddenly, the ice started cracking. I just smiled as I pointed my seed gun at its feet. I then fired a doom-shroom in front of the thawing horse. "Fire in the hole!"
DOOM!!
In the Canterlot castle, Celestia and several griffons were gathered around a table eating. A few royal guards stood behind Celestia as they listen to the story of the griffons.
"...after your ponies left our town, Gilda spread this 'friendship' thing everywhere." A griffon said. "After a few weeks of skepticism, griffons started to buy it. Thanks to you ponies, we're united once again not only as a kingdom but as friends."
Celestia smiled at this news, but then she got more confused. "Wait, if you now value friendship over money, why did you rob our ships."
The griffons began to laugh. "Did we say we value friendship over money?" one said between laughs. "Nothing is higher that gold to a griffon. Everyone knows that!"
"But-"
"We see friendship as more of a second priority. Besides, it’s easier robbing ponies when you're together, am I right?"
The griffons started cracking up, but Celestia wasn't amused. "I think you're taking this the wrong way. Friends don't work together for robbery. They-"
CRASH!
The ceiling suddenly caved in as something crashed into the table, snapping the table in half. A figure weakly rose from the wreckage.
"Luna?!" Celestia said as her sister stumbled forward. "What happened to you?"
"N-nothing," Luna said, struggling not to fall back down.
"Let me help you."
"No! I'm fine!" Luna yelled.
The griffons couldn't help but laugh at Luna's situation. "Oh wow! Whatever could have happened to you?" One snickered.
"Remember guys," a griffon said, "this is why you don't fly and drink at the same time!"
Celestia fought to keep a calm demeanor. "Could...could you please wait outside for me to clear this up? In fact, can we continue this another day?"
The griffons shrugged. "Alright."
As they were escorted out the room, Celestia went to attend her sister. "Luna, are you alright?"
"I'm peachy !" Luna cried. "Absolutely fine!"
"You're hurt. Allow me to treat those wounds."
"I'll do it myself!" Luna dragged herself to the door.
Celestia could only pity her sister. "I know you spent a lot of effort in planning this. I'm sorry you didn't-"
"I don't want to hear it!" Luna opened the door and slammed it on her way out. She hobbled to her room; every part of her body ached, but what hurt most was her shattered pride. Luna continued to sulk as she cast a quick healing spell.
"I've been insulted in more ways that I can bear...and it's all that creature's fault! If I ever see it again, I'll tear it apart! How could I be so humiliated!?"
At that moment, she felt like smashing something. But that was something the old Luna would have done. No, she had to clear her mind. Just then, an idea entered Luna's head. She had the ability to enter dreams, so why not enter the creature's? It's been awhile since she made a real horrifying nightmare. Plus, she could learn of its weaknesses for the next encounter. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to do it.
Light filled the room as Luna started the spell. Then in a flash, she disappeared.
I was in a snowy taiga. I had no idea of how I got there or why. But whatever the reason, I knew I had to get out. Following the path at my feet, I started to make my way out of the taiga. Or at least, I thought I was. Honestly, I wasn’t complete sure of anything.
After a time of senseless walking, a purplish blue fog began to form. I attempted to wave the fog away, but to no avail. The fog grew thicker by the second, and soon I couldn’t see anything. Just what I needed. I attempted to continue my journey, putting a hand in front of me so I wouldn't run into anything.
After what seemed like an eternity, the purple smoke began to sink into the ground. Relieved I could see again, I sighed and took in my bearings. Somehow, I had managed to wander into a grassy field.
Suddenly, red bony hands tore the ground below me. I jumped back and nearly fell to the floor. Everywhere I looked these hands were popping from the underground. For each hand, one red skeleton emerged from the ground. Everything they touch would rot and encrust in a red substance.
"Oh no...please NO!"
I knew what this was; I knew who they were. I tried to make a break for it, but I was already surrounded. Panic and fear coursed through my blood as I saw all the skeletons raise their arms. In each hand, a hammer and sickle appeared. It was the communist un-dead, my greatest fear.
"Get back!" I yelled. "I'm an American citizen! You can't touch me!"
The skeletons grinned. One opened its mouth and with a scratchy voice, it spoke, "America...is...ded."
I looked at them in disbelief. "Y-you're lying. America is-"
They all laughed their sick, communist laughter. Visions entered my mind. Evil visions. I saw America burning, dying. As I watch everything I knew that was freedom die, tears streamed down my face.
"Impossible..." I managed to utter.
"We already have won. America no longer exists."
I looked down at myself; I was wearing a red shirt with the flag of the Soviet Union. Under the symbol were bold golden letters exclaiming Communism Rules! . I fell to my knees and began to sob. Then I began to chuckle. Soon enough, I was doubling over with laughter. The filthy Commies were puzzled.
"Of course! This is a dream. That explains it all. I mean, come on, Communism can't succeed. Communism is the very definition of failure." I rose to my feet. "And now I know this is a dream..."
I closed my eyes as shock wave completely obliterated my enemies.
"...I can end it."
After a while, I couldn't help but notice I was still dreaming. Everything was silent, and the scenery had deteriorated into whiteness. But I was still asleep for some reason. Before I could think of ways to wake myself up, a blue horn started rising from the ground. Then a head followed; next mane. Soon, a whole body emerged from the white floor. I was face-to-face with a very familiar flying unicorn.
"Aren't you that unicorn that cheated?"
"Cheat!?" the unicorn said in disbelief, "I did not cheat! If anything it was thou who cheated, hiding behind your plants. You couldn't handle yourself in a real fight."
At its sudden speech, I backed up. "Wait timeout, you're intelligent? Never would have guessed."
As the unicorn tried to conceal the rage building in her, I couldn’t help but smirk.
