When Tea Doesn't Cut It (Or "A Little Bit Of Joe")

by Azreale

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5460

Luna stalks her older sister while trying to find out who Celestia goes to visit at night.

It's obvious that, on occasion, Solar Princess Celestia is going to get a little... wound up in her line of work. Usually when that happens, she'll recline back in her seat and read a good book while drinking some tea. But sometimes, tea just doesn't cut it.

Sometimes, she needs a little bit of Joe.

Celestia hides her nightly visits with Joe from Luna, but as she should know, you can't keep a secret from a little sister.

~~~~~

Cover Art used with permission from http://m2cool.deviantart.com/

Published 2013-11-07 10:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-07 10:20:02 UTC

A Little Bit of Joe

Being a Princess wasn’t easy, but Celestia wouldn’t change it for the world.

Between the constant threats from the more violent sea serpent clans, griffon tribes, and dragon communities, there were border disputes to sort out, petty, bickering nobles to calm down and a sun to raise every morning.

No, life wasn’t easy for the white alicorn, but it had certainly gotten better after the return of her dearest sister. Celestia would forever be thankful to her faithful student, Twilight, and her friends for freeing Luna from the grasps of Nightmare Moon and returning her to normal once more. Oh, how the two sisters had celebrated that first, fateful night!

But alas, Celestia usually wasn’t permitted free time. Every day, every hour, there was something new to do.

“Great Solar Princess, we beseech you! Please, grace us by blessing our upcoming wedding! We know that with your words, we shall have a long and successful marriage!” One couple of ponies would ask. And bless their marriage she would.

“Your Serene Highness, might you lay your lips across my foal’s forehead, and gift him with a happy life?” One new mother would beg. And kiss the baby she would.

But nonetheless, Celestia was happy. She would sip her tea every morning and hide her laughter when Luna would telepathically send her a funny message, and send letters back and forth with Twilight.

What more could she ask for?

~~~~~~~~~~

“Tia, we think it best that you should take the day off.” Luna said plainly one Sunday morning, in between bites of her cereal. Celestia’s teacup was halfway raised to her mouth when her sister spoke those words, and she hesitated.

“Why would you think that, dearest sister?” She asked pleasantly, putting down the cup onto the matching saucer. Luna’s eyes flickered up to meet Celestia’s. Most ponies would back down from Celestia’s stare, but not Luna. Never Luna.

“When was the last time that you took a day off?” The moon Princess asked, skirting around Celestia’s own question. Celestia, in turn, pursed her lips and frowned.

“I… can’t remember, though I fail to see your point.” The older sister retorted. “Lulu, don’t worry. I’m fine, really.”

“Tia, if we recall correctly, you informed us that you have not taken a day off since the banishment of Nightmare Moon.” Luna pointed out, a twinge of sadness creeping into her voice as fresh memories of darker days resurfaced. “That was over one thousand years ago.” Celestia calmly sipped her tea.

“Your point being…”

“Our point being,” Luna exclaimed harshly, “Is that you may be becoming overworked! We wish to see you live for another thousand years, sister. One cannot do that if you work yourself to death!” Celestia chuckled into her cup.

“Luna, I believe you are overreacting. I am not overworked in the slightest! Especially with you here helping me now. If I’m being completely honest, I am more relaxed nowadays than I have been in the last thousand years.” She touched Luna’s shoulder with a wing tip. “Though I thank you for looking out for me.” Luna shrugged her off.

“Do not think you can fool us with your honeyed words, sister. We know that deep down, you must be stressed. Is there nothing we can do to help you?” Luna fixed Celestia with a sympathetic stare. “Please, Tia. You have done so much for us; we wish to return the favor. Let us help you! Let us take the courts for the day, so you may rest.”

“Luna, I’m being completely serious. I’m fine, trust me. There is no heavy weight on my heart; there is no sadness in my soul. I’m perfectly happy! I have my own little ways of managing my stress.” She exclaimed mischievously, winking at the last part. Luna raised an eyebrow.

