Surviving in a Strange Two Legged World

Chapters

2 - The Man in the Daemon-Carriage
3 - Explosions and Breakfast
4 - Cougars Find Rarity Irresistible
5 - Pork is Good, but Beef is Better
6 - Insulting Random Strangers
8 - Death by Cupcake
9 - Assateague Island
10- Applejack's Mistake
11- Those Are Not Handles, Rainbow Dash!
12- Humans Suck
13- Equites Ex Machina
14- Where a Bunch of People Visit Applejack
15- The Worst Marketing Decision Ever
1 - Twilight's in trouble!
7 - Two Girls, One Cup Size

2 - The Man in the Daemon-Carriage

Applejack stumbled over, coughing. That was one of the most intense experiences she had ever been through. That compressed feeling, the lights, the spinning. She felt slightly nauseous. Her head was aching. She raised her fore hoof to her head.

Wait…

What the hay was wrong with her hooves!

“Holy buck!” shouted a voice beside her.

Applejack looked over at Rainbow Dash and nearly screamed. They had all heard Twilight talk about the ‘hu-manes’, of course, but nothing could prepare her for how ugly they were.

Rainbow Dash ran her hands over her head, breathing rapidly. After a moment, she looked over at Applejack, who was still in a state of shock.

“Oh my gosh, Applejack…”

“That bad, huh?” Applejack croaked out with a feeble attempt at a smile.

“You look so weird. I can kind of see some resemblance, but your face is all weird, and your fur is gone.”

They spent a moment staring down at themselves in silence. After the initial shock of their transformation had worn off, they looked up to observe the world they had landed in. It was dark, with only the light of the full moon above them and street lanterns to see by. The buildings around them were well packed like Ponyville, but they were made of stone and didn’t have the same warm feel of their thatched-roof home village. Directly ahead of them was a large brick building Applejack took to be the school Spike mentioned.

“Ah don’t reckon that school’ll be open. Where should we go right now?”

Rainbow looked around and ‘stood up’ on all fours.

“I’ll go up and get a pegasus eye view of everything. I’ll let you know what I see.”

Rainbow Dash sprang forward with her legs as if to take off, but instead just landed face first in the dirt a few feet ahead of her.

“Uhh… sugarcube? Y’all don’ have your wings.”

“What!?”

Rainbow Dash started hyperventilating much like Twilight had done when she realized she would have to complete her task without magic. Very abruptly, Dash let out a loud angry groan and ripped her shirt off. The sudden action took Applejack by surprise.

“Rainbow! What are y’all doin’?”

“This world sucks, Applejack. I’m not going around here like some prissy Rarity clone. I don't give a crap about fashion right now. I’m getting rid of these damn clothes and I’m knocking on every door I see until we find someone who knows where Twilight is. Then we’re getting the hay out of here.”

Applejack sighed, “Whatever you want, sugar. It’s a little cold out, so I’m gonna keep mine on.”

Rainbow ripped off her shoes and pants and started stuffing them angrily into her bag. Applejack watched her with mild interest. These hairless bodies were so interesting. Rainbow stripped off her panties and bra and shoved them in as well. She got back on all fours, with only her feet and hands touching the ground. Applejack started feeling a very strange feeling in her gut when looking at Rainbow’s naked form.

“Rainbow? Didn’t Spike say they walked on their hind legs in this place?”

"What, and fall over constantly? Even you should be smart enough to know something standing tall on narrow hooves isn't steady."

"Well, Ah'm gonna try it anyhow. Ah don't want everypony around here thinking Ah'm some weirdo."

Applejack steadied herself against the statue behind them and struggled to her feet. Rainbow tried to follow suit, but ended up losing her balance and falling down on all fours again.

“Oh for Pete’s sake... Screw it. If these morons want to walk around losing their balance all the time, then that’s their stupid choice. I’m walking like a sensible pony.”

Applejack stepped slowly away from the statue, trying her best to stay upright. It wasn’t easy. For some reason, she kept looking over at Rainbow’s tailless plot sticking in the air. There was something endearing about it. It was flat compared to a pony, and yet slightly rounded. Rainbow’s odd position caused her to be spread out in strange way, spreading her plot and showing off…

Applejack, that’s gross! Get ahold of yourself!

She shook her head. The last thing she needed was to get distracted by Rainbow’s body, as foreign and intriguing as it was. Maybe this is why humans walked on two legs, so they didn't go around staring at each others sex's all the time.

“You coming or what?” asked Rainbow brashly from beneath her.

“Yeah. It’s just… tricky, is all. Lead the way.”

Rainbow Dash did a reverse crab walk toward the nearest row of houses. Applejack stumbled along behind her on two legs, falling occasionally. The building they came to first was a brick townhouse. Rainbow crawled up the stairs, turned around, and kicked the door with her legs. Applejack stayed at the bottom of the stairs, not trusting herself to walk up steps quite yet.

After a few moments, a man opened the door, looking out straight ahead. He started looking down, first noticing Applejack.

“Can I help you?”

“Yeah, you can help us!” shouted Rainbow Dash at his feet, “Twilight Sparkle. You know her or what?”

“Dear lord!”

The man slammed the door shut in panic after witnessing the naked teenage girl on all fours at his feet.

“Hey! Get back out here!”

“Don’t bother, Rainbow. He probably was just weirded out by seeing a human walking around on all fours like a pony.”

“Whatever. Let’s go to the next house.”

Rainbow carefully made her way down the stairs. She walked beside Applejack as they went next door.

“Ya know, that doesn’ look very comfortable.”

“To be honest, it’s not. My fore legs are all tiny. It’s making my flank rise way up.”

Applejack gulped and rubbed the back of her head.

“Yeah, Ah… Ah noticed. Heh.”

“You better knock this time. Ponies in this world are just plain weird.”

“Alrighty.”

Applejack struggled up the stairs of the next townhouse, gripping the handrail like her last life line. With some slight trepidation, she knocked on the door. After a moment, a young girl with lavender striped hair answered.

“Uhm… hi. Are your parents home?”

“Ugh. Dad! Someone at the door!”

After a minute, a man appeared in the door frame.

"Yes?"

“H-hi. Mah name is Applejack. We were wonderin’ if y’all seen a friend a ours.”

“Applejack?” the man questioned, “The one who works on the farm?”

Applejack started. She wasn’t expecting this.

“Uhm, no. I think y’all are mistakin’ me for somepony else…”

The man raised his eyebrows.

“Are you sure? The… Wait - ‘somepony’?”

At this point, Rainbow Dash had had just about enough. She was already freaked out about not having her wings, her back hurt, she wanted to go home, and everypony in this world was just outright strange. She crawled up the steps as fast as she could.

“Alright, look! Just tell us where Twilight Sparkle is already!”

“Uhm… why are you naked?”

“What does it matter to you, huh?! You want to fight about it, or you going to tell us where Twilight is?”

“Filthy!” called a female voice from inside the house, “Who is it?”

The man called Filthy blushed, “No one, dear. I’ll be there in a second!”

The man looked at Rainbow with a gleam in his eye.

“I’ll give you three hundred bucks if you come back in two hours just like that. Here, take a hundred now. Just be here, I mean it.”

“Huh?”

Filthy handed Rainbow Dash a hundred dollar bill and looked her over one more time before shutting the door. Rainbow let out a loud groan of anger and slumped down on the steps.

“Did you hear that guy?! He didn’t even answer our question, then he started cursing at us! Then he hands me a stupid piece of paper that doesn’t even say anything on it,” she sighed and threw the bill on the ground, “Applejack, I just want to go home.”

Applejack was about to reach out and hold her friend, but thought better of it. She wasn’t really sure what those feelings were that she had earlier, but it wasn’t something she wanted to think about right now.

“Come on, sugarcube. Ah know it can be off-puttin’ bein’ trapped like this. But Ah’m here too, after all. It could be worse.”

“Sounds big for you to say, but you didn’t lose your wings!”

“Now Ah didn’t think that wings were all the great Rainbow Dash was about,” Applejack said with a wry smile, “Why, the Rainbow Dash Ah know woulda never been like this. The Rainbow Dash Ah know wasn’ scared of nothin’.”

Rainbow looked up.

“You know? You’re right. I was letting my fears get the best of me. Twilight’s counting on us. Come on! Rainbow Dash and her faithful assistant are off to the rescue!”

“Excuse me?”

Applejack was about to complain bitterly about being relegated to the ‘assistant’ category when she heard a horrific noise pierce her eardrums. She and Rainbow Dash covered their ears instinctively. It was the most earsplitting and unnatural noise she ever heard, like a battle cry erupting from a thousand falcons.

“What the hay is that noise?!”

“Shoot, Applejack! I think it’s headed for us!”

Sure enough, a fast moving horseless dragon-carriage on wheels was barreling down the road right toward them. Overcome by fear, the girls attempted to run. However, all they managed to do was fall down the stairs painfully onto their dangly human limbs. Applejack looked up in fear at the approaching horror. Lanterns attached to the front beamed a light as bright as the sun into their faces. On top of it unnatural red and blue lights spun around in place, basking the entire area with its unholy light. The pony-girls were frozen in place with fear. To their surprise, a man in a black uniform stepped from the carriage, a small stick-lantern in his hand.

“What’s going on here?” he asked.

Applejack wanted to say something, anything, to make the man go away. But to be fair, she had no idea what he wanted. Celestia knows what terrible things he might do.

“A little too much partying, huh?” he asked with a smile, “You ladies come from that Halloween party over on Adams
Street?”

“Party?”

“Yeah, I must have come across a dozen kids tonight, drunk off their ass. Although I can’t say any of them were naked…”

“What’s the big deal?” Dash demanded angrily, "Why is everypony so obsessed that I'm not wearing clothes?!"

“Wow, you are drunk, aren’t you? You got any clothes in that backpack of yours?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Ok, I’m going to take the backpack and get your clothes out of it, okay?”

“I can get them out just fine by myself, thanks!”

Applejack could have facehoofed right there. This is not the time to get belligerent, Rainbow Dash! Just shut up and do what he says, maybe he’ll go away.

“Sorry, but I don’t know what else you might have in there. I’ve got to go through it first. Are you going to hand it to me or are we going to have to do this the hard way?”

“I guess we’re going to do it the hard way, then!” she yelled, raising her fists.

The man rolled his eyes and grabbed a spray can from his belt and sprayed it on Rainbow’s face. She blinked painfully for a moment, and then dropped to the ground screaming. Chills ran through Applejack’s body. They were being attacked. The man grabbed Rainbow Dash, pulled her backpack off and locked her with handcuffs.

“Help! Somepony help us! Rape!”

“God damn it, I’m a cop!” the man groaned, “What is with you kids?”

The man grabbed Applejack and with one swift motion, cuffed her hands behind her back. As much as struggled, she couldn’t get out of them. The man left her there, went to the vehicle, and started talking into a little black box.

“This is car 6 at the 3-1-1 on Maiar Avenue. Suspect in custody. One suspect is nude; request a female officer to assist.”

“10-4,” the box told him.

The man took Applejack and Rainbow’s bags and set them on the hood of his vehicle. He pulled out all of Dash’s clothes from her bag. He started searching deeper…

“Holy shit!”

One by one, he started pulling out bottle after bottle of vodka. All in all, he found nine bottles of alcohol in her bag.

“How… how the hell did you fit all this in here?”

He grabbed a bottle and examined it.

“Pride of Canterlot. By appointment to her majesty the princess Celestia,” he read, “I’ve never heard of this brand before. Where did you get it?”

“Pinkie Pie,” choked out Rainbow Dash through the pepper spray.

The officer laughed, “Pinkie Pie, huh? I should have suspected. I think she’s been at every underage party I’ve ever busted in this town. Why, the last time I arrested her she gave me a beer and asked me to play pin the tail on the donkey!”

***

A dark figure crept through the streets. It had seen the two exit the portal. So, it had been right all along. There was some sort of connection between this pony-world portal and the full moon. Time was running out.

The figure moved swiftly toward the statue on the schoolyard. It looked back briefly at the world of man. A world it would never see again. Good riddance. The figure slipped through just as the portal closed for another thirty moons.

***

“This is such a bucking load!” shouted Rainbow Dash to no one in particular. Applejack groaned. She had been at this for an hour.

The two sat in an empty holding cell in the city police station. After giving the girls breathalyzers and being baffled at the results, the police didn’t have much idea as to what to do. Neither girl had identification on her, or even anything that might give them any clue as to where they lived. They claimed to be of age, but anybody would say the same in a similar situation. In the end, they dropped the alcohol charges and charged them with public indecency and disorderly conduct.

“I’m going to throttle Spike when we get back! Of all the useful advice he could have given us, he didn’t think to say ‘Oh, hey Rainbow, if you don’t wear clothes 24/7 you’ll get thrown in prison’! Not to mention Pinkie Pie! Of all the things to give us, she crams seventeen bottles of vodka in our backpacks!”

"Ya know, Spike also said we should walk on two legs. You didn't listen to that."

Rainbow blushed slightly, "Yeah, well, I'm done with walking like a pony here. Stupid legs are all uneven. It's a real pain in the plot."

“Alright ladies,” said an officer who had appeared outside their cell, “You can go now. You’ve been bailed out.”

“What? By who?”

“We threw out the vodka. You can pick up the rest of your things at the front desk. Let’s go.”

Looking at each other in confusion, Applejack and Rainbow Dash slowly got up and followed the officer to the lobby. Waiting for them there was… No, it couldn’t be…

“Pinkie Pie?” gasped Dash and Applejack together.

“Of course, sillies! Who’d you expect, Principal Celestia?”

The girls retrieved their bags and exited the police station with Pinkie. The morning sun started creeping up over the building on the horizon. Tired eyed denizens of the human world walked slowly to their cars, coffees in hand.

“Uhm… Pinkie? How’d y’all know we were, ya know, arrested?”

“Don’t you remember? I was at your house having dinner when Granny Smith got a call from Filthy Rich. Oh, he was mad, alright. He wanted to know where your ‘friend’ was. Apparently you were supposed to go see him or something. So I hopped on over to talk to him. He said you and your ‘blue friend’ were drunk and he would make you pay or something. I don’t know. So then I came here and bailed you out!”

“How did you know we’d been arrested?”

“Just a hunch. That’s usually where I end up whenever I drink.”

They pony-girls were too shocked by the strange turn of events to even comment on this. It had been a very strange night.

“Well, I better get to the Sugarcube Corner. Don’t want to be late!”

“Wait, Pinkie,” Applejack huffed. Keeping up with her was a chore no matter what world they were in. “Where should we go now?”

Pinkie looked at her with a confused look, “I guess you should go back home, of course.”

“Ya do know we’re not the same pon… people you know, right? We’re like Twilight was when she came.”

Pinkie shrugged, “You look like Applejack to me.”

Rainbow huffed with annoyance, “Look, can you just tell her where she lives?”

“Over that way!”

With that, Pinkie Pie disappeared. Applejack sighed. It was about time she paid herself a visit.

3 - Explosions and Breakfast

Spike sat on the large bed upon which Twilight was currently unconscious. It had been a half a day since Applejack and Rainbow Dash disappeared into the portal. Rarity had come in and had a talk with Spike concerning all that had been discussed and transpired. It made him happy that there was a possible solution, but the diminished chances of the plan's success plagued his mind. In truth, it bothered everypony that was privy to the details, but it seemed to be an unspoken rule that nopony mention the pessimistic aspects of it. Princess Celestia had insisted on swearing all those involved to secrecy, making any discussion about it near impossible.

Spike sighed as he put down the book he was trying to read. He hadn’t thought ahead to bring anything to do, since he had anticipated on spending the entirety of his time helping Twilight with the cataloging of the hidden storeroom. It was one of Twilight’s books which concerned the history of enchanting practices of the Dark Age. He wasn’t really reading it as much as scanning the lines of print with his eyes, taking in a plethora of useless words in an attempt to calm his mind. It wasn’t working.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you leave this room at all today,” said a female voice from the doorway.

Spike looked up. A nurse pony had entered. She had one of the purest, whitest coats he had ever seen, with a mane the color of the brightest of Sweet Apple Acre’s red delicious apples. She was very beautiful. Okay, maybe not as beautiful as Rarity, but who could top that? She was definitely a close second though.

“I don’t know,” Spike replied with a sigh, “I just don’t feel like doing anything.”

The nurse walked over and began checking Twilight’s pulse.

“I don’t think I’m the only one who could tell you that it’s not healthy. It’s okay to be sad, but if you sit here and obsess over it, it’ll drive you crazy.”

The nurse looked right into Spike’s eyes and smiled. He felt his heart give a slight flutter.

“Yeah…” he replied, temporarily tongue-tied.

“My name is Carmine Quartz. I take it you’re Spike?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Everypony in the Crystal Empire knows who you are, Spike,” she laughed, “You really didn’t think we’d forget the baby dragon that saved us from slavery, did you?”

“That was mostly Twilight. I only brought the crystal heart she found to Princess Cadence. I didn’t really do much.”

“Nonsense. What you did was outright heroic, and the crystal ponies honor their heroes. There’s a lot of us who are really grateful. I’m one of them,” she finished with the slightest blush.

Spike blushed in return; Carmine was really pretty. And really nice. And understanding. He watched her with growing interest as she finished recording Twilight’s medical data. He noticed how tenderly she treated Twilight. Truly this pony had a heart as soft as her touch.

“I’ve never seen anything like this in the entire time I’ve studied medicine,” she said, “It’s really is… strange. We haven’t really been told much other than to keep an eye on the patient and call the doctors if something is amiss. This must be some kind of weird weapon to do this to somepony. What is it?”

As she asked, her hoof brushed gently against the handle of the dagger. Spike was hesitant. He wanted to tell this nice mare everything, but he didn’t want to disobey Celestia. She usually had her reasons to make the rules she did even if he couldn’t understand them.

“Princess Celestia doesn’t want anypony knowing about it,” he explained cautiously, “I’m not really supposed to talk about what I know. I want to tell you, I really do, but I can’t.”

“It’s okay,” she replied, rubbing Spike’s head with her hoof affectionately, “I don’t want you to disobey the Princess. How about this? My shift’s about to be over. Why don’t you come with me and we’ll go down to the crystal library and find you something a bit more entertaining to read?”

She said this as she looked down at the book Spike had been staring at for the past two hours. As much as he hated leaving Twilight, she was right. He was going to go crazy like this. Not to mention he hadn’t eaten anything since Twilight was hurt. Maybe going out would help ease his mind a little bit, especially if he was going with this pony.

His stomach suddenly gave a loud gurgling noise, protesting his lack of appetite. Carmine laughed.

“Why don’t we get you some breakfast while we’re out?” she suggested, “It’ll be my treat, although I daresay you could probably eat for free anywhere in the crystal empire once they see that it’s Spike the hero dining there.”

Spike blushed and nodded in agreement. He followed the friendly mare as she left the room to leave the castle.

***

Applejack looked out over the expanse of Sweet Apple Acres. It was almost identical to the place she called home in Equestria. It really was a comforting sight after that last night of chaos. She beckoned to Rainbow Dash as she headed down the dirt road to the farmhouse. Fall was in full swing with the leaves of all the apple trees beginning to turn red and yellow along their fringes.

“Come on, AJ. Let’s hurry up and get down there. I’m tired as a pack mule walking from Manehatten to Los Pegasus. Let’s get in there and get some shuteye already.”

Applejack rolled her eyes, “We all don’t even know these ponie… – people. (Gosh darn it Ah gotta stop that) What makes you think their gonna let some strangers just trot on into their home and pass out in their beds?”

“Well, for one, you’re Applejack. You practically live here already. We’ll just go in, everypony will recognize you, and they’ll just let us…”

“Rainbow! Don’t ya think maybe they’ll be a little startled when another Applejack just waltzes in their house? Ah mean, the other Applejack’ll know about the portal, but nopony who wasn’t there when Twilight came won’t have any clue. Y’all better let me do the talkin’. Ah don’ think you have the… tact for this.”

“Tact! You calling me untactful?! I’ll have you know that I can convince anypony to do anything, anytime!”

“Like how tactful y’all were with that police officer?”

“…Alright, you can talk.”

By this time the girls had reached the Apple family farmhouse. AJ could hear voices coming from the kitchen window (at least, it was a kitchen window at her farmhouse). She took a deep breath and knocked on the door with an awkwardly balled fist. After a moment, the door opened to reveal whom she could only assume to be Big Macintosh.

He started to smile welcomingly as his eyes fell upon Rainbow Dash, but his green eyes widened in alarm and confusion when he noticed the humanized Applejack.

“Ee-what?”

He threw closed the farmhouse door in panic, and the girls outside could here running and shouting inside.

“Well that went over well.”

“Shuddup, Rainbow.”

AJ pressed her ear to the door to hear what they were talking about inside, but it was no use. Besides hearing the hushed tone of harsh whispers, she had no idea what they were doing.

“What do we do now? You want me to knock?”

AJ thought about this. Big Mac hadn’t seemed to be shocked when he saw Dash, so maybe he had assumed that she was this world’s Rainbow Dash that had come for a visit. Maybe it would be easier to have her convince them everything wasn’t amiss. She was about to suggest this, but the door opened a few inches, distracting her.

Standing in the crack of the doorway, a full foot shorter than the pony-girls, was a girl with soft yellow skin and long red curls.

“Look, we don’ want any trouble,” she said, “Ah don’ know what’s goin’ on here, but we know y’all ain’t Applejack. Ah just called her cell, and AJ’s been at the farmer’s market all mornin’. Jus’ go an’ we won’t have to call the police.”

Rainbow Dash was about to respond, but seeing the aggressive look on her face, Applejack cut her off.

“Look, Applebloom… It is Applebloom, right?”

“…Yeah.”

“Ah know this is probably kinda weird, but we really need your help. Rainbow an’ I… we’re in trouble. If y’all would jus’ give us a chance, we can explain everything.”

Applebloom looked hesitant. Before she could respond, Applejack could hear Granny Smith calling at her from inside the house.

“It’s okay, Granny! Ah’ll be there in a minute.”

“Look, Ah don’ know what y’all’s game is,” she continued, “But we don’ want any part of it. Please go.”

Applejack thought quickly for a solution. They needed someone to vouch for them.

“Applebloom,” she pleaded quickly, “If we can talk to Applejack, Ah’m sure we can clear this all up. Just let us have a few words with Applejack. Where is she?”

Applebloom thought for a minute, and then took out a small black rectangle from her pocket. She pressed on the surface of it briefly and handed it to Applejack.

“What the hay is this?” demanded Rainbow, “We asked you where to find Applejack! Why’d you give us this thing?”

“Hello?” spoke a barely audible voice. It seemed to be coming out of the box in AJ’s hand. She held it tentatively up to her face. On the surface of it were the words “Applejack – 0:05” and a picture of the human Applejack.

“Uhh… Hi?” responded AJ with uncertainty. She didn’t know quite what to do, so she held the phone in a position where she could both see the picture of her doppelganger and have half the phone to her ear at the same time.

“Who is this?” demanded the voice in the box in a familiar voice, “What’re y’all doin’ with mah sister’s phone?”

“This may seem weird but…” Applejack started, still staring at the picture.

“Ah can’t hear y’all. Speak up!”

Applebloom sighed impatiently. She grabbed the phone and shoved it onto Applejack’s face in the correct position.

“An’ Ah though we were behind the times…” she muttered.

“Uh… Applejack? This may seem weird,” explained the pony AJ, “But this is, uhm… Applejack. Ah need your help.”

The phone was quite for a moment.

“Is this some kind of joke?” the human AJ responded.

“No, listen. Do y’all remember ‘bout a year ago when a girl called Twilight came through a portal by your school?”

“…Yeah?”

“Well, she’s in trouble, and we could really use your help. Ya see, apparently there’s a copy of everypon… - everyone on both sides of the portal, and Ah guess… Ah guess Ah’m your copy. Twilight’s in a whole heap of trouble. We really need to talk to you.”

The phone was silent for a few moments. AJ’s heart sank. Ah guess she didn’t believe me…Suddenly, she got a response.

“Ah’m not sayin’ Ah believe you, but if Twilight really is in trouble, then Ah’ll help. Y’all just stay right where ya are. Ah’m gonna close up shop here and Ah’ll be down there lickity-split. Give the phone back ta Applebloom.”

She did as she was told.

“Yeah… Really?... Well what do Ah do until then?... You sure?... Alright, bye…”

Applebloom put the phone back in her pocket and pointed to a swinging bench on the porch.

“Applejack says y’all can sit there until she gets here. Ah’m gonna head on back inside. Jus’ sit still until she gets here, an’ don’ try anything funny.”

The two girls sat down on the bench. Applebloom eyed them suspiciously as she backed away toward the door, never turning her back to them. Quick as lighting, she ducked back inside then slammed the door.

“Nice people,” Rainbow commented sarcastically.

“Now don’t be that way, Rainbow Dash. If they’re anything like the Apples in Ponyville, then you won’t find friendlier folk. They’re just protective of their kin is all. In all honesty, Ah probably woulda done the same thing if some weird Applejack copycat appeared on mah doorstep outta the blue. Ah’m sure when we talk to Applejack, we’ll get this all cleared up and they’ll be able to tell us how to find the other Twilight.”

“Yeah, I guess…”

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, the chilly autumn air making them more and more uncomfortable as time went on. Applejack just wished the portal would have been decent enough to give her a jacket. She looked over at Rainbow Dash. She was a lot skinnier, so AJ was sure that she would be absolutely shivering by now, but that was not the case. She simply looked bored and annoyed.

“Y’all ain’t cold?”

“Nah, I’m good. I’m used to flying at high altitudes through wet clouds all day. I don’t get cold that easily.”

“Yeah, well I’m not. The least they could go is give us a blanket or somethin’.”

“Just try to think about something else. What was up with that weird box thingy Applebloom had?”

“Ah honestly have no idea. Although to be honest, Ah remember that police officer talking into a box earlier. It’s just all too much to take in at once.”

“Yeah, the sooner we get out of here the better,” Rainbow Dash agreed, “I’m just going to go ahead and contribute everything I don’t understand to pure bucking magic. That’s what works in Equestria.”

“Yeah, Ah guess. Maybe Applejack can explain it.”

“Doesn’t it get weird referring to her like that?”

“Like what, sugarcube?”

“You know, calling her Applejack?”

Applejack smiled, “It sure does. Ah expect everything’s jus’ gonna get more confusin’ from here on out.”

***

“How do you think Applejack and Rainbow Dash are doing?” asked Fluttershy.

“I’m sure they’re doing just swimmingly, my dear,” responded Rarity, “In hindsight, I think we picked correctly when we sent them. When it comes to thinking with a clear head, there’s no better among us than Applejack. And there is no braver pony in Equestria than our very own Rainbow Dash.”

“I sure hope they find the other Twilight soon!” said Pinkie happily, “I bet they will! I better start getting a party planned, just in case they come back soon. In fact, when Twilight wakes up, I’m going to throw the biggest party I’ve ever had! I’m going to invite Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor and Princess Celestia and Princess Luna and Zecora and Lyra and Bon Bon and Derpy and Braeburn and Background Pony #11 and…”

“Ok, dear,” interjected Rarity wearily, “I think we get the idea.”

Pinkie Pie made a motion as if she were zipping up her lips and sat quietly staring at Rarity. Rarity, in turn, did her best to ignore her. Fluttershy giggled slightly. It was never boring around Pinkie Pie.

The three mares sat back in their seats on the train. They had boarded a few hours previous on the ten o’clock train back to Canterlot station. Fluttershy sighed as she stared out the window. The scenery on this ride was always so pretty. She sometimes thought that she would ride the train just to watch the scenery go by. Rarity could usually keep herself entertained by gossiping or drawing more fashion designs, but Pinkie Pie could never sit still for long on such rides. Doing nothing was never one of her strong suits.

Rarity did her best to not pay attention to Pinkie staring at her, but it soon ground down her nerves. She needed a distraction.

“Speaking of Lyra Heartstrings,” she started, “Have either of you girls noticed how often she’s been over at Twilight’s house socializing? I haven’t really asked Twilight about it. A lady never asked about what isn’t her business, after all. I just hope they aren’t doing anything… uncivilized in there. Do you think…?”

“I think it’s cute…” Fluttershy asserted quietly. Rarity looked at her with a raised eyebrow, but did not press the issue.

“They’re not having sex, if that’s what you mean,” said Pinkie. Rarity flinched at the word ‘sex’.

“Then what are they doing?”

“Lyra is talking with Twilight about the world beyond the mirror. It’s like some kind of obsession of hers.”

“And how do you know that, dear?” asked Rarity curiously.

Pinkie smiled, “Oh, I have my ways…”

Rarity opened to mouth to ask what these ways were, but thought better of it.

“So, Fluttershy, what do…”

BANG!

The train rocked violently, shaking the girls out of their seats. Looking around, Fluttershy could see the other passengers were… wait, where were the other passengers? She usually kept to herself, so she didn’t even notice how weird it was that they were the only ones on that train car. Rarity waved down the attendant at the head of the car.

“I beg your pardon, sir, but can you tell us what the hay just happened?”

“We’re about to enter the Galloping Gorge, ma’am,” he responded in a bored voice, “There was probably a rock that rolled onto the track.”

“That was unlike any rock I’ve ever experienced…”

“What about Tom?” Pinkie interjected.

“Would you mind checking with the conductor?” continued Rarity, ignoring her, “I have a lot of orders I need to complete, so I really can’t afford to be delayed.”

The attendant rolled his eyes and swore under his breath. He walked lazily to the front car. With an annoyed glance behind him, he opened the door that connected the car they were in to the car in front of them. He was about to walk out and into the next car when he let out an audible cry.

They had been disconnected with the rest of the train!

“Hey!” he called back to the three mares behind him, “Did you…”

A pair of hooves grabbed him! He looked up in horror to see the shape of a dark robed stallion that had suddenly appeared in the open doorway. The stallion pulled at him with incredible might and flung him out of the moving train car onto to ground below.

By now the three mares had realized what was going on. They looked up in horror at the robed pony. He had a dark grey coat underneath his black robe, and on his head rested a dark brown fedora. He wasted no time, galloping up to the Ponyville ponies.

“If you don’t do as I say right now, you will die,” he stated in a gruff voice, “Follow me, quickly. Keep your heads down.”

The mares looked at each other questioningly. Rarity could feel that there was something not quite right with this stallion. As she opened her mouth to ask him a follow-up question, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie did as he said and followed him to the rear of the train car. Rarity groaned and followed suit. If they get us killed, I’m never forgiving them.

The stallion pushed open the door of the car with much effort. Even though the train was slowing down, the ground still sped along below them with alarming speed.

“Jump!” shouted the stallion.

Pinkie Pie jumped without another word. She formed a perfect cannonball in the air and giggled and she hit the ground rolling. Rarity looked with some fright below her. Under normal circumstances, she would have never attempted something so hazardous to her perfectly styled mane, but concern for her friends overrode these vapid concerns. She took a deep breath and jumped in a graceful arc.

“Go! Jump!” shouted the stallion at Fluttershy.

Fluttershy looked down at the ground below her and emitted a soft meep. She closed her eyes. The ground was moving so fast.

“Come on, move!”

“I… eek…can’t.”

The stallion groaned and grabbed a hold of Fluttershy. With a great thrust from his back legs, he threw both of them from the moving train. He rolled gracefully upon the ground, yet Fluttershy scrapped painfully upon the dirt and wooden tracks beneath her, coming to a very painful halt. Rarity and Pinkie galloped up to them, concern on their faces. Blood leaked out onto the desert floor beneath them as Fluttershy grasped at the severe scrapes on her body. Rarity had had enough – she wanted answers.

“Now can you tell us what…”

BOOOOMM! The train car they had just been on not seconds before burst in a hail of fire and shrapnel!

***

Applejack and Rainbow Dash had fallen asleep on the swinging bench upon which they had been seated. After all, they hadn’t slept since the night before Twilight was put in a coma. They had been able to stay awake while they had been moving, or when they were waiting nervously in the holding cell, but sitting still on the bench rocking back and forth became more than they could take. It had been especially hard on Rainbow Dash; she was used to working hard followed by napping hard. This had been the longest day she thinks she’d ever had.

Applejack stirred slowly out of deep sleep to a faint rumbling sound. Opening her eyes, she saw a rusty old carriage making its way down the dirt road toward the farmhouse. It was kind of like the one the police officer used, but larger with a bed in the back that was currently full of apples. The door on the right side swung open and out stepped someone who was very familiar to Applejack.

She looked almost exactly as AJ did. Blue jeans, white work shirt, brown Stetson, hair tied together at the end. The only difference was that this Applejack wore a dusty brown bomber jacket on top. She looked curiously at the two girls sitting at the porch and smiled in bemusement.

“So you’re the crazy, drunken Applejack Ah been hearin’ so much about?” she asked lightheartedly as she stepped up onto the porch.

Pony-AJ looked at her curiously, “Whatta y’all mean?”

“Well Granny Smith got a call that Ah was drunk and engaged in all sorts of debauchery last night. Lucky for me Ah was sittin’ at the table at the time or Ah might've got chewed out somethin' fierce. We all had assumed Filthy Rich mistook me for someone else, but Pinkie ran off like a crazy person after that.”

“Now that you mention it, Pinkie did tell us that. She bailed us outta jail this mornin’.”

“Jail? Now what where y’all doin’ runnin’ around drunk ruinin’ mah good name for?”

Pony-AJ looked down at Rainbow Dash. She was still sleeping even through the whole conversation.

“Uhm, well, ya see… we weren’t exactly drunk. Rainbow Dash was… well… she was naked.”

Human-AJ looked at her with disbelief, “Now what were y’all doin’ runnin’ around naked for?”

“Ah wasn’t naked, just Dash,” Pony-AJ blushed, “Ya see, where we come from, most of the time ya don’ really wear clothes. Nobody really told us that.”

Human-AJ threw back her head and laughed a loud, hearty laugh. She walked up and sat on the wicker chair sitting next to the swinging bench.

“Ya know, Ah wasn’t really sure whether y’all was tellin’ the truth to begin with, but nobody can make up a tale like that one. Besides,” she said, staring at Pony-AJ, “Ah’ve never seen anything quite like this. If Twilight hadn’t appeared last year, Ah would probably have gone in and yelled at Granny Smith for not tellin’ me about mah long lost twin.”

Pony-AJ let out a sigh of relief. She could feel that Applejack would be willing to help them.

“You’re lucky, ya know?” continued Human-AJ, “Ah might’ve throttled ya right here myself if Ah found out y’all was runnin' around showin’ off mah goods around town. Though Ah must say, Ah’m kinda sorry Ah missed the show…”

She looked over at the sleeping Rainbow Dash with a strange look in her eye. Maybe it was because she was so similiar, but Pony-AJ knew exactly what she was thinking. She looked at her with shock. What? Human Applejack is…?

“Wait a second…” said Pony-AJ, her eyes wide with disbelief, “Are y’all tellin’ me you’re a… fillyfooler?”

The other Applejack raised an eyebrow.

“If y’all are callin’ me a lesbian, and I’m assumin’ that’s what y’all are sayin’, then no. Ah don’t get out much, alright? Ah work hard, Ah do my share for both the farm and mah family. Ah don’ really have time for romance or any of that stuff. A girl can crush on who she wants, when she sees who she wants, ya know what Ah mean?”

Pony-AJ thought about this. True, like the human version of herself, she didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about love. When she was a filly going to school, there was a colt or two that she crushed on, but there’s never been anypony she’s ever thought of as more than that.

“Then why did y’all say that about Rainbow?”

“Didn’t ya hear me? Ah said Ah like who Ah like. Your Rainbow Dash ain’t the only one in town, ya know. It’s kind of hard to explain… Look, we can talk about this later if you really want. Ah like Rainbow Dash, just not this Rainbow Dash. Damn, that sounds strange to say.”

“Applejack,” Pony-AJ responded with a smile, “This is all strange.”

“Tell me about it. Ya have no idea how odd it feels lookin’ at you right now. It’s kinda weirdin’ me out, actually. Anyway, Ah bet y’all are starved. How ‘bout ya wake up your sleepin’ buddy there and we all get some good old fashioned country breakfast?”

“That sounds awesome.”

Both Applejacks looked down at the figure on the bench. Rainbow Dash lay in the same position she had been, but with one eye cracked slyly open. She slowly sat upright and stretch out her arms above her head.

“Uhh… Were you listening to our whole conversation? How long’ve you been up?” asked Human-AJ nervously.

“Since you mentioned food. What are we waiting for? Let’s go get some grub.”

Rainbow Dash jumped off the bench and led the two other girls inside the house as if she lived there. Pony-AJ looked at her counterpart trying to wordlessly convey apology. She got a smile in return, and she knew exactly what that meant – Rainbow Dash is Rainbow Dash, no matter what world she was in.

Sitting on the furniture in the living room was the rest of the Apple family. They all looked up with trepidation at the two Applejacks entering their home. Before any of them could say anything, however, Human-AJ explained.

“Now Ah know what y’all are thinking, and Ah understand. It’s outright freaky having two of us here, but Ah’m telling you right now, there’s a good reason. However, right now they’re our guests and we’re gonna give ‘em a taste of Apple family hospitality. What say y’all help me cook up a real country breakfast?”

“I don’t know if I’m goin’ crazy or senile, but I’m not about to let anybody go hungry in my house. But I do expect an explanation later,” agreed Granny Smith proudly as she shuffled off into the kitchen.

“Applebloom, why don’t y’all keep our guests company while Big Mac here cooks up his famous apple flapjacks?”

“Eeyup.”

Big Mac followed Granny Smith into the kitchen as the younger girl grunted without commitment. Human-AJ, not seeming to noticed, went to help the rest of her family in the kitchen. A period of unpleasant silence followed with only the sounds of cookware rattling in the kitchen to break the din. Applejack and Rainbow Dash sat on the couch across from Applebloom, who was trying her best to avoid their gaze. The sheer level of discomfort eventually became too much for Applejack, so she thought she’d engage in some pleasant conversation to put the girl at ease that they were just your average, easygoing people.

“So… ya every have trouble with them hand things?” she asked Applebloom pleasantly, “Cause I tell ya, half the time I jus’ stick everything in mah mouth so Ah can actually keep a hold of it.”

“I know, right?” agreed Rainbow Dash, “I mean, first you have to balance on your hind legs, then you can’t even fit anything in your tiny snout. I don’t know how these hu-manes do it.”

“You’re joking, right?” Applebloom responded with a slight sneer.

“What?”

“Are y’all making fun of me?” she asked angrily.

Applejack was taken aback. She was expecting for everyone to be confused, but not hostile. She looked over at Rainbow Dash for some help, but she seemed to be more interested in the smells and sounds coming out of the kitchen.

“Nah, Ah’m not making fun of ya. I’m jus’ tryin’ to be friendly is all.”

“Don’t bother. Ah don’t know whatcha did to make my sister believe you, but Ah know if there’s obvious and suspicious folk about, then there’s probably somethin’ obvious and suspicious goin’ on.”

“Applebloom, Ah can explain…”

“Don’t bother. Just do what you came to do, but Ah’ll be keepin’ an eye on you.”

Applejack stammered, temporarily unable to form words in her head.

“Soups on, everybody!” called a voice from the kitchen. Rainbow Dash jumped from the couch and in one bounding stride dived into a kitchen seat. Applejack was more restrained, but she couldn’t deny how hungry she was, either. Applebloom watched her with suspicion as she sat down at the table next to Rainbow Dash.

“Y’all ain’t gonna join us?” asked Pony-AJ to the human family sitting around her with empty plates.

“Don’ worry about us none, sugarcube,” replied her counterpart, “We ate earlier this morning. It is about ten after all. Jus’ go ahead an’ eat up. You can tell us everything that’s going on afterward.”

Rainbow Dash didn’t even bother listening to the conversation. She was already eyeing her food with a ravenous desire. All her favorites were there, including pancakes and maple syrup, hash browns, toast, apple butter, apple strudel and apple juice. There were two things she didn’t recognize though – a cup of black liquid and thin brown strips. She chose to ignore those and ate like a starving child. AJ wasn’t far behind. They poured syrup greedily onto their pancakes and dunked their toast into the apple butter. Rainbow Dash dove face first into the plate, swallowing the food so fast she barely lifted her head up. Applejack tried to be a little more presentable. She knew that humans typically used their hands for everything, so she figured that would hold true to food as well. She picked up a syrup-laden pancake with her bare hand and took a nervous bite out of it.

“Uhm… y’all ain’t gonna use utensils?” asked Applebloom with a raised eyebrow.

They looked up, Dash's face still in her plate. Applejack blushed slightly and gently sat down her pancake. So that's was what those metal things were for...

“I’m good!” cried Rainbow as she continued gobbling up the food on her plate. Applejack tenuously picked up the knife in her fist and speared a pancake uncertainly. She was suddenly aware of all the people sitting around them watching them.

“Don’t worry about it, y’all,” said Human-AJ, “There’ll be time later to worry about niceties like proper fork use. Just don’ let Rarity see you do that.”

Applejack didn’t need any more convincing. She dropped the knife and finished eating her food along with Rainbow. All except for the strange black drink and brown strips.

“What’s this?” Rainbow asked, poking at the strips with her finger.

“That there’s bacon. Y’all never had bacon in the pony world?”

“Nope,” responded Pony-AJ, “What is it?”

“Jus’ eat it. It’s good.”

She picked up the bacon strip with some trepidation. Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash bit off a small piece. Their reactions couldn’t have been more different.

“This is uh… good,” stated Applejack with a half-hearted smile, “It’s kinda salty, though. And greasy.”

“This. Is. So. Cool!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she downed piece after piece, even finished Applejack’s share. Everyone else in the room looked at her with shock and amusement and she grabbed the drink she hadn’t touched before.

“Is this like bacon too?” she asked. Before anyone could answer her, she downed the whole cup in almost one gulp.

“No, that’s coffee,” Human-AJ responded as Rainbow Dash finished Applejack’s cup too, “Ah wouldn’t drink that much, though. You’ll probably be awake for the next two days with that much.”

Human-AJ and Big Macintosh exchanged looks. After a few moments, Rainbow’s pupil’s contracted and she began shaking uncontrollably in her seat.

“You ok, there, sugarcube?”

“Dear Celestia, this stuff is awesome. I feel like I could buck million clouds in a minute. No, in ten seconds flat. You got any more of this coffee, huh? Do ya? Do ya?”

“Uhm, Ah think y’all had enough,” Human-AJ responded, “Besides, Ah think y’all owe me an explanation about why you’re here and what’s going on with Twilight.”

The rest of the family looked expectantly at the two pony-girls. Applejack sighed. This was going to be a long story.

4 - Cougars Find Rarity Irresistible

The figure cloaked in shadow passed through the mirror on the Equestrian side of the portal. She breathed a sigh of relief – there were no guards or anyone else around. She took a slight step forward but stumbled, falling on all fours. Right, I’m a pony now, she thought to herself.

She started off with trepidation down the crystal hallways of the palace. Something wasn’t right; this wasn’t Canterlot Castle. Had the mirror been moved? This wasn’t going according to plan at all.

She tried the best she could to move through the expansive hallways without making too much noise or running into any guards. She sighed with frustration - she was hopelessly lost. Seeing a large window in the corridor ahead of her, she rushed to it to get an idea of where she was. What she saw didn’t fill her with confidence. Outside was a large, relatively flat land filled with building made out of some kind of crystal. This definitely wasn’t Canterlot. What was more, the window was a good two stories above the ground below. She was going to have to find a flight of stairs.

A faint light and sound of shoed hooves clacking against the floor made her heart rise into her throat. She couldn’t get caught – not now. She started to scurry in the other direction before seeing a guard patrolling on the other side of her as well. Quickly making up her mind and taking a deep breath, she charged at the window, shattering through it and plummeted toward the ground below.

***

Rarity looked around. They were presently located on a dry tundra. The only features in sight were the train tracks upon which they had recently rode and the Galloping Gorge in the distance. It was very similar to the Ghastly Gorge that Rainbow Dash held her silly pet contest, but was infinitely colder and bleaker. The evidence of the northern autumn cold was present all around them – from the biting chill in the air to the grey frost-bitten grass crunching beneath their hooves.

“Where are we?” asked Fluttershy, as if reading her mind.

“Maneitoba,” responded the mysterious stallion as he began to walk off toward the Galloping Gorge. The three mares followed.

“Maneitoba?!” Rarity demanded as she hurriedly trotted up to the stranger, “I don’t think you understand my situation. I have very important orders I need to be working on. I simply cannot afford to waste time in all this… wilderness.”

The stallion turned around briskly and stared straight at Rarity as if he couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

“Look babe, I don’t think you really appreciate what’s happening here. You have no idea how lucky you are. So why don’t you just shut your jaw before I have to clamp a muzzle on it?”

“Humpf… Well I never… Babe?!” Rarity blustered angrily.

Pinkie Pie giggled at her friend as she hopped along the stallion leading them.

“So that was pretty cool how you saved us from an explosion and stuff, huh? So why’d you do it? Who’s after us? Was it that guy you threw under the train?”

The stranger stopped and rubbed his chin with his hoof.

