The Conversion Bureau: Last Minute Thoughts

by Pencil Sketch

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Spitfire, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, DJ P0N-3, Soarin, Zecora, Alternate Universe, Doctor Whooves, Lyra, Original Character, Comedy, Bon-Bon
Length: 16118

Is this really a good idea?

Rewriting description because the last one made no sense to the actual story.

Anyways, a story written in the first and third person perspectives.

A series of shorts based on Blaze's Conversion Bureau series.

Published 2011-10-13 06:00:37 UTC
Last updated 2011-11-18 19:44:26 UTC

1st Thought: Strange

One year, seven months, sixteen days, two hours, and thirty minutes. One year, seven months, sixteen days, two hours and thirty-one minutes. Thirty-two. Thirty-three. Thirty-four...

That has be approximately how long I've lived completely alone. Everyone around me left for the East, and never bothered to come back. My family, my neighbours, my friends. I had to be one of the last sane humans left in Manitoba.

Sure, there are a couple mad domestic terrorists moving up from across the borders to claim farmland around the city, but I'd rather be dead than join a group of people that represented the polar opposite of what I believed in.

These people would come to my home in pairs, trying to recruit me for their mission, and each time, I would answer the door in ways only I would find truly funny nowadays.

One day, I answered the door in nothing but my bathing robe, open, and nothing else. Another day, I would reverse their usual speech and try to convert them to get off my front step. And just yesterday, get this, I answered the door with a costume knife going through my skull and fake blood just soaking through my shirt. Buggers bought the whole act too, thinking I was some magical zombie or something. Idiots.

They'll be back today, though. That's the pattern, three days in a row, then a week of peace and quiet, then another three days of door knocking. This has been going on for about five months straight now.

They called themselves the "Human Liberation Front", or HLF, for short, and with a name like that, you could only expect a troubling amount of mentally challenged inbreeds believing that mankind was the superior species created by God, and always should be.

Alright, this may have been a viable claim in two cases.

If I actually believed in God in the first place.

And 2. If the magical land of Equestria hadn't popped up out of the Atlantic and had their inhabitants, a bunch of talking ponies, start immigrating into the human world.

Oh, didn't I mention that these "Equestrians" before? Well, to put it simply, they are small, horse-like creatures coloured like any crayon in a Crayola box, that can talk, fly, perform true magic, and just radiate peace and happiness to those around them, among other things.

Apparently, they were facing a little overcrowding problem back home, and needed to expand, so they opened up their gates and came by to say hello. What nobody ever knew in the first place, though, was that their homeland was having a ripple effect on the rest of the planet, making the Earth more like their own world, as well as poisoning any other higher lifeform, being apes, chimps, and man.

Naturally, people are afraid of dying, and the ponies felt so bad about killing so many people, that they offered the service of turning humans into ponies and surviving.

That's exactly what almost everyone around me did. No one wanted to die, and they wanted a second chance at life with a simple future, and I can't blame them for that.

Why didn't I go? Simple answer to that. In all truth, I just wanted to squeeze out was fun was left in having digits at the end of my arms. If you take that in a dirty context, you'd be right, but I use them for other things too. I taught myself the useless skill of juggling, made high score on all the games at the arcade before power died out, I am even a half-decent artist too.

Okay, so there's a little more to it than that. So there's a little paranoia involved as well. When everyone left, I lost contact with everyone I cared about. I haven't seen my friends or family in one year, seven months, sixteen days, two hours, and thirty-eight minutes. There is no news broadcasting or media around where I am, nor anyone to actually make the stuff. I am completely in the dark, left to make up stories to scare myself to prove I still have a heartbeat.

It's running about seventy two beats a minute now, just saying, because I still have fingers to check my pulse.

When the "Conversion Bureaus", the places they change humans into ponies, started popping up along the eastern parts of the continent, they ran advertisements for them, showing how utterly harmless they were in the end. But when I saw how that woman would come out of those doors different, something just irked me inside. She wasn't exactly herself anymore, in physical and mental terms. To be so happy to be so radically different compared to the rest of your kin was just a little uncanny.

I didn't want that. I liked how I was. Sure, I may be a little bitter, a little mean-spirited when it comes to humour, and maybe I'm just afraid of losing whom I believed I was.

I walk into those doors, but I won't be walking out in body or spirit. That's my fear.

Excuse me, I forgot to introduce myself!

My name is Kennedy Baxter, just your average human guy, and I'm one of the last few normal humans in Manitoba. Now if you excuse me, I hear my door knocking and I'm going for the "crotchety, old man" act.

"Get off my lawn, you blasted... hold up... What's this? Just a letter? Strange."

Okay, I'm back. So it was just a classic "knock on the door and bolt off" sort of thing. Don't really get those too often unless I let them see me in the window with a fire-picker. They left a note though, so it wasn't like I got pulled away for no reason, right?

Give me a second for me to open this bad boy up with my fingers, shall we. I guess you can't see too well, given there's no camera, but it's an old fashion wax seal with a sunburst sort of symbol on it. Just gotta crack it open like so, and viola!

Let's see what this has got to say... duh duh duh, "We at the Ottawa Conversion Bureau hereby recognize-" blah blah blah, "honored guest", just skip a little here... Huh. So it says here I've gotten myself a little invite to get turned into a pony. Should I accept and travel a good, bloody two days in a car, stealing, I mean, salvaging gas from stations because I have no money, then go through the process I give myself nightmares over?

Yes?

No?

Oh, there's the knocking again. You know what, screw those HLF guys. They're late, and I wasted my act already. I'm out today, they can come back next week and try again.

Actually, now that I think about it, I hear Ottawa's very nice this time of year. It's awfully lonely around here anyways, company at the door obviously regardless. Maybe I should just go, see what they have to say, then just come back home when they don't convince me.

Oh no they're not. They are NOT breaking down my door. Hold on a moment, I got something to sort out.

-=-=-

I'm back. Turns out the zombie thing wasn't taken too lightly. Or maybe it was the fire-poker thing, or otherwise refusing to join them, I don't know. What I do know, is that I'm packing my bags right now.

Some underwear, a couple shirts, what's left of my candy hoard, a couple boxes of CDs, and I'm set. Alright, that's that.

I'll be seeing you folks when I get out of the city. Roads may be empty, but I'm just bad with directions.

Later!

2nd Thought: Chances

I have to say that the prairie is probably one of the most unexciting ecosystem I've ever seen. All there is to see is either flat expanses of overgrown crops, hills, man-made drainage dykes, and sporadic patches of trees. Once upon a time, it may have been nice for a settler or someone to see fresh dirt to cultivate, but thanks to the massive market demands, it's not that way anymore.

I could say it's not my fault and blame some organization or government for ruining the landscape, but I've had more than my fair share of burgers that needed wheat for the bread, or cattle for the beef.

Haven't really had a good burger in a while thanks to most of the global population going vegetarian. My mouth is just watering for a nice, juicy slab of steak. Hell, I'd settle for meat-flavoured tofu, but even that's become scarce. Right now, all I have to settle on is some two-year old candy.

Listen, stale licorice isn't all that fun to munch on when that's all there is. My jaw's pretty sore now.

Back on topic!

So, ya, I'm almost glad I'm leaving home. It was always hot in the summer, and freezing in the winter. And with no one around to hit the town with, it was drearily boring. Bar's aren't exciting without the chatter of others. Country clubs don't make you feel high and mighty when you're the only member. Yep, boring.

Three quarters of a tank left of gas, going one hundred kilometers and hours on a barren highway. At this rate, I'd need a refill by the time I hit Kenora, which, strictly from rumours spouted off from deranged HFL 'tards, is something of a small pony community now.

There was nothing between where I was and there aside some more stinkin' prairie, then boreal forest for as far as the eye could see, maybe a few lakes and some very nice, abandoned cottages. Don't quote me on the cottages though, since they're so accessible to the flying variety of immigrants, there's been a couple, old, news articles stating that some have seen squatters.

Oh, speak of the devil, I see the treeline up ahead. That means a good hour or so until Ontario, then another until Kenora, then I don't have an honest idea until Ottawa.

I really should have planned this better. I really should have brought a freakin' map. Oh well, can't turn back now with a couple of PETA-wannabes-in-reverse probably rummaging through my place as I speak. Those guys had to be the last on my list of people I want to see right now. Sitting comfortably next to the generation's tween singing sensation and a certain politician I don't care enough to give a name to. You know who you are.

Turn the radio on or something. Oh, no signal, just like for the last year or so. At least I've brought my intimidating collection of CDs with me. Just pop one in and listen to the music of yesteryear. A nice driving song would keep me from going absolutely mad for the next two hours or so.

Ahh... That's so much better.

-=-=-

Awake yet? I know I would have dozed off if I wasn't the one at the wheel. The road gets so much smoother once you hit provincial borders. I'm pulling in to Kenora right now, and I gotta say, a lot has changed since I last came here. Some buildings made specifically for pony standards replace the human ones that were no longer in use. There wasn't any humans whatsoever from what I could see in my dinky little car.

I was certainly turning a few heads from the pony folk though. There was quite a number of them, every colour of the rainbow and then some. I could see the little ones turning to what I could guess was a parent probably curious as to why a human, like myself, was still around.