“And what ways would those be?” Luna inquired, curiously. Celestia just smiled knowingly, a faint blush touching her cheeks, the same way that a schoolfilly would.

“Are we not all allowed our little secrets, sister?” She giggled playfully. Luna rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out.

“If you wish, Tia. Though we wish to know how you do it. It truly makes us curious. Is there nothing we can say to coerce you into sharing your methods?” The younger alicorn asked, hopeful. Celestia shook her head, took another sip of tea, and stood.

“I apologize, Lulu, but my methods are my own. You must figure out some for yourself one day. Now, I must be off. Solar Court won’t open itself. I wish you a fine day, sister. Come get me if you need anything.” Celestia bowed her head and stroked Luna’s head once with a wing. Luna, once more, shrugged her off, but returned her smile.

“We shall. The same goes for you. Farewell, sister.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Celestia walked down the hallways, sipping her tea. She was peaceful – it was true that she was calmer and more relaxed now than she had been in a long time – and she had many ponies to thank for it.

Her beloved Twilight, her darling Luna, and…

Him.

Celestia smiled warmly, and her red blush crept back across her features. Him. That wonderful stallion that could make her feel so good. Just the mention of his name would get her excited, eager to see him again, hopping from one hoof to another, anticipating their next meet-up.

Yet Luna didn’t know. Celestia’s smile disappeared. If Luna knew, she would want to use him for herself.

Stop it, Tia… no she wouldn’t. She’s your sister; she would never do such a thing to you.

Yet the feeling wouldn’t leave. It made her stomach churn just thinking about her little sister with him. Using him. Letting him do things to her that he had only ever done with a few mares before in his life.

She’s been so stressed lately too… maybe you should share, like any good sister would…

But no matter how many times she thought it, she could never bring herself to introduce the two. It broke her heart, seeing Luna when she was stressed, tired, exhausted from a long day, and knowing that she could do something to ease her worries. But she could never get the words out of her mouth.

They were too private, they were too special.

Sometimes, tea wasn’t enough. Sometimes she needed more.

Sometimes, she needed a little bit of Joe.

~~~~~~~~~~

Luna watched with pursed lips and unimpressed eyes as Celestia sauntered away, a smug grin on her face.

We will know your secrets, Tia. You must know that you can never hide anything from a little sister. We will find out your methods, and make them our own. Mark our words.

~~~~~~~~~~

The day came and went with no major altercations. No impending disasters, no crisis, no frantic students, nothing. Aside from a few stuffy nobles who thought they knew politics, the day breezed by, and Celestia was glad.

Walking into the dining room, there sat Luna, with a pleasant smile on her lips.

“Good evening, sister! Pray tell, how has your day been?” She piped cheerfully, nodding to the seat across from her. Giving Luna a confused, curious glare, Celestia took her seat and ordered her cup of tea.

“I am well, Luna. And yourself?” The older sister asked the younger one. Luna nodded quickly, still smiling.

“Oh yes, our day was simply wonderful. Laid back, relaxed. We finished a simply splendid book this afternoon.” Luna responded, rocking back and forth in her seat like a child would, excited. Celestia raised an eyebrow.

“You seem awfully chipper, Lulu. Is there a reason why?” She asked with a smirk. Luna cocked her head to the side innocently.

“Of course not, Tia! We are just happy to see you, and pleased to hear that you’ve had a good day! Must you be so suspicious?”

“I apologize, Lulu. It’s just that it’s not every day that you are so upbeat.” Celestia shrugged, dropping the subject. Her tea was delivered and she calmly sipped it, while choosing to ignore Luna’s unflinching stare.

A minute passed. Luna’s eyes didn’t move.

Celestia put her cup down and met her gaze.

“Is there something you need, Luna?”

“Are you… going anywhere tonight?” Luna asked suddenly, startling Celestia. The older alicorn blinked a few times, processing the question.

“I… don’t think so… why?” She answered slowly, surprised when Luna’s face fell.

“Oh… really? You’re not leaving the castle?”

