Experiment Sagaby CinorChapters1. Experiments 012 & 0112. Experiments 10a & 10b3. Experiment 0084. Experiment 0015. Experiments 007 & 0056. Experiment 006 & 0091. Experiments 012 & 011Richard Pound In: Experiments 11 & 12 By: Green Draft I felt strange. Was I dead? I remembered the crash; the great bursts of fire as explosions tore through the ship. I remember thinking of Sunny and Twilight, knowing my life was going to end. Yet it wasn’t. I opened my eyes. This was a familiar scene for me, on my back in Celestia’s bed. Twilight slept next to me. I softly pressed my hoof into her side, trying to rouse her. “Twilight,” I said, “Wake up.” Her eyes opened, blinking rapidly. She saw me looking at her. “Richard, you’re awake,” she murmured happily. We both got out of the bed, stretching. “The princess saved you.” “Oh really?” I asked, shocked. The princess decided to save me. “She wants to meet you as soon as you wake up,” Twilight explained. “How’s Sunny?” I asked, knowing what was important. “He’s staying with Rainbow Dash,” she said, “And no, I’m not worried about the egghead thing.” “How long have I been out?” I asked. Clearly I need a lot of information. “Only a day. You’re starting to heal fast. I like that.” We walked out of the room, going to meet Celestia. “Richard! You’re awake,” Celestia exclaimed as we neared the throne. Both Luna and Celestia sat on their thrones. Luna looked slightly bored. “You know I am,” I said. “What happened? How did you save me? I thought your magic couldn’t touch that thing, at least you didn’t feel like it if you could.” She gave a small laugh. “Oh Richard. Human technology is rather impervious to magic, but when you turned it off, it became little more than falling scrap, which is easy to deal with,” she explained. She gave a small sigh. “What will you do now, Richard?” asked Luna out of nowhere. I gave her a blank look. “I’m not sure. Perhaps I’ll be happily married, and have a loving family.” I feigned a look of introspection. “Yeah, that sounds good.” Luna rolled her eyes. I spoke up again, “you know Celestia. I want to thank you for saving me. I am grateful for that. Thank you.” She looked taken aback. I wonder what she must be thinking. “You’re… welcome, Richard,” she said. “Sunny, read anything good?” I asked him as he fluttered around the library. “Yes,” he said, “Rainbow Dash had this cool book series. Daring Doo she said.” “I’ve got all of those too!” exclaimed Twilight. She went off to one of the bookcases to grab them. Things had turned slightly normal in the months passing the strange attack. Twilight had told me what Celestia had done in the aftermath. She and Luna had used magic to make the humans disappear entirely. Not only in what they had done to Equestria, but in the minds of all the ponies. Only Twilight and I would remember. It was like they had never attacked at all. If only they hadn’t. The one problem being those that had died would stay dead. There was no going back on that. Celestia had put up a monument in the gardens with their names. It couldn’t be public because it would raise too many questions. Twilight had returned with a large stack of books and placed them in front of Sunny. She took the top book and gave it to me. “What do you want me to do with this?” I asked. Sunny grabbed a book in the middle of the stack, causing them to tumble to the floor. Twilight gave a chuckle. “Read it, silly. It’s good, and frankly, she reminds me of you.” I looked at the cover; it had a pretty brown mare on it. “Seems… interesting,” I said carefully. Internally I was working out how to not read this. “It is, dad! If you read it I can talk to somepony about it,” said Sunny. I guess I was going to have to read it. “Did you know these books are based off a real pony? Daring Doo was a researcher at Canterlot who decided to go into the field literally,” explained Twilight. Of course she knew this. She knew everything about books. There was a knocking at the door. Sunny fluttered to the door, opening it. On the other side was Spike. He was drenched with sweat, in his hand he held a scroll; he panted heavily. “Twilight,” he gasped, “here’s a letter for you.” Twilight enveloped the scroll with her magic, bringing it to us. She opened it. It said Celestia needed to see me immediately. The magic in the scroll would teleport me as soon as I read it. I was in the castle, hooves placed as if they were grabbing a scroll. Celestia sat on her throne in front of me. Luna wasn’t here nor were any of the guards. “Dick, there’s something I need to tell you,” Celestia said solemnly. What could she possibly need to tell me? Everything had been said years ago. “Richard, you aren’t the first I brought here. There are others like you. Others… who are human in pony bodies.” That was a shock to my system. Others like me. “Not just from your time, but from all over, different countries too.” “Why are you telling me this?” I asked. “Because you have to get rid of them,” Celestia said. “What? Why?” I questioned. “Our worlds were meant to stay separate, Richard. But by using magic I breached the gap, and now it is falling apart. Those humans have to go. I can give you whatever information I know.” Appeloosa, it was a dusty little town with many southern folk. Tumbleweed blew through the town; nopony seemed to notice or care. Twilight walked off the train behind me. “I remember this town,” she said. “It was built by the Apple family to some extent. That made the buffalo mad.” “Bufallo? Never seen one of them,” I said. “Maybe you will.” She shrugged. We weren’t here for sightseeing. We were here to find a ‘brony’ she had called it. He was the first one she had sent for. He had been too excited to be here that he had failed miserably. She said I could use Twilight to lure it out. His time at the castle had been spent asking for the ‘mane 6’. “We’ve got to find that thief,” I lied. She didn’t know the truth. I told her it was a thief that was attracted to the color purple. So gems, art, and Twilight would be in his interests. Celestia had said that he had recently moved to Appeloosa; he was too scared to move directly to Ponyville for fear of her wrath. “Let’s try looking at the saloon,” Twilight suggested. “I agree. It’s a hot day, and I doubt the thief is doing much today.” We walked to the Salt Lick Saloon. The town was full of townsfolk. I scanned the crowd, looking for a lingering glance. Success, a pony at the back had his eyes fixated on Twilight. It felt dirty watching it. Twilight followed my gaze, nodding. We took separate seats at the countertop, trying to look separate. I wondered if he would make the first move, if not, Twilight was going to have to do some acting. 30 minutes passed. The pony in the corner hadn’t moved his eyes from her. I could tell he was uncomfortable. I made a secretive gesture to Twilight; she gave a small sigh and stood up, walking to the staring pony. “Hello there, handsome,” she said. He gasped, struggling to find a suitable response. “Oh, uh Hi!” he yelled. His face erupted in a flash of red as he buried his head in his hooves. Twilight sat next to him. “Aw, you’re so cute,” she said, rubbing her hoof on his back. He tensed his muscles. Surely he felt like dying now. “Heh, oh, uh, Twilight, you’re cute too,” he said. He said her name. She never said her name and he said it. Jackpot. “Thank you, now what’s your name?” she asked. “My name’s, uh, Big Richard,” he said. He said it so quietly it was nearly impossible to hear it. That son of a gun had used Richard as a penis joke! What a dick. “I love your name, Dick,” Twilight said, purring. This was starting to be hard for me. This Dick was getting with my mare! Big was getting up some courage. “Hey, uh, you want to come over to my place?” he asked hopefully. Twilight blushed and I died on the inside. What an idiot. “Oh, sure,” she said. She stood up to let him out. Hastily he stood up as well. He gave Twilight an awkward peck. He started to walk away with Twilight in tow. This was going to be good. I snuck into a window, falling gracefully to my feet. I had crept into Big’s house after he and Twilight had entered. I must be in his bathroom. It was exceedingly dirty. I heard a scream from the living room, it sounded like Twilight. I burst through the door. Twilight was levitating him in the air; he was trying to grab her. “I’m sorry,” she said, “but I just love my Dick.” Big looked confused, I cleared my throat. Twilight noticed me and dropped him heavily to the floor. He let out a groan as she trotted to me, giving me a kiss. “Twilight, would you mind stepping outside?” I asked, she nodded and trotted outside. I turned to Big who was trying to get on his hooves. “Big, Big, Big,” I repeated. He looked scared. “Wh- who are you?” he stammered. “I’m Richard Pound, Twilight’s husband.” He cursed. “Now, I’ve got to give you this pill or something,” I said, rummaging through my saddlebag. I found the bottle Celestia had given me. I shook one out. “Here we go. Now you have to return home, Big. Back to Earth you go.” His eyes shot wide. “No! You can’t send me back! I can’t go back. They don’t understand me there. I’m welcome here…. Everypony loves me…,” he trailed off, backing away from me. I took a step forward. “I felt the same way when I killed myself. I’m sure you didn’t, did you?” he shook his head. “Good,” I said. “Now just take the damn pill so I can go home.” “My parents don’t understand,” he tried to persuade me, “I don’t have any friends. No one understands this world like I do! This is a dream come true.” I lunged at him, pinning him to the ground. “Take the damn pill,” I said through gritted teeth. He tried to shake me off, but he was weak. “No!” he screamed. “She’ll come after you too!” he garbled as I jammed the pill down his throat. His body went limp. “Ok,” I said, “I guess Celestia will come and deal with this.” I went outside to meet with Twilight. Celestia told me that she would summon me again when she had another in her sights. Experiment 011 "Yo no soy la persona que estas tratando de buscar. Soy un pony solamente,” said the pony slowly. I had cornered him down the alley off 6th and Main Street. He had lived the life of a hobo since he had run from the castle. He was shivering at the end of the alleyway. His coat was ragged and patchy. I held out a pill. “This will make you better,” I said. “Better.” He waved a hoof at me. "No tengo dinero. Por favor, dejame en pas,” he cried. “I don’t understand you!” I yelled at him. He shut his eyes in terror. Twilight stood behind me, looking at me curiously. “Let me help,” said Twilight. She used her magic to hold his legs down and his mouth open. The foreign pony tried to scream, but he was too constricted. I dropped the pill down his throat. “Are you sure this is going to cure him?” asked Twilight. “Yeah, it will,” I told her. “Let’s get back to Ponyville.” “Richard, who was that pony? What was he talking about?” asked Twilight. We were back in Ponyville. We had taken Sunny to the park, Twilight sat next to me on a bench. Sunny played with other foals. “I don’t know who he was, only that Celestia said he need help. So I helped him,” I told her blankly. Celestia had told the reason for his failure. He didn’t speak a language anyone had understood. What use did she have for a non-understanding and not understood worker? He had fled in the middle of the night. I wondered how many had been like him. How many had she taken from Earth? “That’s strange. I’ve never heard a language like that before, Richard. Did she tell you where he was from?” She had not, yet I could manage a guess. He have lived in Mexico or Spain at some point and had the bad fortune to be moved here. “No, she didn’t. Maybe he was from somewhere south.” That was the best thing that came to mind to say. “But they don’t talk like that there. I know a lot of languages, Richard, and that was not one of them,” Twilight said. “What was that all about, Richard?” How long was she going to pester me? I couldn’t keep these lies up forever, not to Twilight! “I’ll tell you tonight, ok?” I said, breaking down. This was going to be tough. Sunny was asleep. I led Twilight up to the bedroom and told her to sit on the bed, this might be a shock. “Ok, Twilight. Do you know how I came from Earth?” I asked her. She nodded. “Yeah, Richard. Of course I do.” “Well, Celestia told me something more. That I wasn’t the only human in Equestria and that I have to help her get rid of the rest of them.” “So, those two ponies we ‘helped’ earlier. They were humans too weren’t they?” she asked. “Yeah, they were. There are more; I’m not sure how many. She didn’t tell me,” I explained. “What does she do to them?” “I don’t know,” I admitted. “But what about you?” Twilight asked. 2. Experiments 10a & 10bRichard Pound In: Experiments 10a-10b “They’re twins, Richard,” Celestia explained. The tenth human to come to Equestria under Celestia’s guidance hadn’t just been one, but two humans. “Well, that’s sure strange. I’m wondering how the spell even works anymore Celestia,” I said. “The spell is ancient, Richard. I could barely cast it, I wasn’t about to ask how it worked.” I guess that worked. She needed, in her words, a hero, and she had gotten one. “Ok. Can you tell me more about the twins?” I asked. She nodded. “They came up with their own names as you all did,” she started to explain. I butted in, “This is my actual name though.” “It is?” she asked, shocked. “Yes,” I told her plainly. “Whatever then. I believe their names were Gemini for the stallion and, well, his sister called herself Gemini too.” “They took the same name?” That was weird to me; even after all this Equestrian stuff. “They were a strange couple,” she said. “Where can I find them?” I asked. “You can find them in the wastelands. They decided that it would be best to stay away from proper pony society. Knowing what they were after all.” I turned to leave, but a lingering question held me back. “Celestia,” I asked,” What do you do with the ponies I send back to you?” “I send them back, Richard. Now hurry along.” I arrived back at the library late at night. Twilight was lazily walking up the stairs to bed, yawning. She stopped when she saw me. “Dick, you’re back,” she said. “How was Canterlot?” “It was fine. I learned about a pair of twins in the wastes that I need to visit,” I told her. “Should I come too?” she asked. “I don’t know, Twilight. Let’s talk about it tomorrow morning.” She turned and finished trotting upstairs. I woke up to an empty bed. The house was dead silent. I got out of bed. “Twilight?” I called, my voice echoing through the house. I slowly trotted down the stairs. The air was cold, like a morgue. As my last hoof hit the floor, I saw a pony sitting in the couch. He looked at me with disgust. It was Big Richard. “Hello, Richard,” he said. “Big? What are you doing here?” I asked. “I don’t know, Richard. All I know is that I’m not anymore.” “But you’re here now,” I said. “Yes, I’m here. I’m not where I want to be,” he said, blankly. It was hard to get a read on his emotions, his thoughts. “Where are Twilight and Sunny?” I asked. “I don’t know. They aren’t my responsibility,” he sneered. “What do you want from me? You can’t be here anymore. Celestia sent you home.” “No Richard,” he said angrily. “This was my home. This was everything I had wanted. You took it away from me.” “I’m sorry. She told me you all had to go. I just-“ “You just what, Richard? You thought that Celestia knows best? Celestia didn’t care for any of us.” “You knew about the others?” I asked. “I didn’t know them,” he said. “I knew that there must have been others.” He lifted his left hoof. The number twelve was emblazoned on it. “I was the twelfth. Which one are you?” I looked at my left hoof, it had no mark. “I don’t have one,” I said. “Then aren’t you just perfect?” he said sarcastically. “You know, when I first woke up here, I thought it was going to be wonderful. I was going to live the life I had always wanted. I was in Canterlot when I realized what was happening. Celestia