The chilling wind bit at Rainbow Dash's coat as she shut the locker room's door behind her. The Cloudsdale Colosseum was nearly a ghost town now. Only a few lingering ponies from the audience and staff remained, the latter cleaning the many rows of seats and closing their stands. The sun was setting low in the sky, giving the floating city an ambience that Rainbow Dash had not felt in a long time.
She glided along the stadium's perimeter, the red-orange evening light trailing her as it shot passed the clouds. The businesses and markets of Cloudsdale began shutting down for the night, as if to rest and recuperate for another hard day's work tomorrow. She could hear fragments of many conversations from passing ponies as they all headed home.
They wouldn't recognize her without her uniform, even with her unique mane colors. Sure enough, every pony that moved by her didn't recognize her or even just give her a greeting in passing.
After all, Rainbow had only been a Wonderbolt for a week.
Despite being on one of the prestigious flying teams in Equestria, she was still a rookie, and it would be a while before the masses knew who she was. It was only a matter of time though, she would make sure of that.
Being a Wonderbolt was everything she thought it would be. Even though there was a set flight schedule for each show, the schedule itself did give wiggle room for an improvisation for tricks and maneuvers. That was her favorite part of these shows, no rules, just did whatever came to her. Not to mention that she liked even the scripted parts of the routines as well.
She easily made friends with the team right off the bat. In one way or another, they all shared her passion for flying. That was to be expected though, they wouldn't be Wonderbolts if they didn't. Still, it did make it a lot easier for her to make friends with the team and it wasn't long before they considered her one of their own.
She absentmindedly flew past the many buildings of her hometown, soaring past shops, city buildings, and even the Weather Factory. She remembered when she brought her friends from Ponyville here for a tour of the entire city. She had showed them everything.
Well, most of everything anyway.
The sun was continuing to set, and she could already see some of the homes turning on their lights, reminding her that she would need to get back home as soon as possible. But unaware that she was taking a scenic route, she floated on, enjoying the atmosphere around her, filling her heart with warmth.
A dream come true. Everything she ever could of asked for, she received it.
Well...the pay could be better but it was the military, what else was she supposed to expect?
She drifted on through the evening sky, letting her mind wander.
She thought of Ponyville and her friends that she left behind there to pursue her dream. For now, at least. It wouldn't be long before she returned back there for a while. She thought of how her friends might be holding out without her there.
She chuckled.
They must be falling apart in her absence.
She thought about her future with the Wonderbolts. Sure, it was a little early but it couldn't hurt to dream, right?
She thought about her fam...
She hadn't seen her family in four years.
A chill shot down her spine, making her shiver.
Just the thought of it made her uneasy.
Had it really been that long already? As much as she wished that she could deny it, she knew it was true. It didn't feel like four years to her, no way it had been that long. She sighed as she thought about how horrible that must sound. What filly doesn't see her family for four years?
She flew on, no longer paying attention to where she was going.
She could still remember the day that she stormed out of her house, swearing to her parents that she would never come back. She winced whenever the memories came to her in hindsight. She regretted being that harsh and her actions seemed very immature, now that she thought about it. She wished that she could just go back and make everything okay again.
But she was too afraid to do that.
What would her parents think of her? Would they forgive her and everything put under the bridge, or will they shun her, just like they did all those years ago? Would they still see her as some foolish young filly chasing pipe dreams or will they have a change of heart and accept her for who she was?
But none of that was actually what she was afraid of. She knew deep down that her parents would probably forgive her.
But would she forgive them?
This was her true fear.
Rainbow Dash knew that, when she was angry or distressed, that she had trouble restraining herself and watching what she said or did. She admitted that her actions back then may have been...excessive. Maybe even downright stupid.
She yearned to forgive...so badly. But she didn't know if she would be able to go through with it.
Also, her pride was another thing holding her back. She did say that she would never return, right? If she went back, she would feel like a pony that didn't keep her word. And that was simply not her. Who would believe anything that she said if she was just going to take it back anyway? She would become the laughingstock, or the filly who cried timberwolf. She refused to let herself become degraded to that.
She groaned as all of these thoughts assaulted her mind. Was her pride foolish and hampering her? Yes, she wouldn't deny that. But it was something that helped justify her fear so she accepted it as an extra tool. She thought that if she just buried the problem and forgot about it, then it would go away. Her feelings of fear and wrenching in her stomach every time she thought of home would go away. The times when she would have to change the subject when her friends began asking her about her family would go away.
