Button Mash tears a hole in time and space.

by Rotorix

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Comedy, Random
Length: 5477

And meets humans while he's at it.

When Button mash is sent outside by a frustrated mother, he is forced to do something diabolical and torturous - Reading.
But when he discovers an ancient book, and reads from it, the effects are… well… you can see for yourself.
Waring, extremely stupid.
This idea is came to me while walking down a hallway.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-05 00:44:45 UTC

Don't read books. Or this.

This is to be taken 9001% seriously. If it is not taken seriously, I will find where you live and kill you dog. If you see any errors, pretend I made them on purpose to add to the seriousness of this story.

That is all.

-Author

        Button Mash stared at his beloved hoofheld gaming device for what would have been approximately the seventeenth hour of doing so - continuously.

For the better part of the morning, he had ignored all invitations from his brother and friends to play outside, and even rejected breakfast from his mother - who, displeased with his repeated refusals, eventually attempted to force him off the game - with no success.

Entering his eighteenth hour of continuous gameplay, Button saw, out of the corner of his eye, his mother stick her head into his room. “Button! This has gone on far enough!” she yelled, her voice barely reaching him through the wall of concentration he was exerting on the game.

“Eh? Mhhm, I’ll be right down,” Button replied, sparing a precious second to wave a hoof at his mother. Undeterred, she walked right up to him, and yanked the joyboy out of her son’s hooves. Button had been so focused that he didn’t even notice that there was nothing in his hooves and continued pressing buttons that weren't there, his eyes staring at the floor.

His mother stared at him sadly for a few seconds, then spoke.“Oh, I see,” the words snapping Button out of his daze. “Button, how long have you been up?”

Button looked around, searching for his game. Seeing it in his mother’s hooves, he made a feeble attempt to reach out and grab it back. But tired and hungry after staring at a screen for so long, he ended up on the floor, his mother staring down at him disapprovingly. “Button! This is not funny! How long have you been playing?”

“I… uhh. What time is it?” Button slurred drowsily. “Well… I went to bed… but couldn’t sleep… started playing-”

“So you were up all night!” his mother cried. “Agian! We’ve talked about this, Button! Remember how the first day of school went when you did this last time?” as she spoke, she helped her son from the floorboards.

“Uhh, I’m sorry?” Button said, putting the most pathetic face he could muster after a whole night with no sleep.

“No, that won’t work this time,” Button’s face drooped. “Now, come on,” his mother said as she walked out of his room, his game in hoof. “Go brush your teeth and come eat breakfast.”

Button sighed. He had so close to beating the last level on Galaxycraft, and his mother had most likely turned off his joyboy - without saving.

Nevertheless, there was still hope that he could convince her to return his game after his late breakfast. Clinging to that hope, he rushed into the bathroom to start his delayed morning routine.

After he finished his breakfast, he put his dishes in the sink and washed them.

“Button... You did that without being asked?” his mother questioned: Button had showed a strong dislike of washing the dishes from the first time he had done so as a chore.

“Yup!” Button replied with a wide smile. “But that’s not important! Is there anything you need, Mo-”

“-No,Button.”

“But-”

“I said no,” his mother said with a frown. “Button, you’re not going to convince me to give you back your game by doing things like this.”

“But mom!”Button whined, stamping his hooves.” I was sooo close to beating the last level on Galaxycraft!”

His mother narrowed her eyes at him. “Yes, but staying up all night and staring at that screen is not good for you. I’ll give this back to you after dinner. But,” Button winced at the word: he would have to do something more? “-You have to go do something else until then. Go outside, play with your friends… Maybe read a book?” Button gasped; reading? only eggheads read! But, of course, he did not say this to his mother and simply grumbled his agreement.

Smiling, his mother led him to the entrance, opened it, and shoved her son out the door.

Who knew it would be foreshadowing the same event two hundred years later, when on that dark and rainy day, one of Button’s descendant forced her own son out of the house - onto the streets, screaming at him that they could no longer support him. His drinking, and overindulgence in video games was taxing them heavily.

