Foolproof, Not Idiotproof

by stoopidity

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Comedy
Length: 2362

It takes the wrong ponies for the job to ruin a foolproof plan—the job being a bank heist.

After weeks of planning and organizing, the perfect plan to heist the Bank of Manehattan is ready to initiate. It just takes the wrong ponies for the job to ruin a foolproof plan.

Published 2013-12-16 03:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-16 03:40:04 UTC

Chapter 1: Planning

Equestria’s newest princess has come a long way prior to her coronation. The young unicorn became Princess Celestia’s prized student, raised a baby dragon, became the embodiment of magic, studied friendship in Ponyville, and saved the world multiple times. Which all led up to the day she completed the great Starswirl the Bearded’s unfinished masterpiece and her coronation.

After all that has changed, from the former unicorn sprouting wings and becoming an immortal alicorn princess, her closest friends can all agree that she hasn’t changed a bit. Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy all watched as she slowly went insane, lecturing her plans at speeds that could rival her pink friend.

“Now, what have we learned?” Twilight asked her class with a hint of menace in her voice.

The five students of the class all sat in an uncomfortable silence as their teacher, standing in front of a large chalkboard covered in white unintelligible scribbles, waited for an answer. She waited patiently as the silence stretched on longer that it should have.

Her students would’ve answered, but with the way Twilight’s pupils shrunk with insanity, her teeth clenched into a huge grin, and strands of her dark purple mane had sprung into random direction kept them at unease. They’ve only seen this once in their years of knowing the former unicorn, and it was terrifying. What made this even more terrifying for them? She now had large wings that were fanned out and would twitch every so often.

Rainbow let out a weak cough.

Twilight’s head snapped toward Rainbow in a horror movie-esque way, which made the usually brave pegasus recoil in fear. The princess scanned her five friends sitting in a row in front of her. Rainbow grinned nervously, Rarity examined her hoof as a way to avoid eye contact, Applejack quickly shifted her attention to the chalkboard and pretended to read it, and Pinkie smiled. She gave the pink earth pony an expectant stare. Pinkie shrugged, followed by Twilight’s ear twitching. At least she was honest.

Then her eyes fell on the quietest one of their group.

Fluttershy’s eyes shrunk into pinpricks. She tried to speak, but all that came out were nervous stammers.

“L-Loss of c-control?!” The shy pegasus exclaimed.

Twilight groaned loudly and slammed her hooves to her eyes, stretching her eyelids down her face. As she rubbed her eyes in frustration, Rainbow took the time to look over and wink at Fluttershy with a proud grin on her face.

The princess took in a breath and slowly let it out. She took another look at the chalkboard behind her and read over her plans and ideas—her ideas. The princess remembered staying up for nights thinking up of the perfect plan to heist a bank. Robbing a bank was an illegal act, and she knew it wasn’t going to be simple. Crime wasn't common in the peaceful land of Equestria, but Celestia's, Luna’s, and now her own government was strong in order to keep the peace. So hours needed to be spent to think up of every logical situation they could be in and how they could pull it off.

Twilight remembered only getting some input from her friends. Not because they didn’t want to help, but she had to spend as much time planning at night during Spike’s bedtime. Spike could not take part in this, for she did not want the baby dragon to get in any trouble. Therefore, Twilight had to come up with almost everything herself.

And as a result, without any input from her friends and deprived of sleep, her ideas were terrible.

Twilight slapped a hoof against her face as she read one of her ideas. She could already imagine the humiliation and failure they would face if they were to go with her current plans.

“Alright, put the money in the baaag… PUT IT IN!” Pinkie, wearing a giant sock over her head, shouted at the pony working the front desk as she held an empty pillowcase out in front of her.

“Um, you’re facing the wrong way, m’am.” The front desk officer bluntly stated, completely unthreatened.

Pinkie let out an obnoxious, embarrassed laugh before turning toward the right way and instantly regaining her hard demeanor. “ALRIGHT! GIVE ME THE MONEY!”

“Will that be from your savings or your checking account, m’am?”

“Uh, savings.”

Tapping a hoof to her chin and attempting to flatten her disheveled mane to no avail, Twilight then lifted the chalkboard eraser with her magic and wiped the green board clean, which caught the attention of the five other ponies.

After erasing the previously full chalkboard of her nights of pointless work, Twilight took a piece of chalk and wrote four large words: Disguises, names, plan, and positions.

