Button Mash tears a hole in time and space.

        Author stared at his computer screen blankly.

Regidar: You’re right. That was fucking stupid.

Manes: Shall I see more of this?

Ikiostar: Meh. I liked it better as a one-shot. Better to just make a sequel here it would ruin the flavor otherwise.

        “Flavor?” Author asked himself. “What flavor? This is a fanfiction! Screw him.”

And with that, he opened up a fresh Youtube page and a Gdoc, ready to plague FIMfiction with more mind-numbing garbage.

While writing the beginning of his story - describing his reaction to some of the comments, followed by writing about himself writing about himself as he wrote about himself writing about what he was writing for cheap laughs, he noticed another Email on his account.

Opening up Gmail, he noticed a very peculiar address - some part of the government he didn’t recognize. (Most likely because he’s moron.)

Dear (I’m not showing you my name, that would be silly.)

By order of the U.S government, we are asking you to cease and desist in your writing. Six people have been reported dead over the country, with your story on their computer screens. Due to this, your story must be deleted off of the internet.

We will begin this as soon as the issue with our government's spending is resolved.

With how rapidly we are able to accomplish things and reach decisions our government, your story will undoubtedly be removed swiftly.

        Author stared at his computer screen again. Deleting the Email, he went back to typing.

“You did what?!” Button’s mother shouted at her son as she put down the letter from the Ponyville library.

        “Well, uh, I can explain-” Button started, but was cut of by his furious mother.

        “No. You will not explain anything! You are going to go apologize to Ms. Twilight now,” she said, pointing a hoof at the door. Button started to the door, his head low, when his mother called from behind. “Oh, and you can forget about getting your game back!”

        Button’s face drooped as he walked out the door and to the library. He had considered turning around and telling his mother that the book was a portal to a… really messed up dimension, but he knew she would never believe him.

        He finally reached the door of the town library. Knocking on it, he waited awkwardly, dreading what Twilight would say to him when she faced him. Button Mash: thief and destroyer of books was a possibility.

        But after a dozen seconds, when nopony had come to the door, Button decided he would walk in himself. It wasa public library after all.

        Opening the door, Button was shocked to what he saw inside. It was the book, shining bright white. In front of the book, Twilight was staring and wasn’t moving. A lot like Button had been doing before he had went to… wherever he ended up in.

        “Twilight!” Button heard that assistant of her’s call from the stairs. The small dragon first set eyes on Button, but his gaze swiftly moved to Twilight’s still form. “Twilight!” he called again, this time in a worried tone.

        “I know what’s wrong with her,” Button said, Spike looking up from Twilight to meet his eyes.

        “What? How? What’s wrong with her?” Spike asked, raising an eyebrow at Button. “Wait a second… You’re that pony who came in yesterday and stole that book!” Spike said, flinging his arms out to the side.

        “Hey, I came here to apologize! ” Button exclaimed. “But no time for that; we gotta save Twilight, right?”

        Spike seemed to calm down at Button’s words. “Fine, but you have some serious explaining to do to Twilight!” he said, pointing a claw at Button. “But you said you know a way to save Twilight?”

        “Yes, okay, first-” Button was cut off as the book stopped glowing.

        Turning around, Twilight regarded Button. “Is that why I found the book destroyed?” she was nearly yelling. “ I couldn’t move! I mean, I simply tried to read it, and that happened!”

        “Yeah, that happened to me too,” Button said.

        “Well, did anything happen after?”

        “Well, after that, I kicked the book-” Button stopped as the book exploded in a flash of white light, blinding everypony. And then there was nothing.

        “Hey, Button… Button…” Button heard somepony call his name in the darkness.

        He opened his eyes to see a familiar face. Unfortunately, the face was not one Button wanted to see again. “AHH!” Button screamed, throwing a hoof out to protect himself, but hitting Author by accident. “Oh… sorry?” Button said sheepishly.

        “No problem, I can’t get hurt. I’m the author, remember?” Author said, putting his hands on his neck, twisting,  and making large popping sounds that Button found nauseating.

 He looked around, noticing how like last time, he had not left the place he had been in when the book vanished.

        “Where’s Twilight?” Button asked, not seeing the librarian anywhere.

        “Oh… she’s in... a better place now.”

        “Wait… she’s d-dead?!”Button asked, backing away from the crazy murderou-

“Hey, don’t you go thinking stuff that’s not true… or that I just don’t feel like writing,” Author snapped, pointing an accusing finger at Button. “And no! She’s not dead! She’s upstairs… jeez you kill one person and suddenly you’re a criminal!” Author exclaimed, throwing his arms up into the air.

        “Well… where’s Spike?”

        “Oh? Well, who cares? I didn’t include him!” Author said.

        “C-can you take me Twilight please?” Button was starting to fear this strange… thing. For once, he wanted to be with an adult. Or at least a pony.

        “Sure,” Author said, the odd smile appearing on his face again. “Follow me.” He lead Button up the stairs and into a small loft, with Twilight laying on the bed, eyes slowly opening and widening a large amount when she saw Author.

“What is that!?” Twilight cried, pushing herself away from Author as they climbed the stairs to where she lay.

“Twilight, relax,” Button said. “Twilight, meet Author. Author, meet Twilight.” Twilight looked at Author strangely.

        “What do you mean? Is his name “Author”? What a silly name.”

        “You’re one to talk Twilight Sparkle,” Author retorted. “But unlike you, my name has a purpose. Well, really, I call myself Author because I am the author.”