I'm glad they kept the old ice cream shack, though. Supposedly, it's been around for a good century, at least. My gramps, bless the old soul, said he used to come here and ask for the less generic flavours, like pop-rock or cotton candy. Ya, you could fairly imagine him without a head of teeth.

Good thing about no other humans on earth; there's always a place to park and no one will bother ticketing or towing. I just stop the car right here, get out, get my ice cream treat, maybe ask directions, then be on my way.

"Let's see... I'll have the... bubblegum mint cone, please?" Guess tastes are inherited.

The mare at the till stares at me for a moment, probably wondering if I "was for real". I would strike a pose for her if one of her coworkers didn't get the order for her.

That's how I can tell she was a convert. With the immigrants, they may ask a question or two, but they don't gawk. The converts, on the other hand, stare in awe like they want to say "Why, for the love of all that's good in the world, have you not taken the chance to get ponified yet?".

Some may say that's a little rude, but I don't mind. They can stare all they want. I was never the center of attention growing up, and boy, does it feel good to have folks pay attention to me now, or at least a few acknowledging that I exist.

Some may say not to count chickens before they hatch, but this is a good time to do it. I just checked the side of the building, and, lo and behold, a map of Eastern Canada.

Alright, so we're right here, having taken a good two and a half hours to get here from home... now where's Ottawa...

Ah, damn. You gotta be kidding me. I'VE HOW MANY HOURS LEFT TO GO?

Retrospect 1: Familiar

-=-=-
I've intended to change perspectives regularly throughout the story to change pace. The "Retrospect" chapters are written in the third person, compared to the "Thought" chapters, which are in the first person.

More key characters will be introduced in the following chapters while Ken's on his little road trip from one side of a province to the other.

Hopefully, this works out and shows some character development.

(F.Y.I, Winnipeg to Ottawa's about a twenty hour drive with few towns in between)
-=-=-

Process at the office was coming to a gradual halt, that was for certain, as the equine volunteers went about their duties. The secretaries were probably had the least work to do at the moment, and relied primarily on small conversations to get through their shifts.

The weekly rate of human applicants was at an all-time-low, from a couple hundred at a time to a measly average of fifteen every week.

A white unicorn with a striking blue mane played music for herself in her cramped office in between her announcements, which she had perfectly times for the end of the song.

"Good morning, Ottawa!" She would start every morning and eight o'clock, sharp, before she let her noisy sipping of an energy drink sound on the PA, "This is your host, Vinyl Scratch, waking you all up with, and I quote, "incessant shouting and foalish antics"! Thank you, Bon Bon, for supplying me with this morning's Five Second Plug! Today's Indian Food, so that's Poha for breakfast, Luchi for lunch, and Prawn Curry for dinner for our esteemed, two-legged guests. And for the pony-peeps like myself, we're getting Poha as well, Luchi, and my personal recipe, Five-Petal-Daisy Curry! Don't forget to drink tons of water, folks. It's gonna be a very hot day."

That was the daily routine of the disc-jockey pony, soon followed by the naming of the morning's lucky convert. She remembered from some time back that the humans could be heard cheering from beyond her supposedly soundproofed office. Now the bureau was nearly silent, the tenants of the past all long gone.

Whenever she took a break from her duties, should would sit down around the humans at their table and try to mingle. They were a great source to learn about musicians that she would later collect the discography of, and they always treated her with the utmost respect for being their audio espresso.

The DJ pony was even fortunate to run into some rather prolific electro-house artists, one even sharing a similar stage name as she did. It was very amusing to share little tips and secrets with others that would, without a doubt, be contributing to her crowd of ponies.

When not hanging around the bureau for work, there wasn't all that much for the unicorn to do aside from going back to the apartment complex that all the other volunteer ponies stayed at, or just wander around the city.

But like the nights she used to have back home in Equestria, there was always a place she called her home away form home. To the mundane, it just appeared to be a staircase going down into a seedy bar that blasted noise to ward off the weak-of-heart. But to this certain pony, it was her playground.

The savage sounds, the epileptic lights, and the excitable atmosphere. It was familiar to Vinyl Scratch, and she was certainly no stranger to some of the patrons here. When she walked into here the first time, she got a few odd looks from the, still human, attendees, but she was just awestruck by how these supposedly bloodthirsty animals could create something she was as beautiful.

"'Ey! If it isn't my favourite little pony!" Called a rough-looking stallion from behind the bar.

"Hey, Bobert the Bartender!" She would reply as usual, "Who's the artist of the evening?"

Robert, a former human and long-time proprietor of the establishment, was always big compared to everyone else. As a human, he had to have stood two heads above any other human, as a pony, he was maybe a head shorter than a human, but no less intimidating with his stocky build. It was a sad day when he shut the nightclub down to undergo his conversion, but it had to have been the greatest party on Earth when he opened it back up two weeks later.

"Bah, just some local kid my boy knew. Not the greatest in the world, but not terrible. Feel free to buck him off the stage and take over if you can't stand him." He let loose with a hardy laugh that bellowed above nearby conversations of other bar-ponies, "So, what can I get you?"

Vinyl pushed her way up to the bar, jumping up onto the stool so she could get her order. "I'll have my usual hemp milk, with a shot of Kahlúa, stirred."

"Coming right up!" shouted the stallion, whom returned in a short moment, sliding the beverage to the mare, "I think I finally got the hang of these hooves. Haven't broken any glass in a week!"

She smiled to Rob, magicking the glass to her lips while her eyes examined his hooved underneath her trademarked shades. The evidence of his lack of dexterity remained in the scars when he would crush bottles between his hooves, making her wince to think about such events. "That's awesome, Bobby!"

"Thanks. And as usual, the drink's on the house."

"As payment for the shows, as usual."

The two shared a second of chuckling before a loud blare and screeching rang from the amplifiers. The mare winced and plugged her ears with her hooves and the bartender shook his head.

"That kid doesn't know how to properly MC over a mic, does he? He needs a few lessons!" Exclaimed the DJ pony, staring up to the stage.

"Please!" replied the bartender, "He's driving off customers."

"Alright, but I better get some more drinks for this!" And without another word, she swallowed the rest of her glass, leaped from her stool, and pushed her way up to the stage. She decided to give the poor colt a break, chalking his talent up to inexperience, whispering in this ear to quickly leave the stage.

A few deep breaths, looking over the damage to the boards before her horn glowed with magic. A few dials and buttons turned, the music died down, and DJ-P0N3 lifted the mic to her lips.

"Good Afternoon, Ottawa! This is your host, DJ-P0N3, waking you all up!" She shouted, her snout peeled back into an excited grin. The crowd cheered, and the music began blasting once again. And there the mare was, watching her audience move to her beat, reminiscent of her followers back home. THIS was why she volunteered to come to the human world, to play for strange, yet familiar, crowds.

Her stage was her home.

Retrospect 2: Certainty

It was always a sad sight to watch pegasi try to fly and fail with their faces in the dirt. It was shameful, disappointing, and just embarrassing, but it was a job to teach newfoal pegasi to fly. Specifically, it was the job of two volunteers from Equestria.

Soarin couldn't get enough of the ironic humour behind watching a pegasus hover ten feet from the ground, then propel themselves right into the earth when they tried to move about. It was like watching a bad stage comedy, a really bad stage comedy.

Though, while Soarin would get his chuckles, Spitfire, his long-time colleague and flying partner from the Wonderbolts, would walk away on the verge of buckling from frustration.

It was a hard job for her. She tried all she could to teach what just came naturally to her. Out in the old soccer field that was located a block from the bureau, she kept up a strict attitude, keeping the newfoals all in line, making sure they flap their wings in a steady beat to lift their bodies. There were a few that understood how flying worked, and didn't even need to go through the tedious basic training, but those individuals were often former pilots or physics nerds.

But after teaching a lineup of anywhere between fifty to one hundred novice newfoals for a month at a time, she would go back to her apartment, sucking in all of her emotion until she bucked the door shut, then sob, letting loose all of her disappointment. She was grateful that Soarin would often be the one that would go easier for them.

It was the same pattern today. It was a smaller group of pegasi, numbering to be thirty-two, but numbers didn't matter when the students couldn't overcome the idea of having an extra pair of limbs sprouting from their back, never mind knowing how to control them. They've been in the class for two months

"Okay, everypony, pre-flight stretching is over," Soarin would take the lead on the lessons, hovering about the line of amateur pegasi, "You know how it starts. Just think happy thoughts."

A few would, though nothing happened aside from the four having their wings extend, making Soarin break out in fits of laughter.

"Are you guys excited, or just happy to see me?" He joked, watching those wings quickly snap back against their respective bodies, "I'm just joking. It takes a little more than a little Peter Pan logic to fly. It was a good movie though, loved every minute, mind you."

The lesson would go on for roughly five hours at a time, with little improvement from the prior lesson. Spitfire would take charge the second progress was seen in a pony.

She would teach them how to run as soon as they could crawl, so to speak. It was her preferred method of teaching, and it worked for most. When they could hover about and adjust altitude, she took them high above the field. Their wings would strengthen with the effort needed to climb, though it would also tire them out.

A couple years ago, doing what she was about to do proved futile, causing her to free fall for a moment, then pull out. The clouds weren't dense like back home, she couldn't stand on them, they couldn't support her.

Now, that was different. Equestria has been around for some time, and the reach of it's magical influence had finally reached this spot of civilization. When she rested on a cloud, the newfoals would recognize that it wasn't some insane stunt, and relax their wings a while.