“I wasn’t planning to… Luna, is something going on?” Celestia asked cautiously. Luna’s face brightened instantly and she shook her head.

“Nothing at all, sister! We must be off now, however! Have a wonderful dinner!” And without another word, Luna jumped out of her seat and trotted quickly towards the door. Celestia watched her go with curiosity and debated about going after her, but thought better of it and shrugged. Whatever Luna was up to, it would be best if she was just allowed to do it without her older sister snooping around behind her.

~~~~~~~~~~

Giving a curt nod to her royal guards, Luna wandered the castle hallways in solitude. She ground her teeth as she walked; annoyed at the fact that Celestia was staying in that night.

If she would just go, we could follow her and see where she goes! After all, one cannot hide anything from a younger sister…

A quick glance to the clock informed Luna that it was currently six o’clock in the evening, and the teeth grinding stopped. Six o’clock. That meant that Luna had precisely sixty minutes before Celestia would leave the dining room and retire to her own quarters for the night.

Ever predictable, sister. Let’s hope you don’t decide to change your habits tonight.

Luna knew that royal guards would be posted outside of Celestia’s quarters at all times, so she made the impromptu decision to leap out the window when she was sure that the pegasi guards outside had flown past and the unicorn guards stationed inside had looked away.

Flapping her wings, Luna gained the altitude she required rapidly and reached the highest spire of their castle, Celestia’s room. She ducked through the open window and landed gracefully on the floor, careful not to make any noise that would alert the guards just beyond the walls.

Now then Tia, if we had one, where might we hide a diary…

Her first thought was the bed – or rather, the mattress. But a quick check there proved her wrong. So did the closet and the dressers. She checked behind and on top of furniture, through all the cupboards and even did a quick check through Celestia’s own private bathroom before nearly giving up. Then the answer hit her.

The Astral Plane.

It was a little known fact that, aside from their world, the Overworld, as some preferred to call it, there was another world that existed simultaneously with it.

The Astral Plane. A misty, lonely realm that was otherwise completely identical to the Overworld, where only the most powerful of creatures could teleport themselves to.

In other words, the perfect hiding spot.

Channeling her magic through her horn, the room was filled with a bright burst of purple light, and Luna existed in the Overworld no more.

Instead, she found herself standing knee deep in a rolling mist, even when the tower was so high in the sky. Smirking, she re-checked all the places where she had looked before. The dressers, the cabinets, the washroom. And finally, the mattress.

Sure enough, when she was reaching around the bed, her hoof bumped against something square and solid.

Ever clever, sister.

Pulling out the diary, Luna slumped down on her older sister’s bed and cracked open the book. Most of the dates were from recent times – she assumed that Celestia had other diaries hiding around the room, but those were treasures for another time.

Luna hoofed through the entries quickly until she reached the last few pages. As wonderful as it would be to read all about Celestia’s entire secret life, she only cared to learn one thing: this one secret that she was hiding so fervently.

Something something something Twilight… something something visited him… something something saw him again… something something need to see him soon…

Luna flipped through more pages and saw that, indeed, the diary made constant references to one particular ‘him’ on almost every page.

So, Tia has a little crush, hm? Now, what is his name…?

Yet she never found any trace of his name. Every entry mentioning this so-called incredible stallion of hers, yet never once did she write down his name. Pursing her lips, Luna closed the diary, replaced it under the bed and flew out the window and towards her own bedroom.

Now how in Equestria could we find out the name of this secret lover of hers…?

Luna landed in her own bedroom and transported herself back into her rightful world, the Overworld, leaving behind the lonely mists of the Astral Plane. A quick check of the sky showed the sun beginning to set, and the base of Luna’s horn began to tingle – the sign that it was time to raise the moon.

Even though she was looking forward to lying down in bed and thinking about the knowledge that she had just gained, Luna knew that duties came first. Standing and trotting onto her bedroom balcony, she waited politely for the pegasi guards to fly by before taking to the air herself and raising her beautiful, beloved moon high into the sky.

Tonight while you slumber, dear sister, we shall delve into thy dreams and discern the name of your lover. You cannot hide such things from us.

~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night, Celestia dreamt.

Later that night, Luna watched.

The younger Princess watched her older sister meander through the streets of Canterlot lazily. This dream version of Celestia, Luna noticed, was much smaller than her sleeping counterpart, and nopony seemed to take any special notice of her. Celestia was free to wander the streets and shop with nopony bowing to her or fretting over her every need. In short, something that she didn’t have in the real world.