“Huh, I guess I did throw him under the train, didn’t I?” he pondered without interest, “Wasn’t really paying attention at the time. We need to get a move on, though. It’ll be dark in a few hours and we have a lot of ground to cover, so it would be a real blessing if you could keep your yap shut.”

Pinkie was not to be so easily silenced, however.

“So where are we going? Is it a long way?”

The stallion threw his head back in frustration.

“I said SHUT IT!”

Fluttershy and Rarity jumped at the sudden outburst, but Pinkie just smiled happily at him as she continued hopping along. It seemed a minute was a little too long for her however.

“Can’t I ask you one question?” she asked innocently, “Oh wait, I just asked you one. So can I ask two? No, because that was two. Okay, four?”

“If I answer your question, will you shut up?” he responded gruffly.

“Of course!”

“What do you want?”

“What’s your name?”

“Dartmoor Bronc,” responded the stallion, “Now be quiet. The pegasus is bleeding, and this is predator country. I need to pay attention to my surroundings.”

Fluttershy emitted a meek sound at Dartmoor’s mentioning of her. It was true that she had suffered scraps from exiting the moving train in such an ungraceful fashion. Upon being injured, she had thought that she might not be able to walk. However, it seemed that no functional part of her leg was seriously injured. Rarity had generously given her scarf to wrap her injured leg in, but by now it was beginning to bleed through. As the terrain upon which they walked began to slope downward toward the gorge, her injured leg suddenly buckled from pain causing her to fall flat on her face.

“Uhm… excuse me…” she called softly after the three ponies ahead of her. Rarity looked back and saw her helpless friend on the ground.

“Stop!” she called to Pinkie and Dartmoor. Without looking back, he groaned in disgust.

“Did you not just hear me yelling at the filly with the ADHD problem just now? Keep your voice down!”

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Dartmoor,” responded Rarity, putting as much disdain as she could muster into pronouncing his name, “But Fluttershy can’t go on like this. We need to stop.”

The stallion groaned in annoyance as he walked back to them. With a single effortless movement, he hoisted the injured Fluttershy onto his back and walked onward. Rarity was taken aback – she had never seen that kind of strength from anypony before, not even Applejack.

“You coming, sweetheart?” he called back to her, “Or you need me to engrave you an invitation?”

“Oh, I have one right here!” cried Pinkie Pie as she materialized a pink card.

“Don’t call me sweetheart,” demanded Rarity angrily, ignoring Pinkie.

“Whatever…”

“No, you’re going to listen to me,” demanded Rarity angrily as she trotted up to him, “If we’re going to be traveling together, then I’m going to have to set some ground rules. First, I am a lady, and you will address me as such…”

“Absolutely, your highness,” Dartmoor replied snidely, “Maybe next time I should throw you from the train instead…”

“Excuse me? What was that?” demanded Rarity.

“Nothing. How about this ground rule? You shut the hell up and I don’t let any predators eat you. Now if you don’t mind, barring any more interruptions, we need to make it to the gorge. If you’re nice, I’ll explain everything when we get to where we're going.”

Rarity swore under her breath. She was starting to regret jumping from that train.

***

“Well that’s quite a tale…” said Human-AJ as Applejack finished her story. The rest of the Apple family stared at them in a state of disbelief. It was indeed quite a tale, something that those who didn’t personally experience the effects were not wont to believe.

“Wait… so why did Twilight stab herself?” asked Applebloom.

“Well ta be honest, I don’ rightly know. The princess didn’t really explain that part. Ah assumed it had ta be something ta do with that dagger thing… What was it called again? Rainbow Dash?”

Rainbow Dash, however, was busy staring at a bag of coffee beans hungrily.

“Huh?” she said, finally looking up.

“Ah said, what was that dagger thingy called?”

“Right. I think it was… the Killer… no, that’s not right. Oh yeah! The Kīla of Gothmog!”

Rainbow Dash went back to inspecting the bag of coffee. When she thought no one was looking, she carefully opened the bag and removed a bean.

“Yeah, so Ah think that’s what happened,” continued Pony-AJ, “Either way all Ah’m concerned about is getting the human Twilight back to Equestria so she can remove that thing.”

“Ya don’ wanna do that, sugarcube,” said Human-AJ suddenly looking over as Dash, who was about to put a coffee bean in her mouth, “They don’ taste all that great like that and it’ll give ya a stomach ache besides.”

Dash ate it anyway once Human-AJ looked back toward her counterpart.

“Have ya ever considered that maybe that dagger is doin’ more ta Twilight than y’all realize? Ah mean, it already had some sorta control over her mind. How do ya know it hasn’t… affected her some way?”

Applejack shifted in her seat uncomfortably. She hadn’t considered this.

“Ah trust Princess Celestia will know what ta do about that…” she responded eventually, “She always seems ta know what ta do about anything.”

“Then that’s good enough for me,” Human-AJ responded, standing up, “Ah figure there’s about three more days of apples left ta harvest. If y’all will help me out, then we might get ‘er done by evenin’. After that, Ah’ll spend all the time Ah have helpin’ y’all out. That sound fair, Granny Smith?”

Everyone looked toward Granny Smith, who was already asleep.

“It’s alright by me,” Big Mac said, “But it’s gettin’ late. We better get started.”

Everyone followed him out of the farmhouse without another word. When Big Mac spoke, people listened. Even Rainbow Dash didn’t complain about the unpleasant aspect of upcoming work, although she did grab another handful of roasted coffee beans.

Big Mac jumped into the pickup the girls had seen the human Applejack pull up in not two hours earlier. Following her lead, Pony-AJ and Rainbow Dash jumped into back of the truck. Applebloom got into the cab with Big Mac.

“Ah have ta say, Ah’ve never liked ridin’ in these carriage things…” Pony-AJ said nervously.

“But you’ve only done it once,” reminded Rainbow, “And that was after we’d been arrested. You’ve never gotten the chance to.”

Applejack was about to argue when the gears of the truck ground as it set into motion. She gripped onto the side of the truck as the wind started sweeping past her hair. Admittedly, the ride in the police car was unsettling mostly because of the circumstance they were in, not because the ride itself was necessarily unpleasant. But this was a whole different story altogether. She felt so much more exposed out in the bed of the truck watching the trees fly by them. Applejack was an earth pony, meaning the fastest she had ever travelled was when riding on the Friendship Express (which by human vehicle standards, was fairly slow). It didn’t help that they were travelling on a dirt road, complete with rocks, ditches and hills that created a bumpiness that accentuated all the fearful thoughts in her head.

“Woah, this thing is pretty cool!” shouted Rainbow Dash over the wind, “It’s kind of slow, though. I could fly way faster without even trying!”

“That’s ‘cause we’re on a hilly part of the farm right now!” responded Human-AJ, “We’re probably only doin’ about 10 miles an hour. Wait till we get to the smooth section connectin’ the two orchards, then we’ll really fly!”

Applejack didn’t like the sound of that. She was having a hard enough time not screaming as it was. She wanted to protest this planned speed increase, but she was afraid if she tried to talk they’d hit a bump and she’d bite off her small human tongue. Rainbow Dash turned toward her and said something with a huge smile on her face, but all AJ could do was nod with a green tinge. Human-AJ took off her Stetson and sat on it. Without quite understanding why they were doing this, Pony-AJ did the same.

“Alright, Big Mac, hit it!” yelled Human-AJ as she banged on the glass of the truck cab. As if knowing beforehand what she was planning, Big Mac shoved his foot down on the accelerator. Applejack could hear the sound of the old farm truck’s engines rev, and the sudden lurch as they sped up.

“Awesome!” cried Rainbow Dash as she threw her hands up in the air.

Thirty. Forty. Fifty. The truck was quickly picking up speed as they flew down the (admittedly much smoother) dirt road. Applejack could feel the force of drag as her hair whipped in the wind, tangling itself into a plethora of knots. She was really grateful she had decided to remove her hat, or it would have been lost to the roaring wind.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, couldn’t get enough. Caffeine was flowing through her veins, making her highs higher than they had ever been. Usually when she went fast like this, she had to fly. This took away from the experience slightly as she had to spend a part of her concentration on exerting herself to keep flapping her wings. This, however, was amazing.

“Alright, y’all! Wait till ya get a load of this!” shouted Human-AJ, although she was barely audible over the sound of the wind.

Big Mac accelerated at the base of a hill, and didn’t let up until they were over the crest and cruising down the other side. Applejack had the most unpleasant lurch in her stomach, like she was falling. The last time she had felt like this, she was falling in panic to the earth below while visiting Rainbow at the Wonderbolt’s academy. The sudden flashback of the stress and fear of that event were too much for her. She closed her eyes as tight as she could and instinctively grabbed onto Rainbow Dash, burying her face into Rainbow’s chest and holding on for dear life. Rainbow looked down at her friend and recognized the cause of the pale girl’s shaking hands.

“Uhm, AJ?” she called to Human-AJ, “Can we slow down? I, uh… I bumped my… knee.”

Human Applejack looked at Rainbow Dash curiously and banged again on the cab window. Big Mac slowed down until they were going the same pace they had been before they came to the smooth part of the road. Pony-AJ breathed a sigh of relief before realizing, to her embarrassment, that she was clutched onto Rainbow’s shirt. She let go and looked up sheepishly at her friend. Knowing Dash, she would never hear the end of it. However, Rainbow Dash just smiled down soothingly at her; it was a look that she didn’t give often.

“Alright, y’all, here we are!” called Human-AJ, hopping down from the truck. Big Macintosh and Applebloom exited the cab, and the pony-girls soon jumped off as well.

Looking around, Applejack was surprised. There were hardly any apples here! There had to be only fifty trees left with apples on them, at most. They even had baskets already aligned underneath them. She laughed to herself - this would be too easy.

“Why don’t y’all just let me handle this,” she said with a laugh, “Ah’ll be done in an hour.”

She walked over to the nearest tree, got down on all fours, and with a great effort from her tiny legs and arms, gave an impressive buck to the trunk of the apple tree.

Nothing happened.

She tried again with all the power she could muster.

“What the hay is goin’ on here?” she fumed, “It’s gotta be these stupid tiny fore legs!”

“What the hell are you doin’?” questioned Applebloom bluntly.

“Applebloom! Y’all watch your mouth,” admonished Human-AJ. She turned to her counterpart, “Look, sugarcube, Ah don’ know how y’all harvest apples in the pony world, but we don’ have any fancy way of doin’ it around here. Take this.”

She handed her a small duffle bag with a strap on it. AJ took it with confusion.

“So how do y’all do it here?”

“Well, ya just gotta climb up into the tree an’ pick the apples an’ put ‘em in those there bags. Ah think there’s a ladder around here somewhere…”

Pony-AJ sighed. This was going to be a long day.

***

“You need to be very quiet as we pass through this area - mountain lions all around.”

Fluttershy looked up. They were in the middle of a cold, barren canyon. On the sides surrounding them were various sized caves, even darker and more intimidating now that the sun had set and the last remnants of daylight were retreating. She has had experience with a great many animals in the past – squirrels, eagles, weasels, foxes, even bears. But she had never come across any mountain lion before; they simply didn’t live anywhere near Ponyville. She could feel uncertainty starting to well up inside of her.

“Uhm… excuse me, sir?”

“Don’t call me sir. Just Dartmoor.”

“Uhm, ok… Dartmoor?” Fluttershy quickly corrected herself, “Have you ever seen a mountain lion before? What are they like?”

“I’ve seen quite a few, but in Maneitoba they only live along Galloping Gorge. Around here, they’re pretty nasty. There’s not a lot of wildlife in the area, so they eat what they can.”

“I know!” shouted Pinkie, “I’ll just give them some cupcakes! Nopony can be hungry after eating a box of my special rainbow cupcakes!”

“They don’t like cupcakes, crazy nitwit,” sighed Dartmoor, “They like pony!”

“But that’s why I’m using the rainbow…”

“Just keep quiet!” hushed Dartmoor, “The more noise we make, the more likely we’ll attract unwanted attention. Look, just to be safe, we’d better come up with a game plan.”

He stopped for a minute, sizing up the three mares around him. He first pointed at Fluttershy, who flinched.

“Okay, you there, the injured pegasus. You’re going to stick with me if we get attacked. Chances are, you can’t run very fast like you are and if you did, the mountain lion would chase you down as soon as you tried once they’d smelled the blood. You two…”

He pointed at Pinkie and Rarity.

“…the Ritalin pony and the attention who…”

“Excuse me!?” Rarity cut him off.

“You two are going to run as fast down the gorge as you can. Try to stay hidden. If you eventually hear me calling for you, then we lived. If you don’t, then we died and you’ll probably die from exposure or another mountain lion. Are we clear?”

“Okie dokie lokie!”

“Wait, that’s your plan?” asked Rarity incredulously, “Just run and hope we don’t die?”

“Unless you want to try discussing it with a very hungry mountain lion, then yes.”

Rarity opened her mouth as if to argue, but realizing she didn’t have much of a point, closed it.

“How much longer until we’re there?” asked Fluttershy quietly.

“I would guess another two hours or so.”

“Where are we going again?” asked Pinkie Pie at the top of her voice. All present company winced as her voice echoed off the canyon.

“Just keep quiet and maybe you’ll live to see!” whispered Dartmoor angrily. Pinkie took the hint and didn’t question him anymore.

The twilight had by now receded with the sun, and the only thing left to light the ponys’ way was the waning moon. It was quiet and eerie; the only sounds were the whipping winds and the patches of frozen grass occasionally crunching beneath their feet. Fluttershy shivered. All ponies present were visibly shaking in the sub-zero temperatures with the exception of Dartmoor, who seemed to be used to it. Even Pinkie, usually the very essence of energy and activity, was reduced to timidly walking behind him, too cold to do anything more. A light snow started falling around them, merely a flurry, but it helped to solidify in their minds the situation they found themselves in. Fluttershy instinctively got as close as she could to Rarity, getting some small ounce of comfort from her body warmth. Rarity nuzzled her comfortingly, but she could feel her chattering teeth.

A soft swooshing sound could be heard above them. Fluttershy looked around curiously. None of the others had seemed to hear it. Working with so many small animals had given her a gift of noticing small sounds. There was definitely a pair of wings following them. Emitting a slight squeak of fear, she walked a little faster to try to catch up to Dartmoor. She didn’t want to call out to him (she doubted she could if she tried), afraid to rouse the suspicions of the thing flying above them. Was it a pegasus, or perhaps something more sinister? She couldn’t quite tell over the sounds of the wind.

“Uhm, excuse me…” she said to Dartmoor as quietly as she could, “I think there’s something… What I mean is, there’s something flying behind…”

“I know,” he interrupted, “Don’t draw any attention to it – I don’t want anything else seeing. I have it all under control. Go back and act natural.”

His words did little to calm her, but her actions did arouse the attention of the other two mares. When she was back next to Rarity, she hissed a question in her ear.

“Fluttershy, dear, what’s going on?”

“Dartmoor says he wants us to act natural.”

“Act natural about what, d-d-darling?” Rarity’s teeth chattered in the cold, interrupting the flow of her normally precise speaking pattern.

“About the thing following us.”

“WHAT?!”

Fluttershy flinched at the volume of her shouted response. Dartmoor froze, looking back at them with furious eyes. All Rarity could go in return was grin sheepishly. He walked up angrily toward them, apparently about to chew them out. He opened his mouth…

A great roar rang out, echoing through the canyon!”

He closed his mouth, looking about tersely. The three mares grabbed each other, shaking this time in fear. They couldn’t tell from where the roar originated, but they could tell what it meant – danger.

“RUN!” shouted Dartmoor, as he took off in the direction they had been traveling. It took the three Ponyville ponies a moment to register what was happening, but they were off as fast as their little hooves could carry them. The last time they ran with hearts as stricken with fear as they were now was when they first arrived at the Crystal Empire, and were chased by King Sombra. That time they were only a few hundred feet from safety. That time Shining Armor had stopped to save them. Fluttershy winced. That time she didn’t have an injured leg.

They could hear thundering footsteps behind them. Something was following them. Something big.

Fluttershy felt a pain in her hoof as it impacted upon a large rock. She felt herself flying toward the ground with all the momentum she had been galloping with. Pain coursed through her body for a second time that day as she tumbled along the frozen plain.

Dartmoor heard the sound of the falling pony, and quickly reversed direction to go save her.

“Keep going! Ayden will watch you!” he shouted at Pinkie and Rarity as he ran past them. They stopped hesitantly, as if debating whether they should go back for Fluttershy. “Go! I’ll save her, I promise!”

They seemed to be satisfied with that response, and kept galloping forward. Meanwhile, Dartmoor had reached the injured pony and stood over her, staring at a shadowy figure that lurked just beyond Fluttershy’s range of vision.

“Get up!” he hissed at her quietly, “If you want to live, get up and stand behind me.”

With a great effort, she shrugged off her fear and painfully struggled to her feet. As she looked to where Dartmoor was now staring, her pupils constricted in fear and she emitted an unconscious gasp. Illuminated by the faint light of the moon, she could just barely make out the figure of a large cat.

It snarled and hissed at the ponies before it. She could see its dagger-like teeth, easily able to pierce the throat of any pony unlucky enough to be its target. The light of the moon reflected off its eyes, which glowed yellow with thin, catlike pupils.

“I want you to do exactly as I say,” whispered Dartmoor, “This thing doesn’t want to kill us; it wants us to go away.”

Fluttershy had some trouble believing that as she looked into the cat’s venomous eyes.

“Wh-What?”

“It’s protecting its litter!” he hissed back, “A mountain lion that wants to eat you wouldn’t roar first. Now just back away slowly, but don’t look away. And whatever you do, don’t run!”

It was all she could do to listen to his advice and not bolt in the opposite direction as the mountain lion. He began backing away with her, and to her surprise, the creature didn’t follow. They continued backing up slowly and cautiously, her heart still beating furiously, until they could neither see nor hear the predator. Dartmoor turned around and walked toward where Pinkie and Rarity had gone. Fluttershy let out a sigh of relief. She knew she hated dragons, but mountain lions had to have become number two on her most feared animals list.

“That was too close…” Fluttershy mumbled after several minutes of catching her breath.

“We’re not out of this yet, toots,” responded Dartmoor, “We’ve made too much noise. Can you walk?”

“Uhm… I guess so.”

“Good. We have to catch up to the others, fast.”

Dartmoor started walking even faster, and even though Fluttershy wouldn’t admit it to him, she was starting to feel woozy. After a few minutes, she started lagging so far behind that she could barely make out his grey tail in the distance. She was about to call out to him, when a bloodcurdling scream cut through the night!

“Rarity!”

***

Harvesting apples in this world had been hard work. Not hard work like it was in the pony world – that was hard work in that it was exhausting. This was hard work as in boring. Rainbow Dash couldn’t handle more than ten minutes at a time before she started jumping wildly out of the apple trees, either to elicit a cheap thrill or imitate the lost feeling of flying. Either way, Applejack was mildly surprised that she didn’t break anything. True, she had been through much worse crashes as a pegasus, but the limbs they bore now seemed so… fragile.

“Alrighty, y’all,” Human-AJ called out, wiping a bead of sweat from her brow, “Ah think that’ll about do it.”

She glanced at the pickup truck they had driven there this morning. The bed was full to the brim with baskets of apples. Applejack was about to ask how they would be getting back, but Human-AJ seemed to have read her mind.

“Looks like it’ll be a cramped fit. No big deal, it’s not that long of a trip.”

Big Macintosh opened the rusted driver side door and hopped in behind the wheel. Human-AJ opened the other door and motioned Applejack to take the middle seat. She did as she was told and crawled in next to Big Mac. She looked back at her counterpart with a raised eyebrow. There was no way that all five of them would fit on this bench seat. Four maybe, but what was she thinking? Was Applebloom going to lay on the floor under their feet? To her surprise, her counterpart was looking back at her with a mischievous smile.

“Hey Rainbow Dash!” Human-AJ called over her shoulder.

Rainbow Dash came running up, still covered in dirt from a day’s worth of jumping out of trees and rolling down hills.

“What’s up?”

“We’re leaving, sugarcube. Go ahead and climb in.”

Rainbow did so and sat in the seat next to Applejack.

“Now how are we all gonna fit in like that?” asked Human-AJ with a smirk, “Ah’d say we’d have to sit in each other’s laps to fit, wouldn’t you, Applejack?”

Applejack looked at her counterpart in horror, but Rainbow didn’t seem to catch the… intimate connotations of what was requested. Without another world, she scooted over and planted herself in Applejack’s lap. AJ gasped as she felt the weight on her thighs. Dash wasn’t heavy, but she was surprised at how soft she was. She knew what pony plots were like, and they weren’t like this. They were hard – all bone and muscle. Right now, Rainbow felt soft – and warm. As surprisingly pleasant as this was, Applejack still felt awkward and nervous. She didn’t know where to put her hands. Should she hold on to Rainbow? That seemed like the natural place to put them in this position, but it felt like it would be overly personal. She settle on laying them by her sides.

Human-AJ jumped in the truck unceremoniously, making it rock slightly as she did. She fastened her seat belt and called out to Applebloom, who had been watching the whole situation wordlessly.

“Come on, Applebloom, time to go?”

“Ah’m not sittin’ in your lap. Ah’m twelve years old for Pete's sake!”

“Oh, come on now, sugarcube. Rainbow Dash here is sittin’ in someone’s lap, and she’s twen… Actually, Ah don’ rightly know how old she is in pony years. Just get up here, we’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Ah think Ah’ll walk back.”

“Now, Applebloom!”

Applebloom groaned and with flamboyant frustration crawled into the cab of the truck. She threw herself down onto her sister’s lap with as much force as she could in an obvious attempt to goad her sister on, but she wasn’t falling for it. A metallic grinding sound let out as Big Mac shifted the aging truck into first gear, and they were off.

The trip was not as scary as the trip to the orchard. Applejack assumed that was because she didn’t feel as exposed, or maybe it was because they weren’t going as fast. It was, however, more awkward. Rainbow Dash was bouncing up and down in her lap due to the unevenness of the dirt road, making Applejack feel very uncomfortable. Dash, it seemed, didn’t think anything unusual of it. She sat on her lap with a bored look on her face, obviously disappointed that she wasn’t riding in the back this time. Looking over, she saw Applebloom sitting on Human-AJ’s lap, arms crossed and a frown on her face. Her sister, however, was looking at her counterpart while wearing a knowing smile. When she saw Applejack looking at her, she shifted her eyes down toward where Rainbow Dash’s rear now sat and gave her a subtle wink. She blushed and looked away. What is that crazy human doing?

After a short ride, they were back at the farmhouse. Big Mac drove the truck into the adjacent barn and put it in park. Almost before the truck had stopped, Applebloom had opened the door and jumped out, ignoring her sister’s protests. The rest of them shortly followed suit. Applejack gave a small sigh of relief as the uncomfortable ride ended. Her lap quickly started to cool as Rainbow’s warm posterior vacated it. She was exhausted and hungry after having spent an entire day working after being awake almost the whole night. Rainbow looked to be even worse off than she was, her caffeine high finally starting to come to an end.

“Alright, y’all,” Human-AJ told them, “Why don’t ya go get yourself a hot shower while Ah get supper started.”

“Wait, shower?” Rainbow asked, “I uh… I usually just fly through a cloud to get cleaned off. Is there anyway…”

“Sorry sugarcube,” Human-AJ laughed as she opened the front door for them, “Y’all are a might dirty after all that horsin’ around ya did today.”

“Horsing around? I find that off...” Dash started.

“So y’all are getting’ a shower,” Human-AJ said with a twinkle in her eye, “If ya need help, Ah’m sure Applejack here wouldn’t mind…”

“She don’ need help!” Applejack exclaimed loudly. So loudly, in fact, that everyone started looking at her, “Ah mean, yeah, Ah’ll show her how the water works an’ everything.”

Applejack led Rainbow upstairs to the bathroom, taking for granted that it really wasn’t her farmhouse. It was true, they were very similar, but there were little things here and there that were a little different. Instead of lantern hangers, this house had little bulbs that used some sort of magic to emit light. The bathroom was no different. The counter was littered with things both foreign and familiar to Applejack. There were toothbrushes and soap, but also a strange object looking somewhat like a razor, but had a cord leading directly into the wall. She shook her head. If she spent all her time trying to figure out everything about this world, they’d never get anything done.

“Alright, you’re going to have to help me with this one, Applejack,” Rainbow called as she inspected the spigots of the shower, “I mean, I’ve taken showers before at friends’ houses, but usually there was just one knob to control the water…”

Applejack walked over to look at it. The knobs looked old and battered, one of which looked like it had fallen off and had a kitchen cabinet knob glued in its place. The other one simply had a large ‘H’ on it. She shrugged.

“Ah don’ know what that other one was for, but Ah’m assumin’ you just turn the ‘H’ one. Ah’m guessin’ that’s for humans, and the other one must be for Winona or somethin’.”

“Sounds good to me. You going to wait here until I’m done?”

Applejack blushed, “Naw, Ah’ll be waitin’ outside. Jus’ hurry it up. Ah’m mighty hungry – and tired.”

“You and me both, sister.”

Applejack walked outside the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She heard Rainbow turn on the water. Good, Ah got the right one.

“This is awesome!” called Rainbow after a minute, “It’s like somebody’s heating up the water as I shower. Man, I have to say, this world may be weird, but they have some pretty cool stuff.”

Applejack smiled. It had been a long time since she’d had a hot bath. Usually somepony had to heat up the water on a stove and prepare the bath for you – something a simple farm pony didn’t get often. She really only got hot baths when she was a guest of one of the princesses. But boy howdy, could she use one right about…

“Ahhhh!”

She jumped up. Rainbow was screaming. Without even thinking, Applejack ripped open the door to see what was wrong.

Rainbow Dash stood right outside the shower, naked, dripping wet and red as a lobster. Seeing her naked friend, Applejack blushed and put her hat over her face.

“That was the hottest water I’ve ever felt in my life,” Rainbow Dash panted before looking at her friend, “What? What’s wrong with me? Why aren’t you looking at me?”

“Well, um, Rainbow… You’re naked.”

“So? You see me naked all the time. You saw me naked last night, for crying out loud.”

“Yeah but…”

Applejack couldn’t finish her thought. How was she supposed to explain to Rainbow that she was embarrassed to see her human body naked? There was no way she would understand. Hell, AJ couldn’t really understand it herself. There was just something about it. Something embarrassing. Something that made her nervous. Something she… liked. She gulped as the thought hit her.

“But what?” demanded Dash.

“I… uh…” she stammered, not knowing how to explain, not sure if she wanted to.

At that same moment, like a little guardian angel coming to save her from embarrassment, Applebloom rounded the corner into the bathroom.

“What’s goin’ on? Who was yellin’? Is…”

She froze when she saw Rainbow Dash standing naked in the bathroom. Blushing, she covered her eyes with her hands.

“Put some clothes on you crazy woma… perso… whatever ya are!”

Rainbow Dash shrugged and grabbed a red towel off the nearest hanger and wrapped it around herself.

“Hey!” cried Applebloom as soon as she looked, “That’s mah towel! Ah guess Ah’m gonna have ta go out an’ burn it now.”

Applejack chose to ignore this comment, “Rainbow Dash said the water jus’ kept getting hotter. Is y’all’s shower broken or somethin’?”

“Did ya turn on both knobs?”

“No, just the ‘H’ one.”

“Well duh. Y’all just turned on the hot water by itself.”

Applejack facehoo… facepalmed. She should have known that was what ‘H’ meant. Applebloom turned on both spigots in equal amounts and felt the water.

“There. Now hurry up. Dinner’ll be ready in a minute.”

She left without another word. Rainbow jumped back in the shower and Applejack took her place sitting outside the bathroom door. After only a minute, Rainbow called out that she was done.

“Didya use soap, sugarcube?”

“Dammit!”

Applejack smiled. Even though she had only known Rainbow for a few years, she felt like she knew her so well. It was just like her to take shortcuts, or forget things altogether. In most ponies, she would find this to annoying and sloppy, but with Dash, it felt more… endearing. It was cute. Even when being outright lazy, she couldn’t help but feel secretly amused. A little bit.

“All right, I’m done,” said Rainbow as she exited the bathroom in Applebloom’s towel, “Should I put my old clothes back on, or…”

“Go talk to Applejack. She might be able to set ya up with somethin’.”

After Rainbow went downstairs, Applejack took her turn in the bathroom. She fumbled with the buttons on her dirty blouse, being unused to such things. Pony clothes didn’t normally have buttons (being very difficult to fasten with hooves or teeth), and she was no expert at the subtle art of hands, either. After a few minutes of struggling (a lot of that spent on trying to unhook her bra), she stood in front of the bathroom mirror naked. It was the first time since coming to the human world that she really got a chance to look at her human form in detail.

She had to admit to herself, she was kind of attractive. (Boy that felt weird to admit). She was fairly muscular, but not unattractively so. Her breasts were quite a bit bigger than those of the thin, athletic Rainbow Dash, but she didn’t see how that affected anything. She turned around and looked over her shoulder at her backside in the mirror. She smiled. Yeah, this was weird, alright. It’s one thing to change the very basics of how one moves and looks, it’s another to become attracted to a weird alien species.

Not that weird, she reminded herself. Twilight had talked over and over about that Flash person she met. The human, not the pony. She hadn’t been the least bit interested in the pony Flash Sentry when she talked with him later. It was something about the human form that she was attracted to, that AJ was attracted to… Maybe humans were just the most attractive species on the planet. They probably think so. It’s not like any of them would be caught dead fantasizing about ponies…

Smiling, AJ stepped into the pleasantly warm shower and let all her worries wash away.

***

Rarity and Pinkie Pie fled from the sound of the paws thundering toward them, as Dartmoor had instructed. The ground thundered under their feet as they galloped through the canyon wasteland. When they could no longer hear the beast behind them, they halted, panting. It was especially hard on Rarity, who often did not find the time to work out. Besides the fact it was icky. Such frivolities were not on Rarity’s mind right now, however. The only thing filling either pony’s thoughts was the well-being of their friend.

“Do you think we should go back?” asked Pinkie Pie with uncharacteristic anxiety.

“Well, even though that brutish Dartmoor fellow said to wait for him, I do not feel so trusting. I mean, how well do we really know him?”

“Ooh, didn’t he say something about an Ayden?”

Rarity looked around. They stood right next to a cliff that led up to higher ground around five yards above them. As far as they could see, there was nopony in sight.

“Maybe we were supposed to meet him?” continued Pinkie with uncertainty in her voice.

The state of their situation was grim. If they went back, they probably wouldn’t be any help to Fluttershy anyway. If they waited and something happened to Dartmoor and… well, their chances of survival were slim. Even if something had happened, maybe they would be able to care for the wounded, or find something on Dartmoor that would let them know where they were going. The choice seemed clear – they had to go back.

“Come on, Pin…” Rarity trailed off as she saw something in the distance. Pinkie Pie apparently saw it too, because she immediately began hopping excitedly. Dartmoor approached them, followed by a walking but obviously injured Fluttershy. A wide grin broke out on Rarity’s face. She started following Pinkie over to them.

Something jumped on her, pinning her to the ground!

She let out a bloodcurdling scream. A mountain lion, bigger than any cat she had ever seen, was on top of her, crushing her chest. She felt razor-sharp claws dig into her sides.

“Rarity!” Fluttershy screamed.

Fluttershy and Pinkie froze, unable to move due to shock and fear. Dartmoor galloped as fast as he could toward her, but he was still a hundred feet away. Rarity felt and smelled the hot breath of the beast as it growled in her face. She winced, knowing that any moment the beast would use its powerful teeth to rip into her throat. She closed her eyes as tight as she could, expecting the end…

WHAM!

The mountain lion screamed and rolled off of Rarity. As she opened her eyes a sliver, she could clearly hear the screeching cry of a falcon echoing through the gorge. Swift, powerful wings beat against the wind as the bird flew high in preparation for another dive. The beast shifted its focus from Rarity to the circling bird, hissing as it eyed it as a house cat might eye a bug.

Dartmoor caught up with the scene just as the falcon swooped down once more upon the big cat. The bird’s lethal talons made contact with its face just as its claws clipped the falcon. The falcon cried out simultaneously with the mountain lion. Quick as a flash, Dartmoor bucked the cougar with a kick that would surpass even Applejack and sent the cat flying several feet onto its side. He jumped on it and bit the back of its neck, causing it to roar with pain. Without pause, Dartmoor placed both fore hooves around the cat’s massive head and jerked. A resounding crack could be heard through the canyon as the mountain lion’s neck broke. The beast fell limp as it died.

Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, who had been watching the whole scene with amazement and horror, snapped out of their catatonic state and galloped over to Rarity. She lay on the ground, but they could see the faintest hint of a smile on her face. They both breathed a sigh of relief to see their friend was still alive.

“I could use a little help,” Rarity said weakly with a complete absence of her usual pompousness. Pinkie Pie immediately picked her up, and with Fluttershy’s help, placed her onto her back.

“Ayden!” Dartmoor called. The injured bird slowly flapped over to him. He held out a hoof and the falcon landed on it. It emitted a weak cry, and Dartmoor checked its wings.

“You’re just scratched there, buddy,” he said, relieved, “That was too close.”

Fluttershy noticed Ayden now, and rushed over to him.

“The poor thing!” she cried, tenderly brushing its feathers, “Is he going to be okay?”

“He’ll be fine,” Dartmoor responded gruffly, “We have to the safehouse now. It’s only about half a mile away. You there, hyper-pony, you think you can carry her that far?”

Pinkie nodded quickly as Rarity gripped her fur and groaned.

“Let’s be off then. Hopefully that body will keep the other cats distracted until we get there.”

Fluttershy looked back of the corpse of the monster cat that had nearly eaten her friend. She shivered at what Dartmoor had just implied. As much as she was glad that Rarity was going to be okay, she couldn’t help feel sorry for it. First the train attendant, then this mountain lion; he seemed to make a habit out of killing anything in his way. She was beginning to question his character. How much did they really know about this guy, anyway? Could they really trust him?

“Hey, hurry up!”

She looked over her shoulder and saw the others had started off. She winced a little as she dashed ahead to catch up with them. They had no choice but to trust him, for now.

***

Shining Armor finished giving the standing orders to the night captain and sent him off. He opened the door to his enormous and regal bedroom, and took off his princely attire. His wife was already in bed reading a book.

“Everything go alright?” Cadence asked without looking up.

“Yeah,” he responded distractedly, “I have something to tell you, by the way. You might want to listen to this.”

She finished the paragraph she was on, placed a marker in the book and set it down, giving her husband her undivided attention.

“What is it?”

He breathed a deep sigh, “I just got done talking to one of our informants. It appears that we have a spy among us.”

She gave a small laugh, “Of course we do, dear. This is a new kingdom, with new, inexperienced rulers. I’d be surprised if there wasn’t a nation that had a spy in the capital.”

“No, that’s not it. I mean, you’re right, we are surrounded by spies. But this one’s different.”

“Different how?”

“Different because of whom they are spying for. I mean, Princess Celestia briefed us about them and everything, but I didn’t know just how active they were.”

“You don’t mean…” Princess Cadence looked up in shock.

***

Flash Sentry lifted his head from the bedroom chamber door. Looking around, he was relieved to see there were no guards in the vicinity at that time. He walked away casually with an unreadable look on his face.

5 - Pork is Good, but Beef is Better

Applejack shifted comfortably in the clothes her human counterpart had provided her. Truth be told, the tight blue jeans and uncomfortable wire bra had been starting to get to her. These clothes (flannel pajamas, she had called them) were amazing. She could start to see why Rarity was so fascinated with clothes all the time.

“Can Ah turn around now?” grumbled Human-AJ, who had been sitting on the bed in her room, “It’s not like ya have anything Ah hadn’t seen before.”

“Yeah, heh. It just feels weird. Ah don’ know how to explain it. It’s just somethin’ about this body where it feels like Ah'm... exposed when Ah'm not wearin' clothes. Must be not havin' fur.”

“Well you’re jus’ gonna have ta get used to it, sugarcube. Ah hate ta say it, but in this world, girls undress in front of each other all the time.”

She looked up into Pony-AJ’s eyes and smiled.

“Ya jus’ don’ know how bizarre all this is, seein’ myself like this. Ah don’ suppose it’s as bad for you, since ya aren’t used ta seein’ yourself all upright and such.”

“Ah suppose it isn’t. Ah guess we should be getting’ down ta supper, huh?”

“Yeah, Ah suppose so.”

Applejack followed her downstairs into the kitchen. The rest of the Apple family and Rainbow Dash sat there quietly. In fact, Rainbow Dash seemed to be struggling to keep herself awake. Her head started drifting downward as she fell asleep, only to jerk back upwards as she suddenly awoke. She continued this bobbing motion as her down strokes led her dangling hair dangerously close to her food. Human-AJ stepped over and lifted her head up.

“Ah think Ah should sit next ta sleepin’ beauty here,” she said with a small smile, “Unless she wants ta eat her supper off of her own face.”

“Huh?” Rainbow asked, dazed, as she half opened her eyes.

“Now Ah done told ya what would happen if you had all that coffee. Let’s hurry up an’ get you fed and get ya off to bed.”

“Sounds good,” she replied.

Applejack took the seat in between the Applebloom and her sister and looked down at the meal before her. She recognized mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli, but the large brown chunk on her plate was completely foreign to her.

“What the hay is this?” Rainbow asked rudely, mimicking AJ’s thoughts as she poked at her brown thing.

“That there is a prime cut Sweet Apple Acre’s steak. Only the best around!” responded Human-AJ proudly.

“We never grew no steaks at the Sweet Apple Acres in Equestria.”

“Really? Well about twenty years ago mah ma and pa had to branch out due to an apple famine, so we added a small ranch to the farm. Ah’m surprised y’all never did the same.”

Applejack was about to ask what a ranch was before the whole table was distracted once again by Rainbow’s eating habits. She proceded to pick up her steak in her bare hands and ripped a chunk out of it with her teeth, causing the others at the table to simply stare at her.

“Hey, this stuff is pretty good! I have to say, you human-things may be all haywire and backwards, but you do have some pretty cool food,” she said through a mouth full of steak. After swallowing a bite that had been way too big, she continued, “What is this stuff anyway? Is it like bacon?”

“Y’all don’ know what steak is?” asked Applebloom incredulously. The two pony-girls shook their heads.

“Well, steak is beef, and bacon is pork.”

“You’re going to have to talk normal at us, sugarcube,” responded Applejack as she took a small bite of her own steak. It was a little greasy for her tastes, but it wasn’t horrible. The closest thing she could associate it with was tomatoes. Tomatoes with a really weird texture. Kind of.

Even Big Mac was looking over at them now, curious as to how two young women could be so confused about a steak. He took a bite of his own medium-rare cut. Tasted good to him.

“Beef means, uhm, cow,” said Human-AJ.

“Ya mean like some sorta cheese?”

“No, Ah mean cow meat.”

Applejack dropped her fork. Both the girls looked over at the Apple family in shock.

“WHAT?!”

“What’s the matter?”

Rainbow sputtered, as if unable to find words to say. Applejack tried her best to enumerate their problems without being rude to their guests.

“Uhm, s-sugarcube? We don’… what Ah mean ta say… Ah mean… Ponies are herbivores.”

Human-AJ’s eyes grew wide in realization, but Applebloom was unfazed.

“So?”

“’So’! Ah mean, this coulda been Mooriella or somethin’. Did y’all even know this cow?”

“Of course we did, Applejack,” responded Human-AJ in attempted placation, “She was one of our herd. She was… actually, Big Mac slaughtered this cow. Which one was it, Mac?”

Big Mac looked uncomfortable, clearly not wanting to become involved in the discussion.

“One of the older brown ones, Ah think.”

“But didya ever know her?” demanded Applejack, “Didya ever ask her what she liked, what she didn’t like?”

The other AJ’s brow creased, “Ah think you’re confused there, sugarcube. Cows don’ talk.”

“They don’t?” asked Rainbow Dash with mild interest as she tore off another chunk of steak with her teeth.

“Rainbow!” yelled AJ, appalled.

“What, I can’t help it! It’s good!”

“Look at that thing, Rainbow! It’s practically bleeding!”

“No it’s not, look. It’s just pink in the middle.”

“It doesn’t matter if…”

“Look Applejack,” Human-AJ started desperately, trying to avoid a fight, “Ah’m real sorry Ah didn’t realize how wrong it was of me ta give y’all meat. Don’ be angry at Rainbow, it’s mah fault. If you’re still hungry, Ah’ll getcha some fresh taters and greens.”

Applejack sighed, “Nah, Ah’m good. Ah think Ah’ll just head off ta bed.”

“Are ya sure, sugarcube?”

“Yeah. Ah’m not really sure where y’all want me ta sleep, though…”

“Well, there’s only one guest room, so…”

“Ah’m not sleepin’ with Rainbow, so don’ even start!” accused Applejack angrily. Her counterpart seemed taken aback. Even Rainbow Dash looked up from her steak in confusion.

“Ah wasn’t gonna suggest that. Ah was jus’ gonna say y’all can sleep in mah bed. Ah’ll take the couch.”

“Ah ain’t gonna steal your bed from ya,” Applejack responded with a sigh, “So Ah’ll…”

“Hogwash!” interjected Granny Smith. Everyone looked over at her in surprise – they had though she was asleep again. “I’m not lettin’ no guest of the Apple family sleep on the couch!”

“It’s ok, Granny Smith…” Applejack responded with a half-hearted smile.

“Nonsense. You’ll be riskin’ insultin’ us if ya refuse Apple hospitality!”

Applejack smiled slightly; this Granny Smith was just like her pony version back home.

“Alright, Granny, Ah’ll take the bed.”

Applejack pushed her chair back from the table and headed upstairs slowly. After she was gone, Human-AJ turned to Granny Smith questioningly.

“Y’all wasn't even awake ta even hear who she was or why she's here.”

“I’m getting’ too old to worry none about the details. All I know is if they need help, I’m not gonna leave no friend o’ my granddaughter’s blowin’ in the wind. Besides,” she smiled, “Ya can’t go doubtin’ an honest face quite like that one.”

Applejack smiled at the compliment. She looked around and saw that everyone left at the table was finished, with the exception of Rainbow who was eyeing the departed Applejack’s steak hungrily.

“Y’all can have it, sugarcube,” she said as she pushed the plate toward Rainbow, “But be sure an’ eat your veggies too. Y’all are bound ta get a stomach ache if all ya eat is meat.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rainbow Dash said as she completely disregarded her advice.

“Well Ah guess we better get ta bed ourselves. Long day tomorrow an’ all.”

The rest of her family agreed and took their dishes to the sink. Applejack had another reason to excuse herself though – she and her pony counterpart were long overdue a talk. Under the guise of getting clothes and a pillow from her room, she headed upstairs.

She tentatively paused before knocking on her own bedroom door. Ah hope she’s not too steamed. Shutting her eyes for a moment, she rapped quickly on the door.

“Come in.”

Human-AJ walked in to see her clone sitting on the edge of the bed, frowning slightly and apparently lost in thought. She looked up as Human-AJ walked into the room, her expression stony and unchanged.

“What do you need?” she asked trying to feign politeness, but her voice had a harsh edge to it nonetheless.

“Ah just wanted to talk there, sugarcube,” responded Human-AJ with a comforting smile, “Well, that an’ apologize.”

Applejack raised her eyebrows.

“Ah’m just a dunderhead, is all. Ah shoulda known that y’all wouldn’t want to eat meat. Ah’m sorry Ah offended you.”

Applejack sighed, “Nah, it’s okay. Ah guess I was just, shocked is all.”

“Then what’s got ya so upset?”

“Jus’ thinkin’, is all. Ah mean, we’re stuck here. What if we can’t find Sunset Shimmer? What if she doesn’ know how ta get us back before the six months is up? Don’ get me wrong, Ah’m mighty grateful y’all are puttin’ us up like this. Ah know Rainbow is too. But what if we’re stuck here for six more months? Ah wouldn’t expect ya ta tolerate us that long. Not to mention how bad Twilight might be getting’.”

Human-AJ smiled and pulled her new friend into a comforting hug.

“Don’t y’all worry about it. We’re not about ta let y’all jus’ stumble about someplace ya know nothin’ about. And Twilight’s mah friend too. Ah promised Ah’d help you out, and Ah always keep mah word,” she smiled, “We’ll jus’ have ta figure out a more permanent sleepin’ arrangement.”

“Thanks, Applejack.”

Human-AJ grinned, “You have no idea how weird it is ta here you call me that.”

“Ah think Ah do.”

She gave Pony-AJ one more hug before heading toward the door.

“Sleep tight, sugarcube.”

As she reached toward the doorknob, she heard her counterpart call out to her.

“Actually, there was one more thing Ah wanted ta ask ya.”

Human-AJ turned around, “Shoot.”

“Why do y’all keep insisting on puttin’ me an’ Rainbow in compromisin’ situations?”

Human-AJ blushed, “Well Ah guess… Ah guess it’s just ‘cause it... it’s like wish fulfillment.”

“Wish fulfillment?”

“Yeah, well… You remember how Ah told you Ah kinda fancy the Rainbow Dash in this universe?”

“Now that you mention it, ya did say y’all were gonna explain all that ta me.”

She sighed. This wasn’t something that was easy to talk about, but she did promise, after all.