"Alright, recruits, you have a minute to get some feeling back before I teach you all how to move around faster than you could on legs," She said, a little pep in her voice to encourage them. She stood up on the cloud and trotted about the tuckered-out pegasi, "Who would like to volunteer for the next lesson."

The group of converts looked to each other with some uncertainty, debating whether or not they were ready to do anything. Though once the teacher began humming and looking amongst the group, some got nervous, and one raised their hoof above their head.

"I'll go," said a trembling violet filly. Spitfire grinned, this was the perfect candidate for the lesson she had in mind.

"Great! Could you come to the edge of the cloud here with me?" She said, leading the student up to the edge, "Now don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to jump from up here, given how high we are."

"Really? That's good, I thought-"

"We're both going to fall."

"What?"

And without a moment's hesitation, Spitfire stamped her hoof down against the cloud, causing the small section to decompress and vanish underhoof. The filly let out a scream as the two fell.

"Open your wings!" The yellow pegasus shouted over the screaming.

The filly opened her eyes a little, seeing the instructor with a calm expression on her face. It seemed to calm her down to a degree, though adrenaline pumped through the little pony's veins. She extended her wings and shut her eyes again.

The teacher did a few quick maneuvers in the air, getting behind the filly and adjusting her wings. They caught the wind, making her level out and glide at a quick speed. Spitfire flying right by her side.

"You can open your eyes now," The teacher said, flying upside down with ease, "You're flying."

The filly opened her eyes and gasped in astonishment, watching the ground below parallel to her. "I-I am! Oh my gosh!"

The other ponies atop the cloud cheer from above, some even taking the initiative to try on their own, and succeeding.

The day ended with strong smiles and weak bodies, and Soarin and Spitfire left behind to clean up some equipment that was used.

"So we got about half the class to earn their wings, I'd say that's the best percentage we've ever seen," the stallion beamed proudly, putting away a few poles he had to use to lift the amateurs higher, "And you didn't even break down this time!"

"Thanks, Soarin. I think I'm getting better at working with ponies that haven't been flying since they were foals, but I still don't know how you do it."

"That's easy, Spits," He said with a smile, using the nickname that he knew annoyed her greatly, "I come in every day, certain that at least one filly or colt will be ready to fly on their own."

The mare stopped in place and pondered the idea, her eyes widening with realization. "You're right. There is always one pony that's ready to leave."

"And it's that one pony that makes the day totally worth it."

"Ya..."

"Well, we're done here. Wanna head back to the apartment and watch some human films? One of the students suggest I see this one called Spirited Away."

"No thanks, Soarin. I was planning on hanging out with Vinyl tonight."

3rd Thought: Rumours

I f*beep*ing hated that f*beep*ing highway. Thank God all-f*beep*ing-mighty that I'll never have to f*beep*ing drive all the f*beep*ing way back!

Ugh. You know what, f*beep* cars. I don't care anymore for the things, they can all just rust or something. I got where I wanted to be, that's all that matters.

One would think such a monumentally important building would be a little bigger than some dinky community center that was conveniently next to an apartment complex. I bet this place is seeing a significant shortage of chairs.

Or not.

Pretty empty walking in. Main lobby, desk, two hallways, pretty white and sterile all about. The only splash of colour was a rather disinterested looking teal unicorn sitting in a chair. Sitting... Like, a person. It, in no way at all, looked comfortable or even healthy for the little thing, but there it was, sitting, in a chair, like a proper, bored human. Huh.

"Well look what the cat dragged in."

Let me handle this.

"Who are you talking to?"

"No one."

"Ah."

This one's just gotta be a convert, why else would it feel so compelled to slouch like that?

"Because it's comfy and it drives my Bon Bon crazy."

Oh f*beep, it can hear my thoughts!

"Do you talk to yourself often? Do I need a medic in here? I think there's a hospital not too far from here that still treats humans."

"Well, I guess you can end up creating imaginary friends when you're alone for one year, seven months, eighteen days, one hour, and fifty-two minutes. It's supposed to stop me from going crazy."

"Doesn't work so well, does it?"

"Guess not."

Okay, inside thoughts... inside thoughts... Hello, anyone hear this? Oh thank goodness, my brain's still mine.

"So, umm... I got this letter, and I guess I'm here to get converted, like you?"

"I was born in Equestria, so were my parents."

"Oh, okay... now this is awkward."

"Wanna just sign a few papers, and I can call the Doctor in?"

"Please, umm... miss..."

"I'm Lyra. Now if you just sign your name on this sheet, I'll know your name."

"Kennedy Baxter, or Ken... Kenny... I could care less so long as someone calls me something."

"Alright Mr. Something."

I'm not going to bore you guys with the details with how long this conversation with this troll of a pony goes, so let's fast forward a few seconds.

"And I said "Oatmeal, are you crazy?""

"Wait, where the f*beep* did oatmeal come into this?"

"Oh, don't mind Lyra here, Kennedy. She used to hang out with a very random crowd back home in Ponyville."

Woah, totally didn't see the brown pony pop up there.

"Hey, Doc. Here's the human, all ready to see his room for the week."

"Alright. Would you come with me, Mr. Baxter?"

Gotta remember the name, Lyra. Every time I see her, gotta stick out the tongue and turn up the nose. "The sniffing of the turd", so gramps would call it.

Oop? We're going up an elevator, are we? alright. I guess that means we're in the apartments now. Turning around some halls... stopping at a door.

"And here's your room, Ken. Protocol is that you're in here for a week, sort of get familiar with your roommate and mentor, whom is due to be back in around five minutes from her excursion to the pub. She's a native to Equestria, so feel free to ask questions if she's not too tipsy. If you need any help, just call the Doctor."

"Alright, Doctor. Umm, I don't think I really got your name, though."

"Oh, I'm the Doctor."

"Doctor who?"

"Just the Doctor."

And as fast as that, door shuts, and I'm alone. This place gets weirder and weirder. Huh, maybe it's just this province, or maybe Manitoba's the only normal one to me?

So, two beds, one smaller, one bigger. No doubt the bigger one's mine. Just gotta dump all these here CDs, find something to play them on, and pray my roommate's not tone-deaf and stubborn. Ugh, just like all my project partners in college.

What luck, a stereo, and another collection that far surpasses mine. Let's check the titles here... Deadmou5... Daft Punk... Madeon... Skrillix. Can't be so bad if they even got some oldies in here. Just take out the CD here and pop in my own and...

"What are you doing?"

Dammit, what's with all these ninja ponies?

"Oh, umm... Sorry. The "Doctor", said I was being placed in this room with a mentor, and I have this box of CDs, and there's a CD player here, so I just-"

"What do you have?"

"I got some BTO, Audioslave, Cooper, Nine Inch Nails, Girl Talk, Beats Antique-"

"Really? Can I see that last one?"

"Uh, sure. It's right in the box there on the bed."

"My bed."

"'Scuse me?"

"Ya, my bed. That's where I've been sleeping. On my nice, big, comfy bed."

"Oh, well, I didn't see anywhere else I could sleep."

"There's the little bed right there."

"I've gotta be twice the size of that thing."

"I'm just kidding. The small one's really mine. The larger one has a spring that pokes you in the back anyways."

I'm so lost. Do I want my legs freezing over the foot of the bed, or do I want a spring stabbing me in the back? Wait a minute...

"Uh, what's your name?"

"Vinyl Scratch. Best you just call me Scratch or Vinyl. What do I call you?"

"I'm Kenny."

"Alright, introductions are over. All rumours you've heard about any of the ponies here are most likely true. The Doctor's a time traveler, Soarin loves Spitfire, but she doesn't know, Lyra and Bon Bon are, indeed, lesbians, and I'm totally not DJ P0N3, the greatest pony DJ in Equestria."

Subtle, my new, equine friend... About as subtle as two trains crashing into each other.

4th Thought: Dream

I really don't know how she does it. She plays music all the way into the early morning hours, then does the wake up call at eight. A full rest is impossible, what with her stuff blaring in my ears and the spring in my back. Oh ya, I found that little bugger too, right in between my shoulder blades.

All in all, I probably got about four and a half hours in, which means I'm going to pass out at any point during the rest of the day, and I got an orientation in an hour. Ya, that seems like the best time to catch up on sleep.

I'm up now, and there was a fresh pot of the most intense coffee I've ever laid lips on, which I'm thankful for, but it won't do much in the long run. Thanks anyways, Scratch.

Damn... The one thing I forgot to pack was an extra pair of pants. Got the shirts and underwear, but I never bothered with the pants. Meh, that's gonna bug me, but I guess it doesn't matter after this week. Gonna have to deal with the whole "I'm a pony, so I don't have to wear cloths" thing. It kinda irks me when I think about it in detail.

The halls are pretty empty too. As of the call, there's only six humans and maybe two dozen ponies walking out of their rooms in a daze as I can see. They look just as bad as I feel right now.

And the cafeteria hall, there's maybe forty humans all sitting at their own table, surrounded by a vast, rainbow sea of ponies.

Seems that societal norm is dictating me to sit with the others of my kind, but I'm not here to follow the norm, so let's challenge the status quot and sit in an open spot next to some of the little ponies.