Luna waited impatiently in the shadows of the city as Celestia took in the sights, peering in windows at the displays of beautiful clothing and items, but slowly and surely, she finally stopped in front of one particular store. Luna saw Celestia look around devilishly before pushing open the door and sliding inside quickly.

With a smirk breaking on her face, Luna turned invisible and read the sign above the glass door. It was a name that she knew well, obviously, for the stallion that ran the place was also a supplier for the castle during major holiday occasions.

‘Donutopia, for all your sugary needs!’

Now, why would you be in here, Tia?

Luna walked through the glass window as if nothing were there, another perk of being the Princess of dreams. The store, run by Donut Joe, was completely empty. The familiar scent of donuts and coffee permeated her nostrils, yet no others were in the store. The wooden tables were clean, the chairs were all pushed in, and the metal display of donuts at the back of the shop was completely full, with none of its stock missing.

Luna looked back at the glass door and saw the ‘Closed’ sign hanging from the handle.

Surely, sister, surely he could not be the one…

Luna leaned her head behind the counter and saw a closed staff door around the corner, one with a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign hanging from the handle. Raising an eyebrow, Luna walked up to it silently and put her ear up to the door, listened intently, and immediately pulled away.

“Oh Joe, that feels so nice! Keep doing that… right there!” Luna listened to her older sister moan. The younger Princess stumbled away from the door, her mouth agape and her eyes wide, but not before hearing a deep, stallion’s voice grunt.

Oh, by the moon and stars!

Luna’s horn lit up and in an instant, she was teleported out of Celestia’s dream world and back into her bedroom, in the real world. She sat up in her bed and shook her head, trying to shake the mental image out of her head.

Ugh! By the stars above, Tia, you’re seeing Donut Joe?! How unbecoming of a Princess!

Luna lay back down in her bed and stared up at her star covered ceiling for hours, unable to close her eyes and find the joy of her own dreamland. In the next room over, she could have sworn that she heard Celestia let out a soft moan in her sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Luna looked unreasonably rigid at the breakfast table that morning. Celestia had snuck glances of her when she thought the younger Princess wasn’t watching, and every time she looked, Luna’s eyes were narrowed and her muscles were tense.

“Lulu, is there a problem?” Celestia finally asked, breaking the silence of the room. Luna started in her seat and snapped her gaze back to her older sister.

“Pardon us, sister?”

“I asked you if there was a problem. You look… uncomfortable.” Celestia watched intently as Luna bit her lip absently and stared. There was an awkward silence.

“Uh…”

“Luna?”

“Yes?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Celestia blinked slowly at Luna, whose eyes went wide and innocent.

“Nothing at all, Lulu?”

“Nope, nothing at all. Why do you ask?”

“I ask because you have the same expression that you wore over two thousand years ago when mother asked you if you broke the family vase.” Celestia smirked, pursing her lips. Luna’s eyes darted back and forth, avoiding her older sister
.

“So Tia, are you going anywhere tonight?” Luna asked suddenly. Celestia was startled by the random question.

“Yes, in fact, I am going out for a little bit.” She answered. “Why do you ask?”

“Might we come with you?” Luna leaned forward in her seat. Celestia shook her head, chuckling.

“I’m afraid I’ll be travelling out on personal business, Lulu. I apologize, but I can’t bring you with me.” She shrugged. Luna pouted.

“But it has been so long since we’ve gone anywhere! And I’ve noticed that you have not gone out to town in over two weeks. Surely, you would like some company?” Luna leaned even farther forward, but Celestia shook her head once more.

“If you’re so bored, why don’t you pick up a hobby? There are so many new, fun things nowadays that you could surely find enjoyment in.” Celestia suggested, but Luna frowned.

“Bring us with you!” She groaned, banging a hoof lightly on the table. “What are you doing that’s so secretive that you must be alone?!”

“Luna, I’m going alone, and that’s final. Do you understand?” Celestia huffed, standing up and taking one final sip of her tea, emptying the cup. “You are free to do what you wish tonight, as you always are, without me breathing down your neck. Please respect my own privacy!”

“Fine! We shall go do something else tonight then!” Luna stuck her tongue out and stood up as well, both ignoring the kitchen staff that were crowding around the small round window to stare at the two bickering sisters. “Good day, Tia!”

“Good day, Lulu.”

And the two Princesses stormed out of the dining hall, each going their separate ways. Celestia listened to Luna’s hoofsteps gradually becoming farther and farther away as she turned around to stare at her retreating sister.

What game are you playing, Lulu?