called me to her room. I was hoping to meet Twilight. She told me she had a job for me.” “I woke up in the Everfree Forest,” I said. He gave me a pitiful look. “I wish I had been so lucky. I could have hid here, but no. The job she gave me, I had no idea what to do. I had to stop someone named Bastion before he could be tainted by some dark spell. Needless to say I failed. I heard when you stopped him.” He paused for a while. “You did better than any of us could have,” he said mournfully. “No, I didn’t. I did what anyone in my place would have done. I saw that I could help and I did,” I announced. “No, you didn’t. You showed us all up. You were the perfect ‘experiment’ she wanted all of us to be.” “I’m not better than anyone. I just know how to solve crimes damn it. I’m a detective.” “You know what? Fuck you, Richard. Fuck you and what you’re doing now. I was living a perfectly happy life here in Equestria and you show up and ruin everything.” A voice spoke from behind me, "Es amigo de verdad. Yo era más feliz aquí. Mi familia me vendió a la Inquisición. Aquí yo soy libre.” The foreign pony was descending the stairs. “You’re here too? This must be some kind of party,” I said. “Do you know what he said?” asked Big. “I don’t,” I admitted. “He basically said that his family ruined his life, like mine did,” said Big bitterly. “I don’t understand why you’re here though. I get that you both had family trouble, but why bring me into this? I was just doing what I was told.” "Cuando se llevaron a mi familia, ellos hacían lo que les dijieron,"said the foreign pony. “That’s true, Julio.” I woke up with a jolt. My coat was slick with sweat, my breathing labored, my heart raced. Twilight had already left to do something. I got out of the covers, desperate for something to drink. The house seemed nearly 100 degrees as I tried to turn the tap on the sink. No water poured out. Must be broken, I thought. I had to find Twilight and Sunny. All I knew was that they weren’t in the library. The town was empty. The shops closed and the doors locked. I walked up and down the streets, looking for the slightest hint of water. The sun was oppressing, high on its orbit through the sky. At last, I heard the sound of running water. I ran to the source. Roseluck stood in front of her shop pouring water all over her plants. The plants had long ago withered. “Roseluck, what are you doing? Where is everyone?” I asked her. She put down her watering can and looked at me. “Oh, hey there, Richard. How are you doing?” she asked, sauntering over to me. “Roseluck, have you seen Twilight or Sunny? In fact, have you seen anyone?” I asked. Roseluck stood in front of me, a strange gleam in her eyes. “I’ve seen the only pony I want to see,” she murmured. She moved to my side, placing her head below me. Suddenly the heat didn’t seem so bad. For a second time, I woke up. The room was unfamiliar and cold. I tried to get up, but something tugged at me hoof. An I.V. system had been connected to me. I took it out, wincing in pain. A small line of blood came from the new hole. I looked around my surroundings. It looked to be a small shack, two doors. A few potted plants lined what shelves the room had. I heard strange muffled sounds from beyond the inner door. I gingerly got up on my hooves and crept over. I put my ears to the door. The sounds of pleasure and moans were unmistakable now. I can get one while they’re surprised, I thought. I kicked open the door and jumped through the threshold. “Stop right there, Gemini!” I yelled. I wasn’t ready for what I saw. It looked like a stallion was having sex with his female counterpart. “Looks like he’s awake, brother,” said the mare as the stallion let her up. “What the hell?” I asked. They ignored my question. “That concoction should have kept you under for longer,” said the stallion. They both got off the bed, circling me. I tried to keep my eyes on both of them to no avail. “Should’ve stayed asleep, Dick,” they said in unison. They kept moving closer and closer. It was making me dizzy. “Why are you doing this?” asked the mare. “He hates us, sister,” said the stallion. “We’ve got something a bit stronger for a stallion like you,” said the mare coyly. I felt something press into my flank. A sharp pain and then numbness overtakes it. I regained consciousness in a very intimate position with Roseluck. Got to get out of here, I thought. I slowly started to pull myself away from her, but she awoke to the slightest movement. “Mornin’, Richard,” she said. “Ready for round three?” Round three? What is she talking about? “No way, Roseluck,” I said. Can’t deal with these dreams right now; I have to stop Gemini. I finished getting all of me away from all of her and stood up. We were in her room. “Come on, rosie. You were awfully insistent about this last night,” she said. Yeah right, last night I was sleeping peacefully next to Twilight. “I’m sorry, but I have to go,” I told her. I turned and trotted out of the room. I made it all the back to the library. Every step I expected to be overtaken by another nightmare. I walked in expecting something out of the ordinary, yet there was nothing. “Morning, Richard. Did you leave early or something?” asked Twilight. She was helping somepony get books. “I, uh, what?” I questioned. Surely this is still the dream. “I woke up and you were already gone. Didn’t you want to talk about going after the twins?” she asked. She had gotten the book down and the stallion was walking out the door. “Didn’t I already do that?” Twilight gave a small chuckle. “Unless that’s why you left early,” she said. “Are you alright, Richard? You look a little sick.” “Yeah, I just need to take a walk real quick,” I said hurriedly. I ran out of door and out of town. I slowly walked the Everfree forest, thinking of what happened . “So… I guess I haven’t gone to the wastelands to find Gemini yet,” I muttered to myself. “Which means… I cheated on Twilight… with Roseluck.” That was an awful lot to handle right now. “I have to ask her what happened,” I told myself. Luckily I didn’t see Twilight on the way to Roseluck’s store. “Hey, Roseluck, what’s going on?” I asked her. She’s standing behind her counter, blushing a little. “Oh, nothing Richard. I’m just tending to whatever flowers got hurt last night.” Oh my. “Yeah, last night must’ve been pretty crazy,” I said. She nodded. “Do you think you could remind me of the whole,” I skirted around using the word ‘affair’, “night?” She let out laugh. “You came by last night after I closed. I was just watering some of my roses. You told me you love roses. You were begging to come in and then, well, you know, we had some fun.” Oh my god, what the hell? “Was I, or did I seem drunk or sick?” I asked her. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she responded. “Nothing, I’m sorry. I’ve got to go for now,” I said, turning to leave. “Wait, Richard,” Roseluck said. I turned back to her. “I want to thank you. No stallion ever really paid attention to me. I’ll see you around ok?” I was back in the forest. “I can’t tell Twilight and she can never find out,” I told myself. “But then aren’t I being a bad husband?” “No, well yes. I’m already a bad husband! This takes the cake!” I rebutted. “What’s the worst that could happen?” “She could kill me,” I said. “Uh, hello?” Fluttershy was coming out a bush behind me. “I didn’t mean to sneak up. I’m sorry, Richard.” Time to think fast. “Oh, hey Fluttershy. You didn’t happen to catch any of that did you?” She turned her head down, blushing a little. “I see how it is. Well, just so you know, you can never tell anyone. Okay?” “Twilight is my best friend, Richard…” she trailed off. “Fluttershy! This is serious. She can’t know, not yet at least.” She scuffed the ground with her hoof. “Please, Fluttershy?” I threw myself to the ground in front of her. “Please.” “Okay, okay. I won’t tell her, but you have to,” she said flatly. “I’m so sorry,” I told her. I knew I wasn’t going to tell Twilight, at least not yet. It was only once. Twilight was sitting in front of library doing something with the garden she kept. “Hey, Twilight. Sorry about earlier,” I told her back. “It’s no problem, Richard. So about the twins, I was just wondering if you want me to go with you,” she said, her back not turning. “I think I should go it alone this time.” Shrugging, Twilight said, “alright, Dick. I’ll look after Sunny.” I walked off to the train station. They were in this shed, I knew they were. It stood near the opening to a gorge in the deserts. It had been an hour’s trot from the station. The shack was small and made of nearly eroded wood. I approached the door, gingerly opening it. It creaked open. I stepped inside what must have been the front room. It had shelves lined with potted plants. The room had a bitter, acrid smell. There was the faint sound of snoring coming from the next room. They must be asleep. I crept to the door. This one opened much quieter. On the bed was a scrunched up stallion. Where’s the twin? Something hit the back of my head, causing me to tumble to the ground. I scrambled on the ground to see my assailant. “Don’t make me hurt you,” I said to the mare. “Don’t you dare,” said the stallion. The stallion grabbed me by the neck. The mare grabbed a syringe and expertly slid it into my leg. Everything went… numb. It was dark in the shack. I had another I.V. system attached to me, this one empty as well. I guessed they didn’t really think things through. I took out the needle. It hurt for only a second. I put my head to the door to the inside. It was definitely two ponies snoring now. I looked for my saddlebag and grabbed two of the pills from it. I slowly opened the door. I had been right, two similar ponies slept together. I crept over to the stallion lest he wake up. His mouth was open in a motion to snore; he swallowed the pill with his inhale. He stopped snoring. I walked to the other side of the bed to get to the mare. As I moved the pill to her, I saw her eyes crack open. “What are you doing?” she asked. “I’m sending you home,” I told her. “We have nowhere to go.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked. “Last thing I remember is overdosing. I think that means we died.” “I died too. I’m sure Celestia will take care of you just fine,” I said. She winced. “She hates us for what we are, for our love.” She paused for a while. I’m not sure what stopped me from giving her the pill, perhaps it was just curiosity of what she had to say. “We were pharmacists… back home. But all that stopped when we got into drugs. When we got here, we decided we could be who we wanted, somewhere out of the way where no one would be hurt. I guess Celestia won’t allow that.” Gemini turned to her brother and saw his unmoving shape. She turned back and at leapt at the pill taking it in her mouth. She showed it clenched between her teeth. “I never want to leave him.” She swallowed the pill. Her stopped moving as she hugged her brother one last time. I was exhausted as I stepped into the library. Twilight sat on the couch, not even reading as normal. Her eyes snapped to me as I trotted in. “Hey, honey,” I made motions to say, but she stopped me. “I know what you did, Richard. Let me just say I’m disappointed.” “What are you talking about?” I asked cautiously. “You and… her.” “Wait, Twilight I can explain,” I tried to say. She raised a hoof to stop me. “No, I don’t want to hear it, just… go.” “Wait, bu-“ Her horn flared. “I don’t want to hear it, Richard!” she screamed. “But you don’t understand…” Her magic blew me back through the door. I rolled twenty feet on the ground. I guess I should go see Roseluck. 3. Experiment 008Richard Pound In: Experiment 008 I woke up next to Roseluck again. I should go to Celestia, it’s been too long. I gingerly got out of her bed. Roseluck had a nice little apartment above her flower shop. Strangely enough it felt like home to me. “What’s going on, Richard?” asked Roseluck, stretching her forearms over her head. “I’m going to Canterlot today,” I explained. Her eyes widened. “Oh wow. Care if I tag along?” she asked, eyes sparkling. “I suppose that’s fine. I’m going to meet Celestia.” The train ride had been uneventful. Roseluck never had much cause to go to Canterlot so she never had. This was a first time for her. She made sure to stop at all the flower shops on the way to the castle. Maybe this was a mistake. Finally she was done and we moved on. “Good afternoon, Richard, and… ah, you must be Roseluck,” said the princess as we approached her throne. “Greeting, your majesty,” said Roseluck in a deep bow. I don’t think I’ve ever actually bowed to the princess. She didn’t seem to care all that much. “Roseluck, I hear you are very much into gardens. Would you like to see the royal gardens?” “Yes!” “I’ll have my guide Herald show you the way,” Celestia said as a familiar pony walked in. Herald led Roseluck out to the gardens. Celestia turned her eyes back to me, a look on intense amusement. “Well, what have we gotten ourselves into now, Richard?” she asked. “Don’t know, princess. I woke up next to her,” I explained. “Well, Twilight said she wasn’t pretty. I disagree, you have nice taste,” she joked. “Have you found another human?” I asked. “Found… I suppose. I never really lost track of him,” she said casually. “If you never lost him then why haven’t you taken care of him?” “They weren’t really problems until the other humans came.” “All right, whatever. Just tell me what I need to know,” I said, trying to keep on track. “Does she know about you and Twilight? I would hope so.” “She knows.” “What about Sunny?” I winced in pain. “I haven’t seen Sunny since I left,” I said truthfully. “Well, that’s every sad, Richard. About the human; he’s going to be in Canterlot tomorrow for a political event. You see he’s running for a Senate position and I’ve arranged for him to have an interview. That’s when you come in.” “I see, that should be easy enough,” I told her. “One more thing. I’ve arranged so that you and your… girlfriend can stay here tonight,” said Celestia. I’ve got to stay here? I felt bad enough loving Roseluck as it is. I missed Twilight and Sunny. “That’s great,” I responded. “Do you think you can help Twilight and I get back together?” I heard a small cough from behind me. I turned. Roseluck was standing next to a very nervous Herald. He scampered out. “Why do you want to get back with Twilight?” asked Roseluck. “You don’t…” What could I say? “I don’t what? You came to me and told me you loved me. I guess I was a fool to think that was true.” She gave a small sniffle. “I do love you, Rose,” I lied. I guess I didn’t really love her. I considered her a friend. “Oh yeah? Well alright. I’ll see you back in Ponyville… Dick.” She turned and walked out. I turned to Celestia, “Why didn’t you stop me?” She shrugged. The room was small and cool. Opposite me sat the human-pony. He called himself Cleisthenes. I’d never heard a pony use that kind of name before. I had a pad of paper and a pen. Cleisthenes looked at me expectantly. “So Cleisthenes,” I began, “Where do you come from?” “I come from a little part of Manehattan, and believe me; I saw that the government wasn’t perfect when I grew up. It wasn’t fair to the ponies that spent all day working hard.” His voice was very commanding. I wrote a few scribbles down. “That’s good to hear. I for one welcome change.” He smiled. “Now, would you mind telling me about your parents?” I was trying to throw him for a loop. “Uh, my parents? All right…. My dad was a baker and my mom was a teacher’s assistant,” he said slowly. “That’s an interesting name, Cleisthenes. What’s it mean?” “Oh, well. It’s just the name my parents gave me…. Wouldn’t you like to hear about my platform for Senate?” I looked up from the pad, “Not really, senator. I’m here for some more serious questions. Now, I’ve heard from an insider that you weren’t born in good, ole’ Equestria. What do you say about that?” “Of course I was,” he said. “Well, sources claim you came from a place called, what was it