Some of them are giving me looks right now, but as far as I care, I'm the tallest one here, and I'm a pretty short guy at five feet, seven inches.

Hey, here comes breakfast, I think. I missed what was on the menu. It's kinda neat how they serve food around here, floating down the tables with help from a couple unicorns. My bowl of oatmeal just dropped right in front of me and breakfast was served.

It's been a while since I had food that wasn't dry cereal, so even a hot mush like this was welcome in my belly.

First one done, by a lot. Probably because I was given a spoon and everyone else had to use their snouts. It looked pretty funny to watch them struggle, but I covered my laugh with my sleeve, making it look like I just burnt my mouth, which I really kinda did.

Now where do I go? I saw there was a lounge a while back, maybe I can sleep a little bit there in peace.

Just sit in a nice, comfy armchair and drift away. So nice...

-=-=-

WOAH! Wow... Weird dream. Like, really weird.

"What kind of dream."

Damn it, inside thoughts!

"Did it have anything to do with you in some sort of other body, prancing through a field of flowers, or anything like that?"

"Umm... ya, kinda."

"Oh, don't worry yourself over those. Those have become increasingly common to humans as of late."

"Could have also have been sleep deprivation mixed with some bad oatmeal."

"Oh, were you one of the human's on Vinyl's floor?"

"She's supposedly my little pony mentor."

"My condolences. I'm Bon Bon. Nice to meet you."

"Kenny Baxter. Same."

"You know, we don't often allow humans to sleep out in the lounge. I was going to wake you, but you just looked too adorable."

"Oookaay?"

"But, truly. It's often best to sleep during the day. Vinyl's been a mentor to many humans, and all of them were forced into being nocturnal."

"Good to know. I'm not a morning person anyways."

"Well, I'll leave you to your napping. I've got to get back to work and help Lyra with the papers. She's behind, again."

"Oh, you're that Bon Bon?"

"I assume so, judging from what you've heard."

"That you and that unicorn at the front desk are a couple?"

"Yes, I'm that Bon Bon. I hope you have a nice day, Kenny."

"You too."

Oh, man, I could have said so much worse there, but mental censorship kicked in so my teeth wouldn't be.

Sleep's impossible now, nothing better to do than walk around the town. I saw a few pegasi a little bit down the street, might wanna watch them fly for a bit. You know, understand the idea of it just in case I become one. I really hope I don't though. I've never been one for heights. I'd like to keep my feet firmly on the ground rather than getting dizzy mid-flight and crashing.

Then again, since I heard that it all comes down to genetics, that could be a very real outcome for me. The Canadian airforce has always been something of a tradition in the family, so air runs thick in my blood. Now that just sounds unhealthy.

-=-=-

They're a rather disappointing lot, aren't they? Most of them look like their brains are going to explode, Scanners-style, from concentrating too hard.

Their teacher's don't seem too thrilled either. Sure, the blue stallion looked like he was trying to teach them well, but the yellow mare looked like she was just barely tolerating them.

I assume learning to fly's pretty hard for a lot of folks, having never had wings before, so I guess I know where they're coming from.

They don't seem to be noticing me, so let's continue walking, shall me?

-=-=-

It feels weird being the tallest person in a bar. Like, REALLY weird. Normally, I'm probably the shortest, and probably the most frail person in the room. Frailest, I probably still am. Shortest, not any more.

Everyone here's a pony, and I mean that. I wouldn't normally think these cutesy things would ever set foot, I mean, hoof, inside such a dingy place. But here they are, living it up like regular people.

"Hey, another human. What can I get for ya?"

"Oh, um. I guess I'll just have some water or orange juice for now. Feeling pretty dry and tired."

"Just sit down, and I'll get you some."

Alright... I'm getting this really weird vibe... Like, someone's staring at me. I know, I get a lot of looks, but this is that sort of "One person's staring at you with intention" sort of feeling...

"Hey Kenny!"

"AH F*beep*!"

"Woah, settle down there, Kenny."

"Oh, it's you, Vinyl Scratch."

"I'd prefer being called DJ P0N3 here."

"Uh, DJ pony?

"Ya, P0N3, with a zero and a three."

"Oh."

"So what brings you into my neck of the woods?"

"Finding a place to relax a little."

"You came to the wrong joint then."

"I figured as much..."

Retrospect 3: Truth

It was always fun watching humans squirm when they were put on the spot, so Vinyl Scratch thought. Sure, she was responsible for making sure this one got a basic understanding of how a pony lived, but that didn't stop her from having her fun with him. Shame this one wasn't much of a drinker, else that would have meant a little more fun just messing with him.

It was only after breakfast that the poor guy passed out back in the apartment room. He deserved it, she thought, he probably had a stressful past few days.

How many names were on the list to get ponified today? Three? Is that how few humans show up on a daily basis now? She remembered days where conversions happened maybe four at a time, every fifteen minutes. Now there's only three. One after every meal.

She was happy, that by doing what she had volunteered to do guaranteed happiness to the otherwise miserable human race, though a part of her seemed torn. She was taking part in the extinction of an entire species, a species she often saw another side of rather than the violence and savagery that Equestrian propaganda suggested to her in the first place.

The humans evolved through expression, whether they were expressing they wanted to survive by fighting one another, or by more peaceful, artistic means. When she first toured the bars and clubs, she saw what the humans truly thought of their world. Posters protesting violence, promoting peace, emotions in their rawest forms that spanned the entire spectrum. The humans created art that was influenced by what they had to go through, which, in a ways, far surpassed the quality that was often seen back home.

"I hope these won't simply disappear forever," She said, looking over her own private collection she had torn from the walls of abandoned clubs, "They're very nice."

"What are?" asked a very tired, stuffed-up voice. The white unicorn turned her head and covered the box back up quickly with her magic.

"Oh, just talking to myself, kinda like what you do on a regular basis," She replied with a smile and a shine from her purple shades.

The human's face remained stiff, but quickly fell back against his pillow and was soon covered up by the sheets, completely ignorant.

Vinyl Scratch let out a sigh and hid the box back amongst her belongings. When she goes home after her next few months of service, she'll revel in putting these up on her walls as her reward for a job well done.

Work was slow as usual, with nothing more to do than to let slow, relaxing tracks play over the PA system like she was required to do, or sit in the lounge, waiting for someone to chat with.

For the first few months here, she tried bugging the Doctor into letting his real name slip. It never worked, so she gave up. He was quite fond of this blue box-thing though, which he would always walk inside of and never come out for hours at a time, and he always kept it locked. Given his knowledge of the world, both Equestrian and Human, she figured he was some sort of time-traveling hero or something. Could never prove it though.

Then there was Lyra and Bon Bon. Nice couple, hardly ever seen apart outside of work. Lyra would always sit at the front desk, shuffling through papers, and Bon Bon would be busy teaching some humans and newfoals key essentials to surviving in a new environment. After dragging them out to the club, getting a few drinks in both of them, it was easy to recognize that these two were more than just friends, much to every colt's delight. Hell, even she had to admit it was interesting to watch.

Then there was Soarin and Spitfire. Vinyl had known those two for years before coming to the human's world. They were rather famous back home, being two pegasi from Equestria's greatest air show team, the Wonderbolts. It was sheer luck that she was put in the same bureau as those two. Soarin may have been something of a slob and a party colt, but he was no slacker on the job. And Spitfire, she never took flack from anyone and was always no-nonsense unless everyone else was having a good time.

She must have dozed off for a while, catching up on some sleep. Bon Bon, the hall monitor, was known for catching catching people and ponies that slept wherever they wanted, but Vinyl had a way to get away with it with her opaque shades and outright ignoring her unless she came too close, to which the DJ would jump up and scare her out of her coat. After a few scares, she would leave her alone whenever she slept.

-=-=-

Work ended for Lyra and Bon Bon for the evening, leaving the two to their own devices. They had a lot to talk about, whether it be about the humans and newfoals, or how work just went by so slowly.

"It was so funny watching some of the newfoals try and use magic. Poor foals are going to hurt themselves without proper training, but they always make dinner service worth it. We should tell their teachers to give them a few more lessons on basic levitation," Bon Bon would go on and on about her day, pausing every so often to allow her lover time to reply, or even to take a bite from her dinner.

"Oh yeah. I heard Pokey Peirce was slacking a little bit on lessons. I heard he showed up late a few times for work," The teal unicorn would rebuttal, "I also heard he might get replaced soon."

The candy-marked pony let out a small, concerned gasp. "Oh, dear. I don't think that being late a few times would really make him considerable for replacement!"

"Well, it's not just that. There's something else, apparently. I just overheard a little bit when he was having a chat with the boss."

"Now that's just awful..."

"What is?" The white, shades-wearing pony interjected into the conversation. "I heard someone was getting axed?"

"Peirce is getting replaced."

"Meh, dude had it coming from the start. I remember when this place first opened and he popped all my party balloons."

"Even you know that was a complete accident," Bon Bon argued for the non-present stallion, "He got startled when a human tapped his shoulder from behind. You know how he was."

"All eighty-seven balloons?" Vinyl's eyebrow quirked visibly behind her specs.

"Oh, right, you left before that, Bon Bon."

The pink-blue haired mare scowled at the other two, trying to silence their now uproarious laughter. "Alright, alright. Well, I'm hungry. Should we go out to get some food?"