However, no matter how hard she fought these feelings, they always came back.
The fear of her family and of herself felt like a snake that was constricting her heart. When her mind would drift to those times or she had to avoid another question from her friends, the snake would wrap even tighter, threatening to suffocate her. The snake inside of her would taunt her, annoy her, and do everything in its power to undermine her.
Rainbow hated the snake, she wished that she could just drown it somehow. Cut it out of her heart and throw it out of herself. It was like a ghost inside of a home and she was the current resident. The snake fueled her pride and used it as a weapon against her.
At the same time, the snake was a large part of her being. The pride that the snake gave her also allowed her to obtain the confidence that she needed to work at becoming a Wonderbolt. The attitude that the snake had given her drove her to save the lives of her friends and many others on more than a few occasions. The snake gave her bravery, it gave her strength.
Her snake would constantly tempt her with power and ability. Yet she could feel it as it subtly attempted to drain her of herself. Whenever she made a mistake, the snake was always the first one to berate her and drag her down. When she did something good, the snake was the first one to fill her with pride.
Was she becoming reliant on her fear to push her forward? Was Rainbow Dash no longer the driver in her life but letting the snake do all of the steering?
The snake was a hypocrite, and a manipulater. It complicated her, contradicted her, and confused her.
Rainbow hated it.
But without it, she risked losing her source of strength. She needed it, it was the reason why she had gotten this far. It had given her everything, it almost seemed hypocritical to hate it. It was almost like a drug, which made her shiver at the thought.
Was it controlling her?
She wanted to fight back, but she didn't know how. The snake was a natural part of her, and it had fortified itself into her over the years. It would not be easy to fight the snake, but she didn't want to be chained by it anymore. She had grown enough to a point where she didn't need the snake's benefits anymore. It was just a poison now, killing her slowly. Fighting a part of herself would be difficult.
Rainbow Dash's eyes shot open as her musing deteriorated and her sight was greeted by a dark, star-filled sky.
In the time she had spent thinking and wandering around aimlessly, the sun had gone down and made way for the night. Rainbow landed on a nearby cloud to regain her bearings. She whipped her head back and forth as she tried to recognize where she was. When the realization hit her, she froze instantly.
She was standing in front of a two-story cloud home. She could see that the lights inside were on for the first floor and that there were voices coming from there as well. The residence looked almost identical to the others across the entire block. A bland and generic white cloud, fashioned into a flat-roofed home. It was nothing special, never was. Just a home.
Her home.
She was still in shock, staring at the cloud house in front of her as if it was an illusion.
How had she gotten here? She didn't mean to fly here.
Had she flown in this direction without knowing it? As if she subconsciously guided herself here?
Even if she did, she was surprised that she even still knew the way back here. She was miles from the stadium.
The house just sat there in front of her, its shadow looming over and swallowing her form. It was the scary, dark cave that the hero must enter to retrieve a treasure. It was the massive army of evil monsters that the valiant defender must stand against.
She felt so small when looking up at it.
Rainbow sighed and kicked the cloud under her. Her eyes were downcast at the memories of the past flooded into her mind again. During their argument, she could see only the red in her eyes and the mixed scene of sadness and disappoint in her parents.
A fleeting thought crossed her mind...should she knock?
The snake hissed behind her.
An emotional civil war broke out within her. She could feel the confliction churning her stomach and throwing her brain into a frenzy of thoughts and plans that all contradicted each other. She could imagine thousands of miniature Rainbow Dashes slaughtering each other inside of her.
Slowly, she took a step forward.
Her stomach squirmed, nearly making her sick. She steadied herself before she continued on.
Rainbow was actually doing this. The realization terrified her and brought her solace at the same time. She was torn, cracked right down the middle, not just about this decision, but everything in her life.
She blamed the snake and its seductive power.
But what exactly was the snake?
The immature part of herself that struggles and longs for attention? The greediness of her soul? The confusion and fear? Something who's sole purpose was to hold her back?
She reached the front door, and froze in place. Her and the door stared at each other for a long moment.