again? Oh yes, Earth.” His eyes shifted slightly. “Earth? Never heard of it,” he said, maintaining a calm demeanor. “Who did you say you were again?” “Me? I’m Richard Pound from L.A. Have you heard of L.A.?” He let out of a mild sigh. “Los Angeles… Oh man, I know that place,” he said, slipping out of his political voice. “What do you want? Are you with her? I thought she was going to leave me alone.” “Sorry, Cleisthenes, but she won’t let any of us go. Now, do you know what I’ve got to do to you?” I asked. “Have you ever seen the cities, Richard? I mean the cities here. They aren’t all they seem to be. Just like the L.A. of our home. They need better, Richard. They deserve better. Who’s going to give them better if I don’t?” “I’m not sure,” I said honestly. I hadn’t paid much attention to politics in either realm. “But surely a natural pony can give them what they need.” He looked at me like I was stupid. “No, Richard. I see you don’t know much about politics. But when other ponies say that, they’re lying. I’m not lying. I want to be able to walk down those streets and see smiles on everyponies face.” “I guess you really care,” I said. He gave a small laugh, “I guess you could say that. I care more about these ponies than I did for the people back home. You know, since I’ve held office I haven’t been threatened, bribed, or even shot at?” “Is that so? I just thought that was a natural part of being human,” I said. We both chuckled. “Well, I guess it is, Dick. This system they have here. It’s far from perfect. Everyone is too nice to make real politics happen. It would be easy for me to swoop in and take over.” “So why didn’t you?” I asked. “I couldn’t do that. Not now anyways. Everypony here is far too nice to have a dictator, and no matter how much I dislike Celestia will make me call her a dictator. She’s a very fair leader.” “Fair is one word,” I said. “It is one word, yes,” he said. We sat there for a while, the conversation having died. “When are you going to do it?” he asked. “I don’t know. First three I had to force it on, the last one took it willingly.” “Willingly? Interesting. I can’t imagine anyone had a bad time in Equestria; I know I didn’t.” “I guess. Equestria is pretty great isn’t it?” I remarked. Cleisthenes reached behind his desk, pulling out two bottles of beer. “Seems you didn’t leave Earth politics behind.” He smirked. “Come on, take one. I feel more at home with you than anypony I’ve met so far,” he said. He removed both the caps, dropping them into his desk. I grabbed a bottle and took a swig, it was pretty good. “So, Richard. Want to tell me a bit about yourself?” “I’m a detective from L.A. What else is there to say?” I asked. “Find everything you could hope for here?” He asked. He seemed generally interested in my life. It was strange. “I thought I had. But something inside of me ruined it,” I said bitterly. “What happened, Dick?” “I was in love with a beautiful mare, and I ruined it. I had sex with another mare and I don’t know why. I have a son too…” “Well what do you know? You brought some of home with you,” Cleisthenes remarked. “I didn’t want to. You have to believe me.” “Oh, I believe you, Dick. It’s not every day you ruin something perfect.” There was a pause for minutes. We both sat there drinking. “Are you… ready? Ready to go back?” I asked him. He looked up at me. “Go back? No, I suppose I’m not. But what choice do I have?” He said, sighing. I stood up and grabbed one of Celestia’s pills. He looked at it with wonder. “I wonder what will have changed… In all my time here.” I took a few steps closer to him, “I’m not sure. Perhaps nothing changed.” I hesitated. “Can I see your hoof please?” He showed me his hoof. 008. “Number eight…” I murmured. “Which number where you?” he asked. “I don’t have a number.” “Curious,” he said. He grabbed the pill, holding it in his hoof. “I used to be scared… about going home.” “You’re not anymore?” “I still am. I’m just sad that I won’t be able to do any good there.” He slowly brought the pill to his mouth. “Wait,” I said, “What did Celestia have you do?” “She wanted me to talk to a pony named Bastion. I did and I didn’t learn anything.” He popped the pill into his mouth. His body became limp. I knew he was already gone. “It’s done, Celestia,” I said. We were in her bed room. That where I was told she was waiting for me. “Good, Richard,” she said. Her gaze turned out the window. It was late now. “What do you plan to do tonight?” “I really don’t know…” I said disdainfully. “You could spend it with me,” Celestia suggested. Maybe that wouldn’t be that bad. “You know… maybe I should.” 4. Experiment 001Richard Pound In: Experiment 001 Next to Celestia, that’s where I woke up. I didn’t feel regret like I thought I would. Something just felt right about it. I looked at her flowing mane. It was glorious. I must admit that I had always been fascinated by it. I ran a hoof through it. “That feels good, Richard,” she said, waking up. I got out of bed without a word. I had something to do; I turned to walk out. “Richard, I have another human,” Celestia said. “Send it to me in a letter. I’m making this right,” I said as I strode out the door. How do I get her to listen to me? I had decided to get Applejack to bring Twilight to me under the guise of something else. I stood in Applejack’s kitchen. I could hear them approach. “You say you found a new book?” asked Twilight. “Uh, yeah,” said Applejack, “it’s, uh, old ‘n stuff.” Applejack walked in, Twilight followed. She saw me and stopped. Her face held a scowl. Applejack stepped out quickly. “Twilight, I have to apologize,” I started. “All right, you’ve apologized anything else?” she asked. “Is there any chance at forgiveness?” I asked. “I don’t know, Richard. I don’t even know why you did it… I thought you loved me.” “I do love you, Twilight. I always have and always will,” I explained. “Then why did you cheat with Roseluck?” “I don’t know. Perhaps it was stress.” “Stress, Richard?” she asked, incredulous. “Yeah, stress. You know what it’s like to know that you aren’t alone, but that you will be soon enough. I sent them back to… wherever they were from. It’s never been an improvement for them. It makes me think…” “Think what, Richard? That you can just do whatever you want?” “Truthfully… yes. But I know that I can’t let that be true. I know I have to have rules,” I said slowly. “It looks like you broke them.” I hoped Twilight was warming up to me. “I know that, and I regret it immensely. My actions are not excusable, but you have to know that I can’t ever put into words how sorry I am.” “I understand, Richard, but it hurt me too,” she said. “Sunny and I miss you, but I just can’t deal with it right now. I need some time, time to forgive.” “Thank you… Twilight.” She nodded. “I’ll talk to you later, Richard. Maybe dinner tonight,” she offered. “That sounds great. I’ve got to deal with some things too.” Twilight walked out of the kitchen, heading back to town. Applejack walked in, smiling. “Looks like everything turned out well, sugar,” she said. “It sure does,” I said distantly. “I’ve got to go now. More bridges to mend.” “You were my first boyfriend!” screamed Roseluck. “I’m sorry, Roseluck. I really am,” I said, trying to calm her down. I put an arm around her. She pushed me off, huddling in a corner and crying. Perhaps this bridge wasn’t fixable. “Yeah? You’re sorry? That makes me feel better.” Roseluck was sobbing. I don’t think I’m getting anywhere with this. “Roseluck, I still love you, but not in that way.” “Buck you, Richard! No stallion ever paid attention to me like you did.” She broke into a series of sniffles and gasps for air. “You made me feel wanted.” “I didn’t know you felt so strong,” I said. I was sorry for hurting her, yet she didn’t seem to believe me. “I can’t say how sorry I am.” She sighed and stopped crying. She put on a brave face. “I-I’ll talk to you later? Okay, Richard?” I nodded and headed out of the shop. As I closed the door I could hear her crying. I stood outside her shop, feeling the cool breeze hit my coat. The town was brimming with happy ponies today minus us three. I had to go see Spike to talk with Celestia. The walk to Derpy’s was calming. It allowed me to free my thoughts. Only a few humans left in Equestria. Would it miss them? I didn’t think it would miss them. Perhaps it would miss Cleisthenes. He was the only one that did anything to help. The others merely lived. Of course, I had done things too. Derpy’s house was coming into view. What would it have been like if I had been like the others? What if? Would I be looking at the face of a pony, ready to send me back? Send me to Celestia. I knocked on Derpy’s door. She opened the door, a great smile on her face. “Afternoon, Richard. What can I do for you?” she asked. Something about her seemed different, but I couldn’t put a hoof on it. “I need to talk with Spike, if that’s ok.” “Okay, he’s in the living room. I’ll be playing with Dinky outside if you need me,” she said cheerfully. She and Dinky left the house. I walked to the living room. Spike was writing something down. “Afternoon, Spike,” I said as I sat down. He merely waved. After a minute or so his head shot up. “Oh yeah, Richard. I got a letter for you from Celestia,” he said. He handed it to me. I took a peek at it. Richard, Experiment 001 is on his way. He’s very dangerous. ~Celestia. Experiment 001? Must be bad. “When did you get this?” I asked. Spike put his little hand to his chin. “I think it was, uh, three hours?” How close was he? Could he be in Ponyville already? I looked back at Spike, he had a horrified look. “What’s the matter?” I asked. “The-the library’s on fire!” he screamed. I leapt through the blaze into the house. The smoke made it hard to see. “Sunny! Twilight!” I screamed into the choking smoke. I saw something on the floor in the back. Fire burned everywhere; it took nearly a minute to get to the shape. To my horror, it was Twilight. She was bound and gagged. I picked her up and put her on my back. I carried her out of the house, out of the inferno. The fireponies had just arrived and burst in after me. I laid Twilight down and took out the gag. Blood poured from her muzzle. “Come on, wake up!” I yelled. “Come on…” I took the ropes off her limbs. Her purple coat hid the bruises. “Come on…” I repeated. The fire ponies came out. “Nopony in the house,” reported one. “Wait, no colt?” I asked. He shook his head. He must have taken him… He took Sunny? I had to find him. “Where did he go?” I screamed at the crowd. “WHERE?” One pony came forward. “He ran into the forest I think,” he said. I thanked him and ran. There he was, standing casually in front of a tree. He looked happy, content. I stepped into the clearing. “Where’s my son?” I asked. He looked up at me. “Ah, hello, little Richard? How are you today?” “You know what I want. Give me my son.” He gave me a pitying look. “You know I can’t do that, Richard. Now why don’t we just have a little chat? You’re sun will be just fine if you have a little chat.” “I’m not really in the mood to talk,” I said. “So sad, Richard. Well, let me have an icebreaker. I bet you want to know how I found you, you little human, you.” “You knew?” He gave a small laugh. It felt contemptuous. “Of course I knew, Dick. It was hard not to. I knew what Celestia wanted me to do and I saw that you did it. You know, she told me not to kill. That really rustled my jimmies.” “So you’re number 1…” “Yes, she made me first,” he said. He raised his hoof. The number one was emblazoned on it. “I think, including that little prissy boy, which makes you thirteen.” “That’s an unlucky number,” I remarked. “It sure is.” “Why did you come after me?” I asked. “Well, I saw that the others had started to disappear, and frankly no one else has the guts if you ask me. What’s that little bitch going to do? Huh? She can’t do nothing.” “Who? Gemini?” “No, not Gemini. Those freaks, hah.” “Then who?” “I see you haven’t met them all yet.” “No, but I will. You know, I think this has been a good enough conversation,” I remarked. “I guess you want your son back. Well, you gotta promise me one thing, dear Dick.” “And what’s that?” “I want to walk out of here unscathed. I know you don’t have your little pills. Promise me that, okay?” he asked. “Yeah, I promise.” He cracked a smile. His teeth were yellowed, at least the ones that were there were. “Thanks Dick. You’re a swell guy. He’s in the tree above me. Good luck.” 001 trotted up, giving me a look of superiority. “You’re such a goody-two shoes. I thought we had something in common.” He turned away, laughing. I gave him a hard kick to the flank. His body tumbled over. “No, we are different.” “No, were not. You see, we both love women. That’s why, when I got to your little house and saw your wife, well…” He tried to get up. I kicked him again, throwing him down. “No,” I said. “Heh, Dick. Come on. How about that we both love kids? I know Sunny likes me now.” I rammed my hoof into his jaw. “I’m not a killer like you,” I said. “Oh yeah? Is that so? Never killed anyone, mister holier-than-thou?” I thought back quickly. Surely I hadn’t done such acts? Images rushed past quickly. Humanity, I had killed that man and his wife. But for what reason? None that I could imagine. The griffins had attacked. They had killed hundreds of ponies. Poor Breeze on that ship. 001 saw the look of horror on my face. “I know that look,” he said, trying to smile. “You don’t know anything!” I screamed. “I know me, and that means I… know…you.” Anger filled me. He tried to get up. I stamped my hooves into his knee caps. The sickening snaps accompanied his screams of pain. I gave three harsh blows to his face. Blood splattered against the ground. His head lay limply on the ground. “Perhaps, we aren’t different,” I said. I put my hoof to his head. He whimpered lightly. I let my weight fall. The cracks sounded like thunder as his head collapsed. I looked into the tree for Sunny. Thankfully he was blindfolded. I got back to the town. The house had been consumed by the fire. It was merely a husk of its former self. Twilight saw Sunny and I and rushed over, grabbing us both. She had been crying. “It’s ok, Twilight. It’s over with,” I said reassuringly. “He surprised me, Richard. I couldn’t do anything about it. I’m sorry.” “It’s ok, I sent him away to Celestia,” I said. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Twilight staring ot my hooves. They were caked in blood. 