“Alright, Applejack, Ah’ll tell you. But ya have to promise to keep it between us, alright? An’ no laughin’ at me!”

Pony-AJ nodded.

“Alright. Like Ah told ya before, mah datin’ experience is non-existent. Farmin’ just keeps me so busy Ah never really entertain the idea of romance. Not that Ah think about it too often, mind you, but Ah know it’d never work out.

“Rainbow Dash is the opposite. Ah’m sure y’all know it as well as me, but that girl loves attention. She’s always surrounded by admirer’s, an’ Ah seen her arm around some strapping young lad more’n once. She an’ Rarity talks about it from time ta time, an’ Rainbow always says she jus’ likes ta play ‘em along. Ah don’ know how, but Ah know she’s tellin’ the truth.”

“Course ya can tell. Y’all are the Element of Honesty, after all.”

“Huh?” Human-AJ questioned, “Element of whatsit now? Is that the thing...”

“Nevermind. Ah’ll tell ya later.”

“Okay, then. Anyway, we were all at one of Pinkie Pie’s parties one day, this was about a year ago, mind you, but Ah was jus’ sittin’ around, bein’ a wallflower like normal, when Ah went ta the restroom and stumbled on Rainbow.”

“Ya mean…?”

“Naw, nothing like that,” Human-AJ laughed, “She was in there… kissin’. Kissin’ another girl. Lightning Dust, Ah think her name was. Ah was just so surprised, Ah closed the door an’ couldn't think. Ah had always assumed Rainbow Dash ta be straight. It was confusin’. And then Ah sat back down where Ah was an’ started feelin’ stuff Ah never felt before.”

“Really? Like what?”

“Like jealousy. Ah had no reason ta be jealous 'cause of Rainbow Dash, it’s not like Ah fancied her at the time. Ah wasn’t even sure if Ah could fancy a girl, myself. Ah just thought that she deserved better than that Lightning Dust girl. The more Ah thought about it, the angrier it made me. Lightning Dust was better’n me at everythin’ Dash admired – sports, runnin’, braggin’. They jus’ seemed like such an obvious match…”

“Then what was the problem?”

“Ah’m sure ya know how Rainbow can get ta braggin’. That girl has a head bigger’n Goliath’s left testicle. Pardon mah French.”

“Who’s this Goliath? What's French?”

“He was… never mind. Ah know ya get my meanin’. Anyway, Lightning Dust is like ten times worse. She’s the kind of player who’ll make the team lose cause she’s too proud ta pass the ball cause she wants ta score the goal herself. Ah knew Dash could do better, but Ah also knew Ah couldn’t compete with this girl.”

“So what didja do?”

“Nothin’,” replied Human-AJ sheepishly, “Ah was too shy ta say anythin’ ta her. She figured out that Lightning Dust was no good on her own eventually. She even got her thrown off the team. But Ah still had feelings for her, as much as Ah knew Ah shouldn’t.”

“Why haven’t ya told anyone about it? Doesn’t it bother ya?”

“It sure does, sugarcube. But Ah think it’s just not meant ta be. After we graduated, all Rainbow could talk about was joinin’ the navy so she could be part of that flying aerobatic team with the fighter jets… what were they called again? Blue Angels? No, that's not it… Oh yeah, the Wonderbolts!”

Pony-AJ couldn’t help but laugh. Rainbow Dash is Rainbow Dash, after all.

“Anyway, Ah know that Ah’m always gonna be workin’ on this farm. It’s where Ah’ve always known Ah wanted ta be, so Ah’m not gonna burden myself or Rainbow Dash with an inconvenient romance. Mah family’s pretty traditional too, an’ Ah don’t want them ta have ta deal with somethin’ Ah know’ll make ‘em uncomfortable. Ah’ll jus’ keep it ta myself, like always.”

A long silence followed the end of her story. Both Applejacks just stared at the floor, unsure of what to say. Eventually, Human-AJ got up to leave.

“Ah’m a might sorry about bein’ so pushy with you and that pony Rainbow,” she said softly, “Ah should know better than ta think pushin’ you two together would make me happy. Ah won’t do it again.”

“It’s okay,” smiled Pony-AJ, “Ah can’t really be that sore at ya after that story. If ya ever need someone ta talk to in the future, you can always talk ta me. Ya know Ah’ll understand ya.”

The other Applejack laughed, “Yeah, Ah guess so. Better get some sleep there, sugarcube. We’ll be gettin’ up pretty early tomorrow ta start lookin’ for this Twilight. Dash'll probably be asleep on the kitchen table by now. Better go help 'er off ta bed.”

She left with a smile and quietly closed the door behind her. Applejack laid her head back on the comfortable pillow. It had been a full two days since she got to sleep in a proper bed and maybe because of this, this bed was about the most comfortable thing she had ever laid on. Before she knew it, she was fast asleep.

***

After what seemed like forever, Dartmoor finally led the three mares to the safe house. It was little more than a cave in the side of Galloping Gorge with a rickety door built into the entrance. Had she been in better condition, Rarity might have complained loudly at the garish nature of their sanctuary, but all three ponies were glad to finally be out of the exposure of the dangerous landscape.

The inside of the cave was not furnished any more than might be expected from the appearance of its entrance. There was two couches that surrounded a small fireplace, and the faint outlines of cots toward the back of the cave. Pinkie Pie immediately went toward one of the mildewed couches and gingerly laid Rarity down upon it. She let out a groan as her body sank into the worn cushions. As much as Fluttershy was worried about her friends, she also began to feel the pain and fatigue now that their journey was over. She gingerly sat in the spot on the couch next to Rarity and let out a small sigh.

“Dartmoor! Dartmoor Bronc! How did everything go?” cried out a voice from the back of the cave as a figure got up from one of the cots.

“Agister,” nodded Dartmoor curtly, “Everything is fine. Only a few complications…”

As if in response to his statement, the group could hear the distant roar of a mountain lion from the canyon they had just been in. Fluttershy unconsciously shook in fear. The unicorn known as Agister walked over to her with a warm smile and put a hoof on her shoulder.

“Now, now, my dear, there’s nothing to be worried about. I’ve been in this cave for about six months now, and never once has a mountain lion ever got close to getting in here. Besides,” he lowered his voice, “Between you and me, I don’t think a ten story tall dragon would be able to stand against Dartmoor over there when he gets in a mood for violence.”

Fluttershy looked up at the stallion. He had an old, wrinkled face and a greying beard, but his eyes were kind, and Fluttershy knew she could trust him. She smiled back meekly. He turned his attention to Rarity.

“And what happened to you, young miss?”

“A mountain lion attacked her!” cried Pinkie in response, “And Fluttershy and me were all like ‘AAAGH!’ but then Dartmoor jumped on his and was all like ‘CRACK!’ but Rarity went all ‘OWW!’ but now we’re here,” she finished her speech while acting out all the appropriate actions.

“You killed another one, Dartmoor?” Agister rolled his eyes, “I keep telling you if you keep them alive there won’t be any meat to keep attracting more!”

Dartmoor shrugged his shoulders and lazily fell back on the couch. He pulled out a bottle of bourbon from underneath the seat cushion and proceeded to take swigs from it with little interest in the conversation. Agister wasn’t letting him off so easy.

“Please tell me that was the only thing you killed tonight!”

“Ooh! He also threw the train attendant under the moving train!” Pinkie volunteered.

“Dartmoor! Seriously?!”

Dartmoor shrugged again, “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Agister let out an exasperated groan, “We have quite enough attention on us without you killing everypony you come across! Ugh… There’s no getting through to you. Come now, my dear,” he said as her turned his attention to Rarity, “Let’s see about getting you patched up.”

He went back to one of the cots in the rear of the cave and returned with a large roll of gauze. He inspected Rarity closely, something she would not normally let a strange pony do, but she wasn’t in a state to protest.

“It’s not so bad, luckily the punctures don’t go as deep as your lungs, I think. We just need to disinfect…”

He grabbed the bottle of bourbon from out of Dartmoor’s hooves…

“HEY!”

…and poured it on a freshly ripped piece of gauze. Next he rubbed it briskly into the wounds through Rarity’s red-stained coat. She winched, but she didn’t say anything. Dartmoor started throwing a tantrum and cursing wildly.

“I DON’T KNOW WHY I KEEP YOU AROUND YOU USELESS SAGGY MANTICORE SCRO… “

“Let’s wrap you up now,” said Agister, ignoring the raging stallion behind him, “We’re going to need to get you to a real doctor soon, but I think this will do for the time being. Celestia knows Dartmoor usually comes back with worse injuries than this, but he always heals up pretty good on his own. Now your turn…”

He turned and smiled at Fluttershy. She instinctively recoiled.

“It will only hurt for a second, young filly, now let’s…”

“SHE DOESN’T NEED THAT BOOZE AS MUCH AS I DO! SHE CAN GO SUCK YOUR WRINKLY OLD PARASPRITE-SIZED D…”

“Just ignore him!” advised Agister with exasperation as Fluttershy drew back in fear, “He gets cranky when he doesn’t get his fix. It was the last bottle anyway, so I don’t know what he expected…”

As soon as he poured the alcohol on the gauze pad, Dartmoor ripped the bottle out of his magic aura and guzzled down the rest. He slammed back into his seat on the other couch and grumbled about ruining a good night of drinking. After Agister was done patching up Fluttershy, he took a seat between Pinkie and Dartmoor on the other couch and sighed.

“How bad was it, Dart? As bad as we feared?”

“Worse, I think. Somepony wanted these fillies dead.”

“Dead? But that doesn’t make sense. How do you know?”

“There was a bomb on the train. Somepony besides us knew they were coming.”

“A bomb…” Agister put wearily held his head in his hoofs for a minute before remembering the three mares that were also present.

“I’m sorry ladies,” he said softly, “You must have had a very long night. There should be enough cots in the back for all of us. Please make yourselves at home. We can talk in the morning.”

“No!” shouted Fluttershy, startling everypony present. She quickly realized her tone of voice and rebounded to her normal soft mode of speech, “I mean… if it’s okay with you… I think we won’t be able to sleep very well until we know what’s going on.”

“Dartmoor did promise us!” Pinkie reminded. Rarity nodded in agreement.

“You did?” Agister asked with a smile at the corner of his mouth, “Well then you better make good on it…”

“Fine,” Dartmoor groaned, “But you owe me a new bottle of bourbon when we get to town.”

He sat up half-heartedly and cleared his throat.

“Oh!” cried Pinkie as if suddenly realizing something, “Here you go! I found this!”

She pulled an unopened bottle of the same brand of bourbon that been emptied only minutes before. A confused look arose on everypony’s face as he reached out to take it. As he was about to grab it in his hoof, he paused hesitantly.

“Wait, where were you keeping this? You don’t have a saddlebag…”

“Oh, I just found it.”

“It’s best not to try to understand Pinkie,” explained Fluttershy quietly, “It’s made ponies go insane before.”

Dartmoor shrugged and took the bottle. He guzzled down a quarter of it in one long pull and went on with his story a little more enthused.

“I’m sure you all remember the death of King Sombra – of course you do, you were there. It was a very confusing time for the whole Crystal Empire. I mean, imagine, one day you’re slaves to an evil asshole, then some so-called goddess princess pony bitches come and have some sort of fight with him. The next thing you know, you’re sucked into a shitty time warp thing and you wake up a thousand years later, but it feels like tomorrow. Some new royal assholes are declaring themselves your prince and princess and a bunch of entirely-too-happy ponies are trying to throw you a carnival, but you’re too concerned about the brutal beatings you got yesterday, which was really a thousand years ago.”

The three mares looked to Dartmoor in some confusion. He was taking steady swigs of his new drink as he talked, and it showed. He looked like he was wavering a little bit and his words were slightly slurred, but he seemed to still have a firm grasp on his state of mind and his cognitive faculties. He just couldn’t get the words out right. Or make any sense.

“Let me take over,” Agister cut in apologetically; Dartmoor shrugged and took another drink.. He looked over toward the three mares and continued, “Anyway, the empire came back and King Sombra was destroyed. As confusing it was to all the crystal ponies who were recently reawakened, it was more than enough to drive them into ecstasy and pledge allegiance to the alicorn who had declared herself their ruler.

“However, not everypony was happy about the change. One man does not a government make, after all. King Sombra had ministers, bureaucrats, soldiers… All of which Sombra treated very well, like any good despot would. Several of his old cronies have gotten together and formed a secret society of sorts – The Black Crystal Disciples. These are evil ponies, to say the least. Even now they’re scheming ways of resurrecting their old master.”

“Is… Is that even possible?” asked Fluttershy fearfully.

“We think so,” he continued gravely, “We don’t know all the details, but we know it has something to do with the Elements of Harmony – with you ladies. We had thought they would try to kidnap you and use you somehow. That’s why Dartmoor followed you when we heard through a spy that you were in the Crystal Empire. We thought they would try to kidnap you, but from what Dartmoor’s said about the bomb, it appears that they want something far worse. Right now our greatest priority is to keep you six mares safe.”

The group sat silent for a few minutes, interrupted only by the soft sound of Dartmoor continuing to imbibe. Rarity shifted painfully in her spot, able to softly speak a question that was on all three mare’s minds.

“Pardon me, sir. Agister was it? I don’t believe you’ve told us how you and this… other (cough) gentleman fit into all this.”

Agister smiled softly, “Yes, you are quite correct, miss. I do apologize. You may not know this, but the land upon which you know lie was once sovereign Crystal Empire territory. The whole empire didn’t disappear with Sombra, you see, only the capital city did. Princess Celestia took no time in annexing the parts of the empire still extant after the king’s defeat. My ancestors were – are – the very ponies now residing in the Crystal Empire city that you all saved. As the centuries passed, the crystal ponies that had not been banished began interbreeding with the Equestrian ponies, and over time we lost our characteristic shimmering coat.

“After Sombra was defeated a thousand years ago, many of the survivors of his tyranny knew that he would one day return, and a group formed with this one solitary cause – to watch for signs of his return, and stop it through any means. This group became a secret society of its own, and my father was a member, as was his father. It is my entire purpose in life to ensure that Sombra will never again exercise his iron rule upon anypony. We are kind of a counter to the Black Crystal Disciples, I suppose, although our numbers have dwindled through the years. Dartmoor here joined up about a year ago, and he has been an invaluable ally, even if his methods are slightly… very brutal.”

Dartmoor responded to this with a loud belch as he emptied the rest of the bottle Pinkie gave him. Agister facehoofed and shook his head in exasperation.

“Now if that’s all your questions, I think we’d better get to bed.”

6 - Insulting Random Strangers

Rarity awoke in the middle of the night. The dull ache in her sides had been plaguing her sleep all evening. Nightmares of both vicious, oversized mountain lions and Twilight’s funeral ensured that any sleep she was able to acquire was far from restful. Groaning in frustration, she slowly climbed out of the cot. Even with a fire roaring, it was far from a comfortable temperature - they were in the back of the cave. It seemed only fit she wait out the remainder of her restless night closer to the fire pit alcove.

Without looking toward her other companions, who, she assumed, were fast asleep, she slowly lowered herself in front of the makeshift fireplace and tried to curl up on the uncomfortable manila rug there. It was terribly scratchy and not the least bit soft, but at least it was warm. She felt the hot gusts of the fire’s breath wash over her face. The flames danced and flickered as they enacted their ritual of turning wood to white ash. There was a stack of firewood in the far corner that she assumed somepony had hauled there from quite a distance, as she didn’t see any trees in the cougar-filled canyon. It must have taken quite a bit of bravery to haul wood through a predator infested place such as the Galloping Gorge, and there was only one among them that would do it. Actually, he didn't so much have bravery as he completely lacked fear. Such a strange character...

She let out a great sigh. She knew it was quite an unladylike noise, but she wasn’t in the company of anypony. There was just a lot weighing on her mind. Twilight’s fate of course hadn’t left her thoughts. She knew that if anypony could find her counterpart in that other strange world, Applejack and Rainbow Dash were the ones to do it, although she’d be loath to admit that to them personally. She spent a moment wondering what the two of them were doing. Had they found the other Twilight yet? Maybe they've run into the other Rarity. Knowing... well, herself - she'd be sure to help the two of them blend in better with that other world. Hopefully they were on their way back right now. She let out another sigh. Hopefully Pinkie, Fluttershy and herself would be heading back soon as well.

Agister hadn’t mentioned what they would be doing today, she assumed it was nothing. They had a hard enough time getting to this hideout themselves, and that was with a guide that knew exactly where it was and apparently could kill mountain lions singlehoofedly. She couldn't see how they would be able to leave so easily with one pony scraped up and one pony having a difficult time even walking. The thoughts of missing orders from important customers still weighed on her mind, but the newly revealed existence of some mysterious, malevolent force had taken the forefront of her thoughts. The safety of Twilight was now her primary concern. She knew the princes and princess would do their best to protect her, but did they know about the Disciples?

“Something bothering you, sweetheart?”

Rarity nearly jumped ten feet in the air. Swinging her head around wildly, she saw Dartmoor laying lazily on one of the couches. How had she missed him?

“What... How long have you been laying there?” she asked in shock.

“Pretty much all night. I can never sleep that well with other people around. Or when I’m hungover.”

Rarity didn’t know quite what to say. She hadn’t expected to hold a conversation so late at night. Or so early in the morning. She couldn’t tell which.

“Don’t… don’t call me sweetheart,” she blurted out, unsure what else to say.

“Whatever you say, Princess Priss.”

“No, just…”

“I’m pulling your leg, babe,” he laughed, “I’m from Assateague, down near Baltimare. It’s just part of the accent to address fillies affectionately, regardless if I know them or not - or if they’re perfect princesses or whiny little bitches.”

“Are you…?!” she started furiously.

“Just ignore it,” he sighed, “I’m not used to social niceties, see? Agister gets on me for it, but it’ll take a damn miracle just to get me to care enough to learn, saying nothing of learning it. You never answered my question.”

“What question?”

“What’s bothering you?”

“Oh…” she replied without commitment. He was right, there was a lot on her mind, but he wasn’t exactly the one she wanted to vent to. She would much rather talk to one of the other girls (alright, Fluttershy), or even that Agister fellow. But this brute? She sighed in exhaustion. An ear is still an ear, right?

“I suppose I am, well, worried. My dear friend, Twilight Sparkle, has met the most unfortunate fate, and…”

“You’re talking about the Kīla of Gothmog, right?”

Rarity’s jaw dropped, “How did you know about that?! Princess Celestia insisted the only ones who could know were the royals and Elements of Harmony such as myself. How…”

Dartmoor laughed, “You think secrets are that easy to keep? Surely a gossip such as yourself should have known better.”

“A gossip!” she sputtered, “How did you… I mean, what makes you think I’m a gossiper? I would never…”

“We have spies everywhere," he laughed, "Everyone worth knowing something about, we know something about them. As the new Elements of Harmony, you six fillies are some of the most important ponies in the empire. I’m sure the Disciples know quite a bit about you as well. Their spies well outnumber ours, after all.”

Rarity felt a chill, “You mean, these Disciple ruffians have been… stalking me?”

“I’m almost sure of it. You think every customer you’ve had were there to buy dresses? You think everypony at Pinkie Pie’s parties were really interested in dancing and playing foals’ party games? You think everypony who glanced at Sweetie Belle as she did that ridiculous crusading had purely innocent intentions?”

“You’ve been stalking Sweetie Belle?!” shouted Rarity in a furious rage. Her cheeks were inflamed with passion – nopony threatens her family.

“Calm down, lady!” Dartmoor whispered loudly, looking back to the figures sleeping on the cots, “We’re the good guys, remember? We aren’t watching your sister as much as we’re watching the ponies watching her, get me? So relax, we got it under control. We’ve got some of our top people in Ponyville right now. We don’t want anything happening to any of you six, you’re too important.”

“Yes, good job with that,” Rarity spat indignantly. She still wasn’t pleased with knowing these… ponies were watching her sister.

“Hey, we had no idea that they found the kīla! Believe it or not, we don’t know much more about it than you guys do. Agister’s tearing his beard out trying to figure out why it would make Twilight stab herself!”

Rarity fell silent. Any feeling of anger she had was quickly replaced by sadness as she was abruptly reminded of the cruel fate of her friend. Dartmoor, while completely lacking any social grace, nonetheless knew when he went too far. There was an uncomfortable silence in the dank cave, interrupted only by the heavy breathing of the sleeping ponies on the cots in the back. Eventually, the silence began to eat at her. As unpleasant as her companion was, it still helped her to have something to distract her wandering mind. Silence was not something Rarity was used to, so she tried once again to stir conversation from the uncouth earth pony.

“So… if I may be so bold, why did you join with Agister and his group again?”

Dartmoor had a strange look on his face, somewhere between thoughtful and bored, “Do you know about what happened on Assateague Island thirty years ago?”

“No, I’m afraid not.”

“Well, I’m not going to get into it, but it was bad. I was just a young colt at the time, when the chaos started, like the devil himself took a interest in my village. Agister was much less grey at the time, worked in the government. I heard he used to report to Celestia herself, actually. Anyway, he was there on that day, and he just happened to come across me. He saved my life, and I never got to thank him for it. He wanted to take me in, adopt me. I was in no right state to live a normal life after… Assateague. I lived my days in the wild. I learned to hunt, to kill, to survive. I found Ayden abandoned when he was a fledgling about ten years ago. He's really been my only friend, the only one I've talked to. I traveled from Manehatten to Los Pegasus, Vanhoover to the Southern Badlands. I rarely talked to a pony, but I did do business with buffalo from time to time. I mostly dealt in forbidden goods, fur, drugs, dangerous magic artifacts - that sort of thing. My life was as simple, and simultaneously as complex as a life could be. Anyway, around the time the Crystal Empire reappeared, he found me.

“I don’t know how Agister found me; nopony ever found me before unless I wanted to be found. He asked me if I could help him, if I would join the resistance. I never forgot what he did for me, thirty years ago. I signed on right then. I don’t really care about the Crystal Empire, or King Sombra, or none of that. All I know is that Agister is the only pony who was ever kind to me, and I’m not about to leave him blowing in the wind when times are so dangerous.”

He stopped speaking abruptly, and Rarity almost expected him to say more. It seemed like Dartmoor wasn’t in the habit of telling stories, or even talking to other ponies, but Rarity had understood what he meant. She felt a tinge of sorrow for the stallion in front of her. Equestria was a relatively peaceful place, and there weren’t a lot of ponies who had to deal with kinds of tragedy and isolation this pony had gone through. The name “Assateague” was vaguely familiar to Rarity, but she didn’t quite remember its significance.

“I’m afraid I’m not quite familiar with Assateague Island. Would you…”

“No,” said Dartmoor sternly, “That’s not something I talk about. If you have to know, ask Agister later. It’s getting late, you should probably try to get to sleep.”

Rarity knew when to quit while she was ahead, even if her curiosity dictated that she continue to pester. She laid her head down on her hooves in front of her hooves, but it seemed sleep would evade her that night. Not because of her injuries, but the unrest of her mind.

***

Applejack awoke at the crow of a rooster. For a moment she forgot where she was in the haze of early morning sleepiness. The crow of the rooster meant there were trees needing bucking. She sleepily rolled out of bed and landed on all fours, but something wasn’t right. Her forelegs were way too small.

Oh yeah, Ah’m a human, she laughed to herself.

She shook the sleep out of her eyes and slowly pulled herself up in a standing position. She wasn’t used to standing up all on her own from a kneeling position quite yet, so she used the bed for support. She slowly crossed the room and opened the bedroom door. An absolutely delicious smell wafted in from the hallway. She inhaled deeply and smiled. Somebody was making breakfast. She walked over to the door she knew belonged to the guest bedroom and rapped loudly on it with her fist.

“Rainbow! Wake up, breakfast is ready!”

A barely audible grunt, full of sleepy laziness, met her ears.

“Oh for cryin’ out loud, Ah’m comin’ in!”

She walked into the bedroom to see an startling, if amusing, sight. Rainbow was laying on her bed with her head facing the foot of the bed. Her knees were pulled up to her chest in a fetal position with her face pressed into the mattress. Applejack wondered for a minute how she could breathe. Turning on the light, she jumped back with a familiar frenzy of adrenaline when she realized that Rainbow Dash was, once again, naked.

“Gosh durn it, Rainbow!” Applejack cried as she averted her eyes, “How many times have Ah told ya, ya have to wear clothes here!”

“All the time?” mumbled Dash into the bed.

“Yeah, all the time! Ah don’ wanna keep worryin’ about stumblin’ in on ya buck-ass naked all the time. Thank Celestia you’re plot’s facin’ the other way!”

All Rainbow Dash did in response to this statement was mumble slightly as she shifted in her position.

“Ah don’ even want ta think might happen if the other Applejack stumbled in on ya like this! The poor girl’s confused enough as it is without ya showin’ off your parts ta anybody unfortunate enough ta…”

“What?” asked Rainbow, looking up, “What’s she confused about? I don’t have anything she doesn’t have. I mean, I think so. I’m not really sure how human-people’s bodies work, but there…”

“Never mind,” responded Applejack quickly, “Forget Ah said anything. Just make sure ta get dressed before ya come down ta breakfast. Celestia knows ya already scarred poor Applebloom for life.”

She saw Rainbow Dash smile sheepishly as she closed the door behind her. She could barely hear the sounds of her rolling out of bed, so she turned around to go downstairs for breakfast. To her surprise, as soon as she spun around, she found herself standing nose to nose with her counterpart.

“Ya know,” Human-AJ said, “Ya really know how ta have the worst timin’ in the world. Ah was just about ta wake you two up for breakfast. How come Ah never get to stumble in on…”

“Applejack,” said Pony-AJ as she held a hand up to her mouth, “Shuddup. Y’all have issues.”

She could feel the other Applejack’s lips curl into a smiled underneath her hand. She just sighed and made her way down to the kitchen, ensuring Human-AJ didn’t try to take a peek into the guestroom. Apparently the two of them were the only ones who were up. She went to sit down in her usual spot to see the plates already had food on them. She had waffles, applesauce and cheese grits. She looks to the plate sitting at Rainbow’s usual seat and noticed a generous portion of bacon alongside the rest of her fare.

“Go ahead and eat up,” said Human-AJ, smiling at her, “We’re gonna be takin’ a trip around town ta talk to everypony Ah know. Ah’m sure somepony knows where we can find Twilight.”

“Y’all just can’t use that box thingy ta talk ta her,” asked AJ through a mouth full of waffle, “Applebloom was able ta talk to ya yesterday, and y’all weren’t anyway around!”

“That’s because she knew mah number, sugarcube. If Ah don’t know Twilight’s number, Ah can’t call her.”

“So let me get this straight. Y’all have to remember everypony’s numbers and their names? What the hay is the point? That’s just confusin’.”

Human-AJ laughed, “Naw, Ah don’t really remember anyone’s numbers. The phone does that for me.”

“Ya mean that phone-thingy jus’ up and knows people’s numbers? Then ask it what Twilight’s number is!”

The other Applejack opened her mouth to explain all the things that were wrong with that statement before promptly closing it. The pony-girl had a good point. Why didn’t they try to find Twilight online?

“Ya know what, sugarcube? Ah might jus’ do that.”

Applejack ate in silence as her counterpart messed around with her phone for a few minutes. The smile on her face slowly straightened, then became a complete frown by the time she turned off the phone in annoyance and looked up.

“Not a durn thing. Nothing in Google, no Facespace. Ah mean, no Facespace for cryin’ out loud! Even Granny Smith has a Facespace, although she uses it mostly ta post embarrassing picture on our pages.”

Pony-AJ had no idea what she was talking about, “So what does that mean?”

“What it means, sugarcube, is that this is gonna be a lot harder than it seems. Ah just hope one of the other girls knows somthin’.”

As Human Applejack was talking, Rainbow Dash entered the kitchen and flopped down in her breakfast chair. There were bags around her eyes, her hair was a mess, and Applejack was pretty sure she had her pants on backwards (though she had to admit, she wasn't exactly and expert on pants either). She was wearing another one of the human AJ’s outfits, and it was noticeable. There were huge stretches in the fabric where her chest was, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the cloth’s owner.

“Sorry about that sugarcube. Ah guess Ah fill out a little more’n you do. We can pick you up somethin’ downtown when we go if ya want.”

Rainbow shrugged sleepily.

“We can’t really afford to get ya that much, though. Ya may want ta stop by Rainbow’s – our Rainbow’s – place and see if she’d help ya out a little in that department.”

At this, Rainbow’s eyes lit up. She looked up eagerly, any semblance of exhaustion gone.

“Really? We’re gonna stop by the Human-me’s place? That’s just… awesome! Man, I wonder what her house looks like. I mean, I don’t think it’s made out of clouds, but if she’s just as awesome as me, I bet it’s just as cool. I wonder…”

“Hold up there, sugarcube,” Human-AJ laughed, “Ah doubt Rainbow’s even up yet. Ah need ta give ‘er a call a little later. Right now we need ta focus on getting’ stuff done. Ah don’ think Sugar Cube Corner is open quite yet, but Carousel Boutique usually opens pretty early. Fluttershy probably…”

“Uhm… excuse me? Did somebody say my name?”

All three girls looked up in bewilderment to the side door. A girl with long pink hair, half hiding her face, stood at the screen door that opened to the outside. Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash knew immediately who she was from both her appearance and manner of speaking – the human Fluttershy. A loud barking noise accompanied her entrance, and a dog very familiar to everyone present bounding in the door. She jumped up on the human Applejack and immediately began licking her face.

“Durn it, get down, Winona,” Human-AJ laughed, “I plum forgot y’all were bringing her back today.”

“Yes,” smiled Fluttershy, “She’s doing much better. I think it was… meep!”

Fluttershy had entered the kitchen enough by now to notice Rainbow Dash and the doppelganger Applejack. Her eyes went wide while her pupils simultaneously shrank as she jumped behind Human-AJ.

“What the… Oh, you’re worried about them?” asked Human-AJ, “Well, shoot, this ain’t a easy story ta tell. Ya remember when Twilight came ta our school last year?”

Fluttershy nodded weakly.

“Well, these folks are from the same place as Twilight. They’re jus’ ponies who’re just like us. That’s Rainbow Dash, as ya probably coulda guessed. And the pretty one there is known as Applejack. There’s probably another Fluttershy over there too. Anyway, Ah’m glad ya stopped by. Ah forgot y’all were bringin’ Winona back today. Why stop by so early?”

“Oh, uhm, I have to go to class later,” she said quietly.

“Fluttershy here works as a receptionist at the local vet,” explained Human-AJ, “She’s also goin’ ta school to be a full-fledged veterinarian, although Ah think that’s jus’ insultin’. Our Fluttershy is good enough ta be a vet right now if she wants to.”

Fluttershy blushed at the compliment.

“Our Fluttershy’s pretty good at animal stuff too, ya know,” said Rainbow, “There was this one time, with this giant dragon…”

“MEEP!”

“…and she just gave it a hay of a talking to and zoom! – that dragon flew away faster than any pony in Ponyville. Besides me, of course.

“So anyway,” she continued, “What were you Applejacks talking about when I came down? I never got to ask.”

“Oh, Ah was jus’ saying how Ah couldn’t find Twilight on mah phone. Y’all never heard of a Twilight around town, have ya, Shy?”

Fluttershy shook her head, “Sorry, no.”

“Wait, hold on a minute,” interjected Rainbow, “What’s this phone thing you said you were searching? Huh?”

“It’s called a cell phone, sugarcube. It pretty much has anything you’d ever want to know on it,” Human-AJ explained as she handed the phone to Rainbow.

“So what do people use it for?” asked Applejack.

Human-AJ shrugged, “Mostly ta look at pictures of cats and get in arguments with strangers.”

Applejack’s mouth hung open as she stared at her counterpart. What? Twilight Sparkle would kill – torture, maim and kill – to get her hands on something like that (well, she's think about it anyway). And the human’s use it to look at pictures? Maybe humans weren’t smart as they appeared.

“Cool!” cried Rainbow Dash, “You mean I can just like, insult a random stranger on this thing? How do I do that?”

Human-AJ sighed, “Just touch the little box that say ‘Umeagle’.”

Rainbow Dash stuck her tongue out slightly as she concentrated on using her new found power. The Applejacks turned to Fluttershy, who withdrew slightly at the renewed attention.

“Ya got any ideas ‘bout where we should start lookin’.”

“Uhm, have you tried Pinkie Pie? She knows a lot of people in town, maybe…”

“Hey,” interrupted Rainbow loudly, “What’s ASL mean?”

“It means ‘age, sex, location’,” replied Human-AJ with a sigh, “They just want ta know a little about you.”

“Oh…”

“Ah think Ah agree with ya,” said Applejack, turning her attention back to Fluttershy, “She might be our best bet. Even if she don’ know Twilight, she might know someone that know her. Ah really shoulda asked her when we saw 'er the other day, but Ah guess we were too worried about gettin' somewhere ta sleep.”

The girls nodded in agreement. Everybody finished the food on their plates as Fluttershy waited patiently, rubbing Winona’s tummy. Dash grabbed bacon strip after bacon strip, frowning at the phone. Eventually, she growled and threw it back at Applejack. Everyone present raised their eyebrows, but knew better than to say anything. Eventually, breakfast was finished and Human-AJ put all the dishes away. She sighed as she saw that yet again, Rainbow Dash had refused to eat all non-meat items on her plate.

“Ah guess it’s about time ta get goin’…” she said as the dishes were washed.

"I have to go to school now," announced Fluttershy, "I'll try to come back later this evening, if that's okay with everybody?"

Applejack answered in the affirmative as the four girls walked to the front door as the chilly autumn air greeted them. Fluttershy got into her small hatchback as the other three made for AJ's turck. As they walked toward the truck, Human-AJ looked down at the last Umeagle conversation on her phone and chuckled.

You are now connected with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: ASL?
You: mare, pegasus, ponyville
Stranger: R U srs
You: huh
Stranger: male, dragon, fudgeumama land
You: dragon, really? how big are you?
Stranger: 20 inches and thick
You: wow, thats sad. i know a baby dragon whos bigger than you.
Stranger: thats not what your mom said last nite
You: that doesnt make sence
Stranger: i bet your moms easy
You: Are you calling my mom easy to beat!!!
Stranger: lol. No, your dad does that.
You: no way. noponys faster than my mom
You: except me
Stranger: LOL!!
Stranger: UR lame
Stranger: suck my balls
Stranger has left the chatroom.

***

Spike rolled over in his bed and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Where was he, again? Oh yeah – in Twilight’s room at the Crystal Palace. He closed his eyes to try to get some more sleep, but as desirable as it sounded, he couldn’t quite get there. His eyes were tired, but his mind was not. He groaned and opened them once more, revealing a tray of delicious looking food in front of him – a cheese and ruby omelet, toast and a glass of apple cider.

“Wow!” he exclaimed sleepily.

“Do you like it?” a voice to his left asked. He looked over to see a white pony with rose red hair looking after Twilight.

“Carmine!”

“I thought maybe you’d like a little something different today,” she smiled as she wrote something down on a clipboard, “The palace chef and I went to school together as foals, so I asked him if he had anything other than the usual pony fare.”

Spike took a bite of the omelet. It was one of the most delicious things he’s had in a long time. All of the food he could normally get in Ponyville was typical of a grazing animal – hay, flowers, grains and some fruit. A dragon could survive on such food, of course, but it was hardly desirable.

“I didn’t even know ponies ate eggs,” he said though a mouthful of food.

“They don’t,” she said as she sat down next to him, “but being a capital city, we have a lot of food fit for foreign dignitaries. I don’t think any gryphons, for example, would be caught dead eating a daisy sandwich.”

“Is this… Sweet Apple Acres cider?”

“Yep! It’s more popular than you’d probably have guessed. Shining Ar… I mean, the prince loves this stuff. Actually, I think the chef might have pulled this out of the prince’s personal stash. He might…. Well, he owed me a favor.”

“And you used it to get me breakfast?” Spike asked incredulously.

“What can I say?” she blushed slightly, “You looked like you could use a pick-me-up. You’ve been doing nothing but sitting in your bed reading those old books we got at the library. It’s like you’ve been possessed by Twilight…”

She suddenly trailed off as she had said something she didn’t mean. She looked over at Spike nervously, as if waiting to see if he got upset.

“It’s ok, Carmine,” he said, “I know you didn’t mean it. I know her soul is right where it belongs. I just know it.”

He cast a look over at Twilight’s motionless body on the bed. Carmine breathed a sigh of relief, her faux-pas overlooked.

“Do you think she can hear us?” he asked.

“Maybe,” she started thoughtfully, “In a normal magic coma, the patient can hear and see everything she would normally, but would be unable to move other than to perform basic bodily functions, like breathe. But with this thing,” she cast a glance at the Kīla of Gothmog, “I can’t really say for sure. Its power is unlike anything we’ve seen in either magic or medical literature. So there’s a chance she can’t but If you want to talk to her, that could certainly help. I can’t imagine what the poor thing must be going through, unable to talk or move.”

Carmine looked over at the ornate grandfather clock on the opposite wall of the guestroom.

“It’s about time for my shift to be over. Nurse Agate should…”

She stopped suddenly, her eyes attentive and ears perked.

“What…” Spike began.

She held a hoof to her mouth to shush him and crept toward the guest room door. There were sounds of shouting in the hall beyond the shut door. A faint sound of clashing metal. An explosion.

Almost as Carmine reached the door, it burst open on its own as a pegasus stallion with a shock of blue hair leapt into the room. He was all too familiar to Spike.

“Not you…”

“Who are you?!” demanded Carmine.

“I’m a guard. Flash Sentry,” the stallion panted, “Someone’s attacking the palace! Whatever you do, stay here! No matter what you hear outside.”

“Now wait a minute, the…”

Flash had slammed the doors shut before she could utter another word. Spike and Carmine Quartz looked at each other in utter shock and confusion. A great thud resounded from the door of the guestroom as it seemed Flash had shoved something heavy in front of it. Carmine immediately ran and tried opening the door.

“It’s no use!” she shouted, “They open outwards!”

“What are we going to do?”

Carmine looked around desperately before her eyes rested on a window. She flew toward it and threw it open with all her might. The crystal paving below them was an intimidating forty feet below. Shouting erupted from beyond the guestroom door, and both her and Spike spun their heads in fear at the ever closing sounds of battle.

“We have to jump!” she said with iron determination.

Spike simply nodded his head, trusting everything to the only friend he had right now.

“Help me get Twilight on my back,” she said as she tried pulling the comatose mare off the bed. A great thud landed against the door behind them. Spike froze with fear just as Carmine managed to ease Twilight onto her back. The alicorn laid in an awkward sideways angle due to the dagger still protruding from her stomach so Carmine had to continuously shift to ensure she didn’t fall off.

There was a thud at the door, as if something - or somepony - was thrown against it.

“Grab that sheet Spike,” she said. Spike did nothing but stare in fear, “Spike! Snap out of it!”

Spike shook his head to clear the cobwebs, but all he managed to do was make himself dizzy. He somehow shifted into autopilot as he ripped the top sheet off the bed. He wanted to think, to process what was going on, to come up with a plan, but it appeared his brain was unable to perform any function of thought. He made to hand the sheet to Carmine.

“I can’t tie knots!” she exclaimed, “I don’t have claws! Quick, use the bed sheet to tie Twilight to me.”

Spike hesitantly got to the task and tied Twilight to her back. Truth be told, he usually didn’t have a lot of reason to tie knots in the library, and it had been a year since Twilight had taught him how. He wrapped the sheet around her and started tying the corners in big bows under Carmine’s stomach. The door banged again as he heard the unmistakable sound of scraping. He knew what that meant – somebody was moving the obstacle that was holding the door shut.

“Hop on, hurry!” cried Carmine in panic. Spike jumped on top of the covered bulge on her back that was Twilight and held on tight. Carmine galloped to the window sill and jumped on the ledge.

“What are you doing?!” asked Spike desperately, looking down to the drop before them and then promptly shutting his eyes, “You’d have to be a pegasus or a unicorn to make it!”

“Hey, wait!” called a voice behind them. Flash Sentry had appeared in the open doorway. He rushed toward the three on the window sill, but Carmine gave a mighty buck. It landed squarely on Flash’s face, painfully knocking him back.

“Close your eyes and hold on!” shouted Carmine.

Spike shut his eyes as tight as he could as Carmine pushed off from the window sill with all her might. Spike felt the terrible sensation of weightlessness as they rapidly approached the ground below them.

***

Shining Armor felt a metal-clad hoof strike the side of his face. Laughter echoed around him. He was in his throne room, but it was almost unrecognizable. The brightly colored banners laid ripped upon the floor. His normal crystal guards were missing, having been replaced by what appeared to be street ruffians. A unicorn stallion with a great scar on the left side of his face stood in front of him. He briefly shook the pain out of the hoof he had just used to hit Shining.

“I said, where is Twilight Sparkle?!”

All he got in return was a sarcastic smile from the Prince.

“Fine! If you won’t tell us, maybe we can get your wife to tell us!” the scarred stallion screamed, “All of you, come on. We’re moving this party to the king’s armory.”

As the rest of the ponies in the room began moving toward the combined armory and torture dungeon, the unicorn leaned close to Shining Armor. He whispered so that nopony else could hear – “How much do you think we can stretch Cadence on the Rack until she breaks? I bet those prissy little wings will rip off first…”

8 - Death by Cupcake

Daylight peeked into the cave from around the wooden door at the entrance. Rarity shifted uncomfortably. She had finally gotten some sleep in the wee hours of the morning, but it had been far from rejuvenating. Nightmares haunted her – horrible nightmares involving miniature limbs sprouting from the hooves on her forelegs and then being forced to feel up Rainbow Dash with them. It made absolutely no sense; she should probably see a psychologist as soon as she got home.

Soft sounds echoed from the back of the cave as Agister got up and awoke the other two girls. Fluttershy’s eyes slowly fluttered open from a deep sleep, while Pinkie Pie just jumped out of bed with unnatural morning enthusiasm. Her sheets somehow landed perfectly back on the cot to look much like it had before anypony got into it. As Agister offered Fluttershy a drink from his canteen, Pinkie Pie immediately set out to bug Dartmoor.

“Hey, there, Mr. Bronc! So what’re we doing today? We fighting more cats? I think I can help as long as they stop map-hacking. I mean, how did it know Rarity…”

“Unnnhh…” Dartmoor groaned from the couch as he pushed a ratty cushion over his face.

“Excuse me, darling,” called Rarity from her spot next to the fireplace, “But this stallion is hungover, possibly drunk, and extremely violent. Why don’t you come over here and help me up?”

“Okie, dokie, lokie!”

Pinkie Pie hopped over to where Rarity laid and quickly brought her to her hooves with unpleasant enthusiasm. Rarity winced as her blood flow began to return to her legs and the punctures in her chest let out a dull ache. She stumbled to the couch and laid back down, albeit as lady-like as she could muster in her present condition. Fluttershy came over and sat next to her friend and provided an affectionate nuzzle.

“So what are we doing today, Mr. Bronc?” Pinkie asked yet again, either forgetting or not caring about Rarity’s advice. Dartmoor let out another groan as he sat up on the couch a little more.

“Look, kid, just call me Dartmoor, okay? And we’re not doing anything. I will be scouting the area, and you will be sitting here very quietly. Comprende?”

Pinkie saluted, “Quiet, got it! But how quiet do I have to be? By quiet do you mean I can’t SHOUT AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS? Or does it mean I have to use my inside voice?”

“Just…”

“But what kind of inside voice should I use? Should I use the inside voice that I use in Twilight’s house? Because that’s a library, and it has a totally different inside voice than Sugarcube Corner, which…”

Dartmoor groaned and threw himself back down onto the couch, hooves pressed to his face in exasperation. Agister, who by this point had sensed the possible outburst from the violent earth pony stallion, decided to intervene.

“Pinkie, dear,” he called, “I heard you’re a baker…”

“I totally am!”

“Then why don’t you come help me make breakfast?”

“That sounds super fun!”

Pinkie hopped away from Dartmoor and over to the makeshift fireplace, where crates of foodstuffs rested. Agister then turned his attention to Fluttershy and Rarity.

“Fluttershy, dear, you know how to take care of wounds, correct?”

“Oh,” Fluttershy responded, slightly shocked at being addressed directly, “Uhm, yes. I mean, I’ve done it for a lot of animals, but I’ve never treated a pony before.”

“I'm sure you'd be just fine at it. Why don’t you go help Rarity change her dressing and get a shower?” he pointed over toward an area at the back of the cave, “That rope opens a valve to an underground spring. You won’t find fresher water in all of Equestria.”

Rarity’s eyes lit up, “I’ve heard of the springs in Maneitoba. Some of the most luxurious spas in Canterlot use it exclusively…” Despite her pain, Rarity made it over to the shower area before Fluttershy and looked back impatiently at her.

Agister smiled at her enthusiasm. He trotted over to Dartmoor, who was still shielding himself from the annoyance with his hooves.

“Hey, Dart,” he said softly as he levitated something over from his cot, “Normally I’d say you deserve this headache, but you got to be in top shape with the elements here. Take what you need and go scout.”