"Oh, ya. You and I decided to miss breakfast, didn't we?" Lyra chimed with a grin on her face.

"I don't think we should be discussing this in the open, hunny."

"You should totally be discussing this in the open," Vinyl scratch grinned to the point that her cheeks threatened to split her face.

Bon Bon gave a huff and the other two mares joined in laughter.

-=-=-

Soarin and Spitfire were having a much better today with the newfoal pegasi after some changes in their routine. The mare had taken on a much better attitude about her teaching, and the blue stallion was just happy that she was happy.

"Michelle's been flying a lot better since last week, don't you agree Spits?" He said with his head held high in pride.

The yellow mare nodded her head, a grin adorned on her face. "Ya. I'd almost say she'd be ready to take on the Wonderbolts training camp if she kept practicing like she has."

The stallion nodded, now beginning a brisk walk with the mare following close behind. "Maybe. She's certainly one of the best we've seen. A natural born flyer."

The duo continue conversation about their students, those that still needed practice, and those that showed signs of excelling above expectations. A short walk down the street from the field, and they found themselves walking into a small diner that had certainly seen better days.

The two sat down, Spitfire rambling on about how some of the students were too frightened to fly above fifteen feet, much to her disappointment.

"So, can't you wait to go back home? There's only two months left to go before the princess turns this all into part of Equestria," Soarin said after a short moment of silence that followed the ordering of drinks.

"It was definitely an experience, though I really do miss performing with the team," The mare said as her head sunk a degree.

The normally jovial stallion seemed a little disappointed by the recollection of his pseudo-family, also sinking his head. "Ya, I can't wait to see the ol' team again. No doubt there'd be a huge show when we get back."

The two sat in another awkward silence.

"Where's lunch?" Soarin pointed out.

-=-=-

Meanwhile, somewhere in the space-time continuum...

A blue box fades into a dingy alleyway, surrounded by towering, decaying structures. It opens, and a brown pony exits with a gray, blond-haired pegasus.

"Well then. Just in time."

"In time for what, Doctor?"

"An event's going to happen shortly, my dear Ditzy. Give a good night of rest, and we'll be here to experience history, or at least, a small bit of it."

Retrospect 4: Reality

"Good Mornin', Ottawa! This is your host, Vinyl Scratch, waking you all up with some very special news! Today's the day we finally hit our quota of twenty million conversions, meaning we finally get that special visit from our favourite god-monarch! About time, I say. She's already visited all the-"

Spitfire groaned and gave the radio next to her beating head a solid whack, turning it off and knocking it to the floor. She didn't even process the morning call, all she could care about was getting those last few minutes of sleep before Soarin walked in to see if she had even gotten up.

She didn't know how much longer of a sleep she got before-

"Wake up, sleepyhead. Huge day ahead of us!" The blue stallion cheered, ripping the sheets from the bed.

She groaned, huddling herself up into a winged ball in the middle of the bed before twisting about to stare down her friend.

"You slept in about an hour, you know."

At that, she forced herself to quickly get up, at the consequence of suffering a slight head-rush. "Ack... Really? I just shut my eyes for a second."

Soarin seemed to brighten up a little. "I'm just pulling your wing, it's five after. But really, you gotta wake up. Gotta get some newfoals flying before the princess arrives."

"What? You mean she's coming- She's going to-"

"To check up on one of the last few bureaus to hit the twenty million mark, yes. Watch some conversions and tour the training, totally."

"Roadapples..." The yellow mare cursed, wearily getting to her hooves and leaping from the bed. She flapped her wings several times, stretching them, making her hover for a short second before planting her hooves back on the floor, "I completely forgot that we were getting close to the goal."

"Well, we were working our tails off trying to get some newfoals airborne. It slipped my mind for a little bit too."

"Let's hurry up then. Can't disappoint the princess."

"Have we ever?"

-=-=-

Lyra and Bon Bon sat together nervously at the front desk, neither saying a single word in anticipation of their arriving ruler. The air was tense, and the slightest twitch from either mare startled the other.

They sat there since right before the break of dawn, silent, sentinel, waiting for their immensely important visitor to arrive.

Before the daily announcement woke all of the patrons of the bureau, the sun peeked into the main lobby, reflecting off the clean floors, and shun against the faces of the ponies. The sliding door of the building slid open on its own to be the first to greet the most wondrous of beings known to ponydom.

The two lovers eyes shot open and their smiles forced their ways onto their faces despite their nervousness as their ruler walked up to them, entourage of guards in toe, and one zebra shaman.

"Princess Celestia! What an honor to have you grace our bureau!" Bon Bon chimed up, stepping around her desk and bowing her head.

The monarch bowed her head with the most honest smile imaginable. "I often say that it is I whom is honored here, my little ponies. I do so enjoy my visits to observe the birth of my kingdom's new children. I have even brought along one of the few that worked on the serum with me, Zecora."

"A pleasure, I do tell,

"I hope our arrival time is well?" The shaman rhymed.

"Oh, no! You're timing is perfect! You're just in time for-"

"Good Mornin', Ottawa! This is your host, Vinyl Scratch, waking you all up with some very special news!" Bon Bon was cut off by the Vinyl Scratch over the PA system.

"The morning call..."

-=-=-

"Going a little off the tracks today, folks," Scratch started her second announcement of the morning, during the breakfast rush, "We only have -lemme see here... duhduhduh...- six humans in the building, so it was a decision from the head honcho to get 'em all done and over with today! 'Grats to you guys and gals! Now get on down to the main hall and welcome. To the world. Of tomorrow."

The sounds of cheers could be heard from the little room, a sound that had not managed to seep through the soundproofed walls in a very long time. The disc-jockey smiled to herself, filled with euphoria and her morning coffee buzz.

That was going to be her last announcement of the morning, so her presence in the booth was no longer necessary.

Perhaps a last visit to the humans? Yes, that seemed like something she should do. The human she was mentoring was going to be one of them, so a goodbye and hello had to be in order.

When she made her way there, she could see the small group of tall creatures already gathered, talking to one another, going on and on about what they hoped to turn out as. Two of the six pointed out the shade-wearing pony, trying to make idle conversation, though she found the specific human she was after.

He was sound asleep on a chair, slumped and oblivious to everyone around him. It was a shame, that she was partly responsible for his night-owl behavior by keeping him up with her music mixing. With a poke of her horn against his calf, he awoke with a start, sitting upright and proper once again.

"You know that you're in the first batch, right?" She asked him as he wiped the sleep from his eyes.

"Ya, I heard. With the goth kid and the African girl," Kenneth replied groggily.

"Poe and Chiamaka. Yeah. Then after you three, we got the brother-sister duo and the hobo that sifted through the bureau's trash up until earlier this week."

"Can we have the first group please come with me?" Called Lyra, over the chatter of the humans and ponies alike.

"Well, this is it. Any bets on what you'll be? My bits are on unicorn."

"I'll be fine with anything but a pegasus. Heights freak me out."

Vinyl took a step forward and nuzzled up against the human's leg, an equivalent of a hug. "See ya soon."

"Ya."

-=-=-

The serene, white alicorn stood in the room, a knowing smile adorning her face as the final three humans walked in, shaking and nervous about the encounter with one that could be classified as a living deity. A zebra stood beside her, speaking in rhythmic and rhyming verses to the monarch.

"So, this is it. Goodbye humanity." Poe spoke, making glances to the other's faces, his fingers, and what he could gather of his reflection in the sterile medical room, "Any regrets?"

Chiamaka shook her head and smiled, speaking in a tongue that seemed to get the zebra's attention, though went without understanding from the two males.

"I'll miss my right hand, the most undiscriminating being I've ever known," Quipped Kenneth, stretching and making multiple gestures with his aforementioned limb, "But, ya... It's either this, or rot alive. Can't back out now."

"Is everyone ready?" Called Lyra, whom was scheduled to be in charge of the day's final ponifications. When the humans nodded, she levitated them each vials of a purple tonic and motioned for one volunteer to assume to discussed position on a padded table.

The young, bald male took a step forward first and nodded to the princess. "I wish to go first, if that's no problem." He spoke.

"Not a problem at all, child," Celestia replied with a bow of her head, commending the human's eagerness.

He sat up on the table and took several deep breaths, calming down his, no-doubt racing, heart. He swirled the vial of grape-flavoured liquid, eying it nervously before looking for reassuring glances from others in the room. With a final gulp of air into his human lungs, he threw his head back and shot back the potion.

"Okay, not lay on your side and take five deep breaths to let the anesthetic kick in," The aqua-coloured pony suggested, watching the human nod his head weakly and follow her instruction.

The human took three before his consciousness faded, and soon after, his body took on violent contortions. The luster of his normally pale skin dulled while it heaved and swelled in patches. Bones shifted visibly, stretching the limits of their host's flesh. His fingers melted back into large stubs. The hair on his body thickened, changed colour, and fully coated the human in a dark yellow, with a crop of even darker violet hair, or mane, rather.

The two human onlookers stared with a mix of interest and fight at the unnatural metamorphosis. The dark-skinned woman took a step closer to examine, whilst the fidgeting male took a small step backwards.

The change ended as abruptly as it started, the young colt taking his first few unconscious breaths up on the table. Wrapping the soft sheets around his body, Lyra levitated him from the table to to floor gently.

"Next volunteer, please?" The unicorn asked, gesturing to the two remaining humans.