5. Experiments 007 & 005Richard Pound In: Experiment 007 + 005 “Morning, Richard,” said a semi-familiar voice. I opened my eyes. Twilight and I had been allowed to stay at the castle since our house had burned. Sunny was here too, he was staying in an adjacent room. I looked next to me for Twilight, yet something inside me told me it wasn’t going to be. “The way you said it was awfully sinister, bug, I mean Big,” said Cleisthenes. Big growled. her. I saw Big Richard lying on the covers next to me. Hurray. “What do you want, Big?” I asked. It was far too early to deal with this guy. “We’re not going to be here long, Dick. Just wanted to let you know we all support you.” He said cheerfully. I looked around the room. In addition to foreign pony, we now had Gemini and Cleisthenes. “So you’re all friends? That’s good,” I said wearily. “Important question for all of you, why are you here?” Mare Gemini spoke up, “You love us, that’s why.” Stallion Gemini nodded. Cleisthenes spoke next, “Well Richard, you could say we are your voters and” Big stopped him. “You know what I said about your analogies,” Big said. Cleisthenes looked dour. “So Richard,” he said, turning back to me, “how is life in the magical and wonderful world of Equestria?” “Lay off him,” said Stallion Gemini. “He had a good reason. “I’m not saying that he didn’t. I didn’t say anything! I just wanted an answer,” Big explained. “Gentlemen, can you all calm down?” I asked. They were getting on my nerves. “I guess we could… if you brought us back to Equestria,” said Big. I knew he’d be the one to say it. “Is that what everyone wants?” I asked. There was a mix of ‘yes’s’ and a ‘si’. “I guess I could ask Celestia if she could do anything.” There was a small cheer. Mare Gemini trotted up and gave me a kiss. I woke up next to Twilight. I gave her a quick kiss to dispel my inner notions of cheating on her. She smiled in her sleep. I guess it was time to see Celestia. I got up, stretching my back. There was a loud pop. I grabbed for my hat instinctively. It wasn’t there. The hat had burned up in the library. The princess had said she would get a new library build up as soon as possible. Will it be the same? That’s the house I’ve known for years. Yet now the house was gone, and all its memories with it. The hallway was mostly empty. Only one attendant was shuffling between the rooms. I stopped him. “Morning friend. Do you know where the princess is?” I asked. “Hmm, I think she’s eating breakfast with Princess Luna right now,” he said. I thanked him for his time and headed to the dining hall. The Princesses were sitting at the end of the table, talking. They stopped when they saw me approach. “Good morning, Richard. I hope you’re not here to abscond with my sister,” said Celestia. Luna blushed. “No, nothing like that,” I said. Luna looked at me with smile. “Maybe tomorrow though.” She sighed. “This has been fun, sister. But I’ve got royal duties to attend to,” said Luna grumpily. She got up and flew away. “She seems angry this morning,” I remarked. I hadn’t met much of Luna except when she had tried to take over Equestria. “I think she likes you,” joked Celestia. I hoped it was joke. “Good one, Celestia. Everypony’s laughing,” I said. “Have anything on any other humans out there?” “I’ve got two actually. They live together in a city,” she said after thinking quickly. “What city?” “I believe it was Fillydelphia. Yes, that’s the place. I believe the stallion, 7, is a storyteller. He and his wife are both humans.” “It’s strange how they are both human. That seems unlikely,” I remarked. “5, 6, and 7 came here at about the same time. 5 and 7 made fast friends. Like you and Twilight did. 6… didn’t make very many friends at all. She was too preoccupied to make real friends, much like Twilight was.” “Where is 6?” I asked. “I don’t know, yet. But I will soon enough. Now, about 5 and 7, you can get them tonight. 7 is having a storytelling session in one of the libraries tonight for the little fillies of his neighborhood. I can teleport you there and you just follow him home and get them there. Does that sound good?” “Sounds fine,” I admitted. Normally Celestia didn’t have the best plans. This one, however, seemed good. “Great. I can send you over later today. Perhaps you and Twilight could do some making up together while you wait.” “Sounds good, Celestia. I’m going to see how she is,” I said. Celestia gave a small smile. “I’ll tell the attendants to stay out of earshot. I want you to have privacy.” Sometimes I hated her. It was raining in Fillydelphia. The rain pounded, creating racket as it splashed down to the ground. Rain poured down my face, making it hard to see. I wish I had my hat. I had been able to sit on 7’s last story. It had been about a land called Scotland. I remembered Scotland from school. I had never gone or had any intention of going. America was all I had needed. He told about his clan, about his friend, Connor Macleod, and how he had died and come back to life. I thought it to be an incredible fairy tale. I wish my parents had told me something like that. After the story he had packed up quickly. He wished a few fillies goodnight and bid farewell. He still hasn’t seen me following. That was good. He had been walking for five minutes before he trotted up to an apartment building and walked inside. I followed suit. “Why ah’ ya’ following me?” he asked as I stepped in. “Me? I’m not following you,” I lied. “Ach, yes you are! I saw you at the library. Why are you following me?” He had a thick accent. It was hard to understand him. “What? I’m not following you, I swear.” He reached into his long socks. I just realized he had been wearing a plaid skirt. “Nice skirt,” I remarked. He pulled back with a dagger in his mouth. “I’ll ask ya’ one mah’ time. Why ye’ following me?” This was getting serious. “Relax, I’m here on royal duty,” I said firmly. I had to think of a lie quickly/ He reared up and drove the dagger at me. I dodged to the side. We were in a small hallway. Stairs at the opposite end, the walls lined with four doors. Two doors on each side and some mailboxes. I slammed against the wall and ran behind him. I tried to side swipe his back legs but he delivered a kick to my chest. The wind was knocked out of me as I fell on my back. “Ah’ll kill ya’!” he yelled. He stood over me with the dagger. I pushed up with all my strength. I think I heard a rib crack. The dagger tumbled out of his mouth a few feet away from his limp body. “Not so tough now are you?” I asked. I dug around for a pill in my saddlebag and grabbed it. 7 was coming to. “Wha’ hi’ me?” he asked. I dashed over and put a hoof to his throat. “What apartment are you?” I asked. “Wha’ ah’ ya’ doin’ ya’ crazy fool?” he asked. I increased the pressure on his neck. He gagged a little. “Now, you need to calm down. I want… to know… where… you… live. Okay?” He nodded. I released his neck. He rubbed it tenderly. “Crazy fool,” he muttered. I jabbed him in the chest. He winced with a small yelp. “Fine, Ah’ll tell ya’. Apar’men’ 4, secon’ floor.” I gave him a small smile, “Was that so hard?” I put my hoof back to his throat and put the pill in his mouth. I moved my hooves to keep his mouth shut. He struggled but eventually he swallowed. He closed his eyes for the last time and his body went limp. It was time to see the woman. I knocked on the door to apartment 4. I heard a small voice from the inside. “You forget your key, honey?” The door opened. A surprised mare stood on the other side. “Oh, hello,” she said warily. I pushed her back and walked in. “Help!” She yelled. I closed the door. “Stop screaming,” I said. She looked at me with wide eyes. “Why?! You’re going to kill me!” She was hysteric. “No, I’m not. I’m here to talk. About you, about me, about 7.” She stopped her wailing. “What have you done?” she asked. “I’ve dealt with him already. I have to deal with you.” “It’s always up to the men to deal with the women huh? Isn’t that just like a man?” “What? No. I’ve been told by Celestia to get rid of all the humans in Equestria,” I tried to explain. She cut me off. “Oh, Celestia. Ugh, her. She thinks she some sort of god; her and her sister.” “They don’t think that,” I said. She gave me a look. “Of course they do! They live in their little palace and the ponies WORSHIP them.” “Well,” I say, “They do raise the sun and moon.” She scoffed, “Yeah, right. They may be princesses, but they aren’t ‘all powerful’. Don’t you know that the sun and moon orbit Equestria? It’s basic science.” “I don’t know much about science, but they do have magic here.” “If I can’t see it or explain it, it’s not real,” she said adamantly. “You can’t say that though.” “Why not? Prove why they are Goddesses.” She paused, waiting for an argument. “See? You don’t have one.” I pushed her to the ground, tired of her endless arguing. “Be quiet,” I yelled at her. I grabbed a pill quickly. “See the flaws inherent in the system!” she screamed as I stuck it in her mouth. She choked a little as she swallowed. Her body became limp. “Sorry about that,” I muttered. She had rustled my jimmies. The train ride back to Canterlot was long. Celestia had forgotten to mention a way back. I spent my own dime on the ticket. It wasn’t cheap. A pony with a moustache sat next to me. His cutie mark stood out to me, it was a Mexican flag. “Hey, buddy, where are you from?” I asked him. “Nowhere,” he said quickly. “Well, I hope you don’t see me as nosey, but your cutie mark reminded of something from my home. A flag.” He looked at me curiously. “A flag for what, amigo?” he asked. “A little place called Mexico,” I said softly. His expression didn’t change. “I see, Mexico huh. Where did you say you were from?” “The U.S.,” I told him. He showed a slight smile. “Never thought I’d meet a northerner here.” “I never thought I’d meet you,” I said. He raised his hoof to shake them. It had the number 4 on it. I shook it. “I’m Gerardo. I was a soldier, but now I just protect the trains from bandits and the like.” “I’m Richard. I’m a detective.” Slowly I grabbed a pill from the saddlebags. I took great care to make it discrete. “Just look at the landscape,” he said, gazing out the windows. I dropped the pill into his drink. It dissolved instantly. He turned back and took a sip. “It does look pretty great here,” I agreed. He continued to drink. Is it still going to work? “Canterlot in three minutes!” yelled the conductor. Gerardo was yawning. “Ah, perhaps I shall take a nap on the trip back,” he said. “Perhaps,” I said. We pulled up to Canterlot and I trotted off the train. Somepony back on the train screamed, calling for a doctor. Gerardo had succumbed to it just as we entered the city. Only four more to go. 6. Experiment 006 & 009Richard Pound In: Experiment 006 + 009 “Hello, 6,” I said casually. She dropped her telescope. It was nighttime in Equestria. We were at the outskirts of Trottingham, near the forests. “Wha- Who?” she stammered. “My name is Richard. I’m here on royal business,” I said. “How do you know my number?” she asked. “Because I guess I’m 13.” She mouthed the word thirteen. “She kept going after us? I thought she would realize it was a failure. She’s a fool.” “She wasn’t wrong. I did manage to do it. I took care of all of your messes,” I said. “Did you really?” “Yes.” “I remember our try. We had three ponies. We still failed. After that we went our separate ways. I wonder what happened to them.” “I happened to them.” “You killed them? You’re sick.” She picked up the telescope with her magic. She peered into the sky. “What are you doing?” I asked. “The sky, it’s got the same constellations as Earth. Only a few are different,” she said, her voice full of awe. “Why are you so interested? Sure, it’s a pretty sight. But what does it matter?” “I want to find Earth,” she said. “Why?” “I miss it sometimes. These ponies don’t even care for space. They take it for face value. Yet there is so much more out there,” she told me. “Do you think you’ll find it with that?” I asked, pointing at the telescope. She laughed. “Of course not. I’ve got a satellite I’m building.” “A what?” “A satellite, it will take pictures of the stars and send them back to me. I can show the ponies and they will see that the stars are important.” “Surely it doesn’t matter. You’ve got to go home,” I told her. She gasped. “I can’t go home! You can’t see the sky like this there. There isn’t even a space budget anymore…” she trailed off. “I don’t see the big deal,” I remarked. She grunted. “Take a look through here,” she said. She floated the telescope to my eye. It was pretty, I had to admit. There was a slight gurgling noise. The telescope dropped to the ground, its lens shattered. I looked back to 6. She gasped for air. Her throat had been sliced open. Blood poured from the wound. She fell down, limbs twitching. I rushed to her side. “What happened?” I asked uselessly. Her movements ceased. “To take your words, I happened to them,” said a shadowy voice behind me. I turned around quickly. A pony dressed in all black stood there. There were blades strapped to his hooves. “Who are you?” I asked. “Why did you kill her?” “I did it before you could,” he said. His tone was slow and deliberate, each word carefully chosen. “Our actions were different, yet the outcome is the same.” “You didn’t say who you were.” “I am a shadow. That’s all you need to know. Death asks few questions.” He’s going to try and kill me. I was in trouble. He took a step closer. I didn’t have anything to fight him with. Quick as lightning he lunged. His left fore-hoof’s blade extended. I ducked under the bald. It swung around cutting into my tail. I ran inside of 6’s shack. Inside was sparsely furnished. Most of the room was taken up by a metal device. It looked intricate. A blade pierced the door. I backed up to the metal thing. It had a hollow compartment in the side… or front. I climbed in and closed the door. It was very dark. I heard the door shatter from the force of the pony. “Where are you, 13?” he asked, “2 and 3 hid. I found them anyway.” He tossed the bed around, looking for me under it. “Now what is this thing?” he asked. He prodded the structure on the opposite side. I knew I didn’t have much time. I started to feel around the capsule. There was a small switch, I flipped it. The capsule started rumbling. It was getting hot in here. Instantly I was slammed against the back of the capsule. There was the sound of screaming and the breaking of wood. Earthquake now? After three minutes, the rumbling subsided. I opened the hatch slowly. I was in the middle of nowhere. The back of the capsule was smoking. Black trails covered the ground behind us. The smoldering shack was miles away. It was going to be a long walk. “I see that everything is taken care of then, Richard,” said Celestia. The princesses, Twilight, and Sunny had all been having dinner when I arrived back. “Yes, I took care of all twelve of them,” I told her. “All twelve? Already? You work fast, Richard.” “I guess I had help. 9 had taken 2 and 3 out.” “Well, there is one more,” said Celestia quietly. “I thought I was the last one,” I said. She didn’t say anything. It dawned on me. “You don’t mean…” I said. “Yes,” she said. “I won’t leave.” “You can’t make Richard leave,” said Twilight. “It’s not up to me, Twilight and Richard.” “This is my life,” I told her. “I can’t leave.” “He has a family, Celestia,” Twilight chimed in. “You two, if we let him stay, more terrible things could happen to Equestria,” she said finally. “I’m sorry, Richard. But this is how it has to be.” “No,” I said firmly, “It doesn’t. We dealt with the aliens. We can deal with whatever else gets thrown at us.” Celestia’s eyes showed anger. “No, I can’t risk it.” Her horn erupted with magic. A doorway burned itself into the wall. “If you don’t leave now, I will kill them both.” Twilight gasped, reaching out to Sunny. Luna’s magic levitated Sunny away from her. Sunny was crying. “No, you can’t kill them,” I said. “It’s not my choice. It’s yours. I’m doing you a favor, Richard. You get to live on Earth. The others… no.” “You get what you deserved,” said Big Richard. He was standing next to me. Gemini stood behind, Cleisthenes to the right of me. “I killed you?” I asked. They nodded. “I’m so sorry.” If only I had known. “It wasn’t your fault, Richard,” said Gemini. 6 appeared, followed by 5 and 7. They all looked so tired. “I don’t want to go…” I muttered. I felt a tear fall down my cheek. Gemini offered her hoof. I grabbed it. “No one wants to go, Richard,” said Big. He looked sad as well. Spanish pony offered consolation in his own special way. “It’s… not fair,” I murmured. The door looked intimidating. It stood easily four ponies high. “Look, Richard. You’re gonna fit right in,” remarked Gemini. I looked at her, she was below me. I stood two feet taller now. I looked at myself. I was back to the normal Richard. “I- I died out there.” No one said anything. “I don’t want to go! I want to stay with my wife! And my Son!” I screamed. I looked around, I was alone. I was always alone. “You have ten seconds, Richard,” said Celestia. I approached the portal. Grabbing the handle. It opened majestically. Behind the door was the hospital room. Karen sat in the guests chair, weeping. “Five.” This is all just a dream. It’s got to be. “Four.” My finger grazed the portal. It was cold, foreign. “Three,” said Celestia forcefully. Twilight let out a yelp of pain. I hated her. I hated Celestia for everything. I hated her for everything she had done, been, and made me. “Two!” Another scream, it was from Sunny. I jumped through the door. I was on the floor of the hospital. “Dick!” screamed Karen. Karen was walking the dinosaur, and so was I.