Dartmoor chanced looking up at the object levitating in the yellow aura before him. It was a half pint of Pride of Canterlot vodka. He took it in his hooves and drank it like a starving child.

“I’ve got to go make sure Pinkie doesn’t destroy our rations,” Dartmoor noted, “You need to get up, go get Ayden, and make sure there’s no one watching us.”

Dartmoor nodded as he finished off the vodka. He lazily got up from the couch and steadied himself on his hooves as Agister went to help Pinkie Pie. He gingerly rubbed his temples, and reached over to grab his hat…

The door rattled.

He stopped and listened. Somepony was trying to open the door. He looked around briefly. Nopony else in the cave seemed to notice. He crept up to the door. Quietly, he undid the lock. The door started to open…

Dartmoor jumped on pony on the other side. He was directly on top, forelegs around the pony’s neck, back legs around the barrel of his body. Shoving his rear legs backward, he pushed the other pony’s hind legs out from under. The pair of them fell to the ground. He had the other pony’s trachea in his arms. He pulled tighter, as the other pony fought desperately to loosen the grip…

“Dartmoor! Stop killing for a minute!”

Dartmoor looked up. Agister and the three mares were staring at him with wide eyes. He maintained his grip on the intruding pony in his grasp and looked down. It was a forest-green pegasus stallion, and was vaguely familiar. He resumed choking out the pony.

“I don’t want ponies thinking I’m incompetent, so I’m going to kill him just to make sure.”

“Damn it, Dartmoor! This is Sly Hoof! He’s in the resistance; remember you met him a few months ago?”

Dartmoor released his grip slightly, “You sure?”

“For Celestia’s sake, yes!”

He let the poor pony go. Sly immediately gasped for breath and massaged his throat.

“Damn it, Bronc!” he choked out, “Do you have to do this every time I come here?!”

Dartmoor shrugged listlessly, “I’m usually drunk. I guess you’re just not that memorable.”

Agister levitated Sly up and set him gingerly on the couch. The three mares watched the whole scene play out, all the while eyeing Dartmoor nervously.

“I’m alright, I’m alright,” Sly Hoof said as Agister bustled about with medical supplies, “I daresay I’m used to it,” he gave an ugly look at Dartmoor, who looked back impassively, “Anyway, I just came to bring a message, then I gotta get out of here.”

“A message?” Agister asked as he put down a bottle of aspirin, “From whom?”

“From our contact in the castle,” Sly sighed, “The Disciples have made their move.”

Everypony present looked on in shock as their eyes widened.

“Yeah, they’ve taken the castle, as well as the prince and princess. They did it real quiet-like. I don’t think anypony outside the castle knows yet, but if they don’t they’re going to find out eventually.”

“Princess Celestia must be notified at once!” Agister exclaimed.

“Yeah, I’m flying there as soon as I’m done. There’s another issue, however. Two, in fact.”

“Yes?”

“First off, I visited the houses of a few of our members. All empty.”

“Maybe they saw what was happening and went into hiding?” Dartmoor suggested.

“I don’t think so. Their houses were ransacked. I’ve really got a bad feeling about this…”

Agister sighed, “Alright, we’ll deal with that as we come across it. You said there was something else?”

“Yeah, there is. I was able to establish one thing from the castle before I made a run for it. The Disciples don’t know where the Element of Magic is.”

The three mares gasped, holding a hoof to their mouth. Rarity sat down in shock. Agister’s brow furrowed.

“She wasn’t in the castle?”

“No. She was one of the first things they went after, but she wasn’t in her room when they got there. Celestia knows she couldn’t have run off by herself.”

“Do you think…?”

Sly shrugged, “You got me on this, boss. Obviously, Grimm didn’t say much about it to me. He’s already suspicious enough.”

Agister sighed heavily, “Alright then. We were about to have breakfast. You should join us; I know how long it takes to get to Canterlot from here.”

Sly nodded. Agister turned to Pinkie Pie, who had been uncharacteristically quiet through the whole conversation, “We better get to cooking, Pinkie. I have a feeling we’re going to have a long day ahead of us.”

Agister and Pinkie Pie quickly got to making breakfast as the others sat on the couch in silence. Sly rubbed his throat and threw irritated glances towards Dartmoor, but they weren’t noticed. After ten minutes, the air became so heavy with uncertainty that Rarity felt uncomfortable. She turned toward the newcomer.

“So, Mr. Hoof…”

“Just call me Sly.”

“Okay then. Sly, what part do you play in this… organization?”

Sly didn’t respond immediately. He looked over toward Dartmoor, who in turn looked toward Agister. Agister did not notice, as he was finishing up breakfast. Dartmoor shrugged.

“She’s fine,” he said gruffly.

“On your head, then,” Sly shrugged back, “I’m a guard at the castle, and a member of the Disciples.”

Rarity and Fluttershy both gasped and held their hooves up to their mouths.

“Oh, come on,” he rolled his eyes, “Do you really think I would say that in front of Dartmoor of all ponies if it was something to be worried about? The guy’s a single-minded death machine.”

“We… are aware,” Rarity responded.

“Anyway, yeah, I’m a double agent, but I think that role’s come to an end. I wasn’t on the watch bill today, and the Disciples kindly didn’t tell me about the coup. It was really only a matter of luck that I heard about it. I have a feeling they were planning to off me as soon as they seized power.”

“I’m so sorry,” Fluttershy said softly.

“Ah, buck it. I’m glad to be rid of those guys. Grimm was starting to be a real pain in the ass anyway.”

“Grimm?”

“Yeah, Grimm Shado. You don’t know of him?”

The two mares shook their heads.

“He’s a mean son of a bitch,” Dartmoor took over, “He was Sombra’s head cabinet minister during his reign. This guy was a bad-ass unicorn, never seen another one like him. And before you say it, yes, he’s way stronger than Twilight Sparkle. Not only does he have about thirty years on her, but he’s evil as sin. He never limited himself based on if other ponies got hurt, so he’s well practiced with a dark side of magic no decent pony would ever dream of touching. Not to mention the fact that he was mentored by the king himself, who was more than a match for any Equestrian princess.”

“But…”

“Elements of Harmony, toots. And we don’t have those right now, remember?

Rarity had one more question she was burning to ask.

“And Spike? Did you hear anything about any dragons? He would be young, of course, not much more…”

Sly shook his head, “Sorry. I don’t know anything about Spike.”

Rarity nodded grimly as Pinkie Pie brought over plates of food. For rations obtained from a wooden crate stored in a cave, it wasn’t that bad – corn muffins, cream of wheat and rehydrated apple juice. The six ponies ate in silence. In what Rarity was fairly certain was record time, all plates were empty.

“Well, I better get going,” Sly Hoof said abruptly as he unfurled his wings.

“Are you sure you have to leave so soon?” asked Rarity as she batted her eyelashes, “We really don’t have any sophisticated stallions around her; Agister excluded of course. Wouldn’t you…”

Sly smiled apologetically, “Sorry, lady. I’m a coltcuddler. You understand.”

With that, Sly proceeded out the door and took flight toward Canterlot. After they watched him leave, Dartmoor leaned over with a sneer and whispered in Rarity’s ear –

“He’s not really gay.”

***

“So let me get this straight. If Ah fall outta an apple tree an’ break mah leg, I’m gonna end up owin’ the hospital all this money?”

“Eeyup. Unless y’all got insurance, then you can go ta the hospital or the doctor whenever ya want and all your medicine is paid for an’ everything.”

“Well that sounds more convenient than an’ apple tree buckin’ machine. What’s the issue?”

“It costs abou’ four hundred a month.”

“Holy moly! Well what if ya just want ta go ta the hospital when Ah’m in deep trouble? Ah mean, if Ah gotta go ta the doctor, then Ah’ll just pay the doctor.”

“That costs about a hundred a month.”

“Well that’s not so bad. Why…”

“President Obamare made that illegal.”

“Dammit! Ah tell ya what, we gotta figure out how ta get outta here lickity-split; Ah’m startin’ ta agree with Rainbow. You’re world’s an apple pie without any sugar. It looks nice an’ everything, but as soon as ya gotta eat it, it don’t taste like it’s supposed ta.”

“Eeyup. We’re here, sugarcube.”

The truck pulled up to the Sugarcube Corner. It was bustling with activity during the lunchtime hour, with people lined up almost out the door.

“Ah shoulda figured we’d get here too late,” Human-AJ groaned as she stepped out of the truck, “Dang nab it, Rarity. Why does it take so damn long to get a set of clothes from that woman?”

Applejack slammed the passenger door shut just as Rainbow Dash jumped down from the truck bed. They had seen this version of the store once before – when Pinkie had let them out of jail. It had been very early in the morning then, and they never really appreciated the amount of activity this establishment garnered in this world. Everyone from businessmen wearing three piece suits to high-schoolers on a lunch break apparently went to Sugarcube Corner. This might take awhile.

Human-AJ held the door open as the two pony-girls entered. The voice of the bubbly pink-haired girl was immediately noticeable above the din. Craning her neck, AJ could see Pinkie at the front of the long line manning the cash register. She sighed.

“How the hay are we supposed ta have a word with her?”

“Looks like we gotta get in line here, sugarcube. Ah suppose it is about dinner time anyhow.”

“You mean lunch?” asked Rainbow Dash as she joined the other two girls in line.

“Naw, sugar. Ah don’ know how y’all do it in Ponyland, but here in ‘Murca, the country folk call lunch ‘dinner’ and they call dinner ‘supper’. That’s cause when you’re workin’ the farm, ya want the big meal in the middle of the day and the small meal at the end.”

“Huh,” Rainbow responded without interest, “What kind of grub do they have in this place, anyway.”

Human-AJ laughed, “Ah doubt they have any steaks or bacon,” Dash’s face fell, “But they might have some deli sandwiches and they have a whole bunch a coffee…”

“Coffee?” Dash’s eyes lit up, “Come on, line, get a move on!”

The line, however did not listen to her. All they got were annoyed stares. Applejack grinned back sheepishly.

“Sorry, y’all. She’s, uh, new ta… all this…”

After a few minutes, the girls moved up to the front of the line. Luckily, they appeared to have arrived at the end of the lunch rush, and there were only a few people behind them. When Pinkie Pie caught sight of the trio, her eyes lit up.

“Hey there, Rainbow Dash! And Applejack! And Applejack! What brings you guys here?”

“Actually, Pinkie, we’re just here ta get some lunch and ask you a question.”

“Okie, dokie, lokie! What can I get you? A cake? A cupcake? A rainbow cupcake?”

Rainbow Dash pushed past the other girls and slammed her hands down on the counter.

“I want a coffee, like, a big coffee. And whatever is the steakiest, baconiest thing you have on the menu.”

“Okay, a quart of espresso and a super-duper quintuple decker burger with a side of heart attack.”

“And Ah’ll have a daisy and daffodil sandwich.”

Pinkie furrowed her brow, “We don’t have any of those. If you want to wait, I can go out to the florist and get an arrangement and put it on some bread for you…”

“Oh, uh, nevermind. Ah’ll just have a cupcake.”

“Alrighty!” Pinkie smiled. After Human-AJ made her order, the three sat at an unoccupied table and awaited their food. Looking around, Applejack noticed the casual and friendly décor of the place. The entire store was covered in vibrant shades of pastel colors befitting an ice cream shop, and the walls were covered with personal pictures of the Cakes and their employees. There was a picture of the Cakes getting married, a picture of them holding their twins in the park, a picture of Pinkie and…

“Hey y’all,” Applejack said quietly, “Take a look at that…”

Hanging on the wall of Sugarcube Corner was a picture of all five human girls with a sixth – a girl with radiant yellow and red hair, sporting a smile even wider than Pinkie.

“Is that…”

“Yup, that’s Sunset Shimmer,” Human-AJ remarked, “She really was a sweetheart after she got her priorities straight. The six of us were thick as thieves for the rest of high school.”

“What happened to her?”

“She went off ta college, wanted ta be a scientist of some sort. Ah think she wanted ta study how that magic portal thingy affects our world. It's all over mah head, really.”

Rainbow’s eyes lit up, “Then she probably knows how to get back! Where is she? Let’s go find her.”

Applejack shook her head sadly, “Ah don’ rightly know which college she went to. She could be on the other sideah the country by now. Y’all probably be best ta ask Fluttershy; Sunset and her were the closest. Ah wouldn’t be surprised if they still talked.”

“Here you go!”

The three girls looked up to see Pinkie’s smiling face as she held a tray of food. They greedily dug into their dishes, oblivious to how hungry they were until they saw the delicious looking meals on their plates. Pinkie took a seat next to them and stared at them with a grin as they ate. This did not take too long.

“Dear Celestia, this espresso stuff,” Rainbow elated, “This is… this is even better than coffee!”

Pinkie giggled, “That’s because it’s super coffee, silly. Normally I wouldn’t give anyone this much, but I know how tolerant you are of caffeine.”

“What?”

“Anyway,” Pinkie continued, ignoring her, “I have a super big favor to ask of you guys. Today’s been really, really busy, and we’re all out of cupcakes. Would you mind giving me a hand? I’ll let you taste the batter…”

“Uhm… Pinkie?” Human-AJ started, “Aren’t you curious as ta why there’s two of me?”

Pinkie shrugged, “Nope, and I’m not curious why Dashie’s up this early, either.”

“Well, she’s not sugarcube. This is a different Rainbow Dash. We were actually gonna head over ta Dash’s place in a few.”

“Cool!” Pinkie cried, “So you have time to help me make cupcakes then!”

“Actually…”

“Come on, silly-willies!”

“Pinkie grabbed Rainbow and one of the Applejacks and pulled them to the kitchen as the other customers looked on in confusion. The other Applejack sighed and reluctantly followed her.

Pinkie Pie immediately began bustling around the kitchen, grabbing ingredients and comparing them to her recipe list.

“Dashie, could you get me a two cups of sugar, three cups of flour, and half a cup of cocoa? They’re over there on that shelf…”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and went to get the desired ingredients. The two Applejacks glanced at each other. Now might be the only time they would be able to speak to the hyperactive girl.

“So, uh, Pinkie? Y’all been doing well since graduation?”

“Only super-duper! The Cakes are going to let me be assistant manager after the current one leaves for college this winter.”

“That’s good. You remember that one girl, Twilight Sparkle, that went to our school for a little while?”

“Of course! I remember all my friends.”

“Ah’m sure ya do. Y’all haven’t happened to see another Twilight around, have ya?” Applejack winced slightly. That question came out a little crazier than she’d wanted.

“Oh, you mean Human-Twi? Of course I have. Well, I did once. She was at a party.”

“A party?”

“Oh, yeah, it was super fun! There were so many kinds of cupcakes! Chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting, chocolate cupcakes with vanilla frosting, blueberry cupcakes, mega-cupcakes, cupcake vodka…”

“Pinkie! We’re talkin’ about Twilight, remember?”

“Oh yeah! Twilight’s favorite cupcake was the…”

Applejack facepalmed. This was going to take longer than she thought.

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was trying to find the ingredients Pinkie had asked for. This wasn’t particularly easy, considering massive doses of caffeine were currently pumping through her bloodstream, making her hands shake and her head spin. Three cups of flour. What was the difference between bread flour and all-purpose flour? Gluten-free flour? She didn’t know what gluten was, but it didn’t sound very cool. Gluten-free will do. Sugar. There was brown sugar, powdered sugar and white sugar. How many cups was she supposed to add again? Remembering made her brain hurt. She’ll just add one of each. Lastly there was chocolate, right? Hmm… there weren’t any containers marked “chocolate”, just cocoa. Were they the same thing? She didn’t think so. Here’s a metal container full of little grey granules. That should do.

“Alright, Pinkie. All your stuff’s in the mixy thing.”

“Super! Thanks, Dashie!”

Pinkie took a little red bottle of food coloring out of a cabinet and poured a generous amount into the bowl.

“We’re making red velvet cupcakes today, so we need lots of red flavor.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow, “Uhm, Pinkie, Ah don’ think…”

“Yep, lots of red. That’s not my secret ingredient, though. But that’s a SECRET,” she shouted the last word, making all three girls jump.

Human-AJ coughed uncomfortably, “Pinkie, remember we were talkin’ about Twilight?”

“Oh, yeah. So I told her, ‘Vanilla icing is good, but cream cheese icing is really what…’”

“Darn it, Pinkie! We want to know where she is!”

“Oh, why didn’t you just say so?” Pinkie said as she put the batter in the oven, “I only talked to her once – that was at a party about six months ago. Come to think of it, she wasn’t really talkative, almost like she didn’t like making friends. Or parties. Hmph.”

“Do you know anything else about her?”

“No, not really,” Pinkie said, rubbing her chin, “But Rainbow Dash was also at that party. She talked to her for a while. She might know something.”

“Then Ah guess Ah know what we’re doin’ next. Mind ya, we were fixin’ ta do that anyway.”

“Tell Dashie I said hi,” Pinkie said sadly, “I don’t get off until six. But here, I promised you that you could taste the batter…”

Pinkie held up a spatula with a wide grin on her face. Hesitantly, Applejack took it and gave it a lick.

“Hmm… tastes funny.”

“That’s weird,” Pinkie frowned, “I thought I did everything perfect. You put the right ingredients in, right Rainbow?”

“Yeah, the flour and the sugar and that chocolate stuff,” she responded pointing at the metal can.

Pinkie’s eyes went wide. Applejack gulped. Slowly, Pinkie turned the can around to reveal the label Rainbow had missed –

“Party Cannon Gunpowder.”

In slow motion, all four girls looked at each other in panic, then at the oven…

BOOOOM!

The force of the blast threw everyone to the floor. The oven door shivered half off its hinges. The cupcake pan was nowhere to be seen, and the entire kitchen and all its occupants were covered in deep red cupcake batter.

“God damn it, Pinkie!” Human-AJ screamed, throwing her hat to the floor, “If brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow your own damn nose. But you sure as hell can blow up a kitchen. Why on God’s green earth would you store gunpowder next to the baking supplies!?”

“Where else would I put it?” Pinkie replied with a batter-covered smile.

At that moment, Mrs. Cake ran into the kitchen. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open at the sight before her. The first sight to catch her eye was a panicked, caffeinated Rainbow Dash covered in a sticky red substance.

“Oh, Pinkie. Not again!”

***

“That is absolutely unacceptable. This is our friend we’re talking about, and we are going to help, whether you approve or not!”

Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy stomped their hooves on either side of Rarity. All three of them were glaring daggers at Agister and Dartmoor. The two stallions glanced at each other.

“You know babe, if I wanted to keep you here, I could…” Dartmoor started.

“Don’t you pull that with me!” Rarity shouted, eyes glittering dangerously, “You know just as much as I do that you can’t. What are you going to do, tie us up and let us die of starvation? We are not staying here.”

“That’s right!” Pinkie interjected.

“Ladies, please listen to reason…” Agister said.

“Uhm… I don’t mean to be rude, but if you think we’re not going to help our friends when they're in trouble, you can just go… go and… go and clop yourselves,” Fluttershy finished with a whisper.

All ponies present were taken aback at Fluttershy’s sudden assertiveness. Rarity’s jaw hung open, while Agister stuttered inanely. It was a good minute before anypony could come up with words again.

“Well, I’m glad we settled that!” Rarity smiled, “So what’s the plan, gentlecolts?”

Agister sighed, “We’re going to board the next train going to the Crystal Empire. It’s going to take a few hours to get to the tracks, so if we hurry, we can stowaway on the two o’clock.”

“And it’s going to be a royal pain in the ass getting on that thing,” Dartmoor added, “So if any of you don’t think you’re up to it, you better stay here. I’m not coming back for you if you miss the train, and it’s a long, puma-filled walk back here.”

Fluttershy shuddered slightly, but the look of resolve on her face didn’t waver.

“Come on, then, if you’re going to come. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

***

Spike looked around. They were in some kind of warehouse made of purple crystal. Carmine was laying down on the floor next to him, panting from the exertion of running all this distance from the palace. Twilight was still tied to her back with a sheet, and was still unconscious.

“Where are we?” Spike asked quietly.

“This was a granary from the time of Sombra. The food in here has already been used or is spoiled, and the princess never reopened the place, so nopony ever comes in here.”

“Why not?”

“She thought it would bring back… unpleasant memories. It was scheduled to be demolished, but apparently in the managing of a lost empire, that’s pretty low on the priority list.”

Carmine pulled herself up on her hooves and walked over to a stack of burlap sacks. She laid a few down on the hard crystal floor. Spike understood what she was trying to do and untied Twilight, letting her settle down on the makeshift bedding.

“What are we going to do now?” he asked.

“We’re going to have to wait for Princess Celestia to show up with reinforcements. I don’t know how far the news of the attack have spread, but I’m sure somepony loyal to the princess found out. Until then, we’ll just have to hunker down and wait."

“Just wait until Celestia gets ahold of these guys,” Spike laughed to himself, “I hope they like cheese, because they’re going to be spending quite a while on the moon.”

“Yeah, that’s what’s bothering me.”

Spike looked at her with a raised eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

“These guys know they’re not going to be a match for Celestia and the Equestrian army, even without the Elements of Harmony. I mean, when you look at the strategic aspect of it, I don’t know what Grimm was thinking?”

“Grimm? Who’s that? How do you know so much?”

Carmine sighed, “Spike, there’s something you should probably know about me…”

***

Rainbow and the Applejacks had to stop at the farm to wash their clothes and get a shower to cleanse themselves of the day's previous mishap. Only two hours behind schedule, Applejack’s pickup truck pulled up in front of the high rise building that was the human Rainbow’s home. Rainbow Dash jumped out of the truck bed and looked up in awe at the gargantuan building.

It was about time she paid herself a visit.

9 - Assateague Island

The cloaked figure snuck through the streets of the Crystal Empire. She had asked a nearby pony where exactly she was, and that’s what they told her – the Crystal Empire. She had managed to get away from the palace without getting noticed, her unicorn magic saving her from impacting the ground below. The streets through which she now walked were unlike any she had traversed before. Great structures made from megalithic slabs of solid gems made up the buildings, and its denizens sparkled as if made from the same material. Asking a few more crystal ponies, she had ascertained the location of the train station. All she had to do now was figure out when the next train to Canterlot was, and how to get a ticket without any pony money.

Arriving at the small train depot on the outskirts of the city, she made her way up to the ticket booth. An old, bored looking crystal stallion sat there reading the latest issue of “Neighsweek”.

“One for Canterlot?” the cloaked pony asked.

“Next train to Canterlot arrives at five,” the attendant said emotionlessly without looking up from the magazine, “Twenty bits.”

She levitated out all the money she had brought with her from her saddlebag. She had about seven hundred dollars in twenties and a handful of smaller change. She had no idea what the exchange rate between dollars and bits was, and she didn’t think the attendant would even entertain the idea of doing math. This was of course assuming Equestria even knew what dollars were. She sighed; maybe she could try something else. She tossed a bundle of nickels on the counter.

The attendant, still without looking up, scooped the faux-bits into a drawer and handed her a ticket. Only three hours to wait.

***

Four ponies laid in exhaustion on the floor of a train car, panting and gasping for breath. A fifth peered down the car, intently looking for any bystander that might have witnessed their little gambit. It appeared to be safe; nopony else was in this car.

“Oh my… oh my goodness,” Fluttershy coughed out.

“Is everypony okay?” Agister asked as he pulled himself to his hooves.

Everypony present nodded. They had made it onto the two o’clock train, but only barely. Fluttershy had almost missed the train entirely and had been reduced to hanging onto the end guardrail by her hooves before Agister pulled her up with his magic. They found themselves in the train’s caboose, where stacks of crates crowded the small car.

“Get up,” Dartmoor commanded, “We have to get to the passenger cars and blend in before anypony comes back here.”

The others did as he asked and tiredly followed him to the door. They passed through several cars before they came to the rear compartment car.

“We’re going to want to split up here, don’t want to put all our eggs in the same basket. This compartment’s empty, so Agister, you take this one and I’ll scout further down the train.”

“What about us?” asked Pinkie.

“Ugh…” he responded as if their presence was an unnecessary headache, “The unicorn can stay with Agister. It’d cause less suspicion if we’re not in some haphazard inter-racial group.”

“I do have a name, you know,” Rarity grumbled.

“Alright, we’ll see you when we get off at the Crystal Empire,” he finished, ignoring her. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy followed him as he passed into the next railcar. Agister gestured to the empty compartment.

“After you, my dear.”

The two unicorns took a seat in the comfortable bench seats of the car. It was a relief to finally be where they needed to be and not worry about the plan. They were all safely aboard the train; all they had to do now was get to the Crystal Empire. There was still a lot on Rarity’s mind, but at least she could relax for the time being. Looking up, she saw Agister gazing at her.

“How are you holding up, my dear? Dartmoor wasn’t too rough with you when we boarded?”

Rarity scoffed, “I don’t think that stallion knows the meaning of gentle, but I appreciate your concern. I think I’ll manage.”

“That’s good. I’d get some sleep if I were you. I’ll stay up and watch the door.”

“I don’t think I can, to be quite honest. Besides the fact that we are illegally on board a train, I’m a tad too worried about Twilight and Spike to sleep.”

“That’s understandable,” Agister smiled kindly, “Would you care to talk awhile to keep your mind occupied? I daresay there’s little else to do.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t think…” Rarity’s eyes suddenly lit up as she remembered what she’d been meaning to talk to Agister about, “Actually, there is something I was curious about. Do you know anything about Assateague Island?”

He jerked suddenly, his eyes wide in surprise, “And why would a young lady such as yourself want to know about Assateague for, hmm? Have you been talking to Dartmoor?”

“Well… Yes,” she admitted uncomfortably, “If you don’t want to tell me, I’d understand. It’s just Dartmoor said I should ask you.”

Agister sighed, “Normally, I don’t like talking about it, but if Dartmoor told you to ask me, then I suppose it’s okay. However, you must give me your word you won’t speak a syllable of this conversation to anypony else. What I’m about to tell you is a highly classified government secret.”

“I promise.”

Taking a moment to position himself on the train seat, he took a breath and began his story –

“A long time ago, before you were even born, I was senior administrator of the Department of Magic Anomalies. It’s a secret government office that studies rumors of magic artifacts we don’t know anything about. We usually go investigate these rumors, ascertain if the artifact in question poses a danger to Equestria, and then report our findings to the princess. Usually it’s nothing more than a lone witch-doctor claiming to have distilled chaos into a potion, or some other such nonsense. Whenever we come across something dangerous, we seize it and store it in the Starswirl the Bearded section of the Royal Canterlot Archives, where only the princess and a select few ponies can study it.

“One day, thirty years ago, we got a report of a magic artifact hidden in a remote village on Assateague Island, to the south east of Baltimare. This island was, in fact, not technically part of the Equestrian Empire, so it made the act of seizing any dangerous artifacts more complicated. I informed Princess Celestia of this. This is where I made a fatal mistake.”

“Mistake?”

“Yes. The Department of Magic Anomalies is an independent branch of the government, so I usually reported to nopony except the princess herself. I was careless that day, and I did not notice that there was somepony else in the room – Lord Umber, the prime minister at the time.”

“Was the prime minister not allowed to hear what you said?”

“It wasn’t that he wasn’t allowed to, it was just that it was unwise to tell him. Umber was a nationalist, and had been long trying to convince Celestia to annex Assateague Island. Now that he knew there was potentially something dangerous there, he had the ammunition necessary to convince the House of Nobles to declare an invasion. Of course, I didn’t know this at the time, and I don't think Celestia expected him to make such a heinous move, either. She told me to go to the village and attempt to attain the magic artifact diplomatically.”

“What happened?” Rarity asked breathlessly as she covered her mouth with her hooves.

“Well…”

***

I went by myself to Assateague. It was a diplomatic mission, after all. In all reality, I was expecting that everypony there would tell me they had no idea what I was talking about. I was correct. Nopony knew anything about a mystical magical artifact that resided there. All I had to do was go back to Canterlot and inform the princess, and she would decide the next move. That’s almost what happened, before I came across somepony.

A young foal approached me. It was abundantly clear that he was nervous, and it immediately garnered my attention. He looked scraggly and malnourished and in my mind, there were two possibilities. Either he was concerned about an outsider appearing in such a small, isolated village, or he was having issues with his family. I decided that kindness was the proper response in either case.

“Hey, mister. You know what the time is?”

I pulled out my pocket watch, “It’s a quarter past noon. Why…”

I turned back to the colt, but he was gone. He was gone along with my coin purse. Needless to say, I was more than a little upset. I spotted the little street urchin dodging around crowds of ponies, and I quickly gave chase. I was a lot younger then, and infinitely more fit. I was about to catch up with him, but then he stopped.

He was caught in a green magic aura.

“Does this belong to you?” a snide voice asked.

Looking up, I saw a dark robed unicorn, the owner of the entrapping magic. Lord Umber.

“My lord,” I greeted, bowing, “What brings you to Assateague?”

“Duke Agister,” the prime minister greeted in return, nodding imperceptibly, “I’ve come looking for you. You are to vacate this hamlet immediately. That is an order.”

I raised my eyebrow, “With all due respect, your lordship, I am the head of the Department of Magic Anomolies. I report only to Princess Celestia.”

Umber sighed, “Yes, for all official duties. However, under Equestrian law title eleven, code 178, all civilian nobility are subservient to commissioned officers in a war zone,” he leaned closer and growled, “This order comes from the commanding officer of this occupation. Leave now.”

“War zone? Occupation? What are you talking about?!”

Umber didn’t respond. He pulled my coin purse from the street rat and threw him to the ground with force, knocking the wind out of him. With one last smug smile cast in my direction, the prime minister teleported away.

I had no idea what was going on, but I knew I had very little time. The princess would never authorize a war so easily, and it was likely that Umber had the House of Nobles declare it in a secret session without her knowledge. I had no idea what to do. There was no way I could find the princess in time to stop this, and if I didn’t leave the city, I could be arrested – or worse.

Doing the only thing I could think of at the moment, I picked up the colt who had stolen my purse and placed him on my back.

“I need to get you home,” I told him, “What’s your name?”

He appeared to be about to complain about my sudden interest, but exhaustion and pain quelled those thoughts. He simply replied, “Dartmoor.”

“Alright Dartmoor, where do you live?”

“Over by the…”

A great fireball erupted from the house next to us! We were both thrown away from the blast with great force as heat seared our fur!

“What the...?!”

A colossal armored unicorn knight strode casually around the corner. He wore the silver armor of the elite Equestrian mage-knight division which completely covered his body, making him appear as a walking metal instrument of death. Before I had the chance to do anything but get up, the knight cast another spell that caused another cottage to burst into flames.

There was screaming. There was the deafening sound of magic blasts from more knights out of our line of sight. A great wind blew by us as a battalion of pegasus soldiers circled the skies above us like vultures above a dying pony.

I grabbed Dartmoor once more. He immediately struggled against my magic.

“Stop! We have to get out of here!” I yelled at him.

“Not without my parents!” he yelled back. I was having an extremely difficult time holding on to him, and the degree of effort I had to put into the spell was draining my energy.

“Where do you live?” I gave in.

“Turn left!”

We dashed through the streets, the young earth pony clinging onto my back. We dodged fireballs and swooping pegasus soldiers and fleeing townsfolk before we arrived. We were too late. His house was already an inferno.

I felt his grip release, and he slid off my back landing heavily on the ground. He made no attempt to get up, and laid on the ground in tears as he stared at his home and family in flames. It was the only time I’ve ever seen Dartmoor cry.

He fought me as I took him in my magic again. He struggled, but his will was utterly broken. We escaped the city. As I later found out, we were the only two survivors of the Assateague Massacre.

***

After Agister finished his story, Rarity could only stare at him, mouth open and eyes wide in shock. He slouched back in his seat, suddenly feeling very old and very tired. It was several minutes before either of them could speak again.

“So what happened to the village?” she asked with a tear in her eye.

“It was gone. Lord Umber completely wiped it out. Celestia heard about what he was doing far too late. She came to Assateague, but everypony was dead by the time she got there. All she could do was place Umber and the ponies involved in the massacre under arrest and declare a memorial service.”

“So... Dartmoor’s parents…?”

“Yes, them too. I tried to adopt him, to take him back to Canterlot with me. However, seeing what the Equestrian army had done to his home, seeing the evils of the world – he didn’t want any part of it. He ran away from that place and never went back. I suppose he’s told you the rest. He became a vagabond and a smuggler, and even to this day he hates the Equestrian government with all his heart.”

“What happened to Umber? Surely Dartmoor doesn’t blame Celestia and the whole government for what one pony did…”

Agister smiled, “He doesn’t care. I’ve told him exactly what happened, and he barely listened to a word I said. His heart’s full of hate. Hate and sorrow. I’m actually surprised he agreed to help us when I asked him. I suppose he’s more loyal to me than I would have first thought.

“As for Umber, he was tried and found guilty of war crimes. The last I heard, he had died in prison. The magic artifact, whatever it might have been, was never found. I was so distraught by the events I had witnessed, I resigned my position at the Department of Magic Anomalies immediately. I spent the rest of my years wandering the country, helping ponies wherever I could. I could say that the cosmos might feel fit to forgive me for my part in initiating the massacre - I don’t know. My conscious, however, will never forgive me for as long as I live.”

Rarity was speechless, a single tear making its way down her cheek.

“If you don’t mind, I need a little time alone,” Agister said as he laid back in the seat, emotionally drained, “We should be at the Crystal Empire in an hour.”

***

Rainbow Dash rode the elevator up to the seventeenth floor of the high-rise with the two Applejacks. Great bursts of adrenaline pulsed from her stomach. She had been wondering about the human version of herself ever since Twilight had first told them what had happened on the other side of the mirror. She didn’t have wings, but she was the best in the world at kicking a ball around. As weird as that had sounded to her, she still was entranced by the thought of the human version of her being the best at something, even something as stupid as kicking a ball. It made her reflect on what exactly would make her unique. What would make her the best, if she hadn’t been born with wings? What would she have done if she had been in a similar situation to Human-Dash? Could I say she’s just as awesome as me?

“I’d like ta try somethin’ a little different this time, if y’all are up to it…” Human-AJ suggested.

“Like what?

“How bout we give ole Rainbow Dash a little prank of our own?”

“That sounds awesome!” smiled Rainbow, breaking away from her thoughts, “What’s the plan?”

“Okay, here’s what we’ll do. You girls hide behind the corner. Ah’ll go an’ knock on her door. Five minutes later, Ah’ll pretend Ah gotta use the little girl’s room and hide. Then Applejack here’ll knock on the door.”

The two pony-girls smiled. This was going to be good.

“Five minutes later, you’ll do the same thing and Rainbow’ll knock on the door. While Dash is answerin’ the door, me and AJ will come back inta the room.”

Rainbow laughed, “Man, she won’t know what’s going on.”

“When she’s as confused as a peach tree in an apple field, we’ll let ‘er in on the joke. You girls ready?”

Applejack and Rainbow giggled and hid behind the corner, straining to hear what was going on as Human-AJ knocked on the apartment door. A few moments later they heard a very familiar voice answer –

“Hey, what’s up, Applejack!”

“Nothin’ much, Dash. Just though Ah’d drop by on mah old friend.”

“Then get in here. I was just about to…”

The sound of their voices abruptly halted with the sound of a closing door. The two girls looked at each other and smiled.

“You know, I never really thought of you as the pranking type, Applejack.”

“Ah’m not. This is all Human-AJ’s idea; she’s probably tryin’ ta impress yer clone over there. There’s just so much about this world that’s different, she and Ah are different too. You’re probably pretty different than that Dash in there also.”

“We’ll see. I want to ask her what it’s like to drive those car thingies around. I bet she can drive one faster than anypony here.”

“Anybody, sugarcube. Ah don’t really think…”

“Has it been five minutes yet?” Rainbow interrupted her.

“Ah don’t know. Ah’ll go listen at the door so Ah can hear when she goes inta the other room.”

Applejack walked over to the apartment door and put her ear to it. After a few minutes, a smile crossed her face and she stood up. She raised her fist and rapped smartly at the door, to be answered a moment later. Rainbow craned her head to pick up the conversation without being seen.

“Hey, uh… Applejack,” Human-Dash started after a moment of uncertainty, “Did you leave? I thought you just…”

“Nope, Ah just thought Ah’d drop in on my old friend. How’s it goin’?”

“Uh, I… uh…”

“Well are ya just gonna stand there or you gonna invite me in?”

“Yeah, sure. Come in. This is weird.”

As soon as she heard the door close, Rainbow rushed to it and pressed her ear to it to try to listen to one of the best pranks in history.

“You want some apple juice?” she heard Human-Dash say, “You just had some, it’s right there on the table, but I guess I’m imagining that, too.”

“Uhm, sure.”

Rainbow heard footsteps as she assumed Rainbow Dash was getting the aforementioned drink.

“Thanks, sugarcube.”

“Don’t mention it. I guess since you were a ghost, you probably don’t remember what I said about the Wonderbolts.”

“‘Fraid not.”

“Read it and weep,” she said followed by a brief pause, “I just got this in the mail. I got accepted to the Naval Academy! I’m going to be a pilot!”

Human-Dash squealed and jumped for joy while pulling AJ into a hug.

“Well, uh, congratulations, Rainbow.”

“Thanks! I knew I would get in. There’s no way they could have declined me, as awesome as I’d make their sports teams. Not to mention I’m already an ace pilot.”

“Pilot?”

“Yeah, you know how I’ve been taking flying lessons with Spitfire?”

“Oh, yeah?” Applejack replied. She had no idea what she was talking about.

“Yeah, I’m getting pretty good at it. I don’t know why you don’t want me to take you flying. Maybe as a ‘congratulations’ present?”

“Yeah, uh,” AJ laughed nervously. Apparently Human-AJ didn't fancy the idea of this girl flying her around. She didn't either, come to think of it, “Maybe Ah’ll jus’ get you somethin’ else instead…”

“Like what? How about a congratulatory kiss?” Human-Dash asked with a teasing voice. Rainbow Dash gasped on the other side of the door, and Applejack didn’t appear to be any less surprised.

“Uhm, well… Ah… Ya see… Ah gotta go to the bathroom…” she said, extremely nervously this time. A flurry of footstep followed, and Rainbow could only assume she ran to the bathroom as fast as she could. It was her turn.

She took a deep breath, hand trembling and butterflies raging in her stomach (although, in all honesty, that could just be the caffeine). She knocked at the door.

The door opened.

Standing in front of Rainbow Dash was her human counterpart. Both girls’ eyes went wide at seeing each other for the first time. They were identical in skin tone, hair coloration, facial features – everything except their clothing. Rainbow was wearing the clothes Rarity had given her earlier that day while Human-Dash wore a set of Wonderbolts sweat clothes. They stared at each other for a good ten seconds before Human-Dash finally broke out of her reverie. She said the first thing that came to her mind –

“Uhm… You want to come in?”

Rainbow nodded and followed her into the apartment. It was modestly furnished with a large living room with a kitchen nook and a hallway to the right leading to several shut doorways. Both Rainbow Dash’s sat down on the loveseat while one of the doors opened revealing both Applejacks. They were wearing identical grins and sat down opposite from them on the sofa. They looked at Human-Dash with expectant smiles, undoubtedly waiting for her to stutter in confusion and ask what the hay was going on.

That never came.

“You know, Applejack,” Human-Dash started, “I realize that you’re happy I got into the academy and everything, but you didn’t have to go and hire me a stripper.”

Everyone’s faces turned from smile to shocked confusion in a millisecond. Unable to respond, the Applejacks sat there in surprise as Human-Dash got a glass of juice and handed it to Rainbow. Rainbow took a sip instinctively while still staring at the athlete with wide eyes.

“Anyway, I know what’s really going on here,” Human-Dash continued with a smile, “And it’ll all be over in a few minutes.”

“Uhm… What didja think is goin’ on?” asked Human-AJ in confusion.

“Well, obviously you’re all figures of my imagination. You’re just the work of the acid I dropped an hour ago.”

“Wait, WHAT!?”

“Yep! Although I guess since my imagination got me such an attractive girl, I might as well enjoy it before she disappears.”

Human-Dash leaned over toward Rainbow, who suddenly felt very uncomfortable. Hovering with a smile an inch from her face, she quickly closed the distance and gave her a long, wet lick up the side of her cheek.

It’s super effective! Rainbow Dash is now paralyzed!

“Hold on, hold on!” shouted Human-AJ as Human-Dash pulled back from her counterpart’s face, “We’re really here! Look, we were trying ta prank ya, but we didn’t know you were on drugs! Look, these girls are actually ponies from another world, and… Wait, this isn’t helping, is it?”

Human-Dash shook her head, “Like I said, you’ll disappear in a few minutes anyway.”

“Why do ya say that, sugarcube?” Applejack asked with concern.

“Because everyone knows the only thing that can get rid of hallucinations is hallucinogens. I figured that out once when I was high. So I spiked all your drinks with three hits of LSD.”

“WHAT?!”

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” she continued, turning back toward Rainbow, “I have a stripper to enjoy before she’s gone.”

“Wait, stop, stop!” cried Human-AJ desperately, “We’re real… we’re really real! Aw, shit, what are we gonna do now? We gotta go to the hospital. No, they’re gonna want ta know where we got it. Ah’m gonna be in so much trouble!”

The two pony-girls just sat in stunned silence. They had no idea what this ‘LSD’ was, but if it was making Human-AJ curse like that, it must be bad. They looked at each other in alarm. What were they going to do?

To their surprise, Human-Dash just burst out laughing. She rolled over onto the floor, holding her sides as the three girls looked on incredulously, momentarily too shocked to speak.

“Oh, man, you should see the looks on your faces,” she said through bursts of giggles, “Rainbow Dash is still the best prankster in the world! I had you guys freaking out so hard!”

“Wait, what?”

“Pinkie Pie called an hour ago and told me what was going on,” she explained as she got back up onto the loveseat, wiping a tear from her eye, “She wanted to know if I could come to her ‘Welcome to Earth’ party for you two. I thought you guys might pull something like this, especially if there’s another me with you, so I turned the tables. I don’t even have any acid on me right now.”

All three girls breathed a sigh of relief.

“Well shucks, RD,” Human-AJ laughed, “Ah shoulda known better than ta try ta one up you on pranks. So Pinkie explained who we all are and such?”

“Yeah, although I can’t really tell which one of you is the real AJ.”

“I’m the original.”

“And I’m the Applejack that was a pony,” AJ added.

“So this sexy thing must be pony-me…”

Rainbow Dash blushed, “Yeah…”

“‘Metallicolt’,” Human-Dash read off her counterpart’s shirt, “That’s a good band. You like them?”

“Actually, Rarity gave me this shirt. I’ve never heard of them before.”

“What! We’re going to have to fix that. If you’re going to be running around being awesome, then we’ll have to adjust your taste in music.”

“Anyway,” Human-AJ interrupted, “We actually came by ta ask you a question, Dash.”

“Shoot.”

“Well, these girls came here lookin’ for somebody. Have ya ever seen Twilight Sparkle? Not the one that came through that portal, mind you, a different one.”

“Now that you mention it, I have,” Human-Dash responded, rubbing her chin, “She was at a party once. I thought it was a little weird that she looked so much like that pony-girl Twilight, so I started chatting her up. She didn’t really talk much. All that she said was she lived on the other side of town and she came to the party with Sunset Shimmer.”

“Sunset Shimmer?”

“Yeah, I guess they’re friends or something. I gave Twilight my number, but I guess she lost it. You might want to talk with Fluttershy about all this; she’s the closest with Sunset.”

“Gosh darn it,” Applejack fumed, “This is turning into a confound wild goose chase.”

Human-Dash shrugged, “Sorry about that. I’d offer to come help you, but I’ve got to leave for flying lessons with Spitfire in an hour.”

“It’s okay,” Human-AJ said, “Ah guess we’ll be headin’ back ta the farm for now. Ah’ll give Fluttershy a call.”

“Cool. I guess I’ll see you guys later.”

Rainbow Dash and the two Applejacks headed for the door. However, just as they were about to cross the threshold, Human-Dash called after them.

“Yo, pony-me!”

“Yeah?” Rainbow asked, turning around.

“You’re supposed to be just like me, so you like flying, right?”

“Only more than anything!”

“Nice. You want me to take you flying human-style tomorrow?”

Rainbow’s eyes lit up, “Really?”

“Sure, it’s cool. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning, alright?”

“Oh-my-gosh oh-my-gosh oh…” Rainbow Dash suddenly realized how uncool she was being and quickly adjusted her attitude, “I mean… yeah, sounds awesome.”

Human-Dash smiled, “It’s a date, then.”

***

“The guard hath indicated you wish to report unto us dark tidings, citizen.”

“Yes, princess,” Sly Hoof bowed deeply before the darkly colored alicorn.

“Speak, then.”

“The Crystal Empire is under attack, my liege.”

“Under attack? Is it the Black Crystal Disciples?” Princess Celestia asked.

“It is.”

“I see. What is your name, my little pony?”

“Sly Hoof, your majesty.”

“Thank you for bringing this to our attention, Sly Hoof. I’m sure you must be tired from your journey. Please, go to the guard’s quarter and get some food and sleep. We shall handle it from here.”

“Thank you, princess.”

As the pegasus departed, Celestia turned to her sister. They exchanged worried looks. They both knew this could happen, but they hadn’t expected the Disciples to be so brash.