The feeling that she was getting reminded her of the first time she was about try flying. The stone that dropped in her gut from anticipation and anxiousness. The same feeling she would get when she would try a dangerous trick for the first time or that a soldier would get before the first time he encountered the enemy. The feeling of being about to jump off of a high place and hope that her wings didn't fail her or the G-forces against her body. That resident fear that lingered inside of her was making itself known now.
Taking a deep breath, she made the plunge and knocked loudly on the cloud door.
She dropped down to her haunches and waited.
The civil war was escalating, reaching a peak in the fighting. She wanted nothing more than to turn tail and fly away before that door opened. But she fought herself and stayed put.
After a half a minute, the door opened.
Her breath left her body as the shock tightened her muscles.
Two older pegasi stared back at her, both sets of eyes erupted in disbelief.
For what seemed like an eternity, they just stood there, staring at each other.
The breeze blew behind Rainbow Dash, flowing through her bangs.
She could feel the conflict on the horizon. She could already predict everything that they were going to say. She could already hear their condescending words pierce her ears, like they had four years ago. She could feel her own harsh, rebellious words being slung from her sharpened tongue before she slammed the door in their faces again.
The snake coiled up, ready to spring into combat.
She prepared herself for a fight.
Both of the older pegasi immediately pounced forward and embraced her.
They tightened the hug, bringing Rainbow Dash even closer. Both of them sobbed into her shoulders, her mother's body quivering in shock. Her father nuzzled her cheek and then rested his head on her shoulder.
Rainbow Dash was still frozen, horribly perplexed. The civil war inside of her was now making a turning point, one side gaining an advantage over the other. There was a whirlwind in her mind as the snake twisted in its own turbulence. Her entire thought process was shattered and it felt as if her brain had shut down.
She wrapped her hooves around her parents, an empty gaze remained in her eyes as the snake recovered.
Could she forgive them? She could already feel the anger, fear, and resentment flow back into her. Her brain rebooted and all of the images of the past flooded her mind. She could see that the snake had already created dozens of weapons that could be used against them. She felt the desire to gain the upper hand, to put them both in their place, show them that they were wrong. After all, she did become a Wonderbolt in the end. And it was all thanks to the snake, not her parents.
Strike now...while they were weak.
The glory would be all hers.
...
No.
She pushed back against the thoughts, not strong enough to destroy them, but enough to hold them back for the time being.
Her snake cried out to her frustration.
Why not fight?
Rainbow looked down on her parents, both of them on her and holding her as tightly as they could. These two ponies had not seen or heard from their daughter in four years. They had searched for her, flying from one end of Equestria to the other, trying to pick up her trail. They wanted her back, they wanted to tell her that they were sorry.
Rainbow Dash's stomach wrenched in guilt, as the snake now berated her. Telling her what a horrible, stupid filly she was.
Yes.
She concluded that the snake was a hypocrite.
There were no words, no confrontation here.
The fight that she was expecting had never come.
That was why she strained against her temptation to start the fighting. She wished for this peace to last as long as it could.
Her mother recovered and backed off of her. The older mare sniffled and then pointed to a crib in the corner of the room.
"You have a little brother," she said with a smile on her teary cheeks.
The snake hissed again.
Rainbow stared in the direction her mother was pointing in. Her father recovered and stepped aside to make room for her to enter the home. Both of them watched her as Rainbow Dash slowly crept up to the crib at the far side of the living room. The lighting was fairly dim in the living room, casting the walls and ceiling in a dark orange.
From this distance, she could see the squirming of a tiny figure in the barred bed but she wasn't able to make out who it was. Her wings flared out as she tried to recollect herself, her eyes still locked in a blank expression.
She stopped her slow creep as she reached the edge of the crib. Taking a deep breath, she gazed down.
Blankets and toys were scattered around the messy bed, and she could see a milk bottle lying on its side in the corner.
In the middle of the crib, two sparkling blue eyes stared back up at her.
Rainbow Dash's heart plummeted.
The baby colt had a light blue coat with a rainbow-colored mane. It was like Rainbow Dash was staring into a mirror. The resemblance was uncanny.
The foal was chewing on one of his hooves and raised another hoof, reaching for Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash silently chuckled as her eyes began to water. He wanted her to pick him up.
Her blood was before her, begging her to open up her heart again. She felt her emotions coming over her like a chaotic storm.
She reached into the crib and snatched her little brother up in her arms. She stared down at the baby pony, her heart breaking as he stared back up at her.