1. Experiments 012 & 011Richard Pound In: Experiments 11 & 12 By: Green Draft I felt strange. Was I dead? I remembered the crash; the great bursts of fire as explosions tore through the ship. I remember thinking of Sunny and Twilight, knowing my life was going to end. Yet it wasn’t. I opened my eyes. This was a familiar scene for me, on my back in Celestia’s bed. Twilight slept next to me. I softly pressed my hoof into her side, trying to rouse her. “Twilight,” I said, “Wake up.” Her eyes opened, blinking rapidly. She saw me looking at her. “Richard, you’re awake,” she murmured happily. We both got out of the bed, stretching. “The princess saved you.” “Oh really?” I asked, shocked. The princess decided to save me. “She wants to meet you as soon as you wake up,” Twilight explained. “How’s Sunny?” I asked, knowing what was important. “He’s staying with Rainbow Dash,” she said, “And no, I’m not worried about the egghead thing.” “How long have I been out?” I asked. Clearly I need a lot of information. “Only a day. You’re starting to heal fast. I like that.” We walked out of the room, going to meet Celestia. “Richard! You’re awake,” Celestia exclaimed as we neared the throne. Both Luna and Celestia sat on their thrones. Luna looked slightly bored. “You know I am,” I said. “What happened? How did you save me? I thought your magic couldn’t touch that thing, at least you didn’t feel like it if you could.” She gave a small laugh. “Oh Richard. Human technology is rather impervious to magic, but when you turned it off, it became little more than falling scrap, which is easy to deal with,” she explained. She gave a small sigh. “What will you do now, Richard?” asked Luna out of nowhere. I gave her a blank look. “I’m not sure. Perhaps I’ll be happily married, and have a loving family.” I feigned a look of introspection. “Yeah, that sounds good.” Luna rolled her eyes. I spoke up again, “you know Celestia. I want to thank you for saving me. I am grateful for that. Thank you.” She looked taken aback. I wonder what she must be thinking. “You’re… welcome, Richard,” she said. “Sunny, read anything good?” I asked him as he fluttered around the library. “Yes,” he said, “Rainbow Dash had this cool book series. Daring Doo she said.” “I’ve got all of those too!” exclaimed Twilight. She went off to one of the bookcases to grab them. Things had turned slightly normal in the months passing the strange attack. Twilight had told me what Celestia had done in the aftermath. She and Luna had used magic to make the humans disappear entirely. Not only in what they had done to Equestria, but in the minds of all the ponies. Only Twilight and I would remember. It was like they had never attacked at all. If only they hadn’t. The one problem being those that had died would stay dead. There was no going back on that. Celestia had put up a monument in the gardens with their names. It couldn’t be public because it would raise too many questions. Twilight had returned with a large stack of books and placed them in front of Sunny. She took the top book and gave it to me. “What do you want me to do with this?” I asked. Sunny grabbed a book in the middle of the stack, causing them to tumble to the floor. Twilight gave a chuckle. “Read it, silly. It’s good, and frankly, she reminds me of you.” I looked at the cover; it had a pretty brown mare on it. “Seems… interesting,” I said carefully. Internally I was working out how to not read this. “It is, dad! If you read it I can talk to somepony about it,” said Sunny. I guess I was going to have to read it. “Did you know these books are based off a real pony? Daring Doo was a researcher at Canterlot who decided to go into the field literally,” explained Twilight. Of course she knew this. She knew everything about books. There was a knocking at the door. Sunny fluttered to the door, opening it. On the other side was Spike. He was drenched with sweat, in his hand he held a scroll; he panted heavily. “Twilight,” he gasped, “here’s a letter for you.” Twilight enveloped the scroll with her magic, bringing it to us. She opened it. It said Celestia needed to see me immediately. The magic in the scroll would teleport me as soon as I read it. I was in the castle, hooves placed as if they were grabbing a scroll. Celestia sat on her throne in front of me. Luna wasn’t here nor were any of the guards. “Dick, there’s something I need to tell you,” Celestia said solemnly. What could she possibly need to tell me? Everything had been said years ago. “Richard, you aren’t the first I brought here. There are others like you. Others… who are human in pony bodies.” That was a shock to my system. Others like me. “Not just from your time, but from all over, different countries too.” “Why are you telling me this?” I asked. “Because you have to get rid of them,” Celestia said. “What? Why?” I questioned. “Our worlds were meant to stay separate, Richard. But by using magic I breached the gap, and now it is falling apart. Those humans have to go. I can give you whatever information I know.” Appeloosa, it was a dusty little town with many southern folk. Tumbleweed blew through the town; nopony seemed to notice or care. Twilight walked off the train behind me. “I remember this town,” she said. “It was built by the Apple family to some extent. That made the buffalo mad.” “Bufallo? Never seen one of them,” I said. “Maybe you will.” She shrugged. We weren’t here for sightseeing. We were here to find a ‘brony’ she had called it. He was the first one she had sent for. He had been too excited to be here that he had failed miserably. She said I could use Twilight to lure it out. His time at the castle had been spent asking for the ‘mane 6’. “We’ve got to find that thief,” I lied. She didn’t know the truth. I told her it was a thief that was attracted to the color purple. So gems, art, and Twilight would be in his interests. Celestia had said that he had recently moved to Appeloosa; he was too scared to move directly to Ponyville for fear of her wrath. “Let’s try looking at the saloon,” Twilight suggested. “I agree. It’s a hot day, and I doubt the thief is doing much today.” We walked to the Salt Lick Saloon. The town was full of townsfolk. I scanned the crowd, looking for a lingering glance. Success, a pony at the back had his eyes fixated on Twilight. It felt dirty watching it. Twilight followed my gaze, nodding. We took separate seats at the countertop, trying to look separate. I wondered if he would make the first move, if not, Twilight was going to have to do some acting. 30 minutes passed. The pony in the corner hadn’t moved his eyes from her. I could tell he was uncomfortable. I made a secretive gesture to Twilight; she gave a small sigh and stood up, walking to the staring pony. “Hello there, handsome,” she said. He gasped, struggling to find a suitable response. “Oh, uh Hi!” he yelled. His face erupted in a flash of red as he buried his head in his hooves. Twilight sat next to him. “Aw, you’re so cute,” she said, rubbing her hoof on his back. He tensed his muscles. Surely he felt like dying now. “Heh, oh, uh, Twilight, you’re cute too,” he said. He said her name. She never said her name and he said it. Jackpot. “Thank you, now what’s your name?” she asked. “My name’s, uh, Big Richard,” he said. He said it so quietly it was nearly impossible to hear it. That son of a gun had used Richard as a penis joke! What a dick. “I love your name, Dick,” Twilight said, purring. This was starting to be hard for me. This Dick was getting with my mare! Big was getting up some courage. “Hey, uh, you want to come over to my place?” he asked hopefully. Twilight blushed and I died on the inside. What an idiot. “Oh, sure,” she said. She stood up to let him out. Hastily he stood up as well. He gave Twilight an awkward peck. He started to walk away with Twilight in tow. This was going to be good. I snuck into a window, falling gracefully to my feet. I had crept into Big’s house after he and Twilight had entered. I must be in his bathroom. It was exceedingly dirty. I heard a scream from the living room, it sounded like Twilight. I burst through the door. Twilight was levitating him in the air; he was trying to grab her. “I’m sorry,” she said, “but I just love my Dick.” Big looked confused, I cleared my throat. Twilight noticed me and dropped him heavily to the floor. He let out a groan as she trotted to me, giving me a kiss. “Twilight, would you mind stepping outside?” I asked, she nodded and trotted outside. I turned to Big who was trying to get on his hooves. “Big, Big, Big,” I repeated. He looked scared. “Wh- who are you?” he stammered. “I’m Richard Pound, Twilight’s husband.” He cursed. “Now, I’ve got to give you this pill or something,” I said, rummaging through my saddlebag. I found the bottle Celestia had given me. I shook one out. “Here we go. Now you have to return home, Big. Back to Earth you go.” His eyes shot wide. “No! You can’t send me back! I can’t go back. They don’t understand me there. I’m welcome here…. Everypony loves me…,” he trailed off, backing away from me. I took a step forward. “I felt the same way when I killed myself. I’m sure you didn’t, did you?” he shook his head. “Good,” I said. “Now just take the damn pill so I can go home.” “My parents don’t understand,” he tried to persuade me, “I don’t have any friends. No one understands this world like I do! This is a dream come true.” I lunged at him, pinning him to the ground. “Take the damn pill,” I said through gritted teeth. He tried to shake me off, but he was weak. “No!” he screamed. “She’ll come after you too!” he garbled as I jammed the pill down his throat. His body went limp. “Ok,” I said, “I guess Celestia will come and deal with this.” I went outside to meet with Twilight. Celestia told me that she would summon me again when she had another in her sights. Experiment 011 "Yo no soy la persona que estas tratando de buscar. Soy un pony solamente,” said the pony slowly. I had cornered him down the alley off 6th and Main Street. He had lived the life of a hobo since he had run from the castle. He was shivering at the end of the alleyway. His coat was ragged and patchy. I held out a pill. “This will make you better,” I said. “Better.” He waved a hoof at me. "No tengo dinero. Por favor, dejame en pas,” he cried. “I don’t understand you!” I yelled at him. He shut his eyes in terror. Twilight stood behind me, looking at me curiously. “Let me help,” said Twilight. She used her magic to hold his legs down and his mouth open. The foreign pony tried to scream, but he was too constricted. I dropped the pill down his throat. “Are you sure this is going to cure him?” asked Twilight. “Yeah, it will,” I told her. “Let’s get back to Ponyville.” “Richard, who was that pony? What was he talking about?” asked Twilight. We were back in Ponyville. We had taken Sunny to the park, Twilight sat next to me on a bench. Sunny played with other foals. “I don’t know who he was, only that Celestia said he need help. So I helped him,” I told her blankly. Celestia had told the reason for his failure. He didn’t speak a language anyone had understood. What use did she have for a non-understanding and not understood worker? He had fled in the middle of the night. I wondered how many had been like him. How many had she taken from Earth? “That’s strange. I’ve never heard a language like that before, Richard. Did she tell you where he was from?” She had not, yet I could manage a guess. He have lived in Mexico or Spain at some point and had the bad fortune to be moved here. “No, she didn’t. Maybe he was from somewhere south.” That was the best thing that came to mind to say. “But they don’t talk like that there. I know a lot of languages, Richard, and that was not one of them,” Twilight said. “What was that all about, Richard?” How long was she going to pester me? I couldn’t keep these lies up forever, not to Twilight! “I’ll tell you tonight, ok?” I said, breaking down. This was going to be tough. Sunny was asleep. I led Twilight up to the bedroom and told her to sit on the bed, this might be a shock. “Ok, Twilight. Do you know how I came from Earth?” I asked her. She nodded. “Yeah, Richard. Of course I do.” “Well, Celestia told me something more. That I wasn’t the only human in Equestria and that I have to help her get rid of the rest of them.” “So, those two ponies we ‘helped’ earlier. They were humans too weren’t they?” she asked. “Yeah, they were. There are more; I’m not sure how many. She didn’t tell me,” I explained. “What does she do to them?” “I don’t know,” I admitted. “But what about you?” Twilight asked.
2. Experiments 10a & 10bRichard Pound In: Experiments 10a-10b “They’re twins, Richard,” Celestia explained. The tenth human to come to Equestria under Celestia’s guidance hadn’t just been one, but two humans. “Well, that’s sure strange. I’m wondering how the spell even works anymore Celestia,” I said. “The spell is ancient, Richard. I could barely cast it, I wasn’t about to ask how it worked.” I guess that worked. She needed, in her words, a hero, and she had gotten one. “Ok. Can you tell me more about the twins?” I asked. She nodded. “They came up with their own names as you all did,” she started to explain. I butted in, “This is my actual name though.” “It is?” she asked, shocked. “Yes,” I told her plainly. “Whatever then. I believe their names were Gemini for the stallion and, well, his sister called herself Gemini too.” “They took the same name?” That was weird to me; even after all this Equestrian stuff. “They were a strange couple,” she said. “Where can I find them?” I asked. “You can find them in the wastelands. They decided that it would be best to stay away from proper pony society. Knowing what they were after all.” I turned to leave, but a lingering question held me back. “Celestia,” I asked,” What do you do with the ponies I send back to you?” “I send them back, Richard. Now hurry along.” I arrived back at the library late at night. Twilight was lazily walking up the stairs to bed, yawning. She stopped when she saw me. “Dick, you’re back,” she said. “How was Canterlot?” “It was fine. I learned about a pair of twins in the wastes that I need to visit,” I told her. “Should I come too?” she asked. “I don’t know, Twilight. Let’s talk about it tomorrow morning.” She turned and finished trotting upstairs. I woke up to an empty bed. The house was dead silent. I got out of bed. “Twilight?” I called, my voice echoing through the house. I slowly trotted down the stairs. The air was cold, like a morgue. As my last hoof hit the floor, I saw a pony sitting in the couch. He looked at me with disgust. It was Big Richard. “Hello, Richard,” he said. “Big? What are you doing here?” I asked. “I don’t know, Richard. All I know is that I’m not anymore.” “But you’re here now,” I said. “Yes, I’m here. I’m not where I want to be,” he said, blankly. It was hard to get a read on his emotions, his thoughts. “Where are Twilight and Sunny?” I asked. “I don’t know. They aren’t my responsibility,” he sneered. “What do you want from me? You can’t be here anymore. Celestia sent you home.” “No Richard,” he said angrily. “This was my home. This was everything I had wanted. You took it away from me.” “I’m sorry. She told me you all had to go. I just-“ “You just what, Richard? You thought that Celestia knows best? Celestia didn’t care for any of us.” “You knew about the others?” I asked. “I didn’t know them,” he said. “I knew that there must have been others.” He lifted his left hoof. The number twelve was emblazoned on it. “I was the twelfth. Which one are you?” I looked at my left hoof, it had no mark. “I don’t have one,” I said. “Then aren’t you just perfect?” he said sarcastically. “You know, when I first woke up here, I thought it was going to be wonderful. I was going to live the life I had always wanted. I was in Canterlot when I realized what was happening. Celestia called me to her room. I was hoping to meet Twilight. She told me she had