A Dish Best Served In A Chilled Glass With A Twist Of Lemon
Diamond Tiara and her sycophantic partner-in-crime Silver Spoon laughed as Apple Bloom's favorite record sailed onto the roof of the schoolhouse. She'd brought it for show-and-tell that day, and Ms. Cheerilee even complimented her taste in music! None of which changed the fact that the schoolyard bullies had ruined something that brought her joy. Again.
"See? I told ya I was getting better at throwing!" Diamond Tiara chuckled to her friend as they turned to leave. "Maybe if one of you losers could fly, you could get it back!" she called over her shoulder, earning nothing in retaliation but a glare from the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Once the bullies had left, Scootaloo stretched out her tiny wings. "Don't worry Apple Bloom, today's the day, I can feel it!" She buzzed them as hard as she could, her eyes shut tightly in concentration. Her hooves lifted off the ground for a few seconds. "Am I doing it? How high up am I?" she asked hopefully, only to find the grass again after a very short drop.
Apple Bloom sighed. "I'll go get th' janitor..."
Sweetie Belle waited patiently in line after the lunch bell to get her food from her saddlebag hanging on the wall in the back of the room. She was excited today, because her mother had made her most favorite lunch ever! A hayseed sub sandwich cut into the shape of a heart! And she packed her a soda! Her mother almost never let her have soda. But she said today was a 'smirnoff' morning, and that she didn't have time to go buy more juice boxes last night.
Sweetie took her lunch from her saddlebag and happily trotted back to her desk, her soda and sandwich thoughts distracting her from the danger of walking past Diamond Tiara's seat. Without warning, a hoof blocked her path, tripping her. She landed right on top of her sandwich, smashing it into an unrecognizable blob of food and toppings. Of course, when she pulled herself off the floor, only the two usual fillies were laughing. Ms. Cheerilee checked to see if she was alright, but was oblivious to the cause of her fall in the first place, as usual. Now that her food was ruined, she had to eat one of the bland salads Ms. Cheerilee kept in the school icebox.
At least I still have my soda... she thought, still holding onto a glimmer of hope. As soon as she popped the top, it sprayed all over her, having been shaken from her fall. Once again, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon laughed the loudest. Sweetie just cried.
After school, Scootaloo trotted happily out to the bike rack, where her trusty scooter and helmet awaited. She usually stayed a few minutes after school to get help with her math homework, as her parents were both 'artists' and couldn't help her with anything harder than times tables. She strapped on her headgear and set her hooves onto the handlebars of her scooter, not paying any attention to the snickering coming from behind the bushes. With a push and a flutter of her wings, she set off down the hill from school to her house at the usual breakneck speed. This was what she looked forward to every day.
Unfortunately, no sooner had she began down the hill, did a weird vibration work its way up her scooter, accompanied by a strange rattle. She glanced at her back wheel. It was shaking loose! Scootaloo watched helplessly as the nuts and bolts holding the wheel on to her scooter flew off, taking that crucial part of her scooter with it. She skidded directionless through a crowd of ponies, narrowly avoiding them before crashing into the old lettuce the restaurant on the corner had thrown out.
When she looked back toward the schoolhouse, she saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon laughing themselves silly, a bag of tools spilled out behind them.
Scootaloo took off her helmet and brushed the smelly leaves from her coat. "Laugh it up, jerks. It'll be the last time!" she shouted, but they heard nothing over the crowded market. Scootaloo walked her scooter back to her house for repairs. As soon as she was done, she would call a crusader meeting. It was time to deal with their bullies once and for all.
"The first annual meeting of the Cutie Mark Crusader Bully Task Force will come to order!" Scootaloo announced in the cramped clubhouse. "We all know why we're here, and we know we have to do something about... them. Sweetie Belle, the floor is yours." Scootaloo said, stepping down from the podium.
Sweetie Belle stepped up and cleared her throat. "We'll start with the airing of grievances. Who would like to go first?"
Apple Bloom raised her hoof. "They threw my Steve Whinnywood record on th' roof of th' schoolhouse!"
Sweetie Belle gasped. "Not Higher Love!? It's a classic!"