He was so adorable. A perfect, little baby colt. Rainbow Dash closed her water-filled eyes as she nuzzled her brother. His coat felt so warm and soft against her own, like a beacon of hope. He grabbed onto part of her mane and began to chew on it, but her mind was elsewhere.
The dam burst.
Her tears finally fell from her eyes as she silently wept as she held her brother closer.
What had she done?
She wasn't even there for his birth. What kind pony does that? Was this what it had come to?
Was missing this really what she wanted?
Remorse filled her soul as she tears flowed freely into the baby's blanket.
Blinded by her own arrogance and pride, she had denied herself so much. She had done so much damage to the ones she loved. She had avoided and fought her own family for so long...and for what?
A pointless fight that was over four years old? She felt so foolish, so silly, like the entire world was coming down on her. How could she have done such a thing?
She nuzzled the baby over and over again, planting kiss after kiss on her brother's snout before hugging him again. She stuttered as the tears continued to fall from her red eyes. Her parents watched solemnly in the background.
The snake hissed again.
It tried to remind her of everything she had accomplished by herself. It attempted to inject the pain that her parents had given. It implanted all of the memories and aspirations of her younger self. It was still a part of her being, the successful part. The part of her that would take her to the top, the part that she wanted. The part that she needed.
Rainbow Dash made a silent promise to herself and to her brother. This family needed to become whole again, she saw that now. If she wouldn't do it for her parents or even herself, she would do it for him. She would do everything she could to repair everything that she had damaged in this family. She knew that her parents would apologize too but it was her that was the real problem.
Not anymore.
The snake hissed once more, but it sounded much weaker this time.
Dash looked back at her parents, noticing that they were standing behind her. They smiled and nodded, as if they knew exactly what she was thinking. It appeared that they all were in agreement over what must be done. Rainbow smiled weakly back at them before turning back to the foal in her grasp.
To think, her own desires had almost destroyed all of this. She resented her behaviors that caused all of these problems.
How dare she?
How dare the snake?
Her snake...
She looked into her brother's eyes again. Her sweet, sweet little brother. She brushed part of his mane with her hoof and was entranced by the blue eyes looking back up at her in curiosity. This little colt showed such promise, such innocence and now Rainbow was going to be there for him. She was going to do whatever she could to give this colt the world. After all, he was her brother.
She realized that, in order to do what she wanted to do, she must better herself. She must let go of her fear, her resentment, and most importantly...her pride.
There was no question, no debate.
These traits were outdated and they must go.
No longer, would she run and hide from her problems. She must become proactive and reinvent herself.
The snake wailed in a death cry.
Rainbow felt that it was time for a new era in her life. A time when things could be better. No longer, will the awkwardness stunt her or the pain attack her and drag her down. No more, will her foolish pride and ego deceive her and kill her slowly like an addictive drug.
She hugged her brother close once again as she nuzzled him and kissed his cheeks. She leaned in closer to him and felt his soft coat again. She felt slobber on the part of her bangs that he was chewing on but she did not care. He blabbered incoherently as he kicked his little hooves up at her.
"Hehe, you're just a little ball of energy, aren't you? Good thing you've got me now, kid," her voice was cracking as she chuckled at his antics.
At the back of her mind, she could feel the tension and pain of a part of her being dying. It withered away inside of her like a dried up plant, cracked and empty. It burned her as it snapped and peeled away from the rest of herself. The part of her that she had been fighting all this time. The entire purpose of that civil war within her. It was falling away now, making way from something else, something new.
Yes, it was a large part of her. It had given her strength and courage. Confidence and will power. But it's expiration was long overdue. Rainbow Dash didn't need it anymore. She could gain all of that without it now. She had grown from her dependence, she had learned and evolved. It was worth the pain that she was feeling right now. The humble splash burying the scars of her past self.
Her tears drowned the snake that was constricting her heart as she smiled down on her little brother.
This little pony was too close to her to ignore. He was changing her, that much she knew. Now that she thought about it, he was the trigger to get her to act, to become a better pony. She owed him her thanks.
She felt the burn of part of her dying, but as she looked into his eyes, she no longer cared.
He considerately killed part of her being.
She did not mind.
In fact, she smiled as she embraced her little brother even tighter, tears cascading from her face.
Her snake was drowned.
