Awesomeness Unleashed

by This Account Is Dead

Rating: teen
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Romance, Comedy, Random, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2872

Rainbow Dash is awesome and saves the day, in an in-depth guide to why Rainbow Dash is awesome. Also, Twilight gets laid.

Rainbow Dash, the one true master of awesomeness, saves Equestria and.... Do I really have to say more? You gotta know what kind of story this is going to be by now! The title and the tags say it all.

Caution: This is a parody. Do not take it seriously. If you don't like Rainbow Dash, don't read it. If you do it anyway and dislike it, shame on you, because you lack the basic amount of intelligence to understand a joke, nor are able to take a hint.

Published 2013-10-30 21:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-30 21:00:03 UTC

Being Awesome Is Serious Business...

The one and only Rainbow Dash, savior of Equestria and the only one to have ever mastered the over nine thousand ways of awesomeness, decided it was time to end her nap on a cloud high above Ponyville.

Against common believe, her naps weren’t slacking off but instead a great responsibility she had to take. The only reason for Rainbow to take naps wasn’t sleep. Sleeping was nice and cool, but not necessary for someone as awesome as her. No, her naps had the sole purpose of giving Ponyville a break from Rainbows awesomeness.

It was scientifically proven that Rainbow Dash is so awesome, she radiates awesomeness. These awesome rays are not meant for mortal beings. They are like nuclear radiation but instead of giving you cancer, they force you to be mesmerized by the awesomeness of the source. If you are exposed long enough, your higher brain functions shut down and all you can do is running mindless towards the most awesome pony around and kneel before her. The unpleasant side effect is that you get so happy from being close to awesomeness, that you disregard sleeping and eating and if you are not so awesome that you can survive without eating or drinking yourself, like Rainbow Dash, you are doomed to die. Luckily, if you can stay away from the awesomeness long enough, your brain will start working normal again. Another thing about it was that the less Rainbow Dash moves, the less awesomeness she radiates. Thus, Rainbow’s naps were a duty to ponykind, she couldn’t ignore.

Now, however, Rainbow Dash stretched her wings, displaying her awesomeness to the world. A short flight around Ponyville should be enough to let her coolness flow free through her body again. Rainbow stomped on the cloud she had slept on, causing her sunglasses, which lay beside her, jump on her muzzle. She couldn’t risk it to be seen without them, and that for a reason.

While her aura of awesomeness is already dangerous to the common pony’s health, her magenta eyes are far more awesome. It’s like Fluttershy’s stare on animals but far, far more overwhelming. Only a few selected ponies could stand her incredibly awesome gaze without any serious mental damage, her close friends and the princesses, for examples. The lesser pony though… the few times she had accidently done that, Rainbow had always brought the pony to a hospital afterwards, because their brains couldn’t handle Rainbows awesomeness and ran wild, giving Rainbow no other choice than knocking them out.

Ready to fly and demonstrate her awesomeness, Rainbow Dash took off with a Sonic Rainboom to clear the sky. It was really necessary but Rainbow liked the job so much that she decided to do it for the others whenever the mood struck her. Rainbow flew around Ponyville and ran through her training routine, practicing all of her tricks and inventing another one for the Wonderbolts.

A while ago they had begged her to join them as their new leader and she had accepted under the condition that Spitfire and the others would deal with all the paperwork and recruits. Rainbow had other things to. Like inventing new moves for the team. Or being the unreachable idol of awesomeness. Or saving the world. There were simply more important things to do. Besides, if Rainbow would really sit down and do that stuff, she would do it so fast and so good that Spitfire and the others would get an inferiority complex and that was something Rainbow didn’t want to see.

Once Rainbow had finished her training to maintain her awesomeness, she flew down to a restaurant to get something to eat. Sitting down on at an empty table, Rainbow waved towards a passing waiter who was delivering a pizza to the table next to her. The waiter immediately stopped and gave Rainbow Dash the pizza for free because she was Rainbow Dash. The pony who had ordered the pizza looked at Rainbow and nodded in approval. If he could do something for Rainbow, even if it was just waiting longer for his own meal to ensure her to get hers at once, it filled him like everypony else with the feeling of having a purpose in life.

Not before long, Rainbow Dash had eaten up and left the restaurant. As soon as she had left, the restaurant owner ran to the place she had sat and hung sign over it that said: ’Here sat Rainbow Dash.’ Rainbow Dash didn’t care much about it. She was used to it that her awesomeness was used to make profit and it didn’t really bother her either. Who was she that she could deny these people her awesomeness?

Her cloud mansion was as good as anywhere else as next stop, so Rainbow Dash flapped her wings twice and propelled herself upwards in the air, landing perfectly on her new cloud lawn. They only existed since Rainbow had decided it would be cool to have a lawn and infused some cloud with her awesomeness so that they would become all flat and grew ice flowers on them. Now, everyone in Cloudsdale tried to make their own cloud lawns but they were never even close to Rainbow Dash’s lawn’s awesomeness.