Chiamaka stepped forward, undeterred by the painful-looking display. She followed her predecessor's footsteps exactly, taking the purple salve in her steady hands. She gulped it down, laid on her side, and took an attempt at five deep breaths. Four breaths, and she was out.

And thus, the second conversion began. The brown-skinned woman's flesh bubbled and her bones shifted as Poe's before. Her coat grew in, a white base with black stripes.

Everyone that was awake stared on in awe. It was a rather unusual conversion to behold, as the former human took on the form that was much different than a pony. Celestia and Zecora whispered to one another, both smiling softly, understanding what one another spoke, whilst Kenneth choked back his stomach and shook his hands free of cold sweat.

"This is a marvelous turn of events. Who would have thought that our potion would have outcomes not just restricted to ponies, but to zebras as well," She seemed cheerful, nodding to her shaman acquaintance.

"Such a form,

it is unlikely.

Though only a little from the norm," Rhymed the zebra, whom approached on sleeping Chiamaka.

"What does that mean?" Asked the last human in the room, his body shaking as if the air was far below freezing.

"Well, as far as most know, the outcome of what kind of pony you are relates to genetics. However, culture and history do play a small part as well. This one here may have come from a land that is similar to my friend, Zecora's, and had practiced a similar lifestyle that furthered the chances at such a result."

"So that means... umm..."

"You would still turn out as a pony, and it's nothing you really should be concerning yourself with. Anywho, are you ready for your conversion?" The princess tilted her head in question as she levitated the third and final cup to the shivering human.

All watched as he took the cup in his shaking hands. He was biting his lip and he eyes darted about the room nervously.

"I-I don't know," He muttered.

-=-=-

Author's note:

I suck at rhyming and I will never bring justice to Zecora... ever, no matter how much I adore her character. I'm so sorry to all of you Zecora fans. Please don't hurt me!

Also, feeling wasn't really put into this chapter. Had a lot of college/social work eat my time, and I'm more anxious to get to the next Thought chapter.

5th Thought: Doubts

Why was I panicking? Why the f*beep* was I panicking? This wasn't at all how I planned this all to go down. I just wanted this to get over with so I can have a second chance at life where my first one was squandered away. I'm scared, my hands and feet are freezing, and the only thing I want to do right now is curl up in a ball and cry myself into obscurity.

"What do you mean, child? Are you having second thoughts on conversion?" The princess would ask me. I must have looked like a scared animal to her. I could see it in her eyes. Pure pity, with empathy trying to seep through into my mind, trying hard to calm my thoughts.

No. There's nothing right now that could calm me down right now. Every pony has a special talent, and though I'm no pony, my talent is talking myself out of almost any situation.

"Ya, a few. I mean... I just don't really want to... Could I... Ack... Could I please have a moment to breath, outside? This is-this is a lot to take in."

"Take your time. If you feel your decision is rushed, please take a moment to clear your head and rethink your choice."

"Thanks, Your Majesty."

Got to get out now, gotta find an exit. Oh, hey, back door. Great, I can get out and not look like a fool.

The mildly fresh air's kinda nice, if not a little snippy regarding that I'm wearing nothing but a white bathrobe. Yikes, my legs aren't going to like this wind. It doesn't matter, there's no humans around to gawk and judge, and most of the ponies are either inside the bureau or immigrated to Equestria.

Major's Hill Park is only a short walk away, may as well find a spot to sit. Find a spot to relax, breath, and just think...

Why did I come here? To get away from those HLF psychos. No, that's not it. To find my family like some cliche fiction novel? No, I could care less about them. Why? Why did I come here?

Because my life up until now was uneventful, restricted, and outright wasted, all my own fault because I, like so many others, chose to hide in the comfort of home. If I didn't make the choice to come all the way out here on the spur of a thought, I would still be sitting about my home until power finally died, where I would then continue to sit and waste away.

Because I wasn't thinking things through. My thought skipped the part about the actual conversion, focusing more on what came after.

"It must have been a very lovely park back in its day, don't you think?"

Why do I let myself be surprised when a pony pops up next to me? It's getting old.

"I don't know, Your Highness. I was born after all the industry started polluting the earth... What are you doing here, by the way?"

"I make a point to make sure that everyone I come into contact with is happy. I want a kingdom that truly shines with the smiles of its subjects."

Excuse me while I stifle a laugh here and cover it up with a cough. Something about that line humoured me, as well as killed me a little on the inside. No one can make everyone happy all at once. There's always someone out there that is fairing a whole lot worse than can simply be cured by a smile or a joke.

"I guess I'm just scared, your majesty, I-"

"Let's start be dropped honorifics for a moment. My guards are out of earshot so long as neither of us shout. Just call me by my name and treat me as your equal. In fact, I don't think we've properly introduced ourselves. Just call me Celestia."

O-kay... May as well play along with the princess' game for a while. Can't hurt, can it?

"My name's Kenneth Baxter, but I prefer Kenny or just Ken."

"It is a pleasure to meet you then, Ken. Could I ask some questions of you?"

"Umm... alright?"

"Could you tell me a little about yourself? What you've done before my kingdom appeared to your world? A list of hobbies or ideas you have had? I'm particularly fond of hearing about any dreams and wishes you may have for the future."

Oh, damn, where to start, so much, so much...

"Well, I guess most of my time before Equestria popped up in the Atlantic was mainly me just getting together with friends and having a good time. Nothing major. Couldn't get a job after the bureaus started converting. Uhh, I like listening to music, and drawing and writing is very fun. As for wishes and dreams... I don't know what I want to do if I was to get ponified."

"And that's what scares you? You are uncertain of what your place would be among the masses. You wish to stand out and be recognized for whom you are?"

I give a shrug and cross my arms, maybe a nod thrown in to give her an idea that I'm agreeing with what she just said.

"That's not something you have to worry about. Every pony is vastly different than the one they stand next to, and I can identify them each by name with a glance. In fact... I do believe your father, Christopher Baxter, lives in a small town called Appleloosa, designing posters and newspapers, your mother, Helen, works as a sort of instructor of fitness, and your little sister, Amanda, or Cherry Cheesecake, as she calls herself now, got her cutie mark no more than two weeks ago for baking."

Wow... I must admit, I'm absolutely floored. I nearly fell right off the bench.

"H-how do you know them?"

"You sister once had the idea of sending me a series of letters, and one sample of her delectable cake. Mostly thanks for giving her a chance of discovering whom she was, but she spoke very highly of you. She would comment that you were very protective of her."

"She was my only sister. Seemed only right to make sure she lasted long enough in the world to pick her own feet, err, hooves, up."

"I share your opinion about little sisters. I have one of my own that would find difficulty in a world she never really understood. I missed her every day and night while I was separated from her. I suppose you worry about her."

"I'm always afraid she'd go off and make the wrong decision if I was away and ruin everything. Could I ask about her last letter?"

"Certainly, Kenneth. It was the average sort of letters I would receive from various fillies and colts about lessons they learned, or friends they made, but hers would always stick out a little from the piles with that nice scent of baked goods. If she keeps up her work, I would truly consider taking her as my personal baker. She was writing about how she was learning new recipes from the townfolk, how she was getting asked to make a cake for the town's anniversary, and that she wondered where her brother was."

"Oh... Umm, could I ask what kinds of ponies they are? Just to settle some curiosity."

"You father's a unicorn, your mother's a pegasus, and your sister's also a unicorn, but no matter which kind of pony you become, you'll find great adventures ahead of you."

"I always did take after my mum, so there's something to look forward to."

"I'm sure you would make a fine pegasus, if that is your fate."

Allow me to skip parts of the conversation, like much earlier, as we talk on and off about hobbies, aspirations, life back home... I successfully calmed down enough to think as clear as I could.

"I do hope you would consider me something of a friend, young Kenneth. I did enjoy this chat with you until you sun started to fall on the horizon."

"I did too, Celestia."

"Have you come to a decision? Do you feel ready for whatever path you choose?"

"Ya... I think... I think I'm ready to drink that purple stuff. I-I want to see everyone again. My family, my sister..."

"Let us go back then and prepare a glass of the serum for you."

6th Thought: Lost

It was pretty late to do a conversion, but I guess this is just an unusual circumstance. Lyra had long since went to sleep, leaving only one resident unicorn ambassador to do the supervising.

All Vinyl did was shake her head at me in mild disappointment for chickening out the first time, but she was quick to change her mind with Princess Celestia standing beside me to oversee something that should have happened earlier.

The hum of lights always seemed a lot louder as the night went on, just a small observation.

I decided that this will be my final chance to get this over with. If I don't want to do it, I won't ever do it. Again, the princess levitated the glass to me carefully, not allowing the potion to slosh about inside. Again, I take it in my shaking hands, barely keeping it from spilling.

"I'm nervous."

"That's understandable, though you should take solace in what lies beyond this leap of faith."

What was beyond this leap? Aside from a life where the end probably wasn't magical vaporization or necrosis. A life where I could be recognized. A life where I get an honest second chance where I have control.

Alright. Count to three, then chug it.

"One... two... three."

And down it goes.

"Ack, f*beep*, that does not taste like... grape..."

And down I go.

-=-=-

I've heard a lot of conversations from the newfoals that you go through something like a dream or a vision when you pass out. A lot say that they run through a grassy field, others say they see towering spires, or clouds, based one what sort of unicorn they turn into.