“I must go and help Cadence,” Celestia started.

“Nonsense, my sister,” Luna countered, “Let me go in your stead. Equestria needs you here, on the throne. I am more than capable of leading the army.”

“But…”

“I won’t hear another word of disagreement. You have my word, I will ensure to bring swift punishment to the usurpers. Princess Cadance and Twilight will be made safe. I promise you, sister.”

Celestia sighed, “Very well. Fly to Fort Ticoltderoga. There are two thousand soldiers stationed there. Take them and besiege the Empire. I will send the Royal Equestrian Army to reinforce you from Canterlot.”

Luna nodded, “Don’t worry, ‘Tia. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

Celestia smiled weakly at the affection. “I know. I trust you.”

As she watched Luna take off toward the north, Celestia thought about the manner by which the Disciples attacked them. Grimm Shado was a master strategist; there was no way he was playing all his cards. Something definitely didn’t feel right.

***

“What do you want!? I told you, I don’t know where Twilight is!” Shining Armor cried through tears.

Grimm Shado released the wheel of the rack. A smile crossed his face as the scar over his eye wrinkled into a sinister sneer.

“But you wouldn’t tell us even if you knew, am I correct?”

“Just stop, please. Put me up there instead. Cadence has nothing to do with this!”

“Oh, but I disagree. Cadence is the one who returned the crystal heart. She is the one who defeated our lord. She is the imposter who had the insolence to sit on our king's throne.”

“Just… stop. I’ll do anything.”

Cadence panted as tears ran down her cheek. All four legs and both her limbs were clamped into the rack. A trickle of blood ran off her right wing where the rack had stretched the skin to the breaking point and ripped out her feathers. One of her eyes was bruised and swollen from where she had been struck. A metal clamp adorned her horn, preventing her from performing any magic. In spite of all this, an angry smile danced across her face.

“Is this it?”

Grimm looked back over to her, a shocked expression slipped onto his face for a brief second, before turning back into a smile.

“Of course not, my dear. I wouldn’t want you to get a false sense of disappointment about Crystal interrogation methods, seeing as how you’re our ‘princess’.”

He turned to a grimy henchman at the door, “Get the thumbscrews,” pausing, he turned to smile at Shining Armor, “The big ones.”

“Anything…” cried Shining Armor weakly.

“There is something you can do,” noted Grimm ponderously as he rubbed his chin, “I daresay that fool Sly Hoof has probably made it to Canterlot by now. If we had some... protection, we’d be a little less inclined to be so desperate to complete our plans right away.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Cast your protection spell. Keep the Equestrian army and anypony else out of Canterlot. Do this, and I won’t have to rip this bitch in half,” he smiled.

Shining Armor sighed, exhausted and weary in defeat.

“Fine.”

***

The train pulled to a halt at the station outside the Crystal Empire. Fluttershy silently followed Pinkie Pie and Dartmoor as they disembarked. It wasn’t a smooth process, and many other passengers pushed their way to the front, making them the last to leave the train. This was something that did not go unnoticed to Dartmoor, and Fluttershy guessed the only thing keeping him from murdering his way to the front of the line was the unintentional interference of Pinkie.

Standing on the platform, they saw Rarity and Agister get off one of the rear cars. The three of them galloped over to reunite their group.

“Okay, we’re all here?” Agister said as he did a quick head count, “Let’s get to the city quickly, then. The less attention we attract out in the open, the better.”

They started to follow him off the platform, while Fluttershy trailed slightly behind. They pushed around the ponies trying to make their way onto the train. It was strange how nonchalant these pedestrians were, considering their homeland had been invaded by the followers of a malevolent dictator. Apparently word of the attack had not left the castle. Fluttershy was about to call after the group to slow down when she bumped into something, falling down.
She looked up at the figure she had bumped into. It was a mare in a black cloak so encompassing she could only make out her face when they were sprawled on the ground next to each other.

“Oh, um, sorry,” Fluttershy started before she got a good look at the cloaked figure, “Wait… don’t I know you?”

“No!” the cloaked figure stated in panic, “No, you must have me mistaken for somebody else…”

The cloaked figure quickly got back on her hooves and rushed into a train car. Fluttershy was in momentary shock. Somebody?

“Hey!” called Dartmoor from a long distance in front of her. She had forgotten she had been following him to the city. She got back up on her hooves as quickly as she could and hurriedly chased after them. That is, until she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of the Crystal Palace.

A great blue beam of magic erupted from the top spire, rocketing toward the sky. As it reached a great height above the city, it started to splay out and downwards. It was going to cover the city in a giant magical dome.

“HURRY!” shouted Agister. The four ponies ahead of her started galloping at full speed toward the city. Fluttershy followed as quick as her hooves could take her. The blue magic bubble was closing toward the ground now. Five hundred feet above her. Four hundred. Two hundred. Right above her head.

WHAM! Fluttershy slammed into the side of Shining Armor’s protective spell.

She fell back on her haunches from the recoil as she saw the shocked faces of her friends on the inside of the bubble.

Fluttershy was stranded.

Author's Note

Pre-read by EnderBlaze

10- Applejack's Mistake

Carmine sighed, “Spike, there’s something you should probably know about me…”

Spike looked at his new friend with hesitant curiosity. What could she possibly have to say that would merit this anxiousness from her? How does she know so much about what’s going on? He took a seat next to Twilight on the cold crystal floor of the warehouse and listened politely as she began.

“The truth is, I’m not just a nurse. I’m also a spy.”

Spike gasped.

“Yeah, I know how that sounds. But please listen; we don't have a lot of time. You see, there was this group that formed right after the empire returned, called the Black Crystal Disciples. They formed a plan to bring back King Sombra.”

“Is that even possible?”

“They didn’t know at first. But then they found something – the Kīla of Gothmog.” She cast her eyes over toward the dagger embedded in Twilight. “It was designed by a dark god - Gothmog - thousands of years ago. Like you know, anypony it pierces is pinned until the one who cut them releases them. But it had another function. You see, whoever it pins is actually stuck between worlds, between life and death. They can form a sort of bridge between this world and the afterlife and allow the dead to cross back into the world of the living.”

“You mean it can bring dead ponies back to life?”

“Yes,” Carmine responded grimly, “But it isn’t free. To resurrect a soul requires the payment of a soul - the soul of the one who is entrapped.”

“So Twilight…?”

“Yes.”

Spike held his head in his claws. He had never really stopped to wonder what other ramifications Twilight’s misfortune may bring. He had always just assumed AJ and Rainbow Dash would bring back the other Twilight, she would free her, and they could all go back to Ponyville and continue everything like it once was. Why couldn’t things ever be simple? This was a lot to take in, and he felt weary and exhausted well beyond his years.

“So this group – the Disciples – they’re planning to use Twilight to bring back King Sombra?”

“Yes. As far as I can tell, they need three things to accomplish that - the kīla, a very powerful unicorn to perform the spell, and something called the Altar of the Gods. The unicorn they would use to perform the spell would obviously be their leader – Grimm Shado. He’s the only one I know of that’s powerful enough.”

“And the Altar of the Gods?”

Carmine sighed, “I don’t know. I can be very good at being sneaky, but I never overheard them talk about it other than mention it briefly. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know for sure if they’ve found it. I hope they haven’t, but I don’t think they would have started with their plan like this if they haven’t.”

Spike was in shock, but even so, there was one question he noticed Carmine hadn’t answered.

“You still haven’t told me what all this has to do with you…”

“Well, I wasn’t supposed to tell you,” she started, “But we also weren’t planning for the Disciples to attack, either. There’s actually a group, a very old group, that’s dedicated themselves to ensuring Sombra never returns. They call themselves the Resistance. I’m a part of it.

“They’re led by a unicorn named Agister. He got me a position as Twilight’s nurse, and told me that no matter what, make sure that Grimm never got a hold of her, or you.”

“Well, I guess that explains that,” Spike said, “I guess the only question left is what to do now.”

“Well, if you look at what they need to perform the resurrection, there’s two ways to stop them,” Carmine responded thoughtfully, “One is to kill Grimm, which would require an army, really. I’ve heard stories of him killing hundreds in the span of minutes back during Sombra’s reign.

“The only other thing is to free Twilight. And I think you know the only way that can happen.”

Spike sighed. He did know. The fate of all of Equestria was in the hands of two mares who weren’t even in the same universe as them. He hoped that Rainbow Dash and Applejack had found the other Twilight. He wondered what they were doing right now. Have they found Sunset Shimmer? Were they figuring out how to reopen the portal? Were they gathering an army?

He could only wonder.

***

“And did you see her apartment? It was a total pad! She had the…”

“It was a pigsty, sugarcube.”

“Yeah, but it was an awesome pigsty! She had the beer cans all arranged like some sort of art, and…”

“Could we stop talking about the human Rainbow for a few minutes?” asked Applejack wearily. Rainbow had foregone her usual position in the truck’s bed on the way home so she could enamor her companions about her human counterpart, talking mostly about how radical she was, but she occasionally taking a break and discussing her coolness, instead. After what felt like hours, they pulled up to the farmhouse and hopped out.

“I think somebody’s got a crush…” Human-AJ smirked.

“What! I do not…” Rainbow responded indignantly, but the uncertainty in her voice betrayed her.

“Oh come on, she asked you out on a date!” Applejack retorted with annoyance.

“Nah, she was just saying that. I mean, I’m Rainbow Dash, remember? I would never date a hairless flesh-thing. Right?”

If she had sounded slightly unsure before, she definitely showed it this time. Applejack groaned in frustration. She was feeling incredibly irritable, but she had no idea why. Was it because Rainbow was obsessing over that obvious troublemaker? Was it because she was tired of hearing about her? Well, it certainly wasn’t because she was jealous... right? She pushed the thought from her head.

“What’s the game plan?” she asked Human-AJ, desperate to change the subject.

“Well, Ah called Fluttershy, but she says she's gonna be busy all night. Ah guess we have some time ta kill. Is there anything y’all wanted ta do?”

“Yeah,” Rainbow responded brusquely, “You promised me I could use the tractor thingy…”

Human-AJ smiled, “Yeah, Ah guess Ah did, didn’t Ah? Well come on then, let’s go get ‘er.”

She led them to the barn and pulled open the gargantuan doors. Both pony-girls gaped at the metal behemoth waiting inside. It was twice as tall as either of them, and its dirty yellow frame of thick steel stood resilient before them. It was more intimidating than anything they'd ever seen in Equestria. Well, maybe except a dragon. Human-AJ collected a green container from near the door and proceeded to empty it into the tank of the vehicle.

“What’s that stuff?” Applejack asked.

“What, this here? Diesel. It’s what makes things go. Y’all don’t have engines where you come from?”

“Well, it’s really weird. The train that goes from Ponyville ta Canterlot runs on its own, but the train that goes from Ponyville ta Appleloosa is pulled by ponies. We don’ really have any vehicles besides that.”

“What about those Harvest Day Parade floats?” Rainbow reminded.

“Oh yeah. Ah don’ rightly know how those work. Now that Ah think about it, why don' we just drive those around everywhere?”

“Sounds like yer technology’s pretty inconsistent,” Human-AJ remarked as she coaxed the tractor to life.

“Ya don’ know the half of it.”

Human-AJ slowly drove the machine out of the barn. AJ marveled at how loud and powerful it was. Maybe humans were completely useless at bucking apple trees, but if they had marvels like this, who cared?

“Alright, Rainbow, jump on up here!” the human girl called. Rainbow giggled with glee and climbed onto the large machine as quickly as she could, jumping into the operator's chair and eying the controls hungrily.

“Alrighty. This here’s your accelerator. Push that with your foot ta go faster,” Human-AJ instructed as she pointed out the different controls, “This is your brake. That makes ya slow down. Of course, you got your steering wheel, but Ah’m sure ya already know what that does.”

“What about all these?” Rainbow asked, pointing at an array of levers and switches around the driver’s seat.

“Those operator the bucket and such. Don’ worry about those. Just concentrate on not crashin’.”

“Don’t worry. I'm an expert at not crashing."

Both Applejacks exchanged bemused smiles at this statement. Apparently no matter what world she’s from, Rainbow Dash had a penchant for collisions.

“Just don’t hit any of the buildings, sugarcube.”

Human-AJ jumped off the tractor and stood beside their counterpart. Tender smiles crossed their faces as Rainbow pushed the accelerator carefully, biting her tongue in concentration.

“She’s somethin’ else, ain’t she?” noted Human-AJ.

“Yeah, she is,” responded her counterpart, gazing at the girl in question, who was now pushing the gas pedal as hard as she could, attempted to jump a small hill.

“You like ‘er, don’t cha?”

AJ flinched, “What? Where’d ya get that idea?”

The human smiled slyly, “Ah see the way ya look at her. Ya ain’t exactly bein’ subtle, ya know. That and how dang downcast you’ve been since we left Dash’s place.”

“Oh,” AJ responded sullenly, still looking at Rainbow, who had crossed over the hill at a snail’s pace, not so much jumping it as crushing it. Her eager smile had been replaced with an unsatisfied frown.

“Now don’t go hatin’ on mah Dash, sugarcube," the human farmer continued, "She can’t help the way she is. She jus’… well, she likes attention. Ah’m sure your Rainbow is the same way.”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t go askin’ out ponies the first day she meets ‘em! Why would she even be attracted ta someone who looks jus’ like she does?”

“Ah don’ know,” Human-AJ responded, rubbing her chin, “In all honesty, Ah though she was just jokin’ when she said ‘It’s a date’. Ah wouldn’t get too upset about it, AJ.”

“Ah can’t help it.”

“There is one thing you can do, ya know…”

“What’s that?”

“Ask her out before someone else does.”

“But Ah’m not even sure if Ah like ‘er like that!”

“Then ya better make up yer mind, quick,” Human-AJ advised as Rainbow jumped off the tractor and headed over to them with a deep frown.

“This thing is stupid,” she pouted, “Fluttershy can run faster than that dumb tractor!”

“Well Ah’m sorry, sugarcube,” Human-AJ responded with a faint smirk.

“Why can’t I drive the truck? At least it can go fast!”

“Ya can’t drive the truck without a license, hon. That's outta mah control.”

Rainbow’s face fell.

“But Ah do know of somethin’ else that might work…” she finished with an evil smile.

***

“Wow. He’s so big.”

“Are ya sure Ah should be riding him?”

“Aw, he don’t mind, sugarcube. Jus’ jump up on him and give him a good slap on the ass; he’ll take over from there.”

“Ya want me ta jus'... touch a strange pony like that? Ah don’ even know his name!”

“They're horses, not ponies," Human-AJ answered with a smirk, "The one ya got there is Tex. And Rainbow, yours is Slugger. They’re pretty well-trained, so ya shouldn’t have any problems. Ah guessing you two have done some horseback ridin’ in your day?”

“Uhm…”

“My dad gave me a piggyback ride a couple of times…” Rainbow said, knowing full well that these were two completely different situations.

“Well it ain’t that hard. Go on, get on up there.”

Applejack looked at her horse. It was one of the strangest feelings she ever had. She didn’t suppose Human-AJ would be so cavalier about this if she came to their world and was asked to ride giant, mute humans. Tex turned to look at her and whinnied. She carefully stroked his mane and allowed herself to relax. Human-AJ suddenly grabbed her, and with a great heaving effort, she was lifted up onto the horse.

Rainbow was already on her horse, and was looking down at it uncomfortably, unsure as to what to do. Human-AJ jumped with ease onto the back of her horse, an orange coated stallion. She rubbed his neck affectionately and turned to the other two girls.

“His name’s Braeburn, ‘cause he’s a dunderhead like mah cousin,” Human-AJ smiled, “The cows are out ta pasture, so we’re gonna go real slow when we get ta that direction. These are good horses; all ya gotta do is squeeze ‘em a little bit with your legs, and they’ll start off.”

Applejack looked down at Tex, still feeling strange about the awkward way she was mounted atop the stallion. She did as she was told and the horse started to move, instinctively keeping pace with Human-AJ’s and Rainbow’s. She grasped the reins loosely, trying to keep in mind what she would want if some human was riding her.

Dern humans and their legalized slavery.

They rode off as the sun began turning a deeper and more saturated color in its daily descent below the horizon. AJ wondered momentarily how these humans maintained a consistent solar cycle without magic or Princess Celestia. Probably diesel.

The human girl rode slightly ahead of them so as to be just out of earshot. AJ saw her cast a knowing smile back at her, and its message seemed obvious – 'now’s your chance to talk'. She racked her brain for something interesting and engaging to talk to Rainbow about.

“So, uh… this is kinda weird, ain’t it?” AJ started awkwardly. She could have facepalmed right there. “Kinda weird”? Well wasn’t that eloquent? What was wrong with her? She never had problems talking with Rainbow before.

“Yeah,” Dash responded distractedly as she was trying to get her horse to stop veering off to the right.

“Are ya pressin’ inta him with your leg?”

“Oh.” Rainbow stopped applying pressure to the side of her horse, and it returned to a straight path, “I knew that.”

“Is everythin’ alright, Rainbow?”

“Yeah, it’s just… I don’t know. Weird,” she said with very un-Dash-like uncertainty, “I just have a lot on my mind, I guess.”

“Like what, sugarcube?”

“Nothing…” she mumbled back, blushing slightly.

Applejack’s heart froze at that moment. Maybe she didn’t have any evidence beyond her mind trying to justify her own fears, but she knew what Rainbow was thinking about – the human Dash. She remembered her conversation with Human-AJ, and she wasn’t quite sure whether she felt that way about Rainbow, but she did know one thing – she sure as sugar didn’t want her being with that human girl.

“Something wrong, AJ?” Dash asked, looking over at the farm pony with concern.

“Oh, it’s nothin’, RD,” AJ said as she flashed her best fake smile. She really didn’t want to talk to her about this right now, even if it was killing her inside to be misleading. Her mind hastily came up with distraction.

“Hey, Rainbow,” she said with a sly look, “Ah’ll race ya ta that tree over yonder…”

Her friend’s eyes lit up, “You’re on!”

Both of them kicked in their legs against the horses, who responded by bounding forward into an impressive gallop. It was all the inexperienced girls could do to not fall off of their rides. They barreled past Human-AJ, who called after them. Neither girl could understand her from the rush of wind in their ears or the adrenaline pumping through their veins.

The tree was a half mile in the distance, and AJ was starting to pull ahead. Rainbow furrowed her brow and whipped the reins of her horse. The horse ran faster, panting, sweat beginning to form on his coat. He slowly caught up to the other horse.

AJ looked behind her and saw her opponent catching up. All previous thoughts of unease and doubt left her mind as she concentrated fully on the competition. A great smile was plastered across both girls’ faces as they reveled in the thrill of the race.

Rainbow stuck her tongue out as she passed Applejack. She responded by digging her feet into the sides of her horse and leaning forward, urging it to catch up. Come on, ya durned horse. Ah could run way faster’n this if Ah was still on four legs.

She felt almost like this race was a competition for Rainbow’s heart itself. Of course, if she’d thought about it, she’d realize that didn’t make a lot of sense, but things were so much easier when they were a physical competition of strength and skill rather than an emotional competition of words and social tact. AJ smiled. I bet I’m way better than that ole human Dash at handlin’ a stallion…

Wait a second, that didn’ sound right…

They both crested over the last hill before their destination to receive an unpleasant shock. The valley between them and the tree they were racing to was full of cattle!

The livestock before them looked up in panic at the two horses barreling down on them. Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash pulled up at the reins instinctively as the horses skidded into an emergency stop. Both girls were flung from their horses and landed on the side of the hill. They both rolled down through the mud and rock until they came to a rest thirty feet from where their mounts had stopped.

AJ coughed out a mouthful of dirt and grass as she quickly sat up and cast a worried glance over toward her friend. She rolled over and groaned. A surge of panic pulsed through AJ’s chest.

“Rainbow! Rainbow, are you okay.”

“No…” she replied flatly, “I would have won that race. Stupid cows. I’m totally going to eat them for revenge later.”

Applejack laughed in spite of herself, “Ah don’ know ‘bout that, sugarcube. Ah had…”

She trailed off as a horse galloped over the hill toward them. Human-AJ expertly brought the horse to a sharp halt next to them and dismounted with a worried look on her face.

“Are you alright?” she asked anxiously before seeing them smiling sheepishly back at her, “What the hell do y’all think you were doin’!? Didn’ ya hear me say the cows’re out ta pasture?”

“Sorry…” started Applejack.

“Ugh, it’s fine,” Human-AJ responded, “Y’all are lucky ya didn’t start a stampede, ‘cause you’d be spendin’ the rest of the night helpin’ me track ‘em all down. Come on, now. We better get back; it’s gettin’ late.”

The two pony-girls pulled themselves to their feet and started toward their horses.

“Oh, no ya don’t,” Human-AJ called after them with a smile, “Ah don’ think Ah rightly trust ya with horses anymore. Y’all are walkin’ home!”

***

Applejack lay uncomfortably in her bed after a delicious country dinner. It wasn’t the bed itself that wasn’t comfortable, but her mind. There was too much to think about, too much to consider. It had been a very long day, beginning with enjoying breakfast with Fluttershy and ending with riding giant ponies. Her thoughts and feeling changed immeasurably during the day, as well. In the morning, she felt the same as she always had, looking forward to a day of hard work. There was nothing more simple or satisfying as that. At the end, her mind was full of jealousy and doubt.

Yes, she could finally admit it. Even if she wasn’t sure that she had feelings for her friend, she was definitely jealous of that human girl. Jealous of how everyone around her seemed to like her, even though she’s everything AJ doesn’t value. AJ is careful, Human-Dash is reckless. AJ is modest, Human-Dash is a bigger braggart than the pony version. AJ values hard work, everything just seems to drop into Human-Dash’s lap. AJ is chaste, Human-Dash is a…

“Hey, Applejack. Can I come in?”

She looked up. Rainbow Dash, dressed in orange pajamas, was visible through the cracked open door. AJ sighed. She wasn’t sure she was in the right mood to talk to her right now, but it wasn’t in her to be rude. It wasn't Rainbow's fault she was upset.

“Sure. Come in.”

Rainbow entered the room and quietly shut the door behind her. She walked over and sat gingerly down on the foot of Applejack’s bed. If AJ had been in a more sound state of mind, she would have wondered about Dash’s departure from her usual demeanor. However, the only thoughts currently running through her head were frustration and resentment.

“Look, AJ,” Rainbow started, “I’ve known you for a long time. And I can tell when something isn’t right…”

“It’s nothin’,” she grumbled.

“It’s not nothing! Look, I know this whole world is kind of strange and messed up, but if there’s anypony who can understand that, it’s me. And you’ve been avoiding me all evening!”

“Jus’ drop it, Dash. I don’ wanna talk about it.”

“Is it because the other Rainbow Dash pranked us? She was just…”

“Don’t you bring her up!” Applejack’s temper flared at the mention of the human girl.

“Jeesh. Alright. You know, she’s really not that bad…”

“Of course. Ah forgot. She’s jus’ a goddess on two legs to ya, isn’t she? So how long you gonna make her wait tomorrow before ya let ‘er buck ya?”

Rainbow stood quickly with a look of resentment, “What? What is your problem!?”

Applejack jumped out of the bed as well. She felt great satisfaction about taking out her feelings on her friend, even though she knew in the back of her head that it was wrong. The logical side of her mind screamed that she was being mean and unreasonable, while the emotional side ignored it.

“So how long have ya been a fillyfooler, huh? How come you never told me? Or am Ah jus’ not that important to ya?”

Rainbow’s cheeks grew red, “I’m not a fillyfooler!”

AJ could feel something about Dash’s demeanor, maybe it was the power of the Element of Honesty, but there seemed to be something dishonest about her answer. So Dash was going to lie to her now? She sneered as her anger built more.

“Oh yeah? Is that what you told Lightning Dust at that academy of yours? Did ya tell her ya weren’t a fillyfooler as you were moanin’ her name?”

Rainbow’s eyes went wide. The look on her face quickly shifted from anger. She was hurt, offended. Applejack felt it, and her sneer fell. She immediately regretted those last words.

“Rainbow, Ah…”

“I don’t know why it matters to you,” Rainbow said with tears starting to form in her eyes, “And I don’t know who told you about that. But I never slept with Lightning Dust. I had a crush on her, alright? She was the only pony I ever met who flew as good as me. I kissed her once, but then I found out what kind of pony she was.”

Applejack stammered, suddenly filled with sorrow at how much she hurt her friend’s feelings.

“I thought you were my friend, Applejack,” Rainbow Dash said, tears streaming down her cheeks, “If I upset you this much, then I’ll just leave you alone from now on.”

“Rainbow, wait…”

She wasn’t listening, however, and quickly strode across the room and slammed the door shut. AJ stood staring in shock. Great job, ya durned idiot. She fell back onto her bed and buried her head into her pillow miserably. Tears started pouring out of her eyes. Normally, she would fight them; she was stronger than that. But the misery that flowed through her mind was unbearable. The tears came, and the sobs followed soon after.

Why does she have to be so honest? Why couldn’t she just keep her big mouth shut? Why couldn't she just say that nothing was wrong and make it sound believable? Sure, she’d still be miserable and upset, but at least Rainbow wouldn’t be. It’s not like yelling at her accomplished anything.

They had fights before, of course. It was usually when their ego’s got in each others' way. Like when they had that stupid race. Or when they chose different sides in the Appleoosa incident. But it never felt this personal before. And it never hurt this much.

Knock. Knock.

Someone was at the door. She quickly tried to compose herself and wipe the tears away. She wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to Rainbow right now; she didn’t know if her heart could take it. She turned over reluctantly to say as much, but it wasn’t Rainbow at the door.

It was Applebloom.

AJ raised her eyebrow in confusion, “Applebloom? Ah don’ know if Ah feel up ta talkin’ right now…”

“Ah heard you guys yellin’,” she responded as she came in, “Didja have a fight?”

Applejack sighed. If Applebloom heard them, then there was a good chance the whole house did. She really didn’t want to explain this to everybody.

“Yeah, a little one. Why don’t ya get off ta bed, then, Applebloom? It’s gettin’ late.”

“You like her, don’t ya?”

Applejack was taken aback, “What?”

“You have feelins for that pony Rainbow Dash.”

“Aren’t ya a little young for all that?”

“Why do y’all keep thinkin’ Ah’m a little kid? Ah’m twelve!” Applebloom responded indignantly, “Besides, Ah understand. Ah’m bisexual, ya know.”

Applejack was very taken aback, “Now Ah know y’all are too young for that. What makes you think you’re… that, anyway?”

Applebloom suddenly looked very sheepish, “Ya promise ta keep it a secret?”

AJ nodded hesitantly.

“Alright. Well… Ah kissed Sweetie Belle once on a dare.”

“WHAT!?” If this Applebloom had… She was going to have to have a word with her younger sister when she got home… She shuddered at the thought.

“It doesn’t matter,” the younger girl shook her head, “Ah’m here ta talk about you. Do you like Rainbow or not?”

AJ hesitated. That was a question she wasn’t even willing to answer for herself. Did she like Rainbow like that? Was that why she was so jealous? She though back to all the times she had been around her friend. Hoof wrestling in the fields. Friendly competitions. Rainbow chasing her after she had run away to Dodge Junction. Was it really an expression of feelings deeper than friendship? Did she really care about Rainbow? About her happiness? About her safety? About her feelings?

“Yes,” Applejack responded.

“Then ya need ta tell her,” Applebloom responded seriously, “Ya can’t let her go off with this Rainbow all upset at you. Ah know the human Rainbow Dash. She’s… she gets around. Ya need ta tell her ya like her, or she’ll never get ta choose between ya.”

“Ya think Ah should go tell her?”

“Yep. But not now. You’re both still upset. Tell her before she leaves tomorrow.”

Applejack thought briefly about this, “Okay.”

“Good,” Applebloom smiled, “Well Ah better be off ta bed. Ah got school tomorrow.”

“Hold on,” the pony-girl called as she opened the door, “Why are ya bein’ nice ta me all of a sudden?”

She shrugged, “Ah’m still really weirded out bah you, Ah gotta say. But Ah’m not gonna let that get in the way of love.”

“Thanks, Applebloom.”

“Yup!”

Applejack laid back in her bed as the younger girl closed the door. She had to get some rest – she had something important to do tomorrow.

As hard as she tried, restful sleep eluded her.

Author's Note

Pre-read by EnderBlaze.

11- Those Are Not Handles, Rainbow Dash!

“You’re Sly Hoof, right?”

Sly Hoof raised his head up from his dinner of hay and vegetables to get a look at the questioner. Having just taken the seat across from him at the long wooden table was an off-duty guard. He removed his helmet to reveal a shock of blue hair. He looked at Sly with curiosity, who groaned with annoyance; he really didn’t want to talk to any of these Canterlot ponies.

“And what makes you think that?”

“My buddy Jasper was on duty outside the throne room and said some pony named Sly Hoof brought a message about Equestria being attacked. You’re not a guard, but you’re in the guard quarter. It was you, wasn’t it?”

“I don’t know if I should…”

“Oh come on!” the guard insisted, his eyes lighting up, “If it’s true we’re going to hear about it anyway, so just tell us.”

Sly looked around to see they were the only two in the vicinity. The guard did have a point – rumors were about to spread like wildfire, anyway. Nopony would know that he contributed to them. The least he could do was ensure they had accurate information.

“Alright, fine. The Crystal Empire’s been attacked.”

The guard eyes widened, “Really? How bad?”

Sly shrugged, “I don’t know. I left as soon as it happened.”

The guard leaned over onto the table and rested his head on his crossed forelegs.

“Holy hay. My brother’s in the empire right now. He’s a guard at the castle. I hope he’s alright.”

Sly raised his eyebrows, “Really? So was I. What’s his name?”

“Flash Sentry.”

He racked his brain. The name was definitely familiar…

“Pegasus? Blue hair? Kind of dull?”

“Yeah, that’s the guy,” the guard said emphatically, “You know him? Is he alright?”

“I don’t know. I never really knew him; I just know of him.”

“Well, tell me what you know. Chances are we’re all about to head up there, anyway. Oh, the name’s Bolt, by the way.”

Sly lazily returned Bolt’s hoof-bump, “The only thing I really remember about the guy is that he was court martialed once for inappropriately flirting with every mare in the castle, including the princesses. He was exonerated for being so damn bad at it.”

Bolt smiled slightly, “Yeah, that sounds like him. I actually just got a letter from him. He said big things were in the works, that he was going to come across a lot of bits soon. I have no idea what he was talking about, probably another of his stupid get-rich-quick schemes or something.”

Sly frowned. Not that was interesting. A castle guard was going to come into a lot of money right before his castle was invaded? He wondered what was going on there. Maybe he should tell somepony…

“I better get to bed, I’ve had a long day,” Sly said, still frowning.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” responded Bolt, “You can use my bunk; I’m about to go on watch. It’s right over there.”

Sly went to the bed indicated and threw himself onto it, exhausting seeping from his tired bones. Something was definitely strange about all of this…

Before he could think further about it, he was asleep.

***

Applejack rolled restlessly in her bed, desperately trying to achieve the restful sleep that she hadn’t gotten that night. Sure, her eyes were closed, and she dreamed, but her brain would jolt awake what seemed like every few minutes, and thoughts of how horrible she had treated Rainbow Dash permeated both her dreams, thoughts, and emotions.

There was a great rumbling outside her window, causing her to sleepily blink her eyes and mumble something even she couldn’t understand. It sounded like a huge engine, even bigger than Applejack’s truck. She wondered for a moment where it was going. Ugh. Stupid sun, why did it have to shine straight into her eyes?

Wait…

Applejack jumped out of bed, panic suddenly taking her heart. She overslept! Not even bothering to change out of her pajamas, she threw open the bedroom door and bounded down the stairs, almost falling over her awkward two feet. Someone was in the kitchen. She leapt through the doorway, momentarily forgetting about the linoleum floor.

Human-AJ was in there alone at the sink. Her eyes went wide as Applejack tried skidding to a halt, but only ending up sliding across the floor in her socks. Her feet gave out from under her, and she fell back, slamming into the floor with a resounding thud.

“Woah there, sugarcube,” Human-AJ laughed as she helped AJ up, “Don’t they got friction in that pony world o’ yours?”

“Rainbow Dash? Did she leave yet?!”

“Ya just missed her. Rainbow just came and got her. Why do ya ask?”

Applejack hung her head. She was too late.

“Now don’t get all down like that,” Human-AJ said as she turned back to the dishes, “She’ll be back. Pinkie’s got that party tonight, remember?”

“Yeah, Ah know, but…”

“You’re worried about her and Rainbow?” she asked wisely, turning around and wiping her hands on a dishtowel. AJ nodded silently, still looking dejectedly down at the floor. “It’ll be alright, they’re just gone for the afternoon. Ah’m sure mah Rainbow’ll be too busy flyin’ the plane ta worry too much about your Rainbow. Before ya know it, she’ll be back here and you can say whatever it is ya need ta say.”

“That’s not all,” Applejack said sadly, “We… well, we kinda had a fight last night. Actually, it’s probably closer ta say Ah was…”

“A giant horse’s ass?” suggested Human-AJ with a slight smile.

“Ah don’ know if Ah should take offense ta that or not, but yeah.”

“Don’t worry too much, sugarcube. Rainbow… yeah, she can get emotional, but Ah don’ know of a more loyal friend on planet Earth – or where ever you’re from. She may be sore at ya, but if you’re really sorry, she’ll forgive you.”

“Thanks, AJ,” Applejack smiled at her new friend, “Yer the best.”

“Ah shucks,” Human-AJ waved her off, “It’s nothin’. Ah just hate ta see a pretty face like yours lookin’ so down.”

Applejack blushed slightly, “Are ya sure it’s Rainbow that’s full of herself?”

Her counterpart gave a mischievous look, “All Ah’m sayin’ is if you were a horse, Ah’d ride you.”

AJ groaned, “Alright, seriously, y’all need ta stop with that… weird – thing – you do.”

She laughed, “Ah’ll stop as soon as you stop makin’ it so easy. Anyway, we don’ have a lot ta do this mornin’. Why don’tcha go watch some TV while Ah call Fluttershy?”

“TV? No thanks. Ah don’ think Ah rightly trust it. How do Ah know it’s not watchin’ me back?”

“Because… Ah don’ know. Ah’ll watch it with you in a sec, let me give ‘Shy a call real quick.”

She took out her cell phone, made the call, and held it up to her ear.

“Hey, Fluttershy, it’s Applejack… Yeah… Didya ever get a chance ta talk to Sunset Shimmer?... Ya didn’t?... Well why don’t ya come over and we can go talk to her together… Oh… oh… Well, you’re comin’ tonight, aren’t ya?... Well you can tell that asshole… Fluttershy, listen ta me… He’s a bastard, ‘Shy… Fine, fine. Yeah, go ahead… I got it. You know Ah’m worried about you… Okay. Good bye.”

Human-AJ put the phone back in her pocket and sat heavily down on a kitchen chair with a great sigh.

“What’s the matter, sugarcube?” AJ asked.

“It’s Fluttershy. Well, it’s that damn boyfriend of hers.”

“Fluttershy’s got a boyfriend?”

“Yeah, and well... he's not a good person. Ah don' know if Ah feel right talkin' about it - it's kinda personal. He treats her bad, and she defends him."

"Why?"

"Ah'll... Ah'll talk about it later. It's a real tender point for us - meaning me and 'Shy's friends."

"It's alright," AJ responded, although she was deep in thought. She briefly wondered if every girl on Earth had to deal with this kind of trouble, or maybe it was just every human in general. Maybe this was why it was such a messed up place. She never missed home quite so much.

She missed her farm. She missed her friends. She missed her family. And... she missed her Rainbow.

***

Rainbow Dash was flying. Well, maybe she was still on the ground, but she was going faster than she ever had in this world, and there was even less to support her than when she was in the bed of Applejack’s truck.

She sat on the back of the motorcycle, leaning into Human-Dash and clutching her waist in her arms. She was wearing Human-Dash’s helmet – the human girl had insisted on it. It didn’t seem very cool, but then again, if anybody knew cool, it would be Human-Dash, right?

The human girl turned around and shouted something to her through the force of the wind. She didn’t understand a word of it, but she nodded anyway. After a minute, they pulled into a gas station and stopped next to a pump. Rainbow pulled her helmet off with enthusiasm.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me you had such an awesome… bicycle-ey thing? Man, and I thought the truck was cool. Does your flying machine look like this, too?”

“Nah,” her companion responded, “But man, if plane-cycles existed, I’d get one in a heartbeat. I was so freaking excited when I got those blue wings when Twilight was here; I thought I was going to be flying everywhere. It must be awesome…”

“You have no idea. There’s this one move – the sonic rainboom – I’m the only pony in the world that can do it. It’s so awesome, in this one competition all my other moves were… well, I got nervous. Anyway, I did the sonic rainboom and that won me the competition. I got to spend an entire day with the Wonderbolts!”

“Sweet,” responded Human-Dash distractedly as she went to fill up her tank, “Why don’t you go inside and get some snacks or something. Here, take my credit card.”

Rainbow hesitantly took the card. It was made out of some sort of plastic. Stupid human world and their stupid plasticky things. Shrugging, she headed inside.

It was a place unlike any she’d seen in Ponyville. Normally, if you wanted food, you had to either pay big bits at a restaurant or go to the market and pick up some fresh produce from one of the farmers’ stands there. Then, you had to fly all that stuff all the way home and cook it. It was really boring, and boring meant uncool. Here, everything was already made. Potatoes were fried and put into little bags for you. Cakes were cooked and encased in plastic. And… dear Celestia, what was that?

Beef jerky.

Rainbow’s knees went weak. You mean you could buy meat already cooked and ready to eat? She didn’t have to wait for Applejack to make dinner? Holy hay. And so many different kinds – original, sweet & spicy, teriyaki, habanero, garlic, pepper, nirvana… She got two of each. No, three. Well, she didn’t know how much this ‘credit card’ thing was worth… Okay, two.

Three.

She gathered them all up in her arms and took them to the register. Huh, the clerk wasn’t there, she must have gone to the restroom or something. Seeing a basket filled with coins like at AJ’s cider stand, Rainbow deposited her payment and giddily ran out of the store.

“Christ, girl… like jerky much?” Human-Dash quipped as her counterpart deposited an armful into the motorcycle’s saddlebag.

“Nopony… I mean, nobody told me they sold meat in packages,” Rainbow said, flinching slightly at her mistake. It’s not cool to say ‘pony’ here, Dash, got to make a good impression.

“Yeah, they sell all kinds of packages here. Hop on.”

Rainbow put her helmet on and jumped behind her, grabbing her around the midsection. For some reason, she felt Human-Dash stiffen up, and she stopped the action of starting the ignition. With a very curious look on her face, she turned around and faced Rainbow.

“Uhm… Why aren’t you holding my waist like before?”

Rainbow let go of the girl in front of her and took off her helmet.

“I don’t know… Why does it matter?”

“Well, if you’re going to start being frisky, then you should probably wait until we’re not… in public.”

Rainbow simply responded with a confused look, turning her head to the side.

“You really don’t get it, do you?”

Rainbow shook her head.

“You were grabbing my tits.”

“Yeah, I thought they seemed like pretty good handles. So?”

Human-Dash facepalmed. “Alright, I can see you don’t know anything about this. Look, on Earth, you don’t just up and grab a girl’s tits, okay?”

“Why not?”

“Because… god damn it, just don’t. Ask Applejack about it, okay? She’s the motherly type.”

She reached over toward the key, glad to be finished this dumb conversation. Before she could start the bike, however, Pony-Dash bombarded her with another question.

“What about a boy’s tits?”

“Ugh. Boy’s don’t… well, I guess if they’re fat… I mean… Just don’t grab anyone’s tits!” she sighed, rubbing her temples wearily, “Look, hot stuff, I get that you don’t understand human anatomy yet, but you can’t go around groping girls like that. I’ll tell you all about human birds and the bees later, alright?”

Rainbow nodded back, sheepishly. She had thought that was a perfectly reasonable question. Now she went and made a fool out of herself. You’re such an dunderhead, Dash. She made a note to never mention that subject in front of her counterpart again. Putting her helmet back on, Rainbow reached around with trepidation and gingerly placed her hands on Human-Dash’s waist. Just as she was about to start the bike, she turned around –

“Hey, can I get my credit card back?”

“Huh? I spent it, remember?”

***

“Will ‘til you see this plane. She’s awesome,” Human-Dash said as she fiddled with the lock of the hanger. Rainbow looked around at the small municipal airport. There were only about half a dozen hangers and one runway. Apparently the air field wasn’t that busy in the morning on a weekday; they were the only ones there besides the air traffic controller. Human-Dash had said he was in charge of making sure ‘planes don’t crash into each other’. She didn’t see why they needed one – in Equestria, if she was about to crash into another pegasus, that pegasus would swerve out of the way. It should be the same here.

“Got it,” Human-Dash said finally, pulling off the lock and opening the door, “Check it out!”

Inside the hanger was a cyan recreational aircraft, big enough to seat two people. Rainbow Dash was enthralled. It was bigger than Applejack’s truck, with a spinning blade on the front and little wheels to get it across the ground.

“This is yours?” she asked with wide eyes.

“Nah, it’s my dad’s. But he lets me fly it.”

“All by yourself? Then why's there two seats?”

Human-Dash suddenly looked very unsure, looking down at her feet as she drew shapes into the concrete with them.

“You can keep a secret, right?”

“Yeah…” Rainbow answered, curious.

“Alright. You see, you probably don’t know this, but you can’t fly without a license. The thing is - I don’t have one, so I’m not technically allowed to fly unless Spitfire’s here.”

“So when does she get here? I’m kind of interested in talking to her, too.”

“She’ s not coming,” Human-Dash said flatly.

“She’s not?”

“No. But don’t worry, I’ve flown this plane by myself plenty of times. Old Barney up in the control tower overdoses on his meds every day, and he’s usually out cold in the mornings. All I have to do is make sure to get the plane back with no scratches and fill the tank back up, and no one’s the wiser. So what do you say - you in? You cool enough?”

“Hay yeah, I’m cool enough!” Rainbow responded brashly, making sure no one got the impression that she was possibly… uncool.

“Alright, then. Climb in while I do some preflight checks.”

She did as she was told and got into the plane’s passenger seat. There were a vast amount of lights and dials and meters and levers in front of her. And she had thought the tractor was complicated. Human-Dash walked around the plane, looking at certain parts for reasons Dash wasn’t sure of. After a few minutes, she hopped in beside her counterpart.

“Alright, sexy, you ready to get this show on the road?”

“Totally!”

“Let’s go then.”

She flipped a few switches in front of her, bringing the small plane to life. The lights turned on, the needles on the meters spun around until they reached their appropriate positions, and after a moment, the engine sputtered and churned into action.
Human-Dash shut the door on her side, and Rainbow followed suit. Operating controls various controls the pony girl didn’t understand, she eased the plane expertly out of the hanger and lined up on the runway.

“Control, N136BF – Request permission for takeoff, over.” she said into the radio.

No response. Human-Dash smiled.

“Control, N136BF – Your mother has large genitals, over.”

“What did you say that for?” Rainbow asked.

“Barney’s asleep again. Normally, Spitfire has to take the plane off the runway before she goes up to the tower to yell at him, but I find it’s usually more efficient to insult his mom and go anyway. It’s fine. If he wakes up and sees we’re gone, he’ll just check to see that I’ve filed a flight plan and then go back to sleep. You ready for takeoff?”

“Hay yes. Let’s go.”

Human-Dash pulled out the throttle carefully as the engine revved and the propeller spun so fast that it couldn’t be seen anymore. They pulled forward along the runway, excitement welling forth from Rainbow’s chest. The human girl pulled out the throttle as far as it would go and both girls were thrown back into their seats as the plane lurched forward. She operated some more controls, adjusting the elevators and the plane slowly began to leave the ground.

The plane quickly gained altitude as Rainbow looked out toward the ground below her. It was the feeling she’d been missing ever since she got here – the weightless feeling, the amazing view, the high speeds – everything but the wind in her hair. The plane leveled out as Human-Dash turned to her companion.

“I’m going to get away from the city, then we’ll do some tricks. How does that sound?”

“Totally awesome.”

“Cool.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes as Rainbow looked out the window toward the ground below. The lull gave her time to think. There was so much to think about – how things were going back home in Equestria, what had happened to Twilight, whether her human self really was cooler than her… As much as there was to think about, however, she found her mind kept going back to what had happened the previous night.

Why had Applejack been so hostile? It was so unlike her. The Applejack she was used to was calm, honest, friendly. Certainly not above getting frustrated every once in a while, but she had never taken it out on her friends so… meanly before. And it came absolutely out of nowhere. One minute she was trying to talk to her to make her feel better, the next Applejack was saying some really nasty stuff, and accusing her of… things.

“Something the matter?”

Rainbow turned to her counterpart, who was looking at her in concern. Maybe she just needed an outside opinion, somebody who knew AJ. Or knew an AJ.

“It’s just… has Applejack ever gotten really mad at you?” Rainbow started uncertainly.

Human-Dash rubbed her chin thoughtfully, “I guess. I never really gave it much thought, though.”

