Applejack stretched out on the chaise lounge in the middle of the library with a sigh. It wasn't as though it was the first time at this particular rodeo but it still made the farmer nervous just the same. It was easy to get used to the idea of having a couch just for fainting, any amount of time around Rarity could do that to a pony, but it always felt like good working hours were wasted sitting around talking.
Across the living room sat Twilight Sparkle. Her mane was pulled into a bun and half rimmed glasses perched atop her muzzle. Floating idly beside her was a clipboard and quill, ready to take notes on what Applejack could only guess at. This was the third time they’d had these sessions, and it was bound to be the most difficult.
“So App—excuse me, so Jack, what would you like to tell me about today?”
“Well I did what'cha said and thought about one of my first memories of feelin' this way. I think I managed to narrow it down and figure out just when it started.”
Twilight nodded and the quill scribbled away. “What is it exactly that you remember?”
“When I was a school filly, maybe six'er seven, Granny made me'n Mac go into town with her. He had a part in the annual harvest pageant an' needed a nice suit for the show. There was an old stallion tailor that Granny knew from back in her day, so we went to his shop. While those two were gabbin' away I walked around and saw the most amazing suit made for a colt exactly my size. It was a soft brown like the bark of an apple tree with a matching vest and tie. When I touched it with my hoof it was smooth like velvet. I don't know why but I wanted it with all my heart, but wasn't fool enough to say so in front of Granny. When we had to leave I almost broke down in tears. It hurt knowing I'd never get to wear it. We had to go back a few more times for fitting Mac's suit, and every time I'd stare at it wishin' it would be mine.”
The soft scratching of quill to parchment filled the ensuing silence. “Alright. Last session you mentioned steps you were taking to become more comfortable with being a stallion. What kinds of things have you done thus far?”
“Well it ain't easy, that's for sure. My friends have started callin' me just Jack, so that was an easy enough switch to make. When I was in Canterlot last there was a specialty store; y'know, the kind to get adult toys 'n whatnot. They had a prosthetic that attached through some sorta magic once connected, and it looked just like stallion parts! I'd never seen anything like it so I went on and bought it before I could talk myself outta it. Last week my family went outta town to take Applebloom to Appleloosa for the summer and I wore it all while workin'. It was the most comfortable I've been on my own that I can remember."
"Were you worried about what would happen if one of your friends showed up unexpectedly?"
"Boy howdy I sure was! It's one thing to be told one of your friends feels like a stallion, words'r just words after all, but to see it happen? I didn’t want to torture myself with that kind of stinkin' thinkin' if it possibly went wrong. The way I figure it they’ll have to get used to seein’ the real me sooner or later."
“That’s very well and true. However, once you have the procedure to turn into a stallion permanently do you think there will be complications in your day to day life?”
“Absolutely, but I think I’m prepared to deal with ‘em. Granted my granny ain’t gonna understand but my brother’s been supportive and Apple Bloom...she’s always remindin’ me that she won’t be a filly forever. I broke it to her the best way I could and she told me she’d love me no matter what I felt I was. I guess the best way to explain it is that I’m at a point in my life where I can’t run from the truth.” He paused, taking a moment to decide what to say next. Six months ago he’d never have even dreamed that he could take this step.
“I can’t hide it and hope it’ll go away and nothing ever got accomplished by sittin’ and not taking action. I figure that if I’m loved for who I am now there shouldn’t be a reason not to be loved once the packaging changes. If others can’t accept it, its more their problem than mine. I doubt everypony will accept, all I need ‘em to do is let me go on about my business.” he said with a sigh. There were still so many doubts plaguing him. It had been a hard battle to give up worrying about what everypony else might think.
“That’s a very wise view of things Jack. Now let's speak a bit on how your close friends reacted to the news of your plans to change. What kinds of feedback have you received?"
"Its been positive for the most part. I originally went to my smartest friend Twilight first because I just knew she'd understand being from Canterlot and all. She took it seriously and supported me in making my dream a reality." He smiled at this recollection. "I just knew she'd find ways to help make it easier for me to adjust."
Twilight nodded and adjusted her clipboard to cover her smile. She had to keep an objective view during all this but she still glowed with pride at the apple farmer’s faith in her.
"Then there's RD, who I guess you could say is my closest friend. She didn't understand the feeling I had 'til I put it in a way she could understand. Y'see, all her life she's known she was a Wonderbolt, so I told her to imagine finally having the courage to wear the uniform after a lifetime of being told she couldn't, and then finding out it won't fit no matter what's done to it. After that things have been the same between us two aside for some awkward questions of a intimate nature."
Twilight chuckled. "That sure does sound like something she'd be curious about. Who else have you shared this with?"