        “Author of what?” Twilight asked, a single eyebrow raised in question.

        “Why, author of this terrible story, of course!” he said it like it was obvious, or as if he was stating the weather.

        “W-what!?” Twilight screeched. “That makes no sense! Who are you, Pinkie? What story? This is real life!”

        “Oh-ho-ho,” Author said, chuckling. “Oh on the contrary, Twilight.” With a snapping sound, the entire room disappeared, and they were suddenly floating in nothingness.

With another snap, they were back in Twilight’s room.

“Still not enough to convince me,” Twilight said, pouting her lips.

Author sighed. “Okay… Button, this might hurt,” he said, raising that metal thing Button had seen him use before. There was a bang as the thing went off.

And then there was nothing. Again.

Author looked at Twilight’s expression. Whatever emotion it was, he was too lazy to describe the amount of horror and fear displayed on her face. “What did you just do!?” she screamed. Her horn began to glow.

Author started when her magic had no effect. “Why isn’t my magic working on you!?” she yelled at him.

“Because I won’t let it,” he explained simply. “And no need to get so riled up,” he snapped his fingers, and Button was once again beside him.

“AH!” Button yelled, jumping away from Author and tumbling over the bed to Twilight. “Can we leave... or you leave? Please?” Button begged.

“Noooope,” Author said, trying his best to impersonate Big Macintosh - failing horribly, he might add.

“Whhhy?” Button whined.

“Because, I need you guys to develop a story.”

“But… What kind of story only has two characters?” Twilight asked. “What about if you brought my five other friends? Ohh, and what if you came up with an interesting and mysterious protagonist?” Twilight was getting herself worked up now. “...And then you could develop and add side and supporting characters! With subplots and a giant twist-”

“WHOA, whoa, whoa!” Author yelled, waving his hands side-to-side. “Twilight… Pheww, you got me scared there. I’m trying to make a story with the least work possible! Not make an actual story!”

“Well then, you’re a bad author, Author,” Button said, rolling his eyes.

“I am not!” Author stated, crossing his arms and tilting his head slightly so his right eye could slide and look at Button.

“Okay!” Twilight said. She was obviously tired of all the antics. “Well, it was nice meeting you Author, but I think it’s about time Button and I left.”

“Ohhh,” Author said, nodding. His guest’s faces became hopeful. “NO!” and their expressions dropped.

“Oh come on!” Button said. “I’ve got to get back! Mom was just about to give me back my Joyboy!”

“First of all,” Author started, raising a single finger. “No, she wasn’t. I have planned for you not to get your joyboy back until this is all over. And secondly,” he held up another finger in count. “I’m not letting you out until I fight the antagonist.”

“Well, when does he show up?” Twilight asked. “I assume from your writing so far that he will be generic and boring.

“No. Well… I hope not… As for when he should be arriving any second now… any… second…”No one said anything as Author continued to repeat the same two words a few more times. Then: “Oh. I forgot!”

“What?” both Twilight and Button asked, bored.

“I forgot to introduce the antagonist!” In response, the ponies facehoofed.

The narrator stumbled out of the hospital, amazed that he was alive.

How doctors could save an - incredibly handsome - man from death when he had been shot clean in the head, he’d never know.

But he was alive.

It was time for…

He paused in his mental narration for dramatic effect…

Revenge.

He hailed the nearest taxi, and stepped inside. “Where can I take ya?” the cabbie asked.

“Equestria?” the cabbie looked like he had asked something impossible.

“Nope, get out.”

“You will take me to Equestria,” Narrator said, speaking in bold to get his point across.

“NO!”

“Ah, I see you are one with the bold.”

“Yes, I trained for many months under Master Baiter.”

Narrator gasped: that guy had been a complete jerk-off. But then he realized something. Hmmm… he thought; vital information for the readers to know.

Summoning his narrator powers, he narrated with all his might: The taxi could go to Equestria. “There, now take to Equestria!”

“Hmh, fine.” the cabbie said. And then the taxi disappeared in a flash of white light.

--Wait that’s all the time I get!?

Yes!

        Author stared out the window expectantly. Twilight and Button had each fallen asleep. Well, he had forcibly put them to sleep because they wouldn’t stop complaining and whining about how they would never see their family and friends again, and how they were trapped with a psychopath human-thing.

Well, screw them, he thought as he saw two small lights appear on the horizon of Ponyville.

        It was time.

        “He has arrived,” Author said, not using conjunctions to make it more dramatic, as well as waking up the two ponies in the process.

        “Huh?” Button asked drowsily. “Finally! Let’s get this over with!” Twilight groaned as she stepped off the bed.

        “Holy Celestia, can you write and slower?”

        “Why,

        yes,

        I-”

        “Stop it!”

        “Fine…” Author said as he ran out of the loft and jumped down the stairs, not hurting himself in the slightest. Because he was - you get it by now.

        The ponies following behind, Author walked through the door.

        As he walked through the doorway, he acquired sunglasses, even though it partially cloudy. The most intense weather for fighting one’s archnemesis.

        Author walked into the town square,where the taxi was waiting. “Thank you, sir,” he heard the Narrator say. Then: “Wait, what about the pay? You owe-” the cabbie’s voice went silent as the Narrator put a bullet in his head.

        “Just like you, Narrator,” Author said.

“Please, you didn’t care about him. Now then, Yank. Let’s see how you fight!” \

And with that, he charged at Author.