~~~~~~~~~~

Dressed in a black, skin tight bodysuit, with a hood over her mane, Luna snuck through the shadows of the castle, stalking after her sister. Her eyes were narrowed and concentrated as she flew from ledge to ledge, avoiding both Celestia’s eyes and the wondering stares of palace servants.

We shall put an end to this relationship once and for all tonight!

Celestia nodded politely to dismiss her personal guards, who left her side and wandered back to their post outside of her quarters, before she continued alone – well, alone save for her Luna-shaped shadow.

It took all of Luna’s power not to jump out at Celestia right then and there and prevent her from going to Donut Joe’s. Why, he was a simple pastry chef! What right did he have to defile her older sister’s body in such disgusting ways?

Do not worry, sister, we shall save you from his brutish ways! No more will you be forced to journey to his establishment and have him lay his hooves on your body! This we promise, as your little sister!

Celestia took to the skies, flying high along the outskirts of the city, so as not to be seen by civilians. Luna followed, close enough to see where she was heading, but not too close that she could be seen clearly. If, by any chance, Celestia turned around and saw Luna, she would assume she was a passing pegasus, and disregard any suspicion.

For thirty minutes they flew. Every turn Celestia made, Luna mirrored it, every duck and twirl she performed, Luna matched it, until they had finally reached their destination. Celestia settled in a nearby alley, ruffling her feathers, until the street was clear. Luna, perched atop a roof directly across the street from Donutopia, watched Celestia sprint across and knock furiously on the door.

“Come on in!” Luna watched Joe’s mouth as he stepped aside to make room for the Princess. He hung up the closed sign on the door handle after a glance down the street and dimmed the lights in his store before retreating into the darkness, leaving an agitated Luna outside.

Do not think that you can hide yourselves in the darkness from us, Joe. We are the Princess of the darkness, the bringer of the night! Go ahead and flee from mortal eyes – you do not hide anything from us.

Luna swooped down and landed quietly on the street, going invisible quickly before anypony had a chance to see her. She glanced inside the window, but saw that, even with her peerless night vision, nopony was inside the main room. Just like in Celestia’s dream.

Gritting her teeth, Luna lit up her horn and began working on the lock. It wasn’t long before it sprung open with a satisfying, quiet click. Luna grinned smugly, happy to see that her magic was still as precise as ever.

She stepped inside gingerly, ensuring that her hoofsteps would not make any noise, and cringed, waiting to see if any sort of alarm would go off. When no sirens sounded, she breathed a noiseless sigh of relief and continued to the back of the store. Peering around the corner, she saw that the staff door was indeed closed, with the ‘do not disturb’ sign hanging from it. The overpowering smell of coffee assaulted her nose.

“You want it the same as last time, Princess?” Donut Joe asked, his voice resonating through the door. Luna immediately froze up where she stood and dared not to move a muscle.

“The same as before, yes please. It was so amazing; I simply must have it again! Where do you want me?”

“Just lie here on the table and let me do the rest. Please, relax – you deserve this more than anypony I know.”