I seem to have got that second type of dream. Twisting towers, decorated with celestial symbols and light colours. Things that seemed not unlike clouds traveled in masses, going either one way or the other down the street I stood on. They careless crashed against me, bursting in a puff of smoke, then reanimating into their previous form as they carried on.

"Minds are a wondrous thing, Kenneth Baxter. Yours is filled to the brim with thoughts more befitting of an elder generation."

The voice filled the inside of my head, resounding like a heavenly bell.

"How are you feeling, my friend?"

At that chime, the clouds simultaneously burst and fade away, leaving me with a clear sight of the street. It was strange, I felt nothing while the clouds were there, but now that they were gone, I felt a little bit lonely. Hopeless, even.

"Alone. I feel very alone."

"Don't be. This is your dream, and you are never very far from a friend. Give me shape, and you will know what I mean."

Alright, if you put it like that. Easy. The voice sounds very familiar, and the last friend I had contact with was...

Celestia. Just like that, she animates from wisps of smoke right before me. She stands proudly, regally, beaming with ageless pride.

"Magic is simple like that. All you need to do is think, concentrate, and have intention. Keep that in mind, and you will find your place in no time at all."

"Princess?"

"My guards are not around, Ken."

"Celestia. Are you saying that I'm..."

"A unicorn. One with quite a fine combination of colour, if I may add."

A mirror forms from the wisps in front of my face, reflecting an -alien- form on the surface.

A gray pony with a thick, brown mane stares back at me, making similar facial expressions that I assumed I am trying to make. I raise my hand to my head, and it raises it's hoof. My hand feels odd, stump-like, as if I have no fingers at all, which was exactly the case as I shift my gaze to my gray hoof. I feel my head again, take note of the jutting appendage on my forehead, my reconfigured hairline, as well as my elongated ears. I feel just like how the mirrored image looks.

Now the clouds are coming back, filling the street. They feel very warm to me, like they're real people.

"You may be a little shorter now, but you'll find a way to stick out in a crowd. You just have to follow all those dreams you have. Especially this one."

And just like that, I'm feeling very light, like I'm floating away. I can't see anything anymore. Everything turns white. I... I...

-=-=-

I woke up.

It was a very weird feeling, waking up all numb, I tried asking how long I was out, but it came out in garbles. Oh well, it wasn't like anyone was even in the room.

Actually... I woke up in my apartment room, the one I share with Vinyl. Ah, how I missed that spring poking me in the neck. I felt warm an secure under my sheets. I didn't want to get up, but something compelled me to.

A couple of bones in my body crack when I stretch like this. Ahh... So much better. It feels like I got a very deep crick.

In fact, I feel a lot better all over. I used to get nasty cramps in my feet if I stretched like this, or I used to have this awful chest pain if I slept on my side. Nothing! I feel like a brand new man!

Err, let me correct that. I feel like a brand new "stallion". A look over at the closet mirror confirmed my dream. And a look over to my radio clock told me-

"Good morning, Ott-a-wa!"

Right on time.

Retrospect 5: Assurance

It was all good for the mare couple to hear that the runaway from the day before came back on his own accord and was converted with no issues or curiosities at all. Well, aesthetically or mentally, anyways. There was still the letter signed by the princess for him at the front desk for when he woke up, which would be any time soon.

They both knew exactly what it was just by the envelope. It was an acceptance letter to Equestria's most prestige school for unicorns.

Initially, and predictably, Lyra was jealous.

"Lucky! I used to send in so many letters to the princess just begging to get accepted as a filly, and he gets to be a charity case," The aqua pony fumed, sitting in her usual unusual fashion in the chair at the front desk, her lover by her side, "It's the hardest school to get into for unicorns!"

"Perhaps she just saw something in him that was different? Most newfoal unicorns aren't that great at magic, so maybe the princess thought he was more capable?"

"I'm more capable at magic than any newfoal, yet here I am."

"With the mare you love," Bon Bon added, with a smirk on her face. She was quickly rewarded for her comment with the silence of her partner and a gentle nuzzle on her cheek, "Besides, you're capable where it counts."

"Capable at what?" Spitfire asked, announcing her presence to the side of the front desk.

"Nothing!" Lyra defended, though it didn't quite convince the fiery-maned pegasus that there was nothing implied by the prior statement, "You didn't hear anything!"

The orange-yellow mare gave a chuckle at the lyre-marked pony's protests. "Relax, Lyra. I'm only here to say hi to my two favourite mare-friends before I fly off to training some newfoals how to fly... some more..."

"Are they getting any better, at least?" Bon Bon asked, tilting her head with sincere concern for her friend.

The pegasus shook her head with a disappointed grimace on her face. "Nah. Soarin's been working his wings off just with the basics. We're seriously considering calling quits on this group of sob stories"

"Oh, you shouldn't do that!"

"These one's have been a month, and they refuse to take risks and learn. They're unteachable, but anyways, change of topic! I didn't get a chance to meet the princess, how was she?"

Lyra shrugged as she lay back in her seat. "She came in, watched some humans get converted, left after the runaway, came back with said runaway, got him converted, then went back to Canterlot."

"And what was the count of the day? I had a small bet with Vinyl for two unicorns, one pegasus, and three earth ponies."

Bon Bon cleared her throat and paused to scour her memory. "I think the total was one unicorn, two pegasi, two earth ponies, and one zebra."

"A zebra? How did we get a zebra?" Spitfire furled her eyebrow.

Lyra shrugged in her seat, illiciting a minor shudder in her lover at the unnatural posture. "Something about culture and background influencing outcomes and all that."

"Oh. Okay, forget I asked then. She still lost. She was betting that there was going to be an alicorn."

-=-=-

There were no more humans in the bureau to call for the rest of the week. The night before was short, so Vinyl was well rested for her morning announcements, which was simply reading off the day's menu and whatever she felt like talking about. This morning, it was weird trivia she had found over the internet.

Did you know that a quack from a duck doesn't echo? Huh...

She ended her working morning by lazily setting the PA system to continuously play soothing, ambient sounds, just for kicks, then went up back to her apartment to check up on her newly converted roommate. For the first time in a week, he slept a whole night in his over-sized bed. She had to admit, he just looked outright adorable, curled up underneath his sheets. Too bad she forgot to put his fingers in warm water when he slept while he still had them.

As expected, he was wide awake when she walked in. As will all her previous newfoal roommates, he was checking himself out in a mirror and trying to experiment with his new ability to perform magic. It was remarkable in its own right that he was able to lift the eraser end of a pencil and inch so soon after conversion.

"You're not focusing on the whole thing there, Kenny," She said, immediately causing him to lose said focus, having the pencil fall back to its side, "You gotta be the pencil, and all that."

"Oh... sorry. Um, first time, not very good," He replied. He seemed to have got used to his new vocal chords, given that his voice cracked in a shrill manner.

"Hey, most newfoals take a couple days to understand magic, and when they do, they make things explode. You should have seen the one that I mentored before you. She made a bowl of lemons blow up in the cafeteria. Though, I did teach her how to make things combustible... I got a long talk about that one."

Ken took a deep breath and tried lifting the pencil again. This time, though, he succeeded in lifting the other end an inch higher than the other. He broke his concentration and rubbed the side of his head with his hoof, no doubt with a headache.

"Ya, best to take a break for a little while if your head starts hurting. Means that you're trying to hard," The white mare patted the stallion's shoulder with her hoof, "I have a mini fridge in the closet with some food, if you're hungry. Nothing like a snack after doing the unicorn thing."

the gray stallion nodded his head, and Vinyl's horn glowed as she levitated a few things in the room, bringing a plastic container of alfalfa with chopped apples. She could tell he was starving by the way he licked his lips. She wasn't sure what he felt about the look of the meal through. He probably never had any sort of hay before in his life, but he just seemed hungry enough to forgo caring about looks for a minute before planting his face into the container for a mouthful of the treat.

He brought his head back, chewing on the legumes and fruit. He mumbled something with the food in his mouth, no doubt praise judging from the fact that he wasn't spitting it out. He paused a second, then gulped it down and repeated himself, "That tastes great!"

Vinyl smiled and nodded her head. "Knew you'd like it. Alfalfa by itself is kinda plain, but the apples make it taste twenty percent better."

Ken took another gulp of the treat, "Anything else I'd like?"

"You could find out on your own... Oh, And congrats."

"On what? Was I the hundred millionth conversion?"

The mare shook her head. "Not even close, though slightly better."

The gray unicorn shrugged and took another gulp of alfalfa and apples. "What?"

"You're gonna get an education."

-=-=-

Meanwhile in Great Britain, we have the Doctor having a small adventure with his assistant, Derpy Hooves, whilst fighting a recently ponified Harold Saxon, more notable as "The Master", but that's a story left for someone else to write whom knows a little bit more about Dr Who than I do.

Retrospect 6: Found

It was the final day of the two week term for a certain batch of ponies, and all were saying their goodbyes. Friendships made will meet their test, though will prove to last far beyond. Destinies will reveal themselves before the teary and anxious. Life will truly begin anew... except for a good group of pegasi unfortunate enough to not learn to take advantage of their new skill.