Rainbow walked up to her mansion and checked up on her awesome pet turtle Tank. He used to be tortoise but Rainbow Dash thought turtle sounded better so she decided that turtles are now tortoises and tortoises are now turtles. Tank had become more and more awesome the longer Rainbow had owned him. Recently, he had even begun watching over the ponies who had volunteered to handle Rainbow Dash’s fan mail. Not that they didn’t do it well, but sometimes they would try to get into Rainbow’s home, despite the obvious ‘Keep out! Dangerous Awesomeness!’ signs she had distributed around her mansion. Tank did a good job head-butting away anypony who dared to come to close.

Once Rainbow Dash was sure Tank had already taken care of himself, because he was so awesome as Rainbow’s pet, Rainbow decided to fly around and look if her awesomeness was needed somewhere. In Ponyville seemed everything to be okay though, so she decided to fly to the Everfree Forest.

There, Rainbow Dash saw that a combined army of changelings, dragons and griffons were about to invade Equestria. They have become jealous about the awesomeness Rainbow granted them and begrudged them and now wanted to fight them. Being Equestria’s best weapon of defense, the Elements of Harmony were pretty nice but nothing can beat Rainbow Danger Dash’s awesomeness, Rainbow didn’t hesitate and started to fight the enemy with her awesome combat tricks.

Rainbow fought for a while, but after 2 hours of constant fighting, she got bored. The dragons had been somewhat interesting but far too few. Now, there were only changeling and griffons left, and from what Rainbow had seen, it would take her at least a whole day to fight down the last of them. She had neither the time, nor the patience to do this. Time to be awesome! she thought and blasted the area around her free with a Sonic Rainboom to give her some space for her next step.

Once Rainbow Dash had forgotten to keep an eye on the ponies of Ponyville and had drenched the in so much awesomeness that she had to stay away from them for two weeks. During this time, she had traveled through the roughest corners of the world to find a way to better control her awesomeness. One day, she stumbled upon a temple in the Himarelaya mountains and was greeted by an old monk who was able to resist Rainbow Dash’s awesome eyes. He saw how awesome Rainbow Dash was and offered her to teach her to unlock her Ki. A force that could bend the universe to one’s will, if used correctly.

Because she had no real plans for the day, Rainbow Dash agreed to it and they went to a cave to meditate and the old monk told her all the secrets of the inner force. This was the moment when Rainbow finally understood what it really meant to be awesome and was able to unlock her Ki. By this, her already insane awesomeness increased a thousandfold. Because why the fuck not? This also had given her the ability to conceal her awesomeness to be less harmful for weaker minded ponies. In times of need, however, Rainbow Dash could unleash her full amount of awesomeness and become the Avatar of Awesomeness. After this, Rainbow Dash thanked the old monk and declined the offer to stay for dinner. Even if she had been here for only three hours, she was too eager to test out her new abilities to stay. There area where she did that is now called the Abyss of Awesomeness and is inaccessible because of the incredible awesomeness radiation there.

Now, Rainbow was preparing to unleash her inner awesomeness again to deal with the annoyingly large army. Just when the hordes of the enemy were about to touch her, Rainbow’s coat turned white, and her eyes started to glow and her mane swayed in an unearthly storm, getting even more prismatic than usual. With a triple Rainboom upwards, Rainbow Dash completed her transformation to Super Rainbow Danger Dash Level 3, the Avatar of Awesomeness. Rainbow flew high up until the whole army was under her and pointed a hoof at them.

“Feel my awesomeness!” Rainbow boomed downwards in her transformed voice.

Then she summoned a giant ball of pure, unrefined awesomeness and threw it down on them. They were instantly struck by awe and tried to run for their lives. There was no escape from Rainbow Dash’s awesome though, and when the dust settled, they all lay scattered around on the earth, pupils dilated and barely breathing. Still in her most awesome from, Rainbow Dash wandered over the battlefield and looked around.

“Away with you,” Rainbow Dash said, and they all were gone, back at their homes to be tended to by their families and Rainbow saw that it was good.

Then, Rainbow divided the awesomeness from the not-awesomeness and saw that it was good, because now, she could absorb the awesomeness that would be too much for the environment. She couldn’t let the critters of the Everfree deal with an awesomic fall-out alone, could she? After all, with great awesomeness comes great responsibility.

When all the excess-awesomeness was concealed in Rainbow Dash again, she reverted back to her normal form and flew back to Ponyville. She had still enough time to do something else before she would have to give Ponyville a break again. Where hadn’t Rainbow been for a while… The library! Seeing Twilight would be pretty cool. Without losing another second, she flew there and entered the library through a window. There was no way she would ever use the door. That wasn’t awesome at all! Sadly, the window she had used had been closed and was now broken. Rainbow huffed a bit and set her eyes on the shards, imbuing her angry stare with a small portion of her awesome Ki. The shards lifted themselves to the window and remerged with it again because Rainbow wanted it so.

“Rainbow, is that you?” Twilight’s voice chirped from the upper level of the library before the unicorn showed herself at the stairs.