Luna’s eyes flared up in anger and she resisted the urge to burst in and beat the lout off of Celestia. After a few brief moments of silence, she took a tentative step forward, reciting her mantra in her mind.

We must be diplomatic about this, we must treat this situation delicately and professionally, and above all else, we must be respectful towards Tia and this oaf.

“Oh Joe, that really hits the spot! Keep rubbing right there! Harder!” Celestia moaned from within.

Buck it.

“By the sun and the stars above, RELEASE OUR SISTER!” Luna unleashed the Royal Canterlot Voice as she kicked the door open with her back legs and let her invisibility spell drop. Joe fell to the floor and crawled away in fear, while Celestia merely sat up, a shocked expression on her features. Luna took this moment to survey the room.

It smelt even more of coffee in this back room than it did in the main shop. The entire room was swelteringly hot and steamy, and the blinds had been drawn over the two windows on each wall. Celestia, ruler of Equestria, had been lying on her stomach on a large, flat table in the center of the room – one that Luna presumed was usually used for baking – and Joe had been looming over her, holding something in his hoof that Luna had not seen.

“Luna, what are you doing here?!” Celestia demanded, swinging her legs over the table and marching angrily over to her younger sister. Luna almost backed down – almost – but held fast.

“Sister, we are here to put an end to this entire ordeal! This stallion is not worthy of being thy consort, and therefore should not be allowed to lay his disgusting hooves on your body! You deserve so much more than,” Luna glared daggers at the cowering unicorn in the corner, “Him.”

“Luna, what in Equestria are you talking about?!” Celestia retorted, her face contorted in confusion and anger – no, not anger, annoyance.

“Tia, we have something to confess,” Luna sighed, bringing her head down to look upon the floor. “We have been… envious of you, and how relaxed you have been of late. Thus, when you would not divulge your secret methods, we snuck into your bedroom and read your diary.” She admitted, ashamed. Celestia gasped.

“Lulu, I can’t believe you would do such a thing!” She scolded, but Luna raised a hoof.

“That is not it. After we found out that you were seeing a stallion, we followed you into your dreams to see who it was. After we saw that you were here, doing such… unspeakable things with this dunce, we decided that we had to put an end to it.”

“Why would you feel the need to put an end to this, Lulu?” Celestia asked gently, her annoyance slowly disappearing. Luna blushed and looked up to the older Princess.

“Because you’re our big sister, Tia. And you deserve only the best stallions ever, because you do so much for our kingdom! And this imbecile isn’t worthy of your time! Honestly sister, we thought you would have better taste in possible consorts!” Luna snorted. Celestia blinked slowly, staring at the moon Princess.

“What… do you mean, ‘consort’?” She asked. Now, it was Luna’s turn to blink slowly and stare.

“Do not tell us that you are participating in recreational coitus with such a clown without wedding him first! Tell us that times have not changed that much!” She exclaimed with a harsh laugh. Celestia chuckled nervously, looking first to Luna and then to Joe.

“I believe that you are mistaken, Lulu. Joe and I are not getting married, nor are we engaging in, ah, as you call it… ‘recreational coitus.’ Such notions are ridiculous!”

“B-but… what about the sounds that we heard coming from this room?! Your moans of pleasure! Your encouragements to him to ‘continue rubbing right there’! What was all that, then!” A cough from the corner of the room attracted Luna’s attention. She raised an eyebrow to Joe, who was sweating bullets.

“Ah, Your M-Majesty, there has been a l-large misunderstanding, I-I would be happy to explain it all to y-you, if you would give me the chance-“

“Speak then, simpleton, and explain to us what you were doing to our sister that would elicit such pleasure!” Now, it was Celestia’s turn to turn red.

“Lulu, please, keep your voice down! You’re embarrassing me! Joe, please explain.” She urged. Joe stood up and shakily motioned to the various cloth bags that were scattered around the room.