With a tear-stricken face, Masher screamed at his childhood home, at his family, and ran away, to the darker parts of New Ponyville.

Maybe he could find one of those low-down ponies in the Hovels could pity him and keep him safe. Maybe a worshiper of the Church of X’erath could take him in.

But for now, he ran, the rain blurring his vision, the mud beneath his hooves causing him to slide and fall over multiple times. A bright light shone down on him, and he looked up to reveal a enforcer. No… No, no, no, please, Celestia, no, not this…

He felt searing pain as the bot deactivated him magic chip, the pain tearing through his skull, his artificial horn becoming numb.

And all went-

“-Wait, who the hell are-” The sound of a machine gun firing filled the air. The author was dead before he hit the floor of his room.

With satisfied grunt, the man pushed the dead body off of the chair and sat down, unlocking the computer as he did.

Now, all he had to do was use the few seconds he had left to change a few words- “There,” he said. A few moments later, a giant white fissure opened up in the air beside him.

Stepping through the tear in time and space, the universe broke. Everything exploded, imploded, and then Michael Bay stepped in to blow the Earth up with nuclear explosives - a personal dream of his.

Always trying for it in his movies, but always failing. In both aspects. I mean, come on his movies really-

The sound of a pistol cocking cut off the incredibly handsome narrator, causing him to jump and look around again. The room he was contained in was dark, damp and clashed horribly with his expensive clothing. Bought at the highest retail price and made by the finest- “Ow!” came a very elegant British accent; the narrator was proud of it.

“All right, all right, I’ll get back to reading! Ughh... I mean really, how many times will you hold me hostage to read you garbage fanfiction?” the irresistibly sexy man said, giving his cross-eyed captor a look of hatred.

“You are terrible at it! I mean that one about the grammar - Ughh, I had to vomit after I read that!” the sound of a bullet slamming into the floor by the narrator’s foot emphasized the end of his sentence.

“O… K. I-I’ll get right t-to reading, no need for that!” the incredibly good-looking narrator said with a smile that underneath said: I will find you, I will kill you,and then I will rape you goldfish.

“Hey! I didn’t think-” the gun was pointed back at him. “Right… reading…”

Button walked calmly up to his friends. He remembered turning down their offers to play outside, and hoped that they still wanted to play. ‘What, was this your childhood too? What a loser. Ow! That hurt’!’

“Hey, guys,” Button said nonchalantly to his friends. One of them, a fellow earth pony, and one who disliked Button in being in the group, spoke back.

“What do you want? You didn’t want to play with us when we asked this morning! And, anyways, we’ve already started this round of hoofball. You can’t play,” he added, lifting his hoof and giving Button a smug smile.

Button, discouraged, turned around and walked away. ‘Really? That’s how you’re going to let Button deal with bullies? Are you really that low on plot devices that you can’t come up with a more creative way to move this pathetic excuse for a story along? What, no beating on me? Have I actually broken through to you, you f - Mh!

Button had reached the town library. A scary place to be alone, for Button did not want to be called an egghead by his fellow classmates if he was seen here. But desperate times called for desperate measures.

Knocking on the door, he waited, watching for any classmates, ready to spring into hiding.

After several tense seconds, the door opened to reveal the librarian. Button had only seen her once before: when he had had to get a book for class; resorting to the library to get his information. ‘Well, if he had come before, why would he be scared of being - okay, I’ll stop!’

“Why, hello!” the purple unicorn - Twilight Sprinke, Button remembered her name - cheerfully said. Her face broke into a large smile as she recognized him. “Oh! It’s you! Back to read more books?” the librarian leaned closer to Button, the smile now widening to a disturbing size.

“Uhh… I’m here to get a book…” Button grumbled.

“Sorry?” Twilight questioned, not hearing him. “You want to get a book?”

“I… guess,” Button said, disinterested.

“Well, about what? We have a large selection to choose from here at the Ponyville Library.”