“What kind of stuff did she get mad at you for?”

“For being a mischievous bitch, mostly,” she smiled, “Although I’ve never seen her so mad as that one time when I was going out with Lightning Dust…”

“Lightning Dust?” Rainbow shouted, amazed, “That’s what my AJ was mad at me about… I think. What happened?”

“Applejack was mad at you, huh? It happens. Anyway, she caught me and Lightning making out at one of Pinkie Pie’s parties and got in a hissy fit. Really, I should have been the one who got pissed off – we were about to have some awesome kinky bathroom sex before she interrupted.”

“What!?”

“What?” Human-Dash asked innocently.

“You had… sex with her?”

“Yeah, didn’t you?”

“NO!” she shouted, before lowering her voice with a sheepish look, “I mean, no. I kissed her once, but I would never have sex with her. She was kind of… mean.”

“So?” Suddenly, a look of realization came upon Human-Dash’s face, “Wait a minute, are you a virgin?”

“No,” Dash responded quickly.

“You are, aren’t you?”

“I’m not! And besides, ponies don’t have sex that much, not like you humans do, apparently.”

“If you’re not a virgin, then who have you had sex with?”

“gasdhsdfkj…”

“What was that? You said Big Mac?”

“No! I said Gilda!” Rainbow quickly covered her mouth in horror – she had never told anyone about that before.

“Gilda, huh? Yeah, I did her too. Why her and not anyone else?”

“Well, I was kind of dating her in junior flight camp,” Dash explained, resigned, “She pressured me into it. I was kind of so wowed by her coolness and confidence, I never saw what a jerk she was.”

“Gilda’s alright. She just gets jealous really easy.”

“She’s alright?” she asked incredulously, “Didn’t you see what she did to Pinkie?”

“Did to Pinkie? I mean yeah, Gilda was kind of a dick to her at first, but then Pinkie threw a big party for her and they got drunk together and became the best of friends. What, that didn’t happen in pony-world?”

“No. Gilda kept getting pranked by... well, it was by me, but it was an accident. Then she yelled at Pinkie and I got mad at her. Ponies usually don't drink that much, either. It sounds like your Pinkie likes to get drunk a lot.”

“Oh, yeah,” Human-Dash laughed, “She’s a real party animal. Gotta love her, though.”

“Yeah…”

“So anyway, what are you going to do with Applejack?”

“I don’t know,” Rainbow responded at the change of subject, “This has never really happened to me before.”

“Do you want my advice?”

“Duh.”

“Be a loyal friend. When we get back, give her a chance to explain herself. She probably had a reason to be angry, even if it's a dumb one.”

She thought about this for a second, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am. What do you say we do a couple of flips to get your mind off of it?”

Rainbow’s eyes lit up, “Awesome!”

***

Fluttershy stared in horror through the translucent blue magic at the shapes of the four ponies on the other side. She felt a thud as Pinkie Pie tried fruitlessly to slam through the force field, a very unPinkie-like frown on her face. Fluttershy simply sat in shock.

Agister ran up to the blue aura and shouted something indecipherable, placing a forehoof against it. She cautiously walked up and put her ear up to it to try to hear what he was saying.

“Go to the train station!”

Right, the train station. There should still be ponies there, and maybe a train will arrive to take her back to Ponyville so she could hide under her bed.

No, Fluttershy. Your friends need help. You need to be brave.

Rarity and Pinkie Pie sadly came up to either side of Agister and placed their hooves on the dome next to his (Dartmoor just started walking away). Fluttershy gulped and placed her hoof on top of their's on her side. A tear started sliding down her cheek, as emotion started welling up in them all. Pulling up every ounce of determination inside of her, she plastered a resolute look on her face and turned around, heading toward the train station. The three ponies inside the city watched her go before turning around to catch up to Dartmoor.

As she reached the train station, she saw a small group of ponies all staring at the orb around the city in shock. They were commuters, tourists, businessponies. All were as frightened and startled by the sudden change in the city as Fluttershy was. Not one of them knew what the cause of the protective shield was, and only Fluttershy knew the city was under attack. As soon as they saw her approach, they all ran up to her.

“What happened!?”

“Did you come from the city?”

“Is there something wrong with the princess?”

Fluttershy shrank under the attention. She instinctively looked back for her friends, but they were already on their way towards the city on the other side of the shield. Trying her best not to run away in fear, she turned toward the crowd of ponies.

“Uhm… I don’t know what that is. I’m t-trapped here too.”

Seeing that this newcomer didn’t know anything, the crowd turned back to talk amongst themselves. Fluttershy didn’t join them, but instead went to sit upon a bench. What was she going to do now? She pulled into herself, shivering against the northern autumn cold. She wasn’t as warmly dressed as a lot of other ponies here. If a train comes, she might have to get on it just to keep from freezing to death.

A shout from the crowd drew her attention. The eyes of all the ponies were drawn to the blue bubble. It rippled and shook as a hole opened up in the shield. Three rough looking crystal stallions passed through, the hole closing behind them. They approached the train station, the crowd moving toward them, poised to ask further questions. Fluttershy had a bad feeling about these ponies, and quickly hid in the ticket booth.

“Alright, all of you get onto the platform!” one of them called with an authoritative voice. The commuter ponies did as they were told while eying each other nervously. The three stallions encircled them and directed them roughly toward the station as Fluttershy watched through a crack in the door of the ticket booth.

The crystal stallions laughed as they closed the door of the station, locking it with chains and a padlock. All the ponies that were at the station when the shield was erected were now locked inside, except Fluttershy.

“Hey, Shade, what’re we gonna do with ‘em when we’re done here?”

The pony called Shade shrugged. “Beats me. Probably let ‘em starve, or Grimm’ll enslave ‘em. I don't really care. Come on, we got work to do.”

Fluttershy watched as they made their way toward the train tracks, pulling something out of one of the pony’s saddlebag. Working quickly, they distributed it over the tracks and galloped quickly back to the station. Fluttershy flinched in fear as they kneeled right next to the ticket booth where she hid.

BOOOM!

An explosion rang out, shaking the station and everypony in it. Rocks and dirt were ejected up from the destroyed tracks, showering the entire area. Fluttershy dived under the counter the cash register was on where she continued to hide, shaking.

“Why’d we do that, boss?”

“I already told you idiots,” Shade said, “Grimm expects the army to arrive here. He’s having us blow up all the tracks from here to the gorge to slow ‘em down.”

“Is that it, then?”

“Yeah, the other team’ll get the rest. We were mainly sent to take care of anypony still at the station. Speaking of which…”

“I like what you’re thinking.”

Fluttershy heard hoofsteps approach her. The door of the ticket booth opened. Three sets of hooves clopped across the floor, drawing nearer to her hiding spot.

“Empty the register,” Shade said, “Just remember not to tell anypony about this; this is the king’s property, after all.”

The other two stallions chuckled greedily as the register opened over Fluttershy’s head. A trinkle of coins could be heard as bits were poured into saddle bags. That’s when the stallion closest to Fluttershy called out, freezing her heart with fear -

“Hey, what the crap is this?”

Shade walked over to the stallion who had made the statement. Apparently they were looking at something out of her view.

“‘In God We Trust, 2012’,” read Shade, “And there’s some kind of monkey in a wig on it. I have no clue. What’s it say on the back… Oh, of course. A damn buffalo. Those prairie dwellers are counterfeiting. Sombra damn it.”

He threw the nickel on the floor where it landed next to Fluttershy’s hoof.

“Just throw that crap away. Let’s get out of here. We need to stash our loot before I report back to Grimm.”

“I don’t know…” one of the ponies said stupidly, “I kind of like it.”

“Then knock yourself out,” Shade shook his head, “Just hurry up.”

A set of hooves approached Fluttershy’s hiding spot. She shrunk back as much as she could as the stallion’s knees bent as he reached down to pick up the discarded nickel. Please don’t see me. Please don’t see me. Please don’t…

His eyes went wide as he looked straight into hers! A pair of hooves grabbed her and threw her out onto the floor of the ticket booth!

“Hey boss! I found another one!”

The pony known as Shade walked back into the booth and looked down at her with a wide, crooked smile.

“Well, well. Looks like she thought she could hide from the Black Crystal Diciples. Throw her in with the rest of… wait.”

Shade’s pupil’s shrank and his mouth fell open as his eyes settled on Fluttershy’s cutie mark.

“Holy crap. This is one of them ‘elements’ Grimm was talking about!”

“Huh?” his henchman asked dumbly.

“Yellow fur, pink mane, butterfly cutie mark… this is one of the Elements of Harmony! Grimm Shado is offering a five thousand bit reward for one of these!”

The two other stallions grabbed her brusquely, their eyes full of greed. Shade led them out of the ticket booth as they turned toward the Crystal Empire.

“Screw the small change,” Shade said, “We’re taking this bitch straight to Grimm!”

***

This seemed to be the place. Flash Sentry snuck up to a large crystal building and crept around it through the shadows. The street lanterns lit the crystal ponies traversing the streets on either side of the alleyway, and the great blue aura of the magic shield above them twisted and warped the starry sky as if they were in a giant, domed aquarium. There was an open window hatch above him. He spread his wings, and effortlessly flew up into the windowsill.

He was glad he had left his armor in the barracks. As useful as it might be in a fight, there was no way he could have made it up here without being heard. He peered down into the dark of the warehouse inside, at first not making out anything other than the faint outline of rows of crates.

Then he heard a snore. It was coming from beyond a high row of crates several yards in front of him. He chanced making a little noise and flew as quietly as he could into the building. Landing softly on top of the crates, he peered down toward the source of the noise.

Three figures. One very small. And in one of them…

The Kīla of Gothmog.

Flash could have kissed himself. Well, maybe not, but if he were a woman he would accidentally repeatedly bump into himself.

He snuck quietly out of the warehouse, smiling. He finally found them.

***

Applejack had no idea what to make of this television thingy. She had thought that maybe it would involve movies of people bucking apples, or maybe a good western novel. It seems that she underestimated the sheer inclination of humanity for strangeness.

“Here we go! It's the lean, green, ninja team. On the scene, cool teens doing ninja things. So extreme, out the sewers like laser beams. Get rocked with the shell-shocked pizza kings…”

“Ah don’ get it…” AJ started, “So they’re kinda like me - they’re other critters that turned human… but why are they all deformed and green and whatnot?”

“Don’ try ta understand it, sugarcube. It don’ make a whole lotta sense. Actually, this is supposed ta be a boys show, but apparently all the girls around Applebloom’s age watch it instead. It’s her favorite show.”

“Really? Then what do the boys watch?”

“A girl’s show.”

“What? Which one?”

“That one cartoon, the one with the colorful female hooved critters goin’ around savin’ the world and whatnot… Ah can’t seem ta remember what it’s called…”

“‘Animal Farm’?” AJ guessed.

“Yeah, I think so. Anyway, it’s getting’ ta be evenin’. Fluttershy told me ta call Sunset about now, so let me get on that. Enjoy your Kung-fu Frogs.”

“Ah think they’re turtles.”

“Whatever. Ah’ll be right back.”

AJ continued to watch the show as Human-AJ went to the kitchen to make the call. She turned the TV volume up so she could hear it over the sound of the conversation (a skill she had just learned, and was getting very good at, if she did say so herself). Now the turtles were fighting a giant talking fish with metal legs. Now they were talking to a rat wearing a robe. This was way too weird. If anypony in Equestria ever invented the television, she would have to remind herself to ask Celestia to send them to the moon. She switched the TV off as the human girl came back into the room.

“Sunset’s comin’ to the party tonight,” she announced as she looked down at her watch, “Which is gonna be in about two hours. Speakin’ of which, Rainbow Dash said she was gonna be back bah now. Ah’m gonna have…”

As if in answer, a ring erupted from the phone in her hand. She looked curiously at it, which quickly turned to confusion.

“Unknown number. Hold on, sugarcube. Ah’m gonna take this.”

“Hello?... Yeah, this is Applejack… Oh, hey, Spitfire. Ah suppose ya landed… SHE DID WHAT?... You’re kiddin’ me… Yeah, Ah will. Ah’ll let the other girls know. Thanks for tellin’ me… Bye.”

Human-AJ looked toward Applejack with wide eyes, shock etched in every feature of her face. When she spoke, it was as if even she didn’t believe what she was saying –

“They lost contact with Rainbow’s plane. They’re missing.”

12- Humans Suck

Rarity slowly walked with the other ponies toward the city sparkling in the starlight. Her eyes trailed the ground as they walked, her mind full of worry and uncertainty. This was one of the most dangerous adventures they’d ever been on, even more so than their original saving of the Crystal Empire. At least that time they had all been together, had all worked together, and had their friendship to overcome Sombra’s evil. It seemed like this time she was losing friends left and right – first Twilight, then AJ and Rainbow, and now Fluttershy. At least she knew that Fluttershy was okay; she could take the train back to Ponyville while they traipsed about in enemy territory. Lucky her.

Dartmoor walked several paces ahead of her, although ‘walk’ was a bit of a misnomer - ‘crept’ would have been more accurate. He stayed low to the ground, occasionally placing his ear to it and listening. His head shot back and forth with a frequency that would make most ponies dizzy, as he took in his surroundings as rapidly as possible. It was like he was in his natural environment – that of danger, risk, and uncertainty. Such was an unusual state for any pony to be in, even more unusual for a pony to revel in. She thought back to the story of his childhood that Agister had told her on the train. Truly this must have been a mind-warping event. If there was any pony in Equestria that needed to be shown friendship, it was the earth pony stallion in front of her. She had to try, at least.

“So what’s the plan, darling?” she asked as politely as she could.

“The plan is you shut up so I don't have to talk to you. And also so we're not heard. But mostly so I don't have to talk to you.”

“I’m just trying to be friendly!” she huffed, “Why don’t you ever talk to anypony?”

“Look lady, this is just a temporary thing for me, alright? We stop this cult, then I go back to doing what I’ve always been doing. I don’t need any help, I don’t need to talk, and I don’t need friends.”

“Well that’s just ridiculous. Everypony needs friends.”

“I don’t. Now please, I’m trying to listen.”

“Very well, but we should talk later. I’m very interested in getting to know you, and I know that my friends would like you if you ever gave them a chance to get to know you, too.”

“Fine. Whatever will shut you up.”

Rarity sighed in exasperation. Maybe there was no getting through to this pony. Maybe he really didn’t like knowing others. They certainly didn’t seem to share any interests. At least she had interests outside of murdering and drinking. Then again, maybe that was an excuse to hide whatever his true feelings about the world were. Maybe if they had met under different circumstances, he would behave differently. War and strife were certainly reasonable excuses to make a pony act antisocially. Maybe she’d have to catch him off-guard.

“Agister told me about Assateague.”

Dartmoor halted for the briefest part of a second, but quickly recovered. He glanced back to see that Pinkie and Agister were out of earshot, then looked listlessly at Rarity.

“That right?”

“Yes he did. And I wanted to let you know that I understand. I…”

“You understand, huh? How did your parents die?”

“Oh, uhm, that is to say, they’re still alive.”

He snorted, “How did I know? It’s always the ponies who’ve never lost anything that think they can understand those who did.”

“I’m not…”

“Look babe, thanks for the sympathy or whatever, but that happened thirty years ago. I think I’m good now.”

“It may have happened thirty years ago, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t affect you. And I may not understand any of it at all, but I just wanted to tell you that… I don’t know. I just want to be your friend.”

“And why would you want that?” he sighed, “Have you even met me? You think that the few bodies you’ve heard about hold a candle to how many I’ve stacked up in the past? And I can’t imagine you like drunkards.”

“I don’t. And I don’t even know what to think about the… ponies.” She shuddered at the thought. “But that doesn’t mean you’re worthless, or that you don’t deserve any friends.”

For the briefest moment, much less than a second, Rarity thought she saw something she hadn’t seen before – one corner of Dartmoor’s mouth turned up the tiniest bit. She could have imagined it; she probably did imagine it. Nonetheless, it filled her heart with pride and sentimentality to know that there was a possibility that she made this mirthless pony smile for some brief period of time.

“What’re you two talking about?” Pinkie asked happily behind Rarity. She turned around. Apparently they had been talking for so long that the other two ponies had caught up.

“Nothing. Come on, let’s find somewhere to hide out for tonight,” Dartmoor replied. The others followed him as they entered the fringes of the city.

***

Applejack sat at the kitchen table. There were people all around talking about something, but she didn’t care. She stared down at the creamy black drink swirling in the cup before her. Human-AJ had insisted she have something to drink, but this tasted just as bad as the usual coffee, except it burnt as it went down her throat. The human girl had called it “Irish”, whatever the hay that was. Probably some weird made up human word, like “twerk”. (Human-AJ had told her to ask Rarity what that meant sometime.) Whatever. Still, she drank it, if only because there was nothing else she could do, and the coffee reminded her of Rainbow.

“Ah’m surprised that that man didn’t say anything to ya abou’ coming here, Fluttershy.”

“Oh…” Fluttershy looked down, obviously not thrilled at the topic. “He did, but I told him that I had to.”

“Ah hope ya told him you were a grown woman an’ could make your own damn decisions.”

“I, uhm…I-don’t-know-I-don’t-want-to-talk-about-this-anymore.”

AJ slammed her cup down on the table. Why the hay were they talking about boyfriends and assertiveness when her Rainbow Dash was missing!? Wait a minute, did she just call her ‘her Rainbow Dash’? That’s right, another voice said, She is yours. And she’ll be alright. When she gets back, you’re going to tell her how you feel and everything will be just fine.

“Are you gonna be okay, sugarcube?” Human-AJ asked, looking over in concern. Applejack was suddenly aware everyone in the room was looking at her, but that didn’t alter her emotional instability or her feeling of helplessness.

“What are we going ta do about Rainbow!? Has everyone forgotten? We’re all jus’ sittin’ around on our asses waitin’ for Celestia knows what ta happen when we should be out there lookin’!”

The others just looked on sadly at this poor displaced girl with tears in her eyes. The Apple family, minus Applebloom (who was out with her friends), sat around the table with her, Fluttershy stood with Human-AJ, Pinkie Pie sat in a chair in the corner, uncharacteristically silent, bottle of alcohol in hand. Human-AJ walked over and gently laid her hands on her counterpart’s shoulders.

“I know you’re hurtin’, Applejack. Heck, so am I. We all are. It’s jus’… we can’t do anything – the world’s just too dang big ta run around lookin’ for ‘em. We’d get ourselves lost if we tried. We all care a whole lot for Rainbow – both Rainbows. Spitfire, who even Rainbow Dash says is the best pilot she knows, is out lookin’ right now, and she promised ta let us know as soon as she found somethin’ out.”

As hard as the other girl tried to calm her down, Applejack couldn’t help but still feel resentful. It felt like if this had happened in Equestria, the entire town would be completely engrossed with helping until they were found.

“What about Rarity, huh? She’s not even here!”

Human-AJ exchanged an uncomfortable glance with Fluttershy. “Rarity had a… previous commitment. Ah did give her a call, though, and she’s real worried about Rainbow, too.”

“What the buck is she doin’ that’s so dang important?!”

“She’s, uh, in Manehatten showing off her clothes…”

“WHAT!? One of her best friends is missin’, and Rarity’s worried about clothes?”

Human-AJ gulped, looking even more uncomfortable than before. “She’s been waitin’ for this opportunity for a while, sugarcube. She, uh…”

“All she cares about is her clothes,” Applejack cut her off.

“Now don’t go judgin’ the girl like that. She does care abou’ Rainbow, she just needs ta get her priorities in order. Ah tried ta talk ta her, but she can get pretty crazy about her fashion stuff.”

Applejack could only shake her head. This world was even more messed up than either of them could initially assess. Humans were slaves to selfishness, to their own damn hormones. If there was anywhere that didn’t understand friendship, it was here.

“Ah don’ know, Applejack,” AJ started sadly, “This place is jus’ all backwards. Rarity is obsessed with her career, Rainbow needs attention, Fluttershy is bein’ used, Pinkie drinks too much, and y’all are jus’ satisfied with livin’ the rest of your life alone on the farm, never once tryin’ for anything more. This place is jus’ messed up, and there ain’t nothin’ right about it.”

Human-AJ got down on her knees next to AJ’s chair and pulled her into a hug. The pony-girl was initially shocked to feel arms reaching around her and feeling the human’s head lay against her chest. Instinctively, she returned the hug. She could hear Human-AJ’s slow, depressed breathing, and the show of affection calmed her down. The other people in the room remained silent, although seeing the two identical girls come to a silent understanding seemed to have a cathartic effect on them as well. After several minutes, Human-AJ let her go and looked into her eyes.

“This is a strange two-legged world we live in, sugarcube,” she said with a husky voice and teary eyes, “Ya don’ really live here, you just survive.”

***

“So what do we do now, boss?”

“Shit, I don’t know. Maybe Grimm’s busy or something. We should probably wait here,” Shade responded as he pushed against the unyielding magic shield. It wasn’t letting anything pass through, pony or object. It was supposed to let members of the Disciples through, at least.

“I don’t know, Shade. It’s November in the Crystal Empire - it's gonna get cold real quick. Maybe we should start a fire?”

“How about that train station?” asked the other henchman, “They got heat in there.”

“Yeah, and also two dozen angry ponies who’ll jump us in our sleep, idiot,” Shade responded wearily, rubbing his head. He thought hard about their predicament, and there was only one thing he could think of to do. There was a cave in these mountains he used to play in as a child fifteen years ago. Actually, make that a thousand and fifteen years ago. It was better than nothing. “All right, you bums. We’re heading for that mountain range. Take the prisoner and tie her wings behind her back.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I don’t really fly that well anyway.”

“Yeah, sure. A pegasus that doesn’t fly. Next you’ll be telling me the fastest creature in Equestria is an earth pony. Or that there’s a unicorn willing to give up her magic to turn into an alien.”

“Actually…”

“Just tie her up.”

The henchmen did as he asked, taking a length of rope from their saddle bags and tying her wings tightly around her barrel, much like Applejack had done to Rainbow Dash years before for the Running of the Leaves. One of them took the ends of the rope and held it in his mouth, leading Fluttershy along like a dog on a leash. The henchman brutally yanked at the rope, causing her to stumble and fall painfully to the ground below. The three stallions giggled as she got back up on her hooves.

“All right, let’s go,” Shade laughed.

He led then away from the city toward the nearest mountain range, which was in the opposite direction as the train tracks. Frozen grass crunched beneath their feet as the cold of the night set in. The only source of light soon became the blue glow of the protective shield behind them. Fluttershy stumbled along, hooves already tired from the long trek she had taken both that morning and the day before. The Disciples were mirthless in their silent demands that she keep up, often jerking on the rope whenever the line went taut. Once she fell to the ground at their tug, and instead of waiting for her to get up, they simply dragged her along against the painful rocks of the frozen north.

Within an hour they reached their destination – the Crystal Mountains. They stood at the foot of the towering spire before them, briefly resting before taking the long, dangerous trek up the winding path directly ahead. Fluttershy had only seen one place in Equestria that compared to this – the mountain that Canterlot stood on. It seemed almost unreal how drastically the colossus shot up from the plains.

“Alright, here’s the plan, numbnuts. You guys know where the cave is, right?” The other two nodded. “Alright, you take her up there. Hang out there until I come back. I’m going to go meet up with another group and see if we can’t get into that damn bubble. While I’m gone, get the bitch to tell you where the other elements are.”

Fluttershy gulped. The other two eyed her with an unreadable look as Shade turned back toward the city. Stumbling once again at another tug of her rope, she was pulled along the rocky mountain trail. The two crystal stallions began talking about what they were planning to spend their money on, a conversation that she paid little attention to.

Things couldn’t get much worse than this. Pinkie and Rarity were trapped in a blue bubble, Rainbow and AJ were trapped in a strange alternate world, and Twilight was trapped in her own body. None of her friends knew where she was, and she was absolutely helpless to help any of them. She thought about her home back in Ponyville – Angel, the little chicken coop, the family of foxes that lived by the river…

She was alone. She was alone and there was nopony around to help her. She hung her head in desperation, letting her senses take in the world around her. The soft wind, the rustling of the grass, the beating of a small pair of wings…

Wait…

***
Click here for the clop version of this section

Rainbow Dash shook her head. A great pain behind her eyes caused her to grimace. Slowly, she tried to piece together what happened. Wait, what did happen?

She was still in the plane, but they weren’t at the airport. They were on the edge of some kind of forest. They had attempted some kind of trick, a trick Human-Dash had assured her was something she’d done a million times before, but it had gone all wrong. Wait, what about Human-Dash? She looked to her left toward the human girl. She was still buckled in, but she was slouched over in her seat.

“Hey! Hey, Rainbow!” she tried calling, but the words got caught in her throat. She painfully lifted her arm and tapped her. Nothing. Panic began to set in, and with a great burst of adrenaline that overcame her injuries, she unbuckled her seat belt and leaned over toward her friend, grabbing her in panic. She quickly put her head into her chest, hoping against hope that she would hear something.

Human-Dash’s heart thumped.

Rainbow gasped a sigh of relief and unstrapped her from her seat. There was a large gash in the human girl’s forehead, and blood ran down her face and matted her rainbow-colored bangs. She tried the pilot side door, but it was warped and jammed from the crash. Trying the door on her side was equally as ineffective. There was only one way to get out of this – through the smashed windshield.

If she tried to crawl through it in its current state, she would get cut to bits. If she learned anything from the survival courses she attended at the Wonderbolt Academy, it was that she had to stay as healthy and injury free as possible. A couple of cuts from the glass, even minor ones, could get infected. She began the laborious process of carefully picking up shards of glass and depositing them away from the windshield, all the while her panic over her friend’s well-being causing her to want to ignore the dangers and dive out. Piece by piece, she slowly started to get rid of all the glass, but there were still shards attached to the frame of the plane. She tried to carefully rip them off, but they were held on there with glue, or something.

“Hey there champ - it might be easier if you used pliers,” a weak voice whispered.

Joy erupted from her heart as she rapidly looked to her left. Human-Dash had regained consciousness! She immediately stopped what she was doing and threw herself onto the human and pulled her into a colossal hug, causing her to wince.

“All right, all right, easy. I’m a little bruised. I’m surprised you’re not worse off yourself,” she said, pushing the enthusiastic pony off of her, “There’s a small toolbox behind your seat. Get some pliers out of there and finish getting rid of that glass, will ya?”

Rainbow did as she was told, grasping the strange metal instruments in her hands. She’d seen Twilight use pliers before, but she didn’t pay much attention to how she used them. Such an awkwardly shaped tool was effectively useless to a non-unicorn, but she used the best of her intuition to complete the task.

“Cool,” Human-Dash praised when she was done, “Get the green duffel bag out from behind the seats and climb out.”

Rainbow dug around behind the seats, finding a green military-style bag about four feet long and one feet wide. She wondered what the purpose of such a large bag on such a small plane was. She felt around briefly, trying to gauge the nature of the contents. There were several lumps, some hard, some soft, but she had no idea what they were.

“It’s the emergency bag,” the other girl said, as if reading her thoughts, “Go on out.”

Rainbow pushed the bag out of the now glassless windshield and deftly followed. The bruises that she had ignored in her panic began to make themselves known again, and such acrobatics in such a strange body would have been difficult either way. As soon as she was out, she turned around to see Human-Dash struggling to get out of her seat and get to the passenger side window. Obviously, her wounds were much more limiting that her counterpart’s.

“Hold on a minute…” Human-Dash said, grabbing a plastic bag by her feet and handing it through the window. Rainbow curiously opened the bag to see what was so important. Contained inside was about five pounds of beef jerky. Good thing she got three. Reaching into the plane, she pulled her friend out with great effort. After they were both free of the wreckage, they laid out on the nose of the aircraft for a few minutes, panting – still trying to absorb what had just happened. As Human-Dash held her sides and winced as the bruises rioted through her brain, Rainbow took the opportunity to observe her surroundings.

They were at the edge of a meadow. A trail of upturned earth led to the downed plane. She didn’t quite remember exactly what had happened at the time of impact, but apparently Human-Dash had attempted to land in the meadow. Unfortunately, she didn’t have enough room for a complete landing, and they had impacted against a large tree at the edge of a forest. Thankfully they had been going slow enough, and their lives didn’t end as broken forms around the trees limbs. However, the question still remained as to what they were to do now.

“We need to get a fire going,” Human-Dash said unexpectedly, as if reading her mind, “Hopefully somebody’s going to be flying around looking for us, so we need to light a big fire as possible in the middle of that field.”

“Fair enough,” Rainbow responded. Helping her counterpart down off of the plane, they set out across the grey, frozen grass into the field. The sun was quickly setting and the cold was starting to become unbearable. As used to it as Dash was, being a creature that regularly frequented the upper layers of the atmosphere, there was something about this body that was not as tolerant.

“This should be good,” Human-Dash said after they had reached the middle of the field, “How about you get some wood. I’ll put up the tent.”

Rainbow nodded in assent, and turned toward the woods before the human girl called her back –

“Hey, Rainbow Dash!”

Rainbow turned around curiously to see a concerned and serious look upon her counterpart’s face.

“We’re going to get out of this, alright? It’ll all turn out okay. We have each other, right?”

“Right.”

Human-Dash regarded her companion’s stoic response. While she could take most things in stride and something so simple as a plane crash didn’t really cause massive amounts of stress, she didn’t know if she could say the same thing about her counterpart. Throwing down the tent poles she had been inspecting, she turned to run after Rainbow.

“Hey, wait up!”

Rainbow turned around and waited for Human-Dash to catch up to her. “Weren’t you hurt in the crash?”

“Hey, you know me,” the human laughed as she unconvincingly hid her wincing, “Up for anything. But if I collapse, make sure I look cool for when my body’s discovered.”

“You’ll be fine,” Rainbow responded uncertainly, slowing down to walk side by side with her friend, “Right?”

“Oh yeah, this is no big deal. Just think of it as an unplanned camping trip. You’ve been camping before, right?”

“Yeah, all the time,” Dash responded as they reached the edge of the woods by the downed plane, “The last time I went camping, I went with AJ and Rarity and their sisters and…”

“Scootaloo?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Alternate universes, remember?”

“Oh, yeah,” Rainbow said absently as she bent over to pick up some firewood. Human-Dash regarded the pony-girl with a curious look; it was almost as if she was trying to hide her discomfort, something either Rainbow Dash typically didn’t do. Rainbow wore her heart on her sleeve, whether it was the usual pride or the rarer trepidation.

“Are you okay, Rainbow? You’re not mad at me or anything, right?”

She sighed. “No, I guess not. I mean, we all crash.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Who said I had a problem? I’m cool,” she retorted confidently before quietly adding, “Totally cool…”

“Bullshit, Dash,” the human smirked, “You don’t have to hide stuff from me. You know that, right? If you’re scared, you can tell me.”

“I’m not scared! I’m just… look, if you had come to my world, and you didn’t know how anything worked and you lost your wings – or, like, your hands or whatever – and then you were stranded and...”

Human-Dash very suddenly wrapped her arms around her, pulling into a comforting hug. Rainbow, initially shocked by this sudden show of affection, relaxed and let herself be held. The emotions of the day came flooding to the surface like a breached dam, and her eyes watered.

“…and Twilight just bucking stabbed herself. Just out of nowhere! What the hay am I supposed to think? And here I am lost in the middle of nowhere while she’s—I don’t even know. I’m supposed to be the Element of Loyalty, and I feel like I’m not really giving it my all. I should be out there, pounding on doors and demanding to see Twilight. And… I don’t know.”

Human-Dash tightened her hold on her friend. She may be a flirt, but she would never abandon anyone she cared about when they needed her, and right now Rainbow Dash needed her. The pony-girl rested her head on her shoulder, and she whispered encouraging thoughts in her ear.

“I’ll be there for you, Dashie. We’re going to find our way back, and then all our friends will be there for you too. Come on, let’s get this wood back to the campsite.”

***

Rainbow Dash stirred sleeplessly under her Mylar blanket. The emergency kit had contained a small tent and a blanket, but didn’t feel fit to provide them with a pillow. The uncertainty of their situation combined with the physical discomfort grated at her mind. This was supposed to be easy – go to the human world, meet up with the human Twilight, and bring her back to Equestria to save her Twilight. How had it gone so wrong? How did they get so distracted? She could only wonder what Applejack was thinking about right now. Was she worried about her, or was she still mad?

“Something worrying you, hot stuff?”

Rainbow looked turned to look at the figure lying next to her. The human Rainbow was awake, concern in her large maroon eyes. This girl really cared about her, and if she was honest with herself, she really needed someone to lean on right now.

“I think you’re cool and everything. I mean, like, really cool. I know I fell apart back there in the woods, and… I don’t know. I’m just all messed up, I guess.”

“Look, Rainbow Dash,” she whispered into her ear, “I don’t care that you’re afraid. Hell, I’m a little nervous about being stranded in the middle of nowhere, too.” She pulled the pony-girl closer, softly brushing across her ear with her lips. “At least I’m not here alone…”

Rainbow turned and looked into the half-lidded eyes of the girl that looked just like her. Her brain was silent; conscious thought completely escaped her, but she knew exactly what was going on. The human’s fingers ran ever so softly down her back, sending shivers echoing through her body, even as she pulled her closer. Without thinking any deeper about it, Rainbow closed her eyes and allowed their lips to touch.

13- Equites Ex Machina

Fluttershy tried her best to get a good look at the figure flying above them without drawing attention to it. Luckily, the two henchponies that were leading her weren’t terribly perceptive. It was definitely too small to be a pegasus. It was about the size of a crow, but it was difficult to tell in the faint light of the stars.

She tripped and fell. She needed to pay more attention to where she was going – they were on their way up a steep path carved into the side of a cliff, and she didn’t have her wings to save her if she fell. The stallions leading her along weren’t paying the least bit of attention to her, either.

The mountain cold blew in her face, bringing with it a flurry of snow off the ground. The Crystal City, surrounded in its protective bubble, sparkled well below them in the distance. The sound of the wind momentarily obfuscated her hearing, and when it slowly died down, she realized in panic that the gentle sound of beating wings was gone. The sky was as clear and starry as she had ever seen it, and completely absent of her winged friend and soul source of hope. Maybe it wasn’t Ayden after all.

They approached the opening of a very small cave, almost invisible until they came close to it. It was less of a cave and more of a crevice, a small slit between two large boulders. The pony holding her leash yanked harshly at it, pulling her over to him.

“Get in there, and don’t get any ideas.”

Fluttershy silently obeyed, shaking from fear and cold as she squeezed into the entrance. She was thankful for her slender form, as bigger ponies (such as her captors) would have a much harder time entering. She could hear groaning and heaving behind her as the other two entered.

The cave itself was as small as the entrance suggested. It was hardly any bigger than her living room, and there was nothing inside save a small burlap bag that she assumed was full of food. The henchponies sat down in exhaustion on the cold stone floor, looking as weary as Fluttershy felt.

“Hey, what do we got for grub anyway?”

“I don’t know go ahead and check. I think Shade put that bag there not too long ago; it should still be good.”

“Hey you!” the darker coated stallion addressed Fluttershy brusquely, “Bring that bag over here.”

Fluttershy did as she was told, dragging the sack over to them with much effort. They dumped its contents onto the cave floor, revealing some hard biscuits and several ratty blankets.

“Sombra damn it,” one of them mumbled, “Can’t Shade get anything better than this?”

The other only shrugged as he doled out the blankets and bread between the two of them. They took the food and painfully took a bite, chewing with disgusted looks on their faces as apparently their mouths weren’t sufficient to moisten the unpleasant fair. Fluttershy unconsciously shivered as the frosty air worked its way through her.

“Uhm, excuse me, sirs? Would you, if you don’t mind, that is, let me have a blanket?”

The dark coated pony looked at his companion. “Did Shade say that Grimm wanted her alive? I don’t remember.”

The other one rubbed his chin inquisitively. “I don’t know, but he did say he wanted her to talk.” He turned his attention to Fluttershy. “So how about this, pegasus – you tell us where we can find the other element things, and we’ll give you a blanket.”

Fluttershy looked between them, panic beginning to set in. She was incredibly cold and hungry, but if she knew anything, it was that she would never give her friends away.

“Oh, I’m really very sorry, but I can’t do that. Could you give me a blanket anyway? I mean, I’m sure that if we talked and got to know each other, we could put aside our differences and become friends. Maybe if…”

She was cut off by the raucous laughter of her captors.

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen. I don’t know how it works in Equestria,” the lighter colored stallion said, putting as much contempt in the last word as he could, “But here in the Crystal Empire, the only thing that matters is our devotion to our god and leader, King Sombra. Nice try, though. Let us know when you decide you’re cold enough to talk.”

Fluttershy shivered again as the two turned back to their repast. She was beginning to feel very desperate now. She was in a cave in the mountains with two ponies that didn’t care if she was alive or dead, and nopony even knew that she was missing. There was only one thing to do – she had to escape on her own. She began to think as hard as she could – what would Rainbow Dash do if she were in this situation? She sure wished the headstrong mare was there right now, or even any of her other friends. They were so much braver than her. Rarity had even escaped a similar situation with diamond dogs, but Fluttershy didn't know if she had the courage to deliberately annoy her captors, or if they'd even care.

Maybe if she could get out of the ropes binding her without the two Disciples seeing, she could slip out of the entrance crevice and fly away before they could squeeze out to capture her. But where would she go? She couldn’t go to the city due to the protective bubble. The train station currently was full of friendly ponies locked inside, but apparently the tracks were being destroyed as she sat there. It was far too great a distance for her to escape the Frozen North on her own without succumbing to cold and hunger. No, she was trapped. But she knew one thing for sure – she would rather die here in this cave than betray any of her friends. Ice flew through her veins at the thought. That could very well be the case. She needed a savior, an equites ex machina.

“Damn it, these blankets suck!” shouted the dark coated stallion, “Why couldn’t Shade have left some firewood or something?”

“I thought I heard him say he did once. Maybe he left it outside.”

“I didn’t see any when we got here.”

“We could have missed it. Why don’t you go out and check?”

“Screw that! It’s bucking cold outside! Send the bitch.”

“What, and have her run away? You’re an idiot.”

“I’m still not going out there.”

I’ll do it, then, if you’re going to be such a foal about it.”

He angrily got up and dumped the layers of blankets on the floor. Muttering to himself, he walked over to the crevice and squeezed himself though. The other pony continued to bite off crumbly chunks of hardtack, waiting for the lighter stallion with disinterest. After a moment, a wild shout sounded from outside the cave. Both Fluttershy and the Disciple still inside rushed to the entrance, pushing through the crevice into the snowy cold outside.

The stallion was standing on the edge of the cliff, staring out toward the crystal city with his jaw hanging open. Fluttershy attempted to discern what he was looking at as her eyes adjusted to the light level. When she saw it, her eyes went wide much like her captors.

Surrounding the bubble that enclosed the city were hundreds of campfires and thousands of ponies – it was an army.

Fluttershy almost jumped for joy despite herself. So Sly Hoof had gotten the message to Canterlot!

“Holy shit, what the hell’s going on here?!” the dark stallion exclaimed. His companion could only continue to stare in shock. After a moment of silence, he continued to prod for answers. “Are those Grimm’s boys, or…”

“No, you idiot!” the lighter stallion shouted in exasperation, “There aren’t that damn many Disciples! Buck, this is bad. Grimm might be able to handle that many, but we are totally screwed out here. What the hay are we going to do?” His eyes wandered around, as if the solution could be found in the snow. Suddenly, they came to rest on Fluttershy, and the smallest trace of a smile crossed his face. “New plan. From now on, this is our hostage. If those Equestrian asses don’t let us escape, we threaten to kill the filly.”

“Good plan! I’ll get the…”

He was interrupted by the cry of a falcon above. All three ponies looked up as a bird dived toward them. Taken by surprise, the two disciples pushed past each other to get out of the way of the dive-bombing bird. It pulled up immediately before reaching them, hovering between them and Fluttershy.

“Ayden!” she cried out as relief washed over her.

“It’s just a damn bird!” the lighter stallion called out as the shock of the bird’s appearance wore off. “Get her back in the cave!”

He leaped toward Ayden, who quickly flew out of the way. He turned around, a look of determined menace on his face, ready to do away with the annoyance for good. As he and the falcon exchanged lunges with each other, the other stallion grabbed Fluttershy’s leash and pulled her back toward the cave. Even though she resisted, the strength of the larger stallion was too much for her, and she found herself being dragged through the snow.

“Ayden!”

The bird let out another cry, turning its attention toward the pony dragging her. As it attempted to dive toward him, the other Disciple intercepted it in midair. He held its wing in his mouth before dropping it to the ground and stepping on the bird with a hoof, holding it painfully in place, a triumphant smile dancing across his face.

“Bucking bird,” he said, panting, “Take her inside. I’m going to crush this thing and be done with it.”

“No!”

The bird cried out in pain as the stallion slowly applied more pressure to its tender ribs. Just as it seemed that hope was lost, a violent wind overtook them, causing the two Disciples to look around for its cause. A bluish fire rode across the sky, approaching them with tremendous speed. Both stallions momentarily forgot their captives as they watched the fire approach ever closer. The wind picked up into a veritable hurricane as the figure landed before them on four hooves.

Looking angrier and more powerful than Fluttershy had ever seen her stood Luna, Princess of the Night. She towered over them, bearing down on the two disciples with a venomous stare. Her eyes were aflame with the same color as her mane, and she was dressed in full battle armor of dazzling silver. When she opened her mouth, pure rage echoed across the mountain as she addressed the two Disciples in her most menacing royal Canterlot voice –

“THOU SHALL NOT HARM MY FRIEND, BEASTS AND FOUL HEATHENS!”

With an enormous eruption of power from her horn the likes of which Fluttershy had not felt before, she cast her enemies off of the side of the mountain cliff, sending them screaming through the night toward the ground below. Fluttershy could not help but hide her eyes at the display of power and justice before her, even as the flames extinguished themselves from Luna’s eyes.

“Are you alright, my little pony?” she asked in as comforting a voice as she could.

Overcome with emotion, Fluttershy cast herself at her savior, wrapping her front hooves around her neck and weeping softly. Luna seemed uncertain at the display of emotion, and awkwardly patted the pegasus’s back.

“We are glad you are well, friend Fluttershy,” she said, “We had heard from this creature of the skies that thou didst need our assistance.”

Almost as if by mention of its name, Ayden cried softly by Fluttershy’s feet. She scooped up the falcon in her hooves, checking meticulously for any irrevocable damage. She breathed a sigh of relief to see that he was not in mortal peril, but she was nonetheless filled with concern when she diagnosed a broken wing.

“The poor dear,” she started sadly, “He saved me, and now he can’t even fly…”

“Takest him with thee as we fly back to base camp in yonder valley,” Luna gestured down toward the city, “There you will find medical supplies for thy friend. Dodst thou feel well enough to accompany us there?”

“Yes, yes I think so.”

Luna used her magic to unbind Fluttershy’s wings. She spread them, and beyond feeling slightly cramped, she felt like she could make the several miles if she took it slowly. Luna nodded and took off toward the city. Fluttershy cradled the injured falcon in her hooves and deftly followed.

***

Rainbow Dash blinked her eyes sleepily. Her surroundings were illuminated with a serene blue aura as the light of the full moon streamed in through the translucent tent. The ground beneath her was hard and rocky, but she was unusually warm underneath the thin silver blanket. Groaning, she lifted herself into a sitting position. Her neck and back ached more than she had ever felt before, her human bones not receiving the support they were accustomed to. As the exhaustion seeped out of her consciousness, she became aware of two things – she was alone and she was naked. Why was that again?

The latter fact was a lot easier to explain. The previous night’s activities flooded back into her mind, and a smile forced its way upon her face. If she were to go back in time a week and tell past Rainbow what she would be doing with a human, she probably would have bucked herself in the face.

No, not that kind of buck. Get your mind out of the gutter, Dash!

She found her clothes piled in the corner of the tent and quickly pulled them on. They were uncomfortably cold, having spent the entire night outside the warming protection of the space blanket. She crawled over to the entrance to the tent, fumbled briefly with the zipper, and pulled it open.

“Morning, sexy!” called Human-Dash from the firepit in front of the tent. Dark bags sat under her eyes and her hair was touseled more than usual, if that were even possible. Rainbow walked up to her lazily and dropped heavily beside her. The other girl wasted no time and wrapped her arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

"What time is it?"

Human-Dash looked toward the displacement of the moon. "Early morning, I think."

“How long have you been up?”

“Not that long. I couldn’t really sleep on those damn rocks, and your pillow was a lot more comfortable than mine.”

Rainbow blushed. “Sorry about that. I guess I just can’t learn not to touch your boobs, huh?”

“No sweat, champ,” Human-Dash said, kissing her on the cheek, “If you remember, I said don’t touch a girl’s boobs in public, and this is about as private as you can get. Hell, I probably wouldn’t even be wearing clothes right now if it weren’t so cold.”

“You can do that? Applejack kept getting me for being naked, so I thought humans had to wear clothes all the time!”

“Nah. What’s the fun in that?” the human smiled slyly, “You just have to figure out when the best time is, the time when you can make everybody’s jaw drop.”