One last service was given to the newly reborn ponies; a handful of choices. They could volunteer to recolonize the world after much of it had been abandoned and reclaimed by nature, or immigrate into the isle of Equestria. If they chose to live their new lives as a citizen of the pony homeland, they were given a choice of newfoal towns situated in various biomes that were similar to ones familiar to popular human habitations.

A majority often chose to live in the small town of Fetlock, however, one newfoal was given the opportunity to live in Equestria's capital, a very rare privilege.

Rounds of well-wishes abound in the lobby of the bureau. Newfoals chattered on of how they intended to live their new lives, better and more happier than their last. Though the lucky school-stallion was more than a little nerved.

"I guess this is what it's like to see colts leave for their first day of school, eh?" Vinyl sat her flank down beside a fidgeting Kenneth Baxter, "Most of the newfoals I've mentored usually end up staying in Fetlock. Nice little town, kinda like Ponyville, but no place is like home."

The gray stallion breathed a deep sigh of contempt. "Feels just like when I was a little kid. I never liked school."

"Oh, don't worry. I'm sure you'll like this one. Plus, Canterlot's a pretty great place for parties."

"Of course you'd know something about that," He replied with a little smirk, "Maybe I'll check one or two out if I get the time."

"Last call for Equestria, transport leaves in five minutes!" Called a robust-postured stallion, undoubtedly a native of the island of ponies.

Vinyl took a step and hung her forehoof around Ken's neck, nuzzling against him with her snout, a sort of hug. "It was nice having you around, Kenny. Also, can I keep your CD collection?"

The stallion pulled away and gave the mare a vexed look with a raised eyebrow. "That's very sneaky. I completely forgot about them, and now I don't have time to go get them now."

"I take that as a yes, then?"

"Fine..."

-=-=-

A small group of newfoals were loaded into an ornate carriage and pulled for a distance to the river, where a boat decorated in a similar fashion awaited them. This was their final chance to call off their move, but as each one walked the gangplank onto the ship, marked every pony as a new resident of Equestria.

The trip was slow, deliberate, and peaceful, as the rocking river soothed the equines below deck.

A yellow earth pony found himself conversing with a gray, anxious unicorn, mindlessly going on and on about how he will keep the works of human fiction writers alive in the new world.

"You know I can care less about Jules Verne or Tolkien, Poe. I know that they're both great writers and stuff, but I don't think they'll fit in very well where magic and peace is a very real thing," Ken huffed with a weary, trying smile.

"I can just rewrite them to fit then."

"That's copyright infringement."

"They've been dead for far longer than the claims lasted, they are "fair game", as it were," The yellow colt stood proudly, undaunted by the unicorn's discouragement, "Beside the fact, this is a brand new world we live in. Their work will cease existence."

"Whatever you say. Don't come crying to me when somepony calls you out."

"I'm not going to put my name in as the author. I will be listed as an adapter."

"Whatever."

"What, you talk?" A familiar zebra entered the conversation. It was Chiamaka, a very unusual conversion of a former human that had been identified to have had heavy African ancestry. In the entire week she had been a zebra, she had dedicated most of her time into trying to understand and be understood by everyone else.

"Oh, um, Not much. Just talking about stories and what is going to happen to them," Ken tried to speak as clearly as possible, considering the zebra still lacked a few English words in her vocabulary.

She seemed to understand, giving a smile and a nod. "Home story still live. Need tell. Still live," She added to the chat in a broken manner. Ken got what she meant, about how stories have a way of surviving through retelling, "Remember as child, Anansi the Spider."

"A folktale? I'd do love to hear it," Poe laid himself down on his belly, getting comfortable as the zebra tried to tell a rather humourous story about a spider that hated sharing food, and a turtle that gave him a taste of his own medicine. The three other newfoals on the boat gathered around, sharing tales they had heard as children as well.

Time past as each retold classic tales;

The Raven

Kana'ti and Selu

Reynard the Fox

Rip Van Winkle

And dozens of other classic folktales from around the dying world.

The boat trip was long, though time was shortened by the countless tales shared by the small party of travelers. Along the way, some Equestrian natives that were volunteering on the ship told their own tales, much to the interest of the newfoals.

Eventually, the trip had to end. Chatter from the docks had permeated into the hull of the ship, and the immigrants knew this could very well be their last meeting.

Goodbye to Poe, to Chiamaka, to Dennis and Donna and Mark. Farewell to the focus of this story, Kenneth. Gasps of awe and excitement greeted them now, and a new beginning opened its arms to give them an inviting embrace.

"It's... home."

7th Thought: What A Year!

Sorry, everypony, if I've forgotten all about you. Studying at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorn's takes up a lot of time. I'm sure a few of you understand that.

What a year it's been while I've been away! I mean, really! I never had so much fun in my life!

The big stuff happened after my teary goodbyes from my days at the bureau. They threw me on a boat and we set sail to Equestria. You wouldn't imagine who was there when we docked. My parents and sister! I honestly never thought I'd be so overjoyed to see the people who didn't even bother to drag me kicking and screaming to experience this world sooner!

People used to say that there was a noticeable resemblance between me and the folks, but I don't think there's much of any now. Mum and I have the same mane colour, and that's about it.

Supposedly, the princess took it upon herself to have my family here when I arrived, and I was given only two hours with them to catch up before she sent an escort to drag me off to Canterlot, whilst every other newfoal were going to local communities.

I was like one of the cool kids, showing up with armoured guards in the front of the school, a month behind class, and standing a little taller than the rest.

Actually, I stood a lot taller. Actually, I made two or three foals cry because I was so different. First day of class, I was stuck with the first year classes. Ya, that was weird. They had to get me a desk that fit my size and lumped me in the back of the room so my classmates could see the board.

Math was redundant, so I was given an hour of free time roaming the halls. Science was a little different, but this was another world with different physics to talk about. Language arts... Oh dear Celestia, don't get me started. I was practically illiterate with a new written language to learn. I spent that hour trying to find the Equestrian equivalent to "Hello, where's the bathroom", using English and Equestrian dictionaries. I always figured that's the most important phrase to learn in any language.

I have Lyra and Vinyl to thank for teaching me how to use magic properly, but I still had a few things to learn in Basics of Magic class. So many little upstart f*beep*s in one room. But hey, at least I can levitate with the best of them, but that's a "novice skill" as the teachers says. I like using it to doodle in papers. I got pretty good too, and it was really funny when the art teacher posted my drawing of my human self on the wall of fame. She called it "imaginative", I called it boredom.

I was a month into being a pony when I started getting the hang of things. Screw you, Moondust, you can't levitate twelve things at once! Oh, ya, Moondust. Some little filly that's all high on herself for getting accepted into this place. Never mind her. As I was saying, I started recognizing the little symbols in textbooks as what they meant, science was just accepted, and I got bumped up a grade. Cool. Now I was two months behind class. Again, more accepting of science, language f*beep*ed me over with bigger words, and more talented little schmucks to deal with in Basics of Magic Two.

Well, I'm not going to bore you with school life, so let me bore you with my social life. Of course, I needed a job, being a full grown stallion with the knowledge of someone that recently had a stroke. I asked around the administration, and I landed a job playing nighttime hall-monitor. Doesn't pay much, but it was enough to get me some lunch money.

It's how I met the other princess, Luna, the regent of the night. Celestia never told her about me, so she was rather curious about an older stallion sitting in classes with much younger students. Pretty nice, complimented my drawing that stood out in the halls next to the art room when we walked by them. The next day she joined me on my rounds, I showed her a drawing a did that day of her. She really liked it and took it with her.

I was a little sad to hear about her in history class, though. Little sister, envious of her older sister's glory, gets banished to the moon for a thousand years, and only recently came back. Because of her envy, and turning into a monster that threatened to make the night last forever, not many people look up to her. My drawing of her made her night a little bit brighter, at least I like to think so. I saw her a few more times, and she told me that my drawing's on her mirror. Yay!

Then came the holidays. I got a letter from Celestia that seemed like she was commanding me to see my family in Apploosa. So, I took a train and went to see them. Pretty strange. Pony-drawn trains. That's raw horsepower right there. Har har.

It was like visiting a town from an old Western film. I actually liked it. Again, I was easy to point out, as a "City-Slicker", but I got to see mum, dad, and my sister again. Cherry Cheesecake made me what had to be the best damn cake I ever tasted. One of my favourites; Black Forest cake with a light drizzle of chocolate syrup and her person touch of gummy candy, just for me. I could just live on that, but all things have to come to an end. Week ended, and I was back at the school.

Class continued, I got moved up a grade level, and I'm still behind, but I love it.

My favourite class has to be the fifth grade art class. Hay, I was pretty much teaching the class myself at that point. All the little fillies and colts would come to me for advice before the teacher. Us Under Thirty's gotta stick together.

Oh oh oh! I didn't even tell you that I got my cutie mark! A big ol' pencil with a drawn line that looks vaguely like a heart. My talent was drawing! That was the best day in the world, and I sent Celestia and Luna both a letter thanking them for everything. I got replies from them, congratulating me and everything.

It was the best year of my life, and I only had to trade my old one to get it. Totally worth it. Kenneth Baxter's gone, and this stallion's here to stay.

In fact... Maybe it's high time I changed my name, something that fits in with my peers. I got a pencil on my ass and I like sketching, so there we go. Pencil Sketch. Sounds about right.

My name is Pencil Sketch, and this past year was the best I've ever had.