It was then that Button had a stroke of genius. “Got any books on video games?” his face hopeful.

“Um… I think we do. Come inside while I check.” Twilight turned around, heading into the library, Button following close behind.

As Twilight looked through the shelves, Button stared at the ground, imagining what would happen after the last level of Galaxycraft. “Ah, here’s the section on video games,” Twilight said, breaking Button out of his daydreaming. “Did you have a specific book in mind?”

Button had heard that certain games had cheats, and that one could use them to get through the game really fast. Hoping to find a code for Galaxycraft, he asked, “Are there any books on cheats?”

“Hmm, well-” a crash from upstairs sounded through the bottom floor. Twilight smacked her face with her hoof.  “If you can find any they would be here,” she said, pointing to a small section labeled “V”. “But if you can excuse me…” she turned and walked up the stairs, leaving Button by himself.

        Button stared at the spot where Twilight had pointed. There were so many books that it gave Button a headache just thinking about all the reading. He had to get out of here. Fast. Before he turned into a egghead like Twilight.

        Grabbing a random book, he sprinted out the door, and ran towards his home as fast as he could.

“Wow, Button,” his mother remarked when seeing the book he had brought home with him. “You’re going to read all that?”

Button decided it would be better to not lie. “Yes.” he said.

“Well, when you finish, you can get your game back,” his mother said with a smile. Nodding, Button walked calmly out of the kitchen and then raced up the stairs and into his room.

Luckily his mother had not questioned him on just what kind of book he had chosen, but looking at the book he had grabbed, he wished she had: then maybe he could have switched for a better book. Maybe Daring Doo.

This book, however, was something else. Aside from the extremely dusty cover, the lettering itself was not in Equish. It was in some strange kind of lettering that Button could barely make out. It was probably some kind of old Equish, but Button could still read it.

Opening the book to a random page, Button began to read through it, searching for  a cheat to his game.

Finally, after several moments of reading, he found it. Galaxycraft, the title of the section read. Underneath it were multiple button names, slightly different from his joyboy, but he could still make the connection.

“L1… B… A...” Button quietly read to himself. “R2… R1… Huh?” Button looked at the book below him. Was it glowing? Putting aside his doubts, he kept reading. “A… A… L2,” as he read, the book began to glow brighter and brighter, until, as he finished reading the code, the book was shining pure white.

“Uh-oh,” Button said. Standing up, he tried to move, but he could not.

Struggling against the invisible bonds was useless; Button could not move an inch, and was forced to look down at the book as it continued to glow.

The book finally reached a point when it stopped getting brighter.

Button waited to see what happened, holding his breath in anticipation, eyes wide.

The book simply stopped glowing. Button found he could move once again. “That’s IT?!” he cried, kicking the book with a hoof.

 In response, the book exploded in a flash of (what else?) white light, and Button’s vision disappeared. And there was nothing.

When Button awoke, he knew something was wrong. The book was gone! But that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

 “No more reading!” Button said to himself as he ran down the stairs to tell his mother that he had finished the book.

But when he reached the kitchen, he found that his mother was not there. Instead, a tall creature was slouched, half of it digging through the refrigerator.

“Umm… excuse me?” Button asked the thing.

“Hm?” the odd creature said, pulling itself out of the fridge.

Button jumped when he was the creature: it was- ‘I’m not going to describe what we look like to ourselves… you moron,’

The strange thing looked bored when it saw Button. “Oh… you. Hmm, it’s not too late to change what I’m writing…” Button wanted to inquire what he was talking about but the thing simply continued talking to itself. “... Nah, too lazy. I’ll probably end this in some cliche way.”

It then looked down at Button “Well, hello Button Mash! I hope I’m not permanently scarring you anything? Oh where are my manners? My name’s… well, you can just call me ‘Author’ for now.”

“Uhhh… okay? What do you mean ‘scarring’, Author?” Button asked.

“Oh, with this story, of course!” Button looked confused.