“Wait, so humans like it when other humans are naked?”

“Yeah! Why wouldn’t they?”

“I don’t know. Everybody kind of acted weird whenever I got naked.”

“You got naked? In public?” Human-Dash laughed, “Who saw?”

Rainbow thought for a minute, recounting her first day in the human world. “It was Applejack, Applebloom, and Filthy Rich, I think.”

“Well, that’s easy to explain,” Human-Dash responded offhandedly, “Applebloom’s a kid, so you probably disturbed her. Filthy’s a pervy old man, so you probably blew his mind. And Applejack… I don’t know, I haven’t quite figured that girl out. You’re Applejack might be different, but the Applejack here on Earth is a prude. I’ve never seen her with a man, but when she caught me and Lightning making out she went all agro, so I don’t think she likes girls, either. I wonder what she’s going to say when she hears about us.”

She looked over at Rainbow Dash expecting her to laugh with her, but she merely stared at the fire.

“You’re worried she’s going to be upset,” Human-Dash interpreted.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t be. You’re like me, so Applejack’s like Applejack, and Applejack would never turn her back on a friend. I bet she’s out there looking for you right now, galloping around the wilderness on horseback like a cowgirl in a wild west movie.”

Rainbow smiled at the thought. It was true – even if Applejack would be upset, she was still her friend, and she would come through. Then they would go back to Sweet Apple Acres, Sunset and Twilight would be there, and they would be on their way back to Equestria before she knew it. They would turn around and wave goodbye to their new human friends…

“Hey, can I ask you something?” she suddenly said.

“What’s up?”

“Are we like… I mean, are we marefriends now?”

Human-Dash smiled. “I don't know what that means, but I can guess. I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it. Do you want to be?”

“I don’t know…” Rainbow replied thoughtfully, “We did just kind of—you know.”

“Yeah, we did. I’m totally down for another round, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No, not right now. I’m talking about long term.”

“It’ll be even better long term. I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m going to get a saddle and harness and ride you around my apartment; it’ll be awesome and kinky.”

Rainbow Dash blushed. “Hey! I think I should be offended by that!”

“What, you never done roleplay before?”

“No!”

“Whatevs. It’ll be new to me too – I’ve never had an actual pony to do that to, and putting a bit in your mouth is just icing on the cake.”

“Rainbow Dash! I’m trying to be serious!”

“What?” Human-Dash asked in confusion, “I am being serious.”

“No, that’s not what I mean! I want to know if we’re in a serious relationship, or if that’s even possible.”

“Well, as I always say when it comes to love, ‘As long as they’re both attractive, love will shine through’. And quite frankly, I don’t know how much more attractive a couple could possibly get.”

“I was actually talking about the whole ‘I’m a pony, you’re a human, and we live in two different worlds’ thing.”

“Oh, I haven’t thought about that,” Human-Dash responded sheepishly, “I guess, I don’t know, I could come visit you?”

“Yeah, that might work. But you can only come, like, three days out of every six months, unless Sunset knows a way to keep the portal open.”

“Yeah that would suck,” the human replied nonchalantly, pulling Rainbow close to her side, “But hey, it’s better than nothing. Maybe I’ll come by to see you fly.”

“Yeah, and maybe you can see how not to crash.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault! There was a random air current I wasn’t expecting.”

Rainbow laughed. That sounded just like something she would say. She sat for a few moments in silence next to her friend, allowing herself to be warmed by the small fire in front of them. It was definitely disconcerting being lost in such a strange place in a strange world in a strange body, but at least she wasn’t alone. She was about to ask Human-Dash what they planned to do next when her stomach rumbled. The other girl smiled and got up, walking over to the tent. After a minute of scrounging through the tent, she returned and dropped the bag full of beef jerky into Rainbow’s lap.

“Here you go, champ. Don’t eat too much right now; we have to make it last.”

After a minute of fumbling with the plastic packaging, she got to the meat and tore off a chunk with her teeth. It wasn’t like the steak she had at Applejack’s. It wasn’t juicy, instead being hard and chewy, but it wasn’t unpleasant, and a lot better than most pony food she knew of. She chewed her breakfast in silence along with her counterpart. As she finished the salty snack, her thirst made itself known. She looked over toward Human-Dash, intending on asking about water, but the other girl was apparently ahead of her. She held up an olive canteen, which she took thankfully. After quenching her thirst, she asked the question that was on her mind.

“So what’s the plan on getting out of here?”

“Well, I searched through Spitfire’s emergency bag before you got up this morning, and I got good news and bad news.”

“What’s the good news?”

“The good news is that there’s an emergency radio in there that will broadcast our position to anyone looking for us.”

“And the bad news?” Rainbow asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

“I took the batteries out of it last year to put in, uh, something of mine. Don’t look at me like that! I never thought I would actually crash, alright? All we have to do is wait for somebody to spot us. It shouldn’t be more than a couple of days.”

Rainbow could only shake her head.

14- Where a Bunch of People Visit Applejack

The cloaked pony got off the train in Canterlot. She spent a moment looking around, trying to get her bearings. There was definitely something wrong, and a quick reconnoiter of the area highlighted what it was – there were extremely few ponies around. Very few ponies, and absolutely no royal guards. She had to find out why; the last thing she needed was for something to go wrong now, when there was so much at stake. She quickly flagged down a nearby aristocrat, who seemed incredibly miffed at the interruption, and yet hesitant to outright ignore such a strange and intimidating looking pony.

“Excuse me. Can you tell me what’s going on? Where is everybody? Why are there no guards around?”

The aristocrat sniffed with a condescending air. “The reason the train station is empty is that the Equestrian rail system has been momentarily shut down. And there are no guards because the princess has sent them to the Crystal Empire to deal with the emerging crises there. Now if you don’t mind, I really must be going.”

He sniffed once again and thrust his nose into the air. He trotted off without a glance back at her, obviously relieved to be done with the disturbance. Crystal Empire? Wasn’t that where she just was? What could possibly be happening there? She rushed down the almost barren city street.

As she passed by the Canterlot denizens, they looked up in panic to see who could be so hurried and brazen to make so much noise in such a sensitive time. Several ducked behind benches and trash cans, while others rushed into their houses in panic. She ignored them. Things seemed to be going downhill quickly around here, and she needed to find the pony she was looking for.

After running halfway through the city, she came upon a humble townhouse in a poorer section of town. She stopped in front of it, panting from her exertion. She could run a lot faster as a pony, but she sure did get tired out quicker. She tried to breathe easy – it would do no good to be breathless while trying to have a serious conversation. After a few minutes, she trotted up to the front door, and gave a resounding knock with her hoof.

Nothing. She knocked again.

After a moment, the door opened a crack. She tried to look to see who it was she would be addressing, but the darkness in the house didn’t allow her.

“Can I help you?” a nervous stallion said from inside the house. The cloaked mare hesitated. Stallion? Something was wrong. Maybe the pony she was looking for had moved?

“Uhm… I’m sorry. I think I’m looking for the pony who used to live here. Do you know where I can find…”

An enormous eruption sounded behind her, shaking the ground and knocking her over!

She looked around wildly. Ponies screamed and the sound of fighting could be vaguely heard in the distance in the direction of the palace. The city was under attack! She looked in panic back to the door of the townhouse. The stallion had stuck his head out of the door, his eyes wide in panic and momentarily shell-shocked. She needed to find this pony, now more than ever.

“Hey!” she called, trying to get the stallion’s attention, “Where is…”

“Ponyville!” he yelled back before quickly slamming the door in her face. Ponyville? Wasn’t that the small farming village at the foot of the mountain? There was no way she would be able to get anyone else’s attention now that the city was under attack, so she supposed she would have to get to that village and hope it's the same one. Luckily, stealth was something she was fairly good at.

She crept through the streets away from the sound of fighting. Ponyville was her next stop.

***

“This is gonna seem kinda weird, but this here is Applejack.” Applejack’s human counterpart gestured toward her in introduction. AJ curtly shook hands with the fiery-haired girl. She knew instantly who it was from Twilight’s descriptions of her – Sunset Shimmer. While her physical appearance was quite to her expectations, her demeanor was not. Past tales of social hijacking and scheming of invasions brought to mind a very assertive personality. This was not the case. Apparently the very act of acquiring friends was sufficient to deflate her ego, as well.

“Hi. Nice to meet you,” Sunset responded quietly, not quite meeting Fluttershy levels of timidity, but close. “I’m sorry to hear about your friend.”

“Thanks, sugarcube, but we’re all missing a friend right about now.” She turned to Human-AJ. “What’s the news on that, by the way? Ya said y’all were talkin’ with Spitfire…”

“Yeah, she’s on her way over here now. We’re all gonna get together and figure out what the game plan is.” As she spoke, it was apparent to all that her voice and her face reflected a hidden sadness, a sadness that was thinly veiled behind confident words.

AJ knew that sitting around worrying about the two Rainbow Dash’s wasn’t the best way to overcome their anxiety, even if it seemed that her brain could do little else. However, years of careful management of the farm had taught her to look and plan ahead. She wouldn’t let her mind tell her that Rainbow was doing anything but waiting for them to find her with a huge smile on her face. Rainbow was fine. She was fine and they had to look ahead for what they were to do after they had rescued her. And there was one person in the room that they had tirelessly tried to talk to for several days – and she was currently sitting on the couch across from her.

“Sunset?” she started. The girl looked over toward her inquisitively. AJ took that as an indication to keep going. “Did, uh, did Applejack tell you about why we’re here?”

“She said that Rainbow and the Equestrian Rainbow went missing. I told her that planes were incredibly dangerous without the necessary safety precautions that…”

“No, Ah mean why we’re even in this world ta begin with?”

Sunset looked down, deliberately avoiding AJ’s eyes. She sighed deeply and answered without ever looking up. “I… I realize that it’s my fault. If I had never come through the mirror last year, then no one would have to be stuck here, and your friend—”

“Hey, Ah’m not mad at ya, if that’s what you’re gettin’ all emotional about. In fact, y’all might have unintentionally done us all a huge favor. Ya see, somethin’ strange has happened in our world, in Equestria. Twilight – y’all know Twilight, right?” Sunset nodded her head. “Well, she got herself stuck in some sorta magic thingy. I don’ really understand any of it, but the only way ta get her out is ta get the Twilight of this world ta help her.”

Sunset’s expression slowly warmed as Applejack told her that she didn’t blame her for their being stuck in this world. However, her face transformed back into a frown at her explanation. After several moments of rumination, she shook her head.

“You’re talking about a phurba, aren’t you?”

“A… whatsit, now?”

“A phurba,” Sunset explained, “It’s a type of ritual dagger that binds a soul to it whenever it pierces a pony’s skin.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s it! Y’all know about those? Ah mean, we asked Princess Celestia about it, and even she didn’t know what it was at first. She called it the Kīla of Gothmog.”

“I’m not familiar with that one in particular. In fact, the only reason I know what a phurba is to begin with is that a strange pony asked me to steal a reference book about them from the Starswirl the Bearded section for them.”

“Maybe y’all better start from the beginning…” AJ suggested. Any information she could get and report back to the princess would be helpful. Everyone else in the room appeared to be vaguely paying attention, if hopelessly lost (except for Granny Smith, who was asleep in her easy chair). She didn’t blame them – if they had all started talking about how a light-globe worked, she sure as hay wouldn’t be able to follow. She had a hard enough time trying to pay attention when magic was discussed.

“Well, around the time I was researching the magic mirror for the princess,” Sunset started, “I started to get… disillusioned with her. I was planning on running away to this world where she couldn’t find me. Unfortunately, I was really unprepared for it, and I felt like maybe Celestia knew what I was planning. I felt like there was a rush to get here before she caught me and threw me in the dungeon or worse – lectured me.

I didn’t really know how to prepare; it’s a bit of a flaw of mine. I figured if I got enough money together, I could buy anything I wanted when I got here. I couldn’t ask the princess for the money because she’d want to know what I was spending it on, so I was stuck. That’s when a cloaked pony met me in an alleyway in Canterlot. I couldn’t see their face, and their voice was so androgynous I couldn’t even tell if it was a mare or a stallion. They offered to pay me a thousand bits to get them a book from the restricted section of the library called ‘The Greatest War’. So I did.”

“What did the book say?”

“I don’t know. Most of it was in a language I didn't recognize. The only part I could read was some notes in the margin about phurbas. I already told you that part.. It was incredibly old and most of the letters were so faded you couldn’t read them. The cloaked pony gave me the money and I fled here that very night. It wasn’t until I got here that I realize bits were completely worthless. I tried to buy some bread only to have the cashier tell me they didn’t accept gold coins. Luckily some guy offered to buy it for me in exchange for my useless bits.”

At this, every human in the room turned toward her, at a loss for words. AJ simply smiled.

“Well that was nice of him. But Ah think you were fixin’ ta tell me about Twilight?”

“Oh yeah. Sorry. She’s still in the city for the time being. She goes to the state university, but I think she’ll be here for another two days for Thanksgiving break. I don’t know how easy it’ll be to convince her to come to Equestria with you, though. She doesn’t really believe in magic. I can get you her number if you want. We might be able to convince her to meet up before she goes back to school. It’ll be easier to convince her to go with you when you leave in six months if she already knows who you are.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” exclaimed Applejack, “We’re tryin’ ta get out of here as soon as possible, not six months down the road. There is a way ta do that, right? I mean, y’all can jus’ yell ‘Open Sesame’ or somethin’, right?”

Sunset Shimmer shook her head. “Sorry. I’ve studied this portal for a long time before I came here. There might’ve been a spell to open it that I haven’t found yet, but you’d have to be on the Equestrian side to try that. Either that or you could try using a spell if you had an Element of Harmony with you. You did think to bring one, right?”

“Element of Harmony?” Applejack repeated, panic beginning to set into her chest, “Now why in Celestia’s name would we bring one of those? Twilight said the only thing that saved Equestria the last time an Element got into the human world was that no one competent got ahold of it. No offense, sugarcube…” she added with an apologetic smile.

“None taken. Unfortunately, I’m afraid you’re stuck here. At least for the time being.”

“No, it can’t be. Twilight needs us! We promised everypony we’d come back as quick as we could! We…”

“Sugarcube…” Human-AJ said, pulling her counterpart into a comforting hug, “We already talked about this, remember? Y’all will have friends here, and a place ta stay. Ah promised you that. But we gotta get our priorities in order. We need ta find Rainbow Dash first. Then we can look into our options. Sunset ain’t goin’ anywhere, right?”

Sunset shook her head, “Nope. I’m going to the city college, so I’m going to be living in the dorm for the next couple years.”

“See? We’ll figure somethin’ out. Chances are Twilight’s still in the exact same place ya left her, being takin’ real good care of by all your other friends. Everything’ll turn out fine.”

The doorbell rang. All heads turned toward it, momentarily immobilized from the sudden interruption. After a moment, Human-AJ got up and let the person in – Spitfire. Applejack had only seen the pony Spitfire a few times—at the best young flier’s competition, at the gala with Soarin as the only customers of the night, and as the drill instructor at the Wonderbolt’s Academy. Her mannerisms were much more like the latter, appearing gruff and frustrated, yet exhausted. She wore jeans, sunglasses, and a leather jacket. She placed the sunglasses on top her head as she entered, revealing dark circles under her eyes. She flopped down in the only empty seat, next to Big Mac.

“Nothing,” she groaned, “I circled around the path in her flight plan twice, but there’s not even a hint. Not that I was expecting much. She just made a photocopy of one of the plans I filled out for her training, and that fat idiot in the control tower didn’t even look twice at it. I swear, that girl can sure drive you to drink.”

“Oh! Here you go!” said Pinkie quickly, handing Spitifire a handle of vodka that she had once again materialized out of nowhere. She took it without thinking and gave the younger girl a curious look.

“Didn’t you just graduate high school? How on God’s green Earth do you keep getting these?”

Pinkie shrugged, and gave her a subdued smile. Spitfire simply shook her head and set the bottle on the floor.

“So what’s the plan, Ms. Spitfire?” Applejack asked.

“You don’t have to call me…” she started, before doing a double take. She raised her eyebrows as she looked quickly back and forth between the Applejack that had asked her the question and the one that had let her into the farmhouse. “What…”

“It’s a long story,” Human-AJ smiled, “It’d probably be easier to say she’s mah long lost twin.”

Spitfire shrugged. “Whatever you say. Anyway, I’ve searched her planned route, so I’m not sure exactly where she could be. I took the next couple days off, so I’m going to do some passes over some of the areas where we practiced flying in the past. If this is her first time flying on her own, then it’s unlikely she’d just fly out randomly.”

“Ah don’ know. She can be pretty adventurous sometimes.”

“That’s true, but if I just started searching everywhere I could spend the next few months flying and still not cover all the area she could have gone. And—” Spitfire sighed, too tired and emotional to continue. She held her head in her hands. Everyone else in the room knew to give her some time – it had been an emotional day for them all. After several minutes, she leaned back in her seat and wearily spoke. “I just don’t know about that girl, sometimes. She wants to join the military, but she has no discipline. She’s only been flying twice a month for the past year, and she decides she’s good enough to go out on her own without a license and do tricks. I’m worried about her, I really am, and I love Rainbow, but sometimes she drives me god damn crazy.”

“Story of our lives, sugarcube,” Human-AJ said with a weak smile, “I know y’all must be exhausted after bein’ out all day. You’re welcome ta stay as long as you need to; we got a bed if ya want ta stay the night. Tomorrow me and mah, uhm… twin, will go with you.”

Spitfire nodded. Big Mac got up off of the love seat to give her room to lay down. She did just that, and he went to the kitchen to start supper. Within a few minutes, she was asleep.

Human-AJ let out long breath, exhaustion and worry still readable on her face. She slouched down in her own seat on the sofa and leaned her head on Fluttershy’s shoulder. A small ‘meep’ escaped from the girl’s mouth at the sudden contact, but the look of surprise on her face was quickly replaced with motherly concern. Pinkie sat on the other side of Fluttershy, no longer drinking, but looking equally worried. It was funny, actually. AJ didn’t have much experience with alcohol, being somewhat taboo in Equestria, but from what she did know, drinking an entire bottle usually resulted in drunkenness. It appeared like Pinkie was immune to alcohol. Maybe she acted so drunk all the time that imbibing just made her act more sober.

Applejack smiled serenely. She had the most caring, most interesting, greatest friends a girl, or pony, could ask for. She reflected on how the Pinkie from back home must be doing. She had said she was going back to Ponyville along with Rarity and Fluttershy. They must be getting along with their old lives by now, anxiously awaiting a royal messenger to tell them that she and Rainbow had returned.

Rainbow… What if they didn’t find her? What if she had to return to Equestria without her? What would her friends say? Would they blame her? She did let her go off with that human girl, after all. And she did say some pretty mean things to her before she left. Maybe Rainbow was still upset about that, which made her take even more risks than she normally would have. Was this all her fault? She couldn’t help but feel like it was, no matter how illogical the arguments were. And the human Applejack, her friend. She was devastated. AJ could understand that – after all, the human Rainbow Dash had been her friend, no matter how much AJ didn’t care for her. Her friend and something a little more, just like her Rainbow was to her.

The door swung open and slammed against the wall. The sound of raucous laughter from three preteen girls brought all those present out of their melancholy detachment.

“Holy crap! You were right, Applebloom! There really are two Applejacks!”

Human-AJ was the first to recover from the sudden burst of energy into the room. “Sweetie Belle! What would Rarity say if she were here to hear you say that?”

“Lighten up, AJ,” Pinkie Pie said lightheartedly, “It’s super adorable how she can’t curse without squeaking. Like a Squeekie-Belle!”

Sweetie Belle blushed, but everyone else in the room smiled.

“So where’s Rainbow Dash?” Scootaloo asked, looking around the room.

“Yeah, where is Rainbow Dash?” Applebloom echoed, “Ah didn’t even tell Scootaloo about our other visitor yet – I was gonna surprise her.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hold on, hold on,” Human-AJ shouted over the din, “Why are y’all three here, anyhow?”

“Don’t ya remember, sis? We’re havin’ a sleepover tonight!”

“Y’all never told me about that…”

“That’s cause you’d've said no.”

“…so who told ya y’all can sleepover tonight? Pinkie Pie was supposed ta throw a party before, well—”

“Big Mac did! Right, Big Mac?”

“Eeyup,” he replied from the kitchen door.

“Gosh darn it, Mac,” Human-AJ complained, “Didn’t ya think it was weird she was askin’ you instead of me?”

Big Mac simply shrugged while Human-AJ sighed in exasperation.

“Alright, look girls, the fact is ya can’t sleep over tonight, anyway. I’m afraid I have some bad news.”

All excitement was instantly sucked out of the atmosphere as the three young girls looked at Human-AJ with concern. She took a deep breath, thinking about how she should tell them before deciding that honestly was the best policy, as usual.

“Rainbow Dash went flyin’ without Spitfire today, and she… she went missing.”

Scootaloo dropped her bag. All three girls gasped.

“Is she okay?”

“We don’ know.”

“Which Rainbow Dash?” Applebloom asked worriedly.

“Both of ‘em, Ah’m afraid.”

“Wait, what?” Scootaloo asked, finding her voice. She looked between Applebloom and her sister. Her eyes suddenly found Pony-AJ sitting on the couch in the back with Sunset Shimmer, and her eyes lit up in realization. “No way! You’re telling me there’s two Rainbow Dash’s?”

AJ nodded. “We came through the portal together. Everything was goin’ fine until… until we heard. Spitfire here’s been flyin’ around all day tryin’ to find her.” She gestured to the figure still sleeping on the couch. “No wonder the poor thing’s so worn out.”

“What are we going to do?” asked Applebloom with concern.

“Well, Spitfire notified the authorities, so they know she’s gone. Ah guess we’re gonna go with her to look for them when she gets up. Until then…”

“I know where they are,” a voice quietly said.

All head turned toward Scootaloo. She blushed slightly from the attention.

“What?” everyone cried in unison.

“I know where Rainbow is.”

“Then what are ya waitin’ for? Spit it out, girl!”

“She made me promise to never tell anyone, but I guess if she’s missing, it’s okay. She took me up flying once by ourselves to show me some tricks. She said that she always goes to the same place, ‘cause she liked the wide open field there and there’s no houses or anything and…”

“Where is it?” Human-AJ asked with increasing impatience.

“Past the mountains to the north. I might be able to show you where if I was in a plane.”

Without even asking, Pinkie Pie jumped on top of Spitfire in a position that AJ was sure would be considered lewd. She shook the pilot to wake her, although ‘shake’ probably wasn’t an adequate descriptor. ‘Vibrate’ probably would have better matched Pinkie’s motion. The sleeping woman jumped up quickly, looking around at the cause of the frackus.

“Huh, what’s…”

“Come on, sugarcube,” Applejack cried as she grabbed her arm, “We’re gonna go get Rainbow.”

15- The Worst Marketing Decision Ever

Author's Note

New chapter, the story's officially off hiatus!

If you want a summary of what happened so far, check here

15- The Worst Marketing Decision Ever

Rarity tried to keep up with Dartmoor, she really did. It was all but impossible. The stallion was darting between dumpsters and bushes, fences and carts like a protagonist from a bad spy movie. Either he had no idea what he was doing, was a seasoned master at what he was doing, or he was trying to evade the hyper pink pony trying to babble at him. Rarity decided that it was most likely the latter.

“All I’m saying Mr. Dartmoor is that if we want to find Twilight, we just call for her. I mean, Twilight always comes when I call for her. Although usually it’s because I’m giving her an invitation, and who wouldn’t want invitations? That gives me an idea! TWILIIIIGHT!”

“Shut up! Damn it, just shut up! Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!”

“Why? I thought we were looking for Twilight. Plus, I was bored.”

As they stopped to bicker, Agister and Rarity caught up to them at the head of a dark alley, wheezing rapidly. “Pinkie, dear,” Agister coughed out, “Please don’t shout for Twilight. If a Disciple heard you, they’d come investigate.”

“Then how are we going to find Twilight?”

“I suggest… phew, let Dartmoor worry about that.”

“But what if he wants help?” she asked, turning to Dartmoor and smiling brightly.

“No.”

“Aw… lame!”

“Why don’t you help Rarity, Pinkie?" Agister said, "I’m sure she’s still a little sore from that mountain lion attack. Maybe she’d like some company?”

Rarity’s eyes widened. “Oh no, that’s really not ness…”

“Okie Dokey Lokie!” She leaped toward Rarity, somehow sliding under her in a swift motion and somehow lifted her into the air. The unicorn cried out as Pinkie roughly pressed against her wounds.

“Put me down!”

“But then I wouldn’t be helping.” Pinkie frowned.

Agister facehoofed and shook his head. “Pinkie, please just… I mean, how about you walk with me for a while?”

Pinkie nodded happily and darted out from under Rarity, leaving her suspended in the air. Only Agister’s quick use of magic saved her from falling. Pinkie rocketed towards his side, and looked at him with a smiling wink that hinted at all the balloon-filled horrors he could be in for. He sighed and set Rarity on the ground.

“Very well. Rarity, you and Dartmoor trail behind. We’ll go on ahead.”

Dartmoor frowned. “I’d rather scout ahead…”

“Would you like to go back to our old arrangement, instead?”

He glanced over at Pinkie, who winked. He blanched. “No. Absolutely not.”

Grumbling about “stupid, happy, interfering ponies”, he let Agister and a bouncing Pinkie pull ahead. As Pinkie’s voice faded into the distance in front of them, Rarity nervously glanced over at Dartmoor.

“If I might ask a question…”

“We’d better move out, too,” he interrupted.

“Oh, well alright.”

He didn’t walk particularly fast this time, perhaps because he was keeping pace with Pinkie and Agister in front of them. Agister seemed to have resigned himself to his fate and simply let the party pony bounce and babble beside him.

Rarity decided to try again. “There was something I was wondering about…”

“No time for talk.”

She stomped her hoof and pouted. “This is starting to get quite ridiculous. How can I be expected to travel with you—to help you—if I can’t even get in one word edgewise?”

“It seems you just got in a bunch of words, big mouth.”

“I… hmpf! That is the most… how uncivilized!”

“It seems to me this is a pretty uncivilized place. Tell me, have you noticed anything since we got here?” he responded lazily.

“I suppose that… I don’t know. What are you talking about?”

“When’s the last time you saw anypony else?”

“Now that I think about it, we haven’t.”

“Exactly. You’ve been to the empire before, right? How often have you seen the streets completely deserted?”

“Why, never.”

“There’s a curfew of some sort. My guess is that the Disciples have revealed themselves since that big-ass blue bubble showed up. And of course, even a hollow-headed drama queen like yourself should know what that means for us.”

Rarity puffed out her chest in indignation and opened her mouth for another retort, but slowly deflated. “There’s really no reason to keep insulting me, darling. If you don’t like me, then please let me know so I can fix it. We’re both trying to achieve the same goal, after all.”

“Well, if you’re going to be all reasonable, it takes all the fun out of it.”

“So you’re being a jerk because you find it fun?” she said incredulously, her jaw dropping slightly.

“Duh.”

“Well I never…”

“Now you have. Look lady, you’ve been trying to talk with me constantly. What do you want? Just tell me and then we can stop with this chatty shit.”

“I… I suppose I’m just trying to be friendly.”

“Mission accomplished. You’re friendly.”

“Why aren’t you?”

Dartmoor shrugged.

“Is it because of Assateague? I can understand how that would affect a pony.”

He shook his head in exasperation. “So Agister told you the story? The whole story?”

“I believe so.”

“Then you remember how he came across me in the first place?”

“I believe he said that you picked his pocket.”

“Exactly. I was a bastard before anything bad happened. My life was changed by what happened, yeah, but it’s not an excuse, or even a reason, for how I act. Ponies are always thinking that if something bad happens to somepony, then it’s an excuse for their flaws. It’s not. The truth is that I was planning to live as a vagrant long before the massacre ever happened.”

“Why would anypony want to do that?”

“It’s just how I am, toots. I’m a misponthrope.”

“There’s never been any pony whose company you enjoyed? You’ve never had a friend?”

“Don’t need one.”

“If you’ve never had a friend, how do you know that you wouldn’t enjoy having one? Friends are simply the best!”

Dartmoor sighed. “Look, I just know, alright? It’s not in my lifestyle to need a friend.”

“I used to think the same thing. When I was a bit younger, my dream was always to be a part of the elite fashion circles of Equestria. I wanted the fame, I wanted the attention, I wanted to namedrop my famous friends in front of lesser ponies to impress them. It wasn’t until I met Twilight that I realized that being a friend wasn’t about the status they gave you; it was about the happiness you gave each other. Maybe your mental picture of a friend is similarly misguided, Dartmoor.”

Dartmoor walked in silence for a moment, always keeping an eye on the two ponies fifty feet in front of them. He would occasionally stop to put his ear to the ground, or to sniff the air. Rarity hung her head with a pout. She was hoping that maybe if she confessed about her own problems with making friends, it might open him up. Now he was just ignoring her.

He suddenly stopped and looked at her with a raised eyebrow and a neutral face. “If I agree to be your friend, will you stop bugging me about it?”

“Of course, darling!”

“I don’t have to go through any ceremony or some dumb crap, will I?”

“Absolutely not, so long as we don’t tell Pinkie.”

“Sure, fine, whatever.”

Rarity squeed and threw her arms around the stallion. “Oh, this is simply the best! You’re going to love having a friend!” Dartmoor turned his head and gave her a deadpan stare. Rarity released him and shifted nervously. “Heh, heh.”

“Come on, we have to catch up to those two. I think Agister’s had about all he can take.”

The two of them quickened their pace to catch up with the other two ponies. Agister was now sitting down with his head in his hooves as Pinkie jumped excitedly. Rarity could only shake her head. As she doubled her pace to meet them, she felt a hoof catch her in her chest, stopping her in her tracks.

“Quiet,” whispered Dartmoor urgently, “There’s someone there.”

He gestured toward a lone pony walking down the street that was perpendicular to their alley. Rarity watched with bated breath, feeling something familiar about this figure. They waited to see if the pony would continue down the street, but it turned down the alley between them and the other two ponies in front of them.

“Stay here,” Dartmoor hissed. He crawled with incredible expertise after the intruder. Rarity watched as the intruding pony approached Pinkie and Agister with markedly less stealth. Craning her neck, she tried to hear what was transpiring as the pony approached closer and closer to her friends. He very obviously bumped into Pinkie.

“Oh, excuse me,” the pony stated loudly, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

Wham! Dartmoor leaped on the intruder, pinning him to the ground. Rarity ran toward the scene as Pinkie and Agister looked on with confusion. As she got closer, she could make out the stallion more clearly. He was a pegasus wearing an Equestrian guard uniform, with an orange coat and a shock of blue hair. She reached the scene and immediately recognized him—he was the one who bumped into her the night Twilight was paralyzed!

“Who the hell are you?” Dartmoor hissed, punching the pony in the face with an iron-clad hoof.

“Ow! That hurt!”

Dartmoor punched him again. “What is a pegasus doing in the Crystal Empire? Talk!”

The pony started crying. Agister looked on with some concern; if they didn’t intervene, he might end up killing him. “Perhaps we should let someone with a little more… tact ask the questions?”

As Dartmoor turned toward him with skepticism, Pinkie pushed him off the pegasus and took his place pinning him to the ground.

“Oh! I’ll do it! I’m good at interrogations. What’s your name, criminal scum?”

The pony groaned. “Flash Sentry.”

Pinkie slapped him in the face. “What’s your problem, huh? Why do you steal waifus?” *slap* “Why don’t you have a developed personality?” *slap* “You’re the worst marketing decision ever!”

As Pinkie raised her hoof to slap him again, Agister pulled her off of him with his magic.

“Pinkie, dear, I don’t think you’re asking the right questions. Or any questions that make sense, in fact.” He turned toward Flash and picked him up off the ground. “The question that was asked of you earlier does need to be answered—what are you doing here?”

“I was going to the palace,” Flash answered between sobs.

Agister raised his eyebrows. “The palace? We were under the assumption that the palace was attacked…”

“It was.”

“Then why are you going there?”

Flash looked away, rubbing his sore face. Dartmoor groaned in frustration and pushed him up against the crystal wall of the building next to them. “Answer him or I’ll start asking the questions again!”

Flash sobbed. “No, not you…”

Dartmoor punched him again.

“Okay, okay, I’ll answer, just stop hitting me! It hurts…”

“Then talk.”

“The new leader promised anyone who could find Twilight Sparkle would get ten thousand bits.”

“And?”

“I found her.”

Rarity glared daggers at the beaten guard. “So you were going to sell our friend to these Disciple ruffians for money!?”

“Well, I didn’t want to at first. After all, I’ve bumped into her more than any other mare here, and that makes her really special. But then I realized that ten thousand bits is a lot of money. I mean, that’s almost a million!”

Agister sighed. “Alright, Flash Sentry. Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to lead us to Twilight Sparkle. You’re going to be docile, and you’re not going to try to escape. If you try anything funny, then Dartmoor here is going to do what he does.”

Flash cast an anxious glance at Dartmoor, who was smiling evilly. He nodded.

“Very well. Dartmoor, release him.”

The earth pony reluctantly complied. Flash wiped a tear from his eye and slowly started traipsing back the direction he had come from. The other four ponies followed with restlessness. They had found a clue to Twilight’s location! It was a better start than they had expected.

Dartmoor took position beside their captive, keeping him firmly in his peripheral vision. Pinkie quickly jumped to Flash’s other side, marching like a prison guard. The four ponies walked down the street with their captive, his eyes nervously darting toward Dartmoor. After several minutes, he seemed to decide that he wasn't going to be hit again. He turned his head the other direction and cast a glance toward Pinkie Pie.

Faking a stumble, he swerved and bumped into her. “Excuse me,” he said, “We’ve got to stop bumping into each other like this…”

Dartmoor punched him in the face.

“Can I please kill him?”

***

Rainbow Dash pulled into herself, trying in vain to hug herself warm. She just wanted the sun to rise already. Although in the cold of autumn, it wouldn’t provide too much comfort. Still, something was better than nothing. Human-Dash just continued staring into the fire, absentmindedly biting into a strip of beef jerky.

“You know, in hindsight, I probably should have put where we were really going on that flight plan I filed.”

“You didn’t?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?! They would have found us by now if you had, right?”

Human-Dash nodded. “I don’t know. I guess I was afraid that Spitfire would come back and see it. But then again, she would have seen the plane was gone and that I forged her signature on it, anyway.”

Rainbow opened her mouth to make a snide comment, but then slumped her shoulders. What good was getting angry going to help right now? “I guess you know better next time.”

“‘Next time’?” said Human-Dash bitterly, “There’s not going to be a next time. They already know we’re missing. They already know I flew the plane without a license. There’s no way I’ll be able to get one now.” She dropped her head into her hands. “I’m not going to be a Wonderbolt, Dash! My future’s over!”

Without thinking, Rainbow pulled her human counterpart into a hug, allowing her to sob silently into her chest. She rubbed her head awkwardly and thought about how horrible a realization it was for her friend. She couldn’t even imagine having lost her dream. Sure, she made a decent living at her weather control job, but it was just that—a job. It didn’t make her happy; it kept her alive. She didn’t even know if Human-Dash had a job.

The human shook her head and pulled herself up, wiping the moistness out of her eyes. “Sorry, pony-girl,” she said hoarsely, “I guess I panicked there for a second. That was pretty uncool.”

“Eh, it happens.”

“I’m going to have to come visit you now, it’s the only way I’ll be able to fly again. You think that I’ll turn into a pony when I get to Horseworld?”

“Equestria,” Rainbow corrected, “And yeah, I think so. I actually really want you to come see me. I’ve got a badass house in the clouds. And you can see how the pony Wonderbolts fly. It’s a sight.”

“Yeah, I bet.”

“But we have to get out of this jam first.”

“Well, then what’s the plan, cute stuff?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure. I guess the first thing to do is find some water.”

“It’s a start, but it’s probably best to wait here until we can actually see.”

“Yeah. Heh.”

“So…” Human-Dash raised an eyebrow. “You wanna do round two?”

Rainbow opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a yawn, which was itself interrupted by her chattering teeth. “I would, but I’m way too cold.”

“Yeah, I guess. We’ll just have to get around to that when we get back. Speaking of, I have a question to ask you.”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t suppose it’s that comfortable living at AJ’s. I mean, it’s not that big of a place, and somebody’s probably sleeping on the couch, and… I guess what I’m trying to ask is, you want to stay with me while you’re here?”

Rainbow’s eyes grew wide. “You mean stay with you in your apartment? In that huge building?”

“Yep.”

“That would be so cool!” Rainbow gushed, “Is it cool with your dad, though?”

“Dad’s on deployment. He’s not getting back for a couple months, so he won’t even know you’re there. Thank god, cause I'm not looking forward to the ass-chewing he's going to give me for crashing his plane.”

“Is… Would he be okay with me staying there?”

Human-Dash shrugged. “Who cares? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“I don’t know, Dash. That feels kind of wrong.”

“Do you want to or not?” The human girl looked over at her lookalike with a skeptical eye, as if questioning her new friend’s coolness. Rainbow’s moral objections began to wilt under the gaze, and she gave a nervous laugh.

“I’m just kidding. Of course I’ll live with you, but we have to get home first.”

“Glad to hear it.”

The two girls looked toward the fire as Human-Dash absently poked at it with a stick. It was rapidly burning down, and their pile of wood had long since been utilized. The sun had not yet made its ascent known on the horizon, and the crickets held chirping matches all through the tall grasses of the field. Rainbow Dash watched the last flames of the fire die into embers and thought.

She asked me to live with her. Soooo cool. The coolest girl I’ve ever met, and she wants to live with me. Does that mean she really does want to be marefriends? Obviously, no one would ever live with somepony else unless they were serious. Then why had she dodged the question earlier? I have to find out for sure.

“Hey, Rainbow…” she started.

“Yeah?”

“If I ask you a question, will you promise to be a hundred twenty percent serious when you answer?”

“As long as you don’t ask me if I think you’re fat.”

“Dash! Seriously!”

“Ugh…” Human-Dash shook her head. “You need to chill out, pony-girl. Sure, I’ll be serious. But that doesn’t mean I can’t refuse to answer the question.”

“When you…”

“You could stand to lose ten pounds.”

“Oh, come on!” Rainbow threw her hands up in exasperation. “I’m going back to sleep.”

“Aw, don’t be like that. You’re the same size as me; there’s no way you’re fat.”

“Just forget it. I shouldn’t be worried about that stupid crap right now, anyway. Just forget I said anything. Wake me up when the sun rises, I guess.”

With a sympathetic look in her eye, Human-Dash got up and strode over to her. She grabbed the pony-girl in a bear hug, eliciting the smallest noise of surprise. After a moment, she relaxed and returned the comforting embrace.

Human-Dash pulled away slightly and looked her counterpart in the eyes. “Look, Rainbow, I’m sorry. I guess I’m a little stressed, and I was trying to laugh my way out of it. I should have listened to you. Now, what is it you wanted to ask me?”

“Remember when I asked you if we were in a relationship?”

The human nodded.

“Well, you…”

Rainbow stopped, looking around. A distinct whirring sound seemed to be coming from the horizon, like a skilled pegasus flying at top speed. Human-Dash heard it as well, and she quickly broke the embrace and ran toward the sound.

“They’re here! Dash, they’re here!”

“What? Who’s here?”

Human-Dash spun around, eyes gleaming and smile wide. “Spitfire! That’s her copter, I’d recognize that sound anywhere! Quick go blow on the fire, get it as bright as you can. This could be our only chance!” She leaped toward the survival bag and pulled out a large flashlight. Lighting it, she swung it around and dashed into the field, laughing like a mad woman.

Rainbow’s heart beat into her throat. Rational though did not register in her mind, only the vague awareness of hope, adrenaline, and that she was dashing toward the fire. Practically falling on her hands and knees, she hyperventilated into it, trying to pump as much oxygen as possible into the dying embers. As the light grew with each exhale and dimmed with each inhale, she could only find strength to desperately scream a mantra in her mind—

Please see us! Please see us! Please see us! Please see us…

***

Captain Phalanx prostrated himself before Princess Celestia. He was a behemoth of a stallion, whose height and muscles had few rivals across the kingdom. His underlings often called him “Captain Hernia”, due to his habit of screaming himself hoarse at the smallest infraction. However, there were few as dedicated a soldier as he, and Princess Celestia could think of nopony more suited to replace Shining Armor as the captain of the royal guard.

“Rise, captain,” she instructed, “Report.”

“Yes, your highness. There’s been an attack in the east side of town by a group of unknown assailants. They have collapsed the entrance to the mountain caverns, and have taken several civilians hostage.”

“Where are they now?”

Phalanx shifted uncomfortably. “That’s the thing, your highness. We’re… not exactly sure.”

“I see. What other information can you give me?”

“There were no guards in that area of town at the time of the attack, and witnesses to the attack vary in their estimation of the size of the opponent. Estimates vary from half a dozen to two dozen or more. Civilian hostages are estimated to be about a dozen, your highness.”

“Very well. Send two regiments of guards to the town to protect the population.”

“Two regiments, Princess?” Phalanx looked up in disbelief. “But that would only leave one left to guard the castle!”

“The security of my little ponies is my number one priority, captain.”

“Permission to speak freely!”

“Very well.”

“Keep all the guards in the palace! Your security is my number one priority. The Royal Equestrian Army is only one day’s march from here. Send word to recall a division of pegasus knights to Canterlot if you must, but the Royal Guards are sworn to protect your highness at all costs.”

Celestia sighed. “No, captain. That is invariably what the attackers are vying for. This is clearly a diversion from the real crises, which is in the Crystal Empire. You will do as ordered. Is there anything else, Captain?”

“No, princess,” Phalanx sighed.

“Dismissed.”

Phalanx saluted and left with his chief of staff. Celestia fell back on her throne, wearily resting her head on her hooves. These cultists were planning something, and for once, her intelligence operations couldn’t uncover their full intentions. Their plans seemed so clumsy, so lackadaisical. Why take over the Crystal Empire when the military might of Equestria was so superior? There were no walls around the city, and its climate would be too cold to withstand a siege in any case. No, there was something else going on here.

Celestia had never met Grimm Shado when he was Sombra’s prime minister, although she heard he had a reputation as a shrewd tactician and a sadistic pony. She had attempted to find him when the empire returned, but he had vanished. After all this time, it appeared he finally came up with a plan. If only she understood it. Did it have something to do with the Kīla of Gothmog? Perhaps he had been the one to incapacitate the Elements of Harmony with the attack on Twilight.

No, that didn’t make sense. Nopony, not even the Princess of the Sun herself, had the kind of power to control the mind of another pony, especially an alicorn. There was something else going on here, something deeper. She had to figure out what they were planning before it was too late…

…

Unknown to Princess Celestia, the door to a side office stood cracked open. A smiling pegasus pony shut it and prepared his next move. Grimm was right; Celestia was predictable. She was doing exactly what they wanted her to do.

Sly Hoof alighted to the nearest window and took off toward the mountain summit. When the king returned, he would be rewarded with all the gold and slaves he could ever use.

***

Applejack stared anxiously out the window. Forests and plains and hills and houses flew by underneath them. According to Scootaloo, this was the direction that the human Rainbow often flew in. The teenage girl was riding next to Spitfire, her head drooping in sleepiness and exhaustion. The plane was actually surprisingly roomy for its size, seating four people. She and Human-AJ sat in the small seat in the back, scanning the ground as well as they could out of their tiny windows. Scootaloo had said that they weren’t at the location yet, but Spitfire had insisted they search the entire time, in case they had crashed before they arrived at the field.

AJ felt her stomach lurch as the word resounded in her head—crashed. It was such a horrible word, a word that seemed to set her on edge whenever it concerned Rainbow. It was true that fatal pegasus crashes were rare in Equestria, but they weren’t in Equestria. In this place, it was apparently the exception rather than the rule that crashes were survivable. The atmosphere of panic that had pervaded the air around her new friends had infected her, infected her with fear and sadness. It’s a natural thing to imagine the worst when the worst is a possibility, even if one expects the best, no matter how slim the chances. Applejack’s heart had a hidden confidence, even if her face showed nothing but tiredness and fatigue.

She felt a set of fingers wrap themselves around her hand. They were warm and firm, and she felt a steady groundedness in them. She traced the hand that was holding hers up to its source—her human counterpart. Human-AJ gazed at her in sympathy, and she squeezed her hand reassuringly. The roar of the helicopter prevented any talking, but the non-verbal solidarity that simple hand-holding conveyed was equally effective, if not more so. Applejack smiled back and turned back toward the window, resuming her vigil over the land below.

Wait… what was that? She bolted upright in her seat and stared at the ground with intensity. She could have sworn she just saw a flash of light. As the helicopter flew by, she craned her neck to better see the area where the light had shone.

Nothing. The plane flew past the meadow. AJ sank back into her seat in disappointment. Still, she couldn’t help the nagging feeling in the back of her head that there was something down there. She leaned up and yelled in Spitfire’s ear.

“Ah saw a light!”

“Probably our lights reflected on a puddle!” she shouted back.

“Can we circle around? Please?”