a job for me.” “I woke up in the Everfree Forest,” I said. He gave me a pitiful look. “I wish I had been so lucky. I could have hid here, but no. The job she gave me, I had no idea what to do. I had to stop someone named Bastion before he could be tainted by some dark spell. Needless to say I failed. I heard when you stopped him.” He paused for a while. “You did better than any of us could have,” he said mournfully. “No, I didn’t. I did what anyone in my place would have done. I saw that I could help and I did,” I announced. “No, you didn’t. You showed us all up. You were the perfect ‘experiment’ she wanted all of us to be.” “I’m not better than anyone. I just know how to solve crimes damn it. I’m a detective.” “You know what? Fuck you, Richard. Fuck you and what you’re doing now. I was living a perfectly happy life here in Equestria and you show up and ruin everything.” A voice spoke from behind me, "Es amigo de verdad. Yo era más feliz aquí. Mi familia me vendió a la Inquisición. Aquí yo soy libre.” The foreign pony was descending the stairs. “You’re here too? This must be some kind of party,” I said. “Do you know what he said?” asked Big. “I don’t,” I admitted. “He basically said that his family ruined his life, like mine did,” said Big bitterly. “I don’t understand why you’re here though. I get that you both had family trouble, but why bring me into this? I was just doing what I was told.” "Cuando se llevaron a mi familia, ellos hacían lo que les dijieron,"said the foreign pony. “That’s true, Julio.” I woke up with a jolt. My coat was slick with sweat, my breathing labored, my heart raced. Twilight had already left to do something. I got out of the covers, desperate for something to drink. The house seemed nearly 100 degrees as I tried to turn the tap on the sink. No water poured out. Must be broken, I thought. I had to find Twilight and Sunny. All I knew was that they weren’t in the library. The town was empty. The shops closed and the doors locked. I walked up and down the streets, looking for the slightest hint of water. The sun was oppressing, high on its orbit through the sky. At last, I heard the sound of running water. I ran to the source. Roseluck stood in front of her shop pouring water all over her plants. The plants had long ago withered. “Roseluck, what are you doing? Where is everyone?” I asked her. She put down her watering can and looked at me. “Oh, hey there, Richard. How are you doing?” she asked, sauntering over to me. “Roseluck, have you seen Twilight or Sunny? In fact, have you seen anyone?” I asked. Roseluck stood in front of me, a strange gleam in her eyes. “I’ve seen the only pony I want to see,” she murmured. She moved to my side, placing her head below me. Suddenly the heat didn’t seem so bad. For a second time, I woke up. The room was unfamiliar and cold. I tried to get up, but something tugged at me hoof. An I.V. system had been connected to me. I took it out, wincing in pain. A small line of blood came from the new hole. I looked around my surroundings. It looked to be a small shack, two doors. A few potted plants lined what shelves the room had. I heard strange muffled sounds from beyond the inner door. I gingerly got up on my hooves and crept over. I put my ears to the door. The sounds of pleasure and moans were unmistakable now. I can get one while they’re surprised, I thought. I kicked open the door and jumped through the threshold. “Stop right there, Gemini!” I yelled. I wasn’t ready for what I saw. It looked like a stallion was having sex with his female counterpart. “Looks like he’s awake, brother,” said the mare as the stallion let her up. “What the hell?” I asked. They ignored my question. “That concoction should have kept you under for longer,” said the stallion. They both got off the bed, circling me. I tried to keep my eyes on both of them to no avail. “Should’ve stayed asleep, Dick,” they said in unison. They kept moving closer and closer. It was making me dizzy. “Why are you doing this?” asked the mare. “He hates us, sister,” said the stallion. “We’ve got something a bit stronger for a stallion like you,” said the mare coyly. I felt something press into my flank. A sharp pain and then numbness overtakes it. I regained consciousness in a very intimate position with Roseluck. Got to get out of here, I thought. I slowly started to pull myself away from her, but she awoke to the slightest movement. “Mornin’, Richard,” she said. “Ready for round three?” Round three? What is she talking about? “No way, Roseluck,” I said. Can’t deal with these dreams right now; I have to stop Gemini. I finished getting all of me away from all of her and stood up. We were in her room. “Come on, rosie. You were awfully insistent about this last night,” she said. Yeah right, last night I was sleeping peacefully next to Twilight. “I’m sorry, but I have to go,” I told her. I turned and trotted out of the room. I made it all the back to the library. Every step I expected to be overtaken by another nightmare. I walked in expecting something out of the ordinary, yet there was nothing. “Morning, Richard. Did you leave early or something?” asked Twilight. She was helping somepony get books. “I, uh, what?” I questioned. Surely this is still the dream. “I woke up and you were already gone. Didn’t you want to talk about going after the twins?” she asked. She had gotten the book down and the stallion was walking out the door. “Didn’t I already do that?” Twilight gave a small chuckle. “Unless that’s why you left early,” she said. “Are you alright, Richard? You look a little sick.” “Yeah, I just need to take a walk real quick,” I said hurriedly. I ran out of door and out of town. I slowly walked the Everfree forest, thinking of what happened . “So… I guess I haven’t gone to the wastelands to find Gemini yet,” I muttered to myself. “Which means… I cheated on Twilight… with Roseluck.” That was an awful lot to handle right now. “I have to ask her what happened,” I told myself. Luckily I didn’t see Twilight on the way to Roseluck’s store. “Hey, Roseluck, what’s going on?” I asked her. She’s standing behind her counter, blushing a little. “Oh, nothing Richard. I’m just tending to whatever flowers got hurt last night.” Oh my. “Yeah, last night must’ve been pretty crazy,” I said. She nodded. “Do you think you could remind me of the whole,” I skirted around using the word ‘affair’, “night?” She let out laugh. “You came by last night after I closed. I was just watering some of my roses. You told me you love roses. You were begging to come in and then, well, you know, we had some fun.” Oh my god, what the hell? “Was I, or did I seem drunk or sick?” I asked her. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she responded. “Nothing, I’m sorry. I’ve got to go for now,” I said, turning to leave. “Wait, Richard,” Roseluck said. I turned back to her. “I want to thank you. No stallion ever really paid attention to me. I’ll see you around ok?” I was back in the forest. “I can’t tell Twilight and she can never find out,” I told myself. “But then aren’t I being a bad husband?” “No, well yes. I’m already a bad husband! This takes the cake!” I rebutted. “What’s the worst that could happen?” “She could kill me,” I said. “Uh, hello?” Fluttershy was coming out a bush behind me. “I didn’t mean to sneak up. I’m sorry, Richard.” Time to think fast. “Oh, hey Fluttershy. You didn’t happen to catch any of that did you?” She turned her head down, blushing a little. “I see how it is. Well, just so you know, you can never tell anyone. Okay?” “Twilight is my best friend, Richard…” she trailed off. “Fluttershy! This is serious. She can’t know, not yet at least.” She scuffed the ground with her hoof. “Please, Fluttershy?” I threw myself to the ground in front of her. “Please.” “Okay, okay. I won’t tell her, but you have to,” she said flatly. “I’m so sorry,” I told her. I knew I wasn’t going to tell Twilight, at least not yet. It was only once. Twilight was sitting in front of library doing something with the garden she kept. “Hey, Twilight. Sorry about earlier,” I told her back. “It’s no problem, Richard. So about the twins, I was just wondering if you want me to go with you,” she said, her back not turning. “I think I should go it alone this time.” Shrugging, Twilight said, “alright, Dick. I’ll look after Sunny.” I walked off to the train station. They were in this shed, I knew they were. It stood near the opening to a gorge in the deserts. It had been an hour’s trot from the station. The shack was small and made of nearly eroded wood. I approached the door, gingerly opening it. It creaked open. I stepped inside what must have been the front room. It had shelves lined with potted plants. The room had a bitter, acrid smell. There was the faint sound of snoring coming from the next room. They must be asleep. I crept to the door. This one opened much quieter. On the bed was a scrunched up stallion. Where’s the twin? Something hit the back of my head, causing me to tumble to the ground. I scrambled on the ground to see my assailant. “Don’t make me hurt you,” I said to the mare. “Don’t you dare,” said the stallion. The stallion grabbed me by the neck. The mare grabbed a syringe and expertly slid it into my leg. Everything went… numb. It was dark in the shack. I had another I.V. system attached to me, this one empty as well. I guessed they didn’t really think things through. I took out the needle. It hurt for only a second. I put my head to the door to the inside. It was definitely two ponies snoring now. I looked for my saddlebag and grabbed two of the pills from it. I slowly opened the door. I had been right, two similar ponies slept together. I crept over to the stallion lest he wake up. His mouth was open in a motion to snore; he swallowed the pill with his inhale. He stopped snoring. I walked to the other side of the bed to get to the mare. As I moved the pill to her, I saw her eyes crack open. “What are you doing?” she asked. “I’m sending you home,” I told her. “We have nowhere to go.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked. “Last thing I remember is overdosing. I think that means we died.” “I died too. I’m sure Celestia will take care of you just fine,” I said. She winced. “She hates us for what we are, for our love.” She paused for a while. I’m not sure what stopped me from giving her the pill, perhaps it was just curiosity of what she had to say. “We were pharmacists… back home. But all that stopped when we got into drugs. When we got here, we decided we could be who we wanted, somewhere out of the way where no one would be hurt. I guess Celestia won’t allow that.” Gemini turned to her brother and saw his unmoving shape. She turned back and at leapt at the pill taking it in her mouth. She showed it clenched between her teeth. “I never want to leave him.” She swallowed the pill. Her stopped moving as she hugged her brother one last time. I was exhausted as I stepped into the library. Twilight sat on the couch, not even reading as normal. Her eyes snapped to me as I trotted in. “Hey, honey,” I made motions to say, but she stopped me. “I know what you did, Richard. Let me just say I’m disappointed.” “What are you talking about?” I asked cautiously. “You and… her.” “Wait, Twilight I can explain,” I tried to say. She raised a hoof to stop me. “No, I don’t want to hear it, just… go.” “Wait, bu-“ Her horn flared. “I don’t want to hear it, Richard!” she screamed. “But you don’t understand…” Her magic blew me back through the door. I rolled twenty feet on the ground. I guess I should go see Roseluck.
3. Experiment 008Richard Pound In: Experiment 008 I woke up next to Roseluck again. I should go to Celestia, it’s been too long. I gingerly got out of her bed. Roseluck had a nice little apartment above her flower shop. Strangely enough it felt like home to me. “What’s going on, Richard?” asked Roseluck, stretching her forearms over her head. “I’m going to Canterlot today,” I explained. Her eyes widened. “Oh wow. Care if I tag along?” she asked, eyes sparkling. “I suppose that’s fine. I’m going to meet Celestia.” The train ride had been uneventful. Roseluck never had much cause to go to Canterlot so she never had. This was a first time for her. She made sure to stop at all the flower shops on the way to the castle. Maybe this was a mistake. Finally she was done and we moved on. “Good afternoon, Richard, and… ah, you must be Roseluck,” said the princess as we approached her throne. “Greeting, your majesty,” said Roseluck in a deep bow. I don’t think I’ve ever actually bowed to the princess. She didn’t seem to care all that much. “Roseluck, I hear you are very much into gardens. Would you like to see the royal gardens?” “Yes!” “I’ll have my guide Herald show you the way,” Celestia said as a familiar pony walked in. Herald led Roseluck out to the gardens. Celestia turned her eyes back to me, a look on intense amusement. “Well, what have we gotten ourselves into now, Richard?” she asked. “Don’t know, princess. I woke up next to her,” I explained. “Well, Twilight said she wasn’t pretty. I disagree, you have nice taste,” she joked. “Have you found another human?” I asked. “Found… I suppose. I never really lost track of him,” she said casually. “If you never lost him then why haven’t you taken care of him?” “They weren’t really problems until the other humans came.” “All right, whatever. Just tell me what I need to know,” I said, trying to keep on track. “Does she know about you and Twilight? I would hope so.” “She knows.” “What about Sunny?” I winced in pain. “I haven’t seen Sunny since I left,” I said truthfully. “Well, that’s every sad, Richard. About the human; he’s going to be in Canterlot tomorrow for a political event. You see he’s running for a Senate position and I’ve arranged for him to have an interview. That’s when you come in.” “I see, that should be easy enough,” I told her. “One more thing. I’ve arranged so that you and your… girlfriend can stay here tonight,” said Celestia. I’ve got to stay here? I felt bad enough loving Roseluck as it is. I missed Twilight and Sunny. “That’s great,” I responded. “Do you think you can help Twilight and I get back together?” I heard a small cough from behind me. I turned. Roseluck was standing next to a very nervous Herald. He scampered out. “Why do you want to get back with Twilight?” asked Roseluck. “You don’t…” What could I say? “I don’t what? You came to me and told me you loved me. I guess I was a fool to think that was true.” She gave a small sniffle. “I do love you, Rose,” I lied. I guess I didn’t really love her. I considered her a friend. “Oh yeah? Well alright. I’ll see you back in Ponyville… Dick.” She turned and walked out. I turned to Celestia, “Why didn’t you stop me?” She shrugged. The room was small and cool. Opposite me sat the human-pony. He called himself Cleisthenes. I’d never heard a pony use that kind of name before. I had a pad of paper and a pen. Cleisthenes looked at me expectantly. “So Cleisthenes,” I began, “Where do you come from?” “I come from a little part of Manehattan, and believe me; I saw that the government wasn’t perfect when I grew up. It wasn’t fair to the ponies that spent all day working hard.” His voice was very commanding. I wrote a few scribbles down. “That’s good to hear. I for one welcome change.” He smiled. “Now, would you mind telling me about your parents?” I was trying to throw him for a loop. “Uh, my parents? All right…. My dad was a baker and my mom was a teacher’s assistant,” he said slowly. “That’s an interesting name, Cleisthenes. What’s it mean?” “Oh, well. It’s just the name my parents gave me…. Wouldn’t you like to hear about my platform for Senate?” I looked up from the pad, “Not really, senator. I’m here for some more serious questions. Now, I’ve heard from an insider that you weren’t born in good, ole’ Equestria. What do you say about that?” “Of course I was,” he said. “Well, sources claim you came from a place called, what was it again? Oh yes, Earth.” His eyes shifted slightly. “Earth? Never heard of it,” he