“Well, let me put it this way: I control everything that happened to you today, and everything that will happen from now on, until I’m done,” he said with a creepy smile, made all the more disturbing by the fact that one eye seemed to always drift to the right. This “Author” was making Button more and more uncomfortable.

Author took no notice and went back to searching for food.

“Okay, but what does that have to do with me? Why’d you chose me?” Button asked.

“Oh? Well, I guess because I was bored and decided to write this,” Author said, not looking at Button. “Now… how to make a transition out of here?” Button heard Author ask himself.

“Oh! I know,” with that, he faced Button. In his hand was a strange metal thing. “I’m sorry… well, who am I kidding? I’m not!” he said, putting the metal thing on Buttons face. The part that was pointed at him had a hole in it.

“Nice meeting you, Button,” Author said. “But spice must flow,” and with that, there was a loud bang, and then nothing. Agian.

Button awoke for the second time that day. He looked around, seeing nothing but darkness.

He walked forward, and began to hear words. “As he walked farther, he heard: ‘As he began to walk farther, he heard’... No stop this. This is stupid. I’m not reading a paradox!”

Button Mash began to move hesitantly, afraid of being heard. Wherever he was: it wasn’t natural and could be dangerous.

Eventually, he saw a bright light at the end of the tunnel. Hoping for it to be a way out, he ran at a full sprint to the white light.

The narrator had never liked his job.

Reading fanfiction by some of the lowest common denominators wasn’t his idea of fun. But it got bread on the table, so he decided to stick with it.

Unfortunately, getting kidnapped and forced to read horrible stories with no pay while held at gunpoint was not one of his work schedules.

Though someone thought it was an okay idea to do such a thing. This person was- ‘Ow! Fine!’ -the author. The narrator hated - no, despised - him for it.

For the past few hours he had been forced into submission before he finally agreed to read another of his stories. And read he had, diligently, pleading with his captor that he could see his family again - ‘Yes I do have one’ - or that he wouldn’t get blood on his fancy designer clothing. ‘Oh, the humanity!’

But after hours of this, what would come next, he would never expect. ‘Of course I would! I’m the -&*%#$@ narrator! I have all the damn pages in front of...Ughh!’

As if on que ‘No sh-’ Button appeared, running at full sprint into the room and colliding with both narrator and author.

“Wait! There’s no script after this!”the narrator yelled.

“Oh… I haven’t gotten anything ready yet,” the author stupidly replied.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING READY?! YOU’RE THE  BLOODY AUTHOR! YOU KIDNAPPED ME - FOR A SECOND TIME, I MIGHT ADD - TO READ A STORY THAT’S NOT FINISHED!?” the narrator yelled, his voice rising to a pitch that would have been… understandable if one had been put through the same stress the gorgeous man had been put through.

“Yeah. But I guess not anymore,” the author said, raising his gun to point at the narrator.

Button simply watched the scene unfold from the floor, shocked.

“No!” the narrator said. “You will not shoot me! Not after everything I’ve been put through!”

“Too bad. I’ll just make you come back to life in another story for you to read,” the narrator’s handsome face went slack at the thought of being killed, only to be brought back to read more of his horrible writing.

“Noooooo!” the narrator yelled as he jumped at the author. But his Darth Vader impression did little to help the fact that a few moments later, he had a bullet in his head.

He was dead, for all of you non-doctors out there. But don’t worry, he’ll just respawn at the nearest hospital with five-thousand dollars missing.

Author watched Button as he stared at the dead body of the narrator. “Don’t worry, he was annoying,and no one will miss him.”

Button’s face turned to one of disgust and horror. “B-but… you just killed him!”

“Yeah… I did. Ahhh, peace and quiet. But that reminds me of something very important.”

“What? Will you send me home?” Button asked him.

“Yes, I will. See ya,” and with that, he raised the gun and shot Button.

 And then nothing. Again, for the second time.

