The Hoomin Race

by Violet Runner

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other
Length: 1328

what happens when a human goes to Equestria and the ponies don’t know how to say Human.

This is a story of a Human who wakes up in Equestria and the Ponies have a hard time saying human.

This stoty is not to be taken seriously.

Published 2013-10-25 22:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-28 20:26:41 UTC

The Hoomin Race

The following story is something I came up with because I was bored and is NOT to be taken seriously. Now please enjoy this story about what happens when a human goes to Equestria and the ponies don’t know how to say Human.

The Hoomin Race.

“What is that thing?”

“I don’t know go touch it.”

“I’m not going to touch it, you touch it.”

“No way, it might be dangerous!”

“Then why did you want me to touch it?!”

“Girls stop arguing. Ah’m going to go get Twilight, she’ll probably know what it is.”

My whole body ached and I was barely conscious. All I could do was lay there on the ground as I listened to what sounded like three little girls talk about something they found. A few minutes went by before I heard what sounded like hooves approaching my body.

“Great, finally help has arrived!” I thought.

“It’s right here Twilight.” I heard one of the girls say as they came closer to my body.

“OH MY GOSH! I have to get him back to my house and tell the princess immediately!” A new voice, who I suspect to be Twilight, said.

The last thing I felt before completely losing consciousness was my whole body tingling and being lifted into the air. I woke up some time later on a couch that smelled like horse hair. My body wasn't hurting as much but I still had a bit of a headache. I slowly sat up rubbing my eyes as they adjusted to the light. As I looked around my surrounding I noticed I was in what appeared to be a library before my eye locked gazes with what appeared to be a purple unicorn staring at me. We stayed like that for some time, just staring at each other before she finally spoke up.

“Hello. My name is Twilight Sparkle and I'm-” She began.

“A talking horse.” I said interrupting her.

“Pony actually.” She corrected. “And you’re a Hoomin.”

“Yes and my name is- wait what did you say? Hoomin?”

Before she could answer a mint green Unicorn walked up the stairs.

“So what was it you wanted to talk to me abou-” The other Unicorn began, stopping when she saw me. “OH MY GOSH! A REAL LIVE HUGHMON!” She shouted running over to me and grabbing one of my hands with her hoof.

“Hey cut that out.” I said pulling my hand away. “Now could someone tell me what’s going on and why you keep pronouncing the word Human weird?” I asked looking at the two techno coloured ponies in front of me.

“What do you mean weird? What’s wrong with how I say Hoomin?” Twilight asked tilting her head.

“There you did it again. Why are you putting so much empathies on the U?” I asked confused.

“Ya it’s pronounced Hughmon.” The mint green Unicorn said looking at Twilight.

“No, it’s not that either. But your close.” I said turning my attention to the other Unicorn. “What’s your name anyway?”

“Lyra Heartstring.” She said introducing herself.

“Nice to meet you. Anyway the correct pronunciation of my species is Human. Hugh-Man, Human.” I said slowly and clearly so they would get it.

“Hoomin.” Twilight said almost like she wasn't trying.

“Human.”

“Hoomin”

“Human.”

“Hoomin”

“Human.”

“Hoomin”

“Human.”

“Hoomin”

“Human.”

“Hoomin”

“Human.”

“Hoomin”

“Human.”

“Hoomin”

“Human.”

“Hoomin”

“Human.”

“Hoomin”

“Enough, whatever, pronounce it weird. See if I care.” I said giving up.

”Human.” Twilight said properly, to which I just glared at her.

“Anyway, going back to my earlier question; what’s going on here with all the talking ponies?” I asked.

“Oh well right know you are in my library/house here in Ponyville.” She explained happily.

“Ok and Ponyville is where?” I asked never hearing of it before.

“In the wide world of Equestria of course.” The purple Unicorn said matter of factly.

“Uh huh. Ok, so, why am I here?” I rubbing my forehead.

“I believe I can answer that.” A tall Alicorn said stepping into the room.

“Princess Celestia!” The two Unicorns said before bowing.

“Twilight Sparkle is this the Hoomin you found?” Celestia asked as the two Unicorns stood up.

“Yes I am and it’s pronounced Hugh-Man.” I said getting a good look at her.

“Anyway,” She said ignoring what I said. “The reason why you are here Hoomin-”

“Human.” I corrected her.

“Is because you specie died out thousands of years ago in this world and not much was known about them, so we wish to repopulate it.” Celestia said explained.

“Ok but where do I come in?” I asked curiously.

“Well because we aren't in the business of kidnapping people all we need is an egg and some sperm.” She said summoning a medical cup. “We already have the egg from another Hoomin,”

“Human” I corrected again.

“We brought to our world a few days ago, so all we need now is your sperm.” The Alicorn said handing me the medical cup. “After which we will send you home safe and sound.”

“I see…” I said looking at the cup. “So where’s the washroom in this place?”

“Down the hall and on your left.” Twilight said pointing to a door with her hoof.

“Thanks.” I said walking to the door.

“I can help you if you’d like.” Lyra said walking up beside me as I reached the washroom.

“How ‘bout NO! You crazy Equine.” I said turning to face her before walking into the washroom and slamming the door.

I came out a few minutes later and handed the cup to Celestia who took it in her magic.

“Here’s your cup of Human seed, now get me out of here.” I said sitting back down on the couch.

“Not much in here, but a deal’s a deal.” She said putting down the cup before firing up her horn again and a blue portal opened in the middle of the room. “Your world is on the other side of that portal all you have to do is walk through it.”

“Thanks.” I said before getting up and walking through it.

When I opened my eyes I was sitting in a bus shelter a few blocks from my house. I got up and started to make the short walk to my house when I bumped into the most beautiful women I ever laid eyes on.

“And that kids is how I met your mother.”

Epilogue (Slightly NSFW)

I decided to put the Alternate Ending idea i had as a epilogue. Please enjoy it.

Lyra watched as the Human walked through the portal back to his world and it took all her strength not to jump in after him. Once the portal had collapsed she reached into her saddle bag and pulled out a large bag of bits putting it on the table.

“2000 bits as agreed. Now hand it over.” She said turning to face Celestia.

“Alright.” The Day Monarch said levitating the medical cup over to her and tucking the bag of bits under her wing.

“Mmm.” The Mint Green Unicorn moaned licking some of the sperm.

“Um Lyra. You better hurry. The operation is in half an hour.” Twilight said looking over at a clock.

“Oh Right!” Lyra said running out of the Library and down the road to the hospital.

Lyra woke up 2 hours later in a hospital bed her lover Bon Bon as well as Twilight and Celestia were sitting by the bed.

“Did it work?” She asked looking at all of them.

“Yes.” Celestia nodded. “You now have a baby Hoomin-“

“Human.” Lyra corrected.

“Growing inside you.” The alicorn finished unfazed by the correction.

“Isn't that great Bon Bon?” The green Unicorn asked the Cream coloured Earth Pony mare. “Soon we’ll be the proud parents of a baby Human.”

Tears of Joy ran down both mares cheeks as the hugged each other, happy for their unborn child.