"I know!" Apple Bloom replied. "I had to talk to the janitor that smells like bleach just to get it back!"
"They sabotaged my scooter!" Scootaloo shouted as she stood up. "And she always hogs the only ball when the rest of us want to play kickball!"
Sweetie nodded. "And they ruined my lunch and my soda!" Sweetie took a deep breath. "So, we all have reasons for wanting our revenge. The question is; how are we going to get it?"
Silence fell over the fillies as they brainstormed. How does one bully a bully?
After shooting down other golden ideas like water-boarding, kidnapping for ransom, and the ever-popular organ theft, they settled on their most nefarious plan to date, topping even the rigged parade float they meant to embarrass Apple Bloom's cousin.
"Then it's settled," Apple Bloom said solemnly from the podium, having resumed control of the meeting. "We steal Diamond Tiara's tiara, and Silver Spoon's glasses."
"Agreed."
Days pass as all three fillies contemplated their revenge. How would they get something that seemed to never leave Diamond Tiara's or Silver Spoon's head? It seemed the opportunity would never present itself, until one day, Scootaloo overheard the two of them talking about a sleepover they had planned for this weekend at their locker. By the time Scootaloo made it back to her desk, she turned around to her friends seated behind her.
"Girls, you remember how we wanted to deal with our problem?"
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle nodded.
"Well I think I found the perfect time to strike. They're having a sleepover this Sunday."
Apple Bloom had nearly forgotten about their revenge scheme. Encounters with the two school bullies never stayed with her for very long. Thinking back on it, their plan seemed a bit harsh. After all, they had never had anything stolen from them. She glanced across the isle towards where the two mean fillies sat. They were busy berating Twist for her frizzy mane and lisp. Apple Bloom's neutral expression slowly morphed into an angry glare.
She looked back to Scootaloo. "Let's make them pay."
"Not just for us," Sweetie Belle added. "For everyone."
Scootaloo smiled. "Sunday it is."
On Sunday morning, not a Cutie Mark Crusader was to be seen in town, trying plan after plan to earn their cutie marks. In fact, the town square, Sweet Apple Acres, the Carousel Boutique, and wherever it is Scootaloo is from was oddly silent. The pony folk appreciated the peace, but not all was peaceful inside the clubhouse of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Before them, a crudely drawn map lay on a table. It was a layout of Diamond Tiara's massive house.
"So, one of us sneaks in, while one creates a diversion outside, and another keeps an eye on our targets," Scootaloo repeated, finalizing the plan.
"We're gonna need some tools if we're gonna sneak into her house," Sweetie Belle said, rubbing a hoof over her chin in thought. "I don't think Pinkie would be willing to lend us spy equipment after our Gabby Gums adventure."
Silence fell over the clubhouse as the three of them racked their brains to try and come up with a new source of tools.
"Ah got it!" Apple Bloom smiled. "Mac's got a bunch of old military stuff in his closet from when he served!"
"You think he would let us use some of it?" Scootaloo asked.
"Probably not..." she replied, defeated.
Another silence fell over them as they again contemplated their options.
"What if we distract him and just borrow them for tonight?" Sweetie Belle asked. "It's not like we're stealing them. We'll have them back to him before he knows they're gone."
"Great idea Sweetie!" Scootaloo cheered.
"Ah dunno girls, Ah don't think I'm comfortable stealin' my brother's stuff," Apple Bloom complained.
"Hey, it's not stealing," Scootaloo assured her, taking a hoof around her shoulder. "Didn't you hear Sweetie Belle? We're just borrowing it! It'll be back before he knows it!"
"Well..." Apple Bloom started, still unsure of the honesty of their plan.
"Don't you want to get back at those miserable bullies? They deserve what's coming to them, and no one is going to step up but us!" Scootaloo pled.
Apple Bloom recalled every time she'd been bullied or put down by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon all at once. Her scowl had returned almost instantly. "Let's do it."
The crusaders crept out of the clubhouse and towards the farmhouse. The fillies grabbed a ladder and leaned it against the farmhouse, leading up to Macintosh's window. Apple Bloom climbed up while Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle held it steady at the bottom.
Macintosh had already finished his chores and sat at his desk, his reading glasses on as he studied a calculus textbook.