Button awoke, the book on the floor in front of him, as if nothing had ever happened. It had been a dream. “Button?” he heard his mother ask from the kitchen. “Is everything all right up there?”

“Umm.. yeah, mom, everything's fine! Just fine!” Button said as he picked up the book and threw it out of his open window. He watched as the book was run over by a cart and then multiple ponies trampled over it, reducing it to nothing.

When the crowd passed, Button saw with relief that the book had been ruined. No one would be reading it anytime soon.

Twilight walked down the street towards Button’s house. The young colt had been so enthusiastic about reading that he hadn’t even thought to tell Twilight he would be taking a book home.

When she was nearing his home, she spotted the book, laying, ruined, in the mud. “Who would do something so terrible to a book?!” she cried out, running and picking up the literature with her magic.

Time to get you home, Twilight thought as she walked back to her home.A good repair spell, and you’ll be back to normal. Ponies can read you again… come to think of it, I haven’t ever read this book…. I’ll give a try soon. I’ll tell Spike to make a note...

The second chapter that was never needed.

        Author stared at his computer screen blankly.

Regidar: You’re right. That was fucking stupid.

Manes: Shall I see more of this?

Ikiostar: Meh. I liked it better as a one-shot. Better to just make a sequel here it would ruin the flavor otherwise.

        “Flavor?” Author asked himself. “What flavor? This is a fanfiction! Screw him.”

And with that, he opened up a fresh Youtube page and a Gdoc, ready to plague FIMfiction with more mind-numbing garbage.

While writing the beginning of his story - describing his reaction to some of the comments, followed by writing about himself writing about himself as he wrote about himself writing about what he was writing for cheap laughs, he noticed another Email on his account.

Opening up Gmail, he noticed a very peculiar address - some part of the government he didn’t recognize. (Most likely because he’s moron.)

Dear (I’m not showing you my name, that would be silly.)

By order of the U.S government, we are asking you to cease and desist in your writing. Six people have been reported dead over the country, with your story on their computer screens. Due to this, your story must be deleted off of the internet.

We will begin this as soon as the issue with our government's spending is resolved.

With how rapidly we are able to accomplish things and reach decisions our government, your story will undoubtedly be removed swiftly.

        Author stared at his computer screen again. Deleting the Email, he went back to typing.

“You did what?!” Button’s mother shouted at her son as she put down the letter from the Ponyville library.

        “Well, uh, I can explain-” Button started, but was cut of by his furious mother.

        “No. You will not explain anything! You are going to go apologize to Ms. Twilight now,” she said, pointing a hoof at the door. Button started to the door, his head low, when his mother called from behind. “Oh, and you can forget about getting your game back!”

        Button’s face drooped as he walked out the door and to the library. He had considered turning around and telling his mother that the book was a portal to a… really messed up dimension, but he knew she would never believe him.

        He finally reached the door of the town library. Knocking on it, he waited awkwardly, dreading what Twilight would say to him when she faced him. Button Mash: thief and destroyer of books was a possibility.

        But after a dozen seconds, when nopony had come to the door, Button decided he would walk in himself. It wasa public library after all.

        Opening the door, Button was shocked to what he saw inside. It was the book, shining bright white. In front of the book, Twilight was staring and wasn’t moving. A lot like Button had been doing before he had went to… wherever he ended up in.

        “Twilight!” Button heard that assistant of her’s call from the stairs. The small dragon first set eyes on Button, but his gaze swiftly moved to Twilight’s still form. “Twilight!” he called again, this time in a worried tone.

        “I know what’s wrong with her,” Button said, Spike looking up from Twilight to meet his eyes.

        “What? How? What’s wrong with her?” Spike asked, raising an eyebrow at Button. “Wait a second… You’re that pony who came in yesterday and stole that book!” Spike said, flinging his arms out to the side.

        “Hey, I came here to apologize! ” Button exclaimed. “But no time for that; we gotta save Twilight, right?”

        Spike seemed to calm down at Button’s words. “Fine, but you have some serious explaining to do to Twilight!” he said, pointing a claw at Button. “But you said you know a way to save Twilight?”