"Anyway, I don't feel like talking to you now. I have things on my mind." I attempted to snap her away as I did with all my boring dreams. But unlike my boring dreams, she wouldn't disappear. "Why can't I..."
"I am the ruler of the night, controller of dreams. That includes your petty dreams, fool."
"Wait, you're not a part of my dream?"
"Who's the intelligent one now? I came here to finish what I started tonight, and there is nothing you can do about it." The unicorn extended its wings, as thousands of creatures flew from the sky. The creatures had a head and body of a lion, but their ears and wings were that of bats. And for a tail, was a giant scorpion tail. The faces of these terrifying creatures all lusted for blood.
"Uck, I think I'll pass." I again tried to snap them away, but apparently, the horse had more power than me in my own dream.
As the creatures landed, their attention was on me. As they saw that I was unprotected, they all roared and charged at me. It was a race to tear away my flesh, but I wasn't going to make it easy for them. I crouched down, concentrated and made a brick dome around me. The animals slashed and struck at the dome with enough force to level a city. I could barely hold the thing up.
"I-if I die, I wake up, right?" I said.
The unicorn didn't answer me. In fact, I doubt it even heard me over the constant growling and banging. One of the bricks broke and I was able to see the gnarling teeth of the lion things. I couldn't take any chances that I might die, so I had to talk my way out. "You say I'm hiding behind my plants, but look at what you're doing now! You're even more pathetic than me!"
"Child, do not compare me with the likes of you," the unicorn said.
"Hey, I'm only stating the facts! Why don't you prove that I can't fight on my own?"
"I don't have to prove anything to you."
More bricks were tearing apart and the creature's' paws could almost reach me. "J-just give me a sword or something. I'll have you begging for mercy!"
I was starting to sound desperate, but thankfully the unicorn bought it. "Fine! I'll show you how weak you are!"
The creatures suddenly disintegrated, along with my protection. I wasn't sure if this was a good idea or not, but I knew I would find out. Before I could turn around, my breathing was suddenly cut off and I was lifted a few inches in the air. The horse was using her magic to “force choke” me.
“You were foolish in challenging us,” The horse said, tightening her grip.
“Seriously,” I choked, “Who’s ‘us’? Are you hiding a mouse in your mane or something?” I pulled out some butter and chucked it at her horn, causing her to drop me. “Mind you, this is still a dream. We both may be able to control it, but it’s still a dream. Meaning...MACHINE GUN!!”
As a machine gun spawned in my hand, I relentlessly fired at the unicorn. The unicorn managed to teleport away before it was hit. "This wasn't part of the deal!"
"I only said no army, not no weapons!"
"Fine then...." There was a bright flash and we were both at the bottom of the ocean.
"Huh, I didn't say we couldn't change the background either. Well played."
The unicorn frowned in disappointment. "You've apparently mastered breathing underwater as well."
I grinned. "Oh, so that's what you were trying to do! I've mastered quite a few skill in my drea-"
Before I could finish, the horse bucked my face. Why didn't I see that coming?
I spawned a giant war hammer. “Try it again, I dare you!”
I darted toward the horse like a torpedo. But before I got close enough, the horse suddenly opened a portal. All the water began to get sucked too the other side. I stopped immediately and I tried to swim away, but I was caught in the current. Soon, I was pulled to the other side. I found myself floating through…
“Space? I’ll hand it to that horse, it has imagination.”
I twisted myself so I was facing the portal, just in time to see the flying unicorn float through. I threw my hammer at the horse, causing it to fly backward. I laughed as it struggled for balance.
“I know space is fun, but can we focus on the battle at hand?”
The horse spawned a cannon and fired it. The cannonball plowed into my gut as I sailed backward. "Ow..."
This went on for a few minutes. I'd summon some ridiculous weapon and use it, and the horse would do the same. In the meantime, we jumped from scenery to scenery.
It was getting really dumb really fast. I snapped my fingers and we were teleported back to earth. "I think we could agree that if we in a fight, it'd be a tie," I said.
"Of course not!" the unicorn yelled. "The fact that we're in your dream is the only reason you're not dead now!"
"Speaking of which, I think I'm going to call your bluff."
"Bluff?"
"If I die, I wake up. That's how it always works. I doubt you have any more power to kill me from inside here than you have out there in the real world."
The horse said nothing.
I folded my arms and smirked. "I knew it. You got nothing on me."
The horse smiled deviously. "Now that's where you're wrong."
Suddenly, chains shot from the ground and wrapped around my wrist and ankles. With a terrible tug, I was thrown to the floor and forced to my knees. The more I struggled to get up, the tighter the grip. Even my ability to control my dream was failing. “What are you doing?!”
The horse started charging a spell, “As an alicorn, I swore to never use mind control on anypony. But then again, you're no pony...."
"Mind control?! You can't be serious!"
The horse approached me and put its horn over my head. "We will free thee of thy violent ways.”
As the spell hit me, I felt as if my will was being drained and replaced with communism. Suddenly, I started glowing red, white, and blue. I broke my chains and punched the horse's face. “Ha! You cannot mind control a citizen of the US of A!”
The horse backed up. "How is this possible!?"
“In my country, there is one concept we value above all others.” A single tear rolled down my cheek. “That concept is known as freedom. We have come to value it so much, that our brains furiously resist all mind control attempts.”
“...” Luna was dumbfounded. “That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.”
I spawned a radio in my hand. “I'm gonna need 50 megatons of freedom over here.” As soon as I said that, I heard whistling. “Well, I can’t say this hasn't been fun, but I've gotten pretty bored of this dream.”
Before the horse could react, a bomb fell on her. The gigantic explosion rang out across the dreamscape. But instead of being a mushroom-shaped cloud, it was eagle-shaped.
Author's Note
If you haven't noticed, Barry is American.