"Alright, he's in his room," Apple Bloom whispered. "Start the distraction!"
Sweetie Belle concentrated on the hinge to the cattle corral, releasing the latch. The gate swung open, but the cows stayed inside their pen. With a groan, she grasped a nearby stick with her magic and swatted the flank of a lead cow. In an instant, the cattle ran out of the pen and scattered all over the farm. As the livestock spread out, Apple Bloom could hear her sister calling for Macintosh from inside. She watched as he set his glasses and book down on his desk and left his room.
Once she was sure he was gone, she opened the window and climbed inside, followed by Scootaloo, while Sweetie Belle stayed behind as lookout.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked around Macinstosh's relatively simple room. A bed with a flannel blanket, a writing desk, a few books and papers atop it, and a chair. Nothing much to look at. Apple Bloom walked to his closet and opened the door. It was nearly empty, save for a few spears leaning against the corner, and an old steamer trunk. Scootaloo followed her and helped open the heavy lid, revealing many black cloaks, and disguises for seemingly every occasion.
Scootaloo rummaged through the clothes and equipment before coming across a patch sewn on to the sleeve of a military uniform. It was black, with two spears crossed behind a changeling skull.
"What does S.O.G.* mean?" she asked.
"Ah dunno, Mac doesn't like to talk about it," Apple Bloom said, pulling out a charcoal black turtleneck and trying it on. "Ah think it has somethin' to do with all the medals and knives he keeps in here."
After a good bit of rummaging, They came away with stealthy clothes and camouflage face paint.
"Hurry up guys, they're almost done getting the cows back in the pen!" Sweetie Belle said as quietly as she could from below the ladder.
Apple Bloom threw their plunder in a duffle bag and tossed it out of the window, nearly landing on Sweetie. Scootaloo fluttered down to the ground, followed by Apple Bloom as she slid down the ladder. They scampered back to the clubhouse to prepare for the night's operation. Though each had their reasons, in their hearts they knew their undertaking was far nobler than any task the Cutie Mark Crusaders had ever attempted. There was but one thing on their minds this night: sweet revenge.
By nightfall, the crusaders had hidden in the perfectly manicured bushes outside the mansion Diamond Tiara called home. They snuck around outside her bedroom window. Slowly, they raised their heads to just above the window ledge, their faces painted up by Apple Bloom, the way Macintosh had shown her to do it.
"Targets identified," Scootaloo whispered.
Sweetie Belle unrolled the blueprints of the mansion and looked them over. "Apple Bloom, there's a trellis around the corner. Climb to the next balcony and sneak in through the vents."
Apple Bloom nodded, scurrying away from the bush and up the trellis as though it were a ladder.
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo stayed watch from the window.
Apple Bloom found her way into the vent ducts and began quietly sneaking around the dusty metal tunnels. Keeping her sinuses in check, she looked out of every vent. One led to the billiard room. Another, to her fathers bedroom, where Mr. Filthy Rich seemed to be losing a wrestling match to a rather burly stallion. She kept crawling until the familiar voices of Diamond Tiara and her lackey echoed through the vent.
Bingo
Apple Bloom made her way to Diamond's bedroom. She peered out from the vent and saw her other operatives still in position. A knowing glance exchanged between them as she listened in on the conversation below.
"So, how come your Dad doesn't like you disturbing him after nine?" Silver Spoon asked.
I wouldn't want ta be disturbed either if Ah was trying to be a wrestler and lost all the time, Apple Bloom thought.
"I don't know. He never usually spends much time outside his office or the study. Father doesn't know how I like my food or how to draw my bath properly. It's just easier to have Randolph do it."
A knock at the door drew the filly's attention. An elderly butler poked his head through the door. "Ms Diamond, Ms Spoon, the bath has been drawn," he said in a dry, Hoffington accent.
The target fillies left their characteristic articles of clothing in the room and departed for the bathroom. Once clear, Apple Bloom slid down a black rope leading from the vent and fell silently to the plush carpet of her enemy's bedroom, dressed head to tail in a black turtleneck and watch cap. She padded softly towards the pillows, before a rattling doorknob threw ice in her veins. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle dove from sight outside the window, leaving Apple Bloom to search frantically for a place to hide.