said, maintaining a calm demeanor. “Who did you say you were again?” “Me? I’m Richard Pound from L.A. Have you heard of L.A.?” He let out of a mild sigh. “Los Angeles… Oh man, I know that place,” he said, slipping out of his political voice. “What do you want? Are you with her? I thought she was going to leave me alone.” “Sorry, Cleisthenes, but she won’t let any of us go. Now, do you know what I’ve got to do to you?” I asked. “Have you ever seen the cities, Richard? I mean the cities here. They aren’t all they seem to be. Just like the L.A. of our home. They need better, Richard. They deserve better. Who’s going to give them better if I don’t?” “I’m not sure,” I said honestly. I hadn’t paid much attention to politics in either realm. “But surely a natural pony can give them what they need.” He looked at me like I was stupid. “No, Richard. I see you don’t know much about politics. But when other ponies say that, they’re lying. I’m not lying. I want to be able to walk down those streets and see smiles on everyponies face.” “I guess you really care,” I said. He gave a small laugh, “I guess you could say that. I care more about these ponies than I did for the people back home. You know, since I’ve held office I haven’t been threatened, bribed, or even shot at?” “Is that so? I just thought that was a natural part of being human,” I said. We both chuckled. “Well, I guess it is, Dick. This system they have here. It’s far from perfect. Everyone is too nice to make real politics happen. It would be easy for me to swoop in and take over.” “So why didn’t you?” I asked. “I couldn’t do that. Not now anyways. Everypony here is far too nice to have a dictator, and no matter how much I dislike Celestia will make me call her a dictator. She’s a very fair leader.” “Fair is one word,” I said. “It is one word, yes,” he said. We sat there for a while, the conversation having died. “When are you going to do it?” he asked. “I don’t know. First three I had to force it on, the last one took it willingly.” “Willingly? Interesting. I can’t imagine anyone had a bad time in Equestria; I know I didn’t.” “I guess. Equestria is pretty great isn’t it?” I remarked. Cleisthenes reached behind his desk, pulling out two bottles of beer. “Seems you didn’t leave Earth politics behind.” He smirked. “Come on, take one. I feel more at home with you than anypony I’ve met so far,” he said. He removed both the caps, dropping them into his desk. I grabbed a bottle and took a swig, it was pretty good. “So, Richard. Want to tell me a bit about yourself?” “I’m a detective from L.A. What else is there to say?” I asked. “Find everything you could hope for here?” He asked. He seemed generally interested in my life. It was strange. “I thought I had. But something inside of me ruined it,” I said bitterly. “What happened, Dick?” “I was in love with a beautiful mare, and I ruined it. I had sex with another mare and I don’t know why. I have a son too…” “Well what do you know? You brought some of home with you,” Cleisthenes remarked. “I didn’t want to. You have to believe me.” “Oh, I believe you, Dick. It’s not every day you ruin something perfect.” There was a pause for minutes. We both sat there drinking. “Are you… ready? Ready to go back?” I asked him. He looked up at me. “Go back? No, I suppose I’m not. But what choice do I have?” He said, sighing. I stood up and grabbed one of Celestia’s pills. He looked at it with wonder. “I wonder what will have changed… In all my time here.” I took a few steps closer to him, “I’m not sure. Perhaps nothing changed.” I hesitated. “Can I see your hoof please?” He showed me his hoof. 008. “Number eight…” I murmured. “Which number where you?” he asked. “I don’t have a number.” “Curious,” he said. He grabbed the pill, holding it in his hoof. “I used to be scared… about going home.” “You’re not anymore?” “I still am. I’m just sad that I won’t be able to do any good there.” He slowly brought the pill to his mouth. “Wait,” I said, “What did Celestia have you do?” “She wanted me to talk to a pony named Bastion. I did and I didn’t learn anything.” He popped the pill into his mouth. His body became limp. I knew he was already gone. “It’s done, Celestia,” I said. We were in her bed room. That where I was told she was waiting for me. “Good, Richard,” she said. Her gaze turned out the window. It was late now. “What do you plan to do tonight?” “I really don’t know…” I said disdainfully. “You could spend it with me,” Celestia suggested. Maybe that wouldn’t be that bad. “You know… maybe I should.”
4. Experiment 001Richard Pound In: Experiment 001 Next to Celestia, that’s where I woke up. I didn’t feel regret like I thought I would. Something just felt right about it. I looked at her flowing mane. It was glorious. I must admit that I had always been fascinated by it. I ran a hoof through it. “That feels good, Richard,” she said, waking up. I got out of bed without a word. I had something to do; I turned to walk out. “Richard, I have another human,” Celestia said. “Send it to me in a letter. I’m making this right,” I said as I strode out the door. How do I get her to listen to me? I had decided to get Applejack to bring Twilight to me under the guise of something else. I stood in Applejack’s kitchen. I could hear them approach. “You say you found a new book?” asked Twilight. “Uh, yeah,” said Applejack, “it’s, uh, old ‘n stuff.” Applejack walked in, Twilight followed. She saw me and stopped. Her face held a scowl. Applejack stepped out quickly. “Twilight, I have to apologize,” I started. “All right, you’ve apologized anything else?” she asked. “Is there any chance at forgiveness?” I asked. “I don’t know, Richard. I don’t even know why you did it… I thought you loved me.” “I do love you, Twilight. I always have and always will,” I explained. “Then why did you cheat with Roseluck?” “I don’t know. Perhaps it was stress.” “Stress, Richard?” she asked, incredulous. “Yeah, stress. You know what it’s like to know that you aren’t alone, but that you will be soon enough. I sent them back to… wherever they were from. It’s never been an improvement for them. It makes me think…” “Think what, Richard? That you can just do whatever you want?” “Truthfully… yes. But I know that I can’t let that be true. I know I have to have rules,” I said slowly. “It looks like you broke them.” I hoped Twilight was warming up to me. “I know that, and I regret it immensely. My actions are not excusable, but you have to know that I can’t ever put into words how sorry I am.” “I understand, Richard, but it hurt me too,” she said. “Sunny and I miss you, but I just can’t deal with it right now. I need some time, time to forgive.” “Thank you… Twilight.” She nodded. “I’ll talk to you later, Richard. Maybe dinner tonight,” she offered. “That sounds great. I’ve got to deal with some things too.” Twilight walked out of the kitchen, heading back to town. Applejack walked in, smiling. “Looks like everything turned out well, sugar,” she said. “It sure does,” I said distantly. “I’ve got to go now. More bridges to mend.” “You were my first boyfriend!” screamed Roseluck. “I’m sorry, Roseluck. I really am,” I said, trying to calm her down. I put an arm around her. She pushed me off, huddling in a corner and crying. Perhaps this bridge wasn’t fixable. “Yeah? You’re sorry? That makes me feel better.” Roseluck was sobbing. I don’t think I’m getting anywhere with this. “Roseluck, I still love you, but not in that way.” “Buck you, Richard! No stallion ever paid attention to me like you did.” She broke into a series of sniffles and gasps for air. “You made me feel wanted.” “I didn’t know you felt so strong,” I said. I was sorry for hurting her, yet she didn’t seem to believe me. “I can’t say how sorry I am.” She sighed and stopped crying. She put on a brave face. “I-I’ll talk to you later? Okay, Richard?” I nodded and headed out of the shop. As I closed the door I could hear her crying. I stood outside her shop, feeling the cool breeze hit my coat. The town was brimming with happy ponies today minus us three. I had to go see Spike to talk with Celestia. The walk to Derpy’s was calming. It allowed me to free my thoughts. Only a few humans left in Equestria. Would it miss them? I didn’t think it would miss them. Perhaps it would miss Cleisthenes. He was the only one that did anything to help. The others merely lived. Of course, I had done things too. Derpy’s house was coming into view. What would it have been like if I had been like the others? What if? Would I be looking at the face of a pony, ready to send me back? Send me to Celestia. I knocked on Derpy’s door. She opened the door, a great smile on her face. “Afternoon, Richard. What can I do for you?” she asked. Something about her seemed different, but I couldn’t put a hoof on it. “I need to talk with Spike, if that’s ok.” “Okay, he’s in the living room. I’ll be playing with Dinky outside if you need me,” she said cheerfully. She and Dinky left the house. I walked to the living room. Spike was writing something down. “Afternoon, Spike,” I said as I sat down. He merely waved. After a minute or so his head shot up. “Oh yeah, Richard. I got a letter for you from Celestia,” he said. He handed it to me. I took a peek at it. Richard, Experiment 001 is on his way. He’s very dangerous. ~Celestia. Experiment 001? Must be bad. “When did you get this?” I asked. Spike put his little hand to his chin. “I think it was, uh, three hours?” How close was he? Could he be in Ponyville already? I looked back at Spike, he had a horrified look. “What’s the matter?” I asked. “The-the library’s on fire!” he screamed. I leapt through the blaze into the house. The smoke made it hard to see. “Sunny! Twilight!” I screamed into the choking smoke. I saw something on the floor in the back. Fire burned everywhere; it took nearly a minute to get to the shape. To my horror, it was Twilight. She was bound and gagged. I picked her up and put her on my back. I carried her out of the house, out of the inferno. The fireponies had just arrived and burst in after me. I laid Twilight down and took out the gag. Blood poured from her muzzle. “Come on, wake up!” I yelled. “Come on…” I took the ropes off her limbs. Her purple coat hid the bruises. “Come on…” I repeated. The fire ponies came out. “Nopony in the house,” reported one. “Wait, no colt?” I asked. He shook his head. He must have taken him… He took Sunny? I had to find him. “Where did he go?” I screamed at the crowd. “WHERE?” One pony came forward. “He ran into the forest I think,” he said. I thanked him and ran. There he was, standing casually in front of a tree. He looked happy, content. I stepped into the clearing. “Where’s my son?” I asked. He looked up at me. “Ah, hello, little Richard? How are you today?” “You know what I want. Give me my son.” He gave me a pitying look. “You know I can’t do that, Richard. Now why don’t we just have a little chat? You’re sun will be just fine if you have a little chat.” “I’m not really in the mood to talk,” I said. “So sad, Richard. Well, let me have an icebreaker. I bet you want to know how I found you, you little human, you.” “You knew?” He gave a small laugh. It felt contemptuous. “Of course I knew, Dick. It was hard not to. I knew what Celestia wanted me to do and I saw that you did it. You know, she told me not to kill. That really rustled my jimmies.” “So you’re number 1…” “Yes, she made me first,” he said. He raised his hoof. The number one was emblazoned on it. “I think, including that little prissy boy, which makes you thirteen.” “That’s an unlucky number,” I remarked. “It sure is.” “Why did you come after me?” I asked. “Well, I saw that the others had started to disappear, and frankly no one else has the guts if you ask me. What’s that little bitch going to do? Huh? She can’t do nothing.” “Who? Gemini?” “No, not Gemini. Those freaks, hah.” “Then who?” “I see you haven’t met them all yet.” “No, but I will. You know, I think this has been a good enough conversation,” I remarked. “I guess you want your son back. Well, you gotta promise me one thing, dear Dick.” “And what’s that?” “I want to walk out of here unscathed. I know you don’t have your little pills. Promise me that, okay?” he asked. “Yeah, I promise.” He cracked a smile. His teeth were yellowed, at least the ones that were there were. “Thanks Dick. You’re a swell guy. He’s in the tree above me. Good luck.” 001 trotted up, giving me a look of superiority. “You’re such a goody-two shoes. I thought we had something in common.” He turned away, laughing. I gave him a hard kick to the flank. His body tumbled over. “No, we are different.” “No, were not. You see, we both love women. That’s why, when I got to your little house and saw your wife, well…” He tried to get up. I kicked him again, throwing him down. “No,” I said. “Heh, Dick. Come on. How about that we both love kids? I know Sunny likes me now.” I rammed my hoof into his jaw. “I’m not a killer like you,” I said. “Oh yeah? Is that so? Never killed anyone, mister holier-than-thou?” I thought back quickly. Surely I hadn’t done such acts? Images rushed past quickly. Humanity, I had killed that man and his wife. But for what reason? None that I could imagine. The griffins had attacked. They had killed hundreds of ponies. Poor Breeze on that ship. 001 saw the look of horror on my face. “I know that look,” he said, trying to smile. “You don’t know anything!” I screamed. “I know me, and that means I… know…you.” Anger filled me. He tried to get up. I stamped my hooves into his knee caps. The sickening snaps accompanied his screams of pain. I gave three harsh blows to his face. Blood splattered against the ground. His head lay limply on the ground. “Perhaps, we aren’t different,” I said. I put my hoof to his head. He whimpered lightly. I let my weight fall. The cracks sounded like thunder as his head collapsed. I looked into the tree for Sunny. Thankfully he was blindfolded. I got back to the town. The house had been consumed by the fire. It was merely a husk of its former self. Twilight saw Sunny and I and rushed over, grabbing us both. She had been crying. “It’s ok, Twilight. It’s over with,” I said reassuringly. “He surprised me, Richard. I couldn’t do anything about it. I’m sorry.” “It’s ok, I sent him away to Celestia,” I said. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Twilight staring ot my hooves. They were caked in blood.
