The Malc Chronicles

by Malcolmforde

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Doctor Whooves, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 1828

Get ready for an immature, action packed adventure featuring Malc and his cronies!

Get ready for an immature, action packed adventure featuring Malc and his cronies! Malc has to save the land of Equestria from some very dark magic. How did he get there? Blue poop.

You can see the horrible original version of The Malc Chronicles here

Published 2013-11-04 16:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-28 19:16:33 UTC

Part 5 - Cat Piss Potion

“Jerk,” said Doc, and then they left for the Everfree forest.

It was dark when they got there, and stuff happened. They stepped in some Poison Joke, which resulted in one of them farting fairly fast. Luckily Zecoras place was on the route. While they were visting her, they asked for directions to the temple which houses the cat piss potion.

They also encountered some monster thingies they could not described. Derpy just magic'd over them. Then they found the temple!

So they entered, and then they fell through the floor. Malcolm met the po-po again. “Hey there little pony, I came to kill you, in pony form!”

The same thing happened, except more hilarious. Derpy threw a rock at the po-po and Doc decided to jump on the po-po. Then I stabbed the po-po with my magical pen whilst stating, once again, “Woah! My pen-is magical!”

They then all ran through the temple, almost fell in lava, and then they saw the potion. It was sitting on a very amazing pedestal. It looked like gold, but more on the yellow piss-like color. It was covered in vines, and the light from above shone on it very dramatically.

Malcolm ran his hoof over it, and said, “Feels like piss. This must be it, Let us drink!” They drank, and then got drunk. It tasted like piss, felt like piss, and smelled like piss.

They then all said, “I feel funny,” in unison.

Part 6 - Drunk Flight

They ran around in circles for about 30 minutes to see what was going to happen, but then Doc decided that they were just procrastinating.

Doc yelled for a little while (which could, indeed, be observed as more procrastinating) in order to get to get the crew back on track.

On their way to Cloudsdale, some interesting thing happened. First of all, Malcolm ran into Princess Twilight. She got really angry at him and yelled , “GO AWAY YOU FREAK! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ALL THIS CRAP I WAS HOLDING!” Malcolm decided that twilight had an obsession with books because of this.

Derpy, Doc, and Malcolm also crashed into each other at one point, which I assume was a result of how drunk they were.

Luckily, they got to the Rainbow Factory in a “good enough” state. Derpys horn needed to be glued back on.

Just as they were about to throw the ~~ring~~ bottle into the rainbow machine, Pogo the Clown appeared. He said something along the lines of, “A wild Pogo appeared!”

Derpy, in complete panic, couldn't prevent herself from speaking. She ended up turning it into a boss battle. Instantly, she yelled, “Doctor Whooves, I choose you! Use Wig-Puller!”

Doc did just that, and it was super effective! Pogo had one hitpoint left. Doc, doing the same as Derpy, said “Malcolm, I choose you! Use dancer!” It was not super effective, but it worked. Pogo the Clown fell and turned to dust.

“Lets throw this bottle into the machine and run,” said Malcolm, being logical for once. They did so, and then jumped onto Rainbow Dash's back. “Rainbow, I demand that you take us to the Mountain of Purple Poop, ASAP.”

Author's Note

Pokemon, gonna catch 'em allllllllll

Part 1 - The Blue Poop

There was a small child named Malcolm, who really loved adventure. He had next to null friends, and was about to attend his first year of middle school.

“HEY BITCH! GET DOWN HERE FOR YOUR PIE! ITS TIME FOR SCHOOL, RETARD!”

Malcolm, really hating his mother, decided to grab his stuff and jump out the window, instead of going downstairs in order to avoid his mother, named Mama Flippin' June. Before he jumped out the window, he grabbed his bed sheets so he could use them as a parachute, so that he didn't do the flop.

He conveniently landed on top of a car, which in turn had the keys sitting on its hood. So, he got in the car and drove to school. It was later he got fucked by the po-po. The po-po was also very magical.

About half way there, a cop got in the way. He used a nearby ramp to go over the vehicle, which is what started the chase. Malcolm got out of his car, and grabbed a pen.

The cops turned out to be some sort of demon thingies. After a very dramatic pause, one po-po said “Hey there, little boy. I came to kill you!”

Malcolm twisted the cap of his pen because of how scared he was. Surprisingly, it turned into a Rainbow Dash fan! The Rainbow Dash fan, named Riptide [sorry Riptide], fought off the po-po. Then, Riptide turned into a pen again. “Woah! My pen-is magical!” shouted Malcolm. Then, he ran to school.

Once he got to school, he met a friend. His friend was Sam, who was just a drone, living in his screen. Day by day, he wondered what his life meant. Anyways, Sam had to go to the bathroom. Malcolm followed him, because Sam was the only child preventing Malcolm from being bullied by assholes.