        “Yes, okay, first-” Button was cut off as the book stopped glowing.

        Turning around, Twilight regarded Button. “Is that why I found the book destroyed?” she was nearly yelling. “ I couldn’t move! I mean, I simply tried to read it, and that happened!”

        “Yeah, that happened to me too,” Button said.

        “Well, did anything happen after?”

        “Well, after that, I kicked the book-” Button stopped as the book exploded in a flash of white light, blinding everypony. And then there was nothing.

        “Hey, Button… Button…” Button heard somepony call his name in the darkness.

        He opened his eyes to see a familiar face. Unfortunately, the face was not one Button wanted to see again. “AHH!” Button screamed, throwing a hoof out to protect himself, but hitting Author by accident. “Oh… sorry?” Button said sheepishly.

        “No problem, I can’t get hurt. I’m the author, remember?” Author said, putting his hands on his neck, twisting,  and making large popping sounds that Button found nauseating.

 He looked around, noticing how like last time, he had not left the place he had been in when the book vanished.

        “Where’s Twilight?” Button asked, not seeing the librarian anywhere.

        “Oh… she’s in... a better place now.”

        “Wait… she’s d-dead?!”Button asked, backing away from the crazy murderou-

“Hey, don’t you go thinking stuff that’s not true… or that I just don’t feel like writing,” Author snapped, pointing an accusing finger at Button. “And no! She’s not dead! She’s upstairs… jeez you kill one person and suddenly you’re a criminal!” Author exclaimed, throwing his arms up into the air.

        “Well… where’s Spike?”

        “Oh? Well, who cares? I didn’t include him!” Author said.

        “C-can you take me Twilight please?” Button was starting to fear this strange… thing. For once, he wanted to be with an adult. Or at least a pony.

        “Sure,” Author said, the odd smile appearing on his face again. “Follow me.” He lead Button up the stairs and into a small loft, with Twilight laying on the bed, eyes slowly opening and widening a large amount when she saw Author.

“What is that!?” Twilight cried, pushing herself away from Author as they climbed the stairs to where she lay.

“Twilight, relax,” Button said. “Twilight, meet Author. Author, meet Twilight.” Twilight looked at Author strangely.

        “What do you mean? Is his name “Author”? What a silly name.”

        “You’re one to talk Twilight Sparkle,” Author retorted. “But unlike you, my name has a purpose. Well, really, I call myself Author because I am the author.”

        “Author of what?” Twilight asked, a single eyebrow raised in question.

        “Why, author of this terrible story, of course!” he said it like it was obvious, or as if he was stating the weather.

        “W-what!?” Twilight screeched. “That makes no sense! Who are you, Pinkie? What story? This is real life!”

        “Oh-ho-ho,” Author said, chuckling. “Oh on the contrary, Twilight.” With a snapping sound, the entire room disappeared, and they were suddenly floating in nothingness.

With another snap, they were back in Twilight’s room.

“Still not enough to convince me,” Twilight said, pouting her lips.

Author sighed. “Okay… Button, this might hurt,” he said, raising that metal thing Button had seen him use before. There was a bang as the thing went off.

And then there was nothing. Again.

Author looked at Twilight’s expression. Whatever emotion it was, he was too lazy to describe the amount of horror and fear displayed on her face. “What did you just do!?” she screamed. Her horn began to glow.

Author started when her magic had no effect. “Why isn’t my magic working on you!?” she yelled at him.

“Because I won’t let it,” he explained simply. “And no need to get so riled up,” he snapped his fingers, and Button was once again beside him.

“AH!” Button yelled, jumping away from Author and tumbling over the bed to Twilight. “Can we leave... or you leave? Please?” Button begged.

“Noooope,” Author said, trying his best to impersonate Big Macintosh - failing horribly, he might add.

“Whhhy?” Button whined.

“Because, I need you guys to develop a story.”