Thinking quickly, she yanked down the rope and dove into a pile of stuffed animals in the corner of the room, daring not to so much as breath until the interloper had left.
Once the hoofsteps left the room, she emerged from the mound of plush. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle reappeared outside the window as she made her way towards her prizes. She unslung the black duffle bag across her shoulder and unzipped it. Quickly, she grabbed the tiara and glasses, stuffing them in the bag. Although she had never seen the tiara up close before, now she couldn't help but notice the fine details and ornate gems that went into its creation.
Somethin' so pretty shouldn't sit on such a mean ponies' head.
Apple Bloom zipped up the bag and trotted toward the window, undoing the locks as her operators opened it. She jumped out, and they closed their exit, stealing into the black of night with their prize.
Back at the clubhouse, the three fillies admired their work.
After a moment of silence, Scootaloo cut in.
"I thought I'd feel better after we got them."
Sweetie Belle nodded in agreement. "So did I..."
Apple Bloom's face twisted into a scrunch. "Girls, we finally did it! Just wait till we see the look on their faces when they show up at school without their stupid tiara and glasses!"
The smile returned to her friends' faces. "Yeah, that's gonna be good," Scootaloo agreed.
Apple Bloom unrolled her sleeping bag in a corner of the treehouse.
"Hey, shouldn't we lock those up so we can until they learn their lesson?" Sweetie Belle asked, unrolling her own bedding and turning down the lantern light.
Apple Bloom looked to a space beneath a table where an old steamer trunk sat. She trotted over and input the combination to the lock. "We can keep 'em in here until we think they're ready for them," she said, tossing the items inside and locking the clasp.
With that, they crawled into their sleeping bags and blew out the lanterns, more than ready for a day they'd all been waiting for since their first encounter with the two schoolyard bullies.
The next day, all three fillies woke up bright and early, with an uncommon pep in their step. Today was the day!
They walked in silence, a grin on each of their faces. They couldn't wait to get to school.
"All right children, let's take our seats." Ms. Cheerilee announced, setting her books on her desk and greeting the class with her usual cheerful smile. As she looked around the room, she noticed an unfamiliar filly in her class. "Oh, I didn't realize we were getting a new student today!" She turned to the gray filly and smiled. "Would you like to introduce yourself?"
The filly sighed. "I'm not new. I'm Silver Spoon!"
Cheerilee gasped. "My goodness, what happened to your glasses?"
"I... lost them." Apple Bloom and Scootaloo quietly bumped hooves behind her.
"Oh you fillies, always misplacing things!" she sang. "I'm sure they'll turn up." She turned back to her desk to get her attendance sheet. As she called roll, Diamond Tiara failed to answer.
"Has anyone seen her today?" The class remained silent. "Okay then, would anyone like to take her the homework for today?"
"I will!" Scootaloo said, raising her hoof almost instantly.
"That's very nice of you, Scootaloo." Cheerilee smiled. "It's so good to see you girls finally getting along!"
That day at recess, the Cutie Mark Crusaders shunned their normal game of three square to watch Silver Spoon repeatedly run into things and trip over roots. Entertaining though it may have been, the three of them weren't experiencing the unfettered joy they thought would be swimming in their heads.
"Why isn't this as amazing as it is in my dreams?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"I don't know... you think it'd feel even better knowing we did it, but... it doesn't." Scootaloo replied.
Although Apple Bloom definitely relished the initial feeling she got while watching Silver Spoon catch dodge balls with her face, after the 23rd time in a row, it just seemed sad.
"Girls... I think we may not be cut out to be bullies."
Sweetie and Scootaloo had to agree. "Then it's settled. We'll give them back their stuff tomorrow."
"You guys want to go with me to give her the homework?" Scootaloo asked.
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom looked at each other, both searching for guidance on a rather sticky ethical dilemma.
"Yeah."
They arrived at Diamond Tiara's mansion only to find the police outside, arresting the butler from the night before, Diamond Tiara's father and mother standing sternly in the doorway.
"What the..." Scootaloo said as they approached them.