“Ah, umm, w-well, when the Princess here stops by, she has usually been working very hard all day, so she comes here to rest, relax and unwind. And umm, other than baking donuts, I have another talent that I picked up when I was a colt…” He blushed. “Ah, I give really good massages.”

“…massages?” Luna said slowly. Joe bit his lower lip and nodded once, quickly.

“Yeah, massages. And so, Princess Celestia drops by when she wants a hot coffee bean massage to relax her muscles. The, ah… ‘moans of pleasure’ that you heard were from when I was working the beans into her wings, which, as I’m sure you know, are very… sensitive.”

“Is this true, sister?” Luna asked, dumbfounded, as she turned to her older sister. “Do you truly come here just to receive these… hot coffee bean massages?”

“I confess, it’s true. Joe here not only offers the best donuts in all of Canterlot, but he also offers some of the most amazingly relaxing massages that I’ve had the pleasure of partaking in.” Celestia smiled warmly to the unicorn. “I’m trying to convince him to work up in the castle, but he won’t have any of it.”

“I’m sorry Princess, but no matter what you say, I can’t bring myself to abandon my little shop here.” Joe chuckled, shrugging. “But that’s the story, Princess Luna. I’m very sorry for any misunderstandings that have occurred. I never meant any harm by my actions.”

“Well then…” Luna shuffled awkwardly in place, her eyes avoiding Celestia and Joe’s. “There we go. We are glad that… nothing… bad is happening here… we suppose.”

“Princess Luna,” Donut Joe smiled at her. “Would you like a hot coffee bean massage?” Luna looked quickly to her older sister, who nudged her towards the unicorn playfully.

“Go ahead, Lulu. I promise you that you’ll enjoy it.” Celestia encouraged. Luna stepped towards Joe.

“Yes please… Donut Joe. We would like very much to participate in this hot coffee bean massage, if it is not too much trouble.”

“None at all, Princess. Lay down right here, and let me do the rest.”

~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, Joe pressed one final hot bean into Luna’s wings and rubbed it in small, quick circles, eliciting a sharp moan of enjoyment from the dark alicorn.

“Oh yes, Joe, that feels ever so nice on our sore wings!”

“I told you that you would enjoy it, Lulu!” Celestia giggled as she looked up from the magazine that she was reading in the corner. Luna just groaned in response.

“And there we go, Princess! All done! How’d you like it?” Joe asked as he pulled back, breathing a heavy sigh. “Feel alright?”

“Oh yes,” Luna breathed, rolling over onto her back and letting her wings slump to the sides. “We can’t say that we have had such a wonderful massage – however odd the method was.”

“I was a little skeptical of it at first too. Who would have thought that hot coffee beans would be just as good, if not better, than hot stones?” Celestia laughed. Joe shrugged.

“I’ve been told by past clients that it’s not only the beans themselves, but it’s the smell of coffee that helps out a lot. Most ponies find the smell to be very relaxing and calming.”

“It certainly helps, indeed.” Luna chimed in, standing up and stretching her wings wide. “We thank you greatly, Donut Joe. You are not as much of a fool as we thought you to be.”

“I… thank you, Princess Luna,” He stuttered with a quick, sweeping bow. “It’s always an honor to serve the throne.”

“Then we shall bid you adieu until another night, Joe. Farewell.” Celestia bowed her head, a gesture that Luna mimicked. The two Princesses started for the door, each smelling strongly like coffee. They stepped out into the cool, crisp night and Celestia shivered a bit at the breeze that rolled by.

“Lulu, next time you are worried about me, please, talk to me directly. No more of this sneaking around in the darkness. You know that I will always explain things to you if there has been a misunderstanding.” Celestia said, nuzzling Luna’s face.

“We understand, sister. Thank you for not being… too upset with us. And thank you for sharing such a wondrous secret with us. That coffee really helped.” Luna sighed dreamily.

“Sometimes, Lulu,” Celestia giggled with a wink, “We all need a little bit of Joe.”

Author's Note

Hot Coffee Bean Massage:

The fictional act of rubbing small, heated coffee beans in small circles into one's back and wings, similar to a hot stone massage.