Malcolm got bored and decided to watch Sam with his super tiny-microscopic spy drone. What Malcolm saw was amazing. Sams poop... it was blue. Malcolm broke through the door, push Sam over, and put some of the poop in a plastic bag. Then, he rubbed some of the poop on his own face.

When Malcolm noticed his vision swirling and all that jazz, he shouted, “Bye Microsoft Sam!”.

Author's Note

There's a reference to the music producer Renard in this. Try to find it!

Part 2 - Tally ho!

Suddenly, Malcolm popped into Equestria. He looked at his hands, and realized he was a pegasus now. How exciting!

Malcolm decided to walk into Sugar Cube Corner, since it was near by, and he was hungry. The white pegasus tever ponies got in Equestria, then sat down.

While he was eating, he saw a pony the reminded him of Doctor Who. This brown stallion, called Doctor Whooves, was also sitting next to his TARDIS. So, Malcolm ran to the TARDIS, got in it, and flew away.

Doctor Whooves shouted, “STOP!” Then it became a chase, kind of like a Benny Hill chase.

Malcolm didn't really know how to fly a TARDIS, so he ended up crashing into a tree. The tree was so large and thick, however, The Doctor could not see him. After being stuck in the tree for a while, Malcolm got insanely bored and decided to give the TARDIS back.

“Sir, I am sorry, but, I came from another dimension and I need to get out and I know that the TARDIS could but I don't know how to use it.”

Doc contemplated this response, and decided that Malcolm was innocent, “Hey, its fine. I have been trying to get out of this place for ages with no luck. Would you like a tour of this place?”

Malcolm thought that would be a good thing, since there was not way of getting out of Equestria now. “Yes please! I have never been here before,”

The white pegasus quickly felt for the bag of blue poop in his super-sexy cyan hat, just to make sure it was still there.

Author's Note

Got some more description of Malcolm in this chapter/part. Yay for super-sexy cyan hats!

Part 3 - Meeting Derpy

And with that, Doctor Whooves and Malcolm set off on a tour, “To Sugar Cube Corner!”

Malcolm thought for a moment, “We were just there.”

Doc's cheeks went red with embarrassment, partly because at the particular moment that this happened, he was in the bisexual mindset, “My bad,” said the brown stallion, “lets go meet Derpy!”

A few minutes worth of walking, they found Derpy Hooves. Malcolm almost instantly noticed Derpy eyes, and questioned her, “Hey Derpy! I don't know you, but why do your eyes look funny?”

Derpy looked downwards, as if she suddenly felt sad. “Various reasons related to stuff stuff and other stuff related to stuff.”

“SO UM CAN YOU HOLD THIS BAG OF BLUE POOP FOR ME ITS MAGIC,” Malcolm then added, “BUT DON'T EAT IT THAT WOULD BE BAD.” He then handed it over to Derpy while he was looking away.

Doc decided to chime in, “I think we should go now,” and they walked places. Malcolm noticed a dark looking thing in some clouds and decided to fly up to see what it was. Then he had a bad feeling that something was going to destroy Equestria. Before Malcolm spoke of that, however, Malcolm noticed that the blue poop was gone, there was poop smothered around Derpys mouth, and that Derpys wings were replaced with a horn. “God damnit.”

Author's Note

Short one for introducing a new character, and getting the plot ready <3

Part 4 - Rigid Horse

Doc read about a dark orb when he traveled 1,000,000 years into the future. It was some sort of legend that far ahead of time. Apperently, this was the time the legend took place in, “We should probably ask around for some elder person about how to fight the Dargons of Blue Poop.”

Malcolm remembered instantly that he got here because of Blue Poop. Which furthermore means that maybe defeating the Dargons of Blue Poop, he would be able to go home. He decided to go to a big tree with a door at the base. The tree smelled of dog shit and cat piss.

When Malcolm entered, he saw an old pony. “Haha! You look rigid, like how my magic pen-is!”

“So, sir, do you know how we can fight the Dargons of Blue Poop?” Doc said, rolling his eyes at Malcolm.

“First, you must run into the Everfree Forest. Go to the temple, then grab the magic potion that smells like cat piss.”

Derpy replied, “Is it really cat piss?”

“Hush,”-Malcolm paused-”He is telling us the secret to everything.”

“Then, drink the potion. It will taste like cat piss. Once you have all drunk a 1/3 of it, you will get drunk. Fly out of the forest and go to Cloudsdale. There, you will find the Rainbow Factory. Once you enter the rainbow factory throw a bottle into the rainbow machine and run. Throw yourself onto Rainbows back and force her to take you to the mountain of Purple Poop. Here you will find the Poopish Brewing Guide. Don't mind the fact it looks purple. Brew yourself a teleportation potion and a beserk potion,”

“Okkkaaayyyyy,” said the whole group together, “but why do we need to get drunk?”

“Just to confuse you. Its funny watching pegasi getting drunk. And you would get all off course if you took that off the list of directions, so I wont tell you how to do it without getting drunk,”