“After RD stopped by I had an appointment with Fluttershy to take Winona in for her shots. When we finished she fixed up some of her special mulberry tea she knows I like so much. We got to talkin’ about simple things and I just...well my mouth got away from me and I just kinda blurted it out. Sure was embarrasin’ watching her sit with a half-raised teacup like I told her I fed that bunny of hers to a dragon. I thought she had half a mind to throw me out.”
“So what did you do to snap her out of her trance?”
“I didn’t really know what to make of that so I just kept drinkin’ my tea like it was no big deal. She came out of it after a few minutes or so and asked what I like to think of as the usual questions. Y’know, things like ‘Did I hear that right?’ and ‘Are you sure? How do you know?’ We talked it over a bit and then she came around the table and gave me a big ol’ hug and told me that no matter what we’d always be the best of friends. It was a good moment for us I think. That girl is just as sweet as she can be.”
“Who was it that you told next?”
“My sister had a sleepover with her friends and I had to walk Sweetie Belle to Rarity’s shop that evening. We just sat around visitin’ for a few like usual and she just came out and told me to tell her what was wrong. It was weighing on me a bit extra that day and I probably have the worst poker face in Equestria. We sat down on her fancy faintin’ couch and she pulled the truth outta me in that way she has. I swear I’d never seen her eyes get so wide, I really thought she was gonna take it the wrong way and make me leave. Then she just threw me into a hug and got all Rarity about it, spoutin’ off about how cosmopolitan it felt to have a friend like me and how I’d given her ideas for a new line’a dresses that would look like suits...it took some time to pry myself outta her death grip and explain how I had to get home. I noticed her floating some measuring tape towards me and had to hightail it outta there.”
Both shared a chuckle thinking of their friend. “It seems you have a wonderful support net to help you through the transitioning phase. Now this next topic may be difficult to get through, but have you gotten any negative reactions from anypony close to you?”
At this the farmhand seemed to deflate, ears laying down flat as he sighed. “Eeyup. Of all the ponies to be against it I never would’a thought it’d be Pinkie Pie. After I delivered the weekly shipment to Sugarcube Corner we got to talkin’ and catching up. She had gotten a Pinkie sense signal that I had a secret that was ready to come out and invited me to her apartment to talk it over since the Cakes were there’n all. I knew there was no point in tryin' to hide so I just came right out and told her. I figured she'd try to throw me a party or somethin' but instead she got all quiet like. She told me that I didn't have to change myself just because of a feelin'. I tried to explain myself as best I could but she wasn't havin' it.” His ears seemed to wilt at the painful memory.
“She told me, ‘That's silly Jackie, just cause you feel like a boy pony doesn't mean you need to change. Its like a cupcake with pie filling inside, its still yummy!’ I know her heart was in the right place since she wanted me to know I'm loved the way I am, but it still hurts. We actually got into a pretty heated argument and I just had to leave. I went to Rarity's since it was closest and told her about it. A few days later Rarity came to see me while I was workin'. She talked to Pinkie and while she still didn't approve she's still my friend and will be ready with a party and a smile when I'm ready. I haven't talked to her directly just yet though..." he trailed off with a sigh. It was so hard to be at odds with someone he cared so much for.
Twilight frowned. "I can see how that would be painful. Do you think after the change you may lose her as a friend even though she claims otherwise?"
"Nah, I don't feel like that. My girls are my family, y'know? Just cause we fuss and fight don't mean I love 'em any less, and we been through too much not to get through this too. It's hard and it hurts but I'll get through it."
“I think with this interview I’ll have enough information to make a decision. I know waiting has been tough and you’ve been dealing with this for a very long time, but this is quite the process and I want to make sure I follow everything through properly.” The notes were floated onto a waiting stack as Twilight spoke, her tone professionally clipped to the point of being curt.
“I understand Twi, ya’ can’t go lettin’ your personal feelings about me as a friend mess with the legal process. I just want you to know that a guy like me couldn’t ask for a better best friend, you know that?” He stepped forward and pulled his librarian friend into a brief crushing hug.
“I know Jack, but it’s three in the afternoon and your brother might be wondering why he’s had to deal with market day alone.”
“Aw horseapples, gotta run. Seeya next time!” pulling open the door, he set out at a canter toward the market. Twilight watched him go with a smile. Once she reviewed her notes, she’d be one step closer to making his dream come true.
It had taken much research before Twilight could say she had found the solution to Jack's problem. There was a lot of magic in the world but no spells detailing a gender switch. After a brief trip to the Canterlot archive medical wing, she settled on a spell used for severe reproductive system emergencies. It took two unicorns to perform usually, and it would give the apple farmer the proper equipment to match his insides. She turned toward her notes, shutting the door behind her. She would help her friend. She would make him whole.
Author's Note
This was written last year for the transgender day of remembrance.