Rainbow stared up and smiled at her friend. It had been a while since they had seen each other. To be precise, the last time had been when Twilight gave her the last Daring Do. Rainbow still enjoyed them, even though the author had started to take Rainbow’s awesome adventures as inspiration. This meant basically that she read what she had already experienced herself.

“Can I do anything for you, Rainbow Dash? Is there any way I could help you?” Twilight asked, batting her eyelashes.

A little taken aback by this, Rainbow thought a bit. What could they do? She had come here to spend a little awesome time with Twilight. With Rainbow, it was always awesome, of course, but what they could specifically do was another thing. Then, Rainbow got an awesome idea.

“Could make an awesome poem about my life and my adventures? That would be awesome!” Rainbow grinned

“Of course I can! Let me get something to write and tell me about your newest adventures! I‘ll have to take notes. Everything else should be in the biography I wrote for you.” Twilight answered and stormed off to immediately return, eager to listen to whatever Rainbow Dash had to tell.

So Rainbow Dash began her awesome story of today’s events. During the whole time she noticed strange little things about Twilight. How she focused on Rainbow’s lips with a hungry stare, how she seemed to swallow more than she should and little shudders when Rainbow grinned at her. When Rainbow Dash had finally finished, Twilight stored her notes away and closed up to Rainbow.

“Is there anything else I can do for you? Is there any way to please you?” Twilight asked with a weird undertone Rainbow couldn’t really place.

Then, Rainbow looked Twilight in the eyes and suddenly it was absolutely clear. Twilight had fallen for her awesome friend! Most ponies weren’t even able to comprehend Rainbow Dash’s awesomeness and became vegetables in the process. Twilight seemed to be resistant enough to maintain her higher brain functions though… and now she had started to love Rainbow Dash. This was actually pretty awesome.

With a sultry grin, Rainbow extended her wing and over Twilight’s Cutie Mark with its tip and asked innocently, “I don’t know, Twilight… Is there anything you have in mind? I’d be willing to give you a hoof as well.”

Twilight shuddered again and pressed her hind legs together. Unable to keep herself in check anymore, Twilight threw herself on the ground before Rainbow Dash. “I LOVE YOU RAINBOW! Take me! Please, I need you so much!” she screamed in desperation.

“Well, then we have no time to lose, have we?” whispered Rainbow in Twilight’s ear, causing the unicorn to orgasm on the spot.

Picking up her needy friend, Rainbow dashed up towards Twilight’s bedroom. Upon reaching their destination, Rainbow carefully laid Twilight on the sheets and rested herself beside her. Rainbow placed a hoof at the lavender unicorn’s cheek and pulled her closer, until their muzzles almost touched.

“Are you sure you are ready for this?” Rainbow asked, giving Twilight a last chance to back out.

The awesomeness of being so close to Rainbow had roasted other ponies’ brains before but Twilight could be actually able to make it through relatively unharmed. Nevertheless, a last chance was always good to have.

“Yes, Rainbow, I am” Twilight whispered under her breath.

With the last barrier out of the way, Rainbow closed the gap between them and locked lips with Twilight, ushering in a night full of awesomeness and sensuality between them. One time, Spike peeked in but was immediately thrown out with such a force that he fell down the stairs. He didn’t try it again.

Seven hours later, when they had stopped and laid down to rest a bit, Rainbow noticed that Twilight had taken in incredible amounts of awesomeness without showing the usual symptoms. Could it be that the librarian was gifted with awesomeness as well? There was no way to withstand this much awesomeness without being awesome yourself! Rainbow grinned to herself and sat up, poking Twilight in the rips.

“Hey, Twilight! How’d you like it if I taught you the ways of awesomeness? You’ll never be as good as me but it’d be totally awesome to have you as my apprentice!” Rainbow exclaimed.

Twilight gasped and stared at Rainbow. Being a student of the most awesome pony on the world was a dream coming true for her. “Yes, Rainbow! I’m yours! Make me your disciple!”

Rainbow kept smiling and touched Twilight’s forehead with her hoof. Focusing her Ki, Rainbow infused a bit her own awesomeness into her friend. There was no way Twilight could really learn how to be awesome without a bit of a kick-start. Once she was done, Rainbow climbed out of the bed and looked out of the window. With a frown, Rainbow saw that the townsponies began lose their minds because of her rays of awesomeness again. She would have to leave soon. Meanwhile Twilight was still resting on the bed, her tongue rolled out for the pure bliss she felt.

“Twilight, I gotta go. But don’t worry. I’ll be back!”

“Rainbow?” Twilight slipped out of the bed again and approached Rainbow.

“Yeah?”

“About last night… Could we do that again?” Twilight asked sheepishly.

“Works for me. I’ll see that I come by when I have time to spare.” With that, Rainbow swooshed out of the window, towards her usual napping cloud where she rolled into a ball and prepared herself to be even more awesome tomorrow than today.

Back in the library, Twilight was gleefully jumping around in her bedroom, singing wholeheartly.

[ALWAYS,

I WANNA BE WITH YOU,

AND MAKE BELIVE WITH YOU,

AND LIVE IN HARMONY, HARMONY, OH LOVE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNb6Wvn68Vw)