Twilight let out a content sigh. Hopefully things could start going much smoother for her, her friends, and her sanity.

“Ooh! Ooh!” Pinkie waved her hoof around. “We should go as the Ponyvengers!”

Twilight looked at Pinkie in disbelief. Things were definitely not going smoother for her or her sanity.

“What?” Pinkie responded to Twilight’s odd stare. “There’s six of us, and there’s six Ponyvengers! It falls right into place!”

“Y’know there’s way more Ponyvengers than just those six,” Rainbow said, receiving stares from her five friends. “N-Not like I read the comic books or anything! Daring Do is the only books I read...

“I call Iron Mane, by the way,” she added.

“Twi-Twi’ should be Captain Equestria!”

“I prefer PC Comics.” Applejack crossed her forelegs.

Twilight loudly cleared her throat, halting her friends’ arguments. “Girls, we’re not wearing disguises for the fun of it! We need to wear disguises to keep our identities hidden.”

“Twilight’s right, girls.” Rarity spoke up. “The last thing we want is to be caught immediately. It doesn’t matter if we manage to pull this off successfully. If a witness were to identify any of us, that’s it for us.”

The alicorn nodded at Rarity. “Exactly. We cannot be identified. Our face, manes, tails, and coat need to be hidden.

“It may not seem like it to civilians, but to the princesses, the Royal Guard, and higher-up officials, the Elements of Harmony are known all across Equestria. If a witness were to identify us as six ponies that are lavender, white, blue, pink, orange, and yellow, or even a pegasus with a rainbow patterned mane, ponies will easily identify us as the culprits. Not to mention, Princess Celestia would immediately know it’s us!”

"Sooo... no Ponyvengers?"

A canary hoof rose to the air. "Twilight?"

"Yes, Fluttershy?"

"Should we hide our wings and horns too?" Fluttershy quietly suggested.

"Hide our wings?!" Rainbow shouted before Twilight could respond. "With my wings, we could get this job done in a snap!"

Applejack placed a hoof on the cyan pegasus' shoulder. "Hold up, sugarcube. I think Fluttershy's got a point." The farmer nodded to her quiet friend, allowing her to continue.

"Well, there's only four alicorns in Equestria. If a witness sees a pony with wings and a horn, they would think it's one of the princesses. Which would lead to you, Twilight."

Twilight stood speechless as she took in the advice from her quietest friend, her large wings folding in against herself. The princess figured that with her talent of magic added with the use of her wings, the heist could be pulled off successfully and quickly. She felt foolish for forgetting something as significant as her own wings.

“You’re right, Fluttershy. Wings and horns need to be hidden.”

Fluttershy smiled like a filly who answered a question correctly in class.

Rainbow uselessly worked her mouth as she tried to come up with an argument. All that came out were irritated stammers before she sighed in defeat, rubbing the arch of her muzzle with a hoof. She cast a subtle glare at her oldest friend. “Alright, alright, I understand. No wings.”

Twilight flashed the cyan pegasus an apologetic smile. “Okay, girls, back to the subject of disguises. What do you guys suggest?”

The five ponies sat in silence, pondering ideas on disguises that hide coats, wings, horns, and manes.

“If we don’t come up with anything, we could go with the clichéd ski masks, but I’d rather not…” Twilight said, the avid reader mumbling under her breath something along the lines of her hatred toward cliché-ness.

Rainbow raised a hoof. “How about your Mare Do Well costumes? They hid pretty much everything, and did a good job on fooling me.”

Twilight thought about it for a second before shooting down her friend’s suggestion. “No. Unfortunately, Mare Do Well became a heroic symbol in Ponyville. Somehow, if a witness were to identify us as Mare Do Well, we could be traced to Ponyville. With how small the town is, it wouldn’t be difficult for us to be caught.”

Rainbow nodded in understanding as they took another second to brainstorm.

This time, Pinkie raised a hoof. “We could wear suits and clown masks, then leave in school buses!” Five pairs of eyes turned to give Pinkie a questioning look.

“Not sure if ya meant school carriages, but it ain’t a bad idea.” Applejack shrugged. The farmer looked at her friends for confirmation. Surprisingly, Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin, seemingly thinking it through. Unsurprisingly, Fluttershy stood as stiff as a board, as if trying to seem nonchalant, with her aquamarine eyes widened.

Applejack sighed. “What’s the matter, sugarcube?”