5. Experiments 007 & 005Richard Pound In: Experiment 007 + 005 “Morning, Richard,” said a semi-familiar voice. I opened my eyes. Twilight and I had been allowed to stay at the castle since our house had burned. Sunny was here too, he was staying in an adjacent room. I looked next to me for Twilight, yet something inside me told me it wasn’t going to be. “The way you said it was awfully sinister, bug, I mean Big,” said Cleisthenes. Big growled. her. I saw Big Richard lying on the covers next to me. Hurray. “What do you want, Big?” I asked. It was far too early to deal with this guy. “We’re not going to be here long, Dick. Just wanted to let you know we all support you.” He said cheerfully. I looked around the room. In addition to foreign pony, we now had Gemini and Cleisthenes. “So you’re all friends? That’s good,” I said wearily. “Important question for all of you, why are you here?” Mare Gemini spoke up, “You love us, that’s why.” Stallion Gemini nodded. Cleisthenes spoke next, “Well Richard, you could say we are your voters and” Big stopped him. “You know what I said about your analogies,” Big said. Cleisthenes looked dour. “So Richard,” he said, turning back to me, “how is life in the magical and wonderful world of Equestria?” “Lay off him,” said Stallion Gemini. “He had a good reason. “I’m not saying that he didn’t. I didn’t say anything! I just wanted an answer,” Big explained. “Gentlemen, can you all calm down?” I asked. They were getting on my nerves. “I guess we could… if you brought us back to Equestria,” said Big. I knew he’d be the one to say it. “Is that what everyone wants?” I asked. There was a mix of ‘yes’s’ and a ‘si’. “I guess I could ask Celestia if she could do anything.” There was a small cheer. Mare Gemini trotted up and gave me a kiss. I woke up next to Twilight. I gave her a quick kiss to dispel my inner notions of cheating on her. She smiled in her sleep. I guess it was time to see Celestia. I got up, stretching my back. There was a loud pop. I grabbed for my hat instinctively. It wasn’t there. The hat had burned up in the library. The princess had said she would get a new library build up as soon as possible. Will it be the same? That’s the house I’ve known for years. Yet now the house was gone, and all its memories with it. The hallway was mostly empty. Only one attendant was shuffling between the rooms. I stopped him. “Morning friend. Do you know where the princess is?” I asked. “Hmm, I think she’s eating breakfast with Princess Luna right now,” he said. I thanked him for his time and headed to the dining hall. The Princesses were sitting at the end of the table, talking. They stopped when they saw me approach. “Good morning, Richard. I hope you’re not here to abscond with my sister,” said Celestia. Luna blushed. “No, nothing like that,” I said. Luna looked at me with smile. “Maybe tomorrow though.” She sighed. “This has been fun, sister. But I’ve got royal duties to attend to,” said Luna grumpily. She got up and flew away. “She seems angry this morning,” I remarked. I hadn’t met much of Luna except when she had tried to take over Equestria. “I think she likes you,” joked Celestia. I hoped it was joke. “Good one, Celestia. Everypony’s laughing,” I said. “Have anything on any other humans out there?” “I’ve got two actually. They live together in a city,” she said after thinking quickly. “What city?” “I believe it was Fillydelphia. Yes, that’s the place. I believe the stallion, 7, is a storyteller. He and his wife are both humans.” “It’s strange how they are both human. That seems unlikely,” I remarked. “5, 6, and 7 came here at about the same time. 5 and 7 made fast friends. Like you and Twilight did. 6… didn’t make very many friends at all. She was too preoccupied to make real friends, much like Twilight was.” “Where is 6?” I asked. “I don’t know, yet. But I will soon enough. Now, about 5 and 7, you can get them tonight. 7 is having a storytelling session in one of the libraries tonight for the little fillies of his neighborhood. I can teleport you there and you just follow him home and get them there. Does that sound good?” “Sounds fine,” I admitted. Normally Celestia didn’t have the best plans. This one, however, seemed good. “Great. I can send you over later today. Perhaps you and Twilight could do some making up together while you wait.” “Sounds good, Celestia. I’m going to see how she is,” I said. Celestia gave a small smile. “I’ll tell the attendants to stay out of earshot. I want you to have privacy.” Sometimes I hated her. It was raining in Fillydelphia. The rain pounded, creating racket as it splashed down to the ground. Rain poured down my face, making it hard to see. I wish I had my hat. I had been able to sit on 7’s last story. It had been about a land called Scotland. I remembered Scotland from school. I had never gone or had any intention of going. America was all I had needed. He told about his clan, about his friend, Connor Macleod, and how he had died and come back to life. I thought it to be an incredible fairy tale. I wish my parents had told me something like that. After the story he had packed up quickly. He wished a few fillies goodnight and bid farewell. He still hasn’t seen me following. That was good. He had been walking for five minutes before he trotted up to an apartment building and walked inside. I followed suit. “Why ah’ ya’ following me?” he asked as I stepped in. “Me? I’m not following you,” I lied. “Ach, yes you are! I saw you at the library. Why are you following me?” He had a thick accent. It was hard to understand him. “What? I’m not following you, I swear.” He reached into his long socks. I just realized he had been wearing a plaid skirt. “Nice skirt,” I remarked. He pulled back with a dagger in his mouth. “I’ll ask ya’ one mah’ time. Why ye’ following me?” This was getting serious. “Relax, I’m here on royal duty,” I said firmly. I had to think of a lie quickly/ He reared up and drove the dagger at me. I dodged to the side. We were in a small hallway. Stairs at the opposite end, the walls lined with four doors. Two doors on each side and some mailboxes. I slammed against the wall and ran behind him. I tried to side swipe his back legs but he delivered a kick to my chest. The wind was knocked out of me as I fell on my back. “Ah’ll kill ya’!” he yelled. He stood over me with the dagger. I pushed up with all my strength. I think I heard a rib crack. The dagger tumbled out of his mouth a few feet away from his limp body. “Not so tough now are you?” I asked. I dug around for a pill in my saddlebag and grabbed it. 7 was coming to. “Wha’ hi’ me?” he asked. I dashed over and put a hoof to his throat. “What apartment are you?” I asked. “Wha’ ah’ ya’ doin’ ya’ crazy fool?” he asked. I increased the pressure on his neck. He gagged a little. “Now, you need to calm down. I want… to know… where… you… live. Okay?” He nodded. I released his neck. He rubbed it tenderly. “Crazy fool,” he muttered. I jabbed him in the chest. He winced with a small yelp. “Fine, Ah’ll tell ya’. Apar’men’ 4, secon’ floor.” I gave him a small smile, “Was that so hard?” I put my hoof back to his throat and put the pill in his mouth. I moved my hooves to keep his mouth shut. He struggled but eventually he swallowed. He closed his eyes for the last time and his body went limp. It was time to see the woman. I knocked on the door to apartment 4. I heard a small voice from the inside. “You forget your key, honey?” The door opened. A surprised mare stood on the other side. “Oh, hello,” she said warily. I pushed her back and walked in. “Help!” She yelled. I closed the door. “Stop screaming,” I said. She looked at me with wide eyes. “Why?! You’re going to kill me!” She was hysteric. “No, I’m not. I’m here to talk. About you, about me, about 7.” She stopped her wailing. “What have you done?” she asked. “I’ve dealt with him already. I have to deal with you.” “It’s always up to the men to deal with the women huh? Isn’t that just like a man?” “What? No. I’ve been told by Celestia to get rid of all the humans in Equestria,” I tried to explain. She cut me off. “Oh, Celestia. Ugh, her. She thinks she some sort of god; her and her sister.” “They don’t think that,” I said. She gave me a look. “Of course they do! They live in their little palace and the ponies WORSHIP them.” “Well,” I say, “They do raise the sun and moon.” She scoffed, “Yeah, right. They may be princesses, but they aren’t ‘all powerful’. Don’t you know that the sun and moon orbit Equestria? It’s basic science.” “I don’t know much about science, but they do have magic here.” “If I can’t see it or explain it, it’s not real,” she said adamantly. “You can’t say that though.” “Why not? Prove why they are Goddesses.” She paused, waiting for an argument. “See? You don’t have one.” I pushed her to the ground, tired of her endless arguing. “Be quiet,” I yelled at her. I grabbed a pill quickly. “See the flaws inherent in the system!” she screamed as I stuck it in her mouth. She choked a little as she swallowed. Her body became limp. “Sorry about that,” I muttered. She had rustled my jimmies. The train ride back to Canterlot was long. Celestia had forgotten to mention a way back. I spent my own dime on the ticket. It wasn’t cheap. A pony with a moustache sat next to me. His cutie mark stood out to me, it was a Mexican flag. “Hey, buddy, where are you from?” I asked him. “Nowhere,” he said quickly. “Well, I hope you don’t see me as nosey, but your cutie mark reminded of something from my home. A flag.” He looked at me curiously. “A flag for what, amigo?” he asked. “A little place called Mexico,” I said softly. His expression didn’t change. “I see, Mexico huh. Where did you say you were from?” “The U.S.,” I told him. He showed a slight smile. “Never thought I’d meet a northerner here.” “I never thought I’d meet you,” I said. He raised his hoof to shake them. It had the number 4 on it. I shook it. “I’m Gerardo. I was a soldier, but now I just protect the trains from bandits and the like.” “I’m Richard. I’m a detective.” Slowly I grabbed a pill from the saddlebags. I took great care to make it discrete. “Just look at the landscape,” he said, gazing out the windows. I dropped the pill into his drink. It dissolved instantly. He turned back and took a sip. “It does look pretty great here,” I agreed. He continued to drink. Is it still going to work? “Canterlot in three minutes!” yelled the conductor. Gerardo was yawning. “Ah, perhaps I shall take a nap on the trip back,” he said. “Perhaps,” I said. We pulled up to Canterlot and I trotted off the train. Somepony back on the train screamed, calling for a doctor. Gerardo had succumbed to it just as we entered the city. Only four more to go.
6. Experiment 006 & 009Richard Pound In: Experiment 006 + 009 “Hello, 6,” I said casually. She dropped her telescope. It was nighttime in Equestria. We were at the outskirts of Trottingham, near the forests. “Wha- Who?” she stammered. “My name is Richard. I’m here on royal business,” I said. “How do you know my number?” she asked. “Because I guess I’m 13.” She mouthed the word thirteen. “She kept going after us? I thought she would realize it was a failure. She’s a fool.” “She wasn’t wrong. I did manage to do it. I took care of all of your messes,” I said. “Did you really?” “Yes.” “I remember our try. We had three ponies. We still failed. After that we went our separate ways. I wonder what happened to them.” “I happened to them.” “You killed them? You’re sick.” She picked up the telescope with her magic. She peered into the sky. “What are you doing?” I asked. “The sky, it’s got the same constellations as Earth. Only a few are different,” she said, her voice full of awe. “Why are you so interested? Sure, it’s a pretty sight. But what does it matter?” “I want to find Earth,” she said. “Why?” “I miss it sometimes. These ponies don’t even care for space. They take it for face value. Yet there is so much more out there,” she told me. “Do you think you’ll find it with that?” I asked, pointing at the telescope. She laughed. “Of course not. I’ve got a satellite I’m building.” “A what?” “A satellite, it will take pictures of the stars and send them back to me. I can show the ponies and they will see that the stars are important.” “Surely it doesn’t matter. You’ve got to go home,” I told her. She gasped. “I can’t go home! You can’t see the sky like this there. There isn’t even a space budget anymore…” she trailed off. “I don’t see the big deal,” I remarked. She grunted. “Take a look through here,” she said. She floated the telescope to my eye. It was pretty, I had to admit. There was a slight gurgling noise. The telescope dropped to the ground, its lens shattered. I looked back to 6. She gasped for air. Her throat had been sliced open. Blood poured from the wound. She fell down, limbs twitching. I rushed to her side. “What happened?” I asked uselessly. Her movements ceased. “To take your words, I happened to them,” said a shadowy voice behind me. I turned around quickly. A pony dressed in all black stood there. There were blades strapped to his hooves. “Who are you?” I asked. “Why did you kill her?” “I did it before you could,” he said. His tone was slow and deliberate, each word carefully chosen. “Our actions were different, yet the outcome is the same.” “You didn’t say who you were.” “I am a shadow. That’s all you need to know. Death asks few questions.” He’s going to try and kill me. I was in trouble. He took a step closer. I didn’t have anything to fight him with. Quick as lightning he lunged. His left fore-hoof’s blade extended. I ducked under the bald. It swung around cutting into my tail. I ran inside of 6’s shack. Inside was sparsely furnished. Most of the room was taken up by a metal device. It looked intricate. A blade pierced the door. I backed up to the metal thing. It had a hollow compartment in the side… or front. I climbed in and closed the door. It was very dark. I heard the door shatter from the force of the pony. “Where are you, 13?” he asked, “2 and 3 hid. I found them anyway.” He tossed the bed around, looking for me under it. “Now what is this thing?” he asked. He prodded the structure on the opposite side. I knew I didn’t have much time. I started to feel around the capsule. There was a small switch, I flipped it. The capsule started rumbling. It was getting hot in here. Instantly I was slammed against the back of the capsule. There was the sound of screaming and the breaking of wood. Earthquake now? After three minutes, the rumbling subsided. I opened the hatch slowly. I was in the middle of nowhere. The back of the capsule was smoking. Black trails covered the ground behind us. The smoldering shack was miles away. It was going to be a long walk. “I see that everything is taken care of then, Richard,” said Celestia. The princesses, Twilight, and Sunny had all been having dinner when I arrived back. “Yes, I took care of all twelve of them,” I told her. “All twelve? Already? You work fast, Richard.” “I guess I had help. 9 had taken 2 and 3 out.” “Well, there is one more,” said Celestia quietly. “I thought I was the last one,” I said. She didn’t say anything. It dawned on me. “You don’t mean…” I said. “Yes,” she said. “I won’t leave.” “You can’t make Richard leave,” said Twilight. “It’s not up to me, Twilight and Richard.” “This is my life,” I told her. “I can’t leave.” “He has a family, Celestia,” Twilight chimed in. “You two, if we let him stay, more terrible things could happen to Equestria,” she said finally. “I’m sorry, Richard. But this is how it has to be.” “No,” I said firmly, “It doesn’t. We dealt with the aliens. We can deal with whatever else gets thrown at us.” Celestia’s eyes showed anger. “No, I can’t risk it.” Her horn erupted with magic. A doorway burned itself into the wall. “If you don’t leave now, I will kill them both.” Twilight gasped, reaching out to Sunny. Luna’s magic levitated Sunny away from her. Sunny was crying. “No, you can’t kill them,” I said. “It’s not my choice. It’s yours. I’m doing you a favor, Richard. You get to live on Earth. The others… no.” “You get what you deserved,” said Big Richard. He was standing next to me. Gemini stood behind, Cleisthenes to the right of me. “I killed you?” I asked. They nodded. “I’m so sorry.” If only I had known. “It wasn’t your fault, Richard,” said Gemini. 6 appeared, followed by 5 and 7. They all looked so tired. “I don’t want to go…” I muttered. I felt a tear fall down my cheek. Gemini offered her hoof. I grabbed it. “No one wants to go, Richard,” said Big. He looked sad as well. Spanish pony offered consolation in his own special way. “It’s… not fair,” I murmured. The door looked intimidating. It stood easily four ponies high. “Look, Richard. You’re gonna fit right in,” remarked Gemini. I looked at her, she was below me. I stood two feet taller now. I looked at myself. I was back to the normal Richard. “I- I died out there.” No one said anything. “I don’t want to go! I want to stay with my wife! And my Son!” I screamed. I looked around, I was alone. I was always alone. “You have ten seconds, Richard,” said Celestia. I approached the portal. Grabbing the handle. It opened majestically. Behind the door was the hospital room. Karen sat in the guests chair, weeping. “Five.” This is all just a dream. It’s got to be. “Four.” My finger grazed the portal. It was cold, foreign. “Three,” said Celestia forcefully. Twilight let out a yelp of pain. I hated her. I hated Celestia for everything. I hated her for everything she had done, been, and made me. “Two!” Another scream, it was from Sunny. I jumped through the door. I was on the floor of the hospital. “Dick!” screamed Karen. Karen was walking the dinosaur, and so was I.