“But… What kind of story only has two characters?” Twilight asked. “What about if you brought my five other friends? Ohh, and what if you came up with an interesting and mysterious protagonist?” Twilight was getting herself worked up now. “...And then you could develop and add side and supporting characters! With subplots and a giant twist-”

“WHOA, whoa, whoa!” Author yelled, waving his hands side-to-side. “Twilight… Pheww, you got me scared there. I’m trying to make a story with the least work possible! Not make an actual story!”

“Well then, you’re a bad author, Author,” Button said, rolling his eyes.

“I am not!” Author stated, crossing his arms and tilting his head slightly so his right eye could slide and look at Button.

“Okay!” Twilight said. She was obviously tired of all the antics. “Well, it was nice meeting you Author, but I think it’s about time Button and I left.”

“Ohhh,” Author said, nodding. His guest’s faces became hopeful. “NO!” and their expressions dropped.

“Oh come on!” Button said. “I’ve got to get back! Mom was just about to give me back my Joyboy!”

“First of all,” Author started, raising a single finger. “No, she wasn’t. I have planned for you not to get your joyboy back until this is all over. And secondly,” he held up another finger in count. “I’m not letting you out until I fight the antagonist.”

“Well, when does he show up?” Twilight asked. “I assume from your writing so far that he will be generic and boring.

“No. Well… I hope not… As for when he should be arriving any second now… any… second…”No one said anything as Author continued to repeat the same two words a few more times. Then: “Oh. I forgot!”

“What?” both Twilight and Button asked, bored.

“I forgot to introduce the antagonist!” In response, the ponies facehoofed.

The narrator stumbled out of the hospital, amazed that he was alive.

How doctors could save an - incredibly handsome - man from death when he had been shot clean in the head, he’d never know.

But he was alive.

It was time for…

He paused in his mental narration for dramatic effect…

Revenge.

He hailed the nearest taxi, and stepped inside. “Where can I take ya?” the cabbie asked.

“Equestria?” the cabbie looked like he had asked something impossible.

“Nope, get out.”

“You will take me to Equestria,” Narrator said, speaking in bold to get his point across.

“NO!”

“Ah, I see you are one with the bold.”

“Yes, I trained for many months under Master Baiter.”

Narrator gasped: that guy had been a complete jerk-off. But then he realized something. Hmmm… he thought; vital information for the readers to know.

Summoning his narrator powers, he narrated with all his might: The taxi could go to Equestria. “There, now take to Equestria!”

“Hmh, fine.” the cabbie said. And then the taxi disappeared in a flash of white light.

--Wait that’s all the time I get!?

Yes!

        Author stared out the window expectantly. Twilight and Button had each fallen asleep. Well, he had forcibly put them to sleep because they wouldn’t stop complaining and whining about how they would never see their family and friends again, and how they were trapped with a psychopath human-thing.

Well, screw them, he thought as he saw two small lights appear on the horizon of Ponyville.

        It was time.

        “He has arrived,” Author said, not using conjunctions to make it more dramatic, as well as waking up the two ponies in the process.

        “Huh?” Button asked drowsily. “Finally! Let’s get this over with!” Twilight groaned as she stepped off the bed.

        “Holy Celestia, can you write and slower?”

        “Why,

        yes,

        I-”

        “Stop it!”

        “Fine…” Author said as he ran out of the loft and jumped down the stairs, not hurting himself in the slightest. Because he was - you get it by now.

        The ponies following behind, Author walked through the door.

        As he walked through the doorway, he acquired sunglasses, even though it partially cloudy. The most intense weather for fighting one’s archnemesis.

        Author walked into the town square,where the taxi was waiting. “Thank you, sir,” he heard the Narrator say. Then: “Wait, what about the pay? You owe-” the cabbie’s voice went silent as the Narrator put a bullet in his head.

        “Just like you, Narrator,” Author said.

“Please, you didn’t care about him. Now then, Yank. Let’s see how you fight!” \

And with that, he charged at Author.