"Hello girls," Filthy Rich smiled, his stern expression fading instantly as he addressed his daughter's classmates. "I'm sorry you had to see this. It seems we had a thief in our midst."
"The butler?" Apple Bloom asked. "What'd he steal?"
His scowl returned as easily as it had left. "My daughter's tiara! He swears ignorance, but we know better."
All three fillies grimaced at each other.
"Y-you don't think she maybe just... misplaced it?" Sweetie Belle asked innocently.
"Not a chance. She never let it out of her sight! She's been just devastated over all of this..."
"Oh Filthmore, she deserves so much better!" his wife moaned, putting a hoof to her forehead.
"I know, darling, and we shall find her a new caretaker first thing tomorrow." Filthy turned back to the CMC's as the police carted away the elderly butler. "Now then, what can I do for you girls?"
"Uh... we brought Diamond Tiara her homework." Scootaloo replied wearily.
"Oh, she's in her bedroom. I'm sure seeing some of her friends will brighten her day right up!" her mother replied.
The three of them hurried inside, heading up the elegantly carved marble stairway and down a long hall to her bedroom, where the sobs of a filly came through even the thick oaken door.
They exchanged worried glances before knocking.
"What?" Diamond Tiara snapped from beyond the portal.
"We got your homework from class today," Sweetie Belle answered.
They heard hoof steps echoing toward the door before it swung open. The swollen, puffy eyes of a tiara-less Diamond Tiara greeted them. She scrunched her face into a scowl, all but ready to hurl her normal insults at them. But instead, the hardened and clenched jaw broke. It seemed she was also subject to pony emotions, although the girls would have refused to believe it if they weren't seeing it with their own eyes.
"Just leave it here..." she whimpered, not even bothering to slam the door, or even close it, for that matter. She walked back to her bed and flopped on it, continuing what she'd been doing before they arrived.
It was hard to believe that such a simple act could cause a pony to fall so far. It was what they wanted, and yet... they got no joy from it. It was something they had all dreamed about at one point or another, but once realized, that sweet dream turned sour. They did as she bid them and began their trek back down the plush carpet lining the long hallway, each feeling terrible about what they'd done.
"Okay, so we're definitely putting their stuff back tomorrow, right?" Sweetie Belle asked worriedly.
"Eeyup," Apple Bloom replied.
As they made their way back down the stairs, Diamonds mother stopped them with a tray of tiny sandwiches. The kind only rich ponies would eat while sitting on their tastefully decorated veranda drinking lemonade at two in the afternoon on a weekday. "Girls, it was so good of you to bring Diamond her homework," she said sweetly, ever the picture perfect housewife. "Might I temp you with a reward?"
Needless to say, none of the girls' appetites had survived the display in her daughter's room. "No ma'm, but thank ya all the same." Apple Bloom replied courteously.
As the three of them were about to leave, Sweetie Belle stopped in the doorway. "Mr. Rich, what's gonna happen to the butler?"
Filthy looked up from his news paper he was reading, setting his pipe to one side of his mouth. "He'll be locked away in the darkest dungeon in Equestria, if I have anything to say about it," he assured her. "Nothing less than a common thief deserves," he said, folding his paper and standing from the high-backed chair he was sitting in. "Don't you lovely young fillies worry about him. He'll get his, thieves always do." He started towards the front door and opened it for them. "Thank you again for helping our little Tiara in her time of need, girls. I'm sure she won't forget it."
"Y-yeah... you're welcome," Scootaloo managed to croak before they found themselves alone on the mansions porch. Without a word, they broke into a gallop, heading straight through town and making a bee-line toward the clubhouse.
"We have ta give them that stuff back tonight, before that poor butler gets locked up forever!" Sweetie Belle said, now nearly as upset as Diamond Tiara at the prospect of framing an innocent old pony.
"I know, we will! All we have to do is get Mac's stuff and do the same thing we did to steal them!" Apple Bloom huffed in reply as the orchard that held the treehouse came into view.
They galloped up the ramp and into the one room clubhouse.
A collective gasp filled the room.
"Oh, no..."
The trunk was missing.
Author's Note
* Of course Mac was an operator. He's a badass.
part 2 coming up soon!