Spitfire rubbed her face in weary exhaustion, but did as the farmpony requested. The helicopter banked and circled around. Next to her, Human-AJ sat up and silently asked a question with a curious glance—“Why are we turning around?” In reply, Applejack simply gestured wildly at the ground, trying to encourage her counterpart to watch.

As they passed over the meadow a second time, Spitfire operated the searchlight in a sweeping motion. Even Scootaloo woke up to look, with alert, yet baggy eyes. They scanned over acres of empty grass, each passenger frantically watching for a rainbow. Seconds agonizingly ticked by…

“Look!” shouted Scootaloo suddenly, gesticulating wildly out the front window, where the searchlight just barely illuminated a dark mass by the treeline.

“It’s a plane!” screamed Human-AJ with excitement as she saw what Scootaloo was pointing to. Mile-wide grins were exchanged around everyone in the helicopter as Spitfire took it in for a landing.

The rotor began to quiet and slow as the ground came ever closer. Heart bursting with ecstasy, Applejack ignored all fear and logic in her mind and pushed open the door when the landing struts were a few feet off the ground. She leaped out of the side in a single bound, ignoring the surprised shouts of those within. Not anticipating the momentum of her jump, she stumbled as she painfully hit the ground, rolling to a stop at the feet of a person.

She gazed up into the face she had been dreaming of seeing since their fight two nights previous. Ignoring scrapes and bruises, she leaped to her feet and threw her arms around Rainbow.

“Oh Celestia, Rainbow! Ah was so worried… so worried. Ah’m awful sorry about that argument the other night. Ah’m just so glad you’re okay!” Intoxicating emotions still pumping through her veins, her overpowered mind willed her to do something she would have never dreamed of doing in a sober state.

She pecked Rainbow Dash on the lips.

Rainbow didn’t reciprocate. Not that AJ expected her to. Not that AJ would expect herself to even do that. With heat exploding onto her face, she pulled away and looked up at Rainbow sheepishly.

“Heh heh. Sorry ‘bout that, sugarcube. Ah… Ah don’ know what Ah was thinkin’.”

Rainbow merely stood there and stared at her. She reached up and idly touched the tip of her finger to the lips AJ had just kissed. Then a smirk appeared as she found her words again.

“Woah there, cowgirl. I would have never expected that out of you! Holy crap! Maybe I should go missing more often!”

Applejack’s heart seized. “Hold on a minute. Are you my Rainbow?”

“I guess I am now,” she chuckled.

AJ stamped her foot. “Y’all know what Ah mean! Are you the human or the pony?!”

“Well, me and the other Rainbow are both human—I know, I checked. But I was always human. So are you the sexy AJ I know or the sexy AJ I don’t?”

“Durn it, you! Y’all shouldn’t… Ah mean… Jus’…Buck! Where the Tartarus is pony Rainbow?”

Human-Dash gestured toward a darkened area of the field. “Last I saw her she was blowing the fire, but I guess it went out. Guess I have to give her another lesson about getting blown.”

“Ah don’ know what the hay that means. Jus’… get outta mah way.”

AJ pushed past the smirking human, her emotional state suddenly shifting from overly excited to overly embarrassed. She ran in the direction that Human-Dash had pointed, as a dark shape could quickly be seen rising above the field. Seeing their tent, Applejack sprinted forward, thoughts of seeing her friend once again in the forefront of her mind. She reached it, heaving, and glanced inside. Nothing. She turned around and saw the barely visible coals of a campfire, with an unconscious figure lying next to it.

“Rainbow!” AJ shouted in panic.

She sprung towards the figure and placed her head to her chest. Still breathing. She breathed a sigh of relief and gently shook the pony-girl.

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash muttered as her eyes fluttered open, “Dashie?”

“What? Nah, it’s me, AJ.”

“AJ?”

Applejack lifted her friend up and held her, and Rainbow’s cognitive faculties returned steadily. She gazed into AJ’s face and smiled.

“I knew you’d come.”

“Shucks, sugarcube. Ah’d never leave ya hanging out here with that hooligan. Are ya alright?”

“Yeah, I think so,” she said as she pulled herself into a sitting position, “I guess I hyperventilated when I was trying to get the fire back up. Oops.”

“Don’ worry about it none, Dash. As long as you’re safe.”

“Stupid human body. I probably could have restarted this dumb fire in ten seconds if I were still a pony.”

“Yeah…” AJ responded absently, gazing at her friend, “By the way, Ah wanted ta tell you something.”

“What’s that?”

“Ah’m a mite sorry about that fight we had the other day. Ah guess Ah just let my human hormones get to me, or somethin’. Ah don’t know. All Ah know is Ah acted a fool.”

“To be honest, AJ…” Rainbow started. Applejack’s heart froze, and she shut her eyes in panic. This was it. This was the big chewing out that she deserved. She breathed in sharply, expecting the worst. “…I had completely forgotten about that.” AJ let out a huge breath and grinned.

“Water under the bridge, sugarcube?”

Rainbow Dash smiled. “Water under the bridge.”

AJ leaned over and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. Rainbow groaned. “So uncool.”

“Aww, hush it, you.” AJ pulled her closer, just loving the feeling of having her friend back.

“Holy crap!” a voice called, “You were right, Applejack. There’s two Rainbows!”

The two pony-girls pulled apart and looked up at the intruder. Scootaloo stood there gawking along with a very tired Spitfire. The human AJ and Rainbow Dash also approached, laughing and smiling.

“Okay, is that everyone?” Spitfire asked, rubbing her eyes.

“Yeah, that’s it,” replied Human-AJ.

“Alright, which one of you is the real Rainbow Dash?”

“That’d be me,” Human-Dash said hesitantly. Spitfire turned to face her.

“You have any idea what a chewing out you’re getting later?”

“Yeah…”

“By me, by the police, by your dad, and probably this young lady as well?” she shouted, pointing at Human-AJ.

“Hell yeah, she is,” the farm girl grumbled.

“Yeah…” Human-Dash said again.

“Well then, let me say first that I’m glad you’re alright,” Spitfire said, allowing herself to smile, “Come on, I want to get you to the hospital before I murder you.”

1 - Twilight's in trouble!

Twilight Sparkle gazed up in awe at the sheer number of magical artifacts before her. Each was as dark and wretched as the soul of their previous owner. Instruments of torture lined the wall, some still stained with the rust colored lifeblood of some unfortunate past victim. There were many twisted weapons of war, all with black crystals she assumed served some sinister magical purpose.

“Shining Armor found this room five days ago. I called you here as soon as I was myself notified,” Princess Celestia explained to her student.

“This… wow. Princess, why don’t you catalog all this? You’re much more qualified than I am.”

“There is much that needs my attention in Canterlot. You are as qualified as any pony I know. Princess Cadence and Shining Armor have agreed to allow you and your friends to stay for as long as you need, and there is nothing else that I need for you to do right now than go through this room. Though King Sombra was defeated, we cannot be sure that he is indeed gone for good. We need to know what his capabilities are before he returns. That is where this room comes in. I believe that all of his most powerful artifacts of war reside in this very room.”

Twilight didn’t know what to say. As daunting a task as it was, and as chilling a vibe as the room gave off, she couldn’t help but feel secretly excited for the chore ahead of her. There had to be magic in this room that nopony in Equestria knew about. Even though most of it was evil, that didn’t mean that it always had to be that way. Some of the most useful inventions in ponydom were invented during wartime, after all.

She headed with trepidation into the room. The walls and floor were made of cold stone and were as malevolent and unwelcoming as imaginable. In the center of the room was an incredibly ornate display case. It was so out of place with the atmosphere of the rest of the room that Twilight couldn’t help but be drawn to it. She stepped up onto the raised platform to gaze inside.

Inside the display case lay a solitary dagger. Instead of a steel blade like the rest of the weaponry in the room, the dagger carried a blade made of pitch black crystal. The hilt was made of gold and iridescent metals that shone so magnificently that they rivaled Rainbow Dash’s mane for splendor. Inlaid into the hilt were jewels of every type and shape, so vibrant and beautiful that even Rarity would be jealous of them. She felt herself reaching for the display case, wanting to view the dagger closer.

“Twilight!”

She turned around. Celestia beckoned to her to follow. With slight resentment, Twilight backed away from the dagger.

Princess Celestia started heading back to the throne room, and Twilight followed glancing back toward the dagger for as long as she could. She felt a strange feeling about leaving it there. Was it... regret? She shook her head. Don't be silly, Twilight. It's just a little dagger. Nothing more... right?

Celestia and Twilight rounded a corner into the throne room. There were all of her Ponyville friends where she left them – having a pleasant conversation with her brother and sister-in-law. They all hushed and looked expectantly at Princess Celestia as she entered.

“I’ve shown Twilight the room. I think she sees how important as task this is as well,” she told Shining Armor.

“Are you sure you’re up to this, Twili? It’s pretty daunting in there. I could always have some unicorns come down from…”

“No,” interrupted Celestia, “This is too important. I will entrust this solely to Princess Twilight.”

“It’s ok,” Twilight assured when she saw her brother’s concerned look, “I can do this. King Sombra is gone. It’s not like his weapons is going to jump up and start attacking me. Besides, my friends are going to be there to help me.”

“That’s right!” chimed in Rainbow Dash, “No moldy old battle-axe is going to get the better of me! We’ll have this done in no time.”

The rest of the Ponyville-6 uttered words of agreement (well, except for Fluttershy, who emitted a mild squeak of agreement). Twilight couldn’t help but smile at the loyalty of her friends.

“Just remember, you’re not alone here,” stated Cadence, “If you need any help, we’ll be here. You can stay in the same rooms you all slept in during the princess summit. Speaking of which…”

She looked out at the rapidly rising moon. As if to accentuate her observation, Pinkie Pie gave an obnoxiously audible yawn.

“Yeah, I guess we should start thinking about getting to bed,” agreed Twilight. The other ponies nodded their agreement and started following her to the bedrooms.

“Yes, and I need to start heading back to Canterlot,” Princess Celestia said.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Princess!” exclaimed Cadence, “It’s already so late. I insist you stay until morning.”

“Well…”

“You really can’t argue when she’s made up her mind like this,” smiled Shining Armor wryly, “There’s another room already prepared.”

“I suppose it won’t hurt to stay just one night…”

With that, Shining Armor barked instructions to the nearest guard, who escorted Celestia to her room.

***

Suddenly, Twilight woke up. But something felt strange. It was almost like she was in a trance. Very slowly, she pulled off her covers and trotted past Spike. She almost wanted him to wake up, to ask her where she was going. But he just snored and turned over. She opened the door with her magic without even trying and found herself headed down the hallway toward the throne room.

Bump!

She looked up, finding a blue haired stallion reaching out to steady her.

“We just can’t stop bumping into each other, can we?” he asked casually.

Twilight quickly steadied herself and kept walking.

“So, hey!” he called after her, “If you’re not doing anything tomorrow, the Crystal Players are putting on a re-enactment of the saving of the empire by that dragon. If you’re not busy, you want to…?”

But Twilight kept walking. Come on, ask me what’s wrong! she thought desperately.

“Oh, that’s okay then. I guess you’re busy,” he called after her.

Oblivious idiot.

Twilight found herself passing the throne room, taking the corridor to the left towards where King Sombra’s hidden arsenal lied. She started to feel a hint of panic. What if there was magic in the room that was forcing her to it? What if King Sombra had returned and was hypnotizing her somehow? She tried to turn around and go back to bed, but it was strange. She wanted to proceed.

She walked up to the blank wall behind which Sombra’s storeroom hid. She cast the spell that Princess Celestia had showed her that opened the arsenal. Without even looking back, she headed inside.

***

Spike woke suddenly. He couldn’t explain the feeling, but he knew something was wrong. Instinctively, he looked over toward Twilight’s bed. She wasn’t there. He tried calming himself, rationalizing that maybe she was in the restroom. But quite shortly, he found his feeling of unease to be overwhelming. He went to the restroom to check.

Good, he said to himself, relieved. A light was on. She was in the restroom after all. He sat along the opposite wall and waited.

Five minutes went by. Spike started to worry again. He banged on the door.

“Just a minute, darling!” called a familiar voice from the other side, “I’m having a little trouble adjusting these curlers.”

Spike’s heart sank. Normally he would be thrilled to hear the precise and articulate voice of Rarity, but that awful feeling was eating at him too much at the moment.

“Rarity!” he called through the door, “Twilight’s missing! I don’t know where she went!”

“Well that hardly seems a crisis,” Rarity replied, opening the door, “She probably went for a moonlight stroll. My, that does sound lovely, doesn’t it?”

Rarity stepped out of the bathroom, complete with a robe, hair curlers, and a mud masque. Normally this was something for Spike to get excited about, but the weighing anxiety on his mind forced any thought of his crush out.

“Rarity, please!” he pleaded, “Something’s wrong. I don’t know what it is, but something’s wrong. You’ve got to help me!”

Rarity smiled down kindly at her young friend. She may not have thought that anything was amiss, but the Element of Generosity knew when somepony needed her help.

“Alright Spike, I will accompany you in your search. But when we find Twilight, we’re both going back to bed. Fair enough?”

Spike didn’t even reply. He rushed off, leaving Rarity to trot along behind him.

Almost immediately, they came across a castle guard.

“Hey!” cried Spike, “Have you seen Twilight anywhere? Purple alicorn, indigo hair, probably reading a book? Or she went completely insane. That’s a very real possibility…”

The guard laughed, “What kind of castle guard would I be if I didn’t know all the princesses? Especially one so…” his eyes glazed over, “…lovely.”

“Hey, I asked you a question,” Spike shouted furiously.

“Yeah, she went toward the throne room,” the guard replied distractedly as he absentmindedly bumped into Rarity.

“Hey,” he greeted, smiling, “Excuse me.”

Rarity blushed and giggled.

“Uh!” cried Spike ahead, “It’s like his entire personality!”

“...I’m terribly sorry you had to see me in my bedroom attire. I’m absolutely mortified!” Rarity flirted with an insincere embarrassment.

“Come on, Rarity!” Spike shouted, more annoyed than ever with this guard, “We’ve got to go!”

Rarity groaned as she sheepishly waved goodbye to the guard. She caught up with Spike, who was by now in the throne room.

“She’s not here…” he said dejectedly.

“I’m telling you, she’s probably out in the gardens, dear. It’s where I would be if I were out at this dreadful time of night.”

Spike rushed down the left corridor, where he assumed the gardens were located. Rarity trotted leisurely behind him, until she… stopped.

“Spike?” she called quietly, almost unable to speak.

Spike turned around and saw she was staring into an open panel in the wall. With a sudden burst of fear, he slowly walked over to her and looked towards where she was staring. What he saw he wouldn’t forget for the rest of his life.

The chamber was surreal, with dark stone walls covered with weapons of war and torture devices placed throughout the room. On the other end was a golden display case. The glass was shattered, shards all over the floor. On the other side of it stood Twilight, except she didn’t look right. Her eyes were an unnatural shade of green with purple smoke emanating from them. Just like… King Sombra.

Twilight looked toward them and smiled, her teeth crooked, her smile more like an evil sneer from a monster than from Spike’s friend. In her hooves was a dagger with a long black blade. She raised it up over her head…

“TWILIGHT! NO!”

…and plunged it into her stomach.

***

Spike crawled into Twilight’s bed and cuddled next to her, tears in his eyes. Twilight was cold and pale. Celestia, Cadence, Shining Armor and the rest of her friends surrounded the bed, still in shock over what had happened.

“What… how… Is she…” Shining Armor choked out through sobs. Cadence gingerly grabbed him and pulled him into a comforting hug.

“She’s alive,” Princess Celestia responded quietly, “But this is very dark magic. It’s beyond the realm of my expertise.”

The rest of Twilight’s friends were stunned into silence over what had happened. To any casual passerby, Twilight seemed to be dead, but they trusted Celestia.

“Can we… get ‘er back ta normal?” Applejack asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know. I’m going to have to consult the archive in Canterlot. Maybe I can find something about this dagger.”

Indeed, the dagger was still lodged in Twilight’s stomach, but there was no sign of physical trauma otherwise. No blood, no bruising. It was unlike anything any of them had ever seen, or even heard of. It was disturbing.

“Then let’s get that damn thing out of her!” shouted Rainbow Dash, grabbing the dagger with her teeth.

Before the others could stop her, Rainbow Dash was pulling at the dagger with both fore hooves pressed on either side of it on Twilight’s stomach. She pulled with all her might, but the only result was slightly stretching at Twilight’s skin. Celestia pulled her off with her magic.

“It won’t move, Rainbow Dash,” she explained, “But even so, I’m not comfortable with trying until I know more about this magic. The best thing you can do right now is give her some company, and stay here in case I need you.”

Rainbow Dash sighed in frustration. Almost any problem she ever had could be solved with her athletic dexterity, and any other could be solved by her wonderful friends. She felt a hopeless feeling in the pit of her stomach. Indeed, everypony in the room was feeling pretty hopeless. A sad silence followed for several minutes as they all looked down at Twilight, broken only by Spike’s sobs.

“Cadence, Shining Armor,” Celestia spoke eventually, “I need you to place guards here and at the hidden room. Don’t let anypony enter under any circumstances. I’m going to go straight to the Canterlot archives. I will return as soon as I’ve discovered something.”

The royals nodded as Princess Celestia left to fly off into the night.

***

Many days passed. Every one of Twilight’s friends spent almost all of their time accompanying her at her bedside. There was a flurry of doctors coming in and out, doing little more than confirming that Twilight’s condition was stable. Shining Armor had personally put up the expense of bringing them in from Equestria (seeing as how all the crystal doctors used blood letting and other thousand-year old methods). Guards were posted outside of Twilight’s room in addition to Sombra’s arsenal. Nopony had disturbed it since Twilight was hurt, the task of inventory forgotten.

“Has anypony else sent a letter home yet?” asked Pinkie solemnly. She had lost all excitability since Twilight was hurt; even her hair seemed to flatten slightly.

“Ah did,” responded Applejack, “Big Mac assured me that they don’ need me right now. Thank Celestia it’s past harvest season. We all don’t have much ta do in the winter.”

“Yeah, the clouds don’t really need much attention right now, either. Cloudsdale made Cloudkicker stand in for me, so I’m staying here until Twilight’s better.”

“Uhm, Rarity?” asked Fluttershy softly, “Aren’t you worried about the boutique?”

“The prince and princess have graciously given me funds to cover my expenses while I’m away. I’ll stay as long as I need to. How about the rest of you girls?”

They all agreed with equally resolute faces. Silence pervaded the room for a few minutes before being interrupted by a castle guard.

“Princess Cadence requests the presence of all of you in the throne room.”

“Is Celestia back?!” cried Rainbow Dash, grabbing the guard.

“That’s all I’ve been told, ma’am,” he responded dryly, shrugging her off.

The five friends rushed out of Twilight’s room and down the hall into the throne room. There stood not only Shining Armor, Cadence, and Celestia, but Princess Luna as well.

“You’re back!” exclaimed Pinkie.

“Yes, I am back.”

“Did ya find anything?” asked Applejack without hesitation.

“I think we should all have a talk. In private.”

Shining Armor quickly dismissed the guards. Cadence offered Celestia her throne as they all sat on the floor in rapt silence. Princess Luna stood next to Celestia, allowing her sister to explain what they had found.

“First off, yes. I have discovered the identity of the mysterious dagger,” she started, “It is none other than the fabled Kīla of Gothmog.”

She paused briefly as if to let that sink in, but with the absence of Twilight, there was little chance any others knew the significance.

“What’s the ‘Kīla of Gothmog’?” asked Shining Armor.

“It is a very ancient blade, forged before even I was born. It was the ceremonial dagger of an ancient, evil lord named Gothmog. It hasn’t been seen for thousands of years, so obviously very little is known about it. The little I was able to glean from the archives isn’t good, however.”

She looked out over the looks of dismay on those around her.

“Legend has it that it was enchanted with a very powerful binding ritual that Gothmog used on his most foreboding foes. Apparently, anypony the blade pierces is frozen in place, in a coma. The only way to release it is… is for… the person who made the binding cut to pull the dagger out.”

She stopped to let her words sink in. One by one, the ponies around her realized the gravity of the situation. The only one who could free Twilight, was Twilight.

“But how do we get her out!” cried Rainbow Dash in anger and frustration. The others around her looked up at Celestia hopefully. If anypony knew what to do, it would be Celestia. And sure enough…

“There is only one way we can hope to free Twilight. One chance, although I dare say it is a long shot. And it’s going to require the help of you ponies…”

“Anything!” they all cried at once.

“…We need to find Twilight Sparkle and have her remove the dagger.”

Everyone stared at her in confusion. They knew where Twilight was - in a bed in a magically induced coma! Celestia paused, waiting for somepony to realize the solution on their own.

“The mirror!” suddenly cried Cadence, “Twilight said there was a copy of everypony in the mirror!”

“That’s right. We need to send somepony through the mirror to find the other Twilight.”

Everypony suddenly stepped forward, exclaiming their willingness to go into the unknown for their friend. Even Fluttershy, usually so timid for such tasks, ignored her fears when one of her friends was in peril. Princess Celestia smiled. Truly these were the elements of harmony.

“I’m glad everypony is so willing to jump into danger to help Twilight. I would love to send all of you to help, but there are other considerations we must think about.”

“What could be more important…”

“The Kīla of Gothmog,” interrupted Luna, “It is of the utmost importance that word doesn’t get out that it has been found. In the right hands, it could be more powerful than anypony can imagine. That is why the prince and princess must stay.”

Shining Armor opened his mouth, about to argue. Luna held up her hoof to silence him.

“We must not give any indication to the outside world that anything is amiss. For these reasons, neither Celestia or myself can go either. It must be one of you.”

She looked over at the Ponyville ponies, who looked more determined than ever.

“Yes, but I’m afraid that we must consider the ramifications of using the mirror again,” explained Celestia, “Even though Twilight had spent a few days in that world, we still know extremely little about it. We cannot afford to cause some instability there that might spill over into Equestria, especially with the Elements of Harmony temporarily out of commission.”

The ponies around her gave a start. They hadn’t considered this ramification of Twilight’s incapacitation.

“We were successfully able to send two into the other world before. I think we can risk sending that amount again. You ponies need to discuss this and decide whom you shall send into the mirror.”

The ponies in front of her immediately burst into argument.

“Well I’m the fastest. I’ll be able to outrun danger better. I’m definitely going.”

“Excuse me? Rainbow, dear, you mannerisms are bordering that of a social pariah. Nopony in there will believe you are one of them. Me, on the other hand…”

"Uhm... I want to help too..."

“...and my axe!” shouted Pinkie Pie in a gruff, dwarfish voice.

“Hold on, everypony!” shouted Applejack over the din, “We don’t even have all the facts yet. Isn’t that right, Princess Luna? Doesn’ the mirror only open up round every thirty moons?”

“You are correct. However, my sister has not been the only one busy with study of late. I was able to locate Sunset Shimmer’s research notes in the Canterlot archives.”

“Sunset Shimmer?”

“Yes. Her task before she vanished into the mirror was its study. It is from her that I learned about the thirty moons rule. However…”

She proceeded to open a leather bound journal with her magic.

“As it says here, ‘thirty moons’ is defined as the number of days of relative full moon in that world, which she claims is five days per month. The portal will be opened for the entire full moon period after that time has elapsed. Doing the arithmetic, that indicates…”

“The portal closes tonight!” shouted Pinkie Pie. The other ponies looked at her. Since when could Pinkie do math?

“But that means whoever goes in will be stuck in there for six months until the portal opens again!” observed Cadence.

“Yes,” responded Celestia, “However, this information about the lunar cycle is what we could determine from Sunset Shimmer’s old notes. Undoubtedly, she has done more research in the years she has been in the other world. It is imperative you seek her aid in returning once you have found the other Twilight. Hopefully, she will have a solution for you.”

She looked around at the sad and worried faces around her.

“Cheer up, my little ponies. We must look at the positive things in life. Twilight is going to be alright. You must believe that. If nothing else, you must believe that you have happier times to look forward to.

“Now go. Go back to your bedrooms and prepare for the journey ahead. Pack your saddlebags as best you can. Two of you are going to an entirely alien and unfamiliar world. Ensure you talk to Spike. He is the only one right now who has been through the mirror. I advise you to listen to his advice. I will meet you in the Mirror Room in one hour.”

The Ponyville ponies turned around and slowly walked back to their rooms. The task ahead of them was so great and so daunting they found themselves in a state of shock. No discussion was made until they found themselves back in Twilight’s room where she laid quite unchanged since they left.

“Well, it appears like we all wanna go,” stated Applejack eventually.

The other ponies said nothing, merely continuing to stare at Twilight.

“Ah think we should chose based on which of us has the least responsibility in this world right now. Since we kinda already discussed it, Ah think it should be me and Rainbow Dash that should go.”

“And why do you believe that, darling?” Rarity looked up.

“Well, bein’ winter and all, we kinda don’ have a lot to be doin’ back home. Not for the next six months, at least.”

The other ponies looked up at her ready to argue.

“No, she’s right,” commented Rainbow, “I mean, Rarity, even if Princess Cadence is paying for your shop’s rent, aren’t there customers who have orders and stuff? And Fluttershy, how are all the animals going to get along without you for six months?”

Applejack was slightly taken aback. Since when did Rainbow dash suddenly get rushes of logic?

“The Cakes probably do need me,” Pinkie Pie admitted, “Last time I left for a while, they hired this pegasus to replace me, but all she did was make a big mess and create way too many muffins. I mean, muffins?! Come on. Muffins are just cupcakes without icing! And what kind of crazy pony doesn’t like icing?!”

Rarity knew they didn’t have the time for Pinkie’s normal ramblings.

“Pinkie, dear. Why don’t you come help me pack Applejack and Rainbow’s bags?”

Pinkie Pie’s eyes lit up.

“Okay! I’ll make sure they have plenty of balloons and streamers. You know, in case they come across a party there. Oh! And vodka…”

Applejack winced.

“Oh, I suppose I’ll come help too,” Fluttershy added, following them.

Once Pinkie and Fluttershy left, Rarity took the time to stick her head back in the room.

“While we are busy ensuring you two have the proper attire, I suggest you wake Spike up and ask him about the other world as the princess suggested…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rainbow responded dismissively, “And I better not see any frilly stuff in my bag.”

Rarity snorted and left.

Applejack looked over at Rainbow, “Well, Ah guess we better get to it. Spike! Hey Spike!”

He snored loudly in response. Dash neighed with annoyance.

“Hey, sleepyhead!” she shouted, shaking him, “Wake up! We got stuff to talk about!”

Spike jerked up sleepily.

“Huh? What? What’s going on? Is Princess Celestia here?”

“She’s already been here, Spike. Ya see, we don’ really have a lotta time ta explain, but Rainbow and I need to ask you somethin’. What was it like in the other world? Ya know, the one in the mirror?”

Spike rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, “What? Why?”

“Just answer the question,” Rainbow responded briskly.

“It was, I don’t know, weird. There weren’t any ponies, just like these hairless things walking on two legs like a dragon. They also had these claw things where their hooves should be. I don’t really know how to explain it – I was a dog, after all.”

“What about Twilight? Did ya see another Twilight?”

Spike furrowed his eyebrows, “No, but I think I remember the other Pinkie Pie mentioning her. I don’t know what to say, I was stuffed in a bag most of the time.”

“How about Sunset Shimmer?”

“She goes to a school. There’s a school right in front of the portal.”

“And the other Rainbow Dash?”

“Rainbow!” Applejack scolded, “We don’t have time for that! We’re doing this for Twilight, remember?”

“Girls!” called Rarity from outside the bedroom, “Are you almost ready?”

“Coming!” called Rainbow Dash as she trotted out.

“Don’t worry, Spike,” said Applejack comfortingly, “We’ll get Twilight back quicker than Big Mac can down cider on New Year’s Eve. Ya’ll mark mah words.”

She gave Spike a hug and watched as she left the room as well. He didn’t know quite what was going on yet, but if anypony could get Twilight back, he trusted his friends.

***

Applejack gave her friends a hug good-bye with a small tear in the corner of her eye. Rainbow Dash pretended not to be interested in such mushy stuff, but she couldn’t help but notice a slight shimmer of moistness in her eyes as well. She started turning around toward the mirror when somepony grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.

“Princess!” Applejack grunted, slightly shocked as Cadence hugged her.

“Bring Twilight back,” Cadence whispered in her ear, “I believe in you.”

Shining Armor followed with a curt hug as well.

“We’ll take care of Twili, and your family too. Don’t you worry about anything back here.”

“Thanks, your highness.”

“You can just call me Shi…”

“Let’s go already!” shouted Rainbow Dash.

Applejack turned back around. Her saddlebag was magically levitated onto her back as she walked toward the mirror.

Applejack gulped nervously as she followed Rainbow Dash into another world.

***

Spike slept next to Twilight as everyone else started to shuffle in from the mirror room and go to bed.

Unseen by anyone, the black blade of the evil weapon pulsed with a green aura.

7 - Two Girls, One Cup Size

The farm truck followed the small yellow hatchback down the dirt road to the gate of the farm. Rainbow had insisted that she ride in the bed of the truck once again so, as she put it, she could ‘feel the wind in my mane’. The Applejacks knew better than to refuse. They could hear her happily jumping around and seeing how far she could lean over the edge before pulling back and giggling. Applejack and her human counterpart turned to smile at each other.

“Ya know, Ah can kinda see how ya find her so cute,” Pony-AJ said quietly.

The other Applejack smiled, “Yeah?”

“But if you ever tell anybody that, Ah’ll buck ya where it hurts.”

Human-AJ smiled mischievously, “Sounds like fun. Ya plannin’ ta invite me back ta mah bed sometime?”

“What? No!” Applejack recoiled, “Ah didn’t mean ‘buck’ like that! Y’all have some serious issues. Maybe you should see a counselor, or somethin’.”

Her counterpart laughed, “Ah’m jus’ pullin’ your leg, sugarcube. No offense, but you’re not mah type.”

She breathed a sigh of relief, “Ya had me goin’ there for a minute.”

Applejack sat in silence for a minute contemplating what the human farmer had just said. She was about to ask her something when Rainbow Dash banged on the back of the truck cab.

“Go faster!”

The girls in the truck laughed as Human-AJ downshifted and gunned the engine. There was a sudden lurch as the truck pulled forward, the sound of the pistons pumping only barely louder than the sounds of their friend’s cries of delight. AJ let the truck coast as she pulled onto the highway offramp towards town.

“Ya know, it’s kinda weird…” started Pony-AJ.

“What is it, hun?”

“How ya say Ah’m not your type. You’d think that since Ah’m like you in so many ways, that Ah would be,” Human-AJ gave her a curious look, causing her to blush and quickly explain, “Ah’m not hittin’ on ya or anything, Ah’m jus’ curious. Ah’m not gonna date you, that’d be too weird. But if Ah would, why wouldn’t you? Ah mean, we’re both hard workin’, honest, dependable. And Dash’s jus’ the opposite…”

“First of all, Ah don’ think most people would go around datin’ themselves like that. You’d have ta be some kinda narcissist. Second, no offense sugarcube, but Ah just don’t get that spark with you. If y’all are like me, ya probably haven’t never dated before.”

“Nope.”

“But ya probably wouldn’t jus’ date anyone, either. Ya have ta feel somethin’ for them, somethin’ more than them jus’ bein’ good marriage material.”

“Yeah, Ah guess you’re right.”

They rode silently down the highway for a few moments, deep in thought. It was strange how the two of them were so similar, and yet so different. They had the same family, same friend, same home, same general personality. It seemed that the catalyst that had set in motion AJ’s crush on the human Rainbow Dash was simply observing her kissing someone else. Why wouldn’t that have happened in Equestria?

Well, she answered herself, whenever Rainbow Dash was around Lightning Dust, she had been in an inaccessible training camp in the clouds. In this world, they had been on the school sports team together. Wait, did that mean that her Rainbow Dash had… with Lightning Dust? Her insides shuddered unconciously. Would her Dash really do that? With Lightning Dust of all ponies? That boastful, uncaring, brash… Wait, why did she care? Why was she so upset about it? It didn’t concern her, right?

She tried to push the nagging feeling out of her mind, but as much as she tried, she couldn’t help but feel concern and slight panic at the thought of the possibility. She had to get her mind off it.

“So, uh, how’s the family takin’ us being there?” Pony-AJ asked, grasping at straws for ideas for a conversation to distract her mind.

“Oh, you know the Apples. They’re always happy ta help anyone in need, especially Granny Smith. And Ah don’ think there’s anything that can happen that’ll faze Big Macintosh shorta someone tryin' ta break down his door with an ax.”

“…and Applebloom?”

Human-AJ sighed, “She’s havin’ a little trouble adjustin’. It’s not your fault, sugarcube, she’s just bein’ a teenager, always so dang nab troublesome.”

“Teenager?” asked Applejack in genuine confusion, “What does that have ta do with anything?”

“Don’t ya have teenagers where y’all are from? Ya know - think they know everythin’, super emotional, think the world is unfair and out ta get ‘em? Well, most of 'em anyway.”

“Naw, not really. Foals grow into adults pretty quick-like, at least for ponies. Ah really don’ know what y’all are talkin’ about.”

“Well, when humans go between being a kid and bein’ a full grown adult, they go through all this emotional stuff. They get all ornery and they think the end of the world’s happenin’ ta them every day, but they can’t grasp that they ain’t seen nothin’ of the world yet,” she sighed, “We all go through it at some point or another. Don’t let her get ya down, AJ. She’ll come around eventually. Jus’ try ta be nice and don’t let’r get your goat. Ah’ll try ta talk ta her.”

“Thanks, Applejack.”

“Don’t mention it. What’re friends for?”

After a few moments, they had pulled up in front of the Carousel Boutique. It looked quite different than the one AJ was used to in Ponyville. This one was built into the massive storefront that lined the street a few blocks down from the high school. The storefront window was completely filled with mannequins of humans wearing various dresses and other outfits that had undoubtedly been made by Rarity herself. Applejack took this time to thank the powers that be that the pony Rarity was far, far away right now, lest she bore them with various details of stitching and form with disturbing exuberance. Craning her neck as she stepped out of the truck, she was unable to catch any sight of the occupant within, the windows being too obscured by displays. Human-AJ and Rainbow Dash soon followed suit.

“You should’ve been back here with me, AJ!” elated Dash as she grabbed her shoulder, “That long smooth stretch of road…”

“The highway.”

“Right, the highway thingy - man, we were going so fast down that, I thought I was going to blow right out the back! Do you think I can operate the driving circle next time, Unpony Applejack?”

“Sorry, sugarcube, but Ah’m afraid drivin’s for humans only. Not that Ah don’t trust ya with heavy, fast moving machinery, but…” she stopped when she noticed the crestfallen look on Rainbow’s face, so she changed tack, “Hey, maybe later Ah’ll let ya drive the tractor when we get back. It’s plenty big and loud.”

“Whoa, I bet its fast. Right?”

“…Sure. Next ta a snail.”

“Awesome!”

Human-AJ had grasped on the door handle of the boutique, but had absentmindedly frozen as she was talking to Rainbow Dash. She turned to open the door, but apparently thought better of it, turning toward her counterpart with a sheepish look on her face.

“Ah don’t mean ta be rude or anything, AJ, but Ah don’t think it’d be best ta jus’ waltz inta Rarity’s shop with the two of us like this. She’s a bit of a… drama queen, ya know?”

Applejack thought for a minute before nodding and letting Human-AJ and Rainbow Dash enter as she waited in the frosty autumn air outside.

A gentle chime rang out as Rainbow Dash and the human Applejack entered the Carousel Boutique. They looked around at the ornate dresses lining the walls, the humble carpeting and the changing stalls outlined in lace fabric.

“Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where everything is unique, chic, and magnifique!” called a familiar voice from the door leading to the backroom, “I’ll be right with you, darling.”

The two girls waited patiently, sitting on a bench as Rainbow Dash looked on with mild amusement at the displays of dresses on the walls. Within a minute, Rarity entered the showroom and smiled upon seeing her friends. She wore a long purple dress and a cream blouse, her hair done in its usual style and a modest pattering of makeup upon her face.

“Applejack, Rainbow Dash! And what might be the cause of this pleasant surprise?”

“Howdy, Rarity! Well, ya see, we were jus’ lookin’ for a little bit of help, wondering if ya’ve seen…”

“Rainbow, darling!” exclaimed Rarity, her eyes bugging slightly, “What ever happened to your ensemble? If I didn’t know better I’d say…”

She stopped, her mouth hanging open as she stared at Rainbow Dash. Her eyes gazed over the t-shirt with the overly-stretched chest area, the navy blue sweat pants that were currently being worn backwards, and the red apple decorated flip-flops that currently adorned her feet. She shifted her gaze poignantly toward Applejack, currently at an unusual loss for words.

“I… uh… did…” Rarity started, before contenting to gawk with open mouth at the pair of them.

“Uhm, you alright?” asked Rainbow Dash, looking over to Applejack for reassurance.

“Why are you wearing her clothes?” asked Rarity hesitantly, as if unsure if she wanted to hear the answer.

“I stayed over at her house last night.”

“Oh,” Rarity’s eyes continued to stay wide open, and her lips were stuck in the position of the ‘O’ sound she had just uttered. Applejack finally realized the implications of her peculiar actions, although she had not the presence of mind at the moment to do more than let blood rise to her cheeks. Rarity recovered slightly more quickly and delicately tried to phrase the question on her mind.

“So uhm, darling? Did you… did you sleep in her bed?”

“Oh yeah,” Rainbow smiled, innocently unaware of the implications that arose from this statement, “It wasn’t as comfortable as my usual bed, but at least it was warm.”

“Uh-huh. Well, I’m very happy for you two, and I’m sure…”

“Now wait just a gosh-durned minute!” demanded Human-AJ suddenly, recovering, “It wasn’t like that, she stayed in the guest room. And…”

“W-wait a minute!” sputtered out Rainbow as she realized what Rarity was insinuating, “You think that I… whoa whoa whoa. This is Rainbow Dash we’re talking about, remember? Coolest mare in Equestria? There’s no way I’m going around dating a human!”

“Uhm, what?” Rarity asked stupidly, momentarily forgetting her usual genteel vernacular.

“Let me explain,” answered Applejack, placing a hand over Dash’s mouth to halt her response, “This is gonna get a little weird.”

“Believe me, darling, we’ve already passed through that territory.”

“Alrighty then, Ah’ll keep this short. Remember when Twilight came through that portal thing?” Rarity nodded. “Well, she also said that there’s copies of all of us in that pony world. Well…”

“Don’t tell me,” Rarity stated in shock, “She’s not the real Rainbow Dash.”

“Oh, she’s real alright,” Applejack said with a smile as she poked Rainbow in the stomach, eliciting an annoyed ‘Hey!’, “She’s just not the Rainbow Dash you know and love.” Rarity scoffed slightly. “Speaking of which, go get ‘er, Dash.”

Rainbow Dash let out a barely audible grumble at being ordered around as she shuffled off to fetch the other AJ. Rarity stood immobile in the same stance she had been, stuck somewhere between doubt and shock. Applejack smirked; it wasn’t often that Rarity was left at a loss for words. Within moments, Rainbow returned with the pony Applejack, thereby confirming to Rarity that she had gone completely insane. The corners of her mouth turned up into an unsettling grin the likes of which would have made Tardy-Twilight envious.

“Hello there, Applejack. You know Applejack, I presume? Wonderful, now I simply have to go out in public naked, start flying, and telekinetically sew all my dresses together and all my nightmares will be complete!”

“Uh, nice ta meet you too,” responded Pony-AJ, casting an inquisitive glance at her companions.

“Do ya need a moment?” inquired Human-AJ with concern as Rarity’s eyes glazed over.

“No, darling, I’ll be fine. I just… I need to do something familiar to let my mind adjust,” she turned toward Rainbow and smiled, “Let’s get you some decent attire, dear.”

She grabbed her by the arm and escorted her forcefully into a changing stall. Rainbow looked back at her companions, imploring them for help. If this Rarity was anything like her Rarity, then this was not going to be awesome. Or cool. Or radical.

“Jus’ try ta be frugal, will ya?” Human-AJ asked, knowing frugal was not an accurate descriptor of Rarity, “Ah’ve only got about forty dollars Ah can spend.”

“Nonsense, darling,” she called back from beyond the curtain, “This will of course be gratis. It’s only suiting to show such otherworldly guests some classic human generosity.”

“Hey!” cried Rainbow as the shirt she was wearing was purposefully tossed out of the changing stall, followed shortly by the rest of her outerwear.

“Oh my,” the Applejacks heard Rarity say softly, “You’re, uh, wearing Applejack’s underwear, too. Let me take care of that for you.”

She quickly exited the stall, pulling the curtain closed behind her. She cast a curious glance at the two AJ’s, and opened her mouth as if to ask which one of them gave Dash their underwear and why. She seemed to suddenly realize that perhaps she’d rather not know the answer, and proceeded into the back corner of the store without a comment. She carefully made a selection of a full set of black lingerie suitable for an evening gown, including garter belt and sheer stockings. Human-AJ opened her mouth hesitantly.

“Sugarcube? Ah don’t think those're the best ones ta pick out. Ah doubt this Rainbow’d be likin’ that style too much.”

“Definitely not,” assured her counterpart.

Rarity sighed with exasperation, “But how is she supposed to look dazzling in one of my creations without proper stockings?”

“Ah don’t think y’all should be goin’ for a dress straight off. Try givin’ her what our Dash’d like.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” called Rainbow’s voice from the changing stall, trying and failing to sound nonchalant.

“What is her obsession with that girl?” whispered Human-AJ to her companion.

“Ah don’ rightly know. It’s like the first thing she asked Twilight as soon as she got back. Maybe she thinks she’s finally found someone who’ll understand her, Ah don’ know.”

Rarity in the meantime was going through a rack of underwear when she suddenly stopped, brow furrowed.

“Rainbow, darling, What is you bust size, by the way?”

“Huh?”

“The size of your chest, dear.”

“I don’t know. Small, I guess?”

“That’s not what I’m looking for. There should be a tape measure in the changing room with you. Be a dear and measure yourself, please.”

“Uh, ok.”

Rarity waited patiently as they heard shuffling sounds in the changing stall. After what was entirely too long, Rainbow called out her findings.

“Sixty-six!”

“Excuse me?”

“I said sixty-six little line thingies.”

Rarity cried out in exasperation, “Don’t you know how to measure your bust?!”

“Ponies don’t have boobs, sugarcube,” reminded Human-AJ delicately.

“Uh, fine. One of you go help her.”

The reaction of the two Applejacks couldn’t have been more different. One of them shouted “Alright!” with a smile on her face, while the other shouted “No way” with equal volume yet tinged with nervousness. They looked at each other, toward the dressing stall, and then back at Rarity.

“You have ta do it,” implored Pony-AJ, “Please?”

Rarity sighed, “If you insist. This is probably just a dream anyway, right?”

She strode up to the curtain, and with a deep breath, deftly pulled it aside and entered. Human-AJ craned her neck to see what there was to see beyond the curtain, but was held back by her pony counterpart. Rarity emitted a yell, presumably from seeing her longtime friend completely naked, but was quick to re-enter the showroom. She closed her eyes and shuddered as she shook her hands rapidly as if to throw off some invisible contamination.

“34 A,” she said with an attempted smile that turned out to be more like the grin of a madman. She quickly retrieved a pair of blue panties with matching bra that were embroidered with a streak of rainbow colored lightning striking down from a cloud. She tossed them over the curtain, apparently unwilling to see again the sight that would haunt her nightmares tonight. Human-AJ couldn’t help but crack a smile.

“Anyhow, we didn’t really come here ta get Rainbow a makeover,” said Applejack, trying to break the uncomfortable mood in the room, “We actually wanted ta ask you a question.”

“Ask away, darling,” responded Rarity distractedly as she shifted through various pants hanging from the wall.

“Have ya ever seen a Twilight here? Besides the one that came through the portal that one time, Ah mean.”

“Hmm… no, I’m afraid to say that I have not. Although,” she said as she picked out a t-shirt, “I do remember Pinkie Pie mentioning something about a Twilight Sparkle once. Perhaps you should inquire with her?”

The two Applejacks looked at each other, “Whelp, Ah guess we know where we’re goin’ next.”

Rarity went over to hand the clothes she picked out to Rainbow through the curtain – a pair of designer jeans, a band shirt, a rainbow colored belt and a pair of sneakers. Within a minute, she was dressed and back out into the show room. Pony-AJ gawked subtly. Rarity sure did know her stuff; Rainbow looked ten times better than she had in those other clothes.

“Ah must say,” said Human-AJ slyly, “Ah think Rainbow’d approve. Ya look just like her now. Good job, Rares.”

“Oh, please, it was nothing,” Rarity said, waving her hand, although nobody missed the smug smile on her face, “Now I just need to pick out a proper purse to match, and after that maybe the other Applejack would be inclined to…”

“Uh, actually Ah think we should get goin’. Time restraints and all that.”

Rarity couldn’t hide her disappointed look, “Maybe another time then?”

“Don’t worry,” called Applejack as they exited the store, “Ah’m sure we’ll be seein’ ya again.”

“And thanks for the clothes, human-Rarity-woman!”