“C-Clowns are scary…” Fluttershy quietly mumbled.

“What?!”

Twilight let out a tired sigh as Pinkie and Fluttershy entered into an argument between clowns. More so, Pinkie Pie arguing as Fluttershy squeaked in terror.

“But clowns always smile! Their frown is always upside down!”

Rarity cleared her throat and raised her hoof, ignoring her friends’ argument and Pinkie’s statement of how she just rhymed. “If I may, Twilight, Pinkie’s idea is not a bad one–”

“Ha!” Pinkie pointed a hoof at Fluttershy in victory. “I shall call you Bozo!”

Rarity continued, “Although, to Fluttershy’s request, we shall leave out the clown masks for something else.” The canary pegasus whispered a tiny apology to the defeated clown lover. “Wearing suits would hide our coat and wings. Unfortunately, not our hooves, but we could easily fix that with some shoes, or socks–”

Pinkie instantly brightened, causing Fluttershy to flinch. “I got that covered!”

“Horns, manes, tails?” Twilight asked the unicorn.

“Whatever mask we choose should hide our horns and manes,” Rarity responded. “As for our tails, I’m willing to make custom suits that would comfortably hide them.”

The alicorn continued to tap a hoof to her chin, thinking through Rarity’s idea for a disguise. Everything important that needed to be hidden was indeed hidden. Although, they still needed masks and whatever Pinkie has covered, which they could easily go over later. Looking at her friends for confirmation, they all responded with a shrug and a nod. Returning a nod, Twilight lifted a piece of chalk with her magic and proceeded to write.

“And wouldn’t we just look absolutely dapper and professional wearing suits and ties,” the fashionista said as she flipped her purple mane to the side, sticking her nose to the air.

“Reservoir Diamond Dogs, much?” Rainbow jokingly muttered.

“Okay, girls,” Twilight said after putting the piece of chalk down. “Next: names. We obviously can’t use our real names. Using fake names keep witnesses from easily identifying us.”

“Ooh! Ooh!” Pinkie obnoxiously waved her hoof in the air.

Twilight let out a sigh before Pinkie could continue. The pink party pony always had an idea for each topic they needed to go over, and they were always silly, random, or both.

“Twi-Twi’ should be Zoe, Rarity should be Pepper, Applejack should be Russel, Dashie should be Sunil, ‘Shy-Shy should be Penny, and I’ll be Minka!” Pinkie exclaimed, pointing to each of her friends as she progressed.

Zoe, Pepper, Russel, Sunil, and Penny all stared at Minka before looking at each other, then shrugging. The littlest alicorn lifted a piece of chalk in magic and began to write. “How did you even come up with those names?”

“I dunno! Just came to me!”

Twilight watched as her five friends made their way to the three bunk beds against the wall. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie took the top bunks as Rarity and Fluttershy took the bottom, leaving one bottom bunk open for the princess.

Getting themselves comfortable underneath the rough blankets, they each bid one another a good night. Pinkie did the same, more so obnoxiously. “Goodnight, Dashie! Goodnight, Applejackie! Goodnight, Rare-Bear! Goodnight, ‘Shy-Shy!”

“Goodnight, Twilight!” All five of them said before descending into silence.

Twilight smiled. With how long the day had felt, she wasn’t surprised to hear some of them already snoring quietly as their bodies rose and fell in a slow rhythm. Natural light from Luna’s moon illuminated through the windows of the large abandoned warehouse they were currently in, giving the dirty, spacey room a sense of peacefulness. The sound of crickets chirping from the outside added to the peaceful setting.

As much as Twilight wanted to collapse onto a bed and join her friends in sleep, she couldn’t, for she needed to read over their plan once more… maybe even a second time… definitely a second time. There was absolutely no room for error in a risky and dangerous mission such as this one.

Reading over the chalkboard covered in white scribbles, looking for faults in their plan, Twilight realized something. This Manehattan warehouse could be covered in evidence. Their hoofprints, and hair from their manes and coat could give DNA samples, which could successfully track any of them down. It may seem like she was thinking too much, but it would be too suspicious as to why Princess Twilight Sparkle and the Elements of Harmony were present in Manehattan just before the heist.

An idea came to her mind for getting rid of the evidence. Twilight made sure to remember to do it before the heist, and continued to double-check the plan.

Author's Note

My stories just went from romance to robbing banks. What an escalation.